#me adding in tiny appearence details no one will see :)

[s-e-v-e-n-24]

If I may squeeze in a request, Montana x Ark?

My beloveds <3

They're married. They've also never kissed because they're idiots and have been pining like 50+ years

[heartysworld]

There he goes || Max Verstappen x Reader

A/N: Some TikTok edits I've seen today made me extremely emotional and have me inspiration to write this one (alongside the poll vote). Hopefully you are going to enjoy this one as much as I did while writing it.

W. C.' 2k

MASTERLIST

Reblogs and feedback are greatly appreciated!💝

"Love, are you ready?" You called for your husband as your whole family got ready to leave for the paddock.

"Yes, yes. Almost ready. I just can't find Alina's hat. Babe have you seen it? We can't leave without it,she needs it to go out!" Max protested as he appeared through the door of your bedroom, a baby carrier strapped onto his chest with your daughter nestled comfortablt in it.

The sight nearly caused you to faint. Seeing the love of your life being a dad,a girl dad more specifically, was something you'd never imagined.

"I think believe this is what you're looking for?" You said as you spun around, handinf Max a tiny pink bucket hat that matched the one poking out of the baby carried strapped to your body. At that moment,a quiet gurgle was heard,causing you to look downwards, meeting the blue eyes of your other angel, Emilia.

"Did mommy wake you up, angel. I'm sorry about that." You mumbled, leaning down to kiss your daughters forehead which caused a toothless smile to appear on her face.

"Well that's certainly a sight I'd never get tired of seeing." Max said, taking the hat from your hand, placing it on top of Alina's head as the little girl squealed at the sight of the pink material.

The bright smile on your husband's face couldn't compare to a sky full of stars. Every time on of your daughters laughed or even barely smiled, a grin that reached his ears would find it's way on his face.

Your silence didn't go unnoticed as you soon felt a warm hand take a hold of yours. Max watched you as if he could see the wheels in your head turn.

"You alright?" He asked as the palm of his hand wend up and down the lenght of your arm. You smiled before answering.

"I love watching you be a dad, so much." Your simple answer made Max laugh before his lips captured yours in a sweet kiss. One that was worth thousands of words.

" I wouldn't have had the chance of being a dad if it wasn't for you, schatje." He whispered against your lips,smiling. He continued, " I love you, and you, so much." Max added kissing the twins', heads or at least as much as he could reach.

The cute family moment, however, was soon interrupted by a loud whine from between the two of you. Apparently Emilia couldn't handle staying inside the apartment any longer, demanding cuddles from all those who excitedly awaited hers and her sister's arrival at the Monaco paddock.

"Okay everyone, let's go before we get another diaper bomb." Max said as he ushered his family out of the door.

The place was alread bursting at the seams when you arrived. Photographers and reporters awaiting the arrival of the newly-expanded Verstappen family. Somehow,a week ago or so, word got out that Max Verstappen was planning on bringing his twin baby girls to the Monaco track.

The media went absolutely mental as they haven't got any details on the twin girls you and Max welcomed during the winter break. The only thing known to the world was the date on which they were born,nothing else,not even a glimpse.

Some of Max's closest friends from the race industry have had the chance to meet your babies. The two capturing the hearts of everyone the moment their big blue eyes found a new face they haven't seen before.

When Max brought up the idea of taking the girls to a race you had your concerns. However, you knew how big of a role being an F1 driver had in his life, you agreed. The media would always find a way to expose your children to the world,so it was better for everyone if you and your husband did it first.

That's how you two found yourselves walking around with two babies and two bags that contained everything they would need while their father was out on the track racing. No matter how much you tried to find another way to bring the girls in Max insisted on the baby carriers where the two would he safe and sound right next to their mom and dad. And if the paps got too close, he could always tell them off shamelessly for disturbing his family.

" So Max, another incredible race today! Does this have anything to do with the special guests you have with you today,watching from the Red Bull garage?" A reporter asked. It was no doubt everyone was waiting for their chance to ask this question.

" Well, it's nothing new, the incredible race part. " Max said, causing everyone around to laugh loudly. "However, knowing that my daughters and my wife are here today definitely brought out a side of me I'd never seen before. I told my wife earlier that if I win today I'm going to dedicate my success and motivation to them." A few awes were heard behind camera causing Lando, who had finished 2nd today, to have the same reaction to his friend talking about being a dad.

" And how does it feel like being a dad and a Formula 1 driver at the same time? Surely there must be some difficulties balancing such important roles as these." Another reporter asked. Everyone could tell this was becoming a Max interview rather than a post-race conference. This time, however, no one had any objections.

"Oh yes definitely. No matter how hard you try to be there for every important milestone in their lives there's always this thought at the back of your head if you're doing both things well enough. My wife has been a constant pillar of support for me during the past six months. I couldn't have done both without her." Max said as the thought of your smiling face when you hear his words popped up in his mind.

"And what are the names of the two princesses that stole everyone's hearts today? If that is not too personal." A female reporter said, a note of hesitance detectable in her tone. As cooperative as Max was, the moment he felt someone was digging too deep he would cut them off without a second thought.

"Their names are Alina and Emila. We wanted to name them something that represents their importance in our lives so these names felt perfect the moment we combined them together." There was no denying that Emilia was named after her father. However, the name itself has other meanings, like "to excel, to strive.

This represented her own struggle before she was even born into this world. She was the smaller of the two who had to compete with her sister until her existence was discovered. Alina was the light of your life for the first half of your pregnancy when you weren't yet aware that you were carrying twins. By simply laying comfortably inside your stomach she brought a ton of new emotions and memories into your and Max's life every single day.

The day you discovered you were having twins is still embedded deeply into your brain alongside Max's reaction to the news. That day, he promised to do everything in his power to protect them from the unfair and cruel world they were about to be introduced into, and when Max Verstappen sets his mind onto something, he gets the job done.

Reblogs and Feedback are greatly appreciated! 💝

[the-ancient-dragons]

Welcome back to Overcomplicating the Pyrrhian Tribes! This week: the beloved RainWings!!

You know what's up. Joy Ang and Tui are so cool and I am just me.

Details and explanation below!

Otherwise, next week are the chilly IceWings! See you then!!!

More overcomplicated dragons.

I knew the RainWings would be really important, and I think they turned out the best of all the ones I've done. I think they're my favourite because they are basically the perfect mix of extra realism spice without altering Joy's design too much. The SkyWing design is awesome and I love it to bits, but it is one of the two that are the farthest from canon.

As for the RainWing.... I had. So. Much. FUN. I heavily used chameleons and snakes - they're basically the two main species on my research board - but there is a dash of cuttlefish and frilled lizard in there. Where, you ask? Well if you look closely, all over the RainWing are little tiny flecks of darker colour. I found a beautiful reference of a close-up on a cuttlefish eye. Its skin is dotted in thousands of little marks and I thought that would be perfect for the RainWing, who can camouflage just as well as them. I don't know if it's been discussed in canon but I bet they could animate their scales more than just colour shifting - cuttlefish are known for using their rapidly shifting patterns to hypnotize prey. RainWings could do it too, sort of like Ka from Disney's 2D animated Jungle Book.

Speaking of Ka - snakes. I love snakes. The head structure of the RainWing here is very smooth and rounded with muscles based on snakes like the python. I was even going to originally draw them in a venom striking pose and got as far as completing the lineart, but ultimately decided it wouldn't fit the calm portraits of the other tribes.

Will you see it in the future? Hell yeah! Pure, unhinged, magical death spit. Looking at it now I might try to alter it to be a full piece of Glory attacking Scarlet or Crocodile.

In the striking pose you can see the frills much better, but I still took my time on this serene pose (this is where the frilled lizard influence comes in). If you notice that I've drawn every scale (every single scale) then, yes, I am insane. If you didn't know that yet, you know it now. You have to draw guide lines and follow them meticulously while you wonder why you don't make a scale brush, and then cry because you know the randomness and imperfections that come from drawing a thousand circles is how it looks natural. The eye area is actually my favourite part, since drawing dragon eyelids was the original inspiration for doing this. Did I mention that? I wanted to draw eyelids.

EYELIDS.

I digress. Besides the eyelids, I like the frills on the action pose, but this pose is where I like the body scales more. When zooming in on my chameleon colour refs, I noticed the very rhythmical distribution of their scales and figured I would give it a try. They actually do have extra large circular scales along their bodies, which is where I guess the canon RainWing design gets it from. Very clever, Joy!

Anyway, on this version, those small circular scales appear on the face. Not only that, but I added a bit of influence from the snouts of my ref chameleons by extending the nose bridges to wrap around the nose horn. They blend in so seamlessly and that's the reason why I love this design - it's subtle, barely there, mostly Joy but a little extra.

Wow, I talk too much. If you're here, thank you! It's not mandatory to read, but very appreciated. I heard once that visitors at an art gallery look at each piece an average of 2-3 seconds. Or was it 3-6? Idk, but it was shockingly short, and ever since then I've tried to encourage myself to pay more respect to other artists and glean their work for little details I skip after that quick glance. I could talk so much more about these designs but that would be like an hour long video, each, lol. If you have questions about anything, ask away!

[hisui-dreamer]

Can I have orange blossoms with jade leech for eternal love and marriage please? Thankyou!

is it love or just really nice flowers?

Pairing: Jade Leech x gn!reader

Synopsis: jade likes giving you flowers, it probably doesn't mean anything special though... right?

Tags: fluff, pining, slowish burn, eels are cowards, mentions of marriage, reader likes flowers

Word count: 1.2k+

Notes: thank you for requesting anon!! i had a lot of fun squealing when writing this one hehe

Masterlist

flower of choice: orange blossoms

orange blossoms symbolise eternal love and marriage, and they are often used in wedding ceremonies as symbols of purity and eternal love

You suppose it all started on your first Valentine’s Day in Twisted Wonderland.

As a member of the Mostro Lounge staff, you found yourself amidst the bustling atmosphere of the Mostro Lounge, where Azul's ambitious plans to capitalize on the love-filled holiday were in full swing. The lounge pulsated with the presence of couples occupying every available table.

Soft, dim lighting cast a warm glow over the space, enveloping everything in an air of intimacy and mystery. The gentle hum of conversation and laughter filled the air, mingling with the smooth melodies of jazz music drifting from hidden speakers.

Couples nestled into plush velvet booths, their faces illuminated by the soft light, lost in each other's eyes and whispers. Waiters moved gracefully between tables, delivering trays adorned with exotic beverages and plates of delectable meals, their steps silent against the plush carpeting.

But what caught your eye the most were the bouquets given to significant others, adorning the tables like precious jewels. Each one was a masterpiece in its own right, meticulously selected and arranged to convey the deepest sentiments of adoration.

"It must be nice receiving flowers…" you murmured to yourself, lost in thought.

“You would like to receive flowers?”

You snapped your head around at the sound of Jade's voice, finding him with a curious expression on his face. Surprise flickered in your eyes at his question, but a smile bloomed on your lips as you considered receiving flowers from someone.

“Yeah," you replied, a hint of longing in your voice, "who wouldn't? Receiving gifts makes you feel so appreciated. Plus, who wouldn't be happy looking at something pretty?"

Jade took a moment to mull over your words, his gaze thoughtful. Eventually, he nodded in agreement. "Hmm… I see. That does sound quite lovely," he acknowledged.

The conversation was quickly cut short when new orders and tasks arrived. In the whirlwind of never-ending tasks, the conversation had slipped from your mind almost entirely, until he appeared later that week, returning from a hiking trip with a delightful surprise in tow.

"Here, Prefect," he began, his voice gentle as he produced a bouquet of orange blossoms from behind his back. "These are for you," he offered with a soft smile.

