#mentalhealth depression alcohol drinking

[eatclean-bewhole]

We can’t deny the facts anymore. We know that alcohol is inflammatory and harmful to the gut, brain, liver, and kidney. The list is just as big on the negative impact on mental health. Both your physical and mental health go in the negative every time. If you do indulge, prioritize hydration, gut health, and rest the next day.

#alcohol #health #biohacking #healthtips #antiinflammatory #inflammation #guthealth #healthylifestyle #healthyliving #healthy #nutrition #wellness #weightloss #healthyeating #healthcare #healthandwellness #healthiswealth #healthylife #brainhealth #mentalhealth #stayhealthy #diet #food #selfcare #drinks #liverhealth #anxiety #depression

[ditzyblog]

‘Sugar - we ingest so much sugar when we drink alcohol that our body craves replacement when we stop. It’s our choice whether to ride it out in the same way as alcohol or to succumb. Sugar is not good for us and is linked to obesity, heart disease, diabetes and poor energy levels. Beware the sweeteners though as many have been linked to far worse conditions. Stevia plant appears to be the most popular currently but ensure it is 100%. Sugar triggers our Reward Pathway stimulating our Dopamine and Endorphins. We therefore get cravings and withdrawals when we stop. These include: • Headache • Sleep problems • Depression • Poor concentration • Anxiety • Restlessness • Feeling sick • Dizziness • Lack of energy or feeling tired • Muscle cramps I am currently reminding myself every day that I have a choice to eat sugar and feel ill, or abstain and feel so much better in myself.’ The A - Z of Alcohol and Sobriety: Everything you need to know by Corinna Alderton. For more excerpts check out my posts with pictures of my book/book pages, download a free sample from Amazon and/or buy it worldwide for less than a bottle of booze! I also talk about many of the 400 plus headings in Positive Recovery with Corinna on YouTube and at www.Sobertownpodcast.com where you will find many great podcasts with people from this community and much much more. Read, listen, write and connect. Work, work, work your recovery 💃💥🎉 🍵🫖☕️💦 Chin Chin 💖 #alcohol #recovery #sober #alcoholfree #quitlit #podcast #soberpodcast #sobriety #sobrietybooks #recoverybook #mentalhealth #Healthandwellness #alcoholrecoverybooks #booksonaddictionandrecovery #selfhelp #books https://www.instagram.com/p/CqSJfDuMOSt/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[splashes-of-joy]

MY THOUGHTS ON THIS BOOK Kimberly Kearns knows her alcohol addition is out of hand, but she keeps hiding it from her family. She’s still ok, she doesn’t need someone who tells her she needs help. She knows what she is doing, she can stop drinking if she wants too. Can’t she? On the Edge of Shattered By Kimberly Kearns is a book everyone going through an addiction should read. Kearns is telling of her addiction to alcohol, but I believe it can help a host of people with any addiction. In this book, Kearns is open and honest in what she tells about herself and thr dark moments she had as an alcoholic. Her story is not what the world tries to tell us. Almost everywhere we look there is someone drinking or talking about drinking. Like it’s so much fun. Like happy hour. TV and movies make it look like it’s the best way to go. But Kimberly Kearns let’s the world in on her life as an alcoholic. She shares the deep down raw emotions of what it’s really like, and what it was like to kick this addiction. It wasn’t always a pretty picture. But her life is now beautiful because she is no longer a slave to her addiction called alcohol. This book is Five Stars for me. I appreciate Ms. Kearns so much for telling her story. If you find yourself in the same place as this author, read this book over and over. And do whatever you need to find help. I highly recommend On the Edge of Shattered By Kimberly Kearns. A special thanks to the author/publisher for a copy of this book. I am not required to write a positive review, the opinions here are mine alone. I am disclosing this with my review in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255. #alcoholism #addiction #recovery #sobriety #sober #alcoholic #mentalhealth #aa #soberlife #alcoholicsanonymous #onedayatatime #addictionrecovery #alcohol #recoveryispossible #steps #drugaddiction #soberliving #alcoholfree #alanon #wedorecover #soberaf #depression #selfhelp #addictionawareness #sobermovement #alcoholics #familydisease #memoir #soberissexy https://www.instagram.com/p/Cm3Ca1frhiX/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[provokingdrama]

"Don't Panic or You'll Drown!" c.2001 approx. Acrylic on canvasboard. So this painting is old enough to drink alcohol now in the U.S., 21 years. My intention with this depends heavily on the title. Telling someone with an anxiety disorder with panic attacks (like me) not to panic during a time I'm actively panicking is absolutely pointless. It's like telling a depressed person (i have depression as well) to just not be sad. You may as well tell an already drowning person not to panic or they'll drown. As I have schizophrenia (along with my other diagnoses) it's like telling me not to be afraid of something or someone I believe is threatening me - it won't work, it won't stop the illness. I'll still be afraid. And these are physical as well as mental illnesses, please treat them as such. Give me some medication and when I'm down again from my delusions or panic we can talk about how to cope with these things therapeutically and effectively. Telling me not to panic won't change anything, it'll only make you feel better for "talking some sense into me", even though you haven't. Sorry about the snark, but this happens to so many of us with any mental illness, it does no good except to the ones talking. I wish it were that easy! I really do! Life would be so much better. But It just isn't like that. #art #drowning #panic #mentalhealth #mentalillness #uselesswords #takeyourmeds #notwavingbutdrowning #platitudes #darkart #acrylicart #acrylicpainting #waves #oceanpainting #underwater #breathe #dontpanic #oldpainting #riptide #sweptaway #darkartist #depression #panicdisorder #anxietydisorder #schizophrenia #actuallyschizophrenic #schizoaffective #mentalillnessawareness #whatnottodo #beneaththewaves https://www.instagram.com/p/CkrXCxePVGj/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[ladymworld]

W O R L D M E N T A L H E A L T H A W AR E N E S S D A Y . . . For me, every day is mental health awareness day as I have been incredibly open about the batttles I have had with depression for most of my adult life. Weirdly, I stopped drinking alcohol on 29.09.2008 and I actually believed my mental health would improve however it has been the opposite as I have become more aware of the nature of depressive bouts. Over the years I have lost a few friends to suicide and I am well aware that 'suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem' but my experience has taught me that others are not as open or as vocal as I have been or am. Exercise; regular and consistent exercise has been a huge part of my recovery from depression. Just getting out for a walk, a bike ride or a simple stretching flow helps me to ground myself. Regular attendance at AA meetings has supported my recovery from alcoholism and addiction as well as calming my mind and alleviating triggers affecting my mental health. Back in 2018 after a huge life change, relationship breakup, relocation and career move I was so low, suicide ideation was a daily occurrence and thank God for the Samaritans helpline as a lovely guy listened to me for over 45 minutes and helped me see why living was an option. I will be forever grateful to that lifeline and listening ear. So, just for today, I can choose my feelings and I can choose to start my day again, even at 2pm... There iS a solution...and YOU are not alone... Please, please do not suffer in silence. .pick up the phone, send a message...even when your head is telling you how shit you are...it is NOT true...they are thoughts and thoughts are NOT reality anymore than some posts on social media are reality... Please feel free to DM me, call.me, message me...I KNOW what it actually feels like to not want to clean your teeth, to take a shower, to face the day, to pick up the phone. I A M H E R E . . . #worldmentalhealthday2022 #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #suicideisapermanentsolutiontoatemporaryproblem #suicide #youareenough #youareneveralone #reachout #samaritans #12stepprogram #sobrietyjourney #mysoberlife #ladymshouldbeonthetv (at Nottingham, United Kingdom) https://www.instagram.com/p/CjiM8ZaIuAGPc0V2SsdhzNxY2y1KsHhlVCjOnc0/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[mcmjsi]

