#mean jokes
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uncleasad · 1 year ago
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Random thought of the evening: why has there never been a University of Phoenix joke about Landon in any Legacies-going-to-college fic I’ve read? (I’m looking at you, Lizzie Saltzman 😏)
(Or maybe there has, just not in any of the Hosie fics?)
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miniaturecatmentality · 10 months ago
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guys I just found the greatest video on the internet
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maccamania · 4 months ago
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Has anyone done this yet?
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inkskinned · 2 months ago
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she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.
my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.
my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.
my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.
at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.
my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.
i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.
two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.
it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.
#writeblr#wlw#i often think about like.....#being happy in a gay relationship is sometimes so odd#bc u can forget how stupid ppl are.#bc ur so USED to being gay. and u forget other people GENUINELY ARE homophobic#so it's like. girl pardon?????#but also there are moments where it's like. ohhh the kids are alright#like watching someone razz someone else.... so fucking wholesome#“lemme get this bitche's pronouns before i make gentle fun of them” .... i would have KILLED for that.#THAT is how u know ur accepted#not just tolerated#..... when ppl are like. sure ur nonbinary congrats but WHAT is this fucking sunscreen application#ps idk if "razz'' is a real word but someone asked what it means -#i've always heard it as being a term for 'gentle & friendly teasing'' which like#i personally notice more from my guy friends but is like - when a person isn't#LIKE ACTUALLY teasing u (it's nothing personal/mean) they're just laughing w/you about something#my friends often put on a little voice and call me an anemic little bitch#like 'ooooo the anemic little bitch is cold??? does she need a mouse blanket#bc she's SOOOO SMALL AND ANEMIC???''#and it doesn't hurt my feelings (it makes me laugh very hard) bc 1. i actually called MYSELF that first#and 2. i'm not sensitive about it!!!#a proper razz is when you are ALSO in on the joke - i ALSO think it's funny#for some people i personally find that when they razz u it's when they love u -#they've noticed something genuine about u and love u enough that u know they're not being mean#this is cultural and personality based of course but i'm hispanic#if someone isn't making fun of me it means they hate me . obviously.
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hollenka99 · 6 months ago
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Odysseus: 600 men making our way back home to Ithaca!
*Polyphemus swings his club around*
Odysseus: 593 men making our way back home to Ithaca.
*Poseidon wipes out the other 11 ships in the fleet*
Odysseus: ...43 men making our way back home to Ithaca.
*Elpenor's drunk ass falls off Circe's roof*
Odysseus: 42 men making our way back home to Ithaca, I guess.
*Scylla targets the torch holders*
Odysseus: 36 men making our way back home to Ithaca. Put that sword away, Eurylochus.
*Zeus strikes the ship with lightning*
Odysseus: 1 man making his way back home to Penelope and Telemachus. And by the gods, I will somehow make it.
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bibbysstuff · 2 months ago
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Girl dinner
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sparrowlucero · 6 months ago
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The greatest injustice ever faced is that I almost certainly started the still thriving "clown husbandry" tag on here, but any discussion about it (from a know your meme page to a youtube video with 500k views) says it's a joke of "unknown origin" or credited to this post, likely bouncing off of mine (which was actively circulating at the time with like 30k notes):
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This is a tragedy for many reasons, most of all because it wasn't just an offhand joke but actually a direct response to some of the funniest online hate I ever got:
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They're erasing the truest history of tumblr: its desperate need to seethe and argue over every obvious joke with more than 10 notes.
anyways here is the canonical pet clown. according to me
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seriousturd · 11 months ago
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bet-on-me-13 · 3 months ago
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Bruce owes Danny money. He does Not want to pay up.
So! Danny had to run away from Amity Park when his parents discovered his Powers. But every time he tried to stay in a single place in America, they somehow managed to find him.
Turns out, they were working with the GIW to track him using the GIW's resources and the Fenton's Genius to find him everywhere he ran to. Eventually, Danny figured he had had enough and ran to Europe where the GIW had no Jurisdiction.
After wandering for a while, Danny was found and recruited by the League of Assasins. He was powerful, skilled, and connected to the Lazarus Pits, so they approached him with a job offer.
They would hide him from the Fentons, who had began to search for him in Europe independently, and in return he would work for them as an Assasin.
Considering his situation, Danny agreed.
He began training to be an Assasin, supplementing his Ghost Abilities with the abilities of an Assasin to become even more Stealthy.
While training under the League, Danny met another recruit simply known as Bruce. They trained together for years, even going on a few missions together gathering intel, and using disguises to hid in plain sight.
On one of these missions, Danny lent Bruce some money with the promise to get paid back when they returned to the League. That same night, Bruce left the League of Assasins and never came back.
...
Bruce was sitting in the Batcave going over a case with Tim, Jason was off to the side cleaning his Guns, and Dick and Cass were holding an acrobatics competition in their Obstacle Course, with Damien, Steph, and Duke cheering them on.
Suddenly an Eldritch Emerald Light sprang to life in the center of the Batcave, and everybody dropped what they were doing and sprang to action.
Slowly, a glowing green figure emerged from the Light. He appeared Eldritch in Nature, as if he existed in multiple layers of reality at once and looking at him gave them minor headaches. Then, the figure spoke up.
"BRUCE. ITS BEEN 15 YEARS. YOU STILL OWE ME 16 DOLLARS."
Recognizing Danny, Bruce took a moment to compose himself before responding.
"Fuck Off."
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siyaazu · 29 days ago
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True pacifist ending.
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waspcup · 11 months ago
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literally so fucking embarrassing to have a favorite character bc it will have you sitting there thinking things such as "omg he experiences the 5 senses" and "omg he wears clothes and feels the texture of them on his skin" and "omg he eats food and tastes it" and "omg he sleeps with his eyes closed in a bed with sheets" Like be honest should i just kill myself at this point
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codecicle · 4 months ago
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Whar does rpf mean 💔💔💔
historians aren't quite sure. Albert Einstein's last words were "rpf is fine" and we've been searching ever since
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fanaticalthings · 2 months ago
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important family group chat discussions
<- Prev Masterlist Next ->
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franeridart · 1 year ago
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more dragon
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noodles-and-tea · 4 months ago
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I feel like Jon is a bit of a rebound…
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thunderboltfire · 6 months ago
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I spent definitely too much time pondering over unfortunate double meaning of the consume option on soap XD (wersja PL)
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