#midnight venting

[charlie-horses-blog]

Less the "unemployed friend" and more the "spent summer break applying to god knows how many jobs, got 2 or 3 interviews, was rejected back to back and was left with only tiredness, sadness, and frustration culminating in a depressing burnout" friend

[navii-blaze]

banging my head against the walls of my enclosure

[sweet-like-maribou]

AND we have to talk about the way Peter is with his Miles “reason to have kids” Morales.

Peter’s gizmo didn’t get confiscated by Miguel, no? Miguel just told him to go home, to stay out of it.

Guess what? That was all he ever did.

He didn’t visit Miles even though he probably had the gizmo long before Gwen ever did. (But well, you can argue that none of them visited my boy and Peter witnessed Miguel “breaking a canon event”.)

He didn’t warn Miles about what he’ll be facing the moment he met Miguel. (Okay, no one but Hobie made an effort to do that anyway.)

Then, what did he do after the chase? Absolutely nothing.

He didn’t help Gwen when he saw her being forced back to the universe where she was a wanted (supposedly) criminal, at gunpoint of her own dad, no less.

After Miles finally got away, he saw Miguel gathering his best soldiers to go to war with a 15-year-old, clearly knowing where Miguel was heading, still in possession of a gizmo.

And he just. Go home. Because Miguel told him to, apparently? Did he even entertain the thought of helping Miles? Had Hobie not made an interdimentional watch and given it to Gwen, who in turn came to fucking ask him to help Miles, would Peter have done anything at all? Or would he just. Live on. And feel a bit guilty whenever he thought of the kid that was the reason he found light in his life again. Ask himself if he is suited to be a mentor, a father, when he watched someone’s child risking his life to save his dad.

I rewatched itsv, and I must say: it is outright dissapointing for Peter to act like this after all the self-improvement and relationship development between him and Miles in itsv. It’s like seeing a mirrored version of the old Peter B who left Miles to his own devices, only this one is less depressed and more not-my-circus-not-my-monkey.

Jess was doing what she believes to be right (fully knowing the morality of it is questionable). Gwen was helpless and manipulated and scared and a teenager. Peter B actively CHOSE his inaction as an adult.

Peter B deserves at least both the hate on Gwen and Jess combined. Good lord I hope Miles get an entire scene of just yelling at him in the next movie.

Wanna know why I don't like Peter B.?

Because when Gwen was actively forced into homelessness in front of him, he literally didn't help at all. And then it gets framed on JESS.

Gwen asks for help. And Peter says this:

Jess asks him to stop talking.

And from this moment forward, Peter makes no effort whatsoever to help Gwen.

Mind you. This is AFTER Miles' escape. After the whole 'shocked Peter' gif. Peter knows Miguel is willing to get violent.

But that line is his only attempt to help.

Even as he watches Gwen be fully restrained and physically forced into the machine. He stands there and watches.

He doesn't try to web her. He doesn't try to stop the machine or talk to Miguel. He stands there in silence. Watching Gwen get sent home to a universe he knows she is homeless in.

And the movie just lets him. Despite the fact he's known Gwen longer than anybody in this room.

Instead, Jess is the only mentor at fault. We're told to blame her.

During this scene we never pan to Peter, standing there literally motionless as Gwen gets dragged away. He's not panicking, or trying to talk Miguel out of it. We're just expected to absolve him of blame.

It's Jess' fault. Jess is her 'failed mentor' - despite the fact that Peter has known Gwen longer, is shown to have a better relationship with her, and we're given no reason as to why he wasn't her mentor to begin with.

Jess says this, and we're supposed to judge her for it. While Peter said nothing at all. At most he made a joke and then shut up when he was told.

Jess might've believed she couldn't help Gwen - but what was Peter's excuse? Standing there and watching this happen? He doesn't feel the need to do anything, say anything, or even leave the room.

For him, watching this is fine. And Gwen NEVER confronts him about it.

We're not supposed to blame Peter for letting Miles and Gwen down, repeatedly.

Even when Gwen is being physically forced into homelessness in front of him.

We're told to blame the black woman when the white man who has known Gwen longer literally stands beside Jess motionless.

Had Hobie not left Gwen the watch - We're left to assume that Peter would've just... let her be homeless in her dimension.

He watched her get sent home, said nothing, then went home to his wife and kid to ponder whether or not he was a bad mentor.

Not if Gwen was okay. Or whether he should go check on her????

That's NOT OKAY???!!!! THAT'S TERRIBLE!!!!!!! And this is the man we're supposed to be routing for? This, the dude who shows NO signs he was even gonna go and check on Gwen? The dude who lets child abuse go down in front of him TWICE and he just stands there blinking? That's our Peter Parker?

