#me: im stressed out of my fucking mind bc i have a month and a half to find housing before getting kicked out of this apt

[puppyeared]

learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way

[planet4546b]

friends who always know the exact wrong thing to say <3

[meimeikyu]

i should do classwork but alas. no

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

oh my god everything makes sense now

[ame-to-ame]

love being nd and have the tism wolf Inside me be so drastically uncomfortable with uncertainty that i physically cannot think about school and having to deal w the unknown of that whole situation without losing 5lbs in 2 days

[junkie-virus]

rlly feeling izzys “EKE by” speech rn

[bueckers-sturniolo]

i have literally been begging for someone to write a paige fic based on “Slut!” by TS like the parts that’s like “if i’m all dressed up, they might as well be looking at us” where reader is famous and gets like hated on for being a “slut” 💁‍♀️💁‍♀️

“slut!”

paige bueckers x female!reader

a/n: hi guys!!! sorry it took me so long to edit this and actually post it. i don’t have much to say but THANK YOU FOR THE LOVE ON THE ALCHEMY!!! i promise part 2 is coming soon!!! ps: this may suck a little but i wrote it in an hour and a half so im sorry!!! also, this hasnt been proofread bc its 6 am and i havent slept! hope u somewhat enjoy!!! love uuuu!

warnings: naur, just swearing :)

word count: somewhere around 1k-ish

-

got love-struck, went straight to my head. got lovesick all over my bed. love to think you’ll never forget. we’ll pray the price, i guess.

you had been dating paige for 5 months, now. she was the best person you had ever met, and an even better lover than you could have ever imagined. but, being in the public eye isn’t necessarily ideal, especially when you’re queer. paige was a basketball player at uconn, and you had been famous for a few years. you had been famous before you knew paige, and even before paige was famous. it’s awesome, and you love it. the lifestyle can be very rewarding and enjoyable.

but, being ‘famous’ comes with its faults. as most things do. over the years, you had developed this sort of…. title. this title being that you are some kind of insane serial-dater. it was pretty ridiculous. of course, paige loved you for you, and didn’t really give a fuck as to what people had to say about you. but, it’s still obviously hurtful, and paige gets that.

present day, the epsy’s were coming up. this is something that meant a lot to your girlfriend. and, quite frankly, you’d do anything to make her happy.

until that thing was going as her date (or +1) to the epsy’s. not that you didn’t want to, not that it was because you were gay. but, because you knew how much this could mess with both of your careers. you didn’t really care about your own, cause people are gonna talk about you regardless, but paige’s social presence made it hard to just come out and do whatever you guys want.

“i mean, i’d just really want you there. we can like…. coincide outfits ‘n shit.” paige says, looking over at you, eating a bite of her cereal.

“yeah, p. i understand.” you say, sighing. you look down at your hands, acting like you were paying attention to anything to distract her (and yourself) from the fact that you really just do not know how it would go, and that fact is stressful in itself.

“baby, if you don’t want to go, it’s fine. im just saying it would be cool.” she says, and you meet her eyes again.

you know she’s right. it would be really fuckin’ cool. but like, at the same time, you really didn’t want to have to receive all of the texts from your publisher of news articles with pictures of you and paige where they essentially just put your name in bold letters then talk about how much of a slut you are for dating 4 people in your approximate 5 years of being famous.

yes, it may seem like a lot. but, also, most of these relationships only lasted a few months. you never necessarily wanted them to go public, but, they almost always did. that’s why you and paige took extra precautions.

obviously, one day, you wanted to tell people about you and paige. but, you wanted it to be when you guys had atleast made it past the new relationship stage.

but, if im all dressed up, they might as well be lookin’ at us. and if they call me a ‘slut,’ you know, it might be worth it for once. and if im gonna be drunk, i might as well be drunk in love.

you couldn’t help but give in. there was exactly a week before the epsy’s, and even though you’d kept telling paige you really didn’t think going was a good idea, you felt so bad for saying it that you randomly changed your mind.

“p, come here.” you say, calling from the couch in your living room. she walked in the room, hands on her hips, sleeves rolled up. she was loading the dishwasher for you, as the ‘gentleman’ she was (in a world of boys, (s)he’s a gentleman.)

“yes, baby? what’s wrong?” she says, walking toward you and sitting down, resting an arm on the back of the couch behind your head. “i wanna go with you, p. ill go with you to the awards.” as you say this, you fiddle with the hem of her basketball shorts.

“you wanna go with me? seriously?” she perks up. her whole face immediately lights up. this was the reason you were doing it. that reaction right there.“yes, love. i want to go with you.” she grabs your chin, pulling your face closer to her and gently pressing a kiss to your temple.

“you know, you don’t have to go if you don’t want to. i know you don’t want to read about all of the stupid shit men online say about you. they don’t even know you and it’s so infuriating that they think they can talk about my baby like that. my sweet, sweet girl...” she rubs your side, kissing your temple gently a few more times while babbling a few more sweet names in your ear.

“i know, p. but, i also know i don’t owe anyone shit, and if i want to go out in public with you, i shouldnt be scared. i mean- it’s just…. like, i just want keep hiding us because of the fact that people always have some stupid shit to say. you know, if they call me a whore or if they call me a slut, it might be worth it. it may just be worth it this once.” she smiles ear to ear as you say this. seconds after this, she tackles you onto the couch, pecking all over your face as she tickles your sides.

half asleep, takin’ your time in the tangerine neon lights. this is luxury. you’re not saying you’re in love with me, but, you’re goin’ to. half away, takin’ your chance, it’s a big mistake. i said, ‘it might blow up in your pretty face.’ im not sayin’ do it anyway, but you’re going to.

the night finally arrives. you guys are both getting your hair done. paige is wearing a lilac suit, and she looks ridiculously attractive. you were wearing a white dress with lilac heels, to coincide with her.

