#meanwhile shred is just oblivious

[cerealbishh]

"Is this about the hot vet?"

"Yeah, of course it's about the hot vet! I've been laying the groundwork for years! You know how many vaccination clinics I volunteered for? A lot of vaccination clinics. I've eradicated entire diseases in pursuit of that woman."

[angelsforthenight]

take care of me…

ellie williams x fem! reader

cw: mdni, modern AU, sub! ellie, dom! reader, loser!ellie, established relationship, use of vibrator, cunnilingus, slight degrading, overstimulation, bush! ellie 🤑, begging, crying, cursing, sub-space, aftercare + some fluff at the end :3

WHAT IS SUB-SPACE? sub-space is an altered state of consciousness that can happen during BDSM play. typically it’s when the bottom gets all high and floaty. subs in subspace may have a higher pain tolerance, have difficulty speaking, and lose all sense of time.

“nn—nnhhh… i can’t— i can’t, y/n, please.” ellie gasps out, on the cusp of release. she feels too much, too overwhelmed by the plethora of different sensations. grabbing your hair for some sort of anchor, her jaw falls slack: pathetic whines and pleasured sobs tumbling from her lips as they melt against the loud humming of the vibrator nudged against her clit. and your mouth only keeps moving.

hold on, run that back. wanna know how you got here?

“babe, i’m not even kidding, i think i ripped out a tastebud.” ellie’s been complaining about this for the entire day, but doing nothing about it. to be frank, it’s been pissing you off a little. ellie could just as well get up and take a look in the mirror for herself, but for some reason she insists on you checking it out.

this isn’t the first time you’ve had to play doctor. don’t get it twisted, it’s cute! having to take care of your girlfriend is a gift you want to keep safe in an enclosed haven. but only when something has actually happened.

when false alarms happen one too many times, it’s only natural you get at least a little annoyed, and you’re very positive that this moment is another one of that case, yet you never seem to get enough. you set the book you were reading down, sitting up on your bed.

“let me see.” you sigh, placing your fingers on her chin, tilting her head up. ellie sticks her tongue out and to no surprise at all, there’s nothing.

“you’re kidding me, right?”

“what? no! i just hurt my tongue so bad trying to shred the guitar!” ellie says defensively.

“well then you’re stupid.” you laugh, “who the hell does that?”

“jimi hendrix does…” she mumbles sullenly, hanging her head low and so very clearly trying to make you pity her and give in. and alas, it’s working.

“stop pouting and come here.” you roll your eyes, even if there’s a hint of a smile on your lips. ellie lights up too, shuffling closer and opening her mouth again.

you scrutinise your stare. it’s a little red, yes, but that’s the entire tip of her tongue. if ellie ripped out a tastebud like she claims she did, she would have at least been bleeding a little bit.

meanwhile, ellie keeps her eyes trained on you. it’s so quiet in the room apart from the whirring fan noises and the sounds of cars driving past every now and then. she likes seeing you all focused, with your attention on nothing else but her. secretly, that’s why she’s always pestering you about meaningless injuries.

“you didn’t tell me where…” you murmur, but you leave no space for her to respond when you clamp her tongue down with your thumb and forefinger; pulling her tongue down a little further so you can get a closer look. the pad of your thumb drags across it to feel something, even if you don’t know what it is you’re really looking for. ellie’s caught off guard by this move. in fact, it projects her into this sudden state of being very aware of what you two are doing, the feel of your fingers in her mouth, on her tongue. she can’t help but fidget, getting distracted.

“don’t move.” you mutter, oblivious to the way ellie’s feeling. that firm command stirs her up even more, her breathing uncontrollably growing heavier. she tries to lock in, but with the way she’s suddenly conscious? horny? fuuuck, it’s difficult. you feel her hot breath fan against your knuckles.

“if you ripped out a tastebud then you would’ve been bleed—“ you trail off in the middle of your sentence when you glance up at ellie. her cheeks are a light shade of pink, prominent even under the warm amber glow of your bedroom lamp lights. her eyebrows are arched upwards, staring at you with this helpless look on her face. she looks so, undeniably pathetic. surprised, you let go of her tongue.

ellie looks away, wiping her mouth with her fist. you realise she’s very faintly trembling.

“ellie…” you murmur softly.

“what are we gonna have for dinner, by the way? you cooked yesterday but i’m very shit at cooking so we could order door-dash but at the same time we did door-dash the day before yesterday and the day before-before so..” she begins to ramble, clearly flustered and embarrassed. you smile.

“ellie.” you say again, taking her hands in yours. she pauses, staring at you. her chest heaves, eyes all big and yielding.

“let’s do this again, ‘kay? wanna tell me what you really want?” you say slowly, and the way your tone is soft makes ellie’s head feel foggy. she takes a deep breath, which almost sounds like a whine.

“i… um…” ellie’s always had trouble communicating what she wants. she avoids your gaze, trying to find the right words to say. she feels like a glop of slime, slowly melting. you give her an encouraging smile, brushing your thumb against the back of her palm in repeated back and forth motions.

“i want you… to, um— i need you to take care of me.” her voice crackles with neediness, urgency laced in her tone. her lips are quivering. you can tell how bad she wants this, but you can’t help but prod her some more.

“take care of you how? lots of ways i can do that.” your voice is consistently soft, almost cooing. ellie’s mind keeps on slipping into this hazy state, lips quivering and eyes half-slits.

“y-you know. i don’t have to tell you…”

“damn right you do.” you tut. “you’re gonna use your words and tell me what you want. i’m not inside your brain now, am i?” the slight change in tone makes ellie flinch, as she’d quite frankly die before disappointing you. you can literally see the cogs in her head moving, calculating what to say so that you’re able to give her what she wants and simultaneously not being bad.

her eyebrows arch again, subtly scooting even closer to you so that her knees are pressed directly against yours.

“can we… uh… like, have sex? like you touching me and stuff?” she whispers, as if somebody else could hear. you initially try to stifle in your laughter, but it slips out.

“oh yeah? how do you want it?” you giggle, amused by the way ellie’s fumbling over her words and constructing her sentences in this weird, adorable way. ellie scowls, not finding this the least bit funny.

“stop laughing at me.”

“how do you want it?” you repeat, grinning.

“i don’t know, you can do anything you want… just… please. i need to cum.” ellie groans, but it sounds more like a helpless mewl. you stare at her whilst ellie fidgets in her seat, eyes repeatedly flicking between your eyes, your lips and your lap. you can’t help but ‘awww’ in pity.

“anything, yeah? don’t hold your word against me, okay?” you raise your brows, expecting a response. ellie shudders in excitement.

“okay.”

so next thing you know, you two are kissing whilst ellie’s propped up on your lap. you’re aware of how she's grinding on you; trying to give herself flickers of stimulation. you let it happen, occasionally teasing her by bucking your own hips up. whenever you do so, ellie has a hard time kissing you back, losing composure and moaning in your mouth. it’s the hottest thing.

you pull away so you can marvel at the look on ellie’s face; quietly panting for breath whilst she stares at you with the most pliant look. so malleable it’s as if you could bend her into anything you wanted with just a command.

you smush your lips against hers again, only you’re more greedy this time: pushing forwards so you both drop onto the bed. you intertwine your fingers with hers, peppering wet kisses on her neck. the way your lips tug on her skin compiles ellie into mush, with no thoughts running through her head. she whimpers, eyes fluttering shut as her back arches, chest against chest. you continue to administer neck-kisses, leaving a few selfish marks whilst your free hand slowly inches it’s way towards ellie’s pants, tugging it down. ellie’s in her own world: wriggling free from the confines of her sweatpants as her head lolls against the pillow. next, your hand quietly reaches for the drawer. ellie’s eyes are closed, so she doesn’t realise when you pull out a vibrator with the head of a cute bear. you bite your lip, stifling in your amused excitement when you press the machine against ellie’s clothed cunt. ellie harshly gasps, eyes flying open before groaning.

“oh, i fucking hate you…” she laughs, head plopping back down, “you just had… to go for the— stupid bear one…” her words keep on getting broken up by moans slipping out.

“do you like this?” you grin. a wet spot slowly fades in the centre of ellie’s underwear. ellie whines when you heighten the setting. “yes or no?”

“yes….” ellie squeaks. “can we… t-take… aaah…” ellie’s having a hard time speaking with the vibrator flush against her. her underwear is growing wetter and wetter, outlining her vulva clearly. her stomach tightens.

“hmmmm?” ellie’s thighs twitch in delight at the sensation, back arching as she seeks out for more.

“my underwear… take it off, please.” she gasps out, her entire body buzzing. you turn the vibrator off so she has time to breathe, deciding to be nice for now: serving as a prior make-up for how much you’re going to ruin the poor girl. that’s why you do what she’s asked of you, slowly pulling off her undies. ellie shivers at the way it rolls down her legs, twitching at the air fanning her now bare cunt. your place your hand at the top of her mound, fingers spreading through her pubes as your thumb grazes against her folds, slightly opening it and watching as the juices eagerly flow out. you unconsciously lick your lips, pupils darkening. ellie watches you and blushes.

“you’re this needy? just ‘cuz of the tongue thing?” you taunt whilst ellie whines in response. you dip your head in between her legs, tongue flicking out to get a taste. “ohhhh my god, yesyesyesyes…” ellie whispers. you’re hungry, munching on her pussy like you’ve been starving for damn near weeks. ellie’s back flies off the bed, her hands desperately gripping the sheets.

“pathetic…” you mumble, and ellie moans at the way the word thrums against her pussy, sending vibrations in her entire body. her moans unabashedly rip out of her lips at the way you kiss and suck her heat. the frenzy consumes her, as her body jerks uncontrollably. to induce the cruelty, you suddenly pause: an idea flicking through your head like a light bulb.

“i’m really gonna mess you up. sorry, baby…” you murmur but ellie couldn’t care any less, so goddamn needy for release she’ll accept anything you give her. you grab the discarded bear-head and press down against her clit, the setting even higher than last time. it elicits loud reactions from ellie, helpless whimpers tumbling from her lips as she receives thrum after thrums of pleasure.

to make matters (better) worse, you resume your pussy-licking, so ellie can feel both the vibrator and your lips on her mound. ellie cries out, thighs instinctively trying to close themselves up. your hand firmly presses down on her thigh, keeping them open.

“nn—nnhhh… i can’t— i can’t, y/n, please.” ellie gasps out, on the cusp of release. she feels too much, too overwhelmed by the plethora of different sensations. grabbing your hair for some sort of anchor, her jaw falls slack: pathetic whines and pleasured sobs tumbling from her lips as they melt against the loud humming of the vibrator nudged against her clit. and your mouth only keeps moving.

you’re putting the work in, going to town on her and really fucking her up. thick tears stream down her face from how insanely good it all feels, her entire body twitching and jolting. your tongue laps strongly, whilst the vibrator is on the highest setting it can be. ellie’s bordering on becoming animalistic, letting out grunts and loud moans.

