#mental illness is no joke! so I had to put an effort
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dashflashy-arts · 2 years ago
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Pico has schizophrenia right? I imagine it would be the same as Jinx de Arcane's schizophrenia
mmmaybe? although from what I've seen (and heard, I haven't actually started watching Arcane but I HAVE read some canon lore about her) Pico is probably more "sane" than Jinx by their society's standards. Although the standard may not be reliable since Pico's world is unhinged compared to Jinx's
Idk how similar their schizophrenia would be, but I do believe the effect on both characters is different. They're both trigger-happy, impulsive, and dangerous but I recall Jinx losing her mind and becoming criminally insane. Meanwhile, Pico appears to have some extent of "control" over himself. I think they both recognize they're not mentally stable. It's just that they react to it differently (Pico feels bad when it gets the best of him, but Jinx seems to have stopped caring).
I can't really say much... these are just my thoughts about it based on research. I'm no expert, so don't rely on what I think about this too much.
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darkmold · 3 months ago
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BG3 characters + mundane parenting because I’m mental illness coded
Warnings: babies I guess, it’s not specified how they and Tav acquired the baby (could’ve been theft), I liked this lemme know if anyone wants an npc edition, got depressed on Karlach’s entry oops-
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Astarion
He requires very little sleep, so he’s typically on nightshift with the baby. If the little one fusses, he’d rather be the one to handle it than have his poor, tired partner wake up. Sometimes if the baby is being particularly clingy or petulant, he’ll take one of that week’s sewing projects into the nursery to keep himself entertained while he sits by their crib. Sewing project is usually a new garment for the baby- they grow too fast to keep up with.
Halsin
Halsin has wanted kids for so long but never allowed himself to settle down. You know he’s never putting that baby down. Carries them in a sling all day long sometimes just because he’s so thrilled to be a papa. It’s an honor to show them the world.
He would never pass up a chance to spend time with them. He knew having children would be require effort, and he’s fully prepared to be active.
Gale
When his partner is out and he’s left with the baby, he quickly realizes he’s not half as good at getting them to stop crying as they are. He tries everything that usually works- bouncing, feeding, changing, etc., but soon finds that the quickest way to soothe them is by using his voice. Gale runs out of things to say, which results in him carrying the baby around the tower and just explaining various objects.
“See? The metal points are called the ‘hands’. The big hand represents how many minutes have passed, and the little hand represents how many hours have passed…”
Wyll
Reads to his child every night. It was rare that Ulder had the time to, but he remembers his nursemaid reading to him frequently. It’s important to him that his baby get that experience. Plus, maybe it will encourage them to read more when they’re older? There are lots of good stories out there including the ones about their cool dad
Karlach
Keeps to tradition any chance she gets. She wants her kids to grow up like she did- with family gatherings, and sun melon slices, and stupid inside jokes. She wants her babies to know what home feels like. One day, the memory might be all they have left.
Some of her favorite memories growing up were of birthdays. They didn’t have a lot of money for presents, but her dad always baked sweet rolls, which is one tradition she’s not giving up on anytime soon.
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juniperskye · 17 days ago
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You’re Not Alone In This.
Based on the following ask: @itzvenus04 Hotch is my comfort character, maybe it’s because he takes care of others and I like that especially when I take care of people all the time, I’m like Cinderella in my house like no joke, if I don’t do it, nobody will ever do it. Anyway, I was wondering if you could do like an Aaron x Diabetic reader fic, as I have diabetes and it’s extremely difficult and exhausting and love to maybe see that with a comfort character of mine. Like Aaron does anything and everything he can to understand the reader and the illness, like when the reader sugar is high or maybe low, taking care of doctor’s appointments, medication drop off, just putting effort in I just want to read something that could comfort me in that way because it’s exhausting being a diabetic and having no one bother to care about it or put effort in, I’m alone essentially - I really hope you like this babe! I did my best!
Aaron Hotchner x Diabetic! Fem Reader
Angst/Fluff
Word count: 1709
REQUESTS ARE OPEN - not edited - please be kind. Requests are open and feedback is welcome if it's constructive!
Warnings: My blog is 18+, minors DNI, some explicit language, reader has type 1 diabetes, mention of doctors and appointments, mention of medication/insulin management, no use of y/n, Fem reader, reader has no physical description – other than being a diabetic and having an insulin pump (worn tucked into their waistband or pocket) and an administration site located on their leg (there is mention of a site failure and relocation) as well as a sensor worn on the arm, reader is mentioned to work as well as being active in college courses (not full time), Hotch cares a lot, use of pet names, I think that’s everything – let me know if I missed any!
I do not consent to having my work translated or reposted to any other site. That being said I do not own the characters portrayed in this story.
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You were the type of person who couldn’t bear the thought of burdening others. As exhausting as it was, constantly doing things on your own and taking care of others, you did so without complaint because things needed to get done. It would be much easier to just do them as opposed to putting it on someone else, or worse, adding weight to their shoulders.
This growing sense of solitude grew when you began dating Aaron. It wasn’t that he made you feel alone, actually it was quite the opposite! Aaron was always reassuring you that he was by your side through it all, especially as your relationship progressed. But as things intensified, you couldn’t help but notice the sag in his shoulders, bags under his eyes, and the air of weariness he exuded. Aaron had an extremely difficult job, one that had taken far too much from him, so who were you to make his life any more difficult than it already was.
You did everything in your power to hide things from Aaron – just to keep from filling his plate with anymore worry. You would suffer in silence through the highs and lows of your mental health, the business from working full time and taking classes at the local college…and even more so, your physical health.
You had kept the fact that you had type one diabetes a secret from Aaron…not because you were embarrassed or because you didn’t trust him, it was simply because you knew he’d make it his mission to ensure that you were taken care of, ahead of everything else.
But that was the problem with dating a profiler. Aaron could see through the façade that were your replies of “things are good!” “I’m great.” “Classes are going well.” “I feel fine, just a little tired.” Aaron knew that there was something deeper, looming under the surface, something you weren’t telling him. So, two months into dating you’d had to come clean.
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“Sweetheart, I know something is wrong. I just wish you’d tell me so I can help you.” He’d beg.
“Aaron everything is fine I pro-”
“Please don’t say everything is fine…honey, you were basically lethargic the other day when we facetimed, and I was so worried about you.”
“I’m diabetic Aaron. That’s what was wrong. My sugar was low. But everything is fine.” You explained.
After that, Aaron made sure to keep a closer eye on you. Not so much that you’d feel suffocated or like he was babying you, but enough that he could tell if your sugar was too high or too low. Once Aaron found out you had type one diabetes, he dove into late night research sessions on what all your condition entails, how to best manage your insulin, what an appropriate level looks like, how to calculate your carb intake so the proper amount of insulin is being administered as well as how to change your site and how to use the pump.
The change in his behavior was subtle…but noticeable. Aaron started keeping small snacks or juice with him in the case of a sugar low, he also started checking in on you more frequently. When you moved in, the changes became far more obvious, Aaron was doing so much around the house – always doing the dishes, taking the trash out with him on his way to work, doing laundry on the weekends, setting up deliveries for your groceries. It was overwhelming to have someone this attentive.
“Aaron, I can do this!” You giggled as his arms snuck around you, pulling the vacuum from your grasp.
“I know you can sweetheart, but you don’t have to. I will.” He pressed a gentle kiss to your shoulder, encouraging you to go sit.
His overprotective nature didn’t surface until he witnessed a pretty intense low.
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The morning had started off normal, you’d skipped out on breakfast, which wasn’t unusual. You’d completed an assignment for school and taken your dog on a walk when you started to feel off. It had been a little bit warm outside, but with the way you were sweating, you knew that wasn’t it.
You managed to get back home, but not without feeling lightheaded. You reached down to unclip the dog’s leash, and that’s when Aaron caught it, your hands were shaking, so much so that you were struggling to open the clasp.
“Sweetheart, are you okay?”
“I uh, I feel a little…” You pressed the back of your hand to your forehead and with the other, steadied yourself on the entry table. “Can you – would you grab me some…some juice?”
“Yeah, honey why don’t you sit down.” Aaron quickly went to the kitchen and poured a glass of juice.
Aaron watched you insistently as you sipped the juice. He reached over to check your phone, to see if your numbers were starting to regulate. Taking note of the number beginning to rise, he sat next to you and rubbed soothing circles on your spine.
“Honey, did you eat breakfast this morning?” Aaron inquired.
“No, but I never eat breakfast Aar. When I do, my numbers usually end up to high and then I feel sick all day.” You huffed.
“Okay, we will figure it out. Maybe we should schedule an appointment with your doctor.” He suggested.
“It’s always been like this, it’s okay really.”
“I’ll schedule an appointment for you sweetheart.” He pressed a kiss to your temple.
Aaron was far more attentive with your illness, going with you to your doctor’s appointments, asking them how to avoid highs and lows, figuring out the best way to manage your insulin. He also began to monitor your medication, making sure you never ran out and that the pharmacy was processing your refills, when they got low.
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This day was not going the way you had hoped. Things had been super overwhelming, you had finals coming up for your classes and work had been particularly busy, truthfully you were exhausted. You’d been nauseas all day, your numbers elevated, despite your best efforts to lower them.
You had taken a break from studying to change the laundry when you heard Aaron get home.
“Hey baby!” Aaron pressed a kiss to the top of your head.
“Hi hon.” You mumbled.
Aaron knew you had been stressed out about school and work, you had put your finals dates on your shared calendar, and he figured that was taking its toll on you.
“Why don’t I make us some dinner? I can grill up some chicken?” He posed.
“Yeah, that sounds good. I can steam some broccoli to go with it.” You suggested.
“Perfect!” Aaron left you with a peck.
You’d finished up with the laundry and went to the kitchen, pulling out a water bottle from the fridge while you got started prepping the veggies.
Aaron glanced at you through the sliding door, he had noticed there were quite a few water bottles and cups scattered around the apartment, more than usual. He couldn’t help the bit of concern that crept in – you’d previously mentioned sugar highs sometimes came with unbearable thirst.
“Sweetheart, have you checked your number recently?” He asked.
“Yes, it’s been a little elevated today.”
“Are you feeling okay?”
“Yeah, a little nauseous but I’m fine.”
The two of you sat and ate dinner while talking about your days. You told Aaron about a new project at work and how you were more than ready for your finals to be over. He shared that he had consulted on a few cases today with some law enforcement from other states – hopefully they wouldn’t get called away this weekend.
After dinner you’d excused yourself to the restroom and Aaron cleared up the table, placing the leftovers in the fridge. He made his way to your shared bedroom and softly knocked on the bathroom door.
“Baby, is everything okay?”
“Aar, I’m fine.” You sighed.
“Would you let me in? Maybe I can help.” He offered.
“I don’t need help – Shit!” You hissed.
With that Aaron let himself in the bathroom, worried that you were hurt.
“What’s wrong?”
“I think there’s something wrong with my site.” You were fiddling with the site attached to your leg.
“Honey, why don’t we change it out, I can help.” Aaron moved to grab everything you’d need for your new site. “Is your sensor good still?”
“I think so.”
“Okay, go lay on the bed.” He commanded gently.
You went to lay on the bed, sliding your sweats off, carefully moving your pump to lay beside you on the bed. Aaron made his way over to you with the new injection set. He assisted you in removing the old one and placing the new one, taking note of the needle being bent slightly.
“Sweetheart, I think this is why you’ve been high all day. Your insulin wasn’t injecting properly.”
“Ugh. Stupid thing! Let’s just put in the new one so I can get this all sorted out.” You stressed.
You had tears in your eyes. Not from the pain of the needle entering your skin, or the sick feeling you’ve endured all day…but from the fact that you don’t get to have a normal day that’s carefree. Aaron has taken so much off your plate by being especially helpful with day-to-day things, but this feels like too much and you feel so alone in your illness.
“Alright honey, you’re all set.” Aaron began cleaning up all the trash from the new injection set.
“Thank you.”
