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gayforolderwomen · 6 days ago

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The hands that cradle me are drenched in blood

Inspired by this post

!!this is still an 18+ blog minors DNI!!

Pairing: Dark!Agatha x Dark!Rio x fem!reader

Summary: Agatha and Rio are obsessed with you, in their minds you're already theirs they just have to break you a little bit to make you realize that too

Warnings: hurt/comfort, angst, mentions of stalking, kidnapping, torture, brutal death of r's gf, gore, blood, breaking of bones, grief, non-con kissing, manipulation, choking, stabbing, r tasting blood, kind of Stockholm syndrome?, lmk if I missed anything!

A/N:Uhh so this turned out a lot longer than expected but my brain really liked the idea apparently lmao I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it! Also yes I made a shitty edit for the image cause it needed to fit the vibes perfectly wjejsj

"I'm getting sick of seeing that bitch all over our girl" Rio snarls, her eyes glaring hellfire into the back of your girlfriend's head- Rio being death herself cannot kill mortals as to keep the balance but she's just about ready to make an exception- her body coiled like a predator about to strike.

"Patience dear we have to wait for the right time" Agatha replies keeping a cool calm exterior as they sit on their porch watching you and your girlfriend garden. Rio however sees the small twitch in Agatha's right eye, a sign her lover is just as ready to rip apart the one obstacle between them and you, a knowing smirk gracing her lips for a moment.

You only recently moved into the house next door but all it took was one small, fleeting interaction to have them hooked. You were perfect, so young, so innocent, so pretty and so very pliable. They've bided their time- waiting- watching. Everything has to be perfect and soon it will be, all they need is to get rid of your girlfriend.

She's a sweet enough girl- you're clearly madly in love with her, but to Agatha and Rio she is an infestation needing to be exterminated- and they're both getting impatient. It's difficult for them, seeing her all over you, seeing you drink it up, being so head over heels, it's wrong. You're theirs. It doesn't matter if all the interaction you've had with them is polite conversations in passing- they know everything about you. Your routine, your favorite meals, what shows you watch on repeat, your adorable habits- they know more about you than anyone could.

It's been about half a year of careful planning when all the pieces finally fall into place, you've just lost your job under mysterious circumstances, your girlfriend is overworked at hers due to ten people quitting out of the blue, she's barely around, she's stressed and you're starting to hit a low point. You're vulnerable.

It starts with a gentle knock at your door, you open it, bags under your eyes and stress wracking your body. Agatha and Rio both put on their warmest smiles, only slightly wavering when your girlfriend appears beside you.

"Heya neighbours! We were just wondering how you're settling into the neighbourhood" Agatha says in a cheery tone, acting as if it's a bright and early morning and not the dark hours of the night.

You look puzzled at the question but before you can even mumble a polite response the sight of your girlfriend's arm resting around your waist makes Rio snap and within an instant your girlfriend is on the floor and Rio is inside.

Agatha tuts but quickly follows suit, the door closing behind her with a thud, purple magic starting to swirl between her fingers. You gasp, your eyes wide, your body trembling and your mind frozen in shock.

"Remember to hold her back dear" Agatha says with a laugh of amusement at the terrified and confused look on your face, finding it more adorable than she would have originally thought.

Rio is behind you in an heartbeat, one arm tightly around your waist holding your back to her front in a vice grip- her other hand gently stroking your head in an almost soothing manner, yet it does nothing to stop the trembling in your body, the fear and uncertainty of the situation making you shake like a leaf, your mind racing with questions, your neighbours seemed nice enough from the little times you interacted with them- you at least never would have thought they'd be barging into your home with seemingly sinister intent.

"W-what's going on-" you stutter, your voice almost too small to be heard. Rio just shushes you like you would a child, her hand still gently stroking your head.

"Hush baby, Agatha's just gonna show you how dedicated we are to you. To having you all to ourselves, like it should be" Rio gently whispers in your ear as if the words are supposed to soothe your fear and not spike it.

Purple magic swarms around your girlfriend's body, suspending her a few feet off the ground, she opens her mouth to scream but no sound escapes her. A dark chuckle reverberates through the room, Agatha taking great amusement in your girlfriend's fear.

"Ah, ah, ah" she mockingly sings "don't want you waking up the neighbourhood do we?" Agatha coos with fake sympathy.

With a strange movement of Agatha's hands your girlfriend's body starts to contort, the sickening crunch of bones echos through the room, your girlfriend's mouth open wide in a silent scream, tears drenching her cheeks. You writhe against Rio's grip, a sob leaving your mouth as you frantically try to reach your girlfriend.

Rio shushes you, her vice grip around your waist unwavering, her other hand now gently holding your head back against her shoulder, making you fully lean back into her cold embrace.

"Shh it's okay little dove, I've got you" Rio hums into your ear, her tone gentle and loving. Her lips pressing against your neck in a reassuring kiss, her lips much warmer than her hands but the sensation makes you shiver in disgust- your girlfriend is the only one who kisses you like that and she's being brutalized in front of your very eyes.

Bones crack and grind, some protruding out of her skin with sickening pop, her body bending and twisting in ways too grotesque to describe, hovering in the air helpless and at the complete mercy of Agatha Harkness.

"No! No stop! Please! You're hurting her!" You yell, your voice breaking into a sob as you see the dread in your girlfriend's tear stained eyes, the unmistakable look of primal fear, the look of someone who knows the end is here.

"It's alright darling it'll be over soon" Agatha says in a velvet smooth voice, walking to you for a moment and gently wiping away the tears you hadn't even noticed were adorning your cheeks.

"Please- please stop she didn't do anything wrong-" you beg between broken sobs, your body already feeling heavy and weak as Rio easily keeps you against her chest.

Agatha gives you a gentle and genuine smile "but she did, she's keeping you from us darling and we can't have that" she explains, her tone as if you were a child unable to grasp the necessity of the situation. Rio presses another comforting kiss to your neck, her other arm now pressed across your chest, effectively pinning you to her body, immobilizing you will ease.

You try to struggle against her, try to fight her ensnaring grip but the fight quickly leaves your body as Agatha turns back to your girlfriend- her body still contorting and writhing in pain. Agatha flicks her wrist and a gut wrenching snap fills the room. The purple magic vanishes, your girlfriend's now lifeless body falling to the floor, bones jutting out of her in various places, blood coating her once perfect skin and her head now forever snapped to the side.

The air becomes stagnant as you stare at her lifeless broken body, your hands tremble at your side and a heavy numbness overtakes your body. You're silent, no more sobs escape your lips just the sound of your shaky, shallow breathing. All you can do is stare at her. You had planned to spend the rest of your life with your girlfriend and now she lay dead in a gruesome display in front of you, in the home you bought together.

Agatha then makes her way back over to Rio and you, gently cupping your face in her hands and tilting it up so you're looking at her. She has a look of genuine empathy and care on her face, a soft sad smile on her lips.

"I'm sorry my darling it had to be done, but you have us now and we're not going anywhere" she says in a soft comforting voice, Rios arms loosening a fraction around your body but still holding you close, her grip feeling less like a cage and more like an anchor.

You don't say anything, a vacant look across your face as Agatha keeps your gaze on her, Agatha's hands feeling warm and soft. Rio's eyes drift between you and the body of your girlfriend, a small smile of satisfaction on her lips. She's eager to collect her soul, to see the obstacle finally leave this plane.

"I've got her my love, deal with that" Agatha says as she replaces Rios arm around your waist with hers and gently guides you to lean forward into her neck. Rio obliges checking that Agatha is holding you up before fully letting go, she's reluctant to leave your side but she has a job to do and her eagerness beats her reluctance most times.

Your arms hang limp at your side, your body feeling so heavy and yet so empty at the same time, your entire world has just been destroyed, you should be screaming, yelling, running, anything. But you're not, you let yourself sink into Agatha's embrace, your head guided to rest on Agatha's shoulder, her arm gently but firmly around you, her other gently rubbing your back in a soothing motion- it's the same thing your girlfriend would do to comfort you after a tough week...

Rio soon is back behind you, pulling the both of you to her, sandwiching you between the two older women. You don't react, you should but you don't, too drained to fight and almost grateful for their comfort...almost.

"We should get you home little dove" Rio softly says, her lips returning to your neck to pepper soft kisses across it. Agatha now gently stroking your side, their touch feels caring, loving. Safe. You're almost willed into that false sense of security but Rio's words snap you out of it. The term of endearment. That word....Home.

The numbness vanishes and your body is instead filled with panic, fear and anger. You start to thrash in an attempt to break free from the two women's grips, but as if they expected this to happen, that same purple magic that held your girlfriend in mid air as she was killed, now envelopes your body.

Agatha and Rio both step back, Agatha tutting in disappointment as if you were just a small child misbehaving, Rio however lets out a low growl, the sound sending a chill down your spine.

"Oh my dear I was hoping we didn't have to resort to this but, you leave us no choice" Agatha chastises, her voice more cold, tone disappointed but not lacking empathy like it did when she talked to your girlfriend, almost like she genuinely didn't want to use her magic on you.

A small mutter of what sounds like Latin and a movement of Agatha's arms twists the scenery around you, walls and colours distorting around you before it settles. You blink a few times, your body is no longer restrained, you're not in your house, at least you don't think you are. The walls around you are stone and sturdy looking, there's no windows, no natural light. Only a soft glow coming from somewhere but at least it's enough to vaguely see your surroundings.

You squint trying to adjust your eyes and manage to make out what looks like a staircase, you scramble to reach it, the cold stone floor sending a small jolt through your skin as your hands frantically feel for each step. The soft glow growing as you ascend the staircase of what you're guessing is a basement.

You reach out for the door handle but startle as it suddenly flies open, revealing Rio standing in the door frame, a dark glint in her eye. You freeze, you don't know where you are, Agatha is nowhere to be seen and you're reminded of the threatening growl that Rio produced when you tired to escape their grip seconds ago. Every fibre of your being is telling you to run.

"Don't" Rio lowly warns as she sees your eyes darting around, clearly trying to think of what to do in your panicked state. "Just relax baby. You're home now, you're safe" she says, her voice taking on a more gentle tone, yet there's still a lingering threat in her dark eyes.

Your body starts to tremble, fear rising like a growing wave in your body, you know less about these women than you thought, they're dangerous, Rio isn't even the one that killed your girlfriend but she holds a threatening and powerful presence- she was able to easily restrain you before, you don't want to think about what else she's capable of.

"I-I....I don't understand...why did she...m-my girlfriend...Agatha killed.." your voice cracks, it's still so fresh, you're confused, scared and feel utterly helpless. You don't know what to do, you want to run, scream, anything that would get you out of this situation, away from the women responsible for your girlfriends horrific demise.

"Oh sweet girl we've already told you" Agatha's voice suddenly rings out from behind you. You quickly whip around to see Agatha standing at the bottom of the stairs "She was a problem. An obstacle. She was distracting you, making you believe she loved you" Agatha takes a step up the stairs.

"She made you think the likes of her was all you deserved" She takes another step up. "We are what you deserve darling" another step. "We are the only ones who truly understand you, truly love you" She's now only a few steps down from where you stand, Rio still blocking the doorway.

Agatha's voice is soothing, soft but with her closing in you feel utterly trapped, running back into the room would do nothing, Rio is blocking the only exit, you could try running past Rio but with her apparent strength and Agatha's ability to hold people mid air without touching them....you might as well be an animal in a cage.

Both Agatha and Rio seem to pick up that you've realised how helpless your own situation is, a soft semi triumphant smile dancing across their faces. Agatha closes the distance and gently wraps her arms around you, pulling you in to a warm embrace.

"I've got you darling, we've got you, everything will be just fine" Agatha says, her voice, gentle, calm and reassuring reminding you of how a mother would comfort her child.

"You'll learn to love us as much as we do you, just let us" Rio muses in your ear, making you aware she's directly behind you. You know your best bet is to play along, to try and feel the comfort despite how wrong, at least before an opportunity arises for escape- but as Rio starts to kiss your neck like she did before you can't stop yourself from tensing, you felt disgusted the first time but now it feels worse- knowing she did this as your girlfriend was being killed, kissing your neck just like she used to-

Rio takes notice but doesn't seem to mind, continuing to place soft loving kisses up and down your neck, her cold hands resting possessively on your hips Agatha is still holding you close in a warm hug, her arms wrapped comfortingly around you. She buries her face in your hair and inhales, humming softly.

"Hmm we've been so patient you know darling, waiting for the right time. These things can't be rushed, but oh it was worth it my dear. You're here and we're going to take such good care of you" Agatha says, pulling back to admire you, your eyes are red and puffy, your lip quivering slightly, your eyes full of fear, heartbreak and a hint of anger but that does nothing to quell your beauty to Agatha.

She leans in closing any distance left and presses her lips to yours in a gentle almost careful kiss, as if she's testing your reaction. You immediately recoil but don't get too far as Rio is still directly behind you. You already felt repulsed by Rio kissing your neck, but now the woman who just killed your girlfriend in front of you is kissing you- it makes your body fill with more disgust and anger.

Agatha frowns, looking almost upset that you felt so disgusted at her kiss. Rio of course immediately recognizes her lovers reaction and her anger flares, she didn't care that you felt disgusted by her advances but you being disgusted by Agatha...

Rio's fingers dig into your arms painfully. You yelp and tense, breathing becoming slightly panicked, your anger quickly quelled by fear once again.

Rio then spins you around, her fingers digging harder into your arms, her long nails starting to draw blood. "I know this is new to you but this- we are your life now. And you will learn quickly" Rio growls through gritted teeth, always the defensive one when it came to Agatha.

Agatha's hands quickly cover Rio's and she gently pries them from your arms, you've not been too disobedient yet so she stops Rio's anger lead movements. She carefully leads the two of you up the stairs out of the basement, pushing you to the side with gentle caution, giving you a small smile with just a flash of warning in her eyes before turning back to the seething Rio.

"Be calm my love, as you said she's still new to this, she'll adjust. She'll be our perfect girl in no time" She gently reassures her lover, holding Rio's hands with a firm gentleness. Rio grumbles something in another language but takes a breath and her body seems to relax.

Agatha smiles lovingly and leans forwards to meet Rio's lips, pulling her into a loving kiss. Rio returns it eagerly, deepening the kiss with an almost desperation to feel as much of her lover as possible, quickly forgetting about any anger she held.

They both seem lost in the kiss and you see an opportunity. Your chances are slim for actually getting out, its the dead of night, most people will be fast asleep...but if you could run out, yell...get someone's attention, even if it means Rio and Agatha catching you again, it might mean someone would investigate. Find your girlfriend's body....see that you're missing. It has to be worth a try.

Before you can talk yourself out of it you make a sprint for the front door. Your hands shake as you grasp at the doorknob and a small sob of desperation escapes you as it doesn't budge. You know you're not strong enough to break down the door so you quickly run into another room, locking the door behind you even if you know it'll do nothing to stop either Agatha or Rio.

Your eyes dart around the room looking for any kind of escape, they land on a window and you rush over, attempting to open it but like the door it doesn't budge. Your breathing is fast, shaky, panicked. Adrenalin pumping through your body trying not to think about the consequences of trying to escape, you need to try, something, anything, just some way of alerting anyone.

The window is big enough for you to fit through, you could break it, Agatha and Rio must have noticed by now, you don't have time, you need to act now. Your eyes focus on the near by bookcase, spotting a sturdy looking decoration you grab it and will all the strength you have, hurl it at the window.

It doesn't break. The ornament just bouncing off the glass harmlessly. Your heart sinks....it should have worked....you scramble to find something else but stop dead in your tracks as you see the now open door, Rio and Agatha standing in it with fury on their faces.

Gone is the gentleness in Agatha's eyes, replaced with anger, disappointment and is that hurt? It makes you feel almost guilty but as you look at Rio you're quickly filled with immobilizing fear, her eyes dark, swimming with deep rage.

"You really think it'd be that easy?" Agatha mocks, her voice dripping with distain. "I thought you were a smart girl, surely you knew your efforts where fruitless?" She questions with a dry laugh. You don't dare respond, not even confidant you could speak coherently right now.

"You shouldn't have done that" Rio's voice resonates through the room, filling you with impending dread. She then looks at Agatha beside her almost as if seeking permission for something, Agatha gives a small semi reluctant nod and in a flash Rio has you by the throat, dragging you back down to the basement. Her hand is tight around your neck, almost completely cutting off your airway. She then roughly throws you to the hard stone floor releasing the grip on your neck.

You cough and splutter, trying to get sufficient air back into your lungs, clutching your throat, half in natural response and half in trying to protect it from another attack.

"You need to be taught a lesson little dove, I think I'll start by clipping your wings" Rio says with a low menacing growl. She starts slowly walking forward, the air growing colder as she does. You quickly scramble backwards until you hit the wall, looking like a terrified prey animal being cornered by an apex predator.

