#me everytime i make a post: leave me alone im crying. me now: leave me alone im crying. im a simple woman

[suntails]

:(

[savannahsdeath]

hiii I love your work! could you pretty please do some toxic ellie? :)

TOXIC!ELLIE WILLIAMS X READER

mdni please<3

summary: a miserable attempt to leave your toxic girlfriend

warnings: preferably 18+, just lots of toxic shit, manipulating, reader is crying

writers note: probably the only toxic post you'll see on my profile. honestly, i dont even know why i wrote this and im posting it just for the anon. i dont support any toxic behavior, cuz even a simple fanfic can bring some harm. dont read it if youre sensitive to such topics and if you decide to read it, dont romanticize it and dont blame me for any bad feelings you felt while reading - youre responsible for your own media consumption, im not forcing anyone to read. as i said, i just post it for the anon and also because i dont want it to just sit in my drafts (i dont have the guts to delete it). ugh its kinda long but i just want to make sure everyones safe, please take care🩷

you were sitting in your bed with your head buried between your knees for half an hour now, ignoring the buzzing of your phone. you caught her with another girl. you should cry and feel miserable, and all you could think of was; 'finally! finally a reason to leave her!!'. all you could feel was happiness.

but leaving her wasn't easy. you tried a few times before.

'maybe it'll be different this time', you hoped. but the way you kept receiving notifications from her said otherwise. 'maybe if i ignore her for a few more minutes, she'll let me go.'

you tried to put your phone down, but your hands won't let you. your thumbs kept reaching for the screen in a desperate, involuntary action. you were powerless to stop it. you knew you shouldn't respond. you know you should walk away, but you couldn't. every time she messaged you, your heart beated faster and your breathing quickened. you knew this isn't the best thing for you, but a part of you was still clinging to hope.

'enough, stop it.' you ordered to yourself.

you picked up your phone, deciding to call your friend. she'll make you remember all the cruel things ellie did and leaving her will be easier.

your hands were shaking and you were truly scared of what's going to happen. you hestitated for too long before clicking on your friend's profile and.. lost your chance.

ellie was calling you. she wasn't giving up and she was probably pissed off by now.

you sighed and whispered; 'sorry' to your future self, before answering the call.

"why aren't you answering to my texts, huh?" she asked in an accusatory tone, as if you were the one who did something wrong.

your breath hitched as you heard her voice. there's no going back now. "i'm sorry, ellie, it's over." you mumbled and shook your head in disbelief. 'i'm sorry'?? for what? where was your confidence?

she took it from you, just like she's going to take anything she wants.

"i'll pick you up in a few minutes." she announced and you felt tears starting to well up in your eyes.

great. so she's on her way here.

you took a deep breath to stop your voice from quivering. "i'm not going anywhere- not with you."

ellie laughed, thinking it's all a joke. "you're funny, honey. you know you come crawling back to me everytime." she replies calmly. "so get ready. i'm coming to pick you up, and then we can talk about this. like grown-ups."

ellie was good at controlling you. she'll say she's coming to pick you up, and you'll be waiting on your porch when she arrives. she had a firm grip on you and she knew it.

not this time.

"like grown-ups?" you nervously laughed. "you cheated on me. again."

ellie didn't get angry. she wasn't even surprised.

"don't overreact, babe." she replied in an irritated tone. "it's not like it was anything serious. it's just some random girl. i'm still with you. you should know that."

you were stunned by her cavalier attitude. she really thought it's no big deal.

"leave me alone." if there was even a little bit of toughness in your voice before, it all left. now, you were just simply begging her to stop. "please."

ellie's confidence and her nonchalant attitude was getting to you. you felt angry, but at the same time, you were starting to doubt yourself.

you wanted to hang up, but you couldn't. you just waited for her reaction, praying this'll be the end. but you knew everything depended on what ellie wants, and for her, only her own good mattered.

ellie chuckled. "oh, sweetheart. you think you can just break up with me over the phone? we're not even having a fight here. come on, be reasonable. let's just talk this through. i'll be there soon."

you proudly raised your chin, even though she couldn't see that. the tears ruined your confident facade anyway. "i locked the door."

she stayed silent for a moment, not expecting that from you. but she always had a plan b, and you realised that as soon as you heard her laugh. "i'll check that myself."

you heard her car arrive outside your house, and an instant wave of regret washed over you.

she knocked on the front door. "i'm here, love. open up." her voice was gentle, with an apologetic tone.

you knew it was all a ploy to get you to open the door. you knew this was just another manipulative tactic she was using, but it was starting to work.

"come on, be a smart girl." she continued in a sweet voice. "or we'll do this the hard way."

you cursed yourself for how weak you felt, even though it wasn't your fault.

"ellie, please..." you begged, with as much authority as you could muster, but your pleads still sounded weak.

"what's that, babe? are you crying?" she responded in a mocking tone.

you felt powerless to resist her. your stomach twisted in knots, but your fingers reached for the knob. your other hand quickly wiped away your tears, though there were some visible smudges left. you stared at the doorknob in your hand, fighting every instinct in your body to open it and let her in. but you knew she'll get her way, sooner or later. you just wanted to get this over with.

with a shaking hand, you opened the door. you saw that ellie was holding a set of keys - there was definitely one to your house too. she could just unlock the door, but she wanted to check if you'll listen to her. you didn't even want to think about what would happen if you didn't give up.

she walked inside like she owned the place, and she didn't even look at you. she knew she's got you wrapped around her finger.

"good girl." she said, with the same mocking tone.

ellie's eyes darted around the room, and she walked over to take a closer look at a framed photo of the two of you on your shelf. she smirked, letting out a sarcastic 'hmph, so cute'.

you stood there, defeated, as she walked past you and paced around your home. she made herself comfortable, as if she belongs there. you tried to keep a brave face, but she could see right through it.

she sat down and turned to you. "tell me, why we ended up here?" she asked, her voice was cold and unforgiving, but it also sounded curious. "why are you trying to leave me? aren't you happy?"

you felt your lips tremble, as you parted them to speak. "you know damn well what you did."

she stood up and walked up to you, standing right in your face and leaning a little to match your eye level. "fucked another girl? huh? is that it?" she stroked your cheek with the back of her fingers, mocking your pout.

you flinched away from her touch, but she grabbed your face with both hands and pulled you towards her.

"i just had some fun." she said calmly. "besides, you can't blame me for wanting something different. just trying to make up for what you lack." she caressed your face, tracing your lips. it was almost gentle, as if she wasn't even trying to hurt you. but her words cut deep. "now, stop acting like a baby." she let go of your face. "i'm trying to have a mature conversation with you."

the obedient, scared side of you wiped your tears away and straightened up without thinking, but everytime you closed your eyes - everytime you blinked - another wave of salty liquid streamed down your cheeks.

you sniffled and tried to keep it together, but your body was shaking and feeling dizzy. still, you stood your ground.

"please, ellie... i can't do this anymore." you begged in a shaky voice.

"sh, shhh..." ellie wrapped her hands around you, rubbing your hair in a soothing motion. "don't say dumb things. i already know you can't live without me. you know that too." she grabbed you by the shoulders and forced you to look at her for a second. "don't you?"

her embrace felt somehow comforting, not matching the poisoning effect of her words. you clinged onto her, hoping to get as much from this rare moment as possible.

but you knew, deep down, that this is just another manipulation tactic. you shouldn't fall for her games.

"there, there." she whispered to you. she held you even tighter, as if she was trying to absorb every ounce of energy you had left.

she pulled back and looked you straight in the eyes. "do you see what happens when you try to leave me, babe?"

"i am leaving you." you said with as much conviction as you could muster. "i'm serious this time."

but ellie just smiled, treating your words like a joke. "that's funny, honey. this is just another one of your little tantrums. you're just upset because you haven't gotten enough attention these days. but you don't want to lose me." she ran her hands along your cheeks and caressed your hair. "you'll come back to me. you'll come crawling back, just like always. because you can't live without me."

you instantly buried your face in her chest, as she started stroking your back.

she sighed. "are you finished?"

you felt ashamed. you failed, once again. you let her win.

you lifted your head up so you could see her expression. her smile was even more mocking and cruel now that you've given in to her.

"that's more like it, babe." she said with that same condescending tone. she pulled you in for another hug, as if nothing happened. "now, let's forget all about today, okay?" she whispered in your ear. "my pretty girl."

[fruityhoon]

hold you tight

yandere!jay x gn!reader

warnings: kissing and yandere behaviour

————

you were on his bed laying down facing away from him, thinking of a way on how you could leave. leave far away from his psychotic ass.

“what’s the matter baby? is something bothering you?” the voice next to you spoke out amidst the silence, you just wanted to punch him in the face everytime he opened his mouth but you knew you couldn’t.. you were afraid.

“n-nothing im just more comfortable like this” you stuttered, voice low

“dont lie to me y/n, you know you can tell me anything” his voice was so sweet, but you knew it was all an act

“i know..” you said as he lightly brushed his fingers through your hair

“turn around darling, i wanna see your face” he moved his fingers away, you turned around to face the man in front of you with a cold face

he caressed your cheek with his thumb, admiring your face that were on the verge of tears

you couldn’t hold it anymore, you looked away from him, a tear running down your cheek as you tried moving his hand away from you but as to no avail, he grabbed ur hand roughly and stared right in your eyes

“what’s wrong baby?” his voice sounded more worried, the grip on your hand says otherwise as he wiped your tears away with his other hand, you tried to form a sentence but you end up mumbling random words hoping he’d leave you alone

“hm?” he held ur jaw up, making you face him

you managed to move away from him, not wanting to be any closer with the man on the bed

“let me leave jay..please i wont tell anyone i swea-“

and with that he grabbed you, pulling you in his embrace as he hugged you tightly as you broke down even more with your head buried in his chest, trying to pull yourself away from him as he caressed your hair and kissed the crown of your head ignoring your cries

“leave where honey? you don’t listen do you? you wanna see what i’ll do to your family.. want them to turn out like the others? or maybe your little friend? taehyun would be fun to play with dont you think” his demeanour changed when he brought your boyfriend up, smiling. threatening you.

you lifted your head as you shook your head with pleading eyes. he had already murdered your friends that were trying to help you during your first attempt of escaping and no no no you didn’t want him hurting more people especially when that person was your boyfriend..

jay looked at your crying face, the way your eyes were shining due to the tears, you looked beautiful to him.

he leaned to you as both his hands were on your cheek, his strong grip telling you not to move or else, leaving a long and gentle kiss on your lips that were already puffy at this point from all the crying

he slowly pulled away, wiping the tears off of your face, moving strands of hair on your face that were covered in tears to look at you ever so softly

“this is your home now baby, i’ll always be here for you, you’re safe here with me.” he held you tightly just like before, not wanting you to leave his embrace

“i love you y/n”

all you could do was just lay there with him, eyes puffy, not being able to do anything without making him mad, you couldn’t do anything, there was no escape.

you were stuck with him.