“g-gonna cum.. —cumming, i’m cumming..” ellie babbles pathetically, seldom coherent. jolting sharply, she grips your hair tightly, in which you groan from the slight pain, as you feel her warm juices flowing in your mouth. ellie pants as you turn the bear-head off, lifting your head up to glance at ellie.

you did succeed in breaking the hell out of her. there’s a heavy, dazed look written across her face; eyes glazed-over and as if she’s not really here. she looks boneless yet plush. you lift yourself up, gazing at her softly. it’s understandable she’s entered into sub-space after what they’ve just done.

“oh, baby…” you whisper, lifting her up so you two are sitting. ellie complies silently, weakly wrapping her arms around your waist and burying her face in the crook of your neck. there is no train of thought running through her head, and it’s almost as if she’s unconscious whilst fully awake. you run your fingers through her hair, kissing her head.

“my sweet girl… you did so good. so proud of you.” you whisper in her ear. ellie hums in response, burying her face even more. she’s all blissed out, liking the way the tip of your nails dance across her scalp. it makes her feel safe, but most of all loved.

hours later, when you two do end up ordering door-dash for the third time this week, ellie ends up flatly denying the state she had been in earlier.

“nope. no idea what you’re talking about.” she says, yet unable to hide her sheepish smile.

a/n: my singular contribution to kinktober 🧎‍♀️also i am a suuuuucker for sub! ellie like i was so giggly writing this!!! lmk if u were too (˶˃ᆺ˂˶)!!

[v3nusxsky]

Hi! It's me again, I would properly ask for request on "Jealous Daddy! Lesso x R? Like Lady lesso find out who the reader seeing and got angry about it? Mention of caning and comfort s*x in the end?

Suffocating in unspoken words 18+

*authors note~ woahhhh smut finally? Hell yeah. Also I make no apologies for needing a jealous Leo to throw me around😳 also Leo is a bit of a dick here, NEVER treat any of your partners like this, aftercare is extremely important guys.*

Trigger warnings~ daddy kink, jealousy dom Leo sub r angry sex rough strap on oral strap refused to as the real deal, choking, hair pulling face slapping doggy spanking degrading slight praise, no aftercare (Leonora is a very toxic )

Prompt~ see ask^^^^

Tag list

There is no denying you are gorgeous, both women could agree on that, but that fact only aided the war between them. Larissa being the observer that she is could tell how wound up your boss was at her presence. In fact she got a thrill from the fact. Often, when you were in her lap she would search for the dark haired woman’s eyes in the crowds before moving her hands over the exposed skin of your back. Trailing all over you, causing little goosebumps to appear as you’d grind your hips into her, head falling onto her shoulder as breathless moans fell from your lips. Something the blonde principal enjoyed immensely. Something Lesso couldn’t stand to see.

One particularly busy night, Larissa Weems had to fight for your attention, something she didn’t enjoy. But what made things worse was that anytime Leonora saw you, you were perched on the principals lap. Jealousy brewing within the dark haired woman every time she caught the scene. Her feelings being painfully obvious but trauma can do some funny things to people, which is why she channeled them through anger. Meanwhile, Larissa was doing her best to turn you into a needy mess on her lap, anything to make you more agreeable to her little proposal. A long time coming now for her, she wanted to ask you to be hers. The original plan was to ask you for a drink, to see if you were truly interested or just amazing at luring in clients. Despite being middle aged, the principal could safely state that she hadn’t wanted anyone in the ways she wants you. It’s more than just one night of pleasurable heights. It’s more than a friends with benefits situation. It’s more than sex. Something about you made her want to know all the small things like your middle name, your favourite colour, your hopes and dreams and every single piece of knowledge she could devour.

Ironically, both the women who want you seem to be oblivious to each others intent, you being clueless to each of their intentions, yet you wanted them both. Despite how harsh Leonora was with you, it wouldn’t be fair to say that you didn’t enjoy that. In fact, you just so happened to find that side of the woman attractive, of course you longed for the sweet moments too, deep down you think she likes you too. Maybe. Yet with Larissa, you are practically bathed in praise and compliments, and you’d be lying if you said that didn’t make you crave the woman or the darker side of the principal. Each of the ladies providing a perfect mix of the harsh yet lovely treatment. One problem is that they seemed to despise the other, providing you with the assessment that you’d have to choose. But would you be happy with just one of them?

“Doll?” Larissa practically purred as you gathered your clothing you’d shredded earlier, “would you like to come to dinner? With me?” You could tell the blonde principal was nervous by the way her last words quietened and her eyes darted up and down your frame, anywhere but your beautiful eyes. “Oh, Miss Weems, are you sure? I mean what if you don’t like me outside of the palace of all things sinner?” You mumbled slightly attempting to hide your blush by turning away to the left slightly. “Oh sweet girl, I desire nothing more than to get to know you for more than just your gorgeous body darling. You’re stunning but I’m sure your heart is one of a kind. Even if all you offer is companionship, I’d still choose you out of all the women here. So would give me that chance darling? To take things to whatever level you’re comfortable with as long as you’re by my side pretty girl.”

With a shy yes you arranged to meet the woman at Nevermore, from there she’d pull out all of the stops to ensure your happiness. It is evident you were nervous and with everything she said, she meant. If only having you as a companion was all she was allowed then she’d still die a happy woman. With a sweet press of her ruby red lips to your cheek she bid you a good night. Little did you know, your boss having now worked out just what her feelings may indicate actually heard the conversation. You wanted her. That was clear as day. The blonde woman seemingly snatching you away from right under her nose, temper flaring at the thought of being too late. You had to be hers, the raven haired woman decided she’d stop at nothing to get you in the palm of her hand. Even as busied yourself with the end of shift tasks, a simile graced your lips at the thought of your upcoming time with the tall blonde. You didn’t even consider that Lesso would be silently seething about it. Of course, if there’s one thing your boss is known for is her jealousy.

“You” she growled as you began to carefully free your hair from the millions of grips pinning it to your scalp. “Lesso?” You mumbled in confusion as you turned to face the dark haired woman. “What can I do for you?” You mumbled, your gaze anywhere but her eyes after catching the anger swirling in them. You hadn’t broken any of the house rules, all the clients were happy. So you couldn’t be the cause for her apparent distress. “You’re mine” she all but growled at you, stalking forward as if you were mere prey to a lion. With an eye roll and clear annoyance written over your features you fought back, “whatever! I don’t belong to anyone. Especially not you.”

“Stupid Dolly, you’ve always been mine. Nothing but a slut, holes that are only good to be used and then discarded as if you are just a toy. Mine. Not that blonde bitch you seem to enjoy whoring your bratty self out to” she seethed, her cane slamming into the ground as if she were a toddler having a tantrum. “You don’t even know me Leonora” you hissed, realistically who was she to get mad because Larissa flirts and wants to continue? It’s not your fault your boss was all hot and flirting one minute too cold and damn right rude the next. “I know everything about you pretty whore, more than you know. Now get your sweet ass up and over my lap. Daddy clearly needs to train her bitch better”. She couldn’t be serious? But the anger still swirling at your ignorance told you she was, perhaps that’s why you shuffled to the sofa and did as asked. To see how far she’d take it.

“I’ll calve my name into your precious skin if I have to, you will accept that you are mine” she promised as you settled yourself ass up over her lap. “You. You. You. You’re always driving me fucking crazy” she growled teasing your soft globes of skin with the cool metal cane. “You aren’t seeing her again dolly. Now count” she stated before continually bringing her cane down against your soft skin. Every cry of pain only adding to the arousal she felt. “You made daddy do this sweetheart. You know daddy wouldn’t want to hurt such a precious dove like you. You know I love you and only want the best for you. I’m am the best for you dolly. Not her. Tell daddy you understand it’s more than sex. That your mine” her request seeming instant as you gasped through the pain of the ten strikes she just laid on your ass.

Being impossibly turned on, you did as she requested even though you weren’t quite sure she was correct. Perhaps that’s why she grabbed a fist full of your hair and yanked you up to a standing position. Dark eye makeup smeared across your face from all the tears distracting Lesso from her own carnal needs. “Pretty tears for a pretty slut” she murmured before focusing on the task at hand, freeing her not so little friend. And at the sight you were practically drooling like a bitch In heat much to her amusement. “Gonna fuck you so hard you’ll be ruined for good. All mine. Fucking slutty pussy is soaking baby” she mumbled as her lips nipped sucked and licked your exposed skin, ripping any garments that remained a barrier between you both.

You were sure you would be covered in markings in the morning, but you couldn’t really seem to care right now. It all felt so good until you made the mistake of trying to get what you wanted from the older woman. Slender fingers wrapped themselves around your delicate neck, pressing ever so slightly too much to make her point clear. You’d only be getting what she offered, no more, no less. After all Leonora doesn’t do feelings, she does one night and gone. Never in her life has she needed anyone the way she needs you, In her own way an admission that she loves and needs you but can’t vocalise that. So instead she treats you as if you’re nothing but a common whore, hoping to get you out of her system.

“Get on your knees whore” she gravely whispered in your ear, pushing your body towards the sofa, on your hands and knees, when you weren’t moving fast enough for her taste. “Filthy slut” she muttered watching as your juices drip down your thighs. “Pretty cunt” was all she offered, teasing your soaking core with the huge head of her cock. With faux sympathy she continued with “shame I’m going to have to ruin it” before pushing into your tight little hole. “L-eo please I can’t” you whimpered with more tears streaming down your cheeks, only to have your head yanked up by her hand in your hair, “it’s daddy you dumb slut! God can’t do anything right can you?”

“Fuckin take it” she gritted out as she found the perfect angle and rhythm to drill your poor pussy with. The position leaving you powerless as she forced your head into the sofa and used your body for leverage. All the tension from the past weeks melting away as she made you hers. It appears one hit of you wouldn’t be enough to state her but that’s a problem for another time. Instead she focused and railing you until she got bored. “Messy fucking slut” she grumbled as she pulled her faux cock from your used body that lay in a shaking pile of bones and skin.

Hate sex. She had to remember this isn’t love. She can’t love. Especially not you. No. Lesso knew she didn’t deserve someone so pure, and after the way she’d just used your body she hoped you’d hate her just as much as she hates herself right now. But you will always be hers. No one can have you now. After all, she doesn’t share what is hers. Ever. Tucking the now cum covered silicon dick back into her pants she gets up and makes herself presentable. “Cover up slut or are you giving everyone a show? You. Are. Mine.” She growled as she left the changing rooms. There you finally let the tears fall, you’d only ever be a quickie for her, a thing. A set of holes. Why can’t she just see you as you? And more importantly why do you still want her to want you? Like you. Love you. It should be an easy choice for you, choose Larissa. Yet, your heart is always torn between them, shattered but still there.

Sharing a bond with Lesso when your first met wasn’t helping the situation now, and really you didn’t know what to do. Everything was consensual but your feelings were now fried. On auto pilot really you throw a hooded sweatshirt and some joggers on before driving back to Jericho, past your dingy little flat and straight to Nevermore. Would you even be able to get in? To find her? You didn’t know but it’s like your mind knew the roads like the back of your hand.

Leaving Sinful Souls over two hours ago, Larissa wasn’t expecting to see anyone. Knocking at her office door could’ve been anyone from the sheriff to Wednesdays Addams or another staff member. But in all the possibilities, she’d never thought you’d be on her doorstep, shivering, black smudged eye makeup caressing your cheeks, looking two times smaller and holding back sobs. “Oh sweet girl! Come in. What happened darling? What can I do?” The older shifter couldn’t help but immediately try to fix whatever had occurred but that only made you cry more, her arms barely catching you before you hit the ground.

