#mf has bpd for sure

[666lola666]

both of these mfs should NOT have a child under their care

[miikaarinn]

i had a psychiatrist appt today and holy fuckingnhell never again im not doing this shit ever again

[mochamoth]

Hi here are some cringey ooc headcanons of Samarie because she's my favorite character.

(Ever. Like out of every franchise to exist.)

-She's autistic and has BPD.

-Her voice is very quiet and deep. She often speaks too softly to be heard unless the person is fully paying attention.

-She's picky with food because growing up she mostly ate the same food every day. That being said she is more opened to try sweet food, she likes sweet flavors.

-She's surprisingly decent at makeup, she just doesn't like wearing it (besides her lipstick). It's mostly because she's insecure about her face, plus she fears it'll draw attention.

-Very sweaty and clammy. It's her constant state of being it can't be helped unfortunately.

-She has a special interest in bugs, specifically moths.

-Despite hc she has a deep, creepy voice I think it'd be funny to make her sneezes overly loud for no reason.

-She likes reading, art, and collecting weird shit. She has a collection of (humane) taxidermy insects, bones, stuff Marina left lying around in the open, gifts from Marina (she cherishes those), and TONS of books about moths.

-This mf can't smile to save her life. They always either looked way too force or downright creepy.

-She didn't fully speak until she turned around 14 maybe 15. She knew how to speak she just didn't see a reason to do so outside of spells. She only started speaking because she planned on greeting Marina properly (never happened, she freaked out last minute and couldn't go through with the plan).

-She enjoys doing seemingly immature activities. Like making friendship bracelets or playing field games. She didn't have much of a childhood (if at all) so she's grown fond of the idea of doing all those fun, childhood related things.

-I see her and Abella being friends. This is mostly related to OC stuff I don't feel like yapping about, but basically I think Abella helps Samarie get more confident in herself.. Or at least give her the nerve to speak up (and actually say hi to people instead of oh idk following them around cough COUGH).

-She sleeps a lot. That's all.

-Rip Samarie you would've loved Monster High 😔🙏.

-I doubt this is a hc becuase pretty sure its canon, but she has an asymmetrical face. Which I love.

-She enjoys singing. It's not a hobby or passion of her's, more just something she does whenever she's painting or showering, even writing.

-Oh yeah speaking of she has a diary. She's been writing in it since she was very little and it one of the few things she managed to keep after (eventually) getting out the Ninth Circle.

-Best case scenario she gets the help she needs and slowly heals. Ik she is dying and that canonly she WILL be dead soon no matter what. This is MY out of character headcanon list, let me be cringe and stupid in peace 😔‼️

-She's a light weight. Just a feeling.

-She can be extremely paranoid alone in public places, she's either worried she'll get taken or worried people are judging and staring her down. Either way not a good time.

That's it for now, I'll make more if I come up with more and if I feel confident enough to post them 🙏

[rawbin-hsr]

The previous anon articulated it so well bc I just saw what they're talking about and I'm honestly confused why they thought u were saying anything wrong like 😭😭 are we sure we have the same guy here? Aventurine while yes knows what being loved feels like, he's gone through enough things and changes in life that that little frame of reference won't serve him well, especially within a romantic context bc he doesn't have ANY reference.

I read what you wrote as him not really meaning to (even reread) and yeah, he wouldn't Purposely want to be abusive to his romantic partner, but it still borders on it. What a lot of ppl get wrong is that, emotional abuse doesn't have to always mean the perpetrator is fully aware of it themself.

Maybe bc I myself have bpd, but it's so easy to see. When someone's avoiding negative feelings they have about themself (jealousy, insecurity etc) they can easily externalize this blame (and for him, that's so much more likely, it's literally a defense mechanism) or even, projecting his own view of himself on how you view him only to end up upset. (And then, the random clinginess that comes after this pushing away, why would it happen if not for trying to convince you to stay even though what he keeps doing is generally not a good thing to do in a relationship?) He wouldn't have known healthy attachment, didn't grow up with a safety net to be comfortable with that, hell, he thinks people closest to him (in canon) are sort of "tolerating" him. Are we really surprised?

Like, you never said aventurine is doing it with intent or even awareness bc yea he isn't!! He'd realize some of his actions sure, but stuff like "pushing you away" is probably shit he genuinely considers good for you, and it's not even like completely wrong he's in a high and risky position. Doesn't mean it wouldn't hurt like a mf, and I think that's the biggest tragedy of it all, because he doesn't fully realize how bad his actions are from another pov, and it's not like a single Convo can get him to understand that.