Solid Foundation

I am fighting a chemical war in my head, bits of my brain don’t seem to want to talk to others and the parts that do talk fight. It makes understanding or dealing with things interesting that is for sure. The doctors say I have clinical depression, I do not even know what that is aside from the general term used “If your mood is low for more than two weeks you are likely to be depressed”. I have…

[allistrations]

Druunkk potato #alcohol #drinking #alcoholart #minicomic #comicart #mentalhealth #mentalhealthart #depression #depressionart #comicbook #comicbookart #cartoonist #comicbookartist #graphicnovelart #graphicnovelist #graphicnovelartist #penandinkdrawing #healingart #doodling #penandink #penandinkart #bookillustration #bookart #illustrator #blackandwhite #drawings #comicstrip (at Brooklyn, New York) https://www.instagram.com/p/CboU36-shad/?utm_medium=tumblr

[overbaptised]

12. throw yourself

A boy

Lost deep beneath the covers of his own mental health

Afraid to own up to his failures 

Riding a crashing wave of success

Eating dust and sand. 

"Have you no shame?You've been blessed! 

Each day with the gift of life but you waste it away in smoky rooms with people you don't know.

Drinking substances that you only regret 

Making memories that blur into one 

And hurting yourself over and over again with ideas of love built on a look from drunken stranger”

The bags beneath my soul weigh me down

I have nothing to look forward to anymore.

The future is too far and tomorrow is almost here throwing itself at me; like a dart towards a board. 

Remember how you used to cry in your high school bathroom stalls, and look at you now

Tears watering your cheeks 

Armpits unpleasantly sticky 

Breath of cigarettes and drink 

You're almost a lost cause 

Throw yourself to the wolfs boy, God will not save you, you abandoned him 5 years back when you closed the bible and hid it in the back of your closet with your old buttons. 

Throw yourself 

Nobody's watching 

It'll feel like you're flying 

And then 

[hermholland]

Next time someone asks me what feeling sorry for myself helps me get through, I'll tell them: one bottle of red wine, and about four large measures of rum (I think; I lost count)

[eatclean-bewhole]

Alcohol impacts so many things including your gut, liver, anxiety, brain, depression, hormones, the inflammation in your body…. I view it like soda. It will always put your health in the negative. If you choose to drink, do it sparingly. Your body needs water, not alcohol.

#alcohol #drinks #drink #drinking #happyhour #drunk #booze #nutrition #health #Healthy #healthtips #heathyliving #Healthylifestyle #healthylife #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #selfcare #selflove #anxiety #love #mentalhealthmatters #depression #wellness #healing #life #loveyourself #wellbeing #happy #balance #brainhealth

[thespiritoflife]

I posted 1,762 times in 2021

292 posts created (17%)

1470 posts reblogged (83%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 5.0 posts.

I added 981 tags in 2021

#the hobbit - 183 posts

#lord of the rings - 148 posts

#ask - 135 posts

#lotr - 111 posts

#moodboard - 78 posts

#fili x reader - 68 posts

#fili durin - 67 posts

#marvel - 66 posts

#legolas x reader - 64 posts

#legolas x you - 61 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#mentalhealth mentalhealthawareness selfcare selflove love anxiety motivation depression health mentalhealthmatters life mindfulness loveyou

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

I don't know.. I don't know if I like this story or not.. but it's worth a try. The first LOTR fanfic about Legolas and Y/N is here

Pairing: Legolas x you

Warnings: alcohol, grammatical errors

Summary: You will get drunk. What will Legolas do with it?

Drinking game

I love this gif so much! Leggy looks so cute and adorable! I had to put it here..

Legolas was ignoring me.  For a long time.  I didn’t know why, but I slowly started to worry … did I do something wrong?

Brain told me that not.  But doubts still bothered me.

Did he find out … that I liked him?  I don’t know how he did that, because I didn’t let any of my clues show that I like him!   I was afraid of his rejection.

But how did he find out?

So that was the question.

To keep my pride anyway, I pretended to don’t care that Legolas was ignoring me.

We were in Edoras now.  A feast was here, and I welcomed the feast with great pleasure.  We deserved it … We lost a lot of our fighters … but we won.  I wanted to forget about the fight and the others, at least for a while.

Gimli was sitting at a table with a huge glass of beer in front of him.

I raised an eyebrow.

Legolas stood with a glass on the table in front of him.  I smirked.

“Boys, are you going to play a drinking game?”

Legolas looked at me.

“Yes! And you? Don’t you want to join, lass?"  Gimli winked at me.

I laughed.  "I don’t drink alcohol. It’s been a long time."  I added.

I don’t have a good experience with alcohol.  Every time I take a sip of alcohol, I have to have another one and then I get drunk.  And when I get drunk … I do all the stupid stuff.  The last time I ran naked into the woods.  Oh god.  No one has seen me there yet.  I hope.  

Alcohol?  No, please.

Legolas spoke up.  "So what exactly is the point of this drinking game then?”

That would interest me too.

Gimli mysteriously faced and grinned.  “Last man standing wins kiss from Y / N!”

“What?”

“I am on!"  Legolas screamed and took a good gulp.

I looked at him in shock.  He ignored my gazes.  Does he want me to kiss him?  He ignored me!  I don’t know men. Or elf - men. Not really.

Gimli also started drinking.  The two of them didn’t notice me either, they were biased to drink.

I walked over to Eomer, who was watching in amusement.

"They went crazy, didn’t they?"  I asked him.

Eomer grinned.  "You can’t blame them, Y / N. They want their deserved kiss.”

I rolled my eyes.  “All right then. Except that Legolas doesn’t look like he wants a kiss with me, but okay.”

Eomer faced in confusion.  “What are you talking about? The man is into you. Didn’t you notice the way he looked at you? And he almost died for fear that something would happen to you in battle!”

I widened my eyes.  “I don’t believe you, Eomer.”

“You know what, Y / N … you’re a fool. You two walk around yourselves, but you don’t admit to each other that you feel anything for each other.”

“Who told you that?"  I hissed.  He couldn’t notice it in such a short time.

