#merry hijack christmas | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

uselesssomebody · 2 years ago

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𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕙𝕠𝕝𝕚𝕕𝕒𝕪 - bucky barnes x reader

complete masterlist | mcu masterlist | bucky barnes masterlist

words || 𝟠𝕜

summary || in which the reader's holiday is hijacked

a/n || new years eve post besties. but it's late and i rushed it.

➵ not yet proofread

➵ send me requests if you have ‘em. enjoy!

warnings || fluff/angst

when she'd said 'merry christmas, and happy holidays!' to her last customer for the evening, she hadn't expected it.

when she'd bid her sole employee an early farewell, reminding her to spend time with her family, she hadn't expected it.

when she'd finished locking up her store, gotten into her car, and had finally parked in her driveway, marveling at the beautiful lights she'd put up. she really hadn't expected it.

she had expected her boyfriend - the one with whom today would have been her third christmas eve - to be snuggled onto the couch, languidly kissing at his special someone's cheeks and neck. she just hadn't expected that person to not be her.

she looked in horror at the sight: her boyfriend, far too cozy with another girl that she didn't even know, too preoccupied with her to even notice his actual girlfriend coming up.

his name falls from her lips in shock, unable to process it, and he finally jerks, turning, a bewildered expression on his face, somehow shocked by her reaction.

"babe? oh, shit - oh, shit-" he mumbles, rising to his feet in an instant, the girl next to him looking just as confused as her.

"what - what is this?" she's on the verge of tears, but she won’t give him to satisfaction, swallowing the growing lump in her throat.

"it's not - it's not what it looks like, babe, i swear-" when she opens her mouth to smite him, to curse, to scream, all that comes out is a sob, a whisper of her sadness echoing in the house.

"get out. get out!" her eyes have welled up, and she can't particularly see him or the girl, furiously grabbing the things he had strewn around the living room - some may have even been hers, but she didn't much care - and desperately flinging the front door open, throwing them out. she can hear the ghost of his pleas in the back of her head, but his voice sounded akin to nails on a chalkboard, "get out - oh, god - please, just leave." for a moment, he goes silent, before complying, just hesitating for a moment to grab his coat, before leaving. the girl had since risen from the couch, a litany of apologies and 'i didn't know!'s spilling from her lips. though it comforted her - only slightly - she pleaded that the girl leave as well. it takes minimal convincing, and she closes the door behind her, a final sorry left hanging in the air.

it rang out in the empty house.

though she'd tried not to cry in front of them, when she'd had the house to herself, she'd sworn she'd cried for the whole of christmas straight. she'd cried whenever she'd looked at their christmas tree, the one they both had helped decorate. she'd cried as she'd attempted to bake gingerbread cookies, not even her passion stirring any feasible ounce of delight in her. and she'd cried as she'd rewatched the holiday for the first time that season - though she could find a bit of sympathy in her cause from what had happened to both amanda and iris.

she, at least, found some solace in the fact that she could take a break from work. her employee was planning a long trip to see her parents and her boyfriend's - sob - parents. and, it'd be easy enough to increase her bakery's closing period from the three-day christmas weekend to a week. she had no pending orders, everyone having licked her supplies clean as the new year approached.

in fact, it was her first break in over two years. she'd been working non-stop for the past couple building her bakery, creating a customer base and making delicious goods for the population of the city. all that while juggling a relationship had left her constantly exhausted, with not a moment to rest her weary bones.

she reminded herself of the movie she'd been watching, and how amanda's character similarly struggled with her work-life, and her boyfriend. all that culminated in, similarly, her boyfriend cheating, and what did she do?

well, she thought to herself, a holiday sounded lovely. getting out of town, to a small cottage, far away from others and able to have a christmas in her own company. she'd binge watch all the christmas movies her boyfriend hated, bake all the goods that he'd berated, and make new memories that weren't unnecessarily belated.

and, though she didn't hold out hope for a lovely graham to whisk her away from her sadness, she wasn't sure what surprises her holiday would bring.

though she would occasionally feel uncomfortable booking places to stay with airbnb, she'd found a stellar offer that had just what she'd been looking for: a one-bedroom cottage, far away from the main city center. she figured she'd grab everything on the way there to last her a few days, and then not interact with, well, anyone, until she had to come back.

her flight was booked and she was at the airport by the next night. a breeze had made its way into the airport somehow - or the heating was minimized, but whatever - so she was fully bundled into several layers of clothing as she boarded the flight.

as quickly as she'd discarded the layers on the flight, she'd flung them back on before exiting, soon greeted by the equally chilly air of her destination. she'd booked a taxi to her cottage, and the drive was simple enough. an older gentleman sat in the front seat, far too cheery for her own peace of mind, but just enough for her to crack a smile a few times as he made a joke or recounted a story. she'd waved him goodbye as he'd dropped her off, right in front of the gated driveway.

the gate was easy enough to open, and she quickly checked her texts in one hand as her other gripped her suitcase just a bit tighter. sam, the owner, seemed to be a lovely host, though a bit anal over her cleaning up after herself. not much of a problem for her, though, as she wasn't exactly planning on leaving it a mess anyway. he'd reminded her that the keys for the place were in a small box by the door, for which he'd also given her a code. she'd fished it out with her fingertips, her hands freezing a bit, and she hastily jammed it into the lock and turned the handle. the door swung open with a loud creak, and she stepped out of the cold and into almost a burst of warmth.

the interior was almost all wooden: wooden walls and floor, wooden furniture and - well, maybe not wooden, but still a rustic brown - counters. there were throw pillows and faux furs strewn on every available surface, all pointed towards a large fireplace in the living room.

she's as excitable as ever, and she's sure it's the first time she's felt properly giddy in the past few days. she hangs her coat on the rack, gently placing her suitcase down by the couch, and practically ran to the bedroom - minimally furnished, but with a large, comfortable spread. in fact, the whole place opted for comfortable over showy, and she was in love with it. she peeled off her sweater, tentatively sliding under the covers, and practically sinking into the sheets.

sam wilson had saved her christmas. she'd have to send him a basket, alongside with her payment.

bucky barnes was not a man to feel close to collapsing, but his last mission had emotionally drained him. worse, as much as he'd been looking forward to getting back to the tower, and maybe grabbing a beer with steve or sam, he was in for an unfortunate surprise.

"buck?" sam's voice rang in his ear, and it made him snap his droopy eyes open, sitting farther upright as his eyes refocused on the empty country road.

"yeah, sam?" his voice is gruff, and he knows that sam's aware of his condition.

"we can't fly you in; their cataloging any flights in and out-"

"what?" bucky's car jerks to a stop as he pulls over, unable to believe what he's hearing. the city he was in was practically in the pocket of a national gang, of whom he'd just infiltrated and stopped a major plan from occurring. they were on high alert for him, but he figured he'd already be back in new york by the time they'd even realize who he was, "why can't you use that ship - the one that becomes invisible-" usually, sam would laugh at bucky's inability to remember the names of their tech, but he found himself too sympathetic for the guy this time.

"it's still being repaired, remember what happened in siberia?" how could bucky forget the mission that essentially blew one of their ships out of the sky? he just figured it wasn't that ship, "but don't worry: we've got a safehouse that should be set up for you about 12 miles east from your current location." bucky's brows furrowed.

"a safehouse?" bucky wasn't aware that the avengers had any one of those: he'd never used one before.

"yeah, stark's got a lot of random, small properties he owns all over the world. shield uses them as safehouses if necessary. it's a nice place, just hole up for a bit until we figure this all out, alright?" bucky bit back a groan.