Anyway, sorry that was a lot more incoherent than I thought and I was firmly stating a lot of things bc I can pull up stuff to back my claim but ALSO bc they pissed me off if u don't like something just scroll I've been doing that for years on this app I never felt the need to go yell at someone bc I don't agree with how they interpret a character 😒😒😒😒 I hope ur feeling better, rsd sucks ass I always get so overwhelmed whenever I experience it but ur intent came across very clearly actually dw

I’m literally in tears I’m so grateful multiple people are taking the time to reassure me thank you so much 🥹🥹🥹 I was really doubting myself and my own take on him, it makes me feel so relieved I’m not the only one who has this specific take on him haha I was lowkey worrying I was a terrible person for a moment there 😭

And yes, exactly !!!! I think you were very coherent in this, in fact I think you formulated what I meant to say better than I did 😭😭 Like there’s a lot, a LOT of nuance to it !!! He never does it out of malice. He just doesn’t know any better. He tries to do what’s right and what’s best for you, he’s just… kind of not good at that because his whole perspective is skewed.

I do still think they were right that I shouldn’t have used the word ‘abuse’. It’s a very loaded term, and I think abuse requires a power dynamic, which is something I think he would try to eliminate in a relationship. Like, yes, he is a powerful man and he sort of needs some leverage to stay in control (of both his own life and his relationship with you), but I think he fucking hates the idea of being “above you” in any way. (Though to be fair he still could unintentionally create an uneven power dynamic — he’s the one mostly in charge of when the two of you interact. I think he loathes himself even more when he realises that.) I think it would be best to stick to the word “toxic” because it feels most fitting from my pov

[kanatashinkaifr]

going to talk abt obey me and how they are all extremely neurodivergent!!! gonna go through my thoughts on each characters who stands out to me in one way or another.

Lucifer- he has NPD. dont even try to argue with me about this. from the way he holds himself to an extremely high standard to how hes LITERALLY the avatar of pride, hes just a total narc and I love him dearly. I also consider him to be autistic. half bcuz he shows some signs half bcuz I'm autistic and love projecting onto characters. I think that the way he is so strict and finds being on time so important is extremely autistic of him. he follows a very specific routine, and if said routine is messed with, he is unapproachable for atleast the rest of the day. this is shown in likee late lesson 24 or early lesson 25 I forget. he also has issues with emotions. both showing and I think even identifying them. autistic man. ALSO ptsd. duh.

mammon: adhd. he has adhd. he doesnt have npd, HOWEVER, he totally shows symptoms. he acts like hes on top of the world but the second a minor inconvenience happens he is just. reduced to nothing. I also like the hc of him being dyslexic.

levi: AUTISM AUTISM AUTISM!!! yeah that ones obvious like extremely obvious. stg autism runs into the family or smth cuz it feels like mammon and asmo are the only allistics in that mf house. dont need to explain why Levi is autistic. its obvious. if you really need an explanation just ask. but I also think he has severe social anxiety. like to the point that he gets extremely sick at the thought of social interaction. over the years, and with lots of trial and error medication, he can sort of deal with it now. still freaks him out though.

Satan: I think he takes after his father. like. A LOT. he is so npd and so autistic. I think that he really prides himself on his smarts but like. if he were to fail/get an average mark on a test (especially if lucifer got a high mark) he would disintegrate out of pure self hatred. if lucifer is better than him in any academic topic, you can practically feel the envy and rage coming from him. lucifer understands how he feels, and always tries to help him with his npd issues, but that just upsets him tenfold. "you think that *I* need *YOUR* help??? disgusting!". he has such issues I love him so much. not much to comment on his autism. also quite obvious, especially in nightbringer.