Unsurprisingly, during work you’d acquired a few alcoholic drinks, so sitting here, two glasses of wine later, you were becoming quite the emotional drunk. Rambling on about Lesso and why couldn’t she want you. Love you. And why you couldn’t have both. You wanted Larissa. She knew that. You’d told her many times in the past hour. But you wanted Leonora too. And the way she’d treated you was so incredibly wrong, Larissa just knew she had to fix it for her sweet girl. Lesso would learn her lesson.

[dsknsk]

Doppel descriptions...for Corrosions.

Doppel of judgment. Its form is a heavenly executor’s scribe. The master of this emotion doesn’t seem to mind it, but remains slightly annoyed with its intentions. A doppel that is always seeking something to judge, part of its body consists of eyes that can move in any direction and see everything. As soon as it sees something that has received a guilty verdict, it locks on to its target, swiftly enacting ‘justice’...but in practice, it will try to execute just about anything, using its hypnotizing eyes to entrance the victim before killing it. The master knows that hiding from it is pointless, but becomes entirely engrossed by it in such a way that her face is formed into its eye itself.

Doppel of earnest wishes. Its form is a pagoda veneration. The master of this emotion has very sincere desires she tries to show, thus this doppel has familiarized itself with that part of her. However, it has grown frustrated with too many stones placed without a shred of sincerity, so it has started assuming that no one is truly earnest. This means that, instead of placing another stone on the cairn, it will decidedly bash anything it finds with a large rock until it finds no more insincerity in its target. Meanwhile, the master remains oblivious to the fact that if the world is entirely rid of insincerity, it will believe that its master’s wish is already fulfilled.

Doppel of seeking. Its form is a wayward passenger. The master of this emotion fully loses his humanity when it is summoned, and has no control over its actions. As it has lost its way, it tirelessly keeps opening and closing dimensions in the faint hope it will ever find home. If it encounters something at the place it wants to be, anger overtakes it and will violently try to remove them from the spot. The numerous sharp teeth on the inside of its body and its blade-like limb often cause the victim to become unrecognizably mutilated. However, the master cannot see anything of this, so he genuinely believes that it isn’t caused by him.

Doppel of abuse. Its form is a backstreets watchdog. The master of this emotion resonates highly with it and is easily overtaken by it. This doppel is a lump of obedience that is constantly led by the electricity that keeps striking it. It does nothing on its own except sit there until it is stirred to move, at which it becomes absolutely rabid, howling and clawing at anything without regard for its identity. Its master appears powerless to stop it, hanging limply on its body, but his movements show that at least a sliver of him remains aware. That is likely to be what remains of his rationality in this state.

[gareleia]

THE KNITTING SAGA BUT HERMES IS A DUMMY

update: my co-writer friend FINALLY got a tumblr account, so I can tag them now!!

previously: part 1 part 2 part 3

next: part 5

m'kay, so, we've talked about Athena & Telemachus' issues. now let's touch on Hermes, because a Diva™ like him deserves his own post. and also because this had been sitting in my notes for so long i've genuinely forgotten about it (i'd say that it's what translating a musical does to you, but honestly my attention span is just shit)

now, as much as I love Soft Boi!Hermes, I even more so love prankster Hermes who doesn't really recognize personal boundaries or the meaning of 'too far'. he's the guy who'll commit to the bit so far, he'll commit mass murder with a Tee-Hee and genuinely wonder what has got everyone so upset.

kid!Telemachus, holding a cup of poison: grandpa, are you sure it's a good idea? I'm scared… Hermes, laughing his ass off in the corner: of course I'm sure, champ! it'll be hilarious! good ol' game of Ithacean Roulette! now dump it into the wine, let's see who we'll get this time!

at the same time, he's not selfish. he's very keen on doing things for the people he likes, and he cares enough to know when someone is distressed. he, as a god, is just so removed from traditional human morality that casual acts of cruelty are perfectly acceptable to him, while, for example, breaking an oath is a horrible sin.

think blue and orange morality stuff.

telemachus, outraged: …murdered his own family, can you imagine? hermes, equally outraged: I know, right? he gave a blood oath and broke it! disgusting! telemachus: why is that your only concern?!

but don't worry, helping to raise Telemachus and hanging around the same people consistently makes a real boy outta him gives him enough time and insight into humanity to start understand mortals better, and, as consequence, adopt some of their values.

especially the concept of spousal loyalty. Hermes is a patron god of thieves, and at the time taking someone's wife was viewed as an act of theft (because women were property, yeeesh). which is why to him Penelope's situation was less of a tragedy and more of a "well, my dumbass great-grandson Odysseus should've seen it coming. snooze you lose! ¯_(ツ)_/¯"

that is, until he gets to know her better. and suddenly she's not a prize to be won or a challenge to conquer. she's a smart, capable person that commands respect from anyone who's got a shred of self-awareness. she's got gentle hands, and a radiant smile, and a spine of steel. Penelope looked Hermes dead in the eyes and told him serenely to keep being a good influence on her son, she does not deserve to be reduced to a token and given away to the highest bidder.

hermes, initially: well, penelope's a rich, gorgeous, basically single queen. I'd steal her too, if she was my type. hermes, 10 years later: she's the smartest, ballsiest human woman I've ever met and if she only wants her Ugly Ass Groom then she'll fucking stay single until he comes back.

unfortunately for everyone else, Hermes cannot step in to protect her, because Zeus and Poseidon are both pissed off at Odysseus already, and if either of them notices Hermes (and/or Athena) interfering with mortals on Ithaca, they might take it as an invitation to follow suit, and then it'll be Troy Story 2: Electric Boogaloo.

so he stays his hand, and hangs around Telemachus discreetly, mostly posing as a human. for a god of liars, he's surprisingly bad at blending in for long periods of time. Hermes thinks he's an awesome conspirator. meanwhile little Telemachus didn't even realise it was a secret.

the only people who don't know that [insert alias] is a god in disguise are the suitors, who are notoriously either too stupid, too overconfident or too busy drinking to connect the dots. the exception is Antinous who pretends to be oblivious and makes sure the gods don't see him as a threat to their beloved little pup (otherwise he'd have killed the prince long ago).

the suitors, however, unanimously agree that they hate this weird annoying stranger, and try to get rid of him in increasingly elaborate ways, from poison to stabbing to wild animals to dropping pots on his head.

spoiler alert: it doesn't work.

hermes, next day: *comes back every morning like nothing had happened, whistling cheerily* suitors: WHY WON'T YOU DIE?!

eventually Antinous convinces them to give up so they don't piss off Hermes.

years pass, Telemachus grows. Athena teaches him strategy and arts of war. Aeolus gradually comes out of the hiding and becomes the resident lovable comic relief side character. and Hermes? he teaches the kid all the good stuff.

and it's not just lying, okay? (though it's a significant part of it) music, diplomacy, geography, street smarts, some history. he's a worldly god, had observed and been a part of countless cultures. above all else, he knows people. he may not really understand them, but he knows how to get what he wants from them, how to find common ground and how to spin things to get along with practically anyone.

and girls. Hermes helps Telemachus with girls.

because he's the cool uncle figure that Telemachus admires, the kid trusts him enough to ask the god for advice when he starts growing older and gets his first crush in his early teens.

and, on one hand, Hermes is ecstatic. on the other one…

telemachus, blushing and stuttering: there's a girl I met, she's so pretty, and cool, and, and, and how do I talk to her, do I just come up and say hi, but what if sh- hermes: … hermes: *blue screen of death* hermes: MY BABY-

it's the first time he truly starts to grasp how short the kid's life will be. because in the blink of an eye he turned from a newborn to an adolescent, and soon enough he'll have his own family, and Odysseus was already a king himself at this age, and Hermes is not ready this can't be it he can't just grow old and die

so anyway, he pushes the thought aside and pretends it never came up at all (because that always works, and bottling shit up never blows up in anyone's face, right, Athena?)

he gives lots of advice, from useless macho stuff to golden nuggets like "be yourself" and "show her respect". and, of course, he cheers from the sidelines, hiding 'inconspicuously'.

and it goes surprisingly well. the girl appears to find Telemachus' awkward attempts at flirting sweet and charming, and the boy is on the cloud nine.

but Hermes isn't. because, unlike the prince, his judgment isn't clouded by a puppy crush and he can see that the girl is actually a lying bitch, who's playing Telemachus like a fiddle, hoping to become the next queen of Ithaca. and he won't stand for it.

except Telemachus, for some reason, doesn't seen thrilled when Hermes tells him to dump the girl?? he flat out refuses to believe that, because love is blind and so are sheltered insecure teenage boys.

so Hermes, in his infinite wisdom, decides to prove to his naive little charge once and for all that the girl is just using him and doesn't actually love him. now, what's the first example of true selfless love from a woman that comes to mind to the god who had spent the last few years hanging out with the royal family of Ithaca? right, Penelope. and the one thing that characterises Penelope is her unconditional loyalty, even into the face of countless threats and temptations.

hermes, to himself: so, if I show the kid that the bitch will leave him as soon as she finds a better prospect, he will definitely admit I was right all along! and dump her! it's a perfect, easy, foolproof plan! I am so smart! what could possibly go wrong!

another spoiler alert: everything goes wrong.

the girl does happily jump into his arms as soon as he hints that he's a god/demi-god/just a cooler prince or something. she does it right in front of Telemachus, in fact, so there's no way he'd be able to deny the obvious.

on the bright side, Hermes immediately outs her as a lying bitch and publicly shames her, embarrassing her family and ruining her prospects of marriage and causing her to suffer for the rest of her life ('disproportionate revenge'? what's that?).

on the down side, for some unfathomable reason, Telemachus doesn't seem very grateful??? what???????

hermes: and so, AS ALWAYS, I was right. telemachus: hermes: but please, hold your applause! telemachus: hermes: I did it all for you, out of the goodness of my heart! telemachus: hermes: and please, don't apologize! you were wrong, I get it! no need to- telemachus: *bitch slaps his smug face and runs away, hurt and betrayed* hermes: *shocked pikachu face*

thing is, Hermes doesn't understand what he did wrong. in his mind he did a rather good deed: showed the liar's true colors, and spared the kid a lot of heartache down the line. he doesn't understand the feelings of betrayal from having someone he trusts explicitly outing him as a naive fool in front of everyone he ever dreamed of earning respect from. doesn't get the pain of having been cast aside by someone he liked in favor of a god, with whom he could never compete. can't imagine living in the shadow of someone he had never even known and being constantly reminded of all the ways he's lacking.

telemachus: I'm not a stupid child, hermes. I could've handled it. hermes: but you didn't listen to me, maybe you'd have never seen it on your own- telemachus: and maybe I would've. maybe I would've had the opportunity to find out myself, and maybe I would've learned from it, but you never gave me that choice, did you?! did you think i'm that dumb?! hermes: oh, come on, kid, you're not dumb- telemachus: THEN WHY DO YOU TREAT ME LIKE I AM?! WHY DON'T YOU EVER TRUST ME?!

aaaaand there's the core issue. Telemachus had spent his whole life being babied at best and looked down upon at worst. constantly compared to Odysseus and his more vicious peers, always shielded from making tough decisions and proving himself. he feels like he will never amount to anything, because no one ever lets him really try. as soon as it looks like he's going to make a mistake, someone (usually Athena, Aeolus or Hermes) swoops in and 'fixes' everything for him, just like they used to do when he was an accident-prone toddler. which he isn't anymore.

and Hermes doesn't understand that. to him, ten years is basically nothing. the kid can't have changed that much in ten years. because if he did, then he'll change a lot in the next ten years, and the next, and very soon he won't change anymore, because ten years are nothing and so are human livespans.

ten years are nothing, because to admit otherwise would force Hermes to face the fact that Telemachus, no matter how precious, is just as mortal as any other human. which amounts to basically losing him already. and Hermes can't.

he held that boy as an infant. he fed him, helped to teach him walk and talk and make silly faces. he can't lose this child to time, the one thing even gods can't really protect humans from.

