#memes and shit that ive never heard of in my life

[marsixm]

i feel equally fascinated by older people and homes that arent like hoarders level but covered in a layer of dust and grime that feels like its existed since the dawn of time and also by brand new sparkling clean well maintained homes, though the latter with more of an air of confusion and alienation. like thats what the conceptual "normal world" thinks every house should look like but theres so much of the former going on that just isn't like ... acknowledged

[themolldollincident]

Queer tormented by ocd plays disco elysium absolutely zooted on edibles, a tragically short story in only seven snapchats

Not my typical content but i had to post it.

I LOVE video games but my OCD makes them very distressing to play sometimes. My playthrough HAS to be perfect or i get extremely distressed - not like i have to do a good job and win, but more like every single playthrough has to be a beautiful work of art from beginning to end, no decisions or time wasted on things that dont serve the STORY and the CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT, and CERTAINLY no sidequests left uninvestigated and no bonus content left undiscovered. This has gotten harder in recent years as video games have become more complex and more beautiful, so oftentimes you CANT uncover every single thing AND play a consistent character, because huge swaths of content are often locked behind certain decisions that you CANT MAKE if you're committing to a specific character arc or story. So anyway a while ago I played through Disco Elysium. I LOVED IT. It was FANTASTIC. It was difficult to get through at times because of the ocd but it was so so worth it and helped me practice not engaging in compulsions.

HOWEVER.

I recently decided to play it through AGAIN while absolutely fucking ZOOTED on some edibles i've discovered that make it to where i basically dont fucking have my extremely severe case of ocd for just a few hours. (They are heavenly and i love them). I thought it would be really fun to play the whole game again, but this time i ONLY open up this save when im zooted, and i ONLY have fun, with NO pressure to make the playthrough any kind of art. JUST have FUN playing a VIDEO GAME for the first time in my life. I decided i would ONLY pick the dialogue options i found the most amusing, without doing my typical 20 minutes of overthinking for each dialogue box. I was going goofy mode and i was so excited. It didnt exactly go the way i thought it would though LMAO

This is the result of that tragically short but hilarious playthrough that had me SCREAMING in my living room, told in 7 snapchats

1. Opening the game and noticing something i somehow never noticed during the whole first playthrough around 5:35 pm

2. Creating a character build, 5:38 pm

3. Deciding to have a 1 in all stats except psyche and pour all points into psyche so that i can be psychic cop, failing to realize (because edibles) that there is a low attribute cap at the beginning, so i just accidentally chose to hamstring my attributes and just NOT USE my three points to build my character, 5:40 pm

4. Choosing ONLY Inland Empire for my skill increase, once again failing to realize that i wasnt maxxing out inland empire, i was just failing to use two skill points. Also i was enjoying the music in the skill screen, which is beautiful, but since i was high i thought the 5 minutes i spent just vibing to the music was like 30 minutes so i thought i wasted a bunch of time, 5:48pm. (Ive decided to call this method of accidentally using only one skill/attribute point at the beginning of the game because youre too zooted to play video games well "Harry-Maxxing".)

5. Going through the "trying to wake up" beginning of the game choosing only the funniest dialogue options and seeing dialogue i had never seen before! Fun! But also before i took this pic i referenced the nina chimera FMA meme and my partner hadnt heard of it so i explained it for only like 10 minutes, but again, since i was high, i thought i wasted like 2 hours on that. But it was only 6:16 pm.

6

6. and 7. A glorious 3 minutes later, i decide turning the light on is a great first move (its been a bit since my first playthrough). Again, i am only choosing the funniest dialogue options and not thinking super well, so i just kept saying shit like "BRING IT ON" and "Let it all go" because i thought it was typical harry being overdramatic and weird, and i thought it was hilarious. Turns out i had a heart attack from turning the light on and immediately died. Literally like 5 minutes of actual playtime. Incredible. I love this game.

It wasnt the full playthrough i was hoping for but it was awesome. Rip harry number 2. I definitely recommend harry-maxxing

[freebooter4ever]

So a thing that happened friday and put me in a mood - there is one person in real life who has seen all my art, mostly because they don't know who any of these people i draw are, not even the A listers like rami (they'd never heard borhap!!! like the song! ). So ive been texting the artist's house since i cant actually go visit, and sending stupid memes, one of which was a goofy cartoon of a cute dog that looked like buddy. And my friend calls me up friday night and immediately launches into 'that was awesome, you drew that right? Are you changing your style? i love this new style, its so great!!!!' and kinda went on and on until i just quietly said no i found it on the internet. And they got really really quiet and went 'oh'. And then added: 'well it was really really good and i love that style and it looked exactly like buddy!"

But oh my god its like being stabbed with a knife, i thought my friend liked my stupid personal portrait drawings. And this cartoon - its the style of art that i loooooove but can never replicate no matter my decades and decades of trying when i was younger. You know that very emotional, very fast, storyboard esque, very few lines but the lines are Good, seemingly effortless execution, that kind of thing. I wish i could do that stuff. It just felt like a very harsh reminder that my personal drawing style is shit and nobody is gonna like it except my friends on here (love u), and even then its more the subject of the drawings than the doodles themselves.

Anyway, sorry, im deep in the 'i hate my drawings' hole and digging deeper, dont expect much from me for a while :)

[beantothemax]

Oh hey would you look at that it’s an inbox fic

This one ended up running away from me a little bit, so it’s sort of a hybrid transcript format. Color coded for your convenience, of course.

And now for the mandatory pings: @lesbian-empress-nero @meme-boys-blog 

!!!!!!Major SMT IV Apocalypse Spoilers ahead!!!!!!!!

“Lord Dagda… You belong with us.”

“No. I’ll carve out my own path. And no one-no one- will stand in my way. Not you, not YHVH, not even that galla dorchadais.”*

“Oh? And who would that be? Another doll brought into your game of treachery? (Scoffs) I have no time to waste dealing with that.”

“...Dolls? What is the meaning of this!?”

———————————

“...a poison. We should strive to be true individuals, to think freely for ourselves.”

”My, my Dagda. You must be fond of your doll, speaking to and for him.”

”Quiet.”

“…How is that kettle, pot? Is it quite as black as you thought it was?”

“And here you are. I guess that makes it a party.”

“A party would imply one is having fun.”

“And you look like you’re having a blast. Cut the crap, what do you want.”

“You hold your vessel in your hands. You tell him that his compatriots are worthless, but we have seen much to the contrary.”

(Scoffs) “You’re as blind as Mother is. Those friendships he has? Crumbling. Turning to ash as they were destined to be.”

“And from the ash new life will rise. They will be forged anew, stronger than before.”

“Don’t give me that shit. You and I both know that this little group is going to splinter.”

“Perhaps they will. But shards can be made whole, glued together with gold and made into a finer piece than before.”

(Sighs) “Agree to disagree.”

(Laughs) “Capricious, are you not? You parade around telling your beliefs to anyone who would listen, but as soon as someone challenges you-”

(Seething) “…Shut. up.”

“Oh? Does the barking dog bite-“

[BOOM]

“…I won’t ask again.”

“Good.”

[Crashing, a muffled thud against a wall.]

“You won’t have to.”

“Listen to us well, High King.”

(Muffled indignation)

“We have seen your kind before. Building yourself a tower so tall with a matching Fool to manipulate. You remove his connections and have him chasing after a goal that will never be reached. All the while dangling salvation like a carrot on a string. Now where have we heard a story like that before?”

“Teammates!? Friends!? To hell with that! How can such a worthless piece of trash be more special than me!?”

(Gagged alarm)

“You teach him how to fight; You tell him it is needed for his duty. You tell him he shall be remembered, while he lays forgotten in chains.”

(Whispered) “You tell him his bonds are worthless, when it is all he has ever had.”

[Body hitting the floor, gasping.]

“We have danced with far more powerful beings than you, Dagda.”

“You-“

“We have seen the consequences of gods who are selfish in the face of selfish gods, High King. We know how this story ends. And we crave to see it to its conclusion.”

(Inscenced, shouting) “Don’t you dare lea-“

[Rocks falling, low rumble of room shaking.]

“-ve!”

“…Now how did you get yourself over there?”

[A pointed silence.]

(Mumbling)“Galla damn an dorchadais. Fuck i agus a tràill damn. Dè tha fios aice? Gun dad. Tha dè.”**

“Dagda, is there-“

[Dagda returns.]

[Flashbang.]

—————

Gaston is pink because there’s no yellow, and he is the next one to speak cause I needed to get canon back on track

Translation corner this guy got mad~

Full credit to Lance for having the idea of getting Dagda to insult Kuro in Gaelic. Because of course he would.

Used this site to translate, and key is below!

* bitch of darkness

** Damn bitch of darkness. Fuck her and her damn slave. What does she know? Nothing. That's what.”

GET POSITIVELY FFFFFFFFFFFFFUCKED DAGDA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KURO KILL THAT OLD MAN‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

ALSO GORO AKECHI JUMPSCARE BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY EX-FAVORITE-DAD GETTING HIS SHIT KICKED IN. LETS FUCKING GO. SLICK AS HELL FIC AS ALWAYS VIN

[mourning-star-daily-comet]

FINALLY!! SOMEONE talking about the weird runaway blonde girl (Claire?) and the Nicholas Wilson boy case. I haven't been able to find ANYTHING on them for MONTHS!! my neighbors are starting to think I made the whole thing up!! I swear, true crime is never taken seriously as an interest. it seems even you haven't posted about the case in a while, has it gone cold? or have you heard any updates? do you have any sources you'd recommend I check out? the subreddit has gone to shit, unfortunately :/

finally somebody is talking about the subreddit! it's nothing but propaganda on there or memes and shitposts made by accounts i can guarantee have never even visited, much less lived here (which if we've somehow forgotten was the entire reason it was created??? its ridiculous but the mods are all inactive so they arent doing anything about it)

anyways, i dont like to say much about my personal life (for anonymity reasons) but since ive already seen speculation about it, i might as well address my inactivity. i was, like a few of you guessed, in custody for something unrelated that i won't get into. im hoping to be back posting now, but im still figuring a lot of stuff out legally so i'll be a lot less active.

now thats out of the way, yes, i have a very important update! the two of them were found around a month ago when a 911 call was placed about an empty car parked in the middle of the highway. claire was taken in for police questioning. ive gotten back in contact with one of my original sources, and though it hasnt been made public information yet, nicholas was not as at the time he was in critical condition due to injuries and was hospitalized. my souces claim that he was found with multiple broken bones as well as many smaller injuries. fortunately, he survived, so im hoping once he recovers he can finally give out the full story of what happened.

this is speculation but i definitely believe, due to the evidence that has been presented, that claire was the sole perpatrator of the crimes and nicholas was forced into joining her. the state he was found in is INSANELY suspicious, considering that sears died from head trauma. ive seen some people theorizing that he threatened to turn her in, so she attemped to kill him the same way. this would explain the fact that the car was so hastily parked in the middle of the road.

the only thing about this theory that doesn't add up is that he was also found to be in an extremely severe state of blood loss, though he did not have any major wounds that would cause this. the only other explanation i can come up with is that claire's attack wasn't sudden as people are believing, but deliberate, the blood loss pointing to him possibly suffering other injuries over the time they were on the run. this recontextualizes everything we know about the case but it is the only theory (that i've seen) which explains that aspect, since as far as i know no one else has the insider information that i do.

so though the case is still technically unsolved, it is relatively clear what happened and a basic timeline can be construed due to the line of events that we know took place. im hoping to hear nicholas's statement in the future. so far he has either refused or been unable to speak on the case.

ill make an update when we get more information

-msdc

[most-annoying-sponsorship]

Submitted propaganda under the cut

Wren - 1

fuckin okay i get Save The Planet is noble or whatever but do you understand i'm MAYBE tired of being told to change Everything abt how I live when everything i could ever do is a drop in the ocean compared to corporations and i dont want to micromanage my entire life for the sake of the planet and its ALWAYS the leftist youtubers shilling it as The Best Most Selfless Thing you can do. like. dude. i am tired. i dont get paid enough to have the energy to care.

RAID shadow legends - 22

I caved and downloaded the app, played three levels and holy shit it’s so boring

I don't think I need to explain myself here.

Every Youtuber has been sponsored by them at some point and they are infuriating

It’s everywhere and it’s a shitty game that feels like the kind of low quality shit you’d see in a mobile add, because that’s exactly what it is

I have not seen a single sponsorship that makes this game sound like anything but a waste of time. Plus, their sponsorships are always sooooo long lol. At least a full minute, sometimes two.

the sponsorships and ads are everywhere yet ive never actually seen anyone outside of the ads enjoying it or even talking about it

They say the exact same thing every time so much that it's become a memorized phrase used as a meme

the art is mid, but not only that, but none of the characteers were designed by someone truly unhinged and horny. giving out that many free summons just makes them look like a scam, like those scammy crap gacha games with promo codes that have one digit repeated (example: 1111, 777, 888, and so on). there's nothing you can do there that other games haven't done better, and there's no overlying premise that draws in fans of stories (talk all the crap you like about food fantasy, at least the lore was fucking WILD). raid shadow legends is like fruit gushers in that it's massively mediocre and wildly overhyped. sure, you *COULD* inflict it upon yourself without hurting too badly, but why would you want to?

You KNOW why

Infamous

gaming.

Annoying, constant, bs, dumb, pay to play, badgering, I hate them. My friend ended up spending over a hundred dollars on this game bc their advertising occasionally works, and when it does, that's not great!

You KNOW WHY.

They don't pay the fucking people they ask to talk about them half the time. Also the game is ugly.

scammy as hell wtf is that game

Do I even need to explain? It's not a helpful product, it's just a dumb mobile game no one needs in their lives.

