#me: *said i probably wont do this a lot*
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apocalypse doodlings aka We Couldve Had Grey Hair Erik And Charles Is There Too I Guess
#mcu#xmen#xmen movies#xmen apocalypse#erik lehnsherr#magneto#charles xavier#professor x#cherik#not really but sssshh theyre in the same post#snap sketches#anyway Be Surprised If You Will i just intended to do practice drawings of charles tonight#charles doodle is a vague redraw of the first charles doodle i made so thats fun i GUESS#its been a hot minute and james' face still eludes me but we're getting somewhere Probably. i hope.#but then i remembered micheal said originally they were going to make erik's hair go white in apocalypse and i crumbled#and i was JUST gonna leave it at the first erik drawing but then i was like 'can i draw him chilling for once' so. pseudo screencap redraw#it was so funny drawing the first two back-to-back on the same canvas cause i had Charming Charles in one folder#and i open the second one and its. Rage. Anger. and then to round it off He Got Better :) vjealkeajvLK#sorry i made the charles drawing look like a dating sim screenshot i was gonna leave the bg blank but i got mad at it being blank#so i cobbled that together. i cobble a dating sim appropriate bg together vjelkjea#its so funny a lot of times ill be like 'i wont draw a bg' and then ill make a quick one anyway i cant resist i apologize#ok im so sleepy so goodnight team my head hurt
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here's something no one asked for, my ocs when they were a bit younger! :] (more like how they were in highschool lmfao) ((not aster tho sorry my king. u did not have a highschool.))
as always, close ups and more info under the cut!! OH and i put an updated relationship chart at the very end!! it's in writing this time because i thought that would be easier (it's long.) </3 i am so sorry in advance there's a lot under this HAHA
lune:
lune was a little shit, he's very rebellious now but he was even more rebellious when he was a teenager lmfao
he would CONSTANTLY get into fights, anyone that pissed him off he did not hesitate to attack
his relationship with his parents was already bad but it quickly deteriorated at this point in time
he was relatively popular in school but uh, everyone stayed away from him or tried to be on his good side because... well yk! didn't wanna get attacked..?
also people thought he was annoying but hey at least he was good looking!
he did not know he was popular btw. like at all, no idea, still doesn't know
his grades were like... okay, not great, but not bad, and he would skip class a lot... dumbass
his nails were constantly painted different colours bc cecilia would do them often, he was also never seen without a bracelet on his right wrist
huge troublemaker (some things never change!)
he hasn't really changed since then lmao
cecilia:
she was a bit more reserved back in highschool, still nice and friendly but she had a hard time approaching others because she was nervous (and others found her a bit intimidating cause she didn't smile much) ((and she's related to lune and that guy was known for being crazy))
her and lune were known as "those rich twins"
was constantly stressing over lune because of how much he got in trouble it's not like their parents would do anything about it.
kept her hair long and undyed! she liked doing different things with her hair and would try out diffy styles a lot of the time
she liked having long hair, and randomly cut it off impulsively lmfao (3 am on a school night, she couldn't sleep and was like ok why not)
good student, wasn't always at school but she was doing well
hated going to school, couldn't tell you why, just hated it
she was really awkward as a teen, but she was trying her best
always had bracelets on, if you saw her she had a bunch on her left hand, and then just one on her right.
always had her nails done (she did them herself ^^)
would always carry a few hair ties on her in case any one needed to tie their hair
one time she tried to be cool and approached a girl who didn't have a hair tie and just dropped it in her hands and walked away (she then walked out of class bc she felt embarrassed)
she tried out a lot of different clothing styles
nox:
so, he still had a shitty sleep schedule!
hard to find, he was always somewhere, no one knew where tho
good student, did not give two shits about school though
not very memorable? he was quiet and would leave as soon as he could
every time there was a group project he would ask the teacher to work alone
didn't have any friends.
his classmates were kinda scared of him lol
would braid his hair a lot
had blue on him at all times, there will ALWAYS be blue in his outfits, whether it’s the shirt, pants, or a hair tie, he always had SOMETHING blue on him (this applies now too)
no one really knew much about him, and he liked keeping it that way
fuckass edgelord (kinda)
he was always like 5 minutes late to his first class (there was a cat that would wander around in front of the school and... he couldn't resist)
he would go see that cat every day btw. before and after school, he would also go eat lunch outside so he could see the cat (and he always brought something for it too!)