you guys get to the carpet, and it feels so surreal. you guys are finally out together and it’s just fucking insane. she does a few interviews, and they even ask you for your own pictures (even though you’re not an athlete)

the awards themselves are good, paige presents and even changes suits. she looks fuckin’ phenomenal.

but, then the after-party comes. the lights are tangerine and kinda dim, everyone’s drunk, and some people are even outside in a swimming pool. (???)

you had been to award shows yourself, but this was so cool. paige grabs you guys drinks throughout the night, careful not to get too wasted, but enough to get a little tipsy. by the end of the afterparty, so many pictures of you guys had been taken you felt like it was kinda too hard to hide your relationship from the world anymore.

while this wasn’t the main goal of tonight whatsoever, paige decided it was time to make your relationship social media official. she thought you deserved to be loved out loud, and honestly she couldn’t give any less of a fuck who said what. you loved her. she loved you. that’s all that mattered.

@paigebueckers

liked by kamoreaarnold and others

paigebueckers: Cats out of the bag I guess 🐈👜

view all 2,405 comments

kamoreaarnold: Photo creds on slide 3

> paigebueckers: @kamoraarnold Best photographer 🙌

yourusername: wow she’s cute who is that

> paigebueckers: @/yourusername Idiot

>> yourusername: @/paigebueckers 😁

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[frecklystars]

I'm sorry to make a vent post :c I hate being negative but I haven't been online in a couple of months and this kind of explains why + I really needed to let this out somewhere. TW for mentions of self harm and suicide mention, this vent post is a little bit heavy.

i havent been online for a couple of months now except one (1) time, and then i left again, just letting my queue post as always. my cptsd/depression/anxiety has been astronomical levels of Terrible. going offline just made me feel so so so much worse bc this is where i normally self ship and post my art. not blogging about my F/Os, not drawing them, not editing videos/not making gifs, feels... really really bad. self shipping is my main coping mechanism and not being able to self ship makes everything feel 50 billion times more hopeless. so I should try to get back into that habit again

its july. its gonna be my anniversary w/ the two F/Os who breathed life back into me when i was at my absolute worst. i should be really excited to celebrate an F/O anniversary for the first time in two years, but ive been... so... fucking miserable. the last few months i have been back into My Worst State Of Mind Ever. i have been having really bad days where im slipping back into planning how to end my life and self harming again like i did a year ago. this isnt an everyday occurrence as of right now, and rn as im queueing this post, i am not planning currently. but every other day i slip back into those old self destructive bad habits, so it's safe to say my depression is definitely Worse. im trying to figure out how to uh, hang in there. because i can't stop the source of the Thing that is causing me to feel like my only escape option is ending my life. this isn't just my mental health/a chemical imbalance in the brain making me feel this way, this is entirely situational and out of my control.

i know the source of my problem and why i feel this way, and i cannot control it. i havent talked about it on my blogs bc i dont wanna scare anyone, and i will NOT go into details here, but i havent felt safe in a very very very long time. i contacted the authorities back in January this year, i am planning to contact them again soon, but im afraid they can't do anything for me until things get worse than they already are. it sucks that you have to wait until things are literally impossible to get through until the authorities even CONSIDER helping you.

i have just been trying to take everything one day at a time and vent to a few close friends when i need to, but this has been so unbearably difficult to endure every single day. ive been dealing with this FAR longer than a few months, but regarding these last few months specifically, i feel like i haven't been functioning like a person. every single second i am just,,, scared and paranoid, this is the only thing i am ever thinking about because im so, so stressed. i dont WANT to think about it but i literally am incapable of having any peace. every few weeks, something scary regarding my situation happens, and makes my anxiety worse. i cannot tell you how scared ive been. im so scared every day that this is going to kill me, whether it's the actual situation that will kill me, or my own anxiety/fear will drive me into making an irreversible choice. which! i don't wanna do! i genuinely don't want to end my life, i just - i feel extremely trapped in this situation and i've felt very very very hopeless about it for a LONG ass time, and that shit weighs on you over time

my fear/paranoia has affected my self shipping, and self shipping is my main source of comfort, i cant lose it. i keep losing it. ive lost so much already i dont want to lose my F/Os all over again. i keep thinking there’s no point in self shipping because my F/Os would betray me or harm me in some way. i know they’re imaginary and they can’t hurt me IRL but like, from a self shipping standpoint, i can’t stop fretting over all of it being a huge trick. like they’re pretending to love me so they can betray me later. i can’t get any relief, I am having panic attacks all the time, my flashbacks are worse than ever. I can’t self ship and I can’t... function. i'm so messed up from everything that has been happening to me, i feel like healing is impossible at this point. i really hope that is just the severe anxiety/depression/ptsd talking. i hate being negative, i dont want to have such a pessimistic outlook, but it's just felt so... hopeless. like there is no point. but what am i gonna do, not try to feel things with my F/Os again? what am i gonna do, not self ship ever again?? i really have nothing else to do except try my best every day to get through this. or kill myself - and i dont wanna go down that latter road again bc its messy and it sucks and its expensive when you fail and i have permanent scars from the last time i failed two years ago, and i! want! to! get better! i dont genuinely want to die, i just want to escape my situation! this situation i am in should not be worth ending my life over. but i am scared all the time and that hopeless feeling is so heavy and it's just getting harder and harder to carry for so so so so long

i have friends both IRL and online who are trying to help me get back into a safe situation again, but there is only so much we can all do. so i just have to keep taking all of this shit one day at a time and just hope and pray some sort of miracle gets me through this. its been years so i really dont believe theres a way out anymore but i am just! agh!! fucking angry and sad and terrified 24/7 and sick of dealing with this, so i will keep powering through every day even if i gotta kick and scream the entire time.

ok anyway! im gonna stay offline for a little while longer (this is queued, if anyone is kind enough to reply/send an ask, i will try to respond when i return) but i will come back slowly but surely sometime maybe this week, next week at the latest. i at least want to celebrate my July 21st anniversary :( thats my most important one this year. i really really really need to get back into the habit of self shipping even if i dont feel much for my F/Os atm. i refuse to just lay down and take this, i want to at least try to feel something again even if it hurts.

thank you to those who have been patient with me with replies; tumblr says i have over 200 inbox messages and 99+ dms since ive been gone. i will try to get back to people slowly but surely, its just probably gonna take me a hot minute. if anyone has the free minute, if you can just send me something like "everything will be okay" in my inbox, i would super appreciate it 😭🙏 and thank you to anyone who took the time to read my ramblings.

