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etherealblasphemy · 6 years ago

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Light At The End Of The Tunnel

hmmm, real talk: I hate this chapter with a burning passion because it was so difficult to write, I scrapped what I wrote a camp ‘cause that was trash, and the only reason I bear with this chapter is because it has so many callbacks to past chapters (one exact line is used in a different chapter, too, hint hint).

anywho, onto the story!

TW: Mild language, imprisonment, hallucinations, questioning of sanity (yeah, this one gets kind of dark)

Dark. Cold. Dirty. Sore. Afraid. They didn’t know where they were. They didn’t know how they got there. They didn’t know how to get out. All they knew was pure, unadulterated terror.

They rolled over on their side, clutching their head in pain as a dull pounding suddenly exploded into searing fire overtaking all senses. Whimpering, they gripped their wrists hard enough to leave bruises in an attempt to fight off the swelling nausea rising through their throat. Their breathing was erratic, audible inhales and exhales disrupting the eerie silence. It felt like their lungs were collapsing, like the walls were closing in around them, like they were drowning in their own panic, like they were going to die.

Their vision was slowly clearing, forming walls out of death-mongering shadowmen and cell bars out of spears pointed at their throat. The panic didn’t- couldn’t- subside as they realized they were in a dungeon. Trapped. They ran through a list of enemies who would imprison them upon capture, and felt their heart sink into the deepest pits of Chaos, knowing that no matter who captured them, they all lead back to one person- Draven.

Hard footsteps echoed down the hallway, cold and heartless. They held their breath, willing the slowing steps to hasten their pace and move on. Luck wasn’t on their side; the doom-filled echoes fell silent as a figure cloaked in darkness and deceit emerged in front of them.

“It’s been a while, Pirate.” The deep, smug voice confirmed their fate.

Through the panic, they spat out, “I have a name, Draven. It’s Calrex Going-To-Kick-Your-Ass Bennova.” The sharp, incredulous laugh that followed forced their sharp tongue to fall flat.

“Oh, darling Calrex. I know who you are. For me not to know the being that is you, why, that is unacceptable!” They shivered as a breeze of unknown origin swept through the dingy cell, never breaking the gaze of the lying king. “I’ve waited a long time to be able to speak with you without having a knife at my throat.”

They scoffed. “And why would that be?”

Draven crouched down to be eye level with them, a small smirk on his lips as though he saw them as a child who didn’t fully comprehend what was happening. “You’re so naïve, aren’t you? You know nothing, yet you think you understand every single secret of the universe simply because it sings your praises. You, darling, are exactly what I need. You hold the secret. I know you do. And you’re going to give it to me, darling, because there’s no way out of here, and there never will be unless you give up what I most desire.”

They could hear the fringes of paranoia and obsession borderlining on insanity in his voice. The false ruler had changed since their last encounter in the alley behind Sleeping Stars, even more so since he had first walked into their life. The Draven they knew, the one they could predict like the path of the stars across the heavens, was poised, calculated, and cold. This one was different. This one seemed in control, but was in reality feeling their grip come loose. This one seemed all but a puppet.

And that hardly explained what he meant by “what he most desired.”

Their silence was something Draven apparently didn’t want as a response. He grabbed their ankle by the cell bars and jerked them towards him as they yelped in pain, hot tears springing to their eyes. “Answer me, Blood of Calypso!”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” they replied, their voice missing its usual edge. “What secret? And, the fuck you mean ‘the universe sings my praises’? Thanks to you, I can’t stay more than a week on a planet without someone recognizing me.” Once more, a bitter laugh sliced through the chilly dungeon air like a razor.

“Stupid girl,” he hissed, digging his nails deeper into their skin as they cried out. “I’ll get the secret out of you one way or another.” With that, he turned on his heel, his cape swishing behind him, and stalked away, the tread of his feet nothing more than echoes of a bad dream. They drew their legs close to them, cradling the one Draven’s nails had sunk into as though he was a predator on the verge of making them their prey.

At last, they were left alone in the cold, dark cell. Their eyes shot wide as their breath hitched. “Patton?” they called. “Anxiety? Logan? Roman?” The silence was their only constant. “Guys? Can anybody hear me?” Still no response. “Oh, Calypso, what has Draven done to you all?”