“i love you too jay..”

_______________________________________________

authers note: my first post !! let me know if you guys like these type of posts by interacting >< i’ll start writing more yan!enha cz i have more ideas up my ass but im just so lazy to write (but if you do have suggestions feel free to suggest i might write them)

[toooster]

Chat am I cooked? I just poured my heart out to a girl 😗

“Fart you need you stop. You have a boyfriend who’s the same guy you promised me you’d never even consider in that way. You need to stop sending me snaps of yourself on your friends phone. You need to stop liking my instagram post. You need to stop. EVERYTIME I look at my quick add your name is on the list, and it hurts knowing I can click a single button and try to reconnect to you. I don’t get why you would ask your friends for their phones to talk to me even though that was only a week and a half after you unadded me and you had already replaced me with the same boy you told me you’d never think of in that way. In my mind and in my heart I still haven’t let go of you and everyday I hope to come back to you but I know that cannot happen unless you feel the same way which at this point Im certain you don’t and the other thing preventing is your parents. So if both of those things aren’t possible you need to stop interacting with me completely even if we aren’t messaging your still liking my instagram posts and sending me snaps on your friends phones and EVERYTIME you do that it hurts me because I’m reminded of what I want most but I cannot have, and I can’t have not because something I did wrong or something I’m doing to make it to where I can’t have but it’s because it’s completely out of my control and I hate when things are out of my control because it makes me feel powerless and I can’t do anything to change it. I’ve tried telling you to stop in the past by sending your friends messages to send to you and all you’ve said in response EVERYTIME is “I’m sorry” yet you continue to do it. At this point it just feels like you’re doing it to make sure you know I won’t stop wanting you back. And at this point I don’t need a reply I need an answer I need an actual answer. Saying you’re sorry proves nothing if you don’t change how you act by quitting the actions and decisions you keep making. And whenever you do send me a snap or when you liked my instagram post it just gives me false hope. Every single time I open a snap from your friend and see you it makes we want to cry from how much I miss you and it fucking hurts, it seriously does at this point and it’s destroying me mentally everyday. I’ve been delaying sending you this message for a couple weeks now because I’ve convinced myself that, because you didn’t block me or that because you do still follow me on instagram I do still have a chance of having you back. But if that isn’t true, you need to leave me alone and I need you to move on with my life even though in my mind right now I’d rather be stuck on missing you everyday than move and try to find anybody else because even though we haven’t talked in over a month I still can’t even talk to anybody else without missing you and thinking about you. Part of the reason is because when I said I’d wait for you as long as you waited for me I was completely serious and I was willing to wait forever for you but unfortunately you didn’t seem to feel the same way. Since you had already replaced me so quickly. I’m sorry if this message seem repetitive I’m just not good with explaining things so I explained the same things a couple of times to maybe help you understand how I feel. I’m sorry if this message caused any trouble but I do truly miss you still and I don’t think I ever won’t miss you. Because I did make a promise to you and I hate people who don’t keep their promises and I hate liars so it’s basically impossible for me to forget about the promise I made. Please read this messsge and try to fully understand it.“

From a scale of 1-1000000 how cooked am I..

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not playing piano in front of my family?

Well it's a silly one but every time it happens I feel more and more like the asshole.

My mom is a musician teacher and she played the piano professionally since she was a child. She grew up in a strict country with strict parents so I guess this is the only way she knew how to act.

Idk if she wanted me to be a famous pianist or something but she forced me and my bro to learn it since we were 3 or 4 or something.

I hated it. I hated it so much. It was always difficult and classical musics. She would always make us cry because she got really angry when we made mistakes (not like hitting angry just shouting angry).

As years passed by, she realized the justification of "you'll thank me in the future" was not worth it for us or for her (the classes gave her a lot of stress also at the time).

Honestly, I do thank her. I realized that I love to sing and have a really good voice if I may say, and I can use the piano to accompany me or I am good enough to learn musics I want to play by myself with all that I learned from her.

Now I'm an adult and I'm currently doing a major in something else but I think I'll never stop singing. My family loves it and loves music and I love to be on stage or sing to others so it's been a win win situation for little less than a decade.

Sry for the long post that was the context.

Ok I have a piano in my living room of the apartment I have with my parents and bro

I really like to play it while singing in a discord music server. But I can only do it when I'm alone at home.

Idk why but everytime I play the piano and my mom is near me watching I start getting anxious and just refuse to play in front of her.

This kinda extended to the rest of the family at home recently.

Like singing I can do whenever but the playing piano part is a no no. And honestly I feel like such an asshole.

My mom doesn't say anything nor the rest of my family. But they try to give me space when I'm playing by entering the apartment quickly and going to their rooms to leave me by myself for how long I'd like. But for me everything is already ruined(?) and I just go to my room after a few minutes.

They try to encourage me saying that they will go to their rooms and that I can relax and I feel bad that I'm kinda guilting them into messing up the music or stoping me from having fun just because they are around

It happened again today and I'm so mad at myself. It only happens specifically when I'm playing piano on a discord call. For the rest I'm fine with it. I can play if my mom or my bro asks, or by myself. But I love doing singing calls so all the time I use the piano in the living room is for this.

Like, I can see that the classes affected me a bit. But cmon, it's been years now, I'm a freaking adult. It's been so long that I feel that Im just being an asshole at this point

Am I being the asshole for not playing the piano when my family is at home?

Also, writing this ask made me a bit mad at myself again so I'm thinking of doing a discord call test while my mom is at the living room and try to get used to it. If this gets posted I'll tell how it went.

What are these acronyms?

[poorlemons]

HI!!! I absolutely adore your art (it's so beautiful. It's so fluid. It's having a long lasting impact on my brain. Everytime I close my eyes theres just lemons art and darkness.) and I think far too much about your Clear Image AU, I fear I may have to start making slideshows about it.

But also curious about what happens to Michael during the rest of the timeline, like post season 3 times. Does she stay in the archives or move on with her life? And then what happens to her after the Eyepocalypse, is she okay (can she be okay please I'll cry)?

thank you so much that is so sweet of you!! im glad you enjoy my evil machinations. also i apologize if any of this has weird grammar or anything, i just woke up and am eating breakfast as i write this. also grammar is hard and im jsut a silly little guy, have mercy on me and post season 3 timeline... well as I see it, theres a couple ways it could go, and I think I will ponder them all. why get 1 ending when i can show you the good and the bad and let you sit with it! :3 ok so i need to establish somethings first. 1) the way I explain michael shelley herself still existing after becoming the distortions vessel is her tether to the Eye. If she had not been so connected to Beholding through the archives contract, and by how long she worked down there (in my michael timeline she's been there since the like, 80s. she's the michael mentioned by eric or whatever, i like that version of events). So it has its claws in her deep, even as she's kept ignorant. She wants to know, she wants to dig... she's just also prevented from doing it. and 2) Yeah that contract is still in place. how? because its funnier if it is, and also she never did *die*. Michael Shelley was missing, but never really reported, and she never died while she was being used as a vessel. So michael only has a few options if she wants to be free of the archives. In no timeline does Michael die! She's OK-ish. also none of these are 100% planned out so itll mostly be sparknotes So the first option for her to take is stabbing out her eyes to get that contract broken right there. But heres the issue: who would Michael get help from? Suddenly becoming blind is not really a hurdle you can jump alone, at least not easily. And she has no home, really no physical ties to anything because everything she had is most likely gone/thrown out by now. It would leave her blind and homeless, i fear. Because the archive people are her friends sorta, but like... theyre still caught up in the archives, they're busy and stressed all the time. Plus, the eye stabby thing is only found out some while into season 4. so she's probably not taking that route

the second one is she stays at the archives (good timeline): Heres when I reveal CIau as a fix-it. In this timeline a few things are true (Tim is alive, Jon didn't get comaed, Martin doesn't go with Peter, tensions are generally lower, Daisy did get coffined, though. the Unknowing did happen it just went... Better). This obviously frustrates Elias greatly, but Michael is a powerhouse of pure spite and determination to thwart that son of a bitch. He *knew* what Gertrude did to assistants, and he didn't *care*. Getting him out of power is the closest thing Michael could get to revenge. And oh how she wants that, never forget she is angry at what was done to her- its a low, dormant anger, but it is anger. So they go about Season 4, but less loneliness sand misery. Michael is determined to live her life to the fullest and she's pulling everyone into it as well. Its a little awkward in the Archives, and nobody can fully heal while they're trapped but relationships are improving. Melanie's bullet is removed consentually, everything is "great" (jon probably still gets stabbed though, i think thats funny). Tim is even less... sad miserable tim. And really a lot of it is different because... well season 4 hinged on that loneliness and misery. So in between mandatory get-out-of-the-archvies days and shit like that, theyre trying to figure out how to get rid of the contracts. Maybe they burn it or something, maybe they throw elias into Helen and carve out his eyes- that'd be fun. But they get free, yippee, and so Michael can go about getting new papers n shit and everyone can heal. I'd like to think she gets like, a nice calm job. She and Jon definitively volunteer at an animal shelter on the weekends. Her, martin, and anyone else who wants to tag along have little tea hangouts. Her and Tim sit in amicable silence or go out on some sort of hike, depends on how they feel (Michael's back does not appreciate it sometimes but she tries her best to keep up with her friend). Her, Basira, Jon, and Georgie have a book club. Georgie is chill too!! She gets a cat named Private Pea (name courtesy of Jon) and all is vibing.