Penelope finds Hermes sitting on her balcony with the most human expression on his face she'd ever seem him wear. he's lost, and confused, and full of regrets, and kind of terrified. in that aspect, he reminds her painfully of her husband.

hermes, mumble: he's growing older penelope, sighing: I know hermes: he's not a baby anymore penelope: believe me, I know hermes: but... what do I do now??? penelope: you let it happen. not much else you can do.

she talks him through it.

hermes, rambling: but I will lose him. I'll lose him if he grows old and dies. this is why I don't get attached to mortals, you die too soon. he can't die now. penelope: he's not going to die now. he'll become the king first, he will find a good wife and have children and grandchildren. he will become great, greater that I and his father could ever dream of. and he'll be happy. don't you want to see that? hermes: I do, but- I don't want him to grow up! penelope: then you finally know the biggest joy and the deepest pain of parenthood.

it doesn't fix his fear. doesn't fix his pain, either. but it does help fix his attitude.

because she's right. Telemachus is growing old, and he can't shelter and protect the boy forever. soon he'll become a man, then an elder. and there's nothing Hermes can do about it, short of dragging the prince to Olympus and begging Zeus to grant him immortality, which will never work.

Hermes and Telemachus make up, of course. the latter knows, deep down, that the former is just trying to take care of him. they make up and forget the fight - at least, the boy does.

Hermes will always remember.

and he will count every day, every wrinkle, every grey hair.

the joy and pain of parenthood indeed.

[gunterfan1992]

Episode Review: “Cake the Cat”/“Prismo the Wishmaster” (Fionna & Cake, Eps. 3-4)

I wish I had the strength to stay up until the exact moment these episodes are released, hurriedly consume them in a haze while writing down my thoughts, and post my review before the sun has a chance to come up. But alas, as an old man—i.e., a 31-year old—I am not quite as strong as I used to be. (Remember dear friends: Eram quod es; eris quod sum!)

In other words, please excuse me if my reviews take a day or two to post! I have to watch 'em after I get home from work!

Airdate: September 7, 2023

Story by: Anthony Burch, Adam Muto, Hanna K. Nyström, Jack Pendarvis, Kate Tsang

Storyboarded by: Hanna K. Nyström, Anna Syvertsson, Jacob Winkler, Haewon Lee, Nicole Rodriguez

Directed by: Ryann Shannon (supervising), Hans Tseng (art)

Like the title card I have included here, the plot of "Cake the Cat" is relatively straightforward: After finding herself in Ooo (and gaining speaking abilities thanks to a universal translator), Cake explores the world around her. Along the way, she befriends Squirrel (from season five's "Up a Tree") and accidentally destroys an outdoor market. Meanwhile, in her own world, Fionna tries desperately to find her missing pet. But after Simon tries once again to summon GOLB, Fionna suddenly finds herself transported to Ooo, where she reunites with Cake.

"Cake the Cat" might not be the deepest episode from the "Adventure Time Extended Universe" (hmm, maybe the "ATEU"?), but what it lacks in depth, it makes up for with humor. In particular, the episode manages to get considerable mileage out of Cake just acting like a normal (albeit talking) cat: she scratches people, tears things up, snatches food away, and very nearly massacres a small woodland critter, etc. As someone who adores cats and has long put up with their, shall we say, bullshit, these scenes were right on the money. Cake might indeed mean well, but she is still a cat, and cats get into all sorts of hijinks (that's part of the reason why I love them).

"This episode, out of the four that have aired so far, feels the most like "old school" Adventure Time, largely due to the allusions it makes to older episodes: For instance, one subplot in "Cake the Cat" sees the titular character scratch the dickens out of the insane "Tree Gang" from season five's "Up a Tree." (In fact, one could even make a compelling argument that the first half of this episode is basically just a sequel to "Up a Tree"!) Cake's market shenanigans and the ire they raise with the forest folk also echo the events of season two's "Storytelling" (in which Finn makes a gaggle of forest critters' lives hell in a half-baked attempt to find a good story). Like its season two predecessor, "Cake the Cat" heavily relies on the main character's obliviousness, which often leads to some great bits of dark humor (e.g., the shredded pillow man, who, while 'bleeding out' feathers, wheezes, "I… clapped for you!"). But despite these similarities, "Cake the Cat" has enough flourishes to make it its own thing, thereby preventing it from feeling like a tired retread."

One such "flourish" is the heavy focus on Roz Ryan. Most of the past Fionna and Cake episodes have underutilized Cake, treating her as little more than a sassy one-liner machine. "Cake the Cat," on the other hand, not only makes use of Ryan's acting skills, but it also lets her flex her musical prowess by having her sing the song "Cake on The Loose." Ultimately, the decision to not relegate Cake to a secondary role allows for some much-needed character development. Her interactions with Squirrel, for instance, let us know that she's a survivalist who will not tolerate bullies. We also learn that Cake sees Fionna less as a family member and more as a bossy (albeit beloved) roommate. True, these are small glimpses into an established character, but because Cake has long been underdeveloped, they help to flesh out her character, allowing her to come into her own. This is a trend that the following episode will continue…

Airdate: September 7, 2023

Story by: Anthony Burch, Adam Muto, Hanna K. Nyström, Jack Pendarvis, Kate Tsang

Storyboarded by: Iggy Craig, Graham Falk, Jim Campbell, Lucyola Langi

Directed by: Steve Wolfhard (supervising), Hans Tseng (art)

Like "Simon Petrikov" before it, "Prismo the Wishmaster" is a darker installment that subverts the levity that preceded it.

And I'm OK with that!

The episode begins with Prismo beaming up Fionna, Cake, and Simon and revealing to them the truth behind the whole "Fionna and Cake" thing: This "fan fiction" is actually a fictional universe of his own creation. Tired of constantly bringing other people's realities to life, Prismo decided to create a universe of his own. There was just a tiny problem: Doing so violated the cosmological rules that Prismo must follow as the god of wishes. He thus decided to hide the "Fionna and Cake" world in the mind of Ice King—out of sight, out of mind (literally). Unfortunately, GOLB's resetting of the crown threw a wrench into these plans, resulting in his "unauthorized crossover" being detected. This violation consequently summoned Scarab, an antagonistic "god auditor" who yearns for Prismo's job as wishmaster. The episode concludes with Prismo zapping Fionna, Cake, and Simon to Farmworld seconds before Scarab can capture them.

Before talking about the meat of the episode, let me briefly talk about the [Psychic Tandem War] Elephant in the [Time] Room: Prismo's voice. In the initial series, as I am sure many of you are aware, Prismo was voiced by Kumail Nanjiani, a talented comedian perhaps best known for his role in the HBO series Silicon Valley. There was something about Nanjiani's voice that really clicked with the Prismo character—his laid back, somewhat monotonous way of speaking just really fits with Prismo's "chill deity" thing.. Alas, Nanjiani does not reprise his role in "Prismo the Wishmaster" (instead, the character is voiced by Sean Rohani). What? you might be asking, Was there some drama? Did the actor have a falling-out with the crew? No. The answer is far, far more infuriating: Nanjiani's reps apparently declined to tell the very actor they were working for that the Adventure Time folks had wanted him back! Nanjiani has often said that Prismo is one of his favorite characters that he has had the opportunity to play, and so I can only imagine how crestfallen and mad he probably was when all of this came to light. Absolutely nothing against Mr. Rohani, but considering that the voice actor he replaced never wanted to be replaced, I hope that the studio can let Nanjiani overdub Prismo's lines for future streams of the episode. (Ya know, to fix the time line and all that jazz.)

Now, back to our review! Just as "Cake the Cat" recalls the vibes of older episodes, "Prismo the Wishmaster" also echoes with the past, feeling in many ways like a spiritual cousin to season six's "Is That You?" (the masterful episode, solely storyboarded by Jesse Moynihan, that skillfully undid Prismo's death in a way that felt neither cheap nor forced). The similarities between "Prismo the Wishmaster" and "Is That You?" are largely due to their setting (both episodes take place almost entirety in Prismo's time cube), and their shared interest in what I guess you could call "character duplication." But just like "Cake the Cat," this episode is fun and familiar, while still managing to be new and exciting.

I particularly enjoyed the episode's deepening of the already complex cosmology of the Oooniverse. Back in 2020, in the first edition of "Exploring the Land of Ooo," I speculated that the world in which Finn and Jake live owes much to the dualistic cosmology of Gnosticism, specifically the religious movement known as Manichaeism. This approach to reality views the world as fundamentally divided in two. On one side, there is the "Father of Greatness" (roughly equivalent to the Judeo-Christian idea of "God," who creates and orders reality), and on the other side, there is the "King of Darkness" (roughly equivalent to "the Devil," who embodies darkness and death). Adventure Time seems to draw inspiration from this conceptual split, with GOLB being the Oooish version of the "King of Darkness," who revels in chaos and destruction, and "Prismo's Boss" being akin to the "Father of Greatness," who is interested in order and structure. Additionally, Scarab and the various gods who govern the universe remind me of the Gnostic concept of archons (entities that rule over the day-to-day affairs of the physical cosmos), but perhaps that's a topic for another day...

Speaking of Scarab, going into Fionna and Cake, I was particularly curious how the show was going to one-up the Lich. His story arc was nicely capped off in "Together Again," and so I appreciate the producers' decision to create a new villain for this series. As someone who often deals with inane bureaucracy, I quite like the idea of a "god auditor," and Kayleigh McKee does a great job infusing Scarab with a dignified sort of malevolence. Scarab feels textbook lawful evil to me, but unlike a lot of the other baddies in the Oooniverse who are doin' it up the only way they know how, Scarab does not feel affable in any way. He's a cold, sterile regulator, akin to the T-1000 from Terminator 2: Judgment Day, who is interested in only one thing: eliminating his targets. In a word, he feels like a legitimate threat, and that's exciting!

