#she leaves at 3am today and I gotta get up to take her to the bus station

[dogtiber]

smoosh

[n1k1tty]

kiss me ! part 2

“hawaii!” niki yells, throwing as fist in the air as he enters the van “riki, it’s 3am in the morning, please shut up” jay retorts, going back to sleep as he leans on the window

as if it was almost planned, you and jake sat beside each other at the furthest seat. it was complicated, you didn’t know if you were comfortable or not, you felt tense, afraid of jake’s teasing if you touch him even the slightest. yet you also didn’t want to leave your seat.

you let out a huff, trying to find a position where you could comfortably sleep in. you were spooked at the sudden hand that leans your head on their shoulders “you can sleep on my shoulders, it’s alright” jake chuckles, already drifting to sleep the second after he did that “thanks” you mumble, easing into his warmth.

you laugh a little at his aching figure “this is funny to you? after i’ve been so kind to let you sleep on my shoulder?” he pouts “i deserve a long massage during our flight” he jokes, continuing to carry your bags.

dumbfounded by the fact that you stayed with him, giving him a glance filled with guilt “y/n seriously, i’m fine. it’ll go away sooner or later” he reassures you, his heart exploding at the sight of you with glimmering eyes, feeling the guilt you expressed them with.

“what do you wanna eat for breakfast?” you mumble, taking the luggage cart from his grasp. he laughs at your attempt to make him feel better “sorry? didnt quite hear that well” he teases, making you give him a glare, almost forgetting that he was ‘injured’ you raise your hand to almost give him a punch “good thing you’re hurting or i would’ve punched your ass back to australia” you roll your eyes “you heard what i said!” eyebrows frowning as you look away “alright alright, i’m fine with coffee really—” he lets out a breathy chuckle, dragging his feet as he follows you around “—nonsense! breakfast is important. don’t give me that type of bullshit sim” you cut him off, stopping by a little restaurant as you tell the other members to go ahead “im getting you pancakes. better finish it or you’re not living to see another day”

he laughs “this is quite a unique way to care for someone don’t you think” you roll your eyes "eat the damn pancakes sim jaeyun"

"yas ma'am"

--

after everyone had met up, you all started finding your seats. you were bewildered, somehow, because now you found yourself wanting to switch seats with sunghoon for obvious reasons. but of course, you --again, didn't have the guts to do so.

a few hours into the flight and a few glances from jake here and there, you received a message

jake :):

hey pretty girl, do me a favour and go to the washroom behind you

you:

and why exactly?

jake :):

no questions asked. i just miss you ;)

you swore you wanted to jump off the plane. pretty girl?! he misses me?!. you feel the heat creeping up in your face as you asked jungwon "hey, could you get up of a sec. i gotta go to the washroom" you whisper, mumbling a small 'thank you' before you walked to the washroom.

you felt a hand pull you "hey" he giggles, arms wrapped around your waist "you scared me! i thought i was getting abducted" you slap his shoulder. although you would be lying if you said you didn't want to just grab him and kiss him right at this moment.

he looked so good with his button up shirt, showing off his collar bones, neck wearing the beaded necklace you made for him during the summer and your birthstone necklace. his hair was messy, and you couldn't deny how hot he looked with his glasses on.

"you should consider buttoning up" you hesitantly say, looking anywhere but his eyes. of course he catches on to your intentions, but he felt like pissing you off "why? i'm showing off your necklace" he giggles "i even bought your birthstone" he grabs the necklace with his thumb, making you roll your eyes as you cross your arms, making sim jaeyun giggle.

he places his hand under your chin, finally letting you looking at him "switch seats with sunghoon please. i don't think i like the sight of you sleeping on jungwon's shoulders" now it was your time to piss him off.

"why?" you pout, "his shoulders are so comfortable, and we don't want your shoulders aching again now do we?" you give him a slight smile, well it wasn't like you weren't planning to switch with sunghoon way before the flight even started anyway.

jake rolls his eyes "that leaves you no choice--"

"can y'all hurry up? i'll switch with you y/n gosh! just let me pee!" sunghoon bangs on the door, making jake laugh "well that was easy"

--

oh how you regret changing seats.

because now you get to fully witness the flight attendants obviously flirting with him.

"good morning sir" she annoyingly giggles, biting her lip as she leans in way too close. jake leans back, letting out a small laugh out of politeness "hi, yeah i'd like..." he orders his food while you glare at the girl who's been displeasingly close to him "what can i get for you ma'am?"

"oh my girlfriend would like the same thing" jake interrupts, giving you a sly wink after placing his hand on top of yours. you let out a small scoff after seeing the disappointed look on the girl as she hands you the food. your skips a beat. girlfriend? you thought

now he was starting to piss you off. he was doing everything but ask you out. and with every ounce of pride you had in your soul, you hated to admit that you were starting to get really impatient. were you not obvious about your feelings? was the handmade necklace and the concern you have for him not obvious enough?

"ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Hawaii" the pilot announces, after you got your hand carry, you didn't even bother waiting for jake. immediately walking out of the plane, causing him to tilt his head out of confusion.

he didn't get a chance to talk to you, i mean, how could he when you would immediately start walking away from him whenever he tried to walk towards you.

as you sat beside jay in the tour bus, he gives you a weird look "why are you here" you give him a lost look "can i not...?" that's when he knew something happened between you and jake "y/n if this is because of jake--" you place your hand on his mouth, leaning way too close. but luck wasn't on your side today, because jake saw.

"shut up please! and yes! it is about him. so please spare me and let me sit here for the meantime" jay chuckles, "jake's going to kill me for this" he mumbles, leaning back to the chair "what?"

"nothing" he gives you a grin

--

after you guys arrived to jay's beach house you immediately grab your bag before jake could help you

"alright riki and sunoo are sharing a room, jungwon and heeseung are sharing, and...." jay looks at you, sunghoon and jake, not knowing what to do "you three figure it out. i'm just letting you know one gets to have their own room" jay starts to head to his own room, shrugging his shoulders as he walks past you with widened eyes.

"we already know what's about to happen. i'm getting my own room-"

"no!" you yell

"yes!" jake yells in unison,

"well......" sunghoon stood there, waiting for the both of you to talk "well, i just think i should get the room since you know-- i'm a girl and-- you and jake are best friends so you should be roommates" you explain, giving sunghoon an awkward smile "yeah sure whatever- ow!" jake hits sunghoon in the arm "you idiot! take the goddamn room!" jake grits through his teeth "you know what y/n! i change my mind. i uh, i think im going to take the room"

"why?!" you whisper with a harsh tone. poor sunghoon "IM GOING TO JERK OFF OR SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW" he yells, although he regrets it after the maids give him a weird look "ayo what?" heeseung peaks through the door "nothing! i didn't mean that. just --ugh! i'm heading out" he grabs his luggage, stomping through the hallways as he walks to the room. leaving you with jake.

--

you were about to have a mental breakdown "jay! you're seriously not helping me at all!" you give him a shove "ow! you need to control your strength sometimes! and i'm sorry okay? i just panicked, and i think you and jake being roommates wouldn't be a mistake. it's better to fix your problems instead of just sweeping it under the rug. you can't avoid him forever y/n" he was right. and you knew that. but you couldn't bring yourself to tell jake what was bothering you. even the thought of it was embarrassing, because what if he wasn't even intending to date you at all?

you walk back to the room, hesitating whether you should open it or not. but after hearing no noise, you open the door "AH OH MY GOD SORRY--" there you saw a shirtless jake, hair wet and his glasses having a few drops of water from his hair. he grabs your hand before you could walk out again "y/n, please talk to me" he places his hands on both sides of your shoulders "did i do something wrong? whatever it is, i'm really sorry" he panics, slightly pouting at the silent treatment you gave him "jake i-"

"dinners ready!" riki barges in, freezing at the sight of you two "oh- hey! riki, let's go!" you grab his arm, walking towards the dining room "please don't mention it" you whisper, sitting in between riki and jay.

jake later follows, now in his grey shirt and the checkered pajamas he wore earlier, he gives you a small smile before sitting next to heeseung.

"so, sunghoon. did you have fun?" heeseung teases

"shut up!"

--

"this wasn't going as planned anymore!" jake groans, he was currently in jay's room, ranting his frustrations out while jay listened. when jake had heard about the trip to hawaii, he originally planned to confess when you guys went to the party, it's not like the party had already happened, but it was already tomorrow "i already apologized, yet she still wouldn't speak"

"do you even know why she's mad?" jay asked, leaning on the bad with his arms as he watched jake pacing around his room "...no?"

"jake sim you idiot"

it was 1 am in the morning and you finally finished playing games with riki and heeseung. you were hesitating to open the door once again. afraid of letting the incident happen once more. you knock lightly, hoping that he was there and you could finally make up

but before you could open the door, jake already opened it. immediately embracing you "please talk to me" he whispers gently in your ear. you couldn't help but burst out crying, causing him to panic, he caresses your hair "let's go for a walk yeah?" he grabs your wrist, his touch so gentle as if you were fragile.

he wipes your tears as you walk along the shore "i missed you. you know?" he holds your hand as you both drag your feet along the sand. you hit him on his shoulder "ow!"

"that's what you get!" you sniffle, looking at the reflection of the moon on the sea "what did i do?" he chuckles, searching for your eyes. he tilts his head when you don't respond "hello?"

"cause! you always flirt with me, calling me your girlfriend and hugging me! i hate it! i hate it because my heart always skips a beat every time and i always expect you to ask me out soon yet you never do!" you yell, your skin was glowing under the moonlight. jake was in awe the moment he saw your glistening eyes that had tears threatening to fall.

he had the sudden urge to kiss you and tell you how he felt.

and he did. because jake was a man who never doubted his feelings when it came to you.

he pulls you by the waist, causing you to let out a yelp. his lips touches yours, and it stayed like that for a while, to make up for the moments he wasted without you this whole vacation. you wrap your hands around his neck, playing with his hair

"can i be your boyfriend?" he cheekily says, his smile making you smile as well "suck my ass. sim jaeyun. yes, i'd love for you to be my boyfriend"

"i'd gladly suck your a--"

"sim jaeyun!"

--

[bonus bcs i haven't posted in a while]

it was the morning of the party, you were in jake's arms "finally you're awake! good morning!" he excitedly says, peppering you with kisses "the guys are in the pool so get changed" he informs you, smacking your ass as soon as you got up "getting too comfortable for our first day aren't we?" you tilt your head, giving him a smirk "can't help it" he send a wink your way.

as soon as you got out in your swimsuit, jake's mouth drops "do a little turn for me" he smirks, twirling you around as he hypes you up "holy shit! i'm so lucky aren't i" he checks you out, earning a smack from you "ow! alright but i'm not letting them check you out like that! wear my shirt"

(he didn't let you go from the jacuzzi after heeseung hyped you up lol)

--

[party]

you told jake to go ahead, wanting to surprise him with the dress you bought.

after arriving to the party jake almost dropped the drink he had in his hand after he saw you. he was smiling so hard when the little girl put a Lei (flower neck lace) on you. he felt so proud when the other men at the party look at you giving him a hug

"that's right, she's mine" he thought

after you walked to wards him he grabs you by the waist "you look so pretty in red" he says, hugging you tightly "is that so?" you ask, giving him a chaste kiss on the lips, making him all giddy

--

part 1

taglist: @zylenes @hwalllllllelujah @theskzvibe

HI GUYS :D. i will be posting the visuals for this fic so pls wait :)

[let-them-read-fics]

I’ve Got You

Requested by Anon: “Could I request a jennie scenario where her girlfriend is scared of water / swimming and jen calms her down like reader did in your ‘safe with me’ work?”

Pairing: Jennie x Fem!Reader

Word Count: ~ 3,626

Warnings / Misc. -- Some Angst, PTSD / Flashbacks, Anxiety, Crying, Fluff, Happy Ending

Disclaimer: This writing is a work of fiction, and no disrespect is meant for those mentioned herein.

A/N: To the anon who requested this: thank you so much! I wrote it all in one go (at like 3am, mind you), and I had a blast with it. I took it a little more on the angsty side, but I really hope you guys enjoy it. Happy reading, let me know what you think!

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Waking up in Jennie’s arms has always been a lovely thing, but something about this time seemed even more perfect than usual. Early morning sunlight glittered into the room, creating an almost dream-like haze, and some of the rays landed on her skin. She looked like an angel -- features slightly puffy with sleep, a small pout on her lips. Her head was against your shoulder, and her arms snaked around your waist, anchoring you close to her body. You always loved cuddling in close with her, the two of you keeping each other warm throughout the night.

Stealing a glance at the clock, you realize that the two of you almost overslept; the girls want to meet downstairs at the hotel’s restaurant in an hour. With that notion in mind, you know what you have to do; reluctantly, you gently shake Jennie to wake her up.

“Jennie, baby, we’ve gotta hurry or else we’ll be late.” 

She lets out a groan, her voice a bit gravelly, and ignores your words, opting to pull you in closer instead. 

“5 more minutes.” The words come out as a mumble, barely intelligible, but you grin. Jennie’s always been the type to sleep in when she can, and you can’t blame her; with as hard as she works, it’s completely understandable.

“Alright, but that’s it! We seriously have to get up after that.”

With a gentle nod, she snuggles into your side again, bringing a hand up to rest against your neck.

As your eyes rake over her delicate features, you start to recall the plan that all of you had decided on for the day. With the girls taking a break from practices and rehearsals to shoot a new show for their Youtube channel, you have plenty to do -- today’s agenda called for ziplining and mini golf, to be precise. Given how close you are with all of the girls, it’s no wonder that they were able to sweet talk their managers into letting you tag along for the ride. Of course, you’ll have to wait until they get all of the filming done to join in on their escapades, but regardless, you’re beyond excited to see them having fun.

With the 5 minutes officially over, you hatch a plan on the best way to wake Jennie up again. You start by gently rolling her onto her back, and proceed to pepper feather-light kisses all across her face. Soon, you feel her stir underneath you, her eyes fluttering open in the cutest way possible. Perhaps in an alternate universe, she worked as a Disney princess instead of an idol; she’s definitely qualified to be one.

“Hey cutie,” she says, voice laced with remnants of sleep, and pulls you in for a quick kiss. One of your arms is around her waist, with the other one propping you up so that you can look down into her eyes. 

“C’mon beautiful, let’s go.” 

Once she’s had a chance to rub her eyes and get adjusted to the light, you scoop her up in your arms and carry her to the bathroom. 

“Oh no, looks like we’ll have to shower together if we wanna make it on time…” Her eyes exude mischief as the words fall from her lips, and you play along. 

“What a shame.” 

She kisses you again, smiling widely against your lips, and the two of you start getting ready.

~~~~~~~  

“There you guys are! It sure took you long enough.” 

Both Jennie and yourself have to bite back your smiles. After a quick apology, the girls are already busy talking about what the day has in store.

“I know we’ll probably be tired after filming, but maybe once we get back here we can go down to the pool to unwind? I saw the spa, too; it looked really nice.” At Rosé’s innocent suggestion, you soon find your heart beginning to palpitate. Anything but that, you think to yourself, your mind already beginning to betray you with intrusive thoughts. 

You can’t blame her for proposing the idea -- after all, it’s a beautiful day outside, and the weather is perfect for swimming. But the problem lies deeper: you’ve never told any of them -- including Jennie -- about your fear of the water (swimming, to be exact). Even thinking of it makes you sick to your stomach, and you suddenly feel a bit overwhelmed. 

“I’m gonna run to the restroom, okay? Be right back.” 

As you stand, Jennie asks if you want her to tag along -- had she noticed your uneasiness? With a quick squeeze to her hand, you assure her that you’ll be fine, and you begin your walk. 

Once in the safety of the bathroom, you take a deep breath to steady yourself as your hands grip the marble surface of the countertop. Memories of that fateful summer day come flooding in, and you’re unable to push them away any longer.

It was a gorgeous day, the sun high up in the sky, shedding its heat down on everything below. Your family had decided to spend the day outside, grilling and swimming, the usual summer traditions that you held every year.

Delicious smells carried over from the food being cooked by your father, and you shouted praise to him from across the yard.

“Smells good, pops!” 

He yelled a thank you back, and your brother got your attention from his place beside you. 

“Wanna race in the pool?”

“You’re on, loser, but don’t cry when I beat you!” You throw him a smug look, and laugh when he shoves you.

“Yeah yeah, you’re going down!” He exclaims as he darts past you, getting a head start to the pool.

“Not fair!” You run after him and jump in, ready to wrestle him and make things even.

The water is cool against your skin, working in perfect contrast with the beams of sun shining down. You’re faced with a rude awakening, however, as you come back up to the surface: your brother is waiting on you, and he pounces. 

In the beginning, the wrestling match is quite fun; the two of you can’t contain your laughter as you push each other around, splashing water at one another. In no time, though, things take a tragic turn; with one particularly hard shove, you’re sent under, falling down the slope of the pool and towards the deep end. The slippery surface of the liner underneath your feet offers no grip, and soon you find yourself struggling for even a breath of air. 

Panic begins to spread throughout your body as you feel yourself losing control; oblivious to the gravity of the situation, your brother is still giggling -- he has no idea what’s actually happening. With each urgent thrash, you’re sent a little further away, out of reach of your brother. 

Shortly after he realizes you aren’t messing around, he attempts to help you. Seeing as how he’s only a couple years older and just a few inches taller than you, he’d also be struggling in the deep end. He soon discovers this fact as he reaches for you, only to almost go under himself. He knows he has to think fast and reassess his plan of action, so he jumps out of the pool and runs further down, closer to where you are. 

“Mom! Dad! Help,” he yells out, searching for something to throw to you. He spots a floatie nearby, and tosses it into the water near you. Unsure of if you can even really make out what he’s saying, he still tells you to grab it.

In a flash, your mother and father are next to him, terrified of the sight before them. Without hesitation, your father jumps in, successfully managing to grab your now limp body and pull you out of the water.

Your breathing is shallow, and your family begins to fear the worst. They shake your limbs in an attempt to wake you, but it doesn’t help. Your mother begins compressions, suddenly very thankful that she took those classes in the past, and your brother and father rush inside to call for help.

Despite it taking a few minutes, her actions are successful, and you come to. With a sputtering heave, you lean to side and cough up all of the water that had made its way into your lungs. Your mother pats your back and huddles next to you, tears streaming down her face. When the others return, they hurry to wrap you in their arms and embrace you. A few minutes pass as you all sit together, everyone happy that you’re alright. 

Being the person that you are, you decide to use humor to deflect and cope with the insanity that just went down. “Welp… that was something. Let’s pretend I won that match, okay?” You suggest, looking at your brother with a trace of a smile playing on your lips. He shakes his head at you, confused at how you’re already joking about it, but he laughs nonetheless. “No way!”

As the memories begin to leave your mind, you attempt to get a grip on yourself; surely you had been away for a bit, and Jennie would likely be coming by to check on you any second now. Grabbing a paper towel from the dispenser, you wet the edge of it, and wipe the sweat that’s formed on your forehead and neck. 

After drying yourself off and calming down, you exit the restroom and make your way back to the table. Jennie sends you a relieved look, as if to say, Thank God, I was worried. You manage to send her a fairly convincing smile, and she seems to accept it. Once seated again, she takes your hand into her own, rubbing her thumb in random patterns over your skin. You relax at the contact, and soon join back in with the conversation. 