And I'm supposed to be thrilled to have him on the team??? Despite the fact Gwen had to come TO HIM. NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND???? Gwen doesn't see a problem with that?????

I'm supposed to be happy he's here? Forreal???

Oh joy. Thank you so much, Humbling Reality Spider-man. We love you.

I hate Peter B. ALL MY HOBIES HATE PETER B. (Not a typo)

[junequillay]

Venting and being insecure, don't mind me:

It scares me when a girl shows interest in me in social media. I have no pictures of me on my Instagram or here (obviously, I just made this account); they don't really know how I look. They might like how I think, the things I like, what I say... But I'm fat, as soon as they see me they wouldn't like me anymore.

[faecelessfiend]

I'm aroace.

TW: venting

No, it's not that I "just haven't found rhe right person"

Or that I"m "Too young, and it's fine cus u also didn't feel atraction at my age"

It isin't "trauma from seeing my parents erratic and toxic relationship"

It isn't because my anti-depressant makes me have lower libido, I still have libido

Or that there is someyhing wrong with me.

Yeah I know I ""used to have crushes"", but it wad when I was 5 and though wanting to be best ftiends was a crush, the others were social pressure, I felt like I HAD to have a crush cus everyone had one

I know I "still feel love", being aroace doesn't mean I can't love, doesn't mean I don't want a relationship or the bonds formed

So, mom, when I come to you, crying because I am feelling wrong, because I feel like there is something wrong with me, feelling that I am missing something...

I don't wnt to hear that "I will get better", I want to hear that there is nothing wrong with me, with being who I am, I was not born wrong, I don't need fixing.

Please... it isin't too much to ask to be loved...

You promised me.

[cherriiramen]

Whenever I think of the Harley/Joker queer besties dynamic, I picture this

[purplepixel]

[mxmorbidmidnight]

I was out the other day when this spiritual group approached me. They had this stand set up and were offering “divine healing” and such. One of them saw me and that I had a mobility aid and started questioning me and asking me if I was in pain plus similar shit like that. I wasn’t even walking walking towards the stand, I was walking away from it and one of them went out of their way to chase me down. Can you just fucking leave me alone?!!? Is it that hard?

Grown ass adults approaching me (a minor) on the street so they can take advantage of my pain for the sake of financial gain. In their minds, whether they be Christian, spiritual or any other religion, I am misguided and “cursed”. My entire existence is a story for them to put on their Facebook page, flaunting me about to say “look how nice we are to disabled people!” or manipulate people in pain to think that they can be healed by buying into these scams. A douchebag in a fedora with a crystal isn’t going to heal me of my disabilities.

I’m not your advertisement, not your inspiration and not your money making scheme. Dehumanising me and touching me, giving me unwanted help doesn’t make you an angel just a piece of shit. I’m done letting people treat me like an accessory. If that makes me a “bad disabled” then so fucking be it. If people aren’t going to treat me like a person I don’t think I should be forced to accomodate to them . They are grown ass adults and they are making my life hell.

[dying-marshmallo]

☆ Something about comfort.

[legowerewolf]

[little-lucub]

As an alterhuman with aphantasia, sometimes I feel very left out

I don't get memories from past lives, I can't visualize my ears or tail, I find it hard to do shifts because I can't use most meditation audios (as a lot of them use visualization), I can't visualize me in my heart home

I can't visualize the real me. I'll never be able to know what the real me looks like. Every single piece of my identity is based on feelings, on what feels right. Not on what I already know (if that makes sense?). I can't see what my snow leopard self looks like. I'll never be able to see if I have a random spot on my paws or not

Of course I'm not saying that you aren't allowed to do these things and enjoy them, I encourage people if they want to! It's just kind of a sad realization for me about how much I'm missing out on

To my fellow alterhumans with aphantasia, you're valid and still an alterhuman! Even without some of the experiences

[charlie-horses-blog]

WHY THE FUCK MY DUMBASS CHOOSE PRODUCT DESIGN OF ALL THINGS FOR DUAL ENROLLMENT AND ITS TOO LATE TO BACK OUT NOW IM GONNA BE HERE TIL MY BIRTHDAY 😭😭😭

[kitotherianposting]

i wanna meet another alterhuman irl who i dont just suspect is alterhuman but actually uses the term or is in the community. like please. idc if theyre uneducated i need to know that i am one of many real people instead of alone

[exmotranny]

the green carpet scratches at your pink heels. bile rises in your throat.

they talk about womanhood- but it’s not quite right. there is the pink and compliments and talk of boys

i am a beloved daughter

but there is also something else. it digs at your flesh, it feasts on your skin. your mother motions at your chest, bigger than hers and you're not even done growing yet! how lucky.