Their eyes opened slowly, as if they didn’t want to confirm they were still here. More of their limbs were sore and covered in bruises from a night of unrest. They let their lids close for half a second, drinking in the peace of sleep before a cough from outside interrupted the slow pace of their heartbeat.

“Unwanted One. I’d never expect to see you here, with all your talk of grandeur and bravery.” They froze, the shivers creeping down their spine not from the cold. Oh, Calypso above, they were screwed. They swallowed the bile rising in their throat.

“And I’d never expect to see you anywhere, with all your stupidity,” they retorted, eyes gaining the jagged edge they were known for. Cato growled, slamming his open palms against the cell bars, sending vibrations through their new housing.

“I wonder if Draven will let me cut out that ever-talking tongue of yours. I’m sure he would,” Cato laughed. They stilled, never to admit to anyone just how truly scared they were. “But that’s not why I’m here, of course. If I can figure out whatever you’re hiding, Draven says you can be my plaything when he’s through with you.”

They felt their heart stop, breath quickening as they fought back the panic setting in. They had come so close to a year without any breakdowns. Old glimpses of an old life flashed through them, each one more nauseating than the last. An old friend whispered hellos, stroking at their mind with long, gnarled fingers that felt like moth balls and oblivion.

“What’s wrong, Unwanted One? You seemed all too willing to talk earlier,” he mocked, reveling in their contorted face as they steadily lost the battle against their demons. They snarled at him as they hyperventilated, soft breaths audible in the unfriendly silence. “Will your friends make you talk?”

Their head snapped up. “W-what are you talking about?” Cato’s cackle reverberated in the lonesome dungeon, foreshadowing the doom that was to come.

He held up his hand, a grainy image appearing out of thin air like the holograms they had seen in Mericon. Their jaw dropped, their body convulsing as if they had been punched as they took in the image of their only friends, clutching each other as if whoever had taken the photo terrified them. Tears spilled down Patton’s face as Anxiety clutched a swelling bruise blooming across his left cheek. Logan’s eyes were blank, devoid of their usual mirth and good-natured sarcasm. Roman stared right into their eyes, wordlessly begging for help.

“What have you done to them?!” they roared, launching themself at the cocky man behind the bars. “Don’t hurt them!” Cato merely chuckled, drawing away into the shadows.

“We haven’t done anything just yet,” he told them. “And we won’t do anything, so long as you tell us exactly everything you know.” They stared at the man, bewildered.

“Knowing you and Draven, you’ll turn your back on your promise and hurt them anyways. My mouth stays shut until you prove you aren’t hurting them and won’t hurt them if I tell you anything,” they snapped. Cato’s head tilted, the low torchlight giving his shadow the appearance of curved horns.

“Too bad. We thought you would cooperate when the livelihoods of your friends are at stake.”

Pain erupted at the base of their head and once more they slumped forward, eyes closing, unsure if they would ever open to see family and happiness again.

They were suspended in the dark, groaning as they gained consciousness. The world around them was black as the void, no light to illuminate the shadows that could very well be nightmares. They forced themself to take deep breaths, easy and steady. They blinked, proving their dull eyes were open and not sewn shut like a doll cursed by the beast.

Their eyes focused on a faraway patch of grey as it grew bigger and lighter, forming a little flickering flame approaching them. Against their will, their lungs took in a rush of air, disrupting the calm of their breathing, running it staccato.

Fire spread through the darkness, an inferno of Chaos racing towards them as they flinched as sparks of white touched their skin. The fire, however, kept its distance from them, encircling them as though they were a noble at the stake. The flames came together, reaching up towards heaven, becoming a figure dancing in the dark like a ballerina.

The figure turned its fiery head towards them, opening its mouth to swallow their misery whole.

“Calrex…” it moaned. “Why did you leave us? Did your own parents not love you enough to make you stay?” The flames calmed, revealing a black-eyed woman underneath. They struggled against the lead in their limbs.

“Mama?” The woman grinned, showing off bloodied teeth. “I didn’t leave you, I promise. I don’t- I don’t know what happened! I only remember the orphanage, I swear. Have you been alive this whole time?” They could feel tears pricking at the back of their eyes, even though they knew the woman they were talking with was not their mother.

