#me to my husband every other day

[cabg]

[dhmis-autism]

see i think im the ultimate duck understander bc i believe:

• the other two of the trio mean the world to him, he loves them

• he WOULD actively and maliciously sabotage any way for them to permanently get out of the house

• he does not care about the other twos mental health whatsoever, not near as much as he cares about their physical health & direct proximity to him

ALL AT ONCE!!

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

The whole discourse about the privacy/secrecy/support thing has been sitting with me for a few days (I mean other than it always does to a certain degree) thanks to all the excellent discussion happening and I know I'm not saying anything that hasn't been said a million times before, but I think what we're seeing and what we're going to learn (e.g. from TTPD) is that it wasn't just the support issue, but how it was shown/handled.

We've all gone out of our way to show that introversion =/= lack of support. Someone can be shy, reserved, etc. and still show up for their partner, whether in public or at home. To chalk any of the differences up to the clash between introversion and extroversion is unfair to folks who count themselves among either tbh.

@thisisctrying said something the other day that hit the nail on the head about how if that support had been offered in private, there very well may not have been a Joever to begin with, or at least not at this point in time. (Sorry for loosely paraphrasing, and for namedropping you! Long time listener, first time poster.)

If this were a case where the "shy" partner said, "I am really uncomfortable with the spotlight personally and do not want to court it, but I will support you in your ambitions and offer you whatever you need to make them happen and make the glare bearable," I suspect that would have gone a long way to making Taylor feel seen and comfortable in pursuing her goals in the way that she now has. Again, that might have been more akin to the balance that seemed to have been struck around 2019 from what we can see, but even speaking in a general sense, there are lots of couples out there, celebrity or not, that have similar approaches where there are highly driven people and busy careers involved.

(A famous example being Dolly Parton's marriage. Tbh I know next to nothing about her and Carl, but she's always heralded as an example in this regard, because her husband is famously uncomfortable with the spotlight and hasn't accompanied her to public events in decades, but she's said that she never minded that because that was always work to her, and what was important was that he supported her in pursuing all her career goals and basically ensured she had a place to call home to return to at the end of the day.)

We're kind of in a brave new world with her current relationship because it felt like, at least at the start, we were maybe watching her figure out her boundaries in real time as to what she was comfortable with or not and adjust accordingly. Like so many have said, I fully believe the extreme privacy thing was initially driven by herself and her experiences in 2016, and she needed that quiet time to recover from all of the things and figure out how to exist in the world again.

Stating the obvious, it seemed like eventually privacy was equated with secrecy, turning the relationship and the celebrity into the elephant in the room and something to never be spoken of to the outside world. People are free to choose whatever works best for themselves and their relationships, and for some the separate public lives might work, but the “kept me like a secret but I kept you like an oath” theme is all over her work and it’s clear that it’s a sore spot for her, because she’s been made to feel shame just for the life she leads so many times in the past.

What I’m trying to say is that it’s pretty obvious something Not Great was happening behind the scenes, which didn’t just amount to “she wanted to be a public celebrity and he wanted to be a private hermit.” (Also, in case anyone forgot, this is a person who also chose a public-facing career who also has to engage in press for it, but I digress.) As her career reached new heights post-folklore, if she had the support at home to do all the things without judgment and with encouragement, and in turn offer the same support to her partner, she may have very well lived just fine with that, not unlike Dolly Parton’s case.

By reading between the lines in all the press since, as well as comments on tour and general ~vibes~ with TTPD teasers, it seems like one of the issues was that that was likely not the case. There was all the stuff that we saw — the reticence to acknowledge each other in the media (particularly on one side), the lack of public support even at events at which they were both in attendance for their respective jobs, the great lengths they went to not to be photographed together at events they attended yet no problem taking pictures with other friends and coworkers, the jobs that separated them, the withdrawing from the public even for work accomplishments, etc. Which could all be manageable if a couple chooses to do so together and are not inherently a sign of trouble in themselves.

But what we’re seeing now I think is a reflection of the things we weren’t seeing then, and it seems to indicate some very deep hurt. (I know, call me Captain Obvious.) And like so many have been saying, it feels likely that that part of that hurt is rooted in that very lack of private support where a person would expect it from their partner. Obviously as a Taylor fan blog I’m going to be more inclined to understand her side of a story, but tbh, it’s also because… this is sooooooo common, and something I’ve experienced in my friend group. (@taylortruther is right when she says most breakups are the same one way or another lol.)