Now time for bad timeline: A few things are the same, a few are different (Tim is alive, Jon gets comaed (this one was more of an accident that deliberate of Tim, Tim feels bad about it), Daisy is coffined, Martin is pulled in with Peter though its much more of a struggle for Peter to *keep* him, tensions are lower for most of them (Melanie has a bullet in her leg so shes still angry), and Georgie is wary but they manage to communicate the situation to her better so she doesn't fully cut contact with Jon.) Things are rough for a while, since Jon is out for the count, but everyone makes do as they can. Tim feels Bad about what happened, but Michael makes sure to help Tim out and try to make him feel better. They're friends, your honor. Yadi yada Jon comes back, Melanie gets her bullet taken out, everyone misses Martin. The events here are much more in line with canon season 4. They're still trying to find a way to break contract, but with the concerns about Martin and Daisy- and Jon's whole humanity- they're lagging behind about that. Michael does cry when she hears Eric's tape, Jon makes sure to let her listen to it. Melanie stabs out her eyes, daisy is retrieved from the coffin (Jon still loses a few ribs bc he's... Jon and of course he'd do that still), etc. Helen's relationship with the main crew is a little odd, since Michael is around, but maybe they're at a tentative truce. Maybe they paint each other's nails as a peace offering. The final peter-elias confrontation happens, shit hits the fan in the archives with the hunters 'n everything. Helen shelters Michael and Tim (michael is more or less safe from the distortion's effects and just hold onto Tim really hard) but Daisy still goes Hunt mode etc. Martin is saved, he and Jon get sent off to the safehouse and all is quiet for a little while. Michael and Tim do their best to just exist, Basira is off looking for Daisy, Melanie and Georgie are at home, the stage is set. Maybe Tim and Michael were out of town on a little trip when the eyepocalypse starts. OK. so. Eyepocalypse. Michael is trapped in a spiral-esc domain. I think her position is fairly unique. Not an avatar but so heavily marked by the Spiral that even the domain is confused on whether or not she's in charge. Its torment either way, she feels as if she's back in that hell of being Michael. Tim's probably also stuck in a domain, probably stranger, and maybe a bit of desolation, though i don't know how that'd look. I think Tim is 100% afraid of losing everything he has again, of burning those bridges for good. and also clowns. I think when Jon makes it to that domain, it takes a moment for him to realize who's statement he's taking. And then Martin and Jon try to hunt her down a pull her out. They do! She doesn't even really need the "ceaseless watcher make this person into your little bitch" or whatever, because her existence is just that muddled. She just... gets pulled out and her position shifts from watched to watcher. They go hunt down Tim, and idk maybe with the help of Helen and Michael they manage to fish him out without him becoming an avatar was well. Maybe he does have to get ceaseless watchered, no idea. Then theyre back on track through the domains, now Jon, Martin, Michael, Tim, and a Helen sometimes. They make it to London, they meet up with the others, everything is generally the same. But instead of that jon-stabbing kurfuffle, they kill jonah and everything falls apart and boom its ok the world is normal. Maybe most of the world doesn't remember but its alright, Theyre free. and thusly it sorta picks up from there like how it did in the better timeline. But maybe with a lot more issues to work around and heal from. so um. yeah something like that. I dunno

[itsmarsss]

me reading the chapter actuauly

ogm omfgdsjg; d i cant this is so much blitzo constantly thinking of readers words and them lingering in his mind omg i need them to make up i cannot stand this wht he hell he think that no one will be there to cross out the o but i guarantee reader with her saggy ass and titties (as an old lady) would cross the rings to do so

him hating the weekend sfngdg i canot your depictions of him feel so in character it makes me think you are a writer for the show i cannot believe that this fic is literally changing my life (for the better) ofmfks

SEEING THAT TEY TEXTED CONSISTENLY AND IT MADE HIM NOT HATE WEEKENDS AS MUCHDSG and they made it a habit to spend the weeksends together to hate them less i cannot stnat this omsg my heart

"Maybe it’ll be in one of those days when he’ll be climbing up Stolas’ balcony and then he’ll slip and fall and break all his bones only to be found dead on the grass surrounded by ball gags and anal plugs" this took me out SO BAD lmfao i just stared at my screen like

BUT THEN IMEDDIENYL HAD TO TURN AWAY BC OF THE "PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT FOLDER"

mars when i actch you mars i will fnaf jumpscare you irl this is not it. BABRIE AND HIS MOM WHAT IF I BROKE DOWN??? THEN YOU FOLLOW IT UP WITH "blitz is a 35year old single father who kills people...But in this moment… he just wants his mama." LIKE??? HOW DARE YOU ???? THAT IS SUCH A SORE SPOT BC I FEEL LIKE CRYING EVERYTIME I HEAR AB OLD POPEL MISSING THEIR PARENTS AND IT SLIKE FUGHG crying as i think ab it actually whi cant stand this

then his thought process the whole party omg he literally just wanted an escape to not feel. i cant do this anymore him asking loona to call him dad i crided

then when they leave he pulls out his phone to draw and i jsut sdjfdg i died

NOW FOR THE CONVO WITH STOLAS?? UFHH you probably grabbed it from the many ss of their messages that are shown but still omg his immediate backtracking made me want to pull my hair out bc no thats not how you talk UGHHH

then him asking loona if she would be there when he is old and she is like "ill be there dad" i cant i fucking hate this show why would they do that to me (then he vomits)

literally me after reading blitz portion

FIZZ FIDNING READER OGM he must've felt bad bc he was liek "fuckk that was the chick with blitz and stolas oph shit fuck cock"

reader having no one other than ozzie (in that moment) to go to ufhg (get this woman some friends) and their whole convo what if i

her asking ozzie if he thinks she stupid bc blitz words are echoing in her mind just as much as hers did in his omg i need them to kiss and make up please someone grow communcation skills FUCKING

stolas message with her is so late i cant stand this i think i wills start fcrying again

also her expecting a "fuck you" message from blitz only to get something that made her feel better mars stop this

this is madness when i get you i am shaking you really hard LMFAO

anyways those are my thoughts plz tell my u times this bc idk how long this took

this is the most in-depth comment anyone's ever sent me for my writing and i actually wanna cry

every time you talk about how invested in this you are and how much you love it i feel like crying djmdjmvjfk its just like i cant believe someone would care enough to leave me THIS this is so cool and so fucking nice!!

the thing about how he used to hate weekends because it meant he'd be alone and how he stopped hating them once reader came into his life came from a little blurb thingy i never ended up posting, and i felt it fit right into this chapter!

i liked writing this one a lot because the chaos in blitzos head allowed me to be all over the place and cover a lot of different stuff at once lol it was pretty cool

whenever anyone says something abt my writing being really in character it makes me feel so proud i just get so happy that it feels like ya know im taking these characters people care so much for that they're reading fanfiction about them and writing them from my perception and its so cool to have people feel like im doing them justice!!

the death with the sex toys part was a... choice lmao i thought it'd be funny to use the way blitzo's thoughts are all over the place to convey how easily they go from dumb thoughts to really depressive ones

oh the asking loona to call him dad again was added just to hurt yall i wont make excuses its there to be evil lol

yeah the convo w stolas was mostly taken out of the texts we see in stolas' phone in western energy, but i altered a few things here and there but yeah omfg what always got me with those texts is exactly that. like hes so so desperate to have things be okay he backtracks everything he's trying to say just to not feel that blitz is mad at him

i thought i could also add the layer of blitzo beeing too drunk to reply properly which is another reason for the texts to seem so cold

and ohhh yeah the thing with fizz finding her is that its both a 'fuck what i did hurt this girl' and also that kind of 'idk what to do rn' feeling of interacting with your partner's friends who you're not close enough to to have like a real conversation with lol

yeahhh im glad it was possible to catch that lol the chapter was v blitzo centered so we go through reader's pov of things very wuickly but yeah what blitz said abt her kept echoing in her mind just as much as what she said to him did in his!!

i thought the whole 'expecting a fuck you' thing would be fun to add in considering he does consider sending her a fuck you text in the beginning of the chapter lol

and seriously i think having the doodle there instead of just a description of it made it all so much more motional thank you so so much for it!!! i hope you liked the birthday gift!!!! happy birthday babes!!!!!

[yuukei-yikes]

Tell us about Shinaya’s breakup :D

HEHDJEIDNEKFJEKDKEK ive had this ask since i posted i was thinking abt it MAN i cannot express to u i just. I WANNA WRITE A FIC SO BAD but AUGH im so bad at it it makes me cringe i cant do that but its basically like all my damn posts together u know. i keep thinking of shintaro's disastrous relationships post str going from ayano to kano to takane etcetc sorry im playing with him like a stress toy making him go thru hell but its so fun

srry i dont wanna have to rewrite a lot of stuff so erm im liking this answer 🫡🫡🫡 and i could link a bunch more just so u SEE MY VISION... but i think linking that is enough. ON AND OFF SHINAYA MY BELOVED

shintaro and ayano sort of having this ridiculous relationship because both are hurting and jumped in a relationship too quick but fighting/being sad about stupid shit is so much easier than dealing with their actual issues that they've got with themselves. like focusing on each other and what they don't like about each other and their relationship is so much easier than crying about how suicidal they are. lollllll SO LIKE this insanity sort of saves them at the same time??

i mean the most ideal would be that instead of getting together they got therapy and the normal kind not the relationship kind. you know. but also theyre traumatized and ugh. its so much easier to resent each other than themselves. its so much easier to be petty. its such a relief to cry over relationship problems than over timeline resets or dead parents and etc. YOU GET ME?????

they keep breaking up and getting back together ridiculously like it is 1000% so dramatic each and everytime. ayano crying her eyes out like its the end of the world and shintaro making 100 sad playlists. and it happens at least monthly. the first time everyone's like WHOA THEY BROKE UP!?!? SHIT!! the second time its like heyyy maybe they'll work it out like last time!! third time its like are you joking. fourth time they're already begging them to stop. by they i mean the dan but especially takane by the way. who do you think is picking up the pieces.

and by the way the one breaking up all the time and being dramatic as hell is shintaro. he gets angry and annoyed and weaponizes the LETS BREAK UP thing because he DOESNT MEAN IT. like he knows he and ayano will work it out later. he gets comfortable again. not to get on the ayano surviving thing, but i think ayano (and hiyori but especially ayano) making it out alive undoes a big part of the message abt moving on. like i love her so im not complaining thats i love having her alive :3 but i like to translate this into shintaro like. he's intensely trying to repress/process all the memories of the other timelines to cope and have a normal life and ends up being this way because he's sort of self sabotaging himself. like ayano's alive and she likes me??? lol. ok?? ill wake up any moment now!! and he feels guilty and undeserving and is sort of a dickhead to her in an unconscious attempt of keeping her away because that's what he deserves according to him. also why he's accepting of takane's intense obsession with him lol bc she's familiar and she is comfortable, unlike ayano who is so rare and one in its kind in all the timelines. he is sort of terrified of her in a way.

the lets break up isnt rly a breakup. its just a leave me alone see u later. LOL i think we talk too much abt kanoshin bringing the worst in each other but what about shinaya. they do that too. yeah we CAN have fluffy shinaya. but like i said it is so easy to focus all this bitterness and sadness into each other and it's so relieving to be sad and angry about this rather than everything else. because this is sort of in their control while everything else isn't, wasn't. and its so unfair. of course its unfair!! but they cant do anything abt it. so they just go crazy on each other. ayano is DESPERATE to be needed. i could link more replies but i will hold myself back. basically her siblings are used to being alone/know she has her own problems and ayano is dealing with this emptiness and feeling of failure bc no one needs her, from her perspective her sacrifice still failed to save everyone, her parents are gone so she needs to step up. like she puts herself under all this pressure and feels Not Good Enough for ANYTHING. and she is dating shintaro.

it's EASY to bother him and try to get him to open up and etc so she ridiculously focuses on that. but it gets on shintaro's nerves to say the least LOL plus all his other issues i mentioned 🫡plus she keeps being like we have to be normal. lets kiss and hold hands and cuddle. but she's too embarrassed to say it/do it and shintaro is even more pathetic about it. so theyre both frustrated about everything and can barely even sit next to each other without acting insane.

