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monsters-demons-and-ai-oh-my · 5 years ago

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What We Lost and What We Have

Chapter 9: Wookies, warnings and homophobic grandpas

In which Jack’s sneak stat is a 2, Sam has a weird story about a wookie encounter, and everybody needs a pep talk.

TW’s for this chapter: Talk about past sibling death (not of a main character)

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AU somewhat inspired by Episode 2x20 - What Is and What Should Never Be, and the season 14 storyline concerning Jack’s illness.

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AO3 Link

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Jack spent almost the whole two hours or so Castiel was gone on his phone and part of Sam was elated.

He’d drafted the same email about corporate responsibility (for the proliferation of inaccurate information on rechargeable batteries) six times now. It was incredibly dull technical writing and he hadn’t been able to focus at all.

Every line of legal jargon he managed to type was interspersed with his mind screaming.

“Say something!”

Sam had come back to the hospital with a purpose, to be helpful to hold out the olive branch to Castiel and BE there for Jack.

But ‘there’ was all he was…

He had no idea what to say to Jack. The day before had been easy enough, everything had been one long train wreck fed by the intrinsic emotions that came with serious illness. But now that things had calmed down and everyone especially Jack was not on the verge of emotional collapse? He had no idea what Jack needed from him.

And outside of what Jack explicitly needed or wanted it wasn’t like Sam had a deep well of topics to draw upon for small talk..

‘What the hell did Sam have in common with a kid literally half his age?’

“What do you say to your estranged baby brother when at his age one of your main goals was keeping the hell away from him?”

It didn’t help that Jack himself seemed to suddenly become incredibly shy, only occasionally peeking at Sam sheepishly when he thought the man wasn’t looking…

“So you like… Star Wars?” Sam finally blurted after twenty long minutes of silence.

Jack blinked at Sam in confusion at the out of the blue question before glancing at the back of his themed phone case and flushing slightly.

“I… Yes?” Jack looked a little unsure.

Sam grabbed onto the subject, “Who’s your favorite character?”

Jack’s phone buzzed in his hand and the kid glanced between Sam and the screen nervously before setting it gingerly aside.

“I think… I think Finn is pretty cool?”

Sam suddenly realized his mistake, he knew absolutely nothing about the new movies, he’d been too busy to get around to watching any of them

“Oh that’s… cool… I used to have a Chewbacca plush when I was a little kid,” Sam tried instead.

There was a long moment with no noise but the passive whirring of one of the machines and a soft cough from Jack.

“Oh?” the teenager said politely.

“Yeah it was pretty cool, original too, apparently those things are worth a few hundred dollars now…”

‘What are you babbling about now Sam?’

Jack smiled and that made it seem worth it though.

“So do you collect stuff like that or something?” he asked curiously.

“Well no, it was kind of… destroyed?” Sam huffed a little sheepish.

“Destroyed?”

“Yeah… Like I said, I got it when I was a little kid, I chewed on the fabric weapons belt until it tore off and one day I left it outside and it rained so it got all mildew-y,“ Sam quickly explained fumbling for purchase with the Jack’s interest.

Jack pulled a face, "that’s too bad…”

“The final straw though was when Dean called it a moldy sloth and I hit him with it, he tried to take it away from me and it tore raining the carpet with mildew-y stuffing…” Sam chuckled to himself.

“That’s pretty destroyed,” Jack looked mildly grossed out.

Sam missed his cue to let it go.

“Thing was though even after all that I still didn’t want to throw the thing out, I was too attached, So at six I thought it was a great idea to put this damp mildewed furry thing in a pillowcase, tie the pillowcase shut and hide it in my bed’s box spring…”

Jack’s only response was to stifle another cough in his elbow.

“We didn’t find it again until my bed started smelling like mildew, somehow it spread into the wood of the box spring and the bottom of my mattress, and the wookie… well it was some other kind of furry when my dad finally pulled it out.”

Things were dead quiet and when Sam glanced back up at Jack, he looked uncomfortable, “O-oh?” Jack said diplomatically.

‘You… really overshare Sam, for fu-…’

“Yeah… it was… nasty, sorry, that was a long time ago.”

Jack’s eyebrows drew down a little and he looked rejected for a moment. Sam wondered if it was something that he’d said.

There was another few minutes of awkward silence before Jack’s phone buzzed again and he glanced nervously between it and Sam.

“Just… go ahead I’ll… “ Sam awkwardly tapped the side of his laptop and just like that they both went back to their designated devices as if nothing had been said.

Sam didn’t know how to talk to Jack, every happy childhood memory he had was from before Jack was born and didn’t include him, and even outside of that, he didn’t really know Jack’s personality, what made him smile, what bothered him… what he loved.