Eomer rolled his eyes.  "Even a blind man would notice. Everyone knows it. Aragorn, Gimli, Gandalf, …”

I looked at him.  “Aren’t you drunk?”

He sighed.  “As you wish, Y / N. As you wish."  And with that, he walked away.

What was it?  It can not be true.  Legolas isn’t into me.  That’s enough.  The end.

I walked over to the table.  There was a pitcher of some lemonade.   I was hoping there was no alcohol in it.  Surprisingly, it tasted good and I didn’t smell any alcohol.  It was really good.  I poured it to myself again.

After a long time

Somehow my head was shaking.  I didn’t care. I was in a good mood.  Life seemed so nice!

I started moving to the beat of the music and then I fell.  Oops.

Someone helped me get up.

"Y / N. How much did you drink?”

Legolas.  Of course.

I pushed myself away from him. “I didn’t drink anything. By the way, how did you do in that game? Who did win?”

Legolas squinted at me suspiciously.

I noticed Gimli on the ground.

“You won, didn’t you? You don’t look drunk. So don’t you want your prize?"  

"It doesn’t matter. I’ll take you to your room …” he took my hand.

 Didn’t I attract him?

“Let me be!"  I shouted and wanted to drink, but Legolas took my glass.

"That’s enough.”

“Legolas! That wasn’t nice of you!”

“Y / N .. trust me, you will thank me in the morning ..”

“Why are you so caring? You don’t like me!"  I whimpered.

Legolas blushed.  "What the hell are you talking about?”

“You’re ignoring me! Still! I don’t understand why we were friends, weren't we? But you probably started to think I liked you! You know what, my dear, it’s not at all! I don’t like you at all!"  And with that, I ran away from him.

I didn’t know where I was going.  Or did I know?  I do not know.

Suddenly I was standing at the table, all eyes on me.

I wasn’t afraid.  "I, Y / N, will show you a great dance now! Look!”

Some looked amused, some even applauded me.  I didn’t care.  At that moment, the whole world belonged to me.

I started to curl up and I danced.

I felt like on fire.  I was warm.

“People! Are you so hot too?"  I shouted.  And I put on my top clothes.  I throw it somewhere.  There was an admiring whistle.

I also wanted to undress a short cloth that covered my chest.  I had nothing under it.

"Come on! Get undressed!"  someone shouted.

I wanted to fulfill his wish when someone put me down from the table.

It was Legolas.  "Put it on. Quickly."  He held his garment in his hand.   He was half-naked.  He undressed because of me.  And he looked divine.

"Why? It was fun!"  I said unhappily.

"Yes, it was fun! Why didn’t you allow it to us, elf-boy?"  there was a male voice.  I guess it was the voice that supported me in undressing.

Legolas looked furiously.

He quickly pulled his cloth over my head and pushed me into someone’s arms … I looked up.  Aragorn.

"Take care of her,"  he told him.

Aragorn nodded.  He had a small grin on his lips.

"What is he doing?"  I asked.

"Watch,"  he said.

So I watched.  Legolas walked over to the guy and … hit him hard.

"Never support a drunk girl in undressing. Is that clear to you ?! Never! And especially not my girl! Because next time … I’ll kill you."  Legolas crashed into him a few more times and the man fell.

I had no words.  Why?  Did he say my girl ?

Legolas returned to me with a deadly expression and grabbed me from Aragorn’s arms.

"You’re coming with me.”

I didn’t object.  My head was still spinning.  He led me somewhere.  We found ourselves in a small room with a bed.  Legolas sat on it and put his head in his hands.  His hands were covered in blood.  I felt guilty.

“Legolas …” I walked over to him.  “I am sorry.”

He raised his head.  “It’s okay, Y / N. Get some sleep.”

I nodded and lay down on the bed.

Legolas got up and wanted to leave without a word, but I stopped him.

“Don’t go … stay. I’m scared.”

He smiled weakly.  “Is that brave warrior afraid?"  But he came to me.

I came in.  "Yes. Lie next to me.”

“Are you sure?"  he hesitated.

"Of course I am.”

He obeyed me and lay down next to me.  But as far away from me as possible.

I sighed.

“Why are you so far away from me? Come closer.”

Sigh.  “Y / N.”

Since he didn’t do anything, I moved closer to him.  I laid my head on his .. still bare chest.

“Sleep already,"  he ordered me but stroked my hair.

"Hmm …”

I couldn’t sleep.  I turned my face to him.

“Did you call me your girl?”

He sighed again.

“Yes, Y / N. I called you.”

“It means…”

“That means you have to sleep."  he wanted to end the debate.

I nodded.  All right.

My eyes began to close.

I felt as if he had kissed me on the forehead and whispered, ”Ni meleth le.“

Headache.  Terrible headache.

That’s what I felt when I woke up.  And a terrible dry throat.

"Here’s the water,” came a pleasant voice.  Legolas.

What is he doing here?

He put a glass of water in my hand.  I drank it immediately.

“Legolas … what are you doing here?"  I rolled my eyes at him.

He grinned in amusement.  "You don’t remember?”

“What should I remember?"  I closed in confusion.

"Well … you were drunk. A lot,"  he explained.

I looked at him like he was crazy and I started laughing.  "What? Certainly not. I haven’t drunk alcohol in 4 years.”

“But yes. You got drunk. And what do you remember from yesterday?”

I scratched my head.  I felt horrible.  “You and Gimli. You played a drinking game. And then …”

“And then what?”

“I don’t know .. I’m doing something about dancing .. warmth, it was so hot! And .. I remember you too. And some battle!"  My head hurt even more.

"Well, Y / N, you probably don’t want to admit it, but you got pretty drunk yesterday. You danced on that table. And you wanted to undress. If I wasn’t there, you would already be standing there naked. And some guy was verbally harassing you."  he said.

I looked at him. WHAT?!  Did it happen?

"But … but … I drank nonalcoholic drinks!"  I shouted desperately.

"It wasn’t nonalcoholic. It may have tasted without alcohol,  but that was the strongest alcohol at the feast.”

I stared into space.  All the memories gradually came to my mind.  Bad memories.  I danced.  It was foggy.  A .. and Legolas!  God, I was arguing with him or what!

It’s true.  I got drunk.  I did it.  I don’t even want to see alcohol for years.  Actually, never again.

I looked at Legolas slowly.  He didn’t seem to mind.  He looked amused.

“Legolas, will you do me a favor?"  I asked him.

"What’s the matter?”

“Kill me. Seriously. Bury me in the ground. Come on, don’t laugh! That’s not funny! God, I feel so embarrassed … I’ll never drink again. Never."  I declared and he laughed.

"Come on, Y / N, it doesn’t matter. Each of us does a mess sometimes.”

“Has something like this already happened to you?”

“Um .. well .. probably not ..” he said.

I chased him.  “You see.”

“It’ll be fine. Really."  he smiled.

I sighed.  "I want to thank you for being with me yesterday and for fighting with a guy you didn’t have to do and for not allowing me to do something stupid … and for everything. Thank you ….  ”

“You’re welcome.. I’d do it again.”