The bouquet was a sight to behold, a delicate ensemble of ivory-hued blooms that exuded an ethereal beauty. Each flower boasted star-shaped petals, arranged in a symmetrical fashion around a central cluster of stamens. These stamens, adorned with tips of yellow to orange hues, stood out like tiny flames amidst the pristine white petals, adding a touch of vibrant colour to the otherwise pure palette. With their intricate details and subtle fragrance, the orange blossoms seemed to radiate a quiet elegance, captivating all who beheld their serene charm.

You couldn't help but notice the faintest flush of pink tinting his ears, and your own heart skipped a beat in response. You were well aware of the symbolism behind orange blossoms—eternal love and marriage. But surely, Jade couldn't mean that, could he?

"You brought these for me?" you asked, a mix of surprise and delight colouring your tone.

Jade nodded, a warmth spreading through him at your delight. "Yes, I thought you might like them," he admitted softly.

As you accepted the bouquet, a rush of emotions flooded over you. The delicate scent of the orange blossoms enveloped you, filling your senses with a sweet, intoxicating aroma. Mesmerized, you found yourself unable to look away from the vibrant blooms, each one a masterpiece of nature, without a single flaw in sight.

Jade's gaze remained fixed on yours, his expression tender and sincere. It was as though he was studying your reaction with unwavering attention, and a flutter of anticipation stirred in your chest at the vulnerability he revealed.

"Thank you, Jade," you said, your voice barely above a whisper but filled with sincerity. "These are beautiful."

A relieved smile spread across Jade's face, his eyes alight with a mixture of joy and relief. "I'm glad you like them," he murmured, his voice tinged with warmth.

Though you’re not sure why, Jade had made it a habit to always bring back a bouquet of orange blossoms for you from his hiking trips.

"It doesn't really bother me," he'd say with a closed-eye smile, "since it's on the way."

Each time he presented you with the blooms, your heart fluttered with joy. Yet, you hesitated to believe there were underlying intentions behind his gift. After all, Jade had always been kind to you, and you couldn't fathom the idea of him harbouring romantic feelings.

As the end of his third year at NRC approached, a bittersweet anticipation filled the air. The impending farewell weighed heavy on your heart, mingling with a sense of melancholy. Although Jade promised to visit during breaks and holidays, the thought of no longer seeing him every day stung with loneliness.

Summer break was nearing, and the campus was buzzing with students bidding farewells and exchanging hugs. Amidst the flurry of goodbyes, Jade sought you out, as he always did, with a bouquet of orange blossoms cradled in his arms. His smile was tinged with a hint of sadness as he approached you, and you felt a lump form in your throat at the sight of him.

"These are for you," he said softly, his voice barely above a whisper as he handed the flowers to you.

You accepted the bouquet with trembling hands, the weight of the moment settling heavily upon you. The sweet fragrance of the orange blossoms enveloped you like a comforting embrace, but it did little to dispel the sorrow that threatened to consume you.

"Thank you, Jade," you managed to say, your voice choked with emotion.

“I... I don’t wish for this to be the last time I give you flowers,” he confessed softly, his eyes searching yours with earnest sincerity. “Will you really not consider marriage with me?"

A heavy silence hung between you, each moment feeling weighted with unspoken words and unexpressed feelings. Then, Jade reached out to cup your cheek, guiding your gaze to meet his.

Caught off guard by his heartfelt plea, your eyes widened in astonishment. "Jade, I... I never realized... You…"

"But you knew, didn't you? You must have..." Jade's voice trembled with vulnerability. "Every flower, every gesture—it was all for you."

Your mind raced, memories flashing before your eyes like a vivid tapestry woven from moments shared together. Each bouquet, each flower—he had poured his heart into every gesture, his feelings hidden in plain sight all along.

Tears shimmered in your eyes as understanding washed over you like a gentle wave crashing upon the shore. The pieces of the puzzle fell into place, and you realized the depth of his devotion, the sincerity of his love.

“Yes, Jade," you whispered, your voice barely above a breath but filled with certainty. "Yes, a thousand times, yes."

The next thing you know, his lips are pressed against yours in a tender, passionate embrace. In that fleeting moment, the world around you faded into insignificance, leaving only the warmth of his touch, the sweetness of his kiss, and the promise of a love that would endure through every trial and triumph.

Masterlist

if you liked this post, don't forget to reblog!

[mauesartetc]

A while back I got a comment that demonstrated a misconception as to what the character design process actually entails, and I thought it had real "teachable moment" potential. So let me make this perfectly clear:

Drawing a character is NOT the same as designing one.

Let's say I wanted to draw a guy. No backstory, no defined personality traits or preferences, no details about his current life, just doodling some random, generic guy who popped into my head.

That's just a drawing.

But what if I decided to flesh him out more? What if I wanted his appearance to reflect his lifestyle and inner life as well? Here's where the note-taking comes in.

And now for the visual research:

I thought the bodybuilding angle would provide a fun contrast with this guy's profession. The mental image of a huge, burly dude working on a clock or watch with tiny, precise movements just makes me smile. Perhaps I could give him small, nimble hands that would suit his line of work.

Now that I have a better idea of how Mikhail's face and body will look, it's time to establish a pose.

Of course, I never expected to employ all the personality traits I started out with inside this single pose; those were just a jumping-off point. No one drawing will ever be able to encapsulate every single facet of a character, unless they're extraordinarily flat and generic (see also: random guy I doodled at the start of this post). If I wanted to write a story with this guy, I'd have to figure out how all the traits play off each other and how they'd cause him to react to different situations. There would be a lot more note-taking and development involved, but for the sake of keeping this post (somewhat) brief, let's just focus on visuals for now.

On to color!

I decided to give Mikhail a carnation in his pocket (for its round shape), specifically a red one, which represents deep love and an aching heart. Thus, the flower needed to maintain its red color for the symbolism to come through.

For some reason I initially pictured this guy wearing a pink shirt (perhaps as an offshoot of the "romantic" angle), but I wanted to try some different colors inspired by the 70s catalog pages I found. I ended up really liking the contrast of the cool blue shirt with the warm red pants, and that option made it into my top three as a result. I lined them up next to each other to compare them, and in the end, blue won out over pink. I think it also reflects the "colder", more cerebral, less-emotional parts of his personality well (namely "systematic", "stern", and "callous"- one from each column!). Just goes to show that you shouldn't get too attached to your first draft, as better ideas are just around the corner.

I then lightened the blue of the shirt so it wouldn't compete so much with the rest of the outfit, and wouldn't be quite as loud and "in your face". Mikhail strikes me as a bit of an introvert, so the calmer, quieter blue is a better fit. I added a darker belt and watchband and de-saturated the flower just a bit to make the values feel more balanced, and I think we've got it!

Let's see the final result!

Y'all, I was not expecting this process to make me emotional, but there's something special about fully realizing a little guy you've spent hours working on. All of a sudden you look at him and go, "Oh my god, there he is. That's him." This man wasn't even a twinkle in my eye a couple weeks ago and now I'd protect him with my life.

And the thing is, the only reason I'm calling this design "done" for now is that I basically just brought it into existence to make a point. But if this dude were attached to a larger story, he'd be nowhere near finished. I'd have to make a ton more iterations and go a lot more in depth with my research than I did (especially with the Armenian cultural stuff). Overall, though, I hope this quick project properly highlighted the difference between a single drawing and a more fleshed-out character.

Later!

[theemporium]

can i request #6 with john marino please 💜

thank you for requesting!🫶🏽

6. “I don’t think I have ever felt safer than in your arms.”

.

“This is a horrible idea.”

“This is a great idea.”

“I hate you.”

“No, you don’t.”

“I swear to god, if you let me fall, you’re sleeping on the couch.”

John couldn’t hold back his snort at that one, his grin spread wide across his face and his eyes crinkling as he stared at you with such a fond expression—despite the fact you were glaring at him like he had unwillingly dragged you out onto the ice.

Though, you would like it to be noted that he coerced you.

He coerced you in the sense that he waited until you were fucked out and half asleep on his chest before he asked if you would join him at the Devils Family Skate.

It should also be noted that you had nothing against going except for one small, tiny, miniscule detail—you couldn’t skate and the idea of even attempting it terrified you.

Which, all things considered, was fucking ironic since you were dating a professional ice hockey player.

“M’not gonna let you fall, baby,” John assured you, giving your hands a soft squeeze. “Just gotta get used to it and then you’ll be skating around in no time.”

You swallowed, your gaze glued to the ice below like you were convinced a black hole was going to appear out of nowhere and drag you in. “Yeah. Sure. No time.”

“Baby,” John murmured, slowly stopping you both. People still skated around you, but John paid them no attention as his hands gripped your elbows to pull you closer. “I promise you nothing is gonna happen. We don’t have to stay on for long, if you don’t want to. Just a few laps for the sake of the cameras and then we can grab some coffee.”

Your eyes softened a little. “No, no, this is important to you and—”

“And you’re important to me,” he added, a small smile on his face. “And the last thing I would want is for you to get hurt.”

“God, that sounds so cheesy,” you murmured with a snort.

“Don’t ruin the moment,” he teased, happy to finally see you starting to relax on the ice.

“Sorry, sorry,” you grinned back at him. “Oh, Johnny, I don’t think I have ever felt safer than in your arms.”

He laughed, his nose scrunching up a little. “Yeah no, that does sound cheesy.”

“A couple more laps and then we’ll see how I’m coping?” You bargained.

“Deal, baby,” he smiled, leaning down to press a quick, sweet kiss on your lips whilst the cameras were preoccupied with other players before he began to start moving again. “I’m telling you, you’re gonna be skating circles around the boys soon.”

“Your delusional belief in me is endearing, Johnny.”

“I do try.”

.

[bryngmemoney]

✁FASHION FLIRT✃

Megumi Fushiguro x Reader

⭑story masterlist link

tw: death joke

Writing in between messages!!

🪡Chapter Twenty-three: Zip-up

Megumi walked out of his room, all his essentials by his side as he made an effort to not disturb Yuji and Junpei working on their laptops, discussing their project. Todo was sat on a separate chair, simply being there for moral support apparently and a third voice of advice. Just as he was about to walk through the door unnoticed, he heard Yuji speak up.

“Where are you going? It’s like 7:30?”

“Gonna meet up with someone, i’ll be back later,” and before Yuji could reply Megumi was out the door.

“Move,” Megumi said gently nudging your shoulder with his as he attempted to reach a place on the counter. “This Kitchen’s tiny Megumi, where do you want me to go?” You tried to maneuver in a way where you could still be doing your task while allowing him enough space for whatever he needed to do next to you. While he was over, the decision had been made that both of you would try and make a dinner together with the limited amount of food you had at your place. “There’s a reason I always go to your place instead of being here.”

He just scoffed in reply, then turned to look at you pausing his movements. “Well, maybe one day, you could move out of here.”

“Well obviously I plan on it, not going to live in the college dorms forever.”

“Yeah, like if you had a super cool boyfriend who you’d get serious with one day you could move in with him. After some time of course.”

“Are you saying you’d eventually want me to move in with you Megumi?”

He simply hummed in reply, turning back to his task, however he couldn’t hide the red appearing on his face. You held his arm, leaning in to give him a kiss on the cheek, before also returning back to your previous chore.

You sat in class, sewing a detail onto your design. The sound of the chair pulling up in front of your table caught your attention, but you didn’t look up assuming it to be one of your friends like Maki, Nobara or even Panda. You were surprised however, when you heard Gojo’s voice

“Looking good Y/n, I see your all most done here.” He started, “There wouldn’t happen to be anything else your done with hm?” he asked. A bit confused by his question you looked up to be met with Gojo staring at you through his blacked out glasses.