Jack seemed to be cautiously trying to connect too and somehow that made things worse, like they were both going for a high five and Sam kept awkwardly missing.

‘Trying to meet in a middle that might not even exist…’

Sam quickly went back to his emails and stayed with his head buried there until Castiel got back a while later.

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“I’m so, so sorry I fell asleep in the parking lot, Where’s Jack?” Castiel asked anxiously before the door even swung closed behind him..

He looked a lot better, his hair still damp but neatly combed and finally dressed down a little bit in a fresh shirt and no jacket.

“He’s fine,” Sam quickly placated, “the nurse just… took him for an X-ray of his arm. I think they wanted to put on a cast or something.”

The man relaxed a little and sighed going back to his spot beside the bed, “right… yes, they… mentioned they might do that today if the swelling was down… I…” He brushed back his hair wearily, “was everything alright while I was gone?”

Sam shrugged, “it was just like I said, nothing bad happened because you stepped away for a few minutes…”

Castiel shot him a look and for a moment Sam worried if he’d crossed a line but the man quickly relaxed again.

“I know you probably think I’m being… paranoid, and I don’t know, maybe I am, or maybe you just can’t understand this, but Jack…” Castiel’s eyes were far away, “I don’t want to take any chances with him…”

Sam felt the same mild discomfort he had for days now, seeing Castiel vulnerable just… felt wrong. The time away had done him good but for every bit less manic he looked now he looked ten times more exhausted.

“You’re right I really don’t get it…” Sam huffed. “I mean the way I see it he’s already in the safest place he could be.”

Castiel snorted sounding unconvinced.

“I but then again I’ve never been a parent so, guess I wouldn’t…” Sam paused, he was coming off all wrong, “I don’t know… what this is like for you.”

Castiel eyed him a little amused, “I didn’t know you even thought of me that way… I… I don’t want you to think I’m some nut but who doesn’t trust modern medicine…”

“I don’t, I’m sure your not…” Sam said quickly.

“It’s just…” Castiel rubbed at his face. “The doctors were doing the best they could when my sister died, sometimes it feels like “the best” still doesn’t mean much …”

Sam paused trying to figure out whether his next words would be welcome or get him another dirty look.

“I mean, I don’t really think things are that bad…”

‘Dirty look, it definitely got him a dirty look.’

Sam quickly switched gears, “what I mean is, Jack seems better today so maybe the doctors are on the right track. Or better yet this thing, whatever it is, is just sorting itself out…”

“You didn’t hear what the doctor said last night, you don't…” Castiel sighed and rubbed at his forehead.

“Don’t you have a job to get back to… in California?” Castiel muttered wearily.

For a moment, Sam felt affronted and maybe a little hurt, but there was no real malice in Castiel’s words and the message became clear.

'Change the subject…’

“I asked for some time off…” Sam shrugged, “most of our case prep work is done over the internet nowadays anyway…”

Some of the senior partners hadn’t been too happy about it if Mr. Roman’s rather passive aggressive “I hope your family matter clears up soon,” was anything to go by.

But none of the other junior partners seemed to mind at all…

'Probably glad to have a chance to get ahead and prove themselves…’

'Part of Sam wished he still cared, but lately…’

Castiel just nodded noncommittally.

“What about you… the high school?” Sam tried, “you’re a teacher right?, how’s that going without you?”

“There’s a substitute…” Cas said simply.

“Oh…” Sam screamed internally, he thought the man wanted a distraction but now it just felt like trying to keep up a conversation with a brick wall.

“I… already had the last few weeks of lessons planned out and review worksheets written up, so while I can’t be there right now, my classes should be… prepared.” Castiel muttered suddenly, seeming lost in thought, “That’s… one thing I’ve always prided myself on… being prepared…”

Sam caught the implication but decided not to feed into it.

“it’ll be okay…” Sam said simply.

Castiel blinked at him in confusion, “I know they will, Mr. Wyatt is an excellent substitute teacher.”

‘Okay maybe Sam was lost…’

He snorted further confusing Castiel.

“What?”

“Nothing…” Sam shook his head, “Jack… he… he told me he misses school.

Castiel blinked in surprise, he opened his mouth to ask something but before he could get the words out there was a knock at the door.

"Delivery,” a voice called.

Jack appeared in the doorway being wheeled in by the nurse Meg with a new violently blue cast on his arm and a sheepish look on his face.

“Jack,” Castiel smiled relieved earning him a nervous smile back from Jack.

He seemed much more stable on his feet than the day before when he climbed gingerly out of the wheelchair as the nurse re-hung the IV bags.

“They’re taking him off the oxygen for now,” the nurse said, her tone seemed considerably nicer now that Jack was awake.