~~~~~~~

“Today was so much fun! Remember when they dropped Jisoo in super fast? That was hilarious!” Lisa and Rosé cackle at the thought, whooping loudly with laughter. Jisoo proceeds to smack them on the arm in response, saying, “Oh yeah? Well at least I could actually get a hole-in-one when we golfed; Lisa missed the ball completely!” The maknae glares at the other girl for flaming her like that, but soon they’re all trading playful insults and goofing around.

You hung back a few paces, allowing them to have their fun while your mind drifted back to what would surely happen later that evening. As much as you hated keeping something as big as that from them, you were a bit embarrassed. Out of everything there is to fear in the world, yours is water? On top of that, you didn’t want to let them down or spoil their fun; they’d been looking forward to this little trip for awhile, and you didn’t want to keep them from swimming and having a good time. Completely lost in all of the negative thoughts vying for your attention, you failed to notice Jennie approach you. She had picked up on the scowl that fell across your features, your brows furrowed and lips drawn tight in a line. It was clear that something was troubling you, so she went to investigate. 

“What’s wrong, Y/N?” Her words come out softly, a gentle request for you to share what’s troubling you. When you stay silent for a bit longer than she likes, she stops walking, and you subconsciously do the same. 

Releasing a sigh, your eyes cast away from hers, you respond, “It’s nothing, baby. I promise.”

For a moment, it seems like she’ll give in and accept your answer -- which, of course, is the one thing you desperately want. Knowing you better than that, though, she can see right through you; still, she decides to spare you this time. “I don’t believe that, jagi, but I’ll wait for you to tell me about it whenever you’re comfortable.”

“Thank you, Jennie. I will.” You wrap an arm around her, and she settles against your side as the two of you make your way through the hotel lobby. 

~~~~~~~

This was a mistake in every sense of the word. Why didn’t you just stay in the room and let Jennie come down with the girls? They all wanted you there, but surely you could’ve at least tried to talk your way out of it. 

The 5 of you scour the area surrounding the large pool, searching for a table and some chairs to recline in. Eventually, you see one in the distance, and lead the way there. With each new step towards your destination, the fear within you grows a little larger, and you wonder how hard it’ll be to keep pretending like you’re fine.

Once everyone has set their things down, they take their shoes off and begin to pull their hair up. You opt to sit down on one of the chairs and lay back, attempting to calm your nerves. 

“You’re not coming in, Y/N?” Jisoo asks, her head tilted to the side.

You retrieve a book from the bag you brought down and hold it up, saying, “I’ll just hang here and get caught up with some reading. You guys go ahead.” 

Jennie looks to you, but you simply open the book and pretend to be invested in the pages. Telling her about your fear is definitely not an option, especially at the current moment; if you do, you run the risk of throwing yourself into a panic attack. It’s all you can do to seem calm and collected right now, and you can’t afford to blow your cover like that.

She trails after the girls, albeit a bit dejectedly, and you release a breath you didn’t realize you had been holding. Now able to take a moment for yourself, you look around: the evening is just as spectacular as the day had been before it, the deep colors of the imminent sunset lighting up the sky with their gorgeous patterns. Sunsets have always been one of your favorite things, so you take some time to enjoy the sight. 

Jennie steals glances at you from her spot in the pool, making sure to keep an eye on you. It isn’t hard to see that something’s bugging you, but she knows not to push you to open up; she’s always willing to wait for you. A smile tugs on her lips when she sees your face brighten as you look at the sky, and she wishes whatever’s plaguing your mind would just go away. You deserve to be happy like this, a smile on your sweet face, right where it belongs. She wishes she could take away all of your struggles. 

After a while, you’re now -- ironically -- invested in your book. The sound of Rosé calling for you draws your attention to the pool again, and you meet her eyes. “Y/N, my hair tie snapped. Do you mind bringing me one from my bag?” 

Your breath hitches; you weren’t prepared for that one. With a gulp, you nod to her and attempt to send her a smile. It’s not like you could just say no. Your fingers shake slightly as you rummage through her bag in search of one of the bands, and you work to center yourself again. You can do this. 

As you near the edge of the pool, your legs feel heavy, every step seemingly harder than the last. A strange sensation of numbness takes over your fingers -- something that almost always happens when you get this nervous -- and you subtly shake them to gain feeling again. “Here you go.” You manage to make the words sound cheery despite the inner battle you’re fighting. 

“Thank you, love.” At her reply, you return from the crouched position you had been in when reaching it to her, and you think you’re home-free. About three steps later, as you’re walking back to your seat, everything changes.

“Go long!” Another hotel guest shouts from your left.

Before you can realize what’s happening and get out of the way, a body collides with yours, sending you into the pool. It all happens within an instant, and you don’t even have time to hold your breath for the impact. You hit the water with a splash, liquid already shooting up your nostrils.

Your mind is reeling with memories of that day, sending you into a series of flashbacks as you scramble to get to the surface. Strangely, you feel just like you had that day: the panicky feeling seeping in with no signs of stopping, your lungs burning as they plead for air, the feeling of your limbs thrashing hopelessly at the water. 

Before long, two arms wrap around your waist, pulling you towards the surface and side of the pool. You’d know those arms anywhere: they’re Jennie’s. She pats your back -- just as your mom had all those years ago -- and helps you cough out the water. Thankfully you hadn’t been under long, but it was still terrifying either way. The girls all trade scared looks as they do their best to comfort you and make you feel safe. Jennie can sense that you’re majorly overwhelmed, so she decides to take you somewhere that you can be alone and recover. 

Once out of the pool, she quickly wraps a towel around your trembling body and leads you into the hotel lobby, sitting you down on a secluded couch that’s tucked away from everyone’s view. You eek out a quiet thank you, even in the state you’re in, needing to let her know how much you appreciate her help. She sits down beside you, settling into the comforter, and pulls you up against her chest. Soft, soothing circles are rubbed against your back, her other arm keeping your body snug against hers. 

“It’s all gonna be okay, jagi. I’m here, you’re safe. I’ve got you, I promise.” Her lips are beside your ear -- she knows how distant things can sound to you when you’re having an attack. The hand on your back stops its motions; she brings it up your cheek, rubbing the skin there as you lay your head on her shoulder. Her lips press sweet, gentle kisses against your shoulder, and she thanks the universe when she feels you relax some. “I love you, Y/N. I’m not going anywhere.” Those words bring tears to your eyes, and some of them spill onto her arm; as she feels them, she almost starts crying with you. Seeing you upset like this always makes her emotional, but she does her best to stay strong for you.

“I’m sorry, Jennie.” Sobs rack your body, causing parts of the sentence to come out louder than others. 

“For what, baby?” She pulls back enough to look into your eyes, her hand still on your cheek, moving slowly. 

“That I didn’t tell you about what’s bothering me. I’m afraid of swimming; I had a traumatic experience with it in the past.”

“Oh, baby. It’s okay, you don’t have to be sorry. Do you want to tell me about it now?” Her words are so understanding and kind that you curse yourself for not telling her sooner. You simply nod in affirmation, and begin to relay the story. The entire time, her eyes never leave you, and she holds you close. Anytime a particularly hard detail for you to describe comes up, she strokes your hair and tells you to take as much time as you need. There’s no rush, and she makes sure you understand that.

Eventually, once you’re feeling loads better and are fully calmed down, you meet her gaze again. “Thank you for everything. I love you so much; I seriously don’t know what I’d do without you. You knew just what to do.” She smiles that earth-shattering smile of hers again, and if your heart wasn’t so tired from the time it just had, you know it would’ve skipped a beat. “That’s my job, baby.” Her eyes fall to your lips, in her unspoken request to kiss you. You grin, pulling her in closer, and connect your lips. She tastes like cherries and everything else that’s good in this world, and you revel in the fact that you’ll be the one kissing those lips for the rest of your life. The two of you part, both a little breathless as always, and you rest your foreheads together. “Let’s go see the girls.”

~~~~~~~

After many hugs, tears, and one long story later, all of you are in Lisa’s hotel room. The girls understood your fear and didn’t think any less of you at all; they wished, though, that you had told them sooner. They all want the best for you, and to see you happy, no matter what. Everyone is glad to see you doing better, and the mood is substantially brighter than it had been before. 

“Did Lisa tell you that she beat that guy up for bumping into you?” Rosé asks, a smile on her face.

Lisa’s expression shifts into anger at the mere thought of him, and she says, “He deserved it, I’m not gonna let anyone get away with that.” She shrugs her shoulders, and all of you laugh at the fact that she actually roughed him up a bit.

“Can’t argue with that,” Jisoo says patting your back tenderly and sending you a smile.

“And she’ll do it again, BOP BOP!” Lisa says, causing everyone to burst out laughing. Jennie rolls her eyes at the other girl and buries her face in your shoulder, seeking shelter from the cringe. 

“I love you guys.”

“We love you, too, Y/N.” They all say in unison… at least, as close as they can get to it.

Thanks for reading!!!

[spookysmujer]

Cherry, O.Diaz

Summary: Oscar and Y/N have been casually hooking up for sometime now and when feelings get too involved, true colors come to show.

warnings: mentions of sex, angst

word count: 2.9k

A/N: sorry for the delay of content! Twin and I have been really cracking on an upcoming project she is working on. Y’all don’t even know the investment we have into it 🤣 This idea came to me, I’m emo for this angst shit + Spooky, strayed from my original plan but oh well. I notice y’all like the cute fluff fic with him, would you like to see more fluff with Oscar? Let me know! I’ll be getting to the Sad Eyes request soon 😘

If someone had told you you would be doing hook-ups with Spooky, you’d laugh at them. The two of you had known each other growing up in Freeridge, not close but also not strangers. He definitely flirted with you a lot. But nothing ever ensued, especially not after he was sent to Corcoran for 4 years.

It wasn’t until a few months after he got out that the two of you bumped into each other at the little corner liquor store. The devilishly handsome look he had on his face began the little thing you two have going on. No strings, just sex. And it’s gotten you two awfully close.

The clock on the nightstand blares 5:32am as you try to rub the sleep from your eyes, not that you got much anyways with recent activities. “Always running away before the sun comes up.” You hear the deep voice of the tattooed man next to you. A smirk creeps on your face as you stand to get dressed. You only get your undergarments on when he pulls you back down and lazily climbs on top of you.

“Com’n I’ve gotta go, I open today.”

You tell him as he kisses your neck, which always makes you weak. He ignores you for a bit but eventually rolls off of you, licking his lips with satisfaction.

He lays back and watches you put on your clothes, bummed that the weekend came and went by so quickly. Oscar likes having this little ruse between the two of you. It allows him to be satisfied and not have to deal with all the relationship shit, hynas be trippin’ and clingy as fuck with him.

“Come back tonight.” He calls out to you as you pull your hair into the bun and walk out of his room. You shake your head and laugh to yourself.

Friday and Saturday nights are usually designated for the tootin’ and bootin’ as Oscar likes to put it. It was good for you too. The stress of trying to keep up with bills and student loans has you working doubles almost 3 times a week. You definitely needed some kind of hobby, turns out sex is a great one.

“Fun night?” Your co-worker tells you as you two go through a 10 hour shift. You roll your eyes which are focused on the screen in front of you. But she doesn’t stop staring at you, waiting for an answer. After only being about to take so much daggers, you twist your chair to her and pull down your top a bit to show the hickies that scatter over your chest. Her cheeks tighten with a large smile. “Oh yeah, fun night.”

It wasn’t a secret that you and Oscar are sleeping together. Like everyone else’s business in Freeridge, people were aware the two of you shacking it up. “Man can’t keep his hands off ya!”

“He definitely likes to mark his territory for sure.” You reply as she has a giddy moment.

The work day goes by quickly thanks to working with your favorite co-worker. It’s open to close day for you and when the familiar red impala pulls into the parking lot, your body had a natural reaction to tingle. “Look what the cat dragged in and you telling me that y’all aren’t a thing? I don’t know what booty call comes to his booty calls work place to pick her up, I know I wouldn’t be doing all that just to get some.”

Oscar showing up definitely makes it look like it’s more than just casual sex, he says it’s because he’s a gentlemen at the very least. The same guy who will spank your ass raw and tell you keep your mouth shut.

After closing and walking your co-worker to her car and waving her by, you get into the car where a tank-top dressed Santo drags on a blunt. He puffs out the smoke before flicking it out of the window. You set your things at your feet, “Wasn’t expecting you to show up.”

“It’s how I know you’d come back tonight.” He puts his arm on the seat behind you. The look he gives you, a look with absolutely no effort, makes you shift in your seat. “What?”

He shakes his head, licking his lips and tilting his head for you to move closer. With a sigh, you scoot over right next to him. His other arm leans across him and settles his hand on your thigh. Oscar tilts his head down and plants an open mouth kiss on your neck, instinctively your head moves to the side. With his hand caressing your thigh, you totally forget you are in a public area. And you’re getting aroused quickly. When his hand starts to creep closer to your heat, you grab it and scoot away slightly. He looks up at you with a bothered face.

“We really gonna do it here?”

Oscar only shrugs and pushes you back to him with his arm draped on the seat. It’s like your body has no control to his touch. His lips press against yours, slow at first then more needy soon after. His free hand pulls your farther thigh to get you pressed more against him. And at this point, you’re horny and well, no one is around.

You release from the kiss to straddle his lap and pull off your top. He bites his lips seeing all the marks he had left on you from the weekend. A low moan sounds from him as he pushes his face into your chest, pressing hot kisses to the bruised skin. His teeth scrapes against your covered breast, while you unhook your bra.

“Hmmm, fine ass hyna. Nothin’ new.”

-

After the scandalous public car sex Oscar tells you he hopes to hear from you soon. With your flustered state, you drive home in a haze. Once you get home, you lean against your front door, still feeling the numbness on your lips from all the kissing. You didn’t know how you got to this point. The careless sex and the amount of it you’re having. You didn’t think how much further it could go.

“I’m telling you. He has claimed you and soon enough, without even knowing it? You’re his girlfriend and living in the Santo Trap house!”

Your younger sister tells you as the two of eat breakfast the next morning. She is constantly getting at you about how your friends with benefits situation will evolve to something more. More serious and more dangerous.

“For the last time, we agreed on just sex. Nothing more, nothing less.” You explain her to which she only rolls her eyes at you. “He leads the Santos. You think I wanna date someone like that?”

She scoffs, “But you fucking him? Spends the night? Picks you up? What about that time he dropped off your glasses? Hm? He knew you were going back to his place yet he drove and took his personal time to bring them to you. Keep lying to yourself but at this point, one of you is feeling something.”

She stands from the table and leaves you to finish up. You play around with your food and try to shake any ‘whatifs’ from your mind. Oscar didn’t seem like the type to care about the relationship part, just the sex.

As another work week had gone by, and multiple texts from Oscar asking if you were free to stop by but you kindly denied because of how tired you were. It’s Friday night and you’re contemplating whether to go over to his place or take the time to recuperate. You didn’t have much time to thoroughly think when your phone rings and Oscars name pops up.

“Well well well the devil himself.”

He chuckles into the speaker, “Hola Mami, whatchu doing?”

“Hm, trying to think if I have enough stamina to come over.” You roll over on your bed, “I could use some convincing.”

You can practically hear the smile in his voice, “The temptation mamas. How about we get some 40s and drive around for a bit?”

“Sure, I’ll be ready in 10.”

You didn’t think much of it, but some free drinks convinced you enough to go with.

Oscar picks you up soon after you change. You weren’t paying enough attention to notice the warmth of his cheeks along with his signature side smile as you get in. A brown paper bag sitting between you that carry the 40s and you’re off out of Freeridge. You have no idea where you’re headed but the scenery is nice as the dark night passes by.

Soon enough, you pull into a parking lot that sits in front of a beach. The moon shines against the water that looks like its out of a movie, he pulls out the drinks and hands one to you.

“How was work this week?”

“Long as hell.”

He wipes his chin, trying to loosen the restrain of his smile, “Had to be, dodged me all week long.” You look over to him, your smile forming as your shake your head at his comment.

“Well, I did say I could be convinced to go over you your place tonight but you wanted to come out here like we’re 18 or something.” Taking a long gulp from the bottle, you lick your lips.

He doesn’t say anything for a minute before striking up another conversation. To which leads you two talking for a while not even noticing the time go by. When you finally become aware at how much you’ve been talking, you look at the time on his stereo, 3AM blinks. You sigh as you set the empty bottle by your feet.

Oscar leads against the car door, watching you as you stretch and look out at the water.

You finally look over at him,“What?”

He looks away and smiles to himself, “I’m just trying to figure it out, that’s all.” You look at him confused considering there was no prior conversation.

“How you got me to take you here. I don’t take anyone here, I only brought mi hermano out here once. Y’know, deep convos and shit. Special place and all. So I’m tryna figure it out.”

As you pay attention to how he tells you this, your mind instantly goes back to the conversation you had with your sister that morning. How you told her that this thing is nothing but an itch to scratch. But now? You hear your sister saying, one of you is feeling something.

You clear your throat, sitting up straighter in your seat. “Um, maybe it’s on your bucketlist to get a hyna to have sex on the beach?” A chuckle escaping you but Oscar doesn’t react much to the joke.

He didn’t know where he was going with this. Hell, he never had a problem with the ladies, ever. Not in high school before he became the leader of the Santos and certainly not after. But most of the hynas he been with truly were a ‘toot it and boot it’ situation. And for the last few weeks, that’s all it had been with you. But as the week had passed by and you weren’t there, he started to think. To think about the what if’s: you not needing to sneak out for work or having real conversations about things like hopes and shit. Oscar realized that maybe he wanted more than just sex with you.

“Nah, sand gets everywhere. Y/N... this thing we got. I’ve been here before, sorry to say but a lot times and usually, they come and go but nena.. you really got me thinking about shit other than just sex.”

Usually, the confession of love for you would give you butterflies. But because of the life he led, it terrified you, “Oscar.. the thing we have, it’s good. It works for us both, I mean granted we lead two different lives... it fits in well. You were the one who dominantly established this was going to be no strings. Sounds like you are saying that’s what you want... strings?”

“What could be so wrong with that? Is it hard to believe a man like me could want that?”

You let of a breath, turning your body to him, “You lead a gang. A group of people who try to rid the streets of violence... with violence. Do you see how that’s fighting fire with fire?”

Oscar kisses his teeth and his body language changes in a snap. He is constantly being looked at like a big bad guy, when really he truly did care for his community. His way of life is a tricky one, sure. But people always looked at how he handled things rather than the fact that he handled them. And now with you using that as a reason for how a guy like him could want something like a real relationship, Spooky is peaking.

“Anyone ever tell you not to judge a book by its cover?” His voice snappy and dripping with venom. Your eyebrows furrow, head tilting like he just dissed you at prom or something.

“I usually don’t, but when the cover got bullet holes? I know it’s not the Bible I’m reading.” You snap back, not liking how he suddenly changed his demeanor. How he went from sappy to snappy in an moment. Typical Spooky, you thought.

Oscar only wipes his face, straightening in his seat and turning the key in the ignition. The impala roars to life and he switches the gear to reverse. Much like the ride to the beach, it’s quiet going back to the familiar hood. The atmosphere is cold and chilling. You have your arms crossed over your chest. This definitely not how you foresaw this night going.

As he pulls in front of your house, he still doesn’t say anything. You sit there for a moment and watch him, he grows impatient, waiting for you to get out, “Need me to open the door for you or something?”