[takami-takami]

hii I love all ur posts and writing !! (bare with me english not my native language but talking with people helps)

just wanted to ask what do u think hawks would be like when thinking abt getting married, some people think he isnt that type of person more like douchebag / playboy etc but hes a sweetheart deep down considering everything that happened to him (and "mean!hawks" too IDK hes prob just a annoying tease in bed) anyways i was thinking about it earlier and i was like wtf would he do, im sure he would do it in private but other than that idk because the commission, planning, what are ur thoughts? maybe he would be really anxious thinking about it but he knows ur the one? nobody has written about this like for real ( i THINK) if u or someone else has tell me PLEASE. i"ve been thinking about it for a while (a Lil embarrassed ngl)

just asking what u think in general what he would do bc like said havent seen anyone talk about it

at the start of the relationship, he's probably like nervous to even be in one but after like 3 months or something he probably wants to be with you forever and never let u go, it would be a bit hard for him to plan it all out because he barely has anyone to talk about it other than you unless he hired someone which no.. i think because he wants to make it special from his heart + the commission giving him any time to do anything let alone a honey moon and blah ya know?

other than that im stumped no idea

(u can ignore idm !! )

(MHA season 6 episode 3 spoilers ahead!)

People say Hawks is a playboy, but that couldn't be further from the truth. He's such a sweetheart. Self sacrificing.

I think he falls hard. It is extremely difficult for him to trust, given not only his childhood, but his time with the commission, too. With the amount of undercover dirty work they made him do, there's no doubt they taught him from very young to trust no one. The message from his parents and the commission is clear: he can only trust himself.

But... We know Keigo still feels; so, so strongly. Dabi mocks him for it, mocks him because he can't stop himself from being "distracted by his emotions". Even when he knows what he's "supposed" to do in the Twice scene, he hesitates because it fucking hurts, he still feels pangs of empathy. Despite all he was taught about shutting off your emotions, that's something he still can't do completely, even if he ultimately decides to do the opposite of what he feels.

So. It would take a very, very long time for him to truly open up to you, much less recognize his feelings as romantic (he goes through a stage of denial, because he never saw himself actually being "selfish" and allowing himself a real relationship). But once he has his mind made up, and really makes that decision to be yours, he will not give that up for anything. He follows through to the end.

I think he always wanted to get married. Not in the way his parents did; he never did have a good example. But the way people on TV did, the way they wax poetic about in songs he never understood. He is definitely the marriage, soulmates kind of guy. He craves that slow, that domesticity, to protect.

You make such a good point that he wouldn't know what to do because he has no one to talk about it with... But he knows he wants it to be special. He would fret and fuss so hard about it being perfect, trying to impress you and stressing over it so badly.

Until one day, you grab his hand and tell him, "lets get married, right here. Right now." It doesn't have to be official to be entirely authentic and in love and you. To the backdrop of the dim light of a summer evening, under the flourescent glow of the string lights adorning your back porch, you have your first dance to the tune of the creaky wood beneath your feet. You dance to the tune of a love song he finally understands.

[foxfirexo]

my minecraft base on a server with a couple ppl; i am very proud of how it is turning out, the vibes are cozy and it has very organically expanded over time :3

tiny bit of story feel free to ignore and just scroll past but i feel like oversharing so fuck u (kindly <3)

ive always been pretty creative even if i spent the last decade or so telling myself i wasnt. when i was little it was lego, when i got older it was minecraft (among other things)

but being an audhd transgirl growing up in a very conservative southern baptist household (and as a PK and MK at that ;-;) and whose very existence was just fundamentally at odds with the teachings i was raised, i felt a lot of lot of pressure to suppress any self expression or identity i might have and with that went a lot of my creativity

after all, how am i supposed to be creative without expressing myself? and if ive numbed all the thoughts that i want to share bc they get me in trouble w my parents, what am i supposed to put into my art?

also being told your whole childhood that you're a guy and receiving all that lovely generational societal trauma of male gender roles and expectations really crushed the pointless wonderful meanderings of my mind. god i cringe a bit now(w compassion<3) but i used to brag about how obsessed i was with productivity, efficiency, logic, order but in hindsight i think it was 98% just feeling like i had to be a high achieving eventually bread winning "guy"

anyway as such ive had a very on again off again relationship w minecraft. it was a coping mechanism when i was young so ive put probably a good 5k+ hours into it but it became increasingly difficult to enjoy as i got older and ive gone years at a time never touching the damn game

its funny bc you could probably chart my whole healing journey and my ups and downs of my mental health by just measuring # of hrs spent in mc per month

but very recently ive been finally reaching a point (thank u therapist) that i am allowing myself the joy of self expression, that i am accepting and loving myself without the judgement of my youth holding me back, that i no longer feel like i have to hide myself away for fear of being crushed again because i have the self love to stand on my own two feet no matter what anybody else thinks

as silly as this probably sounds, joining tumblr just over a week ago has actually played a part in this too. ill probably ramble more ab that some other time whenever i feel like oversharing again but suffice it to say that this environment is incredible and everyone on this platform has made me feel so so so comfortable in my own skin being myself sharing my thoughts and feelings and just existing :3

and ya its a bit goofy but im actually seeing this milestone in how im playing minecraft. not only am i playing again (pretty regularly, too!) but im... just fucking around. no plan, no goal, if i have an idea pop into my head i just go out and do it but im equally content to just strip mine, chop trees, tend to my farms, whatever sounds good in the moment.....