'She probably had infinitely more patience for sick kids, than antagonistic asshole family members who just act like children…’

“It’s getting easier to breathe now,” Jack said brightly, even though his pronouncement was almost immediately broken up by wheezy coughing.

“That’s um… that’s great Jack,” Castiel said gently eyes still distracted back on the nurse.

'With a pang of amusement, Sam caught Jack carefully peeking at his phone beneath his blanket when he thought his uncle wasn’t watching.’

“So um… was everything alright?” Castiel asked the nurse, trying to keep his voice chipper and upbeat.

She blinked at him sardonically, “Nope, his wrist is definitely fractured.”

Castiel’s eyebrows furrowed, “That’s not what I…”

She interrupted, “I know, but that’s all I really have to tell you, everything else is above my pay grade, you’ll have to wait on the doctor for any more papa bear.”

Castiel gave a frustrated huff glancing back at Jack who quickly dropped the covers back down over his phone and glanced around sheepishly.

'If Castiel noticed he didn’t say anything.’

“You wanna know my professional opinion on this?” the nurse quickly re-drew both men’s attention.

“I don’t know but I feel like you’re going to give it to me either way…” Castiel sighed.

“I can’t guess at what’s going on with your kid, or whether he’ll keep getting better or worse, I could get the hospital sued and lose my job and all that,” Meg shrugged, glancing back over at Jack who was sitting up in bed and playing with his phone “sneakily” under the covers again.

“But…” her voice softened, “he seems to be having a good day… so I’d say try to take today for what it is… and enjoy it.”

Sam wished her saying that did anything to calm the ripples of anxiousness in his stomach, a feeling that must be like waves breaking on the beach in Castiel…

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Dean wished he could say he changed his mind as soon as Sam walked out of the shop, but it took another day and a half…

He’d finished rebuilding the Cuevas’s Jeep’s engine block, changed a fuel filter on some Uni Kid’s car and an engine coil on another’s before he even looked back at his phone again.

No missed calls, no texts. Either everything was fine or Sam also didn’t want to talk to him.

'What else was new.’

Either way Dean refused to be the first one to call back. He’d meant what he said and if Sam wanted to act all pissy about it that was his business.

But by the next morning his familiar routine tasted like a Kahlua hangover in the back of his throat.

He was already in a bad mood at eight am when Jesse came to pick up his Jeep from the shop.

“I thought you were going to pick up this hunk of junk yesterday…” Dean scowled hands tucked in his pockets a little defensively.

“Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed…” Jesse sounded bemused waving briefly over his shoulder at his husband waiting with the truck running.

“It would have been nice not to be in a time crunch, yeah…” Dean snorted, pulling out a beer from the mini fridge in the garage’s work area.

“Sorry man,” Jesse shrugged guiltily, “I got a call I couldn’t miss. I thought you said you weren’t busy anyway. Something come up?”

“Brother’s in town,” Dean could feel the man eyeing him concerned as he sipped his morning beer.

“You want one?” Dean offered half sarcastically.

“It’s eight Winchester,” Jesse said flatly.

Dean shrugged.

Jesse sighed pulling out his wallet and fishing out an envelope of cash to pay for the repair, “seriously man what’s eating you, 'cause I’ve met Sam and he doesn’t normally get under your skin like this.”

Dean said nothing just took the money and headed towards the office..

Jesse shook his head looking half amused half irritated following him, “look, me and Cesar are meeting with a few friends at Gabe’s to celebrate tonight, maybe come by if you’re feeling less pissy past nine…”

Dean snorted handing over the cash to the teenager behind the desk, “what are you a fourteen-year-old girl? I’m not 'pissy’.”

“You’re one of the pissiest person I’ve ever met Dean Winchester,” Jesse said with a good-natured smile.

“He’s right, you’re like, super pissy…” Claire remarked flatly counting the cash out into the drawer and not meeting her boss’s glare.

Dean snorted tossing Jesse the Jeep keys, “just try the damn engine already…”

Jesse laughed and Dean followed him out to the car, wanting to remain annoyed but significantly distracted.

“What are you celebrating anyway?” Dean finally asked unable to suppress his admittedly childish curiosity.

“Retirement,” Jesse said simply.

Dean blinked in mild confusion, “dude you’re like 36…”

Jesse grinned infuriatingly and climbed into the Jeep cab, “I know right?”

He let the curiosity eat away at Dean as he revved the engine.

It purred like it was fresh off the line and Dean couldn’t help but feel a swell of pride at the pleased look on the other man’s face.

“Beautiful, man,” Jesse said patting the side of the door.

Before Dean could ask Jesse if he’d won the lottery or something he pointed to Dean and said simply.

“Nine-Thirty, Gabe’s.”