"yeah, yeah, sure." even without the groan, sam could hear the ice in his voice.

"uh... merry christmas, buddy?" okay, then he groaned.

"go fuck yourself, sam."

she jolted up from her seat on the couch, gently snugged into the cushions as a mug of hot chocolate teetered at her lips, coming dangerously close to spilling all over her, as she heard a car pull over in the driveway. she peered out of the window, and saw a sleek black vehicle, a tall brunet stepping out of it, seemingly on the phone with someone. her eyes widened.

a home invasion? goddammit, this wasn't even her place; just her luck that she'd be burgled on her holiday. she wasn't quite sure what to do, but she sprinted to the kitchen, grabbing a heavy pan that she'd used to cook her eggs that morning, before ducking behind the small bit of wall between the counter and the entrance to the kitchen. it was far too close to the front door for comfort, but she didn't really have time to go any further. she hears his steps onto the porch, but he stops, lingering at the door for a moment. she can hear him continue to talk, but can't decipher what he's saying.

on the other side of the door, bucky was furiously looking around for the keys to the place, with sam on the end a bit confused as to why they weren't in the designated box for them.

"look, buck - uh, whatever. i think there's an extra one in the potted plant hanging from the top - ya see it?" bucky glanced up, and sure enough, there was a decorative potted plant above him. he reaches into it, fishing for the keys, and grasps the metal, pulling his fingers out, alongside a solid pinch of dirt.

"yeah, i got it, sam. i'll let you know once i'm done settling in." sam cheerily agrees, attempting to soften the annoyance of his friend. the line clicks off, as bucky places the key in the lock.

she hears this, and wonders if he's lock-picking. she's also wondering if that would fuck up the lock - shit, she was definitely losing her deposit.

the door swings open with a hearty creak, and she hears him step inside. she doesn't peek over the side of the wall, though she wants to, and she clutches the pan to her chest, barely breathing.

he can hear her, though. he can hear the sound of a beating heart, the sound of shaky, small breaths, and the sound of clothes rustling as her chest rises and falls. he grits his teeth, wondering if the gang had managed to intercept his comms, and had set up camp to ambush him. he hesitates for a moment, before turning the corner at lightning speed.

she hears him, raising the pan as high as it will go, and bringing it crashing down over his chest. except, the impact never occurs as - as though with superhuman reflexes - he catches her arm, pushing her almost painfully into the counter. he's got a cold - almost scary look on his face, but upon hearing her pained whine as her back made contact with the glossy, hard material behind her, both his expression and his grip soften.

"i'm sorry - oh, i'm so sorry - please, just don't hurt me - take whatever you want, i-" she cuts herself off with a sob, and his countenance completely shift, from one of wariness to that of confusion.

"what - ah, shit." he releases his hands, taking the pan from her light grasp and setting it down. she doesn't want to look up at him, but she wonders why he hasn't started taking things or hurting her, "just - goddammit - just come with me, okay?" she wrenches her body away from him.

"i'm not going anywhere with you!" he sighed: of course, why would she?

"look, will you just-" he fished into his pockets, and her eyes widened again, trying to book out of the kitchen. she doesn't get anywhere, though, fruitlessly struggling against the door that was his torso. he'd finally managed to procure his shield identification, showing it to her to prove that he wasn't some low-level criminal, "there, i'm not here to hurt you." she glanced down at the card. though she wasn't quite sure what 's.h.i.e.l.d.' was, she knew that the government seal on the card looked official enough. she finally stopped struggling.

"what - uh, is this house - or am i under arrest-?" her mind rushed with questions, and he can extend some sympathy to her obviously frazzled state. in the few short seconds he had, he'd glanced at the hot chocolate, the book by the coffee table, and the snack on the counter: this girl had not a clue what was going on.

"i've - uh, i've gotta ask you a couple questions, yeah?" she swallows nervously, but nods. he gestures to the couch, and he takes a seat on one of the other chairs in the living room. he opened his cell, calling sam and putting him on speaker, letting the phone rest on the table between them.

"hey, buck? place isn't too bad, is it?" bucky suppressed the urge to roll his eyes.

"there's a civ in the safehouse. you're on speaker, care to explain what we should do?" she looked between the phone and the man - buck? - as she tried to process the situation. this place was a safehouse?

"a civ? i don't-" the man on the other end went silent, and bucky looked at the phone in confusion, "oh. oh."

a terrifying conclusion dawned on sam. there was a bustling on his end, as he frantically attempted to find natasha. thank all his lucky stars, she was on the other end of the controls room, assisting in an hostage situation clint was solving. he'd just got the hostages out, and nat assumed a moment of reprieve, stretching her arms to get more comfortable, when she heard sam practically screaming for her.

"sam? what? what's going on?" sam panted, gesturing to his cell, of which both bucky and his current housemate could still hear him.

"which of those places did we rent out? number 212 or 112?" she's confused by the question, but opens up an adjacent tab, checking their bookings.

"2 - 212!" sam curses, collapsing into the chair next to her.

"sam? what's going on?" bucky holds the phone closer to him, and her eyes widen.

"wait, sam? like the guy who owns this place?" bucky furrowed his brows at her before swallowing, light understanding glossing over his expression.

"alright, wilson explain yourself." he heard a hard swallow from his friend on the other side.

"okay - fuck, okay. look, this job doesn't pay well, right? i'm always complaining to you about it?" bucky doesn't respond, "anyways, s.h.i.e.l.d.'s got a bunch of these safehouses that practically no one uses, and so we figured that it wouldn't be any harm to occasionally rent them out. we booked someone for this place - 212 - but when i was talking to you, i misread the location, and assumed i'd routed you to 112. so - yeah. she's not a spy or anything, definitely a civilian."

upon hearing sam's monologue, they both sighed deeply.

"alright, so. what do we do? why don't you just find another one nearby?" bucky's quick to respond, just wanting to get out of this situation as soon as possible.

"right, yeah, of course. uh - just one little problem with that." bucky, once again, doesn't verbally respond, but does close his eyes in annoyance, "uh, yeah, there are no other available places." bucky glances up for a moment, at her almost distraught face, and sighs.

"'lright, wilson, you've done enough for now." before sam has an opportunity to respond, he hangs up, sighing as he chucks the phone on the table. he leans back a bit further, as she settles further into the cushions. she looks down - worse than him, somehow, so he clears his throat, "look, i'm sorry about - uh, back there. if i hurt you." she shook her head.

"no - it's, uh, it's fine." her eyes flick to his for a moment, but she looks away just as quickly. she's not quite sure what to say, but swallows her slight annoyance at the disrupting of her solitude, and tries to look at him. she gives him her name, holding her hand out for him to shake, "i - i suppose it's nice to meet you." she'd perfected a customer service voice, and she layered it on just slightly when speaking to him.

"yeah - my name's bucky." he says after a moment of hesitation, but figures that there's not much else to do, considering that they were essentially stuck together. she looked around, wondering what to say next, when she glances back at the kitchen.

"have you eaten yet?"

she'd made her way to the kitchen after he'd confessed, needing a bit of prompting, that he hadn't eaten - at least, not anything substantial - for quite some time. a burger that he'd grabbed at the drive-thru at a nearby mcdonald's - as she so readily reminded him - did not constitute a proper meal.

after staring at her now empty spot on the couch for a moment, wondering what had just happened, he'd gotten up, following her. she'd already opened the fridge, and he nearly smacked into the door as she rummaged in it. he watched her take three trips, pulling out an assortment of vegetables, some cream, and cheese. then, from the pantry, she pulled out a few more ingredients, and he watched in near-wonder at the quick pace at which she was working.