loser
cassian:
very social! had a lot of friends and was very outgoing
always doodling in class
he was rather popular! and well i guess some people didn't like that
he was known as the rich kid but people were always giving him things because he was super sweet HAHA
a really bright and helpful guy
he was usually seen with a smile on his face
it's a shame how things turned out, hm?
he would bring his shoujo manga to class and just read that (he was always sitting at the back of the classroom bc he was tall so the teachers didn't really pay attention to what he was doing)
and in the rare chance his teachers saw him doing something other than classwork they would mostly let it slide, he's a good kid, so it's fine (favouritism.)
lowkey the typical popular shoujo manga male lead (wow! just like he wanted!)
really good student too, always on top of his stuff
he had these sword earrings that he really liked, he used to wear them a lot!
always wore darker and muted colours, and liked more comfortable clothing
no one said anything but they really missed him after he left, maybe if someone helped him, things would've been different
rowan:
was completely different when he was younger
always angry, or sad, no one really knew what he looked like when he smiled
no one knew what was going on with him
but he was quiet, and didn't talk to many people, he wasn't a mean or scary kid, but people were still intimidated by him
his hair was longer and uneven, it looked like he had cut random bits and pieces
he was smart but wasn't doing so well in school
it always looked like something was stressing him out
he would stay behind after school
tense and uneasy most of the time
hair super healthy tho LMFAO (his mom would oil his hair regularly!)
he was completely different around his mom though, his source of comfort
if anyone from highschool saw him now they'd think he was a completely different person (in terms of personality, since he looks... pretty much the same)
although, in the last few months of highschool, his demeanor had changed for the better, he didn't smile much still but he looked a lot more relaxed and calm
aster: (his stuff is different because he didn't have school in his world lmfao. but here's how he was as a teenager and some other info about him!)
his hair was reallyyyyyyy long when he was still in his world (you end up cutting his hair when he came here lmfao)
he was really lonely because he was the only elf in his world and he had no company whatsoever
he ended up collecting a lot of things because he would wander around a LOT
dora the explorer has nothing on him bro
he was (and is) very curious about things, he really likes to learn
he somehow learned how to braid his own hair, would spend a lot of time doing that when he was bored
he has a horrible sense of fashion, you took him shopping once and he picked out the worst fucking outfits in existence, you're basically his personal stylist cause what the hell
he likes when you dress him up though teehee
he originally saw you in a mirror he found when wandering in the forest
he became really really curious about you and accidentally yanked you to him
he was confused but really happy
blah blah blah you end up living together, we all know the story! (if you don't, you suggested he followed you because you felt bad for him cause he was PAINFULLY lonely)
you took it upon yourself to cut his hair because it was REALLY long when you first met him, he likes having his hair long though, mourned the loss of his two front strands (he will be growing them back.)
he didn't talk to you for a few days after you cut his hair for the first time, wasn't your fault... you accidentally cut off one of the front strands and had to cut the other off to make it even
fun fact about him, his eyes glow in the dark, it can be scary at times.
oh and his ears are expressive, dunno how that works but it does! and he also never goes a day without wearing earrings! he prefers the ones he came with but doesn't mind wearing whatever as long as he has earrings haha
now for the updated relationship chart! (this whole post has been about them from a few years ago but this is their current relationships with each other!)
ROWAN -> LUNE: he’s a weirdo but i’m glad we’re friends, i can handle his craziness more than most people… probably, i’d say he’s like a brother to me, but at the same time i’d probably lose my mind if he was my brother. no idea how cecilia does it
LUNE -> ROWAN: somehow he’s gotten used to me, he’s not so bad, i guess i’d call him a friend
ROWAN -> CECILIA: she’s like a little sister to me! cute! we’re good friends :] i met her through lune, they’re close! we’re like siblings the three of us
CECILIA -> ROWAN: reliable and nice! i wonder how he’s friends with lune. also. we’re the same age?? he’s real sweet tho, and he’s kind of like a big dog? haha
ROWAN -> NOX: who? :D
NOX -> ROWAN: i’ve seen him before (around the twins) he’s close to cecilia and that other guy who she's unfortunately related to
LUNE -> CECILIA: my little sister <3 we are best buddies, i’d do anything for her, she was there with me in our hardest moments, i wouldn’t let anyone hurt her, and she wouldn’t let anyone hurt me, one of the only people i’ll listen to lmao (she’s kinda scary when she’s mad at me but it’s also kinda funny?) i like bothering her but she might kill me one day though. she hides herself a lot, i don’t know why, it’s always been like this. i wonder if it’s because of me..?
