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viscericorde · 1 month ago

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well here we are at the end of things. as much as i like liveblogging my thoughts, it's also a principle of mine to reserve final judgment until i actually finish a book. so now i think i can safely say that the primary reason why exquisite corpse fails is because andrew compton is such a wet fart of a character.

what i feel like andrew is supposed to be is a sort of catalyzing agent for the book. he is supposed to be the reason that the balance tips and the undoing of the other three major characters happens. of the cast he's the only "foreign element" that enters new orleans, everybody else is a sort of local fixture that people Know, and they also have a kind of cagey on-the-brink-of-exploding tension with each other that just needs One Thing to happen to make it go to shit. andrew is the One Thing. hypothetically.

for reasons i cannot conceive of, he does not in any way interact with any other major character until we are more than 140 pages through this 240 page book. the development of his psychosexual romantic obsession with the other gay necrophile serial killer of the novel is then speedrun in the same chapter they meet, smash cut to the next morning and now we are basically at the end point of the toxic codependency. like hello. hello???? you want me to be invested in this now??

this also kills the progression of serial killer #2, jay's, arc, which ngl in concept i find very interesting. he can only love a corpse--as much as he wants to keep his lovers with him, once he develops an attachment to them, he must kill them. it's practically compulsion. cannibalism, consumption, then becomes the only way he sees he can preserve them ("their meat becomes my meat"). this is until he becomes infatuated with tran, the third main character, and is genuinely conflicted about whether or not he wants to keep him alive. should he be "preserved" by letting him go free, by jay intentionally stopping his pursuit of him and letting their lives diverge? or should he be "preserved" through consumption? hypothetically andrew is the weight that tips the scales in favor of consumption as their mutual codependency grows and jay chooses him over tran. except remember, andrew and jay's relationship has been speedrun, which means that jay's inner conflict about tran has also been speedrun, which means andrew points to tran and says "we're going to kill and eat him jay" and then they immediately begin planning to do that like fuuuuuckkkk dude. god forbid i be invested.

tran is the sort of character who you know is doomed from the start so i wasn't expecting him to get out of the book alive because of the type of story he's in. his personal plot starts by being kicked out of the family home in a sort of mutual "you can't fire me i quit" sort of way, he can't fall back on his long-time boyfriend for support because of a recent breakup, all of his other friendships have atrophied over the years, and his plan A is hoping to exploit jay's obvious attraction to him to crash at his place. the second we meet tran we know he is going to die. but the leadup to that is condensed, like every other pivotal moment in this book, so we do not get the kind of watching-a-train-crash-in-slow-motion suspense that would have made this a more satisfying read. and on a note that's just kind of like, personally sad to me, tran gets p much nothing in terms of an arc. it's not even that it's purposely cut short because of his murder it just feels absent. he is the object of obsession for two separate men, both of which project their own unfulfilled desires and fantasies for how they believe he can bring meaning to their lives, how they can be "saved" by enacting those desires onto him or him accepting their affection, and that just feels like the kind of thing that is begging for some kind of narrative counterpart in tran's arc and there is just a very conspicuous absence. man.

speaking of conspicuous absence, luke, i haven't talked about luke yet. he is main character #4, tran's long-term toxic ex bf, and i hate him in the way that we tend to hate characters that are the type of annoying you feel like you could encounter irl. that part's definitely an intentional character flaw but he still annoys me metatextually too. he is in a similar boat to jay in that conceptually there are things about his arc that i want to like but it just gets so squashed into the last third of the book. he is stuck in the genuinely shitty situation of being a gay man with HIV in the mid-90s, but he simultaneously wallows in his self-destructive habits and bitterly lashes out at everyone in his life. at his core he wants to tear apart the world he believes tore him apart, bring everyone down with him regardless of the cost to himself. when he finally admits that, he then overcompensates and pivots to repairing things with tran--there's the projection i mentioned before, "if i reconcile with him, then our relationship will save me," etc. unironically i love that. he's just trading one form of selfishness for another while thinking he's moving forward, and we as the audience know it's going to crash and burn because we also know that tran is going to die.