Asmo- I KNOW SO MANY PEOPLE THINK ASMO HAS NPD AND LIKE I GET THE IDEA BUT NO. HE HAS HPD AND I WILL FIGHT TOOTH AND NAIL OVER THAT HC.

beel: autism. binge eating disorder. ptsd.

belphie: autism. BPD!!!!! B!! P!!! D!!!!!!!! I will scream it from the roof tops THAT MAN HAD BPD IDC WHAT YOU SAY!! impulsivity (especially when angry), unstable relations (mostly hc), uncontrolled anger, chronic emptiness (hc), self destructiveness, fear of abandonment. you look into the DSM-5 and there is a picture of him there. I think that. he might have PTSD too.

diavolo: autism. I dont care what anyone says I think he is an autistic woman who was just forced into masking. c-ptsd due to mainly emotional neglect.

solomon: autism. no canon reason to support this I'm just projecting. c-ptsd. he has very complicated feeling surrounding loneliness and abandonment due to his childhood.

simeon: autism. C-PTSD!!!!!!! I think that. there wasnt nessacarily anything that could generally be considered traumatizing. but a lot of things in his early days were extremely stressful for him. I think that hes always questioned the word of God just a bit. he made sure nobody ever found out, but he always had doubt within him. this has always eaten at him, as he is supposed to be an angel. Angel's do not doubt the word of their father,, so, why does he?

ermm okay I think that's. enough ranting for today...

[rigormortisangel]

remembering how my abusive ex acted as if dating someone with PTSD was the worst thing ever because i had trust issues and didnt want to have sex.

like, he does realize its a million times more painful for me right?? im the one with trauma and PTSD. im the one with DID and BPD, the one who had to fight infections as a small child, the one who ended up with a leg deformity because of it, the one with horrific nightmares, an inability to get close to most people, paranoia, struggles with showering or changing clothes, and a whole host of other issues.

but yeah sure hes the victim bc i said no to sex after i said yes before and "tricked" him. hes the victim bc i had trouble trusting him and wouldnt be able to talk sometimes (which i always warned him before i went ghost)

why did i date this mf he has the thought process of a spoiled toddler

[kiybee]

all my abominably self indulgent laurence headcanons in one post

i love this bitch more than anything. i’m definitely projecting on a lot of these but a lot of them are just good fun. that being said, content warnings for mental health topics as well as suicide, disordered eating, period-typical racist attitudes, and less than ideal family situations. and gay ppl if ur not into that ig 💀 pls don’t read further if any of these things are gonna upset you

this guy has autism and bpd. excellent at pretending he isn’t totally losing it on the inside

bisexual. no i won’t be elaborating

he’s also biracial, half chinese. was probably born out of some weird orientalist fetish shit idk. his mum’s the chinese one so take that as you will. i have it certain in my head that the marriage was not fully agreed to by both sides, nor was either party particularly happy once the union was made - it could have been because his mother was from an important family, so the taboo was suffered for the sake of social prestige? honestly this hc is not fully formed in my head, i'm really just projecting

dyes his hair blond, refuses to engage with his native language, and masquerades as white, mostly cos he’s ashamed of being half asian. the only person who knows is micolash

also has curly hair naturally but straightens it because it’s apparently “messy” (it’s not he looks beautiful)

came from an upper class family who were insistent on upholding the family image (they were especially ashamed bc they were an interracial marriage). got yelled at a lot as a kid for acting out of social norm so learned to mask really quickly and really well

visited cainhurst at the age of 15 and had to violently hold himself back from asking if people were inbred so that they could keep the blood magic in the family 💀

he also wanted to be a vileblood as a kid the same way kids want to be superheroes. by the time he was like, 12, that faded off but he is still REALLY fascinated by them (and often asks maria about it, much to her annoyance 😭)

liked romance novels growing up. still likes them 20 years later. reads them in his room at byrgenwerth when he thinks micolash isn’t looking but micolash is DEFINITELY looking he just doesnt care

personally identifies with mr darcy from pride and prejudice. actually has infodumped about p&p to micolash a total of one (1) time and proceeded to feel very stupid after (micolash was happy to listen 💀 laurence is just paranoid as fuck)

has a younger sister whose name is cecilia (why is she called that? idk i just like the name). cecilia shares a lot of laurence's insecurities about their race and also dyes her hair blonde and masquerades as white. he doesn't see her anymore though

amelia looks a bit like cecilia and laurence uses that similarity as a way for him to solve his overwhelming guilt over how he abandoned cecilia in a house that didn’t love her when he left home. he treats amelia really well, but never registers the fact that won’t undo his mistakes

unbearably jealous of his peers. compared grades with micolash all the time while they were studying, makes it a point to be bitchy to people who he perceives as better than him. probably fired a couple mfs from the choir cos he thought they were too perfect

stole a bunch of micolash’s pills and attempted suicide during his last year of study at byrgenwerth because he hated himself and felt like a directionless failure who wouldn’t be able to do anything in the world

started the healing church because he wanted to be universally respected, revered, and most of all, loved. ascension was never about godhood, it was about the worship that came with godhood. not sure how well that all turned out for him but you know

he also doesn’t pray AT ALL 💀 the only time this man has paid his respects to the great ones is at mass when everyone looks at him

has periods where he gets a little funny with food. not like, a full out issue with it or anything (not until micolash leaves and his beasthood progresses it), but he likes the control of it during stressful times, and he’d be lying if he didn’t want to change himself to be more attractive. he gets upset when micolash doesn’t eat, but thinks it’s ok when he doesn’t cos he means to??