“Do you really believe that, you stupid child?” it mocked. “She hasn’t seen the sky in eons. I made sure of that.” They felt a scream of terror rip from their throat as the woman grew taller, distorting into a beast made of lunacy and pain. It seemed to rush at them; they flinched, shutting their eyes as they whimpered.

“Oh, darling, darling, darling,” the beast said, its citrine eyes wide and always watching. “How can you expect to save anybody when you can’t even save yourself?” it asked.

They opened their mouth to answer and found they didn’t know how to.

“Just give up, and everything will be alright,” it promised. A tear slipped down their cheek and they fell limp. The fear was so overwhelming. “Go to sleep, and everything will be fine without you.” They sighed, blinking away tears as they let their eyes slip close. “They don’t need you.”

They were back in the dark void as soon as they fell asleep the next night. Luckily, no-one had come to start discourse, though they felt the loneliness clawing at their back. They’d have to face it sometime.

This time, they could move. They were on their knees, craning their neck to see if they could find anything to tell them where in Chaos they were. They heard footsteps and shut their eyes. They didn’t want to know what disillusion they would see this time.

“Calrex.” They couldn’t help the sharp gasp that left them as they whipped their body around, tears springing to their eyes almost immediately as they saw the crew of the Sanders Yersinia. Their friends.

“Guys,” they breathed in relief. “I thought Draven had done something awful to you. I’m- I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“We know,” Logan snapped briskly. They furrowed their eyebrows, unsure if they had heard him correctly.

“What do you mean, ‘we know?’”

“You’re such a pathetic, spineless wimp it’s not hard to predict whose loyal bitch you’ll become next,” Anxiety spat, scoffing as he smirked, a hand on his hip. They nearly choked as they drew a breath, taken aback by his words.

“Don’t worry, though,” Patton comforted in a voice that sounded sweet yet poisonous all the same, “we’re fine without you.” The image of them flickered for a fraction of a second, something eldritch replacing them for that moment.

“What are you talking about?” they asked, the tears in their eyes no longer of relief.

“You know what we’re talking about, Calrex,” Patton told them, his eyes cold and emotionless.

“We’re simply projections of your mind,” Logan explained sullenly. “That said, we can only speak what you already know yourself.”

“And when we say we’re fine without you,” Anxiety added.

“It means you know you have no place our ranks,” Roman finished. “We’ve been travelling together for years now and we’ve been fine. So why should anything change when you decide to walk in our lives like it’s no big deal?” They clapped a hand over their mouth, muffling a whine.

“You mean nothing to us, Cal.” They stared at Logan, refusing to believe his words. “So give up.”

“Besides,” Roman interjected, “you’ll be doing us a favor.”

“...what?”

“You told us yourself, you’re the one Draven’s hunting down with, oh, what was it? Ah, yes. ‘Every resource he has.’ You’re a threat to us. Now that he has you, he’ll leave us alone. Isn’t that what you want? For us to be safe?”

“Well- well, of course I want you guys to be safe, but…” They swallowed thickly. “...I don’t want to lose the only family I have…”

Patton burst out laughing, shaking his head. He doubled over, clutching his stomach as he cackled. He stilled, standing suddenly, his eyes now golden. “Stupid child. You have no family. We’re certainly not it.” They choked back another sob.

“If you really do love us, Calrex, you’ll stay far, far away, and give up. We don’t need you,” Anxiety assured them. A third sob wrangled its way out of their throat.

The tears in their eyes overflowed, streaming down their face, leaving heartbreak and a headache as their friends faded away. They were all alone. Sob after sob bubbled up as they wallowed in despondency and despair. All they could do was whisper the myth of Calypso, and hope they would fall asleep soon.

“Dear little Pirate, whatever has you so troubled?” They cringed at the sound of Draven’s voice, wiping away the dried tears on their face. “Could it be a nightmare?” They kept their mouth shut, clinging to the ratty blanket they had been given as if it was all they had left in their miserable life.

“I wonder what your friends will think of you when they see you looking so glum?” A painful pang shot through their heart as they bit down on the blanket, determined to not cry.