Dean shook his head, “fine, fine.”

The man smiled, gave a brief thumbs up to his husband in the other vehicle and they both drove off leaving Dean to sit with his extremely mild curiosity and confusion.

Dean rolled his eyes and tried to get back to work.

“Pissy my ass…”

He hated feeling like this.

He had his mother who was doing better then she had been in years teaching mythology at the University and his standoffish little brother who came for Christmas. That was his family.

A house that was payed off in full and the shop he inherited from John that he kept running like a well oiled machine. That was his life.

Dean had made mistakes in the past, lost people in the past

Who hadn’t?

He’d made his peace with that and moved on.

He’d decided long ago that Jack and Castiel had their own sad chapter in the Winchester’s life but it was long over. Their lives were two completely separate stories now…

'Dean was sure the kid couldn’t want the fact he was born because some guy made a mistake, got drunk, and cheated on his wife following him around his whole life… Or at least… he’d get that was a bad thing when he was older.’

As far as Dean was concerned they were better off forgetting that shitty night ever happened, and he knew forgetting was the right thing to do but people constantly questioning his every decision wasn’t helping.

Sam’s self-righteous huffing and puffing.

Jesse’s… amusement.

Castiel’s confusion over the phone.

'Don’t act like you care all of a sudden…’

Things were so much simpler when there was just vague dislike and mistrust between the two of them…

Why was he even worried about this? Castiel said the kid was doing better, that should be the end of it.

If Dean saw someone hit by a car he’d try to help, call 911, stay by their side and keep them calm until the ambulance came.

'He was a decent man, despite what Sam might think.’

What Dean wouldn’t do was follow them around the accident victim for the next six months and bludgeon and prod their family for information and acknowledgment.

Jack and Castiel weren’t family.

Not really.

Jack was blood sure, but he was blood like a great aunt who lived six states away who nobody talked to for some stupid reason no one remembered, why bring up old shit?

There was too much baggage and bitterness.

Better to leave the great dam of 2000’s infidelity up between Kansas and Indiana as a monument to the shitty past rather than go picking at it and have all the crap pour out.

‘Dean felt dangerously close to drowning in that bitterness already.’

If Sam wanted to swing an ax at that himself (like the lumberjack in business casual he looked like) Sam could deal with the resulting flood himself.

He repeated the last thought to himself until he finished up for the day, leaving Claire to lock up the building.

He was of half a mind to ignore Jesse’s offer and just head home, but…

He didn’t think the empty house would do anything to calm his mind and drinking alone was just sad.

“Screw it,” He turned at the first red light and headed towards Gabe’s.

He set his phone to silent and decided to act as if that corner of his life didn’t exist for the evening.

He was spotted as soon as he entered the Gabe’s, Cesar grinning at him and gesturing him over to the little group at the bar.

“Hey Dean, sit, first round’s on us,” Jesse called from around his husband.

It was a little bit to Cheers-y for comfort but Dean didn’t fight it sighing and sidling up to the bar.

“Whiskey, neat…” Dean ordered gruffly.

Gabe poured the whiskey one eyebrow slightly raised, “well you’re awful chipper today Deano.”

“Yeah well I don’t even know what we’re supposed to be celebrating yet so…” Dean toasted in Jesse’s general direction smile not reaching his eyes “What’s the party for?”

“New beginnings,” Jesse smiled lifting up his own glass. “Finally bought the property of our dreams.”

Dean blinked, “yeah? How’d you swing that?”

“Finally sold the old shop…” Cesar said smiling at Jesse proudly.

Dean blinked, feeling a slightly bitter pang of nostalgia. He could remember long summers going out with friends and dates to rent kayaks and buy ice cream from Jesse’s family’s old rental shack by Clinton lake.

“Business finally get that bad?” Dean felt how rude the words were in his mouth and cringed internally, but Jesse just snorted and smiled.

“Just the opposite actually, it’s shaping up to be one of the biggest tourist seasons yet…”

“So… going out on a high then?” Dean took another swig of his whiskey.

“Something like that,” Jesse shrugged.

“The Gallager kid turned 25 and he’s been working there since he was 16, we figured he was probably ready to take over,” Cesar explained.

“Wait time out,“ Gabe cut into the conversation brandishing his bar rag. "Dude hasn’t your family been running that place since most of the people in the old folks home were in diapers the first time?”

“That’s the thing though, it’s always been my family’s thing,” Jesse said diplomatically, “I only actually took over because my brother was gone, my grandpa in fact had some strong opinions on ‘people like me’.” Jesse snorted, “honestly I think I only stayed so long out of spite, that and I promised mom… I always meant to let the place go when I found someone to take care of it. It was never what I dreamed about doing…”

“Sam was the same way, never wanted to work at the shop…" Dean huffed a laugh, “He never could get along with dad… so it would have been fucking weird if he stayed.”