I smiled at him.

“And this … well, um …” I blushed.  “I’m sorry I acted like a camel.”

He smiled even wider.  “Y / N, you didn’t act like a camel. You don’t have to apologize. I should apologize. I ignored you.”

I was silent.

“Because … I love you. And I don’t know what to do. And I don’t know if you even like me …” he blushed.  It was adorable!  But I didn’t expect him to say he loved me …. Oh gosh, is it happening?

“I love you too. Really. We acted like two idiots. The others were right.”

“They were."  Legolas agreed.

"By the way, I had a dream yesterday when we slept together. You said something in Elvish."  I remarked.

"It wasn’t a dream. I said Ni meleth le. It means I love you."  he said.

"Oh Legolas …” I smiled.

We just held hands in silence for a moment when Legolas suddenly spoke.

“And while we’re at it, where’s my drinking game prize?”

I smirked.  “Come after it.”

If you liked it, please let me know!

126 notes • Posted 2021-05-01 15:01:01 GMT

#4

Hello! <3 I am coming back with this story!This story was requested from @midearthwritings. I hope you like it! It was a fun to write, but I am not 100% sure if I am contented with the result. Anyway, I would be very happy to hear read your feedback! 💕

Requested: Do you think you could maybe write a Kíli x Hobbit Reader (I'm a sucker for hobbit reader fics) where Kíli thinks the reader is in love with Fíli, and the reader maybe thinks Kíli hates them? But in the end everything turns out the right way and they end up together?

Pairing: Kili x GN!Hobbit!reader

Warnings: grammatical errors

Fili's fav story to tell

Fili smiled at me.  "Y / N, you're so funny."

I blushed.  I just told an ordinary joke.

"Don't detain, walk," someone interrupted us.  That someone was Kili.  It sounded angry.  He also frowned at us, especially at me. It hurt.

"Of course," I muttered, not understanding his reaction.  Why was he angry?

Kili just didn't look at me and ran forward.  It didn't look like him, he was funny and nice most of the time.

"What's wrong with him?"  I asked Fili.

He shrugged.  "I have no idea."

It happened on the road again.  Fili was having fun with his brother this time, apparently trying to imitate Thorin's majestic look.

I decided to join them.  Fili cheerfully stroked my hair, "So, little one? Will you try to imitate him too?"

"Don't call me a little one. You're the little one here," I sighed as he laughed.

I smiled at Kili.  He did not return the smile to me.  "I have to go," he muttered, walking away quickly.

Fili said something, but I didn't listen to him.  What is wrong with Kili?  He used to don't act like that.  He didn't treat me like that.  But every time I approached him, he left.

"Are you okay, Y / N? You look kind of sad," Fili said.  He looked worried.

I was in tears, but I didn't reveal it.  I smiled weakly.  "I'll be fine," and I walked away.

I went to the river.  I had privacy there.  Privacy ideal for crying.

I crouched and cried.  I didn't want to cry, but I had to.

Why doesn't he like me anymore?  Did I do something to him?

Was it for our different races?  I was a hobbit and he a dwarf.  Is that why?

And did he ever like me at all?

"Y / N ..." someone stroked my back.

I turned around.  Instead of the coveted brown hair, I noticed blond hair again.

"Fili. What are you doing here?"  I felt embarrassed.

"Why are you crying? Did someone hurt you?"  he said worriedly.  And at the same time angry.  "I'll kick his ass."

"Even though he's your brother?"  I smirked with tears.

He looked confused.  "Kili?"

"Yes. I thought he liked me ... but no. You saw how he treated me. As if he hated me."

"I had no idea you liked my brother. But ... I don't think he hates you ... he just doesn't know how to behave," he tried to comfort me.

"You're nice. But ... he hates me. That's right," I said.

"Come here, Y / N."  he offered me his arms.  And I hugged him and definitely cried.

"He doesn't hate you. I know," he said quietly, adding.  "Come on. I hate to see you sad."

I was silent.

On the other side of the stream, I saw a familiar person.  Kili.  He looked hurt.  Why?

"Kili!"  I shouted.

But he left without a word.

"Wait, I'll work it out with him," Fili wanted to leave, but I detained him.  "Wait. Let it go,"

But Fili didn't listen to me.  Stubborn prince.

I managed to run after him.  The two brothers were in the middle of an argument.

Kili looked furious, not even giving me a look, while Fili looked confused.

I immediately interfered with them.  "Don't argue, please!"

Kili gently looked at me.  "Don't get involved, Y / N."

"What is happening?"  a thunderous voice spoke.  Great.  The king himself is already interested.

"Thorin. Nothing. It's all right," Kili cut off.

"No. Nothing's fine. I just want to know why you treat Y / N so badly."  Fili.

"Isn't it obvious?! Jerk off!"  he shouted angrily, but when he noticed my expression, his facial expression softened.

"I'm interested, too, Kili. Is it because of our different cultures? Race?"

"What are you talking about? It's because Fili took my love!"

There was a grave silence.  Nobody understood.

"What?"  I called.

Kili sighed.  "I wish you good luck. You seem to be so happy.. i have to move on.. Goodbye," he wanted to walk away again as Fili stopped him.

"You think me and Y / N are together? We're not. DO YOU HEAR? We're not."

"You are not?" Kili said unbelievably.

I shook my head.  "Why did you think we were?"

"Because ... because you still were with each other! For example by that river!"

"Actually, we've talked about you! Y / N is unhappy because they think you don't want them! And you totally treated like an idiot to them!"

Kili stuttered .. "But .. but .. I want them!" He looked so confused but happy at the same time.

What a dumbass. Lovely dumbass.

I sighed and called him.  "Kili. Come with me."

Fili winked at me.  I took Kili to that river.  To have privacy.

"I'll explain it to you one more time. Fili and I are not together. I'm interested in you!"

Kili smiled beautifully.  "Really?"

"Really!"  I repeated.  I wanted to continue but Kili kissed me.  It was a passionate kiss.  I was surprised but I returned the kisses to him.  "I am so idiot." he said to himself.

I laughed. "My idiot."

He nodded.  "Only your idiot."

Fili was laughing at us for a long long time. It was his fav story.

"....do you understand? My brother thought I was dating them!"

Kili blushed. "Shut up, please."

I stroked his hand. "Your brother is just having his fun."

"Does he have to say this at our wedding?" Kili sighed and kissed my hair.

"Congratulations to our newlyweds! I hope we'll meet in a few years at the next wedding.  My wedding." Fili smirked.

Kili smiled. "I am looking forward to," but he stopped smiling when Fili continued...

"My wedding with my amazing love Y/N. Let's hope that they will get tired of marriage with my brother and return to our secret romance. Cheers!"

Kili was purple. He got up and Fili started running. Kili chased him.

And all people were laughing at both of them.