Still, they could help but voice the worry growing deep inside them. “What if they don’t come back?” they asked, quiet and meek and not at all what Draven had been expecting. As he recovered from shock, a grin full of nothing but wickedness spread across his face. “They’ve survived- fuck, they’ve thrived for years without me. I’m not important to them. I’m just a charity case, and a dangerous one at that. If they know what’s best for them, they’ll be clear across the universe while they still have the chance.”

“Now, Calrex, do you really believe that?” Draven prodded, his voice full of glee and trickery. The Janus-faced king watched them carefully, analyzing what his next move should be.

“What if they don’t come back?” they repeated, lying limp on the dirty stone floor of the Vasryian dungeon. “What if they don’t come back?”

Draven’s smirk grew wider. They were ready.

He led them through a torrent of passageways decked with long windows, the sunlight blinding them from days without any hope at all. “Just follow me, and everything will be alright,” he swore. They let him lead them like some stable horse, dazed and eyes unseeing.

“Blood of Calypso, don’t His whispers conquer you. Stay strong, and prosper.” They inhaled audibly, turning around, expecting to see someone right behind them, whispering in their ear. There was nobody. They felt their mind break just a little more, unsure what was reality and what was a well-dressed lie. “Believe in your Generals. They’ll come.”

They shook their head as Draven hurried them along. They reached a pair of grand, elaborately carved door; two guards standing sentry- they recognized them from the Treasury- opened the door to reveal a massive throne room, a rich red carpet leading to the ebony seat of power. As they passed by one of the guards, he took their hand, shaking it firmly.

“It is an honor to meet you, Blood of Calypso.” They felt something in their hand as they pulled away. Draven took the lead once more as they blindly tailed after, discreetly unfolding the crumpled piece of paper.

“Don’t let Draven’s lies get to you. Me, Dominic, and Jamahl can get you out of here,” it read. They froze, covering their tracks with a stumble as they shoved the scrap into their mouth, swallowing. Draven grumbled as he yanked them to the center of the room, where a circle had been drawn in chalk. Inside, a diamond had been traced, a perfectly straight line cutting it horizontally in half. At each point of the diamond, a golden candle had been placed and lit. Around the circumference of the chalk circle were meaningless squiggles they assumed translated into the Vasryian language.

They slowed their pace as Draven began speaking. “Oh, you’ll be a most exquisite test subject. Terrence!” The guard who had shook their hand ran in, saluting as he stopped dead. “Go get the ragar,” he ordered. Their heart skipped a beat. Oh, Calypso, they were going to battle a monster to the death! Draven, meanwhile, hummed happily as his eyes met theirs “Stand in the center of the circle, darling.” They had no choice but to comply.

They waited for the guard named Terrence to return. He came back, not dragging a beast with him, but holding a vial. Inside, clouds of yellow and green mixed together in some toxic fashion. They gulped.

Terrence delivered the vial to the noble, backing away as quickly as was polite, shutting the doors behind him. Draven studied the gases inside for a long time, examining each and every inch of the glass bottle. His eyes glanced up at them, still as a statue in the circle. “Would you like to test it out, my little Pirate?” They sighed, thinking back to the nightmare reality that had confronted them the night before.

“...If it means the safety of my friends… yes.” Draven smirked wickedly.

“This ought to be interesting.” He turned the vial over in his palm, scrutinizing for one final moment before throwing it up in the air. They watched as it fell in slow motion, arching up from Draven’s outstretched hand, falling down towards them. They threw their hands above them as time sped up again, the bottle crashing on the floor.

Nothing seemed to happen immediately. The gases leaked out of the broken vial, seeping into the air. It smelled like smoke. Still nothing happened.

They relaxed their arms, staring down Draven as they sneezed twice. Their arms fell limp. Draven’s eyes bored into their soul, surveying them and the gases that seemed to disappear as soon as they reached the border of the circle. “Shall we test it out?” he asked, lowering himself onto the throne, crossing his legs nonchalantly. They tilted their head, their mind filling with haze.

“What are you-” They sneezed again, relaxing further, as though they were a marionette controlled by strings.

“Tell me what happened when you and my bastard nephew, and those… inferior creatures broke into the Treasury,” the disingenuous king demanded. Their mouth opened against their will. It was like they were seeing through someone else’s eyes, all but a spectator. They couldn’t control their body.

