#me losing my shit like
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I can't believe I decided to read orv on a whim because I just wanted a good manhwa with no romance subplot and here I am knees deep into the novel questioning my whole life because whatever these mfs have got going on is much more nastier and visceral than any romance.
#so much pining and aroaceness it just loops around into the irresistibility and the kind of devotion you see in knights from a period drama#“I shall forever rue the day I lay mine eyes on thy sunlit visage so just this once allow me bask in thy mercy like a sinner” type of shit#being so obsessed w someone to the point where the yearning gnaws at your insides#is infact THE quintessential part of the homoerotic experience#ig it's clear that i lose my mind reading this novel#which is both good and concerning at the same time#orv#omniscient reader's viewpoint
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Look what we've become.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jiang cheng#Initially I wanted to do a 'Mutiny' quote to follow the 'Luck runs out' quote.#But the musical earworms demanded a different blood to be drawn. And I think it works just as well.#Alright. It's time to confess something. I really struggled with this comic. I didn't want to draw it. Then I didn't want to upload it.#Because I knew I would be here in the tags writing and backspacing for hours trying to articulate my thoughts.#I'm going to talk about death and grief in the tags today so this is your WARNING to look away if you aren't in a headspace for it.#Sometimes in media there are scenes and characters which land on topics so specific to your wounds that it reopens them all over again.#Because here's the truth. When you've known someone like this for nearly your whole life...it doesn't matter how bad the fight is.#You always think 'We'll always have time. One day this dust will settle and we'll rebuild the bridge.'#And then the fucker dies!!! He dies and suddenly there will never ever be time to repair the rift.#Someone you loved died thinking you hated them. And part of you did just a bit. But love and hate aren't mutually exclusive.#He's fucking dead and you are left with so many broken and unfinished pieces between the two of you.#Jiang Cheng loses Wei Wuxian thinking that WWX thought they hated each other.#He's a younger brother who will one day be older than the person he lost.#Who has no one else in the world who understands those feelings of love and hate and grief.#I can't be normal about this character. I don't think he even heals me. Zero catharsis to be gained here.#I just look at his sour grape ass and think 'shit that's a little too close to home.' JC is my discomfort character.#I'm probably going to regret being this vulnerable in the tags in like. An hour. So. sorry if you see this once and never again.#EDIT: Yeah sorry this took 4 hours to muster the courage to post. Surprise update!#EDIT 2: You guys were being too nice to me on my sad comic to point out the spelling error. I have fixed it now B'*)
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make a wish! 🍃
happy 1st anniversary, in stars and time 🤍
#ok hold on#isat#in stars and time#siffrin#isat siffrin#Okay. WAAAAH WAUUUUUGHWAYUUAU T_T.. HAPPY BIRTHDYS IN STARS ANDB TIMEEEE#i need that FAWKING ARTBOOOOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#idk where else to get sappy about it but tmblr tags are probably the best spot i'll get. isat is very dear to me ..#i played it when i was going through a lot of terrible grief and it really hit home for me#and as i still navigate this terrible grief it gives me a reminder that there are people out there feeling just like me#and even peolle who might not understand still care and love and cherish you. and youre loved way beyond what you really know#the art of losing isnt hard to master .. etc etc#also its nice to see a character who cant remember basic shit all the time. my personal siffrinism#siffrin is like the kim dokja of your computer. The ones who know know.#sniffle. thanks isat. thanks dev.
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forever mourning how granada holmes never adapted the three garridebs. diabolical. unbelievable, even. 'if you had killed watson you would not have made it out of this room alive' but in brett's frightfully intense and low, biting, hissing voice. the violent, wild stare versus the gentle hand on watson's knee. all of that precarious control getting flung out the window. the humanity of it. gritting my teeth can you fucking imagine.
