#medium support needs autistic

[spooky-pumpkinz]

No know how convince parents i actually need help. They just think I not try hard enough or lazy. They believe i shouldn't need step by step instructions because adult. They get mad if not understand what written note means.

They dont believe i autism or adhd. They believe it just "excuse" i have hard time even feed self unless food already prepare because get overwhelmed and shut down.

They say i need to just push through and grow up.

I try .

I dont even feel adult a lot of time. I forget im adult age now. I dont feel 23 at time. Im not good enough no matter how hard i try.

Really want to be able see doctor and hope get autism dx not just vague 'developmental disorder' dx i current have

Thankfully fiance understand I need help and support. Is willing help me!

[flirts-with-dragons]

Words kinda hard rn but I found out. Holy shit. I DO have meltdowns.

I always wrote them off as panic attacks/spirals but they're not. They are autism. Related to deviation from routine always!

Change from routine or plan and I start emotional spiraling. Catastrophe thinking. I end up crying from stress and panic. It's meltdowns. It is meltdowns. Ever since I was a little kid.

(Disclaimer this is just about me. Not saying this is how everyone else is. Every autistic experience is different, some are the same, but not all.)

[2003-playground]

Can we stop using "still lives with their parents" or "unemployed" or "doesn't have a drivers license" or "didn't graduate high school" as an insult or evidence that someone is a bad person? Struggling with independence or meeting milestones is not a moral failing.

[lightning-system]

As a medium/lower support needs autistic who works with young higher support needs autistic:

We all matter. We all have the same diagnosis. We all deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.

But we are not the same.

I can mask and might be seen as 'odd' or 'weird' in public. The students I work with are seen as 'dangerous' and 'practically little kids'.

I can go to university and work with accommodations. The students I work with likely will never live independently and a few might find jobs that support them but still pay them less than an abled worker.

I have full control of my finances. The students I work with aren't allowed to make independent financial decisions, even if capable.

If I say 'no,' I'm making a choice. The students I work with can't say 'no' without being labeled as defiant and difficult.

I can feed myself, bathe myself, and take care of myself with extreme challenges. The students I work with are unable to take care of themselves without high levels of support/one on one support.

I had an IEP in high school but was mainstreamed in classes. The students I work with take separate classes and some rarely get to interact with their abled peers.

Our experiences are fundamentally different. Higher support needs autistics will experience a specific type of ableism I never will, and can never fully understand.

Lower support needs autistics need to stop saying we understand what higher support needs autistics are going through and then present autism as only being disabling because of society/lack of acceptance because that is dangerous. We need to stop saying every autistic person is capable of everything if given the right support because that leaves out huge parts of our community who will never be able to do certain things, regardless of support.

We are worthy of existence regardless of our abilities.

Autism is a spectrum. It is not the same for every autistic person. Autism acceptance and advocacy has to come with accepting, acknowledging, and listening to our higher support needs peers.

[zebulontheplanet]

Things that should be accepted in the autism community that isn’t currently acceptable or talked about enough or talked about as gross.

Being nonverbal (as in can’t talk at all permanently)

Having caretakers

Having other people do ADLs for you. Especially bathing and toileting.

Being talked to in simplified language

Being dirty

Drooling

Chewing on things

Stimming violently and loudly

Hitting yourself

Vocal stimming loudly

Being higher support needs

Being higher support needs and a POC

Being intellectually disabled with autism

And so much more. I shout-out anyone who are these things or do these things. You are amazing.

[spectrumgarden]

Shoutout to autistic people who need to learn a skill again and again in different environments. Who know how to do something at home but have to relearn it in a different place. Who are taught to do something outside of home and that doesnt transfer into having the skill at home. Etc.

[spooksforsammy]

Geniuenly like. So many people claim support disability. But then say something completely untrue

Y’all support autism? So what about when the person has intellectual disability or need help walk talk eat bath use bathroom? Does your support end when you see someone with higher needs?? Someone who actually genuinely won’t survive without support from others n that support is sometimes having other people do everything for them.

Y’all support depression? What about when the person can’t bring themself to get out of bed for days on end? What about when that person goes days weeks months without cleaning self because can’t get up even though need to?

Yall support schizo-spec disorders & psychosis? What about what the person get violent because of their delusions n hallucinations? The ones know are fake but still can’t help but believe in? The ones genuinely believe in their delusions/ hallucinations? What about the ones don’t don’t get violent to self n other because of the disorder? Those that just sit scared about the hallucinations n delusions. The ones that won’t leave their room/ house out of fear of their delusions/ hallucinations?

Y’all support those with physical disabilities? What about the housebound bedbound ones? The ones need gait trainers walkers wheelchairs? What about the ones who full time users? Or the ones that need power chairs to independently move around? What about the ones crying screaming throwing up from their pain?

What about the disabled that always have a horrible attitude because tired of the disrespect? Tired of having to explain everything about them to everyone even if personal? Tired being told get over it n just educate others?

The disabled ones tired telling people not use certain terms. Tired of being spoken over n for without being thought about or asked. Tired of hearing their communication isn’t valid for ‘xyz’

Y’all support but act very picky about who deserves support and who’s not worthy of it. It’s not support if you pickin n choosing

[boughkeeper-dainsleif]

thinking about the time i said to a couple people that i can't drive due to my autism, and one of them said something like "i don't have a choice bc my parents made me drive". that bothered me for a while, and continues to bother me. i don't have a choice either. if my life depended on me driving, i would die.

it feels to me like whenever i say "i can't do this because of my autism", allistics (or often times lower support needs autistics) assume that i have actually just decided not to do something, instead of understanding that i am physically incapable of doing it, even if my life depended on it, even if i desperately wanted to.

i wish allistics understood that an autistic person's limitations cannot be changed with motivation or different choices. sometimes it feels like other people have a harder time accepting my needs and limits. than i do myself.