The snap in his voice makes you scoff, “A gentlemen at the least would do it. You really gonna be like this? Because I don’t feel comfortable to make it more than what it is.”

Again no answer. With that NOT being said, you fly the door open and close it. You weren’t even given another second before he speeds off and away from your residence. With an audible groan, you march back into your house, cursing to yourself for getting involved with him.

-

The next couple of days went by as normal. You worked your shifts, went to the gym, spent a night out with your sister to whom you didn’t mention anything about the blow up between you and Oscar, dinner and repeat. But in the back of your mind, it gnawed. When you lay in bed getting ready to sleep and the little doors begin to open. What will I eat for lunch tomorrow? When is the electric bill due again? What is Oscar doing? That one comes up more than your usual wonders. There were a few times where you stare at your phone, finger hovering over his contact name but nothing.

As another weekend approached you thought about it again, you even made the effort to see him but when you drove by his place, seeing that his car wasn’t, you kept on driving.

“The fuck are you doing, Y/N?” You tell yourself as you sit in the parking lot of the beach you were at with him nearly a week ago. It’s a sad attempt to go crawling back, really. But when those thoughts crept up to you, you replayed the words you said to him. You spoke to him with such judgement, something you hate about others doing to yourself. Because you weren’t some random hyna. You do know him and truthfully he isn’t a bad person even labeled the elicit Spooky, gang leader of the Santos.

A sigh escapes you, the ring in your ear as you wait for him to pick up. Maybe after your failed attempts to make contact, he’d answer. But to avail.

“Hey, it’s Y/N. It’s been a week and we haven’t really talked or seen each other. I, uh, drove pass your place and you weren’t home and I wanted to call but figured you might have been busy,” You roll your eyes at yourself. “Anyways, I’m sorry for how I said things. Though I stand by what I said I could have been kinder with my words. I don’t like when people use my image to assume who I am. You aren’t the big bad wolf who blows the houses down, matter of fact you’re probably the one who picks up the houses after... um, so I’m sorry. With how I look at you, I thought being with him would be a mistake waiting to happen but if you think there could be something worth trying... maybe you can convince me. Call me back.”

Oscar listens to the voicemail as soon as he gets notified of it. He sits at the edge of the bed, elbows resting on his knees. The cold air hitting his bare back, he sighs.

He feels hands rub over his shoulders and onto his chest, a hot breath on his neck. “What’s the point of being in Sin City, if we aren’t constantly sinning?” Leti’s voice in his ear as she reaches to take his phone, tossing it aside. She scoots off the bed and pushes him back, climbing to straddle him.

Oscar begins to regret making this trip to Vegas as a means to get over you.

[yespleasetommyshelby]

Should've said no - Adam Ruzek imagine

Based on the song 'should've said no' by Taylor swift

Warnings: some strong language? No happy ending maybe?

-------

It's strange to think the songs we used to sing, the smiles, the flowers, everything, is gone... Yesterday I found out about you, even now just looking at you, feels wrong...

I frowned from my place at the kitchen table, looking over the pictures that littered the walls, not only in here but all over the apartment, the whiskey that sat on the side that I bought because he's never liked the wine I drink, the special coffee and the mugs that all reminded me of him which any other day would have me fighting the smile from my face, but today, today they made me feel sick.

'I'm sorry, this isn't the first time and I thought you should know.." accompanied by a picture of Adam and his ex Wendy, lips stuck together in time, an image that will be forever seared into my brain.

Memories of late night walks, our dates, the flowers he would bring me at work, the times where we'd ride in his car and sing lyrics at the top of our lungs with no care about just how bad we sounded, all gone. In the blink of an eye Adam had thrown our whole relationship out of the window for an 18 wheeler to demolish in seconds.

The door opening and closing forced my eyes open, the now cold cup of coffee mocking me as it sits there, the contents long forgotten about. Lifting my eyes to meet the figure stood in the kitchen door way I frowned and looked down.

How is that only yesterday I couldn't stop staring at the man I love, loved, and now just looking at him feels all kinds of wrong?

You say that you'd take it all back, given the one chance, it was a moment of weakness and you said yes...

"Hey babe." He spoke first, my eyes falling onto his lips as the pet name came, the simple word accompanied by the feeling of being punched in the stomach.

"Where was you Adam?" I asked calmly, wanting to see which excuse he'd use this time.

"The case ran over."

"I was with Jay and Kev."

"Helping my dad out."

"The case took a turn for the worst, the whole team had to stay late, I would've text but I didn't want to wake you." He spoke, calm and collected, small smile on his face, jerk.

"The whole team huh." I let out a small humourless laugh, of course he's got his excuses ready. "That's strange." I sighed faking slight confusion as I picked up my phone, pulling up the text that Kim had sent the night before.

"Yeah, been a long night." He shrugged heading over to the fridge and pulling out a bottle of water.

"Oh I bet." I chuckled, shaking my head slightly as I slid the phone over the dining table for him to see. "I bet Wendy's exhausted." I growled, my anger washing over the faux-calm I was trying to maintain, finding slight amusement in the way his eyes widened and his face paled.

"Y/n.." he trailed off, putting my phone down on the table before running his hands over his face and through his hair, looking at me with nothing but guilt. "Listen, it was a mistake okay? A one time, stupid, immature mistake. She was just there and I'd had a couple drinks and I don't know, I don't know what to say other than it was just a moment of weakness." He rushed out, moving so he was stood next to me, taking my hands in his before I pulled them away and stood up from the chair, the force causing it to fall backwards onto the tiled ground with a bang.

You should've said 'no', you should've gone home, you should've thought twice 'fore you let it all go, you should've known that word, 'bout what you did with her would get back to me...

And I should've been there in the back of your mind, I shouldn't be asking myself why, you shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet, you should've said 'no', baby and you might still have me.

"A moment of weakness? Weakness? That's what you're excuse is? She fluttered her eyelashes and that was it, you was weak enough to throw everything we've ever had under a bus just for a little fun with an ex?" I raised my voice, not quite shouting yet as I know that the neighbours across the hall have young children.

"Yeah, I swear that's all there was to it." He started talking again, his words falling on deaf ears as the tears starting to build up along with the anger that has festered inside for the last 12 hours was making me see nothing but red.

"You should've said no Adam! You should've thought about me! About coming home to me! Was I even on your mind at all? Did you think of me once while you were out fucking her behind my back?!" I yelled, the thought of the children just moments ago gone as he stood looking at me with a small frown.

"What do you want me to say?" He sighed, pushing his hand through his hair for the hundredth time. "I made a mistake and I'm sorry!" He said quietly, or maybe it was at a normal volume and my mind was just fading out his words.

You can see that I've been crying, baby you know all the right things, to say, but do you, honestly, expect me to believe, that we could ever be the same?

You say that the past is the past, you need one chance, it was a moment of weakness and you said yes...

"Do you know how badly you've hurt me?" I asked, my shoulders dropping as the first of the tears started to fall. "I know what I look like Adam, I know you can see that I've spent all night crying over you, how you broke me." I finished with a whisper, shaking my head slightly at how ridiculous the whole situation was.

"Baby no, don't cry, please." He pleaded, his voice shaky as he came over and wrapped his arms around me, leaving me to cry into his chest. "I know I fucked up, and I fucked up so badly and I can never, ever, apologise to you enough for it to make it okay, but the past is in the past, just give me one chance. One chance to prove that I can be the man you need me to be, I'll do anything to prove to you just how much I love you y/n, please." He whispered, resting his head on mine as he sniffed quietly. "I'll get you all the flowers I can carry, the fancy dinners, jewellery, we can get married and have kids and have the life I know you've wanted since you were younger, you've just gotta give me one last chance." He finished his speech by giving me a slight squeeze, his arms hugging my waist as though I'd disappear if he let go, which wasn't exactly wrong.

"No, Adam." I mumbled shaking my head and pulling out of his hold, taking a couple steps back so his arms fell to his sides. "I'm not stupid, I know that this isn't the first time it's happened, and I'm not naive enough to assume that it would be the last either." I sighed, crossing my arms across myself in attempt to hold myself together.

"You know, you really do have all the right things to say don't you, talking about getting married, having kids, but do you honestly expect me to believe that we could ever be the same after this? After you broke my trust and my heart all in the space of one night, I don't think I can ever look at you the same way again." I spoke with confidence, ignoring the slight shake in my voice as I narrowed my eyes at the guilt ridden man in front of me.

You should've said no, you should've gone home, you should've thought twice 'fore you let it all go. You should've known that word, 'bout what you did with her, would get back to me.

And I should've been there in the back of your mind, I shouldn't be asking myself why, you shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet, you should've said no, baby and you might still have me...

"Please y/n!" His sudden yelled made me jump slightly, watching as he started to pace the length of the kitchen. "What do you want me to say for you to believe me? To believe that it was a mistake that I regret! You want me to beg? I'll get on my knees and beg you for the rest of my life!" He sounded frustrated as he suddenly turned and dropped to his knees infront of me, his hands folded together as though he was praying. "Please y/n, don't give up on me, on us, just yet." He whispered, his tear filled eyes shining into mine, my heartbreaking ever so slightly more as he did.

"It's not going to fix anything Adam." I sighed turning away from him for a second to compose myself. "You shouldn't have to beg me Adam, you just should've said no, you should've told her that I was waiting for you and came back, to me!" I cried, wiping at my cheeks only for new tears to replace the old ones. "If you would've just said no then maybe you might still have me." I whispered as I walked out of the kitchen and into the bedroom, where I'd left his bags that I had packed at 3am this morning.

I can't resist, before you go tell me this, was it worth it? Was she, worth it?

"Y/n... please.." I heard him beg from behind me, ignoring him I pushed past with the bags in my hand and dropped them by the front door.

"Goodbye Adam." I whispered sadly, making my way back into the kitchen, pausing in the doorway and looking back to where Adam stood silently staring at his bags in the hall.

"Was it worth it?" I asked suddenly, his head snapping up to me as of surprised to hear my voice again. "Losing everything we had? Was she worth it?" I clarified, putting emphasis on the 'she'.

"You know she wasn't." He muttered sadly, shaking his head. "Nothing is worth losing you." He sighed, rubbing his jaw as he looked back down at his bags.

"Yet you've lost me anyway." I whispered sadly, a lone tear running down my face which I hastily wiped away as Adam picked up his bags before opening the front door.

"I love you, y/n, and no matter what I always will." He said, looking back over his shoulder with a small, sad smile on his face.

"Bye, Adam." I whispered looking down to the ground, leaving him to make his own way out.

As soon as I heard the lock of the door click into place signalling it's locked I dropped to the ground, knees up against my chest with my head low, my arms pulling my knees closer to me as I let myself sob for my own broken heart.

You should've said no, baby and you might still have me...

----

Feel free to send in any requests 😁🥰

[amylillian22]

Doggie Door

Summary: Y/N moves in next door to Chris Evans. One night she gets called into work and asks Chris if he can dog sit her beagle, Phoebe. Knowing how crazy her work is, Chris hires someone to build a fence with a doggy door for both Dodger and Phoebe. 

Word Count: 1,784

Warnings: None. Cutness. Puppy love, pun intended, lol.

Author’s Note: I can’t remember, but someone gave me the idea to write something similar to this. Also, I couldn’t find a gif that worked with the story. Instead, I picked this cute one of both Chris and Dodger.

[My Chris Evans Master List]

Moving from Texas to Boston was slightly overwhelming for Y/N as she had never left her home state before. However, she knew it was the right decision to do when she landed her dream job at Mass General as the Chief of Pediatric Surgery. Within a week, she packed everything in boxes, drove across the country with her fur baby, Phoebe.

It’s her third day in her new home. The movers had arrived yesterday and managed to help her set up and place all the heavy furniture where she wanted. All that was left to do was unpack her boxes and turn the house into her new home.

She grabbed a box labeled dishes from the garage and brought it to the kitchen. She turned around and noticed Phoebe’s dog tags on her collar weren't clinging as she walked. Phoebe wasn’t a lazy beagle. She was active and always on Y/N’s heels.

“Phoebe?!” She looked around the half empty house and couldn’t find her. “Baby, now is not the time to play games. Where are you?” She called out again before she noticed she didn’t properly close the door that led to the garage, which was also open.

“Damn it!” She ran outside to the middle of the street. “Phoebe?!” She yelled. She jogged down the street calling out her name until she reached the deadend at the end of the street. Her eyes began to well up at the thought she lost her fur baby of 5 years.

“Phoebe?” She called out once more in front of her house.

“Excuse me?” Y/N turned around to see a handsome man walking towards her with Phoebe trailing behind him and another dog. Y/N rushed towards Phoebe and immediately kneeled down to hug her.

“I’m guessing this is your Phoebe?” Her neighbor chuckled as Phoebe licked Y/N’s face.

“Yes, thank you so much,” she stood up. “I got worried. I’m not familiar with the neighborhood just yet and neither is Phoebe.”

“I was washing my car and she came on over and started playing with Dodger,” she looked down to see his dog smelling and sniffing Phoebe. Phoebe licked his face before they started running around in the front yard. “I guess they like each other,” he smiled at the two dogs in front of him before he turned to look at her.

His smile was gorgeous. Infectious. She couldn’t help but smile back at him as she responded, “I guess so.”

“I’m Chris,” he extended her hand for a handshake.

“Yes, I know who you are. You’re Captain America. I’m Y/N,” she smiled as she took his hand in hers. “It’s hard not to know who you are when you work with a bunch of kids.”

“Ah,” he nodded. “So, you’re a teacher.”

“Actually, no. I just got the job as the Chief of Pediatric Surgery at Mass General.”

“Oh, wow. That’s amazing. It’s funny,” he chuckled.

“What is?”

“I work with a charity that helps with the kids and family at Mass Gen,” he explained.

“Really? I’d love to hear more about it.” She hoped he took the bait. She knew he was attractive. The guy was practically a Greek God. She only hoped he was open to the possibility of getting to know her just as much as she wanted to get to know him.

“How about over dinner sometime?” He asked with a sly grin.

YES! She mentally screamed.

“I’d like that. Well, you know where I live,” she pointed at her house. She mentally face palm at herself knowing she probably looked like an idiot pointing out with her thumb like she’s hitchhiking.

He chuckled, “I gotta get back to my car.”

“I’ll see you soon.” “Hopefully sooner than later,” he flirted back.

She smiled at him once more before she called out for Phoebe. Phoebe licked Dodger’s face once more before she ran back to her owner. Y/N couldn’t help but chuckle when she heard Chris tell Dodger, “I think you have a girlfriend now.”

***

During the past week, Y/N and Chris hadn’t had their dinner date yet. It’s not that they decided not to do it or one changed their mind. Y/N’s first week at her new job was hectic. She barely had time to cook or get a good night’s sleep. Chris has also been busy filming a new show for AppleTV in Boston.

However, in between their crazy and busy lives, they still saw each other in passing. They had small conversations when getting the newspaper or the mail. They’d say hi or bye when one caught the other on their way out.

But today was different.

“Ugh,” Y/N groaned as she quickly grabbed whatever clean clothes she could find. Phoebe whined in her bed, clearly annoyed she’s being disturbed during her sleep. “What the hell am I gonna do with you?” She asked Phoebe.

She quickly tied her shoes and glanced at the time. It was nearly 3AM and she was on call. Unfortunately, she was needed for emergency surgery as one of her patients took a turn for the worst. Given the horrible situation, Y/N was already worried and stressed about Phoebe. The surgery would take over 12 hours. The doggy daycare was closed to have Phoebe with her new furfriends for the night. She had no other choice but to ask her new neighbor.

She made a ‘tsk-tsk’ noise, signaling Phoebe to follow her. She took a second before she happily followed her owner. Y/N grabbed the pink leash and hooked it on Phoebe’s collar.

“Come on, baby,” She opened the front door and grabbed her work backpack. Y/N crossed her yard and into Chris’. Phoebe’s tail wagged with excitement as she realized she was going to visit Dodger.

“Please don’t get mad,” she mumbled to herself as she rang the doorbell and looked at the dark house.

She waited and hoped Chris would answer the door. Dodger immediately barked as the doorbell echoed throughout the house. Within seconds he was at the front door, barking and jumping up and down with excitement as he saw Phoebe outside the other side of the door.

After a couple of seconds later, Chris opened the door. Y/N tried her best not to drool as he was shirtless and his dark gray sweatpants hung low on his hips. He rubbed his tired and sleepy eyes, “Is everything okay?”

“I’m so sorry to wake you, but I have a huge favor to ask,” she started. “I got called into a long surgery. Too long I can’t leave Phoebe home alone. I’m wondering if you can watch her while I’m gone?” She continued without giving Chris a chance to answer. “The guys were supposed to built a fence earlier this week because I knew this was gonna happen, but somehow they were double booked and short staffed at the same time and-”

“Hey, Y/N,” he smiled as he placed his hands on her shoulders. “Relax. I got this. I can take care of Phoebe and I can keep her for a few more hours than needed so you can get some sleep afterwards. I got this. Go! A kid needs you right now. Go be the awesome superhero that you are,” He said as he grabbed Phoebe’s leash.

“Thank you so much,” she leaned and kissed his cheek. “I owe you.”

“I’ll be sure to collect,” he smiled as he waved goodbye to her.

***

Y/N groaned and turned around to lay on her back. She looked at the clock and noticed she had slept 12 hours straight once she finished her 14 hour surgery. Although there was some complications, she still had a successful surgery. The kid would have a long and hard recovery, but he was going to be able to live life to the fullest.

“I need to get Phoebe,” she mumbled to herself before she got up from her bed.

Phoebe had been next door for over 24 hours and she couldn’t have been more appreciative and thankful for Chris’ help. She already had mind to cook dinner on her night off for the both of them as a thank you.

She opened the back door and her eyebrows immediately furrowed as she saw a wooden fence around her backyard. On the left side, there was a big square hole on the fence and as if on cue, Phoebe and Dodger ran through their new opened doggie door. Phoebe ran and jump on Y/N, excited to see her owner after what seemed like forever ago.

“Hi, baby girl,” Y/N cooed as she scratched behind Phoebe's ears. Dodger started barking, wanting the same love and attention Phoebe was getting.

“Hi, Dodger,” Y/N chuckled as both dogs started licking her face.

“Howdy, neighbor!” Chris called from over the fence. Y/N stood up and walked over to see Chris’ head. She knew he was tall, but not that tall. She assumed he was standing on his picnic table.

She chuckled, “is that going to be a thing? Howdy neighbor? Because if so, I need to pull out my overalls and cowboy hat from my summer box.”

Chris laughed, his smile reaching the corner of his eyes. “So what do you think?” He lifted his arms up, showcasing the new fence.

“Chris, you really didn’t need to do this,” she started, only to be interrupted by him.

“I already had the guys coming in yesterday and I asked them to build you a fence since they were already here.”

“Let me get my check book,” she was about to walk away.

“No. It’s okay. It’s all taken care of.”

“I insist.”

“It was nothing. Just a few selfies and videos with them and they started building right away,” he smiled. “Wanna know the best part of it?”

“I saw it. The doggy door between the fences,” she smiled. “Smart idea.”

“Oh, it definitely is, but that’s not the best part,” he hopped off the picnic table. The doggy door hole was attached to a regular size door for them to cross over any time. Chris opened it and grinned as he entered her backyard, “I got us a big doggy door. Wait, that sounded wrong,” he chuckled nervously.

Y/N’s heart swelled knowing he went above and beyond to make things as easy for her the next time she got called into work in the middle of the night for surgery.