but remember we're in the speedrun now so all of this is happening in the last like forty pages of the book so we don't get any time to breathe here because we really needed like twenty pages of andrew fucking around in pubs killing people an entire ocean away back in the first half of the book. him and luke get a confrontation at the end because they are the two who make it out alive. on one level i find this interesting--both of them have had the object of their obsession killed by the other (jay for andrew and tran for luke) and they both have to live with it now. you've staked all your feelings on another person and they've been ripped away. their killer is in front of you but you can't bring yourself to take their life. now both of you walk away knowing that the other one is still out in the world. we don't talk about any of that though. andrew is monologuing about how actually, luke is just like him, and he could have been his equal if he wasn't too pussy to start serial killing, actually. where is this coming from, and why are we focusing on it instead of the objectively more interesting similarities between them instead. i don't know, the book is over now. missed opportunities and frustrating pacing choices: the novel. two and a half out of five.

#textphelia #ophelia reads exquisite corpse #cut because it got lonnnnggg omg #merry christmas by the way

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tthoroughfare · 2 months ago

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happiest season // ellie williams

*･゜ﾟ･* summary: the gang's all back together for christmas! no matter how hectic life gets, you always make time for your end of year outing.

*･゜ﾟ･* pairing: modern!ellie x reader ft. jesse and dina

*･゜ﾟ･* content: sfw. ellie fucking sucks at ice skating

*･゜ﾟ･* length: 2.1k

this fic is a part two to this blurb! i loved writing the dynamic so much i had to continue it... there will be more coming trust. *dutch voice* i have a plan. also i don't even like xmas that much so i have no idea where this came from. just felt right. i hope you all enjoy, and have an amazing festive period with your loved ones <3

gift bag in hand, you wander into the restaurant. there’s cheesy christmas music drifting through the speakers, a tree in the corner, lights everywhere; you immediately spot jesse and dina, the latter waving at you as soon as you enter.

“hey!” she greets when you walk up, standing to put her arms around you. “how are you?”

“good, good,” you reply, one-handedly returning her embrace before leaning down to give jesse a quick hug. “you?”

“good. i mean, life is fucking killing me in general, but y’know.” she sits back down, watching as you place your belongings to the side and shuffle your chair in. “where’s ellie?”

you shrug. “no idea, i haven’t talked to her today. probably isn’t even on her way yet.”

“most likely,” jesse adds, smirking.

“has anyone texted her?” you ask, looking between the two of them.

the couple share a glance, wordlessly confirming before looking back at you.

“uh… no,” jesse states.

“dude.”

you pull your phone out, knowing all too well what ellie’s like. even if she knows she has to be somewhere, she’ll stay up way too late; and if no-one gets in touch with her in the morning, she won’t be up and ready for it.

selecting her contact and calling her, you press your phone to your ear. she surprisingly answers after two rings, clearly walking down the street, wind whipping past the microphone.

“hello?”

“just checking you’re awake.”

“uh, okay, sorry, i’m literally… like, ‘round the corner.”

“hurry up, ‘cause the manager says if all members of the party aren’t here in five minutes we’re getting kicked out,” you deadpan, casting a smirk at your friends.

“very funny.”

you automatically turn your head when you hear the door open, both through your phone and behind you. ellie bustles through it, phone between her ear and shoulder, waving with her free hand before ending the call. she heads over to the table, taking the empty seat beside you. dina looks on, giving her an exaggerated offended stare.

“uh, the fuck, do i not get a hug?”

ellie rolls her eyes with a small smile, gesturing her over. “come here.”

dina happily totters over, leaning over ellie’s chair and wrapping her arms around her shoulders from behind. ellie shifts her hand, giving her forearm a few pats before she pulls away.

“happy?”

“yup.” dina sits back down, budging her chair in before clapping her hands together lightly. “okay. gifts before or after food?”

ellie scoffs lightly at her impatience. “i literally just got here.”

“you want everyone to say before, 'cause you want yours now,” jesse comments fondly, leaning an elbow on the table.

“… correct. but i really don’t mind, whatever you guys wanna do.”