AND SORRY BUT I WILL TALK ABT TAKANE🫡💞💗💖💝💕💘ofc. codependent shintaka. of course. it drives ayano CRAZY because on top of all their problems takane is able to talk sense into shintaro each and every single time. and she is soooo jealous like she knows its stupid but she cant help ittt i ALSO TALKED ABT THIS SORRY I KEEP REPEATING MYSELF IM JUST SO CRzy abt it. hehe......the whole mess bringing drama to harutaka too bc shintaro and ayano are so messy theyre contagious is so fun to me. when it comes to shintaro and takane's horrible relationship both their romantic relationships suffer for it but deal with it completely differently. while both haruka and ayano deal with jealousy somewhat, ayano is so hurt and already at the verge of a mental breakdown so she's focusing so many negative emotions on it and AGAIN it just serves as another point of argument between shintaro and ayano while haruka is like. his mental state isnt as convoluted as ayanos, he's rather freaking out and terrified of being left alone. THIS IS ABT SHINAYA so i wont get into harutaka side but lol. heh. Looks at it. zooms in it. like what i mean is that haruka and takane talk and work through it and are like sighs yeah...this is messed up while shintaro and ayano are using it against each other instead of working on it LMAO

ANYWAYS. ayano breaks up with shintaro. vine boom. total breakdown moment like everyone out of the room i wanna talk to you alone. and this time its for REAL. like ayano isnt confrontational at all, all their arguments are always her being pushy abt idk mental health and shintaro's like godddd STOPPPPP and ayano crying and shintaro being like I CANNOT DEAL WITH THAT. IM SORRY I GUESS. CAN U GET OUT OF THE ROOM. WE'LL TALK LATER. but he also sucks so bad at letting the other person know they can count on him so he kind of assumes ayano will do it when she's ready because he KNOWS she's in pain. like. ofc it could go well. ofc shintaro and ayano could work through everything with kindness and comprehension for each other but they're both so sad and suddenly find themselves annoyed at each other one time and it felt so freeing to do that that they just keep doing it. especially shintaro. having ayano be mad at him is sort of relieving because he feels undeserving of her and its like yeah. Yeah!! i know its ooc but shinaya screaming match.god. sorry but all their bottled up emotions abt everything and they take it out on each other for no reason other than theyre giving each other the space and it plays out that way. theyre acting crazy about something so stupid like shintaro not wanting ayano to wear his clothes or whatever. like they scream about that but its not about that. it just feels so good to scream. it feels so good to scream and let it out even if they haven't given themselves the time to process that theyre not... actually screaming abt that at all. theyre screaming about everything else. not even about each other. its about themselves. its always been.its never been about each other. when it is, its stupid. thats why they do it. its just easier. God. they were just not ready for a relationship, especially not one with each other out of all people.

ayano breaks first, therefore dumps shintaro lol. he goes thru his own fucked up arc afterwards while ayano gets help. my man spirals DOWN. whether they get back together or not depends on my mood 🤨 but if they do, its by the time theyre in their mid twenties or something so a few years later LOL i picture them dating like for over a year maybe?? when theyre 18/19. hehe.

like. do you get it.

[bichitosdecolores]

i just finished totk and a link between wolds and i have thougths.

under the cut. (ill put a little spoiler warning when nessesary)

this ran out of my control so beware a really long post down there

a link between wolds first

ok okokokok. so. this is the greatest game of all time. the concept of link turning unidimensional its the most unique and cool ive seen in a zelda game. the puzzles are so cool and exploring the world(s) its so much fun.

also skyward swords its usually said to be the one that broke the zelda formula but albw also did. you can solve the dungeons in any order you want and get the items for a weird little creature (aka my new favorite character) with rupees at any time in the game.

i also loved the story. spoilers start here

This was my seventh zelda game and its definitely not my favorite story wise. BUT. the concept of it its so interesting. the twisted hyrule aka lourde its great and also hilda aka evil zelda its so interesting as well as ravio aka the weird link its the greatest reveal ive seen in a zelda game. and the twist of hilda being behind all the evil plan also surprised me.

another thing i found really interesting its the fact that the triforce its completed by the end of the game and Link and Zelda get to make a wish. because this is a concept that its been established in a lot of the games ive played but ive never actually seen it happening (i suppose its because of the downfall timeline or whatever).

spoilers end here

ill say the only thing i didnt love about the game is its difficulty. ive only played another 2d zelda game (links awakening) but in comparison this one its too easy. i died a total of 2 times, one of them in the final boss (which is a really cool fight btw). so yeah, kinda easy but not really a complaint.

totk time

man. what do i say about this game.

i didnt love botw and i usually dont like 3d games. but i guess i cannot longer say that because i love totk. its so fun and big (how does it run in the swich).

also playing totk made me appreciate botw more. its so cool how even without the main story both games tell a different story and how besides link being almost and avatar he gets to have so much story, growth and personality. In botw link is almost always alone, literally only accompanied by the ghost of his past. while in totk a lot of npc recognize him, help him and just are there with him. also hyrule tell its own story; in botw its almost a post apocalyptic (ex) kingdom. npcs are always in tiny towns, and the few that leave are scared and in danger. and everything its destroyed, gannon its trapped in the castle and theres no hope for the kingdom. but the in totk they are rebuilding!. i have never been this emotional about a bunch of npcs as i am with totk/botw once. they go out to explore and treasure hunt!. there is a school!, a newspaper!. they know zelda and link and hyrules story!. they let link sleep and gives him weapons and food whenever for free!.  im not crying i promise (lie).

and the amount of storytelling that theres is the world alone its insane. i get sad everytime i catch some poes because they are the souls of the fallen hyrule warriors and people from before botw.

now lets talk about link (again) and zelda because they had taken over my mind. link and zelda from botw failed. thats the whole point of the story. they failed the first time, they couldnt save their friends, their kingdom, they didnt defeat ganon, link couldnt defend zelda. so then 100 years latter they have to fix it and save what is left of the kingdom they couldnt protect. botw its so sad. even when they win, the kingdom its still broken and they friends are still gone.

then in totk they do everything they can to help the new hyrule, and when it its in danger again, they fight. in botw, i like to think most of the time link will be running in the wild (dah), camping alone, then go and defeat gannon on his own (the champions help but they are ghost and it was their duty anyways). and then, in totk the very first thing link does after living the sky its go to the fortress (idk its name) where there is people willing to help, then he go and travel finding and helping people on its way. they want link, the hero, to help them fight this monsters, because its gives them hope. he goes to see his friends and they willingly help him. they don't have to risk their lives but zelda asked them to help link and of curse they will. they trust him. he is their friend, and they wont let him be alone.

now a little bit of spoilers

when link goes to the castle, expecting to fight ganandof alone and then the sages show up and deflect the attack i almost cried. then at the end of the game when link loose contact with them and still goes in alone and they show up again.  im...  ;-;

and zelda!. my girl fought so much and she was alone for so much more i want to give her a hug. when she gets turned back to human and she says she was sure she would be gone (a dragon) forever... ;-;

end spoilers

now lets talk about that final fight.

damn, what a good fight. i was there for so long (my fault for getting there with 3 hearts and no food), but we did it and it was amazing.

ok thats it. in conclusion a link between worlds its almost as good as links awakening but im going to say its my new favorite zelda game because it deserves so much more love that it gets. also cook some food before you go to end game, believe me youll need it.

[grabmytuna]

8 months later.

I feel sick and cry everytime I think of how long it's been.

It still all feels like a fucked up dream, like the ones you used to tell me you had and I would calm you down from.

I guess I'm doing better. I have a house now, headed for a promotion and have kept my motivation for gaming even after losing it for months.

Everyday just leaves me thinking, what is this all for now that you're gone. I worked my ass off this year in a fog of manic depression and isolation outside of work. I don't know why. I only ever wanted a house for us. I can't even think about seeing someone else.

My first thought when I moved in was that you would have loved it here. I had to get rid of most of the things you got me, it's hard enough when you're already the first thought when I wake up and the last if I go to bed.

I wish I had my emotions more in control. I can never be proud of myself and I'm so damaged from us, your cousin, and everything else that happened in the house I tried to hold up for us. I don't even believe people when they tell me what their name is, that's how cynical I've become.

I don't know why I even bother posting this shit. I know you're not coming back. It's been 8 months. 8 long, overworked and depressing months.

I don't really know what else to say. Im just empty. Just me now. Working 6 days a week and retarded hours each day for, I have no idea anymore. Having a house now just doesn't feel like any achievement.

My family is proud and feels like I'm doing better but I don't know if I am. I had to sleep in a room smaller than the one I rented to your cousin for months on an army cot and then an air mattress. I guess I can just be happy I'm not there anymore and I learned how fucked over you can get when everyone leaves a house for one person to fall down with.

I at least have boundaries now, and don't let people manipulate or keep lying to me. People don't let me down because they only get one chance now. I will never let someone else promise me something for years just to hide it behind my back and disrespect my home that was then left for me to deal with alone.

No longer will I let adults that are drunken maniacs or completely daft in my home just to make someone happy. I might be alone, but at least I'm not being hurt everyday by putting up with things that were killing me.

[iincoherentthoughts]

things i struggle with

trust trust that she can love me even when im away trust that she'll be loyal to me even when im away trust that she still knows why she's even with me even when im away trust that she'll never leave me even when the problem isnt that big a lot of times im reminded how it was always her who wanted to leave.