this weird little aversion becomes a Big Problem later on when he’s fighting beasthood. he regards his “humanity” with food restriction behaviours leading to binge/restrict cycles where he freaks out over losing control and becoming beast

practices faces in the mirror for like two hours every evening so that he doesn't look weird in public. when i say this man is a god at masking i mean it

that being said he goes back to his rooms everyday and stares at a wall as part of the recharging process

oh and then he starts his 50 step beauty routine. this man knows every skincare fad under the sun and is willing to believe ALL of it

BUT back at byrgenwerth he was constantly going through identity crises and would impulse cut his hair into every style under the sun. if you think of a hairstyle this man has probably worn it. most, if not all of them looked terrible before he settled on growing it out long (he wears it in a braid that goes to like, his waist, in the healing church era). he had a cute little ponytail for a while

if you know me you’ve probably heard many, if not all, of these headcanons but yk. its fun to have all of these here. i have more but we'd be here all evening

[mirtifero]

Can I talk about my ocs okay I'll talk about my ocs but under the cut because uh yeah!

I was thinking. How did I not think about how fucking autistic Hector is until now??? He is VERY autistic and that actually makes so much more sense to him than all of the other diagnosis I tried giving him. Mf just has the tism. Therefore I believe that Sophia ALSO has autism!!! FUCKING HELL!!!!!!

Which actually surprised me like sometimes I realize how little ocs I actually canonically affirmed are autistic (just like how rare it is for me to say an oc is canonically trans, I tend to just go "yeah they are trans" and forget it like an idiot). Literally only Julian (Julien? I forgot I'm so sorry my sweetest child...) was canonically autistic but now that I think about it I don't doubt that Hector, Sophia and Lara are also very much autistic! I just didn't think about it before!

Telma probably has adhd (she's one of the two canon trans ocs I have that I didn't forget are trans :3), maybe the same thing with Luciane? DUDE LUCIANE IS PROBABLY AUTISTIC WITH ADHD ASISASKAHSKHAHS WHYY DIDNT I THINK ABOUT THAT BEFORE... Bryan probably has bpd but I am really insecure about this diagnosis and Nancy probably has aspd (I've been pretty sure about his for a while, I also think he MAY be autistic but I am not sure tbh. The reason I'm insecure about Bryan's bpd diagnosis is that he was very based off myself askjksjkja and I tend to never really know what to do with characters that are based off myself).

Oh right forgot to mention Nancy is transmasc lol he's the second trans oc that I actually fucking remember is trans. Idk if it matters to anyone but since I'm just fucking rambling anyways, Lara is asian (Chinese ancestry) and Julian and Telma are black (still deciding their specific ancestries. The story is in brazil so I want to consider that when deciding it).

But my nose is bloody and I need to wash my hands that are full of blood so uhh that's it for now!

[x3rrorx]

when it comes to noah lying about his parents to mg> i can kind of understand it, as someone who went through trauma sometimes i hate talking about it because i hate being pitied or seen as this broken little thing even though im fine, so every now and then i also kinda avoid the truth so people dont infantilize me or ask me more questions about it. also, people that i just met really don't need to know some vulnerable shit lol

the whole mg thing > all things that happend lead to the fact that she genuinely got attatched to him and can't handle the fact that they are over. she is still in love with him, she still wants to be close to him especially cuz he is way more popular now and most of all she is delusional that one day he might unblock her and they join hands and run into the sunset. you don't think about a dude that you dated 3.5 years ago for 4 months, not even while taking a shit lol cuz it was barely a relationship and at this point should be irrelevant. you also dont write a 7 page letter to a mf you were in situationship with and you don't for sure conntact him via email to ask if you could still be friends. GIRL STAND UP. MOVE ON. LET GO. not even gonna get into what a major red flag is the fact that she made a tumblr blog and answered questions (while having a boyfriend jeez). everything she ever did, the fact that she comes back every couple of months, is for his attention. i believe that she hoped that if she makes herself enough of a victim that he might personally defend her from his fans and they would make up (lol). idk if she has some bpd or other shit, i don't hate her neither do i think she is neccessarily a bad person but i think she should really work on her emotional health and get help cuz idk who told her all of this shit is normal, wish she heals and wish her a happy life tho.