It’s bad

Everyone’s heard of it. Nobody likes it.

[winderlylandchime]

Hello!! I love how we are all hoping that Jordan brings back the podcast, i need those two besties back so badly. I feel like they have so much stuff they could talk about especially now with the strikes, it’d be fun to hear their take on it. I am honestly not ready for him to find out how the filming and the aftermath of the show was on Gale and Randy. I know he’s gonna lose his shit to find out how some people were towards them (especially since his idea of Gale in his head is obviously different and in his mind Gale and Randy are bffs like how he is with his friends.) but also i think he will be shocked to find out they both kind of stepped back from the show and had certain issues with it. He did storm in my room randomly today and went ‘IS THAT WHY THERE WAS LESS SEX STUFF?!’ Which btw it was 10 am when he did that, I barely knew i was awake. Basically he was up almost all night thinking about the finale and the podcast (he is once again that conspiracy meme) and he realized in later seasons there’s less sex scenes and now he is distraught that maybe it’s because Randy was uncomfortable. He was having an entire crisis over it. While I don’t know what all i will show him/what he’ll see on his own (i wanna show him bts content and like obviously anything else i can find) but i will be keeping con videos/posts FAR away from him because some of those are the worst things ive ever seen in my life, no offense to anyone. I will say, If you or anyone has any ideas what else I should show him, let me know because he has been losing his mind begging me to let him listen to more of the podcast.

As for our mom, i swear that woman is actually pretty chaotic herself but unlike my brother she hides it better. Both of our parents are insane but for some reason only he doesn’t even make an effort to hide it. She did get a long email sent to her by my brother because she was ignoring his calls and he wanted to talk about s4 finale. It was titled ‘IMPORTANT! NOTHING TO DO WITH THE SHOW’ and then it was almost a short novel about the show.. He wanted to hear her thoughts since he is still undecided about Justin not saying yes to moving in. And he wrote a little bit about the podcast and he also asked her if she thinks Randy would like him if they met (clearly he is feeling a certain way about this) which caused a different crisis, a much bigger one: would Gale like him if they met. That crisis lasted almost 2 hours btw. Anyway as a reply to the email she just forwarded it to our dad who forwarded it back to me to tell me to ‘change the wifi password.’ And then I immediately got a call from my mom about the podcast asking me if it’s about the show and how he already has enough weird hobbies and why can’t I get him into something normal like a pottery group or painting group or something with normal people around. And then I heard in the background our uncle who went ‘after all the stories about him talking to DOCTORS, you want to unleash him on a person who is not medically trained?’ So he is now being encouraged to stay home and watch tv. Also: he is currently talking to his best friend about the finale, while writing down mind maps and lists of what he thinks season 5 will be. He’s having a bit of issues with it because the LA offer apparently fucked quite a lot of things up for him so his original list no longer makes sense. He is also talking to him at the same time (he’s jumping from topic to topic) about Gale and how shocked he was that Randy didn’t enjoy the qaf fame. I don’t know how this became my life. More importantly I would just like to say: i cannot wait for your new fic! I mean your last fic got us here so I can’t wait to see what happens next. But also bearded Brian>>

The podcast talking about the strikes would be amazing! I was hoping we would get a Barbie movie episode but alas. I really want to hear the besties talk about Greta Gerwig.

I have never seen the con clips and I’m grateful. I have too much secondhand embarrassment to sit through that boundary-crossing behavior and invasive questions.

I LOVE that your parents were like “change the wifi password” and uncle was like “unleash him into the world?” and they responded “jk never mind.”

I personally think Gale and Randy are still friends but we would never know with the one proof of life per year Gale gives us and Randy being tightlipped about his time on the show.

Wait until your brother realizes that one of Randy’s partner’s is named Justin (or is that the kid? either way there’s a Justin!)

I am dreading his reaction to S5 but we all watched it so he must as well…

And, yes, bearded Brian >>>

BUT I saw your request at the top - folks let’s start to pull together a post-S5 education for all necessary BTS for Brother Anon to fully understand QAF! In box me or comment on this post.

[luwupercal]

Abnett When He Put a reference of Emps possibly being Alexander the great probably thought is was a cool thing but I can't stop thinking of Hephaestion's death and Alexander's grief of it, because if we say Emps is Alexander that shows a lot of his old personality if he did change from Molech or time. It showed that he did care once and showed real emotions. And Oll story can still make sense since Alexander is a conquer and did sometimes call himself god I think. That and Alexander actually died about 8 months later after Hephaestion's, at about 32 it puts lots of thoughts of what the Emperor was during it. Sorry for this rambling but this is just really interesting to me. I'm kinda surprise no one is talking about it. Sorry again

NO THIS IS FASCINATING THIS IS FASCINATING I HADNT HEARD OF THIS. i hadnt ever considered the emperor as alexander the great but now that youve put the idea in my brain i kind of LOVE it. thats a very good historical figure to put the emperor as having Secretly Been tbh

in fact in a brilliant moment of serendipity one of my favourite historical factoids is that apparently (APPARENTLY. do not quote me on this. alleged statements & hearsay only no sources) to transport his body for burial they laid alexander the great to rest in like a tub full of honey bc it slows down rotting since honey doesnt rot at all + lemon demon has a song called Sweet Bod about a different practice involving burying corpses in honey (this time for pseudo medicinal purposes) that ive always strongly associated w the emperors corpse and the cult built around it lololol

also do not ever apologize for sending me asks, zero worries, I love to hear peoples thoughts on warhammer even if i disagree lololol. I like to see different perspectives!! It's enrichment to me. like a zoo animal given a hollowed out pumpkin full of hamburger

a lot of times im like ehhh... about the whole "emperor having had compassion once" thing but i do think him having been Alexander the great is actually really good for this. as far as I know this dude (which isnt very to be frank!) he was a guykissing boyking mass conqueror who was a historical figure when julius caesar was alive who died of twink death which ticks a lot of boxes for my thoughts on what the emperor couldve theoretically been while young (super long time ago, still a conqueror, immature in a way that makes a lot of sense with the ways the emperor remained immature to his sorta-death) with the bonus of making him a menliker 360 which as a fellow menliker series x i approve of very heartily. this might be how it works for me.

AND the whole hephaestion thing u say is SO FUN AND INTERESTING as a characterization thing... forget shipping the emperor with malcador or whatever the one person he considered his soulmate died before oily josh was a twinkle in marys grandmothers eye. which is i think so fucking true and real to him. + the like rage of being nearly allpowerful but you still cant bring back the person you loved most who died young slots really well into the emperor i think it gives him an achillean flair just a little bit of. you know when dads casually drop Lore about their life and its the most deranged shit youve heard in your life and hes just made it such a normal part of his life he never really thought to bring up his Backstory. i feel like this is the vibe by 30k. im imagining the custodes furiously sharing memes in their custodes only discord server about every completely bananas Emperor Lore Drop

the questions im mostly bubbling with rn about all of this are stuff like. at what points the historical record was lied to. like in 40ks version of history was alexander the great adopted or did the emperor do a kill and replace w the original alexander (Erebus/Marneus Calgar style) or was the backstory completely different and if so, what were the historical ramifications...... i obviously dk a lot about alexander the great but I just Think it Works™️. It Works Great

thank u Very much for the ask this is cool as hell to think about o7

[thepoetfrommars]

What were you waiting? A sign or something else? I guess I was a bit slow, but that's just how I am.

I always knew you cherished our moments. I just wanted your confirmation. It's a conversation between us, and we are damn awful liars lol. It's fair I guess, i was scraping for hope at anything I could get. But oh well, it didn't work out, so past is just the past.

With this mask of nihilism off I'll tell you what I think: happiness without you is not complete, but I'm trying, and that's my thing. I'll never be perfect and that's just how it is, but I'll work on doing something cause that's all I can achieve. You can count on me with all of your endeavors, it'll be hard for me not to fall in love again, but hey, that's a risk I'm willing to take. It doesn't pain me anymore, after all the world has changed. This is a bit too confusing isn't it? So let's go to the next.

(ive always been a sucker for the cheesy stuff lol)

It's a thing we have in common lol, the difference it's just the act. I wanted to see you really badly, but it hurt so bad to see your smile and know it's not mine anymore that i just couldn't afford it. Now and then I still heard your name (Brasília is a really small place) those moments I stopped and listened, finding out you were happy gave me a sense of peace. (Told you I'm a sucker for the cheesy stuff lol) .

My moon, on that we are equal. Life can change but I'll always love you. Through cloudy skies above or the sun shining over you. You're not the star, youre my moon. Elegant, beautiful, perfect in your own way. Being apart it's a pain, but it's one I'm comfortable with. One which I will learn to deal with. And I'm fine, really. So stop worrying and drink some water lol, don't make me another task on your life.

I can't ingore my moon, not for long anyways. At least once a month she's full above the sky peeking through my window. You can be needy, after all the love is yours. You just have to ask for it.

How you've been doing?

- I'm fine. Working on myself. Looking for work, studying what I wanted, going through life. And you? How've you been? Has life been treating you right?

What happened to you all this time?

- a lot. Life is a bitch and she is a really naggy one lol. But yeah, family got smaller, my grandpa and great grandma have passed, so we're dealing with it. Of course I passed uni, but thinking on where should I really do it. A lot happened, and a lot is happening. But hey, I'm still alive right? Lol

How's the rpg? (Real important, I miss it)

- it's going well. We paused that campaign but before it we made some adjustments to the whole story and shit. Ennon hung up the sword and is now dating that bartender he flirted a while back. They have a daughter, so that's that. We're going to continue it after a couple months, "another story" per say. I'm the only one with a new character lol.

How's your uni?

It's hard lol. For me that is. It's complex and my teachers are not that good. But it doesn't help I'm going through meds and life itself. But it's good besides that. It's more than what I dreamed of. Which is a good thing lol.

I noticed you really like ocean animals and such, do you consider going to USP? You could try, idk if it's a thing for you tho

- Ive bern looking for stuff, but I'll probably go out of the country to study. If not a degree than my specialization on marine animals. (Cetaceans that is lol)

Are you happy? No need to lie

- not yet. Been working on it. But... Oh well... You're a psychologist, you'll analyse me and see if I'm happy or not lol.

Would you like to go on a date? Lol I really want to give you your stuff tho, it's been here for like, 3 years now

- i would be delighted to go on a date lol, just set the date.

"As always, it's kinda of a mess"

Don't know if I responded, don't know what's going through your mind, but I'm always open. A shoulder to cry on, a person to tell a joke to, someone to share memes, anything really. It's all open to you.

Not a poem, just a couple thoughts

Sorry, i just woke up from a nice dream and wanted to write this lol

But hey, i guess I got the message across.

Responding in a poem seems a bit bad, so here's my proper response.

- From yours one and only, Milan.

(ps: i never had a tag lol, it's just me being childish as ever)

[darnedchild]

I’m dumping my emotional guts here, please ignore if you just follow me for funny memes and fandom shit

Some of you may have noticed that I’ve been mostly absent and disengaged for a bit.  Truth is, I’m emotionally drained and barely keeping my head up enough to care about anything going on outside of my home and immediate family.  And I have been for so long I’ve stopped counting.

Just for the highlights over the last few months -

My son has been having issues in one of his classes at school.  It was like pulling teeth to get his teachers to communicate with us about what they were seeing on their end; but eventually we had enough information to push to get the Demon Spawn evaluated and he was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD.  I’m not going to go into the details but I will say that the “F” this specific teacher had been threatening him with all semester was suddenly an “A” when we were able to put in an official request for a 504.  My husband, myself, my sister who teaches the same grade in a different district, and my therapist (all 100% biased, obviously) agree that it feels like we’ve been gaslit. 

His teachers noted in the evaluation forms that my son is demonstrably depressed, anxious, feels isolated, and thinks no one likes him at school.  That was the first time I’d heard ANY of that.  I knew my son was anxious and sensitive, but there is a HUGE step from what we see at home and what they wrote on his evaluation forms.  His teachers are our eyes and ears during the school day, they see my son when he’s not dealing with his emotionally damaged mother who is trying her best not to show her son how anxious and scared she is while he does the exact same because we both want the other to just be happy.  They recognized and identified all this devastating stuff about my child and didn’t tell us.  I have been informed that there are “reasons” the teachers might not have feel comfortable approaching us directly but I’m pretty sure this is exactly the kind of thing a school counselor is for.

I was a depressed, anxious, isolated child.  I very clearly remember what it was like.  And I damn sure do not want my kid to go through that.  If something tragic had happened and they knew he was on the edge of crisis and they didn’t tell us... I don’t even want to think about it.

One of my best friends died last year.  Her birthday was in February.  I did not handle the lead up to that well.  And in just a week or so it’s going to be the first anniversary of her passing.  I am definitely not dealing well with that.  I got a little note from the family, written by her mother, two weeks ago.  It’s been almost a year since she died and the family is still using the old address labels that include my friend’s name along side her husband’s (different last names), her mom crossed out her daughter’s name.  Maybe, maybe toss those labels out and get new ones so that people don’t break into tears the second they see their dead best friend’s name scratched out with a fucking black pen?

And the final highlight of this shit parade is that my 15 year old baby kitten Bellatrix was just diagnosed with stage IV kidney disease.  We took her to the vet because she’d lost some more weight (down to just over six pounds) and it was yearly shot time anyway, so why not draw some blood and see what’s going on?  She’s dying, that’s what’s going on.  Fun phone call - the vet, my husband, and me on speaker phone.  All three of us audibly sniffling away tears while we discussed palliative care options and best case scenarios and how much time do we have left with her?  The answer is not enough.  Never enough.  She turns 16 this year.  Would turn 16, but the vet insists we understand that the likelihood of her reaching her birthday is extremely low. 

