monsters-demons-and-ai-oh-my

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A Jayvik “Midnight Mass” au would go hard as HELL.

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I promise.

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Lawful Good: Calling Viktor “V” or “Vik”.

Chaotic Evil: Calling Jayce Talis “JT”.

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You have @avelera to thank for this. support me on blusky, or twitter :)

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A different kind of magic

Can’t stop thinking about this post by @avelera talking about the amount of stage magician stuffs in Jayce’s childhood room. He definitely had a whole magician phase and that’s so dorky of him.

Extra:

He’s such a loser. I’m in love with him.

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Coffee break!

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Hit the nail on the head.

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But now that I've thought about it more I want to go back to Jayce's line "Which is worse? Killed or expelled?"

Because the fact that he wrote that when he was stuck and unable to move forward I think shows that he wasn't going to pull out of the spiral on his own. Stopping working on hextech was never an option for him.

He saw his options as "keep working getting nowhere until your grades drop further and you get expelled" OR "push too hard now and potentially end up dead."

And he was wondering if getting killed by his invention would be better.

So that's what I mean when I say "concerning thoughts" because if that's what that means then he already showed signs of suicidal ideation.

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Honestly, you might be right about the reason why Jayce was written more like Giopara in the journal despite it being written for Arcane, it’s very plausible.

But I will say this:

And this is pure conjecture for the most part...

To me ACT 1 Jayce did seem to act more abrasive, quick to be offended, and generally more “I will bend other people to my opinion because I’m right and they’re wrong even if it is illegal.” than he did in most of ACT 2 &3.

Like when he tells off Ximena off for not believing in him and was convinced if he kept talking he could have forced the council to see his side of things.

Or how he goes to the Kirammin’s expecting help after being kicked not even realizing he basically spat in their face by not accepting their attempt to get him off with a smack on the wrist and how he put them in a bad light just by associating them with magic and his illegal activities.

And I can see why logically feeling like you are backed in a corner like his character was hiding his work you would grow jealous and paranoid, and closed off enough to the point of putting others down even if in a normal headspace you wouldn’t.

I feel like the experience of being kicked out of the academy and having to face that he couldn't actually force people to see his side and/OR just having Viktor (a presence that was supportive but not a pushover that he didn’t have to treat like a potential threat to his goals) could have been what mellowed him out.

Also I think Jayce not seeing others clearly could play into the themes of isolation we later see with Viktor, that Jayce while isolated, found himself in a way of thinking that really diminished the importance of other people.

But then again I like trying to weave lose ends in writing together. So take everything I say with a grain of salt.

TW: Talk about mental health and sui ideation and sui attempt

I feel the need to talk more about Jayce's "attempt" again because of what I learned from his journal in the "Council Archives"

There's a fair argument to be made that Jayce was already in a very bad headspace even BEFORE the explosion in his apartment.

I you read Jayce's journals it feels like Jayce was ALREADY spiraling before he got kicked out of the academy. For a few reasons.

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1.Jayce was very isolated to begin with.

He was working on experiments he knew were illegal and was so paranoid about being found out he started coming up with insults to call another student who almost caught him throwing away a failed experiment.

He also seemed to only be able to cheer himself up by talking shit about other people's work and how everyone else just couldn't measure up to how important his work was and would be. And when he finally meets Viktor he talks about never really thinking he'd take to working with another scientist.

(Honestly, pre-act 1 Jayce comes off a little more like his LOL counterpart which make me believe Arcane Jayce meeting and working with Viktor as early as he did is what helped make him the version of himself he is in Arcane?)

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2. Jayce was not really sleeping and his schoolwork and grades were going downhill.

He talks in his journal about the fact that he's not getting to sleep until sunrise a lot of nights because he was trying and failing to make the crystals work.

And as a direct consequence of not sleeping he talks about Heimerdinger (the DEAN) having to come talk to him because his grades are slipping.

Jayce literally decides to make a graph correlating his lack of sleep to his poor academic performance.

(Later he expresses concern that he might get expelled from the academy because his work is slipping that badly).

And remember all the while when he is so sleep-deprived he can't focus on coursework he it FULLY CONVINCED he can figure out Hextech. You know a whole new field of study. It doesn't work, shockingly.

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3. Ximena was already worried about Jayce wellbeing and trying to get him to go outside and be around others.

He eats some snacks insults some people's work to himself and then goes back to doing what he was doing.

Not a lot to talk about with this one except it's no wonder she tried to get him to back off magic if she could already tell he wasn't okay especially when we consider the state he was in at that point.

You also see that both his mother and Heimerdinger were expressing valid concern for him only for him to brush it off.

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4. Near the end of the journal entries before we get to the ACT 1 content he says some concerning things considering his later attempt on his life.

First he starts to doubt what he's getting anywhere he remembers something Heimdinger once said about most inventors failing a 1000 times before succeeding and he makes a self-deprecating joke about "I suppose I must be closing in...".

Then he straight up says he can't see a path forward.