“Sorry?”

He didn’t repeat himself, simply kept looking at you, before getting up, “Nothing just return to sewing.”

Author’s Note: looking at the outline i made guys we have around 7-8ish chapters left of the story and i just wanna say tysm for the support it’s been so fun to make this smau and im glad a lot of you have enjoyed it <33333

hope you guys enjoy this chapter as well!

Taglist below, feel free to comment or dm me to be added!!

TAGLIST

@iridescentrays @gumimegz @maya-maya-56 @mamafly @lunavixia @swissy23 @coltsgf @m00nglad3-mp3 @etsukis @xosren @qtnfer @oengleli @harek89 @y-sabell-a @morgyyyyyyy @getolvr @liliumaraneae @k3lbade @aiieera @dancedancey @get0sfav @chuyasthighs0 @hyssoplampflickers @kpopanimen @sad-darksoul @vivi-loves-penguins @kasumitenbaz @talkingsperm @nymphsdomain @inlovewithlondonn @rzcnlb @enchantingkitty @fuyuzemi @lysaray @ni-ki-ismyluv @renemy @frumira @mixzimi @miralunaela @dreamxiing @p3achiee @anianurst @nishii28 @arguendo @samutoru @hallothankmas @invisible-mori @aiserex @all-in-the-fandoms @milza12

[nerdranttheories]

Okay I’m going to geek out about Toshinori’s costume designs because I’m an English major and analyzing tiny details in text is what we do and also I love??? The designs! And each one tells us so much about All Might and his focus during each costume.

Costume 1 (Young Might):

So first off, despite young All Might’s longtime dream of being a hero, his suit is mostly black. A stark difference from comics books and his later self which tend to be bright primary colors. The few dashes of primary colors he has are desaturated, even in the second instance where we see this costume. This would have likely been the only costume Toshinori designed himself, as David became his designer in college.

Obviously, others have pointed out the similarities to Nana’s suit, just like how Izuku copied AM’s, so I don’t think it will be necessary for me to point that out. But this suit is also very practical. Something the flashy All Might isn’t really known for, but let me point the details out. He has boots, gauntlets, as well as what appears to be protection for his upper torso, and even for his neck. A decent balance between more protection and more weight, which would slow a hero down. Also, unlike Nana’s suit, his extends completely down the arms. The only skin surface available is that of his hands, something that stays the same through all of his costumes and as such, must be something he personally insists on. In media, gloves often represent someone with secrets, or a guarded personality. All Might not wearing gloves shows how open he is, not just with his friends but strangers too. And it’s humble, too. It’s not an unfeeling, covered hand extending to you when you’re in danger, it’s the bare-handed reach of a friend, and I fully believe that’s why Toshi goes without gloves. Also it’s possibly a sensory thing for him as well, which goes with my canon-supported theory that this man has ADHD, but that’s a nerd rant for another time.

The colors are important because while obviously they mimic Nana, you can practically see through the color choice that Toshinori is not in his right mindset here. While later the oversaturation of colors serves to show how his own heroism has made him into something Else, and outside of his own head, leaving the man inside to shrivel away, these muted colors show that Toshinori has not yet blossomed. Also in the brief scenes we see of him when he is younger, Toshinori is very solemn. The one scene we get of him smiling when he’s young is when Izuku is comparing them at the same age, and even then, it’s more of a smirk as opposed to the signature All Might grin we all know and love. Black also is just a reasonable color for something like crime-fighting. Black shows the least grime/dirt, so he could reasonably spend more hours out in this costume without having to come home and wash it/trade it out. (Which is something that I love that this series includes, by the way!)

Costume 2-ish:

Toshinori adds some shoulder pads for the fight with AFO, probably expecting to stand side-by-side with his mentor. I could give a more full-body image but this is really the only difference I could pick out.

Costume 3 (College Might):

This is the first costume of All Might’s that is designed by David Shield.

First off, props to David. He’s an awesome designer. He not only made a new design, but incorporated several choices from AM’s previous suit, and definitely conferred a lot with Toshi on how he wanted his suit to look while still ensuring its functionality.

Black is traded for a dark, unsaturated blue, giving AM a more peaceful look, as navy blue is considered to be a calming color. (Even Endeavor wears it! But maybe copying AM and not wearing it for the same purposes?) All Might’s cape is also changed from red to blue, taking away the dark look and making it the color of the sky, again adding to that Symbol of Peace idea that is Toshinori’s dream. The gauntlets and boots remain, but the chest-piece has been removed, offering up more mobility. The yellow of his belt has been brightened, and added in place of the blues on his gauntlets and boots, giving him an overall more friendly look as opposed to the more subdued one he had before with the blue accents. The red has been removed as well, and by moving it to his body, it gives the impression of veins and the blood that is pumping away through the heart of this hero, which is fantastic for someone who cares as much as Toshinori does. White was also added vertically on the sides of the suit, thinning out the very intimidating form of Toshi and making him more approachable, while adding a more pure look to his overall form. This appears to be in part, a stylistic choice on David’s end that follows through to the other suits, though it’s hard to know if it remains on the Bronze Age Suit as well.

Overall the brighter colors telegraph that Toshinori is doing much better mentally at this point. He now has A Friend, and for the time being, is safer from the troubles at home, until he has to return.

Costume 4 (Bronze Age):

We don’t even get a full look at this suit, indicating that its time in use was likely short-lived. As I’ve seen others suggest, it seems very likely that when All Might returned to Japan, he went straight down to business and began doing vigilante work as he tried to track down AFO. However, possibly due to a combination of not finding him and All Might’s rising popularity, he seems to abandon this track and move on to a different form of heroism, which his suit symbolizes. I’ll briefly point out that Toshinori returns to the primarily black suit he had as a teenager, as well as the shadows of his face that add to the idea that as soon as he got back to Japan, he reverted to the mindset he had when he left.

Costume 5 (Silver Age):

This suit indicates to me that this period was All Might’s prime, despite his later suit being considered the Golden Age of All Might. (And even though it’s my least-favorite design.) He has the typical cape of a hero, and the bright colors are now fully of typical comic book style. The circular design on his chest indicates a target, but with being cast in white and surrounded in red, gives the impression that he himself is not the target, but the villainy around him is. Or at least, that is likely the thought process for this design. Other than the dashes of white here and there, the colors are very solid, possibly indicating a more stable, but single-minded train of thought, something AM is notorious for. No offense to Dr. Shield, but I would have mixed the colors better in here, and the cape connection is too bulky for someone who’s as jacked in the shoulders as Toshinori is. Alas, I am not the designer. We shall move on.

Costume 6 (Golden Age):

I love this suit. Plenty of analysis has been done on it already, but I think it’s a fantastic representation of how Toshinori’s been crushed under the very image he had originally wanted to create. His shadows are darkest and most severe here, reminiscent of how body-builders dehydrate themselves to get the best appearance of their musculature. His posing is also more inward, as opposed to the silver age, with the angles of his elbows being less directly out and more in, and instead of appearing confident, it’s more of how a cat puffs out its hair to make itself appear larger when it’s scared. I had a long bit to go with this but it was eaten by the Tumblr gremlins. Basically I believe this suit was made post AFO-battle. All Might is declaring he’s not finished yet, all while knowing his time is running out. This suit has several callbacks to the original suit David designed for him, with the navy, though more saturated base and the red lines running throughout the form, though the gauntlets and boots from before have been integrated into the suit itself. This could reflect David’s mindset as well, as he reminisces about the days when Toshinori was healthy and happy, when now Toshinori’s health is rapidly fading.

Anyway, here’s my costume analysis! I think it adds a little more insight to Toshinori’s mental state and situations in the years outside of the show as well as in them, and I hope you enjoyed this read! I’d love to hear other ideas too, if anyone has them!

[hanakoofthejungle]

Another HuskerDust Hazbin Hotel fanart because I am obsessed with these two.

Speedpaint process below:

This piece is based on the fanfiction, Wicked Old Soul by BunnyBight. It is also a Overlord Husk AU fic but has its own distinct and captivating plot. I highly recommend.

The scene comes from Chapter 24 where Husk and Angel host an engagement party for Asmodeus and Fizzarolli, and of course they have to dress the part :))) in other words, excuse for me to draw Husk in a fancy suit and Angel in a beautiful dress.

I took a lot of leeway in interpreting the clothes.

BunnyBight describes Angel's dress as "made of a black shimmery material. Not sparkly, it was too subtle to be called that. The top of the dress wrapped over one shoulder and under the other. It fit snug to his body until it hit his hips where it then draped straight to the floor. The front of the dress had a large opening. The left side of the skirt fell straight down but then another layer started at that hip and crossed in front to end at his right ankle. His entire left leg was bare as was the bottom of his right leg." So I was thinking of silk chiffon as the material for the blouse/bust and first layer of the skirt and taffeta silk for the bodice and second dress layer. As both fabrics has shiny property, they would look a bit more grey than black as opposed to Husk's wool suit. I added a layer of pearlescent watercolor on top to make the dress shimmery but it doesn't show after scanning. Check out my speedpaint Youtube short to see how it shines under the light. The dress is also supposed to have gold and red playing cards embroidery, but I was lazy.

Angel's necklace is the centerpiece of the outfit, '[t]he necklace was an intricate design of many small black diamonds and seven large rubies, all set in gold [...] It looked like something royalty would wear." So I went ahead and based the necklace on Empress Elisabeth of Austria's ruby parure. I saw the necklace in her portrait by Georg Martin Ignaz Raab while visiting the Schönbrunn Palace some years ago. There are exactly 7 rubies in this fanart and some small black diamonds. The details do not look good up close since I was drawing on a small A5 size paper and this is the best I can manage with tiny tiny jewelry. BunnyBight also mentions a pair of earrings that go with the set, but I don't know where the ears of a spider locate so I replaced those with a matching hair ornament.

"Husk was wearing another three piece black suit with gold pinstripes and buttons. His gold bowtie looked fabulous over the red shirt he wore with it." I found that when executing all these details on paper, the suit would look very busy and lack an emphasis. Hence, I instead put Husk in a pure black double breasted suit, kept the red shirt and placed all the red, gold and black color in the tie as the highlight of his outfit. I couldn't draw the tiny "little gold and red playing card cufflinks at his wrist" (again the limitation of traditional art on small paper) so I replaced the with heart shaped gold cufflinks. A nice allusion to Husk's wearing his heart on his sleeve just for Angel, which was definitely my plan all along and not just mere coincidence. I skipped Husk's fancy top hat and cane because I was lazy. One very wrong detail in this whole outfit is Husk's ring which he doesn't get until Chapter 36 :((.

The background is just me freehand drawing that tapestry with card symbols and other motifs appear in Loser, Baby and the marble column.

[artstar1997]

Blurred Lines

Ever since I watched Trolls Band Together, I had a lot of questions sticking in my brain like gum under the tables or bleachers that can’t be removed. If you ask me, I treat these plotholes like a crime scene investigation or a science experiment in the laboratory. Sorry if there is too much information and scientific facts added to it because I found out that people with ASD like me prefer logic, accuracy, and clarity to guide my judgement because they’re consistent.

With Queen Poppy and Viva, they look semi-identical based on their designs, which makes me see that they’re fraternal or identical twins. Identical twins, are meant to have identical DNA but they differ somewhat in appearance and are not the same in terms of height, physical features, and many more so yeah, that might make sense.