John had been angry; not so much at Sam wanting to go his own way but just… how vehemently against staying Sam had been. “You just can’t wait to leave your family behind can you?”

“Don’t you dare, you don’t get to say that to me, not you!” Sam spat back.

“Why wallow in the shitty past when you can just move on…” Dean muttered coming back to himself in the bar.

Jesse turned his glass in his hands looking pensive, “Sometimes it felt like that… but no that’s not really it.”

Dean’s eyebrows rose.

Jesse quickly explained, “I mean yeah there was a lot of shit there, but I grew up around that old shack, me and my brother worked there pretty much every summer after we were old enough to see over the counter…”

Dean whiskey tasted ashy in his mouth, he remembered Jesse’s big brother, he’d always been the cool older teen who’d give you an extra half scoop of ice cream when “the boss” wasn’t looking.

He’d drowned on a fishing trip with his younger brother when Dean was in junior high…

Jesse shrugged continuing where he left off, “why would I let one shithead ruin all of that?”

Dean hummed vaguely still feeling a little lost, “but you’re still giving it up now?”

Jesse nodded glancing toward Cesar, “Don’t get me wrong, if my brother was still alive… if I still had family interested in running the place maybe I wouldn’t've… For a long time I thought that was going to be my whole life.”

Cesar gently squeezed his husband’s hand and Dean felt a pang of emotion he pushed away before he could identify it.

Jesse continued, “But I have a family now and I… I just… can’t live in the past anymore.”

Dean felt more lost than ever, “Makes sense I guess, why literally live in all the painful bullshit when you have something better…”

Cesar blinked at Dean, “seriously dude why so dark?”

Dean bit back the need to find a smarmy way to tell his friends it was none of their damn business, “Just shitty family stuff…”

“Your brother?” Jesse asked.

Dean snorted, “you could say that…” he knocked back the rest of his glass. “I just don’t get that kid anymore…”

“He do something stupid?” Jesse asked.

“He’s an adult, he can do what he wants,” Dean snorted and tried to get Gabe’s attention for a second whiskey, “It’s not like we really even talk much anymore, who am I to keep him from shoving his foot up his own ass…”

“Yeah, that’s real convincing…” Jesse shook his head bemused.

Dean hurumphed and muttered a thanks to Gabe who finally came over.

“Are you two still on the same crap from a few days ago?” Gabe asked pouring the second glass.

Jesse and Cesar’s ears perked up and even Gabe’s weird brother Gadreel was watching him from across the room. Dean wondered darkly if there was any privacy left in this town.

“Yeah my own, personal, crap,” Dean said pointedly.

Gabe held up his hands in mock surrender, “okay, okay, fine, don’t talk about it, it’s just seems like whatever "it” is seems to be eating you an awful lot…"

“Yeah well Sam has that effect, he does dumb shit and you worry about him, over and over until it’s just too much and…” Dean wrapped his knuckles on the table, “maybe you have it right and it’s time to cut him loose, move on…”

Jesse pulled a face, “that’s not what I meant at all…”

“Yeah well then what do you mean, because I’m getting tired of guessing,” Dean barked.

Jesse had the courtesy not to smirk at him.

“My point is… I don’t really know Sammy haven’t seen him since he was sixteen but… make sure shutting him out is what you really want, and not just some petty shit.”

It dug like a knife in Dean’s gut, “You’re right you don’t know shit…” Dean muttered taking a swig from his glass…

Jesse smiled more than a little forlornly, “all I do know is, having lost him, if I had a second chance with my brother…” he trailed off, “Make absolutely sure you’re ready to give up your chances at this future, when you’re planning on leaving behind your past…”

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Oof, sorry it took me so long to get back, it’s been a crazy few months and it’s been a struggle to get back to my usual writing routine with everything going on. Hopefully, things will be better now.

#SPN #Supernatural #Castiel #Sam Winchester #Jack Kline #Dean Winchester #fanfiction #whump #humor #Jesse Cuevas #Cesar Cuevas #Claire Novak #kylermalloy #flightoftheseraph #family drama

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twisted-eels · 5 years ago

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Get To Know Me

❦ Shout out to @nonsensical-twistedriddles, who tagged me at the end of their post.

❦ And I don’t really know many people here so instead of tagging someone in response, anyone who wants to do it can. Go wild kids. Introduce yourself to this cold, uncaring world.

1. What do you prefer to be called name wise?

I usually go by Rae, I used to go by Raven so I guess you can also call me that. Nicknames are also fine, any nickname you wanna throw at me, I’ll take it.