Rio looms over you, her dark eyes observing your fear. Your mind is racing almost as fast at your heart is, you knew that trying to run would have it's consequences but the existential fear and dread that's consuming your body is nauseating.

"I-I'm s-sorry- I- it wont happen again" you plead, your voice shaky and pathetic, trying to dig yourself out of the grave you dug knowingly, curled in on yourself, looking as small as you sound.

"No it won't. I'll make sure of that." Rio snarls before yanking out one of your legs from your curled up position, you open your mouth to plea once again but it's interrupted with a scream, ripped from your lungs as Rio stamps down hard on your lower right leg, searing pain shooting through your body as the bone snaps in half. Tears quickly blurring your vision.

"Oh I know baby it hurts doesn't it?" Rio coos "But this is what happens when you run little dove, you have to learn your lesson" She explains with a small sympathy but you hardly pay attention, the agonising pain in your leg consuming you whole. Broken sobs wracking your body, your eyes tightly shut as tears flow from them, hoping this is somehow all a dream but as you feel a sharp blade press just below your shoulder your eyes snap open again, meeting Rio's piercing gaze.

"Eyes on me" She demands, her voice low, cold, angry. "You need to pay attention or you'll learn nothing" Rio snarls before pushing the blade into your shoulder, breaking the skin, blood starting to stain your shirt.

You yelp, the cut relatively shallow but with the excruciating pain from your broken leg it's like adding fuel to an already raging fire. You try to get away but you're already sat against the basement wall and the small movement makes jolts of pain shoot up your body, an anguished sob leaves your lips.

Rio growls as you try to move away to no avail and she harshly thrusts her dagger into your shoulder, burying the blade to the hilt. You scream so loud that your throat burns, in fact it feels like your entire body is made of molten lava, blistering pain ravaging your every sense.

"I-I'm sorry! I'm sorry! P-please make it stop! Please I'm sorry Rio, Agatha- I'm sorry" You plead between sobs, the pain too much to bare, suddenly craving the gentle moments before you tired to run, as disgusted as you were you just want to be held again.

Rio's eyes soften at your broken pleas, you even used both their names despite Agatha not being in the room, it's clear she's manged to break you for now and all her anger vanishes, her softness returning in her face. She gently and very carefully pulls her dagger out of your shoulder, causing a whimper from you.

"Shh baby girl I've got you, I'll make you feel better my little dove" Rio coos, her voice now soft and loving. She places an open-mouthed kiss to your stab wound, your blood smearing her lips. You feel the wound close, the pain in that area coming to a screeching halt, you don't bother questioning it, grateful that it's gone but you soon whimper again as the flaring pain in your broken leg makes itself apparent once again.

"I know, I know baby just breathe for a second okay?" She softly sooths, gently wiping the tears from your face, you want to question why she isn't healing your leg but as you open your mouth to speak she leans in, pressing her bloodstained lips to yours, the coppery taste of your blood filling your mouth for a moment before Rio's tongue slips past your lips, calming every part of your mouth in a dominating but loving kiss. You let it happen, trying not to think about how your girlfriend would kiss you like this- it actually feels slightly nice.....it's clear through the kiss that Rio does love you despite her actions seconds ago, you're at least grateful for a positive distraction to the horrible pain in your leg.

Rio smiles against your lips as she feels you not resisting and after a little while longer of her enjoying finally getting to kiss you like this she pulls back, her cheeks ever so slightly flushed and a loving smile gracing her lips. She then carefully moves herself so her face is hovering above the bone she broke in your lower leg.

"Hold still my little dove" She says softly, any hint of anger or coldness gone, completely replaced with gentle and caring love. She then leans down, placing her hands on either side your leg, a soft green glow emitting from them. Rio places a soft kiss right above the area of your broken bone and a comforting warmth spreads through your body, eliminating any pain left. You let out a sigh of relief, slumping against the cold stone wall.

"There we go, all better sweet baby" Rio says, gently wrapping you in her arms, having you sit in her lap. You lean into her, your body exhausted from all the pain you experienced and craving gentleness, not currently caring about who it's coming from.

Rio coos sweet nothings into your ear as she cradles you in her lap, gently playing with your hair in a motion that's almost enough to make you drift to sleep. It's then that Agatha walks down the basement steps, her face softening as she sees you curled up in Rio's lap, eyes red and puffy but leaning into Rio's touch willingly.

"Is our girl finally being good again?" Agatha questions gently as she approaches. You look up at Agatha, the woman who killed your girlfriend, you should be feeling utter rage at the sight of her but after everything today, the pain you just endured...all you want is for her to hold you too.

"She's learned her lesson my love, come, see how much see needs us" Rio invites, Agatha doesn't hesitate to join Rio on the cold basement floor, Rio helping Agatha gently guide you to lay across the laps of the two women, your head in Agatha's lap. You happily let it happen, the new position feeling so comfortable, so safe, Agatha's hands gently massaging your head, her fingers weaving though your hair occasionally. Rio's hands gently caressing your body, feeling significantly warmer than before. It doesn't take long until you're asleep cradled in both women's laps, it's wrong, you know it is, but you feel protected, comforted and after all that's happened today that's what you need, even if it's from the very hands that caused that very pain....

120 notes · View notes

tzuberry · 2 years ago

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(cute) things zerobaseone maknae line do as your boyfriend ૮ ◞ ﻌ ◟ ა

pairing shen quanrui (ricky), kim gyuvin, park gunwook, han yujin + gn reader⠀⠀⠀details fluff, established relationship, bulletpoint

cw none ⠀⠀⠀wc 410, 418, 505, 462 (1,795 overall)⠀⠀⠀reading time 7 minutes

note HELLOOOO i havent posted a fic since july 15th and that was my first fic ever on this account omg... thank u for all the notes on my other post LIKE i didnt expect so much + thank you for 90 followers!! also i might start writing for tiot and evnne if i have time �� likes are reblogs are appreciated if u can 💟

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ricky 리키

lets you play with his hair

i think ricky is honestly extremely particular with his hair, and especially who gets to touch it

his hair isn’t very visibly damaged despite getting it dyed frequently / basically not having black hair since he was probably fifteen years old (and he’s nineteen now, so that says something) so he has to take good care of it not to have it fried off

there were stories about him during bopeul where they said they always saw him fully ready with perfectly styled hair whenever he left his room, too

like i’m not even kidding he has to care for his hair a whole lot or by now he could’ve been bald i’m sorry

when his friends—mainly gyuvin—try to play with his hair or comb their fingers through it, ricky allows it but is not that pleased because he put effort into styling his hair and doesn’t want it to get messed up

gyuvin jokingly whines a little, but is over it after a few seconds

when ricky started dating you, although he thoroughly knew you and almost all of your habits and mannerisms, he didn’t think you would be into playing with his hair

you’re hanging out, watching a movie at your apartment while your head is rested on his shoulder when he feels your fingers suddenly brush through the strands of his hair

he turns to look at you, partly shocked but also just wondering what you’re planning on doing to his hair

you shrug your shoulders, keeping your eyes on the tv and not minding him one bit

“what are you doing?” he asks, a little amused

he expects you to reply playfully, to exchange banter or something like that

but instead, you say, “your hair is really soft, you know,” as you proceed to curl a portion with your finger acting as the curling iron

ricky quite literally folded that day... now he lets you do whatever you want with his hair

you can braid it, curl it, whatever

he doesn’t mind as long as it’s you, even if he spent nearly an hour fixing it this morning

you’re in a cafe talking to gyuvin and gunwook, sitting at the other side of the table when you lift your arm to twirl ricky’s hair, him not remotely flinching at the contact

gyuvin is pleasantly surprised to witness this sight

“you don’t let me do that,” he sulks, aimed at ricky

your boyfriend scoffs. “you’re not [name].”

gyuvin 규빈

always texts you + makes sure you’ve eaten

okay i think i’ve seen a lot of people say this already idk but i think it’s soooo true

gyuvin texts you excessively

like. about anything

there was one instance when his little brother had a crush on a girl, and gyuvin literally went to you for help and his brother didn’t even have an inkling of what was happening

gyuvin (DO NOT REPLY): [NAME] MY LITTLE BROTHER... is... growing up :(

gyuvin (DO NOT REPLY): he used to be so small i could put him in my pocket and now

yn: what happened???

gyuvin (DO NOT REPLY): he LIKES A GIRL. who told him it was okay to get a girlfriend? at his toddler age??

yn: gyuvin i love you but we started dating when We were his age

and then he continued to ask you for advice on how to help his brother get the girl he liked

there’s more instances of him oversharing his brother’s life with you, but that ends there

he also buys you snacks all the time

even if you don’t want it. even if you verbally, very clearly, straightforwardly tell him you’re not the tiniest bit hungry

he’s basically your mother oml

he makes those little snack baggies for you to take

before you both graduated, gyuvin would bring you lunch. it didn’t just stop at snacks

he would ask his mom to help him cook for you

and he’d make it all cute and stuff like shaping the rice to be your favorite character

he’d pack it to school and give it to you in the morning. omg

mixing those two things together, you get “have you eaten yet” texts all the time

it’s two pm, and you were so stuck while helping a friend that you regrettably forgot to eat lunch. ‘it’s okay,’ you assure yourself, ‘i had a late breakfast’

gyuvin texts you, asking the usual “have you eaten lunch????” and you lie and say yes

and then your phone rings and you know you can’t avoid it anymore because he can see through your voice when you lie

from the speaker of your phone, gyuvin’s voice is unbelievably attractive—but you choose to ignore that fact for now

“[name],” he deadpans. “be honest. have you eaten?”

choosing to accept defeat, you exhale deeply. “no.”

gyuvin suddenly hangs up and only a text is left on your screen

gyuvin (DO NOT REPLY): i’m coming over in. like 30 minutes i have to ask my mom to help me cook

gunwook 건욱

teaches you how to dance

gunwook is SO good at dancing it’s so crazy

i love watching him on stage because he’s the best performer ever. like he seems to genuinely enjoy it and i hope he never loses that love for dancing / singing / rapping

you on the other hand..... you could be good at dancing too, just definitely not as good as gunwook

so whenever your scheduled dates are interrupted by his extracurriculars at school, you decide to tag along with him, if the members of his clubs don’t mind (which they usually don’t)

one of his extracurriculars is the dance team

and most of the time, when your preplanned dates are cancelled because of an extracurricular he has lined up for him, it is almost always dance

so you end up following him to the practice room, silently watching him in the corner so as to not obstruct their view of the mirror by sitting directly in front of them

his eyes light up with the flame of passion you adore so much, and you’re so content that even if your date is cancelled because of this, you’re not annoyed and you still get to indirectly spend some time with him by spectating him as he does what he likes

in the short breaks that he gets, he takes the opportunity to sit beside you on the floor and ask about your day

when the practice session ends, he asks if it’s okay with you if he stays to polish up the routine, to which you say yes and offer to stay with him because everyone else has started to leave

after a while, he grows tired and plops down next to you

gunwook chuckles. “i’m sorry for cancelling our date and making you stay with me.”

“it’s alright, i like watching you dance.” you smile

he abruptly stiffens up, irises reflecting the light, making his eyes glow excitedly. “do i dance well? what do you think?”

you giggle. “you dance very well. a lot better than i can, for sure.”

“mhm, yeah?” he grins widely, and you know what he’s going to do

gunwook jumps up on his feet, extending his hand out to you to help you get up

“you just need a little help.” he nods proudly. “you’re lucky i’m your boyfriend.”

you take his hand, and he leads you to the center of the room and he starts to dance with you ballroom style (???) like the waltz and stuff

he guides your arms over his shoulder to circle his neck, and his hands rest on your waist and then he starts counting, “4... 3... 2... 1... like this,” as he takes a singular step in different directions, encouraging you to mirror his movements

you almost trip, but you tightly cling on to his shoulders before you can fall

gunwook laughs. “enough dancing for today?”

“yes, please,” you agree, letting your body fall forwards into a hug with him

“alright. if you’re not that tired, are you still up for that date?”

yujin 유진

(tries to) initiate / enjoys physical touch

yujin doesn’t seem like his love language is physical touch.... i know gyuvin does it a lot to him and he kinda pretends to not like it but it’s so endearing and i sooo believe he deep down loves it

it’s the same with you, but he’s the one intiating it

he never thought he liked skinship all that much, because he would even jokingly say it pestered him a little at times when gyuvin would dote on him

but when it came to you, and when you first started dating, he was itching to hold your hand

it was so new to him because he never craved for anyone’s physical affection before

all his older friends like gyuvin and gunwook would always just.... initiate skinship for him and he thought he didn’t like it but

suddenly you come along, and you don’t even try to hold his hand

he thought couples were supposed to hold hands?? and hug??

but you’re not budging and it’s so frustrating

while walking you home from school like usual, as you tell him about your day, he tries to gather the courage to intertwine your hands

it doesn’t work, and he’s left with cold hands as he stares at you enter your front door

“next time,” he whispers to no one but the wind

next time comes and still... he’s too nervous to hold your hand

the distance between your palms is less than four inches, and all he has to do is take the leap—besides, nothing could go that wrong. you like him and he likes you

he purposely bumps the back of his hand with yours, but doesn’t actually take your hand in his

he awkwardly rubs his nape, unsure of what to do now

your brows knit together, as you’re now aware of yujin’s weird behavior

“yujin?” you tug on his uniform sleeve. “is something wrong?”

“no! nothing’s wrong,” he quickly denies, “don’t worry about it.”

“okay... can i see your hand, though?” you request, and it successfully confuses him because why do you want to see his hand?

he obliges, giving it to you palm up when you lace your fingers with his

“i’ve noticed you trying to hold my hand since last week,” you say, giggling. “i was waiting for you to do it, but i guess you’re too shy.”

“i’m not that shy,” yujin defends, looking down at your interlocked hands... ‘this is a good feeling,’ he thinks

you nod passively. “it’s fine. it’s one of the reasons why i like you.” you swing both your hands back and forth in the space between you

yujin doesn’t try to retort, only relishing the feeling of your hand in his

skinship isn’t so bad... maybe he could get used to this.

2K notes · View notes

airenyah · 2 months ago

Text

A LOOK AT STYLE'S JOURNEY | Ep 3

(Overview | Ep1+2 | Ep4 | Ep5 | Ep6 | Ep7 | Ep8 | Ep9 | Ep10)

I really wanted to drop this before Episode 4, but the thing is I really really really struggled with this episode. The first two episode were very clear to me, so clear even that I managed binge-write my first post within a single night after having spent the previous night rewatching the episodes and taking notes. I kept asking myself the question "Style does this and acts like this, but why?" and quickly found my answers. But looking at episode 3? I really struggled with the "but why".