and im building again too!!! no worrying about doing it "right", no stressing about wasting time bc i didnt count something right and now i have to move that wall or i changed my mind and now i have to redo all my flooring... just chipping away at it, trying out new blocks or decor ideas, enjoying it more for the process than the finished product and never needing anything to truly be finished

so ya :3 i havent felt this amazing playing minecraft since probably 2014/15 and im super proud of myself for getting to this point, its been a long journey and im by no means done but silly little things like this give me so so so sooo much hope and encouragement ^^

k thats all if u actually read all that im sorry or ur welcome lol

[loversj0y]

I-

Put me on the Taglist please- please.

Also for the event thingy (if you can)

Back to December- please!

back to december

event masterlist

pairing: wilbur soot x gn! reader

tws: a lot of insecurity, self-hatred that is unresolved, plus breakups

notes: im not sure proud of this one bc i was getting used to writing again once i worked on it so the first half isnt as good as the last half but anyhow hope i did it justice for ya lilly :3

word count: 1.4k

taglist: @l0veb0mb1ng / @core-queen / @zooone / @lillylvjy / @melunnek

February was an odd month, hitting somewhere between the chill of winter and the early warmth of spring. It always seemed overlooked and sad, in your eyes. Especially today. February 14th. You were supposed to be spending it with Wilbur. You and him had been dating for nearly eight months.

Until December came around. It was a harsh month, cold winds mixed with stress and insecurity with the passage of time. You remembered him fondly. You remembered yourself worse.

He was amazing. A kind and loving boyfriend, who did everything he could. You loved him. It was your own mind that sabotaged everything.

“Darling, I’m home,” you heard the telltale sound of Wilbur setting his keys on the side table. 

You were pacing in your room, tears streaming down your cheeks, “In here.” You called out weakly. Your head was swimming in pulsing thoughts of how much you weren’t okay. You felt sick. There was something wrong with you, but you couldn’t place what. You just felt wrong. 

“Hey,” he smiled, walking into the room. “Is everything okay, love?”

You stopped pacing, looking up at him. “No. Everything is not okay.”

He walked over, gently placing his hands on your arms. “Do you want to sit down?”

“I-” you stuttered on a breath, shaking your head, “No. No, I don’t.”

“Okay,” he nodded softly, frowning, “What’s going on?”

You took a deep breath, “Wilbur, how can you love me?”

“What?” he frowned, “What do you mean?”

“I’m fucking sick. There is nothing right about me. Why- I don’t get you. You could have anyone, and yet you stick yourself with me. I am dragging you down, I know I am. I’ve seen your exhaustion whenever I mention wanting your help.”

“Darling, no, I-”

“Don’t lie to me. There is something deeply wrong with me, and I know that no one could love me. I can’t love me.”

“Darling,” he pulled you into a hug, “I do love you. So much. You’re gorgeous, and you’re hilarious. You’re the only person who can make me smile when I’m upset. You mean the world to me, darling.”

You nodded slowly, even if you didn’t believe a word he said. Slowly, you sat down on the bed, pulling out from his arms. You sniffled quietly, and suddenly the world felt incredibly overwhelming. Your relationship felt overwhelming. 

“Can you leave?” You asked him softly. 

“Uh, like- the room?”

“No,” you shook your head, laughing bitterly, “Can you leave me? Please?”

“What? Darling, no, look at me,” he got on his knees, sitting in front of you quietly. “Talk to me, please.”

“I’m not happy. I don’t believe that you love me, and nothing you could ever do would prove it to me. I need something different. I can’t be with you, not when I’m like this. You deserve better. I’m sorry.”

“Darling, please-”

“No, Wilbur. I’m not right. I need time, I can’t… I want you to leave.”

“Is this really what you want?”

“Yes. I love you, but I am not good for you. I’ll poison you, and I’m sorry. But I can’t be with you anymore. You deserve more than… this.” You gestured to the room, the sad sick scene of two, about-to-be former lovers sitting in tears over something beautiful coming to an end.

“I don’t believe that you will poison me. I love you too, so please…”“Wilbur. This is my choice,” you pulled him forward, kissing him one last final time, before pulling away, “I’m sorry, but this is goodbye.”

He kissed back gently with tears in his eyes, and you could tell he still wanted to fight you on it. Instead, he took a deep, shaky breath and stood slowly, leaving you there alone to sit in your own sadness.

Eventually, as the frost lightened, so did your insecurities. You spent every moment wishing you could turn back time. You wanted to reach out, beg him to get back together. But your residual anger and fear and sadness towards yourself kept you silent throughout it all, regretfully wishing that night had never happened. You couldn’t allow yourself to get back together with him, because you knew that as better as you were feeling, you still didn’t feel right. You loved him too much to allow your insecurities to hurt him again.

But time passed further. It was February, and you felt the need to see him. February 14th, ironically, was the only day you were able to meet. You had it carved out when you were still together, so you both ended up having to meet then. You chose a park, a simple and neutral place to meet. 

It was snowing when you arrived. You weren’t prepared for it, a simple long sleeve and cardigan not fairing too well, but the snow was slow and the wind was faint. It was bearable. 

He was already sitting on a bench. The one you two used to sit on, watching the sunset. 

He was a bit more prepared for the snow. He wore a big, thick jumper, and a maroon beanie protecting his hair. 

“Hey,” you spoke softly, slowly sitting next to him, “it’s good to see you.”

He looked over, eyes passing over your face like a memory he’d forgotten, “you too.”

You nodded, trying to brush through the awkwardness, “How are you?”

“Good,” he replied simply, “Busy. Work and such, you know. You?”