Another major triumph of "Prismo the Wishmaster" is that it fully justifies why this entire miniseries is happening. One of my biggest worries going into this string of episodes was that, while fun, it would not do a good job of legitimizing its own existence. This was largely due to my own biases. After all, I've always enjoyed Fionna and Cake, but I have never adored their episodes. In my mind, they were fun excursions; nothing more, nothing less. However, "Prismo the Wishmaster" expertly grounds their existence in the Ooo that we know, demonstrating that the Fionna and Cake series is not a dull victory lap, nor is it a masturbatory exercise in excess. Instead, it is a bona fide extension of Adventure Time's mythology. Fionna the Human and Cake the Cat are now just as "real" as Finn and Jake ever were. Instead of being simple parodies, they now have a certain depth to them.

Simply put, they matter.

Final “Cake the Cat” Grade: B+

Final “Prismo the Wishmaster” Grade: A

[tennessoui]

its f***ing freezing where i am so now i am once again obsessed with mail order bride au anakin thinking he will just seduce obi-wan and deciding its too fucking cold to takes his clothes off. will he be kept warm by obi-wan in his ebd though? will he???

ah the mail order bride au! aka the au i thought of while taking my dog out at 2 in the morning, cold down to my bones and wearing absolutely not enough clothing for a surprisingly freezing october night.....so thinking about the mail order bride au while also chilly is just typical for this au!!

i imagine when anakin finally is like 'ok. i have to seduce him. i have to sleep with him. i have to take my clothes off', he decides to strike when obi-wan is in the fresher. his plan is to strip and lay naked on obi-wan's bed until the man comes back.

he probably gets halfway through stripping before his goal shifts to getting naked and getting beneath all the furs and covers and hissing at obi-wan when the man tries to slide in as well because he's letting the cold in!! what is he doing!!! idiot!!!!!!!

i can also just really appreciate anakin's big plan being to seduce obi-wan through taking off hs clothes but he can't but meanwhile obi-wan is just so used to the cold he's hardly wearing any clothes and he's absolutely shredded from ice harvesting/kyber crystal harvesting so actually it's anakin who is the one seduced by clueless/oblivious obi-wan who is just earnestly excited to have someone to share the planet's darkest days and longest nights with

[pinkpoweredpunk]

———

Slipping her way down from the tree branches, Snivy landed effortlessly back onto the solid ground, where she was soon to turn her gaze up to the towering formation of rock and dirt looming just ahead of her.

It looked about half as tall as a house, covered top to bottom in small Patrat-sized holes. Currently, those burrowed out crevices were stuffed with twigs and dry grass, serving as homes for individual Pidove couples currently nestled snugly inside.

The little gray birds looked innocent enough, but Snivy narrowed her eyes up at them, knowing full well that was all but the case.

During one of her previous… excursions outside the lab, she’d stumbled across this former nest of Patrat, who at the time offered her shelter from a rainstorm. When she came back the next day to offer them food she’d nabbed from Juniper’s kitchen as thanks, she was shocked to find the colony had been chased from their homes by the very dastardly flock she saw inhabiting the mound now.

Looking further up, she noticed the particular one she’d been tailing before soaring over, diving in and settling into its nest for the night. Lucky for her, today just so happened to present her with the perfect opportunity to get back at the fowl little menaces.

Sneaking away from that glasses kid had been easy enough. She wasn’t expecting to stumble into the mouthy pink-haired one, but she doubted there was anything they could do to get in her way. The nest was all hers.

Lowering herself into the grass, she crept forwards, silent on her feet and her eyes trained on mound. The unsuspecting Pidove couples continued to coo and preen each other obliviously, painting the perfect chance for a seamless ambush.

Once she was close enough, she sprung into action- bounding up the side of the mound, using her tiny claws to propel herself across the dirt wall. She leapt from nest to nest, smacking each Pidove out with a hard slap of her tail one by one. The scene erupted into chaos, feathers and straw flying about as the Normal-type birds clumsily fled from the attacker and into the skies.

Soon enough, she made her way to the top, where she perched and looked down upon the mayhem of her creation with a smirk of pride and no shred of remorse. The Pidove fluttered about wildly like a swarm of angered Combee, screeching and squawking wildly.

Some of them tried to return to the nests, but Snivy put a stop to that quick- shooting vines out from the sides of her neck and whipping them at the birds to shoo them away.

Meanwhile, back on the ground, Blake came stumbling out from the treeline, panting quite heavily. Leaning on a nearby trunk for support as they caught their breath, they looked up, only for their mouth to drop open in shock when they saw the chaos unfolding before them. A giant flock of Pidove swarming frantically around a mound of dirt, and Snivy in the middle of it all, furiously defending herself with nothing but her vines.

“Oh shit-” they cursed, rushing to the grass type’s aid. “Snivy!”

Their rescue attempt was cut short, though, when a group of Pidove broke apart from the flock to swoop down and start pecking relentlessly at them. “Gah!” They yell out, waving their arms up over their head to shoo the little attackers away.

Fighting their way through a cloud of angered feathery little beasts, they eventually make it to the side of the dirt mound, and quickly begin to climb their way up to Snivy’s perch.

Despite the onslaught of pecks and talons on their back, they make it up to the top in a matter of seconds. They hiss in pain when one of Snivy’s vines accidentally slash across their face, leaving a thin line of red over their nose, but they endure the hit and quickly throw themself protectively over the grass type.

Surprised by the sudden weight over her, Snivy yells out in protest and begins to wildly thrash about.

“It’s okay, it’s okay!” They try to calm her, scooping the flailing creature up into their arms. Realizing it’s them, Snivy stops, gawking up at them in pure bewilderment. Even as they get bombarded repeatedly by the swarm of Pidove above them, they manage to give her a reassuring smile through a pained wince. “You’re okay, I’ve got you!”

What are they doing? she thought, finding this change in the trainer so strange and so sudden. She felt she should’ve been more frustrated than she was with them interrupting her fight, but she only found herself baffled at this human’s abrupt act of selflessness. They were shielding her, a Pokémon that had given them nothing but grief up until now, like a mother Liepard would for its cubs.

Why-?

With Snivy secured, Blake starts to carefully slide back down the side of the mound, continuing to act as a human shield between her the furious Pidove. She doesn’t have time to question it anymore, and clings tightly to their jacket’s collar fluff as they begin the descent down.

At one point during their slow retreat, a Pidove manages to swoop past Blake’s face, leaving a scratch across their cheek with its talon and causing them to lose their balance. Feeling the pull of gravity tug them backwards, Blake hugs Snivy close to their chest and squeezes their eyes shut, bracing themself for impact.

They hit the ground with a hard thump, rolling over onto their side. Snivy tumbles out of their arms in the process, but Blake quickly throws themself over her again just as one bird instantly tries to dive bomb her.

Hand flying to their belt, they instinctively reach for a Pokéball, only to grasp at empty air and let out a muttered curse under their breath when they remember their current lack of Pokémon. Quickly switching to plan B, they instead plunge their hand into their bag and snatch one of the empty Pokeballs the professor had lend them prior to the test.

With a hard swing of their arm, they send the capsule rocketing up into the air, where it manages to hit one of the incoming Pidove and absorb it in a red flash of light. The ball lands in the grass, shaking three times before clicking to signal a successful capture.

Blake doesn’t have time to celebrate, though, and is swiftly reaching for another one. Just as they reel their arm back to throw it, though, they pause once they realize the sheer amount of what they’re up against. Pidove have practically blocked out the sky, forming something that looks straight out of a doomsday movie.

There’s no way I have enough to catch them all, Blake thinks, gritting their teeth as a pair of talons tugs harshly at their hair.

They throw the Pokéball, anyway, but the Pidove seem to have learned this time and narrowly fly out of the way of its path. Blake takes their brief millisecond of distraction to jump back onto their feet, making a beeline for the trees, where- hopefully- the flock will have a harder time keeping up with them.

Just as they’re about to breach the treeline, though, something snatches them by the back of their collar- something they immediately realize is too strong to be a Pidove, as it actually manages enough force to jerk them back a little.

They manage to turn their head just enough to see the broader wing of what they recognize as a Tranquill, yanking viciously at the wool hood with its talons as it shrieks right into their ear. Blake throws a hand back to try and smack the larger bird away, but the damned thing doesn’t budge, and only pulls harder.

“Get- off- you fucking-” they grunt through their teeth, finding it harder to move their arms with the way the denim is pulling tightly against them. They turn and thrash about with the force of a Bewear, but nothing’s enough to shake the bird off.

Next thing they know, there’s green blocking out their vision as Snivy suddenly jumps up from their chest and scrambles over their face to reach their head. Her feet kick at their eyes and their cheeks looking for a foothold while her tail swishes violently back and forth, unintentionally thwacking them a couple times.

They don’t even realize they’re on the ground until Snivy’s weight is suddenly absent from the top of their head, and they finally manage to open their eyes and see her dangling in mid air, hanging from her vines that are currently entangled around the Tranquill’s feet and torso.

“Snivy!” They shout, unable to do anything as she’s lifted far out of their reach, swinging wildly in the air as the Tranquill flails to get her off.

Snivy gives a hiss, the pull on her vines starting to elicit pain. She hears Blake’s cry, and glances back for a moment to see their shape growing smaller as her opponent only carries her further from the safety of the ground.

I need to do something, quick, she thinks, her battle instincts kicking into overdrive. Closing her eyes, she lets the strategy formulate in her head, all of her prior battle experience rushing back to give her the solution to emerge victorious.

She starts to swing, but more calculated this time, using the momentum to fix her movement into a straight back and forth line. With each push and pull of gravity, she twists her body and uses her tail as a fan to propel herself higher up each time.

It isn’t long before she’s eye to eye with the Tranquill. Once she’s level with it, she releases her hold on it, but doesn’t withdraw her vines completely- moving too fast for the Flying-type to react, she lashes them across either side of its face with a loud thwap!

The Tranquill cries out, and starts to plummet from the sky. It isn’t long before Snivy joins it in its fall, but she doesn’t panic- instead, she turns herself in the air, stretching her leafy arms out towards Blake.

They’re on it in an instant, springing up onto their feet as quick as a Scorbunny and jumping up just in time to catch her seconds before she makes contact with the ground. Blake doesn’t stop there, though, and skids through the dirt on their knees to provide a safe landing for Tranquill as well.

Snivy bounces out of their arms to let them do their thing, and Blake quickly reaches to grabs another Pokéball from their bag. They press it to the fainted bird’s face, and it’s sucked inside by the same red light as before. A few vibrations, and a click.

With the enemy successfully subdued, the pair practically deflate in relief, Blake’s shoulders slumping forward and Snivy sprawling out exhausted onto the grass.

The sound of wing beats draws Blake’s attention upwards, and they see the Pidove dispersing, retreating to the cover of the trees now that their leader was gone. Blake felt a twinge bad, but knew they could just come back and release the two captured ‘mons back to their flock later.

“That was…” they heave out, mind still reeling to process everything that just happened. Snivy looks up at them as they draw out the silence for a moment, only to flinch back a bit when they whirl to her with starstruck eyes. “Incredible! Holy fuck, where did you learn to fight like that?!”

Snivy simply blinks up at them in a bit of a daze, both from the adrenaline of the battle wearing off and confusion at the human’s continued strange shift in demeanor towards her. At first it had been one of annoyance and exasperation, then protective when they saw her outnumbered by the Pidove, and now they were starry-eyed and giddy like a little kid meeting their favorite champion for the first time?

What’s their deal? She wondered, scrunching her nose a bit at them. So strange.