But let's get into it anyway. Not that I finish this post only when the final episode drops lol.

~~~ Spoiler warning for episode 4 ~~~

Pronoun situation: In my first meta post I kept up with their pronoun use on a scene by scene basis. This time I won't do that, because Fadel and Style consistently use the rude guu/mueng pronouns for each other throughout the entire episode without any significant pronoun changes.

To recap: when we last saw Fadel and Style together in episode 2 Fadel ambushed Style in the locker room and basically declared war on Style. Style launched counterattacks. They did not part on the best of terms.

No. 1: RAWR

The very first sequence at the heavy metal bar is where my first problem already arises: I am undecided on whether Style went there on purpose to find Fadel or if he went there of his own accord to have fun and just happened to run into Fadel completely by chance. Because you could make arguments both FOR and AGAINST Style showing up specifically for Fadel.

AGAINST: Style does look kinda surprised when walks up to Fadel. When they're chatting by the counter Style says he's here all the time (which is something he doesn't say about the running track or the gym – two spots that we know he only went to for Fadel). We also don't get to see Style looking at the notebook like we do before he bugs Fadel at the running track for the first time or later in the episode when he shows up at the support group meeting. What's more, Style doesn't really attempt to stick to Fadel no matter what until Fadel either physically gets rid of him or just walks away. Instead Style leaves of his own accord to have fun with people who aren't Fadel and also seems perfectly content to do so.

FOR: When Kant looks through the notebook in ep2 after Bison hands it to him we can see that the bar is in there. So Style should know this bar is one of Fadel's go-to spots. Style could be feigning surprise when he walks up to Fadel to make it look like a chance meeting and he could also be lying about being there all the time.

Whether or not Style came to the bar in order to seek out Fadel specifically or not, when he walks up to Fadel and sits down next to him it's all in a friendly manner. His behavior has an air of Oh hey there person that I know, let me say hello! to it.

Style is once again trying to involve Fadel in an amiable conversation despite their confrontation last time they saw each other. Or maybe he's trying to involve Fadel in an amiable conversation because of the confrontation last time they saw each other. Style's friendly approach makes it clear that he's not holding any grudges about it. Fadel is not up for a friendly conversation, though. In the scene by the counter he says a total amount of two sentences to Style (or even just one, if you don't count the "no" as a single sentence). Style tries to get Fadel to socialize, to get Fadel to come out of his grumpy shell and go dance with him a little bit, to loosen up and scream a little bit. Fadel won't budge. So Style gives him his space and walks off, but not without inviting Fadel to follow him just in case Fadel miraculously changes his mind. After Style clinks bottles with his (new?) friends he looks back at Fadel and nods at him before getting busy with his friends.

I want to talk about that nod for a quick moment. Because as an introvert who tends to be quiet and shy in a crowd (especially a crowd of strangers or people I don't know well) I have my fair share of experience of being alone in a crowd. And I adore that Style is making contact with Fadel again, even though he already walked away and their conversation is actually over. As I've mentioned in some tags before, some of Style's core personality traits really remind me of a dear old friend of mine. We had a time in our late (ish) teens where we'd hang out at our youth leader's flat every day. My friend and my youth leader would often play Magic: The Gathering, which is something that's really not my thing and so I'd be "left out" that is I'd be chilling next to them doing my own thing or just watching them, not understanding shit. They'd be in the middle of a game and my friend would sometimes randomly look up and nod at me like that or he would pull faces at me or do some other random shit to communicate with me for a second before focusing back on the game. These small gestures were something I always really appreciated because they made me feel included, even though I had no interest in the game and couldn't really be part of it. The way Style nods at Fadel reminds me of that. He's making contact with Fadel across the room, involving him, including him. It's a nod kind of like Hey, I see you. And yeah, Fadel doesn't really want to be seen, except deep down maybe he does.

Which brings me to the choking scene. Style is having fun with his friends (or random people he just met??). He spots Fadel, excuses himself and walks over. Almost as if he saw Fadel standing there all on his own and decided to talk to him because "You're supposed to have fun with your friends at a place like this". As if he doesn't want Fadel be all alone. So he walks up to him and starts another conversation. We get another confirmation that Style isn't holding any grudges about their confrontation in the locker room, because he actively teases Fadel about it. I'm not even sure Style is purposefully being flirty here, I think he really is going more for a playful callback to the locker room confrontation, mixed with a challenge of "So? Are you gonna go rough on me again? I dare you to do it again!"

What's more, I think at this point his brain is set to I must hit on him, so I must drop flirty shit whenever possible. So when he says Fadel looks sexy, while there sure is some truth to it and he certainly finds Fadel sexy in general, I don't think he really 100% means it in that specific moment. It's almost more as if he's saying it out of habit, just for the sake of dropping flirty shit and compliments at any given opportunity.

All in all, that night at the bar Style isn't really being annoying or flirting with Fadel on purpose. He spends the night trying to make friends with Fadel again, trying to make amiable conversation, trying to involve him in friendly banter, trying to genuinely connect with him. As if to get Fadel to open up and come out of the shell that he has deeply buried himself in. And I think what this interaction also shows is that Style is starting to have positive feelings towards Fadel. It's the beginning of Style genuinely liking Fadel more than he dislikes him. Style is slowly starting to worry and to care about him.

No. 2: The Best Way to Burn Calories

Now for this scene we know for a fact Style is here for Fadel specifically. Once again, Style blurts out flirty shit and once again it doesn't sound entirely genuine as if he actually means what he says. Kant has sent him on a mission to hit on Fadel, but Style still hasn't quite figured out how to get through to him. Fadel continuously ignores or even blocks Style's attempts to make friends with him or to genuinely connect to him and the flirting also doesn't seem to be working. (Oh, Style. If only you knew just how well your genuine flirting at the gym worked on Fadel 🤭)

Style knows very well that Fadel is annoyed by him (Fadel even explicitly tells him that it's a bad morning if he sees Style). And I think at this point Style has decided that if he can't be a positive presence in Fadel's life he'll simply just be a negative presence then. Since that will still bring him closer to his goal than being no presence in Fadel's life at all would bring him. So he just shows up, bugs Fadel to remind him of Style's existence and also drops flirty shit at any given opportunity while he's at it regardless of whether he genuinely means what he says in that moment or not. And while I'm sure there is some truth behind Style's words, I think a lot of the flirting really is more of a routine now, a habit. Since that is what he was hired to do after all.

Side quest: Body and Heart

One thing this scene touches on is that Style definitely isn't in it just for sex alone but that he desires an emotional component as well: he explicitly says he wants Fadel's body AND his heart. As I said, I don't think Style really meant the flirting here, but I do think there is some truth to his words, namely his desire to not just have meaningless sex but to also be in love.

I think, unlike Kant, Style actually isn't too big on casual one-night stands. I think he enjoys flirting around, because Style is an attention hoe, but if I had to guess I would say most of the time he doesn't end up actually sleeping with anyone. Style is charming and I think he has a lot of fun with flirty banter. And he definitely loves the attention: in episode 1 he clearly enjoys it when the girls are admiring his waist that he proudly shows off at the bowling alley, in episode 2 he gives Fadel permission to look at his naked body, and then later in episode 3 he also looks very happy and satisfied after those girls call him "hot" when he's dropping of the car keys at the host club.

Style loves the attention, he enjoys the flirty banter, but I think sleeping around no strings attached isn't truly his kind of thing. We get another hint of this in episode 1 when Kant claims "[Y]ou’re in no position to call me out when you’ve been playing around just the same". Style replies "I don’t know what you’re talking about" in a disapproving tone and with a skeptical face.

In fact, in Thai he says:

อะไรของมึงว่ะ [àrai - kŏng - mueng - wâ] what - of - you - [rude particle]

I haven't checked this phrase back with a native speaker yet, but I've often heard it in the sense of Wtf is your problem? or Wtf is up with you? or Wtf are you talking about? To me, the English subs sound almost more like Style is deflecting Kant's statement while in Thai to me it feels like Style is actively disagreeing with Kant's words (feel free to correct me on this if I'm wrong @happypotato48 🙏).

Like, Style clearly doesn't approve of Kant's accusations and immediately goes attention seeking to highlight that that is what he's all about:

Going with the crop top shot specifically because I'm SURE some of you will really appreciate it lol

The literal translation of what he says here is actually more like "I'm just checking my rating":

กูก็แค่เช็คเรตติ้งกูเฉยๆว่ะวะ [guu - gôr kâe - chék - ret-dting - guu - chŏiie chŏiie - wâ wá] I - only - check - rating - I/my - just - [rude particle]

Style wants eyes on him, not hands, and he wants to be rated the hottest person in town by everyone who takes just one single look at him, thank you very much.

What's more, right before this exchange he also tells Kant to quit his one-night stands and get a real lover, so we know Style is very much team "having a boyfriend is a good thing". Style not being too big on meaningless one-night stands will also be reflected later in episode 3 when Style tells Fadel " What kind of man do you take me for? I might look like I play around, but I’m damn devoted to love. I want to date*" when he complains about Fadel ditching him right after their hook-up as well as in episode 4 when Style tells him "I'm not just anyone. I need clarity" when Fadel points out "Some people [have sex] countless times and never called it anything" after Style asks what their relationship is now that they've hooked up twice. We see it also in the way how enraged and genuinely hurt Style is in episode 4 after the stunt Fadel pulls in the kitchen. For Style, sex isn't just sex and I think as impulsive as he can be he still makes very deliberate decisions about who he actually sleeps with.

Kant may claim Style plays around just like Kant does, but the thing is that night at the bowling alley? It's Kant who finds himself someone to spend a fun night with while we see Style leaving the bowling alley all by himself without his own hook-up. You could even make arguments about how Style doesn't actually like doing the pursuing and much rather prefers to be pursued. But more on that later.

*(Actually, literally he doesn't say "I want to date" but "I want a faen" -> confirming once again Style is Team Steady Boyfriend)

No. 3: Sweet Meat

Just like in the scene at the sports field right beforehand, Style continues to be an annoying presence in Fadel's life, if he can't manage to be a positive presence. For this scene he even turns up his annoyingness level a little more than at the running track. What's very interesting here compared to the meat stall scene from episode 2 is that here in episode 3? Style doesn't give a shit that Fadel turns away and walks off without buying anything. In episode 2 he was very quick to yield in order to keep Fadel from running away, but this time Style doesn't care that Fadel just ditches him. When Fadel has gone, Style immediately hurries after him. He's already got his next move planned.

No. 4: Burger Burger Burger Burger

I think Style tries out a different strategy here: maybe if he helps Fadel, Fadel will finally soften up to him. What's also interesting is that every word out of Style's mouth suddenly sounds a lot more genuine now compared to what he was spouting at the running track or at the market earlier that day. And I think it's because he (thinks he) is helping Fadel.

Style likes to help. We see this in the way he agrees to help his best friend by hitting on some weirdo guy (yes, of course he's also getting a car out of this deal, but I think part of the reason why he agrees to the deal is also because he genuinely wants to help Kant find love), we see this in the way he immediately takes orders from customers no questions asked in episode 2 right before he meets Bison, and we'll see this even later this episode when he throws himself into the fight despite having no fighting skills whatsoever, just because he thinks three against one is unfair and wants to help.

And if we go back to the thought that maybe, just maybe, Style actually doesn't like to pursue others then it's no surprise that his words here suddenly sound a lot more genuine now that he (thinks he) is helping Fadel compared to his half-assed attempts at flirting earlier that day on the sports field and at the market. Helping people is Style's thing. He's back in his comfort zone which means now he can be much more sincere in his words and his actions again, because there is less of a need to pretend to be a type of person that he just simply is not.

Which also results in Style being much more playful again rather than annoying. For example, when he calls Fadel a "good-looking chef" and shoves him with his his gigantic burger bun. Or when he teases Fadel about being shy. Or when he asks Fadel "You hungry?" after they end up on the ground. This time I actually believe Style's words. Where the flirting at the running track and the teasing at the market felt more like a task where Style was mostly just saying words to get the job done, now that he's back in his comfort zone it sounds like he actually means everything he says again.

There is also some sort of sincerity to Style's desire to help. Fadel, however, does not want Style's help and tries to send him away. Style reminds him that Fadel should probably be making burgers instead of wasting time arguing with him and also points out that Fadel's own brother, who is supposed to be here helping him, is nowhere to be found and that he, Style, is in fact right here by Fadel's side helping him, supporting him. I think Style is being a little overly dramatic when he says "All I ask from you is a little decency" in order to get Fadel to soften up at least a little bit and to get him to accept Style's help, but I also think Style does genuinely desire at least some form of recognition for his support as well. But Fadel won't budge and once again just abandons him.

No. 5: This Is A... kitchen

Trouble arises at the diner and once again we see that Style likes being helpful, because he rushes into the kitchen, immediately ready to help serve the customers. And this time his desire to help is real. It might also stem a little from his desire to fix things, because it is his own fault that the restaurant is overrun and so part of him might want to make up for that, too. What matters, though, is that it's not just another attempt at getting close to Fadel like earlier when he was promoting the restaurant. Fadel blocks him once again, but Style insists. And I think he really hits the nail on the head with this:

I haven't yet looked at Fadel as closely as I have at Style (oh how I wish I had the time, though *cries in university student*) but I do think that this is ultimately something Fadel will be forced to learn over the course of the series.

Anyway, Fadel tries to send Style away again, but Style refuses to go and lists a number of arguments as to why he should in fact go serve tables instead of going home. He ends his arguments by telling Fadel to learn to accept help and then then determinedly tells him that he'll go wait the tables himself. Once those words are out of his mouth he looks at Fadel almost with a bit of a defiant expression on his face as if he's waiting for Fadel to object again.

But this time Fadel says "Fine, you can wait the tables" and Style nods and raises an eyebrow in surprise and happiness, like Wait?? I can?? For real?? You're actually letting me?? I don't have to fight you some more?? You're not throwing me out again??

When Style goes to change into the uniform right there in the kitchen, I don't think he's doing it to be flirty or anything like that at first. I think in the heat of the moment he genuinely forgot that changing rooms (or in this case, bathrooms) exist. I think he wanted to follow Fadel's order as quickly as possible so that he could start helping as quickly as possible. That is, until Fadel tells him off and sends him to the bathroom. Style responds by playfully teasing Fadel about being shy. Style is in an excellent mood now because it's one of those rare occasions where Fadel accepts Style's presence rather than trying to get rid of him. And while I do think Style changes in the kitchen anyway in order to tease Fadel, I don't think he's necessarily doing it to tease Fadel for sexy reasons but rather for playfully petty reasons. Because Fadel keeps scolding him and yelling at him and when Fadel tells him off for changing clothes in the kitchen, Style does it out of spite. Like Oh, you don't want me to change in the kitchen? Well, in this case i DEFINITELY have to change in the kitchen, then. I will say, though, that there is definitely a little bit of an Oh, you're NOT shy? Well, prove it, then! in there as well. But I don't think that this thought is Style's main focus here, because apart from this one look that Style throws Fadel right after he's pulled his shirt over his head...

...from what the camera shows us he seems more focused on the clothes and the action of changing them rather than on Fadel's reaction to him getting naked:

We, the audience, were shown Fadel's reactions to Style getting undressed and I think if Style had taken note of these reactions, the series would have made a point in showing us that Style notices Fadel's crisis. And our chatty cat here would have 100000% teased Fadel about it. What's more, Style has no idea just how much of an effect his naked body had on Fadel back at the sauna. Style has absolutely no idea that Fadel went and fantasized about him afterwards. So Style does not (yet) know that his naked body is one of the strongest weapons he currently has in the fight for Fadel. So Style does not (yet) realize that he could be using his body in a much more deliberate manner. And I don't think he realized it in this scene either, because as I said we would have been shown his discovery. So Style leaves the scene none the wiser, but eager to help and absolutely stoked that Fadel actually lets him for once.

No. 6: Death by Spatula?

Unexpectedly, Fadel drops lore of himself and I think that piques Style's interest because Fadel almost NEVER drops lore of himself. Pretty much all the things Style knows about Fadel are things he got from other people (like all the information in the notebook) or things he found out by himself (either because he's picked up on them in all their interactions so far or because he actively did some research like when he looked up Fadel's name). There are only two other instances where Fadel himself revealed something about himself to Style:

When Style finds him at the gym, Fadel drops that he doesn't like it when it's crowded and that this is why he likes going to the gym at night.

When Fadel tells Style that he runs a burger joint in the "sensitive nipples" scene and also mentions that he does everything by himself. Although this incident barely counts, because Fadel didn't really give this information voluntarily but was instead kind of forced to since Style had found the pin of his restaurant.