“Hey sweetheart…” Aaron began. “I know that I will never be able to fully understand, but I want you to know that I’m here for you. I want to help you in anyway I can, whether it’s changing your site for you, doing the dishes after a long day, or even just to give you a hug.”
Your tears were falling freely at his confession. You had never felt so seen, so weightless, so supported. You let your head fall back and your shoulders finally relaxed.
 “I love you so much. You have no idea how much that means to me Aaron.” You wrapped your arms around his middle.
“I love you too sweet girl.” Aarons arms enveloped you as his lips connect with your forehead.
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williamlandon · 5 months ago
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I disneyfied him on accident uh whoops
:3
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So I started focusing on my boy glam freddy and what his lore would be. This is what I’ve got so far:
TW: TRIGGERING TOPICS SUCH AS - SUICIDE - MENTAL ILLNESS - ABUSE - TOXIC FOLKS - SH:
-This man has been through the shitter. He witnessed his father die in the hospital after committing, he is constantly abused mentally by the company to work harder and be a perfect celebrity figure.
-He was a child star/His family had the company until they all got into “accidents,” which resulted in him owning and becoming a star at the age of 13. This also damaged him mentally.
-He always loved singing until he was around the age of 17. He started to see it as what the company saw it as, pure profit. Thus leading to him to despising his voice. -He hates it when Monty talks down about himself and wishing he was the star, Monts thinks it’s because Freddy is prideful in his position but the truth is that he doesn’t want him to go through what he gets put through daily. That’s also why he wasn’t left the company. He knows Monty would replace him in an instance.
-Despite his constant torture, he loves performing for the children and tries to be a father figure towards them and anyone else who needs someone to talk to.
-My good sir is schizophrenic. Not a joke. He got it from his father (Toy Freddy, my AU!!), and he got it from his uncle (Afton/Springbonnie) due to some kind of poison.
-It’s definitely getting worse as he goes on, and slowly the gang starts to realize what going on with their boss. They begin to worry and recommend he finds help before it’s too late, but he brushes it off as ‘Guys, I’m fine! Don’t worry about me!,’ (Spoiler in second image..it gets worse😭).
-Vanny is not real. She is a figment of his imagination, but he believes she is after a little orphan boy named Toby McGregor (Gregory). So he does his best to protect him from her at all costs. Little does he know his efforts are for nothing, as he is fighting nothing…and protecting nothing.
-Also Freddy and Roxy are cousins, more on that later🫣
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that’s all that im willing to put out so far! no spoilers for up coming lore drops!!🤫🤫
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amberskyyking · 3 months ago
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It’s Fox Day so have a fluffy lil Corrie Guard Talent Show story I wrote based on this post featuring a bunch of my talented writer friends OC’s and Fox trying so hard to develop better mental health patterns and so so many hugs 🥰❤️🦊
Ten Out Of Ten
7k words! Click the title for the AO3 link. @corrieweek TW: Suicidal thoughts mentioned, KMS joke and general implied past abuse and decom, but things are better and they’re healing now ❤️‍🩹
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
“I’m going to fucking-”
Stitch’s eyes snapped to Fox’s face the moment he started mumbling those words under his breath, and he cut himself off. Kill myself, was what he wanted to say, but he wasn’t supposed to make jokes like that was he? They’d talked about this at length after the war was over, after the Senate voted to declare clones were Sentient in an upset he still wasn’t sure he believed really happened. Their newfound position was so fragile, even if the decom orders he shielded them from for years had been stopped. His vode weren’t expendable anymore, there were consequences for abusing them now that Fox had the right to enforce, but the sense that all those protections could be ripped away had seeped deep into his bones. Fox hadn’t been able to protect them before, his efforts hadn’t been enough, he wasn’t enough! Palpatine might be gone, but Fox couldn’t shake the icy dread that he would see those leering yellow eyes around every corner, hear that cruel voice disguised with grandfatherly patience threatening his vode if Fox didn’t comply, feel the sudden pang of lightning sear across his skin -
“Fox,” Stitch said his name in a hard tone, snapping him out of the spiraling thoughts for a moment. “Stop that.”
Right. Fox took a breath.
Stitch had a point, he knew he did, as much as he hated to admit it a couple of weeks ago when he made his last ill-timed joke passing by a familiar spire. Jokes like that only reinforce negative thought patterns, Stitch had snipped. It’s not funny, it’s only making your damn mental health worse and it’s going to give me a fucking aneurysm one of these days if you don’t knock it the hell off! 
The reminder filled him with a new wave of guilt. His poor CMO could never trust Fox wasn’t serious about those sort of things, and Fox honestly couldn’t blame him, but Stitch already had to put up with so much. Now Fox was adding to it. Maybe it would be better if he just-
“I’m serious, Fox,” Stitch snarled. “Want to try that again?”
Fox scowled at the floor. He was trying to do better, he really was, he had to, for his brothers sake. He’d promised them he would, even if he didn’t understand why they still bothered, now that the primary threat to their existence was gone. But Stitch was still glowering at him expectantly. Thorn and Thire had gone quiet too, right in the middle of their own conversation. Great. Now they were all concerned again, just because of his bad coping skills. Fox looked up at the ceiling, trying to remember what Stitch had said to do with thoughts or jokes like that instead, even if it was just to appease them. Just say something different, right? Something positive or funny or ridiculous? 
He let out an exasperated sigh and blurted out the first load of nonsense that popped into his head. “I’m - I’m going to put on the best talent show Coruscant has ever seen,” Fox muttered, his voice thick with sarcasm.
There was a pause, and Fox felt a flush creep up his neck. Where the hell had that come from? It wasn’t even really funny, it was just ridiculous, Thorn and Thire were bound to give him shit, and -
“Wait seriously?” Thorn jumped up eagerly from his spot on the floor. “We can do that?”
Thire’s eyebrows shot straight into his hair. “I ah. Think the Commander was joking, vod.”
“But we could?” Thorn pressed, practically bouncing on the balls of his feet with a huge sparkling grin on his face. 
Fox blinked a couple times at his vod’ika with a pit in his stomach. Thorn had to be joking too, didn’t he? 
“Cause I had this idea, there’s this song I found that I want to make a routine with Lowkey to and -”
“Isn’t that what the holonet is for?” Thire chuckled.
“Trust me, this would be so much better live! I could - No wait, can’t say. That would be a huge spoiler!”
Both troopers looked excitedly at Fox, and his heart dropped. Kriff. This wasn’t a complication he was prepared to deal with, not today.
“I…” He gulped, trying to stall, trying to think of any way to tell them no, it wasn’t possible, they didn’t have the resources or the time… But it was useless. He couldn’t stand to see their faces fall if he could help it, not after everything the Guard had been through for so long. If they wanted to do something like that so badly he would find a way, he… He could never say no to them. Not with enthusiasm like that, not when they were looking at him like that!
“Sure,” He caved, cursing himself internally as he did. “We can have a… A talent show.”
Thire gasped, Thorn let out a whooping cheer, and Fox had to grin in spite of himself, at least until Stitch snorted from behind him. Fox shot a tired glare back at his CMO, who didn’t look sorry in the slightest, in fact he looked downright pleased. Stitch had to know exactly what just happened in Fox’s head, and this whole self-esteem issue he was constantly pestering Fox about had just taken a turn that his vod’ika couldn’t have planned better if he tried. It wasn’t like Fox could really regret it, though. Thorn had already lit up like a life day tree, sending frantic comms to Lowkey with ideas for their next routine, and Thire wore a thoughtful little grin on his face that Fox could have melted at.
“What are you going to do for it, sir?” Thorn asked suddenly, looking up from the comm he had been typing out.
“I’m not competing,” Fox said automatically.
“Whaaat?” Thorn frowned.
“Why not?” Thire said in bewilderment. “It’s your idea!”
“What would I even do?” Fox exhaled, shaking his head. “I don’t have any special talents.”
“Sure, vod. You just killed the Sith, ended the war and set us all free, that was a normal Benduday,” Thorn snarked.
“That wasn’t all me… And how exactly would I do any of that on stage?” Fox protested.
Thorn opened his mouth to offer up what was sure to be some sort of insane suggestion, but thankfully, Stitch came to Fox’s rescue.
“He told you you could have the show, that’s enough,” Stitch snapped. “I karking swear, if you try to hijack his sleep schedule just to make him prep for some damn act, you’ll be seeing my special talents in the med bay first hand!”
That made the pair of them back off, but it didn’t seem to damper their excitement for the thing, which was good. Fox let out a breath as they shrugged in acceptance and got back to their conversation from before, this time with giddy little grins on their faces.
This… This couldn’t hurt, could it? If the idea was making Thorn and Thire this happy, it would probably be good for the rest of his men, too. Fox wasn’t the only one who struggled, maybe they could all use the boost. He would still make sure it was closed to anyone but the Guard, to be safe, even if the galaxy was nominally safer for them already. Outsiders seeing his vode in the spotlight was still a risk he wasn’t willing to take, but they could keep this small, just celebrate a few of his brothers who he loved so much and remind them of their worth. He could manage that.
Stitch slung an arm across Fox’s back as he started thinking it all through, and Fox automatically pulled him into a hug, letting out a deep sigh.
“It’s a good idea, vod,” Stitch told him softly. “I’m proud of you. You caught yourself, you’re forming better patterns already, that’s progress. But this isn’t going to fuck up your sleep.”
“Someone has to plan all this,” Fox reminded him, but Stitch shook his head as he pulled back to look Fox in the eye.
“Yeah. Someone. Not you,” His CMO told him pointedly, mouth twisting into a wicked smirk. “Either you let me handle this or you go down to one shift a day, don’t try me. We have rights now, thanks to you, so you can’t work more than your doubles or I’ll fucking report it.”
“This wouldn’t be work related-“
“It could be,” Stitch threatened with glee, and Fox let out a half-hearted scoff. That wasn’t even fair. His brothers needed those protections in place, but Fox hadn’t considered how Stitch might use those new laws against him, too.
“Fine,” He bit out. “If you’re sure, but if you need anything, tell me. I should still be involved.”
“It’s your own damn show, you’ll have a role,” Stitch shot back, but his eyes were soft, and Fox nodded. It was settled, then. For better or worse, Fox really was going to kill himself put on the best fucking talent show Coruscant had ever seen.
---
It might have been Fox’s half-baked, sarcastic suggestion to throw the talent show in the first place, but Stitch stayed true to his word and took charge of the whole production so Fox wouldn’t work himself into the ground trying to do it all it himself. He still wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or put off by the help. This really was something he could have handled on his own, he used to pull triple or quad shifts, the doubles were already a massive improvement and adding the show to his plate really wouldn’t have been pushing himself more than he had before. Pointing that out Stitch again later that night, though, proved to be a mistake, as the CMO kindly offered to break his fucking legs and throw the bone knitter off the goddamn Rotundra if he tried to go back on their agreement now…  So Fox let Stitch handle coordinating the thing, went to bed, and hardly slept, but at least he tried. 
Fox had barely begun his first shift when it became clear word had spread and clones on and off duty all started acting strangely. He had only pictured a small gathering in his head, something held quietly in the barracks or the mess, far from prying eyes, but the more excited vode he encountered throughout the day the less that seemed like a viable option. 
Thorn and Lowkey passed Fox as he left the barracks that morning, both of them soaking wet, squelching in their boots and giggling like kriffing cadets. They froze when they saw Fox and tripped all over their promises to clean up the mess before Fox let them go. Only a couple hours later, Lefty’s pet tooka somehow got stuck in a vent in the armory, and when he got her out, she was wearing a miniature version of shock trooper armor. The red paint hadn’t dried yet and was smeared in places on the thin plastoid, but that, at least, was a cute problem. He gave a blushing Lefty a comforting hug once his pet was safe and gently scratched the little tookas head before moving on with his day.
The talent show was farther from Fox’s mind again by the time he was making rounds near the east wing of the building on his second shift. Suddenly he heard noises from a storage room that was supposed to be unoccupied, and panic flared in his gut. He’d heard things like this before. Muffled voices echoed from inside, one of them shouting something indistinguishable, and they sounded like his vode!