2. When is your birthday?

2nd of August.

3. Where do you live? (you can just give the country’s or state name if you’re not comfortable with sharing the city name)

Sydney, Australia. So now you can all come and find me or whatever.

4. Three things you’re doing right now?

❦ Listening to music

❦ Singing along with said music

❦ Writing about Marcela’s relationships with NRC students

5. Four fandoms that have your peak interest right now?

❦ Twisted Wonderland

❦ Jibaku Shounen Hanako-Kun

❦ Watcher

❦ Disney

6. How has this pandemic been treating you?

Surprisingly well. My parents got Disney+ a couple weeks ago so I’ve been binging as many movies as possible. I watched Ratatouille for the first time last night, and am currently regretting not seeing it sooner. I’ve also been baking a lot, and attempting not to eat everything I’ve made. Online classes have been a struggle through, dodgy internet and a short attention span don’t mix well.

7. A song you can’t stop listening to right now?

Oh you think there’s just one? How cute.

❦ Young and Beautiful - Lana Del Rey

❦ God Help The Outcasts - Heidi Mollenhauer (I’m singing along to this as I’m writing this)

❦ Hellfire - Tony Jay

❦ Pretty Funny - Lindsey Mendez

❦ When He Sees Me - Kimiko Glen

❦ For Your Entertainment - Adam Lambert

❦ Poor Unfortunate Souls - Jonas Brothers cover

❦ I Won’t Say I’m In Love - Susan Egan

8. Recommend a movie

Hercules (1997), the music in this absolutely bops. And Meg. I love her. She’s amazing. Other recommendations would be Ratatouille (2007) and Aladdin (2019) I heard a lot of people didn’t enjoy the new Aladdin, and while sure it isn’t perfect, I liked it. So it’s on my recommendation list. Fight me.

9. How old are you?

16, going on 17.

10. School, university, occupation, or other?

High school. I was planning on getting a part time job around about now but... uh... I don’t think my parents would let me now, all things considered...

11. Do you prefer heat or cold?

Heat. I wear shorts all year round, and while I don’t dislike the cold, people keep commenting on what I wear during cold weather and it’s annoying. The “aren’t you cold” and “do you want a jacket” comments get real irritating after 16 years. Plus it feels like more family members have birthdays during the colder months, and family birthday parties are one of my least favourite things. So it’s nothing to do with the weather itself, simply what I associate with it.

12. Name one fact about you that others might find unusual:

I actively chose to leave a super high ranking school to go to a bottom ranking one. Also I overshare even though I know I probably shouldn’t, which is unusual because I know I shouldn’t yet do regardless.

13. Are you shy?

Yeah, kinda. Once I get to know people it lessens... somewhat? But when I first meet people I can be pretty shy. Even if I seem confident, internally I am not having a great time. That’s the power of acting I guess? I’ll rarely ever start the conversation with someone else, so if any ever wants to talk you’re better off messaging me first than waiting for me to magically grow a pair and start talking.

14. Do you have preferred pronouns?

She/her, but I won’t really be offended or anything if you guys get them wrong. This is probably the only time I’ve mentioned them on tumblr after all.

15. Biggest pet peeves

When they put superglue/industrial strength glue in tiny 3 gram bottles with long nozzles that are impossible to actually get the glue out of. This pet peeve has nothing to do with my current drama project, I promise. I definitely had this pet peeve before this week, it’s not new and specific at all. Haha... ha... ha

16. What is your favourite “-dere” type?

Tsunderes are a classic and also a mood, so I’ll probably go with them? Kinda basic of me, I know, but there isn’t really a type that jumps out at me as an immediate favourite.

17. Rate your life 1-10. 1 being crappy, 10 being amazing:

A solid 7 or 8? Could be better, could be worse. Wouldn’t call my life exciting, but I have a comfortable lifestyle and nothing too shitty has ever happened to me, so that balances out the lack of amazement I guess.

18. What is your main blog?

My main blog would be @a-good-one-but-taken, it’s just me reblogging stuff I like. I don’t stick to any particular fandom on that blog. Would not recommend checking it out.

19. List your side blogs and what they are used for:

@twisted-eels is my Twisted Wonderland side blog. Come here for twst bird memes and a couple dumb posts. It’s also the home of my OC Marcela Lupei, a chaotic queen.

20. One thing you think people should know about you before they become your friends?

I’m kinda hard to get along with. I mean, I’m mean. My first instinct is usually to make a snarky or sarcastic comment, and while I do mean it as a joke, I get the feeling that I come off as being genuine. I generally do want to talk to you however, and if I don’t want to then I’ll outright say it. My bitchy comments aren’t meant to be hinting at anything, they’re just a habit that I need to break. If you want then you can tell me to stop and I’ll be extra careful not to make them, although as of right now it’s pretty instinctual so I kinda just do it without thinking.