"uh - what're you doing?" she glanced back at him for just a moment, furrowing her eyebrows as if it was obvious. well, it was, it's just that he wasn't particularly used to seeing people cooking - believe it or not, barely any of the avengers make good cooks. especially steve.

"well, i like to think i made a great creamy pasta and -" she poked her head up from finding a pan in one of the cupboards, "i suppose i'm letting you be the judge of it. not really much of a cook otherwise." bucky found it hard to believe that, and laughed lightly at the comment.

"i'm sure you're better than me." he mumbles it under his breath, and he's not sure she'd heard it over the sound of her beginning to chop up vegetables, "wait - uh, here, let me." she looks back at him when he lightly stops her movement. he discards the thin jacket he's got on, putting it on the rack, and he comes back in a short-sleeved black shirt. she's not even paying much attention, as she's turned to begin washing the pasta, when she sees him settle in beside her. she glances over as he grips as the bell peppers, neatly slicing them, when a sort of hiccup-gasp leaves her mouth. he doesn't look at her in confusion, though, owing to the fact that he was expecting it, "helps with cutting," he attempts a joke, flexing the fingers of his metal arm slightly higher as if to show them off.

"hmm? oh, right, of course." she looks like she had to remind herself to look away from it, clearing her throat and forcibly turning her head.

they made a surprisingly good pair, and in record time, not only is their pasta finished and plated, but the both of them are also holding fun, though discreet, conversation.

after all, she wasn't exactly particularly keen to disclose her relationship status, and he - well, he was technically a federal agent, and to mention much more, he was sure, was essentially treason.

so, instead, she discussed her job, and the various customers she was dealing with, as well as the desserts she was baking up. bucky found it to be, initially, a far simpler and more quaint life than his, until he realized how much some of her customers sounded like director fury should things stray from script on missions. similarly, he would tell her about his own band of friends - the good, the bad and the ugly of their adventures.

though she still found some annoyance towards sam, she had to admit - the guy did sound cool.

as they wrapped up, the sun had set, and the cold of the winter had begun to seep into the cottage. bucky, however, seemed practically unphased as she chattered away in the cold and - soon enough - she realized why. when she'd brushed past him to place the dishes into the sink - god! he felt like a furnace, and she really had to resist the urge to fall into him and finally put her out of her cold suffering.

she was broken out of her thoughts by the sound of the door clicking unlocked. without a word, he had fought to go back out into the snowy evening, and she watched him trudge to his car at the end of the driveway, mouth a little agape. he hadn't even put his jacket back on - for christ's sake - and for a moment she worried his arm would practically short-circuit or die in the wet cold - much like her phone sometimes does.

no, instead, he simply pulled a large cloth from out of the backseat, and she averted her gaze quickly as she turned around, turning towards her suitcase and opening it gently, rifling through it for a pair of woolen socks and a jacket, sweater of something warmer than the full-sleeved, cotton top she had on.

he comes back in, a gust of cold air accompanying him as he does so, and she glances back at him, noticing the similarly large sweater in his own hands.

"way too cold, isn't it?" she mumbles, realizing they were both looking for the same thing. he looked down at the neatly folded sweater by her and nodded, a small smile on his lips.

"yeah - definitely." she can hear him walk over to the couch, and, finding her book still there, he's careful to slot his finger between the last two pages she was on and hand it back to her, "uh - would you like this back?" she turns, a bit confused, but takes it from him anyways. she watches, then, as he seems to make himself a bit too comfortable on the couch - and that is when she protests.

"wait, are you - no, absolutely not: go sleep on the bed." she sounds a bit like her mother, and she's sure bucky hears it too, because he looks up at her in slight amusement.

"no, don't worry about it; after all, i'm the one hijacking your vacation, right?" he attempts to make a joke, but it doesn't change the look on her face.

"you're the one back from some - i don't know - top secret foreign mission, right? you deserve a good night's rest." it's a bit comical, the both of them arguing over this.

"well, you've already made up for that with the dinner." he smiles at her, and god - had he been that gorgeous previously as well?

"which you helped make..." she swallows a bit after her mumble, taken aback by her realization about the man in front of her.

of course, she'd noticed he was attractive. but that was a bit more subdued when he'd knocked her against a counter. then, it'd been further subdued by her annoyance at the loss of her lonely vacation. but now, after an evening of laughs and smiles - of homely activities and domestic pleasures, she found herself wanting to hold his gaze for longer - if only to lose herself in his pale eyes.

"well, if you want me to take it, you'll have to carry me there, which - well..." he gestured between the both of them, trailing off, and the ghost of a smile fell over her lips, cracking the otherwise determined expression on her face.

"but -" she caught herself, sighing instead, "alright, then. i'll - ugh, i'll take the bed." though she'd obviously gotten a better deal, she almost sounded as if she had it worse.

she bids him a goodbye - and, though it was an early night for both of them, she was knocked out soon after dimming the lights.

she supposed a near home invasion would do that to ya.

she feels a bit lost, looking outside the door of the cottage. there's something in the distance - she can't tell exactly what - but, as it nears, she can make out the 4 distinct limbs of a man. she swallows, unsure of whether to scream at the oncoming person, to run from them, or to hide. she decides on the latter, curling into a little nook between the couch and the wall, peeking for just one last moment over the window to see what distance he'd made.

he was already at the door - and there was a knock. she couldn't see his face - nothing but an almost lecherous smile. there's another knock, and then another, and then she hears a faint shout. it doesn't sound aggressive - rather, it was almost scared. she held her breath as the shouts became louder and more agonized and she just knew she had to help him. she had to help him, she just had to help him-

she sits bolt upright, gasping as she realized she'd been dreaming. that allowed her a moment of calm, until she realized the shouts she was still hearing weren't the echoes of the ones in her dream, but rather ones she was hearing from the living room.

she scrambles to her feet, almost tripping over her covers, before flinging open her door with a rather loud bang. usually, she'd wince and hope it hadn't hit the wall in any harmful way, but she was so focused on figuring out what had happened that she couldn't have cared less. she turns the corner and the couch comes into view.

the ringing in her ear hadn't even allowed her to realize that the shouts had stopped, as bucky had been awakened from his fitful slumber by her opening the door. she saw his hands over his face, the metal allowing the flush on his cheeks to cool.

"bucky?" she mumbles it - suddenly feeling intrusive.

"hmm?" he mumbles from behind his hands, before wiping his face and widening his eyes, forcing himself awake, "i'm alright." for a moment, she listens to his shallow breaths even out, standing a bit awkwardly in the doorway, before making her way towards the kitchen. he actually doesn't notice, assuming she'd gone back to bed, and he swallowed heavily in guilt of waking her up.

there's a dull replay of his dream in his ears, so he doesn't hear her as she walks up, lightly setting down something by him. only when she gently touches his shoulder, does his face snap up, eyes meeting hers. she handed him a mug, warm to the touch - though her smile feels warmer.

she turns to the other side of the couch, prompting him to raise his legs to make space for her, before also sitting down. the looks at the mug, seeing a sweet-smelling, brown liquid face him, and he hears her sip.

"um - hot chocolate tends to help me with them." she gestures to his cup, speaking almost shyly.

"them?" he asks, his brows furrowed.