“I never would’ve thought of that swinging thing in a million years,” they continue to ramble on, excitedly flapping their hands about in an unique way Snivy hadn’t seen humans express their excitement in before. “That was like, champion level strategy! And your reaction time- it takes years to master something like that!”

Taking a deep breath, they reel themself in a little, but that ear-to-ear grin of amazement remains as they crouch down in front of Snivy. “You are something else,” they chuckle, giving her a little head scratch. “You may be a rascal, sure, but you’ve got guts and the skills to back it up. Cheren’s lucky to have you. With a Pokémon like you by his side, you guys are bound to go far.”

As they pull their hand away, it takes Snivy a minute to process their words. No one had ever really… acknowledged her skills like that before. Granted, she never had much of a chance to show them off- but it wasn’t like people often gave her one. The weak and flimsy grass type, they would never say out loud, but she could always see it in their eyes when they skimmed over her to go fawn over Oshawott or Tepig.

It filled her with this… strange feeling. Pride, but different. She was a very proud creature, she hardly ever cared what others thought of her- let alone humans. But this time, hearing the praise from someone else brought with it this odd, uplifting feeling she couldn’t describe. Whatever it was, it was nice.

Blake rose to their feet, walking away to retrieve the Pokéball of the Pidove they captured earlier while clipping Tranquill’s to their belt. As they did, Snivy watched them, her usual sharp and calculating eyes now softer with fascination she didn’t usually have towards humans. This trainer was strange, but they piqued her interest. Abrasive, stubborn, and loud-mouthed were here first impressions. Reckless and impulsive were her second ones.

Yet, they showed a more endearing side, someone who was kind and selfless whose eyes seemed to burn with the passion for battle. Not the kind of spark she saw in naive, newbie trainers that looked like it could be snuffed out with a single loss, but a fire that had been aged and fed to keep burning throughout multiple years.

She couldn’t help but step closer, her curiosity getting the better of her. Something told her they were more than just some spunky, full of themself rookie, like the ones she’d seen come in and out of Juniper’s lab countless times before. They carried themself with this air, this confidence that one only gained with experience.

“Alright,” Blake began, placing a hand on their hip as they looked down at Snivy, unperturbed by her unusual interest to get closer. “I guess this basically counts as completing Juniper’s test, so let’s start making our way ba-”

Snivy suddenly pounced, and they flinched- but relaxed again when they felt her climb up the length of their arm and perch herself onto their shoulder, pushing her pointed snout past their face to make room for herself.

"Eh?" They quirked a brow at her as she relaxed her tail across the back of their neck. Their perplexed frown shifted into a bemused half-smirk, and they snorted as the grass snake found a comfy place to rest in their collar fluff. "Oh, so I'm your ride back, huh?"

"Sniii."

"You probably are tired from saving our skins back there," Blake huffed, but it was clear they held no actual annoyance. "Alright, I'll allow it just this once, muffin thief. Let's go."

With that, the pair are off, heading back in the direction of the forest- and hopefully the lab, as well.

"Say, Cheren give you a name yet?"

"Sniiivy."

"Guess you couldn't tell me even if he did, huh..."

As they take their leave, Snivy can't help but cast one look back towards the dirt mound- where she immediately notices the scruffy brown heads of Patrat beginning to poke out of the grass. The little rodents scamper up to their newly reclaimed den site, sniffing it up and down. Some have even already started the process of removing the Pidove nests from the tunnels.

Near the main entrance, Snivy notices a darker brown figure towering over the rest. The elderly, scarred Watchog helps inspect the mound, visible relief in its tired old eyes. It turns, just in time to catch her gaze. She sees its wrinkled snout curl up in a smile of gratitude, and she returns the expression, a silent promise that she'd return to celebrate with them soon.

----

[knightinink]

Do you have any dip hanahaki disease headcannons?

Ooh this could actually go along with my Damien hc's nicely! Lets get this one rolling! 🌹🌷

-Okay so I feel that it would affect Damien more than it would affect Pip, since he would be less likely to confess his feelings & let them bottle up. Going off of another post of mine where I (kinda) talk about how Damien's mean & evil persona is just a front because he's scared & insecure underneath it all, & he's afraid of what could happen if people were to see his more vulnerable & sensitive side. He wants to be soft & tender, but he doesn't know how to express this to Pip, so he just keeps it inside.

-At some point, the demon notices that he has a bit of a hard time breathing, but doesn't think too much of it. That silly disease couldn't be real, right? It was just some stupid folktale! Something made up to scare people!

-A few weeks go by, & it's becoming more & more difficult for the demon to breathe, & he's horrified when, while he's roughly coughing into the bathroom sink, a repeating sharpness feels like its poking into his throat & he quickly falls to his knees, knuckles white as he grips the edge of the toilet bowl, & hacks up whatever he's now choking on.

-He's finally able to cough up whatever felt like it was shredding his throat, & as he blinks tears out of his eyes, he zeros in on the small bundle of about 5 red roses, thorns shining crimson with his blood, & turning the water slightly pink. Eyes widening in horror, he falls back onto his butt, his breathing picking up as he begins to panic, & a taste of nature floods his mouth as he clenches his teeth shut; the roses have left their vines, & they have rooted into his lungs quite nicely, not intent on letting go.

-He would hide this from his father & Pip of course, but he wouldn't be able to for very long.

-Pip meanwhile keeps coughing up pink tulip petals every now & then, but they always eventually cough up all wilted, as Pip is thoroughly convinced that whatever romantic interest he's ever had will not come to be, as he is simply not capable of being loved; everyone in his upbringing had reminded him oh so many times of this. It was true with Estella, & it was true with Herbert (bless him!), that whenever Pip would finally decide to get close, he would end up convincing himself that he wasn't worth their time, that he would be bothering them, & would back out.

-This would continue... except for when it came to Damien.

-There was something within the Brit that just wouldn't let the demon go from his mind, & ever since then the petals would come up flourishing, no longer in their dreary, wilted state. About a week had gone by when the first full flower had shown up, a soft pastel pink, petals open in all their beauty. Pip was horrified.

-More time would go by & the confession would come first from Damien, who is being drowned from the inside by his own blood, as there is a full rose bush growing in & around his chest & chest cavity, the thorns ripping through the tender flesh. Pip would be in shock, completely oblivious to the fact that the feelings he had harbored for the demon laying his head in his lap as he lay dying, had been returned this entire time.

-Damien would just laugh in a fuzzy sense of warmth, as well as the irony of being killed by something of his namesake. He would ask Pip to kiss him, the latter obligingly leaning down to do so, & presses a tearful kiss to the demon's bloodied lips. Their lips are lightly pushed apart as a red rose & a pink tulip come to the surface, brushing against each other tenderly, before they melt into a kiss of their own.

-When Pip breaks from the kiss, he's met with glazed-over eyes that were once as vibrant as the blood that he could still taste on his lips. He brushed a hand delicately over the rose & the tulip. then brushes the hair away from the demon's face so he could see all of him more clearly. Pip choked back a sob.

-Damien was gone.

[dollarbin]

Sandy Saturdays #10:

Blues Run the Game

When I was a kid there were two required initial steps to take if you wanted to one day rock: first, you had to learn how to play Stairway to Heaven. Then it was time to learn Blackbird.

I did neither; rather I borrowed my buddy Eric's spare acoustic and taught myself how to stumble through Knocking on Heaven's Door (G-D-C; G-D-C).

My approach is not recommended: my famous brother and my other, almost-as-famous, brother are both surely shredding on their six strings as we speak, their families gathered about them, rapt with awe, as they sing about the lady who's sure that all that glitters is gold and the poor blackbird's sunken eyes. Meanwhile, I'm sitting here, writing this.

(But I did recently witness a big deal version of Blackbird: the eighth grade at my school sang it with horrific, tuneless assembly requirement while their music teacher showed off his seventh grade level guitar licks, but at their center stood a committed, fearless/oblivious young woman who, I kid you not, busted out a whistled, note-perfect and full, blackbird warble at the song's end; surely that warble on The White Album is a field recording, not Paul whistling, right? But this was no field recording: the kid was on tweeting fire. I read this morning that some 14 year American boy just got a professional soccer contract for millions of dollars in England; Paul McCartney ought to offer the young woman at my school a similar contract, pronto.)

Well, anyway, neither Plant/Page's overblown, but still kinda killer (the drums!), epic or McCartney lovely yet paternalistic race anthem existed in 1965 when Sandy Denny, Nick Drake and Paul Simon were teaching themselves to be, well, Sandy Denny, Nick Drake and Paul Simon.

It's really too bad. Imagine Sandy singing Stairway to Heaven. Someway, somehow, she'd make it not sound cliche. While we're at it, imagine Sandy's perfect phrasing, volume, tempo and sense of self taking over altogether for Plant's shirtless, hollering ego.

(Don't panic, I enjoy a little Zeppelin now and again as much as the next white guy who writes a blog about his record collection, and we'll get to Plant and Denny's famous, dense and soaring, shared track on some upcoming Sandy Sunday).

And Nick Drake's version of Stairway to Heaven would be a joyful romp, no? In his hands we'd worry about the Piper rather than be warned against him.

Paul Simon, meanwhile, would revamp the entire chord structure, have 16 tracks on the demo and make Artie stand around, waiting for his turn to do something, anything, only on the last, trembling and drawn out phrase over cymbals, kettle drums and fifes: "and she's buying a stairway.... to heav......en."

But, since that song was yet to be written (Plant must have been about 7 in 65/66) there was a clear stand-in apprentice track for aspiring mid-60's Brits to work at: Blues Run the Game, Jackson C. Frank's lick heavy paean to room service gin. Simon, Denny and Drake all put their stamp on the song, Denny and Drake through home recordings and Simon through an early studio track.

We'll start with the original on this fine Saturday. Simon was there for the song's birthing; he's the producer here, which mostly seems to mean that he said "roll 'em" then looked away while the terrified Frank laid the song down live.

Frank's biography is ready for the Sophocles treatment; he and Oedipus could compare mournful notes, competing to see who had it worse from the gods.

Frank: "Look, Oedipus, I hear you about your mom and all, but did you survive a childhood fire that killed bunches of your peers? No? And was your precocious initial development followed by failed relationships, failed marriages, a terminally ill newborn son and decades of homelessness? No again? Quit trying to interrupt Oedipus; no one cares about your dad. Finally, were you blinded in one eye by errant, random fire from a teenager wielding a pellet gun? No? Well then, quit moping, and shrug it off dude!"

Poor Frank spent a lot of the seventies charging around Woodstock, NY, in his birthday suit, occasionally complimented by a sword and/or cape, his schizophrenic delusions overcoming him. All kidding aside, you gotta feel for the dude.

His tragic life makes his sad song, and his raw performance of it, all that much sadder. The full success of his leisurely, mournful pace also explains why Simon wisely shelved his own comparatively cheerful effort with Garfunkel:

Drake's performance, in turn, is studious and personal; he is trying to prove to himself that he's worthy to join the ranks of not just the quickly lost American, Frank, but also the full gamut of British performers who had the jump start on him, from the boy band ranks (Donovan, Cat Stevens, The Zombies) to the hersute bohemian ne'er do wells (John Renbourn, Richard Thompson, John Martyn) to the guys already living solidly on the astral plane (Heron/Williamson).