“I really don’t know how I can ever thank you,” she walked over towards him. She leaned in and kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”

He cupped her cheeks and pulled her in for a kiss. It was gentle yet so passionate. Y/N couldn’t help but wrap her arms around his neck. Chris’ fingertips dug into her hips, fighting the urge to bring her body flushed against his. She pulled back first, her lips ghosting his.

“You’re very welcome,” he whispered. Then, his lips formed a huge smile and started chuckling.

“What?” She laughed with him.

“I’d told you I’d collect.”

[maprron]

Crush Culture

Chapter 2

chapter 1

Summary: Lucy is your average teenage girl... but she's not, it's complicated but not in a "OH I'm actually a supernatural being" but in a "OH I have to get married as soon as I turn 18" type of way. Problem #1 she doesn't like anyone and problem #2 she might have to marry her dad's friend's son... yay

Disclaimer: This story was created mainly for my friend and has no romance but they are gay so...  also I did read over this a bunch but if something doesn’t make sense blame my dyslexia... okay let’s continue

Two things kept Lucy from absolutely despising this town: her friends and the kids she babysits 

She loved kids and hoped that one that she herself would be a mother many years from now; however, the way her father decides to control the big aspects of her life it may be sooner than hoped. 

Lucy held her coat close to her body as she walked up the snow covered driveway to an unfamiliar house. She dreaded today’s job for two reasons, the first one being the events from the night prior. 

She couldn’t believe that she willingly went to Erza’s party knowing she had a job the next morning. Luckily she wasn’t dealing with a hangover however she was running on only about 4 hours of sleep thanks to her lovely friends. She didn’t leave the party till long past 3am all because Levy didn’t want to go home, Lisanna didn’t want to leave without Levy, Mira didn’t want to leave without her sister, and Lucy’s ride was Mira. 

There was a small part of her that wanted to ask Natsu and Gray to drive her back to Levy’s house, where she was staying for the night to avoid her father’s questions, as she watched them leave the party at midnight. Her mind unfortunately pushed that idea to the side, she wanted to avoid Natsu for the rest of her life if she could.

Besides it was for the best that she stayed, there was no need in worrying her friends considering they were now almost all phoneless as a very drunk Levy started tossing random phones down the staircase including her own. So Lucy hung around.

The other reason is that the child apparently belonged to one of her father’s friends. 

The worst children are the ones that belong to her father’s friends.

Well that’s what she deemed 3 years ago when she first babysat one. The kids were so bratty and disrespectful, Lucy knew kids can be bad sometimes but these kids are over the top.

Lucy was glad that while her mother was alive she showed her love and affection, something these kids unfortunately have probably never experienced. 

She felt bad for these on that aspect but she knew these children act that way usually due to their parents neglect

Lucy knocked on the front door and patiently waited for the door to open. Soon she heard shoes clicking against the wooden floors on the inside of the home. As the door opened Lucy was surprised that instead of a 40 something businessman she was greeted by a young woman that was probably in her mid to late 20s. And instead of the frown that is usually present upon these people’s faces Lucy was graced by the warm, big smile on her face. And instead of the usual medium length, fried hair the women she met commonly had from years of damaging their hair from products, this woman had fluffy, long, healthy looking white hair that went past her knees. And instead of the tired looking eyes Lucy was used to, for once she was met with pretty blue eyes.

The woman was dressed in a white sweater, a tan trench coat, matching dress pants and white heels. Her expensive looking purse was hanging from her left shoulder. She was dressed similarly to the others yet she looked like a model showing it off for a new designer brand rather than a woman going to a meeting in a rush and leaving their child with the first teen they could find.

“You must be Lucy” she looked Lucy up and down with non judgemental eyes. Something Lucy had only seen a few times in her life.

It took Lucy a moment to process the words that the lady had said to her as she still took in her appearance. Lucy thought she was beautiful. “OH uh yeah… sorry- sorry about that” she laughed nervously at her embarrassment 

“No need to worry dear, I am Grandeeny” she reached a hand out towards Lucy who quickly accepted her hand shake. “Please come in dear, it must be freezing out there” the woman quickly moved out of the way, allowing Lucy access inside the home.

Home was the right word because this one felt warm instead of cold, by just walking inside Lucy could tell that it was full of love.

Lucy took in the beautiful home in front of her. There was a chandelier hanging in the foyer above her head. To the left of her sat a shoe rack that had the shoes neatly stacked on the rack, the only thing giving away that a child lived here were the smaller shoes. Before walking any further into the home Lucy took off her snow covered boots and placed them next to the shoes on the rack.

“I’ll go get my daughter, I’ll be right back” She heard Grandeeny say as Lucy slowly walked deeper into the home.

As she looked around she was impressed with the neatness of the place. Most homes she had been in with young children tended to be cluttered with toys all over the place, even the homes with maids, yet if someone was to tell her that there was not a single speck of dirt in the house she would have believed it.

“Lucy, this is my daughter Wendy” Grandeeny said as she made way back down the stairs, this time with a little girl following behind her.

“Wendy, honey say hello” she said once she got to the bottom as she crouched down beside the girl

“Hello” the little girl waved as she simultaneously twirled a strand of hair around her finger. 

The little girl was by far the most well dressed kid she had ever seen outside of a formal setting. She currently wore a white button up with a yellow sweater vest over it and a white skirt. Her hair was fluffy, similar to her mother���s, yet unlike her mother she had dark blue hair that was short.

Lucy couldn’t imagine what she dressed like when she left the home. 

“Alright Wendy,” Grandeeny spoke finally “I know you will but please be nice to Miss Lucy while I’m gone” 

“Will you be back tonight?” Wendy’s eyebrows furrowed together as she looked up at her mom with big brown eyes

“Unfortunately not honey but don’t worry, later one of your cousins will come by and they will take you anywhere you want, now I gotta go be good” she smiled to her daughter, ruffling her hair a little before she stood back up “Lucy, my number is on the table in the kitchen if you need it, one of my nephews should be by later, 5 maybe, please let me know if they aren’t here around then okay? Okay I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow Wendy.”

“Bye mama” she reached out her arms and pulled Grandeeny’s leg into a hug. Grandeeny smiled at her daughter. Lucy had seen that smile before. She missed it 

And before she knew it Grandeeny was gone. But not the gone that Lucy was used to. A gone with a promise to return the next day. It wasn’t empty promises. Lucy missed that too.

