#mein fruends!

[callme-adam-iguess]

Heyyy !!

Dont mind me popping up to a random idea I had, I've been wanting to plan this for a long time now.. but i wanted to make a tf2 oc rp blog.

It's from a old tf2 oc of mine,but I'm also planning to remade him too.

So stay tuned!

Ooo :0

That's a great idea :D have fun making the blog and such, :P

[felixisfruity]

THE AllegATOPN! AR EGALSE!! IM NOT SOEEPYBB!!!!!!!

[teethshank]

Meine fruend!!

[atomarium]

Holy mother of mockerl it's slugtoberfest!!

It's much more grandiose and larger than I thought.

And you even did your research on Oktoberfest!!!

It's amazing I love it.

Slugtoberfest.

Yeah this didn't turn out how I wanted it to, but I just want to post it and be done with it.

Big thanks to @atomarium for the suggestion and continued support. I had no idea what Oktoberfest was before I started this, I know a lot more now.

Thanks and feel free to write suggestions below, or anything for that matter.

[the-laughing-lunatic]

uhhhchhdhfhdhd can you maybe do something with the mercs (all 9 if thats cool, but if not then just sniper and medic!!) with a reader that cant sleep so they just. go to their room and ask if they can cuddle with them

(ofc! This was rlly fun to write, I’ll prolly write for all of them later if yall are interested enough :> thx for requesting!)

Medic and Sniper with a reader asking for cuddles (PLATONIC OR ROMANTIC)

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── 

☆Sniper☆

He’s a tad confused when you show up to his camper van

I mean, he’d never turn down cuddling you, that’d be bloody stupid of him

“Why you wanna cuddle with me though, mate? I don’t exactly got the most comfortable sleepin’ conditions.”

“Because it’s you, Mick. If you don’t want to, that's fine.”

“Woah, woah, mate you’re twisting my words. I mean, I’d love that. Uh, come in I guess.”

Bro is so awkward omg- 

Does not know how to initiate physical contact at all so he just kind of stands until you lay down on the bed

The bed in his van is already really small so it forces you two to be even closer

He doesn’t really like being super close, but he likes to have an arm around you to have that connection

Kind of guy that needs noise to sleep, he’d be perfectly content to listen to you ramble about anything as he holds you.

Very light sleeper, def gets up in the middle of the night a few times but he’d be very careful not to disturb your sleep

He really does enjoy holding you and would like to do it more, but will absolutely not unless you ask first

In the morning he’ll fix you coffee and fairy bread to be polite

Really wants to do that again but will absolutely not ask you, way too awkward for that

☆Medic☆

You had gone to Medic’s bedroom to ask him if you two could cuddle…but he wasn’t there

You went to his lab next, where he sat hunched over his desk, frantically scribbling away on some papers. “Ohoho! Hello mein fruend, I didn’t notice you. What do you need?”

“I can’t sleep, can we cuddle?”

“If you wish, you may sit here while I work.”

You’d sit in his lap as he continued to write something or other, with one of his arms wrapped around your waist

It was nice for a bit, he’s big and warm, but it was too uncomfortable to actually try to sleep and you were tired

“Mm, Ludwig, when do you actually go to bed?”

“Ahehe, I think around one or two,” he said sheepishly.

“You think?”

“I normally just pass out at my desk.”

“...okay, we’re going to bed now,” you said, getting off his lap and dragging him to his bed

He’d (begrudgingly) come along after a lot of complaining about how he needed to get the work done

He likes having you lay on top of him, it calms him down to feel the weight of you (he def has a weighted blanket on the rare nights he sleeps in his bed)

Traces your skin and absentmindedly talks about where each of your organs are underneath 

He falls asleep very quickly, you have to take his glasses off and place them on the nightstand (mf wears glasses while he sleeps, they’re crooked as hell)

His grip is so tight even as he sleeps though, you wanna move? Ain’t gonna happen anytime soon.

In the morning bro is always awake before you, no matter how early you get up 

If he’s feeling quirky maybe you’ll get breakfast in bed

(He may put caffeine in your food at dinner so you wont be able to sleep and you’ll cuddle him, until you catch him–)

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

[gaymurdersalad]

helpfully spills an entire bottle of Tylenol on Dave's head

>……… Buugghhhhhh……….

>Queeee se passe-t-iiiiiil? Thannnnnks Old Sports, Będdddę ggo pielęgnooooować, Mein Fruend, oh yyyeeew bastards yeeewwww….

>…………………. Bbbbbbbbruuuuuugghhhhhhh…………..

[fuzzyblue-elf]

Hey Kurt, Gambit got a question for ya.

Might be a bit weird though but gotta ask it

Ja? What is it mein fruend?