“Yeah, uh. Good.” Fuck, this was awkward. “Snow came out of nowhere.”

“Yeah,” he nodded. The awkward silence returned. You could feel how different he was. The walls he’d put up after being burned by your own self-hatred. 

“Why did you want to meet me here?” He asked, pointedly looking away from you. 

You took a deep breath, “Wilbur, I…” You let your eyes close slowly.

For a moment, your entire relationship flashed behind your eyes. You met during the summer, on this exact bench. He was sitting alone, reading a book you’d loved. You spoke first, asking how he liked it. From there it tumbled into going on dates, long drives, all the way into the fall, when the sunlight hit his face in such a gorgeous way you couldn’t help but utter a soft, simple ‘I love you’. The beauty gets tainted then as the cold came, and he was so kind and loving, and all you did was turn him away. 

“I’m not here to get back together with you. I don’t want to hurt you again, so I don’t think getting together would help me accomplish that goal,” you let out a soft laugh, hoping to break the tension. You held back any comment about how if he did want to get back together, you wouldn’t allow yourself to hurt him. It was a promise you couldn’t make. 

“I’m… I’m here to apologize. I was- I was obsessed with my own insecurities. I couldn’t see that you were trying to help me, and I regret it more than anything. I’m really sorry for that night, and I can barely sleep because I think about it all the time. And none of that is the point, none of this is an excuse. I wish I could undo it. Because you were nothing but lovely, and I did nothing but hurt you. So I’m sorry. I understand if you don’t forgive me too, and you don’t have to.”

He was quiet for a long moment before speaking up. “You have a bad habit of overexaggerating how much the world hates you.” He said simply, and for a moment you wondered if he was going to continue. “I don’t know how to help you with that. I did try, but I’m sorry I couldn’t have done more to help keep you from getting to that point. So I do forgive you. You did hurt me, a lot, but I know it wasn’t your intentions. I just happened to be in your line of fire.”

You smiled lightly, staring at the snow falling onto your shoes. “You always had a better way with words than I did.”

He chuckled softly, and his laugh made the weight on your chest ease up, “You really need to stop talking about yourself like that. I know that I coudn’t do much to help you. But I know that you should stop talking about yourself like you’re the worst person on the planet. You’ll find you’re the only one who thinks of you that way.”

You smiled softly, “Thanks, Wilbur,” and for the first time in two months, as much as you missed and regretted it all, you for once felt like you could breath again. 

[soulandunconscious]

dead poets in efteling

a/n: first hc post yippieeee!! i know this is soo niche and there are about three people who understand this but its been in my head for weeks and it needs out. if you're unfamiliar, efteling is this really cool theme park in the netherlands with a kind of dark fantasy theme. i was there yesterday and if you saw someone eating shit at the baron 1898 that was UHHHH NOT ME GUYS

first of all, cameron is extremely stressed out about wasting time/money so he wants to be there the second the gates open. If they’re staying in a hotel or bosrijk, he’s insanely anal about getting the extra half hour but they never end up getting it bc half the guys are still asleep

they go with mr keating (who had to pester the board for months about why it’d be beneficial for their education) and thank god because every single one of the guys is directionally challenged. if it werent for him they’d criss cross through the park all day

keating makes them sit at the fabula restaurant for like 20 minutes so he can drink coffee and plan out their walking route. cameron nearly has an aneurysm

everyone but cameron is running around that restaurant like children

charlie is hogging the slide, meeks and pitts are at the climbing section, knox is locked in on feeling the textures and the game where you merge your face with a penguin. spends five minutes trying to type in his email

neil and todd are mainly walking around trying to see everything, until todd gets jumpscared by the jumping snake. from then on he’s staying 10 feet away from any kind of structure in this building

cameron is sitting at a table with keating trying to explode him with his mind. keating is unfazed

when they finally go on a ride they go on fata morgana first

pitts is so insanely in tune with the present and his inner child that he fully locks in during every dark ride. EVERYTHING GETS HIM during the fata morgana. the negative energy makes him so on edge that he screams at everything 

everyone else is fine for the entirety of the ride except for the dentist scene where they all go ‘eugghhh’ in unison

they go on the baron 1898 next and knox is like eughhh i dont know guys cuz hes fucking terrified of heights but he won't actually come out and say it. they manage to convince him to get on cuz he's extremely sensitive to peer pressure

meeks and pitts are constantly playing no one knows (efteling heads up) in the line (in every line tbh) but they can’t control their volume. they’re always screaming when they get an answer right and it stresses cameron out

charlie wants to play with them but he's horrible at it cuz he keeps asking subjective questions

when they get on the coaster, knox is already having heart palpitations from the sight of the witte wieven. he then sees 1. how insanely high it is and 2. how theres a whole crowd of people on the ground staring up at them. right when the cart tips a little over the edge and hangs there, charlie (in the most sincere voice) says 'omg i think my seatbelt is undone!' n knox fully faints for a second

they don't let him go on rollercoasters anymore after that. he mainly rides the train and waves at every passerby

they go on sirocco (teacups ride). keating has mostly been keeping a neutral face and sharing history/poetry tidbits so he can argue that they have, in fact, learned somethng here. but on sirocco this guy goes HAM

hes 1. really strong and 2. obsessed with this ride so he's spinning it like crazy. he's in there with meeks and pitts who are having a grand old time

neil and todd are in a boat together and todd has this really blank expression. neil is extremely worried he's getting motion sick so he's constantly like 'are you good? should i stop spinning it???' and todds like 'yeah im good :)'. neil does not believe him and refuses to keep spinning it

the people who ARE getting motion sick are cameron and charlie, who somehow ended up in a boat together. neither of them are willing to admit it so they're both turning green and staring at each other to see if one of them will cave