#we were ROBBED#no cause why does no one adapt the three garidebbs. it has The Scene. LIKE COME ONNN#if i got to watch jeremy brett Lose His Fucking Mind over watson getting shot i wouldve also lost my entire shit#like oh my god#jeremy brett's holmes is soo intense he wouldve been PERFECT. i can just imagine the wild stare 2 inches from the camera#ohhh my god#no cause sometimes i think about how granada was going to do reigate squires and it genuinely brings my mood down#IT WOULDVE. AUUCKK#im so pissed yall#im rewatching granada and its all i can think ablut#WHAT IF THEY HAD JEREMY BRETT HOLMES LOSE HIS SHIT OVER WATSON GETTING SHOT. CAN YOU IMAGINEEE#THE INTENSITY + THE GENTLENESS#💥💥💥💥💥💥🔨🔨💥🔨💥🔨💥💥🪓💥🪓💥⚰️⚰️💥🪓💥🪓#this is making me want to pick up that watson whump fic i was writing as part of sillage again#i need holmes to go crazy go stupid#'if you had killed watson you would not have made it out of this room alive' CAN YOU FUCKING IMAGINEEE BRETT SAYING THAT#SOMEBODY SEDAATEEE MEEEEEE#IM SO PISSED#not equipped for rambling#granada holmes#the three garridebs#sherlock holmes#john watson#acd holmes#acd watson#granada watson#jeremy brett#i need holmes to go crazy go stupid 😔😔😔😔
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Truly funny that for so many people, The Murderbot Diaries has become their version of Sanctuary Moon… used in all the same ways too
#the only thing that can keep me from Losing My Shit when I have to inject my migraine meds#is to listen to the All Systems Red Audiobook#it’s like a pacifier#the murderbot diaries#murderbot#tmbd
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I'm so tired of feeling like this.
#actually mentally ill#depressing shit#mental health#sorry for being depressing#anxi4ty#cw vent#i cant take this shit anymore#im going to kms#im losing it#ready to kms#depressing life#kill my life#why am i like this#i wanna kms#kms#i want to kms#what is wrong with me#i hate this#what the fuck#i dont get it#i hate everything#i dont care anymore#fuck everything#mentally fucked#i have no mouth and i must scream#woke up feeling more lost and out of touch with myself.. my surroundings and my partner all in the span of a night.. what the hell..#mentally exhausted#im a horrible person#mentally unstable#bed rotting
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tristamp post-S1 mashwood sillies and tri98(?) merylwood :]
#trigun#trigun stampede#tristamp#trigun 1998#trigun 98#vash the stampede#nicholas d. wolfwood#meryl stryfe#mashwood#merylwood#stryfewood#the comfort of mashwood spending days together without much happening. just eventless days together#also i know i know meryl and ww barely interact in '98 but#who cares when i can just put two of my fav characters together like playing with dolls#after the fifth moon incident ww trying to leave w/o a word to go look for vash#and meryl having none of his shit bc she already lost sight of one of them so shes not about to lose the other one#*SLAPS VW AND MW* THESE BITCHES CAN STORE SO MUCH UNSPOKEN THINGS#i also just really like ww getting flustered and manhandled by a three-apples-tall woman#merylwood is yuri to me. im not explaining#my art#raepliica_art
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Being a batfam fan is funny because people will make a post like “here’s my headcanon-“ and it’s just something that’s directly canon to the story then post about major canon events and get everything wrong.
#this post was inspired by me remembering the experience of reading death in the family#after only knowing the fanbase version and realizing oh none of that shit happened okay#like girl you don’t understand it’s so bad#Jason wasn’t even fired as Robin#He’s not accused of murdering anyone by Bruce#He’s not trying to prove himself at all he’s just looking for his mom#The reason Bruce didn’t go after him right away is because he was tracking down a goddamn nuke the Joker stole#Then after he finds it and handles the problem he helps Jason track down moms 2 and 3#Also Jason died in like 20 minutes?? even less??#He died in less time than it took his mother to smoke a cigarette#Bruce literally went ‘wait here I’ll be right back’ and was gone for less time than a trip to the grocery store#and then you go into the Jason Todd tag and they act like Bruce pulled the damn trigger on him#Like besties I don’t know how to tell you this he basically did everything right he possibly could have#Even him benching Jason from Robin temporarily happens so that he can get Jason into therapy about his trauma#Like the whole point is that neither of them did anything wrong bad shit just sometimes happens#That’s the tragedy. The drama.#Bruce couldn’t have made better choices in the position he was in and Jason was never going to make different ones#It was inevitable#Anyway rant over please read death in the family before I lose my mind#batfam#batman#jason todd#tim drake#dick grayson#damian wayne#bruce wayne
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As someone who lived in a home where it was not safe to be queer but their first love was their same-sex best friend, I really cannot emphasize the importance of characters like Charles Rowland enough. As someone who deals with shame from years of self-hate, repression, happy-masking, and being called a "Token ally" by even my queer friends while feeling wrong wrong wrong about it, and being the kind of person who just didn't "Look queer enough" or whatever the fuck arbitrary, exclusionist rhetoric people would casually hurl about, I just really can't believe we have a character like him.