3 times. in 5/6 months she wanted to leave me but i always begged.

now im scarred with the feeling, the idea, that its only a matter of time before she find a reason to want to leave again

i dont want to tell her how much its still affecting me i dont want her to feel that were hopeless and long gone i dont want het to feel that shes powerless bc she has to take in everythigng i say to her i dont want to tell her how much it still pains me every time im reminded she, the one i love, played a food out of me who lied to me who met up with someone im threatened the most while i was sound asleep, giving all my trust in her who offered to get them as soon as i left who made me feel like i was having an actual confrontation with them but shes actually intervening who lied about someone being a witness to all that theyve done, turns out it was all just the two of them she fucked me up while saying she loves me she ran to someone else when i was willing to run in the rain for her she broke the big ones and keeps breaking the small ones the small promises the pinky promises that means the world to me but now lost its meaning i dont even want to use it anymore it keeps getting broken stupid shit like her promising to take a shower with me then later changing her mind its like the word "promise" means nothing to her i keep breaking and i keep hurting and i keep running out of trust to give i dont know how to help myself i really try to talk myself out of the thoughts im having but every stupid thing triggers me when shes out with her friends when shes out with her family when shes not replying when normally she should be when her chat is a little off and only sending one word replies when she posts a picture of herself when were not okay when she talks to her old flings when shes with someone alone when shes in school when i dont see her when i dont see who's behind her camera when im not physically with her no i havent caught her again with anything yet thats very good but my thoughts are telling me what if shes just gotten so much better at hiding? and i try to tell myself, no, theres no way she loves me, she said she could never do such a thing again since she saw how much it broke me. besides, she does things for me, she prepares my food, she took me out on my bday.. shes fine shes good then my minds like, shes doing all those things so u forget about it, so u forgive her and she can feel better about herself nahh, shes not like that, she said if she doesnt want me, shell just leave. i fight with myself its frustrating to fight with myself to invalidate my own feelings at the same time, they werent really even valid to begin with

when i feel something, i try not to bring it up because im afraid it will turn into a fight and ill just end up to be the one whos sorry

she always make me feel stupid everytime she gives up "explaining" something to me

she makes me feel not worth her while when she says "never mind" or "forget about it" when i try to calmly call her out on something, shed ask "huh when did i ever do/say that? show me?" but i have no proof. and i have no exact "sample" so ill be like, okay im sorry, maybe im creating shit in my head when shes acting up like showing attitude (maybe just wanting me to baby her) it almost always triggers the "shes gonna leave me she dont love me no more" alarm. its so stupid. i hate myself for it i fucking hate how sensitive i am how i easily cry at stupid things i fucking hate it i hate my life i hope i run out of tears i hope i run out of breath

[flaxen-kittie]

Everytime i get sad and someone tries to help me i just get angry, probably from getting shut down every time i tried to talk to people about my feelings or the fact i was hit for crying as a kid but man it actually sucks, i want to feel comfortable being sad i dont wanna be scared anymore i just wanna greive in peace but my own mide is eating at me saying that showing any negative emotions infont of people will get me hurt and i dont want that anymore

No matter how hard i try ill always be scared, my walls are too high all i can do it type it out and pray someone will understand but deep down i know they never will

Iv always been alone and i will always be, i drive people away cause i act too tough when im not, im vulnerable, at my most when i act that way cUse im really opening up to you at that point, i act scary to see if it will make you leave, and only one persons stayed and now shes dead abd im alone again

Sorry for sad posting it helps my head

[suzukara]

hii can i request a scaramouche angst plssss im begging for one pls i want to cry, maybe make scara really mean, abandon us or something like that. until one day or years later he regreted his decision and decided to look for us and found us with other ppl (CHILDE PLSLS YK THE DRAMA) thank uuu<3333

Too late now —

pairings: scaramouche x gn! reader, childe x gn! reader

warnings: toxic and abusive scara, mentions of scars, angst to fluff, trauma, swearing

a/n: sorry this took awhile to get out anyways, I love this idea. have I ever mentioned how much I love writing angst? I hope you like this post and enjoy reading! (not proofread)

"how could you have been so careless and stupid? why did you even sign up for this job if you can't even do something as simple as arranging papers? can't believe I dated someone as incompetent and useless as you. get out." scaramouche yelled at you as you looked down in shame.

"w-what?" you stuttered out in disbelief.

"did you not hear me? I said get out of my sight you stupid bitch, I never want to see your face ever again! or do I have to make you get out?" he repeated, hands sparking with electro, reminding you of an incident that had happened awhile ago.

you knew better then to disobey his orders, having experienced the consequences of it before.

you quickly got up from your knees, sobbing as you ran out of his room. you loved him, you really did, but why does he treat you this way? a year ago, he was still treating you as if you were made of glass, what happened?

memories of his traumatic punishments flooded your mind as your knees gave out under you, making you latch onto a nearby wall for support. you looked at the scars on your arms and legs that serves as a reminder to you of what he has done.

the electro cracking in his hands sending shocks down your body, the horrifying look on his face still haunts you at night.

"hey, you alright?"

"childe?"

"why are you crying?"

you took one good look at him before bursting out in tears. you felt ashamed for crying in front of him, but you couldn't control yourself as flashbacks of the abuse you experienced flashed through your mind.

childe pats you on your back reassuringly, while telling you everything and anything that you needed to hear. he held you close to him, not caring about the tears that has soaked his expensive shirt.

he was everything you needed.

you never had the chance to admire his beauty, given that scaramouche was a jealous man. though now that he wasn't there to stop you anymore, you felt as if he was an angel sent from heaven. your angel.

and now that you thought about it deeply, scaramouche has never done any of these before. for someone who was all high and mighty, he sure was childish.

everytime, he would take his anger out on you then come back as if he's done nothing wrong. how foolish you were to accept his non-existent apology over and over again even after he made you go through hell and back.

though this time, you have someone here for you, to accompany you through all of these. and that person was childe.

you never noticed the way he has always been looking out for you, the way he always helps you even without you asking, the way he cared for you when you got injured on a mission.

now that you see it though, you made sure repay him back ten times.

it's been a year since then, and you've long moved on from him. you've found someone better, better then him.

childe

ajax has insisted to bringing you out for dinner to celebrate your one-year anniversary before bringing you to see his family.

while you were both on your way to the restaurant, you unfortunately bumped into a certain someone...

"[name]? why are you hanging out with this asshole?"

"what do you mean 'why are they hanging out with me'? weren't you the one who abandoned them?" ajax spat back at him.

"[name], why are you with him?" scaramouche demanded for you to answer him.

"I'm their boyfriend. so leave them alone already, won't you?" ajax pushed you behind him, standing in front of you protectively.

"this isn't your business childe, stay out of this. we don't want things to get messy."

"their business is my business, as their boyfriend, I wouldn't allow them to get hurt by you again." ajax glared at your ex.

"get hurt by me? I think you're mistaken. I've never hurt them intentionally before. now get out, and stay out." scaramouche glared back, hand crackling with electro behind his back.

"you know, I've never been one to refuse a good battle..." ajax summoned his catalyst, smirking, "and I think a fist fight would be suitable for the both of us right now."

you watched as you ex and current boyfriend both summoned their catalysts, getting ready to block and attack.

you didn't know what to do. you felt weak and useless, but when you saw scaramouche launch towards ajax with his hands aiming for a strike that might cause your boyfriend to never awake, you felt an instinct.

an instinct to protect, to defend, to help, but you weren't so stupid now were you? you weren't just going to run in front of scaramouche.

since the gods in celestia above has blessed you with a vision, you made sure to put it to good use...

if you strike a blow of anemo just at the right time, you can definately catch him off guard. after all, he's only ever thought of you as a weak little thing.

right before scaramouche's hands could touch ajax, you sent a heavy blow of anemo towards him, successfully pushing him back for awhile.

"[name]? how dare you?" scaramouche looked at you in betrayal.

"I'm not going to submit to you like a good little puppy anymore. not after what you've done, I won't come running back to you anymore." you stared blankly at him.

"your lying, you're nothing without me. so why won't you be good and come back to me?" he tried persuading you, this was how he got you to go back with him each and everytime.

"I'm not falling for that anymore, scaramouche. if you keep playing the same trick on a child, they won't fall for it after the third or fourth time. I've moved on, let me go please." you looked away, not wanting to see his reaction.

"let's go ajax, we have a dinner reservation..." you reminded, pulling him along with you, but when you were leaving you can't help but think.

'would I have forgiven him again if I hadn't met ajax? if he 'apologised' earlier? if I didn't leave?'

though that's too late to think about now, since it's too late now...

[rafescoke]

hiiiii!!

Can I please request a rafe x reader based on that song need to know by doja cat.

Basically the reader heard rumors about the rafe’s and he’s past with his ex. Basically all saying how he was a 10/10 on bed. The reader is furious but sad and quickly confronts the rafe. You can choose the ending. Smut or fluff ending!!

Also pls post the rafe x reader, jj fic with the 19 chapters plsssss!!!! I beg you!

Need To Know ; Rafe Cameron

masterlist

#Part 1

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x reader

Summary: The reader confronts Rafe about his past

Warnings: Straight smut, hella angst, substance, swearing, Rafe being a total dick

A/N: this one shot’s too long but i hope you will love it. i poured all my love into this however this isn’t my best work and im sorry!! 

p.s, i’m always open for requests <3

“Hey! thanks for coming,” Topper smiled, hugging Rafe’s side before kissing (Y/N)’s cheeks. He ushered them both to the middle of the ongoing party, to the centre where all of Rafe’s friends were hanging out. 

(Y/N) is never a fan of parties, especially the ones that she will have to tug on Rafe’s collars for them to finally enjoy the night alone. However, she passed up the chance of watching netflix with her partner tonight to go to Topper’s birthday party, since, it was, well, Topper’s celebration. 

If it had not been for Topper, she wouldn’t even bat an eye to this party, especially when she knows the amount of girls silently crushing on her boyfriend of 6 months now. Rafe’s incredibly handsome, with his hair messily parted and his blue eyes shining everytime they’re exposed to the glowing sunlight of Obx. . .  (Y/N) couldn’t justify why he would even choose her. 

“What are you thinking?” Rafe playfully groaned, pulling his girlfriend’s waist near him. His fingers played with the hem of her dress, giggling when she hissed, swatting his hands away. “Seriously. You’ve been quiet since we got out of the car.”

“I just don’t like the attention’s you’re getting tonight,” she sighed, rolling her eyes when Rafe poked her, an amused expression plastered on his face. “I shouldn’t have told you that. Now you’re this proud prick.”

Rafe laughed, throwing his head back, his hands still around her waist. She waited for him to regain his posture before kissing his cheeks. 

“Go and find Topper. I know you want to kiss him.”

“Not as much as I want to kiss you,” Rafe replied, laughing again when (Y/N) stuck her tongue out at him before walking away to go and get some drinks for herself. In truth, Rafe doesn’t understand why she would feel so inferior towards other girls; she’s simply the most beautiful girl he’ve ever laid his eyes on. No one can ever compare to (Y/N), and that’s for sure.

(Y/N) muttered a thanks when someone handed her a beer, standing on her toes to search for her friends. When she couldn��t see any of them, she began making her way towards Rafe and Topper. She decided that instead of waiting alone in the resting area of the club while everybody else is socialising, she would rather listen to whatever Rafe and his friends were conversing, knowing that somehow she’ll find something interesting in the discussion.

That was when she bumped into a figure, causing the person to drop the drink they were holding onto her front dress. (Y/N) groaned, not liking how she was already ruining the branded new dress she bought with Rafe. The smell of strong alcohol wafted into her nostrils, causing her to scrunch her nose.