I 1000% fully agree with everything you said.

[tg-headcanons]

NOW UR GONNA GET MY FULL NEURODIVERGENT AGENDA also I think it's obvious I saw the reddit post that asked if everyone had BPD (derogatory) and I went "yes, they do (affectionate)"

kaneki has ADHD, BPD, and some kinda dissociative disorder. He's definitely the Quiet™ version of all of them because he has anxiety so he was the kid that got books taken away in class and then pulled out another and he's been hyperfixated on Sens novels forEVER he knows them mfs better than eto herself. He also has the executive function of a small fried potato so he turned stuff in last second and also forgot to eat (he thought it would be easier as a ghoul because they eat less often but he forgets until Ghoul Instincts kick in and he's about to go ape). With BPD he never confronted people because Scarie so he just cried at home because Hide couldn't hang out and that must mean he hates him right? Also that man can go from normal emotions to crying at the drop of a hat. Dissociation is obvious he's just in the 20th dimension talking to the other hims.

Eto also has ADHD and BPD which means her and kaneki would understand each other too well and build off each other until no one else could handle them. I feel like her Sen persona is actually a part of her and not just a mask, so she tends to be a lil forgetful and has AWFUL concept of time also literally the dead giveaway connecting eto and sen was her fidget (swinging her legs). I really can't describe how but I just get a phat BPD vibe from her but I could be projecting 😔 but if anyone she cared about tried to leave her she'd go ape shit she has no reason to mask her emotions so it'll be everyone's problem. Also she definitely gets angry before any other bad emotion so someone's like "hey I'm gonna leave aogiri because I have a family and stuff and-" and she's like okay I'm gonna go commit a literal war crime brb:).

Juuzou has ADHD and is literally like the only diagnosed person here because he's unbearably hyperactive. First day on the job and everyone's like there's something wrong with this kid and it's not just being raised by ghouls. He's medicated, which is why he's more tame in re, but he's still always moving and is one of the only needs many sensory neurodivergents. When he's at home he has all the lights on, some show playing on the tv, YouTube on a computer, and music from his phone while furiously pedalling away on one of those pedal things for people with like restless leg syndrome idk how to describe it. Also has an oral fixation and hanbee got him a chew necklace after he accidentally chewed through a pen. And he has gum and chewy candy stashed everywhere.

I have some more but I realized how long this is and it's prolly annoying 😭😭 I just got excited and I like talking Abt my thoughts I just get to nervous to put my name to it

Bro I LOVE ND Headcanons and YEAH IVE BEEN SAYING SEN’S BOOKS ARE KEN’S HYPERFIXATION! I’m 90% sure that his whole thing for Rize was that situation of “do I love them romantically or do we just share a hyperfixation?”

[catboyithaqua]

Ramuda and Doppo :0

OH MY BOYS LETS GO

Under a cut bc long

Ramuda Amemura

First impression

Baby boy baby. Very cute and sweet i love characters with ramudas aesthetic i tend to want to protect them, especially since its an aesthetic that i fall into myself and lo v e so kseidjsnfn YEAH this man is baby!!!

Impression now

Ohhh my god i love this man i love the way he is characterised he is so incredibly interesting as a character and tbh so realistic and honestly i adore him!!! I alarmingly see a lot of myself in him tbh, were incredibly similar and that isnt necessarily a good thing!! But still i love this man

Favorite moment

Oh man where tf do i BEGIN there are so many ngl, but mostly all of the moments where we see ramuda's humanity. There is still a sweetness left under the darkness, there is still a man who wants to cling onto everything he has - his emotion, his internal battles, his morality vs his desperate need to survive - oh fucking man so much.

Idea for a story

CAN WE FUCKING. HAVE RAMUDA TALK HIS SHIT OUT PLEASE can we just have others actively helping ramuda cAN THIS MAN PLEASE BE SHOWN THAT ITS NOT TOO LATE FOR HIM,,, PLEASE,, i just want ramuda to finally talk out everything and have people on his side. Please.