I rescued her neurotic, balding butt when she was 11 months old.  My son has never known life without Bella.  She let him pull her hair with his chubby, sticky fingers and give her slobbery open-mouthed toddler kisses and use her has a pillow when he didn’t feel well, with only her usual “See what I put up with” side-eye in complaint.  If I’m sick, she’s at my side.  If I’m upset or anxious, she somehow knows.  She’s sleeps at the head of my bed (sometimes with her fur pressed against my face) and snores like a sputtering chainsaw. 

We haven’t told my son yet.  He had a big thing last weekend and we didn’t want him to forever associate that memory with finding out.  Our plan is to tell him this weekend so we can make sure he has a day or two to deal with his feelings before he has to go back to school.  I feel guilty about keeping it from him, though. 

And I’ve spent the last week wondering if this cuddle will be the last, so... yeah.

[xofanfics]

String - Alternate Ending II

Prologue | Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX | Alternate Ending I 

Genre: angst, fluff, SMUT

Pairing: Baekhyun x Female Reader x Sehun

Word Count: 5.4k

Summary: You find yourself in a friends-with-benefits situation with your best friend. You have no business falling for him, but your heart begs to differ.

Holding himself accountable was something that Baekhyun hadn’t quite mastered. And he seemed to be the root of all the problems that had come crashing into his life uninvited and unannounced. But he felt like he wasn’t the only person at fault. 

Putting himself aside, he wondered why you hadn’t been more adamant. Why hadn’t you just come straight out, to say all the things you wanted to? Did you not know how? Did you lack the strength? Were you unsure? And putting himself into the equation, he wondered why he hadn’t been more adamant. Why hadn’t he just come straight out, to say all the things he wanted to? Did he not know how? Did he lack the strength? Was he unsure? 

Why had he chosen Kira over you? Kira was pure; she didn’t have the same kind of past Baekhyun did. And to be honest, Baekhyun hadn’t been honest with her about his past or the feelings he had for you that still lingered. He realized that he wasn’t quite over you. The events of the night had made that quite clear not only to himself but to Evie too. If she noticed, who else did? Was it that obvious?

Baekhyun had become the kind of guy that all girls complained about. The kind of guy that claims he doesn’t want the girl but then gets jealous when she brings a new guy around. The kind of guy that has a girlfriend but still doesn’t want the other girl to date other people. How was something like that fair? 

It was a bad idea to come here, he realized. This wasn’t how the night was supposed to start or end. Everyone was supposed to get together and have a good time at this party and he’d ruined things. He ruined the mood and brought a dark cloud over the group. He needed to apologize. Even if you never forgave him or never spoke to him again, he at least needed to apologize. The talk with Evie opened his eyes to a point of view he hadn’t really considered.

He returned to the party and noticed you standing on the balcony with Drew as he smoked a joint. Baekhyun took the opportunity to join the two of you. He wasn’t sure where Sehun had gone off to but Baekhyun assumed that he’d be back eventually.

“Hey,” he started. “Can we talk, Y/N?”

You’d been in the middle of laughing and the smile faded immediately upon seeing him. You turned your head the other way. It hurt him a bit, but he continued with what he set out to do anyway. This was the path he chose and the least he could do is apologize for everything.

Drew took one last pull and cleared his throat after he blew out the smoke. He ashed his joint and put it in a ziploc bag before putting it back in his pocket. You said, “I don’t think—” At that, Drew nudged you. You rolled your eyes. “Fine. Sure, let’s talk.” Drew gave you a wink before leaving the two of you on the balcony alone. He knew that Baekhyun had fucked up but he also knew that things would never get better if you kept blocking him off every time. Both of you, Drew decided, needed to grow the fuck up and speak through your issues like the adults that you were supposed to be. 

As the balcony door clicked shut, you turned your back to him and said, “What do you want?”

“To apologize,” said Baekhyun. “I wanted to apologize for everything. For being an asshole tonight, for leading you on back then, and for not being honest with how I felt about you. I know it doesn’t seem like it but I cared about you. I still do, Y/N...and it hurts not to be able to talk to you. I miss us. I miss being friends, at least…”

You bit your lip, still turned away from him. Hearing that he missed you made you feel better. You’d missed him, too. You missed talking to him and sharing memes on Twitter. You missed being able to bullshit around campus with him between classes and going over to each others’ apartments. You missed hanging out with him, outside of the sex. You missed him being your person and being able to tell him just about anything. You decided to put your angry feelings aside, just to hear him out and not to add any more fuel to the fire that he’d started tonight.

You missed him more than anything but it was a little too late for all of this now. If he’d told you this sooner, before things got more serious with Sehun, maybe you would’ve felt differently. But he was with Kira now so, in the end, did how you feel really even matter?

“We could’ve been friends,” you said, in a voice so low that he could barely hear you. He stepped closer to you, leaning over the balcony ledge next to you. He looked at you but you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him right now. If you looked at him, your sense of judgment might shift. If you didn’t look at him, you wouldn’t be tempted to say all of the words you wanted to say to him… They were all of the words he’d never hear you say.

“What?” he asked.

“I said that we...could’ve been friends. You led me on, Baekhyun. I really thought we were going to be together and then you chose someone else. Do you have any idea how that felt?”

Baekhyun looked down at the city below him. It was dark but there were still some people lingering on the streets from what he could see. Were they lost? Were they going somewhere? Were they feeling how he was? Lost, confused, and frustrated with the cards and the hands he’d been dealt?

“Kind of how it feels for me right now, I guess,” he said. “I know it’s not fair for me to feel this way...since I chose someone else. But I can’t help but feel hurt...seeing you with Sehun.”

You didn’t say anything. Deep down, you knew that was why he’d been acting like this all night. Like a lot of people out in the world, Baekhyun could dish it but he couldn’t take it. He left you on your ass and chose someone else. But he wasn’t satisfied with that and he had the audacity to be jealous of the new bond you were trying to make with Sehun. Part of you understood; humans were often selfish beings and they often felt things that didn’t make sense. 

Even still, it didn’t take the hurt away. It didn’t erase the feelings of hope that you had back then. It didn’t erase the fact that he hurt you in a way that you thought he never would. It didn’t take you back in time, to undo all the damage that had been done. It didn’t mend your broken heart.

Anger flared up in you again and, finally, you turned to meet his eyes. “You don’t have the right to be jealous, Baekhyun! You chose her.” You bit your lip, holding back a tear that threatened to follow. “How could you choose her over me and then come here and be jealous as soon as you see that someone else is interested in me? Someone who actually wants me and gives a shit.”

A pang of hurt hit him right in the heart. He looked into your eyes, a little more deeply than you needed him to. “Is that what you think? Of course I give a shit about you, Y/N! You’re all I can think about most days. And I wish that I could talk to you but you made it clear that you don’t want anything to do with me. And it hurts. It fucking hurts me, Y/N! I know you must think I’m some monster that doesn’t have feelings but I do…I know I hurt you too and that it doesn’t excuse anything but...” He sucked his teeth. “I admit it! I made the wrong decision, Y/N. I made all the wrong decisions and that’s on me. It’s my fault and I know it. I ruined everything we had and I fucking hate myself everyday for it. I can’t help that I’m in love with you, Y/N...”

A tear fell down your cheek. This was all too much. “I’m too drunk for this,” you said, clapping your hands together. You left Baekhyun on the balcony where he stood. And you were too fast for him to grab your hand.

Had he said too much? 

*

Kira came back to the apartment with her friends, carrying the cases of White Claw. She saw the entrance to the balcony through the kitchen and went through it, curious to where it led. She hadn’t realized that the balcony wrapped around to the other side of the apartment. And then she heard a familiar voice as she started toward the corner. She stopped, 

“—it hurts. It fucking hurts me, Y/N! I know you must think I’m some monster that doesn’t have feelings but I do…I know I hurt you too and that it doesn’t excuse anything but...I admit it! I made the wrong decision, Y/N. I made all the wrong decisions and that’s on me. It’s my fault and I know it. I ruined everything we had and I fucking hate myself everyday for it. I can’t help that I’m in love with you, Y/N...”

Kira’s heart dropped, tears falling down her face. She bit her lip, unsure of what to do next. Everything made sense now. Baekhyun’s behavior and yours, too. He was jealous because he was in love with her. More tears came as the realization set in. She watched as you walked off the balcony and back to the party. But Baekhyun stayed behind. He didn’t try to go after her. Kira heard him sigh loudly to face the street. 

Kira rationalized with herself for about two minutes. She wasn’t the confrontational type but she deserved answers, at least. Baekhyun still hadn’t moved, completely lost in his thoughts. So she took the opportunity to walk over to him. Her heeled boots clicked against the concrete, slowly taking steps to the answers that she deserved.

“I meant everything I said, Y/N,” Baekhyun said, as he turned around. Unfortunately, it was the last person he expected to find him here. From the look on his girlfriend’s face, he knew that she’d overheard at least part of what he said to you.

She looked at him, one hand on her hip. “How long have you been cheating on me?”

“I’m not cheating on you, Kira,” he said. “I’ve never cheated on you.”

“Don’t lie to me, Baekhyun…”

“I’m not lying.”

Her lip quivered, unable to hold in her hurt for much longer. “Our whole relationship is a lie, right? You don’t even love me...”

“I care about you, Kira. I do like you.”

“But you don’t love me. You never will...because you’re in love with her.” 

Baekhyun didn’t answer. What she said didn’t require an answer but he didn’t have much to say. He didn’t expect her to find out like this. She wasn’t supposed to be here right now. He had planned on breaking up with her but he didn’t plan on her finding out like this. Not only had he possibly ruined things with you but things were most likely going to end with Kira tonight—right now.

She pushed him in frustration. He lost his balance and stumbled backward. “Why?” 

Kira hit him again but he held his ground this time. “Why?”

She hit him again and again, taking her frustrations out on him. “Why, Baekhyun?”

Baekhyun didn’t do anything. He let her hit him because he deserved it. He broke her heart into a million pieces. She was feeling a pain that Baekhyun was responsible for. Kira wasn’t a confrontational person and rarely got angry. Once, there was a spider in her bedroom and, as Baekhyun had gone to get his shoe to kill it, she said, “Just leave it.” He almost wanted to smile at the memory. Kira was such a good person and he’d ruined her, causing her to act out of character.

She wasn’t supposed to find out like this. He came out here to apologize to you, not declare his love for you. He’d gone too far and Kira got hurt because of his actions. Things weren’t going as planned tonight. He’d done so much damage and within the span of about two hours. If things had gone as planned, he would’ve just come out here to apologize to you and, hopefully, smoothing things over enough for you not to hate his guts. Then he would’ve talked things over with Kira, preferably tomorrow when he was sober. 

“Please stop,” Baekhyun said, wrapping his arms around her. She struggled in his arms for a few seconds, trying to get out of his grasp, before giving up. Finally, she broke down into the tears she’d been holding back. He held her, patting her head gently. “I’m so sorry, Kira. I never meant to hurt you…”

Kira’s cries died down after a few more seconds. She was so hurt and she couldn’t deal with this. Everything was a lie. Her own boyfriend wasn’t falling for her like she was falling for him. She was falling for him so hard and that’s what hurt her the most. Her feelings weren’t returned. She didn’t understand what Baekhyun’s history with you was. Had they dated in the past? Regardless, she wasn’t sure she wanted to know. Would knowing hurt her even more?

“It’s not that I regret being with you, Kira,” he said. “That’s not it. I regret not being honest with myself and about my feelings. I’m sorry for everything. I mean that.” 

Hearing that didn’t make Kira feel better or worse. She pulled away from him. “If you weren’t sure, you should’ve just left me alone.”

“I know,” he said. “I was being selfish. I should’ve figured things out first...”

She let out a sigh, looking everywhere except at him. “I want to hate you but I can’t even do that…”

Baekhyun nodded. “I deserve that…”

“You know what hurts, Baekhyun?” she said, finally able to meet his eyes. “You were so occupied with her that you didn’t even notice that I left the party for a half hour. And even outside of tonight, it was always about her…That’s why you haven’t been able to give me your attention, right? Because you were thinking about her the whole time? You never noticed me because your eyes have always been for her…”

She wiped her tears with the backs of her hands. There was nothing left to say or do. Neither one of them had officially said that they’d broken up with words. Part of her still wanted to be with him and she wished that she could shove that feeling to the side. That was the thing about feelings; you could ignore them as much as you wanted but feelings can’t just be erased like they never happened, like you never had them in the first place. 

If she could go back in time, she would. She would go back in time to avoid dating Baekhyun. This was one of the relationships that weren’t meant to be. They should’ve left things how they were before, with her having a crush on Baekhyun that couldn’t go anywhere because she was on the road to studying abroad in Italy. They weren’t in sync; they didn’t meet at a time in their lives when things could’ve worked out. And, maybe, both of them should’ve just accepted that that chapter in their lives had ended. 

In the end, it wasn’t worth it and it wasn’t meant to be. From the start, the relationship was doomed.

*

Sehun couldn’t help but feel confused, sitting on the couch next to you. You’d just told him that you couldn’t be with him. That you’d thought about it and realized it wasn’t a good idea right now. He said, “Did something happen? I-I thought you wanted this…”

You bit your lip. “I don’t think I’m ready. I’m not over that guy...and I’m sorry for leading you on like this.”

Sehun had a feeling that you weren’t ready but part of him hoped that you were. He couldn’t be mad at you. If anything, he was grateful that you were telling him this now rather than later. He liked you and he enjoyed spending time with you, but it was better off letting each other go if you couldn’t give him what he needed. It seemed like you needed time and, to be honest, it seemed like even with time he couldn’t be sure that you’d pick him.