And when makes a pros and cons list of his experiments where he talks about how the work with the crystals is very dangerous and if he pushes to much it could kill him but also how he's in danger of getting expelled if he can't sort out his schoolwork.

and then he writes.

"Which is worse? Killed or expelled?"

Which is certainly a Harry Potter reference but also given his eventual attempt is very telling.

And it's closely followed by him saying his mom was worried about him, which... seems valid.

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Also on a side note unrelated to the journal entries.

Jayce's attempt was not a choice made suddenly in a rush of emotion like Viktor's, he planned it.

Jayce not only left what was implied to be a suicide note he took the methodical time to literally WAX SEAL the note with his official house mark. And it took Viktor a long long while of talking to him to get him to back away from the ledge. He was fully committed to committing.

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Final thoughts: I think Jayce was in a place in his mind backed into a corner.

He wasn't able to reach out for help or even trust anyone because of the nature of his work. He wasn't listening to people that were concerned about him. And the way in which Jayce was doing his work was damaging to himself and his life in general. He was spiraling.

He needed someone else there to share the weight of what he was trying to do, to be able to reach out to outside of his own head which was the person Viktor became to him.

Part of me even wonders if Jayce was already in a place where he might have ended up on that ledge without the explosion if he didn't change his ways or have a sudden breakthrough.

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TW: Talk about mental health and sui ideation and sui attempt

I feel the need to talk more about Jayce's "attempt" again because of what I learned from his journal in the "Council Archives"

There's a fair argument to be made that Jayce was already in a very bad headspace even BEFORE the explosion in his apartment.

If you read Jayce's journals it feels like Jayce was ALREADY spiraling before he got kicked out of the academy. For a few reasons.

-----

1.Jayce was very isolated to begin with.

He was working on experiments he knew were illegal and was so paranoid about being found out he started coming up with insults to call another student who almost caught him throwing away a failed experiment.

He also seemed to only be able to cheer himself up by talking shit about other people's work and how everyone else just couldn't measure up to how important his work was and would be. And when he finally meets Viktor he talks about never really thinking he'd take to working with another scientist.

(Honestly, pre-act 1 Jayce comes off a little more like his LOL counterpart which make me believe Arcane Jayce meeting and working with Viktor as early as he did is what helped make him the version of himself he is in Arcane?)

------

2. Jayce was not really sleeping and his schoolwork and grades were going downhill.

He talks in his journal about the fact that he's not getting to sleep until sunrise a lot of nights because he was trying and failing to make the crystals work.

And as a direct consequence of not sleeping he talks about Heimerdinger (the DEAN) having to come talk to him because his grades are slipping.

Jayce literally decides to make a graph correlating his lack of sleep to his poor academic performance.

(Later he expresses concern that he might get expelled from the academy because his work is slipping that badly).

And remember all the while when he is so sleep-deprived he can't focus on coursework he is FULLY CONVINCED he can figure out Hextech. You know a whole new field of study. It doesn't work, shockingly.

------

3. Ximena was already worried about Jayce wellbeing and trying to get him to go outside and be around others.

He eats some snacks insults some people's work to himself and then goes back to doing what he was doing.

Not a lot to talk about with this one except it's no wonder she tried to get him to back off magic if she could already tell he wasn't okay especially when we consider the state he was in at that point.

You also see that both his mother and Heimerdinger were expressing valid concern for him only for him to brush it off.

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4. Near the end of the journal entries before we get to the ACT 1 content he says some concerning things considering his later attempt on his life.

First he starts to doubt what he's getting anywhere he remembers something Heimdinger once said about most inventors failing a 1000 times before succeeding and he makes a self-deprecating joke about "I suppose I must be closing in...".

Then he straight up says he can't see a path forward.

And when makes a pros and cons list of his experiments where he talks about how the work with the crystals is very dangerous and if he pushes to much it could kill him but also how he's in danger of getting expelled if he can't sort out his schoolwork.

and then he writes.

"Which is worse? Killed or expelled?"

Which is certainly a Harry Potter reference but also given his eventual attempt is very telling.

And it's closely followed by him saying his mom was worried about him, which... seems valid.

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Also on a side note unrelated to the journal entries.

Jayce's attempt was not a choice made suddenly in a rush of emotion like Viktor's, he planned it.

Jayce not only left what was implied to be a suicide note he took the methodical time to literally WAX SEAL the note with his official house mark. And it took Viktor a long long while of talking to him to get him to back away from the ledge. He was fully committed to committing.

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Final thoughts: I think Jayce was in a place in his mind backed into a corner.

He wasn't able to reach out for help or even trust anyone because of the nature of his work. He wasn't listening to people that were concerned about him. And the way in which Jayce was doing his work was damaging to himself and his life in general. He was spiraling.

He needed someone else there to share the weight of what he was trying to do, to be able to reach out to outside of his own head which was the person Viktor became to him.

Part of me even wonders if Jayce was already in a place where he might have ended up on that ledge without the explosion if he didn't change his ways or have a sudden breakthrough.

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I was reading the Arcane “council archives” of Jayce’s journal (from before and during S1A1) and that man is never beating the ADHD allegations.