He's complex and deeply scarred and I've never cared about a character like this before. I've never felt so "Seen." I can't wait to save this show because seeing him heal will be like a balm on my heart. His character arc is completely unique and handled with such care that it brings tears to my eyes.
That's all. I am just so deeply thankful for & emotional about Charles Rowland tonight.
#I'm not commenting on any of the Payneland panic because I stg if one more person treats his trauma and pain as a background story#that doesn't deserve screentime in favor of rushing him into ANY relationship so help me god I will lose my shit#Let him 'Figure the rest out' goddamnit! It's hard being an abused child out here! We do not feel like we deserve love okay? Let him realiz#he DOES deserve love. Edwin got a whole season to figure his shit out Charles deserves the same damn#No Charles Rowland hate in my house. No straight Charles 'lads lad' truthers I'm done with it!!! I won't be having it!#oh for the record I ship Payneland like a motherfucker. They are the ship of all time and very obviously endgame#anyway GO STREAM DEAD BOY DETECTIVES#save dead boy detectives#dead boy detectives#dbda#charles rowland#dbda netflix#the dead boy detectives#the dead boy detective agency
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might be a corn plate tweet kind of post but during the last round of the mingle game which is where the group only consist of two people, everyone else was running without holding hands except players 222 and 333 that is a canon couple (or exes so far i guess) in the show, and the other pairing that are holding hands are players 120 and 246. could this be a hint that hyunju (120) and gyeong sok (246) could be an endgame in season 3?? bcs i certainly hope so
also the meaning of the color room that they were in is....well, quite fitting for their current relationship dynamic to say the least i'd say
#i know i look like a damn fool but god dammit this is the only heterosexual couple i only gaf about in the last decade so let me be#and like with the amount of crazy shits that went down and how they gotta fit everything in only SEVEN episodes#if it is indeed these 2 are gonna be a couple in s3 i'd say the showrunners did a pretty good job for warming up the audience for them#and this show is all about losing and gaining#so unfortunately its just make sense they gotta kill youngmi (which i also think hyunju's yuri love interest!!) to make a room for 246 so:“#and the actors practically are inseparable during the promotions just like jo yuri (222) and im siwan (333) so👀👀#everybody say thank you 120 x 246 for giving the straights some of their rights#squid game#squid game s2#player 120#player 246#120 x 246#hyunseok#mine#squid game season 2#cho hyunju#park gyeong seok#AND NO PLAYER 246 ISNT DEAD PLS (i scream as they drag me away from my electronic devices)
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the contrast between deadf1sh in their first promo art from octo expansion compared to the bankara walker teasers... am so mentally unwell
LIKE--- the colour around them ??!?!?! how the windows indicate they are finally on the surface and no longer trapped ?!?!?!? the plants that symbolise life as contrast to the original trailer for side order and the lack of life in their og art ??!?! the softer colour pallette compared to the harsher octo one, where red is much more prominent!?!?!?!
and the light in their eyes and the subtle unsure expression as they start to adapt to having music as a hobby instead of it consuming them. and how they represent that in how they take off the glasses and put the headphones to the side.... and their piercings !!!!!!!! acht went outside and talked to other inkfish got those themself, as a form of self expression, without having to be influenced by octarian society or the likes of kamabo co...
theyre finally beginning to learn what it is to be living again, and learning to be safe, and learning to goof around again...... im so okay im good trust i promise
#IM NOT GOOD LOSING MY SHIT#i love seeing characters recover and relearn how to be themselves after years of oppressions and self hatred#the instruments they're working with are most likely borrowed from marina ?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?!??!?! AHHHHH#bankara walker is going to make me fucking lose it#𓇼。°🎐#splatoon 3 side order#splatoon 3#splatoon side order#side order splatoon#deadf1sh#deadf1sh splatoon#acht splatoon#acht mizuta#acht dedf1sh#dedf1sh#ahato mizuta#ahato splatoon#bankara walker#ordertune#side order#octo expansion
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in the nicest and most non-confrontational way possible. i feel like some of you think that anything that isn't directly openly spelled out for you within a story is "missed potential" or "unexplored." like. sometimes there are implied narratives. sometimes the point is that you as the reader are supposed to think and draw your own conclusions and participate in the story. the writers not directly spelling every little detail out for you doesn't mean that the story is poorly written or missed its own plot details somehow. PLEASE.