He couldn’t hide his disappointment. He liked you more than he expected to and finding out that the two of you most likely weren’t going to date was disappointing. You were younger than him and you were unsure of your feelings and what you wanted. Regardless of age though, Sehun knew what he wanted and he knew what he needed from a potential partner. He realized that he was chasing someone who kept leading him to dead ends. 

He stood up from the chair. “I understand. I hope you figure things out with Baekhyun…”

Sehun knew that Baekhyun was the person that you weren’t over, whether you said it to him or not. He knew that Baekhyun was the reason for the sudden change of heart. Things had been adding up all night, but he kept quiet about it. He chose to ignore the signs because he liked you. And part of him—the selfish part—had hoped that you’d ignore your feelings and come to him instead. But he knew how feelings worked. They didn’t make sense and they couldn’t be helped.

“I’m sorry, Sehun,” he said. “Maybe we could—”

He shook his head. “I think we should just leave it alone for now. I don’t wanna keep running around in circles with you. I like you and I don't want to hold onto the hope that you’ll come around.” He took a deep breath. This was hard for him, too. Sehun was ready to settle down, to finally find someone he clicked with. And he thought he’d found that with you but, so quickly, that dream was over. “You have a history with him, right? It’s complicated...so you should figure that out. And I’m not saying any of this to be petty. I genuinely mean it...Anyway, let’s just move on with our lives for now. If we cross paths one day, that’s fine, but I think we should just end things for now.”

Sehun had said everything he needed to say. And you didn’t have many words to say, but you found a few. “I don’t want you to think I never liked you...because I do. I meant all of the things I said to you tonight but there are just some things I need to take care of, like you said. Thank you for being understanding…”

“Take care, Y/N…”

“You too, Sehun.”

*

You woke up to your cell phone vibrating at four in the morning. You’d fallen asleep after a shower and you groaned as you looked at your phone and saw Baekhyun’s name flashing across the screen. 

Was he serious right now?

“Baekhyun, are you forreal?”

“I can’t sleep,” he said. “Me and Kira are over. I really fucked things up but I can’t stop thinking about you. Every thought I have is of you. I just...really need to talk to you.”

“What is there to talk about Baekhyun? Everything is over.”

“Open the door and tell me that everything is over. Tell me in person.”

“Go home, Baekhyun.”

“Please open the door, Y/N.”

You hung up on him and groaned. You rubbed sleep from your eyes and headed to the front door. When you opened the door Baekhyun was on the other side, dressed in a white t-shirt, sweats, and his black leather jacket.

“I love you, Y/N,” he said. “I need you...”

“Baekhyun, please,” you said. “You can’t just show up to my house in the middle of the night and try to talk to me about shit like this...”

“Tell me you don’t feel the same,” he said. “Tell me you don’t have feelings for me and I’ll leave you alone.” Baekhyun knew you well. He knew that you couldn’t lie to him. And he knew that deep down, you still had feelings for him somewhere. 

You looked up at him with tired eyes but you said nothing but before you could say anything, his lips were on yours. You did nothing to stop him and he kissed you and you kissed him back in the hallway of your apartment building. If anything, you deepened the kiss and melted into his embrace. His hands found your face and a few seconds later, you grabbed him and pulled him into the apartment before shutting the front door behind you.

“I want you,” he said, pulling away. “I wish I could take everything back but I can’t. And I know there’s nothing I can do or say to make it right but I want this. I want us. I want to be with you, Y/N…and, um, if you can find it in your heart to forgive me, at least—”

“I waited so long to hear you say that,” you admitted. “It’s all I ever wanted, Baek…” He kissed you again and you bumped and collided into the walls until you managed to get to your bedroom. His kiss, his touch, his everything felt right. You wrapped your arms around him and you said, “Show me...Show me how much you love me.”

Baekhyun nodded, putting his jacket on the chair in the corner of your room. You bit your lip, anticipating what was to come. You hadn’t slept with anyone else and you were ready. Sex with Baekhyun was the best you’d had yet and it had been hard not to have him for so many months. You’d been dying for a taste of him and here he was. All your prayers had been answered at this moment.  

You took your t-shirt off, showing off the rest of your body. Luckily for Baekhyun, you hadn’t been wearing any panties, leaving you completely naked. Baekhyun felt himself getting hard, looking at your figure. You were perfect and his dick throbbed for you. He took off his pants, freeing himself from the restraints of his sweats.

He approached you slowly, taking your body in. “You’re so perfect...” He pulled you into his chest, feeling on your body gently. “Are you sure you want this?” You nodded and sat on the bed. Baekhyun joined you, pressing his lips on yours. This time, the kisses were more gentle, more passionate. His tongue slowly entered yours and when you pulled away, you helped him out of his shirt, then his boxers. You ran your fingers across his head, causing Baekhyun to let out a slight gasp of pleasure.

For a moment, you stared at each others’ naked bodies. You loved everything about Baekhyun. You loved his body; the way it rocked against you when he was inside you and how it seemed like it was made just for you. You loved his lips and how they weren’t too big or too small, and the way he kissed you as if the world was ending. You loved his hands, his fingers and how slim they were and the way they felt inside you.

He pinned you to the bed, his hands on yours. He kissed your neck, sending shivers up your body. He kissed you there, sucking enough to leave a slight bruise but you didn’t care. You bit your lip in concealed pleasure, as he made his way past your neck and to your chest. Baekhyun took his time with your breasts, taking them in his hands. He squeezed them lightly before taking a nipple into his mouth. He sucked each lightly, slow and steady. Your body shuddered with pleasure and you let a tiny moan escape from your mouth. Baekhyun kept going, this time flicking his tongue a little more roughly. You moaned louder and Baekhyun started kissing down your stomach until he arrived at the place he’d been wanting to taste so badly.

You arched your back as Baekhyun circled his tongue around your clit, so lightly that it tickled. He did that a few more times, just to tease you. And before you could even beg, he started sucking on your clit like it was a piece of hard candy. You let out a string of expletives and Baekhyun was pleased with himself. He was driving you crazy and all that could be heard in your room was the sound of Baekhyun’s tongue and him slurping up your wetness.

“Fuck, I need you,” you whispered.

“You need me?” Baekhyun said, humming into your wet folds.

“Yes,” you whimpered.

A few seconds later, Baekhyun stopped. He licked his lips and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. And without further ado, he positioned himself between your legs and pushed inside you. You hummed in pleasure as you felt him fill you up. Baekhyun started kissing you again and you melted into his embrace as he thrusted in and out of you slowly. His lips never left yours and you wrapped your legs around him, pushing him in deeper.

Everything about this felt right to Baekhyun. Your legs felt perfect around his waist, your moans were music to his ears, and your tongue slid perfectly against his when he kissed you.

“Fuck,” he said, “you’re so tight…”

You moaned softly, Baekhyun still thrusting into you slowly; He wanted to take his time with you. He wanted to fuck you right and show you everything you’d been missing. He wanted you to feel him, in every sense of the word. He kissed you more and, eventually, he fit his fingers between yours. He held your hands down and thrusted himself more deeply into you. 

You whispered, “Harder.”

Baekhyun did as you wished and he knew that your orgasm had been building up. It was as if he was dancing inside of you, his hips picking up the pace, thrusting like his life depended on it. You bit your lips and your body writhed from underneath him. You wrapped your arms around him, digging your nails into his back. But Baekhyun didn’t mind. Scratch him, bite him, he didn’t care. As long as you were enjoying yourself, he’d let you ruin him. 

He pressed his body into yours, putting some weight on you. You were getting closer and closer as Baekhyun groaned in your ear and started kissing your neck. You were pulsing around him, squeezing his dick. 

“Keep doing that baby,” he said. “Don’t stop.”

“Fuck,” you said, letting out another moan. He felt so good inside you. You felt like you were going to burst soon. Baekhyun lifted himself off of you; He knew you were close and he wanted to see all the beautiful faces you made when you were coming. He looked you in your eyes while he fucked you, which turned you on more than he knew.

You were beginning to unravel. You were so close, at the top of a mountain. Then you let yourself fall, fall into a blinding pleasure. You came undone around Baekhyun. You couldn’t see. You couldn’t hear. But you could feel it, as you tipped over the edge with a toe curling gasp. 

This was the moment Baekhyun had been waiting for. He loved the way your eyes screwed shut and the way your lips parted slightly. And how your body jerked and writhed with your orgasm. He felt your pussy pulsing, squeezing and pushing him around. That was all he needed and that was all it took for him to come right after. He’d been holding back this whole time, struggling to hold himself together until you came. The thighs that had been tightening around him turned to jelly. And he groaned one last time before he collapsed on top of you.

Both of you panted heavily, your hearts racing. You wrapped your arms around him as you caught your breath. The two of you were at a loss for words. Reality started to set in for you. You never expected this to happen. Hell, you were prepared for the possibility of never being on speaking terms with Baekhyun again. But here he was, on top of you with his dick still inside. Who would’ve thought the events of tonight would lead up to this?

He pulled out of you, reaching for the box of tissues on your nightstand. As he returned to wipe you off, he noticed a huge wet spot on your sheets. You’d been dripping, leaking all over the bed while he fucked you. And now his cum was oozing out of your pussy. 

As he cleaned you up, he said, “We made a mess, huh?” You glanced down, noticing the sheet. You let out a giggle. “It’s okay. I’ll help you wash it tomorrow if I can spend the night here with you.” 

You smiled, standing up. “Of course. It’s like five in the morning.”

As the two of you pulled the sheet back, Baekhyun said, “I don’t want you to think that this is all I came here for…”

You laid down on the bed, propping yourself up with pillows. “That’s not what I think. I wanted this too...”

He sat next to you on the bed. He hesitated but he needed to know what would become of them. He looked you in your eyes for a few seconds. “Can we...try again? I know I can’t take anything back but I want to start over.”

You nodded and said, “I forgive you, Baekhyun. Let’s do things right this time, okay?”

His heart almost jumped out of his chest. He never expected things to go like this. He didn’t expect you to forgive him, he didn’t expect to sleep with you, or for things to get as far as they got. It was like all of his prayers had suddenly been answered. He knew that, deep down, he didn’t deserve you. But maybe he did. Maybe everything that had happened was for a reason, reasons that neither of you would ever understand. Over the past few weeks, Baekhyun felt like he’d undergone something like character development. He’d taken you for granted and he wasn’t honest with himself or with anyone else about his feelings. He’d been immature and in denial. This situation, in a way, put things into perspective for him.

This time, you leaned in for a kiss. When you pulled away, you said, “Did you mean what you said before?”

“What?”

“That you love me…”

Baekhyun nodded. That was the one feeling he was one hundred percent certain about. He loved you. “Of course I meant it.”

“Say it again.” 

You thought that maybe it was a ridiculous request and that it was just your insecurities trying to get the better of you. But, in this moment, you needed a bit of reassurance. Most people would’ve told you to leave Baekhyun in the dust, that you deserved better. And maybe it was true. But it wasn’t your truth. The truth was that Baekhyun made you happy. Even though you’d been hurt, your heart still skipped a beat every time your eyes met. You just needed to know that everything was okay and that you were making the right decision.

“I love you,” he said. “I love you, Y/N…”

You kissed again and again as the sun rose, the light peeking through your blinds. You melted into his embrace and he melted into yours. The two of you got lost, drunk, in each others mouths. And, through the blinds, you could see the sun rising. A new day, no—a new chapter was ahead. And you were just glad Baekhyun was here for the ride.

FIN. (like, actually)

Tag List: @shesdreaminginoverdose @multistania @jeonchan26 @myonlyaurora @keloiu @xxluckydreamsxx @multifandomeras @blanknearvana @jddcfc-blog @jummyjammy @mintaemark @kokobyunee @fortheloveofinfinite @littleflowercrown13 @wayvexo @to-all-the-stories-i-love @ggaayyyong @hyuniebaby @giriboyshogu @xyukheix @jekylluv @forbyun @endzii23 @puppyeoliepop @aa-ronpa @jessverdin @princemicorazon @sjkings @marimsun @baekhypnotized @cynthbee @xuyiyangstan @justmitchie @minseoksnz @wooya1224 @stepanielove @deadelline @kimluvwoo @sehunski @desired-love- @bexinini @g0lden-sunset @justineasian @vad-hander @loeygotospacenow @nana-banana @happiestgirlontheeastcoast

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

Texts from the Lost Tomb part 6.1

🎶 Back on the bullshit I never got off🎶

Is this another unnecessary story arc?? With three sections??

Yes.

Wushanju Crew Chat

Wang Meng: You know, I’m someone who appreciates consistency in my day. My life is pleasant, very few issues indeed if you ignore the big ones. And yet. Yet here we are. With unresolved messes at the end of a day.

Wang Pangzi: SOMETHIN YOU NEED TO SAY MARY POPPINS

Wang Meng: We need to talk about Huo Daofu and the glittery bead curtain.

Wang Pangzi: MY FAVE TEEN WIZARD SERIES

Wu Xie: did you turn on that suggested word thingy lol

What glittery bead curtain

Wang Meng: I closed the shop at 6:00pm this evening on the dot. I locked all of the doors in and out of the shop very carefully, especially in light of recent events. The hall leading to the back office was empty. I filed the day’s paperwork, updated and sent emails, and then spent an extra hour organizing receipts and dusting. When I came back out, there were glittery iridescent bead curtains over the front entrance to the shop.

What could this mean?

Wu Xie: uh that you need to spend less time at work?

Wang Pangzi: LOOKS LIKE WE GOT ONE FOR THE DETECTIVES. THE MYSTERY OF THE BEDAZZLED THRESHOLD COMMENCES

Wu Xie: I think we can be relatively secure in thinking a glittery bead curtain isn’t a hostile threat

Wang Pangzi: SAYS YOU

I REMEMBER YE OLDE EXPLORATION TIMES HOW FAST THINGS GOT FURIOUS

BEANBAG CHAIRS SET AFLAME AND LEFT ON DOORSTEPS AS A WARNING

GLITTERBOMBS FOR DAYS

PANIC AT THE DISCO

Wang Meng: Ugh, forget it. I should have just taken them down, regardless of who they belong to.