#rae’s ramblings

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rose-coyote · 7 years ago

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@king-among-knights tagged me in this thing and because I love oversharing we’re doing it, so here we gooo...

rules: tag 20 followers you’d like to know more (not gonna do that because it makes me feel hella like I’m bothering people but okay)

nicknames: The only person who really calls me anything but my name is the gf, usually just Megs or Megsies. The only other things that are kind of nicknames are the various assortments of dudes and bros me and my bestie throw at each other in lieu of proper names.

gender: Female but I’m not very good at it.

star sign: Cancer

height: Barely 5′ 1″, I’m a smol

sexuality: Demi

Hogwarts house: Due to reasons I wont get into I’ve literally never cared enough to find out.

favorite animal: Why the heck would you make me choose this, I love them allll...

average hours of sleep: There is no average, data is too sporadic to calculate an average.

cats or dogs?: Controversial. I like dogs okay but I bond more with cats. I speak to them and they speak to me.

number of blankets you sleep with: Usually just one, unless it’s winter and stormy out.

dream trip: One coming up very soon! A trip to kangarooland (Australia)

dream job: Tattoo artist (still working on that one)

when I made this account: A long ass time ago... I remember it being in January but can’t for the life of me remember what year. It’s been probably close to 6 years though.

why I made this account: I came to tumblr around the time a lot of other deviantART people were migrating here, at the time it wasn’t quite the shitfest it’s grown into yet and it was becoming a more open place to express fandom where dA was still a bit unwelcome to it. Naturally I came here for the same reason as most, to get my fandom fixin’s I couldn’t really get on dA at the time.

#idek what to tag this with #it's some kind of meme #the oversharing meme #let's call it that #lol

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spunsugarj2fantasy · 7 years ago

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Tag Game

OK @mooseintheocean, thanks for the tag!

FYI sometimes I overshare...so enjoy or skip, whatever floats your boat!

85 Questions:

1. drink: tea, mainly herbal

2. phone call:...I'm assuming this means last phone call I made? Husband

3. text message: to co-worker, wishing him a happy bday

4. song I listened to: last one was Leonard Cohen "You Want It Darker"

5. last time I cried: when @mooseintheocean told me to watch the Kodaline "Brother" video...last week sometime? :)

6. dated someone twice: well I married him, sooo... yeah?

7. kissed someone and regretted it: no...but I have regretted NOT kissing someone

8. been cheated on: no, thank Chuck, can't imagine the pain

9. lost someone special: yes

10. been depressed: yes, though I'm not sure if it was actual clinical depression or just a really rotten year from hell

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: surprisingly no. I've been drunk and tipsy, but I have never (yet!) thrown up due to alcohol...though never say never.

three favourite colours:

12. black, although technically it's not a colour

13. green

14. purple

in the last year have you:

15. made new friends: yes! you know who you are!!! :D

16. fallen out of love: no

17. laughed until you cried: yes, may times

18. found out someone was talking about you: yes

19. met someone who changed you: well, this may sound silly, but THIS! ALL of this here! I was a closet J2 fan before I met some awesome people right here! Now I can openly talk about everything and they won't think I'm totally crazy.

20. found out who your friends are: I kinda always did. I've been besties with my bestie for 27 years, and still going strong.

21. kissed one of your tumblr followers: virtually via emoji yes. irl no, haven't had the pleasure.

general:

22. how many of your tumblr friends do you know in real life? None. (YET!!!!) Like I said, never say never!

23. do you have any pets? no :( but I wanna!!!

24. do you want to change your name? already did, when I got married. First name, no, I kinda like it :)

25. what did you do for your last birthday? my co-workers had a lovely lunch and cake for me, husband took me out to dinner, I went out with my friends the next day. At this point in my life, my BDay is basically just another excuse to see everyone :)

26. what time did you wake up? 6:30am, BLECHHHHH! NOT a morning person.

27. what were you doing at midnight last night? reading fanfiction. Yeah Jo, me too, lol.

28. name something you can’t wait for: OCTOBER!!! S13 and meeting J2 again!

29. when was the last time you saw your mum: two days ago

30. what are you listening to right now? Jensen Ackles acoustic version of Simple Man

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom? yes, but over 5 years ago.

32. something that is getting on your nerves: fanaticism. entitlement. inconsiderate selfishness. idiocy/stupidity. willful blindness. and stupid drivers.

33. most visited website: Twitter, Tumblr, GroupMe (LOL), AO3

34. hair colour: dark brown

35. long or short hair: long

36. do you have a crush on someone? yes?...ahem, YES. And yes, my husband knows.