Clearly, the elegant Drake belonged in their club; indeed, once he took a deep breath and stuck out his comely head, he was everyone's better.

I don't know that Denny's take competes with Drake's or the original. But it's still damn good and it solidly serves its purpose: Denny sings this boy song boldly as a woman, and she presents it with her soon to be signature balance of power and grace.

Sandy dated Frank at the same point she privately laid down this track and Frank's other stone cold classic, Milk and Honey (a song that is worthy of its own future post). It seems as though Denny's dating decisions were not equal to her musical chops: she soon took a pass on the soon to be naked all the time Frank and shacked up with the world's tallest, most red-headed, dullard, Trevor Lucas.

Lucas, so far as we know, never donned a cape and charged around naked, so score one for Trevor. But he never wrote Sandy a good song, and Frank gave Denny two of them. What's more, Frank helped convince Sandy, during their time together, to quit nursing school and focus full time on music.

Good shot Jackson.

[sandyspaghettibag]

i have a ticket to finding someone who cares and allegedly likes me

and DAMN i kinda want to shred it up and book it in the opposite direction

i'm better suited to being a hopeless romantic admiring from a distance, someone giving me the same obsession i give them is actually terrifying and i can feel some kind of fight-or-flight instinct threatening to boil over into an extreme reaction of either one. i got myself into something i don't know what to do with and it's (almost literally) like selecting one of two choices that'll drastically alter the course of my life forever.

Meanwhile, my friends are just completely oblivious and the nonstop screwing up of my friendships and social life is just trying to drive me into making some stupid, very impulsive decision, and I'm not going to let it.

[beesarekindaswag]

YOU! YOU GET ME!

Fr if you’re not threatening to rip him apart molecule by molecule, is it really even a threat? Meanwhile, Danny “oblivious” Fenton is completely unaware of the growing awe surrounding him - how did this random kid manage to get close THE Wayne boys? Anyone else who tried got destroyed, whether that’s verbally, emotionally or on the rare occasion physically.

Danny who understands what it’s like to struggle with something - years of being seen as the less intelligent child compared to Jazz (don’t get him wrong, he adores his sister but he can’t deny the hurt he always felt at the constant comparisons). He doesn’t hesitate to offer help when Dick seems to struggle with something (and regardless of if the struggle is part of his persona, it still warms the man’s heart to see this young boy trying so hard to help him)

Since this is supposed the a wholesome twist on the Mean Girls theme, we don’t get all the backstabbing shenanigans from the movie. The closest we get is cartoon logic plots that Danny is completely unfazed by - Tim brings up an embarrassing story he dug up on Danny? Danny laughs and offers up more details on it. Damian attempts to intimidate him with his social standing and power? Danny smiles and somehow manages to twist it around so that the conversation ends with Damian going off to start a new project within Wayne Enterprises in an attempt to earn his own respect as opposed to that earned by his family name. (It works, a few weeks later his program to protect and support abused animals is a massive success and the smile Danny gives him makes it all worth it)

They now see Danny as this chill, if a bit naive, country kid who they reluctantly (lies) put up with. It shows in the little ways; Dick who’s love language is often physical affection finds himself ruffling the boys hair like he would one of his brothers. Tim learning about space to share in Danny’s passion. And Damian, hearing any degrading comment towards his new acquaintance (friend) ripping the person to shreds.

It’s only when someone makes a comment about any of the three in front of Danny that they see that the boy isn’t so chill after all. Perhaps it’s someone oversexualising Dick, a comment about the “unwanted” Drake, or even some blatant racism towards Damian (or even Dick) - whatever it is, Danny flips his shit. Danny doesn’t tolerate people throwing shit towards his loved ones - he combines the bitchiness of Paulina, the intimidation of Sam and the psychological expertise of Jazz to ruin the perpetrators day (and probably cause a need for therapy).

Ah, now people understand why he can hang around the Wayne’s - he’s just as batshit as them.

Prompt : The Mean Girls of Wayne Enterprises

Hear me out…. Mean Girls but make it DCxDP.

The public personas that the bats present, modeled after “Brucie” Wayne are the perfect templates for Mean Girls shenanigans.

Imagine : Our favourite ghost boy has decided to venture out into the world after making sure that Amity would be safe and secure (perks of being the recently crowned King). Danny knows he’d never pass the physical tests to be an astronaut but that doesn’t mean he can’t at least achieve part of his space dream. He’d done his research, very thoroughly at that, and overall it was Wayne Enterprises that came out on top. Their aerospace department was miles ahead of the competition - presumably something to do with Bruce Wayne literally being the one funding the Justice League (and if rumour is to be believed, the OG sugar daddy for a certain Bat).

Disregarding Danny’s personal feelings about the JL, the chance to create technology that will be used in SPACE, for space exploration and understanding was too good to pass up.

Just the thought alone filled him with a sense of contentment. Thankyou space obsession.

Which is what had lead to the current situation - an internship at Wayne Enterprises itself. How he landed it, he has no clue - sure, he’s got some smarts (much more than he’ll give himself credit for) but his grades had suffered from his years of literally saving the city (and by extension, the world). Perhaps it was fate? Or more likely, a meddling time god…

Danny wasn’t complaining though.

Only three hours in to the position and he was barely containing his excitement - literally, the fulfillment of his secondary obsession, regardless of how second hand it might be, created such a buzz in his core. He was having to consciously stop his more ghostly attributes from shining through - not even metaphorically shining, damn you LED freckles (yes we’re using the concept of Danny’s ghost from reflecting his love of space - constellation freckles and all)

Now though, he had been released to break in the cafeteria. There was a panicked moment of ‘oh shit, where do I sit?’ But thankfully, his (half) life was saved by one of his new coworkers calling him over with a friendly wave.

“Hey, Daniel, right?”

“I go by Danny but yeah, thanks for the save there” a awkward laugh at his own words, “didn’t expect it to feel like high school all over again”

There’s polite laughter amongst the table and the conversation flows over to casual small talk. At least, it does until out of nowhere, all eyes jump to the doors.

Enter : The Plastics.

Richard Grayson - the dumbest guy you’ll ever meet.

“Once, he asked me why aster isn’t the opposite of disaster”

Timothy Drake - knows everything about everyone.

“That’s why his eyebags are so big - they’re full of secrets”

And the queen bee, Damian Wayne.

“Once he called me an uncultured swine… it was awesome”

(I don’t know what’s better - Damian aged up to match Danny or tiny Damian being Regina)

What follows is a comedic story: Danny meeting the three, them assuming he’s going to be out of touch being from the Midwest (he is but only in the sense that his version of normal is Fenton dumbfuckery) , him eventually getting past their public personas by just not giving a shit for their drama - he grew up with the QUEEN of mean girls, the Wayne boys have nothing on Paulina Sanchez.

Just, Mean girls Waynes… that’s it - that’s the post.

[thegreatstoryteller]

The Improvised Chronivac: FRAT-ifier

@dumbmusclehypnojockboy​ Happy Holidays! Hope you enjoy your story!

Sometimes moments from the past last long after they’ve passed. For Fredrick Cleston that certainly was the case. It’s been almost a decade since he’d been laughed out of that blasted college for his outrageous scientific genius. They could not even humor his vast intellect with a degree. No. Instead he was found unsuitable for any place of higher education whether it be to conduct his dangerous experiments OR to push the boundaries of physicality and ethics! But no longer would that sorry spot on the collegiate map be considered a place of intellect. Once his machine was completed no one will know this small town for anything other than the idiocy that it has always held. Once his machine was completed, reality itself would be at his disposal! Sure, there had been other geniuses who found ways to bend reality and bend minds, but none like this!

-

No one at Telegre University realized that today was their last day of higher education. The world-renowned university was prided on its academic achievement, claiming responsibility for countless graduates and their subsequent success. Few could argue that this temple of education produced geniuses as fast as application rates! If you weren’t joining the medical track to become a doctor, you were in engineering to pursue grand designs! Perhaps you were a philosopher with the next greatest life methodology. Or maybe a civic genius ready to bring their ideas to law! No corner of this school lacked genius…. Until the day there was a large explosion a few blocks away from campus.

The nearly invisible pulse that surrounded the square footage of the school went unnoticed by nearly everyone! That is until that strange scientist started walking about. Many on social media called out a creeper making his way through campus!

He started with the bio medical section of school. Many of these young minds were eager to cure the ailments of the day. However, as these students studied in class many looked out the window… as if drawn to this strange man holding an odd metal box with strange screens appearing on it.

“Excuse me sir. You’re entering one of our classrooms. Are you lost? Do we need to call security?” One of the students questioned, crossing his thin arms, as he looked condescendingly at the wild looking man of science.

“Young man I’m right where I need to be. Though perhaps you’re lost? You don’t look like you belong in this stogy classroom. Perhaps you belong on the beach!” Dr. Cleston fiddled with his device, adjusting knobs! Moving levers and inputting a simple phrase. “Himbo Surfer” Soon more phrases came up! “Oblivious” “Air headed” “cocky” “high libido” “extremely breedable” and many more filled the screen as Dr. Cleston laughed madly.

Meanwhile the young man who commented stood wide eyed. His normal modes 5-foot frame had begun to contort and grow. Each pulse from this box seemingly affecting his physiology! It started with his feet. The nice leather shoes he’d worn to class began to strain and break. His normally pale feet were no more as tanned skin surrounding sizeable size 14 feet burst forth from those shoes. Then his legs extended! Higher and higher, while thickening perfectly, shredding his boring beige pants revealing a tight hugging pair of board shorts that surrounded and ever-growing ass and bulge! His torso shredded with a single flex as his pudge stomach reversed into perfectly cut abs! His pectoral muscles now revealed to the world with a just the right amount of chest hair as well! Then his arms extended growing powerful with each inch leading to hands that could grab a surfboard with ease! His moans through this process now deepened as it gained a laidback tone and his face rearranged losing his classes and sallow skin. Now tightened into a beautiful smile and longer wavy hair.

“Haha surfs up bros!” The new surfer said much to everyone’s shock! Though even that was short lived. Did they always have a surfer bro in their class? No that doesn’t seem right… was he always this overt showing off his body?

“My head bros… what was I doing here again?” the surfer asks.

Dr. Cleston smiled. “You were here to have people join your new frat I believe. For surfers and beach hunks.” The man’s words stroked a chord within the empty headed vessel he let out a dumb giggle and nodded.

“Fuck yeah bros. You gotta join my frat! We just chill and hit the waves everyday. Then we flex and show off to all the bros and babes watching for a good time!” He says luring more and more people forward. His voice naturally drew the med students in as one by one the doctor changed them in new ways! Some growing taller, shorter, stronger, tanner. Races and ethnicities were altered permanently as well as age when certain professors left their offices to see what was wrong. Before long the entire area was no longer a large building, but a run-down frat house filled with too many members! Each command entering the chronivac not changing just one! But like a wave it changed larger and larger groups till the enter med student population of the school were nothing but free loving surfers!