“We broke in through the kitchen, and used the passageways behind the walls to get to the Treasury. We split up; I was alone, Patton and Logan went off; and Roman and Anxiety were together,” they said monotonously. Trapped inside their mind, they cursed, thinking ahead in the story. If they didn’t stop now, they would reveal the identities of the guards who had helped them. Who knew what Draven would do to them?

“What happened next?”

“I found strange stone that intrigued me. I ended up spending more time than necessary looking at it. Roman and Anxiety stole the Halo Sword, and we-” They were cut off by Draven’s furious roar.

They were breathing heavily, trying their best to keep their mouth shut. They had to protect those guards. “They have the Halo Sword?” he muttered to himself, running a hand through his perfect hair. “What else happened?”

Their mouth opened, ready to give away the true identity of the three guards. I won’t let them get hurt. I won’t talk. I won’t talk. I won’t talk.

“Answer me,” Draven ordered, his eyes full of rage. A bead of sweat made its way down their temple as they struggled to keep silent. “I said answer me!”

I will not talk. I will not talk. I will not talk. They let out a cry as they fell to their knees, eyes glowing as silver as Calypo’s. “The beast does not control me!” they screamed, throwing their head towards the heavens as the walls shook.

A blue beam of energy shot through one of the walls, ripping through a tapestry of the mendacious king and his citrine eyes. They lay on the floor, their lungs convulsing as spasms tore through their body. Stones began to fall, creating a gaping hole in the wall. Draven howled obscenities as he commanded the guards outside to help. They came in, running for them.

“Run. Flee to Legion, on Honua. Find the one called Wonderling. You shall be safe,” they whispered to the guards in their daze, only half-aware of what was going on. The guard Terrence nodded, grabbing his friend and racing for the damaged wall, using the friendly fire to protect themselves from Draven.

“I should have killed you in that putrid alley when I had the chance! At least then you’d rot with your kind!” he raged, stalking towards them, his cape fluttering wildly about. He hissed as his form slowly changed to that of a serpent looming over them. They blinked, and suddenly they were back in the orphanage all those years ago, terrified by their tormentors and Cato’s serpent form sliding towards them. Their eyes opened and they were back in the throne room.

They curled in on themself, ready for all this to be over.

Someone was shaking them, telling them everything was going to be okay, they just had to get on their feet and they’d be back on the ship in no time. They drowsily pushed themself off the ground as the person jerked them to them, pulling them out of reach of Draven’s lunge as he spat venom at them. “Let’s go, Cal.”

They mindlessly followed the voice. “Mama?” they murmured. The person didn’t hear them.

They were led onto the ramp of a ship as someone kept firing into the throne room. “Just follow my voice, Cal. That’s it. You’re going to be okay. Kiddos, let’s get this thing airborne!” Patton.

Oh, Calypso, Patton. The thought of last night crowded their mind and they stopped, staring blankly at the floor. “Cal?” Patton was asking. “It’s alright, just keep walking. One foot in front of the other. Good. You’re doing great, kiddo,” he instructed as they followed his directions. They were free of the fog and fear in their mind long enough to realize they were headed for the med bay.

Patton unhesitantly unlocked the doors and ushered them to a nearby cot, where they all but collapsed on it, letting their eyes shut. They jacked their knees up against them, wincing as their sore muscles cried out in pain. Patton soothed them, sitting on the floor and holding their hand, squeezing it reassuringly. “It’s going to be okay, Cal. It’s going to be okay.”

They felt the ship rock as it rose into the air. Patton gave them a small smile, reassuring them that everything was going to be okay. They let him believe it.

As soon as they felt the ship level out, Roman’s voice came over the intercom, telling them he and the others would be there in a minute. True to his word, the doors opened half a minute later, Anxiety being the first one to rush through and go to Cal’s bedside and they curled in further on themself.

“Cal. You’re- you’re okay, right?” he wheezed, panting. Roman appeared behind him, squeezing his shoulder comfortingly. “Draven didn’t hurt you?”

They didn’t know how to explain what had happened. On one hand, they knew it had been nothing but an illusion, a hallucination, but on the other hand, it had been too real to be just a vision. There was truth in it, they believed. Logan took notice of their silence.