CECILIA -> LUNE: dawg you’re like two minutes older than me (won’t deny the best buddies comment) he’s a really good brother though… but tough to deal with, he’s always causing some sort of trouble, but uh, well. anyway, we’re basically best friends… his words, not mine (she’s lying) he’s crazy but he’s not a bad person..? <- would defend him with her life. he’s an interesting fella that’s for sure, i’ve known him my whole life but there’s always something new with him lmfao. sometimes he comes into my room to knock something over and then he leaves, what an odd guy.
LUNE -> NOX: cocky asshole. so annoying. go to hell already. and stay away from my sister, i don't want you plaguing her with your presence.
NOX -> LUNE: fuck you insane bastard, go die.
CECILIA -> NOX: he’s pretty sweet (??????) we’re really great friends! i didn't think we would become such good friends tbh, he didn't seem to be the social type, and i'm not very social either haha... we're pretty similar i think! i can't remember who approached who first but that's fine. also, this guy has one of the worst damn sleep schedules known to man, i worry for that man. also, him and lune hate each other, no idea why.
NOX -> CECILIA: she's a close friend, i don't usually like making friends cause they end up thinking i'm weird, i don't really care about that but... i'll admit, it's nice to have a friend. she acts really differently in front of other people than she does with me, i don't think she's realized though? it's like having a cat open up to you haha, so i won't say anything. i hate her brother though, pretentious dickhead.
CASSIAN -> CECILIA: we were kids when i met her and her brother? she’s nice… and a lot like me… we still talk, she’s a good friend, thanks for keeping me company… and thanks for not asking me too many questions either
CECILIA -> CASSIAN: oh! cass is a childhood friend! we met at some event, he’s changed a lot since then, but i guess we’re more alike now? he doesn’t come out of his house much anymore, but we still text often. sometimes i see him online really late... bro... please get some sleep.... anyway, i never got to know what happened with him, and he doesn't like talking about it either, i won't pry though, because i understand.
CASSIAN -> LUNE: he’s scary, but i guess he’s not that bad..? i talk to him too, we’re not the closest, but he’s still a friend, i text him sometimes, he’s crazier than before, he was fun to hang out with when we were young, not that i don't like him anymore, he's definitely... special
LUNE -> CASSIAN: i don’t know what happened to him, but he doesn’t leave the house anymore, he’s not bad. he texts sometimes, i don’t know why because i think he’s scared of me, no idea why tho (???) i guess he’s a childhood friend? him, ceci, and i used to hang out before… well yeah, still don't know what went down
CASSIAN -> NOX: oh… i’ve never met him. cecilia’s told me about him before, lune’s mentioned him once, they have really different opinions about him
NOX -> CASSIAN: no clue, cecilia’s mentioned him before, i think he’s friends with her and… the other one.
CASSIAN -> ROWAN: another one of lune and cecilia’s friends i think? they sure are popular. (even lune???) i dont know anything about him though
ROWAN -> CASSIAN: no idea who this guy is!
ASTER: ??? :’D
#num draws#aster posting#cassian posting#cecilia posting#lune posting#nox posting#rowan posting#yanderes#male yandere#yandere oc#yandere male#still not tagging female yandere bc im still unsure. loser. (me i mean)#oc art#digital art#yandere#original character#good lord i fucking yapped for forever.#also i feel like i said a lot of confusing shit so apologies lmfao#and im forgetting half of the stuff i wanted to write so i might add to this later </3#btw i thought the wording was confusing so im clarifying. with nox n ceci. i meant that cecilia doesn't realize that she's acting like her#real self with nox. but he's noticed cause he's just silly like that or whatever#the besties fr#i spent at least two hours trying to do all the writing for this post. not to mention that the drawings took 13 hours. i had fun tho lmfao#literally no one asked for this but me. and this is my blog so im gonna do as i please /lh /hj#wont lie i was drawing some of these and i liked these better than their current designs but that's probably bc i liked the way i drew it#...will admit i like aster's hair here more than i do normally so uh. yeah!#also rowan looks wonky as hell im sorry.#anyway if this was confusing and you have questions please feel free to ask i dont mind clearing things up </3#i know it's a lot of yapping im so so sorry </3
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It is kinda funny seeing people talk about Seungmin lately because he definitely has gotten more bold and confident for sure. He's also just getting opportunities to be perceived as an individual on his own as well for the first time in a while but it's still jarring to see people be like Aw he was always such a quiet goodie two shoes little nerd and it's like...... he was the one to leave and seek out his own vocal coach and blatantly talk about it, which of course lead to I.N and Lee Know also doing the same, he was the one to go on bubble and tell off sasaengs who used to camp outside their old dorm for invading members privacy but also because it effected other residents and staff at the complex, something that i'm certain upper management wouldnt have been happy about, and he wasn't curt or nice about it either. like he's never actually been a wallflower, he's always had a pretty strong backbone and seems to stick to his principals, its not really new.