The mad doctor Cleston did not stop there. He moved on to the engineering quadrant of the school. There was currently a competition ongoing of who would make the sturdiest mechanical marvel. Some created miniature vehicles, others small clock towers, and even more created actual robots. Though none of that would before long. Like a piper guiding lesser beings to their true calling, Cleston’s device radiated a compulsion for the engineers to approach.  

“You all are so crafty and studious! Though perhaps we should have you allocate that ingenuity elsewhere! Perhaps work with less iron and more… gridiron!” Dr. Cleston typed furiously on his device turning to the smallest runtiest engineer! “You my friend will be the captain the one to lead this team and ensure you are the strongest dumbest unit this school has ever seen!” Phrases appeared like butterflies over this young man’s head. “Captain.” “Ruthless” “Powerful!” “Dominant!” “Tank!” “POWER!” and soon they rang true.

Before this mousy haired youth stumbled back his large legs stomped the ground beneath him. What once was a normal tennis shoe turned into a huge cleat with and even huge leg attached to it as this engineer grew into the largest football player anyone had seen. A jersey replace his normal shirt while a helmet replaced his hat. His nerdy moans grew deeper as he started shouting out for his men to line up. With each step he marched… grassy Astro turf emerged beneath him. Not only was he compelled to make his own team, he was compelled to bring a new field to this college!

“That’s right captain. Spread you influence. In fact why don’t you start brining me the me for your team. Those lucky enough to be picked by you will be your brothers on the field. Any left over… well I guess we could use some  handsome cheerleaders to motivate you on and off the field!”

One by one this massive American football player grabbed a new stunned engineer and threw him at the feet of Cleston who grew him into another athlete before their eyes. Some join their captain in gathering men. Some simply served the doctor fetching him water and doing his bidding. By the time he was done he was in an entire quadrant of a school that looked like a football field! Young men in full uniform were running exercises and making dumb jokes, while scantily clad cheerleaders danced for them.

The final stop for the doctor was the humanities segment of the school. At this point he had an entourage of surfers and football players. They crowd around the doctor happily serving as guides and guards till the last bastion of this school stands before them.

“Come out all your philosophers and lawyers! I believe it’s time you begin anew in a different court!” This time Cleston did not even wait for the student to come out! He let his device run wild as pulses of electricity now crackled from the machine. Campus architecture began to warp and reshape. Buildings became gymnasiums! Leisurely quad portions became outdoor basketball courts! Even the nearby cafeteria became a variety of concession stands. And the young men that emerged from the area fled, transforming before his very eyes!

One red haired student ran outside, skin as pale as if he’d never seen the sun. But that changed as the professor aimed his device at him amplifying his changes. “Big black basketballer” “Proud” “Self assured” “Giant!” “Godly!” “Champions!” The look of confusion on this face began to shift. His mouth found itself shaping into a confident smirk, as his body grew higher and higher. He felt knowledge leaving his brain as his body inflated with size and power! His entire burst out of his clothes revealing his darkening skin and powerful arms and legs. Large feet to support such a frame with a sizeable package that would draw attention from anyone who could see it! He even drank his water bottle in a way that almost invited a challenge!

He wasn’t the only one. Countless classmates and the professors teaching them were all changing with these command till a roaring game was going on inside the gymnasium and around the out door courts. Anyone not playing was on the bench cheering on their teammates to glory! Basketball would be pretty big at this university now. As would its players. All of them growing to be bigger and more intimidating than the next!

At this point Cleston was satisfied and walked slowly to the center of the school, the Dean’s office. His travel companions of surfers, football players, and basketball athletes following him like mindless drones… or a small army.

The bookish Dean exited the doors to his office shaking. “Kleston!  This is absolute chaos you’ve brought to this school. Using such an unstable device could tear a fabric within reality itself if you continue this madness! Shut it off and maybe we can repair the damage before you unleash unspeakable harm to the world!”

“You beg for mercy as I’m about to achieve my ultimate goal! Never! That is why you are the final to change at this school! I’m going to make you the most absent minded sports driven fool of them all!” Kleston blasted his machine right at the Dean who screamed out in surprise as surges of all sorts of changes began to strike him. However this wasn’t just any change! Just like the others it spread… but with no one else around the bolts of changing electricity began to creep up Kleston’s weedy arms… his own device consuming itself and its user as these changes progressed! “No… no! This is not my design. Change him you damn machine! Not me!” He screamed louder and louder! Until a large explosion at the center of campus unleashed every imaginable change!

-

One month later. No one outside of Master Chronivac users remember the illustrious Telegre University. Though ask any sports loving party guy and he’ll tell you he’d love to go to Titan University. Home to the biggest bros, the dumbest academics, and the most intense sports programs. Professionals could never predict how a school with such dumb strategies won their games, let alone certain championships! Many attributed it to the titanic student body this university attracted. Regardless, it serves as a lesson to all people meddling in technology out of their control. Specifically the iconic Twins of Titan U. 

They are some of the most handsomest men around social media these days… shame they’re too dumb to play any sports. Obviously this was the former Dean of the university and the made scientist Kleston… However, even the most creative Chronivac users could tell them apart. They’ve both been so substantially changed both physically and intellectually that they could not be distinguished.

So, remember not to lose yourself proving people wrong. You may end up just like them in the end.

[psychdelia]

enemies to friends to lovers harringrove who don’t even realize they’ve entered lovers territory at someone’s house, maybe steve’s or joyce’s, for a christmas party. they’re off to the side while the kids are playing games and yelling at each other and the teens and adults are talking amongst themselves. they’re both leaning against the wall and talking, standing a little too close to each other. well, steve’s talking. one hand holding his spiked hot chocolate and making vast gestures, occasionally sloshing some over the edge of the mug. the other hand is mindlessly on billy, playing with the frayed hem of the ugly christmas sweater he cropped and shredded with some scissors. meanwhile, billy’s sipping at the boozy eggnog steve nearly gagged at after taking a sip, grimacing both at the sweetness and alcohol. he’s fully relaxed, a rare thing for billy. eggnog in one hand, the other rested on steve’s upper arm to control his hot chocolate from spilling over. he’s also staring at steve like he lit up the stars. he’s blushing a too, maybe from the alcohol. maybe not. el is the first one who notices it. she kinda just watches them, expression open. maybe a little curious. joyce notices el’s unmoving gaze and follows it, taking in the sight before her. it’s unmistakable, how they look at each other, touch each other. so obliviously in love. she can’t help the small, warm smile that takes over her features. max is the last to notice them in the moment but she was the first one who caught onto billy’s feelings. figured it out before the two even became friends. she’s quick to look around the room, make sure no one’s giving them any negative attention. she knows they’re in good hands when she finds joyce smiling, the others distracted. el whispers boyfriends? into her ear, to which max rolls her eyes and shakes her head with a, not yet. they’re idiots.

[monstermoviedean]

Thank you again for being so kind last night! I do wanna hear your story about your dog if you still wanna share it!

oh gosh it's the least i can do! i hope you slept well and are feeling a little better this morning!

let me tell you about my childhood dog, cody. he passed away a few years ago (age-related causes) and i miss him dearly! he was a chocolate lab and very much embodied the labrador spirit. meaning, he was a sweet, gentle boy who loved walks, swimming, chasing birds and small mammals, and sleeping.

he was also - and i say this with nothing but love - a dum-dum. my favorite example is when he and i would be playing with a toy. i would take the toy, put it behind my back, and show him my empty hands. and the toy was gone!!! totally gone! and he couldn't figure it out! he never knew where the toy had gone! i tried this exactly one (1) time with my current dog, murphy, and he looked at me like "do you really think i'm gonna fall for that?" and walked around me to pick up the toy. cody could never, bless his big dumb heart.

so, to the story. cody rarely got into people food. he would beg and would eat it if it was given to him or dropped on the floor, but he usually wouldn't counter-surf or steal food. his one exception was costco muffins, which he would steal at any opportunity. well, we went out for the night (i think to a movie or something) and cody got into some people food. i had some dark chocolate in my backpack, which was sitting on the floor of my bedroom. i didn't even think to zip up the backpack because i forgot the chocolate was in there and i didn't even begin to think that cody would get into it, because he just didn't do that.

well! he did. we got home to find the foil from the chocolate shredded across the floor. and he was ZOOMIN. like, sprinting around the house, jumping on and off the furniture, demanding attention and play time. it was pretty late at night, past his bedtime, so this was unusual. so i, being a paranoid fuck, looked up "chocolate overdose" and read the line "if your dog is exhibiting signs of hyperactivity, they may have already received a lethal dose." my parents were already asleep and the chocolate was my fault, so i determined i would stay up all night and observe him. because i could not let chocolate kill my chocolate lab. it would just be too horrifically poetic. so i got up on the couch and brought him up there with me, and put on some stupid awful late-night tv, and spent 3-4 hours sitting on the couch ready to jump out of my skin with anxiety, certain i had killed my poor sweet dog. meanwhile, he was snoring. completely fine and totally oblivious to my ongoing meltdown. he had a great night's sleep and woke up in the morning like nothing had happened. here is the sweet boy in question ❤️

[sleepyssnail]

Propaganda!!! Come get your propaganda!!!

Shen Qingqiu/Jiu canonically bullied Luo Binghe to the point he was mutilated and PICKLED!!! Bing-ge couldn’t take the heat after years away from him (albeit in the Endless Abyss with an evil sword), THAT’S how much Shen Jiu gots under his skin.   

He bullied Luo Binghe to the point he became evil, amassed a harem “nearing the triple digits” and that was all in person.  He would be UNSTOPPABLE online and would make it his personal mission to destroy Luo Binghe just for existing on the same social media platform, regardless of whether or not he even comes up on his timeline.

In general terms Shen Jiu totally bullies kids online ESPECIALLY on Minecraft servers.  There's no doubt that he's pulled the “I’m from planet minecraft, can I have OP?” and will DO IT AGAIN! 

He’s that guy that will rip people's self esteem apart, tell them it's their fault, and that if they can't handle getting "offended" (Read: cyber-bullied) they should get off the internet. He's probably torn four businesses to shreds, and then appeared in the comments of benign posts saying stuff like “Well actually—” and will continue to argue his point even after it’s no longer relevant.

He’d totally eat shit online, but this man can dish it as much as he can take it. He is The Scum Villain.

Meanwhile

Luo Binghe (as Bing-ge) human-sticked and pickle potted Shen Jiu after destroying his reputation and standing in the cultivation world, but as Bing-mei he’s somehow worse…just…imagine how MUCH Luo Binghe posts about Shen Yuan, be it openly or in cryptic little posts, and then he complains about being single ALL THE TIME even when it’s irrelevant to the topic at hand.  He has a Sims4 family of him and Shen Yuan living in the suburbs. Binghe may or may not have locked the Shen Jiu and Bing-ge Sims in the basement and removed the stairs.

Luo Binghe’s a problem alright, but aside from Binghe himself, he has a fanbase of “Bing-ies” who are much like swifties.

They will appear anywhere he is on the internet, to comment, like, share, defend his every move, and go feral against anyone who dares say a word against him. He's obliviously gay to all of this or is he just using them to his advantage and playing the innocent card?, but that doesn't stop them.

Which MXTX Character Would Be Most Insufferable Online?

Full Bracket

(Bonus match theme: It's a good thing you can't dismember people over the internet)