“Watch where you’re going,” the person said, and  (Y/N) rolled her eyes before finally leaving the scene, not wanting to stir any unnecessary drama. She knows it will always end up dirty and Rafe will have to calm her down in the car. 

(Y/N) pushed her way through the swarm of sweaty bodies as the dress reeked with alcohol clung onto her body, and she momentarily regretted her choice of wearing a skin tight short sequin dress to a club where dropping drinks on someone is just something that is bound to happen.

She sighed when she finally reached the bathroom, quickly washing her stains with the cheap toilet paper. It left some white bits on her dress when she finally removed them, and she groaned again before washing the fabric under the running water. Her day was going totally bad, and she dreamed of the night she could’ve spent with Rafe if only Topper wasn’t born on yesterday’s date 19 years ago. 

“That’s what I’m saying!” a loud voice shrieked, followed by group of shrill laughs. “God, I really wish I’m still with him.”

(Y/N) raised her brows at the familiar voice, but thought none of it. Topper wouldn’t invite Rafe’s ex, he knows what she did to him. There was no way she was allowed to be in the private part of the club, unless someone had brought her as their plus one. 

(Y/N) shook her head at the thought, trying to focus on the stains that seemed to be making everything hard for her.

“He has this habit of running his fingers through his hair when he’s receiving head,” the voice continued, and  (Y/N) stopped in her tracks.

That’s exactly Rafe. Whoever the voice was, she was talking about Rafe. Rafe has this habit of running his long fingers through his hair while he’s whimpering, and it always drives (Y/N) crazy. 

She thought nothing of it, thinking about the possibility of another guy doing the same thing. It’s a common thing anyways; she wasn’t going to pull the crazy jealous girlfriend card that night.

She turned to pull another tissue paper, her ears still intently listening to the group of friends who seemed to not mind receiving any attention from their bold topic. 

“Now he’s with that (Y/L/N) girl. I honestly don’t get why he would be with her. Oh and-” the voice squealed, “Do you know that Rafe called me when they were talking?” 

What?

“What?” her friends asked in disbelief, and  (Y/N) didn’t move a muscle. She pressed her back against the tiled walls, listening close. Her heartbeat beat faster, and she could feel her head getting lighter.

“Yes! It was like, the first month they started getting close? He told me he couldn’t get over me and that he tried everything including finding me in her.”

(Y/N) felt the walls closing in, and quickly got to her feet to splash some water onto her face. She felt like dying right then and right there, but she knew she had to at least hear more to, now identified, Rafe’s ex girlfriend.

“He drove to my house and we just talked, you know. . . and then he told me something, and I refused. He got mad, I guess, and we fought like always, and he left me to be with that girl until today. Kinda sucks to be her, you know? Like the second choice kind of thing?” she continued, an amused tone lacing in her voice.

At that point,  (Y/N) had heard enough. She walked towards the exit as fast as her heels could take her, not stopping to stay goodbye to her now approaching friends. She could feel her hot tears crashing down, but she didn’t feel like crying in the club and having random strangers coming up to her to soothe her down.

When the night breeze hit her square on the face as she finaly exited the suffocating club, she let out the hardest cry ever as she tried to find any available taxis through her tears. There were none, seeing that it was only 9 p.m. and people had just starting to arrive, so she decided to walk to nowhere until she finds any yellow vehicle.

“Hey, (Y/N)!” a voice called out from behind her, and she turned when a hand pulled her shoulder. “What the fuck? Are you okay? Where’s Rafe?”

“Kelce, I’m not feeling good. I just want to go home, okay? Please, oh my god. I can’t do this right now,” she cried, covering her eyes with her palm. Kelce pulled her into a side hug, allowing her tears on his new t-shirt. When she finally soothed down, he tried to find an answer in her face again.

“What happened?”

“I can’t tell you now, I just-” she took a deep breath, “I just can’t. Can you um, call a Uber for me, please? My phone’s with Rafe.”

“What? Why would your phone-” he sighed, taking out his own phone. “Borrow my phone. It’s safer this way. Call a Uber, get home, and don’t do anything stupid. Okay?”

(Y/N) nodded, kissing Kelce’s cheeks before ordering a Uber, waiting by the sidewalk impatiently. She was scared Rafe would come out to look for her, and she didn’t feel like talking to him. 

She felt like shooting him in his ribs until he’s begging for her to stop. 

When she got home, her fingers trembling and her dress now ruined, she stripped out of her clothes and got under her covers. Her mother tried asking her about why she had come home earlier than expected with a running mascara and a smudged lipstick, but decided to let it pass when she didn’t answer, knowing that something has indeed happened. 

She felt like screaming. She had trusted him so much, and he was even the first guy to take her virginity. Now she felt disgusted, thinking about how she had allowed herself to the sweet words he had given her before.

She couldn’t ignore the memory of the night she first experienced sex with him, and the whole sweet care he had provided after.

It was Friday the 13th, and Rafe decided it will be a good night to watch some type of a horror movie.  (Y/N) agreed, being a fan of horror, but until one point, she was bored with the super-slow plot and boring characters. 

She played with Rafe’s fingers, intertwining them with hers, before she got an idea midway of the female character’s scream that echoed throughout her bedroom. 

“Rafe,” she said, and Rafe hummed in response. His eyes were fixated to the screen, not paying any attention to her. She whined, “Rafe. . .”

“Yeah?” He finally looked down to her, and laughed when he saw the face she gave him. “What the hell is wrong with you? The best part’s coming up. Watch it, the guy’s going to- fuck.”

(Y/N) had slipped her hand into his basketball shorts, teasing the outline of his v-line. Rafe’s breath shuddered, and he grabbed her hands before things escalate.

“What the fuck are you doing?” He grunted.

“I just wanna try something,” she replied innocently, and Rafe swore he felt like his heart stopping right then and right there. She was that sweet girl, and he has never saw this side of her.

“Can I?” she asked, and with a tiny nod, she continued her movements as Rafe’s eyes stayed glued on the television screen, though his mind was already on cloud nine. 

She was so good, and Rafe couldn’t explain the feeling inside of him when he watched her palmed him, her mouth slightly open and her hair falling down to her shoulders. Rafe felt like attacking every inch of her, wanting to give anything that she desired. 

“Stop,” he said, closing his eyes. “Fuck, you’re gonna make me cum from just your hands.”

“I want you to,” she said, and Rafe cursed. He liked, scratch that, he loved and is obsessed with the way she did anything to him, with her innocent eyes and her teasing smile. He felt like fucking her numb every single time she purposely brushed her hands against his buldge in the restaurant or bumping her bottoms against him when playing golf.

And when she would deny her actions, god, he felt like giving his all to her until she couldn’t walk.

“Rafe,” she said again, with that gint in her eyes. She leaned onto him, and he shievered when he felt her lips brushing with his earlobes. 

“I want you to fuck me.”

Rafe groaned, not wanting to look her in the eyes, afraid that he would do things he will regret the next morning. He felt her fingers around his chin, forcing him to look at her. 

“Please.”

“You told me you wanted to wait,” he said softly.

“I’m done waiting,” she had said, and that was enough for Rafe to crash his lips against her soft ones, pushing her lightly to her queen sized bed. He felt her hands playing with the hem of his shorts, and being an impatience fuck like his dad, he guided her hands to his already hard penis, craving for her touch.

“Fuck,” he groaned, closing his eyes to the euphoric feeling starting to form in the pit of his stomach. His fingers fumbled with her shorts, trying to untie the waistband, and grunted when he couldn’t gues the knot.

(Y/N) giggled, untying the ribbon, sliding her shorts to the edge of her bed as Rafe waited with his eyes staring at her hands eagerly, like a prey waiting to attack. 

Once her shorts were off, Rafe didn’t waste anymore time to place kisses from her stomach down to the sides of her aching core.  (Y/N) couldn’t take it anymore, after so many nights of trying to picture this exact moment in her head whilst fingering herself, pretending like it has been Rafe’s fingers instead of herself, she wanted to feel him around her so bad. 

“Please, Rafe,” she begged, looking at him with the innocent eyes again. She moaned when he inserted his fingers in her, pleasuring her the way pornstars would from the many porn videos his cousin had taught him to watch since he was 10 before.

“Oh my god,” she screamed, not able to comprehend the strange feeling in her stomach. She tried to close her legs, only for Rafe to gripped them apart tightly, his eyebrows furrowing.

“Do that again and I’ll leave you hanging.”

It was the way he had said that that left  (Y/N) all red, pushing herself against him to reach her end. She felt a sudden feeling approaching, and gripped Rafe’s wrist to tell him. 

Rafe laughed when she had came around his dingers, feeling her juice soaking up his fingers and her bedsheet.  (Y/N) sighed, still heaving from her high, making a mental note in her head to love this other side of Rafe Cameron.

“Suck,” he said, placing his two soaked fingers in front of her face and watched her as she sucked on them like a little girl who’s licking off a lollipop that her mother had bought for her. He felt like cumming just from the sight of her face.

“I want you inside me,” she had said again, and Rafe groaned to look away, not wanting to be a regret she had made the next morning. He looked at her again when she sat on his lap, looking at him with puppy dog eyes.

“Please?” she whispered, and before he knew it, she licked his ear to the the side of his lip before placing a soft peck on his lips.

Rafe has never removed his basketball shorts as fast as he did that night, not even when he had felt an animal crawling in his pants in the pet shop when he was 8 that resulted Sarah into having a laughing fit when they found out that a hamster had gotten into his pants.

He positioned himself in front of her slit, waiting for any new demands for him to stop now that she had changed her mind. But there was nothing, only  (Y/N) demanding for him, and without wasting any more time, he slowly slided into her, strecthing her hole.

He grunted when she felt her closing in, knowing that if she kept doing that, he’ll finish straight away.  (Y/N) screamed as he fucked her with a quick pace, causing him to quickly pull her head close to him to whisper into her ear.

“Shut up, princess. Don’t want mummy and daddy to wake up, do we?”

(Y/N) shook her head, wanting to reach her end soon. She moaned against her mattress, smelling Rafe’s scent from it, and liking the way he would whimper when he hit her g-spot.

“I’m so close, baby, fuck-” he cursed, his pace getting sloppier. His fingers with his cold rings intertwined with hers as he slammed into her for good measure, and pulling out to aim on her face as she tried to regain her breath.

(Y/N)  felt a shot of hot load landing on her face as she finally looked up to him, his sweaty chest heaving from the ungodly practice they just did. Rafe groaned, feeling himself getting hard again from the sight of her with his load all over her, and quickly turned away to grab a clean towel to clean her up.

That night, with a soft lullaby playing from  (Y/N)’s record player that Rafe had bought for her in Italy, he ran his fingers through her hair as she snuggled close, watching the moonlight brightened the ocean.