of heavenly parents

you pray to a man every night, finish it in another’s name. on your knees. you were sent a shady link as a kid. the woman on her knees, tears streaming out of her eyes, i don't want this, she said

with a divine nature and eternal destiny

blood on the inside of your underwear. you were told this meant you were a woman now. you were ten years old. what the fuck did you know about being a woman? your mom said you weren’t allowed to touch between your legs, but it's normal to want to. you didn't know what that meant, either.

as a disciple of jesus christ,

you wanted to be desired. you daydreamed of being the trophy for boys around you, of claiming that role one day as a wife. you came from a long line of women married young. you don’t know their names, but you were taught about their husbands in church.

i strive to become like him.

pressing your breasts down as much as possible, trying to give the illusion of a flat chest. badly cropped jpgs of jesus photoshopped to have top surgery scars are the secret currency you pay to get past the hours of church. you hold them like diamonds.

i seek and act upon personal revelation

you thought god was talking to you. you almost threw away everything you owned. you thought you were a prophet. total fuckin’ ego death! holy shit! god speaks through me!

and minister to others in his holy name

and then the next morning. when your faith crashed, when moroni abandoned you, did it feel unreal to you too, joseph?

i will stand as a witness of god

oh god, no. please. i don’t know what’s real anymore.

at all times

leg hair peeking from under your pretty sunday dress. they all stare. you ignore them and open up to D&C 132.

and in all things

emma, did you love him to the end? i don’t think you wanted him. did you watch as he married a 14 year old? did you tell him you burned the commandment? did you cry when he died for the church that he loved more than he loved you?

and in all places.

blood on the floor of carthage jail. this martyr will be remembered forever. do they talk about you, emma? or are you just joseph’s wife?

as i strive to qualify for exaltation,

when i marry, my husband will be a god, and i shall cleave onto him. when i marry, i will go to his universe and bear more of his children.

i cherish the gift of repentance

heads bowed low as the sacrament is passed. my hands clutch onto the bottom of my skirt. pleasure outside celestial marriage is forbidden. i apologize for loving the wrong way.

and seek to improve each day

i tried to kill myself, last time i got home from girl’s camp. i got home and cried and found the pills and shoved them into my mouth until i cried more and more until i was gagging. i hunched over the toilet. my hands on the grimy floor.

with faith, i will

forced to sing in front of the congregation. my head spun from anxiety. my stomach turned with nausea.

strengthen my home and family,

loving wife beautiful kids loyal husband church once a week work weekdays weekend mom monthly round on the business end of his cock forever and the vomit threatens to make an appearance.

make and keep sacred covenants,

an old man is in a room alone with me. he asks me if i masturbate.

and receive the ordinances and blessings

i tell the man no. i receive a card so i can be ordained.

of the holy temple.

that's just how it goes, isn't it?

all around are paintings of god and jesus. we learned about heavenly mother. why don’t i see her in paintings? did god have plural marriages? did heavenly mother make us? why don’t we pray to her? did she watch god marry a 14 year old? did she cover her eyes? when she saw blood on her underwear, was she told she was a woman? did she touch between her legs? did she ever believe herself better than god? does she cry when she cant talk to us? why do i cry? was heavenly mother scared of singing in public and did she press her chest flat and did she cry when god forced himself into her mouth? did she burn his doctrine too?

i am given flowers on mother’s day. i will be one eventually, after all. and i vomit in the church bathroom quietly like the perfect woman i am supposed to be.

[driftnoob3]

Fun fact: in my au, these 2 lovedorks decided to take dance classes a long time ago, and nowadays they are quite the pro's in Tango, Bachata and those kind of dances!

Bonus: they arent perfect tho

[joifee]

you know what; trying to contact someone solely to chat for no reason like just to keep up with people shouldn't be as hard to me as it is.

its probably because of the way I was raised, to just talk to people if you have a topic to talk about with them, but how can there be a topic if I dont know what they would be interested in talking about. I solely want to chat for like finding friends but I cant even jump the hurdle of saying "hi, how have you been" without feeling the need to already know a person even tho chatting would be the way to get to know someone.

Like my brain telling me in order to be able to text someone you need to know them already; doesnt matter if they dont know you; no one cares for that you are a listener not a talker; and its hard to unlearn that kind of shit.

I just beat myself up because I was like "i could watch that stream from an artist I like" and my brain is like "i dont think you would be welcome there what if you get percieved and find you annoying" and now i am not watching the stream; wasnt even considering chatting on there

and i just dont know why am I like that. Why i genuinely dont talk to people even tho i multiple time said that I want to.

Sorry to all my mutuals honestly I really want to talk but i the fear of being seen as too boring, annoying or pushy just paralyzes me to do nothing because I genuinely currently unable to turn off the part of my brain that extremely cares about what people might think of me when in reality they probably dont even think about me at all