He talks a lot about science but scattered amongst his research is.

Lamenting how he left his measuring equipment in his apartment after traveling to the dessert.

Him workshopping insults to call another student who almost caught him throwing out an illegal experiment.

Jayce figuring out his grades are probably dropping because he isn’t sleeping and him deciding to graph the correlation instead of actually sleeping or studying.

Ranting about the how the pastries are better than the inventions at the Day of Progress celebration.

A pros and cons list about continuing his experiments that included the fact that he’s failing his classes instead of doing anything about it.

Writing himself a reminder to ask Viktor his last name.

Also he has yet another random ass sandwich on his desk.

Also bonus: He didn’t think he’d work well with other scientists at all before he met Viktor.

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Jayce always loved and admired Viktor for who he was. But not seeing Viktor’s disabilities the way Viktor and a lot of Piltover did meant he struggled to understand and empathize with those parts of Viktor’s feelings.

That’s why Jayce’s own experiences with disability from the apocalypse dimension were so important. Not because he ever looked down on Viktor for them but because he needed to emphasize with Viktor’s frustration, isolation and self-hatred to really be able to relate to him on a level he could understand why Viktor struggled to accept his own worth.

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Jinx: “So the necromancer of progress and bolts no nuts over here almost ended the world over a lovers spat?

Viktor: “Powder that is greatly diminishing the…”

Jayce: “Oh I’m sorry if I won’t hear criticism from the girl who blew up my partner in the first place!”

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Are we going to talk about the “all I want is my partner back” line?

Because saying that directly after dismissing what made them SCIENTIFIC partners “I thought I wanted us to bring magic to the world” as not what he wanted anymore and also what doomed them…

He basically all but said “scientific is not what I mean by partner.”

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I don't have time to get into the nitty-gritty of why the "you were never broken" line wasn't just minimizing what Viktor's original intentions were to just "fixing himself". But I will send out this thought.

The only real violence Viktor tolerated and considered necessary before he was corrupted was violence towards himself.

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I’ve read: “The most devastating read of Viktor becoming the Herald is that there was no input from the hexcore it was just Viktor the whole time.” or “the most devastating read is that Viktor didn’t really understand what he was doing.” Which is fine but…

No

NO

The most devastating read is that Viktor’s humanity breaking down and him slowly becoming more machine is a direct parallel to how often in terminal illness (like what he had) the end stages slowly strip away the version of the person you remember and how there is a rising reliance on outside forces to keep the body going.

Which makes what Jayce did to resurrect Viktor against his wishes something akin to ignoring a DNR.

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post-canon fluff

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Exactly!

Viktor's SH is upsetting not just because it shows how desperate he was to heal himself but also because it's not really unexpected with how he already doesn't value his physical body and treats it as nothing more than a hindrance to his goals.

As for Viktor's averted attempt after Sky's death that was arguably the second time he almost just ended things in despair when he saw his inventions do harm (the first being when he hesitates with defusing Jinx's grenade after there was discussion of turning Hextech into weapons).

And that kind of also mirrors his ultimate death as he immediately seeks to destroy himself after seeing evidence of the horror the "Glorious Evolution" would cause and getting his emotions fully back.

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One more thing though about Jayce's attempt:

No one is talking about the fact there was nothing spur of the moment about Jayce's attempt. Jayce literally took the time to not only write s-note but to officially wax seal it with his house crest.

Also if you read through the LOL "council archives" you'll see Jayce actually wasn't doing that well at the academy grade-wise because of how single-minded he was about hextech and that he was basically completely isolated he writes in his journal about how surprised he was could work with someone else.

He centered his whole worth in his work and when he lost it he couldn't imagine a life and he planned his end, his ideation went far beyond just a moment of despair.

tw: discussion of sui ideation

I feel the Arcane fandom skipped past Jayce's earlier attempt really quick.

I just keep thinking about Jayce's psychology and about how in the end he was losing his dream (hextech/magic) again and he was facing losing the person/people who always believed in him (Viktor now/his mother, the academy, the Kiramman's then) again,

As well the one person he wanted back above anything else (in his own words Viktor).

It makes too much sense that he was ready to step off that ledge (again).

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If you ever hear me say that I knew by the beginning of the second season that Jayce and Mel weren’t going to be endgame because he couldn’t handle it.

The “IT” in question is Noxus.

I love Jayce and his character but if he went to Noxus he would never be able to stand up to or morally tolerate their level of subterfuge.

He would have ultimately either:

1. Become a liability to Mel.

2. Survived but have to change so utterly to do so that it would have killed the loving earnestness that drew Mel to Jayce in the first place.

There was love between them, Jayce helped bring out a parts of Mel that had been previously crushed by her upbringing and it triggered her using her magic (which was very important for her character development) but ultimately those same traits he brought out were a piece of what moved her to pursue a destiny that pulled them apart.

Maybe it could have worked if she was going to stay in Piltover but Mel’s destiny was ultimately to go where Jayce could not follow and Jayce ultimately chose a a destiny that separated them forever.