#if i get one more comment referring to zelda's draconification as wasted potential im going to lose it for real#that's not unexplored potential that is THE ENTIRE STORY. JUST BECAUSE THEY DONT BEAT YOU OVER THE HEAD WITH IT DOESNT MEAN ITS NOT THERE#i get this all the time with just like. link's trauma in general too.#like people will ask me 'do you think they should explore link's trauma more' and im like. they do#that's what the games are about. it's all there. they just don't directly state that that's what they're doing because theyre expecting you#as a reader to ENGAGE WITH THE DAMN TEXT BEYOND SURFACE LEVEL. UGHHHHHHH#WHATEVER. whatever#like i feel like some of you would read the great gatsby and be like#'there was a lot of missed potential to talk about the failure of the american dream' GIRL IT'S RIGHT THERE. JUST THINK A LITTLE#personal#and yeah obviously its not that deep its a video game but like. i am not making shit up when i write my comics and analysis.#I AM ENGAGING WITH THE TEXT. AS IS GENERALLY EXPECTED OF A READER#ugh ok whatever. im done now sorry
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imagine showing any of the celestials that stupid little illusion that makes it look like youre pulling your thumb off and they all collectively lose their SHIT. like freaking out, yelling at solomon for teaching you dangerous magic, asking why youd ever do such a stupid thing, only for you to put it back and theyre just so baffled. once its been explained, diavolo and mammon would be enamoured, begging you to show them the trick behind it.
by extension. telling one of them youve "got their nose" and running off, only for them to chase after you and demand for it back. luke just straight up bursts into tears.
#im sorry this mental image has got me losing my shit#mammon slamming his fists on the door going GIVE IT BACK I NEED THAT#asmo being like NOOO MY NOSE IS SO CUTE YOU CANT HAVE IT YOU MONSTER D:#you do it to beel and belphie just goes like “oh maybe hell finally stop snoring”#barbatos Knows but he plays along with it for the funny#obey me headcanons#obey me x reader#obey me#om!swd#obey me shall we date#om! swd#general howls
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mmmmmm read a disciple shen yuan/shizun luo binghe fanfic about two days ago where the first chapter was the Immortal Conference arc, and SQQ was the one who had to be pushed into the abyss (he was still the villain) except Luo Binghe was refusing and was like, lowkey losing his mind about SQQ being so close to the edge. SQQ ended up having to be the one to fall in himself because of the system's punishment system. The rest of the fic is leading up to that moment. But like, MMM i've been obsessively thinking about that first chapter for DAYS ever since.
now i've been in svsss for a grand total of *checks watch* a week. but god obsessed with that. I want to write/read a fic where disciple SQQ goes a little nuts down there. Like keep all of the things that make SQQ, SQQ, but just. Throw in a little bit more trauma in there. A little bit of a mental break. Let him go a little nuts as a treat. Just a tad unhinged. I wanna see him go, just a little, "god fuck it, i've tried so hard to change this shitty story's outcome and it feels like everything i've done has been for nothing. I'm going to die in this world no matter what I do, I've been doomed from the start, so might as well die the way I want to." and he just, breaks a little! Under all the stress.
He still retains the traits that makes shen yuan, shen yuan, like his overwhelming kindness. But he's just! yk. A little less patient. Paranoid. Jumpy. Colder. A little more aloof and closed off. A little more Shen Jiu. He's no asshole child abuser, but he was a Number One Hater in his past life and he's leaning into that old habit a little more now.
(On a totally coincidental not-at-all related note, there's not enough SJ-and-SY-are-the-same-people fics out there that i've found. This is totally unrelated...)
The Endless Abyss turns the mind into an over-sharpened blade, and SQQ is both fascinated and perhaps a little excited to explore a place that doesn't have a lot of info on it in the mortal realm, but still terrified out of his mind. And he's no Luo Binghe, he doesn't have the sheer brute strength and power to just bulldoze his way through, so he has to be a lot more sneaky and cunning if he wants to survive.