130 notes • Posted 2021-08-12 18:40:48 GMT

#3

I decided to write my first fanfic. I hope you like it and I also hope that you comment if you liked it or not. 😄😃 What should I write next time? Let me know!

ALSO ENGLISH IS NOT MY NATIVE LANGUAGE SO IS VERY POSSIBLE THAT THERE WILL BE A LOT OF MISTAKES. SORRY!!

gif not mine!

"My brother likes you."

Relationship: Fili x Reader

Warnings: kisses? I don't know!🤣

"My brother likes you, you know that, don't you?" Kili said out of nowhere.

It was an ordinary day, in fact, it was not, we wandered towards the Elven refuge. Our final path was to the Lonely Mountain.

In the end, we decided to rest after a long day of wandering. Dwalin started a fire and I made them a simple but sated soup. I heard only praises from dwarves, which threw red into my cheeks.

"You will be a great wife to someone one day," Dwalin said.

I laughed. However, my eyes were on Fili, who stood before us. Apparently, he heard it and decided to walk away. It disappointed me. I wanted to hear praise from him. But what about the praise! I ... I liked him. From the first moment, I saw him. He probably didn't like me because I was an ordinary girl and he was a prince! I sighed.

And now we were here. I held a warm mug in my hand and Kili next to me. Fili was still somewhere else.

"What?" I said.

Kili grinned. "What makes you look so surprised?"

"I ... are you sure, Kil?"

He sighed. "Of course. I know my brother. He is stubborn as a mule, he does not admit his feelings. Because he thinks you don't like him. And now, moreover, he heard praises from the dwarves ... "he shrugged.

"Oh, God. It never occurred to me that he felt the same way. "

"Does that mean you like him?"

I nodded. "Of course. Fili is great. He has a loving heart and ... so yes, I like him. " The other things I thought about him I kept for myself.

"Then go to him and tell him,"

"But ..." I felt ashamed

Kili noticed my insecurity and he laughed. "Don't worry, Y/N. Just go and you won't regret it. "

So I took my remnants of courage and went to the forest.

"Fili? Where are you?" I shouted. No one answered.

I felt scared. Not about myself, but him. Where was he? He couldn't go that deep into the woods, could he?

"Fili? But really, where are you, please? ”I shouted when I suddenly heard something.

Assuming it was Fili, I turned around. The smile immediately froze on my lips.

It wasn't Fili. There was a big Warg in front of me. He bared his teeth at me and he grunted.

Beads of sweat dripped from my forehead. Shit. I had no sword, no weapon, nothing. I didn't expect to encounter danger.

Oh my god..

I couldn't run, it was clear to me that I would just make him angry. The Warg would find me anyway.

This will be my death.

Warg approached me, gritting his teeth more and more. I didn't even make a sound. I forgot everything, even my name.

I was backing up slowly when I fell to the ground. (cliché I know) I closed my eyes. That's not how I imagined my death.

I could already feel his teeth sharp as knives tearing me to pieces. Then suddenly there was a sound. I opened my eyes. It was Fili. His dagger pierced the Warg. Warg died.

I looked at him in disbelief. Did I just dream it?

Fili ran quickly to me and knelt next to me. "Are you alright?"

I coughed. "I'm ..." I still couldn't believe it.

Fili began to look for damages, and when he found nothing, he exhaled.

"I got scared," he said.

"You saved me. I'm not dead .. thank you .. "I told him.

He blushed and helped me to my feet. "Do not mention it."

"But it's worth it. And how did you find me?"

"I was returning to the camp when I heard something. And that was you and the Warg," he responded immediately.

"Thank you again."

"What were you doing here?" he asked, his beautiful eyes pierced into my eyes.

"I was looking for you," I admitted.

"Why did you just leave suddenly? I was afraid something had happened to you."

"I ... I needed to be alone for a while," he said quietly.

I nodded. "I see, we all need to be alone at some point."

"We should go back to the fireplace," he suggested, and I panicked. I won't be back, I have to tell him. If I don't tell him now, I will never tell him I like him.

"Fili, wait. I have to tell you something ... "I began.

"What's the matter?"

"I ... God, this is hard. I like you. I just want you to know, because ... but I was afraid you didn't like me. "

There was silence. Fili looked at me in astonishment. I was afraid that Kili trumped-up everything and I was just embarrassed.

Suddenly a beautiful smile appeared on Fili's face. "I like you too, Y/N. And very much."

He took my hand. "I was also afraid that you didn't like me. And when I heard the other dwarves praise you ... that's why I left. "

"You were jealous," I smiled.

He blushed and said nothing. It was adorable.

"I like you, Fili. Only you," I smiled at him.

"So you see, we were afraid we didn't like each other, and the opposite was true," he muttered and then he took a strand of my hair and tucked it behind my ear. Then he kissed me. It was a gentle and beautiful kiss. We hugged and kissed for a long time. I didn't want to it end. I wanted to only kiss him and kiss him.

"I won't let you go," he warned me between kisses.

I laughed. "I don't even want to."

156 notes • Posted 2021-03-01 17:19:53 GMT

#2

Cuz I am bored, I decided to do new pretty ELVISH picrew game.

Here's link.

I LOOK SO BADASS BYE

No pressure tags: @wishingtobeinadifferentuniverse, @lady-latte, @thewhiteladyofrohan, @midgardianweasley, @aduialel, @midearthwritings and anyone else who wants to!

168 notes • Posted 2021-07-17 12:26:16 GMT

#1

Could you write a Legolas x reader elf, the reader is Elronds daughter. Legolas and the reader are betrothed to one another, but have only exchanged letters due to their kingdoms being so far apart. She joins the dwarves on their journey during the Hobbit to help out. When they get surrounded by the wood elves she draws her bow at Legolas, he is shocked for a moment that an elf would be traveling with dwarves let alone defending one. Thranduil later reveals that the elf is in fact Legolas fiancé (First impressions lol). Idk what happens next, maybe his reaction?

Aww, interesting idea!! Here is the result, hope you like it!

Pairing: Legolas x Elf!reader

Warnings: grammatical errors, spiders?

Translations:

Arivae - sunlight

A conceited prince

Dear Y / N,

I've never seen you before, but I feel like I already know you very well.  I'm looking forward to finally getting to know you and finally being able to talk to you. After all, I have to get to know my fiancée personally, not only through letters.

I look forward to your next letter as well.  I like to read them, they get my mood better a lot, especially when I go into battle.  You are my sun.

Have a nice day, Arivae.

Legolas

The letter never came.

The letter never came from me.  I didn't have time to write to him.  But I hoped that with all this, when we will finally meet, I would explain it to him and he would understand.  He sounded like a wise elf from the letters.

I still carried his letter with me and read it.  It always made me happy.

I read it even now.

I was sitting on that stump, we were in a forest, we got lost. I was in a spider web the moment before and a gigantic spider wanted to eat me.  My friend Kili saved me.  And I was exhausted, so I decided that now was the time to read the letter.

"Y / N! Y / N! What are you doing?"  someone shouted.