All the worst possibilities raced through his head, but they had rights now, he could protect them if someone was trying to hurt them and he would! He would do anything to keep them safe, no matter the cost. Fox drew his twin blasters with his heart in his throat, raced right up to the door and -
The voices started to sing. Fox stopped dead in his tracks.
Theeeeere once was a man come from Sriluur, Say now did he really? A handsome pirate, that’s for sure! All of that’s a lie!
It… It was several voices, echoing loudly through the door now in the otherwise empty hall, all of them clones but… But nothing was wrong. Fox’s adrenaline fizzled at once and he let his hands with the blasters fall at his side. They were just practicing in there, a call and response song like some of them made up back on Kamino in training, nothing that was hurting them. There weren’t even rules against that kind of thing, at least, not anymore.
Hondo Ohnaka, Hondo Ohnaka, Hondo Ohnaka! All of that’s a lie!
Fox shook his head and closed his eyes for a few seconds, letting their little song remind him that they were okay. They did sound good, now that he knew no one was locked in there with a fucking Senator, and some of the lines they made up almost made him chuckle, lessening his nerves. If they had written it themselves, it was a very clever shanty. After a minute or so he trudged off to continue his rounds, but practicing vode continued to catch him off guard through the rest of that shift. By the time he made it back to the barracks he had ran into Pointe with wide eyes and his arms full of bright colored fabric and ribbon scraps, Tree practicing an attempt to make a strange plant disappear for Senator Chuchi, and Crow trying to smuggle no less than six mouse droids out of the Senate halls for who-the-hell-knows-why.
Fox was tired when he finally returned, but before he could make Stitch’s whole kriffing day by collapsing into bed at the end of it like he was supposed to, Thire burst in with a grin on his face that lit up the whole room.
“I found us a venue!” He announced, and Fox blinked at him in bleary-eyed confusion.
“A what?”
“You know that old theater just down the street?”
“The one you just issued eighteen building citations to last week?” Fox said with a raised eyebrow.
Thire rubbed awkwardly at the back of his neck. “Yeeeah… I might have offered to waive those if they can get the violations fixed by Taungsday… And let us use the place that night.”
Fox’s face stayed impassive as he looked at his blushing vod’ika. “…For the talent show?” He asked at long last, and Thire nodded.
“I mean, where were we gonna have it? The mess?”
That had been what Fox was picturing, but… Well, it didn’t really matter to him if the theater paid those fines, just that they fixed their shit, so if this was just as effective he didn’t see a problem with it. Besides, Thire seemed proud, and after seeing so much more enthusiasm today than he expected, maybe being on a real stage would be good for his kih’vode too, at least if the event was still private. They deserved to feel special. They were special. Especially since so many of them really had cultivated great talents, even while stationed here, of all places, where stifling conformity was a matter of survival.
“Good work, vod,” Fox yawned, standing up again and crossing over to Thire over to give him an appreciative hug. “They’ll love that.”
“You think so?” Thire said, letting out a breath and straightening up a bit at the praise.
“Of course,” Fox assured him. He let him go with a pat on the shoulder and sank back down onto his bed. “You’ll have to tell Stitch, though…”
“Will do, sir!” Thire beamed.
Fox smiled as he closed his eyes, even through his exhaustion. He hadn’t expected all this, but it really did feel like the spectacle was needed, somehow. Maybe he should have known, with how long they had all had to keep their individuality hidden away, for safety’s sake. But things were different now, they really were. Even if he was still having a hard time believing it. 
Fox found it a little easier to drift off to sleep that night, even if he could have sworn someone was practicing an entire tap dance routine in a nearby room. 
---
The day of the talent show came and the old theater was packed. Even knowing how excited his kih’vode were about this, Fox stared around in wide-eyed wonder at the number of them who showed up! Stitch had to half-drag him through the crowd of smiling, laughing Corries, most of them in armor but a few in military dress clothes or civvies or even full costumes that rivaled the worst dressed Senators, towards the judges booth in the center of the room. The rest of the panel, with Thire, Stone, Hound and Rosie, were already gathered there, chatting and laughing as they waited for everyone else to find their seats. 
It was slow moving through the crowd though, even with Stitch’s intimidating scowl to cut them a path, since Fox’s kih’vode kept turning to smile at him, laugh, and hug him along the way.
“Commander!” A fresh faced shiny, Zed, grinned up at him with a a sharp salute. “Thank you sir, I - I can’t believe I get to show off my hoverboard tricks! I always saw the holos of the pros on Kamino but I never thought…”
“You’ll do great tonight,” Fox reassured him, giving his shoulder a squeeze that made the kid swell with pride and bounce on his toes. They only made it a few more steps before another trooper tapped on his shoulder. 
“I was hoping to catch you, Sir,” The trooper said softly, fidgeting with a piece of flimsi in his hands, and Fox recognized him as Penner. “I didn’t sign up, I don’t think this would be very exciting from the stage but… I’ve been learning origami to give me something to do with my hands when I’m anxious and… I think I’ve gotten good at it,” He explained, blushing a little as he spoke. “I want you to have this one…” He held up the flimsi in his hand and Fox’s eyes widened. What was a flat and fragile sheet just a minute before was suddenly a perfect little Fox.
“That’s incredible,” Fox breathed, and he meant it. He picked up the little fox as gently as he could, looking at the little details, the tiny folds that seemed to fit impossibly together in awe. It was so personal, so heartfelt... ”Thank you, Pen’ika,” Fox smiled. “If you were competing I’d give you ten out of ten.”
Penner looked like he was about to cry. “It’s nothing, you… You saved my life,” Penner whispered, his lower lip wobbling just a bit as he did. “I don’t know if you remember but… But thank you, Commander.”
Fox felt like the air had been knocked clean from his lungs. He did remember, of course he did. Penner had been one of the first men he had been too late to protect… But he wrapped his arms around his brother, drawing him close and taking care to keep the oragami fox cupped protectively in his hand. When they pulled apart, both their eyes were misty, and Penner gave him a watery grin before turning away.
“I hope you’re paying attention,” Stitch said under his breath as he took Fox by the hand again. “See what can happen when you’re not a fucking asshole to yourself?”
“This was mostly your work,” Fox pointed out in a raw sounding voice, but Stitch shook his head.
“Only because you’re still running yourself into the damn ground trying to keep us safe. This was your idea, its happening because you said so and you did it for their sake, don’t you dare deny it!”
Fox didn’t dare. He wasn’t sure why he had said anything about a talent show in the first place, what possessed him to speak those words with hardly the thought in his mind or where they even came from, but he… He wasn’t sorry. His vode needed this, maybe more than he even realized, or maybe he knew but just hadn’t understood it yet. 
“How many of them do you think…” Fox started, but trailed off.
“Think what?” Stitch pushed.
“… Need to know they… Matter,” Fox said quietly. “Even if they’re not competing tonight.”
Stitch stopped in his tracks, turning back to him with a solemn, troubled look on his face. “All of them,” He said, without a hint of bluster or sarcasm.
Fox nodded. That’s what he thought, too. “I wish I could tell them all…”
“I know. They would say the same about you,” Stitch told him gently. “Come on.”
A few more hugs and encouraging words later, Thire, Stone, Hound and Rosie all turned to greet him and Stitch as they approached the judges booth. Thire waved him into the centermost seat that they had left open for him and immediately sank into the seat at his right. Stitch paused, giving Fox an odd look and whispering something to Rosie, who nodded her head. 
Fox was finding it a little difficult to pay attention to the small talk the others were making. Instead, he traced the edges of the little origami Fox in his hands. After a moment Stitch leaned in to give his shoulder a final squeeze before heading backstage, and Thire scooted closer to Fox’s side, his presence cool and steady. 
Something about this night that had started out as a bad cover for a worse joke already felt so important. They’d been wearing the same matching armor and using their numbers instead of names for years for their own protection. He had to make so many stifling rules to keep them safe, even if it wasn’t enough. Everything that they did had been to blend in, to avoid drawing attention to themselves, to make themselves indistinguishable from the next clone so they couldn’t be easy targets, but now…
Now the war was over. They were people. They could stand out, show off, shine… But even if so many of them weren’t ready for that, they deserved to be celebrated, too.
Thire reached out, giving Fox’s hand a quiet squeeze, and he exhaled. He was already proud of them, so proud of every single one of his brothers, wherever they were at on their journey. Then the lights dimmed, the eager voices of his vode that filled the theater quieted in anticipation, and Thorn and Lowkey took the stage in the most ridiculous bright red bedazzled suits Fox had ever seen.
“Olarom, olarom, olarom!” Thorn shouted excitedly in Mando’a to a loud set of cheers, spinning an umbrella around his arm for some reason. “Welcome to the first annual Coruscant Guard Talent Show, vode!”
Fox raised an eyebrow. He never said anything about this being annual.
“Shiny or veteran, Grunt, ARF, Shock troop, Medic, Mechanic, Prison guard, Security, Massiff handlers, Massiffs themselves and anyone else, none of that matters tonight! So forget your test scores, fuck whatever the long-necks thought of you, nobody’s perfect and tonight we get to see some of what you’re all really made of! The good stuff! Like… What do we have tonight, Lowkey?”
“What, besides us? In these gorgeous suits?” Lowkey said lightly, strutting across the stage in the glittery red thing and puffing out his umbrella behind him dramatically to the cheers and cat-calls of the men in the audience. “I’ve got to give credit where credit is due though, our own Commander Fox picked these out special himself!”
That wasn’t true.
“Oh he’s got such great taste, vod, in anything but caf. Still won’t use the cream and sugar we have now, says it’s better black.”
…That part was.
“But actually, this whole night was Fox’s idea, if you haven’t heard!” Thorn continued, and that… Was true too, somehow. Fox was still having trouble remembering he had actually started all this, him and his terrible joke had teamed up to make an event that the whole guard was more excited about than anything he’d seen since the end of the war. Their brothers clapped and hooted their approval of the idea, and Fox tried not to notice how many of them had turned to stare at him just now, but Lowkey chuckled into his mic and shut his umbrella with a crisp snap that got their attention again.
“Well, we better get on with it then, Thorn, or we’ll keep the Commander up past his bedtime.”
“What’s wrong with that?” Thorn asked with feigned innocence.
“I’m afraid of Stitch,” Lowkey hissed under his breath, pointing behind his hand towards the curtains where Fox knew his CMO was standing just out of sight. A single gloved hand popped out from backstage to flip him off.
“Oooh, good point. In that case, Taps! Get your ass out here quick!” Thorn cried, and the pair of them pranced back off the stage, blowing kisses to the crowd to laughter and cheers.
The ARF trooper Taps stepped gingerly out from behind the curtains with a nervous grin on his face. Fox wasn’t sure what sort of act he would be performing, he wasn’t wearing a costume and didn’t seem to have any special gear, but the music picked up and Taps started tap dancing! The irony almost made Fox burst out laughing by mistake, because of course! The tap dancer who he heard the other night must have been Taps! He should have known. The clone wouldn’t have lasted a kriffing day in the Rotundra, not with the nervous habit that earned him his name, so Fox put him on street patrols, which was a much better fit. But he had no idea his vod had turned all that energy into something so rhythmic and percussive and artistic! When the routine came to a close and Taps bowed with a flourish the whole theater broke into applause and Fox held his score card high, a perfect 10/10, smiling ear to ear.
Next up was Tree in a bright green cape he could have stolen off Bail Organa himself and… Likely had, given how the trooper seemed to trust more of the Senators than Fox really appreciated. He took the stage with several of his friends carrying exotic looking plants behind him in big silvery pots, but once the show began Fox was completely mesmerized! The disappearance act he saw him practicing the other night for Senator Chuchi had a Part Two that he hadn’t seen, where the towering fern reappeared on the judges booth! Grizzer flew into a tizzy, barking like mad at the trick, and Fox shot his hand into the air with the 10/10 before the act even concluded.