Rafe sighed, now wrapping his arms around her, forcing himself to not touch her breast in any way. “I’m sorry if it wasn’t what you had pictured in your mind.”

“Are you kidding?” she turned to face him, “God, Rafe. That’s exactly how I wanted it with you.”

Rafe chuckled and placed a soft kiss on her forehead, “God. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Riing! Riing!

(Y/N) wiped her tears with her fingers before pressing on the green button, bringing the phone to her ears when she saw Topper’s name. She decided that he deserved an explanation after she had ran off from his birthday party.

“Tops?”

“Hey, baby, you didn’t pick up my call. I have to use Topper’s phone but, um-”  (Y/N) heard the crowd sang happy birthday, “But um, are you okay? Kelce told me you were crying and I-”

“I’m fine. You should sing happy birthday to Topper.”

“I’ll be there in a bit,” he said to a voice in the background, and tried to talk to her again. “What is it, baby? The line’s kinda shitty here. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“Okay. I know you’re not. Can you please tell me what happened?”

“It’s nothing, Rafe. Go and enjoy yourself.”

“God,  (Y/N), don’t pull this shit on me,” he sighed, and she waited until the background noise lessen. “Okay, I’m at the smoking area. Can you please tell me what happened?”

“You used me.”

“I’m - what?” he asked, “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I heard her talking about how you drove to see her and you told her that you tried finding her in me,” she finaly confessed, her voice breaking. A tear slowly rolled down her red cheeks and she quickly wiped them away.

“Baby, it’s not how it sounds like.”

“Then what is it?” she yelled, clutching onto Kelce’s phone like it was her life support. “Fuck, Rafe, I gave you my everything.”

“Baby, I swear, it’s just-”  

(Y/N) waited for him to finish his sentence, and sucked in a breath when she heard the voice that had caused her this misery.

“Rafe! What are you doing here?”

“Fuck,  (Y/N), I’ll come by to your house, okay? Please, don’t do anything stupid, I’m coming back home-”

(Y/N) pressed the end call, letting go of the breath she was holding before finally throwing her head back against the pillow. 

#Part 2

add yourself to the taglist!

[technowoah]

Cant Handle This

Quackity's facade keeps breaking, and he tries to keep the pieces together. You're the only one who can make him show his true self

- Quackity x gen neutral reader

- this is a long one yall.

Now playing...

Can't Handle This (Kanye Rant)

Bo Burnham

0:01 ─●──────── 3:29

⚠︎ swearing, angst, mentions of mcyttwt, based on the song above, and ofc its not proofread

Part of my Inside Special!

Quackity sat in his chair currently streaming right now, he seemed like he was having a good time from your spot on his bed. You were currently laying on his bed after he invited you here to relax.

You two had laid in his bed just enjoying eachothers company until he got a call from Tommy saying he was ready for the lore stream which sent Alex into a frenzy. Alex sent out a quick "Im sorry" about the lateness of his stream and then quickly set everything up.

He then started to stream which left you alone on the the bed to your own devices. You were scrolling through Twitter looking at Alex's fans talk about what's happening on the stream and posting screenshots of his character and himself.

You admired him from afar as he ended the lore part of his stream, he took time to type on his phone to text you that he decided to stream longer to talk to his fans. He looked to you and you have him a nod with a smile and he gave one back.

"Hey guys! That's the end of the lore!" He exclaimed to his chat as he types at his computer setting a new background.

You continued to listen to him praise his chat for supporting him and making him be able to make those types of streams. You were always proud of Alex no matter what he did, you were always his number one supporter no matter what happened in reality or on the internet.

"So anyways! I wanted to talk to you guys! How are you all?" He smiled at his camera looking back and forth from his chat.

◇T0mm71nn1t: THE STREAM WAS SO GOOD QUACKITY

"Oh thank you! Im glad I could share this with you. It takes so much to put into these movite type streams, so I know now it is all worth it."

Quackity's pov. . .

He felt so overwhelmed, he shouldn't have began to stream again. The stress of putting everything together, plus being late to the stream made him rush into it more. He just wanted to lay back down with his lover who was enjoying watching him stream, and that's the goal he wants. His goal was to entertain, it was his job and he doesn't want to fail, he doesn't want to crack.

◇Mayatooni3: WE LOVE YOU QUACKITY

◇catiiequak: QUACKITY ITS MY BIRTHDAY CAN I GET A HAPPY BIRTHDAY??

◇yriaaolic: 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

"Happy Birthday!" He said seeing the comment pass in a second. "Happy Birthday to anyone who's Birthday it is today."

Right now it was hard. It was hard to keep up when there was always a constant demand, the constant need to be perfect, his past being brought up, and trying to one-up his content everytime. He loved this, but at the same time it had the same weight as a job.

In the back of his mind he knew the "When is Quackity streaming???" is mostly lighthearted, he never wants to leave.

"Quack are you okay? Im fine! Just thinking about how to get something to eat at 2am." He laughed lying to his fans, he wanted to stop this stream.

He kept looking over to his lover lying their head on his pillow scrolling through their phone and alternating their vision from him and their phone. He always caught a glimpse of their small smile everytime he looked. He was doing something right.

"Do yall think Taco Bell is open? The only problem I have is that Im fucking starving."

He paused for a moment taking a deep breath trying to keep his emotions down. The stress was getting to him, and he fucking knew it, but he didnt stop. He was going to get burnt out eventually and stop streaming and YouTube all together, but he needed this. He needed a break, he needed to take time for himself and stop putting on a happy face when he isnt.

TTS ◇pulixsaxe: "Did you see what was happening on Twitter quackity?"

"Wait what's happening on Twitter?" He asked with a weary laugh.

I can sit here and pretend like my biggest problems are

Pringle cans, and burritos

The truth is, my biggest problem's you,

Your eyes widened as he mentioned Twitter. Truth be told he was trending because of his stream, yes, but also they brung up stuff from his past again in the wake of another content creator's past or present being brought up. You hadn't paid attention to that, you were only getting fueled up from Twitter bringing up an issue that he already had addressed.

Tempted to speak and tell him its fine, he already spoke up before you.

"I bet it's fine! I dont wanna... I don't need to look." He said with a smile. He always had that smile on.

Either it was a full smile or a half smile. It never left his face and it comforted you somehow. Maybe it was that you were his significant other, but you always wondered if anyone saw the same things as you. The things like his smile that never left his face.

"Yeah! I dont need to look at that." He waved his hand dismissing the comment away. He then sighed letting his shoulders relax as you saw his smile fade and his eyes close for a second and immediately put that small smile back on his face while his eyes were glossy, but bright.

He needed to end this stream soon. You saw his face fall then in a split second come back to life except his eyes were glossy with tears. You wondered if anyone else noticed.

"I want to please you

But I want to stay true to myself

I want to give you the night out that you deserve"

His eyes tearful as he tried to blink them away trying to not make a scene.

"Sorry! Allergies ugh!" He said as he wiped his tears away claiming them as allergies.

"Are you crying? No! Im not a pussy!" He yelled at his chat in a joking manner.

He was crying and he felt weak. He felt emotionally weak, and weak as in not strong, he didn't feel strong and his lover who was sitting on his bed with a concerned look on their face always told him that it's okay to feel weak. The only meaningful thing is how you pick yourself up, they always told him, bur now he felt at rock bottom.

He wanted to give his fans "himself", the goofy, lovable, loud, quick-witted, Quackity. But then again his lover always told him to separate Quackity from Alex. He wanted to give himself to his audience, he wanted to be authentic and share himself, but he cant. Alex isn't all laughs, he is serious, calmer, and when he gets on the screen is when he lets it all out then goes back to his more calmer self. That's not what they want.

"But I want to say what I think

And not care what you think about it"

Giving himself meant dialing back, he wants to tell how hes actually feeling, he wants to say what he thinks about Twitter, what he thinks about certain friends, about his fanbase, and then leave it alone. He wanted to delete social media and then speak his mind without knowing what anyone is saying about it. It was paradise to him, but of course it cant be that way and that's what he hates. He feels like a actor when he really wants to be himself.

"A part of me loves you,"

Alex loved his fanbase, he had such a supportive fanbase that loved his content. Some of them did atleast he didn't fully know, but they gave him the courage to do this time and time again knowing that his content is at least taking them from the harsh reality of real life for a few minutes or hours. This was the reason he did this, for them.

Alex would never admit this but they boosted his ego too, it would for anyone. The fact that there were people who wanted and enjoyed content from him made him feel good about himself.

"part of me hates you"

He hated the contant criticisms, he hates that they feed his ego so much that it makes him want to stream more to feel good about himself and to make people get away for awhile. Alex knew inside of his heart he couldn't truly hate his fanbase, they gave him everything he ever wanted. He hates them for that and that's such a scary thing. He never fails to wonder if he did the things to deserve all the love and hate he gets.

"Part of me needs you,"

They feed his ego, they make him want to go above and beyond. Alex knows that his fanbase is the reason he is here in this chair infront of three expensive monitors. He knows that this is some sort of a job that he needed. He needed the push to keep going and that was them, it was the 200k people watching his stream watching him answer questions about him and

"part of me fears you"

He was fearful of loosing himself to them. Loosing his authenticity to them was something he feared. He didnt want his funny, loud persona to consume him and make him forget about Alex instead of Quackity. He fears what they think as well, he claims he doesnt care, but he does he wants to please them. It feels like two parts of his brain fighting about if he should care or not.

"And I don't think that I can handle this right now"

The text-to-speech bot continued to speak out people's comments that theu paid for while he sat there quietly. He bit his bottom lip trying to not break down infront of everyone he needed to be strong. He needed to be strong.

If he looked up at the camera everyone would see his tears, they would see him breaking.

He played it off as he brough his shirt up to wipe the tears away, claiming it as sweat.

"Im good! Im sorry I spaced out for a second." He shook his head.

He saw you look at him with that same concerned look on your face. As he switched his gaze between you and his computer, he felt his tears come back again.

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

"Alex." You tried to get his attention.

"Yeah guys Im fine!"

"Alex"

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

"I have plans later for another lore stream, so Ill start doing that later tonight."

"ALEX!" You yelled and his head turned around to face you.

"What?" He laughed, biting his lip again.

You couldn't stop him doing this, you could try to course him into going to bed, but right now you couldn't find the words. You just stared at him while he looked at you with a somber smile trying to tell you that he was okay.

He felt his mind telling himself that he need to rest. He wouldnt allow himself to and thats why he was breaking down.

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

Alex was blinking rapidly trying to keep his breathing and tears at bay while he answered his fans.

"My allergies are fine! And I drank water today."

◇moonchild21: WE LOVE YOU

◇sopusand: Why do you look like that?

◇wuackityoo: are you crying??