[your-mothers-fantasy]

I admire your quest for getting soldiers to eat hamburgers, may peace be with you for that mein fruend.

oh and HEAVY TF2 TUMMY ‼️‼️‼️

thank YOU. here is your heavy tf2 tummy

[thechaoticplayer]

that cursed quiz

not sure if I ranted abt this before or not buuuut

I took that omegaverse quiz and I got NEEDY BETA

BITCH WHAT PART OF ME IS NEEDY SUCK MY COCK QUIZ I AM NOT-

Alright at least I didnt get omega bro bc *insert fuckboy laugh* I'm not a subby wubby I am "gigachad sigma male" as mein fruend once said (today)

#livepogging

[gravitytrips]

Hangman’s noose

Spy was back on the gallows. Briefly, he wondered how he had gotten there, but the thought quickly faded. Spy looked to the left, seeing who else was about to be hanged. His eyes met the scared face of his son. Spy started to protest, to tell the hangman that his son did not deserve this, but it was too late. The lever was pulled. Scout fell.

The boy was light. His weight was not enough to snap his neck. He was simply being strangled to death.

Spy frantically looked around, trying to see if anyone would be willing to help his son.

He saw Miss Pauling in the crowd and was immediately flooded with relief.

“Mademoiselle Pauling! Dieu merci! S'il te plaît! Aidez Scout!”

Miss Pauling grinned and dialed a number on her satellite phone. As she turned and walked away, Spy could clearly hear her say

“Yes, Miss Administrator. He’s been taken care of. Spy will soon follow.”

Spy cried out in horror. He strained against the rope around his own neck, wildly trying to rescue his son.

Scout’s struggles had ceased, reduced to simple twitching. The boy’s eyes were wide and dead. His face was purple. His swollen tongue hung out of his mouth. Tears and saliva dripped off of his face. Scout was dead.

Spy screamed and cried for his son, wanting to embrace him, to apologize for all the times he had let him down.

Spy was afforded no such luxury. The floor dropped beneath him. Darkness awaited.

Spy woke up screaming. He immediately scrambled out of his bed and onto the floor, panting. Every time he blinked, the image of Scout’s swollen face filled his mind.

With a huff, Spy stood and ran.

Medic was up late, as usual. Up so late that it was early, in fact. That’s why the sound of the sink running almost startled him.

Upon entering the community restrooms they were all forced to share, Medic saw Spy. The man had his mask off, sobbing and splashing his face with water.

This was unusual for Spy, to say the least, so the doctor walked over to him.

“Herr Spy?” Medic asked in a soft voice.

Spy leapt back, trying to cover his face with his hands.

“Spy! Calm down! It’s me. I’ve seen your face before.” Medic called out, concern weaving into his voice.

Spy’s hands slid from his face, revealing wet, red eyes and tear-streaked cheeks. Medic looked Spy directly in the eyes and asked him an important question.

“What happened?”

The story fell out of Spy’s mouth like the tears from his eyes. As Spy spoke, Medic sat Spy on the floor and listened intently. Spy’s retelling of the nightmare was terrifying, even for Medic. The mental image of the team’s youngest being slowly strangled to death was not pleasant. Medic had not been there when Spy and Scout were nearly executed, but he could tell that it was having lasting effects on Spy. Probably Scout as well, but he could check on the boy later. 

Actually…..

“Spy? Vould it make you feel better if ve vent and checked on Scout?” Medic asked.

Spy thought for a moment, then nodded. Medic helped Spy up and led him through the halls until they came to Jeremy’s room.

Spy opened the door silently, a sliver of light falling on Scout’s face. The boy was peacefully asleep. Medic did note one oddity. Scout didn’t have his dog tags on.

Odd. He thought. He always has those on.

Then, Spy closed the door and leaned against it.

“Merci, docteur. This means a lot.” Spy said with a sigh.

“Do not worry, mein fruend. Zhat is vhat I’m here for.” Medic replied.

Spy stood and straightened himself out.

“Good night, docteur.” He said, starting off towards his room.

Medic watched him go. Clearly, seeing Scout be nearly killed by hanging had taken a toll out of Spy. And Scout not wearing his dog tags was no coincidence either. Medic would have to look deeper into this.

But for now, it was best for the men to rest.

@thatonesimp-e would you like some angst?

@aerowolf hi pookie hiiiii

@callme-adam-iguess you sent me good prompts. Now you have to suffer the consequences

[uwuowotf2waslife]

What if Medic taught the team sex ed because he found out that someone has an STI and the mercs later either follow his advice or completely ignore it + Medic educating reader on safe sex on practice

The reason I came up with this is that I'm really stupid so I got thrush. I'm so fucking embarrassed, I'm a grown ass woman but I somehow did my hygiene incorrectly and I'm itchy down there and it burns to pee. I'm making an appointment with a gynecologist as I write this so I should be fine

Love your writing, acceptance of horny and your chill. Best wishes to you and sorry for shitty English

Dw frend your english is ✨✨✨✨

Also get well soon <3 it happens to the best of us

Tw: Sex mention/STD mention

In this case: Spy (fuckboy) got trush and Medic had a mild stroke when finding out only 3/9 Mercs understand the concept of STDs

Medic: lecturer in the conference room used in ED. Has a small presentation of whats STIs are and how to avoid them.