"nightmares." she clarifies, taking another sip. he blinks, wondering how she'd figured, but decided against asking, taking a shaky breath before sipping on the drink.

it filled his chest with warmth, the cold of his thoughts almost melting as he glanced at her. she wasn't looking at him, so he allowed his eyes to, similarly, drink her in. her hair was a bit of a mess, and her eyes had puffed up a little because of her rest - and she was smiling. she did it a lot, he realized, and this one looked a little hesitant, as if she was expecting something. he cleared his throat.

"it's nice." she meets his gaze.

"i'd hope so."

he hopes she won't ask him any questions and, to her credit, she doesn't even speak much. she's glancing between her drink, the couch and him, and he's curious as to what she's thinking.

her eyes were lingering on the many scars on his bare chest, finding a deep sadness in it. the skin of his metal shoulder was littered in them, and she wondered how he'd gotten the arm. she knew better than to ask, but she became further interested in the truly mysterious man in front of her.

both of their drinks dwindled, but it didn't prompt conversation. in fact, she'd taken his drink without a word once he'd finished, and was ready to go back to bed in a similar fashion, when his voice stopped her.

"thank you." she's not sure if she's meant to hear it, but it makes her smile, allowing his thanks to soothe her mind after his shouts.

the next morning, she was woken up to the smell of toast and eggs, and she, rather groggily, takes a moment to freshen up in the bathroom, before joining him in the kitchen.

"how'd you sleep?" she asked, as she'd opened the fridge to help take out the butter.

"perfectly." she assumes it's a joke - as, well, duh - but he was in fact, very serious.

many of his nights were littered with not only one nightmare, but several, and he'd anticipated more after he'd closed his eyes once more. though, maybe because of the hot chocolate (though he felt more inclined to think it was just her), his affliction did not reappear.

they ate and, afterwards, she'd taken over the couch, while he'd gone into the bathroom adjacent to the bedroom. seeing him tucked in there, she checked her phone, and, seeing a few rather worried messages from her mother, she decided to give her a ring.

her mother was more than relieved to hear back from her, but that joy dissipated quickly at the knowledge of why her daughter had become so distant.

"he did what?" her mother was furious and, though she wanted to, refrained from reminding her daughter that she had, in fact, found herself to be distrusting of her boyfriend.

"on christmas, ma! can you believe it?"

"so what did you do?" she counted her lucky stars at the strong woman she'd raised when her daughter recounted her banishing the disloyal bastard.

she'd been sure to speak quietly and, figuring as even the shouts from last night had been massively muffled by the bedroom door, and that bucky was behind not one, but two doors, her personal life would remain just that - personal.

of course, she wasn't exactly privy to the fact that bucky's hearing wasn't exactly mortal. he'd nearly nicked himself shaving as he'd heard her recount the story, his eyes widening, and then his chest depressing in sympathy for her rather horrible ordeal.

when he'd come back out - though he was no actor - he'd given no specific indication that he was aware of anything. okay, maybe he'd acted a little overtly stupid, but she'd bought it, continuing to flip through the pages of her book.

around mid morning, as she'd begun to look in the fridge for lunch preparations, she realized how low she was running on goods. after all, she'd only bought enough for herself over the course of the week, unaware of the second person the home would be housing.

so, after lunch, bucky had offered to drive her to the nearest market - going against her initial plan of calling a cab. he figured he owed that much to her after the previous night and - hey, she wasn't exactly going to turn down the offer.

the car was bigger on the inside than it looked, but she still felt impossibly close to the man in the driver's seat, sinking further into the plush cushion of the passenger. they'd made light conversation about the scenery on the twenty-odd minute drive, but the majority of it had been left with the radio faintly playing in the background.

after they'd parked, she'd swaddled herself into the scarf she'd brought, and quirked her brow when she saw him wear a pair of sunglasses. sure, the sun was out, but she supposed she wasn't accustomed to seeing them in winter.

he'd waited as she'd closed the car door, and patiently stood on the balls of his feet as she tried to remember the way to the outdoor market she'd been to previously. once she had, though, he's quick to follow her.

the place was bustling, with people walking up and down, a great deal of chatter in the air. vendors called for her and him, attempting to entice them towards their goods. one of them had stepped in front of her in the hopes of convincing her to pay for a necklace she'd less than glanced at a moment ago, and she only manages to circumvent him due to the firm grip that bucky suddenly wrapped around her hand, pulling her closer to him to avoid the other man.

in fact, this was a great help, his large body pushing through the crowd while making sure she didn't lose her way, and they were at the fruit vendor in record time. she glanced around, looking for the freshest fruits available, urging him to do the same.

she was quick to pick up some apples and bananas, some grapes and clementines. he contributed by picking up some plums, citing them as his favorite fruit, and she teased him by saying 'dude, peaches are definitely better'.

they'd made their way over the market, picking up fresh produce and ingredients. there was a small flower vendor at the end of the street, and she dreamily looked over the bouquets of irises tucked a little farther to the back, roses and tulips dominating the front of the shop.

the first time she'd watched the holiday with her boyfriend, he'd bought her the flowers as a homage to her favorite character in the film. he'd mentioned that the woman who'd sold them to his said they were sometimes used to indicate faith and trust, and had let the sentiment hang heavily in the air.

she gulped, averting her gaze, and hoping bucky hadn't noticed. if he had, he'd done a good job hiding it, and they're quick to make their way back to the car.

as they get home, she's quick to unpack her groceries, telling him to settle down on the couch - maybe put on a movie. she hands him a fresh plum as she returns, a clementine in her own hand, and the first movie on the only english channel was the one they resorted to, cracking jokes at the campy nature of it.

the sun begins setting as the credits roll, and he offers to make dinner. she agrees, only on the condition that she would adjacently bake a batch of cookies; how could he say no to that?

she'd unveiled more about her love for baking over the process, quick to swipe the mixing bowl away with a playful scolding when he'd attempted to dip his finger into the dough. he pouted, and she smiled, getting a spoon for him instead.

god, it tasted good - and he wondered if he should be paying for them.

the dinner's lovely - he's a better cook than he thinks - and his endless praise of her cookies makes her hope that he can't feel her flush when he reaches over her to grab another one.

as he'd gone to the bathroom, she shifted her things to the couch, determined to get him to sleep on his bed, hoping it would minimize his bad dreams. she was already half-way asleep when he'd realized, and he looked at her a bit expectantly, as he crossed his arms.

"what's this?"

"go to sleep, bucky." she mumbled back.

"you're gonna throw me off. i'll just be thinking about the fact that i left you to sleep on the couch. my ma didn't raise a son like that." she rolled her eyes a little, an obvious smile on her lips.

"oh well. if you want me off, you'll just have to carry me." she recounts his ultimatum from before, smiling happily to herself, before turning so that she couldn't see him. she heard him hum behind her, and expected him to give up and walk back, but, instead, she heard increasingly loud footsteps.

she squeaks in shock at the feeling of him actually lifting her up, fully still swaddled in her blankets, and making the short trek with her to the main bed, setting her down shockingly gently.

"there ya go." he smiles down at her, pursing his lips to avoid laughing at her confusion.

"huh - how did - what?" she looks up at him, still stunned by the effortlessness of his actions.

she scrambles back up into a sitting position, a small smile on your lips, but saw that his expression had turned just slightly sour in the meanwhile. she patted the space on the bed next to her, and he looked at her in shock, until she rolled her eyes and simple pulled him down into a sitting position.