they both end up puking

they go on droomvlucht and decide to test out the virtual line. when they get the notification that they can get on cameron freaks the fuck out cuz hes scared they'll miss their slot even tho its fifteen minutes. hyperventilating all like 'WE HAVE TO GO NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW'

while they wait for their time slot they go to the volk van laaf

neil and todd and meeks and pitts both go on the monorail. theyre on the monorail when their slot opens so they look down and just see a tiny little cameron waving his arms and screaming 'WE NEED TO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO'

todd runs over the second they're off the ride cuz he's stressed, but the rest REFUSE to be rushed

knox has found the loof and eerhuys and nearly jumps out of his skin when vader laaf starts moaning and moving his feet

charlie would think this is very funny and start calling him freaky laaf if he werent stuck at the stairs that make noise, spamming the steps

when they're actually on droomvlucht, neil is constantly talking about a midsummer nights dream. pointing and pogging like 'OMG ITS OBERON'

neil in general chronically talks through rides. todd's content to listen

meeks gets jumpscared by the troll at the end and still has a horrified expression at the photo op

fairytale forest!!!

charlie is obsessed with everything that's interactive, specifically the troll king and the parrot. makes it say all sort of horrific things

obviously he's pogging at the mermaid boobs

also will not stop thirsting over the wolf. he is FRONT ROW at an evening with wolf even though he doesn't understand a word

the interactive bit pitts likes is the gnome that opens the door and just like. mutters at everyone. he thinks it's the funniest shit EVER.

todd is LOCKED IN at the fairytale tree. looks up at keating with these huge eyes as if to say 'thats u'

meeks has figured out how the app works and how to make kniesoor say ur name. knox is convinced it's witchcraft and then BEGS steven to show him how it works

i actually don't believe kniesoor knows the name knox but who knows!

they go on the halve maen (swinging ship) and cameron, still traumatized from the sirocco endeavor that he insists on sitting in the middle

everyone else refuses and since keating doesn't want anyone to be alone, he sits next to cameron

what cameron didnt really consider is that since the movement in the middle is a lot more subtle, it's likely to make you even more sick

keating's looking at him the entire time and going 'are you okay?' meanwhile camerons there like ._.

in the tips, a screaming contest breaks out between the two halves. charlie and knox start it and everyone joins in. ppl gets tired and kinda stops putting any effort into it at some point. as a joke, at the very end when it slows down, charlie says ‘imagine someone just fully yawps right now’ and todd just. does it

knox is mortified. charlie gives todd five dollars for the effort

in the vliegende hollander all of them are kind of tired and the line is stressing them out. they don't fully understand what the ride even is so when the dark ride portion starts everyone is kind of tense. to diffuse tension, during the fog portion, meeks yells 'OMG CHARLIE PUT UR VAPE AWAY'

they eat at polles keuken and neil gets the magic water

charlie is inspired and gets it too. nearly knocks over a waiter with how excited he is

of course they go on symbolica after

oj punctuel is camerons spirit animal. everyone wakling through the opening steps and he's like yuo guys... poor oj...

charlie DEMANDS to sit in the front row so he can press the buttons

todd gets terrified at the whale/fabelvis part. he just doesnt like things that are underwater

when they see polle they're like omg that's our guy!!

at the end knox spends all his money in the gift shop

meeks buys those cards with seeds in them but refuses to ever plant them

pitts buys a raveleijn sword

charlie buys a stuffed animal of the wolf

cameron buys a magnet

todd buys the book of fairytales and buys keating a pen

neil buys a droomvlucht puzzle

i have a thousand more ideas but i feel like this post is already WAY long so if anyone is interested in a part two lmk x

[morethanmeetstheass]

Tell us the “sob story” 8O

lol im gonna put this under a cut so its not massive, but here u go, sob story!

so i think i mentioned that my former apartment got lit on fire, so i had to move to a new place because i was too fuckin scared to live in that place anymore. upside, the guy who blew up my furnace got fired, so W

lived in apartment 2 for a while, it was pretty good, but extremely lonely! i had no local friends At All and like, exactly 1 online friend, so i was wallowing in a sea of loneliness for like, a solid year and a half living there. woe is me, whatever. eventually decided fuck this place, i wanna move back to new york-- i went to uni there, i was born there, i loved it there so i wanted to go back. bought a house, WHEEE-- THAT was a hell of a nightmare, house had code violations, contract was a mess, it was a whole stressful thing. but we got it settled. i have a house now! so that's cool!

but it's also not! because i had a friend/situationship i guess? in new york and i invited them to live with me bc they needed somewhere to live, i'd feel more comfortable having a roommate bc im still afraid to cook and use heat or anything, it was a win win. we went on a few dates back in like, 2020, and i was like, we'll see where things go romantically! without really any expectations of whether we'd get together or not, since ive changed a LOT since 2020 and i really didnt know them all that well. but hey, potential partner! we'll call them jill.

wrench got thrown in THAT when i met a guy, oops! started modding for a pretty big youtuber who's also become one of my best friends, and met a wonderful guy. we very much fell for each other and are now dating. we'll call him levi. told jill hey, i met someone, so suna x jill isnt gonna happen. that didnt go well! jill was apparently much more under the impression that we were gonna date than i was, and was/is very heartbroken about it. whoops! so now i live with someone who is currently still in love with me, while dating someone else! yikes!

which would be fine if there wasnt also a shitload of drama about jill cleaning up their stuff! they've been here for almost 5 months and ive had to ask them dozens of times to please get their huge piles of stuff out of the middle of the floor bc i needed paths for the movers to get their stuff in, i need to unpack my own stuff, etc. they got so upset about me asking them to do this (bear in mind, literally the entire living room was full of stuff FLOOR TO CEILING, and i've given them plenty of warning on dates i was coming to renovate/paint/when my move-in date was) that they threatened to move out and i was like? ok? then move out LMAO. also their cat injured one of my cats and ripped a hole in his ear!

so yes, a lot of unnecessary stress and drama on top of already dealing with all the shit involved with interstate moving, new finances, job changes, relationship changes, all that. the upside being, im very very very happy with levi, im starting to feel settled in my new house, things at my job have calmed down, and things are overall pretty okay. im aware that im extremely privileged to be able to own a house (granted, in an area with a very low cost of living-- the house was like 150k which is actually a semi-sane house price, compared to my friends with 700k homes and stuff LOL) and that my problems arent really all that bad, but topped with the dystopian state of the world right now and the existential dread ive had for months because of it, its just Not been a good time in the suna world. but its ok. things are calming, im making the best of it, and we'll see how things go from here!