“Zo az you zhee, thiz are the common STDs you may encounter during ehm…”

“During third base!” Pips Scout.

Visible confusion by all non english speaking members except Spy

“The boy means sex… speak like an adult sout.” Half muffled by a ciggarete.

“Doubt you can get a hard on, frenchman, just 10 secs ago sawbone said you loose your errectIon once you hit 60” scout goes for a low blow

“Your mother never complains, does she.” Spy snakes back for a lower blow.

“SAY IT AGAIN FUCKFACE AND YOULL HAVE A MUFFCABBAGE FOR A HEAD” scout tries to grab his pistol, forgets that he had to surrender it at the lockers for safety.

“SHUT UP BABYMEN! DOCTOR SAYS ITS IMPORTANT “ a russian roar cuts them both raw and leaves them hanging.

A shill sound cuts them all, now Medic using Archimedes claws to get them all to pay attention

“Danke mein Freund “. “Now I know thiz will be embarrassing but you are all very welcome to use the jar in the medbay, well you wish to… touczh third base” A true genious never lets new opportunities for a learning moment to fall.

“So the condom jar?” “Didnt yall ever used that till Spy got Thursh??!” Scout looks dumbfounded

“You dont really use protection when ya are a gentleman, mongrel!” Sniper visibly annoyed and flustered because in his non medical experience a quickie in a van isnt really prime time for proper sex ed usage.

“Snipes Sheep dont count!” Scout goes for the low hanging fruit.

Sniper roses up and looks anywhere for a weapon but decides his chair is prime

Untill he is stopped by heavy and is basically hogtied by a even taller and burlier man

“Next will be in Locker” simple threat but working.

“Dankeshone Fruende… but yes I expect you all to use them. We cant have a czeafire because you all have different sztrains of StDS reaking havoc.”…

“ Never seen you using one tho Sawbones” Again scout being a dumbass.

Soldier now fed up , stands up and salutes

“MEDIC AS AN AMERICAN I HAVE BEEN TAUGHT IN MY AMERICAN EDUCATION WHAT SEXUALY TRANSIMETED DISEASES ARE, BUT THIS HERE BASTARDS HAVE MADE THIS LESSON UNACCEPTABLE. PERMISSION TO STRANGLE SCOUT?”

“NO TALK BABYMAN!”

“What if ye just want yer dick sucked by a bird? Do ye also need a condom?” Demo awoken has to ask the most revelant question in the last hour and a half.

“YOU DO VAT TO BIRDS?” Medic officially snapped.

“Ya know, chicks” scout yells amidst being stangled

“Vat?”

“HE MEANS WOMEN YOU IDIOT” hogtied sniper yells

“JA YOU DUMBKOFF!”

Earie silence from Medic finnaly snapping.

“Do we also have to use it with dudes? Like is it any different?”scout is about to pass out.

Medic defeated

Spy horrified his son is bi ( boomer fainting)

“I mean same same but different so prolly yeah” answers him an amused Engie.

“Mhmmm mmh” Pyro says and leaves the building.

True mercenary chaos ensues with Spy accusing Scout from hiding shit from him while all the others have fights about who did what and why they didnt use a wrapper.

Case in point

They are all idiots.

[callme-adam-iguess]

Ooo sweet-o :D

Have you ever played Sky: Children of the Light?

Hi Gavi! Yes I have :3

[emotionally-inept-medics]

Soldier invited himself into the Medics' office, growling as he took a sit at his desk and laid his head down angrily.

"I need somethin' to make these damn feelings go away." He says matter-of-factly, fist clenching as he raises his head just barely enough for the both of them to see the dread in his tired eyes. Clearly, he had been drinking.

- @emotionally-clumsy-soldier

"A-Ah?" Medic gently set his violin down on its stand and stopped playing the record, clearing his throat and quickly putting on his RED Gloves.

He walked toward his desk, feverishly moving important documents aside in neat piles.

He sniffed the air, grimacing at the thick smell of rum, realizing it to the emanating from his dear Soldier friend, he stared at him with worry for a moment, trying to find a facial expression to hide the clear distaste.

"Vhat seems to be ailing you mein fruend?" He asked curiously.

[the-amazing-karnak]

Mein Fruend, wenn Ocean ein Spielverderber ist, was bist du?

I am but a simple Wahrsagerin.

[little-pocket-medic]

Hello! Me again. I was wondering if you would like some tiny pancakes? They are very good. Used my best pancake mix for ‘em

Ohh, pancakes! I vould gladly take zhem- Danke, mein fruend!