Every other act was just as outstanding as the one before, from the squad who got the entire crowd to join them in singing the shanty about Hondo Ohnaka to the green-haired Pointe running his piebald massiff Bespin through a series of tricks with colorful ribbons and bows streaming behind her! Guts put on a gorgeous display of his automatons whizzing through the air to music that a music box he built himself played, Coro performed juggling routine that he claimed to have learned by literally jugging up to twelve medical charts at the same time (Fox wasn’t sure if that was a joke, and no one else seemed to know either, but he didn’t mistake Stitch’s barking laugh from behind the curtain when he said it), and Lucky’s graceful and risky sword dance captivated everyone except for the worried medics in the crowd, especially Rosie, who gasped loudly at Fox’s side every time he made a dangerous looking move. She still burst into applause with the rest of them once it was over, relief written all over her face.
Captain Taser’s speed painting was already a beautiful piece of artwork even before he spun the canvas rightside up to reveal he had been painting upside down the whole time , showing off a colorful Coruscant sunrise and adding the sparkle of morning stars with a last few taps of his brush. Later on the twins Kando and Sii’s four-armed General Grievous improv routine had the entire building bursting with laughter, then Zed’s hoverboard tricks sent Stitch rushing onto the stage for half a second before he twisted a miraculous third time in the air and landed his final combo. Lefty’s routine with his Coruscant Guard Shock Tooka melted about half the audience out of pure cuteness, then Xia performed a song in the voices of our judges, which was just their own voice the entire time, but they put on a long yellow wig for “Thorn’s” part and dramatically held a Massiff plushie in the air for “Hound’s”. 
Fox was laughing so hard he could barely see by the end of it, so he gave them a 10/10. They all deserved 10/10, they all deserved the whole world, he didn’t even care when Stone elbowed him hard and shook his head at his unchanged scorecard! He couldn’t help it, and he didn’t want to. 
He did at least hesitate after the slicer Crow’s reprogrammed mouse droids were revealed to have stolen boots off no less than seventeen troopers in the audience AND Thire himself, apparently working unseen throughout the entire show to amass their collection undetected. Fox shook his head and let out a heavy sigh at that. He really had to keep an eye on Crow. The kind of shit he could get up to, with skills like that… It was concerning, but admittedly impressive. So. 10/10.
“Another 10 out of 10 from our own 1010,” Thorn read off with a hearty laugh from the stage. “What does that make Crow’s total score there, Lowkey?”
“With Thire’s whopping zero, he’s coming in at 21/50,” Lowkey announced, and Crow pouted at the other Commander, making a little heart with his hands and then breaking it, but his eyes still sparkled with the usual mischief.
“Neat trick, but you gotta pick your targets better there vod. Thire holds a grudge!” Thorn said, twirling that umbrella of his in the air with a teasing grin. “Try Fox next time, he wouldn’t fault you tonight if you stole his whole kit right off his shebs!” 
A few heads turned his way with good natured chuckles, and Fox blushed a little, fixing Thorn with a glare that had no heat in it at all. It was true, but he didn’t have to say it. Even if, judging by their reactions, everyone else seemed to already know.
“Speaking of Fox,” Lowkey said slowly, and Thorn’s grin widened in a very concerning way. “I thought I heard a little rumor about a last minute addition before the grand finale?”
“Oh, right, we did hear that didn’t we!” Thorn teased, turning his gaze directly on Fox.
Fox abruptly stood from his seat with alarm bells ringing in his head. No, they had talked about this, he wasn't performing! Whatever Thorn had planned wouldn’t happen, he had nothing prepared, but before he could take a single step, Thire and Rosie had brought hands down on his shoulders. 
“Usedii, vod,” Thire murmured to him. “This won’t be bad, trust us.”
“I don’t have any special talents,” Fox hissed back. “I already told Stitch-”
“He thought of something, just before he left,” Rosie whispered. “But don’t worry. It’s good, you’ll like it.”
“Commander!” Thorn sang dramatically from the stage, his eyes somehow sparkling even more than that ridiculous suit he was wearing. “I had a whole speech planned about how you’ve been holding out on us tonight, but you had to go and ruin it! With all those big scores you kept turning in and some of what I saw in the lobby before this even began -”
“I’m sorry,” Fox blurted out, absolutely crestfallen at the realization, but of course he had gone and managed to screw up such a wonderful night somehow. He had tried, but something had gone wrong, hadn’t it? Was it because he gave everyone 10/10? Was he a useless judge? He should have just left this to Stitch, he shouldn’t have gotten involved at all - 
“Oh my god, Fox,” Thire mumbled under his breath.
“No,” Hound said firmly with a shake of his head.
Fox blinked back up at Thorn on the stage in confusion. His vod’ika looked thoroughly unimpressed at his apology, with just a twinge of amusement tugging the corners of his mouth into a grin, and Lowkey scoffed at his side.
Suddenly, Fox became very aware of all the eyes pinned on him.
“Take a breath, Commander,” Thorn said a little softer than before. A few troopers in the seats began shuffling around in their seats, but Thorn ignored them and continued to talk. “Point is, we know of something you’re better at than anyone else in the galaxy, even if you don’t. So tonight we’re gonna prove it to you.”
Fox narrowed his eyes towards the last place he saw Stitch, that spot behind the curtains his CMO had disappeared to after Zed’s hoverboard act was over, since he was responsible for this, but before he could spot him there Thire reached out and wrapped Fox in a bone-crushing hug. Fox hadn’t expected that but he returned the hug on pure instinct, pulling Thire in protectively and cradling the back of his head. 
“What is it?” Fox asked urgently. “What’s wrong?” 
But Thire just chuckled affectionately into his neck. “Nothing’s wrong, ori’vod. This is it. Your talent.”
Fox blinked a few times in confusion out at the crowd over his brothers shoulder. More of them were turning around in their seats now, understanding of some sort dawning on their faces and making them grin. Stitch stood at the far end of them all with a gloating glint in his eye.
“You’re really good at loving us,” Thire said, pulling back to look him in the eyes. “And you’re really good at hugs.”
…Oh. 
Fox wasn’t even sure how to respond to that. For a moment he just stared back at Thire, processing the words. Of course he loved them, they were his vode, they made it so easy…
“My turn,” Stone said simply, and Thire complied, stepping away so Stone could wrap his arms around Fox instead.
“The war was hard on us all, Fox,” Stone said quietly into Fox’s ear. “But you’ve been our rock. Thank you.”
Fox nodded against his brothers neck, fighting back the lump in his throat. “I… I couldn’t have survived it, without you…” He said thickly.
“Neither could we. I think we all need this,” Stone replied, giving him an extra squeeze before letting go. 
Hound stepped up next, whispering a reminder of how sending him to work with the massiffs had changed everything for him, made his life worth living, then ordered Grizzer to jump up and lick Fox straight across the face, making Fox laugh again so he felt a little less like he was on the verge of tears. Then Rosie stepped up, passing off her forearm crutches to Thire to hold as she threw herself into Fox’s arms with a bright, determined smile.
“Thanks for taking me in, ori’vod,” She said jovially. “And for finally sticking to just the two shifts. We’ll keep working on that.” 
“Stitch mentioned that to you?” Fox murmured, and Rosie flashed him a sharp look as she let go and Thire passed back the crutches.
“No, that’s common kriffing sense,” She said with a smirk.
Fox didn’t know what to say to that, but before he could take a seat again two more of his kih’vode jostled their way onto the platform, the twin shinies Kando and Sii from the comedy act. Kando opened his arms with a sheepish little grin and Fox caved like wet flimsi, sweeping both of them up into a hug, too. One of them let out a little squeal, as if his heart wasn’t enough of a puddle already. They were sweet kids. A couple seconds later he let go and scruffed both of their hair, but froze as he looked back over their heads and spotted the rest of the crowd.
Almost all of them were out of their seats. What started as a somewhat proper line of his fellow judges was now an amoeba-shaped pile of vode, with Stitch in his white medical officer’s uniform striding up the middle of them all with a face full of absolute triumph. Fox could hardly breathe as his CMO shouldered past the others and marched up the few stairs, clasping a hand on Fox’s shoulder and pausing.
“What are you waiting for?” He said with a wicked grin. “You wanted this. Get loved, moron.” 
All Fox could do was nod, and the only way he could tell the next clone who hugged him was Tree was by the bright green cape billowing down his back that definitely belonged to Bail Organa. He didn’t know how much time it took to hug the rest of his brothers and tell them they were loved, and he lost count of how many there were, but if there was anything he could do for them he would, of course he would, especially something so simple as this! The program stayed paused as they all filed through, and Fox put his whole heart into every embrace. Some of the men mumbled kind things to him, like Lefty, some stayed silent, like Guts, and some even managed to make him laugh through the tears, like Crow. He tried to apologize to the ones he knew he had let down before, even if not a single one of them would hear it he had to say it, but the message that came back to him was always the same. He was only one person, he had done his best. They never blamed him. He saved some of them, more than just Penner, and every time he heard that he held them tight for an extra couple seconds before letting them go. His kih’vode meant everything to him, and all he wanted was for them to know it.
Apparently, they did… And he meant everything to them, too. 
By the time the last of his family had made their way back to their seats, he had a feeling they had overshot how long their production would take by a while, but it hardly seemed to matter. That was a problem for later on. Stitch brought up the very end of the line with an expression full of compassion and care that Fox still wasn’t sure he deserved. Fox just shook his head in disbelief at his absolutely impossible CMO, and Stitch pulled Fox into the gentlest, warmest hug of the entire night.
They didn’t need words, but Stitch provided them anyways.
“I fucking told you.”
Fox just nodded against his brother’s neck. Stitch had been right about everything… Not that Fox would admit that just yet. If Stitch heard him say that it would go straight to his head and Fox would really would be forced down to just one shift a day. He couldn’t risk that, but he made no move to let go of Stitch again either, even as Thorn and Lowkey finally retook the stage.
“Hey Lieutenant! Something about this doesn’t quite seem fair, does it?” Thorn said with a shit-eating grin, causing most of the vode to turn back to him at once.
“Oh, definitely not. Fox is a judge, he can’t vote for himself,” Lowkey sniggered. “But we can’t let that 40/50 stand, can we?”
40/50? Fox shot a confused glance back down the judges booth to Thire, Stone, Hound and Rosie, and had to stifle an exasperated sigh. He still hadn’t thought they were taking this as a serious act, but all four of them had all gone off and awarded him a perfect 10/10. 
“Alas, we cannot!” Thire declared with a sweeping gesture to the crowd. “Looks like we all have to help him out. What do you think? What’s his score?”
Fox could feel the blush rising up his neck and his cheeks as his brothers in the crowd sounded off with whistling and cheering and chants of TEN! TEN! TEN! all around. Really, the hugs were enough, he felt the love and now this was just getting excessive, but after a minute Thorn raised both hands and lowered them slowly to soothe the crowd.
“You got all that, Lowkey?” He asked with feigned innocence. “What’s his final score?”
“Ten thousand one hundred and ten!” Lowkey called out in dazzling confidence.
“Mmm. Yep. That’ll be a tough one to beat,” Thorn mused. “Think we can manage it, vod?”
“Absolutely not!”
“Are we gonna try anyways?”
“Hell yes!”
Music kicked on, both of their umbrellas opened with a snap and suddenly the glittering suits were gone! Instead, the pair of them posed for half a second in skimpy black leotards as their brothers gasped before diving whole-heartedly into the routine Thorn had been so excited about from the start.
When the sun shines, we'll shine together Told you be here forever Said I'll always be your friend Took an oath, I'ma stick it out to the end
Thorn and Lowkey were up there having the time of their life and Fox smiled so hard it hurt! The entire crowd cheered raucously for them, some even singing along with the words that they knew as the pair hit every move in tandem with huge perfect flourishes and over-the-top energy. Then Thire somersaulted off the stage and leap onto the judges booth with a bang in front of Fox! He lip-synced directly at him, holding his umbrella like a mic, dropping low and flipping around his hair with pure, unfiltered joy on his face.