[seattlesellie]

this is super random (also this is my first msg to u hi <3) and i’m honestly asking this generally to anyone else who also happens to read this, but recently i’ve realized my sexual orientation and come to the conclusion that i’m like REALLY attracted to women (as a woman myself ofc). so obv this made me also think abt how someday i’m gonna have to tell ppl close to me abt this but i’m literally losing my mind cause i’m NAWT vulnerable especially w/ my parents 😭 and also i just now was watching a tiktok live that was full of homophobic ppl and whenever i see that on the internet, it makes me wanna go deeper in the shell (or closet lmao) that i already am in. like it makes me realize how many horrible ppl there are that won’t accept smth so simple (i’m also very emotional as u can see 😍) so like tbh i’m not sure what i’m seeking here but ig i’m just curious if u or anyone else has felt like this/what helped u come out? like it’s so hard for me to be open and as someone who recently graduated and is going to uni, in a completely diff country alone, i’m gonna have more freedom and if i were to date another girl, it’d feel unfair to my parents if i didnt say anything prior abt my identity. ik they’re also very supportive, which i’m thankful for, but i just HATEEE vulnerability. idk man :( it’s also very weird finally realizing more abt myself. it makes me SO happy yet so so so scared? aarrghh idk sorry abt this long message, u seem like the nicest person and this place feels safe, so i just felt like i could ask/find some kind of relatability. 💗 sorry again for this long ass rant LOLS 🌟

okokok im gonna tell u my coming out story because i can awfully relate to this ?? n adding a read more cos this is so long sorry <333 🤧

literally knew i liked girls my entire life and like suppressed the shit out of it. would try and date guys all throughout highschool and would feel so terrible afterwards… but like you, i was super uncomfortable with that type of vulnerability and also barely had any gay friends, let alone any gay female friends. so i spent my life just thinking im gonna be in the closet forever !! until i met my now ex gf, she would constantly be sleeping over— but i did the classic thing of telling my parents she was just my new best friend, until one day my dad was like… be so fr rn are you two dating. like you said, my parents are also very liberal and supportive (especially my dad), but still— it made me panic and drop a mug and deny deny deny !! then, after being together for like 6 months it was incredibly hard to hide it, and obvs she felt super uncomfortable bc i was super closeted and she was super out. so i kind of had to come out to my parents (i hid under a blanket and told them i have an important thing to say n then they already somehow knew). my parents and i literally never talked about these things like my mom didn’t even know about my first kiss or literally NOTHING about me, we didn’t have that type or relationship at all so i can relate to u so hard !!but like here’s the thing— i don’t think it would be unfair to your parents, this is your story to tell and you should do it when you feel comfortable enough, and if it takes you dating a girl for that then so be it. you shouldn’t worry about other peoples feelings about this, as this is yours to tell and not theirs! as long as you’re in a safe environment, coming out can truly be such a big fucking relief !! like that absolute weight that drops out of your chest is so so freeing. if the people who are close to you love you— they will accept you. if they won’t? truthfully, they don’t deserve u and never have. about the homophobia, its always going to be here, unfortunately for us hateful and bigoted people will always exist, and that can be extremely stressful and painful, which is why surrounding yourself with people from your own community is so so important and necessary. uni is such a good place to do that !! so many new people to meet and especially queer people to surround yourself with !! i super understand your fears but the good things that happen after you come out— that feeling of no longer needing to hide yourself is so so worth it 💗💗💗💗

[wuhohdotcom]

tf2 mercs and the smokes i think they would pick up from a gas station. source: i work at a gas station

reasonings below the cut:

scout: i chose newport red shorts for him because i feel like he would think menthol is for losers. newports to me are a very. basic cigarette. the layman's cig. i also find newports, especially red newports to be a little nasty lol. also i dont see him as much of a cigarette smoker but i do think he smokes every once in a while, esp if hes really stressed out or had a bad match. his 1 box will last him a few months. after a while i think he would switch to newport gold shorts, as theyre lighter.

soldier: i know theres a lot of art of soldier smoking cigars, esp blue soldier. while i don't disagree with that notion, i dont think hes coming into a convenience store and picking up a pack of cigarillos. i went with lucky strike red shorts because theyre an All American cigarette and have been around forever. theyre on the cheaper side as well and he smokes them in Emesis Blue. i didn't go with american spirits because theyre advertised as an "organic" cigarette, and i feel that he would find that to be pretentious and an overall turn off. also american spirits are more expensive.

pyro: i dont think pyro is a tobacco smoker. if the pyro is smoking anything its going to be weed wrapped in a banana backwoods. banana is one of the more strange flavors backwoods has, and i feel like they would go for something on the fruitier side. i also chose backwoods because backwoods fucking rule and the shits look like twigs bc theyre full leaf wraps. i also feel like they would choose banana because none of the other mercs would want to smoke that.

demo: with demo it was more a process of elimination than anything. i dont think he's a cigarette smoker. so i went with a cigarillo because i can so very clearly see him smoking one. i don't think he would go for swishers as a lot of them are fruity, and that doesn't seem up demo's alley. i went with white owl sweets because theyre simple and straight forward, and i feel he would like a pack of sweets. to be honest, im a little shaky on this one, but i don't think anything else would suit him besides like. game greens. to be fair, i don't think he smokes much, and would probably go for something higher quality and hand wrapped if he was smoking a cigar. overall he would get these if he needed something quick and cheap.