I immediately hid the letter in my pocket.  "Nothing, Kili," I smiled.

But Kili didn't smile.  "Spiders are still here. We have to go."

I stood up.  "And where are the others?"  I asked.

"I don't know. They were here a while ago and ..." he didn't say as some spiders began to fall on us.

"Damn!"  I cursed and picked my bow.  I shot a few spiders between eyes, but there were too many.

"Kili! Behind you!"  I shouted as the spider pounced on him.

Kili wanted to stab it when the spider fell to the ground out of nowhere.

"What?"  I didn't understand, but I didn't have time to think.

It happened somehow fast.  I realized we weren't alone.  However, the spiders disappeared or some were dead.

Suddenly someone caught me.  That someone was an elf with dark hair.

"You're coming with us. And so are you," he shouted at us.

I sighed and glanced at Kili.  He was in a similar situation.

The elf led us deeper into the forest until we finally found ourselves among the other elves and dwarves.  At the same time, I was relieved that they were fine, but at the same time, I did not feel comfortable.

One blond-haired elf was talking with Glóin.  He looked at his memory, his wife and child.

"Lass! I'm so glad you're okay!"  Fili shouted and wanted to run to me, but the blond elf stopped him and aimed his bow at him.

I didn't hesitate and aimed my bow at him as well.  On that supercilious elf.

There was silence, and then the elf narrowed his eyes at me.  "An elven woman with dwarves? I don't see that very often."

I was still holding the bow.  "Stop aiming at my friend," I snapped.

"I'll stop if you stop aiming at me," he said.

I growled.

Fili looked at me.  "It's okay,"  he added.

Reluctantly, I gave up and laid my bow on the ground.  The elf stopped aiming at Fili but still had a bow with him.

"You will come with us," he said.

"Where?"  I shouted.

He chased me.  "You'll find out later,"

I had strange feelings about that elf.  I should have been glad that I was finally with the elves, my kind, not only with the dwarves, but something bothered me.  I knew he wouldn't hurt us.  But I wasn't sure why I was thinking this.

We had no choice but to submit.  To give up.

We found ourselves in a kingdom.  I had no idea where we were.

On the throne, however, sat the king, also the elf, and on his head was a crown of twigs.

The blond elf was still holding me, he didn't want to let me go.  The king noticed.

"Let go of that woman elf," he ordered.  He added. "She belongs among us."

The blond elf looked at me in disbelief but released me.

The king spoke.  He ignored the dwarves, only perceived me.  "Who are you, a beautiful rose?"

The blond elf turned away.

I was insecure.  "It doesn't matter. I'll keep my name to myself. I'm just asking you to let us go. We have done nothing wrong, Your Majesty."

He looked at me thoughtfully.  "Hmm .. I don't believe it. Then I'll talk to that ..." he looked at Thorin.

Thorin shrugged.

The king turned his attention back to me.  "It's a shame. It's a shame ..." he said.  I didn't understand what he meant.

He stopped focusing on me and looked at the guards.  "Throw them in the dungeon. Except for Thorin."

It wasn't exactly the most pleasant in the dungeon.  Although there were worse places than this, but ... the dungeon is a dungeon.

"My daughter! My daughter is in a dungeon!"  my father's voice echoed in my head.

I rolled my eyes.  "Yes, Dad, I am,"  I added in my mind and sighed. 

My father wasn't too happy when I wanted to join Thorin's company, but in the end, I was able to convince him.

"I still want to experience the adventure before the wedding,"  I told him and then he softened.

He agreed.

Suddenly, a guard appeared at my dungeon.  "The King wishes your presence," he explained, unlocking the dungeon.

The dwarves started cursing and begging me not to go, but I managed to calm them down.

Why?

I wondered as I followed him.

I found myself in the throne room again.  The king sat on the throne and the blond elf was there.

Thorin was there, too.  He looked angry.

The king from the throne and approached me.  "Mhm ... that's a coincidence to me. If you just know ..." he muttered under his nose.

"Why did you call me here?"  I asked.

The king was silent and grinned strangely.  He looked at the elf and me.

"You don't know who I am, do you? I'm Thranduil, the king of the wood elves."

Thranduil?  It seemed familiar to me.

A blond elf spoke.  "Why are you saying that? Why did you call her?"

Thranduil grinned again.  As if he had fun with us.

"You're Elrond's daughter, aren't you? Your name is Y / N. Then you haven't met my son yet."

The elf suddenly turned pale.

"His name is Legolas. Yes, that Legolas. You two are engaged."  Thranduil finished and went back to the throne.

Thorin cleared his throat.  "I'm sorry, Y / N. I accidentally told him your name."

"It's OK."  I lied, but it wasn't okay.

Legolas?  We stared at each other.  God, it was so embarrassing!

"You ... you ... you're Legolas?"  I couldn't believe it

He nodded slowly.  "And you .. Y / N."

"I ... I didn't know ... God, it shouldn't have ended like this. We shouldn't have met in circumstances like this ..."

"Yes. We shouldn't. Can you explain to me why you, my fiancée, joined Thorin's company? It's dangerous!"  he looked angrily.  He even came closer to me.

"Because I wanted to! Listen, just because I'm your fiancée doesn't mean I'll do what you want!"  I shouted.

Legolas blushed.  I felt that Legolas doesn't blush very often.

"And will you mainly explain to me why you didn't respond to me! I was afraid!"

He was afraid?

I stomped my feet.  "Because I didn't have time! I was with the dwarves! I thought you'd understand, but not. You shouldn't be afraid!"  I screamed.

"You're a stupid elf!"

I was silent.  "You called me Arivae in the letters, you conceited prince!"

He blushed even more.  "Because I didn't know who you were!"

"Okay, that should be enough, kids. Don't argue. You're getting married."  Thranduil.

"I'm not marrying him," I said.

"Me too," Legolas repeated.

Thranduil rolled his eyes.  "Sure. But YOU have to get married. You're engaged since you were a child."

My father's words echoed in my head.  "We need you to go to Mirkwood. It's important for future descendants. For the family line."

When I remembered the mention of the future descendants, I blushed.

"Fine. I'll marry you. Because I have to. My father wants this. "  I said.

Legolas sighed.  "Okay, well then. I have to marry you too."  he turned to his father.

He had fun with us.  "I haven't had fun like this for a long time!"

As Y / N left angrily with Legolas, Thranduil winked at Thorin.  "Something tells me that the two of them will have a tumultuous married life, but that in the end, they will fall in love."

Thorin rolled his eyes.  "And aren't they in love yet?"