#even silly shit like bringing up drinking even tho staff has clearly told him not too#like yeah its silly but its still sticking to his guns of being like we arent actually children anymore thanks#the food thing too like in an old 2 kids room he said something about not being able to eat on his bday bc they were filming so evidently#there was a moment in time when he caved to the shitty diet obsession kpop had but ever since hes never really said anything like it again#instead hes telling everyone to eat well and reminding people to have dinner or lunch every other day#even the comment about growing his hair out but then being like lol the stylist probably wont like me saying that or whatever#and like the yeah im going to the gym but im not lifting. dont expect me to bulk up. im doing it for stamina<< that made me cackle#bc i did see people on twt being like but what if seungmin got buff tho omg hed be so hot 🥺 Well him bein buff isnt what this is about#so he went and made sure people were realistic. not everyone needs to be noticeably cut yk#idk maybe bc i watched most all the skz content all the way through#and now i go back and gif stuff i notice patterns more easily than if youve been here for longer and havent watched older stuff#for a while- maybe? idk its just funny but i also see takes a lot and have to stop myself from going No <3#anyway this is my obligatory insane ksm tangent of the week. see you in 5 minutes.#🐶
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#ok im making one more dot post and then i am (hopefully) getting off tumblr and going to bed#liam payne#death#i do suggest not reading tbh because its just gonna be waffle. anyways#ive distanced myself from the boys for years for a multitude of reasons. mainly that they did things that disappointed me and i realised the#way i was attatched to them was unhealthy. so for the most part i listened and enjoyed the music and didnt pay Much attention to anything#else. and like liam. i always liked him in the band days because to me he was the underdog. the underappreciated and probs less stanned one#out of all of them. and when youre a fan i do feel like a lot of us just wanted them all to be appreciated. idk. but anyways yeah i did feel#for him. due to him backgroud growing up. his talent. etc etc. even though he wasnt my fav. and even when he did something wrong my teenage#self still defended him like my life depended on it. (embarassing) anyways. his solo music while it was not my fav i still occasionally#enjoyed. its just over produced pop like it was fine and i found it fun. in terms of him as an actual person by this point in his career i#didnt pay attention to him or the others that much anymore#and like. yeah as of recently as more stuff came out about him being kinda weird and rude and abusive 🙃🙃🙃 that was kind of the final#straw for me! like in terms of me giving a fuck about him. if he eventually came around cool but i wasnt gonna wait around for it.#god this whole thing feels so dramatic but i need to get it oit or i Know i will not be at peace lmao anyways#so yeah come to hearing about his death which. i hear about because of trin lovell on twitter like. shsvshs. anyways my reaction was#disbelief and just... nothing? like i said in my brain i had just disregarded him honestly. and even now i still just feel speechless.#to summarise my feelings. fuck him for how he treated his ex and probably other women as well. but also. he was my boy. he'll always be a#part of me. and it feels weird that hes just. gone. he suffered a lot with addiction and pressures etc and its just. sad that hes gone now.#that he never got to get better. and he wont get the chance to. im sad for his family. and anyone else thats gonna be affected by this#im always gonna remember him.#and thats all i have to say. honestly part of me feels SO dramatic for even typing all this out but here we are.#if anyone has read this far and wants someone to talk to im more than happy. and also just wanna make clear that i am fine#le text post
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and when i live on my own ill be able to decorate like real life decorate ive never gotten to do that in real life b4
#like im not barred from doing it Nd i do like. a little bit kind of but its like. Idk my entire life is a very transient thing and im rly#rly rly not used to being in one place for a long time so as a kid we never rly decorated ever#and like obv i wont be Owning a house or anything like that so itll still have to be moveable but i can like. but furniture that i like and#stuff... ive never gotten to do that b4 even in um. wa. i didnt rly get to do any of the decorating even when i was in the actual house bc#him and the roommates umm. did all that. Okay well now ive sort of freaked it by making myself think of that so im going to go stare#longingly at the floorplan i did#bc umm. well ideally id like to move into one of the apartments thats right across the way bc theres a couple of apt buildings like right#there 5 min walk