Now that it's raining more than ever Know that we'll still have each other You can stand under my umbrella You can stand under my umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh
Even Stitch had doubled over at Fox’s side, and Fox laughed so hard at the antics it brought tears to his eyes, happy tears this time, seeing his brothers shine, so full of life and joy. When Thorn jumped back on stage a burst of water rained down on them from above and they danced and stomped in the puddles it made, sending sparkling water and mist into the air as the song hit its climax, then struck a dramatic pose with their umbrellas on the final note. 
The theater went wild, Fox included, hollering their praises at the two of them! Thire and Rosie were on their feet, Grizzer spun in circles at Hound’s side, Stone was shouting for an encore and Stitch squeezed Fox’s arm with the hand still slung around his back. 
It didn’t matter who won, what everybody scored, or if they all wanted to throw the whole contest for the sake of his own self esteem. He had the best kih’vode in the GAR, with the biggest, most thoughtful hearts and the most incredible talents he could imagine, and he couldn’t be prouder to be their commander. Everyone had needed this tonight, hadn’t they?
Especially him.
Fox looked around the room at their faces with a heart that felt like it was seconds away from bursting. This night truly meant everything to him. He really had thrown the best fucking talent show Coruscant had ever seen, because he had the best family the galaxy could ever know, and he was so glad that he lived to see it.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Credit and thanks for the following OC’s go to my talented pocket friends!!!!!!
Stitch - TooManyTeeth Tree - MagicalStardust Guts - ProwlingThunder Pointe & Bespin - Gracklewarp Rosie - Mira-Starfall Lefty & Lucky - John_in_Art and Wolviecat Kando & Sii - Dragomir and Star from discord! Crow, Penner & Lowkey - My own lil guys, Crow is from my The Lights You Make series, Penner from Brothers Gained Brothers Lost, and Lowkey from Dying Isn't Very Regulation!
Oh! And I HAD to make Thorn and Lowkey dance to Umbrella just like Tom Holland, it was WAY too perfect, and so was the Hondo Ohnaka shanty! Highly recommend checking both these out if you haven't seen them before, 10/10 no notes!
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swordsandarms · 11 months ago
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how would you describe the dynamic between aerys and rhaegar?? no matter what rhaegar was aerys's first and only child for a long time, and tbh i kinda love to delude myself thinking aerys loved him almost as much as he hated? him.....
Wrote about this before, but of course I can't find it, but since it's rarely given enough complexity anyways, might as well do it again.
This is the endless problem of not allowing Targaryens the right to be more than one dimensional and have complicated human feelings and Aerys is probably the sorest spot for it. A lot of people are finally backing down on the weird dehumanisation of Rhaegar, thankfully, but Aerys less so, as he is a big problem even for "Targaryen fans" - he is the sole Targaryen called fully "mad" - that can be acknowledged as that absolute sort of mentally unstable, and in a violent way that can be fully antagonistic, too - bringing that whole can of worms used against a whole 300 years worth of generations of a family, so everyone stays away.
Here comes the tired disclaimer that of course I've got to put out over and over before writing of Aerys as a mere person instead of a fairytale boogieman: he wasn't a good guy with particular virtues; he wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed; he wasn't a proactive, great King, and although he spoke of great plans that sounded sound didn't put in the effort to accomplish anything; he wasn't a good father and least of all husband for most of his life, even in his better days with less excuses (well, explanation) to it. Etc etc
But he had the complexity of feelings and behaviour of a whole person! I've said it before but Aerys is one of these background characters dead before the story starts that gets TONS of interiority that adds so much nuance to this otherwise muddled portion of history, but he's not a "nice dead victim" and hence gets little attention while less "lesser" background characters get essays of made up fanon.
Aerys' desire for both successful lineage and grandeur for his House clashing with his deep personal insecurities is more of a downward spiral than his actual mental illness. (Again, something I touched on in a different post that Tumblr won't let me find) Aerys wants and fails to be anything grand, and Rhaegar being seen as great while being nothing like him is a sour spot, because if greatness is his opposition what does that mean? Of course he latches onto Viserys when it's clear he's got his character.
But what about Rhaegar? Did Aerys love him? Did Rhaegar love his father once? He was his prized heir in a positive sense for the longest of their relationship. He kept him close in detriment of his mother's claim on him (took him to Casterly Rock for a year when Joanna died). But does that necessarily say anything about love?
This is the man who would end up hurting his sister, who would be open about the intention to wish bad things upon his child, but he's also grieved these children with his sister once, he's turned to the gods humbled despite his self righteous arrogance, asking if it's him, if he can do anything to make it better.
And, in his madness, Aerys kills Brandon and Rickard for "threatening Rhaegar". Which is fascinating. I've been trying to think of whether he is trying to put Rhaegar in a worse position by it, but it doesn't work. If it were the case, he'd be glad to latch onto the accusations and make the best of it, instead of becoming the bad guy further by "protecting Rhaegar". If he weren't able to think that straight, at least his advisors would (he's got plenty of "whisperers" in his ears, we are told, and they are against Rhaegar's faction). But if they tried, but if they tried it's clear the "he threatened Rhaegar" convoluted thought won.
And I joke about the Rhaenys moment supposedly being the breaking point in Aerys and Rhaegar's relationship from his point of view (of all things) but... With these powerful families, the personal and political are in a constant clash. Yet it is quite something that political tensions are all high ("like before the Dance"), Aerys' undermining and threatening Rhaegar's position is open knowledge, and yet, what gets to Rhaegar finally is his father rejects his child - rejects family.
Was there only honour and "doing things right" in lieu of kinslaying? Was there a reason why it was hard to give up on his father and admit to himself he wasn't salvageable in any lesser ways until it's too late?
And oh, he was ever so aggravated by Rhaegar being so good at things and admired for it, but when he dies in battle... There surely must be some conspiracy, some betrayal for his shining son to be gone. Rhaegar himself wouldn't just be bested without a better explanation! Someone ought to answer for it, damnit!
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destinyc1020 · 4 months ago
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I have seen the discourse since the beginning and you have hit it on the head destiny about lookisim. Because Fran was not “conventionally attractive” (don’t agree btw), it opened her up to not just the racists but black people esp black men who pushed back on the people who were defending her and said “it’s not about racism, she is just not attractive enough to play Juliet.” A lot of black men repeated this narrative. A-lot of discourse from our own community as to why she was cast because it “set her up.” Alot of conversations about how they couldn’t buy into the narrative of the play if they don’t find her attractive. This galvanized by the typical racists out there created a snowball effect that lasted because a lot of people including black people agreed with it. I think black men should really examine how they treat black women and how they speak about them. I think that’s the saddest part that she wasn’t even protected by our own you know. It’s over now and hopefully everyone learned something from it. It’s funny, right when she was cast I remember an anon sent you a message saying “I hope everyone is respectful of her.” And I never forgot that. In the back of my mind I already knew there would be some discourse. I’ll be honest I didn’t expect her to be cast as she is not the typical look hollywood plasters all over but I thought it was fresh and new. I didn’t expect the barrage to this extent obviously. I don’t think Jamie thought about the current racism climate exacerbated by twitter. But it’s obvious that it we swapped out Tom for any of the famous white boys (Timmy, Austin, JE, Paul mescal) and cast Fran the response would have been the same. So as much as everyone would like to blame him, the knowledge that if we swapped him out the discourse would likely be the same tells me it’s the structural issue which is what Fran was trying to say I believe.
Yea, I totally agree Anon that there really needs to be a deeper conversation with Black men, and why they feel so emboldened to tear down their own Black women PUBLICLY. Like, I don't usually see any other race of men doing stuff like this. They may say stuff amongst themselves in private about their women, but usually, you do not see such hatred and vitriol being spread publicly online towards women of their own race like that. 🥴
To me, it's a form of mental illness, and deeply-rooted self hate. 😔
I don't think Fran is unattractive at all. There's a saying a woman (forgot who) once said lol. She said, "There are no ugly women, just lazy ones". Smthg to that effect lol 😆
I think her point was that ANY woman can look "good" if they just put effort into their looks. Especially with the tons of makeup available out here. A ton of people (women AND men) could look better than they do if they were to just put forth more effort in their looks. Some people are just naturally more physically attractive than others (true), but those who weren't blessed in the genetics can also look much better than they do with a little "cleaning up". Some people really do "clean up" well! 😁😃
Fran doesn't live in superficial LA. So she's not going to look like an "Insta Baddie". To me, she looked like a regular Black woman from the UK. 🤷🏾‍♀️ Her looks are cute! She just isn't "done up".
Most of Jamie's R&J production seemed very minimalist and austere tbh, so it's not surprising that Juliet wasn't wearing pounds of makeup.
I also agree with you that if ANY other popular (emphasis on popular) white male had been cast in the role of Romeo, the jokes and racist comments would have been the same unfortunately. 🥴
I honestly didn't expect there to be THIS much backlash and racist hate myself.... It just - unfortunately - shows what type of society we live in. 😔
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goosemixtapes · 1 year ago
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max's top books of 2023 :3c
as usual, these rankings are based on some arcane mix of objective quality + my personal enjoyment (previous year's lists)
it was another weird reading year! i did a lot of reading for school, more so than in the past; some of it was really good and some of it was, uh. well, some of it was william wordsworth. nothing i absolutely loathed, though (most of the reads i disliked were books i could at least appreciate on an art/history level), which is cool. so i'm bringing back the runner-up category. did not make it onto my top ten list but were really good anyway: beartown by fredrik backman (books that no joke made me understand why people are insane about sports) and the GORGEOUS re-release of my dear @yvesdot 's debut, something's not right, which i have read before but will always gladly revisit again.
my top anticipated release for 2024 is alecto the ninth again.
(but shoutout also to just happy to be here, king cheer, and henry henry. trans people! shakespeare, even!)
and the list! in increasing order of enjoyment, with pictures this year!
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10. The Common Liar by Janet Adelman
no, i can't believe i'm doing this either. i can't believe i did all that preamble and the first book on my list is an academic thesis analyzing shakespeare's antony and cleopatra. but also? it's the only book anyone ever needs to write about shakespeare's antony and cleopatra. janet adelman said it all. which is cool, because i have a fixation on that play, but also sucks, because i was also trying to write an essay on it and mine wasn't nearly as good. btw if anyone wants to buy this for me, somehow, for the $120 it costs on amazon because academia is awful, i will send you my address,
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9. Robert Icke's Oresteia
i don't need to say anything about this play, because it's the source of "this was always going to happen. she's been dead since the beginning." that should be enough. but after becoming deranged about the oresteia last year, i finally read this, and holy shit, this adaptation of the story is so fucking genius and icke's writing is so fucking good. it's antiwar! it's about mental illness! there's gender! the fucking ENDING! (i have a pdf if anyone would like it. anything to plug this play bark bark bark rufrufruf grrrrrr)
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8. Down Girl: the Logic of Misogyny by Kate Manne
this is a little bit cheating, because i haven't finished this book yet, so maybe in the final chapters manne will say something like "what if we blew up every orphan" and i'll have to retract this. but right now it's fucking excellent! i've been making an effort to read more nonfiction lately, and this one shines; manne sets out to analyze misogyny not as a personal hatred of women that some men harbor, but as an intricate and structural system forcing women into the role of Giving (attention, affection, power, etc; sometimes their lives). and it's sooooo smart. some of it is stuff i already know (and some of it is Academic Philosophy TM that goes right over my head), but manne articulates her point excellently and i can feel it rearranging my brain, so it's going on the list for longevity and skill!
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7. Dictator by Robert Harris
does this book objectively deserve to be on this list? you know what, yeah. i'll say it with my whole chest. i don't like how harris writes women and there are plenty of things to pick at in his cicero trilogy, but i had so much goddamn fun reading it that i can't not put it on the list. this was my year of being really really into cicero, and this was fun to read alongside e-pistulae. harris is sooooo good at making ancient roman politics gripping. the last scenes of this book. augh. ack. ough!