One partner is resentful of the other’s success, or resentful that the other’s priorities begin to evolve as new experiences unlock new goals, or feels the other’s ambitions are not worthy of pursuit, and coupled with perhaps their own struggles in the same domain, it’s easy to see where that can chip away at the other partner’s morale and faith in the relationship. I know I’m just speculating here, but I also don’t think it’s totally unfounded. (Again, because a) I’m picking up what she’s putting down and b) it happens to sooooooo many women even among us dull normals.)

With all the pointed mentions about how much Taylor feels supported in her current relationship and how she in turn loves to offer the same show of support to not only her partner but other loved ones, how she’s stepped out more in the last year to a whole host of events, how she’s mentioned feeling like she locked herself away for years and she’s just proud of her partner and happy she can show up for him even if the chaos around it is unsettling, it paints a picture of what perhaps was happening before last year.

To feel like you’re all alone in carrying the weight of the relationship (or burden of it), of twisting yourself into knots to accommodate the other person’s boundaries (or insecurities) but not feeling reciprocity for your own has to be so painful. (The idea that it may have been even darker and to have a partner not only be unreceptive to your own needs but even perhaps resentful/dismissive/belittling of them is even more painful to think of. I guess we’ll find out when TTPD comes out if that was the case, too.)

At a certain point, that lack of acknowledgement will force your hand to be able to reclaim yourself. And it feels like the further removed Taylor in particular is from it, the more she moves from being sad about the life she felt she gave up by leaving, to angry at the life she felt she was giving up by staying. Especially being in a relationship now where it seems like everything comes much easier, where she can be open about the person she’s with and show up for them, all the stuff that seemed as challenging as climbing Mount Everest in her past is nothing more than a molehill at best in her current life.

TL;DR: I don’t think it’s privacy that inherently spells doom for a celebrity relationship like this; it’s the mutual support and respect that does. If Taylor had felt that in the later years of her previous relationship, I think we could be seeing a different, though not necessarily unfulfilled, person right now in 2024, who’d be happy on tour but whose personal life would look a little different. But it seems like by losing that support she lost parts of herself, and we’ve seen her reclaim that in spades in the last year, and perhaps to degrees she didn’t even realize she could from before all the Bad Stuff started happening in her young adulthood.

I know this was extremely long-winded and unnecessary, especially about total strangers we only know through scraps fed through the media, but I just always bristle at this idea that issues like these boil down to “personality differences,” as though one person wants to live in a city and the other on a remote island, or some shit like that. The whole support (and gender tbh) issue is one that’s just very close to my heart because again, I have seen it play out with so many of my friends in long term relationships and marriages and I just think people in relationships (and women in particular in some circles) deserve better than to feel like they’re being, well, tolerated.

[millionsknives]

quick & messy biblically accurate johanna and finnick sketch just to nail down exactly how i imagined them

[tecchous-thicc-buttocks]

someone remind me, is it canon that the terrorist sadists turned whores for good gossip about their little gremlins' war crimes while taking the munchkins for their nature walk???

[softquietsteadylove]

The arranged marrige au looks very interesting 👀, may i ask for another part. Also i wanted to thank you so much for posting your work, without your work i'll be bored and sad they make my days better, also you write so good, you write Thena and Gil and their relationship so beautifully. 🤍

Thena sighed. There was just no way around this. She wished it hadn't come to this, but she didn't have another choice. With great reluctance, she cracked the door to the dressing room open. "Gil?"

Even with only one eye to peek at him, she could see him sitting on a chaise just outside her door. He was being reflected in the multiple mirrors lining the walls of the enclosed fitting area. She couldn't see his screen but she could tell he was doing something work related.

She cleared her throat and swallowed her pride, trying a little louder, "Gil!"

He blinked, immediately slipping his phone in his inside pocket. He put on the perfect smile as he looked up at her. "How's it feel, sweetheart?"

It was the finest material she'd ever put on her body, it felt like a dream. That wasn't the problem. "Gil, I can't wear this."

He looked appalled, basically pouting. "Why not?"