tops and one of the places Has an open one but no floorplan#i wont be movjng out for ages i just wanted to look at floorplans yk#but like i said no floorplans BUT theres one a bit further away not rly walkable bc its umm#youd have to walk on the interstate and stuff and um. no sidewalk and everything but theeeeeeeeee thing had a floorplan#still very close by like 2 min drive but yk. but i still did my little mockup floorplan with that apartment instead#i want it to be closeby so everybody can come visit and so that i dont die and explode . i dont rly want to continue living in this town#4ever once km like Normal and have savings and ive got everything worked out i wanna maybe move to chicago or something since il is better#for the transgenderisms. + ive always wanted to try living in a big city at least once and i think itd be awesome#but thats Ages and ages away like maybe 5 years depending on how good i am. weeee will see if 5 years in the future is like on the table 4#me LOLLLL 24 year old connor seems rly crazy to imagine. but anyways....#but itll be nice to move out and still be in town bc then i can have the same job yk . and maybe ill know how to drive atp and i can like .#buy a car ..or something . if i do know how to drive#which i probably should since this town very car dependent and i dont want my mom to have to drive me to work esp if umm. i dont live with#them ... im just rly rly rly rly rly fucking scared of driving but i know also in my heart that when i do know how to drive the bond between#me and that car will be crazyyyy like. idk how many of you followed me last year but you may remember my insane bond with angel my cart from#work and there was a lot gokng on woth that <- was Very delusional at the time and i was convinced that she was a sentient thing and had the#power to make my life better or worse if i upset her so i said good morning and goodnight to her every single day so that i could have a#good day . looking back on it probably was something to be concerned abt but whatever.... she is still my best friend and i do miss her#deeply#her bathtub and heater were my besttt friends when i was in wa LOL. i was quite unwell#bathtub is still in my room tho yayyy. heater lives with lamp now and angel is of course at my old job....#bathtub currently is holding a project i gave up on. everyone say thank.you bathtub im looking at her right now
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everytime i think about thistle and like. my blog and stuff, i kinda ponder what itd be like to have white hair. and longer hair too
#i have no idea what happened but apparently hes my appearance goal now#i dont know if id look GOOD with white hair but as a friend said. i gotta experiment and have fun#anythings better than sticking with this look i hardly have control over anyway#cataclysmic ranting#i dont think my parents would like me dying my hair something unnatural which sucks#ill try my chances after i graduate because atleast then ill be around an audience that really wont give a shit (the general public)#i really like thinking about this kinda stuff. it feels like self-discovery but not quite that so#i wonder how euphoric itll feel when i do get to change my appearance. i feel kinda giddy about that now#i just. dont know how hair works so im not confident about understanding how to get it long like that but yeah??#i think dunmeshi unironically changed me for the greater-better dude.#maybe i should ask some people of contact about hair. like my mutuals here or my friends on discord. they know way more than me cause#i know shitass nothing….#like its not even an urge to cosplay thistle its just. the urge that he influences the solution toward dysphoria#idk if its dysphoria because im not actively shunning or hating it but ill call it that for simplicitys sake#i think itd bring so much joy to my life though#id probably use that as a marking point for genderfluidity cause i like that a lot. being called a little bit of both :)#im tlaking too much
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incomprehensible yap in the tags tldr im just not doing well i guess
#text#i miss my weed + benadryl + ibuprofen + occasionally valium days (1 year ago) thatwas so much more awesome#i used to use benadryl n valium to sleep but i ran out of the former n could barely sleep for days so i stole some from . costco .#of all places😭#but id built up an intolerance i guess cause it stopped working At All i cld take like 3 times the amount i used to and nothing wld happen#since then my sleep schedule has Kind Of fixed itself since im in school now n have to wake up before the ass crack of dawn#its just better tho not awesome#n lately its been worse again all of a sudden#ive been having nightmares n less sleep n ive been rlly out of it during the day#in a lot of pain also <3 i love not going to the doctor out of fear and self medicating with caffeine and ludicrous amnts of ibuprofen#i think i might have built up an intolerance to that too lately its barely helped#but i do mean Ludicrous i went thru one of those big bottles(500 tablets) in less than 2 months#im aware it's bad and not healthy for me but like theres nothing else i can Do#theres no cure or catchall treatment plan for cloves syndrome#and it gets worse over time and Brouther Its Been Worse#so yay i will be in horrible pain for the rest of my short little life <3 im just trying to make it as better as i can#ive said all this before probably but im upset again#ive been rly fucking suicidal lately n ive been meaning to tell one of my teachers or my counselor but i know for sure theyll tell my mom#and that wont help at all#i Dont want to kill myself i just dont want to be in pain im so so sick of the pain and no one seems to understand