Zhang Qiling: They are not mine.

Wang Pangzi: A BOLD STATEMENT COMING FROM OUR PRIME SUSPECT

SOMEONE QUICK GO DRAW CHALK AROUND THE DOORWAY TO MARK THE SCENE OF THE CRIME

Wang Meng: Do we know anyone who *would* sneak in and put those up? For whatever reason, legal or not? Even as a joke?

Wang Pangzi: ARE YOU SERIOUSLY ASKING WHETHER WE KNOW ANYONE WHO IS CHAOTIC, AN OUTLAW, A PRANKSTER AND/OR SNEAKS INTO PLACES

BECAUSE THAT WOULD MEAN OUR SUSPECT LIST IS LITERALLY EVERYONE WE KNOW EXCEPT FOR YOU.

Wu Xie: okay let’s think about this; for starters, I didn’t break into my own shop

Wang Meng: You would be in danger of doing some work in the process, that’s true.

Wang Pangzi: LOL

Wu Xie: ANYWAY let’s keep going. For example, Xiao Ge would only break in somewhere for a good reason. Xiao Ge, did you do this?

Zhang Qiling: No.

Wu Xie: okay who’s next

Wang Pangzi: YOU REALLY MISSED YOUR CALLING IN INTERROGATION TIANZHEN

REALLY PUT THE SCREWS TO HIM

IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE;)

Zhang Qiling: How can we be certain *you* didn’t do it?

Wang Meng: Admittedly that was my guess, too.

Wang Pangzi: WOW I SEE HOW IT IS

BLAME PANGZI AS USUAL

ANYWAY HOW DOES HUO DAOFU FIT INTO THIS

Wu Xie: Oh yeah him! Oops I got distracted

Wang Pangzi: UR ENTIRE HISTORY IN A NUTSHELL

Wu Xie: Ugh fuck off

Wang Meng what abt Huo Daofu??

Zhang Qiling: ?

Wu Xie: oh sorry xiaoge I didn’t realize you wouldn’t have spent much time around him last year

He and I go way back

Zhang Qiling: Way back where?

Babysitters Club Chat

Wang Pangzi: I CANNOT BELIEVE HE IS BUYING YOUR INNOCENT ACT

IF YOU EVER TURN TO EVIL WE ARE FUCKED

Zhang Qiling: ?

Wang Pangzi: YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHO HUO DAOFU IS

YOU WERE EXTREMELY POLITE AND BORDERLINE FRIENDLY TOWARDS HIM

Zhang Qiling: I wanted him to feel welcome. I wanted to be sure he understands he has a place here. A specific place.

Wang Pangzi: FOR A SILENT GUY YOU ARE A MASTER AT SUBTLE POWER PLAYS IM ALL TINGLY

LMAO THE IDEA OF WU XIE LEAVING YOU FOR HUO DAOFU IS HILARIOUS AND ALSO NOPE

Zhang Qiling: Rationally, I understand that.

Main Chat

Wang Meng: Huo Daofu is coming for the weekend—didn’t Wu Xie tell you? Wu Xie asked me to check in a week ahead so we could start getting ready for his arrival

Wu Xie: oh yeah I did do that

Wang Meng: Fortunately I know you and so I already went ahead and took care of everything.

Re: the trip

He made a deal with Wu Xie’s doctor that he would do periodic checkups on him here at Wushanju

Bc Wu Xie hates being in the hospital

And frankly the hospital hates him too

Wang Pangzi: FAMILIARITY BREEDS CONTEMPT LOL

I FORGOT HUO DAOFU WAS DOING THAT

A VERY CHIVALROUS GESTURE

WOULDNT YOU SAY

XIOAGE

Zhang Qiling: Is it safe for him to be here with a criminal loose on the premises?

Wu Xie: Right, back to the curtain! Let’s focus on the curtain, hmm?

Wang Pangzi: I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS WEEKEND.

ALSO WE CAN RULE OUT XIAO BAI FOR THE CURTAIN SHE JUST SENT A SELFIE FROM NORWAY COVERED IN GREEN SLIME WITH ZERO CONTEXT, UR PROTEGE INDEED

Wu Xie: okay but who else would do something so oddly charming yet illegal and—wait.

Snake Eyes Chat

Wu Xie: hey, Glasses hasn’t been in touch lately right?

Li Cu: uh nope

Unless u count the outdated memes

Why, is money or Xie Yuchen missing

Or is this curtain related, I saw Wang Meng’s tweet

Wu Xie: haha no nothing to worry about really

(I mean maybe? but who knows)

Wang Meng is probably just getting a little paranoid in his old age

Li Cu: better than getting reckless and stupid as hell in ur old age

Wu Xie: …hey:(

Unknown Number: Li Cu, we discussed this.

Wu Xie: ????????

Li Cu: *sigh* fine, reckless and stupid as heck

Unknown Number: …close enough.

Wu Xie: EXCUSE who is that

Madame, Sir, Non-Binary Tree Spirit, etc—whomst the fuck

Are you

Li Cu is underage FYI

So Im staying on this chat

Li Cu: okay first of all, it’s not like that

Second of all I’m literally not underage I s2g

u threw the embarrassing surprise bday party, okay so u should remember

And C, that’s my counselor and I invited her. She wanted to meet u and I knew u wouldn’t agree to a visit so I added her to our chat

we have been discussing u

Wu Xie: Oh wow!!!!!!!

What a surprise:)

hi so nice to meet you:)

Main Chat:

Wu Xie: RED FUCKING ALERT

FUCK THE CURTAIN FUCK THE VISIT

IVE BEEN TRICKED INTO FAMILY THERAPY BY A SMUG TEENAGER WHO TEXTS UNKNOWN NUMBERS

Wang Meng: I assume that means something to someone here?

Not my problem? Good.

Wang Pangzi: AHAHAHA GOD I LOVE LI CU

HES LIKE ADORABLE KARMA FOR ALL THE SHIT YOUVE PUT ME THROUGH

IM RAISING HIS ALLOWANCE

Wu Xie: wait i give him an allowance

has he been collecting on two allowances??

Zhang Qiling: Three. I knew about both of yours.

Snake Eyes Chat

Wu Xie: so uh may I ask your name?

Unknown Number: you can call me Ms. Lee.

Now, if you’re comfortable talking in this format, why don’t you tell me how things have been going?

Wu Xie: oh everything is normal and fine and safe as usual, why do you ask:)

Li Cu: I heard about ur necklace thing. nice of you to NOT mention it.

another dangerous adventure. again. prick.

Ur lucky your cool boyfriend cares about you so much or you’d have already died like ten years ago

Wu Xie: lol try twenty years ago

Li Cu: That isn’t funny.

Unknown Number: …What?

Wu Xie: shit ur right, okay that was a bit glib, my apologies.

…I use humor as a coping mechanism?

Unknown Number: and Li Cu, how do you feel about that?

Li Cu: he doesn’t even know what that phrase means

He doesn’t cope, like ever

In fact

It’s kind of why we met

Which is a funny story in retrospect tbh

Wu Xie: haha what are you talking about sweetie hahaha need I remind you of certain anecdotes that could idk send me to jail maybe lmao

Unknown Number: …You know, perhaps an in-person meeting might be more effective?

Wu Xie: haha such a nice idea but why

Main Chat

Wu Xie: If I go to jail, I’ll have to create alliances for protection, right, that’s how it works on tv

Who do we know who spends time in jail

Other than Hei Yangjing, he’s only ever there for like 12 hours and i suspect he just gets himself arrested bc he enjoys the breaking out process

Also how’s the curtain case coming along

Zhang Qiling: Has someone threatened you?

Wu Xie: well not yet but soon I’m sure

Wang Pangzi: WHERE WAS THIS PARANOIA WHEN WE GOT TAKEN TO THE TEA HOUSE HUH

Snake Eyes Minus Your Fucking Therapist Chat

Li Cu: okay how tf did u pull off spy and undercover shit

u are sus as hell

Wu Xie: damn son is it pick on Wu Xie night

I missed the flyers or I would’ve invited my uncles

Also re: the curtain it’s been mostly solved

Li Cu: I’m not your son, idiot.

Wu Xie: …oh. Sorry, sorry, you’re right, bad choice of words, haha

Forget i said anything

Delete this chat even

Li Cu: shit I meant

Legally, biologically, I meant—

shit

…I turn into an asshole as a coping mechanism?

Wu Xie: oh that’s all okay! I have to go do something else now let me know if you need anything okay kid thanks!

Li Cu: goddamn it calm down who’s the kid here

lemme organize my thoughts so I can articulate my emotions fuckin healthily or w/e

Ugh maybe for like one afternoon we could go to Ms. Lee together? She knows how to word stuff

Wu Xie: uh…okay.

Li Cu: Anyway you don’t need to worry abt jail

As if you would survive prison for one day you’d piss off half the place in like an hour or less

I gave Ms. Lee the heavily edited version of the desert highway to hell roadtrip and i discussed it more in terms of like “nightmarish but still wouldn’t take any of it back”

Well maybe the sand

that shit was everywhere

Wu Xie: oh kiddo. It’s fine, really…You don’t have to explain yourself to me.

Li Cu: no, no it’s just

I do technically have a dad

who is an asshole. Being a son doesn’t really mean shit to me bc it sucked.

So you need to stop backing down just cuz ur guilty abt stuff. I’m really really glad ur not my dad in a good way. Do u get what I mean there

Where’s the mafia widower I followed into hell, huh

Wu Xie: Ur a good kid, despite my influence. I’m really glad you have someone to talk to after everything I…after everything. Wow this talking through feelings thing is kind of weird but nice ur right

Jfc no wonder it took me and xiaoge so long to—you know what, we won’t get into that

Li Cu: ew tmi

Also re: this week’s recent necklace fuckery

I moved my stuff here, I live here now

So you can’t die anymore

Or else…Idk I don’t have a threat planned

anyways abt the curtain

Wu Xie: oh my god, kid…kid you have no idea

I am in tears.

Li Cu: see this is why I can’t be nice to you I can sense the hallmark channel from here

Ugh don’t be sad in ur room that’s dumb

Go hug Pangzi or something

Maybe delete this chat

Or the curtain thing

Focus on the curtain thing

Just stfu and go away

Wu Xie: <3 screenshotting this <3

Li Cu: I take back everything I said. This is why Xiao Ge sleeps on the roof. I hope the ghosts of the Wangs put up that curtain to strangle you somehow. Go die in a stupid way, it’ll suit you.

Wu Xie: lol don’t worry I’m not gonna embarrass you with it or anything

Main Chat

Wu Xie: omg guys look how cute my kid is *sending screenshot*

Wang Pangzi: I MEAN

HE IS WISHING YOU DEATH

BUT SURE

CUTE I GUESS

Wu Xie: no but read the whole thing:):):)

Zhang Qiling: It is indeed very hard to remain angry with you. And you are welcome to join me on the roof.

Wang Pangzi: UH NOPE

NOT WHENI HAD TO BLEACH THE COUNTER IN THE KITCHEN

DONT TRAUMATIZE THE EARLY BIRDS THEYRE ALREADY FREAKED OUT BY U YA HOODIE CRYPTID

Wu Xie: ok true but babe ur like a sexy cryptid

Wang Meng: so, are we just accepting that there is a glittery curtain of unknown origin, and Huo Daofu is going to have to see it while he’s waiting for you at Wushanju bc you’re going to family therapy?

Wu Xie: right

Wang Pangzi: SHOULDA TAKEN EARLY RETIREMENT HUH

Wang Meng: I’m going to go dust something.

Unnamed Chat:

Unknown number: so the curtain…

Unknown number 2: yep, not my best work but I kinda panicked last minute u know

Unknown number: what is in the water at Wushanju that makes everyone dumb and attractive

Unknown number 2: relax they’ll figure it out

[batarangsoundsdumb]

hae interrogationes multae respondeant quia demens .

if you read this entire ask post you deserve a gold star and financial recompensation

Um, Obviously because when you’re adopted by a white guy you automatically become white duhhh

this is about this post lmao and yeah youre absolutely right, you have to hand your poc card in when you get adopted by a white guy.

Do you think Cass would listen to Yanni, the YouTube channel epic symphonic rock, or some other stuff? There's some cool mashups but idk if that's up your alley, I kinda feel like I'm pushing it with my weird taste of music by recommending an orchestra cover of metal, but i just love that sort of thing and mashups :P @harvestyourcherries 

i haven’t heard of that? but in my personal (correct) opinion steph listens to classical music, and then both modern and older, and then also stuff like black sabbath, iron maiden, but also hardrock and hardcore. i like the idea of cass just liking the most extreme screaming songs full of noise and then also listen to pachelbel’s 370th sonata yanno? THANK YOU for the rec tho

speaking of ur cass playlist hc...reminds of the time (yesterday) i found 2 playlists randomly on spotify from the same user. one was abt 3 hours of instrumental/classical "dark" & "nostalgic" music. the other almost 11 hours of nothing but hardcore bass/synth/electronic music. just an incredible tightrope act to put on in public. the synth one was also called like "psalms for synth sluts" which is Also incredible

tbh i LOVE synth SO MUCH like for no reason at all but then also cannot handle a poppy electronic beat lmao. but this seems like the kinda thing i’d do but just in one (1) playlist bc i just sort songs by vibe instead of genre? that’s how i end up with britney spears and billy ray cyrus in the same playlist. 

