#mentally it is 3am for me

[metashard]

Rick Sanchez Imotekh arranged marriage Orizyn crackplot seed bulb (469 words (nice))

Orikan felt his shoulders lock in place as Imotekh took one pauldron in each hand and twisted the cryptek to face him. There was something intense in the phaeron's oculars, as though each were a lantern whose shutter had been flung back to reveal the fire within.

“Orikan,” he rumbled, “we are three quadrillion dollars in debt, Orikan. I need you to- I need you to marry that man. I have seen Gheden, and read of the wonders of Solemnace - he's loaded.”

“My phaeron, does our economy really-”

“The Mephrit are sending a delegation. They know that they cannot best me in outright battle, so now they're planning on burying me in contract law.” His grip tightened. Orikan tried not to flinch as he felt the outer layers of his necrodermis crackle under the strain. “Half a quadrillion of that debt is supposed to be for crypteks based in their systems. They’re going to kill me with lawyers if I can’t get them that money. I already had to deal with one set of bad knees, Orikan, I can’t have them busting these too!”

Some of Orikan’s typical irritation began to leak through his fear. “Well, what do you want me to do about it? Steal from him?”

“Dead gods, no, not more legal charges. I want you to marry him for the cash.” Imotekh pulled Orikan close then, and gestured to the horizon with his Gauntlet of Fire. “Think about it, Orikan. Just spend a few years on Solemnace-”

“Years?!”

“- siphon off a bit of moolah, get treated like royalty - oh, don't give me that look, I've seen the two of you in a room together. Make it look believable, usual political marriage slop. I’ll work on getting us cozied up to Krispekh on my side, then boom, you get to divorce him and run back here with the alimony. You can even make the breakup as ugly as you want. All you have to do is play nice and get pampered for a few years.”

“One of us will kill the other within a decan.”

“You couldn't kill each other with ten thousand years of close contact. Forgive me for not believing you for a damn second. Anyway, your ship should be ready to leave in two days.”

Orikan's vocal actuator caught in a series of blurts and sputters as he repeatedly failed to settle on what to say. Finally, “You’re pimping me out?!”

“Hey now, it's called a marriage of state when royals do it. And I neither expect nor ask you to fuck the man,” another burst of static from Orikan, “just avoid killing him until I can angle this whole thing into a decent deal with his phaeron. Sound good?”

“No?!”

“Too bad!” Imotekh finally released Orikan's shoulder with a squeal of metal on metal. “I'll send the wraiths to help you pack. Have fun!”

[dizzybizz]

"this is regrettably the best kiss of your life, you understand?"

[yikes-ajax]

I dont have a clever and witty sarcastic comment tonight, I just think she's cute

[quiet-admirer]

Fat men who rest their bellies on the counter to lean close enough to the mirror to apply their eyeliner.

Fat men in mesh shirts that show off their decadent fat rolls and overhangs and folds.

Fat men who DIY their own fan merch if the band doesn't sell t-shirts large enough to fit them. Who need extra-long boot laces to accommodate their wide calves. 

Fat men whose all- or part-shaved heads reveal those cute rolls and wrinkles at the backs of their heads.

Fat men who let you paint their toenails black to match their fingernails because it's hard to reach around their belly.

Who let you wear their big cozy jackets when they get too hot at the show, and who'll rest at the back of the venue with you when their feet get tired.

Fat men who are a solid, sturdy presence at the edge of a push pit. And whose bellies shake and wobble deliciously when they two-step 😊

[hellomagicalsouls]

having comfort characters that aren't comfortable sucks. like what do you mean you got kidnapped and your family didn't notice and you got stuck in vietnam and watched the love of your life die.

well shit, i can't complain about anything ever again.

[themaymoth]

MDZS x TMA AU

Statement of Wen Qing regarding her time employed as Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, her meeting with a man who reeked of death and his silent partner, her involvement with three college kids searching for supernatural ocurrences, her suspicious boss and her multiple attempts to stop the apocalypse. Statement begins.

this au just lives rent free in my head, the magnus archives is already my favorite podcast now you're telling me i get to chuck mdzs characters in there and give them shiny new traumas??? well don't mind if i do.

also the people on twitter who were so lovely, made fanart and even a whole fanfic out of it really didn't help me control this obssession, this is your fault (you know who you are and i wanna squish your cheeks).

the process of making this has been pretty fun even if you count the time my pc broke down and just deleted all the drawings i was working on for weeks and i had to simply accept my fate and cry.

anyway i'll be creating the storyline and drawing as i go along, if you think it's messy.... noooo no it isn't, look away.

Statement ends.

[jester-w-n0n4m3]

I'm so freaking tempted to make an ultrakill oc that's basically the apostate of heartbreak (the idea is from a quiz about "what apostate of something something are you?" Idk the name)

[sehtoast]

me: MY HAIRLINE IS RECEDING OH NO OH FUCK

also me: full time student (worth noting i wrote stupid here at first without realizing), 20-30 hours in customer service every week, teaching myself 3/4 classes, teaching myself advanced algebra with a teacher (basically just a proctor) who shuts down any/all asks for help, juggling college financial woes, navigating dying relationships/people abandoning and/or attacking me bc i don't have time for things i used to anymore, none of my hobbies are making me happy when and if i have time for them,, i have no time for myself, i'm on my second all-nighter this week, i'm perpetually exhausted in a way sleep isn't fixing, my body aches because i'm so tired, and i'm barely able to stay asleep when i do get the chance bc the anxiety wakes me up

my hairline: two hops this time!

[plxnovak]

[disabirbity]

People are disability advocates and say disabled rights until your disability really is disabling. Please just say you only care about disabilities when you think they're aesthetic and move on.

[dogtiber]

smoosh

[sunno-needs-to-go-outside]

I love silly little kids shows where the characters are actual toddlers or kids who actually act like kids and aren't forced to be mature they can just be silly and use their imaginations and play pretend in their respective outside settings

[rustycottoncandy]

I somehow made it through the school day running on one hour of sleep

[koiguitars]

it deeply agonizes me that the speak now elements of the manuscript are never discussed in favor of the atw of it all..... like i just. "in the age of him she wished she was 30 and made coffee every morning in a french press" vs "someday when we're older, this is something we'll laugh about over coffee every morning while you're watching the news," "now and then she rereads the manuscript of the entire torrid affair" vs "i used to think one day i'd tell the story of us," "afterwards she only ate kids cereal and couldn't sleep unless it was in her mother's bed" vs never grow up exploring the idea of moving out for the first time & how she couldn't be sleeping in her mother's bed if she was already moved out (also robin being the last song before the manuscript already creating this mental connection)..... please im insane

[mozart-the-meerkitten]

Watching people freak out over the Percy Jackson tv show and talk about what they liked/didn't like and what the writers kept and left out of the show is really giving me perspective on what a rabid and insane Wingfeather Saga fan I am because they sound like me whenever I start talking about it. All of them. The good, the bad and the ugly, I am all of these reactions and more. I am insane, totally obsessed, hyperfixated, and overly paranoid. Possibly deranged.

On the other hand, listening to all these people rant and rave (in good and bad ways) about the show is making me feel much more normal about my Wingfeather obsession. xD