[jamisonwritestf2trash]

part 6!!! get ready for a heapload of angst. hhehe :3 sorry if the german is butchered im tired lolol

------<3

Jacques Murnau was born into the extremely wealthy Murnau family in Paris, France, on August 25th, 1921. He had two elder sisters and an elder brother. But his family was not an ordinary family. Both of his parents were experts in espionage, and from a young age, Jacques learned how to be a spy. His family regularly held competetions and held events within the family to see who was the best spy in the Murnau family.

Jacques won every single time.

When he was only 14, he entered real espionage for the first time, and recieved his first contract: Kill the CEO of a corrupt company.

It took him only two days to track down and murder the CEO. He was paid handsomely. His family was pleased, but his elder siblings became jealous of his natural ease with being a spy. His eldest sister, Marie, tried to kill him on numerous occassions. Jacques assumed it was just his parent's testing him, and easily beat her every time, telling her to practice her technique.

In 1939, when he was 19, he met a girl named Paulette, and started seeing her without telling his parents. They found out about this affair, and sent Marie to kill Paulette.

Jacques killed Marie in an angry rage. And then his two elder siblings, and then his parents.

When the anger faded and reality set in, Jacques became horrified at what he had done and fled from France, burning the Murnau Manor behind him, and went to America for a fresh start as a corporate spy and double agent.

He met a woman named Heather Murnau in 1940, and began dating her. In 1941, married, then welcomed their son, Jeremy, into the world. All was well.

Until the paranoia started to set in.

Jacqued became afraid. Afraid that somehow, the past would repeat itself. Another member of the Murnau family would take his new family away. He tried to tell himself he was just being paranoid, but the paranoia kept growing. And finally, in the middle of the night, Jacques abandoned his family. He burned all the photos that Heather had of him (except a select few that he hid in his suitcase), burned the clothes and other belongings that didn't fit, and ran.

He travelled across the country after that, trying to forget about Heather and Jeremy. And for a long time, he was able to. He returned to taking mercenary missions as a spy, and rebuilt his wealth over time.

Until he took a contract from Mann Co, and found his son again.

--

Scout can hear people arguing. It sounds like they're underwater. Where am I? He opens his eyes, only to be blinded by the white, bright lights.

A hospital? The last thing he can remember is the sound of a car horn.

"Oh! He's waking up!" A familiar voice with a German accent says.

Oh. He's back in the base. Memories flood back in like a water from a broken dam.

Spy. The locket. The mask. His father. The fire.

"Scout?" Medic shakes him lightly. "Are you okay?"

"Jeremy." Spy's voice is like a knife stabbing Scout in the heart. "Jeremy, wake up."

Scout forces his eyes open again. Medic has dimmed the lights, and looking at him, Scout sees Archimedes sitting on his shoulder. The bird flutters down and lands on Scout's chest.

"Welcome back to the land of the living, mein fruend. You've been out for a bit." Medic smiles. Scout doesn't.

"Scout." Spy puts his hand on the edge of the bed. Scout looks at it, then looks away.

"I don't wanna talk to ya." Scout growls. Medic looks at Spy, and Scout hears the Frenchman sigh.

"Scout, please." Spy tries again, but Scout ignores him. "It's about your mother."

The last part stuns Scout, and he finally looks at Spy. And is horrified. Spy doesn't look like Spy. He looks tired and sad, and he isn't wearing his mask. Or his fancy suit coat. Or gloves.

"Wh- What?" Scout looks at Spy, swallowing the lump in his throat.

"Your mother died. Jonah's en route to the base." Spy's voice is quieter than Scout had ever heard it.

Ma's dead.

"She can't be dead. She can't be! She's only 49! She's too young ta die!" Scout protests, staring at Spy in anger. Medic and Spy stare at each other silently.

"Strokes can happen to anyone, regardless of age." Medic explains calmly. "Your mother had one and died."

Scout's vision blurs. Why's it blurry? What happened? He wants to go home. He wants to go back to Boston. He wants to open the front door of the housr and smell Ma's cookies.

Scout's older siblings always called him a stupid crybaby. That's how he feels now, like a stupid crybaby, sobbing in front of Medic and Spy. Crying, unable to control himself, angry at the world. At everything.

Spy hugs him. A wordless action that speaks so much it stuns Scout for a moment.

Spy hates hugs. And he hates people that cry. He always says tears ruin his suit.

But now it seems he doesn't care about his suit anymore. There's only one thing in the world he cares about more than anything right now: his son.

Scout had been so very wrong. And that just makes him feel worse. Spy loved his ma, too, Scout knows now.

He kept the wedding ring on underneath his gloves.

Scout always wanted a father. It's never too late to find one. And now, he's found his father.

He can't ask for anything else.

Anyways