Usually, Fadel refuses to reveal anything about himself. But now Fadel is overwhelmed by the many customers and in his stress he lets slip that he doesn't need money and that he only runs the restaurant for fun. When Fadel then also claims not to be rich, Style immediately finds it sus. Lucky for him, though, he won't make the right guess until later in the episode and so he manages to escape being prematurely murdered with a spatula. But Style doesn't know that.

Instead, Style just got a lot more intrigued by Fadel. This is one of those incidents that make Style want to get to know Fadel out of his own curiosity and not because he wants to help his friend and is getting his dream car as a reward. Style is starting to take a genuine interest in Fadel as a person and his positive feelings towards Fadel grow.

No. 7: First Bites

When Fadel wordlessly hands Style the burger it's the first time that Fadel is actively reaching out to him. Reaching out to him in a friendly manner that is, not to ambush him in a dark locker room and start a fight. And Style is absolutely delighted that Fadel is finally taking a step towards him instead of walking away from him like he usually does. And Style being Style, he of course has to immediately make a big deal out of it: "Are you finally folding? Was it because of how hard working I am? You like me now, don’t you?"

Actually, I wanna take a little detour to the language side of things again. The English translation has a question tag only on the last sentence, but in Thai Style actually uses question words that give a sense of "right?" or "isn't that so?" at the end of every single one of these questions.

นี่มึงเปิดใจให้กูแล้วใช่ป่ะ [nêe - mueng - bpèrt - jai - hâi - guu - láew - châi bpà] [interjection] - you - open - heart, mind - to, for - I/me - already - right?

I actually really like the expression he uses in Thai: he says เปิดใจ [bpèrt jai] which consists of the words "(to) open" (เปิด) and "heart, mind" (ใจ). To me, that gives me the feeling of Style not just asking Did I manage to win you over? but more of a feeling of You are finally opening (your heart) up to me, right? You are finally letting me in? which I think is a much nicer image in regard to Fadel's character and Fadel and Style's relationship.

มึงเห็นความขยันความตั้งใจกูแล้วใช่ไหมล่ะ [mueng - hĕn - kwaam kà-yăn - kwaam dtâng jai - guu - láew - châi măi - lâ] you - see - diligence - intention, determination - I/my - already - right? - [particle]

I don't know if others feel the same way, but in the English translation the "hard working" part mostly makes me think of Style working hard with helping at the restaurant before this conversation. A more literal translation of what he says in Thai would be "You've seen my diligence and determination, haven't you?" and I'm sure he's actually more referring to his determination and relentless efforts in getting close to Fadel.

I just really like the way Style phrases all his questions here in Thai. Fadel has enclosed his heart deep within him in very thick and high walls and no one gets access to it. And Style's task isn't that he has to get Fadel to simply just fold to him, surrender to him, but what he actually needs to do is to search for a way to reach Fadel's heart. His options are either to tear down Fadel's walls by sheer force or to somehow get Fadel to trust him so much that Fadel will willingly unlock and open up the doors leading to the depths of his heart. And it's like Style is asking You're finally letting me in, right? You're finally recognizing my diligent efforts to reach you, right? You no longer hate me, right? You like me now, don't you?

And I don't think Style is necessarily flirting here and means to ask if Fadel likes him romantically. On the surface, yes, he is definitely also asking if the flirting (attempts) have worked and if Fadel is starting to fall for him. But I think a lot of this is also about how he has on multiple occasion now tried to form a genuine connection with Fadel. Just in this episode alone we can see it in the way he asks Fadel if he likes heavy metal at the heavy metal bar and then tries to get him to socialize, tries to include him. We can see it the entire time at the restaurant just now where he's voluntarily helping because he genuinely cares. There are even more instances in the first two episodes, which I talk about in my first meta post of this meta series. Style has tried to bond with Fadel multiple times now but Fadel has always blocked his attempts and I think a big part of Style also wants to know if Fadel is finally starting to have at least friendly feelings towards Style. That Style is finally going from being an annoying presence in Fadel's life to being a pleasant presence in his life.

But Fadel shoots him down. "Don't get your hopes up. This is your wage." (Fun fact: in Thai Fadel actually tells Style not to เวอร์ [wer], which is a slang word coming from the English word "over" and, if I remember my Thai friend's explanation from a month ago correctly, is used to indicate that what someone is doing/saying is "too much", so what Fadel says here could be taken as "don't exaggerate" or "don't be so overly dramatic" or "don't be so hyped")

Style immediately complains that the burger is too little of a wage, but also won't let Fadel take it away from him again, insisting on eating it anyway. It might not be much of a wage, but that burger is important to Style. When Fadel sends him home, Style dramatically laments being exploited and thrown away. I think this is yet another one of Style's attempt to get some friendly banter out of Fadel. But Fadel isn't having it. Fadel makes it clear that he wants Style gone asap and Style is annoyed that Fadel keeps making him leave. I think Style is genuinely enjoying hanging out with Fadel at the burger joint and also genuinely wants to stay. His positive feelings continue to develop.

Special shout-out also to the way Style loudly goes "Mmh! Mmmh!!" while chomping down on the burger to make sure Fadel knows exactly how much he's enjoying Fadel's food. Which isn't just food in this instance, no, the burger also stands for an unspoken thank you for helping me and symbolizes the first time Fadel has actively reached out to Style on his own and done a nice thing for him. Style is making sure Fadel won't miss just how much he appreciates this gesture.

No. 8: A Fly on the Wall

Oh, how desperately I wish we knew at which point of the conversation between the brothers Style came in exactly! This is going to drive me insane, because I have no idea just how much of the conversation Style overheard, which unfortunately is important information for the interpretation of his interactions with Fadel from this point on. Most of all I really NEED to know if Style happened to hear this specific line:

Fun fact: in Thai he doesn't actually say "you wanted to rely on" but he says (ที่)มึงจะไปอยู่ด้วย [(thêe) - mueng - jà - bpai - yòo - dûuay] which should translate to something like "(that) you were gonna be with" or "were gonna live with" (disclaimer: I didn't double-check this with a native speaker) which sounds much more like a serious relationship to me rather than when phrased as "dude you wanted to rely on". And we'll get the confirmation of an ex-boyfriend later in the episode.

Now the question is: DOES STYLE KNOW ABOUT THE EX-BOYFRIEND NOW?? DOES HE KNOW FADEL WAS IN LOVE BEFORE?? PLEASEEE I NEED TO KNOW 😭😭😭

In my quest to find an answer to these questions I did come across a strange background noise that comes right after this line, though. A background noise that could very well be interpreted as Style sliding open the door. So for the sake of my own sanity I'll go with Style only having heard this part of the conversation for sure:

F: Why did you bring this up? K: I just want you to tell your brother how pipe dreams always end. In this line of profession, no one waits for you.

This is yet another incident that gets Style genuinely curious about Fadel, about who he is exactly. Style will certainly be wondering about what that profession is from now on. And he will certainly be wondering about what that profession could be after he watches Fadel beat up three grown men like it's nothing. And he won't know that he will have hit jackpot with his guess.

No. 9: Private Show

Where the masturbation scene from episode 2 confirms that Fadel feels genuine physical/sexual attraction to Style, this scene confirms that the feeling is mutual on Style's side of things as well. Style, too, finds Fadel's body hot. What's more, he never stops looking at Fadel. And not just at his body, but throughout his fantasy, Style is always searching for Fadel's eyes. In fact, he rarely takes his own eyes off of Fadel's face, and when Style does direct his eyes somewhere else it's always only for a very short moment. I think this once again shows that Style desires an emotional connection next to a physical one as well. Sex isn't just sex to Style, he wants more with it.

It is said that eyes are the windows to the soul, so another reason for the intense eye contact could be that Style also wants to stare deep into Fadel's soul to get to know him better in a quest to find answers to who this mysterious person really is. Because by now Style is genuinely curious. He has genuinely started to care.

Remember how I mentioned that arguments could be made for Style actually liking being pursued more than doing the pursuing and that I would get into this later? Later is now.

At this point I want to plug @clemelntine's extremely interesting perspective on the two sexual fantasies that we've gotten so far and what that means for the storage room hook-up. I'm not gonna reiterate everything, but I do want to pick up on what she says about Style specifically:

No matter how much he annoys Fadel in the day to day and how much he seems to take the upperhand in those interactions, when it comes to sex he likes in the idea of letting Fadel do what he does/wants.

In Style's own fantasy, Style is sitting back, he's letting Fadel take the reins, do the work. This is also in line with @secriden's excellent meta on Style's true desire being to be pursued, which I also really encourage you to read. Again, I won't repeat the entire post, but she highlights how Style will downright create opportunities for Fadel to lay his hands on him and how "every single time Fadel even shows a HINT of wanting Style, he immediately falls pliant, like he can't wait to let Fadel take the reins" (quoted from @secriden). And we see this desire in the fantasy too. Style imagines Fadel being the active one while Style gets to sit there and enjoy. Our little attention hoe here likes it when people are actively after him.

I was struggling to really make sense of Style this episode. In the first two episodes, whenever Style was being annoying there would be some sort of trigger for it. I was confused especially in the beginning of this episode, because I didn't understand how and why Style would go from trying to genuinely bond with Fadel at the heavy metal bar to being annoying at the running track and at the market when nothing seemed to have triggered it. I could tell Style was being annoying on the sports field and at the market, but I really couldn't figure out the "but why?" of it all. But if we look at his behavior through the lens of "Style actually prefers being pursued over doing the pursuing", I think it makes more sense. Style prefers for others to put in the effort of pursuing and now that he's forced to do the pursuing himself he doesn't really know how to go about it, especially when the person he's trying to woo has walls high up to the sky and continuously shoots him down. Style shows up and drops flirty lines but he doesn't even really mean them because he doesn't actually want to do the pursuing. The inauthenticity in his insistent approach is what makes him annoying in those scenes. And it's also not what works on Fadel – it's when Style is being genuine that he actually reaches Fadel, like when he was helping him wait tables (which Fadel recognizes by rewarding him with a burger) or when Style was being playfully flirty in the sauna (which results in Fadel fantasizing about him at night).

No. 10: Mark Style Down As Scared AND Horny

We will later learn that Style doesn't believe Fadel about needing more money for the restaurant and was just acting stupid to gain Fadel's trust, but when I first sat down to take notes for my meta I wasn't sure if Style was being entirely accurate/truthful when he said this, since he witnessed Fadel taking on three grown men only after that whole conversation about the restaurant. So why would he feel a need to gain Fadel's trust before that? At first I thought that maybe Style did believe Fadel for a moment there, especially also because he presented Fadel with an excuse as to why he was working there right away and then also sounded a bit too sincere when he offered support to Fadel. However, on second thought I'm now thinking that maybe he really does distrust Fadel's claims from the start.

Outside the host club Style approaches Fadel and I don't think it's with the motivation to flirt with him but rather to find out why exactly Fadel would be here stripping for some ladies. It's a bit odd that he immediately offers Fadel an out of "You need the money for your restaurant, right?" when he's trying to get answers, but maybe this clumsy approach at digging for answer is already part of Style playing dumb on purpose to gain Fadel's trust. But why would he need to gain Fadel's trust when he hasn't even seen yet what Fadel is really capable of?

While it is true that up until the "why are you working as a stripper" conversation Style hasn't witnessed the real danger that Fadel poses, there've still been enough incidents to make him suspicious of Fadel. It already starts right during their first meeting when Fadel won't let Style get near his car. That's weird, Style finds it weird. Next thing Style knows is that Fadel also doesn't have any papers for said car which is very odd again. In episode 2 Style gets a little hint of Fadel's dangerous side when Fadel ambushes him in the locker room. In episode 3 he learns that Fadel opened the burger place just for fun rather than to earn money and that apparently Fadel isn't rich and yet somehow still has the resources and the time to run a whole restaurant for fun. Shortly after that he (likely) overhears something about a "profession" which clearly can't refer to the profession of being a burger joint owner. Style has enough reasons to be suspicious of Fadel, even before he witnesses Fadel's badass fighting skills. Style has reasons to gain Fadel's trust and to stay on his good side, especially since Style himself is hiding ulterior motives and can't risk Fadel getting suspicious of his own true intentions. So Style plays dumb, offers Fadel an out, and when Fadel takes that out Style raises his eyebrows and hesitates for a moment like Oh, okay. We're going with the lie, then, before he offers Fadel support.

The conversation gets interrupted by those three men looking for a fight and for the first time Style gets to see just how dangerous Fadel can get when he wants to. This is where Style truly realizes that something really is very, very OFF about Fadel. It's no longer a joke or a gut feeling, no, this is confirmation that something here is incredibly shady. And Style wants to get to the bottom of it.

No. 11: Hit by Apollo's Ball of Prophecy

There've been a few incidents that got Style curious about who Fadel really is behind his thick walls and his tough exterior, a few incidents that got Style curious about Fadel's lore. But watching Fadel take on three grown man without any major problems and having them run away in fear was the last straw. Style's motivations officially change. Getting Kant's car is less important now than finding out the truth about Fadel. Style definitely exaggerates a bit when he says that Fadel must be some kind of hitman, is being dramatic as usual. It won't be much longer until Style finds out that Apollo has actually hit him with the gift of prophecy.

No. 12: Rise Up

Style is determined to find out more about Fadel's life and promptly shows up at yet another location he knows Fadel will be at. I'm not sure Style was aware this meeting was gonna be about grief and loss before he arrived and saw the sign. At least from the notebook it's hard to tell because the drawing only shows a group of people sitting in a circle of chairs with the caption "rise up". That could really be about anything. For me personally, my first association (especially in combination with the words "rise up") would be a Christian bible study group, although I doubt that Style, having been raised in a predominantly Buddhist country, would necessarily have this specific association with that image and those words, too. Point still stands that nothing about this image strictly points to loss specifically. (Technically we could say that since there's no address in the notebook, Style might have googled "rise up" in order to figure out where to go and seen on the website that it was a meeting for grief and loss. However, as we didn't actually get to see Style do any research and find this information, I'm just gonna run on the assumption that he genuinely didn't know and that maybe he got the address via Bison or something. Or maybe he actively stalked and followed Fadel, idk.)

Style stops in front of the sign, double-checks that he's at the right place, and then nods in determination, kinda like alright, let's do this, then, before he enters.

Another reason why I don't think Style was aware what this group meeting was gonna be about before he arrived is the way he's kinda confused when the group leader asks him to tell his story. The group leader elaborates ("Something you’ve lost, or the changing point in your life.") and Style, who was looking at the group leader while listening to his explanation, turns his head to look at Fadel right after the group leader says the word จุดเปลี่ยน [jùt bplìian] (= changing point). He stares at Fadel as if he's wondering Did he lose something? Was there a changing point in his life?

Style can't dwell on it for too long, though, because he has just been asked a question and now needs to come up with a cover story.

And this is where Style really starts to get out of line. He dishes out a story about some dog, which I don't really want to get into right now since at the point of me writing this we're only 4 episodes into the series and who knows, something might as well happen later down the line that could recontextualize Style's story (looking at you, Boonterm mention! 👀), but I think it's safe to say that Style isn't too involved in his story emotionally. When he cries, the crying is cringe and it's NOT because Dunk is a bad actor (far from it!!) but rather it's because Style the character isn't taking himself seriously here. This is also highlighted in the smug look and nod he shoots Fadel in the middle of his crying performance:

His behavior is very disrespectful, but I don't think he's being disrespectful on purpose. I think this is another one of his idiot boy moments where he is just really fucking stupid. Style is impulsive and doesn't think things through a lot and I think in this scene he is also so absorbed in his goal of getting to the bottom of Fadel and his mysteries that his tunnel vision on his goal prevents him from realizing the effect his actions can have on those around him, the consequences his behavior could bring. We saw it before that Style sometimes doesn't see things as much of a big deal as they actually are when he doesn't think much of texting while driving (as elaborated in my ep1 meta). Besides, his behavior has worked out pretty well for him all episode, with the worst consequence being Fadel simply just walking away from him, and Style even got to celebrate small victories like when Fadel made him a burger. So why would Style be changing his behavior now? There is no reason for Style to act differently, and so he continues to bug Fadel as usual and it genuinely doesn't occur to him that his behavior could be disrespectful or out of line.

Maybe if Style had had more time to dwell on the thought of Is Fadel here because he's lost someone? he might have realized that the situation was a lot more serious than he had originally thought and that his words/actions were gonna be out of line and that he shouldn't have been doing this, but alas that is not what happened. He didn't have the time and so he immediately gets distracted fabricating an elaborate story to answer the group leader's question and doesn't spend a single one of his brain cells thinking about his behavior and its consequences. He will soon learn about the consequences, though, because Fadel is seriously pissed now.

No. 13: Giving You What You Want (But Is It?)