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6. Detransition Baby by Torrey Peters
there are a lot of valid critiques of this one (a lot of bad critiqus, too, but such is writing literally anything about transness), but i fucking adored it. i LOVE dual timelines, i LOVE unlikable characters, and i FUCKING LOVE TRANSSEXUALITY! moreover, i love that peters isn't afraid to Go There, to poke at the messy ugly sides of transness (and queerness in general) that i think a lot of us don't like acknowledging, especially to cishet people whose view of the community is already skewed. i don’t think this is the One Great Trans Novel; i think there are a lot of great trans novels, and we need more. but this one did hit me RIGHT in the chest, and i couldn't put it down.
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5. Wrath Goddess Sing by Maya Deane
the iliad but achilles is a trans woman and she's fighting the war on both mortal and divine levels and she and helen have an insane homoerotic half-god rivalry and everybody is fucking crazy. pitched as "for fans of TSOA" but as i said in my review if TSOA is a pleasant but watery iced tea then this book is gasoline laced with crack. there is a bisexual transgender threesome. i fucking love women. book of the fucking summer
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4. White Teeth by Zadie Smith
i probably enjoyed wrath goddess sing more, but i can't not rank this book highly on this list. this book is such a fucking masterpiece. it's tolstoy for the modern age. it's a sprawling multi-familial multi-cultural multi-generational epic about race and gender and religion and science and humanity and britishness. smith's prose is fucking amazing; her character work is even better; this book has no plot but it uses its length sooooooo well. the first zadie smith i've read, but by god there will be more. she wrote this at TWENTY-FIVE. that's fucking CRAZY. do you know how much control over your craft you have to have to write this at twenty-five. bonkers. it is also the only enjoyable book i read in my modern literature class, so shoutout to white teeth for keeping me sane,
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3. The Secret to Superhuman Strength by Alison Bechdel
this book is ostensibly about bechdel's relationship with exercise. it is actually about bechdel's relationship with her own body, her own soul, her desire for individualism in the style of the transcendentalists, transcendentalism in general, mortality, and aging. i can't really tell you more than that because i didn't actually "read" this so much as i absorbed it through my skin like a frog while trying not to tremble like a little purse dog. i am not gonna lie man i did not have a very good. um. august. or september. or october november december. so this book really could not have come at a better time. alison bechdel i am obsessed with you
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2. The Essential Dykes to Watch Out For by Alison Bechdel
ALISON BECHDEL I AM OBSESSED WITH YOU!!!! this one narrowly edges out secret to superhuman strength because... well, i'm sort of rating the entire comic strip's run, and dude. holy shit. i love lesbians so much. this strip is such an important piece of lesbian history; it reminded me that a lot of the things lesbians (and LGBT people in general) argue about and deal with today are... the same things we've always argued about and dealt with, from intracommunity label discourse to global politics to hitting on women badly. but history aside--it's also just really fucking good! it's really funny! if you are a neurotic leftist, as so many of us are, it's hysterical! it's smart! it's hot! it's heartwarming! i read it over the first half of the year, in little bits and pieces, and by the end i felt like i really had gone decades with these characters. really just. so good. the power she has the range she has
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1. the suzanne collins reread
okay. this one is definitely cheating. because i usually like to keep this list to books i'm reading for the first time, and i HAVE read the hunger games and the underland chronicles. but i read them, like, almost ten years ago, and i was not prepared to be so thoroughly fucking bodied by them this time around, now that i have critical thinking and analysis skills. we all know the hunger games is a fucking banger, so let me pitch the gregor the overlander series: something of a modern alice in wonderland setup, where the eleven-year-old main character falls into an underground world full of strangeness, except this world isn't whimsical, it's dangerous and stuffed with giant talking animals like bats and rats and cockroaches. there's a war on. there are plagues. there are war crimes. there is a plotline that is extremely explicitly about ethnic cleansing. there is some of the most heartbreaking fucking shit you've ever read in your goddamn life. there is also a rat who quotes macbeth and the underlanders revere a guy named bartholomew of sandwich. this series is for middle schoolers. i cried. not when i was a middle schooler reading it the first time; i mean now. so i'm breaking my no-rereads rule, because it really would be a lie to say that my best reading experience wasn't revisiting all of collins' work with my friends (yes, i read TBSOS; i think it's fine but not great). sorry to give publicity to an author who definitely doesn't need my help, but a few years ago my #1 spot went to shakespeare, so.
if you've read this far: thank you! please tell me your thoughts! tell me your favorite books of 2023! tell me which books you're excited for in 2024! and have a very lovely new year :)
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reilleclan-blog · 10 months ago
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American Psycho review
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Alrighty*claps hands together* I watched this fucking movie. And I find it hilarious hilarious ppl really took what was in that movie and was like "yeah I'm him" genuinely wanting to be that guy. Shows a lot about our society today the "privilege" ppl like him get to have to even remotely even BE PATRICK BATEMAN. Uh I'm ngl I feel bad for the actor who plays him cause I hear it can be mentally taxing for a "regular" person to play a literal killer.
But aside from that, the movie everytime that nigga Patrick was on screen, genuinely terrified me. Scared the living hell out of me. I'd say this movie could be a horror but um yeah. The fact he has these "identities" so much so that at the very end of the movie he's still just "dismissed" from the crimes he committed and that really made me think of "society"
How could this white rich straight man possibly be a killer he has everything. The fact Bateman BLATANTLY SAYS "YO I KILLED OVER 40 PPL" and the dude genuinely thought he was joking is insane to me. Again the ending just SCREAMS THE PRIVILEGE IN UR FACE. I kinda can't take the movie seriously but the fact men like that exist in real time is the most serious part of it all. (Also adding to the fact, ppl would often mistake who he was also showed how all of them(business bros) are so much the same, but they want to be seen as "different" I guess)
The fact the only person that (I guess) "genuinely" cared about Bateman was the white girl that was "so nice" and she "was the girl for him all along". The god damn receptionist. THE FACT HE FLAT OUT STOPPED HIMSELF FROM KILLING HER B/c who the fuck knows. I genuinely don't think it had anything to do with her being the receptionist maybe he just wanted to actually stop? But like who could tell. (Also she is technically I guess, the only person who finds how sick he is and is still alive. It was either branching off into "I can fix him" territory or she just looks at him differently) who can say.
And yeah, rip my girl Christie(funny u never know her actual name , I don't think) I knew she wasn't making it out alive but she had the right idea trying to leave.
(Sidenote: i genuinely couldn't tell the difference between the men and women on the screen they genuinely ALL looked alike. Aside from some features. So when they were talking about some bitch named Evelyn I was like "wasn't that the fiancé" but maybe he just found another girl that was named Evelyn lol. Or he wanted to kill his fiancé by proxy or something EDIT: actually the woman he killed was named Elizabeth)
Um the fact the men were just allowed to be actual dickheads and the women just smiled and waved. Like trophies hung up in a room , was very fitting. And also the idea of being this "perfect" person to fit in made me wonder why do alot of killers( and yes I know, narcissists, I just don't want to be like "all narcissists are killers") think they need to Be "perfect". With Bateman it made "sense" cause he's trying to "fit in" but all that effort he puts in didn't necessarily need to be done. I think he wanted to convince himself it mattered cause when u think about "societal norms" most of it is irrelevant. And or he could've been trying to fit in so hard b/c if he didn't he'd look like a neurodivergent ass nigga around a bunch of neurotypicals. And that couldn't go well especially when ur in "corporate". He walks around with headphones always on, he talks about his special interests(music) and he draws. Definitely sounds like he is on the spectrum.(lol I'm literally him, lookin ass)
Uh this movie made me physically sick and why they needed to add "American Psycho" again poking at America's culture(business culture and white ppl in general) AmeriKa , it's literally true (this movie could've also popularized the jerking off of serial killers as well. .. romanticizing a serial killer romanticizing mental illness. It's a lot and it's very sick) Sidenote Sidenote: Bateman had money he was rich back then shit was cheap as well so he could've easily bought services for help and kept it under wraps but he didn't want to, he wanted to kill those ppl b/c society told him it's ok to be a psychopath if ur rich white and a Man U CAN BE WHATEVRR U WANNA BE👍🏾😬
Edit edit: now that I think about it even more, I think he wanted to get caught so badly. B/c ig the most "interesting" thing this guy could ever say/do was that he killed ppl. He wanted to fit in so badly he never has a "real identity" nobody even knows who he was unless it was ppl that interacted with him daily(friends , receptionist) he was just another face. It's almost like he hated that about himself the most but he "couldn't figure it out"
The fact he's ALLOWED to have mental breakdowns, commit mass shootings, and then go back to his job the next day like nothing happened. It's just fucking classic. Do u know how many news reports there is of BLACK AUTISTIC PPL HAVING AN EPISODE AND THEY ARE JUST FLAT OUT KILLED? Way too many. There was one recently. Kid named Ryan Gainer 15 years old was killed.
It's incredibly cringe the way he's like "this is it for me"*swallows pills* and genuinely nobody gave a fuck lol. As in nobody cares cause he's a rich white dude, and "nobody cares" cause there's no empathy or sympathy when it comes to mental health. (Can tie in men's mental health but most of the shit they deal with is brought upon themselves)
This guy was a genuine nobody but also someone
Sick movie but ngl I did like analyzing it. Some parts of it made me genuinely cry b/c ppl like this have no morals. He's a person on the surface but on the inside he's sick and he's allowed to be. He's told he can be sick and it's acceptable.
(Side note side note side note: I'm not here to convince anyone of anything I'm simply sharing my thoughts and feelings. I'm not here to sugar coat or make u feel comfortable. If I made u uncomfortable at all then I did my job. If u want to stay a dumbass and be willfully ignorant I cannot stop u, but don't think u can comment or repost my shit and think I won't respond or just flat out block u. I have no energy for stupidity. I'm not privileged enough to be a fucking dumbass when all this shit is happening around me. Kindly leave my page and go on with ur life.)
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lloydfrontera · 2 years ago
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this hellsite can't stop me anyway in the switched protagonist au lloyd and damian are an absolute menace together they enable each other's most asshole-y traits and the levels of sass in the room grows exponentially for every minute they spend together.
they'll be going about their day and randomly start arguing about damian's pay completely unrelated to anything they're doing. full on haggling and negotiating "twenty-five percent and a week of vacation" "five percent and an extra weekend" "twenty percent and five days" "ten percent and three days but you don't mention my birthday for two months" "fifteen, four days and one month" "deal" lloyd does joke damian is the reason they'll fall in debt again. damian argues they wouldn't get nearly as much work done without him. lloyd can appreciate the commitment to getting fair pay even if it does put somewhat of a strain in his pocket. and damian does admire that lloyd never delays payments and he doesn't even has to ask for bonuses or hazard pay because lloyd just,,, gives them all of that (<- this is canon and no i am not mad the webcomic doesn't comment on it the way it should what are you talking about-)
also! they're sooooo good at squeezing shitty rich people out of their money. lloyd will draft the most ridiculous contract he can get away with and damian will loom ominously in the background until it's signed and then they high-five the moment they're out of the room not a single word needed between them.
plus the moment they see a monster and lloyd suggests running away damian agrees immediately, picks him up and fucking books it out of there. they are not in it for the heroics thank you very much. there would need to be a completely different reason for them to defeat the monsters and involve themselves in the drama cause they're both very much in favor of just. running lol
as for javier dealing with the fact that he can no longer protect rakiel the way he's supposed to because he has a demon king inside of him just itching to possess him and making hm as weak as possible in order to make him his vessel,,,, the mental issues would be delightful.
he would hate it with a passion, javier already has a big tendency to berate himself any time he's not strong enough to defeat whatever is threatening lloyd all by himself, so imagine the self-loath that would ensue if not only were he incapable of protecting rakiel but if he was the danger itself.
and then having rakiel push himself to exhaustion to keep him alive once acheros figures that if he can't put him in external danger than he can just make his own body attack him?? he'd be devastated. he'd feel ashamed and angry at himself for turning into a burden to rakiel, he'd try to brute force his way out of being ill only to crash and burn much the same way damian did when he tried to do the same.
javier is very much a 'gifted kid'. everything sorta comes easy to him, he never had to struggle too much to be good at things, not that he didn't apply himself or that he didn't put any effort, but he never encountered something he truly struggled with or couldn't simply surpass on his own. so when he's attacked by something he can't defend himself against, something that is so out of his league he wouldn't even have any idea of how to start defeating, he'd take it pretty darn hard.