Maybe they were isolated from one another in the troll tree for their safety and Viva remembers Poppy more than her because she would sneak around to be with her. There wasn’t any evidence about who is older and younger but what I know is that Viva wasn’t targeted by Chef, it was Poppy instead. It might be due to Poppy’s status as the heir because I discovered that in a legal system based on primogeniture, which favors the inheritance claims of an eldest child or his or her children over the claims of other relatives, an heir apparent is generally the eldest child, who is entitled to claim the property and titles of his or her parent. While rewatching the first Trolls movie, I noticed that King Peppy, Poppy and the other trolls escaped in the morning of the Last Trollstice so Viva and the others might escaped late at the night when Chef was exiled and there were other Bergens living outside Bergen Town so Viva’s escape might’ve happened at that time. Come to think of it, some trolls are up and running when they hatched out of their eggs like ducks and horse foals (cough* cough* Tiny Diamond) and compared to us humans, troll brains absorb memories and instincts fast or faster like sponges.

Maybe Poppy doesn't remember much about Viva because she kinda looks like she has Autism and ADHD. I read that children with autism have memory challenges that hinder not only their memory for faces but also their ability to remember other kinds of information. That's the same thing I struggled with as well.

I also based this theory on my life experiences because as an eldest child myself, I experienced the things Poppy had been through as I grew older and I am shorter while Viva kinda reminds me of my younger, taller sister.

I also read about sibling psychology and discovered that Poppy has more oldest sibling traits than Viva, who has younger sibling traits. I noticed in the movies and the animated series that Poppy exhibited the traits I listed, but she only has two youngest sibling traits, evidently mischievous and risk taker while Viva has two oldest sibling traits, usually cautious and conscientious. They both share the traits of fun loving and creative so I didn’t add them in my chart.

With the BroZone, it’s obvious to see the details about who is older and younger among them because of the features I noticed. It was evident that John Dory spent his years alone in the wilderness, Spruce established a business and had a family in Vacay Island, and Clay escaped with Viva and the others on the night when Chef was exiled and lived in the abandoned mini golf. Floyd on the other hand, he must’ve wandered around on his own until he was found by Velvet and captured him to fulfill her plan to become a popstar, alongside Veneer.

With Velvet and Veneer, they must’ve ended up that way because the Mount Rageon lifestyle is focused on partying and hedonism that they become victims of neglect and favoritism. Velvet was spoiled rotten by their parents, who were dentists while Veneer was often pushed to the side, causing him to lack willpower and only be a doormat for her when she cooks up schemes. Veneer possibly got Sparkles the goldfish as by the parents to shut him up while they spoil Velvet as if she was a treasure they can cherish and maintain. This had gotten worse possibly if the two experience bullying in school for being talentless.

Whatever my mind was thinking, all I know is that there are blurred lines in there.

[cybunii]

DOCTOR !!

a/n: I wanted to add smut so bad but writers block is literally killing me...

Pairing: Steve Raglan/William afton x gn!reader

cw: power difference, age gaps, uhh inappropriate doctor? no smut, just suggestive talk, maybe stalker-ish behavior

-

You took a deep breath and walked into the surprisingly cold building, avoiding eye contact with the people waiting in the lobby.

You check in at the front for your appointment, a quick checkup with Dr. Raglan at 2:30. He wasn’t your normal doctor, but since he was the only one available, you had to make due.

You had been feeling well but decided to come in anyway. Besides, what harm could a checkup do? 

You sit in one of the chairs, anxiously bouncing your leg up and down. Places like this always made you nervous, you had no reason for it, but you couldn’t calm the extreme nervousness you felt in hospitals and doctor's offices. 

“…?” 

You hear a woman call your name and you quickly stand up, making small talk with her as she leads you down the hallway to the room.

She takes your blood pressure and asks you questions about allergies and any new medications, the average standard questions. 

“Okay, you’re all set! Dr.Raglan will be in to see you shortly.” The woman cheerfully exclaimed, nodding, before shutting the door behind her.

You look around at all the framed diplomas, degrees, and bunny-themed decorations around the room. 

Your eyes are drawn to the one on the desk. You pick it up and observe it in your hands. A small yellow ceramic bunny sitting down, and the back is decorated with tiny orange spots. Some of the paint is smudged off, and its eye is partially missing, but it’s cute nonetheless.

You hear footsteps getting closer to the door and you quickly place it back, hoping it’s in the same position it was in. 

A few knocks on the door and he steps in. 

You give a small grin to him as he sits down, your eyes roaming his body as he turns the computer on. 

He was wearing the typical white coat, paired with sleek black pants, a tight-fitting button-up shirt, and a grape-colored tie complimenting his rather muted outfit. 

His intense gaze was focused on the digital screen in front of him, his lean shoulders slightly hunched over. The contours of his arms and toned back were accentuated by the tight-fitting shirt he wore. Even when concentrating, his natural charm was impossible to hide behind those piercing eyes and sharp focus. You can't help but look at him, even if he is completely aware of your gaze.

-

Steve- 

No. 

William was fully aware of your staring. 

A slight grin appears on his face as he continues to stalk through your information on the computer, keeping a mental note of each small detail for later. 

He deliberately set up this appointment, making sure he was the only one to see you today. A check-up was a good enough excuse, knowing he didn't have enough credentials to perform any other exams. 

-

Dr.Raglan clears his throat and your eyes dart up to meet his, embarrassment creeping up to settle on your face. 

“Well, today is a simple procedure.” He says, abruptly standing up, walking over to the counter, and grabbing gloves. He casually slides the gloves over his hands, your eyes almost trained on them. 

He walks back over and gestures to the table. You nod and carefully lay down on the hard table, the supposed cushion under you failing to provide any comfort. You try to focus on the uncomfortable feeling, not wanting to bring any attention to the clearly attractive doctor about to feel you up. 

“Just gonna lift this up, okay?” He says, a more gentle tone added to his deep voice. His hands gradually lift the hem of your shirt up and bunch it near your chest. His fingertips barely graze your skin and you take a sharp breath in, your heartbeat quickening. 

His hands press into your abdomen, not enough to hurt but enough so that it's uncomfortable. Your face scrunches a bit before he lets up, testing to see if anywhere is sensitive. 

“Did that hurt?” He whispers, quickly pressing down on another spot. 

You shake your head, your eyes avoiding his intense gaze. “No…” 

His hands trail even lower, pressing a little above your belt. “What about this?” He murmurs, his hungry gaze watching your every reaction. 

You bite your lip and shake your head again, your eyes meeting his when he keeps his hands in place. 

“You sure?” He asks, pressing his hands into you even harder. 

You wince and wiggle a bit, trying to relieve the pain by moving. “Uh- yeah, that hurts a bit..” You say, looking up at him with an uncomfortable expression. 

He hums and takes his hands off, throwing the gloves away in the nearby trash can. You take a deep breath in and rub the sore spot, knowing it'll be a bruise by tomorrow. 

“Let me do that…” He mumbles, his now bare hands rubbing the sore spot, the heat radiating from them feeling very good. 

“..feels g-good..” You stutter, instantly regretting saying anything due to the tone your voice decides to use. He raises his eyebrow and smirks, his look basically mocking you. 

He hums again, his hands grazing across your waist now, almost testing you. 

Time almost stands still for a minute, the only sounds of soft breathing filling the room. His hands pull away and he sits down at the computer, leaving you lying there. 

You frown and pull your shirt back down, finally sitting up and stretching from lying down for that long. 

You stare at the back of his head for what feels like ages. The sound of the quick typing almost drives you crazy. He turns around in the chair and stares at you, almost scanning you with his eyes. 

“You're a little sensitive, but overall everything seems to be okay. You’re as healthy as you can be!” He says, clasping his hands together.

You grin, nodding your head. “That's great to hear-”

“Though, I might have a suggestion” He says, cutting you off. 

You raise your eyebrows, giving him a confused look. 

“There was a study released recently, a huge list about many things someone should do everyday to make sure they stay healthy. The study was conducted by many educated scientists and doctors, so don’t have any worries about whether it's fake or not. We've all seen those websites…” He explains, pretty much rambling at this point. 

“Anyways, there was one on there that I think would suit your…” He pauses, his gaze sizing you up. “Needs.”

Your face scrunches up, the confusion still all over your features. “I’m sorry- My needs?” You ask, slight embarrassment creeping up on your face at the hidden meaning of those words. 

His once innocent grin widens into a wicked smile, quickly standing up and towering over you.

“Don't act so shy…You know what im talking about sweetheart” He murmurs, his rough hand going to rest on your thigh.

His hand gently strokes your thigh, inching its way up. You try to move your leg, but it is difficult, his strong grip keeping you in place. 

His face moves closer to yours, slowly, ever so slowly. 

Your heart hammers away in your chest, your body heating up at his touch and his breath getting closer and closer to you. 

“I'll give you the first dose…” He whispers, his hungry eyes practically glued to your lips. He smirks and leans in, his lips are soft and warm. They meet yours, and he starts to slowly kiss you. 

His other hand moves up off your thigh, and it brushes lightly against your skin. You can feel the touch, but it isn't aggressive or forced. It is a hungry yet gentle kiss, filled with passion. 

He groans and breaks the kiss, looking at you with an amused expression. You shudder at his warm breath hitting your face as he speaks, your face continuing to flush at the closeness. 

“Do you think you would be interested in learning more?” He asks, an expecting look on his face, begging, maybe demanding for you to give in. 

You think for a moment, your mind still reeling from the sudden kiss.

You nod your head a few times and he grins, turning around and finding an appointment card. “For when you need a higher dose” He says, handing you a card with an address quickly scribbled on it. 

“I'll be expecting a visit very soon…” He leans closer to you, whispering in your ear in a lust filled tone. He smirks again and stands up, opening the door for you to leave. 

You lift yourself off the table and quickly leave, glancing behind you to see him still staring at you. 

You stare at the card once you get in the car, your hand going up to softly touch your lips. It's like you can still feel his touch.

Maybe you should make another appointment…

-

word count: 1.5k

[supercalifragipopculturevomit]

THE BEST OF DANIEL BRÜHL

It’s dumb, honestly.

You get this seemingly brilliant idea of turning to foreign films so you’re forced to read subtitles and focus—a problem you’ve been noticing of late—but in doing so, you end up with a more destructive distraction.

“Who’s that guy, again? The one in all those international productions?” That’s how I found myself on my Daniel Brühl marathon-turned-obsession.

It was his role as the cute Nazi in Inglorious Basterds that first put him on my radar. Over the years, I would see him in The Fifth Estate, Burnt, Woman in Gold, The Zookeeper’s Wife, and The King’s Man. Midway through All Quiet on the Western Front, I was like, “All this needs is that German actor…” and I had to chuckle when he later appeared on screen. I also checked out the first season of The Alienist because I was intrigued by what he and Dakota Fanning as leads would do with such a spooky-looking show.

Adorable as he was in his breakout role in Good Bye, Lenin!, it was his performance in the critically-acclaimed Rush that caused me to spiral. Similar to when Benedict Cumberbatch took on the modern version of Sherlock, it was like seeing Brühl with new eyes. His playful take on Helmut Zemo in The Falcon and the Winter Soldier was the final nail in the coffin. I don’t imagine it’s all too different from what Tom Hiddleston did to fans of Marvel as Loki.

I’m actually at the tail-end of this obsession now that I’ve seen everything I can get a hold of—around 39 films, two TV shows, a documentary, a music video, countless interviews, a bunch of ads, and a handful of fan cuts—but he has a lot of works worth recommending so I thought I would share them on here. This will mostly be a subjective list with priority on projects I found most interesting which showcase his range best. Like, I enjoyed The Bourne Ultimatum but he was on screen for a total of 2 minutes so I wouldn’t include that here.

RUSH (2013) This biographical sports film written by Peter Morgan—the man behind The Crown—centers on the rivalry between Formula One drivers James Hunt and Niki Lauda in the 70s. Not a fan of F1 or sports in general. I have nothing against either, just zero interest. But this character-driven film, much like Ford vs Ferrari, had me at the edge of my seat the entire ride. And it surprisingly has one of the best meet-cutes—and accidental wingmen—I’ve seen yet.