Unpopular opinion

This probs isnt unpopular by any means, but idk what else to put here so take this:

I dont really see it often discussed that yknow ramuda is an abuse victim. Like, its very clear that chuokhu uses and abuses him, and his life is constantly being hung over his head. No wonder the dude is doing anything he can in order to survive, he has no choice in that regard. Before i get told this in the notes yes i know this doesnt excuse the things hes done!!! But tbh i really think that like the trauma that ramuda is living with kinda needs to be addressed.

Favorite relationship

I am a huge multishipper and have found a way to ship ramuda w just about most people (that are adults and not in chuokhu lol) so this is pretty tough

Id say either fling poly or jkrm and these are my reasons lets go:

Fling poly: HAVE YOU S E E N THEM do i really need to say more here all three of them have such good chemistry together, theyre all clearly on the same wavelength and have such a wonderful dynamic,,, they found out about the clones and shit and they STILL chose to protect ramuda and to fight for him and with him and to stay by his side aND BLACK JOURNEY TOO I-- IM GONNA START SOBBING,,,

Jakuramu: this one is not based on canon too much i am sorry this is mostly hc but i am a huge sucker for enemies to lovers ok also, i feel like out of TDD these two would be the ones to reconcile. After all, jakurai is a rather empathetic man and he probably would def understand the situation that ramuda was in. After all this dude was an ex assassin, if ramuda was to tell him everything, im sure that he would be able to relate to yknow the time he took others' lives, people with families and friends that he killed because he was ordered to and most likely had no other choice. Of course, jakurai is well within his right to not forgive ramuda for what happened to yotsutsuji, but i feel like he would and would help him get out of the situation hes in,,, and also im soft for the TDD era ok like how jakurai WANTED TO KNOW THE REAL RAMUDA AND LIKE,,, even when ramuda snapped at him he was GLAD HE WANTSD TO KNOW HIM FUCK MAN,,, i just really like these two ok

Favorite headcanon

I have quite a lot of hcs! Here are a few and like some explanation as to why:

- hes trans - i personally believe this bc personally itd make sense. Ramuda has a very feminine appearance and build, those that are like typically common in asian countries. As well as that, he has his own autonomy unlike the other clones. It wouldnt surprise me if chuokhu orignally wanted to make a girl to keep the other divisions in check, but when he decided personally that he didnt want to be such a way, they said sure, more room for us to treat you as we want to. Hes got money, getting T wouldnt be that difficult for him either, so thats why his voice is. That way fiaudjsnfnd anyway i think it makes sense!! Idk--

- he has bpd - projection probably but the biggest inspiration for this headcanon is how he is emotionally. His swings are violent - he feels and expresses such a diverse range of emotions and its so easy for him to change his emotional disposition - whilst also mostly feeling totally empty. Relationship wise also, given how he was genuinely really close to jakurai and then completely splitting on him, h a t i n g him. Yeah that sounds like bpd to me chief i know i have it!!! Theres more ik there is but i cant pull up examples rn

- hes neurodivergent - again mostly projection honestly and like there isnt much of a canon basis in his behaviour, just little things, but i like to personally hc that aside from eating candy to stay alive duh, that he chooses lollipops bc they serve as a sort of stim?? Also ik that fashion is his job but hes also so so clearly passionate about it that its a special interest for him, and thats partially why he took it up as a job in the first place, so he could do something related to his special interest lol. Idk i know there isnt any basis for this but just let me have autistic ramuda iaiesjdnsnfn

Doppo Kanonzaka

First impression

Now THATS what i call a tired mf!!! This dude has yves saint laurent eyebags also he really reminds me of aggretsuko somehow??? Im really not sure what it is

Impression now

Yeah i was def right with the aggretsuko comparison siaishsnshfb BUT I LOVEEE HIM i love him very much and i think this man really needs a break and is also very relateable i love

Favorite moment

As much as i love fp i absolutely adore the badass koments that doppo has including when he absolutely fucking obliterated fling posse sksjxnxncn also!! All of his little moments with hifumi i genuinely enjoy their dynamic its so cute

Idea for a story

Honestly i wanna see him slowly recover from the teauma that he has experienced because this king absolutely deserves it, and also from a practical point of view itd make this mf s t r o n g e r i also just.... long to see doppo happy honestly he deserves to smile!!