The fic itself role-swapped LBH and SQQ so that SQQ was the half-demon (which lowkey fucks) and LBH the human, but I'm equally-if-not-more obsessed with the idea that LBH remains the half-heavenly demon and SQQ the human. If only because I keep thinking about SQQ befriending some demons (particularly and specifically a group of succubi) and they grow very attached to this Human Cultivator so through magic plot stuff they create some kind of seal/illusion/talisman that makes SQQ appear as a demon because a human cultivator in the endless abyss may as well be the equivalent of putting a giant neon target on your back.
And iirc Shen Jiu was taught demonic cultivation by that one guy(?? i've only been here a week so im not caught up in ALL of the lore yet) so that could totally happen here.
(On the other end of the realms, poor Shizun Luo Binghe is just. losing his fucking mind over losing his most precious and beloved disciple. About .5 seconds from burning down the peaks himself. somebody sedate him.)
The Endless Abyss sucks and SQQ is having a really terrible time and can feel himself going lowkey mad, but also holy shit look at all this WORLD-BUILDING. look at all this flora and fauna, and oh if he had the equipment for it he'd be writing all of this down. ALL OF IT. He was kinda-sorta-already planning on never leaving the Abyss as some sort of fucked up self-exile and self-preservation thing, but now he might? actually just?? never leave if he can help it, like he lowkey likes it down here.
anyways the next time anyone ever sees SQQ again he's got hair so long its almost touching the ground and he's either in rags and half-feral or he's been completely dolled up by his adoptive succubi sisters and still about three seconds from biting anyone who tries to touch him. (he's also lowkey trying to book it back down to the abyss even if he has desperately missed all of his friends and shizun)
#mxtx svsss#svsss au#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#luo binghe#disciple shen yuan#scum villain#svsss#*points at SQQ/SY* i want him to go nuts. as a treat. let him crumble just a little over the stress of his fate and the stress of survival#and the stress of having a lack of autonomy over a handful of his decisions. starry craves angst and she craves a very specific SQQ angst#he was a number 1 hater back in the day and lbr being a hater takes energyyyy. ive heard that this man was the BIGGEST hater i wanna#see him rip a man to shreds with nothing but his tongue and a voice that could cut marble clean in half. skin a man alive sqq you deserve i#*mortal kombat voice* FINISH HIM#i love without-a-cure but unfortunately i dont think SQQ would be able to have WAC and also survive in the abyss.#the succubi nest that adopted him tried seducing him at first. it didn't work. but he did somehow charm them with his cringefail ways#so now they have a brand new mortal big/little brother to dote on. SQQ is frankly delighted to learn all about succubi culture that doesnt#revolve around sex. he makes quite a few friends/allies in the abyss because of his pure fascination and unbiased desire to learn about#demonic culture and all the different niches and nuances of it across species. he's still going insane tho. like that's not stopping.#there's a single LBH pov chapter in the fic and its frankly so unhinged it was fantastic. he's so possessive. he straight up goes:#'oh SQQ isnt gonna be the next peak lord. he's ascending to heaven with me when i do :)' when Sha Hualing (also peak lord) told him that he#couldn't keep his disciple in the bamboo house all the time. what was SQQ gonna do when LBH ascends and he becomes the new peak lord?#gosh that first chapter is rotating around in my mind so bad. LBH was SO unwell. like losing his actual shit over SQQ near the edge.#i so want to write a oneshot abt this where SQQ is also in hysterics (albeit over slightly diff reasons) and tells LBH on his knees:#'this disciple deeply apologizes to his shizun. for he will not be ascending to the heavens with him.' right before he falls into the abyss#this au being disciple SY is for shits and giggles but i can also see it happening for regular SQQ bc 'fuck it im a dead man either way'#frothing at the mouth at this idea also being a SY-is-SJ au too. for the extra angst of SQQ trying to bear the weight of multiple lives on#his shoulders and trying to figure out what is real and what isn't and if he's meant to suffer in all of his lives no matter what he does.#not once in his life has he ever been free to do what he likes has he? self-hatred to the max. he's going mad. poor boy :]
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It ain't Destiny 2 without the names 2: Electric Boogaloo.
#destiny 2#destiny 2 names#why yes the first one did make me lose my shit while playing crucible why do you ask?#also I'm hornybatting the next person I see with a name like 'Mara's thighs'
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i need him in ways that are concerning to humanity i fear
#insane#in fucking sane#oh god i’m losing my mind#hes the finest fucking man alive no shit#i need him to breed me#HOW DOES HE LOOK SO GOOD#LIKE#FUCK YOU JAY IM SO IN LOVE WITH YOU
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