“So,” Lucy finally said after a few moments of silence “what do you want to do?” She smiled at the girl as her eyes lit up with excitement 

~~~~

“Hey, Miss Lucy?” Wendy said as she painted Lucy’s nails 

“Hm?” Lucy looked up from her nails towards the girl in front of her 

“Do you have a boyfriend?” Wendy giggled almost as if she was laughing at herself for asking the question 

“No I don’t” Lucy replied to the kid in a calm tone, not phased by these types of questions

“Oh… do you have a girlfriend?” This question was the one that caught Lucy off guard, she wasn’t use to kids asking about that

“No- no not that either” Lucy stuttered out 

“Aww, why not you’re really pretty” 

“Thank you honey but I guess I just don’t like anyone in that way” the information was odd even to Lucy because her whole life she had never felt that way about anyone. She wanted to, she really did but she couldn’t 

“Does it feel strange?” Wendy asked another question as she continued to paint Lucy’s nails

“Sometimes…” the little girl only nodded at the comment, still focused 

“You talk a lot,” Lucy laughed, Wendy blushed probably from embarrassment Lucy concluded “it makes it sound like you like someone yourself” Lucy watched as Wendy’s face became even more flushed with red than it was and she finally stopped painting

“I…I do” she looked down at her plush rug that the two girls sat on top of “but they don’t like me”

“How do you know?” Lucy felt the need to ask. She wasn’t sure why she was talking about this with a child though

“Because…” Wendy paused and took in a deep breath then with a big huff let out “we’re both girls” Lucy kept quiet at the comment. “Also she is 9 and I’m 7… I think you might see the problem.” Lucy assumed that the problem was that 7 and 9 feel so far from each other even though they are only 2 years apart in age. 

“You’re smart,” Lucy commented. Wendy looked at her with confusion evident in her face. “You know these things yet you are so young… most kids don’t talk to me about these things or even think about these types of things.”

“Blame it on my mama I guess.” she shrugged. “She talks to me a lot about… things. She doesn’t have anyone else to talk about things with so she talks to her daughter.”

“You talk mature too” Lucy noted

“Yeah, people tell me how I remind them of mama especially in my speech,” she giggled a little “I guess it is from listening to mama over the years”

Without a doubt Wendy was an intelligent kid, she almost reminded Lucy of herself at that age. Later Lucy would find out that the reason Grandeeny talks to her daughter so much about things was she almost had no one else. All but her brothers stopped talking to her after she got pregnant because she was only seventeen and Wendy’s father wasn’t in the picture. Lucy doesn’t know how or why her dad is friends with Grandeeny considering her past and his odd values. Lucy did know however that Grandeeny was rich and successful so maybe her father just wasn’t familiar with her past but she would never be sure. 

“Hey you want to meet my cat?” The earlier conversation had long come to a close and they had finished painting each other's nails, the ones Wendy did might look better Lucy giggled about it to herself.

“Sure” Lucy smiled as Wendy got up from the rug to go fetch her cat. Soon she returns from the other room with a fluffy, white cat in her arms and a big smile plastered on her face.

“Miss Lucy this is Carla, Carla this is Lucy” she introduced the two, waving one of the cat’s paws at Lucy. 

Then there is a knock at the door and with a huff Wendy stomped off out of her room towards the front door. Lucy quickly jumped up from the floor and ran after the girl. 

The little girl opened the door as soon as Lucy reached the bottom of the stairs and the face that she was greeted with on the other side of the door was one she knew very well yet was the last one she wanted to see anytime soon.

“Natsu! I was just showing her Carla, couldn't you show up at another time.” Wendy whined with the cat still in her arms.

“Sorry Wendy” he chuckled as he made eye contact with Lucy.

Of course it was Natsu Dragneel

[thejolexgroupchat]

the one where they met in med school - part five

Jo is going through something and Alex is going to figure out what it is

Check out our Master List for parts 1-4 as well as other jolex fics we've been working on!

———

(May 2007)

Seattle Grace is a disaster zone full of lovesick, horny patients and doctors. It’s like Alex cannot turn a corner without finding someone hooking up or getting hit on. At first, he thinks he’s imagining things because there’s no way that Doctor Montgomery is staring at him like he’s a fresh piece of meat and she’s a hungry lion. They see each other almost everyday as he helps Ava recover and everyday the woman stares him down like she wants to jump him.

And that’s another thing, he was pretty sure that Ava is trying to hit on him too. He knew he was good looking and that his rare soft side has been on full display lately, but for fuck’s sake even his patients? Ava  was easier to handle than Addison, but both women were giving him a run for his money.

“You know, I think she’s trying to get in your pants,” Ava’s voice startled him as he looked up from her chart, brows furrowing as he looked at her. “Doctor Montgomery. She keeps looking at you with those sex eyes, like if I wasn’t here she’d be all over you.”

Well at least he isn’t crazy… Alex heaved a sigh and closed the chart, meeting Ava’s eyes with a smirk, “She can stare all she wants, I am off the market and not interested in one of my superiors dragging me into a supply closet for a quick hookup.”

He could tell Ava was shocked. Who in this death trap isn’t by the fact that Doctor Evil Spawn is tied down? She paused for a moment before a laugh came out, eyes falling to her hands that lay over her swollen belly, “Figures, I knew you were too handsome to be single. Does she work here too? It seems like everyone in this hospital is screwing.”

“No she’s back in Boston, she’ll be here in a few weeks though,” just saying the words out loud makes Alex’s heart flutter. Both Jo and Lexie had been accepted to the next class of interns at Seattle Grace, meaning that as soon as they walked across the stage in June they’d be flying across the country to Seattle. “It’s been too damn long, we’ve been doing long distance for almost a year now.”

“A year? Do you see her ever? I’m sure you’re super busy here,” Ava seemed genuinely curious about Alex and Jo’s relationship, a refreshing take compared to his friends that only asked if he was getting laid or not.

“Yeah we’ve both been out to see each other a few times. I just went there in March actually. It’s not enough, though. It’s not the same,” his mind now occupied with thoughts of his girlfriend, Alex said goodbye to Ava and left her room. He wasn’t even through the doorway of an on-call room before he dialed Jo’s number and waited for her to answer. “Hey you, how’s your day?”

“Fine.”

The one word answer stopped Alex’s heart. Usually, Jo was more than ready to rant about classes or tell him something exciting that she saw on campus. Instead, her monotone voice and lack of words scared him.

So he did the only thing he could think of and decided to call Lexie. The phone went to voicemail twice before it was answered, “Alex what’s going? I’m at work.”

“What’s wrong princess? Bad day?”

“No it’s just been long,” Jo sighed, her voice seeming even further away. “I have a headache, that’s all.”

“I’m sorry babe, if it makes you feel better, one of my patients thinks that my boss is trying to screw me,” Alex’s voice was light hearted as he tried to cheer Jo up, but her frustrated sigh on the other end of the line told him that she didn’t find the situation amusing. “Look, I’m sorry. I thought it was a funny story but-”

“Hey, Lexie. I’m sorry, but is Jo okay?”

“What?” Lexie scrunched her face. “That’s why you’re calling me? I have to get back to the lab.”

“Don’t hang up! It’s just… I called her a few minutes ago and she was acting weird. She was giving me short answers and then she hung up on me. She sounded stressed and nervous. Not school stressed either. I’m worried,” Alex explained.

“I know you two have been together for years, but it still kind of freaks me out whenever I hear you talk like this… Now that you mention it though, Jo has been acting off. Normally she’s really chatty in the evenings, but lately she’s been distracted.”

"Did something happen?" Alex asked.

"Not that I know of… should I get off work early and go check on her?"

"No, it's fine. I'll take care of it. Thanks Lexie," Alex hung up the phone and decided to look for Bailey.

“I gotta go, I’ll call you later,” the line went dead before Alex could say anything else, leaving him to stare down at the phone in his hands in shock. No matter how angry or upset his girlfriend has been she’d never hung up on him like that, not even during their big blowout fight a few weeks before.

After a few minutes of running around the hospital, he finally found Bailey sitting behind the nursing station giving Izzie some instructions about a patient's post-op care, "Dr. Bailey can I speak with you for a moment?"

"Say what you need to say, Karev. Stevens and I are very busy today. I don't have time to waste," Bailey replied without looking up from her charts.

Alex looked up at Izzie who just shrugged and motioned for him to speak, "I need the rest of the day off, the next few days actually."

Bailey looked up from the chart she was writing in, an unimpressed expression on her face, "Excuse me?"

"I know we're swamped and I'm on Ava's case, but I really just need a couple days. There's been a family emergency and I need to catch the next flight to Boston," Alex looked at Bailey expectantly.

"Is everything okay?" Izzie asked, concerned.

"I don't know. I couldn't really get a lot of information over the phone, but I need to get to Boston as soon as possible. Please," Alex waited for a couple seconds for Dr. Bailey's response.

"You are lucky I like you," Bailey mumbled. "Go Karev, get out of here. You have three days. Call me if it's really bad and you need more."

Alex nodded in thanks and ran to the locker room to collect his things. By the time he arrived at the airport, an hour had passed since he left the hospital. He ran up to the ticket counter and asked for the next flight to Boston. It was pricey, but the plane would leave in an hour, meaning Alex had to be quick if he wanted to make it in time for boarding.

The rest of the time in between him getting to Boston was a blur. When his plane touched down, it was midnight on the east coast. He called a cab and hopped in, giving them Jo’s address. It was 12:37am when he finally arrived. Alex walked up the steps to the apartment and knocked on the door. There was a shuffling on the inside before the door opened.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Jo’s eyes widened as she opened the door. She looked like shit, her eyes were red and puffy and she was dressed in one of Alex’s dark blue flannels and some pajama shorts.

“I was worried about you, you didn’t sound okay when I called,” Alex watched Jo’s bottom lip tremble as she held back tears, his hands coming up to hold her shoulders as she looked up at her. “Jo, what’s wrong?”

Jo tried to open her mouth to say something, but no words came out. Instead a sob broke from her throat, tears beginning to stream down her cheeks as Alex pulled her into his embrace. His hands rubbed her back slowly as he attempted to quiet her sobs.

“Jo what’re you- Alex? What the hell,” Alex looked up and met Lexie’s eyes behind Jo, hers softening as she glanced at her friend who was still crying. “She wouldn’t tell me anything, she’s been crying on and off since I got home.”

“Come on babe, let’s get you to bed,” Alex pulled back from Jo just long enough to hook his arms under her legs so he could carry her to her bedroom. She made no protests as she nuzzled further into Alex’s chest, her silence throwing him off as they settled into bed together. “I’ll be here in the morning, you just sleep.”

Jo’s sobs had turned into sniffles as she pressed her face into the crook of Alex’s neck. She was never a big cuddler when they would sleep together, most of the time Alex would be fighting her for room on the mattress as she starfished across it. That’s how Alex could tell something wasn’t right, the way that Jo was curled up into a ball pressed as close to him as possible told him everything he needed to know.

Somewhere around 3am, Alex felt Jo poke him in the side. He opened his eyes and looked at the face of the woman he loved only to find her usual joyful demeanor replaced with one of fear. He watched as Jo took a deep breath, “We need to go to the store.”

“The store? For what? Jo, it’s three in the morning. Is anything even open right now?” Alex furrowed his brow.

“There’s a twenty-four hour CVS a couple blocks away,” Jo lifted her head from its place on Alex’s chest and moved to get out of bed. “I just really need to get something from the store.”

“Jo, the store can wait. We can go in a few hours,” Alex tried reasoning with her.

“It can’t wait!” Jo exclaimed as tears began to trickle down her face again. “It can’t wait Alex. We need to go right now.”

“Okay, we’ll go now. Just calm down for me,” Alex placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “I’m going to get dressed. Give me two minutes.”

By the time they arrived at CVS, it was 3:23am. Alex made a move to exit the car when Jo placed a hand on his arm, “No! Stay here. I’ll go alone.”

“What? No, Jo it’s three in the morning. I’m not letting you go into the store alone,” Alex protested.

“There’s nobody here. I will be fine,” Jo opened the car door. “Besides, I know how to take care of myself. I’ll be back in five minutes.”

Alex was extremely confused. He had no idea what the hell was wrong with his girlfriend, but he knew it wasn’t good. In the years he’d known her, Alex had never seen her like this. He tried racking his brain for any possible thing that could’ve led her to acting like this but he came up blank.

Jo entered the car with a plastic bag in her hands, breaking him from his thoughts. He looked over at her, “You good?”

“Yeah,” Jo’s voice and face despondent. “Just drive the car.”

“Okay…”

As they walked back into her apartment, Alex gave Jo a worried look. She’d been silent the entire car ride and Alex basically had to drag her up the stairs to the apartment. He sighed, “Jo, come on. It’s been hours since I got here and you still haven’t told me anything. I left the hospital early and asked for the next three days off because I know you are not okay. I know something is wrong and I’m worried about you. Please, I love you. I am here. Let me help you.”

Wiping a couple stray tears from her face, Jo pulled Alex into the bathroom and locked the door. She handed him the bag containing what she’d just purchased from CVS.

Alex’s eyes widened as he removed what was inside the bag, “Holy shit.”

“Yeah,” Jo swallowed nervously. She leaned against the sink and closed her eyes. “Now you know why I’m acting so weird… I’m freaking out here, Alex.”

Alex looked from the unopened pregnancy test box in his hand back to Jo, “It’s okay. Everything is going to be fine Jo. You’re going to take the test and I’m going to be right here the entire time. I’m not going anywhere, no matter what this test says.”

“Can you just… go in the hallway while I pee,” Jo’s voice was quiet and far away as she looked up at Alex. Their eyes met and they both took in the same expression of fear that the other wore.

Alex nodded and left the bathroom, sliding down the wall of the hallway as he waited for what seemed to be forever for Jo to finish. His mind was racing, heart hammering in his chest as he played the last two months over in his head. If Jo was… it had to have happened when he came out in March. They’d been careful, they were always careful, but the trip had been short and sweet and they’d spent most of their time in bed.

“It says wait three minutes,” Alex is startled out of his train of thought by Jo’s voice, her figure now standing in front of him with a solemn expression. She had thrown on one of his Iowa State sweatshirts in her haste to get out the door, the fabric hanging loosely off her body as she sat on the ground and dragged herself into Alex’s waiting arms. “I’m scared, Alex.”

“Hey if it is positive you’re already heading to Seattle in a few weeks anyways. We can work it out,” Alex brushed his fingers through Jo’s hair as he pulled her close, his lips pressing into her forehead. “I love you, no matter what happens I’m always gonna love you.”

Jo nodded her head, but didn’t speak anymore. Alex felt terrible, she’d probably been carrying this around for a few days by herself while he was clueless on the other side of the country. The past year had been hell on earth for him, but he took a little comfort in the fact that in just a few short weeks they’d be waking up next to each other again.

“I’m late, like stupid late, and I haven’t been able to keep food down all week,” Jo’s voice was muffled as she pressed herself further in Alex’s chest, his fingers rubbing against her back in slow circles as her breathing became more erratic. “I’m so freaking stupid, I can’t believe this. I’m so dumb.”

Brows furrowed, Alex looked down at his girlfriend in worry. He’d never seen her this upset about something, leading him to believe that an unexpected pregnancy wasn’t the only thing clouding her mind at the moment, “You’re not stupid, I was there too. If anything I’m the stupid one.”

Jo sniffled, one hand coming up to wipe at her cheeks as she met Alex’s gaze. He’d never seen her so devoid of emotion, her face blank as she blinked up at him, “I’m ruining your life. I should’ve just let you go to Seattle without being tied to me because now you’re gonna be stuck with me and all this shit. You don’t deserve any of this.”

Alex’s face softened, his hands coming up to cradle Jo’s face tenderly. She was sitting here waiting for the results of a pregnancy test and she was worried about him instead of herself.

“Babe, you didn’t ruin anything, you never could. I’m not here because you’re forcing me to, I’m here because I want to be and because I love you,” brushing back her hair, Alex leaned his forehead against Jo’s. “No matter what happens, nothings going to change how I feel about you. Okay?”

“Can… Can you go look? Please.”

Rising from the floor, Alex walked into the bathroom and stared down at the three tests laying across the counter. Hands braced on the countertop, he let out a sigh as he looked back to Jo.

“Negative. All three are negative.”

Jo released the breath she had been holding, “Oh thank God… okay… okay.”

Alex stood silent for a moment and watched as Jo allowed a few tears to slide down her face. He crouched down next to her, one of the tests in his hands, “See. They’re negative. You’re probably just stressed about finals. It’s all good, we’re okay.”

“I’m relieved that it’s negative. I really am. We can’t handle this right now,” Jo spoke after a couple moments of silence. She looked up at Alex, eyes shining with unshed tears. “But… Is it wrong that I’m a little disappointed, though?”

Alex raised his eyebrows in surprise at her words. He and Jo never really talked about kids. It wasn’t something that was on either one of their radars. They were content with just the two of them. Alex had always assumed that he and Jo would be together until one or both of them died from old age. He didn’t need anything other than to have her by his side.

On top of all that, he didn’t think Jo wanted kids. Neither of them had very good upbringings, but Jo definitely had it worse than he did. Even though she’d never verbalized it, he knew she was afraid of being a bad mom to their hypothetical child. He supposed it was similar to the fear he had about being a horrible father, given his own history with crappy dads.

Alex's mouth twitched slightly, "It's not wrong. There's nothing wrong with feeling disappointed."

"I know, but we've never talked about it," Jo shrugged one shoulder. "I didn't even know I wanted it until just now. I've never thought about it. I've always assumed that I'd never find someone who'd want to do that with me."

That's when Alex understood. Even after three years, Jo still expected that one day he'd leave her. She thought that one day, he'd find someone better—as if that person existed—and she'd be alone. Jo didn't understand the concept of forever, she'd never had anyone stick around. It was a bit of a wake up call for him. Alex realized that he'd never been clear with his intentions.

“I guess this is my fault,” Alex rubbed the back of his neck and took a deep breath. “I’ve never said my intentions out loud because I thought they were all so obvious. I didn’t think they needed to be vocalized, but I’m not going anywhere. This ‘someone who would want to do that with you’ you thought you’d never find is me, Jo. I want it all with you. You are my home, and I never wanna go anywhere without you, do you hear me?”

Alex lifted Jo’s chin to make sure she was looking into his eyes. He noticed hers were full of tears and knew it was probably because nobody had ever said that to her before. Pulling her closer, he placed a kiss on her head, “And you don’t need to feel guilty about being disappointed.”

He moved his head so their foreheads touched, “Someday, when the right time comes, we’re gonna have a family to call our own. Until then, it’ll be just us, but we won’t need anybody else. We’re the only family we need, right? You and me,” Alex smiled, earning a smile and a chuckle from her. “We’re gonna have it all, Jo” he said.

“Someday,” Jo looked at him from the corner of her eyes with a shy smile.

Alex pulled her into a meaningful kiss, “Someday.”

[hiddeningrid]

projecting big walking energy into the universe rn

i'd love to be able to wash my hands rn cos they were down my cat's throat but unfortunately moving is impossible, syke

i was pretty long without water or food today cos i was so sick after cleaning the place for my parents who came back from holiday. fully 100% expecting my foot to be so painful that i can't put any pressure on it tomorrow so that's yeah

also the hand situation and other leg situation is Dire. gotta take some muscle relaxants tonight so i can go to the bathroom and eat tomorrow, somehow. tho i plan to mostly stay in bed if possible, just gota eat and drink less so i survive

also my cat has been gettig sick again and i am currently waiting 1 hour before feeding her in lil bits and it is 12AM so i expect sleep around 2-3AM and i need to somehow take her to the vet thurs which will Wreck my wreck of a body. everything already hurts so bad so...looking forward to it (no)

mind-blowing how bad breaking one bone can get when you're already sick ehhh

genuinely do not know what imma do if it does not heal quick. it's 2½ weeks now of this hell. just envision myself as a house plant that needs very little watering??

funniest is that my parents haven't once asked me if they could help or how i'm doing lmao. it's so them tho, they never help when i'm more sick than usual and asking usually unfurls all the ableist shit. i was supposed to test my new apartment out rn but instead i am...here.

with them here im struggling more and not less since 1) my dad particularly does not clean up after himself and our cat goes to eat the shit that my dad leaves out and then she pukes and her IBD gets way worse and u know who limps along to somehow take care of her? yeah. 2) my mother's perfumes. tonight already i had to limp Extra to close my bedroom door cos i forgot the nonsense she puts on at night. it gets complicated in the morning with the cat wanting in my room and me having to at times get up at 6AM to close my door so i wont get a perfume migraine. that's with staying up to 2-3AM at times to feed the cat when she's been puking. 3) my system of having 3 office chairs that i could hop onto in the hallway and kitchen is broken now so i have one that i need to lift over the high thresholds between the rooms and it's Bad yo.

ugh i do not know how imma make it to the other side of this mess. writing this all was a bad idea lmao i should take those muscle relaxants

[akvtsuki-ari]

A Study In Body Language | ii. tidal separations

Warnings: depictions of opioid withdrawal/drug use (there's a mention of needles), general warnings for drug addiction and arguing. 

Length: 4.4k 

Authors Note: After abandoning this fic for like? a year? I’m back at it. I really love this concept a lot and I think the end result will be good so please stick with me and read it! Promise it’ll be good <33

Plot Summary: Spencer takes time off and you’re worried about what the future holds. Maybe it’s moral obligation that leads you to take care of Reid as he works through his vices, but maybe there's something more to it. You can’t say for sure. 

Chapter 1 

Story Preface:  In the altruistic language of foreign tongue, and the flower lettering of love stories, it's important to remember the context. In which Spencer Reid and you will fall in love under the circumstantial evidence that the two of you exchange in the language that is physical, no symbolism or hidden messages but instead an abysmal means to end to find each other in places you never expect. In the image of storytelling, this is a Case Study In Body Language, and all of it's idealist beliefs and intentions. 

_______________

Midnight was detrimental to the human mind. The evidence of that was concise in the car ride between you and Dr. Spencer Reid. The space between tangible with tension and bubbling, simmering anger. 

Your hands were fastened around the steering wheel, knuckles pale white. Spencer was sitting with his knees away from you - teeth gritted together in a symphony of misplaced emotions and projection. The silence was deafening - both of you looking at anything but the other person with angry and nonsensical confusion. The wind was blurring your eyesight as you drove down the highway to Spencer's apartment, an uncomplicated endeavor that suddenly had some great stakes to it that neither of you could prepare for. Every detail was carefully placed in order to cause the most destruction. The sound of the bottles in the back clicking together, the silence of the entire city at 3am you and Spencers generally disheveled appearance. All things that seem culminated together to create a perfect disaster - it was almost poetic. 