i can see him trying to be more hands on while helping rakiel tho, like be it while he's trying to make the medicine for him or just in general around the clinic. like remember when lloyd told him to grow onions during the wetlands arc? and he ended up enjoying it?? he's just,,, a softie under the cool and badass exterior. so i think he would genuinely enjoy helping around in the clinic, he'd probably take an interest in learning some basic first aid or simple treatments. he likes helping people! he'd enjoy knowing how to bring some relief and heal instead of just fighting. and rakiel would be all over it because 1) free help and 2) hopefully if he keeps javier in the clinic they will avoid life-threatening danger that brings acheros out (doesn't work but it was worth the try)
oh my god now i am actually cooing a little over rakiel treating a patient only to look up and get startled by how close javier is leaning in to see, curious to watch the way rakiel heals his patients. and then when rakiel gently asks him if he wants to learn, he'd hesitate a little, worried that his hands, rough and callused from all the fighting he did in the gladiator arena, would harm more than help, but after some more gentle coaxing and a bit of teasing he accepts. and while he never quite becomes a nurse or attendant he's more than proficient at helping rakiel whenever they need some hands or when rakiel asks him to
i dunnot! the thought of javier being allowed to do more than just fight the way he was destined to makes me happy :]
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christmasintheloonybin · 3 months ago
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considering this though without my extreme views I have nothing. women have said I am handsome but it is definitely, objectively, not something I can lean on. especially as I get older. I used to be pretty much exactly the guy you see with women who are on birth control or SSRIs or whatever. cute and harmless. and just disgusting you know. pathetic. idk what they do when they get old. grow a mustache I guess. but even back then I was so weird and angry. I was actually the insane version of that guy I looked like a psych ward patient I'm not even joking. I would leave the house looking mentally ill. anyways. I've honestly never really prioritized finding a gf. like it's the opposite of "not for lack of trying." it is for lack of trying. I'm sure even now if I really put some effort into it I could. I'll hear other guys talk and it's like all the they think about, either getting laid or finding love. I mean it's a nice concept but even now I really only think about it maybe twice or three times a day. I mean the thought doesn't even enter my mind I'm living life. really I think having a gf would just set me straight I mean she would whip me into shape. I'd have a reason to live. of course on the condition that I'm in love with her and everything. so it's not entirely selfish. I just think, like, if there was a woman around I would wash the dishes and I wouldn't even think about it. you're just in a different mode like a different state of existing in the world. this is always how I've been when I have had a gf. like I'll clean out my car and not even think about it. no gf there's cigarette butts on the floor and trash and decaying food. hey it makes no difference to me. and it's not about impressing her it's about having a reason to continue living. that's all essentially. when you have a woman in your life who you have strong feelings for you want to continue living.
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coffeeeinbed · 6 months ago
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. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.
date: 14th july, 2024 time: 11AM
coffee chat #3 ☕️
so i was on my walk this morning and as i mentioned in my morning routine post, walking is when i do most of my thinking. usually i'm walking around my college town, which happens to be a very small city in the south, but since i'm in my hometown in the northeast, i was walking around the woods, and i feel like the change of scenery made me appreciate my surroundings more.
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first, i'd like to take a moment to talk about the absolute banger of a drink that i made myself this morning (i promise this relates to the first paragraph, bear with me). so i did my single scoop of chai, as per usual, but instead of cold brew, i decided to take advantage of my parents very fancy coffee machine and i added a double shot of espresso. guys....that shit was life changing, okay.
so life changing that, i'm not joking, when i took the first sip, the sun shone brighter, the birds started singing, and my day improved significantly.
and then it got me thinking about the little things in life. everyone's always like "it's the little things in life" and i was always like oh my godddddd shut the fuck up, because i was so severely mentally ill and the "little things" brought me no joy.
but when i took that sip of coffee this morning, i realized that i have fallen victim to the Little Things Epidemic. is it because i've recently entered my twenties? maybe. a lot of things have changed since i turned twenty and started breaking into my early adult life, but appreciating the little things in life, i think, had different origins for me.
my severely mentally ill stage dominated my life for all of high school and my early college experience. because of the way i was suffering, my world view was extremely skewed and everything was just negative. think opposite of rose coloured glasses.
and while i'd like to say that turning twenty changed everything, that's not the case. a lot of effort went into changing my worldview. of course, there were naturally occurring factors, such as getting into a relationship, moving out of my parents house. but turning from a negative into a positive person was no easy task.
i had this idea in my head that life was shit, and i'd never be able to heal under those circumstances, so i was always waiting around for the world and my life to improve before i started working on myself. i wish someone would have told me sooner that the world starts to love you once you learn to love yourself.
i started to prioritize doing things i genuinely enjoyed, surrounding myself with people i cherished the company of, forcing myself to spend time alone and take pleasure in it, listened to music that made me feel happy instead of wallowing in my own sadness. i took charge of my own free will and decided to take action, and worked towards creating a better life for myself.
and in turn, the world seemed to become a better place. sometimes things still suck, and there are bad things that happen, but the point is, the way i view the world is so much different, and it seems much brighter and happier than it used to, even though nothing really changed.
and now here i am, sipping coffee and thinking about how much i love the way that the sun hits the trees just right, bathing the woods in a greenish golden light. appreciating the little things.
it made me feel proud of how far i've come, and how much i've turned my life around. my message for other is it does get better, but only if you're willing to put in the work for it. putting out good energy into the universe doesn't just benefit other and the universe, but also you and your wellbeing. trust me on this one. <3
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lastweeksshirttonight · 2 years ago
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Hey uh remember when I did retrospectives of Last Week Tonight episodes? Let's bring it back to 140.
Last Lee Tonight (wherein I'm definitely showing United Passions at my next bad movie night) Season One, Episode Six
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(original air date: 6/8/2014) Major topics covered: FIFA, Bashar al-Assad's incredible iTunes library
"And speaking of Germans losing things, it was the 70th anniversary of D-Day this week."
It's really nice to throw this show back on again, on a note unrelated to the purpose of this project. I don't talk much about myself but it's been a rough few months with work scheduling, my chronic illnesses, and my mental health. For every "I'm taking a very spontaneous and ill-thought-out trip to New York to see John Oliver WOOO!" moment, there's been at least five "why can't I catch a break"s. When I'm not being beaten down by the collective forces of capitalism, I genuinely haven't been watching much John at all, mainly in an effort to play the large backlog of video games and read the large pile of books lying around my house. I've been moderately successful there (hey y'all should give Cassette Beasts a go, it's delightful), but there's nothing like going back home, so to speak. (I hesitate to call LWT a comfort show for me, given that it's basically A Record of the Decline of the United States in Real Time, but it kinda serves that function to some degree. I am a psychopath.)
Where we last left off in... May, Jesus Christ, I'm so bad at scheduling and writing and content creation - when we last left off in May at Episode 5, things were finally starting to coalesce into the modern LWT experience. We had our first viral segment on Net Neutrality, the first time a segment was uploaded in full to the LWT YouTube, and an opening news roundup that was starting to feel more thoughtful and themed. This episode continues that theme and gives us our second big viral topic.
There is a variant on the desk-slapping here, where John doesn't do it to open the show, but does a milder version of it to get the audience to shut up so he can move on with doing the show. One of my favorite things about him is his constant desire to barrel through clapping or any audience praise of anything he's done at a given moment in time and this opener is a pretty good example of that.
We open on John calling the week disappointing because California Chrome, a horse competing for the Triple Crown, did not win the Triple Crown. You can tell this is an early episode of LWT because there is no prerequisite horse-fucking/bestiality joke, just John angrily saying "fuck that horse" about Tonalist, the horse that defeated California Chrome. All of these horses sound like indie bands from my college years. I feel like Tonalist opened when I saw MGMT live.
We then move into German Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. This gives John an opportunity to plumb one of his favorite comedic depths, making fun of the musicality, smoothness, and romanticism of the German language. A German man used his lifeline to call Chancellor Merkle, who, thankfully, did not answer, as she was busy running Germany.
This transitions into China hiding the events of Tiananmen Square from their populace, including by censoring the Internet.
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Attempts by protestors to use different trending words - and to put facts about Tiananmen Square in a sex tape - to get around that were also clamped down on, leading to this absolutely glorious screenshot of John's hypothetical romance novel:
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I feel like someone on Reddit probably wrote When Spring Turns to Summer recently.
We also learn that Friends is incredibly popular with Chinese youth. I'm not really shocked by this, Friends has a weird international reach. I know multiple Korean idols who learned English partially through watching Friends. The fact that there's a Chinese replica of Central Perk? That's wild. The show edits a Friends clip to include historical facts about the massacre, and then we move to our central story.
I'm a big fan of whenever John talks about FIFA and football in general. Recently in one of her "posts relevant to my interests", @tellthemeerkatsitsfine noted that there's a strain with John and his contemporaries with them being nerds who really wanted to be jocks, and I think that dichotomy really helps John come off credibly when he talks about the deep-rooted corruption in this particular organization. The sport is something that is literally rooted into him, hardwired as something he deeply cares about... but there's the rest of it to consider.
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In my opinion, someone who deeply loves something can really be the best at describing everything wrong with it. You don't really find the grime if you're only on the surface of something. I know that critical observation of a fandom while in said fandom is in short supply these days, but I wish it was more common.
Anyways. I think FIFA's corruption and grotesqueries are pretty known in 2023, but at the time, knowledge of their fuckery wasn't as widespread. Socially, we've definitely spoken a lot more about the cost-benefit analysis of the Olympics and taxpayer-funded stadiums, which is comparative to John's opening about the issues with FIFA and claims that World Cups bring money to the areas hosting them. (Not true!) Other items I'd completely forgotten about, like FIFA Court and their boardroom looking like something out of Dr. Strangelove.
The "And Now This" is "Chris Matthews Reminds Everyone Who He Used to Work For". (Answer: Tip O'Neill.) My abiding memory of Chris Matthews is Zell Miller accusing him of beating a woman and challenging him to a duel at the 2004 Republican National Convention.
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SNL had a pretty great sketch of this where Will Forte played Miller that I can't find right now. PISTOLS AT DAAAAAAAAWN MATTHEWS!!!!
The final segment is on Bashar al-Assad's campaign of terror against Syria, rigged electioneering, and chemical warfare. More importantly, al-Assad's life history and iTunes library are discussed.
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This was also the subject of the classic Bugle episode 187, which has a chance to go far more in depth about his favorite music, like "Sexy and I Know It". (Andy Zaltzman describing Lil Wayne and Busta Rhymes as a doubles tennis group is one of my favorite Bugle moments of all time incidentally.)
Right Said Fred coming out to perform an anti-Assad version of "I'm Too Sexy" gives us the first time John has had a celebrity come out basically to troll one single person, and thus almost the cornerstones of modern LWT have been established. Eagerly awaiting the first bestiality joke. Also, really love the changed lyrics, they put a hell of a lot of effort into this one. I wanna see Right Said Fred live now.
Random notes:
Lee will continue sexualizing one (1) older man damn it: light blue and dark blue checked shirt, black tie, and black jacket? I know I've said red is John's color but light blue is a very close second, 10/10
I feel like I made up for not doing these for two months by writing about five year's worth of unnecessary analysis of this damn episode. Hopefully you enjoyed it!
It was amazing seeing an ESPN ad for something not handegg-related. -groan-
LWT YouTube is still a bit confused, as we did get the two major topics as their own videos... and then 1 minute of the FIFA section as its own minisode. I really would love to know the logic behind why there specific jokes were isolated like this in the beginning of the show's airing.
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My sausage, if anyone cares, is the Korean idol industry. It's an absolute cataclysmic nightmare and yet there's a lot there personally that changed me and a lot that I love out of it. It's complicated. Fuck SM Entertainment.