Thena rolled her eyes, opening the door just a little more. The dress was beautiful, and it fit her well. But that wasn't the point! "When I said I needed some things to wear, I meant something casual, for running errands, or seeing some friends."

"So?" he stood, grinning and oblivious. "This looks perfect on you!"

Thena huffed, pulling the door open completely and crossing her arms at him. "This dress is for formal events, and I think it costs more than a year of my old rent."

She could just tell he wanted to comment on the fact that she didn't have to worry about rent anymore, now did she? But he held his tongue in a rare moment of restraint. "Thena-"

"Gil," she relented. She knew he meant well--she meant for it to be a sweet gesture, and the fact that he was here instead of just sending a bodyguard with his wallet was testament enough that he was trying to sweet about it. "It's too much. I can't wear this."

He was still borderline pouting, holding her modest white peacoat under his arm with his hands in his pockets. "I got you other stuff like this and you didn't say anything."

She squirmed on the spot. "Well, I don't wear any of those things either."

Gil's jaw dropped.

She attempted to reason with him again, taking his hands in hers so he could really hear her (which he did better through the sensation of touch, for whatever reason). "Gil, I know it's just part of your lifestyle. But you've seen the clothes I brought with me--what I wear at home. I need...that. I need some normal clothes. I was just going to go myself when-"

"No." He was firm about that. He was very firm, actually; under no circumstances was she to go wandering around alone. Her first instinct was to act defensive about his need to keep an eye on her. But she couldn't act childish; his work was dangerous, and there was a reason he'd hired a car for them, had tinted windows, and never left her side this entire afternoon.

She gave his hands a squeeze, "please, Gil?"

He really did have a soft heart, and he wore it on his sleeve, completely out in the open. How did anyone take him seriously as a gangster when he was clearly just a big, soft teddy bear walking around in a pinstripe suit.

"Okay, sweetheart," he conceded to her, as he always did. He raised her hands to his lips. "Whatever you need--I promised that. You get changed and we'll find some things that suit your tastes."

"Sir, Madam, do you need any--oh!"

Thena drew her shoulders up. She had no reason to feel flustered, or embarrassed. Gil had thrown the doors open and asked that his 'wife' be assisted by their best and brightest. That was probably more embarrassing than them being seen by the staff holding hands in her changing room.

There was no need for her to blush.

"It's all right," Gil chuckled, letting her close the door to get changed again. She heard his shoes on the fancy marble floors as he walked back out into the store. "Everything's great, but I think we're going to try some other places."

"Very good, sir."

This was the most posh place she had ever come into. She did tell Gil she usually shopped off the rack sales for generic corporate casual clothes. If she weren't a mobster's wife, maybe she would even peruse the shops or malls like a normal person.

But she got changed and hung up the gown that was so expensive she was afraid to touch it. It was beautiful, and she had to admit that it had fit her like it was made for her. Gil had seen it on display and insisted she try it on.

He was right, it had been perfect for her, but that didn't make a good enough reason to buy a dress like that.

She exited the room, holding her purse and going to find Gil. This time last year, she never would have come into a store like this. She would sooner assume she would be laughed out of the shop all together.

"Yeah, someone will pick it up later."

"Gil?"

"Hey, princess," he turned, raising her hand and kissing it again. He released her coat and held it out for her to put on. "Ready to go?"

"I suppose so," she murmured, looking at the staff all waving goodbye to them. Maybe all fancy shops were like this, but she had a bad feeling about it. "What was that about?"

"Oh, I just told them that we'll definitely come again some time, we're just looking for a different vibe today."

He was lying. But Thena let him hold her hand as they exited the name brand store, massive and towering and shiny enough to reflect a blinding amount of sun this time of day. It was nice out, though. It was a large part of the reason she had proposed going shopping for herself.

And from the moment she mentioned it, everyone who worked with or for Gilgamesh in any way had panicked. Every time she wanted anything or wanted to go anywhere, it was a unanimous sentiment; the boss's wife could want for nothing. Either they had to handle it, or Gilgamesh would.

"You okay, Thena?"

She blinked, coming out of her thoughts. "Hm?"