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*comes out of MerMay in June (MerJune) sweating and haggard and bleeding*
#sandy posts#doing a mermaid drawing everyday is fun until you fall behind four seperate times and need to spend hours drawing#to catch up to all of the prompts you missed 😭#that being said i am glad that i tried this drawing challenge! its been good at getting me back into drawing frequently#if i hadnt been so busy this month i wouldnt have fallen behind so often...#anyway i probably wont post any of it? its mostly OCs#but some of the art i drew was fanart so maybe ill color those ones digitally and post them#anyway im glad that its over now because each drawing took about 1 hour so it took up a chunk of my day#and now im free to do other art activities#also also i will say im proud of myself for how good a lot of the drawings turned out 😎
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what kind of underwear do you think Erik and Charles wear (i'm not asking this to see them half naked) ((please believe me)) (((PLEASE)))
My Personal Belief is charles is a briefs guy while erik's a trunks guy. trunks/briefs kinda couple because i can
and idk just a lil bonus or somethin. as i do.
#nsft#probably. again A Promotion Would Be In Order From Me Personally but WHATEVER.#cherik#im too tired to tag everything ok this post'll find its people#snap sketches#not too tired for a tag ramble tho eUUGGHHH#i HAVE to post the second bit now or ill be editing it all night and for what. i will live#and my silly ass said i wouldnt draw that reading idea. well guess what im a LIAR who LIES.#i do wanna revisit that proper tho .. at least draw em by the fireplace someday but anyway#i think the funny thing is i had like. plans to draw charles in purple briefs just cause he wore them once and i chortled Unreasonably#so here we are. youll have to forgive me my friend i have a condition called If I Get An Excuse To Draw I Will#it is a very serious condition cause i need to SLEEEEPP truly and honestly locking in later i HAVE to#leaving all of you with this for the next idk twelve hours thats crazy#all i want to do is draw but i feel my eyes . Getting Weird and i have exams so i guess i should be a responsible person and sleep#i actually have a lot i need to catch up on so like. i prob wont be back on until this weekend when im Hopefully more free#'snap didnt you say that last night' I HAVE TO BE SERIOUS THIS TIME i got a lot. so i will see everyone saturday Hopefully#please give me the strength to focus for once thank you#for now good night everyone !!! please enjoy my doodlings from today. yesterday. i must not make any more for now
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man... random post out of the blue but to my writing partners that allow me to write the collector at a) their absolute worst and then therefore b) their truest self... thank u....... it also like. means a lot to me when people take the time to try to fully understand the way they work rather than simply shoving them off into the 'evil deity thats it done deal' when i've put time and effort into their backstory and very specifically building out the way they operate / their personality and all the complexities within it that maybe don't always show their face.......... idk. i get nervous about writing tc with new people sometimes because it can be very difficult to start out with tc right out of the gate because they're such. a Piece of Work LMFAOGBHFBHG
#sometimes i wonder if i should keep them on this blog just because of their nature and how like#probably it wont be the dynamic i first start off with in terms of a new writing partner#just bc... i personally do not feel comfortable w#forcing that on someone but also! they are important to me they are an oc that has lived in my brain for 6 years and#i have put a lot of work into them! and when people misunderstand them or mischaracterize them its damaging#idk. thoughts#this is subtly a post about raine bc i got thinkin abt what u said abt tc a few weeks ago outta the blue. kisses#mwah mwah
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i think im allowed to assume someones consuming their kinks in a harmful-to-others way if I have first hand experience with them sexually abusing me, personally.