Oh, I want Kate Kane playlist next! It would be amazing if you could do one when you have time and will 🙏

how rude would it be of me to just say no? like sorry kate but idk you and also you seem way too keen on the us military for an institution that homophobically targeted you? (and also commits war crimes) but let’s unpack the fact that the institution that caused the death of your mom and sister and also got you blacklisted for being gay is still one you align with???

'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' --- when i tell you i fucking screamed LOL!!!!!!! i can imagine the cameraman not knowing if he should cut to commercial or keep it on these two weirdos fighting on stage (bruce definitely ruffled dick's hair/noogied him right?? 

about this post but yeah lmao. this cameraman just turns to like the audience to get a reaction and it’s just multiple moments of CLEAR shock.

you are the only funny person on this hellsite

how egotistical is it for me to say that i get this ask multiple times a month? bc it literally happens so often it’s hilarious to me.

Wish there was more john/Bruce content 😔😔😔 was so hungry I actually looked at canon media 😔😔😔 (Justice League Dark babeeeyyyyyy)

check out batman: damned for some mediocre content but at least it’s john/bruce (also very interesting story and stuff, just got very >:( over this weird part where harley quinn tried to r*pe bruce or something? it’s not for everyone)

dick grayson but he's nicki minaj

his anaconda don’t want none,,, unless...... 

Dick Grayson was never a cop, he played Marshall on Paw Patrol

you are SO right. also paw patrol is a fucking good show idc. that shit could’ve been the new steven universe on this hellsite.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CS1lI0bLI7-/?utm_medium=copy_link

...

why do people keep reposting my CONTENT. if you are not funny yourself don’t just grab shit off of tumblr and post it on insta,,, get a life. sidenote: should i start an insta and get all these ppl to take my content down that would be funny as hell.

Might I suggest for a Gotham City Meme: something about the true crime fandom thirsting for the rogues gallery

ok can i just say something slightly controversial?? no? i don’t find true crime ppl who are into criminals funny, that shits disturbing irl im not gonna bring that into my very chill universe.

i may have never seen a 'jason cleaning guns in sink' fic but i do know he WOULD

THANK YOU

bestie im sorry to say this to you but while you can, and people do wash their guns in the sink, that is a lot of lead in a very vital part of the kitchen.

people tend to do it in the bathtub.

WHY???? like damn why do you even have guns

i dont think i read many gun sink fics exactly but i have read lots of fics where jason cleanes his guns in the living room. usualy dissembles them and cleans them with a rag i think

lmao fair enough, like i think that’s a large part of what i remember as well.

if you say you've seen/read gun sink fics I believe you. I think those of us who didn't see them are lucky or maybe didn't search for fics by tags or something idk

i mean ive never sought them out but i HAVE seen them,, like definitely i know almost for certain.

saw your tags and I'm interested in Steph/Kara now. They would be the most chaotic couple <3

literally thoooo, i have a wip where they get together in a zombie apocalypse and like UGGGHhhh i am so in love with them.

I am the Breece anon. Thanks for the recommendation; am reading now. I’ve always been a hardcore Superman fan because I love my pure himbo farm boy. My logic is, if one Bruce is a Broose, then multiple Broose are a herd of Breece. And this is a hill upon which I will perish.

fair enough,,,, like moose, meese, goose, geese, bruce, breece. i get your logic and i stand by it as well. (glad you enjoyed the comic recs!!!!)

It's a beautiful day in Gotham, and you are a group of horrible Breece

OH my god dude lmao

there only being 42 fics on ao3 for tim and bernard is honestly so sad i need more

it’s like twice that now!!! we did it lads. (tho very sad that my fic isnt number one but like number 4 :((((  )

i'm too late you already did the poll lol but may i suggest bethy (bernard + timothy)

shit dude that wouldve been so fucking funnyyyyy. think ppl have just stuck to timber tho, tim/bernard kinda died down recently and i think it’s too bad, they’re a great couple and i love them.

Wait, hear me out

Bernothy @redlightofdawn

great recommendation (lmao this ask is from like a month ago) but very sorry to announce that NARDTH is the superior shipname

Wait, we know that bernard likes milfs (Tim's step-mom) but what about dilfs? gilfs?

Wait no, I regret sending that ask

these were two seperate asks and they’re HILARIOUS. in my personal opinion tho,,, milfs, gilfs, dilfs are just about vibes and bernard is just attracted to sexy ppl who may sometimes be milfs, dilfs, or EVEN gilfs.

crime in bludhaven would drop to half if nightwing had a boob window. in this essay i will-

WHERE’S THE ESSAY ANON, WHERE’S THE FUCKING ESSAY

Wait if Barbra and Tim r at opposite ends at all times what happened to Barbra once everyone’s Tim’s ever love before started dying lol

she won a lottery ticket and spent 2 weeks on a resort in the bahamas before returning home and finding out that the joker was arrested for tax evasion and then spent a month staying at her big tiddie goth girlfriend’s house before conner came back to life and she broke her pinkie playing table hockey.

Why is the opposite end thing so funny and compelling to me. Tim comes back from his depression quest for Bruce and Babs is now a literal god

lmao when tim loses his spleen barbara reaches nirvana.

Are you still taking music recs because I have three songs that remind me of Jason that I think you'd like

send to me or lose a toe

🌸 ⭐ put this star into the inbox of your favorite blogs. it’s time to spread positivity! ⭐🌸😋

thanks, i wont tho on account of i wont.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMduBy3Sr/

⬆️

This is the whole of Blüdhaven and everyone anywhere.

Nightwings ass alone saves more people in a calendar year and does more for so society than most heroes do their whole career.Also u are one of the funniest tumblr pages out there. The vibes are unmatched and the memes and tags ✨send me✨.Thank u and goodnight @julia-flow 

fanksss also lmao.

That's going to be a little bit difficult to explain, but

There's some music that you listen to and you think, "oh my gosh, I can perfectly imagine Dick Grayson singing this song, with the same voice as the singer because that voice matches with Dick Grayson"?

oh yeah totally lmao. i have a lot of songs that i think are just entirely dick grayson yanno? kind of all of my playlists have that vibe, but i really find bleachers to fit with dick? idk.

"Lois lane/Superman" fics this, "Lois lane/Clark Kent" fics that, (/lh) let's get into the real good stuff. Some people ship Lois, Clark, and Superman as a throuple. Most popular fic tag for sure

yes totally, i think they’d be absolutely killer on ao3 and clark gets so fucking embarassed about it.

I miss your post, hope you’re doing okay!!

haha this was like 2 months ago, but i was doing fine then too! just didn’t have a lot of inspiration in terms of content.

Doot doot!

noot noot

I’m confused. What did DC do now? Like with nightwing? And another sibling? Please spoil everything for me

lmao they gave him a secret sister plotline where they had his dad cheat on his mom with tony zucco’s wife, bc dick’s life wasn’t traumatic enough yet.

sorry but it's so funny that batman is called "the dark knight" when the gotham city baseball team is called the gotham knights. it'd be like if a vigilante was running around new york called like "the scary yankee"

lmaooo no. but like yankee comes from dutch names or something so wouldnt it be HILARIOUS if gotham knights came from like german names and bruce would be running around called the dark KLAUS UND NIEK @graysonnightwing 

(not a batcest shipper) it’s so funny to me that the responses are “i’m a batcest shipper because i can differentiate fiction from reality and and it doesn’t bother me personally, but i understand why you oils think it’s weird” to “i wish all batcest shippers a very fucking die”

yeah lmaoo. i personally basically flipped my entire stance around to ‘i dont care please leave me and everybody else alone’ bc i think there’s really no point in starting a moral dillema over some fucking fandom bullshit. Please just,,, go home,,, log off, find a nice forest to have a little walk in and remember that somewhere in history, somebody probably died in the place you’re standing. and you will also die someday, and somebody will have to look at your internet usage and see you fighting multiple people anonymously while being named ‘nightwingsbuttchin200186′ like... calm down, we’re all gonna die this is not the thing to worry about.

so since like "wards" don't really exist in modern society almost all the batkids are foster kids, right? i used to work in the system and imagine: monthly visits from social workers and guardian ad litems, bruce having to get permission to take the boys anywhere out of state, calling their social worker at like 8 a.m. like "yeah dick broke his arm again... a gymnastics accident this time...." their poor social worker. bruce send her a huge bouquet and box of chocolates every month to stay on her good side

i imagine the social worker just getting into the case like ‘yeah let’s get this kid a good guardian’ and then ending up having to work with 22 y/o bruce wayne and his 50 y/o dad. and so this social worker is like ‘okay we can work with this, this is the best home i can find’ and then like it ends up landing on its feet and then the kid gets adopted and then they get a call a year later like ‘uhm so hi, this kid tried to steal my tyres can i adopt him?’ and like 3 years later. ‘okay so basically, my neighbours’ kid imprinted on me and now they’re dead, can i keep him?’ two years later it’s like ‘okay so this assassin child-’

ever since I saw that one post of yours, the meme that's something like "I know that abba's backup dancer got me" with a picture of discowing, I've been haunted. Every once in a while I'll be minding my own business then the image of abba's backup dancer dick grayson aka nightwing aka discowing will flash in my mind and I'll be frozen in place. Today at work I was in the middle of folding clothes and suddenly once again discowing entered my mind and I suddenly lost the ability to see anything except He. Thank you.

wow. the IMPACT.

Braver than any US marine man props to you🤝

this shit is about the time i wrote an article on batcest, like man,,, the fact that i didn’t get cancelled is MIRACULOUS. also like,,, uh if anybody on here did gossip on me,, send screenshots i’d love to see it.

Hello, just wanted to say your article was great. Thank you for taking the time to provide an unbaised answer. It should provide people with nuances they couldn't possibly conjure on their own.

May I ask where your username originates from?

yes you may (also thanks!!!) i thought it up when i was trying to find an original username bc i didnt want to be called like ‘timdrakes something something’ or ‘jason todd something smoething’ or ‘dick grayson something something’ yanno? so i thought batarangs, they sound so dumb and that’s my username story... now it’s my whole entire brand lmao.

yno that bit in kick ass where red mist asks kick ass if he wants a hit of his blunt, was that the inspo for stoner tim

no? it’s bc i think stoners are hilarious and drugs are great. (dont do drugs tho) 

How would u feel if someone actually wore one of those bruce or ollie pride shirts u edited

fenomenal next question.

Dick as lil huddy and Jason as James gave me radiation poisoning and now I’m screaming crying throwing up so thx for that

(Rico suave as Tim is perfect tho literally no changes needed)

i was so funny for that shit wasn’t i??? lmao i loved those weird ass fancasts

You're doing the Lord's work by providing us with all these Gotham/Metropolis citizens memes, thank you for being so relentlessly funny @nellethiel-aranel

you’re welcome!! i really enjoy making memes, but getting validation for my content and my memes is REALLY nice.

Bruce is such a slut in your memes and honestly i love that for him @rhodey-rhudert-rhodes-main 

he’s that much of a slut irl too dw.

Bruce and Alfred have an emergency pride flag for the batkids. Oliver Queen printed an emergency "I love my gay son" t-shirt and as soon as Roy told him he was dating Jason, Oliver started wearing that shirt everyday and Roy always cringes when he sees it. Oliver also has an emergency "I love my lesbian daughter" shirt just in case for Cissie.

lmao YES i had a post like this bc like all of their kids/family members are so gayy

stop bringing back batfam fancasts it is not real it is not real it is not- 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

oh yes it is my darling.

did discowing burn down the notredam because he hates the bees? @allulily

no he did it bc fuck the french.

im gonna beg for 1 thing and 1 thing only. please please please put physical by olivia newton john on dick's playlist

okay then beg. bc i wont. physical reminds me too much of glee and that hurts me mentally.

your playlist is sorely missing some Madonna. Specifically Into the Groove, Like a Prayer, and Vogue

i’m scared of madonna that’s why she’s not on there. she haunts me in my dreams.

suggestion: son of batman by aaron dews for dick’s playlist🤩

sorry, i listened to it and the vibe didn’t agree with me.

Hear me out, metropolis citizens sending rare pair fics of Clark Kent x Superman fics to Lois to edit

yes, absolutely hilarious. even more funny if they send like physical copies, no address attached and lois sends it back marked with red ink, SOMEHOW

Imagine all the smut Clark must of read editing the fics

clark reads smut confirmeeed

NOT LOIS READING SUPERBAT PORN AND EDITING IT A 2AM 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

hc that alfred is a meta that boosts healing factor of the people around him. if the bats are injured as much as they seem to be they would be doing bat stuff MAYBE half the year. no one including alfred knows about this. whenever the kids move out they inexplicably dont recover from injuries as fast and feel better whenever they visit the manor they just chalk it up to homesickness. bruce just thinks he heals really fast. alfred thinks everyone doesnt take care of themselves properly @finchcollector

that’s actually such a great idea, but i think that alfred would find out and learn how to concentrate it better so he can help more people, bc he’s great and i love him.

One of your dickfast posts reminded me of that tweet that goes: 'so you've had sex how many times? Yeah technically that's not a bromance' lol that's dickwally or dickroy

literally tho. like that’s all of dick’s friendships. once it gets past a certain time dick is like ‘wow i wonder what it would be like to make out with wally, wally come make out with me’ and wally’s like ‘we’ve done this like 40 times, dick, you know what it’s like’ and dick is like ‘sorry are you complaining?’ and they just make out.

superfam and batfam associations??

-batman and superman

-dick/barabara and supergirl?

-conner and tim

-jon and damian

pls enlighten me I am confused

nope,,, uhm batman and superman, but dick and superman as well, and then conner and tim, jon and damian and steph + babs with supergirl

I came across a fic in which Wonder Woman calls Batman "Stella" (like Stellaluna, the children's book) and I can imagine the batkids hop on the trend and maybe copies of the book appear at random places (aka, everywhere Bruce frequents)

sorry can’t reciprocate that was the name of my high school chemistry teacher and it gives me nightmares to think about.

good human what are your pronouns?

wouldn’t you like to know?