Fadel is pissed and goes to confront Style in the privacy of a random storage room. Style is obviously lying to Fadel through his teeth. I do think there's some truth to it when Style says "I have my own problems. You’re not the only one" but whatever problems in life Style currently has (especially if there's anything connected to loss and grief), these problem's really aren't at the forefront of his mind right now. We know for a fact that Style is lying when he explains that he found the support group via the internet, that meeting Fadel was a coincidence and Fadel doesn't buy it either. What we, the audience, also know but what Fadel doesn't necessarily guess is that Style is also lying about how he is hitting on Fadel because he likes him and because he wants him. "Nothing more than that" he says, but as the audience we know that this is also bullshit because we know he was specifically sent by Kant and that a car is waiting for Style when he succeeds. What we also know, though, is that Style is definitely physically/sexually attracted to Fadel, so when Fadel offers to hook up with him, who is Style to say no?

I think this nc scene surprised a lot of us because it didn't go the way most of us were expecting it to go. As has already been pointed out in various posts by various people, Style is surprisingly passive during the entire act (at least, that we get to see). They have next to no eye contact, Style doesn't initiate a single kiss and barely touches Fadel except to hold him and to run his hand through Fadel's hair. But why is that?

Many a thing has already been said about this scene and about the characters' motivations and I don't think there is one specific interpretation that is the One Truth. I think many truths exist in this scene at the same time and there are many factors as to why the characters were acting the way they were acting. Emotions are complicated and sometimes you can have many of them simultaneously.

An interpretation that I haven't seen floating around yet is that part of Style's passiveness could also stem from the fact that he was caught off-guard. I don't think he was expecting Fadel to go Alright fine, have me, then. In fact, I think when Style told Fadel "I like you" and "I want you" those were mainly empty words again. Because this time he didn't seek out one of Fadel's usual places in order to to hit on him, but because he wants to find out the truth about Fadel, wants to figure out the reason why Fadel is so shady. But then he ended up pissing Fadel off who then promptly started a fight with him and Style needed to cover up his own intentions when he threw those words into Fadel's face. Style says "I want you", but he doesn't actually mean it in that moment and his actions do not reflect the I want to bang you sentiment at all either. We've all seen the sauna scene, we know how Style behaves when he actually wants to get into Fadel's towel pants. And this isn't it. So when Fadel suddenly and uncharacteristically does let Style get into his pants gets into Style's pants, I think that throws Style off and he momentarily doesn't know how to respond to the situation.

Plus, as @nnnn99999 writes in her meta, there is also the emotional disconnect. At this point of the story, neither of them is in love with the other just yet. Yes, there is mutual physical attraction and yes, by now Style has taken an interest in Fadel beyond the car, has started to develop positive feelings for Fadel and has at times actively enjoyed interacting with Fadel, but they still have their own motives and intentions and emotionally they simply just aren't quite on the same page yet. Style desires both body and heart, but both of their hearts simply aren't properly in it just yet. I don't think Style minds hooking up, he's definitely consenting to it and also enjoying it, but it's just not quite what Style dreams of, not like this. In a way, yes, it actually is what Style has dreamed of because his fantasies of Fadel doing things to him rather than him doing things to Fadel are now becoming reality, as @clemelntine beautifully explained in her meta, but in the real situation there's one important detail missing from Style's fantasy: the intense eye contact. In addition to Fadel's body, Style also wants that emotional connection. We've seen this times and times again whenever Style has tried to make friends as well as to genuinely bond with Fadel, and this desire extends also to the sex.

And lastly I want to leave you with @braceletofteeth's excellent tags on this post, which is something that I think also factors into why Style goes from being proactive to being passive in the blink of an eye:

#Fadel said he would give himself to Style #and Style let him do that #he barely touched Fadel except to hold him and caress his hair #he reciprocated the kisses but did not initiate them #he didn't try to take any more of Fadel than what Fadel willingly gave him #[head in hands]

During the entire nc part I kind of get the sense like Style is waiting. Waiting to see with a certain curiosity what Fadel will be doing next, what Fadel wants to do next, ready to happily take up whatever Fadel offers. Style is letting Fadel control the situation completely and doesn't push him once.

No. 14: Kiss or Slap?

Once again we see that Style isn't too much of a fan of casual hook-ups. And while I do think part of his motivations for saying the things he says and for trying to stop Fadel from abandoning him again is because making Fadel his boyfriend specifically rather than just hooking up with him is his goal here after all, but I do think that Style isn't lying this time. He's just a bit too annoyed when he asks "What kind of man do you take me for?" for it to be an act. I think he is genuinely offended that Fadel would think of him this way. And I think he's genuinely a little upset and hurt that Fadel is perfectly happy to sleep with him and to ditch him immediately after. We get foreshadowing to Style being very much Team Anti Hit-and-Run in episode 1 when he tells Fadel "It ain’t like me to hit and run" in the context of an actual car crash and earlier this episode when he laments "Oh, the nature of man. He will exploit you and then throw you away". Style is very much not happy with this turn of events and it's not purely because he hasn't yet completed the mission Kant has sent him on. We also get another hint of Style looking for a connection in his hook-ups in the way Style is looking at Fadel when they're getting dressed while in contrast Fadel has turned his back to Style completely, avoiding eye contact and avoiding any interaction:

Another thing that I want to point out is that Fadel says "I gave you what you wanted" and "We agreed on it" when Style tries to stop him from leaving. However, they didn't exactly agree on anything? Fadel started kissing Style before they could even come up with any terms and conditions and the thing is when Style said he wanted Fadel, he never said he wanted Fadel only once. And he also never said he wanted Fadel to run away immediately afterwards.

So Style puts up a fight. He firmly stands between Fadel and the door, blocking Fadel's way. Fadel threatens to punch Style if he doesn't move but Style refuses to stand down even though he knows very well from personally witnessing it that Fadel is perfectly capable of punching him if he wished to. Despite that, Style is not scared of Fadel. I think Style takes Fadel's sudden willingness to sleep with him as a sign that Fadel has finally developed some sort of positive feelings towards Style after all, too. And Style is confident enough about it that he trusts that Fadel wouldn't hurt him. When Style says "You like me" I don't think he necessarily means it in the sense of you're in love with me or you're crushing on me. I think he's calling out Fadel's change of heart (that is negative feelings turning into positive feelings) and is making it very clear just how confident he is about Fadel not hurting him. I'm not scared of you. I've become a positive presence in your life now. You wouldn't dare to injure me. It's a counterattack to Fadel's threat. But Fadel's trauma runs deep. And so he punches Style because giving him a bit of a beating is still better than risking to face the consequences of what might happen if he lets anyone get behind those thick high walls. And he punches Style also a little bit to put him in line for his cockiness.

And also, I may be a Style apologist and a Style enabler, but after that shit Style pulled at the group meeting that punch was totally deserved.

Please don't expect me to write a proper conclusion bc my brain is absolutely fried now bye <3

(Overview | Ep1+2 | Ep4 | Ep5 | Ep6 | Ep7 | Ep8 | Ep9 | Ep10)

#the heart killers #fadelstyle #stylefadel #thk #thk ep3 #my meta #thkmetamine #adrm #stylefadel meta #style meta #oooof this took me over a week to think about #3 days to write #and several hours to edit and proof-read #but hey at least i made it BEFORE ep 5 drops lmao #but now i'm behind on my ep4 meta #i don't think i'm making it by the end of tomorrow 😭😭😭#although who knows i mean i did manage to binge-write my very first meta post in a single night #fingers crossed!!#ep4 is a lot clearer to me than ep3 was and so i might be a little faster #anyway this was super fun to write!! bc i was struggling so much and it was fun trying to find answers #it was fun trying to find a coherent line through all this. through all of style's actions and behaviors #anyway it's 1am now and my head is swimming #i wanted to start writing the ep4 meta tonight as well but uh. not sure that's the best idea if i want it to actually make sense lmao #(btw this post is at 9.5k words lmao. that's roughly about the same as my ba-thesis)

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chris-prank · 5 months ago

Note

Peaceful post-apocalypse settings have always been one of my favorite tropes! There's just something so freeing about the thought of humanity being set back to simpler times...(boomer ahh mindset but wtvr)

That said, may I request more Martin content?🙏 He's such a sweetheart!! Maybe something about reader wanting to join him on a hunt? Him teaching them how to? Or just any ideas you have for him really

Hope you have a lovely day mwuah :)

With the deplorable state of our world right now, it’s perfectly fair to prefer a time without the complicated life of the city 😆 so I totally get you 🤝 Also I’m so happy that you called Martin a sweetheart 🥺, if we take away if yandere tendencies he really is! And have a great day too ❤️❤️❤️

Yandere hunter x GN reader

CW: animal death, manipulation sorta, reader get frozen by fear/ fear response

･*:.｡..｡.:*･*:.｡..｡.:*･

“You want to go hunting with me?” Martin asked, surprised, while casually throwing his crossbow over his shoulder.

He felt extremely flattered that you wanted to take part in his daily duties and by looking in your hopeful eyes, he couldn’t dare deny you anything. So after you changed into more appropriate clothes, the two of you were ready to go into the forest. You walked hand in hand, looking like you were going on a romantic stroll. In reality, this adorable display was a safety major, since the surroundings were filled with traps Martin had previously set up. He said that it was to make sure that nothing or no one could escape him while he hunted. Whatever that meant.

“So what are we looking for exactly?” You asked while keeping an eye out for any sounds in the crisp autumn leaves.

“It depends… there’s usually deers roaming around this time of year.”

“We’re going to kill a deer?!” You repeated, your jaw hanging wide open. You thought you were going for something smaller like a rabbit or a bird at the very least.

He grinned and winked at you. “Only if you can actually do it.”

“Hey!” You pushed his arms while sticking your tongue at him. “I’m a very independent and capable person.” You added while puffing your chest out jokingly.

The man next to you seemed to mumble something under his breath, but since he didn’t repeat himself despite your lack of response, you figured it was nothing important.

***

You couldn’t believe you two had found one. Of course, you knew that Martin was skilled in tracking animals, but still, what were the odds! The deer was lazily drinking from a small pond, unaware of the crossbow pointed at its neck.

Martin had helped you get in the right spot and revised with you the shooting position he had taught you before. But you kept shaking. The idea of killing an animal seemed so simple and inconsequential, but now that you were faced with the reality of the situation you just couldn’t do it. That’s when you felt his warm embrace enveloped you, your back now pressed against his chest. His hands crept up to rest over yours, steadying your grip on the weapon.

“It’s ok, you don’t have to do anything.” His voice was so calm, so enticing. It was pulling you in a sense of comfort and stability that few people had the chance of experiencing, “you can just rely on me.”

You simply nodded, you just wanted to lose yourself in his presence and forget that you had the life of a living being in the palm of your hands. Then his finger was over yours and, without hesitation, pulled the trigger. Everything went by so fast, as a shrill shriek followed by a loud thump made all the birds take flight from the surrounding trees. You slowly lowered the crossbow, still a bit in shock of what had just happened. In response, Martin rubbed your arms up and down in a soothing manner.

“You were so brave for me.” He whispered against your ear, “but don’t worry, you won’t have to do it ever again, I’ll be brave for the both of us if you let me.”

･*:.｡..｡.:*･*:.｡..｡.:*･

Karma love to make a fool out of me 💀 it’s always when I say “oh it’ll take a while for me to complete” that I suddenly get a wave of inspiration. Not going to complain too much though, it’s always better than having writer's block.

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bbreadwinnerrr · 9 months ago

Text

GEKKO: La chica a mi lado

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Warnings: Fluff, fem reader

A/n: this is my first time using tumblr and posting my writing anywhere online, so I would greatly appreciate any feedback!!

Since it was the weekend and you and Gekko were off duty today, the both of you unanimously agreed to spend the day together. You guys are a couple, after all.

As soon as the both of you knew it, the sun had already begun to set. You and Gekko went out the entire day, going to a cafe for breakfast, going to an arcade, then getting lunch at a small restaurant, after that going to a nearby park to enjoy each other’s company, and then now where you both are walking out of a boba shop.

Gekko reached for your hand and intertwined his fingers with yours, holding your hand with a gentle grip. “I don’t want today to end.” He murmurs as he turns his head to look at you with a cute smile.

You turn your head to face him as he spoke, a small frown appearing on your face knowing that the day was gonna end soon.

Suddenly, your eyes widen slightly and your lips curve upward as your face lit up while an idea popped into your head. “I know what we could do to end the day,” you chirp, your eyes sparkling with excitement.

Taken aback by your excited demeanor, Gekko’s eyebrows raised for a moment before his face relaxed into a grin. “What’s your idea, mi querida?” He asked as wingman hopped on his shoulder, looking at you with a curious gaze.

“How about a movie night? We could run to grocery store right now to grab some snacks and head back to HQ to chill in your room then put on a movie?” You said, anticipation threaded in your voice, before taking the last sip of your drink. You then hand your empty cup to wingman who happily took it and jumped down from Gekko’s shoulders and waddled to a nearby trash can, slamming the cup into the trash and mimicking the planting action he does with the spike during missions.

Gekko’s face lit up, like yours did earlier, as wingman did his thing and gasped. “Why didn’t I think of that? Great idea, (y/n), let’s go now!” He beamed with a chuckle before tightening his grip on your hand and pulling you along with him down the street. You laughed at his enthusiasm and happily followed him, wingman jogging along with the both of you towards a small grocery store near Valorant HQ.

Once you arrive, wingman returns into Gekko’s pouch and you both quickly enter and begin browsing your options in the chip aisle. You grab a bag of chips, one that both you and he liked, and toss it to him. “Hold this real quick.” You remark before walking further down the aisle while resting your hand on your chin in thought.

“Woah!” He exclaims as he fumbles with the bag of chips. He lets out a relieved exhale as he prevents the chips from dropping on the ground and tucks it between his arm and torso.

“What kinda chips do you want?” You inquire. “Oh, I like this one.” You say before grabbing a bag of chips you liked and, once again, tossing it to Gekko who scrambled to catch the bag.

“Hey!” He blurts out as he catches it perfectly. “Hold on and let me choose too.” He whines as he jogs to catch up to you. You laugh a bit before moving out the way as he comes over and scans the shelves for something he liked. “Ah, mi favorito.” He smiles in satisfaction as he tosses it to you, copying the way you threw the chips to him in a playful manner.

You, with a small laugh, catch it flawlessly before motioning for him to follow you. “Can’t have a movie night without candy, can we?” You smirk as you advance to the candy aisle.

As you and Gekko make your way over, you can’t help but notice a pair of girls heading to the same aisle. You think nothing of it, other than that their outfits were pretty, since they didn’t glance at you or acknowledge your presence.

You and Gekko stand on opposite sides of the candy aisle from the pair of girls and browse your options. “Don’t you like these?” He asks as he turns to you and hands you a bag of your favorite candy.

Your face lights up, giddy at the fact that Gekko remembered small details about you, and you eagerly grab the candy out if his hands, “you remembered.”

“Of course I did, why wouldn’t i?” He says as he shoots you a proud smile.

You quickly spot his favorite candy and take grab it from the rack and hand it to him. “And aren’t these tu favorito?” You ask, using your little knowledge about Spanish combined with your expertise about his favorite things.

He lets out a laugh, one that makes your heart melt every time you hear it, “Perfecto.” He replied before pressing a small kiss to your cheek. “I think this is enough, lets go.” He adds before walking with you to the self-checkout section.

You both patiently wait in line while chatting with one another. As you finally reach the front of the line, you notice that the pair of girls that you had seen earlier in the candy aisle were behind you and Gekko in the line.

You try and take this chance to compliment their outfits and turn your head to face them, but to your dismay you hear them whispering to one another. You heard stuff that you probably shouldn’t have.

“Yeah, he’s really cute.” One girl with brunette hair whispers to the other girl with red hair while staring at Gekko next to me.

“You should ask for his number.” The red hair responds while giggling and nudging her friend with the brunette hair.

“But that girl is there…” The brunette mumbles, a small pout on her face.

A knot forms at the bottom of your stomach as you turn away, your eyebrows furrowing and a faint frown appearing on your lips.

Gekko quickly picks up your change in demeanor when you start to give him short responses in the conversation.

He turns to you with a worried expression, “(y/n)? What’s wrong?” He questions, reaching for your hand, as you both walk over to the next available self-checkout station.

You let out a sigh, “Its nothing. It’s just those two girls behind us in line.” You mumble as your previous nasty expression softens at his concern.

“Who?” He asks before turning around and trying to look for who you were talking about. Way to make it obvious.

You follow his gaze to the brunette and the red haired girl, who were at a station near you guys, and see the brunette bite her bottom lip nervously as she gazed at Gekko.

You roll your eyes as the feeling of jealousy sank its teeth into your emotions. You start scanning your items as Gekko returned to your side. “Is it the brown haired girl with the red haired girl? What did they do?” He asks, his voice depicting his huge concern about the situation at hand.

“They just…” You begin before pausing momentarily, “They were talking about you.” You answer bitterly while taking the chips and candy out of his hands to scan them.

He raised an eyebrow up at you, confused. “What did they say? Please tell me, mi amor, I don’t want you to be upset.” He pleads as he steps closer to you and wraps one arm around your waist and pulls you closer to him. His body heat mixing with yours made it hard to deny his comfort, as if you could ever turn it down in the first place.