"what're you-" bucky looked at her, trying very hard to maintain a victorian distance from her. she looks at his own hard expression with a curious one of her own.

"do you wanna talk about it?" she mumbled, gauging his reaction.

"what?" he hoped it wouldn't have come to this.

"your - uh, your nightmares? it tends to help me a lot when i could vent to someone about them and sort of rationalize the really bad stuff and -"

"no." his face's turned from hard to cold, finding himself suddenly defensive, "why would I ever want to do that?" her brows furrowed in shock: the outburst was nothing like what she'd previously seen out of him.

"what? i was just trying to help you!"

"you shouldn't be asking about personal things like that," he mumbles, as if he was chastising a young child.

"what, i can't want to help you after I hear you screaming bloody murder in the next room?"

"it's - it's personal! would you have appreciated me wanting to help you - to talk to you? about your issues with your boyfriend? of course not, it's personal!" he'd been looking away from her for the majority of this tangent, but when he finally turned around, his anger immediately softened. she had an aghast expression on her face, simultaneously bewildered as to how he could have possibly known about that, and also to how he would cross every single boundary they seemed to have established.

she contemplated leaving the room, finding some solace in a breath of fresh air, but he beats her to it, leaving the room and shutting the door behind him with panther-like silence.

the next morning, after a fitful night of annoyance, then anger, then worry, as to how this would all turn out, she’d risen to pin-drop silence. she’d climbed out of the bed sharply, quick to rub the sleep from her eyes, and left her room so quickly, she didn’t give herself much moment to fix her appearance.

unfortunately, she had found no reason to have had to anyways, as the jacket that had hung by the door for the past few days had gone. there was no indication of a depression in the cushions of the couch, or any covers by it, and the pillows that had been placed there previously had disappeared, throw pillows neatly fluffed in their place. she peered past the slanted blinds, and the large black vehicle showed barely any sign of being there, save for the faint view of tire tracks, having grown hard to see under the continued heavy snowfall.

she sucked in a deep breath of solitude. and she hated it.

the looked down at the phone in her hand, the glaring face of the date staring back at her. she released the balls of her feet, thumping down onto the barren couch - to spend new years eve alone.

she wasn’t quite sure what to do. she’d watched a movie, and then two, and she hadn’t really cracked very many smiles and laughs. she’d listened to music and podcasts as she’d cooked, hoping to distract herself, but had found the meal to be a bit bland and unappealing by the end of it. finally, she’d settled down with a hot chocolate and a book, curling as far into the covers as she could. it was still early evening, and though she thought she’d be staying up this new year, she was now sure that she’d simply will herself to pass out by 8 or 9.

her eyes had begun to flutter shut, and the book had become a little harder to read, when she heard a knock on the door. she took a moment to register it, and, by that point, there had been another knock. she got to her feet slowly, wary as she’d been the second day she was here. she peered through the blinds, and the car was back, leaving her to spring to the door with a more collected manner.

she swung it open, and, seeing a very apologetic bucky behind it, the hard expression she’d been willing to put on faded. her eyes took in his slightly flushed, seemingly out-of-breath appearance and, believing it to be from the cold, she ushers him in.

“i’m sorry,” he whispers to her, as she leans over to help him with his coat.

“i know.” she mumbles back, and when he turns around, she can see a smile on his lips.

“i’m serious.” he doesn’t really look it, but he is.

“i am too.” his metal arm, having been ducked behind him for the previous few moments, finally sprung out, and with it, too came the emergence of a small bouquet of blues and purples, and drooping petals of a handful of irises having come into her - suddenly ecstatic - view. she looks at them with a great deal of shock, unbelieving that her moment of reminiscence had been so observable for him.

“i shouldn’t have said it - i’m sorry, i overstepped-” as he speaks, she gently takes the flowers from him, before swinging his arms around his neck, his large build, though having been in the cold, warming her from the freeze of the morning. he’s tentative at first, shocked by the gesture, until he realized the joy in her frame, and obliged, wrapping his arms around her.

“you scared me in the morning.”

“i’m sorry.”

“i’m happy you’re here, you can stop saying sorry-”

“i’m sorry.” she detaches, a large grin on her face, and she’s quick to lead him to the couch, her hand not even close to enveloping his, but trying nonetheless.

“didn’t realize how much i wanted a normal new years.”

“you think this is normal?”

“i’m spending it with someone who makes me happy. what could be more normal?” he felt a warmth in his chest form at her words, not shy to hold her close to himself as they found a comfortable position, wrapped in the heat of each other.

there was only a few hours until the new year, and until a new beginning. one they hoped be true for the both of them.

when sam had called bucky early the next morning, it had been her who had heard it, the ringing of it on the nightstand by the bed shaking her out of her sleep. she reached over the still sleeping body of it’s owner to answer it, before shaking him awake so that he could take it.

at first he found the gesture sweet, wanting to take a moment to appreciate her in her natural state, until that beautiful mood was slightly soured by sam’s teases.

though, he was quick to be informed that the surveillance on flights had lowered significantly in the past few days, and that they were sending the quinjet down to pick him up.

she’d been a bit surprised to hear the news, having hoped for more time for this new beginning to blossom, but realized the implications of entangling - truly - a stranger in a foreign land. though he didn’t seem all that strange, and the cottage didn't feel all that foreign.

they’d prepared breakfast in wait of the aircraft, and she’d made these amazing pancakes, ones he wouldn’t have minded gorging on a thousand times over. he’d asked her about how long her stay would be, and she pondered it for a moment too.

“i’m leaving by tomorrow. i’ve got to set up shop in a couple days anyways.” he’d asked her of the address, and she’d scribbled it down for him, promising him a free tray if he popped in between his top-secret missions. he’d laughed, pocketing the note, and kissing her cheek when he’d heard the aircraft’s discreet, but not quiet, turbines outside.

he’d entered it, an agent he wasn’t very familiar with piloting it, and he sat back when he decided to fish the note out. it consisted of an address that, not only he knew, but he was also very familiar with.

with her bakery just about a stone’s throw away from the avenger’s tower, she’d seen a few of them jog by for a coffee or a morning donut. sometimes scott lang, sometimes clint barton, and many time happy hogan on behalf of tony stark. what she’d never expected, however, was her to have switched the sign from closed to open two days from then, and have a customer come in immediately.

she’d never expected herself to feel excited by the sound of his voice, and have her eyes light up at his smile.

she hadn’t expected to serve him, and have him convince her to sit with him, before any other customers came in.

and she hadn’t expected it to become a ritual between them, her even opening the shop just a little bit early to accommodate for his schedule.

though, she supposed, she’d never really ever expected to have met him.

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes oneshot #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes angst #james buchanan barnes #james bucky barnes #mcu #marvel #mcu imagine #mcu oneshot #the holiday #sebastian stan

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phenomenalgirl9 · 11 months ago

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Seungkwan x Reader: Winter Falls

Summary: Just 2 idiots who could have ended their suffering just by talking but they refused and suffered for ages, until the Maknae and a certain leader decided to interfere.

W/c: 1.9K

Rating: For all (?)

Genre: fluff.

A/n: Merry Christmas! This is for the Carat Library Secret Santa and my member was Rania @wheeboo . It was rushed cause I barely had time, I'm so sorry! 😩 Happy Winters!