#do i think they always do it in a harmful way? no. because i dont see the world in black and white. statistically thats impossible#but i think its safe for me to assume the worst in this situation with this specific person. personally#instead of trying to make me second guess if i should be so harsh on my abuser and keep my arms closed entirely maybe#we should be confronting them on being a better person for once#yaknow instead of insisting that i need to heal or change or whatever and the fault all lies in me and never in them#food for thought#i promise me being disturbed by and wanting to avoid certain kinks isnt worse than them being sexually abusive. like i really promise.#if you think i do more harm being uncomfortable than they do by sexually abusing ppl then idk what to tell ya#and a lot of the kinks that make me uncomfortable and i try to avoid are the ones they have#forgive me if trauma makes me weary. i mean fuck dude it takes years for me to even feel like i can trust someone enough to be my friend#now you're telling me i hafta jump all the way to trusting ppl wont misuse their kinks towards me? im sorry what world do you live in#i already dont trust a lot of cis men for that reason it doesnt suddenly change just bc you're queer. i gotta know you're not#a sexually abusive creep to even BEGIN to touch the subject of kinks w you#which explains why me and my abusive ex never got that far in that conversation 😒#cis men have a lot of kinks that just hearing them makes me suspicious because personally i have lived with a cis man who sexually#abused me and was very secretive about his kinks and is the type of person to act one way but then is secretly a pos#so yeah im a little fuckin weary dude. im not assuming people with certain kinks are bad by default but id be lying if i said certain#kinks dont make me a little on edge to hear about someone having. and i'd probably take an even longer time sussing that person out#sorry but i just dont need to be sexually abused again. and for me rn avoiding that is being weary of certain things.#a lot of it is context too... a group of people pretending to be super familiar with me and wanting to dive into kink stuff right away bc#we're all queer so it should be Fine and want me to come to their place that i need to take a car to at night.... yeah gonna pass#but thats why im saying a good long ol' sussing is needed for me to feel ok. if you have an issue with me needing to feel like i#can trust someone to be around them thats just.... really weird. obv i cant always control that but i mean specifically situations i can#obligatory: none of this has to do w kink in public or anything this is all about my own personal life
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Random limlife Scott rant, GO!
I got this ask and decided that I’d give it my best shot but got so mad on my skim through some of the moments I remembered that I gave up.
#Okay im half joking#I got angry enough for me to decide that writing a post without careful consideration would probably lead to an inaccurate little ramble#I need to like. actually sit down and watch limlife and do a full overall analysis#because the context for how scott acts each season is so important. a skim just wont do#The reason I dont have notes on him to share with the class already is because when it was coming out I was pretending that—#Scott grew as a person after 3l and I wanted to believe that so badly I started making stuff up about memory erasure and limlife being—#dubiously real so that I could look the other way when scott started being weird about jimmy again#I was like yeah they barely remember it thats why scotts being uncomfortably weird about jimmy this season#not because scott doesnt think about jimmy like a person and just wants to hear him say words that make him feel better about his—#rough relationship history#not because the idea of jimmy gaining independence from him makes him feel insecure or anything#sighs. sorry im just saying things. again its been a while since ive watched it so I need to actually. Yknow. Watch it before making posts#Its just crazy how he treats it like proving a point more than actually caring#“I mightve given you the 30 minutes last week if youd said love you” he wouldnt have. he was already leaving when he said it#he’s literally just trying to get him to feel bad about not saying it#pretty sure he kills jimmy in the same episode he lets jimmy kill him. Like. He doesnt really care like that#He just likes to pretend that he does. He is going through the motions of caring#Its like he needs to believe jimmy still needs him. in like a possessive way. Its really weird man#I will say though since I see this a lot: I dont think him singling out tango in the 30 seconds scene was intentional#because if im being honest. I dont think he sees the ranchers as anything serious#He assumes tango was just putting up with jimmy bc he had to. He doesnt think tango actually cares about jimmy#in his mind no one actually cares about jimmy. because if scott struggled to care about jimmy and Scott is known for being an amazing ally#that must mean everyone else struggles to care about jimmy. If that makes sense#rant over I think. tldr limlife scott analysis postponed until I get my life together enough to be able to sit down and watch forthree hour#bree barks so fucking loud#asks