Spencer cleared his throat, swallowing his pride as he turned his head to look at you. You were entirely still - nothing was moving except the fact he could see your toes curling in your shoes. It was a rapid and anxious movement, a way for the emotion to escape you while not showing anything else. Your jaw was forcibly still like you were telling yourself to keep it still. You were, gritted teeth and fists just begging to pound on Spencer's chest and knock some fucking sense into him. 

Spencer folds first, the silence begging to cut your tightrope friendship entirely. This outcome was beyond your words and description - neither unexpected or catastrophic, but rather heavy. A heavyweight on the both of your shoulders, tied to each other in social contract. Was it respect that kept your hands away from your phone the second you saw? Was it friendship? Or was it something bigger, much more vast than either of you that was bordering indescribable. The silence begged many questions, but most of all it begged to broken. You and Spencer forced to put the pieces together. 

“Y/N, listen,” his voice was calm - it was clear this speech was well-practiced and it pissed you off further. You shut your eyes with exasperation, as your tongue swipes the back of your teeth, physically trying to hold it back from calling him a fucking dumbass. You still might, but a selfish part of you was urged to just wait and hear his explanation. 

“I’m fine - but please don’t tell the team, I don’t need them worrying about me,” Spencer rushed the words as if they were being beaten out of him. You laugh angrily and swerve your car into a parking lot on the next turn. Spencer looks at you curiously as you stop in - opening his mouth to speak, words replaced quickly with the sound of your voice. 

“Oh, are you fucking kidding me? Are you genuinely fucking serious?,” your voice is beyond angry. Spencer's defense raises as he realizes the situation - as both of you play the other side of the court. 

“I seriously cannot believe you - I knew you were a selfish prick, but fucking seriously? Jesus Christ, Spencer what do you think happens now?,” your voice borders a scream as you look at him, eyes blurry, fingers shaking. You want to hit him, punch him, anything to knock him to his sense but you don’t, the urge pulsating through your every nerve. 

“What are you talking about? You were the one following me but this has nothing to fucking do with you! You’re supposed to just leave this alone, and I’m asking you a favor - what is complicated about that? This doesn’t concern you, so stay out of it!,” His voice is laced with dishonesty, hidden by anger but his selfishness prompts your frustration further. You want to correct him, to get it through his thick skull that this is bigger than him and you - that this has to do with the team and people he cares for but you’re too frustrated. 

“I seriously can’t fucking believe you and to be honest, I cannot deal with having this conversation with someone so fucking stupid - I’m throwing away your stash and dropping you off at home - I’ll deal with you tomorrow,” you say exasperated. You were sick for fucksake, nose still dripping and voice already hoarse from before. Too many demons in your own life for you to fight his at 3am. Not tonight anyway. 

“No, you can’t throw it away,” his voice nearly reads as a plea but you shoot him a look - one so sharp you suspect if you acted on that expression, he’d knocked out with a bruise on him.

The rest of the car ride passes in total silence, no gritting of teeth or anger left, all replaced with different kinds of exhaustion. Different kinds of frustration creating this chokehold on both of you as the long night become darker by nature - maybe as a show and tell for the plays that both of you are forced to make. To look into another's darkness without warning is a scary place to be, Both of you find yourself to explore together - the consequences were still unclear. 

You dropped Spencer off at his apartment, and you drive home. Comforted by the solitude but unable to focus on anything but the road without feeling fear stir in your chest. The feeling wasn’t out of place but it wasn’t what you were expecting. 

You feel your throat tightening as you walk into your own apartment, and walk into your kitchen - putting on coffee and rubbing your face with exasperation. The sleeplessness is replaced with jittery caffeination as you watch the sunrise through the window of your apartment. The darkness still seems to wane - but maybe that was the exhaustion talking.

__ 

Work called in like expecting but the morning lacked any feeling of normalcy expected. You were less angry now, surely. Everything was left feeling sticky in a sense - a long term discomfort surrounding everything you did, and the only thing that would relieve it would be seeing Spencer. After the anger subsided you just hoped he didn’t do anything stupid, but you weren’t close enough for the two of you to just talk or for you to text him. So you spent the whole night looking at lots of nothing while your mind went a hundred different places trying to figure out how you got here. 

Walking into the BAU was helpful - it was grounding, a well-needed kind of sanity. You were one of the few people on earth that was comforted by a place many would consider dark, but it was home. A home with people to hold you still, and love to make you weep, something you didn’t normally experience. Something you’d never really experienced before, anyways. 

Emily is the first to greet you, looking at you intently before laughing - partly concerned. You smile at her weakly, sending her a wave. 

“Rough night?,” she asks lightly, you laugh playfully and nod. She looks at you fondly, pushing her hair behind her ears.

“Being sick is quite disruptive to sleep apparently,” you remark with sarcasm. She nods and smiles sympathetically. 

“We don’t have a case today, Hotch might agree to let you stay home another day,” she comments. You shake your head. 

“Still gotta catch up on paperwork,” you say sighing. She nods again and theres a few seconds of comfortable silence. 

“Hey, Emily - do you know where Spence is?,” you ask carefully. She shoots you a curious look but answers your question. 

“He called Hotch last night and took some time off, said it was something to do with his mom. Haven’t spoken to him since yesterday,” she says, recalling that very conversation. 

Something in you drops, as you sit up straight. Emily looks at you confused, but you don't have any clue on how to explain so you don’t. Instead, you stand up and look for Hotch whose in his office.

“On second thought, I think I’m gonna go ask Hotch to take another day,” you say, voice hoarse. Emily just nods at you, dazed in her own right.

“Thanks, Em, see you soon,” you say as you rush over to Hotch’s office. He looks at you as you pop the door open, and greet him. You swallow thickly, your words seeming to be stuck to your throat as you speak them - unable to do anything but rush. Your every movement and expression feel that way - like time is moving too fast and too slow all at once. 

Hotch looks at you concerned, sensing your urgency as you walk in and close the door behind you. 

“Hey Hotch, can I talk to you?,” you repeat the question meekly. 

“Of course, Y/N,” he says to you, brows furrowed tightly with worry. 

“I wanted to request some time off, something is going on back home and - ,” your voice sounds like its going to break, so Hotch stops you. 

“Take as much time as you need, we’ll be here when things settle,” He speaks knowingly, the only one on the whole team who does know anything about it. It wasn’t technically a lie either, but it was happenstance that you were taking time off for it. 

“Thanks, Hotch,” you reply softly. He nods at you and you’re on your way out of the door. No one else is in, and Emily isn’t in sight so you slip away entirely undetected. 

The car ride to Spencer's house makes your skin itch. You can’t get dark thoughts out of your head, struggling to drive there in the first place. Worry blossoms in your chest and every stoplight seems to stimulate the feeling. Every moment that you aren’t sure is another moment Spencer could be doing something detrimental and you can’t have that guilt resting in you. 

You rush up his apartment stairs, and knock on the door. Silence. You shake yourself, trying to regain some balance before you knock again - voice small as your call to Spencer on the other side. 

“Are you okay?, Spencer,” your voice echoes in the empty hallways - seeming to loom over both of you. Every movement you make is calculated, and precise. 

Spencer lays against the other side of the door, slumped up against it with exhaustion. He knows he’s experienced minor withdrawals, he hasn’t gotten high in days and its working him heavily. His skin is hot against his clothes, eyes dilated, breathing through his mouth as he tried his best to stay still and relax. Pain shoots within his muscles as he fixates himself on anything, anything to keep him afloat. He hears your voice and winces. 

“I’m fine, Y/N, leave me alone,” he croaks out. You sigh with relief but know you can’t leave. 

“Just open the door, Spencer,” you say sighing. He feels a shiver run down his spine and shakes his head as if you can see him. 

“This has nothing to do with you, Y/N. I don’t understand what you’re here for in the first place,  you’re not gonna be some hero for finding this out. I gotta say I am impressed that you figured it out first though, I always figured you were kinda incompetent,” his breathing is heavy, taking an edge of his words. It stings to hear since you know he still means them but you don’t have the energy to complain. You sit down, back against his door and sigh. 

“You really are an absolute dickhead,” you say more to yourself than anyone else, growing frustrated. You rub your face in your heads, your legs up to your chest and you sigh aloud - annoyed. 

“Just leave me alone already,” his words hold sincerity in them. He sincerely doesn’t like you, and neither do you - but the two of you knew that already - before your relationship was purely political but it was forced to go deeper than that. This feeling was a cross between pure annoyance and frustration - you didn’t know someone's existence could be so frustrating but you found yourself here. 

“What do you want Spencer? Do you want some emotional speech about how you shouldn’t do this, and how you’re stronger than this? Well, fuck you - you’re not getting that out of me. I’m not fucking JJ, or Penelope, or anyone else for that matter. To be honest, I don’t give a single shit about your life outside of work and I’ve always planned on keeping that way. This situation, my presence here - we lie in this bed together. I’m not JJ, I’m not gonna pretend to be here out of some deep-rooted platonic love. We’re co-workers, and I’m a decent fucking person so I’m not gonna let you sit here and rot-away. Why? Because JJ, Derek, Emily, Penelope, and Hotch all care for you and I care about them. I’m not gonna let you ruin yourself and be a selfish prick  - so open the fucking door and let me help so you can actually get better. After that, I’ll keep your dirty little secret,” 

Your speech is given unwavering, and every word you said held a specific weight. You were right, and that was ultimately the problem. You weren’t close to Spencer, but you were close to the team. He knew you were doing this because you had too, solely out of moral obligation - he knew that you understood that something was objectively wrong. And maybe that was the problem - none of this was personal to you. You were actually just trying to help because you knew he needed it - he had no intrusive thoughts about something so objective. He sighs heavily, letting tears escape him. Weakly, he stands up and opens the door slightly. 

You walk into Spencer's apartment and scan the room. It’s a mess, books stacked up untidily along with take-out boxes and plastic water-bottle littering random areas. Fresh needles sat on the edge of his desk, and you winced at their presence - the whole thing too familiar. Spencer sitting on the couch dazed off. You know immediately. 

“Withdrawal,” you mumble to yourself. He looks at you confused. 

“How?,” 

“Not important. How many days has it been since you showered?” you ask. He can’t seem to remember and you sigh. 

“When was the last time you ate?,” you ask again. He shuts his eyes, lids twitching before he responds. 

“Last night,” he says again. You check his temperature and his body is hot. You sigh. 

“How long can you be alone for?,” you ask. He shakes his head, rubbing his face. 

“An hour, at most,” he admits to you quietly. You sigh, standing up and giving him a tight hug. It’s unexpected, and not something he was used to but the comfort was so... comforting he couldn’t refuse. You feel hot tears land onto your abdomen as you sigh, rubbing Spencer's back with understanding. 

“Leave the door unlocked in case you fall asleep, I’ll be back in half an hour. I’m gonna put on a nature documentary, so just watch that and just try to focus on it. When I come back, tell me something you didn't know already or correct something that was wrong - that’s your homework for the next half-hour, okay?” you say softly. Your tone of voice was warm, and knowing. This process seemed familiar to you but Spencer decides against saying anything. 

You put on some animal planet on your laptop, and go off on your way, letting Spencer watch and focus intently. He finds his eyes shutting as time passes, and falls asleep. 

__ 

Spencer wakes up to the sound of pots and pans in his kitchen. He doesn’t think he’s ever used his kitchen so he’s startled at first. He rubs his eyes with the back of his hand as he walks into his kitchen to see you. You’re wearing an apron and bandanna, a long shirt and leggings. He’s never seen you like this, watching with intent as you fidget with the knobs on his oven. The smell of pasta and garlic hit him with ferocity and his stomach grumbles. You startled by his presence and turn to look at him. He finds himself overwhelmed and slips out a quiet hello. 

“Hey, Spencer. How’d you sleep?,” you ask the question casually. He blinks again and looks at you. 

“Well,” his response is dry. You start washing dishes in the kitchen sink as the oven turns off and Spencer finds himself walking closer to the island in the middle of it. He takes a seat, seeing fresh fruit and a glass of water poured out for him. 

“They had some strawberries on sale, so I cut them up for you. Vitamin C is good for you right now, and you need to eat anyways - so have some,” you explain, mindlessly washing away. You shake your head at how many seem to be in the sink,  probably a lot of weeks of build-up. It makes you wonder if anyone comes by. 

“Why’re you doing this,” he asks before he can stop himself. He flinches at the sound of his voice, gravelly and exhausted. You know the questions coming, but you can’t give him a good answer yet. You figure it’s worth a shot to try. 

“Recovery is a slow thing. The small things are what can be the most overwhelming when you’re trying to get better and I want you to get better” you say as honestly as possible. 

“But why?” he asks again. Not urgent, just curious. You turn the water off and look at him 

“It’s a story for when I know you a little better Spence,”

The answer seems to satisfy him, as he looks down. 

His voice is barely a whisper as he looks at you, watching you bend down and pull out a tray of lasagna. He watches you so carefully, he finds his heart, stirring - unsure of why. He smiles, a very small, but genuine smile as you place the lasagna on the counter. You look to him and give him a tight-lipped smile back. 

“It’ll be a minute before this cools, so I suggest you take a shower, or bath or something,” you suggest. Spencer winces, the thought of being alone in the bathroom making his skin crawl. He’s brain wracks itself with the idea of being alone again, that loneliness is what got him here in the first place and to be anywhere but there is so relieving. His eyes are hollow when he thinks about it. You see his expression and yours softens. 

“I know it’s tough if you want I can massage your head with shampoo or something before you go in - make it a little less daunting. My little cousin likes it because he’s scared of the sound the shower makes, so it might help,” you explain. Spencer blushes, but the idea isn’t all that bad. A little embarrassing but it’d be nice. Plus his head hurts, so it’s not all that bad of an idea. He scratches the back of his neck and nods. 

“Thank you,” his voice is barely above a whisper. You look at Spencer tenderly, and you sit down at the island next to him. He turns his body, neck stretching as he looks at you exhausted. 

“You’re gonna be fine, Spencer. It’s not gonna be easy because this type of thing, it just seems to follow you. It’ll feel like it’s everywhere at first, but it isn’t. Keep your head up, if not for you - for the people who need you like Diana and the team,” you explained gently. Spencer and you weren’t ever very close but his mother loved you. Even if she couldn’t remember you, she always had a pleasant reaction to your name when she was feeling okay. She had met you when Spencer brought her into the BAU for a case. 

Spencer's eyes shift their focus onto you and for the first time in his life, his reaction to you wasn’t so unpleasant. It was still strained, still difficult and unruly - but different. It was humanizing to see you like that. He nods at you, dazed. You give him an awkward smile. 

“C’mon, let's get you cleaned up,” you say, softly. Spencer blushes as he leads you to the bathroom

_

“I’m starting to realize, I don’t actually know anything about you,” Spencer muses softly. Your fingers are tucked away in his curls, white bubbles of foam and shampoo between them as you work Spencer scalp. His hair was greasy, but that's probably because he used that terrible 4-in-1 stuff before. You figured you’d be there for a while anyway, so you ended up using your own products. Disgusted at the fact he was a grown man and still used 4-in-1. Who does that? 

“I don’t really talk a lot about what I do outside of work,” you reply casually. You scratch a part of Spencer scalp and watch his neck crane in delight like he was a small dog. You stifle your laughter. 

“What do you do then?” Spencer asks. 

“I volunteer with kids, mostly. I help them learn to read at the library nearby, you know - read with them and help them pick out new stories to learn together,” you say sincerely. Spencer is softened by your words. 

“That's really nice,” Spencer comments. You laugh. 

“I guess so. It’s just something I do, you know?  Kids are wonderful, they have so much wonder about life. It’s all sincere, too. It’s more fun to read with people whose imaginations are so big, seeing them make up their own world,” you say affectionately. Spencer nods in agreement. 

“Yeah,” 

There's a moment of comfortable silence before Spencer finds himself curious again. 

“What else do you do in your spare time?,” 

“I try to volunteer as much as I can, just in general. Soup kitchens, animal shelters, that kind of thing. If I’m taking some personal time, I cook a lot. I’ll invite some people over and have a small dinner party. I’d invite the BAU sometime but that's kinda Rossi’s thing so I wouldn’t wanna intrude,” you say softly. Spencer notes that none of those things are really all that personal. 

“Those are all things you do for other people, though. What do you do for you?,” Spencer asks again. You feel something stir in you at the question, and you shift. You become a little suddenly aware at the fact that Spencer's head is between your thighs but you can’t say anything about it. 

“I listen to music a lot. I cross-stitch sometimes but that makes me sound super old. I bake a lot too, loaves of bread and bagels and sometimes desserts but I don’t have much of a sweet tooth. I really enjoy my me-time so I have very long-winded self-care routines that I do to loosen up and feel pampered. It’s nice,” you say shyly. You’re not used to the question, about what you do for you. It feels vain to answer. Spencer seems intrigued by that. 

“Self-care routine?,” Spencer eggs on. You chuckle at his curiosity. 

“Skincare, self-pampering, shit like that. Most women have like 3 different versions and they vary based on how much time they have. I’m a working woman, so I have a version for cases and a version for weekends alone and a version for going out. I can’t speak for guys here, so I won’t but yeah,”

“You know, it’s been proven time and time again that it’s majorly beneficial for people of any gender to take time off to attend to personal needs. It’s shown major benefits in overall happiness, mood, and overall attitude,” Spencer repeats back. You give a small smile, it finally feels more like Spencer. 

“Take your own advice, genius,” you comment back sarcastically. Spencer laughs, leaning into your fingers without much thought. He’s visibly more comfortable than he was before. It makes you comfortable too. 

“Alright, you feeling okay to go shower, kid?,” you ask Spencer. He does, but he find himself a little disappointed. The nickname bounces around his head for a moment before he laughs again. His voice is light. 

“Yeah, yeah I think I’m okay. Thank you,” He stands up and so do you, and the two of you look at each other for what feels like a few seconds too long. You look at him, the old t-shirt he’s in, and his pajama pants and you can’t help the way your heart bangs against the cage of your chest. It could’ve been a lot of things, maybe the fluorescent lightning or the way that your hands were covered in shampoo, or the way Spencer stood a little slumped and sleepy. You didn’t want to kiss him. You were just compelled to give him a break, and maybe that was worse. Feeling compelled to give someone empathy even though a small part of you always felt like they were a complete asshole. Feeling moved by someone's vulnerability so much you almost give them a pass, yes certainly that was more dangerous. 

You don’t say anything, you just give Spencer a smile and a pat on his chest. He hates the way he takes notice of the feeling. 

“I’m gonna set up dinner, and we can watch Harry Potter,”  It was the one thing you two had in common before all this. He nods. 

“Okay, yeah, that works. Thanks,” he says again more softly. He wants to say more, and in a way so do you but neither of you does. You wash your hands of the shampoo and close the door behind you. Your eyes flutter closed for a moment as you listen to the water run and think to yourself. It was by pure circumstance that you ended up here, really. The way every move had made thus far, though it felt so careful feels beyond your control. You weren’t alone for the first time in a long time and this feeling keeps weighing on you. More dangerous than love is empathy. Empathy for someone so stupid and selfish, it made you feel strange. Yet it was there. Yet, you were there. 

Spencer understood the feeling. Guardian Angel, the term bounced around in Spencer's mind as he showered. The feeling of your fingers still on his mind. Not alone, for the first time in too long. Strange is such a phenomenon. 

__ taglist: @cynbx​ @zephyr-studiesjp​ @reid-187​ @louistwinslover​ @skrrrrrrrrrrt​

[sunnyie-eve]

19 | We're Just Friends

Series: Trouble In Hawkins (Steve Harrington x Henderson! Billy Hargrove x Henderson!)

Word Count: 2.3k

Warnings: Language, Fluff, Light Smut

Previous

May 1985

Summer was approaching quickly and I couldn't wait for it to come. Steve and I are literally glued to the hip all the time hanging out. Then Billy and I usually sneak off together to hang out at random ass times. Which meant sometimes at 3am Billy would show up at my house because he couldn't sleep due to Neil yelling at him. Max was the only person who knew how close me and Billy really were since she interrogated me after that night she saved our asses from Neil. She said she had a feeling we were sorta closer because of small interactions she saw at times.

"Loser, are you listening to me?" Steve snaps his fingers in my face. "Huh, sorry just thinking," I say looking at him across the table. "I said are you coming to watch me at practice today?" He smacks my hand. "When do I ever miss one?" I say watching Billy from across the cafeteria. "I also asked do you think Christie will go out with me if I ask her?" He asks but I ignore him still watching Billy. He sees me looking at him and motions for me to follow him. "I gotta use the bathroom." I get up and leave the table quickly going out to the empty hall to see just Billy. "Let's ditch the rest of the school day. We'll be back for basketball practice." Billy grabs my hand dragging me down the hall. "Billy!" I say as the bell rang for lunch to be over. "Beat you to the car!" I yelled, running down the hall towards the exit.

We drive to the park we usually hang out at to pass the time before heading back to school. On the drive back the screech of the tires and the sudden jolt of the car startled me. "What are you doing Billy?" I shrieked, grabbing onto the leather of my seat as the vehicle swerved from the road and onto the grass nearby. The car came to a complete stop and before I could register what was happening Billy's lips were on mine. "Shit Sky, I'm sorry," He panics, "I shouldn't have done that I just-." With a burst of confidence I leap forward, my lips pressed fiercely against his and my hands moved to rest on his chest. A moment later I felt him grip my shoulders, and he gently pushed me away from his lips so he could look into my eyes. Not a second later his lips found mine again, the two of us smiling into the kiss.

"Let's move to the back Billy." I panted, sounding unashamedly needy. "Please." I kissed along his jaw, waiting for permission to climb into the back seats. A tight grip on my hips and a groan was all I needed. I hurried into the back of the Camaro and lay down my eyes never leaving Billy's as he shrugged off his jacket quickly before climbing back after me. He moved over to me slowly at first, putting his knees between my open legs as I lay on the backseat. His arm came down next to rest his hand beside my head, holding himself up above me, hesitant. Billy lowered himself softly, eyes still searching mine for doubt, for any sign for him to stop. Finding none, he pushed his hips slowly into mine. His arm, still beside my head, lowered so his weight was on his elbow, his face inching closer to mine as he went. His lips were mere inches from mine when he whispered, "Are you sure you want this? Want me?" I just stare into his eyes. I need to get Steve out of my mind. I closed the space between our lips, kissing him firmly.