I need me some gothamites preferring harley over joker memes

everyone prefers harley over joker youre just very fucked up if you dont

don't understand why people try to add like veteran policy to the batfamily

dick pulling out his veteran batfam member card so he can eat first: step aside, peasants

Do you know the song Simmer by Haley Williams? It (the first verse anyways) reminds me of Jason? It's about rage.

damn yeah i LOVE HAYLEY!!!! youre right thoo

Okay so I like listen to your stoner Tim Drake playlist 24/7 but would he listen to skegss? Also I keep adding songs mentally it’s killing me 😩✋🏼 Anyways,, I literally love and worship your playlist 😃🤞🏼 And uh yeah have a good day ✨

stoner tim drake playlist is lyfeeee. also dont know who skeggs is? i’m stupid? have a good day!!

All the Robins (and Batgirl) decide to trade costumes for one night just to fuck with Batman and all the villains in Gotham. @subspacecadet 

batman knows it’s them youknow but like,,, what does he call them? he’s like ‘red hood?’ and 3 people answer and he’s not about to compromise some identities so he’s just Pissed.

I aspire to treat cops the way my dad treats them. This man is a 45 year old Asian immigrant to the US and the treats them like his pets. He talks about them like unruly children. Sometimes he pays off local cops to shut up and stop acting racist. And usually it works. I don’t know why but I can see Oliver Queen doing this

vibes... and also yes? oliver queen handing a local cop a donut to shut the fuck up lmao. but yanno i commit enough crimes to not really want to ever see a cop ever, so they kinda scare the everloving fuck out of me.

seeing as tim hasn't aged in years, that means he was 17 at peak emo tumblr era. im back on my emo tim bullshit and im not letting it go

emo tim had a wattpad account send tweet

People seem to think that batman is so dark and serious when the rainbow batsuit is right there. He wore it with no shame.

dude the 60s were a DIFFERENT TIME

dick grew up in a circus, jason grew up on the streets, and tim was probably raised by the internet

all of them cuss every other word and you cannot tell me otherwise

bitch i KNOW but dc has to change to an 18+ rating if they want to sell comix with swear words in them so we gotta deal with imagining the swear words in ourselves

thoughts on teen titans and young justice

haven’t seen teen titans on account of havent seen it and young justice was LITERALLY my favourite thing ever, tho i do gotta admit it’s not at all similar to the young justice comics unfortunately. i really wouldve liked to see timmy bart kon cassie and cissie animated on tv!!

ew ew ew how to delete batcest shippers I genuinely digust them

log off tumblr?

Okay as poc who was called racist for calling an Italian pastabrain: in the batfam are Italians bit Damian just yells various insults about the others being Italian. Just him yelling “What are you doing you moronic spaghettihead!” At steph etc

huh? i meant real italians. homeboy is telling steph he hopes she chokes on her fucking garlic.

I think it's dumb as hell to pull the batman is the best fighter in the batfam argument because like it's just irresponsible of Bruce to let his kids fight when they couldn't possibly be on his league or something

fair enough, but also like who cares they could all kill you just sit down and take a beating.

lady shiva, thalia al ghul and Selina Kyle are all milfs @notanothertimburtonenthusiastugh 

unfortunately, i have to admit,,, you’re right

why tf didn't someone give joker a death sentence already? like he's a mass murderer...give him the electric chair treatment wtf

idk i think plenty of people would have tried to murder him already (boring answer is: he is a popular character so they can’t kill him off bc he brings in lots of money)

There’s no such thing as “ copaganda”.

all american media is propaganda. happy to clear this up for you

is it bad that I find lady shiva owa owa

no. find her as owa owa as you want.

aight I'm guessing the order of your favs in batfam:

1. tim

2. Steph

3. dick

4. Duke

5. the rest

you’re wrong but it’s cute that you tried, i generally don’t have favourites, but i have a special place in my heart for steph, tim, dick and cass. bc they were like my introduction to batfam. but damian, jason, duke, bruce, babs and alfred are NOT FORGOTTEN OR UNLOVED

oh my god i was literally just readily willing to believe that italians werent white ty for clarifying it was a joke im so dumb sdkvjskdfs

i mean some italians aren’t white? italian is a nationality as well as an ethnicity, so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

since I saw so many people doing headcanons about the nationalities of batboys, I see Dick as an Italian.

dont know if youre serious or not, but sure.

super random but

jason 🤝 damian

old english

lmao fair enough.

tim absolutely has 1 gay uncle and his parents shit talk said uncle all the time so after bruce adopts him he specifically reaches out to this uncle to be like "heyyyy just so you know you majorly influenced my life yes i know i havent seen you since i was 5 and at the family reunion yes i know you dont remember my name idc thank you im gay too" and then they never talk again.

yuppp lmao that’s definitely something that could happen. i can also consider tim having no family members, like none. until he does like a dna test and he realises he has like an aunt living barely 2 miles away from him who’s like some illegitimate child of his grandpa.

I dare you one of them sends clark superman/clark fic and clark corrects the shit out of it and then goes like ps his dick is not that big, just telling as someone who has seen it. internet either explodes or goes who tf did he not fuck at this point.

i think everybody would call clark a buzzkill and try to cancel him over that.

so you're telling me Tim Drake wouldn't buy Starbucks?

no. dunkin donuts all the way

One of my favorite things is imagining people finding out jason came back from the dead and being like "oh no does he have magic powers now?!?!?" and he just pulls out a gun and tries to shoot joker

now he doesn’t even have the gun :) lmao

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

bruce gets codename ‘ugh’ everytime. he hates it.

crazy that tim being a 17 y/o ceo and a stoner who does brand deals are all actual canon things written in detective comics comics and not made up for shits and giggles by you, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb @rowdeyclown

SO CRAZY HUH?

batman au where everything is the same but his utility belt is bright pink

absolutely, but i raise you, his boots light up like sketchers when he kicks people.

unbeknownst to the superhero fandom writers in the dcuniverse, clark and BRUCE are one of the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag on ao3. clark writes the best lois x superman angst, full of unhappy endings and scenes that are a so detailed you'd think you were in the middle of a superhero beatdown. bruce made an ao3 account to fuel "the do the butts match" thing, and makes batman/bruce fics from time to time. he wrote a superbat fic as a joke but ended up making it REAL porny. @concrastinator

dude they’re WAY too busy for that. Oliver Queen and Hal Jordan on the other hand are the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag writing what is Mostly porn.

When the dining table topic gets to politics, Steph says "eat the rich" as the solution

bruce just silently takes away her fork and knife while she’s talking.

[theyakuzaswife]

Shie Hassaikai

and their overwatch mains

this was partially inspired by my buddy @elaineiswithyou and also the fact that ive been playing ALOT of overwatch lately. they plan to do some various characters as well soon, so if that’s something you would like to see, check into their blog every now and then.

Kai Chisaki - Moira

First of all, someone must have really sweet talked him to go anywhere near a game that wasn’t chess, let alone play long enough to have a main. Kai is the type of player who is a bit of a lore fanatic, and that in my opinion would be the main reason he sticks with the game. He’s invested in the story, and he’s a bit of a dick about it, fact checking people on their mains. “Oh you play Mercy? List all of her voice actors in order of language.” Lowkey a gatekeeper. He’s a support main mostly, but he can also play characters such as Hanzo, Sigma, and Symmetra fairly well. Never try and suggest he play Mercy by the way. Even if he’s a bit toxic however, he’s a great player and has invested time into learning his characters and their abilities very carefully.

Hari Kurono - Hanzo

Hari got into the game when he found out Kai was playing it, and the two began grouping together literally everytime they played after that. He mostly plays the game for fun, and is a lot less competitive than Kai. He’s also typically the voice of reason in a way if Kai begins to get irritated, and he almost never gets angry unless people are purposefully fucking him over. He’s a flex player, but he is incredible with Snipers surprisingly.

Joi Irinaka - Reinhardt

He had heard of the game but didn’t play many video games in general, it wasn’t really his thing. Kai and Hari managed to coax him into a match. They found out, to their surprise, that Joi was a fucking god at tanking without even being aware of it. Joi lost interest within the first couple of matches, until the other two brought the fact up that he was a natural tank player to him, and he decided to keep playing for their sake. He’s amazing at call outs, but can get very short tempered with people if they don’t listen. He mostly plays shield tanks, but really prefers to play Rein or Zarya.

Shin Nemoto - McCree

Another who followed suite after the first three. Shin mains McCree but also somehow is fairly good at Echo and yet dogshit at most other characters. He actually doesn’t like the game as much as you’d think, and just plays to try and impress Kai but dies every 20 seconds. Most of the time he ends up just getting kicked however when Kai finds out he’s only gotten 3 kills within 10 minutes of game time. Sorry babes, maybe next time.

Rikiya Katsukame - Bastion

There’s something off about Rikiya and his character. For some bewildering reason, he is bad at pretty much every character except omnics and other robotic characters. He sucks at most everyone, but somehow when it comes to others like Orisa, Bastion, and Zenyatta he is shockingly good. He doesn’t play the game that much, and also pretty much always stays with his mic muted, -assuming he ever had one- but if the others are loosing a lot and need the characters he plays, he’ll jump online.

Toya Setsuno - Genji

Toya is sort of the memester of the squad. He makes fun of Hari for maining Hanzo, and does stupid shit just to get laughs out of people. He’ll do stuff like emote on the cart, spam the meme voice likes like ‘you need healing’ until Kai yells at him. However, he is not a bad player. It’s not uncommon to see him getting POTG with his ults, or even without them. Kai let’s him stay around because of that no matter how annoying he is, and Toya takes advantage of that.

Yu Hojo - Zarya

Although he mains Zarya, Yu doesn’t especially specialize in anything, and can play most characters decently. He’s sort of a Jack of all trades. He’s very quiet in the vc, and most people think he has his mic muted until they hear a sigh every now and then when he dies or something goes wrong, or a chuckle when Toya is being a dumbass. He also plays Mei very well, and gets confused when the enemy team rips into him for playing ‘the ice demon’. Poor baby.

Soramitsu Tabe - Junkrat

Tabe is an... odd player. He’s a god at Junkrat, but can for some reason never play any other character good. He also is very... loud. Kind of. He, like Hojo, is someone people think is just muted, but if something goes wrong, he’s prone to screaming. He gets muted by a lot of his teammates for it, and when he scares someone from his loudness, it fucking kills Toya and he spends the next 5 minutes bawling about it.

Kendo Rappa - Roadhog

Toxic. Rappa is a shockingly good player, but he has a god awful attitude. He is prone to flaming people over the smallest mistakes, and it ISNT uncommon to see him leave if his team doesn’t win the first fight unless he is with the other members. If he stays though, get ready to get your ass ate out by this man who literally only plays road with 100+ hours, and refuses to switch. If he is with the others, they can sweet talk him into playing Doomfist, but besides that he’s road all the way. He also definitely plays on Xbox.

Hekiji Tengai - Mercy

Smart, overworked blonde plays smart overworked blonde. What more can I say. Despite being a Mercy main though, Tengai is good at just about every support, and ismore of a support main who mostly plays mercy because Kai wants him to. He’s also good at Brigitte especially. He tried to get into playing Winston once because his shield skill was similar to his quirk, but Kai always forces him to play support with him if they group together.

Deidoro Sakaki- Sombra

He only plays the game for one reason; her ‘I need a drink’ voice line.

Pops - Soldier: 76

This man has never touched anything more than a flip phone in his life and not even Kai can convince him to play the game. He did play the tutorial to get Kai to shut up though, so he’s basically a Soldier main.

[brelione]

Marvel Movies (Rafe,Topper,Kelce X Reader)

This takes place about a month after this.

Mentions of choking,fighting,Captain America Spoilers,Kelce being a Disney Hoe

Series Masterlist

You could hear the sound of “Lost In The Woods” from frozen two along with the sound of a car door shutting.You grinned,looking outside your window to see Kelce walking up to your front door.He had been obsessed with the sound track since you,Rafe,Topper and him had watched it last weekend.He swung open your door,pointing at you. “DONT YOU KNOW THERES PART OF ME THAT LONGS TO GO INTO THE UNKNOWN!”He sang,swinging his arms to the tune of the song that was now playing from his earbuds.

You smiled,taking out your phone to record him. “Kel,what are you singing?”You giggled,zooming in on his face. “Bitch,you already know!!!”He said it to the same tune,making you bite your lip to hold back a snort as you saved the video to your snap chat memories.He sat down nexto to you on the couch,pulling out his earbuds. “Rafe and Top are late?”He asked.You shrugged,checking the groupchat to check what time Rafe had left his house. “Kind of but like its fine.Its my night anyways.”You reminded him.Kelce nodded,pulling his legs onto the couch and resting them across your lap. “What are we watching?”He asked,looking up to see nickelodeon on the TV.

You smiled,telling him it was a surprise before throwing his legs off you and going into the kitchen to snack prep.He followed you,not wanting to watch nickelodeon. “Hey,do you remember those brownies we ate when we were little?Like the ones with the colorful chocolate things?”You asked,opening a bag of doritos and pouring the chips into a large bowl.His eyebrows furrowed as he thought about it,grabbing a capri sun from your fridge. “Debby Ryan brownies?”He asked.You turned to look at him,the empty chip bag in your hand. “Do you know who Debby Ryan is?”You asked,laughing at him.