"Crying is for the weak! I am a strong manly man! Im crying cause I noticed how alpha I am!" He tried to play it off as a "Im a man" joke but you could see right through it.

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

You had sent a quick text to Alex which told him to end the stream for his own mental health, but he left the message unread. He began sniffing and the wiping his eyes again. It was a wreck and you couldn't seem to stop it without literally dragging him out of his chair.

Meanwhile the screens were getting to Alex. Alex's eyes were getting tired of the bright screens and the rapid messages that popped up on the screen overwhelmed him for what it seemed like the first time ever in his strraming career. He wanted to give them the fun night they deserved and wanted, but he knows it's getting hard to. He dosent know how long he can keep this up.

As Alex kept joking around about his eyes and physical state the chat was filled with "LMAO" and "HAHAHA" which fuled him more and then at the same time makes him want to stop.

Look at them, they're just staring at me, like

"Come and watch the skinny kid with a

Steadily declining mental health, and laugh as he attempts

To give you what he cannot give himself"

He cannot give himself the luxury of happiness. As he went on with his career it became more and more like a chore, there was mostly down days and of course there were up days, but recently Alex gave his fans the happiness and laughes they wanted while when he turned off the camera he couldn't replicate that same energy as he had before.

It messed him up, he felt himself become separated from his streaming. He wasn't being himself anymore he was being Quackity and that became more apparent as the days passed. He wanted to be himself on camera and at first thats what he thought he was doing. He was himself then it turned into a persona.

Alex wasn't okay and he he needed to take a break from the internet for a while, but he tries to act like he dosent have a dilemma going on inside of his head everytime he sits in this seat. Its for the fans.

"Think that I can handle this right-

I don't think that I can handle this right-

They don't even know the half of this right-

They don't even know the half of it"

"Alex you need to end the stream. Please?"

He looked towards you again where you moved your position from the middle of the bed to sitting up on the end of the bed.

"Ive told you millions of times." He paused for a moment looking down at his lap before looking back up to you. "Im-Im okay." He nodded trying to convince you.

"But I know I'm not a doctor, I'm a pussy, I put on a silly show

I should probably just shut up and do my job, so here I go"

"Cant you belive them!" He laughed to his camera. You scoffed at his comment but still kept an eye on him as he talked.

You didnt need to baby him at all, but right now you were worried about your lover.

Alex continued talking and talking, which you drowned out. You were focused on his face and how he faltered time to time just showing a small frown.

He laughed and showed them a good time even though he was hurting. He kept going and going and you were convinced he was going to hold out until you heard him sniff multiple times while trying to make a joke about the new Minecraft update and how the glow squid has no use.

"Stupid ass squid! Why- why? Its no use expect for glowing ink. Who voted for that!?"

You can tell them anything if you just make it funny, make it rhyme

And if they still don't understand you, then you run it one more time

"Dumbass squid!" He pulled up a picture if the squid as he yelled at it.

You began to worry even more as you saw tears running down his face. He quickly tried to wipe them away, but he knew everyone saw.

Handle this right

You don't even know the half of this right now

Right now (Haa!)

Now

Handle this right

I'll handle this right, I handle this right now

Alex leaned back in his seat and had a blank stare towards the monitor. Looked down for a second and then you heard sobbing coming from his spot. Alex had his head in his hands and was crying harshly into them.

He had finally broken, he couldn't stop the tears from coming and the loud sobs that came from his mouth. He was trying to desperately breathe in to be able to sob, but ended up hiccuping while doing so.

Your eyes widened as you rushed to him resting your hand on his knees and you kneeling infront of him.

"I cant do fu-fucking anything!" He yelled into his hands.

"Hey! I know. Its okay." You tried to console him.

"Its not I try so hard! And I-"

You cut him off. "You are a hard worker Alex and you deserve a week or two off. Take care of you self babe." You stood up bringing his hand with you and trying to make him stand up. He followed your movements and stood up with you putting his head on your shoulder crying into it.

"I just ca-cant right now!"

"You dont have to do anything right now babe."

"Im sorry!" Alex sobbed.

"Dont be." You said bluntly trying to get your lover to calm down.

You rubbed his back soothingly as he sniffled into your shoulder. "Im sorry for ruining your shirt." He tried to laugh through his tears.

"Dont be sorry! Please. You just need rest okay?" You kissed his forehead and he nodded in response.

Alex raised his head up an started to pepper kisses all over your face as you laughed. He gave you one last peck on the lips as he walked away to quickly change into night clothes. You smiled as he laid underneath the covers and continued to softly cry into his sheets. At least he was in bed and not makijg himself even worse.

He couldn't stop the tears from flowing, it was like a flood that could only be stopped with time. He felt like a boulder was lifted off his shoulders only to be replaced with smaller rocks. The smaller rocks was the guilt he held. He felt guilty of making his lover worry about him, he didnt want you to worry.

You rushed over to his desk and turned off the stream and his computers not even bothering to give them a goodnight or goodbye. After the computer lights were turned off it was quite dark in the room except for small light.

Finally you were where you wanted to be all day, in bed with Alex. But this wasnt the predicament you wanted.

"Forgive me. I just cant do shit right can I?" His eyes were still full of tears and he was getting tired.

"Alex dont listen to anyone but yourself." You tried to console him.

"That's what I'm telling myself."

Silence filled the room as you looked at him through tearful eyes of your own.

"Alex, you're so amazing and I cant even tell you how much I appreciate you, and how much you change my life. You do so much shit right its scary sometimes. Some days I think you're perfect, but there's-"

"There's no such thing as perfect." Alex finished your sentence.

"Exactly! Even the best people have their downfalls, they just dont show it. And Alex I know you struggle with that! All I can say is that I love you for you." You finished.

"Can I talk to you about my dilemmas?" He tried to laugh again.

"Tomorrow we can talk. We both need the rest." You said to him as he closed his eyes and nodded in response. He gave you a kiss on you lips before laying back down to sleep.

"Thank you."

"Thank you

Good night

I hope you're happy"

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[izukult]

haikyuu boys and “icks”

oh you know i had to do it to em. i love these boys so much, but they’re on thin fucking ice. this is one of my favorite ones i’ve ever done.

characters: hinata, kageyama, oikawa, sugawara, yamaguchi, tsukishima, bokuto, akaashi, iwaizumi, matsukawa, hanamaki, kenma, kuroo, nishinoya, tanaka, asahi, atsumu, lev

hinata shoyo; emojis and names- “hi queen🥺👑” type of shit from this guy. it’s so disgusting. he absolutely has used 🤣 unironically- please buy him an old flip phone or something because he must be stopped. also has unironically said wifey before to his s/o- makes me physically sick.

kageyama tobio; running with a backpack on- the backpack is bumping up and down and it keeps hitting his back and he’s just hauling ass. sometimes, he’ll hold the straps and it just gets so much worse. he leans forward to counterbalance the weight of the backpack, and he trips a couple times because of it. meanwhile, his books and stuff just keep repeatedly hitting his tailbone.

oikawa toru; repeating a joke because no one laughed- this one makes me want to rip my hair out. he says it louder the second time, over emphasizing every other word and then he just looks at everyone in anticipation. gets overly cocky after the pity laughs.

sugawara koushi; crying listening to ed sheeran- he’s got his headphones in, volume all the way up, with really cheesy, radio popular ed sheeran songs blaring. he says that ‘the songs are really emotional’ and ‘his voice is moving’. once in public perfect came on and he teared up.

yamaguchi tadashi; baby talk- it’s not all the time but sometimes he’ll send “i’m sowwy 👉🥺👈” or anything with that emoji combo. it’s rare enough where you can just ignore it, but every time it happens it hits so hard that it kinda makes you consider ghosting him.

tskushima kei; begging for validation indirectly- he does something and then he’ll push up his glasses and be like “that was good, right?” in a cocky tone but won’t leave you alone until you answer. and there’s no winning either. if you compliment him, he gets over excited and if you put him down he gets angry and insecure and whiny (i.e. “what do you mean? of course i did that right, you’re just stupid).

bokuto kotaro; saying ‘this ones for you’ and then messing up- he just didn’t hit the ball as hard as he should’ve and the opposing team easily blocked it. he gets a little emo too and you have to COMFORT HIM about it. oh no💔

akaashi keiji; breathing with his mouth open- it’s only when he’s zoning out, really. he won’t be paying attention and the next thing he knows, he’s looking like a fish and he’s breathing aggressively loud. it’s that shallow huff kind of breathing, too.

iwaizumi hajime; waiting for the shower to heat up naked- IM SO SORRY BUT. awful. so embarrassing. just standing there,,,, reclining into himself,,,, awkwardly moving back and forth on his own two feet as he waits for the water to get hot. no one would actually see this one, but even just thinking about it makes me sick.

matsukawa issei; commenting ‘does she reply❤️😏” on celebrity or influencers posts- issei i’m begging someone to break your fucking phone. no, she doesn’t. no one cares, mattsun. please, i’m begging you delete social media.

hanamaki takahiro; typing ‘x’ after everything- “how are you xx?” so much worse now that youve said that, makki. he thinks it makes him charming and cute, but really he just sounds like a virgin 😞✋. overuses it when he likes someone, it’s really awful.

kenma kozume; going up the stairs on all fours- why was it necessary? are you laughing, kenma? was it more comfortable? we as people evolved for a reason. you have legs KENMA, please use them. he looks down the stairs after with a little sense of pride, makes it so much more nauseating.

kuroo tetsuro; sings the wrong lyrics too confidently- he’s off beat, he’s way too loud, and he doesn’t know the words at all. everything comes out a jumbled mess but it’s the only think you can hear. bonus: will look up lyrics and try to secretly read them so he can sing along. euthanize him.

nishinoya yu; dabs- the joke died so long ago (almost a decade ago) but that does not mean he will stop. he thinks it’s so funny and everytime he does it, your soul dies a little bit.

tanaka ryunosuke; purposefully trying to make you jealous- oh it’s so embarrassing and he’s so bad at it. comes off kinda creepy and a little douchey. you actually have to sit down with him and talk about this one because it needs to be stopped.

asahi azumane; crying on a rollercoaster- it’s about to start and he starts hitting the bar, and once the ride is already going he starts screaming about being let off. not only that, but he does it every time. why do you keep trying to ride them, asahi? just stay and watch everyone’s bags, jesus christ.

miya atsumu; asking ‘where’s my hug?’- says it way too loud, makes everyone uncomfortable. okay piss head, you would’ve gotten a hug either way but now you’ve kind of ruined it. has also probably told someone to ‘smile more’, resulted in him getting punched.

lev haiba; coming out of the fitting room to show his family his outfit- he’s surrounded by all those mirrors and he’s kind of hunched over. they make him do a little spin, and he’s stiff as a board. his mom still makes him show her even if he says the pants don’t fit.