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You watched as he laughed with this person that you met as you and Seungkwan were leaving the party. You knew he was a social butterfly, lived like one, and as much as you loved him, it didn't mean you didn't want to strangle him. You watched him as he smiled and shook hands with someone who seemed like Jessi. Of course, it's important for his career and stuff, so you pouted and waited. He side-glaced a few times, and finally he said his byes and left. Yes, Jay Park's Christmas party was a huge event that every idol or personnel connected to the K-pop industry wanted to be in on Christmas Eve. The whole of seventeen were actually invited, and Seungkwan, Chan, and Jihoon had volunteered to go. Jihoon had left; you lost Chan while you were busy talking to Yeji and Lia, whom you've met before, at previous parties and events that you've been to with Seungkwan. So you decided to leave too.

Sigh.

“Are you tired?” Seungkwan asked. And you shook your head. “I wasn't the one dancing, hijacking the party like it's my concert,” you said, and bumped his shoulder.

“He played Fighting” Seungkwan said, shrugging. “So to answer your question, I'm not tired, just drained,” you said.

“Aw, it was too much socialisation for you? Wasn't it?” He cooed, and you hit him as he ran away towards the car in a laughing fit.

“Hey” you suddenly heard, and you turned around to see none other than the Bangchan walking towards the two of you. You assumed he was there for Seungkwan, but the thought changed when he simply nodded at Seungkwan and walked straight towards you, standing in front of you.

“Hey. Um, okay this is awkward,” he said and giggled adorably. “Hi” you said on instinct.

“Hey, again, Y/n” he said, and rubbed the back of his neck. What you didn't notice was Seungkwan literally shooting daggers through his eyes. “It's gonna sound dumb but can I have your number?” He asked, “sure but, you could have asked me when we were talking back then” you asked curiously.

“Actually, I was under the impression that You and um..” he giggled again, making you blush “that Seungkwan and you were together or something. But later on Chan as in Dino told me you weren't so I thought um.. cause I enjoyed talking to you” he said. “Sure!” You said “I enjoyed talking to you too” you smiled and exchanged numbers.

“Look at you, Ms. Popular” Seungkwan teased as you started the car to drive him back to the dorm and then drive home yourself.

So yeah Boo Seungkwan is your childhood best friend, you've spend the majority of your life together apart from the time he joined Pledis and you interned and worked for various music labels as producer and finally joined Hybe. You and him are mostly a combo pack, sadly, of best friends.

Were you dumbly in love with your best friend? Yes.

Did you ever do anything about it? No.

Would you? Very good question, but also No.

In your defence, even Seungkwan never showed any sign of progression.

“So you gave him your number in front of Kwannie?” Joshua asked for the third time and started giggling just as Jeonghan had been the next morning of the party. “I swear to God, I came to you two for advice as to where to go for the team Christmas dinner. Why is this even relevant?” You asked them.

“It's not, Y/n. It's just funny” Jeonghan said. You shook your head and walked out of the room. As you texted back Bangchan for the…12th? Time that day. Well, you weren't counting, but you've been talking to him since the morning. Je said he did that the first thing after he woke up.

It was nice talking to him, he just gave off this vibe. And you spent most of that day, of not working, then texting him.

“Are you free tomorrow?” Bumzu asked you as you were about to leave for the team dinner and you shook your head and said, “I have plans”

----------------------------------------------------

Hence, here you were in this cosy, almost empty cafe with one of the most charming men that the industry has seen.

He did have a different charm that made you want to trust him. And the conversation flowed like a river between you two. It started with music to different artists you like. Bands, you like, laughing at each other's teenage choices and stories. It didn't feel like you just met him 2 days ago. The woman in the cafe smiled warmly as she found the two of you laughing at some joke he cracked when she was placing your orders on the table.

And he asked, "So, how long have you been in love with Seungkwan?” and you were shocked. “Is it that obvious?” You ended up asking, and he shrugged his shoulders. “By the way you two look at each other? Of course.” He said it and smiled. “What do you mean by each other?” You said that, and Bangchan just shook his head.

And you told him more about you and Seungkwan. How you had met him on your first day of middle school and he was the popular kid, and you were new. How he immediately adopted you as his introvert, like any other introvert and extrovert duo.

The two of you laughed at your memories, and he kept making comments here and there. You told him how Seungkwan dissed anyone who tried to bully you and how you supported him in his singing gigs. And how you realise during his basketball tryouts in high school that you were hopelessly in love with him. You also told him about all the times you mustered up the courage to tell him, which was really twice, but backed up the moment you saw him, You could take the fact that he didn't like you, but you couldn't take it if you lost him on whole or made things awkward, that would affect everything and everyone. So each time, you backed away.

“Oh my god, look at the snow” the woman suddenly said, and the two of you did. You and Chan both took a sharp breath in and looked at the outdoors in awe. The whole horizon was covered with a thin blanket of white as the snow had just started to fall.

The Christmas atmosphere felt more magical. Strangely, your heart started yearning for someone. Not just someone, because if it would have been that, then you'd be glad Bangchan was here. But no, your heart yearned and craved for that one man. The one you were in love with, Boo Seungkwan, who would probably never be yours.

Your trance was broken by the sound of your phone. Bumzu was calling, “Yeah?” You picked up and answered. “What?” You exclaimed, "Okay. Okay” Bangchan heard you say. He knew your tone, he's been at a similar spot several times. So he nodded his head when you hung up and looked at him. “Problem in the studio?” He asked, and you smiled once again. “Yes, but let's do this again, that is, if you want. I mean, I had fun, and-” you were mumbling, and he stopped you. “Y/n, I had fun too, let's hang out again” he said and you picked up your bag. "Hey, is this cardigan all you're wearing?” Bangchan asked, and you nodded. “You're gonna catch a cold” he said, as he started taking off his jacket. “No! Chan, dont” you told him but he only smiled and offered his jacket to you. “Take it, I don't feel cold, this one I'm wearing will do”

And he didn't take no for an answer.

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“I came as fast as I could” You said and Bumzu started to explain to you what the issue was. “How were your plans? Sorry if I messed it up” he said with a smirk and you shook your head, not reading into it much.

You met Seungkwan on your way out “Is that a new jacket?” he asked. “No it’s Chan’s” you cleared.

“Chan’s?” Seungkwan said and looked at Dino with a quizzical look, who was standing at a distance. “No not this, I mean Bangchan” you said.

“Oh, Ohh” Seungkwan said, “It went well then” he said. You shrugged "Well, kinda b-” you were interrupted. “Oh, we've gotta get back to practice, see you later at Mingyu's party, later” He had hardly gotten the words out of his mouth when he turned and left. So you didn't see the light that his eyes had lost. The way his eyebrows knitted as he lost whatever hope he had.

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You were sitting at home infront of the mirror, thinking back to the times you thought of just telling Seungkwan how you felt. It was different back when he was a student or trainee, he's an Idol now, (world high top class idol) it's more difficult now. You sighed, like he'd like you anyway.

“Hey!” Mingyu greeted you and placed a cup in your hand. “Hoshi made that” he said with a side hug and walked away almost as soon as you entered the party. Now you've had enough experience to know that when Soonyoung dabbles with alcohol, drinking it is a bad idea and you confirm it by taking a sip and walking towards the kitchen to replace it with something actually drinkable.

“Y/n!” You heard Joshua call you, who was sitting beside Seungkwan. “Ohho! Girl you look gorgeous” he said with a warm smile. You thanked him and said “Hey Kwana” you said, but no response except a nod of acknowledgement. You all chatted merrily, the whole circle being of people you knew. Seungkwan barely contributed. At some point you heard cheers, only to find Mingyu holding a bouquet of-

“Why is Mingyu holding flowers over Yohan and his girlfriend’s heads as they kiss?” Someone asked. “Those are mistletoes,” you said and they shook their heads in realization.