37. what do you like about yourself? hmmmmmm...please hold....

...please continue to hold...

...

...I'm friendly! As far as features go, my eyes I guess.

38. piercings: yup, a few...9 in total.

39. blood type: I actually have no idea...may be a good idea to find out.

40. nickname: Oh god... here we go... Magda, Maggie, Lenka, Madzia, Magzz, Meg, Psupa, Sweetie, Magoo, Morwa, ok seriously, I think that's enough, no?

41. relationship status: Married. Hitched. Ball and chained! :D

42. zodiac: Cancer, July 20th.

43. pronouns: she or her...possibly answers to YO! as well.

44. favourite tv show(s): Supernatural (duh!!!), X-Files, Firefly, The Borgias, Game of Thrones, The Blacklist, Eyewitness, Black Sails, Lucifer

45. tattoos: nope, though I have some interesting ideas...

46. right or left handed: right handed

48. sport: Me no. But I like watching hockey.

49. vacation: next bit of time off will be in October for SPN Con

50. pair of trainers: I assume you mean shoes, yes.

more general:

51. eating: oatmeal, raspberries and vanilla milk for breakfast. And tea. GALLONS of tea.

52. drinking: vanilla milk atm...and tea. GALLONS of tea...is there an echo in here?

53. i’m about to: get my ass off Tumblr and actually get some work done.

54. waiting for: 5:30pm when I can go home :)

55. want: really? u got enough room in here for this??? I'll keep it short: EVERYTHING.

56. get married: been there, done that, didn't get a tshirt, but still have my dress.

57. career: well I AM working right now (literally! supposed to be) and I like my job, so I'm pretty happy

58. hugs or kisses: BOTH!!! AND snuggles AND hand-holding AND hot sex AND flirting AND porn ... OK I stop now.

59. lips or eyes: both, ALL OF IT, especially if you're Jared or Jensen

60. shorter or taller: well, seeing my answer above, so I'd say tall please

61. older or younger: if you mean life partners? I don't really care. It's the fit & chemistry that matters, not he age...WITHIN REASON of course! My husband is 5 years older than I, if that helps.

62. nice arms or nice stomach: ME? Neither, especially not the stomach part (see #48 where I don't do sports). In other people...both are nice but neither is absolutely necessary and lack of either or both does not automatically warrant rejection or dismissal. The outer shell is important, but not as crucial as the inner mush.

63. hookup or relationship: well, seeing as I'm married, I'd have to say relationship. (with the occasional hook-up thrown in? My husband and I are adventurous, LOL).

64. troublemaker or hesitant: mostly reserved and hesitant, I try to avoid or resolve conflict as soon as possible. Until someone stupid pisses me off on purpose, then it's all hell breaks loose.

have you ever:

65. kissed a stranger: yes

66. drank hard liquor: yes

67. lose glasses/contact lenses: I have not lost either. I kinda need them so I take good care of them.

69. sex on the first date: depends.

70. had your heart broken: yes, though he totally didn't do it on purpose!!! I had the extreme misfortune to fall for a gay man. Nothing either of us could do about it.

71. been arrested: no.

72. cried when someone died: yes.

73. fallen for a friend: yup. See #70.

do you believe in

74. yourself: sometimes

75. miracles: sometimes.

76. love at first sight: not Love. Intense attraction, lust, chemistry, strong magnetic pull, yes. But Love grows from getting to know someone. At first sight you only see the outer shell. You may really like the look/touch/taste/smell of the outer shell, but it's what's inside that engenders real Love.

77. santa claus: I'm waaayyy to naughty for that.

78. kiss on the first date: depends...(see #69)

79. angels: hmmmmm....I believe in supernatural and extraterrestrial beings... it's a big universe and it's be an awful waste of space if humans were the only beings around. I also believe in human angels. Those selfless human beings who share their light with others, hoping to change the world for the better.

other

80. eye colour: green. sometimes hazel, depending on what I wear.

81. favourite movie: WOW...OK, I'll try to narrow it down. All the Harry Potter movies, all the Lord of the Rings movies, A&E Pride and Prejudice (miniseries), pretty much all the adaptations of Jane Austen books, most versions of Jane Eyre, Dark City, Merchant of Venice (2004 Al Pacino version), there are lots more that I won't list of this will be miles long.

82. height: 5'7

83. siblings: two younger half brothers

84. favourite season: I don't like weather/temperature extremes so spring or fall

85. sexuality: Bi for sure, possibly Pan - though that's only theoretical atm.

OK, that's it. If anyone needs any clarification just ask! :D

Dear Followers: if you want to do this, feel free, go nuts, tag me so I can see!

XO!

#tag game #tmi #don't mind me

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