“Calrex, are we behaving too overbearingly?” Their eyes widened, fearful, and they rapidly shook their head. “If you have any concerns, please, voice them.” Their eyes fluttered about like an ave, searching for the strength to tell them they had to leave or risk putting them in danger yet again. They were scared of the aftermath that would follow.

“...I’m sorry,” they whispered, the back of their throat burning as bitter tears leaked from their multicolored eyes. The others pulled back in shock. “I saw the truth in the dungeon. You guys are fine without me.”

The silence that followed was unbearable. “Calrex, what are you talking about?” Logan inquired incredulously. They shut their eyes, tiny tears escaping from underneath their lashes.

They wanted to not say anything and just disappear, or perhaps sleep forever. But they at least owed their friends an answer. “I’m so sorry. I never should have stayed. I’ve only put you all in danger. I know you all hate me, so you don’t have to hide it. I’ll leave whenever you want me to, just like you told me to.” They focused on the floor, knowing their faces beheld unwanted pity.

“Cal… do you really believe that?” Roman gently asked in disbelief.

“...yes.”

“Cal, you’re wrong. We love you very much; you’re like a sibling to me!” he said. “We rescued you because we care about you.”

“I don’t know what Draven did to you,” Anxiety cut in, “but we’re going to fix it. We’re going to help you get better.”

“Indeed. Though my word may not amount to much, being a robot that cannot replicate emotions and such, I do care for you, Calrex. These past few weeks have been extraordinary, thanks to you,” Logan added sincerely. All eyes turned to Patton, who was fighting back tears.

“You’re like a child to me, Cal,” he began. “I love you so much, don’t ever forget that. I would do anything if it meant your safety.”

“You’re lying,” they said weakly.

“No, we’re not, and we’ll prove it to you. Every day, we’ll prove it until you believe that you, truly, are our best friend,” he finished.

They wanted to believe him, they did, but this was something they had harbored since the beginning, only fully manifested by the loneliness of the dungeon. Patton, Anxiety, Logan, and Roman had nothing to prove to them, nothing to convince them of.

“I promise you, Cal, we’re not leaving you,” Patton swore as they let out a sob.

“That’s what Cassie said, and look where she is now!” they yelled as they threw the cot’s blanket over them, hoping to drown out the world that never stop kicking them into the mud, even when they had just regained their bearings. “Everyone always leaves me. Just go now. I’ll be doing you all a favor.”

They felt the tears begin crawling down their face, silent and miserable. They heard footsteps leaving the room. There. They were leaving, just like they should. Their heart cracked just a little further.

“It’s just you and me Cal. You can talk all you want.” A rush of air filled their lungs. Patton hadn’t left. There was still hope for them. “I’m not leaving you until you’re better, got that, kiddo?” He squeezed their hand once more, still cupped in his own. “It’s going to be okay. No matter how long it takes, me and the others will stick by your side. We’ll get through this, we just have to take it one step at a time.”

They turned their head, able to see his sad smile from under the blanket. They dared to pull the blanket back from their head, offering Patton a ghost of a smile. He returned the smile, feeling his heart swell with hope. It was a start.

“Remember, Cal, there’s always light at the end of the tunnel.”

yeeet

Thank you guys so much for taking the time out of your day to read Starbound! It means so much to me that people, if only a few, actually enjoy the trash I call my writing, haha.

This one was kind of dark, so the next one will be a bit of a breather (there’s still some plot, don’t worry). Luckily, this one’s already been written, as it’s been planned out for a while now. It might be up soon as Wednesday, but knowing me I’m going to forget to upload it. You won’t have to wait two weeks, though :)

Tag List woot woOT:

@asofterfan

@alix-the-skeleton

@hufflepuffsscrewdriver

@v-blue-writer

@sanderssidesstuff

thank you guys for reading!

#Sanders Sides #Sanders Sides AU #Sci-fi AU #My AU #sci-fi #Calrex the Pirate #Roman Sanders #Virgil Sanders #Patton Sanders #Logan Sanders #Deceit Sanders #Starbound #we got some action now #tw: sanity questioning #tw: language #haha I love metaphors

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