Brühl delivers an Oscar-worthy performance in this role. For someone who needed a lot of convincing he could do the character justice, he truly went above and beyond. For one, he befriended and studied Lauda, the iconic F1 figure he was portraying. No easy feat considering Lauda being, well… Lauda. In interviews, Brühl recounts the story of the memorable invite he got from Lauda to meet in Vienna. This would be their first meeting and Lauda told Brühl outright that he should only bring hand luggage so he can piss off if they don’t like each other.

He would end up staying a few days and buying additional clothes.

He also spent a month in Vienna to nail the accent, making sure to capture the arrogance and irony innate to it. And although he got driver training for the role, he also considered the tiniest details like which went on first: helmet or gloves? There was also the tricky business of looking graceful entering a tiny F1 car—a bigger challenge for Chris Hemsworth who plays Hunt—but an obstacle all the same.

All the hard work paid off. It was well-received by audiences, critics, and the F1 world. The first time Lauda saw the film he went, “Holy shit, that’s really me”. Lauda’s friends thought he did voiceover work for it. Director Ron Howard was so pleased with Brühl’s performance that he went out of his way to show an unfinished cut of the movie to the producers of The Fifth Estate (2013). This gracious act would land Brühl the co-lead role opposite Benedict Cumberbatch.

GOOD BYE, LENIN! (2003) Can't tell if it's just because the two films have the same composer and were created around the same time, but this tragicomedy set in East Germany reminded me so much of my beloved Amélie. This is definitely more dramatic and political but it has that same mix of whimsy, heart, and charm. With its budget, it was meant to be an indie film, but the story of a son who would recreate a faux-socialist world to keep his mother alive captured the heartstrings of audiences, not just in Germany but also worldwide. Brühl plays the son and his success with this film was a double-edged sword: although it would open doors for him internationally, he would also be typecast as the “nice guy” in his home country.

INGLORIOUS BASTERDS (2009) This has one of the best, most intense opening sequences in all of cinema… and one of the greatest villains. In this wild alternate universe from Quentin Tarantino, he rewrites the ending of World War II. It’s the right balance of dark, hilarious, and entertaining—my favorite from the auteur’s works. Here Brühl plays a cute and charming Nazi, which is very confusing to the senses.

Aside from Brühl, it was also my first introduction to Christoph Waltz, Michael Fassbender, and Melanie Laurent—all fantastic European actors who’ve crossed over to Hollywood after the success of this movie. “Crossing over” seems ubiquitous now but, at that time, giving most of the lead roles to then relatively unknown actors must have been a risk. But for this, it was necessary. Language plays a huge part in this trilingual film and casting native speakers grounded it in authenticity. Tarantino originally had Leonardo di Caprio in mind to play Hans Landa. Whether he meant for him to learn German or to speak English with a German accent, who knows. Either way, it’s safe to say that would have been a different film.

THE EDUKATORS / DIE FETTEN JAHRE SIND VORBEI (2004) This anti-capitalist film, which has become a cult classic, captures the spirit, idealism, recklessness, and angst of young revolutionaries who just want a better world. Where one stands on the measures taken, or even their sentiment, can be considered a litmus test. With or without reference to this quote from the movie—“Under 30 and not liberal, no heart. Over 30 and still liberal, no brain.”—is up to the viewer.

There needs to be a suspension of disbelief for the series of events that takes place but the setting is necessary for the clash of worlds to happen. It’s not a perfect movie but the issues they debate about in length… they’re still discussions we’re having nearly 20 years later.

p.s. this has my favorite behind-the-scenes of all of Brühl’s projects. Though he hasn’t lost his sense of humor, he seems to have become more reserved as he got older. HERE, at this period in his life, he’s a total goofball bordering on loose cannon.

THE FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLDIER (2021) Though I’ve enjoyed quite a few MCU movies, I’m not invested in the universe at all, so watching this wasn’t a priority. In fact, I was ready to settle on YouTube compilations made by devoted fans of all the scenes Brühl was in. Upon seeing clips, however, I got intrigued by his character so I still ended up watching the miniseries and also Captain America: Civil War (2016).

Both were better than I expected. Civil War is more serious, while TFATWS is more playful, but both face relevant issues along with formidable foes. Brühl’s villain in Helmut Zemo is fascinating because he tears the mighty Avengers apart with mere patience, fury, and intelligence… and his motivations are understandable. He lets his character loose in TFATWS—at one point, on the dance floor—and it’s magnificent. His mission is still the same, but this time he does it with a lot of charm, humor, and fabulous Sokovian style. A Turkish delight, personified.

ME AND KAMINSKI / ICH UND KAMINSKI (2015) Brühl’s Sebastian Zöllner is a repulsive and sleazy journalist who has greasy hair and wears too much cologne but I can’t get enough of his chaotic energy. His magnum opus is hitched on a legendary artist dying and his fantasy is to turn the orphaned daughter into a sugar mommy. It’s all kinds of messed up but he plays the hell out of the smarmy dirtbag so it’s a lot of fun. This is Brühl’s second collaboration with Wolfgang Becker, who directed Good Bye, Lenin! Daniel Kehlmann, the writer whose eponymous book this film was based on, would later write Brühl’s directorial debut, Nebenan.

NO REGRETS / NICHTS BEUREUEN (2001) This is reminiscent of the slightly problematic but highly enjoyable teen comedies and coming-of-age films of the 90s. It’s like an edgier Can’t Hardly Wait: boy goes through cringe-worthy measures to get the girl he’s long been pining for, his two closest pals have nothing but dumb advice to offer, yet he still ends up on the path to self-discovery. It’s awkward, chaotic, frustrating, and beautiful—but such is adolescence.

Brühl and his co-star Jessica Schwarz fall in love on the set of this film. And although they would break up years later, the tenderness between their scenes together is palpable and there’s something rather bittersweet about seeing that captured in perpetuity.

For a more straightforward rom-com, he has Lila, Lila (2009). It’s about a guy who passes off a manuscript as his own to impress a girl and the hilarity that follows. It’s on YouTube for those who need a fun and light watch.

THE ALIENIST (2018 – 2020) Based on the novel of the same name, this moody psychological thriller set in late 19th century New York follows a psychiatrist—then called an Alienist—who investigates a series of grisly murders with methods still considered new and controversial at that time, such as psychology and fingerprinting. He gets by with a little help from his friends, John Moore, an illustrator for the New York Times, and Sara Howard, a society woman who works in the NYPD.

In the lead role of Dr. Laszlo Kreizler, Brühl plays the dark, complex, and mysterious Alienist whose study of mental pathologies and deviant behaviors reveals much of himself and his past.

LESSONS OF A DREAM / DER GANZ GROßE TRAUM (2011) This film is loosely based on Konrad Koch, an educator and pioneer who brought football to Germany in the late 19th century. In the movie, the sport is used as a means to pique students’ interest in the English language and culture—both considered barbaric by the Germans at that time. A heartwarming tale of a teacher who overcomes insurmountable odds and inspires students along the way, it’s the German equivalent of Dead Poet’s Society.

ALL QUIET ON THE WESTERN FRONT (2022) This story, the third adaptation of the 1929 novel, “Im Westen nichts Neues”, conveys the futility of war like no other. There aren't as many films on World War I as there are on World War II, fewer ones that tell it from a German perspective, so this is doubly unique in that regard. Powerful watch but 10/10 not like to relive it again. Apart from producing it with his company, Amusement Park, Brühl plays Matthias Erzberger, the German State Secretary who pushes for armistice talks with the Allied forces.

An ideal companion watch to this would be Joyeux Noël / Merry Christmas (2005), another WWI movie Brühl stars in, which depicts the unbelievable Christmas truce between French, German, and Scottish soldiers in 1914. His linguistic ability shines here as he shifts between German, French, and English effortlessly. (Half German, half Spanish, Brühl speaks a total of five languages: those three plus Spanish and Catalan.)

The Zookeeper’s Wife (2017) and Alone in Berlin (2016) also recognize the bravery of defiance at the height of tyrannical regimes. Although between the two, I would skip the latter.

JOHN RABE (2009) This biographical film set in China tells the incredible true story of a German businessman who uses his Nazi Party membership to create an International Safety Zone in Nanking. This was in the late 1930s, during the Rape of Nanjing. In this six-week carnage by the Imperial Japanese Army—which includes sexual assault, mutilations, and killing contests—upwards of 200,000 Chinese are brutally murdered. The protective zone manages to save around the same number of civilians.

Brühl doesn’t play the titular Rabe, but his character, Dr. Georg Rosen, is one of few Westerners who decides to remain and protect Nanking even as conflict escalates. Dr. Rosen was a German Diplomat instrumental in the creation of the safety zone.

p.s. with all these heroic roles in his catalog, I’m convinced Brühl would be a frontrunner to play President Volodymyr Zelenskyy, should a movie be made about him and Ukraine’s conflict with Russia. You heard it here first.

NEXT DOOR / NEBENAN (2021) This is Brühl’s directorial debut. Here he plays a darker, fictionalized version of himself. Definitely not for everyone but quite enjoyable if you’re familiar with his major works and public persona, appreciate the ingenuity of one-location movies, and delight in British-style meta humor.

Pre-requisite viewing for maximum enjoyment: Good Bye, Lenin!, Captain America: Civil War, and The Falcon and the Winter Soldier.

[mywritingonlyfans]

Adorable obsession. /// Graham Dunne X Reader.

prompt: he shows up to see you at every show possible of your band, until he take the courage to ask you out.

words: 1,1K.

warnings: none.

You were in the middle of a soundcheck with your band when you noticed a tall, lanky guy standing in the back of the room. He had a messy mop of brown curly hair and a slightly scruffy beard, but his bright blue eyes stood out against his clumsy appearance. He was watching you intently, and you couldn't help but feel a little self-conscious under his gaze. You were sure that if one day from now someone asked him what you looked like, he'd know how to describe you in detail, in the most sinister way. 

 As you played through your set, you found yourself stealing glances at him as well. He wasn't like the other guys who came to your shows, who were mostly just there to drink and pick up girls. And how did you know that? Well, you've noticed him hidden in the audience more than once. There was something different about him, something quite genuine.

 After the show, you were packing up your gear when you saw him approaching you. "Hey, great set," he said, his voice a little nervous, eyes right at the floor. Still, like a gentleman, he helped you to keep everything. 

 "Thanks," you replied, trying to hide your surprise at his sudden appearance. As you pointed out, you'd expect to see him at the band's shows, and yes, you've actually gotten used to looking for him among people, but he was quiet and focused on his own shoes, you didn't think he'd talk to you.

 "I'm Graham," he said, extending a hand. His eyebrows arched, eyes finally on you, and you broke into a tiny smile.

 "Nice to meet you, Graham. I'm–."

 Interrupting you, in a rather adorable way, he was even polite to shut you up, quite unbelievable, and added that he knew your name. "I've been coming to your shows for a while now, y’know," Graham blushed, rubbing the back of his neck. "I think you're an amazing keyboard player. And, uh, I think you're really cute too, if you allow me to say."

 You raised an eyebrow, trying to hide your amusement. "Is that so?"

 "Yeah," Graham said, nodding eagerly. He understood her irony, but remained undaunted. "I was wonderin’ if you wanted to grab a drink or something sometime?"

 You couldn't help but smile at his earnestness. "Well, I don’t go out with fans," you said, reaching into your coat pocket and pulling it around your shoulders. You felt stupid, yet you couldn't trust every pretty face you saw in that business, let alone men.