Everyone cheered as Mingyu now held the bouquet over a very drunk Hoshi and Dokyeom. Well, Hoshi is trying to kiss Dokyeom at this point anyway, and everybody laughed.

You felt anticipated as Mingyu looked around the room for his next target. Your heart slowed down when his eyes locked on you, it skipped a beat when he started walking towards you and pouty Seungkwan.

“Yes! Finally!” Joshua cheered from across the room.

“We can't” Seungkwan said, and your heart dropped, so he really doesn't like you like that. So you were right. “We can't put Y/n through this” he added. “Excuse me?” You said immediately. “You wouldn't wanna kiss me right? Besides, aren't you seeing, you even had his jacket” you interrupted him. “Can you stop assuming for me instead of asking” you said standing up and walking away.

“Y/n! Y/n, wait” you heard Seungkwan's voice in the hallway behind you, his steps seem a bit disoriented.

“What did you mean?” He asked when he reached you. “What?” You said.

“What did you mean back then?” He asked cluelessly.

“I'm not seeing anyone! Who does that just after one date anyway? I don't see Bangchan like that, or anyone like that in fact. Because I'm hopelessly in love with YOU!” you blurted out.

“What? It's not hopeless” he said and before you could react, Seungkwan held your face in his hands and slammed his lips onto yours.

“It's not hopeless” Seungkwan said again when he pulled away, with a dumb smile on his face.

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Other Works

My networks: @sandsofire @k-vanity @caratlibrary

#seventeen carat #seventeen scenarios #seventeen fic #seungkwan x reader #seventeen seungkwan #seungkwan

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kin-nit · 5 months ago

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Hollow!! (In sticky note form)

What a jolly, merry, god fearing soul.

[This description was hijacked by Noel, spirit of Christmas.]

#he hasn’t been heard from since #hollowein sans #utmv #undertale au #sans #sans oc #my art #noel sans #holiday sanses

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emerialyncodevenice · 2 years ago

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🤩 My jaw literally DROPPED when I saw these!!!!! 😭 🥰 😭

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVEN MORE ART @andyaura!!! 🎉 ⭐️ 🎉

more fanart of the same scene of the The ripple of a Snowflake fanfic, lmao hiccup’s face when he sees jack 🤨 📸 (sorry that part of the fic is stuck in my head )

it’s more easy to draw his suit than his face jsjsjsjs the first image is a sketch because it was made in a rush and didn’t wanted to post only the second drawing alone xD

| The ripple of a Snowflake by EmerialynCodeVenice and Jack’s armour design by twiafom |

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doevademe · 11 months ago

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Merry Christmas!

As a bit of a reminder, I have been adding a chapter to this story every day as part of @percico-nicercy-events 12 Days of Christmas prompts, and now it's completed!

It's a bit over 10k of Percy and Nico going on an adventure after their first date is hijacked by Aphrodite looking for her missing apple with Christmas around the corner.

Any feedback will be appreciated!

#percico #jacksangelo #12 days of percico #my writing

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jackshiccup · 11 months ago

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#can't stop associating hijack to every love song i listen to it's becoming a serious problem #somebody get these gay ppl out of my head im begging #anyways every1 give it up for GLUE SONG #i've never known someone like u !!!!! tangled in love stuck by u from the glue !!!!!!#(love song of the century btw)#if u know it im sending u cookies #pls don't look too hard i just rly needed to get them out of my system asdaksashjd #*blows kisses to the sky* for hannah and her brushes #hijack #frostcup #jack frost #hiccup #rotg #httyd #my art #jackshiccup art #art #OH AND merry christmas to those who celebrate :)#hijack gift from me to u <3

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sweet-cassi-cd · 2 years ago

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...I've got 5 more nights until you're next to me, 4 more days of being lonely, 3 more wishes I can barely breathe, If I can make it to Christmas Eve then it's ... One more sleep!

A guilty pleasure from Leona Lewis from back in 2013.

So many good songs to choose from at Christmas, some old, some new. I always think that our charts and especially the coveted “Christmas No.1″ here in the uk have been hijacked since the rise of reality programs such as Pop Stars and the Voice. I often refer to The Darkness as being our last “proper” Christmas no.1 one with “Christmas Time (don’t let the bells end”) but that’s just me. :-)

Mini rant over... Here’s some photos from my fab snowy adventure up in the North East. The photos show a few shots from the house and a few very hard earned shots up at the Penshaw Monument close to Sunderland. Honestly, I thought I was going to end the night in A&E making my way up the snow and ice covered hill in my heeled boots and it was even worse on the way down! I made a few other stops along the way but I guess that I can’t post them all.

Hope you all had a Very Merry Christmas and lets hope for a very Happy New Year !!

Cassi Mwah :-)

#sweetcassicd #blondecd #cdblondie #cdblonde

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tongue-like-a-razor · 11 months ago

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Had a random thought while moving my kids Elf on the Shelf…

Imagine the BBF Bradshaw family have their own version of elf on the shelf and they take it in turns doing stupid stuff with the elf to give each other a laugh. Jake decides he’s going to get in on it and leaves it in Baby B’s ensuite with a note that there’s a secret message. She showers and steams the room up and he’s written you’re beautiful on the mirror with a big heart cos we all know that boy is head over heels.

Merry Christmas!

Hahaha aww that’s really adorable! It’s so Jake to hijack their family tradition and cause mischief and I love it 😍 Nobody would be surprised that Jake decided to partake in the fun either because he’s basically family. This is so wholesome and sweet 🥰

#BBF #brother’s best friend fic #asks #lena talks back

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fuckitfireeverything · 11 months ago

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shout out to two christmases ago when I was on week 9 of a 10 week labor strike and at home with my deeply anti-union father and I hijacked the smart speaker to play "merry christmas maggie thatcher" in between every song on his christmas playlist for a week straight

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clarktooncrossing · 11 months ago

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Giraffe's Eye View: Christmas Specials Special (2023) | A Christmas Carol Goes Wrong

Chestnuts are roasting on an open fire. Jack Frost is nipping at your nose. Mom and dad can hardly wait for school to start again. All the dogs in the neighborhood somehow learned to bark Jingle Bells in sync. Yet retail workers are still more annoyed with Mariah Carey. Snow is getting shoveled, tossed, and formed into sentient beings leading parades without permits. It makes for an excellent distraction as the Krampus abducts children for bad behavior. Fruitcake is exchanged only to find its permanent home in the garbage. Terrorists have hijacked the Holiday office party right before your boss can give you a Jelly of the Month Club membership as your bonus. And of course, the Turducken has returned to wreak its fiery vengeance upon an unsuspecting world! If all this doesn’t put you in the Christmas spirit, perhaps these following Holiday specials will!

Greetings people of today and robots of tomorrow! It is I, Santa Clark, your geeky giraffe friend with a deep love of Christmas! My obsession for the yuletide is rivaled only by Maleficent’s hatred for it, which is saying a lot considering she once teamed up with Mad Madam Mim to kidnap the literal Spirit of Christmas. Yes, that really happened. I know this due to my annual pilgrimage to the Island of Misfit Specials, home to obscure or nerdy festive media ranging from movies, TV episodes, and comics. It’s no easy journey. Constantly I find myself confronted by sinister snowmen, genocidal gingerbread men, and worst of all, crappy commercials. Getting stabbed in the foot by a candy-cane wielding cookie is one thing, but I swear I’ve seen that ad for Wilbur’s White Elephant Gift Emporium more times than I’ve seen Miracle on 34th Street! Sometimes at night I catch myself reciting that jingle. Wilbur’s White Elephant Gift Emporium: Where Christmas meets Convenience! Huh, maybe Maleficent had a point.