Gil sighed; he almost looked contrite. "I know this probably isn't the kind of day out you're used to. But...I wish I didn't have to go this far. But if anything happened to you-"

A big, soft teddy bear, who liked to pretend he was all grizzly and growl-y. When, in actuality, he had the softest heart around. She slipped her hand into the bend of his elbow. "I know you're just trying to protect me, Gil. It's nice."

He wasn't entirely convinced. But they kept walking, taking their time moving away from the luxury branded buildings towards a more regular collection of shops. "I'll try to make arrangements so you can go out on your own--with security, obviously."

"Obviously," she humored him. She was walking arm and arm with her husband, but more than that, she had to admit it was nice to talk with someone like a friend.

"What else?"

"What?" she blinked, alarmed by the grave change in his tone.

"What else do you want to do?" he asked more gently, moving them off to the side. "I don't want to hold you back, Thena. If you want to explore this part of the city, see more of downtown, call up any old friends--anything."

She didn't have much in the way of 'old friends'. Dealing with her father was such a dominating and isolating aspect of her life. She was quite sure none of her old coworkers would even notice her absence. Even if that weren't the case, she wasn't exactly yearning to explore weekend markets or clubs, either.

"Unless it's an old flame," Gil added hastily, holding up his finger with a heavy gold ring on it. "Then maybe, but you have to say it's just as friends, because you're married now."

Oh, she certainly had no such thing. But she grinned at him, as he often did with her. "Oh, well, I didn't think my husband was the jealous type. What if I tell him we're married in name only? What if he offers to whisk me away from this life?"

She was laughing, but Gil had that look on his face whenever he was watching sports and the team he owned was losing. It wasn't murderous, but it was decidedly pissed off.

"He can offer." Maybe she had taken this joke too far. But Gil moved her hand so he could hold it again, locking their fingers together. "But I'm gonna introduce myself as your husband, so he knows what he's dealing with."

Even in this fictional, joke world, that would paint an intimidating picture. She leaned against him faintly--to calm his temper, she told herself. "Wasn't it part of my contract that I not be in any relationship?"

Gil looked away, pretending he was examining his suit. He could get somewhat sheepish from time to time, which she had to admit was quite adorable. "Our contract--and that doesn't mean you don't have some ex-boyfriend or something pining for you at this very moment."

She definitely had no such thing. And even if she did, it would be far from her mind as she leaned against her husband, their arms sealed together, his massive bicep against her slim one. She looked down at the strap of her purse, fiddling with its latch. "Well, I don't."

"Good."

"Good."

[todayisafridaynight]

Is that character gay? *points at Mine*

Allegedly.

[tenebriism]

// I'm off work... but our A/C is still out until tomorrow and I am MELTING, so it's low energy vibes over here, friends. As such, this calls for a low energy activity.

INBOX CALL. Specify muse or fandom, please (unless it's obvious). Can request multiple.

[sabrsiren]

went to the mosque last night for a campfire in the courtyard and the theme of events for this week has been death. now… i mostly wear black and dark colors all the time anyway, but i also wore a fancier hijab style than usual (like a flowy veil draped around ur face that also covers ur neck) and only as i was walking out the door did i realize i did basically just dress up like the grim reaper to attend an event about death

[blujayonthewing]

I'm really glad elyss came several years before melliwyk, because mel's alignment shift from chaotic neutral to chaotic good sometimes feels a little embarrassing in an 'I can't keep my own feelings to myself for the sake of committing to the bit' sort of way, but the counterpoint to that is that elyss, steadfastly true neutral, just simply Does Not Care about anyone other than her own loved ones or anything outside her own immediate interest no matter how much I sometimes wish she would

[dont-offend-the-bees]

Quirky representations of dementia should go die actually

[worstloki]

would thor and loki marry 'just for political reasons'? You know

Yes and they would also do it for any legal loophole at all and even just claim it to mess with people

[daintyvalor]

Listening to Chappell Roan and thinking of all the sapphic encounters I’ve had and lost or friendships that were just a bit too close but we were too scared

God 17 yr old me would’ve loved u, Chappell roan

[one-winged-dreams]

I'm just so fucking tired of it all

[inniave]

after surgery i'm buying myself pentiment goddamnit

[todayisafridaynight]

One of my fave jackets is this green jacket with a fur hood im wearin rn because 1.) its green 2.) my dad gave it to me 3.) it reminds me of saejima. Who also reminds me of my dad