 “Oh, sure, thing,” he became like a tomato, all lost in his feet. “Appears to be unethical, I understand.” And in a jolt of confidence, he went grinning with teeth and cute dimples showing, and this time, looking at you, he asked. "Wait, so you've noticed me here before?" He thought about adding that he was there for you, but besides that being too much, it would be something you obviously already knew.

 “Hm, maybe, I think,” you failed to sustain your character and ended up with hot cheeks and sweaty palms. He realized, consequently, the insecurity he had before you were gone. 

 Nervously, you reached into your pocket, pulling out a loose cigarette and fumbling for the lighter. He had spent countless hours daydreaming about how he could talk to you, organizing plans and possibilities in his head, which now seemed almost divine as he looked at you standing there in front of him. He suddenly remembered that he had a lighter, something he had only kept on him because he had imagined that if he ever talked to you, you might need it. He had also written his number on a clean napkin, with countless plans on how to use it, and now was the moment to put them into action.

 He came closer to you, feeling your scent engulf him completely, and lit the cigarette in between your fingers, he did make it extra, by holding your hand in his. It was not awkward; it felt quite natural, and he hoped you felt the same. He whispered a small "I've got you, honey," before walking away, leaving you feeling comforted by the lingering scent of mint that he had. Up close, his eyes were even bluer than you had thought, and you couldn't resist the urge to reach out and touch his pretty curls.

 As you were lost in your thoughts, a laughing boy suddenly interrupted you. He had his hands in his pockets and seemed pleased to have found Graham with you, but he claimed he needed to take Graham away. You smiled politely, nodding at him sympathetically, and he did the same before leaving without another word.

 Left alone again, you felt a sense of loss creeping in that quickly replaced the comfort of Graham's presence that had been there before. You couldn't help but hope to see him at the next show.

 Still feeling haunted by the night, as soon as you got home, your heart picked up speed, and the adrenaline seemed to kick in again. In your pocket was a crumpled napkin, which you found yourself curious about even though you had almost thrown it away. As you read the blue ink on it, you smiled seeing Graham's number followed by a message, "For the most talented keyboard player with the most striking eyes I've ever seen, here's my number in case you want to give me a chance!" This time, you didn't resist, dialing his phone number as soon as you finished reading it. You barely let him speak before you said, "You have a date with me tomorrow. You better be there, Graham."

 His face lit up and it was like you could feel him through the call. He was actually smiling, jumping up and down with the phone in his hand as Camila and Warren cheered for him. You could hear everything and he didn't care, it was how he genuinely felt. "Yeah, tomorrow works great. Just give me the name of the place and I’ll be there waiting for you, my girl." You laughed at that, warming his chest up.

 As the call broke apart, you couldn't help but feel a little giddy. There was something about Graham that was different from anyone else you had ever met, you could be wrong, but you had to get to explore it. You couldn't wait to get to know him better.

...

i have a fanfic with karen posted, it's on my blog in case you're interested in reading it!

[margowritesthings]

Good Girl (pt. 2)

pairing: Arthur Morgan x fem!reader

word count: 1565 words

warnings: explicit, cunnilingus, praise kink, use of the word daddy (idk man it just happened okay????), penetration, rough sex

a/n: this is probably my filthiest smut to date???? idk, but i bloody enjoyed writing it

tagging: (i can't find my taglist!! i'm so sorry- please do drop me a message if you'd like to be added)

part 1

It isn’t a long ride after all, due to the heavens opening above you and Arthur about 15 minutes after you’d set back off. You’d both decided it was best to set up a tent in the woods, despite only being about an hour out of camp. (Well, you’d decided it was best to set up a tent, and how could Arthur refuse that look you’d mastered so beautifully?) It was far too wet to set up a fire, so you had to huddle up close in the blankets. All in all, everything was going precisely to the plan you didn’t know you had until it all fell into place, laying on the blanket, feeling Arthur’s cock twitching to attention into your ass cheek.

A sultry, accomplished smirk pulls at the corner of your lips before you roll over in the tiny tent, finding your way right into Arthur’s strong hold. He consumes you, both in the way his huge arms wrap around your frame and the way his lips crash against yours. The second his tongue seeks entrance your lips part for him and you moan softly at the distinctly Arthur taste dancing on your pallet. 

He swiftly flips you to your back, nipping at your bottom lip with his teeth once before pulling away to slip your buttons out of their holes and pushing your sleeves off your shoulders. You’re practically writhing under him, a sight to behold as a cocky grin appears on Arthur’s features. He pulls off your boots and peels down your jeans. You’re naked now, save for your panties, the cold air around you puckering your nipples to an almost painful point. He hasn’t even touched you and yet you ache for him. He knows it, a low chuckle emitting from deep in his throat while you twitch and mewl.

“What do you want, darlin’? Tell me what you want.” He breathes out, that same gruffness from earlier dripping from his voice as a single finger trails over your naked skin, down your chest, hovering just above your quivering heat.

“You. I need you, Arthur, please…” You whine needily, bucking your hips up to meet his finger. It brushes too briefly over your clit, sending a jolt right through your spine, escaping as a moan. Arthur’s eyebrow raises as his head tilts. 

“Such a needy girl. You’re gonna have to be patient while I get these clothes off. You think you can wait for me?” You nod, biting down on your bottom lip, a picturesque brat laying below your cowboy. 

“Good girl.”

Your eyes widen and you clench around nothing, feeling the cotton of your pantied soak through and cling to your swollen, twitching flesh. Ever the expert on your every tiny detail, Arthur watches your reaction with a satisfied countenance.

“I knew it… y’just wanna be my good little girl, don’tcha, sweetheart? My beautiful, filthy girl.” One hand reaches to unbutton his shirt, his duster coat long discarded on the floor, while the other hovers back over you, Arthur rewarding your good behaviour with deliciously slow circles with his thumb over your clit. You nod in response, watching Arthur slip off his suspenders with those doe eyes he loves so, grinding hungrily against his hand.

“Y-Yours.” You mumble, barely able to get the word out from your reddened, bitten lips. Arthur’s thumb against your little bundle of nerves is sending you dizzy, the corners of your vision fizzling as he slowly takes you right to the edge and then stops, pulling his hand away to unbuckle his belt. You whine again, much brattier this time, earning another chuckle just as Arthur’s thick, rigid cock springs free of his jeans, slapping up against his stomach. You can see him twitch, his rosy head slick from a bead of cum leaking out of you; he needs you just as much as you need him. 

“Y’gonna be good for me?” He drawls, stroking himself slowly, his eyes never leaving you. You can barely breathe, nevermind speak, so you respond with actions rather than words, crawling to Arthur and kneeling before him. In a swift movement, you lick up his shaft, having to sit up to get to the top, before taking him in your mouth and suckling. 

“Fuck.” He groans through gritted teeth, fingers tangling into your hair, thumb resting on your cheek sweetly as he rocks his hips into you slowly. He gives you the control, just long enough to get used to the feeling of your throat being filled, before grasping at your hair and fucking into you. He groans again, a carnal, visceral moan as you take as much of him as you can. You feel a tiny tear run off your cheek and onto Arthur’s thumb just as your lungs begin to burn for air. The noises that come from the pair of you are utterly filthy: the low groan from Arhur, your gasps and cries for air, his cock slipping out of your mouth with a loud pop. 

“That's my girl,” Arthur praises, wiping your tears and spit away from your cheek with his thumb. You’re almost certain that if he doesn’t take you soon you’re going to ruin the blankets, all but dripping out onto the floor for your outlaw. You whine, scratching gently at Arthur’s muscular thighs to let him know just how much you need him.

Before you can register, your back is hitting the floor for the second time today, this time with Arthur’s strong arms to break the fall. His lips crash against yours with a fiery passion, his tongue demanding entrance to lick over your own. The tightening coil inside you is almost at breaking point as you pull and scratch at Arthur’s back to bring him closer. 

In one swift movement, without his lips ever leaving yours, Arthur pushes into you, right up to the hilt. You’re so full and it takes a second to adjust to the wonderful invasion, which Arthur gives you by staying right where he is. You’re twitching around his stiff cock, which seems to drive him dizzy. His arms tense around you and you see his jaw flutter, a sure sign he’s trying to hold back for you. The nip of his bottom lip between your teeth is enough permission from you, as he pulls his hips back agonisingly slowly. 

“Fuck, sweetheart, I… I can’t hold back, you feel too fucking good…” you feel his gravelly tone right in the bottom of your stomach, “Y’think you can take it?” 

You nod passionately, physically unable to speak as the air is stolen from your lungs time and time again by the outlaw. 

“Good.” It’s the last syllable he can manage before pounding into you, forcing a squeal from your lips. He fucks you hard, your hands gripping into his back to try and anchor yourself to the world, lest you drift away. He hits you right in that spot every time and you feel yourself winding closer and closer to the edge. You don’t know when the tears started falling again, but when Arthur reaches with his thumb to wipe them away, you catch it in your mouth. 

He raises an eyebrow almost smugly, pushing his thumb a little further into your mouth as you suckle. The harder he fucks you, the more your teeth bite into him. Arthur’s free hand grasps your hip, pinning you down so you can’t write beneath him.

“Look at you, taking me so well… my girl.” He leans in closer so his hot breath tickles your neck. You feel his tongue flick over your jawline, just as his hand leaves your waist to smack the side of your ass. You bite down harder onto his thumb, moaning around it as Arthur’s nails dig into your flesh. 

“Good-“ thrust “fucking-“ thrust “girl.”

His thumb pulls out of your mouth, letting you moan loudly and freely as it pushes down onto your clit. Your own spit, along with the slick you and Arthur had worked up together, is rubbed up and down your swollen nub until you can barely see, barely breathe, from the intensity. Arthur’s hips slam into you as he grunts and moans.

“Y’gonna cum for me, beautiful? Cum for daddy.”

You just about manage to reach the back of Arthur’s neck to pull him into a hungry kiss just before you cum together. He catches your cries and moans in his mouth as he uses expert movements to have you clamping and twitching and flooding onto his cock. It’s a rushing feeling, falling over your entire being like a white hot waterfall. Arthur’s thrusts are fast and hard right until the end, where he slams into you and grips your sides with a bruising force, spearing you into him. You can feel the twitches of his cock as he pumps his seed into you, coating your insides beautifully.

“Fuck, baby…” He groans against your lips through gritted teeth, just as the last drop of adrenaline leaves him and he collapses onto you, sliding out with ease as both of your slick starts to run down your leg. 

A tender kiss is pressed to your forehead with loving intention, while Arthur runs his fingers over your glistening forehead, wiping away a stray piece of hair. 

“I love yah, y’know that?”

“I know.”

“Never forget it.”

“I won’t.”

“Good girl.” 

[deeply-unserious-fellow]

This shot is going to haunt me for at LEAST the next couple months. Like. It's driving me insane. And it's all because of one stupid, tiny detail.

The blood drips on Vox's mouth

Now, there are 3 reasons this is bothering me so much. 1 is obviously the fact that THEY ARE ON THE WRONG SIDE OF HIS MOUTH, 2 is that there's no real reason the blood drips would be appearing in this moment, and 3 is that this is part of a sequence where VAL AND ANGEL ALSO BOTH HAVE PINK LIQUID DRIPPING FROM THEIR MOUTHS.

Now, there are possible, very reasonable explanations for the blood drips(which I feel the need to clarify have been CONSISTENTLY on the left side of his mouth in every shot except for like one other): it could be an animation error, simple as that. It could also be that they just switched the sides so the blood drips would be more noticeable, but I'm not really sure why they would do that? Because A, I edited the screenshot so that the blood drips are in their normal position and it literally looks fine

And B, why would it be extra important for us to know the drips are THERE unless they have some kind of significance in the context of Poison? Every detail in an animated show is deliberate because each panel literally has to be drawn out. If they flipped Vox's blood drips to the other side in this scene in order to draw attention to it, then there's a REASON behind it, there is something important going on here.