“i don’t mind. we can do it now,” you add.

dina’s eyes flit between each of you mischievously. “can we do it now?”

“let’s do it now,” you confirm with a chuckle, leaning forward and pointing your hand at dina. “you first — your idea.”

she grins, reaching to pick up her gift bag and holding it out to ellie. “i got you.”

ellie takes it from her, smirking lightly as she takes out the tissue paper on top. her expression changes when she sees the first item, eyebrows scrunching and letting out a drawn-out scoff. “bro, what the fuck?”

dina laughs knowingly.

“what is it?” jesse questions, chuckling lightly. she just holds it up in reply, pivoting it back and forth so you can all see, avoiding eye contact with you. it’s a hot pink bullet vibrator.

“y’know… ‘cause you’re gay and stuff,” dina jovially explains, holding her hands up in gesture. ellie just stares at her, blinking slowly and holding back a laugh. “ladies’ll love it.”

“what ladies?” jesse remarks quietly, earning himself a light-hearted tap from ellie’s shoe under the table.

“anyway…” ellie gingerly sets the box down on the table, digging back through the bag. “thank you for that, dina.”

the rest of the gifts are sweet; she’d gotten her a dinosaur mug, her favorite chips, and a band tee. she holds them up in turn for you all to look at, placing everything back in when she’s done and thanking dina.

dina nods in acknowledgement, smiling warmly. you all look at ellie expectantly, who settles into her chair holding a clueless expression on her face.

“it’s your turn,” jesse reminds her after a moment of silence.

“oh, shit, yeah.” she sits back up, picking up her gift bag from the floor and passing it over to you, dragging the action out in amplified suspense. you grin, taking it from her gently. “thank you.”

dipping your hand in, you take out the first item. it’s your favorite scent of candle, one you always had on in your room. you’d never mentioned anything about it to her, but ellie was like that. always quietly noticing.

there’s another, bigger item in there, too. you pull it out the wrong way, turning it around to get a look; it’s a framed painting of your favorite musician.

“oh my god, this is awesome!” you say, looking at ellie. “where did you get this?”

“uh, i didn’t…” she trails off softly, looking down at her hands for a moment. “i made it.”

your eyebrows raise, smile widening. “no fucking way. you painted this?”

there’s a small, coy smile on her face as she nods. “… you like it?”

“you serious? i love it, this is like the coolest thing ever.” you look back at the painting, studying the fine details; it looks like it took her a good while. “thank you so much.”

“wait, i wanna see!” dina chimes in, reaching over the table for it.

jesse leans in as you pass it over, peering over her shoulder. “woah… this is good, ellie. why the hell weren’t you my secret santa?”

ellie tuts playfully, leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms. “you’d have gotten coal.”

the rest of the gift exchange goes ahead, temporarily halted by the waiter coming to take your orders. you got dina; dina got jesse.

the secret santa was a silly tradition you’d upheld over the years. one that became more precious when you left high school, and you and ellie got into a different college as the other two. you still saw each other wherever possible, and had a group chat that was active daily; still, it was hard being away from your closest childhood friends. you found yourself missing just being able to text dina to come pick you up, getting drive-thru and talking shit in her car until the early hours.

every year when you were all home for christmas, you made a point of meeting up. while normally all busy with your own plans, no matter what, you’d always clear your schedule for at least one day.

after the meal, dina announces that she’s booked ice skating — to which ellie lets out a groan.

“why?” she complains, drawing the word out. “you know i’m horrible at it.”

“yeah, why do you think i made the reservation?” dina counters teasingly. ellie just gives her a look.

when you get down there, in the middle of lacing up your skates, ellie flops down next to you to put hers on and lets out a dramatic sigh.

you cast her a sideways glance, smirking fondly. “oh, shut up, it’ll be fun.”

“you don’t understand, i fucking suck.”

“get a penguin,” you respond, chuckling as you finish up, leaning back to wait for her.

she lets out a laugh. “no… embarrassing.”

“plenty of people have them.” you gesture out to the rink.

“yeah, they’re all ten and under.”

rolling your eyes, you train your gaze on dina already out there. she whizzes past fairly gracefully, dragging jesse along. “hold dina’s hand, she’s pretty good.”