[nemo-bros]

i think lots of people do not realize how long it takes to set up aac (low tech or high tech)

low tech requires lots of printing and cutting and laminating and hole punching and more cutting etc

and high tech requires hours of sitting with device and customizing not just settings but words, folders, layout etc

[pumpkinspicedmochi]

People are always like "I'm autistic too and I CAN work/do thing! so you can too, those are excuses" or "I also have back pain and I can stand for HOURS to work you just lazy"/ "well my feet hurt all the time but I Still work so.."

but did it possibly occur to you that..MY autism isn't YOUR autism?, my scoliosis isn't yours ..mine for all you know could be worse than yours and even if yours is a higher curve number ours still won't be same neither will our pain be the same. Say this to say: don't compare yourself to others in that way, I've seen people do this with like adhd too like I don have adhd that I know but do struggle with executive dysfunction and just because you can do whatever and you don't struggle with it at all or as much as others doesn't then give you the right to say "well I have that too and so I know for a fact you CAN do the thing , you just lazy! I can say because I have same disorder and therefor-" please shut the fuck up, we not the same.

[spooky-pumpkinz]

The amount of level 1 autistics that get mad when you explain your also autistic and struggle with activities aimed at children that they find easy is hilarious.

They get mad saying oh im autistic too and i not being ablist nor is that what i actually meant-

Yeah back track now someone called you out. (they blocked me in the end soo 🤷)

They expect everyone to read between the lines then get mad when others can't

Yeah. I find a children's horse game challenging. I also struggle to make basic decisions like food and drink. Or remember to care for myself.

[cryptid-aac]

I can't believe I have to say this but there's. HUGE difference between saying "small talk is actually quite fun" and "small talk is actually fun and if you don't engage with the bit then you have a small soul and are miserable"

Yes, some (LSN) autistics do have the ability to learn how to do small talk. But the vast majority do not and can not. And using confirmation bias doesn't make you not ableist. The truth of the matter is that the vast majority of autistics who have seen your posts and are hurt by it probably don't engage and just block you. Because they've seen how you treated the autistics who are like "hey calling people miserable for not doing the bit is actually pretty damn ableist, even if you didn't mean it". They've seen how you hide behind the autistics who can do the bit and use them as an excuse as a "*they* can do it, so you can to."

[aacalienz]

Adults with intellectual and developmental disabilities are ADULTS. Not eternal children

[sillylandmagic]

Everyone is all about supporting autistic folks until they do things that are ‘gross’ or unhygienic.

For example, I spit when I talk because It’s hard to control my saliva. I also am prone to drooling.

I couldn’t dry myself off effectively until I was over 13 years old. I don’t wash my body frequently other than my privates sometimes because of deficits in motor skills and just the inability to effectively do it each time.

I can only slightly scrub my hair with shampoo but it’s dirty after a day because i can’t wash it efficiently. I go days without washing my hair.

I can’t shave or trim any body hair, I can’t remember to use deodorant. I don’t brush my teeth for over a week because no one tells me to and I can’t reliably do it without support.

I’ve never been able to wipe enough after using the bathroom usually leading to wet spots in my underwear. I’ve had UTIs because I can’t realize that my bladder is full. It’s slightly better now but I remember a year ago I held everything in so long that I dribbled some in my underwear because I didn’t go to the bathroom until last second. This happened frequently at home and school. And I would be too embarrassed and didn’t change.

It’s not gross or nasty that certain autistics need substantial support for things like hygiene, toileting, and grooming. Or don’t have support and are left dirty because they can’t do it themselves. You’re not any less human or a person for dealing with these things. I love you/platonic 🫂

[zebulontheplanet]

I don’t think people understand how it is to have been behind on EVERY milestone. Learning how to walk? Late. Learning to read? Late. Learning to use the bathroom independently? Late. Every single milestone was late.

And when you have this, people ask questions. People bully you. Why can’t you shower by yourself at 9,10,15,20? Why can’t you brush your teeth independently and frequently? Why can’t you tie your shoes? Why can’t you do math? Why can’t you do this, or that.

And then there’s the people on social media. “Well I was forced to.” “Well I didn’t have a choice” and that’s understandable and completely valid, but there are people that no matter how much you force them, or neglect them so they “figure it out” they won’t “figure it out”. They’ll die. They’ll starve. They’ll not bathe and be dirty.

Higher support needs people don’t just “figure it out” our brains are wired differently. Our brains don’t get that we HAVE to do these things just to survive. So we don’t. And that sucks.

It’s disheartening to constantly hear people say “well i was forced to” because so was I!! I was forced to do things too! I was neglected too! And guess what? I still didn’t do those things. I STILL wasn’t able to meet those milestones.

The big one that I see is “well I’m forced to talk.” And I get that, but me, a person that’s nonverbal, can’t be forced to talk. No matter if I’m neglected, no matter if my device is taken away or I have no way of communication. I still wouldn’t be able to talk. I CANNOT force myself to talk. Get that through your heads. This is my reality, and although yours sucked there are still some people who cannot do things, and saying that they could if they were “forced” is invalidating of them.