The realization hit him,making him laugh too. “The girl from tik tok!The meme one!”He answered.You nodded,throwing the empty red bag away.You grabbed the bag of sharable m and m’s,pouring the colorful candies into a bowl as well before bringing them both into the living room and setting them down on the table.He somehow ended up laying down half on top of you,the back of his head resting on your stomach.You didnt even hear Rafe pull up,the door opening with him standing with a paper bag in his hand.You missed the way his jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed at the sight of Kelce laying on you,he quickly covered it with a smile.

Topper was right behind him,you turned your head to look at the blonde.You immediately burst into laughter upon seeing the pink,purple,yellow and green striped shirt he was wearing. “That’s gotta be the ugliest shirt ive ever seen.”You grinned,running your hand over Kelce’s curly hair.He rolled his eyes,sitting on the floor while Rafe put the paper bag down on the table next to the M and M’s,pulling out the contents.Sour gummy worms,dark chocolate chips,werthers caramels and a can of your favorite soda.He held the can,sitting at the end of the couch by your head so you could rest your head on his lap.He held the cool can to your forehead,knowing that you liked the feeling of the coolness.

You removed your hand from Kelce’s hair,putting on Disney Plus. “OOH-are we watching Winnie the Pooh?”Topper asked.You laughed,shaking your head as you went down to the row of Marvel Movies.Rafe had only ever seen Iron Man 2 so he wasnt very familiar with the films.Kelce preferred DC and Topper just sucked.You eventually came to The First Avenger,pressing on it.You squealed as the movie started,excited to annoy your friends.

 “I have a husband in this one too.”You smiled,remembering your huge Bucky phase in sixth grade that Rafe couldnt quite understand.He had only seen your Winter Soldier hoodie so he didnt really have a good idea of who Bucky actually was besides the fact that you loved 

him.During the scene where Steve received the Serum Topper had sat up,glancing between Steve and Rafe. “Am I the only one that sees a resemblance?”He asked.You sat up slightly,Kelce moving off of you so you could turn and look at Rafe properly.

He blushed,turning his head and looking away so you had to cup his face and get him to look at you.He bit his lip slightly,looking down at you.Topper rolled his eyes,regretting bringing it up in the first place. “Steve is more handsome.”You grinned,returning to your place on his lap.Kelce broke into laughter along with Topper,Rafe just a red mess as you continued watching the TV. “Isnt Spencer your husband?And 10K?”Kelce asked.You nodded,still watching the movie. “I thought Spencer was the love of your life?”He waited for your answer.You rolled your eyes. “I can have multiple loves of my life.”You answered,still watching the movie. “Can you pause this?”Topper asked,looking up at you from the floor.

You paused it,a bit annoyed. “What?”You asked.He opened a bag of sour gummy worms,popping one in his mouth. “How many husbands do you have?”He asked.You bit the inside of your cheek,thinking about it.Spencer Reid,Newt,Draco,Percy Jackson,Jack Frost,Peter Pan,Zuko,Prince Eric,Kristoff,Aladdin,T’Challa,Killmonger,Dallas Winston. “Uh...16.”You answered.Rafe laughed,fingers brushing against his chin as Kelce just looked up at you with wide eyes. “Who?”He asked.You blushed,counting off on your fingers. “Spencer,Newt-”Topper interrupted you. “Who is Newt?”He asked.You glared at him. “Do you not pay attention on Movie Nights?Eight months ago we watched The Maze Runner,the handsome blonde boy with the british accent.”You explained.He tried not to laugh at your passion for the topic.

 “Draco Malfoy,Percy Jackson,Jack Frost-”You were interrupted again,this time by Kelce. “The animated dude?The albino one?”He asked.You sighed,nodding.Rafe’s eyebrows knit together,frowning down at you. “You have a crush on an animated albino?”He asked.You sat up,looking between the boys. “You’re gonna tell me hes not cute as hell?Dont even act like you’re not a simp for Meg,Rafe.You too,Kelce,I saw the way you looked at Elsa when she let her hair down!”You reminded the boy.Topper laughed,forgetting that you knew all his secrets. “Dude,you were in love with Ariel when you were 10!”You exclaimed,making the boy shut up. “Who else?”Rafe asked,still curious. “Um...Peter Pan,Zuko-”You were cut off once again. 

“Birth mark dude from Avatar?”Rafe asked.You huffed loudly,stealing the bag of gummies from Topper and eating one. “ITS A BURN!”You nearly shouted. “You have such terrible taste in men.”Topper rolled his eyes.You glared at him,biting hard on your lip. “Get out.”You told him.He bit back a smile,looking up at you. “What?”He laughed.You pouted. “Go stand in the rain for two minutes.”You told him.He shook his head until you got off the couch,grabbing his hand and dragging him to the door. “You’re being mean so you have to stand in the rain.”You told him,opening the door.

He blushed,stepping outside and into the rain.He would never do this for anyone else but the smile on your face was worth it.Rafe looked outside the window,recording Topper standing in a T pose as water drenched his ugly shirt and hair.Once the two minutes was up you opened the door again,letting the wet boy come inside.He smirked before hugging you tightly,getting you completely wet. “TOPPER!”You shouted,pulling off your wet t shirt. “Dammit.”You huffed,pulling off your wet shorts and leaving yourself in just your bra and underwear. Dancing in bikinis multiple times so it wasn't that big of a deal but you didn't notice their wandering eyes. You turned to walk upstairs to change into new into new pants while top or just stood a blushing mess. 

At this point you'd forgotten about the movie and you were more focused on annoying your friends.Topper  knew better than to sit on your couch in wet clothes but unfortunately he hadn't brought a new pair to change into. So when you return downstairs in a tank top and pajama bottoms you saw topper in just his boxers sitting on your couch watching the movie.You went to sit on the couch,being pulled into Topper’s lap.When the scene of Bucky falling off the train came along Kelce had become attached,standing up to shout at the tv while you started crying a bit,Topper kissing your forehead lightly. “WHERES THE NEXT ONE?”Kelce asked.You grinned,grabbing the remote and moving on to Winter Soldier. 

“Theres like a ton of movies between these two but like we can watch those eventually.”You shrugged,ending up wedged between Rafe and Topper,Rafe’s fingers twisting your hair and tracing figure eights along the back of your neck. “On your left!”You spoke at the same time as Sam,grinning.Kelce grinned. “So thats why you always say that!”He put the puzzle pieces together.When Nat pulled up you saw the way Topper’s jaw dropped,you smiled. “I know,right?Shes like really fucking pretty.”You grinned,head against Rafe’s chest.Topper had began to doze off when Bucky came on with his metal arm,waking up fully again when he heard you whisper “He could literally choke me with his metal arm.”under your breath.He burst out laughing for a reason that Rafe nor Kelce could understand,plotting to use it against you in the future.

Somehow Topper had managed to fall asleep against your leg while Rafe had gotten you onto his lap,your head in the crook of his neck as you watched Steve get the living shit beat out of him.Kelce was on the edge of his seat,completely invested in the story. “Can we watch the next one?”He asked.You smiled,pleased with his excitement. “Tomorrow morning,okay?”You asked.He huffed but nodded,grabbing the blanket he usually used.Rafe pulled a blanket over the two of you,allowing you to sleep on top of him.The four of you must’ve slept in pretty late,waking up to your 1 P.M alarm that told you to take your daily vitamins.You groaned,attempting to move but being held by Rafe.

You yawned,seeing Topper in his deep,drooling double-chin sleep.You flicked Rafe across the head so he’d wake up,the brunette waking with a grumble. “Rafe,you gotta let go.”You smiled,kissing his nose tiredly.He grinned,letting you off his lap.You shook Kelce’s shoulder as you walked by,your shorts riding up.Kelce got up with a groan,the blanket rolling around his body like a burrito as he stumbled into the kitchen.You got yourself a glass of water,putting your four vitamin pills into your palm.He watched as you took them,grinning at you. “Good girl.You want breakfast?”He asked.You shrugged,still tired.Topper walked into the kitchen,wiping his face of drool and carrying the bowl of m and ms.

 “Hey,do you still have those frozen strawberries?”He asked.You nodded,watching as he grabbed the bag of fruit from your freezer along with almond milk,whipper cream,hot fudge and banana. “Where’s Rafe?”Kelce asked,his question being answered by the universe when the Steve Rogers look alike walked in,turning on the keurig.Kelce put some bread in the toaster,taking out the eggs and a frying pan and starting to make some scrambled for Rafe,some fried for you and an m and m omlet for Topper.Speaking of the blonde,he was pouring frozen strawberries,fudge,banana slices and almond milk into the blender,switching it on and dancing to the sounds of the strawberries being crushed.As the eggs began to cook Kelce quickly handed Rafe his mug before grabbing a glass,putting a layer of m and ms and whipped cream at the bottom,adding two spoon fulls of sugar,some milk and mixing it all together until it was a colorful slop,pouring ice in the cup before brewing some italian coffee to top it off.

As it brewed he rushed to flip the eggs,cursing when he realised the edges were burnt.He tossed it onto a plate,sprinkling some italian seasoning on it and taking the toast out of the toaster for you.He grabbed a jar of your favorite jelly,spreading a thin layer on both slices,reaching over Rafe’s head to hand you the plate.You thanked him,ripping the slice of toast in half.Topper turned off the blender,pouring its contents into a glass and making a huge mountain of whipped cream before sitting across from you.You smirked,reaching your fork over to get some whipped cream.He gasped,jaw dropping as he stared at you. “So you’re gonna put me in the rain for two minutes and now youre taking away my whipped cream?Do you wanna fight?”He asked,leaning forward.

You used your fork,knocking over the mountain of whipped cream before getting up and running down the hall.He ran after you,grabbing you by your wrist and pinning you against the wall of the guest room,panting.You two stared at eachother for a while,his bare chest pressed against you.His eyes flicked between your eyes and your lips,leaning down so his forehead was pressed against yours.So much was happening at once,you couldnt even comprehend it.But then from the kitchen you heard an argument starting,Topper letting go of your wrists as they two of you went back to the kitchen. “The third one is the best!” “FUCK YOU IN THE ASS,BITCH!”You walked in,looking between the two boys. 

“What is going on?”You asked.Kelce looked over at you,spatula in hand. “Which Descendants film is better?Two or Three?”He asked.You shook your head,sitting back down to eat your toast. “Fuck-dammit,Topper!You made my toast untoast!”You exclaimed,waving the uncrunchy bread.Kelce frowned,eyes softening. “Do you want me to make you more?”He asked.You shook your head. “No,its fine,Kelce.”You grinned,taking a sip of your coffee.It was sweet and creamy and pretty good,somehow Kelce always made the best coffee no matter what he put in it.Rafe looked between you and Topper,sensing that something had happened in the room.He hoped that Topper wouldnt intentionally hurt him like that,hoping Kelce wouldnt either.A plate of scrambled eggs was put in front of Rafe along with a bottle of barbecue sauce,making you stare at him in disgust. “I cant believe you put barbecue sauce on your eggs.”You shook your head,taking a bite of the toast and getting excited when you heard a crunch. “Oh-hey,dont worry!It didnt untoast”You grinned,enjoying it.

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[excessively-english-jd]

for the movie ask meme, jurassic park 2 & 3? ive seen the 1st one & jurassic world but not those & ive heard very mixed reviews 👀

OHHH BOY okay

The Lost World: Jurassic Park (JP2)

never seen | want to see | the worst | bad | whatever | not my thing | good | great | favorite | masterpiece

People shit on this movie but you know what? It doesn't deserve it. It's a perfectly solid movie, it's got good characters, interesting ideas, great execution. Apparently some people don't like how Malcolm's character has changed but when you take into account the massive case of PTSD he's very obviously exhibiting, it makes perfect sense. I'm surprised more people aren't stanning Malcolm specifically from this movie. Also, 100% convinced that Roland Tembo is gay and no I will not listen to arguments to the contrary. Sure it's not a masterpiece like Jurassic Park is, but it's a good movie with a solid plot and execution. Easily second best Jurassic franchise movie. Well done.

Jurassic Park 3

never seen | want to see | the worst | bad | whatever | not my thing | good | great | favorite | masterpiece

There's no option here for "guilty pleasure" lmao. I am perfectly aware that JP3 is a B-movie but you know what? So is JP3. It's definitely a drop in quality from 1 or 2, it's far shorter, the plot is a little contrived, there are some MASSIVELY stupid-hilarious moments, but there's at least a few characters I like and it introduces a lot of really interesting lore. It could be better, and considering that the Jurassic franchise apparently veered way off course by this point (they literally wrote the script as they were filming) there's some meta reasons to be disappointed in it too. But you know what? I grew up on this movie, it's got my fave OG character in it (Alan Grant My Beloved) and it's great dumb B-movie fun. You could be better but you have a place in my heart.

You didn't ask for it, but have Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom too:

never seen | want to see | the worst | bad | whatever | not my thing | good | great | favorite | masterpiece

Do not waste your time with this movie oh my god it's garbage. Just straight garbage. I cannot think of a single thing that I thought was good or fun about this movie. I can think of like 5 separate moments that made me so angry I probably complained aloud in the cinema. It feels like it wanted to do two different movies, never quite managed to do either, and smashed them together in the hopes it would work as one. Now that I know a little more about Dominion, it really seems like FK was just setup for Dominion but you know what? You shouldn't have bothered!! It was terrible! I hated everything and everyone in it! The plot(s) were dumb as hell!! Literally all you need to know from this movie is that the dinosaurs are free on the mainland now. There you go. Save yourself the pain and don't watch unless it's a hatewatch with friends to laugh over how bad it is.

Bonus: Watch Battle At Big Rock. It's a short film, only about 10min long, and it's brilliant. Horror influences, grounded and real, an interesting look at life post-dino-apocalypse. Literally the best thing they've done in the whole JW franchise. Worth the 10 minutes, the only thing giving me hope for Dominion.