305 notes • Posted 2021-05-28 13:09:50 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[ditzyblog]

‘CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) - works on the understanding that every area in our life impacts on another. If something changes in one area then it will impact on the others. Stopping drinking impacts hugely on this, as does drinking. The difference is, sober we always have the capacity. I love Dr Chris Williams’ 5 areas approach to this; situation, thoughts, feelings, behaviours and physical… Situation: At a party and everyone is drinking Thoughts: I’m missing out, I don’t fit in, a drink will help, I’m sure I can just have one Feelings: Anxious, uncomfortable Physical: Sweaty palms, heart racing, dry mouth, agitation Behaviour: Have a drink Physical: Relief, numb Thoughts: That feels better Behaviour: Drink more Physical: Feel sick, dizzy, pass out Next day Situation: Wake up on the bathroom floor Thoughts: What did I do that for? What’s wrong with me? What did I do last night? Never again Feelings: Embarrassment, shame, worry Physical: Headache, nausea, tired, hung over Behaviour: Checking phone to see what you’ve done, ringing in sick or going to work but not really performing Now maybe go through these five areas and see how it would be if you resisted that one drink. Situation: At a party and everyone is drinking Thoughts: Feelings: Physical: Behaviour: Next Day Situation: Thoughts: Feelings: Physical: Behaviour: You can find out more about this, and work interactively on your own five areas either on line at Living Life to the Full (llttf.com) or in his workbooks: ‘Overcoming Anxiety: A Five Area Approach’ ‘Overcoming Anxiety, Stress and Panic: A Five Areas Approach’ ‘Overcoming Depression and Low Mood: A Five Areas Approach’ ‘ The A - Z of Alcohol and Sobriety: Everything you need to know by Corinna Alderton. For more excerpts check out my posts with pictures of my book/book pages, download a free sample from Amazon and/or buy it worldwide for less than a bottle of booze! #alcohol #recovery #sober #alcoholfree #quitlit #podcast #soberpodcast #sobriety #sobrietybooks #recoverybook #mentalhealth #Healthandwellness #alcoholrecoverybooks #booksonaddictionandrecovery #selfhelp #books https://www.instagram.com/p/CpuRlm2MUuk/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[loveanthonywells]

S too yesterday was day 50 with no alcohol. I have to say if you would have seen me this time last year I was a much different person especially in regards to alcohol. I have to be honest I've taken a couple of tokes off a joint twice since New year, both in the same week about a month ago (I stopped being a pot head ....I mean a real pot head about 17 years ago.) Since then alcohol has been my escape. I still smoke cigars and since my sobriety have consumed a lot of caffeine. Both which are still bad for me. But nothing like the toxicity alcohol brought out of me. Since my sobriety has began I've gained 10 pounds, I would say at least half is muscle mass I lost the last several years drinking alcohol. Let's be clear I was consciously trying to lose weight but not muscle mass. The late night drinking would not let me retain muscle although I was losing weight. So day 50 of my sobriety I am more energetic, have gained a bit of muscle mass back and my thoughts are much clearer. I don't suffer that much from craving alcohol at least in the since of wanting to go get alcohol. I feel like withdrawal anxiety used to have me going to the liquor store more than anything and every other bad decision was a by product of that. I rarely feel anxiety these days and if and when......I can usually talk my self out of it fairly quickly. Well this is my day 51 sober report for those who may need this read. I gotta tell y'all about the dream I had of two twin babies, it was wild but I needed it so bad. That will be my next post so make sure to follow if you wanna know the meaning of that dream and why it was spot on for me. If you made it this far ...thanks for reading. And know that if your struggling with addiction you can over come it. I will be proof of that but I am not ready to say that at day ,51. Later! #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #anxiety #depression #selfcare #love #selflove #health #mentalillness #therapy #recovery #motivation #wellness #mindfulness #healing #ptsd #mentalhealthmatters #fitness #wellbeing #loveyourself #psychology #life #meditation #happiness #soberlife #sober #soberlife #recoveryelevatorpodcast #alcoholicanonymous #selfmadeandsober (at Florida) https://www.instagram.com/p/B8wnZoIAlAV/?igshid=nqq5djfdrwfe

[andsotheadventurebeginsblog]

Down and Down in Paris (and London)

It’s the 5th November 2017 and I am sitting in a beautiful hotel room in Paris unable to go outside, unable to stop crying. I try and eat the breakfast they have left me - a granola yoghurt and a banana, but every swallow feels like the hardest thing I have ever done, and even drinking water is difficult. Basic human needs are a huge problem again.

I have been in Paris with my best friend for 4 days. We came to see a band we love - I bought her tickets for her birthday - and we decided to stay on for a few days to hang out with friends and spend some time together. My best friend is my oldest friend, my housemate and my rock. She has been there though this whole thing with me, not just this time round, but for many years before. Today I was supposed to go with her to hang out with and old friend and his children, but last night we went out and didn’t get home til 3. Yesterday I tried to prepare myself - I tried to eat properly and drink enough water and get ready to spend time with people. I controlled my wine intake. I still drank wine. I saw friends during the day, had lunch, walked round Paris. I felt ok. Not great but OK. We stayed out late talking with another friend. We drank more wine. We were happily drunk. I hadn’t been sleeping well on this trip. I am worried about work and other things and forgot my sleeping tablets.

I had about an hours sleep between fits of night terrors, waking up drenched in sweat, vividly dreaming I was having an affair with one of my friends husbands. This morning I feel like I did that day at Liverpool Street. I feel completely unattached from reality. Horror, fear, paranoia, fits of tears, hoplessness. I tell her I can’t come. I can’t be around people and I can’t be around children when I am like this - I can’t stop crying and I keep thinking if this is all there is then what’s the point in living. I am back to square one in a beautiful hotel in Paris. I have let her and them down. I can’t even fulfil the most basic of responsibilities. She takes me downstairs for coffee and we talk it through and she asks things like have I been taking my drugs? (I missed one yesterday) Is it because we have been drinking too much this week? (More of that later) Is it because I am tired and the pain I am getting in my legs is keeping me awake? (That’s not helping) I try and explain yes and no it is all and nothing of these things. It is a life I am currently confined to. I go out with her to buy bread for the friend she is visiting. That floating feeling I get when I am walking returns. I feel panicy and lost. I put her in and uber and go back to the hotel and that is where you find me now.

I’m going to do something now that I have not done before in a public forum. I’m going to talk about the other demon that is best friends with the one that lives inside my brain, but is more physical. That ones name is alcohol. I have used it most days since I was 15. I have used it to party. I have used it to try and drown the other monster. The one in my brain. I can make the monster blackout if I drink enough of it, but the next day he is there and he’s worse because he’s been fed. So I use it again to quieten him. And on it goes. And on it goes. And on it goes. And there have been times when I have almost convinced myself that I am a complete alcoholic. But I don’t drink in the morning so that must mean I’m not. And I have a job and a home and I am functioning so that must mean I am not. And I can go a day or two without it, so that means that I’m not. And I can go out and just have one pint but most of the time it’s 3 or 4, so that means that I’m not. And I don’t want to be and alcoholic, so that must mean that I’m not.