It didn't take long for the both of us to undress each other. It had been a long time coming, the need to see and feel each other had thrown any nervousness I had out the window. I lean towards the glovebox and grab on of his condoms to give him. "You looking through all my shit?" He takes it from me putting it on. "You've asked me to get shit out if there before. It's not hiding if you just throw them in there." Even though there was much room in the back seat to straddle his lap, I made it work. I take a moment to settle down on him, hearing his heavy breathing. "Christ... you feel so fucking good." He said in an almost breathless tone. My arms find themselves wrapped around his shoulders, holding on to his bare shoulders as I started to move my hips on him riding at a steady pace. His hands came to my bare hips, holding onto them with a tight grip. That would probably bruise slightly tomorrow.

"Just like that, keep going. Fuck, don't stop what you're doing." I listen to him. I tilted my head back as  I could feel my own orgasm coming on. Soft noises escaped my lips as my thighs trembled from the pleasure. "Fuck... I'm so close" I let out a heavy breath. Billy nods his head, stopping my movements with his hands. He thrusts his hips into mine, hitting much deeper and faster. I tried my best to keep my noises downs "Let me hear you, princess." He muttered under his breath. "It's okay. no one can hear you, here."

I nodded and did as he asked, letting the cascade of filthy sounds fall from my lips. It didn't take much longer for him to get to breaking point. Both of us came to our high at the same time and released. He continued to move us both through the orgasm before slipping out. Neither of us moved or said anything for a moment after that, I had my head resting on his shoulder while both of us just breathed and collected out thoughts. "That was amazing." Billy finally said, breaking the moment of silence. "You were amazing." I couldn't help but chuckle. "Now I understand what the girls were talking about." I say making him chuckle as he kisses me sweetly. "We need to head back or we'll miss practice." He says and we both get dressed climbing back into the front seats heading off to school. "This isn't going to change anything right?" Billy asks resting his hand on my thigh. "No, it's not. You wanna know why? Because I let this happen and I wanted it to happen." I say taking his hand into mine as we continue driving.

~

When we showed up to school everyone was staring at us as they were leaving the school. "Ignore all the stares and if they say something tell me because I will shut them up." He pats the top of my head as we head towards the gym. As we get through the doors I see Steve eyeing us. "I'm going to go change, see you when I get out Princess." He smiles rubbing my back as he runs off to the locker room. Ugh, why do I feel like shit? I mean, yeah, I wanted to forget about Steve... but I also wanted that to happen because I like Billy too. God, I hate myself. "I realize you skipped the last two classes when I went to walk you to your classes. Then I hear through others you ditched with Hargrove and I didn't believe it till I just saw you walk in with him." Steve says walking up to me.

"I did. We just drove to the park hanging out to pass time then came back for practice. You know we're friends." I say taking a seat on the bleachers. "I see the way he looks at you Skylar, I don't like it." He says making me scoff. "I don't care, Harrington, mind your own business." He looks at me hurt. "I'm your best friend." He sits next to me. "Exactly Steve, you're my friend! That's it! I get you are just worried about me but I can be friends with whoever I wanna be friends with." I get up and leave the gym going home. I have to get over the fact we're just friends and that's all he sees me as. I'm

"Skylar, where are you going?" Steve follows me out to the parking lot. "I'm going home, Steve." He grabs my wrist turning me to face him. "Look, I'm sorry. Please come back inside." He begs me pouting. "Because you're my best friend, I will." I roll my eyes and he picks me up spinning me around. "I know you love me." He smiles carrying me back inside the gym. Halfway through practice, I snuck out to my car to drive home. I didn't feel like watching the boys play today, I had other things on my mind.

"What are you doing home? Practice isn't over yet." Dustin looks at the time as I walked inside the house. "I don't feel well." I lie going to my room and before I could lock my door Dustin comes in. "Did something happen?" He puts his hands on his hips. "What are you talking about?" I asked annoyed with him. "Last time you were like this you and Steve had a small fight over something stupid." He walks closer to my bed. "It's nothing, Dustin. Now get out please." I lay down trying to ignore him. "What is it this time?" He asks still not leaving my room. "Dustin, I don't wanna talk about it so please get out." I groan rolling over. "It can't be-," I cut him off. "Dustin Henderson Get Out Of My Room Now Please!" I shout at him and he leaves my room.

-

Steve looks over to where Skylar usually sits to watch him play but she wasn't there anymore. Did she sneak off and go home? He thought to himself. Practice went by faster than usual to Steve and he didn't even go take a shower afterward. He headed straight out the doors and saw Billy. "Hargrove, where did you go off to with Skylar?" Steve walked up to Billy's car as a girl walked away looking sad. "I'm sure she already told you since you probably asked her. We just drove to the park to hang out then came back for practice. I get that you guys are best friends but let her breathe some." Billy shoved his hands into his pockets. "I don't like the way you look at her. I don't want you to hurt her by fucking and dropping her like the others." Steve starts to get worked up.

"I think you are forgetting that Sky is friends with me too." Billy chuckles. "Please, I wouldn't call you two friends. You two never hang out outside of school and barely talk in school." Steve crosses his arms. "Hate to break it to you Harrington but we hang out a lot outside of school. What do you think she's doing when you two don't hang out? She's not home alone. Also, I'm not going to drop her like other girls Harrington. I actually like Skylar so you don't have to worry about that." Billy's words make Steve grow hot inside. "You don't like her, don't lie to me." Steve stands up straight making Billy chuckle. "Well do you like her more than a friend?" Billy asks him making Steve lost for words. "Because if not maybe that means she'll pick and stay with me in the end." Billy gets in his car driving off.

Steve gets into his car and speeds over to Skylar's place. "Steve, what are you doing here?" Dustin opened the door. "I need to talk to her, Dustin." Dustin lets him inside but stops him. "What's going on? She came home upset." Dustin whispers yells at Steve. "I got mad at her because she ditches and left with Billy after lunch." Steve gets frustrated again. "It's not the first time, Steve. He always sneaks in and out of her room. She doesn't know I know though. They're close to each other and even though I don't like it one bit. It makes her happy and helps her get over... She locked herself in her room." Dustin changes the topic and Steve push past him going to her room.

"Dustin, I said leave me alone!" Skylar opens her door and sighs. "Steve, I'm sorry I left... it's just I'm just not feeling well." She says and Steve walks into her room locking the door. "I can't lose you to Billy. Sky, you're special to me and I don't want to lose my best friend." He pulls her to sit down on the bed. "Steve, you aren't going to lose me to Billy because we're just friends." She holds his hand. "But Billy said you might pick and stay with him though." Steve squeezes her hand. "Steve, I told you months ago I sorta like him. He's the only guy that shows interest in me and he's shown me he's changed. You guys don't know the Billy I know know. The thing is even though I like him, I'm never going to get with him. So don't worry about it." Skylar finishes and Steve hugs her. "Now, let me take care of you since you don't feel well."

"Steve, I don't need to be taken care of." She says as the phone starts to ring. Steve goes to pick it up but Skylar moves him away from it picking it up. "Hello?" She answers the phone. "You need to calm down your friend because he came up to me after practice telling me to stay away from you," Billy tells her and she looks at Steve watching her. "I just did." She keeps it short. "Good, because he has no right to be in our business even if he's your friend. Fucker was acting like a protective boyfriend. I gotta get off, Neil just got home. Love you, Princess." Billy tells her. "Love you too asshole." She hangs up. "Who was that?" Steve asks. "Jonathan." She lies.

Next

[chilling-seavey]

Nothing Revealed/Everything Denied (c.s.) - Chapter Five

A/N Blossoming relationship - either platonic or romantic - are always fun to write 🥰

Tyler had never seen Christian clean so much in his entire life, watching his younger brother rush around to tidy the living room and wipe down the kitchen counters in a mad rush, throwing all of Kobe’s toys into the basket and straightening out the things covering the dining room table. He watched with an amused smirk as he got his shoes on to head out to work and pulled his bag onto his shoulder.

“Good luck today.” Tyler said as opened the door on his way to leave.

“We’re just going over lines. I don’t need luck.” Christian said breathlessly as he shut the kitchen cupboard louder than intended.

“It looks like you need luck.” Tyler chuckled. “See you tonight, bro.”

Christian wished his older brother a good day at work before the door closed and he was left alone in their house, looking around to make sure it looked tidy enough for Michelle to come over to run lines with him. They had been messaging often since their adventures to the mall to blow their first paycheques and he eagerly put out the idea to invite her over to run lines at 3am when he was half asleep and a bit too delusional. But she accepted right away, leaving him in a mad rush to make the house look somewhat put together and not an obvious bachelor pad when he woke up.

Running lines with the original screenplay writer was something that didn’t happen often, so he was thrilled at the opportunity to be able to pick her brain in every aspect of how she pictured each scene she wrote and crafted.

At 11am, the doorbell rang and Christian nearly tripped over Kobe in their mad rush to answer it, the small dog barking furiously. He scooped up the puppy and opened the door to reveal a grinning Michelle on his doorstep.

He barely got a greeting out before she was fawning over the puppy in his arms, giving Kobe a little scratch behind his ear as he licked excitedly at her hand, his tail wagging a mile a minute.

“He loves new people.” Christian chuckled, leading her inside and closed the door again before setting the dog back on the ground.

“And I love new puppies!” Michelle cooed, crouching down to pet Kobe as he ran around her and tried to jump on her.

“Can I get you something to drink?” Christian asked.

“I’m okay. I got this on the way.” she held up her half drank Starbucks cup full of bright pink liquid and dotted with strawberries as she stood up.

“What is that?”

“Strawberry Acai Refresher with lemonade.” Michelle said. “It’s my crack. I’m not a coffee drinker so…”

“Oh, me neither.” Christian added as if it was an important piece of information.

Michelle looked around as she followed him farther into the house, Kobe at her heels, “For a struggling actor you live in a pretty nice cardboard box.”

“You can thank my brothers for that.” Christian sighed, sitting down on the couch and grabbed the manuscript from the coffee table. “I’d be screwed if I was an only child.”

“Believe me, I am.” Michelle added, sitting next to him and shuffled though her bag.

“You don’t have siblings?” Christian gaped. “What a boring life you must live.”

“Why do you think I moved here?” Michelle laughed, her own manuscript in hand. “Need some sort of excitement in my life.”

Christian just smiled to himself before leaning down to pry to dog off of her leg, “Kobe, relax.”

“Seems I’ve already made a friend.” Michelle chuckled.

“Where should we start?” Christian asked, scooping Kobe onto his lap to calm him down.

“The beginning is always a good place.” Michelle smirked, flipping open her manuscript.

“Ha ha.” Christian glared playfully at her and flicked through his copy to find his first appearance.

“Act it out for me, mister actor.” Michelle demanded, grabbing Kobe from him so he could get up. Christian jumped up and walked a few paces out so he could recreate his dramatic entrance. He took a breath before getting into character marched forward, his face down to a scowl.

“On your feet, Private.”

Michelle took to reading the action, “Henry stands shakily, frightened of his commanding officer and his broad figure towering in the dark above him.”

Christian continued with his next line, “Why are you lazing about writing love letters while your team works hard for this army? Do you not care about your country, Private?”

“More disappointment, less anger.” Michelle suggested. “You gotta humiliate him rather than scare him; you want his respect not his fear.”

Christian tried again, slowing himself down, as if to make a mockery of the other character, “Why are you lazing about writing love letters while your team works hard for this army? Do you not care about your country, Private?”

“Henry doesn’t reply at first, staring into the chest of the officer.” Michelle glanced back up at Christian. “Now you want the anger.”

Christian cracked a momentary smile at her before switching back into character, shouting a stern, “Answer when spoken to, Private.”

A half-asleep Kobe startled on Michelle’s lap at Christian’s sudden shout that echoed off the walls.

“Ahh! I freaking knew you’d kill this! You heard it here first, people.” Michelle grinned, her excitement obvious in her voice as she threw her hands up in the air.

“I’ve only said three lines!” Christian laughed.

“Yes, sorry, sorry.” Michelle mumbled, biting back her smile to hide her excitement, “I’ll try to contain myself. Moving on…what’s the next line…”

The early afternoon progressed quickly as they worked through each of his lines to make it perfect, Kobe eventually moving into another room because Christian’s character was way too angry all the time for his liking. By the time they reached the final scene, both Christian and Michelle had moved the coffee table to the side to create a bit of a stage and were full on acting out each scene. They stood the distance of the living room apart, manuscripts in hand.

“And ‘bang’.” Michelle watched Christian’s expressionless face falter only a moment before he looked down to his chest and raising a trembling hand there before looking back up at her and fell forward onto his knees on the living room rug. Christian pulled his hand back slowly from his chest as if to inspect it.

“Henry rushes over across the war-torn battlefield to his brother’s side and collapses to his knees.” Michelle followed the actions and situated herself beside Christian. He looked up at her with blue eyes shimmering with tears and his movements were jagged as if he was truly in agonizing pain, working through the next lines like he was really on his last breath.

And when his character finally died, Michelle nearly broke down, grabbing his t-shirt in her hands and shook him, “Christian! I’m gonna cry! This is amazing! You’re amazing!”

Christian laughed from where he laid over her lap, “It was good?!”

“So freaking good!” Michelle beamed down at him. “Literally how I pictured it!”

“Yes!” Christian sat up and they double high fived, taking a moment to wrap his fingers around hers and give her hands a squeeze.

“I think we need a celebratory lunch. On me.” Michelle suggested, getting up from the carpet and helped pull him to his feet.

“No way. Lunch on me.” Christian corrected, sliding the coffee table back into place.

“I’m not allowed to treat my actor after a wonderful run-through?”

“I’m not allowed to treat my writer after giving me my big break?”

“Touché. I’ll buy yours and you buy mine?” Michelle suggested, pulling her purse over her shoulder.

Christian laughed, grabbing his keys, “You got it. I’ll buy the most expensive thing on the menu.”

[tsuki-chibi]

Passionfruit (November) Day 30: Options

Want to start from the beginning? See Passionfruit on AO3, or subscribe to the series to get an update for when the sequel is posted: Fruitful

————

“Marinette? Are you up yet?”

Marinette grunted into her pillow by way of response, pulling the covers over her head. She was exhausted and it was much too early to be up, in spite of the fact that she could hear Adrien humming away, wide awake, in the back of her head. Unfortunately, they did little to block the sound of her maman’s voice.

“Marinette! You better be awake. You’re going to be late!”

No way. Marinette stuck a hand out from under her warm covers and groped around blindly for her phone. When she finally found it, she drew her phone beneath the covers and pried open one gummy eyelid to stare blearily at the screen. It took a few seconds for her eye to focus against the brightness, and then for the time to register.

“Oh my god, I’m so late!” Marinette shrieked, throwing her covers off and lunging towards her ladder. “Tikki! Why didn’t you wake me up?!”

Her feet hit the ground as an expectant silence filled the room. Usually this was the time when a scowling Tikki poked her head up to say that she had tried to wake Marinette, thank you very much. Or a grumpy Tikki would point out that she was not a secondary alarm clock and that it wasn’t her fault Marinette had ignored her phone’s alarms. Either reaction was common.

‘Mari,’ Adrien thought, very gently and painfully, and reality slapped Marinette across the face with such stunning clarity that her knees buckled and she had to grab her ladder for support.

Right. Tikki wasn’t here anymore. The realization made her feel cold. No wonder she was so tired: she’d had a terrible time falling asleep last night. Her room had felt so empty without the reassuring sound of Tikki’s soft breathing. Marinette had lain awake for hours, alternately crying and being soothed by Adrien, and then soothing him while he cried.

Because as empty as her room was, at least she knew her parents were just down the hall. A single word and Marinette could have all the companionship she wanted, even if it wasn’t the creature she wanted. Adrien had it much worse. Neither of them had ever stopped to consider just how much space a tiny kwami could take up, but now they were seeing the effects of that first hand and it was horrible.

‘I can’t believe I forgot,’ she thought, appalled at herself. Yet how could she get used to this new normal that quickly? It hadn’t even been twenty-four hours yet...

‘I wish I could forget for even a few minutes,’ Adrien thought morosely. ‘I ended up leaving the house early this morning. I couldn’t stay there.’

Marinette bit her lip, clenching her hands into fists. Of course he couldn’t. Being able to turn into Chat Noir had changed Adrien’s life dramatically. For a few brief, shining months, Adrien had gotten a taste of what freedom was like. Whether that was parkouring around Paris at 3am or spending all evening getting cuddles and cookies from Ladybug, just knowing that he had that opportunity meant everything.

And Fu had cruelly wrenched that away without sparing a thought to either of them. The sheer lack of consideration made Marinette angrier than she could accurately put into words. Adrien was right: this wasn’t fair.

‘I’m coming,’ she thought, knowing that was little comfort. Adrien loved her, but she was no replacement for Plagg. She couldn’t help him escape, not in the ways that really mattered.

She tiredly pushed herself up off of her ladder and walked over to her closet. Her eyes stung and a lump rose in her throat as she looked at her clothing. Tikki loved helping Marinette pick out what she was going to wear. She had taken such pride in her clever, creative holder, often praising the workmanship or details of Marinette’s work. In a lot of ways, Tikki really had been her biggest fan.

Blinking back tears, Marinette pushed aside every scrap of fabric that was red, black or green. She settled on a jean skirt with a blue blouse that had some fine purple detailing. Then, for the first time in a long time, she took her hair out of its beloved pigtails and instead scraped her hair into a messy bun. She was just pulling on sneakers when her maman called out again.

“Marinette!” The trap door wobbled and opened, and Sabine stuck her head up, scowling.

“I’m ready!” Marinette said quickly. “Just gotta brush my teeth.”

Sabine shook her head. “What you gotta do is learn to get up in time! You cannot keep being late, young lady. You’re out of options here. Do you understand me? One more tardy and your papa is gonna start making sure you’re up when he gets up.”

The thought of being woken up at 3am made Marinette cringe. “I swear, I’ll get better! I’m coming right now.” She hurried over to the door.

“Wait, where’s your purse?” Sabine said. “I don’t want you getting to school and then having to come back for it.”

Marinette’s heart twisted. In her mind, Adrien ached. She forced a smile. “I don’t need it today.”

She quickly slipped into the bathroom and did what she needed to do before she ran downstairs. Her papa met her in the kitchen with a wink, a hug and a warm paper bag. Marinette kissed his cheek in thanks and raced out the door.

Just as the bell was ringing, she flew into Madame Bustier’s classroom. Luckily, Madame Bustier wasn’t there yet. Marinette turned towards her seat and blinked when she saw Alya seated beside Nino, but realized in the next beat that Adrien had asked Alya to switch. He was looking at her from above Alya and Nino, puffy eyes sad.

‘I hope you don’t mind,’ he thought.

‘I never mind,’ Marinette thought back, sliding onto the bench beside him. She put her hand over his and leaned in, nuzzling his cheek the way he liked it. Too late she realized that was a total kitty move, and that it probably didn’t bring him comfort like it had before.

‘It’s okay,’ Adrien thought. ‘I figure it’ll take a bit to fade.’ It wasn’t okay, but he was trying hard to pretend.

Marinette took a deep breath and, upon peeking into the bag, pulled out a croissant. If she was chewing, she couldn’t be crying. Adrien took a croissant too, and the two of them are in morose silence. She was pretty sure that in the history of the Dupain-Cheng bakery, no one had ever eaten their pastries with such a sad expression.

Alya turned around to look at them. “What’s going on? You two look like someone died.”

“It’s nothing,” Marinette said. “Croissant?”

“Thanks!” Alya said happily, thoroughly distracted by the treat.

“Thanks Dude,” Nino said, taking a croissant.

“We are so lucky your parents don’t mass produce these,” Alya said between bites. “Otherwise the Ladyblog would be out of a job. No one would ever get akumatized if all of Paris could just eat these all the time!”

Adrien flinched and Marinette choked on her mouthful. Luckily, neither Alya nor Nino seemed to notice. Alya had finished her croissant and was trying to steal a piece of Nino’s, who was valiantly defending his croissant.

‘Wonder when the next akuma will come,’ Adrien thought. They no longer needed to be on edge. There was no more need for tardiness or missing class or bizarre excuses. Because even if an akuma did come, they couldn’t do anything about it.

Marinette’s croissant suddenly tasted like dirt. ‘I don’t know. I wonder who Fu will choose.’ She wondered if anyone would even notice the new holders, or if the glamor would prevent anyone from realizing.

‘You think...’ Adrien didn’t look at her. Shame, guilt, longing, pain: he was oozing with it. ‘You think they’ll buy Plagg the Camembert he likes?’

‘Tikki loved Papa’s cookies more than anything,’ Marinette thought. Her lower lip was quivering. She covered her mouth with her hand.

“Okay class, settle down,” Madame Bustier called as she walked in.

“Can I have another croissant?” Alya asked Marinette. Silently, Marinette shoved them whole bag at her. Alya’s eyes lit up and she eagerly took the bag to split between her and Nino.

“Attention everyone,” Madame Bustier said, clapping her hands. “I have an announcement.”

‘Focus. Just focus,’ Marinette thought, not even sure if she was talking to herself or Adrien. ‘Just hold it together.’ Yet even as she thought the words, Adrien made a sound not unlike a choked sob. She grabbed his hand and made herself face forward, hoping that the announcement was good news. They could use it.

Madame Bustier circled around in front of her desk and smiled as she beckoned to the open door. “We have a new student joining us. I hope you’ll make her feel welcome. Please welcome Lila Rossi.”

[camillemontespan]

midnight caller [drake x camille one shot]

If Camille left Cordonia for a short while and Drake missed her so would phone her old mobile just so he could hear her voicemail greeting..

Sorry this is on mobile so no keep reading option! I wrote this in 20 minutes, probably reads that way but I had to get this out of my mind.

*************************************

'Hey this is Camille. I'm not around right now so do your thing. Beeeeep! *giggles* bye.'

Drake slumped against the radiator with his whiskey glass on the floor beside him. He held his phone to his ear and listened to Camille's giggle. He missed her laughter. He missed her voice. Which was why he was phoning her old mobile on repeat tonight.

Her old mobile had been given to her by Maxwell who told her she was to use it while she was in the suitor competition. Now that she was gone, she never used it anymore. Drake knew she still had it but it had probably died. Or she was ignoring him. Drake hoped it was the first option.

'So you've been gone a month today,' he began. 'It feels like yesterday that Constantine kicked you out of the country and you left my life. I never told you this, Montespan, but you made everything.. Better. I miss you. I wish I had been honest with you from the start but I was a fucking idiot. I held back, tried to push down any feelings. Fucking idiot. Anyway, you won't get this. I just needed to hear your voice. You've got the most gorgeous voice, you know that right?'