I think it's also important to acknowledge the only OTHER time Vox's blood drips have been on the right, this shot in the finale:

Though in this shot there's also an extra drip on the left, and the two on the right are both different sizes, which. Isn't how they normally look. The drips in this frame just overall look a lot more natural then the usual ones? Which I haven't added a picture of yet but they look like this

Two, same sized red stripes on the left side of his mouth. Anyways those are the only two times they look different, and the two moments have literally nothing in common so I can't figure out why they would be different THERE. The best explanation I can think of for the one from the finale is that a story board artist made an artistic choice(hence the drips looking significantly more natural, mor like Alastor's at the end of Stayed Gone), and then it never got changed or corrected or whatever because the frame where his face is right up in the camera last for like a split second. But Idk. That explanation doesn't really apply to the Poison shot because they look EXACTLY the same aside from being on the wrong side and the Poison shot lasts a lot longer than the close up in the finale does.

I would also like to point out that the drips switching sides is NOT a Val make out session exclusive, because when they're making out in the finale, the drips are still on the left. Like you can see the right side of his mouth in this shot and it's completely drip free.

That was a LOT of text for just one section but ONTO REASON NUMBER 2!!!!!! There is no reason Vox would be doing the fucking mouth bleeding thing in that scene.

Those blood drips only appear on Vox's mouth when he's really, REALLY worked up. The times we see them he's typically REALLY angry or REALLY excited. Like, emotions that would typically cause an adrenaline rush. And there's no real reason he would be having an adrenaline rush in this scene? Like unless wanting to make out with someone real real bad gives you an adrenaline rush I wouldn't know I'm ace. But even if that IS the case, shouldn't the drips disappear after Angel interupts them?

There's no energy in his expression when he looks at Angel, no real evidence that he's feeling anything beyond "ugh this guy again". No reason he would still have the drips. And it's not even really an animation thing, because there was plenty of time to get the drips to subtly go away in this shot. But no. They stay for the whole time. Also, while looking through GIFs to find one of this scene, I noticed that Vox literally NEVER has the blood drips when he's frowning. There a couple shots where it would make sense for the drips to appear(like when he calls Adam a pussy for not killing Al), but they don't, and in all of those shots he's frowning. So for this to be the ONLY TIME the blood drips don't dissappear when he stops smiling? Idk seems kinda sus.

Now. The final, and possibly most concerning reason this scene won't leave me the fuck alone: Angel and Val are drooling to.

(IM SO SORRY FOR THE HORRIBLE QUALITY I HAD TO GET THE SCREENSHOT FROM A LOW QUALITY REPOST OF THE MUSIC VIDEO OFF OF YOUTUBE-)

It's really, really subtle, like to the point where I didn't actually notice it until I saw somebody else point it out, but in the scene where Angel is breaking down after all the SHIT Val put him through over the course of the Poison music video, he has a little bit of neon pink coming out of his mouth. He then wipes it away, looks at his hand, and turns to look at Vox & Val.

And Val has it to. All three of them have the same bright pink dripping from their mouths. And granted, Vox & Val are in a very limited color pallette, and the red in Vox's design got swapped for that same bright pink, and his drips are usually the same red as his eyes, but the fact that it's the same color as the spit(?) coming out of Angel & Val's mouths should at least be a little noteworthy, right?

ALSO!!!!!!! I literally just now put this together- the pink substance is coming off of the right side of Vox and Angel's mouths, but the left side of Val's. It's a small detail, but given that the main reason this scene is driving me up the goddamn walls is that Vox's drips are ON THE WRONG SIDE OF HIS MOUTH, there's gotta be something to it.

Anyways, these points have all been driven into the ground already. Everybody and their mother have been taking this scene and analyzing it, saying the same shit I just did in a bunch of different ways. I'm rehashing all of this because it's relevant to the conversation, but at this point it's kinda like just pointing out the obvious. BUT! I do want to try bringing something new to the table, something that might ALSO explain why Vox's drips are on the wrong side(again, same side as Angel's), so bear with me here:

I've pointed this out before, but Poison is a pseudo dream sequence. It's constantly cutting back and forth between Angel living it up vs him suffering extensively. This is the most obvious during the dance sequence with the giant blue screens(which I cannot provide a GIF of bcuz I have already reached the image limit for this post-). The very obvious dichotomy is meant to show us how Angel uses his mask to cope with the constant abuse, he literally says he's dissociating in the song, but it ALSO means that a lot of the stuff we're seeing in this sequence isn't literal. The scene with Vox and Val might be part of that.

Vox and Val are in a very different color pallette from everything surrounding them. They're both colored in dark blues and neon pink, purple & blue. The demon beside them, however, is not. That demon is colored more naturally. And while, from a technical stand point, I think it's mostly just to make sure Vox & Val pop and are the center of our attention, it could ALSO mean that this is specifically a part of Angel's dream sequence. It's how Angel sees them. And Vox's drips are on the wrong side.

Now, I don't wanna say that this means Angel feels that Vox is in a similar situation to him, because it feels. Weird. But then again, this shot is the only thing we have on Angel's view of Vox! We know plenty about how Vox views Angel, it's not like. Specific. It's just pretty obvious that Vox Does Not Like Him. But we have nothing concrete on Angel's view of Vox(or Velvette for that matter but that's not relevant rn). Which is interesting, because Angel DEFINITELY has oppinions on him. Vox is dating Valentino, Angel's abuser, and never does anything to stop the abuse. That's gotta lead to some built up resentment, y'know? But all we have right now to show us Angel's view of Vox is something that, if you look deep enough, seems to imply he feels more empathetic towards the guy then anything else? Again, Vox and Angel's pink drips are on the right. Valentino's pink drips are on the left. Vox's blood drips are almost always on the left. But they aren't here. They're on the same side as Angel's. You see what I'm getting at here? Wether Angel is RIGHT about Vox being "on the same side" as he is remains to be determined, but still.

Anyways, I could just be over thinking this. I have a long, storied history of taking small details that are probably just mistakes and blowing them completely out of proportion. Ask literally any of my friends abour Bird Teeth and they will confirm. Plus, I'm probably gonna end up over thinking this shit for all of May and completely change my mind on what the reversed blood drips mean, I have a tendency to do that. But for now this is my theory; the reason Vox's blood drips are on the wrong side of his mouth in Poison is because Angel views Vox as being in a similar situation with Valentino to the one he himself is in. Not the exact same, but similar enough to warrant sympathy at the very least.

[chimivx]

TASTE. -> 'Haven' from the POV of Hyunjin. (Part Four of Six)

summary: All of the truth comes out. Hyunjin makes sure of it.

word count: 9k

warnings: 18+, infidelity themes all throughout, toxic friendships/relationships, sexual content, alcohol abuse, struggles with mental health themes, cursing, if I missed anything PLEASE LET ME KNOW!

a/n: This is long overdue. <3

I had barely eaten anything in two days.

My stomach, empty, full of a sickness I couldn’t shake, sunk any time Jade came near me or opened her mouth. Felix lived in the back of my mind until this Sunday morning, where Jade caught me in the kitchen trying to force down a cup of black coffee. Thursday night had turned out to be a night I would never forget. The first time Felix kissed me, the first time someone genuinely seemed to care about the loss of my mother, the first time anyone could actually see me.

It had been the best night that I’ve had in a long time. The type of night where I didn’t feel the need to drown myself in whatever liquor they had behind the bar at Haven.

As Jade approached me quietly in a pair of grey sweatpants with her damp hair that she was drying with a towel hanging at her shoulders, I felt that need. The sight of her knowing lips scrunched sideways on her face tried to persuade me to dive into the cabinet by my knees, grabbing a bottle or two by the neck, and downing them to numb myself from whatever she was about to say.

Post-shower, she was glowing. No makeup on, sweats, hair disheveled and stringy from the water… She was always gorgeous, and she forever will be. No matter what.

Since our conversation, if one would call it that, in the garage on Thursday, the two of us had barely spoken. She worked both Friday and Saturday, while I hung around the apartment, wallowing in my nerves and the occasional shot of liquor to get rid of the thoughts.

We were better apart, and I wondered if these two days had proved that to her as well, because whenever she came back home we were walking on eggshells. Afraid to speak, afraid to say anything that would trigger another barking match.

With her propping herself against the counter across from me, I was unsure of anything that was about to ensue.

Jade, who had looked at me twice, tossed the towel on top of a counter and folded her hands in front of her. I trained my eyes to stay on the steamy coffee in my mug, counting the tiny little bubbles that lived along the edges of the ceramic.

The air was tight, and getting tighter, but I wasn’t sure if that was just me. My nervous system was beginning to strangle me from the inside out, my joints tightening the longer she stood in front of me without saying a word.

Flickering my eyes up to hers, I watched with bated breath as she parted her lips, her voice coming out soft, and gentle, and genuine.

“Can we talk about what happened between us on Thursday, I just-”

“Felix kissed me.”

The words slipped out of me in a whisper. A whisper that didn’t have much effect over her being. Maintaining her tedious expression, she only gave her head a small nod, lips still parted from where her almost question was cut off. She didn’t move much else.

“I kissed Felix.” I added, knowing that it wasn’t just the blonde Aussie’s fault. “We kissed. At Haven.”

She didn’t move.

In the past when I had told her about the other girls, had told her word for word everything we had done, what I had said to them, what they had said to me, where it happened, every detail- her eyebrows would squish together, and her lips would pout. The color in her face would drain, she’d appear sick to her stomach. Her energy would withdraw completely, and she’d close up within herself.

This time, she didn’t move.

She knew.

“I heard,” she said.

“From who?” I whispered, my voice growing shakier by the second.

Jade pulled her lips into a line. “Minho.”

Right, the witness. I knew that.

When had they spoken about it? Did they talk right after it had happened? Did Jade show up to Haven to see him after her shift at work? She didn’t get home until pretty late that night. Did Minho go to the restaurant instead? A place where they’d be safe from all prying eyes. I know they both had gotten off pretty late, maybe they had gone to his place, and he had told her there, and maybe they had…

Jade’s hands were on my shoulders after they had taken the mug from me and put it on the counter top. Her sweet face was a blur to me as tears pooled in my eyes and a sob lodged in my throat. I couldn’t make out anything she was saying to me, all I could hear was the pounding of my heart in my ears and the release of my quick breaths that I sucked in even faster.

I wasn’t sure when she got me to sit down in one of the chairs at our table, but she did. Sitting on my lap she took my face in her hands and kissed the tip of my nose gently, dragging her thumbs over the apples of my cheeks while she waited for me to calm down. She didn’t say much, not that I could hear. She just waited. She watched.

“Jade,” I gasped, blinking through the tears. Raising my hands I tried to reach for hers, and she took them in an instant. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“Shhh, stop,” she mumbled. “Take a breath, then talk to me.”

Air filled my lungs only halfway. It hurt to take it any further. “Jade… I don’t know… I don’t know why I do this.”

She frowned. “Do what, Jinnie?”

A gasp ran through me before I muttered, “Hurt you. I’m sorry. I don’t know why I am the way I am, I put you through hell, day after day, you don’t deserve any of it, Jade, you don’t deserve it.” She wiped tears from my cheek and shook her head.

“It’s okay,” she whispered. “I love you, Jinnie, I do. I want you to get better, I want to help you. Let me help you.” She kissed the tip of my nose again before they pressed to my forehead. 

Even with her in front of me, on my lap, comforting me through the panic, I still wished it were him.