You finish scanning all of the items and put them into one plastic bag before turning to face him. “They were saying stuff about how you were… really cute and stuff and how the brown haired girl should ask for your number.”

His eyes widen a bit, shocked at what you finally revealed at what was bothering you. But before he could say anything, you hear footsteps approaching from behind him.

“Um, excuse me sir?” Your heart drops as you peak behind him and see the brunette standing in front of him as he turns to face her. She played with her hair nervously with a pink blush dusting her cheeks.

You scoff, balling your hand into a fist, “Oh my god, she’s not actually…”

“I saw you and thought you were really cute… a-and I was wondering if I could have your number?” She stuttered anxiously while batting her eyelashes.

“Uhh, no habla ingles.” He blurts out as he flattens his lips and shrugs his shoulders dramatically.

The girl narrows her eyes suspiciously before chuckling awkwardly, “but I saw you talking to that girl behind you earlier, in English?”

“Ohh ¿La chica a mi lado?” He laughs, “Esa es mi novia.” He starts, before going on a ramble in Spanish and sticking with his act that he couldn’t speak English. “La amo mucho y ella significa todo para mí. Ella es la chica más maravillosa y hermosa que he conocido y no se compara con nadie más-“

You had to suppress a laugh that threatened to come out of your mouth as you stared at how absolutely bewildered the girl looked.

The girl finally stopped his rambling and shook her head dismissively and chuckled awkwardly before she spoke up. “Uh, y’know what? Nevermind, have a great day sir…” she says before turning around and stiffly walking back to her red haired friend who looked at her with a confused expression.

Gekko turns around and faces you with a confident smile. “And thats how to get rid of a girl thats making your girlfriend jealous.” He chuckles before nudging you teasingly.

You try to fight off a smile creeping onto your face. “Whatever, I wasn’t even that jealous.” You lie.

“But you were.” He remarks as he pays for all the snacks.

“Was not.” You argue.

“Was too.” He fires back.

“Was not.”

“Was too.”

You roll your eyes as a smile breaks out onto your face. “Whatever, you win today.” You admit with a small grumble as you grab the bag full of snacks.

He laughs before pressing a tender kiss to my cheek, “thanks, cariño.”

As soon as he does that, you see the brunette and her red haired friend walk by. You catch a glimpse of the brunette rolling her eyes at you and pulling her friend’s arm forward forcefully, trying to get her to walk faster.

“Oops,” Gekko blurted from beside you as he reached for your hand and held it. “I guess my lie was found out.”

You chuckle a bit, “I don’t mind.”

“She sure does.” He joked as you both began walking out of the grocery store, the glow of the sunset shining on your faces.

“What were you even rambling about anyway?” You question curiously. The only thing you picked up on was the lie that he couldn’t speak English.

“Don’t worry about it,” he dismissed my question with the wave of his hand. This made you more curious, but you decide to not press him further. “Anyway, what movie do you wanna watch? I’m down for anything.”

“I’m kinda thinking about ghostbusters right now.”

“¡Sí! Thats a classic.”

#gekko x reader #gekko x you #gekko #gekko valorant #valorant #fanfic #gaming #fem reader #fluff #valorant fluff #valorant fanfiction #x reader

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girlietips · 6 months ago

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Boundaries I have 🤍🦢🩰

Hey cuties here are some of my personal boundaries that I use on a daily basis🤍

If anyone last minute cancels plans with me I don’t make more plans with them.

Obviously within reason if something happens that the person had genuinely no control over this does not apply.

But if the person just decides to not come or wants to move back our meeting time by anymore than 30 minutes I cancel it and no longer make plans with just that person (if someone else is going then I will make exceptions).

When people don’t value your time it is very clear and especially because I like to have my whole day planned out someone else not wanting to show up is not something I am going to deal with.

I don’t tolerate any mean jokes

Whether they are towards me or towards another person just because it is said in a joking manner does not make it any kinder.

Listen I have two very very good close friends. One that I’ve known for around 13 years and the other who I’ve known for about 7 years. Never once in all of those years have they ever said anything mean to me. They have definitely called me out when I am in the wrong but we have never had the kind of relationship where we are just mean to each other and call it jokes.

If you are one of those people that says your relationship is perfectly healthy even though you are constantly “making fun” of each other. I invite you to truly ask yourself these questions. “If it was someone else saying this would it hurt my feelings?” and “if the joking tone was taken away would it still be funny?”

I don’t tolerate any violent or graphic jokes. (“Dark humor”)

It is never funny, it is never going to make you seem more edgy, and it’s never gonna make you look cool to make fun of suffering. You lacking basic empathy is very apparent when you make fun of tragedies and half the time there is not even a punch line.

It’s just very immature and I also find the people who tell these jokes don’t really care about “time and place”. Often times they use the “stop being so sensitive” retort to cover up that they don’t have a funny bone in their body and can’t read a room to save their life.

Save them for Reddit babes!

No one (not even myself) will get in the way of my self care and sleep schedules!!

I find that I feel best going to bed really early and rising early as well so generally I don’t make plans after 6-7pm (exceptions for big life events, birthdays, weddings, holidays) any friend who is a true friend knows this about me and will not try and force me to go out late.

Same thing with myself no matter how important work or school is to me it never will trump taking care of myself so I feel the best.

These are the main ones I follow let me know if you want me to explain how I set my boundaries or if you just want more of mine because I definitely have more but I’ve been slow at posting lately and wanted to get this out of my drafts🤍

Bye cuties🩰🦢

#that girl #it girl #girlblogging #glow up #self care #self love #coquette #becoming that girl #boundaries

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trlvsn · 2 years ago

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phoenix wright making apollo justice present forged evidence is, as rightfully rage-inducing as it is, also perfectly understandable and even justifiable to an extent. in this essay i will not cut my introduction off with an old-fashioned tumblr punchline and will actually elaborate on why i think so and what i think about phoenix wright in general.

the first few paragraphs will be rather surface-level, but bear with me: i'm writing this in one breath. it has already been established that the change in phoenix's character was so big and shocking that the fandom is still actively discussing it and making theories. i have seen people compare his sprites with mia and diego, kristoph and miles, yanni yogi and many others, and every single on of them is, in in my opinion, correct: there are actual similarities between them, intentional or not. i believe it can all be explained with two simple statements. one: phoenix is a sponge of a man. even before aa4, we frequently see him adopt mannerisms and figures of speech from the people he encounters. he learns, he absorbs, he changes, but only for a short while, as he stays true to his motivations, passions and drive. two: the seven years of being watched by kristoph and collecting data made him turn to that mimicking quality of his and use it as a weapon. phoenix wright could not afford to reveal his true motivations, therefore, he could not reveal what he was in general. it's a simple metaphor, really.

did he get lost in the deceptions somewhere along the way? absolutely. "what tangled webs we weave when we practice to deceive", a line said by him about kristoph, can easily be applied to phoenix. this is where the bloody ace comes in. incidentally, he is given the idea by zak: he is the one who says one can't win unless there's a ace up their sleeve, and, no matter how much of an influence that particular phrase had on wright, he follows the principle. here is phoenix's first motive for forging the ace: insurance. without concrete, dooming evidence, a trial could not end in his favor at the time. phoenix wright, post-disbarment, is no longer a man who relies on bluffs and "just believing in the client", he is strongly dissapointed in the system, outraged, offended, hurt, wounded, and he does not trust it at all, hence the dirty tricks. you can't just play fair against something unfair and win.

what i find far more interesting however, are his other motives. if the only thing that drive him to forgery was distrust and carefulness, he would have shared the plan with apollo or, perhaps, done something similar to the turnabout succession trial, where the letter is shown to the culprit, but never submitted as evidence and quickly admitted as a fake. really, i believe he is smart enough to find other ways. however, he doesn't. he gives the ace to apollo in a very specific way: through trucy wright, not a word of proper explanation. why is that? he is teaching apollo a lesson.

clearly, something about apollo reminds phoenix of himself. a young, bright, nervous mind, fighting for the truth and justice, full of belief, a little naive. phoenix knows what that naivety cost him, and he destroys it right away, because then it will hurt less, he thinks. the forged ace is a vaccine of sorts: you will experience some minor symptoms, but no actual serious consequences, and it will hurt for a moment, but for the rest of your life, you will never catch that sickness again. phoenix is already planning the jurist system reform and has already planned how this trial will go: the environment is controlled and safe for apollo, he will not get disbarred. if the truth is revealed later, under the new system, surely apollo won't be receiving the same harsh punishment wright did. so here you go, kid, learn your lesson, punch a lawyer or two in the face, and never ever, ever trust anyone like that ever again.

but wait, if the truth does get revealed, who will be receiving the punishment for it? of course, the man who forged the evidence, phoenix wright. here comes the third reason: punishment.

remember the class trial? young phoenix wright, blamed for a crime he didn't commit, overwhelmed and crying. what does the abandoned child do when the whole class accuses him of stealing? he stands up slowly and comes up to the kid with the grey hair to apologize for the money he stole but did not steal. he admits it. it doesn't matter what the truth is anymore, because if everyone thinks you did it, you might as well have.

you might as well do it again, for real this time, and maybe a weight will fall off your shoulders, because what you see in yourself will finally match the image the whole world has of you.

phoenix wright is working on the jurist system. phoenix wright is a father and phoenix wright is someone who will do his best to put kristoph gavin to jail. that doesn't mean phoenix wright sees any other use or future for himself. it simply does not matter. well, by the end of the first case, anyway.

he gathers more evidence. he thinks, a lot. he gives apollo advice on the cases, inevitability reminiscing. the new system is a success. in a new, better world, maybe he will take some piano lessons: he has grown tired of pretending he can play. he has grown tired of pretending in general. hell, maybe he will even take the bar exam again.

#i promised an essay #i delivered #there will be more and there will be better #this was written in a hurry bc i have A LOT to study rn #ace attorney #aa #phoenix wright #beanix #aa4 #apollo justice ace attorney #apollo justice: ace attorney #aa4 spoilers #ace attorney theory #turnabout trump #raystextpost

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akirathedramaqueen · 6 months ago

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The Five Stages Of Grief: Verosika vs. Stolas

Alright, guys, it's time to play the complete denial card and ignore for a moment what we've just seen in the last short Viv dropped like a fucking nuke on our heads (seriously, this woman makes me swear more than a sailor).

Are we going to talk about something light? Ha-ha, you are looking at the angstiest person out here. Sorry. No relief for you.

But maybe some bits of analysis will do? Let's go.

The setup

Some time ago, I discussed how differently Stolas and Verosika react to their breakup with Blitz in response to one of my previous posts (it might be useful to read that to have the whole picture, but it's not crucial—here).

S2EP9, Apology Tour, 8:05

If we recap that reblog, I find that Stolas deals with his emotions much better and processes them in a more mature manner than Verosika does.

We could stop there, really, but I wanted to explore the situation from a different angle. Using the Kübler-Ross five stages of grief model, we can pull out more nuance from their actions and words.

They both went through a similar traumatic event—Blitzø hurt them in arguably one of the worst ways possible. The circumstances, Blitzø's intentions, and the outcomes are slightly different, but at their core, they are both left broken and deeply wounded.

Left: S2EP8, The Full Moon, 22:00 Right: S2EP9, Apology Tour, 18:03

So, what about their personalities makes their responses to trauma so contrasting?

Disclaimer about the model's credibility

This is probably me being overly pedantic, but I want to point out that this model is deemed to be popularized by the media, and professionals’ opinions are conflicted—some say it is accurate while others criticize it for its lack of flexibility or go as far as to say it has no application in real life. The studies are also inconclusive—there are papers both in favor of and against this model.

What am I trying to say here? This is a silly analysis about silly demons from a silly show, and if you do happen to unfortunately experience grief in any way (I am so sorry you have to go through this!), it is essentially experienced by all people differently. You should not feel bad if you skip stages or if their order is messed up.

Okay? <3 Okay. You’ve got this in your own way.

Tomorrow will be better than today.

Stolas: A Classic Way

One of the things I noted in my previous post is that Stolas immediately recognizes the pettiness of the party, and I praised his remarkable ability to see through the issues with such events.

The one day a year the spirits can rise amongst the living and it's spent celebrating mutual pettiness. S2EP9, Apology Tour, 6:55

And don’t get me wrong—his own way of dealing with problems is just drinking them away, and that’s not healthy. That’s why he actually belongs at this party.

But emotionally, Stolas is much more aware of what’s going on with him and the people around him. I think that despite his drinking problem, this awareness helps him process his own grief faster and find resolution—or at least an outlet—in just one night.

Let’s apply the five stages of grief model to him and see what’s going on.

Denial

You can see the denial seeping through during their morning conversation—there are moments when he clearly hopes Blitzø will suddenly listen to him and change his demeanor, despite Blitzø being consistent in his brashness and hostility.

Left: S2EP9, Apology Tour, 3:56 Right: S2EP9, Apology Tour, 4:23

Can you see the hope in his eyes? Can you see how ready he would be to brush off the whole shitshow happened between them just for Blitzø to take at least a bit of accountability or accept his feelings?

Additionally, although it doesn’t fit the term perfectly, we could stretch the concept a bit and say that the following lyrics below are somewhat denialish. Notice, by the way, that it’s not linear to the suggested model—you’ll see why later.

But I, I keep on waiting Waiting to want you less than I do And I do, oh, I do, yes I still do want you S2EP9, Apology Tour, 11:08

'Cause I am not a thief, but you were mine to earn S2EP9, Apology Tour, 11:42

He struggles to accept that the relationship has ended (we struggle too, baby owl, and we're not accepting it… but it gets worse before it gets better), and he still waits for Blitzø to return, maintaining a possessive feeling—“you were mine to earn.”

Anger

Stolas's anger is vastly different from Verosika's—I promise to elaborate on it later.

He uses his anger throughout the morning confrontation with Blitzø to protect himself from Blitzø's attacks and futile attempts to retain the status quo. His anger serves to assert that he is done with the transactional arrangement and Blitzø's behavior.

As shocking as this might seem, Blitzø, I don't think I'm in the mood to "do sex" with you. In fact, I don't think I'm even in the mood to do words with you! So, how about you respect that? S2EP9, Apology Tour, 0:57

[Stolas]: Get out. Right now! [Blitzø]: What?! [Stolas]: I'm tired of this! I'm uncomfortable how you're speaking to me now! S2EP9, Apology Tour, 2:24

And all of this happens just the night after that disastrous full moon meeting! Stolas is pissed off, and rightfully so. But he still gives Blitzø the chance to correct his behavior, explain, and apologize. He asks Blitzø to leave him in peace but stays to hear him out until it becomes clear that Blitzø is not going to relent or give in.

His anger is not used to destroy those he is angry with; rather, it is directed toward keeping himself whole—at least as much as possible.

Bargaining

The whole verse of All 2 U, where Stolas contemplates what went wrong and if there's something they could still do, represents him trying to bargain for a better future.

Maybe there's something here for us to glean? For you to teach and me to try and learn? S2EP9, Apology Tour, 11:32

Of course, this is also something very useful for when they come back together (not if!). Despite Blitzø being the focus in the Apology Tour episode, Stolas has a lot of work to do, too. And him realizing that is a positive step.

But for now, from the perspective we’re looking at, this is a clear sign of him trying to trade anything he can for their relationship to flourish.

Depression

Eventually, Stolas breaks down publicly. He can’t hold the mask on anymore; seeing Blitzø is unbearable, as it reminds him too much of everything that happened and everything that could’ve been.

You! Why are you here? I don't want you here, go home, please! Let me not feel so sad! S2EP9, Apology Tour, 15:50

And he manages to compose himself incredibly quickly…

S2EP9, Apology Tour, 16:07

It takes him just 17 seconds to fall into crying and calm himself. But there was more brewing beneath the surface—he just didn’t show it.

Calm yourself, young prince. You know excitement is unbecoming of a Goetia. S2EP1, The Circus, 00:20

Acceptance...?

Then there's the guy who received more hate than he (allegedly) deserved—Better Than Blitzo guy. He asks Stolas for a dance, and Stolas accepts. He seems to quite enjoy himself there, actually… maybe even a tad too much (arguably).

Well, I just wanted to see if... Maybe... I dunno... You'd wanna... Dance? S2EP9, Apology Tour, 16:16

S2EP9, Apology Tour, 19:08

S2EP9, Apology Tour, 20:08

Did he move on? Did he get over Blitzø? We don’t know. I don’t think so. But that dance was certainly an outlet. A relief he was ready to accept. He was ready not to dwell on negative emotions and allow himself to feel something good for a change.

Verosika: A scorched earth way

Now, let’s see how Verosika is doing after all these years post-breakup. Surely she can’t care less about Blitzø now, right?

Anger

Right… No petty feelings at all.

S1EP3, Spring Break, 8:13

There's still resentment...

A selfish imp in the sheets And just as bad in the streets A reckless, heartbreaking freak! S1EP7, Ozzie's, 11:54

Anger… to the murderous degree, actually…

Fuck Blitzo in the fucking ass! S2EP9, Apology Tour, 8:14

Disrespect...

That cock-sucking motherfucker! S2EP9, Apology Tour, 9:36

Remember when I said their anger is different?

She uses hers to fuel her determination to destroy Blitzø’s reputation. She uses her fame and all her resources to humiliate him.

She never moved past anger. Never really processed it.

But wait…

Acceptance?!

S2EP9, Apology Tour, 18:55