A reminder that John's LMFAO fandom has endured for a decade longer than the band itself lasted:
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pinkkittysaw · 1 year ago
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HI I DON’T WANT TO PUT ALL OF THE EMOJIS BUT I WANT TO KNOW ALL OF THEM FOR YOUR ASK GAME THX 🤝
MY DEAREST SAINT ty for giving me the space to be mentally ill about my beloved(s)
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i’m answering these for clive since i’m the most mentally ill about him right now 👁️👁️
answers will be under the cut due to length (and some embarrassment)
🥺: how long have you two been together?
about four to five years or so
❤️: any talk of marriage?
not in any official capacity. though vows may have been whispered to each other on a particularly romantic evening. our souls are both intertwined for the rest of eternity ^_^
🕊️: any pets?
TORGAL!!!!!!! the most loyal and fluffy hound in all of valisthea. so warm and cuddly. such a good boy. i enjoy feeding him lots of treats. clive’s heart always aches seeing the two of us snuggled up together napping.
i also have a habit of caring for any strays that wander about
🫂: do you two live together?
yes!
💌: if yes to the last question - how long?
technically we’ve been living in the same place together since he arrived to the hideaway but we didn’t start sharing chambers together til a short while after we starting dating.
💭: where did you two meet?
the infirmary 😭 i was working as an apprentice under tarja at the time and aided in tending to jill when cid brought her in.
after completing my training i started going on assignments as a healer and would often join clive n co. 😌
🥰: have you met their family? have they met yours?
i have!!! i’ve met joshua, jill, his uncle and his mother (unfortunately). did not get to meet his father before his passing, sadly (RIP TO A DILF 😔)
i simply do not have living family in most of my selfships 😭😭 so he has not met any of my relatives
😜: who is the silly one who jokes and laughs a lot?
definitely me 😔 it’s always 50/50 on whether my jokes hit or not.
clive is funny but it’s always unintentional (whereas i’ll put in effort to make people laugh) he’ll do or say something and get a giggle out of me and be like ???
😯: have you two ever taken a road trip/vacation?
not intentionally. we’ve traveled lots of places but never for leisure because we’re both such busy bees. if we’re both not out on assignments we’re usually still working. i spend most of my time in the infirmary than not.
that being said, i do make note of all the scenic places we visit to bookmark them for when more peaceful times come. the first place i’d want us to go to together is the sea. i feel the most at peace there.
😠: what’s the worst fight you’ve had?
we both have a habit of running into danger especially when the other’s life is at stake heh heh i’d say the worst outburst was during one particular scare clive gave me with his injuries.
after patching him up i became sort of passive aggressive towards him and when he calls me out on it i kind of blow up about how he can be really reckless sometimes, that i understand the importance of destroying the mother crystals but his safety will always be most important to me (as selfish as it is) and it ends up with me sobbing in his arms crying about how if anything ever happened to him i don’t know if i could go on.
obviously he’s very powerful but i can’t help but worry!!!!!!
navigating our relationship with our joint trauma sure has been interesting 👍
🤑: who has the worst spending habit?
me 😔
clive is a man of necessity for the most part and while i’m not reckless per-say, if i’m out and have the money to buy a little trinket i probably will 😭
❤️‍🔥: how does your love languages differ?
tbh i don’t know which love language of mine is the one that i need most so honestly idk!!! 😭 i am the most greedy for love angel throughout the heavens
imo, clive is big on words of affirmation. gentle reminders that he’s not actually the big bad monster he often thinks he is. just sticking by him throughout everything means a lot.
😽: who likes pda?
we both do! though clive is more reserved than i. i kinda get in fits where i’m overwhelmed with energy and need to melt into him like butter and crawl all over him. there’s no containing me at that point.
though most of the time in public it’s just me holding him from behind or hugs. his embrace is always really comforting and calming and he always indulges me ^_^
though he won’t initiate kisses in front of others cause it makes him embarrassed. i’m always the one pressing a chaste kiss to his lips after finishing up in the dining hall, leaving him in his flustered state with the rest of our dining companions.
🛏️: who stays up late? goes to bed early?
depends on the day tbh. i’m the one who usually tries to go to sleep early, since i love mornings. sometimes we’re both up late working, or plagued with thoughts of the past. i usually fall asleep before he does regardless of what time it is while he keeps a watchful eye over my sleeping form.
😘: any pet names they call you? you call them?
clive and i are both chronic calling each other by their name type people 😭
but in more intimate settings, he’ll call me angel and i’ll let a baby or two slip out
👄: talk about your first or best kiss thus far
first kiss!! first kiss!!!
okay so it wasn’t long before we started dating. he had gotten injured while he was out and had to visit the infirmary. tarja wasn’t in and i was the only one running things. he had a few gashes that needed to be stitched as well as a few abrasions.
after 13 long years of fighting, i was the first gentle and “loving” touch he had. we’d friends for a short while at that point, some mutual pining going on though neither of us were acting on it.
at that point he was still in the mentality of not thinking he was deserving of any kindness due to what happened in his past. so when i come around gently stitching up his and tending to his other wounds, he’s taken aback. plus i may have been chastising him on being more careful cause there’s people around the hideaway (me) who worry for his safety and bla bla bla.
basically he gets overwhelmed with feeling and doesn’t know how to deal with it other than pulling me for a kiss. (mid stitch mind you!!! he was lucky no further damage was caused)
🖼️: who decorates the house?
both our stuff is has a place in our chambers but i’m the one who decides what goes where
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bezeniths · 2 years ago
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hello everyone, i’m your humble admin ocha & i couldn’t be more excited to write this intro out and get things started with everyone !!  i’ve genuinely been sitting on this group idea for over a year now and was finally able to cobble together a blog for it, so i hope everyone who joins can find a comforting type of home here ♡ as for zurie, she’s a bit of a troubled soul, but she loves having people around her and is fairly ride or die !  she’s badass as a makeup artist, and everyone tells her she could do makeup for movies and musical performances, but she struggles with her self worth at times. the sensuality she exudes is very much a mask for her insecurities and for much of her inner pain. some of her origin story is below the cut, in easy to digest bullet points !  if you would like to plot with her please do leave a like, and i’ll hit you up !
𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐊𝐒: 01. profile. 02. dynamics. 03. pinterest. 04. playlist.
trigger warnings: brief mentions of suicide, implied mental illness
born in the gorgeous city of pattaya back in thailand, people in daegu always thought zurie was rather odd for leaving. she’d simply smile sadly, changing the subject as quickly as she could, not wanting to delve into her painful history.
her father was a suave train engineer who mostly saw women as conquests, something zurie’s mother unfortunately had her blinders on for. he was excellent at playing the part and saying all the right things; things people wanted to hear.
even zurie thought he loved them, until he moved onto his next conquest. it shattered her mother in ways she never recovered from. zurie found that out the hard way one day when she came home from school to find her inconsolable grandparents on the front steps.
no one ever directly told her what happened, but she was able to put two and two together. she felt angry, abandoned by both her parents. she held a deep seated hatred for her father given what he had done, and she’d sometimes act out because of it.
she lived with her grandparents for awhile, but it was a strangely tense experience. physically, zurie favored her father more, and he was all they could see when they looked at her. they put effort in sometimes, but for the most part, they were rather cold towards her. she felt trapped beneath their malignant gazes, 
when she was 14, she simply disappeared from her grandparents home in the middle of the night. she had no direction, little money and the guarded heart of a rattlesnake, but she also had her freedom. she couch surfed with a friend from school for a little while, before crossing town and doing the same thing at a different location. the main goal was to get away from pattaya city and the memories it held.
her friends were her saving grace; as long as she had people around her laughing and joking around and pulling her out of her sad reality, she could be okay. all she needed was a thin blanket and a small stretch of furniture she could curl up on for the night.
it was through her gregarious, low maintenance nature that she fell in with a group of similarly aged youths who roamed the way she did. they’d go to parties, drink the night away and crash on whomever's floor they could that night. it became her routine as well, as chasing a party was her preferred way to waste time.
she learned about makeup and all the pain and sadness it could disguise. she found something of a creative outlet, as it became a habit for her to apply some sort of eye catching look before heading off to whatever shindig she was invited to that night. she found out she had a steady hand and a creative mind that lent well to outlandish, but beautiful designs.
soon enough, her friends began begging her to do their makeup instead of the other way around. they were complimenting her, building her up the way a family should. they gave her ideas of grandeur; movie makeup and red carpets. 
zurie didn’t have those types of aspirations though. she was content just walking the streets with her friends, sleeping in abandoned warehouses, doing odd jobs for just enough money to survive. she didn’t need much; just people. sometimes they were faceless, sometimes they meant everything to her. as long as a voice was filling her ears and eyes were seeing her, she was real and everything was as fine as it could get.
eventually, zurie’s roving took her away from thailand altogether. she spent a few months in cambodia before traveling to laos. her ability to make social connections was her primary survival skill. the amount of people who hired her or let her crash on their couch after little more than a few hours of talking and drinking at a tavern was slightly surprising, but that’s just who zurie was.
by the time she found herself in south korea, she was in her mid twenties and had a wealth of street knowledge behind her. she’s slowly losing that need to run, especially after getting hired at sunset galleria.
she enjoys being a makeup artist professionally, and she’s beginning to find a new family with her fellow employees. having so much freedom to explore and sow her wild oats in the middle of the night when the mall ceases being busy keeps her placated most of all.
she now lives in a small flat in downtown daegu. it’s not considered the safest part of the city, but zurie can handle herself pretty well.
she still loves a large group around her, protecting her like a security blanket not from the world, but from her own mind. she’s still struggling with deep-rooted emotional issues stemming from her childhood, but she would much rather ignore them than hear the truth. for such a tough cookie, she’s quite the coward.
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0poole · 1 year ago
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People being normal about my TADC fanart
Spoilers: This shit ain't normal ya'll need help
Let's start with the one obviously made to garner the bigger reaction
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Like, the joke is pretty obvious, right? Everyone wants to either sex the rabbit or have someone else sex the rabbit, so since it's physically impossible for them to actually do it I wanted to make a joke about that.
Meanwhile, people on Instagram are treating this like it's straight up-porn.
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Are you kidding me? If I actually drew straight-up porn of them, I could at least get the "fandom sucks" comments but mentally ill?
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A YEAR? A fucking YEAR? Are these two people like eons old and only see a year as a tiny blip of time in their lives? Do they have any idea how long a year is? I could get it if they meant like a week or maybe even a month, but a year is actually just absurd. Do they really think it normally takes anything close to that long for people to realize they're attracted to a character, and make art of it? Most people can produce a piece of art in a few hours, maybe a day if they really put the effort into it.
Anyway here's a perfectly normal reply to the post. I want to believe this person made this photoshop specifically just to reply to my post, because I would love that even more.
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Next up we actually have the opposite problem. Take a look at this one
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The first TADC art I wanted to make, mostly because I had a really cool idea of putting Pomni in a 3D background, and later thought to actually animate it and make it spin. Obviously I wanted to stylize her a bit differently than in the official animation because I'm basically a sucker for poofy pants/sleeves/shoulderpads whatever, so I just made them bigger, as well as her jester hat cuz obviously.
And to be fair, many more people are normal about this one, but still:
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Do they think they're just like, funny or something? While some people nowadays are like "all horny thoughts of fictional characters are sin" others are like "haha sexo funni" and I guess make that their personality. It's just as dumb and annoying. If you want to fuck a character, just fucking admit it. You look even stupider if you're like "haha I wanna fuck her but I don't want people to think I'm actually serious"
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This kind of thing happened with a comment on Newgrounds of a sketch of NiGHTS I did a while back. What do they think she looks like under there? It sounds like they think I gave her stick legs but also the fattest ass on the planet, like she was some candied apple on a stick or something. Personally if it were even possible to remove her clothes, my headcanon would basically be that her body looks like Finn from Adventure Time
But yeah there are more passively dumb ones but these comments are specific enough to form thoughts out of. Obviously can't keep this up but hey, just let me dish out my feelings for my first bombardment of attention on the internet lol
Strangely enough, I don't actually want to have sexual relations with the clown. I got enough other characters to form horny thoughts of. Just lay off it, man.
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