My job demands it. My social life demands it. All my friends do it, and ask me to come and do it with them. Notice there is no mention of choice here. These things and people demand it. I feel like I have no choice. I know other people who suffer like me, and when we go out, we go out and drink because that's what we do and it helps us to open up and we talk about depression and drink because that’s what we do. It builds up and up, over weeks of going out and being social and trying to manage my illness until I don't eat anymore because I feel awful and I am not hungry, and I shake and I can’t concentrate and that’s when the other monster is at his best. And I have proved what a complete prick I am by not being able to control something as simple as my own drinking habit. And I feel awful so I drink some more.

I drink on my own and with people. More with people than on my own, but I still drink on my own very regularly. I think it’s empowering for me to be able to go and sit and have a glass of wine alone. In reality it’s actually not. It’s fucking stupid.

I question why I drink to try to try and rationalise it. Does it make me feel good? Yeah for a while. Does it make me more interesting? Yeah and more confident and that’s how I can go and be glorious in front of people. Does it relax me? Yeah it does. Is it ruling and ruining my life? Yes it most definitely is. Can I stop drinking it? I don't honestly know. Am I killing myself with it? Yes I am. Is this going to fuck up my dreams of changing my career? Will it ruin my running? Yes it will. I haven't run for 2 weeks. I’ve been tired from the 100 miler, my legs are sore, but I have also been hungover and miserable every fucking day. I have been hungover for the majority of days of my 20’s and 30’s.

At this point, I just want people to understand. I am not looking for sympathy or help or numbers or groups. I am intelligent and I know that there is help for me. I know there is. But I have not yet convinced myself there is a problem with this part of my life, and I hope by writing this that I can identify what level of problem there is. Please don't get in contact with me telling me to go to AA. I know about AA. I know about all of them. If I choose to go, I will and you telling me to go will not help me make that decision and may even be detrimental to me making it if I chose to do so.

In my head, drinking alcohol has as much defined who I am as the depression has. Teenage Allie was bullied and low on self esteem. Teenage Allie with booze was having sex with all the cool guys and going to indie clubs and gigs and was brilliant. University Allie was sacred nobody liked her and was going to massively miss her mum, brothers and sisters. University Allie with booze was the most fun ever and made friends very easily and kept sleeping wth all the cool guys. The University Allie made a few mistakes as a result of booze and some pretty bad life choices, and got severe depression, She tried to kill herself and then and self medicated. With booze. Now she was the sad/fun girl. Today I am party girl. I am red wine party girl. I am red wine, get drunk, be darkly hilarious party girl and if you're a man, stay the fuck away from me because I will destroy you. But I have always taken it too far. I am a blackout drunk. Not all the time, but I am capable of it some of the time. If I am going to be completely honest my alcohol intake has had a direct effect on the destruction of every important romantic relationship I have ever had. My first long term partner was a pretty big recreational drug user and I wasn’t. No biggie, he said, have a drink instead. So he did drugs and I drank. And then something happened in that relationship that made me drink more because what happened was terrible but not for discussion here. And there was no closure on it, and it was never talked about and it haunted my thoughts and it made me depressed and so I chose to drink more. And then I stopped eating. And then by the end I had destroyed my body and my marriage. And I rehabilitated myself with my girlfriends and I did that by going out and drinking. Self styled drinking goth.

Work was the most important part of my life and that meant going out and making friends with bands and being drunk all the time. SO MUCH FUN! I lived on my own now and I hated it. I hated everything. I hated myself for destroying a marriage that was so badly functioning it would never work anyway. I’m hungover. Drink. Work stress. Drink. Friday lunches. Drink. Weekend. Weddings, funerals, family. Drink. All the time, everywhere. All the time.

My second long term relationship, so perfect on paper, was so different and full of love compared to the first time round, and I worked very hard to make it happen because I wanted change. I couldn’t believe my luck when it worked. If something’s too good to be true, it usually is and you will fuck this up, Bailey. Drink. He’s told you to calm down on your drinking. Fuck him, you're fine, he doesn’t know you. orgs stressful and you have to up your game career wise. We need to sign this band. Take them out. Drink. OK now you've calmed down a bit, this is good again, sometimes you go out drinking together, You're the perfect couple. Everyone says so. So lucky. Probably no future, everyone leaves you. Drink. He’s asked you to calm down again. Drink. Show him what you're really made of, do something terrible. Drink. Do something terrible, really show him then lie to him, Drink. Get found out. He's leaving you. Told you that would happen. Drink more, drink more. Back to square one and you have fucked someone else up on the way. Drink. He fucking hates you. Drink.

And on it goes. On and on and on and a tiny part of me is wondering if I am drinking too much, but the monster silences that - nah you're fine. Just a couple. And depression comes and goes and comes and goes and comes and goes and there is one thing you have never changed. You have never stopped drinking. And depression has always been there, and when it gets worse what the thing that’s gone up and not down? The drinking. And when you drink the silence only comes for an hour or so and then you have fractured sleep and wake up feeling awful and so what is the fucking point of drinking?

I don’t want to never drink again. That frightens me. I want to drink normally. But I don't know how to do that. And that means for now, I have to stop. Just for today. I have to stop. An adult lifetime addiction that for now, has to stop.

[ladymworld]

T W O Y E A R S Honestly...such a loss and unneccessary...💗 I am unashamedly open and honest at having been on the brink of suicide a few times in my life, both drunk and sober. Having been in recovery of alcoholism for over 13 years now yet still having had depressive bouts, I totally "got" wherever Caroline's mind may have taken her to in believing she was better off dead... Based on my own meandering experience, NO ONE person could have 'saved' her. Dying was her way, I believe in ending the emotional pain she could not see a way out of...in 2010 I lost a friend to suicide by hanging herself, Jeanette was the life and soul, a beautiful, full of life character but she could not stop drinking and even though I blamed myself for her death, I KNOW, finally her mind was at peace...I am crying as I type this because I KNOW and have FELT THAT desperation...thank god I did not succeed...I am now a sober and happy Mothership/Duck, proud and loving Nanna and Nanny to 2 amazing girls, Remi Blu and Lenni Elizabeth with a third baby girl due in June 2022 ... ( and about to embark on a brand new career as a Fitness Instructor at 51!! ) Each day I thank my Higher Power for the life I now enjoy... Please, please, if YOU ever feel that death is the ONLY way out, remember.... 'SUICIDE IS A PERMANENT SOLUTION TO A TEMPORARY PROBLEM ' My experience has shown me that things, feelings, situations, good and bad PASS... Call me, message me, reach out, ...ABOVE ALL... "BE KIND..." An awful lot of pain has been hidden by MY SMILE over the years...thank you to a 12-step program, awesome therapist, and many people along my journey MY SMILE TODAY IS AUTHENTIC...😁😘 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗 #ripcarolineflack #youareneveralone #samaritans #behind #iamheretolisten #reach out #suicideprevention #suicideawareness #suicidegirlshopeful #mentalhealth (at Cirencester, Gloucestershire) https://www.instagram.com/p/CaDTmX1s9yIGUSaxO-8Lc0FjINzk7RNo5Cy5uI0/?utm_medium=tumblr