All it took was just one long-overdue genuine talk. The moment she saw Blitzø's remorse and let her feelings out, she immediately warmed up, stopped using his dead name, and even gave advice—it’s debatable whether it was the best one, but I believe she meant well for both Blitzø and Stolas.

Hold it, Blitzø. Y’know, if you wanna change, it just starts with saying: “Good for him, hope he gets laid.” S2EP9, Apology Tour, 19:18

You know, I feel there’s a good chance that the next anti-Blitzo party might not ever happen again.

Because she leaped through all the stages in one night, and, maybe not at that exact moment, but she is on the path to acceptance. Finally letting it go.

Baby, I'm not over it, but I'm over you.

Could've saved many years of simmering in rage and destructing herself over Blitzø though.

Conclusions

Oh shit, now I need to somehow connect all the dots, don’t I?

Well... *chuckles nervously* I guess I gotta put on my nerd glasses and pretend I knew what I was doing here and not just threw shit at the wall and saw what stuck.

What I really wanted to say is that Stolas is much more self-aware and was able to work through all his feelings and process them in one day. He went through the complete journey and made immense progress. We don’t know how it will go further, but from what we’ve seen, his emotional intelligence helps him, if not to avoid problematic behaviors like binge-drinking, then at least not to burn bridges behind him, leaving space for understanding, forgiveness, and acceptance.

It’s not to say that Verosika’s way of doing things was wrong because she was angry and skipped through some stages. It was wrong because she made her entire personality revolve around it, turning bringing Blitzø down in any way possible into her ultimate life goal. It was wrong because she never processed it.

And it shows why, even after the break-up, #stolitz can still work, given that Blitzø is open about how he feels and Stolas is open to listening to it.

AGAIN! There’s no right way to process grief. But there should be a priority to heal and accept instead of doubling down and ruining yourself and everything you cared for.

(I am watching you, Blitzø hater. Don’t you dare to shit on my poor lizard. He has his own heap of issues and has had enough after that fucking penguin slur short. So don’t. >:()

#shit it was so depressing I don't even have energy to add some funny tags #sorry(#how are you doing after all Viv did to us ever since May AND ESPECIALLY AFTER THE LAST SHORT?#I am not okay for instance #hope you are doing better than me #but it's actually fascinating how Stolas can be so emotionally intelligent and fail miserably picking up on social cues at the same time #like how he just cuts through bullshit in Apology Tour #and fails to see Blitzø's obvious and very literal panic attack during the full moon confession #and instead of giving him a chance to talk it out there just shut him down #my hat's down I am in awe from the nuance here #akira's whimpery metas #helluva boss #helluva boss spoilers #helluva boss apology tour #stolas #blitzø #verosika #stolitz

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vatiiagames · 1 month ago

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Hello! I hope you're doing well! I was thinking about your game so I visited your blog and noticed there hasn't been any recent posts. I hope it's still in progress?

Hi anon! It brings me so much joy knowing you were thinking about my game. I am going to be using your ask to write this very overdue update. I hope that’s okay!

First of all, I hope you all had happy holidays and a happy new year! :)

Second of all, some of the topics I will be discussing are personal. I’m going to go ahead and disclose that it’s a sensitive and touchy topic, but I want to be open with you all. Now onto business!

Vessel of Harkahn is still in progress! 🎉

With many ups and downs in the second half of last year, I had to step away for my mental health.

One of these downs was my PC completely bricking up and refusing to run. After several days of trying to figure out what was happening, it turning on but not really running properly/freezing randomly during games or even watching YouTube, we ended up factory resetting it. Which meant I lost everything I had written and coded for the game. (‘:

I felt completely and utterly defeated. I don’t know much about PCs so the factory reset was the absolute last resort. It was a very unfortunate time. But as of now my PC is running perfectly, ChoiceScript is reinstalled, and I have slowly been getting back into coding.

Vessel of Harkahn is still in progress, but it will be slow. I feel like I was getting super ambitious for it being my first ever ChoiceScript project, so with that being said there are going to be some changes coming.

I had mentioned secret ROs and I still intend on keeping them in the game! They will not be cut. But the manner of their routes and how they play out will likely change. Vessel of Harkahn is still a very new game and nothing is finalized (especially with me having to rewrite everything) so there may be loads of more changes to come.

I do want to mention I have another project I’ve been somewhat tinkering with, but I don’t want to disclose any details yet! It’s mostly a side project for whenever I need a breather.

Now, we are going to get onto the more personal side of things. I’m sharing this because I feel I owe you guys an explanation as my followers but also because I feel I need to do this for myself on a personal level.

I’ll add a cut for those of you who don’t wish to read on. There will be some sensitive topics at hand. If you quit reading here, thank you for your support and I will have another update sooner than later hopefully!

Until next time. <3

For those of you who wished to stay, once again thank you so much for your support. These past few months have been extremely rough.

As some of you may know, last July I lost three of my family members in a tragic accident. At the time I did not wish to share details and took time to grieve. I thought I was getting back into the swing of things after some time but I was very, very wrong. I was distracting myself from the grieving process instead of dealing with things properly.

Since I have now given myself time to grieve and mourn properly, which was unfortunately me dropping off the face of the Earth for several months, I want to share some details as I now feel comfortable doing so.

I have a big family. Lots of siblings, nieces, nephews, cousins, etc. etc. I’ve always been an extremely family oriented person. While we’ve grown and some of us (my siblings) aren’t as close as we used to be, we always made efforts to stay in touch and see each other semi-regularly.

In July I lost my oldest brother, my sister-in-law and their youngest daughter. Two of their sons were in the vehicle and injured as well. They were on their way home from out of state.

My brother and sister-in-law had both been married before and came together to make a blended family. The three oldest kids were with their other parents when the wreck happened.

The time that passed after the news was delivered was a blur to say the least. Family that I haven’t seen in years all came to see us, to support our family and hold our hands through the loss. Things were quick to become very overbearing and I thought getting back into writing would help me feel better.

It did not.

Every time I sat back in the chair and opened the game I felt some sort of way. The day everything had happened, I was home sitting at my desk typing when my other brother who lived with us (my fiancé and I) came rushing into the room, saying we needed to get to my parents’ house ASAP because my dad was crying on the phone.

And every time after that day that I sat back in that chair and opened the doc to write, I felt a sort of way I can’t explain. It wasn’t sadness, or emptiness, just.. Something words can’t explain. At first I was able to push through it and write, but the feeling within me grew and grew and grew until I couldn’t afford to ignore it anymore.

I decided to take a step back from everything and try to focus on myself and my mental. Unfortunately, the months following have not given me or my family a break.

September was my sister-in-law’s birthday, October my oldest brother’s, and then the holidays followed after that (as well as my computer acting up in November). Alongside struggling with the grief and the now empty seats at our family table for the holidays, we have been dealing with my sister-in-law’s side of the family being.. Ugly to our side of the family.

I won’t disclose too much because it involves the children, court cases, etc. etc.

But my sister-in-law’s parents have never been fond of my brother who she married or our side of the family. After the loss, it seemed that even tragedy could not change how they felt and instead heightened their dislike for us.

They have made things following the accident increasingly difficult. It is a struggle to try and deal with the pain of losing loved ones when there are people constantly tearing and picking at the wound, as well as creating new ones.

Life has not been easy since July of last year. It felt like the year would never end despite time feeling like it was passing all too quickly.

I’d like to formally apologize for disappearing off the face of the Earth despite promising to remain active. I hope you understand that I needed to step away despite Vessel of Harkahn being a project that is very close to my heart.

I once again cannot thank you guys enough for the amazing support. I have to admit I have felt guilty letting this blog sit and collect dust, but using writing as a distraction from my pain was not a healthy coping mechanism.

I will be slow getting back into the swing of things. Like mentioned above, Vessel of Harkahn’s story is still in progress but the progress will be slow. I might even throw in some snippets of my other project when I get more of a grip on it as well!

Thank you all so much for your support and letting me be open and raw with what’s been going on. January so far has been a good start to the new year. I am hoping to write much more and get back into a process. I hope you understand.

Until next time. <3

#update #text post #personal

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presidenthades · 1 month ago

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And now the behind-the-scenes for Lavender Ch. 8!

Usual disclaimer that these thoughts aren’t necessarily canonical to the fic verse until/unless I write them into the actual story.

Jace’s thought about how she can’t hover over the future king forever makes me a bit sad. It echoes Aegon’s thought about how Alicent eventually stopped cuddling him because future kings aren’t supposed to be cuddled. 😭 I like to think Jace will keep cuddling her son even after he’s grown up and insists he’s too big for cuddles though.

Jace knows how to manage Aegon. She also figures out very quickly how to manage Otto. It helps that she and Otto both try to find a diplomatic solution first, and they understand the necessity of compromise. They strongly disagree on the best way to handle Aegon, but they’re at least willing to discuss it in a civilized manner.

Unlike in canon, Otto decides to gracefully volunteer for retirement. He’s achieved his main goal (putting Aegon on the throne), and the realm seems like it will be stable for a while. He also has confidence in Jace’s ability to temper the worst of Aegon’s habits. So Otto decides to quit while he’s on top. Sure, he’ll miss governing, but he can handle a bit of boredom if it means his legacy remains intact.

I like to headcanon that Otto is secretly an infrastructure and urban planning nerd, and he’s always wanted to lead a big project where they revamp KL’s sewage and sanitation system. Everyone needs a hobby lol.

I love the image of Otto interviewing a bunch of kindergarteners for the role of Elenar’s future Hand. 😂

Corlys, like Otto, is also a curmudgeonly old man with a lot of pride and not the best temper. But Corlys has a much different dynamic with Aegon, so Aegon will be able to work with Corlys…for a while.

I think Otto secretly wishes Jace could be Aegon’s Hand, because Aegon would listen to her 99.999% of the time. But Otto is pragmatic and knows that being a woman will count against her, so it probably won’t happen unless everything goes perfectly during Aegon’s reign. He doesn’t explicitly praise Jace for her abilities, but there’s the unspoken implication that he thinks she’s doing a good job. He’s also probably patting himself on the back for ensuring that Aegon married her.

Helaena’s “ghost” references mean Larys. The Lord of Harrenhal (a very haunted place) has basically been hiding in the walls, much like a ghost. She says “it comes and it goes,” a repeat of her firefly riddle in Ch. 4. And “ghosts used to be men too” is foreshadowing that Jace uses Larys’s human weaknesses (lust) against him.

While he’s been in hiding, Larys has kept tabs on the royal family’s routine so he can identify the perfect time to strike. Aegon eats with Smallfolk buddies regularly, and a bunch of the Targs and Velaryons like to have date nights. This is Lavender’s less tragic version of Blood and Cheese (book, not show version), where B&C spend a lot of time scoping out the royal family’s routine before attacking. Larys has the advantage of a) his whisper network and b) leverage over a bunch of castle staff whom he helped hire. It’s not a coincidence that the maid stops Rhaena from following Jace to her chambers, where Larys is waiting. Larys is aware that Aegon has been reluctant to use any Kingsguard but Criston to guard Jace, so once again Larys strikes when Criston is resting.

I finished posting Lavender shortly after S2 ended, so I was able to include a reference to S2E8 where Larys mentioned storing most of his family money with the Iron Bank (I think that’s what he said? It’s been a while since I watched the episode and TBH I’m not inclined to rewatch it). Braavos had a fraught relationship with the Targs, but Jace is determined to attempt diplomacy wherever possible. The Iron Bank speaks the language of money, so she sent two trusted representatives (her father and the master of ships), who happen to be from mercantile houses, to negotiate.

I originally thought about Larys pressuring Jace to kill/poison Aegon, so it would be a) more B&C-like in that she has a Sophie’s choice between her husband and son, and b) to hammer home what she said about doing anything for her son’s sake, including imitating Alicent’s example. But Larys’s primary goal is to escape with a lot of money, and it would be very dumb of him to think he could stick around in Westeros scott-free after he facilitates Aegon’s death. So instead he decides to pull a kidnapping/ransom scheme.

I spent a lot of time thinking about how Jace outsmarts Larys. I try to avoid depicting sexual violence just for the shock and horror value, and I had to think about whether the breastfeeding scene made sense story-wise. I think it does. A lot of Jace’s story involves using her limited assets as a woman in a patriarchal world to solidify her own power. There’s been a repeated theme of Larys being like other men, beholden to their baser instincts. Also, taking something that gives Jace joy (nursing her son) and twisting it into something depraved (forcing her to participate in his kink) seems like the kind of thing Larys would do to demonstrate his leverage over her. But Jace, who has spent a lot more time than she’d like with Larys, figures out his weakness (forcing someone in power to do what he wants) and turns it against him.

The tree that Daeron climbs up to the balcony is the same tree that Aegon climbs in The Golds Ch. 3 after Jace locks him out.

Jace knows Larys might kill her when he reaches her. She could’ve tried to climb off the balcony to save herself, but she has a baby to think about. She would rather ensure Elenar’s safety and give him to Daeron, even if it means she’ll certainly be violently attacked. Luckily, Daeron the Daring has different ideas.

Jace is on the verge of a panic attack, but she still tries to be queenly and give orders. Her dad is here though, and he tells his daughter to let him handle it. 😭

Jace usually advocates for peace and non-violence, but she has some of that dragon blood. We see a flash of it when she’s pleased by the thought of Aegon mutilating Larys’s corpse for her sake. She also doesn’t hesitate to order the maids be executed, because the maids endangered her son.

I love Jace’s line to Aegon about how “yes, Viserys loved you, but that isn’t enough, you deserved better.” She gives Aegon the validation he needs: he was worthy of love from his own father. But she also reminds him that just because Viserys loved him, that doesn’t make what Viserys did OK. Otherwise Aegon might start feeling guilty about Viserys, and Viserys doesn’t deserve Aegon’s guilt.

Mysaria proves to be a useful ally, but Jace is skeptical whether Mysaria’s loyalty can be counted upon. She doesn’t think Mysaria should be given one of the most important jobs in the realm just because she helped Aegon once or twice. At best, Jace thinks maybe they should allow Mysaria a probationary/trial period.

Aegon knew nothing about fashion when he married Jace, but by the time his coronation rolls around, he’s picked up on a lot about clothes. He definitely knows his wife hates black. 😄 He’s unusually interested in planning the coronation because, as we find out later, he’s planning a surprise coronation for Jace too.

Jace loves dressing Elenar in mini versions of Aegon’s outfits. 🥰

I like to think Elenar says “bah” a lot because he’s steadily working toward his first word, which is going to be “Pa.”

It’s been a while since Jace and Aegon did their striptease study sessions, but she is kinda turned on when Aegon demonstrates he’s been doing his homework about past Targaryen coronations. 😆

Aegon makes two promises to himself in Chapter 1. First, everyone will know Jace is first among women. Second, he’ll build a nicer throne for her next to the Iron Throne. He achieve/works toward both promises this chapter. The throne one is self-explanatory. As for the first among women promise, that’s tied to his vow that he’ll publicly empower Jace as his equal. It’s unprecedented since the Conqueror’s time for a Targ queen to be the king’s equal (and there’s room to debate just how equal the Conqueror’s sisters were to him), so this is the start of Aegon and Jace making history.

Of course Otto hired a painter to capture the coronation. I imagine the final painting will look a lot like The Coronation of Napoleon where Napoleon crowns his wife Josephine, though it would be Aegon and Jace in those roles, respectively.

It seems important/symbolic for Rhaenyra to crown Aegon. She was heir before him, and she has a chance to weaken his claim after Viserys died. But for the sake of peace—and especially for Jace’s sake—Rhaenyra agrees to make this public gesture. It also allows her a moment to be mentioned in history books, which she’s always craved.

The crown fits Jace perfectly and isn’t as heavy as expected. More symbolism for how Jace was destined to wear a crown and how she is able to bear the weight of duty more easily than Aegon.

Aegon makes a point of publicly celebrating Elenar as the Prince of Dragonstone because Viserys never did that for him.

Aegon thinks nothing of letting his infant son chew on the Conqueror’s crown, a very important relic. His son is more important than the past. 🤷🏻‍♀️

#my writing #lavenders blue lavenders green #behind the scenes

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dev1lm4n · 2 years ago

Text

4 + 1

pairings: bodyguard!joel miller x f!reader

summary: the apocalypse didn't happen. joel shift jobs into becoming a bodyguard for a billionaire’s wife. four times joel realized he's in love and the one time he actually did something about it.

word count: 3.8k

warnings: explicit (18+), p in v, no protection, infidelity, implied domestic abuse (not by joel)

notes: this is my fav to write by far ♡ if ur a writer or loves reading, chat me up and let's be moots

Clementine hues of orange sauntered in through the slick frame of her kitchen windows, causing a layer of tinted filtering to be added throughout the boring beige paints littered all around. Everything was in honeyed tones, beautiful and soothing. He had to admit that there was something godly about your kitchen. Something he couldn’t resist.

It was much different compared to the heavy smell of paint and cement he’s smothered in back when he’s still dwelling in construction. Instead of the constant buzz of drilling and swings of hammers into wooden panels, he’s now embraced in an endless collection of Jazz. His shoes are now polished— he could even see his own beaming reflection in the shiny black. A fitted tuxedo snug against the broad of his chest— a total 180° change from his Texan classic style of flannels and denims.