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#i honestly feel more anticipation over finding out if that one blog with a cousin is real or not#cause if tommy doesnt one scene or isnt in tmr's episode ill know for sure not to listen to them at all#like some of the stuff theyve said has been proven right but its also i think important to remember that sometimes people can just#make educated guesses it could just be there will be content or interviews and its like well there were but were you just guessing based#on what other people said ? or do you actually have a cousin ?#im not putting a lot of stock into it at all yknow im old enough to know not to trust randoms on the internet#its just been nagging at me for a while bc on the one hand i dont think b/ddie has absolutely been taken off the table#at least in terms of everyone on set knows it wont. i think tim is just going with the flow so their insistence#that they KNOW it wont happen feels fake-ish but does that also mean the rest of what they're saying is fake too?#like tommy wont be in the premiere and there isnt talks of them continuing this relationship#girl i have trust issues with this show and fandom im always like “well youre probably lying... but then again...” lol
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#ive had. extremely hard time already processing this year tbh#both old grief and new grief. its just a lot#i know i dont have to do everything immediately. things dont have to get better overnight and most likely they wont#i mean. they havent#just. saw this and it made me think. probably too much but im an emotional mess at all times either way#i would just like things to be different. i know its a lot to ask and its mostly in my hands for myself but.. yeah#its just not easy. and im not dealing with it very well. i dont know#been trying to tell myself the usual. time doesnt heal it changes you. im going through difficult things and thats okay#i just.. i guess i just hoped this year would be different. so far it hasnt been its been worse#i dont know what the point of me posting this is. i just need to vent a little i guess#this is not gonna be an easy week for me and im not looking forward to it. like said grief is a very difficult thing for me#difficult and new. im trying but its hard. i dont know how im gonna make it this year#anyways. sorry#night is an absolute mess on main
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Since we are discussing romantic partners... Stan goes for someone who would make him laugh / laughs at or at least enjoys or tolerates his jokes, someone who listens and wants to spend time with him, someone who would go along with his schemes or at the very least not be put off by them. Also, I don't think he'd like anyone who actively tries to change him.
Honestly, he is probably not the best partner; he has admitted that he doesn't think before he says anything and often gets slapped, he lies compulsively even to people he cares about, he 'has little regard for other people's emotions or possessions', but that could just be him putting up walls because he doesn't want people to get close/living a lie for three decades and it's hard to be yourself after that. And, y'know. He's just unabashedly a jerk.
One thing is for sure, Stan would fight for you. He would kill for you. He has your back. You mess with someone he loves, and you mess with the Pines family type deal. He flew out to Vegas to marry a damn coin-operated machine, so flings would be quite chaotic, but they'd also be fun. He also seems to be weird with money (won't buy Mabel pancakes because of the 'expensive flour' but will openly bribe people/go to Vegas), so gifts might be sparse, but if you like doing nothing like watching TV or playing cards or going for a road trip then he's the guy for you.
He's a lot, but if he loves you, he will love you fiercely.
#( headcanons. )#( this isnt even mentioning how GROSS he is in canon. this guy doesnt wash his hands after using the bathroom#( i dont want to dissuade people from shipping because it is fun! and i love the ships we have!#( but i wanted to comment#( also he is openly misogynistic in canon :/#( i wont justify that with him being born in the 50s i will slap him#( sir it is 2024 we do not do that#( um. what else#( oh he would probably show a partner off like he did with darlene. walking with her and pointing at her#( i think he has a lot of issues to work through but hey. like i said. he would love fiercely#( young stan isnt much better#( anyway. bedtime lol.#( goodnight friends ♡#( thank u for shipping with me. and writing with me#( i cherish every interaction even if theyre fighting#( oh wait also if you are pretty/handsome he might fall harder looks seem to be a big part of finding someone attractive#( and whatever happened with lazy susan i don't remember exactly what he said at this moment
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genuine question, have you guys been liking (or even just reading) the posts where i explain what ive been doing/what i plan to do? or would you prefer i just kept it to "heres where im at" posts?
i wont be offended if yall dont like all the talking! theres a lot of it. if i really wanna explain something i will regardless (itll just be for me personally) but if its not interesting i wont explain every little thing im doing. and if it is maybe ill try and do it more (or at least. better. more polished)
#i have literally no idea what the vibes are with all the things i write#i tried to word both options w a positive tone bc this really isnt. supposed to be 'hey do u guys like me 👉👈' or anything#im just trying to figure if keeping you in the loop about specific fitting changes are interesting or like. you just wanna see that ive made#the bodice!!!! like i said. ill explain what i really want to either way but maybe i wont explain every single check in#up to u! the 3 people who interact w this blog i mean#(like i said. idk if yall actually even read it all. i know sometimes its a lot. those ones will probably stick around tbh#if im writing an obnoxious amount its probably bc i want to say it)#i post for me. but also i post to share it with other people who are passionate. so
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