Drake hung up. Glancing to the whiskey bottle on the bedside table, he poured himself another drink. He took a deep swig.

His finger pressed her name again.

'Hey this is Camille. I'm not around right now so do your thing. Beeeeep! *giggles* bye.'

Drake sighed. 'You know I wanted you. Hell, I still do. But that's done now, you're gone, you ain't coming back and that's just something I gotta deal with.' He bit his lip. 'Remember how whenever we talked at like, 3am, we would say that whatever we spoke about was our 3am secrets? That the world is asleep except for us and therefore our secrets are allowed to be spoken on that moment? And because it was dark, it made talking easier? We spoke about so much.. You got me in the end. You broke down my walls, brick by brick. I'll always be grateful to you for that.'

Drake hung up. He sipped more of his whiskey and closed his eyes, wishing that everytime he closed them he wouldn't see her face. But she was fucking tattooed on his retinas.

He dialled her number again.

'Hey this is Camille. I'm not around right now so do your thing. Beeeeep! *giggles* bye.'

Drake stood up, his body swaying as the whiskey took effect. 'Thing is, Montespan,' he murmured, 'You broke down my walls but I never once said the one thing I should have. The one thing I longed to say to you but couldn't. The thing I really shouldn't say on your voicemail but hey, you're not gonna listen so why not? Fuck it. I.. I... Jesus Montespan, you make me nervous. You're not even talking to me and you still make me nervous. In a good way though. Its like fluttering on my stomach. I turn all gooey and stammer. You've got that effect on me. I kinda like it but fuck, it's so inconvient when you're trying to say something important.. '

He hung up.

Whipping around to face the window, Drake looked out over Cordonia. He wondered where Camille was right now. Working at that bar in New York again? It would be 6pm where she was. Maybe she was out with friends. Or at the movies. Or at the gym. Or on a date.

Drake swallowed and pushed away the thought of her on a date.

He dialled her number again.

'Hey this is Camille. I'm not around right now so do your thing. Beeeeep! *giggles* bye.'

Drake leaned his forehead against the cool glass. 'I love you, Camille,' he said, his voice shaking. 'I always have, ever since I laid eyes on you. I only ever wanted you. I dreamed about us getting married, having babies, but I'd call those dreams nightmares because I felt it was my subconscious taunting me with things I would never have. And I see I was right. I will never have you. But I'll still love you all the same.'

Sighing, he hung up.

Drake had never said the L word before and now he had gone and said it out loud to a fucking voicemail. How romantic. Camille deserved better. She always deserved better. She had deserved better than being kicked out of the competition and the country. She had deserved better than a declaration of love on a fucking voicemail.

Drake grabbed the whiskey bottle and swigged from the bottle, abandoning the glass.

*********************************************

Drake woke up groggy and to the sound of knocking on his door. Groaning, he pulled the duvet covers away from him and stumbled to the door.

It was Maxwell.

'Little Blossom is coming back!' he said excitedly, his eyes wide. 'Camille's coming back!'

Drake felt his heart plummet. This was the news he had wanted to hear for the past month but now, he wished it was different. Everything was different now he had left her numerous voicemails. Voicemails that spoke of his feelings and innermost thoughts. Words he couldn't deny or take back.

The overriding fear he had was she would hear those voicemails, especially the last one, and reject him. Because even though she seemed like she had feelings for him, sometimes cold reality was enough to show the truth. The truth that Drake Walker was a nobody and Camille deserved better.

He could only hope she would be given a new phone.

*********************************************

Drake knew she had been back for a day but he had managed to avoid her. He couldn't believe he was avoiding her after all this time of wanting her back but sheer embarrassment forced him to stay put in his bedroom.

Anytime the door knocked, he ignored it. He knew it was her. When they last saw each other, kisses had been exchanged and secrets had been divulged.

Drake knocked back another glass of whiskey. He was determined to black out. Anything to make him forget that he had left her messages.

His phone rang. Glancing at the screen, Drake froze. Camille's old number.

She definitely listened to the voicemails then.

He let it ring out. He wasn't in the right state of mind to talk to her. Maybe tomorrow. But not right now as whiskey slurred his words and vision.

'Hey it's Drake. Leave a message if you want but I probably won't listen to it.'

Drake swallowed. He checked his phone after a long moment. Camille had left him a voicemail.

Trembling, Drake dialed the voicemail option and listened, trying to keep calm.

Her voice, cracking and thick. Her voice. Camille's voice.

'I love you too.'

[waywardnewcomer]

Perfect Mistake

A/N: This is for @lielullabye writing challenge! Congrats on 500 and I hope you enjoy! It’s 3am so sorry for any mistakes

Summary: Bucky was the perfect guy, until he wasn’t.

Prompt: Professor!Character x Student!Reader, “You broke my heart.” “And you think I didn’t shatter mine?”

Warnings: Lots and lots of angst, heartbreak, swearing

Pairings: Professor!Bucky x Student!Reader, Steve x Natasha

Word Count: 1.9K

Masterlist

It was one of the summers you would only see in movies. Meeting a hot older guy at the beach on a blind double date, starting out as only a fling and ending up falling in love with the guy. He treated you better than any guy you had ever met, making sure you were always comfortable, giving you cuddles and stroking your hair when you were sad and taking you out every week to show you off. You had met all his friends, even his parents briefly and they all loved you. You had even introduced him to your parents and friends, gaining their approval. You thought you were gonna marry the guy, you’d even talked about moving in together. He was best friends with your best friend’s boyfriend, it was perfect. Until it wasn’t.

“Bucky we gotta get up, I have classes today.” You mumbled smiling at him softly kissing his lips, feeling his stubble rub against your chin.

“Classes?” He mumbled sleepily, pulling you closer to him and snuggling his head into your chest.

“Yeah you know this, I’m in grad school. Final year baby.” You mumbled, trying to untangle yourself from his body as you kissed his long hair softly. 

“Wait. What school?” He asked you carefully, eyebrows furrowing and suddenly more awake than before.

“Harvard, I thought we went through this?” You sighed as you pulled on your jeans and sweater, brushing your hair into a bun. Softly walking around your apartment so you didn’t wake your roommate. 

“Since when?” He asked in surprise, pulling on his own clothes quickly.

“Since 5 years ago, why are you being so weird? I told you this months ago.” You laughed at his shocked face and gave him a small kiss before going to the bathroom.

“No, you didn’t! I’d have remembered this. Look Y/N I gotta go to work, I’ll text you later.” He rushed out, giving you a quick kiss on the cheek as you brushed your teeth and practically running out the front door.

“Well, that was weird.” You said out loud to yourself, shrugging as you finished getting ready. 

You didn’t hear from Bucky until your morning break that day. It was a phone call that broke your heart, it was cold and not at all like Bucky.

“Hey Buck, how’s work?” You smiled as you answered the phone.

“Y/N look we gotta call this off.” 

“What?” You choked out, hoping not to tear up in the middle of a campus cafe.

“I can’t do this anymore. I can’t see you we’re done.” Bucky rushed out.

“Bucky I thought you loved me. We were gonna move in together. What happened?” You asked, stepping outside to try to mask your sadness from your classmates gathered in the cafe.

“I don’t. I can’t live a lie. I’m sorry.” He mumbled.

“Fuck your sorry Bucky. I loved you. I wanted to marry you someday and now you’re telling me it was all a lie. You used me. Fuck you. Don’t speak to me ever again.” You shouted angrily, hanging up your phone and throwing it against the wall out of anger. You let the tears fall down your face as you dropped to the ground, curling up on the grass, back to the wall. 

“Y/N?” You heard a voice ask making you look up through your wet eyelashes, to see your best friend standing there. “Woah what happened?” 

“Nat, he dumped me. He said he never loved me.” You sobbed as the redhead pulled you into her side as she sat next to you.

“But he looked so loved up with you, he told us he thought you were the one. It doesn’t add up.” She said confused, taking out her phone to shoot a text to Steve, her boyfriend and Bucky’s best friend to see what the hell was going on. Steve had suggested setting them up on a blind date together, saying his old army buddy who had just come back to town needed a companion, and that you would be perfect after knowing you for a year. If anyone knew something, it was Steve.

“Yeah well, he lied.” You sighed, wiping the tears falling from your eyes and lifting your head to look at her. “Can we go home?” 

“Yeah come on, get your stuff.” She smiled sadly at you. “What the hell happened to your phone?” She asked seeing the smashed screen in your hands as you picked it up.

“I kinda chucked it at the wall,” You laughed slightly. 

“Only you. Come on, let’s go watch movies and eat junk food.” 

For a week you didn’t leave your apartment. You told your advisor you had the flu and were going to be off a while. You barely left your bedroom unless Natasha and Steve pulled you out of bed to eat and shower. They took it in turns to hold you while you cried and stroked your hair until you fell asleep. Steve practically lived with you for the last 2 months and he was like a brother to you, no matter his connection to Bucky. He had only tried to bring him up once and knew never to do it again.

“He’s hurting too you know.” He mumbled one night as you were crying into his chest.

“Steve please don’t talk about him. It’s too hard.” You pleaded with him making him nod and kiss your hair, looking at Nat sadly. They hated seeing you like this, you were either not eating at all or stuffing your face, sleeping too much or staying up until early hours. Your heart was broken into two and they didn’t know how to fix it. So they did everything they could until you went back to school 2 weeks later. Since you had only attended one class on your first day back, you needed to catch up and make a good impression on your new professors. 

When you saw him at the front of the room, hair tucked into a man bun and dark bags under his eyes, you froze. He did a double-take when he saw you and locked his eyes on to yours, his immediately softening and his jaw slacking a little. He looked at you pleadingly as you choked back your tears. You were not ready for this. 

You turned around and left the room, immediately rushing back home and ignoring the shouts he made from his classroom door. When you got in you slammed the door and stood in front of the couch where Nat and Steve were cuddling and watching a movie. You tapped your foot impatiently as Nat sat up abruptly and Steve gulped guiltily. 

“Y/N what’s-” Nat started but you cut her off.

“Do you want to tell her or should I?” You asked him, raising your eyebrow. 

“Tell me what? Steve?” She asked turning to look at him confused. 

“Bucky. Um, Bucky is -” He started stumbling, trying to figure out how not to hurt the two most important girls in his life.

“My fucking professor.” You seethed, making Nat look between you two in shock. “When the fuck were you going to tell me, Rogers?” You asked him angrily.

“He told me not to.” He mumbled quietly.

“So you lied to her? To me? To us?” Nat asked, getting up and standing beside you. 

“Look I’m sorry. He wanted to speak to you himself.” Steve spoke, licking his lips and avoiding the gaze of the two girls.

“Steve I’ve just stopped crying myself to sleep and now I see him and it breaks my heart all over again. You’ve helped him pour salt in the wound. You’re an ass, Rogers.” You shouted and stormed off into your bedroom slamming your door. 

You heard him and Nat whisper arguing with each other before hearing the front door close softly and a knock at your door. It creaked open and you felt a dip behind you on your bed and arms pulling you into their chest. You cried into them, banging onto his chest as he whispered sorry over and over again.

“You helped him break my heart, Steve.” You hiccuped, looking up at him.

“I know bub, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to but he wanted to speak to you. If you don’t want to I’ll support you all the way. I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you.” He spoke kissing your forehead and squeezing you tightly. 

“He broke my heart, Steve. It’s too hard.” You mumbled, sitting up and grabbing your pillow to your chest watching him mirror your actions. 

“I know. I’m sorry for pushing it. I’ll tell him to back off.” He smiled at you sadly.

“I need your help.” You mumbled. 

“Anything.”

“Ask him to let me drop his class.” 

“Y/N, that’s your dream class.” He mumbled, looking at you sadly.

“I can’t focus knowing he’s up there teaching, it’s too hard. I can’t do it.” You spoke softly.

“Okay. I’ll do it. You’ll have to set up a meeting though, you know that.” He said looking at you sadly.

“I know, but after that, I won’t ever have to see him again. Get his signature and go.”

“Okay.” He mumbled knowing it was a bad idea but he knew he was going to do it anyway because you had asked him and he didn’t want to hurt you again. 

It was another 2 weeks before you could actually face Bucky in his office. You wore a skirt and crop top, makeup on and hair styled just the way he liked it, showing him what he was missing by being a jerk. You had to steady yourself with a bit of dutch courage before you went in, not anything to get you tipsy but a shot of whisky wasn’t going to hurt. You gripped the sheet he needed to sign in your hand and knocked on the door harshly, sucking your breath in when his voice spoke to come in. 

“Professor Barnes.” You nodded, taking a seat opposite him, placing the sheet on his desk and not looking into his eyes.

“Y/N, come on. Look at me.” He mumbled, pleading with you.

“Mr Barnes, please just sign the sheet.” You demanded.

“No.”

“What?” You asked looking at him.

“I said no.” He crossed his arms.

“Bucky, just sign the fucking form so we can get this over with.” You shouted at him.

“Y/N this is your dream class, you’re not dropping it.”

“It’s not a dream class if you’re the one fucking teaching it.”

“Y/N I miss you.”

“You broke my heart.” You shouted at him, standing up and pacing around his office agitated.

“And you think I didn’t shatter mine? I’m your professor Y/N. This is forbidden.” He pointed between the two of you.

“So why didn’t you just say that?” You asked him angrily.

“Because I didn’t know what to do. I love you so much and it scares me. But this was my first stable job since the army and I didn’t want to lose it.”

“So you chucked me away instead? You didn’t love me Bucky don’t make me laugh. You used me.” You chuckled dryly.

“You’re not dropping this class Y/N.”

“I can’t take this class when you’re the one teaching.”

“I’m dropping this class.” 

“What?” You asked, finally looking into his eyes.

“I love you. I want you to be happy. I want to be with you. I can’t do any of that if I’m your professor.” 

“But this is your dream job.”

“This is your dream class and you’re my dream girl. I refuse to give you up for my happiness.”

“You already did.” You mumbled as you walked out of his office, making sure to slam the door behind you and shutting him out of your life forever.

Marvel Tags:

Forever Tags: @creativedogs  @a-magey  @natashacamillaus @platonic-plots  @captainsherlockwinchester110283 @sleepylunarwolf @claitynroberts @theshortegg @casiskween @robfangirl @fanficwithasideofcanon @jaremish @mlovesstories @lauren-novak @hi-my-name-is-riley @spn-tw-37 @supernatural-teamfreewillpage @spnrelatedurl @phonegalhelp @springholland @the-hufflepuff-hunter @chonisberonica @coralphantomninja @therealmrshale @unicornblood4ever

[disloopy]

the heart is deceiving pt 4

BLOO

genre: angst, fluff, smut

word count: 1.7k

coming back to this fic after monthsss made me realize how shit and cringe it is and oh my god, you all deserve much better writing. yuck. HOWEVER, i will keep posting it until it's finished ( since id already written the whole thing ) because i do kind of like the ending sooo

pls stay w me cause im working on a sik k friends to lovers au and i know it's gonna be way better than whatever the hell this is...

clubbing really takes a toll on you, physically and mentally. i didn't even drink but i managed to have a headache by the night. i stumbled through the crowd, approaching the counter and slumping down in the seat. the bartender asked if i needed anything and i only ordered some water. she left to get it. 

my phone buzzed with a text from my dad, saying he might not be home tonight because of work. "oooh, that's exciting," said daniel, glancing at the text and sliding into the seat next to mine. he asked the bartender for something that sounded pretty intense and i gulped down my water.

"live a little," daniel urged, offering me the dark liquid but i shook my head. "ugh, you're so annoying and uptight." i rolled my eyes.

"thanks. that's sweet."

"kiss me."

"no."

"why?" daniel asked, pouting. 

"cause you're drunk as fuck and i hate the taste," i told him, trying to walk away but daniel grabbed my hand, turning me around. i pulled my arm away from him with a frown. "will you stop following me around like a lost puppy?" 

"i get worried when you're not with me." 

"yeah, i know," i said, reaching for my phone and showing it him. "you probably can't read but you know what says? 17 missed calls and 51 unread messages..." daniel grinned sheepishly but i wasn't finding it funny. "i was right next to you, daniel... i get that's it kinda dark in here but there's no way you could have missed me." 

daniel stuck out his bottom lip. "i just didn't want you to get lost, that's all. there's lots of creepy dudes here, they'll pick up anything with boobs." i groaned.

"stop. this isn't funny, it's an obsession and i don't like it." 

i tried to leave again and again daniel tried to pull me back but this time jojo got in between us, noticing the tension. "what the hell is going on here?" she asked, her voice trembling like she had just finished crying. i looked at her. her eyeliner was slightly smudged which gave me the answer right away.

"she won't let me love her," daniel whined.

"you only love me when you're drunk," i murmured and then jojo convinced daniel to go away for little while which he finally complied. the two of us sat on the curb outside the club, just on the sidewalk where we could still here the muffled sound of the music inside.

"what's wrong?" i asked her. she's usually the one comforting me and giving advice, so it was strange to be switching roles.

"boys are so complicated," she answered, blowing a puff of smoke into the dark of the night. "were you the one who gave my number to jinyoung?"

i nodded. "i'm sorry if i wasn't supposed to... i thought he was cute and you're cute and things could maybe..."

"it's not that," said jojo, taking a swig of the bottle she was holding. "did you know he loves me? he told me that."

"i just assumed..." i shrugged. jojo buried her face in her hands and i furrowed my brows. "jojo... you don't have to cry about it. you can choose the man you like... it doesn't have to be either." 

she sniffed, looking up and wiping her tears. "i know... i just feel so bad. i just like to fuck around and stuff but what if i'm actually catching feelings? nick called me babe.... what's it like to be in a relationship?"

i chuckled. "it's not all that... trust me, i feel like i'm not even in a proper one." we both laughed a little and the air felt lighter. "what are you going to do?"

jojo shrugged. "what i always do... nothing. besides i'm receiving clout from hanging out with these rappers so," she laughed and the smell of cigarettes just filled my nostrils. "why do i have to be so hot that boys are just tripping over themselves for me?" we talked for a little bit about how boys suck but also about which ones we'd smash because they can be fine sometimes too.

"it's fun when you're around," jojo told me with a smile. "daniel really bought out the wild side of you." i nodded and jojo leaned over, pressing her chapped lips against mine for a fleeting second before pulling away. 

"heyyyy, is it too late for a show?" daniel chuckled, walking over to us. "oh come on, keep going, don't mind me." 

"you're disgusting," jojo said, shaking her head and shoving him as he tried to put his arm around both of our shoulders. 

"i gotta go home anyway," i informed the both of them. "my head hurts and we got school... i haven't finished homework yet." 

"good luck with that," said jojo, brushing off her jeans and walking back into the club after ruffling me and daniel's hair. 

daniel rested his head on my shoulder. "i can drop you home." i sighed.

"you're too drunk to drive."

"we can test our limits." 

i ended up driving myself home in daniel's car while he blasted music and sang the lyrics out loud. then, i let him inside my house even though i told myself i wouldn't when we first got into the car. it was my foolish self who held his hand all the way to my bedroom and lied in bed with him until we let our bodies do the talking and our sounds created music in the silence of the night. i slept knowing he was right beside me, his arms wrapped around my waist, his bare chest slowly rising and falling to the rhythm of his  beating heart. he was safe and i was safe and we were each other's for the night.

***

"honey, are you decent, can i come in?" dad's knocking the door woke me up with a start. i quickly sat upright and shook daniel awake who just groaned. 

"um yeah, one second." i pushed him off the bed and his eyes shot open, about to complain but i hushed him, ushering him to get under the mattress which he obeyed. "come in!"

dad opened the door and i tried not to look nervous at all. "sorry i wasn't here last night." i didn't reply cause it was usual. "but i made breakfast for you and i wanted to tell you to have a good sunday before i leave to run some errands."

i smiled. that was the first time he'd said something like that. "okay daddy, i love you."

"i love you too baby."

when dad finally left, i let daniel come out of hiding. he clutched his head and i had to get him some tylenol and water before i let him eat breakfast with me. "did something happen last night?" he asked, eagerly digging into the pancakes. "cause you never allow me in your room and i just woke up in your bed."

i shrugged with a sly smile. "oops?" 

"well, whatever it was, i'm sure it was good."

"do you not remember anything?"

daniel shook his head. "nope." good, i thought, breathing out a sigh of relief. i was a major bitch to him last night - understandably. but i hoped it was something of the past that wouldn't ruin anything.

"i wish i could stay with you but i have to go to the studio today," daniel informed me while putting his clothes on. "jinyoung's like... totally diligent and he may be my friend but he's also my manager so." 

i giggled. "yeah, i get it." i handed him a water bottle to drink on the way back and he kissed my lips very gently. "i'll miss you."

"you can see me tonight. there's another party, i can pick you up."

"no, i have homework to do today."

"righttt, you're still in school." daniel chuckled, pulling his shoes on. "sexy schoolgirl." i rolled my eyes and kissed him once again at the doorway. i lowkey didn't want him to leave because i spent most of my weekend with him already and didn't want to be alone again.

"i'll visit you tonight... at your window." 

i was glad he left me with those words because it gave me something to look forward to tonight. i didn't go out at all that day. jojo came over and we did our homework together and we never usually did something like that but i enjoyed it.

she showed me her texts with jinyoung which we squealed over because i never realized how smoking hot he was until then. besides, he was good at flirting, just like daniel. 

when jojo left after eating dinner (which was thai takeout), i felt that loneliness again. no one was home but me so i decided to watch tv and maybe study for my next exam. life is quite boring like this but at least daniel would visit me tonight after the party.

i waited and waited and waited. he didn't show up. i called him a bunch of times but he didn't pick up. obviously he was partying too hard but i just wished he hadn't promised me something if he couldn't pull through. 

i sighed and lied in bed, still waiting. but he didn't come so i ended up falling asleep.

about 3am in the morning, my phone buzzed beside me. i groggily answered it. if the caller had been anyone other than daniel i wouldn't have. "hello?"

"babe?"

"hmm?"

i heard daniel breathe out on the other end. "sorry for leaving you hanging..."

"it's okay," i murmured, too sleepy to say anything else or to guilt trip him. "i guess you drank too much at the party."

there was a pause. "no... i actually didn't go to the party." 

"seriously?" i giggled sleepily. "that's hard to believe."

"yeahhh... i didn't feel up to it," daniel chuckled quietly on the other end. i felt my mind wander but then it was bought back. "i wanna sing my song to you." 

"go ahead," i whispered, holding the phone close to my face as i closed my eyes. the song started with something like "you're my downtown baby" and i couldn't remember the rest. i was too focused on how soothing his voice sounded over the phone while he sang.

after a couple minutes. "baby... are you still awake?"

"mhm," i replied. it felt like my mind was asleep but daniel's voice could keep me up all night long. 

"i'm moving back to korea."