Nah, my deep-rooted appreciation for this time of year can weather even the most moronic marketing! It helps that most of the merry media I’ve seen have put me in the perfect Holiday mood! Examples include the time a Ninja Turtle found himself trapped in a truck full of stollen toys, a drunk department store Santa stumbling onto a wish-granting magic bag, Big Bird nearly becoming a popsicle, Gwenpool waking up in a world where Galactus took the place of jolly ol’ Saint Nicholas, a terrifying tree stump trying to slaughter some saps over a stupid ship war, and the year when Death gave the Little Match Girl the greatest gift of all. Needless to say, I thought I had seen it all. That is, until I took my friends on a trip to the Island, tasking them to find me new, strange, seasonal specials to review! Some of them were fair, finding me festive favorites as comforting as coco in front of the fireplace. Others were fiendish, wanting to feed off my misery like Gremlins after midnight. Regardless of how naughty or nice my companions were, I’ve compiled all of their suggestions into a makeshift advent calendar! So stay tuned everyday until Christmas to see how badly my buddies can shred what little sanity I have left.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my buddies gave to me...

Freddy Mercury once said the show must go on! It’s a credo that The Cornley Polytechnic Drama Society takes to heart. For better or worse. You can bet your butts that any production they undertake is bound to be a disaster. Actors will be injured, props will be destroyed, the set will randomly combust at least once, and grandmas will get run over by reindeer. Or more accurately, foes of Doctor Who will get run over by elderly aunts. Still, the one thing you can say about a Cornley Drama play? They’re anything but boring! It’s why the Goes Wrong brand of comedy has become so beloved over the last decade. Much like the Simpsons before them, Mischief Theater began entertaining audiences with their own chaotic Christmas capers before airing two bonkers specials on the BBC. Said specials adapted both Peter Pan and A Christmas Carol, my fellow Figment fan Hannah (princessofDisney27) requesting I look at the latter. Thankfully both can be found for free on YouTube so long as you don’t mind ads. Who’s more miserly: Ebeneezer Scrooge or the folks running YouTube? You make the call! In any case, let’s look at A Christmas Carol Goes Wrong to see what they get right.

A lot, obviously. Starting with the fact that these British bozos have hijacked the show. Turns out the channel best known for Fleabag didn’t want these misfits back after botching Peter Pan last year. I don’t see what the big deal is! Just because Peter’s shadow caught on fire, Tinkerbell nearly got electrocuted to death, and Captain Hook hijacked a Teletubby doesn’t mean these talented actors shouldn’t be given a second shot. In case you’re wondering, yes, all that actually happened. Have I mentioned these programmes are insane? This one is no different as the cast try to retell this Charles Dickens classic.

Making up said cast is Chris Bean (Henry Shields), portraying the main miser much to the ire of his louder and larger costar Robert Groves (Henry Lewis). Not contempt with playing the non-speaking Ghost of Christmas Future, the egotistical maniac makes it his mission to completely incapacitate Chris. In the process he falls through the floor in Scrooge’s home, shoots renowned screen actor Derek Jacobi in the neck with a blow dart, smashes a large crate over poor Tiny Tim (Ellie Morris) before assuming the role himself, and generally proves why he’s my favorite member of the ensemble. Seriously, Robert might be the biggest reason my cheeks began hurting from laughter. It’s true what he says, anything you can act he can act LOUDER! Even his phantom persona is loud. Whenever this creep cadaver hits its head on the set you can hear Robert going, “Ow.” By gosh is genius!

Besides the constant bickering between Henry and Henry, Dennis Tyde’s (Jonathan Sayer) Bob Cratchet is frequently forgetting his lines. The recurring gag is used to epic effect here, the nervous nitwit having to utilize the surrounding set to recall his dialogue. His colleagues best hope none of the backdrop is turned around or blocked, otherwise Dennis has no hopes of remembering even the simplest lines. He has no coins in his coin purse or a clue as to what’s going on. Uoy sselb! It’s certainly frustrating for Sandra Wilkinson and her boyfriend Max Bennett, portrayed by then real-life couple Charlie Russel and Dave Hearn. No idea if they’re still together, but it makes for cute on-screen chemistry. Especially when it’s a case of opposites attracting, Sandra the screen-loving Miss Piggy type while Max is a doofus unclear on the concept of ‘fiction’. He at least makes for a great Ghost of Christmas Present despite weeping over a false presumption that his love plans to dump him once the story’s over. Look on the plus side buddy, at least that’s one less gift you have to wrap!

I joke, but honestly all the emotions land perfectly, both humorous and heart-felt. All of these weirdos are way more interesting than Whatsherface from Power Rangers. Blame that on a balance of witty writing and amazing acting. There’s more members of the company I’ve yet to mention who all kill it whenever on screen. Like when Annie Twilloil (Nancy Zamit) gets a prop gun stuck to her hand after an unfortunate glue incident, Jonathan Harris (Greg Tannahill) learning why Jacob Marley hated his chains so much, or technical director Trevor Watson (Rob Falconer) raining pizza down on London before wrecking it like Godzilla! It’s too funny for words, I’M DYING!

However, where it fails is in the actual adaptation part. Like most iterations, the devil’s in the details. Some incarnations fare better than others when streamlining the story. Not so much here, mostly in regards to Scrooge’s visits by the spirits. His past is almost entirely skipped over, sole focus placed on the break up with Belle. Eh, I’m sure his crappy childhood, deceased sister, or first job at Fezziwig’s isn’t important. Luckily they make up for these failings by giving the Cornley cast their own spin on the story. Chris is ready to move on and leave his troupe behind, though not before selfishly stabbing them in the back first. Upon seeing his character’s grave he realizes how selfish he’s been, apologizing to his amigos before finally letting Robert play the part. Rather a clever subversion, actually. Though really, even if you’re like me and are hung up on changes by that, you’ll be too busy busting a gut to notice. Compared to other Christmas Carols this is by far the funniest. Make up your mind Bob, are you gonna give to charity or not? WANG!

Though if your taste for brilliant British comedy isn’t satisfied yet, feast your eyes on The Nativity! In this second season episode of The Goes Wrong Show, the BBC has finally cut funds to these twits, hence why the birth of Christ is sponsored by Brookshaw Corporate Finance. Even Jesus loves cash! Blessed be the writers who thought up this running joke. Later when the Three Wise Men visit Joseph (Hearn) and Mary (Russel) in the manger they’re given gold standard accreditation, frankincense-ible advice on all their financial interests, and low-cost myrrh-gage rates. Badum tish! Fear not; for behold, it’s more than just painful puns. We also have the piano catching fire during a performance of Silent Night, desserts in place of a desert, an idiot innkeeper, nine wise men, John the Baptist, and Robert Grove as the Archangel Gabriel. All I need to say here is: Halo! On top of the cunning comedy, the set design is stupendous! It’s made to look like a pop-up book, pages turning to reveal a new location full of new mistakes to be made. I’d go on about other yuletide offerings by these professional screwups, but really I should save them for future reviews. For now I’ll close the book on the Cornley Drama Society and turn the page to reveal a familiar frog.

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