Joel used to think that he’s all too ill-mannered to be participating in the posh bullshit rich families are prone to, but when he saw the ads your husband was posting out, he couldn’t possibly decline the offer. The pay was enough to get Sarah all the way through university without picking up loans and it came with barely a risk.

He was just there to follow a billionaire’s pretty little wife around, carry your bags of impulsive purchases, and drop you off to go drink martinis with your girlfriends. The gun tucked into his back pocket was merely for show. After all, his dirty scowl is usually enough to set people aside. So, he signed the contract and was tied to what he envisioned to be a snobby flashy gal.

But you were an anomaly.

You were the opposite of the few descriptive words your husband mapped you out as, which he recalled to be ‘bimbo’ and ‘a pain in the ass’. You were lovely. The kind of girl that’d bake your husband a sweet tray of apple pie in your cute little dotted blue apron. He was guilty of watching your every move. Every bend, perk, curve of your body. Because, duh, he had to make sure you weren’t harming yourself. What if you accidentally set a fire off in the stove? At least, that’s what he’s telling himself to fend upon his guilt.

“Come on. Open your mouth, Joel!” you cheered excitedly at the sight of your glistening apple pie, cut open into perfectly eight slices. As the fork pierced through the warm, flaky crust of the apple pie, the sweet aroma of cinnamon and baked apples filled the air. The crust crumbled ever so slightly as the fork lifted a generous slice, revealing the warm, gooey filling. A persuasive look keen on your face as you raised your fork forward, just a few inches away from his pursed lips.

“I don’t think I should, ma’am.”

“Why not?”

“Your husband’s coming home soon..” he trailed off, uneasy about the increasingly delicate situation.

“So? Married people can’t have friends now?”

You could closely watch his determination waver, because god did your apple pie look good even from a distance. But he shouldn’t be doing this on the job, right? Playing kitchen with you out of all people.

“We’re not friends.”

“Oh, we’re not?”

“No,” he shook his head.

Only to entertain you and play into your own rhythm of things, Joel sank his teeth into the tender apples and buttery crust, sweet flavors exploded on his tongue. The warm, rich filling oozed out of the pie and coated his palate in a heavenly blend of spices and sweetness. What made it better was the shy smile you had on your face, unmarred by what the world had to offer. Your eyes twinkle fondly, sparking what felt like fireworks in his belly.

“Good?”

He simply nodded. Joel chewed slowly, averting his gaze away from you because who knows what he might start to imagine if he’s constantly being presented that view of you.

“Mr. Waterford’s gonna like it,” he reassured.

“Wait. Joel. What does that spell out?”

You enquired, brows furrowed as you tried to make sense of the word he’d just put together on the tiled board. Your lips pursed and you tilted your head slightly to the side, as if trying to get a different perspective. It seemed that your feigned innocence managed to work wonders in your bodyguard’s head, because his brows knitted along with yours, seemingly worried that he might actually get the word incorrectly. It may have been the nth time that you toyed around with him childishly, but it’s not your fault he always had such a silly expression to share each time.

“Darling,” he read the word aloud innocently. Texas twang dripping from every syllable.

“Yes, honey?”

Joel looked away bashfully at your playful banter. You could tell he’s raking his head to find ways to try and guide the conversation back into a safe spot. To maintain professionalism, where his heart doesn’t have to race a million times per second and his palms doesn’t have to turn all clammy from a childish joke. But he’s failing. Miserably at that. He tried to muster up the courage to respond in kind, but his mind went blank, leaving him tongue-tied.

“I’m just joking. You’re not mad, are you?”

Of course, he’s not mad. He could never be angry at you even if you sometimes do the weirdest things he could ever think of, like that one time last week where you decided you should try out every single barbeque sauce available in the supermarket. You’re just too sweet to be angry at. Snow could melt if you were there beaming that same dear smile of yours, miracles could happen if it was you. Joel thought that this was his punishment. A karma for all the terrible things he did throughout his twenties, the girls he fiddled and the money he possibly swindled. It’s hard to watch you and not be able to put his hands on you. It’s unfair.

“No,” he whispered vaguely as he drew more tiles from the messy pile. Joel looked amazingly dedicated for a bodyguard who’s being forced to play Scrabble with his employer’s wife— you found it hilarious, which resulted in the delicate giggle you uttered.

“Why don’t you hang out with your actual friends, Mrs. Waterford?”

You frowned.

“First of all, never call me by his name. Second, why do you care so much about who I hang out with?” you seethed out petulantly.

Even when you’re throwing a silly tantrum, he still looked at you as if you held out the sun and the moon. As if you’re the beginning and the end, but you weren’t going to assume what might just be a figment to your foolish imaginations.

“Sorry. I just.. I don’t have to play the dutiful, elegant wife when I’m here. I don’t have to pretend like I enjoy tea times and chalky macarons.”

You hate playing dress up when you’re just there to be your husband’s little pet. Ready to serve him at your every move. It’s suffocating to pretend like you’re content with how your life turned out to be, to giggle at condescending jokes other wives make, or to let your husband degrade you in front of other members of the high society. You felt like a mannequin and you’d rather be here, comforted in your own qualms with Joel. Simple ol’ Joel from Texas who took such good care of you.

“I can’t say I understand.”

Joel chuckled, thinking back to his rather ordinary background. He didn’t think he ever had to participate in any social events unwillingly, except when his mom dragged him to church on Sundays when he was younger, but that was different. You were in another realm. Someone who’s not equal to him.

“Although, I’m glad you feel at ease with me.”

He’s so good with his words, you sometimes wonder if those sweet compliments actually meant a thing. You simmered at his encouragement.

Tonight marks the evening of the Annual Spring Ball. Joel, being the country boy that he is, didn’t have much clue regarding what significance this particular event held. Although, he guessed that it was a big thing considering the pile of dresses you’ve dumped carelessly in front of your walk-in closet. You’re always so messy. Maybe he liked that about you.

He stood aimlessly, feeling like a nervous boy waiting for his prom partner to reveal themselves. It crept from inside his stomach and the grip it had on his throat grew tighter and tighter the longer you took in that damned dressing room. You’re not even going with him to this presumptuous event. You’re going with your damn husband, so why is he getting ahead of himself?

“What do ya think?”

You came bursting out of the pale blue curtains like a ray of sunshine, cladded with a long fitted evening gown. He was convinced that black belonged to you. The gown was made of flowing, luxurious fabric that draped elegantly down the womanly curves of your hips.

He couldn’t help but take a peek down your classic plunging neckline, like a fucking pervert. A flattering scoop that showed off your delicate collarbone and décolletage. Viewing a glimpse of your soft mounds propped up by the tailored bodice had him shifting from one leg to the other. God, you looked like a goddess blessed you personally. Waterford is a lucky man having you by his side.

“Is it too much?”

“No. It’s just..”

Joel swallowed thickly. How he wished he could say how you’d stolen his heart and robbed him of common sense.

“You look beautiful. Mr. Waterford would’ve-”

“Can we not speak of my husband?”

You interrupted bitterly. He wasn’t sure if he saw it correctly, but he could see a look of solemn ghosting over your sweet features. How you suddenly stop being all chirpy and instead, settle on chewing your inner lip. Joel was worried and it took all of him not to prod into whatever it is you’re hiding behind all the kind and warm facade. He was simply your bodyguard and that’s all he’ll ever be so why impose?

“Will you help me with my pearls?”

“Of course.”

He swiftly walked over to the jewelry case he’s grown accustomed to, not because he ever had thoughts of stealing your precious belongings, more so because you’ve allowed him to enter and assist you in your bedroom way too often. He’s memorized every inch of the blush tinted room without fail, maybe because he was a good help or maybe.. because he’s undeniably infatuated in you. With much precision, he held the shiny pearls in between his rough fingers. Only to gently clasp the chain around your neck. The ghost of his fingers on your bare skin made you shudder in anticipation.

He might’ve overstepped his boundaries by tracing over the exposed skin of your back, feeling the bumps of your spinal cords as if he’s a professional harpist. His gaze settled on where you felt the most plush and smooth. How he wished he could feel more of you; was the rest of your unexposed skin this delicate? Did you like this?

A pregnant silence enveloped the both of you. A mutual understanding. You were nervous, enough that you could listen to how your heart pumped blood into your increasingly warm cheeks.

“What is this?”

He broke the sacred silence at the irregular hues blooming from beneath the velvet fabric. Blues, purples, some were still inflamed, red marring your sacred skin. You were bruised. Bad. His eyes went wide at the sight of permanent scars shaped like a long rod buried deep in your skin, the new skin much lighter than your skin tone. If he weren’t attentive, he would’ve missed the way it hid underneath the hemlines.

The worst part was you didn’t say anything. Just showcasing him the same ol’ smile as you turned.

Ever since he saw your marks, the ones you’ve tried your very best to cover and withheld from the world, you’ve avoided him more than ever. Joel Miller was specifically assigned to you. To cater to your every need and protect you from the danger you might encounter, but it’s hard to do his job properly when the danger was from within.

He’s seen the way you lock your doors in his presence, leaving him uneasy as he guarded in front of your door. He’s also noticed how you stopped baking sweet apple pies, quit picking the juicy strawberries in your garden, and were lost in your own thoughts more often than anything. Maybe you’ve had enough of playing house with the lousy bodyguard he was. Maybe he was too old, too wrinkly, and too nosy for your taste.

“Joel?”

“Yes,” he answered almost too eagerly at the pleasant call of his name. His puppy-like brown eyes peaked through the small crack of your door.

“Come in. I have a surprise for you.”

A surprise for him? Didn’t you hate him? Joel looked almost entranced at the sudden knowledge. He took a determined step into your room, your wooden door creaking close behind him. You narrowed your eyes to strengthen your vision towards his striking figure. Without shame, you took in all of him. You’ve missed him as much as you hated to admit. Joel was a crucial part to your daily life. He’s a breath of fresh air. The only thing keeping you alive when you’re caged in this mansion.

“Winter’s coming.”

“It is,” he spoke softly, out-of-breath at the sight of you in your nightgown. His pupils dilated erratically at what you’ve blessed him with.

“I knitted you and Sarah matching scarfs.”

You pulled out the most beautiful pair of scarfs out of your side table, decorated with your favorite shades of ballet pink and powder blue. It wasn’t the cleanest work out there. A few loose and uneven threads here and there, but it was the most someone has ever done to him in a very long time.

It felt sincere and heartfelt. You even knitted one for his daughter who he’d only mention briefly during your time together. Once during your weekly Scrabble game and the other time when he entertained you during a house party. He smoothed the thick fabric down, tears pricking his eyes from the emotions budding from within.

“Are you seriously crying?”

You chuckled at the sight, arms crossed in front of your chest at the sight of your tough and grouchy bodyguard tearing up over some scarf. Joel meant more to you than you could ever admit. Maybe this’ll show him that part of you, just enough that your husband would never notice and you could still play it off as an act of kindness.

“That’s so lame, Joel.”

Fact is.. you were magnetic. The sweetest thing he’s ever witnessed in his long thirty six years of life, yet you’re stuck here playing wife of Waterford. Joel wanted to be your knight in shining armor and bring you to safety where he’d cherish you all his life, but what could he do? Should he just witness you wither away into an empty shell? The thought brought up the long awaited bravado and he was already bringing you up into his arms. Wrapping you in a tight embrace where all he could feel was you and only you. The softness of your pliant body, the smell of strawberries and cinnamon, and your undeniable warmth.

“You’re not happy,” he muttered underneath his breath, brows knitted and wrinkles evident.

“I will be.”

You paused.

“I have to be.”

You reassured him, pulling away from his grasp slightly. Your longing eyes bored into him with a tinge of emotion he couldn’t quite decipher, but it all became clear when you finally kissed him. You tasted better than he could ever imagine.

“Tell me you don’t want this.”

His voice was tantalizing, the rough bristles of his scruff tickling the curve of your earlobes in a manner that made you feel small. You couldn’t really pipe up a sweet comeback to what he had to say. Not when you’re pinned face down onto your fresh floral sheets, the same one you’ve spent countless nights with your estranged husband.

The crisp fabric felt cool and smooth on your squished cheek, you could even smell the lingering notes of softener wafted through the air. Joel caged you in like some sort of feral animal. Thick muscular thighs pressing next to your own as he loomed over you.

“You’re driving me insane, darlin’. Bending over with that silly knitted dress of yours.”

He murmured out into the junction of your neck. Always so careful with you, he made sure to smooth down every inch of your pristine skin, over each and every one of your scars and marks. His fingers were electric, jolting you every time he made bare contact.

You whined a soft tone when he pulled the wool hem of your dress upwards. Leaving your perky butt exposed to the cold air with nothing on but the panties you’ve chosen specifically for him. The one with the pretty pink bow and lace rimming each side; the one you knew he’s secretly pocketed a few times.

“Fuck. Such a pretty cunt. Is this for me or for Waterford?”

You were just too good to be true. Someone so perfect like you was willing to let him have a taste of what heaven on earth was, even when your husband was downstairs mingling with the other party guests. Joel was ecstatic at the thought. His eyes twinkled with obsession as he pulled your panties aside, probing a finger into your sloppy hole. One of his fingers was swallowed whole by your throbbing cunt and all he could hear was the loud squelching noise it made. It was as if you hadn’t been filled to the brim for a very long time. What a waste.

“For you. Only for you, Joel.”

Joel couldn’t hide the smugness running deep in his expression, pulling onto each corner his mustache. The constant need to prove himself to you tipped him over the edge. He wanted to be gentle with you, to be kind and cautious, because you were his everything, but it’s harder when he’s already leaking in his boxers. Seven inch, uncut, and sensitive. His fat cock thrived at the thought of you aching beneath him.

“He didn’t fuck you well, did he? Left you all wet for me.”

He teased sweetly as he unzipped his pants eagerly, only to tug at his waistband swiftly. Joel felt the adrenaline rushing through his headspace. It might be fucked up but somehow he wanted to prove how good he is for you, how he’d let your husband barge in if it meant proving how you’re such a good fit for his girth.

At the thought, Joel leaned forward to nip at your pulse point. You whined for more. He cooed softly, making sure you were slick enough as he flicked his cock along your needy slit. His thick raspy groans were heavenly, yet sinful for you to hear. You’re married for goodness sake.

“Put it in me, Joel. Fuck me. Please. Now.”

Your incoherent begging was music to his ears, enough that he gave in to your requests. He prodded his leaking tip into your entrance. Joel was unable to hide his pleasure, lashes fluttering as he rolled his hips in one sharp movement. He had to stop immediately once he’s buried deep in your velvety walls. Knowing he’d burst if he was to continue. He let out a breathy chuckle, grounding himself with all his might.

“Joe-el!”

That’s all you could muster as you pushed your hips further back into his, babbling hopeless pleads in hopes that he’d move and solve the everlasting coiling need. Such a slut.

“I got you, darlin’”

He held you steady by the small of your hips, adding ample pressure to have you arching back nicely. Joel fulfilled his promise by sheathing himself entirely within you. Slick and sloppy, he pounded into you. You’re on cloud nine. Desperately muffling his name into your bed sheets as if it’d make a difference in the boundaries you’ve crossed on this eventful day.

The golden ring band encircling your finger taunted you whilst it glimmered underneath the dim lights: all about your failing marriage and your stupid affair. You knew this wasn’t going to last long. Hell, things could fall apart if your husband caught a whiff of Joel’s cedar cologne on you.

“Stay with me, please, darlin’”

Joel looped his tough arms over your chest, effectively straightening you upright against his firm chest. His tip probed deeper inside you at the new position, exploring places you didn’t think was possible. You couldn’t see him and you thought it might be better. For you didn’t have to remember how unbelievably hot he looked while fucking you from behind; you’d worry his name would slip in your head when Waterford finally required you to cater to his needs.

“Run away with me.”

He tried once more and you had to say, it was quite a romantic gesture to attempt when he’s twitching vulgarly inside you. There was a sense of need in his voice. He’s begging you to leave all this luxury and royalty behind for the love he had to offer. What was it.. modern times Romeo & Juliet? You let out an airy moan in response, backing up even further to fulfill your burning desire. The coily dark trim on the base of his slick cock scraped your soft skin. He’s inside you entirely. Without any barrier because god did he secretly want to pump you full of cum. Maybe he'll let you wander back onto your husband's arms with his cum still stuffed deep within you.

“I can’t.”

You shook your head, a soft gasp slipping past your lips as his grip tightened around your wrist. His nails dug out crescent shape marks into your skin uncomfortably.

“Joel. Shit. Don’t move.”

He obeyed. A small grin taking over when he witnessed the shake of your legs and how you looked heavenly even when you’re seconds away from climaxing. He relished in the way your tongue cutely darted out like a dog in heat. You’re still cute even when you’re all spread out for him.

“I love you.”

He whispered once more, voice fleeting against your ear. Joel needed to kiss you. Needed to feel your soft lips on him for what might be the last time. His nimble fingers gently guide your jaw to turn his way, wrapping you in such an emotional kiss. As if you’d wither away if he didn’t hold you down tight enough.

“Please say it back, darlin’. Please?”

And just like that, he submitted to your wishes and let the mighty dam fall apart. A soft groan you’ve never heard before mused out his parted lips. He’s filling you up so full with a taste of him to the point that it’s leaking out each side of your thighs. A white rim left behind. Tonight he thought that maybe white belonged to you as well, just like black did.

“I love you too, Joel.”

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller fic #joel miller #joel miller tlou #tlou #the last of us #the last of us fic #the last of us imagine #joel miller smut

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