“no, she goes too fast. i’d end up eating shit.”

“i think that’s gonna happen either way.”

she sighs lightly, pulling a dejected face as she finishes tying her laces. going to stand, you offer a hand to haul her up, keeping hold of it as you both dodder over to the edge of the rink.

you get on first, a little unsteady; you’re passable at skating, at best. ellie hesitantly places a first foot onto the ice, free hand clinging onto the side as she ungracefully enters fully. one of the skates almost goes out from under her and catapults her flying into the barrier; it nearly takes you out, too, sending you off balance.

failing to hold back from laughing at her, you give her hand a squeeze. “ellie, oh my god.”

“i fuckin’ told you!”

“look, you’ll be fine, just hold onto the side and i’ll, like… drag you.”

“real elegant.”

you raise an eyebrow, jutting your neck slightly forward in gesture. “rather fend for yourself?”

she pauses, sheepishly looking to the left, then back at you. “… no.”

“come on, then.”

it goes about how you expected, moving along at a snail’s pace, ellie practically white-knuckling the barrier. by the time you’ve gotten to the other side of the rink, dina and jesse have passed you twice; on the first, teasingly cackling at you, on the second, calling out, ‘losers’.

you pat ellie’s arm in jest, giggling at the exclamation. “don’t listen to them, they’re mean.”

not long after, you actually come up behind two people slower than you; a young boy and a grandma, trailing around the edge of the rink hand-in-hand. you deal with it for a few minutes, but the thought of being stuck behind them the whole time proves too irritating.

“we’re gonna pass these people,” you mutter to ellie, leaning in. “you’re gonna have to let go, and—“

she cuts you off, shaking her head vehemently. “no, no, no. dude, i can’t.”

“you gotta. literally just let go for like, two seconds, hold onto me while we go around. it’s chill.”

you were wrong — it was not, in fact, chill. essentially the second ellie lets go of the barrier, she panics and wobbles. that, in turn, makes her panic even more, and she completely loses her footing. calling out your name in comical distress, she goes down in a heap, automatically grasping onto the back of your jacket and bringing you down with her.

you crack up after the shock of hitting frigid, wet ice wears off. it seeps through your sleeves and jeans, goosebumps forming. “ellie, what the fuck?”

“i’m sorry,” she laughs along, sitting up and flicking the moisture off of her hands. “i’m so sorry.”

you manage to get over to the side and hoist yourself up. whilst you’re in the process of attempting to get ellie on her feet without being yanked back down, jesse and dina fly past again, cheering dramatically at the sight.

ellie turns to flip them off; the motion destabilizes her, and she topples and lands flat on her ass all over again.

later, when you’ve all hugged and parted ways, you’re in your childhood bedroom winding down when you receive a series of texts from her.

you head over to the corner of your room where you’d dropped your stuff on entry, taking your gifts out of the bag and rechecking. camouflaged against the interior, flat against the bottom, there’s a small envelope addressed to you.

opening it and taking out the folded paper, you can’t hold back from smiling. it’s a letter, decorated with silly stickers.

i just wanted to write you a letter to let you know how much i appreciate you :) i am very lucky to have you in my life and i always look forward to spending time with you even if we’re just hanging out in each other’s rooms and rotting.

i kinda struggle with getting to know people (woah shock) and when i first moved i was so fucking worried i was gonna literally have no friends LOL. but right from the beginning you, jesse and dina made it so easy. don’t tell them this because i'll never hear the end of it, but it was mainly you. you were always going out of your way to talk to me and include me and stuff, and it meant a lot. and at risk of sounding super weird as soon as i saw you, i knew you were going to be an important person to me.

back in school when we were applying to college, honestly i was scared that you were going to end up going somewhere different to me. like to the point i wouldn’t be able to sleep some nights because i’d just be up thinking about it. anyway, i’m so glad it all worked out. wouldn’t wanna do this shit with anyone else <3

love you always

ellie

heading back over to your bed to grab your phone, you text her again, letter sitting at the side of you.

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