heavy: idk about other stores but my store has 1 million dorals and nobody is buying them except for maybe one person every 6 months. heavy is that person. if heavy is smoking anything he's smoking light 100s because i can't see him smoking or liking a rich or full flavor cigarette. also dude is big so he's not getting shorts because they're too small and will be gone in two seconds. these smokes are a mystery to me; i have no idea of the quality or price range. but in my mind i can see him coming up to my counter, asking for these, and leaving without a word.

engie: i almost went with marlboro southern cut for this guy but it felt too on the nose, even if i think he would enjoy the smoke of those. i went with honey bourbon backwoods instead. the flavor seems right up his alley, and i can clearly see him asking for these at a convenience store. as to what he does with them... i can see him smoking them as they come in the package, or using them as a wrap. overall engie looks like he drinks good whiskey, and these cigars look like good whiskey. well... bourbon.

medic: i had a hard time deciding what medic would smoke and went thru all the brands i know of. at first i discounted marlboro because of how commonly bought they are, figuring he would smoke something weirder. but when i came back to it i had figured he would enjoy menthols, and i landed on marlboro menthol blue 100s. he wouldn't go for full flavor, as they would irritate his throat. i feel like smoking these shits would be like sipping cold water after having mint gum. i mean, they're described as "smooth" and "cool." medic is smoking basically spearmint and cold water, but not enough to the point of where he's buying a pack of marlboro ice and its variants of gum package looking cigs.

sniper: i chose cheyenne menthols for him because to me sniper looks like he loves old school shit. the youngest person i have seen come in and buy these has been maybe 40. i don't think he would go for a basic cigarette. cheyennes are box cigars, and a box of these goes for under $3, and typically have more tobacco in them. i feel as if he would enjoy that as well as menthol full flavor, and the smokes themselves are brown instead of white. i can see him smoking a brown looking cigarette so clearly. also the packaging has an outdoorsy look to it lol. basically, i just Know he would go for these. if he was going to go for anything else, he might smoke camel menthol wides. he would also pick up zig zag unbleached cones for his joints.

spy: look we all know spy is smoking that hoity-toity imported french bullshit but if for whatever reason he had to pick up a pack a cigs from a mobil or something it would be parliament blue 100s. i already think he smokes 100s in general, and would go for parliaments because theyre expensive. where im from they sell for like $13 a pack and its always dudes in suits and/or gold chains asking for these things. the packaging isn't an issue here as spy keeps them in a case, but i don't feel like he would turn up his nose at it. overall these are his best option for a gas station cig.

[dimension20npcofalltime]

My Favourite Tags / Reblogs of Round Two

Yeah sorry this one's long

#the yogurt man deserves this

Loose Duke did NOT hide for nearly an entire season in a spaceship’s vents, personally haunting Emily Axford the real person’s mind, to lose. - inkytrinket-irii

#loose duke is the only npc that gets better the less you see him

#hell yes! BIM SWEEP!#all the calroy girlies see his canon artwork and run for the hills. pathetic.#that man is a slice of cake and he’s sexier than any pink​​​-haired twink you could possibly draw

#chose calroy bc of that one monologue that out of context makes a crown of Candy sound like the most intense historical war period piece#to ever exist#also bc I did not watch sophmore year

#calroy sweep are you kidding#the gayest slice of cake to ever live

#hardest decision of my life 5ever#shit in your mouth vs watch me shit? how could i ever decide between those two?#(it was calroy easily)

#voted ox just so it's not a complete wipe. he's a Good Boy and i'm love him#but he doesn't stand a chance against the unhinged all-consuming-devotion dykery that is wuvvy

#i love garthy but Aelwyn has been giving me brainrot for the padt few months#the kind of character you want to snap in half and then cry about it

#it’s tough because aelwyns whole deal makes me cry#but on the other hand garthy is hot as hell

#ough this is hard#on one hand aelwyn is v complex and is central to adaines development in fhsy#on the other hand... garthy's voice is hot as hell and they are chill as hell#i GUESS ill pick aelwyn. im just saying i hate asmr but if it was garthy i think all my stress would melt away

#GUYS COME ON I KNOW GARTHY IS HOT BUT.#LOOK AT HER#SOPPING WET CAT OF A GIRL ALSO REMEMBER WHEN SHE WALKED INTO A LUDICROUS PARTY#OF HER OWN MAKING#SMASHED TWO BOTTLE OF LIQUOR AND MAGICED THAT SHIT STRAIGHT DOWN HER THROAT???#she is so everything to me Adaine in the first minutes of the campaign immediately tries to murder her#she shut down her mind to survive torture and kept her personality in a black box only her sister could open#sibling relationship of all time guys

#i love them both#but it has to be john feathers#most guy of all time despite literally being a bird

#if you're not gonna beat up a bunch of angels to give your wife tax advice don't even look at dale

#WHY is esther losing!!!#justice for my girl#my girl has the only braincell in NYC#released from her curse and immediately jumps the hot firefighter#nothing but respect

#one of the very few acoc characters i'll vote against without hesitation#ESPECIALLY for baron my god i love that little freak

#baron you funky creation from aroace fear

#i love dr lugash so fucking much#but you really put him up against annabelle cheddar? the most dyke 5ever?#i love her sm

#lugash would want you to vote annabell#because he is lgbt ally

#why does raghs art have him dressed as a dad at a barbecue#actually you know what he IS gay and it makes sense for him to be that flavor of gay

#plug's gonna lose a poll the same day he's gonna die- tomorrow

#Wilma!!!#or did y'all forget our education on docking

#vote caramelinda my god she deserves this win#also she's canonically lesbian. dyke rights.