Unpopular opinion

I dont really have an unpopular opinion but saving like leaving this blank: as much as i absolutely adore jakurai and hifumi and their music (jakurai is my fave out of every hypmic character and i WILL drive this home), to me doppo just has the best music. Like, i love tigridia and BLACK OR WHITE so fucking much its absolutely unreal and all of doppos verses in every song are juust so fucking good. As much as i listen to you are, therefore i am on repeat every day of my life doppos music is just the best ✨

Favorite relationship

Again i am a huge multishipping bitch and i habe a few ships with doppo but in ahll honesty my fave is very clear - i absolutely adore his dynamic with matenrou as a whole and especially hifumi - his relationship with hifumi is clearly so special and it really shows how strong their friendship is, and in a ship sense i find it to be realy cute bc theres such a clear need for each other and that even if they clearly come at odds sometimes, at the end of the days theyre still clearly so close and i just,,, god doppo reallt deserves someone like hifumi in his life and im so glad that he has it!!!!

Favorite headcanon

Honestly i dont really think i have too many for doppo but given his general demeanor and his attitude, i personally hc him as demi. Yeah i know that sexualities dont have like typical personalities and such but i feel like given his anxieties around new people and how he clearly only really sticks to those that hes very close with, it makes more sense for him to be demi than any other sexuality to be quite honest - and this is also just pushing my hifudo agenda aiqiauansnssn but yknow!!!!

[mysticalstreamsalutations]

I have BPD and am madly in love with someone who got the brunt unfiltered damage of this sickness that relentlessly ails me every fuckin day. Its shitty, but they've given me chances... not sure if thats a good thing. Selfish on my part... they'd probably be better off.

Wait.. Hold the F up...... are you me?! honest to god, i could’ve sent this ask myself... because i’m in the same mf boat dude. 😣 i feel your pain here. Literally. only my person is ready to move on, it seems. 💔 My BPD has been the worst it’s been in years, i think almost as a defense mechanism from getting too close to them. i think one of our main problems is we truly do not think we are worthy of love. It’s been right in front of us the whole gdamn time, but we have somehow managed to talk ourselves out of it a thousand times over. (In my case, it seems i have finally actually talked the person i’m love with out of it too 😞.) it’s so hard, and so unfair on both people involved. We know they deserve to be loved so completely, and think if we could just be stable for long enough, they would see how much we really do love them. at least that’s my case. Seems that your person isn’t as burnt out as mine. i’m sorry that this was probably about 90% self-projection, and not actually pertaining to you. i just want you to know, no matter how defective you feel, you are COMPLETELY lovable, and worthy of all the things your heart desires. Baby steps will get you there. Please be more patient, and gentle with yourself. These things won’t happen over night, but they will with consistent effort, therapy, meds, and support. it’s def overwhelming to me personally, but i can’t believe that it’s impossible. I hope you won’t either. Thank you for reaching out. 🖤 - i’m attaching the song that i believe is definitely a borderline anthem, imo.

[agentalex]

This MF is sending you some :D Umm- Sleepover, Girls like Girls, Under the blue/take me in, Mercy/gatekeeper and What I need. Thanks!

Thank you friendly mf

sleepover: have you ever liked a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them? if it was in the past, do you wish that you told them?

Uhm yes of course i have. Yes i did tell her after like pining for her for months and quite frankly i wish i never told her cause turns out she was a manipulative cunt who wanted to “experiment”.

girls like girls: what’s your sexuality? how did you discover it? or have you just always known?

Currently I identify as gay/lesbian but i am aware that sexuality is fluid. I’m not really sure how i discovered it tbh. I know its heaps cliche but it was always a part of me and i think at one stage i was like oh okay well i definitely don’t like boys. 

under the blue/take me in: are you happy where you are right now? if you could change one thing about your life, what would it be? what’s your favourite aspect of yourself?

I am happy about where I am right now for like the first time in my life. If i could change one thing id really like to have a job and be earning my own money. My favourite thing about myself is my emotional maturity.

mercy/gatekeeper: what was a difficult time in your life? what did you do/what are you doing to get through it? who has been the most helpful?

The most difficult time in my life was probably 14-17, I was severly depressed and anxious had the onset of BPD and was chronically sick without know what was wrong with me. What got me through it was really my mum and my own inner strength i guess. My mum and my therapists have been the most helpful for sure. Wouldnt be here without them or my meds and support of my friends.

what i need: who are your favourite gay artists? what are your favourite gay songs?

My favourite gay artists would definitely have to be Hayley Kiyoko, Kehlani and Alex Lahey. Favourite gay songs would have to be the entire expectations album by Hayley Kiyoko, Honey by Kehlani, Strangers by Halsey and Lauren Jauregui and Boyfriends by Tegan and Sara.  

Thank you so much for sending me an ask!!!!

SEND ME ASKS PLS

[darkened-heart]

I'm gonna keep it 100% funky with y'all. Idk what the fuck is wrong with me. Diagnosis says BPD, but me talking to myself life as if I'm talking to somebody else and then answering myself tells me otherwise. I've always had imaginary friends. Sometimes I hear shit, think I see a shadow figure walking by out of the corner of my eye, feel bugs crawl on me, and not a fucking thing is there. Last night I was having an episode where I heard an angry little boy screaming in my head. Said he felt misunderstood, rejected, hated, unwanted, tried calming him down which led me into a bad dissociative state featuring anxiety. That feels like wanting to fucking scream bloody murder but not feeling real enough to let out a scream. It was horrible. An absolute dog dick of an experience.

I literally live life on edge consistently just waiting for something horrible to go wrong. Sometimes I have attacks so bad I literally feel like I need to ball up to keep myself safe. Constantly scared of something. Idk what exactly, but something. I feel angry all the time, and then I'll lash and then I feel like the worst person alive almost immediately afterwards. I can't even destress at home. I'm always stressed. My brain and it's constant going and going and going on shit has me always just jaw clenched, shoulders tight, just ready for when shit inevitably will hit the proverbial fan.

My soul feels hollow, shattered, broken. My will to live is low as shit, the light in my eyes have faded. I'm a jaded pessimist that see's my pessimistic views on shit as being realistic.

Mf's say "Your thoughts create your reality" like bro I don't want to be negative. Idk how to fix it. It sure as shit isn't as easy as changing my outlook. I try. Then shit hits the fan. So I always expect the worst out of everything. I feel defeated. No hope, no salvation, permanently fucked up beyond any and all repair.

Like what the fuck is this shit? Why won't it go away? What the fuck is wrong with me? Why am I such an asshole? Why am I such a pushover? Why do I feel guilty when I try to fix it and change it? Why can't I feel love anymore? Why do the words "I love you" feel like words of sweet nothingness?

Posted this in a BPD group I'm in

[ipromisetobebetter]

10/17-18, 2018

Covering day 1 of PHP and what would have been day 2 if I had actually gone!

Yesterday sucked ass. I dislike the british clinician. The whole group aspect for hours on end definitely doesn’t jive with my need for me-time—there is no off button. I was just constantly with people. I felt like a baby, and it was really demeaning. I deleted MFP. I had to eat lunch an hour after I had a snack. You have to clean your plate or you’ll have to drink Boost. Logical, yeah, but Boost is fucking gross so I tried to just eat whatever. I was kind of shocked by how much I hated it and how awful my stomache felt. After every meal, the group has to “process,” which really just consisted of us saying that we hated eating, we wanted to purge or pop a pill, and then some crying. I can’t even call the girls out on that shit because I felt the same way. Also, apparently I s*lf harm so that’s new...like, I don’t really see how hitting myself when I’m mad or scratching my arms when I’m nervous is terrible but go off doc. By the end of the day I was overwhelmed, done, my skin felt like it was on fire, I had cried a lot, and I just wanted to go be with my family. So I drove to their house, traumatized my sister with my tears, decided I wasn’t ready and would just stick to my outpatient team because fuuuuck that was the worst day of my adult life.

Today was less shitty. I called in the morning and said I didn’t want to continue. J called me and invited me to the mall. The individual therapist called and scheduled to talk with me at 1PM. Went to the mall with J, didn’t buy anything, went to get pizza. I had two slices and a couple bites of cheesecake. I was able to stop when I wanted to, not have to clean my plate. I dragged J with me to the appointment. The doctor suggested cutting down from 10 to 5 hours to try to adjust, assured me that they didn’t overstuff me and that my strong reaction was a sign that I needed to be there to break my bad habits. At the very least I agreed to go for a few more days and make sure MF would still see me if I quit PHP. Later, I asked J if she thought I was being defeatist, and she told me that she thinks I’m self sabotaging because I have no regard for my own health and fail to realize how I am sick. I don’t feel sick. I feel like a fat baby. She also said it’s like when D doesn’t take his bpd meds—he doesn’t feel sick, so he doesn’t do anything. And she’s right, y’know, I totally am being like him. And I do want to just dissolve. I do not care about my health.

Anyway I just want to be happy and play video games and go to Disney and stop being fat kthanksbye