“I don’t think you can,” I said, hushed and shaky, meeting her disappointed gaze. “I really, really wish you could. But, I don’t… I don’t think you can, Jade.”

“So, what, Felix is gonna do that?” The name sent a shock through my heart. Her tone switched into something not angry, but entirely mad.

“God, Felix, no, I’m not- I won’t use him for that,” I groaned. “I-”

“Use him?”

“You know what I mean!” It was my turn to raise my voice. Just when I thought this was going to go well.

“Okay, okay,” Jade soothed to my surprise, giving my hands a squeeze. Maybe this will finish smoothly. Her eyes were still swimming with hope, looking at me like I was her everything. It hurt.

“I just, I feel so confused,” I whispered. Lowering her brows, she questioned me with a tilt of her head. “How are you still here?”

Now her eyes were wild. “What the fuck do you mean?”

“Minho, Jade.” My tone turned vile. “I’m talking about Minho.”

She gulped. I watched her physically react to his name, much like I reacted to Felix’s. “What… What about him?” 

Licking my lips, I shook my head as more tears welled up in my eyes. “I think you like him,” I forced out of my mouth for the first time.

“Jinnie,” she sighed, exasperated. She let go of my hands and cupped my cheeks once more, touching the tip of her nose to mine. “I like you, I love you.” Her eyes fluttered shut. “Minho is a friend, that’s it. I don’t like him, I don’t want him. He is just a friend.” She backed away and looked down at me with an unconvincing smile. “I’m sorry if I did anything to make you question my loyalty. He’s a friend, that’s it. I love you. I love you so much.”

Her words went in one ear and out the other. The more she added on, the more sap she piled on top almost made me wish she had just admitted it.

Thinning my lips into a line, I shook my head. “Why are you still with me?”

She hesitated. “Because I love you.”

“There’s gotta be more, that’s not enough,” I choked. “I don’t… I don’t believe you.”

“Do you remember the first time we met?” Jade asked, narrowing her eyes. I nodded. I remember it all, I could recite it word for word. It was about a month before I met Felix. “I walked into Haven with Chan, thinking I would drink myself silly, or find a meaningless hook up. Instead I found you.” She paused for a second to take in my expression that didn’t change. 

“Yeah,” I muttered, giving her very little to go off of.

One of her hands ran through my hair, twisting the ends around a finger. “You seemed so cool, so funny. We were laughing, even Chan was having fun. We fed off of each other, our energy… I was hooked from day one, Jinnie.” She sighed, then gave the skin of my cheek a squeeze. “Plus, who can resist this face.” 

Not many, I wanted to say, but I kept it to myself. I’m not even sure she realized what she was saying.

“You’re so beautiful, Jinnie,” she whispered. “It drives me crazy.” Typical.

“That’s why you’re still with me, because I’m beautiful,” I said. “That’s cute.”

Jade frowned. “Jinnie, I’m-”

“I know,” I closed my eyes. “You love me.” I listened to her take a deep breath. “Jade,” I opened my eyes and looked up at her. “I love you too, but this is actually driving me crazy. How are you not as exhausted as me?”

She opened her mouth twice to speak, but nothing came out. She simply shook her head.

“Just say it, you like him.”

She groaned. “I don’t.”

“Don’t lie to my face, I’m always honest with you, you can tell me,” I said. My eyes narrowed, studying the way she moved. “You like Minho.”

“And you like Felix,” she said. 

“I do,” I nodded, and she scoffed. “Your turn, admit it.”

She jumped off of me and flipped her hair over her shoulder. “You’re unbelievable.” Lifting my hands out at my sides, I so badly wanted to crumble into pieces at her feet, but she was lying to me. 

I wasn’t going to let her see me this vulnerable again, not until she admitted it.

“I’m honest,” I shouted after her as she stormed away to the bedroom. 

One of her manicured hands gripped the corner of the wall as she pulled herself back to shout back at me. “You certainly aren’t loyal.”

Felix’s hands clamped to my waist, his fingers gripping my shirt as if to keep him on his feet. His big brown eyes were half closed, relaxed while his body swayed to the beat of the music pouring out of the speakers over top of us. The dance floor, crowded with bodies of humans who shot us occasional glances, had never been this packed. At least not that I’ve ever experienced. 

Holding Felix up, my arms around his back, I shrugged off the glares, trying to not even give anyone else the time of day. Felix was hanging on to me, drunker than I’d ever seen him, my attention was his, I had to keep him safe, that was the priority of the night.

That, and catching Jade in a lie.

It was almost two weeks ago now that she refused to admit her true feelings. True feelings every single one of us knew that she had. After our spat in the kitchen, after I’d broken down to her and finally admitted it all, she still wouldn’t give in.

For a week, she tried to keep things normal, she’d ask me about work, ask me if I’d be around. She invited me to Haven when she’d go, and she told me her work schedule for the week. It was as normal as the last few weeks have been. As normal as we seemed to be recently. Though she came home later, and a few nights wouldn’t come home at all.

By the time the second week came around I knew it was over. It had to be over. Spending most of my time either at work or with Felix, the two of us just spending time together, I barely saw or heard from her. At some point in the middle I’d gone three whole days without seeing her. Felix was able to come around the apartment and I didn’t have to stress about her coming home to find him there.

We spent a lot of time talking the past two weeks, Felix and I. He told me more about his family, and he heard a helluva lot about Jade. Makes me wonder if that’s why he was so attached to me at the moment, not caring that everyone we knew was in the same room. Not caring that I came with Jade tonight, I drove us here. The ride was suffocating, entirely silent and awkward, Jade applying that mauve lipstick in the side mirror the moment we pulled into the lot.

Felix had come with Changbin, the two arriving after their day at work, Felix still wearing a pale blue button down and a pair of dark denim jeans. A silver chain peeked out of the collar, and now that his chest was pressed to mine it glimmered over his heart, the top three buttons of his shirt somehow coming undone in the last couple of hours.

His blonde hair was unruly, nothing like it had been when he’d gotten here, drunk Felix messed it all up. I’m not sure sober Felix would approve of drunk Felix’s doings, considering he hasn’t made another move on me since we shared a kiss some time ago and here he was gyrating his hips into mine. 

There wasn’t an ounce of my being that was bothered by it, I mean, the hottest guy I’d ever met was throwing himself at me, his hands dragging all over my body, his half conscious self dancing against me like he wanted me naked, and my relationship that wasn’t even a relationship hasn’t been a relationship in weeks. She had stopped giving me anything. It was over. It had to be.

“Are you having fun?” Felix asked me, pulling me out of my thoughts. Even in his state he was able to clock me. His hands slid up my back, his chest laying flush to mine.

Nodding, I blinked and looked down at him with a small smile. “Yeah,” I said without much infliction.

A pout found his full lips, one that taunted me. “You’re a liar.”

“You’re drunk,” I said, allowing myself to laugh.

Felix laughed with me, his head falling forward onto my shoulder. “I am.” His voice was gentle among the slurs. “I’m sorry.”

Taking a hand behind his head I guided him back up by threading my fingers in his hair, catching him as his head lolled backward. We shared another laugh. “Don’t apologize.”

“But, I-”

“No,” I shook my head, dragging my fingers over his scalp.

“You haven’t had anything to drink,” he breathed, regaining his own strength, standing up on his own. 

Pressing my lips together, I sighed. He was right, since I’d been here I hadn’t had anything to drink, not even something that didn’t have alcohol. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t. Tonight was about catching Jade doing something I’d be doing instead. Something I was… already doing. Alcohol would get in the way. I had to be sober to make sure what I was seeing was real.

“I don’t need a drink,” I shrugged. Part of me wanted to tell him that I also wasn’t going to drink because he was trashed. Not that that has stopped me before, friends being drunk didn’t mean I couldn’t get drunk, but that’s how it would go. I knew if I drank, I’d do it till I was plastered, and for some reason Felix was preventing it.

Batting his eyelashes he smiled. “That’s so grown up of you,” he said, leaning into me. “I thought you’d drink when you told me you were coming here.” Lowering my brows I smiled to keep him talking. “With everything happening, yanno?” I nodded. He rolled his body against mine. “You drink to avoid it all, don’t you?” If his hands didn’t slip around my front and draw up and down my chest I think his words would’ve stung more than he intended to. “I wanna make you forget everything.”

My breath hitched in my throat as one of his hands slipped lower, between my legs. “Felix,” I breathed with a slight shake of my head. “You’re drunk, hang on.” 

Reaching for his wrists, he only giggled and snatched mine. He pulled my arms around his shoulders and put his around my back where they started. A smirk rested on his lips as he closed the space between us, sliding a knee between my legs, satisfied with the way it made my lips pop open and my body tense up. Grinding his hips against my thigh, he was half hard, I could feel it.

Tipping my head back, I let out a sigh. “Felix, calm down, you’re-”

“Drunk, I know,” he said, his tone suddenly somewhat harsh. Exchanging a look with him, his eyes softened. “Just dance with me.”

“Okay,” I whispered, allowing my body to fall in time with him. The grin that met his lips was priceless.

His fingers slipped into my hair, gently tugging at the length that brushed over my shoulders. I didn’t bother pulling it up tonight, most times it bothered me to have it in a tie. As his hands delved further into the strands I was thanking whichever god that I didn’t tie it back. His touch was intoxicating, crazy to think I ever needed to drink to have this type of electricity run through me.

Pushing my body into his, feeling out how this was going to go, knowing that everyone was in the room somewhere, Felix bit down on his bottom lip. It was exhilarating to watch him let go, to feel him harboring not one single care of where he was, who he was with, or where he was. Over the past two weeks, having broken the ice some more, having gotten through that ‘always happy!’ shell of his, he deserved a night like tonight.

Hanging onto me, grinding against me, brushing his nose over mine as his parted lips ghosted my own, he couldn’t give two shits who shot a disapproving glare his way. Our way. It was empowering, the energy began to affect me, my anxieties for the night dissipating even if it were only for a few minutes. 

It was me and Felix. 

That was it.

I finally felt like myself. A warmth began growing beneath my ribs, within me, in a place that’s normally cold, empty. It spread to my chest, my heart rate rising slightly as I smiled with Felix, my hands grasping him tighter, keeping him close.

Singing along to the music, a pop song I’d never heard before, Felix sang to me. The girl's voice was singing about love, or being in love, with somebody she didn’t have, someone she wanted to have. He was singing to me, drunk or not, the fantasy he and the girl sang about was me. And he was mine.

“Mariah Carey,” Felix blurted out, grabbing handfuls of my face, squeezing the fat of my cheeks. “I know one woman.”

Laughing, I nudged his nose with mine and shook my head. “Proud of you.” I smiled.

“When I close my eyes, you come and you take me…” Felix ran his hands down my chest, pressing a finger over my heart. Dropping his head backward, he bounced on his knees and laughed as I scrambled to catch him, thinking he was falling. “Sweet, sweet fantasy baby…” He spun around in my arms being sure to bump his ass into my hips before he came all the way around. When he met my eyes with a devilish little grin, he couldn’t help but laugh at the way I sarcastically scowled. 

“Felix.” Tone a bit sharp, I gave him a look and he collapsed head first into my chest.

“I know, I know, I know,” he rambled. “I can’t help it, I’m sorry.” His accent truly was sweet music to my ears. There wasn’t any way I could actually be upset with him. “You’re the first one I actually believe.” 

My heart sank to my knees. Folding my arms over his back, keeping him rocking side to side to a new song, I placed my chin over his blonde hair and took a deep breath.

You’re the first one I actually believe.

Open about who he was, Felix didn’t give two shits if anyone knew he was gay. He’s been out since he was fifteen, it’s been years of growing thick skin and learning to be unbothered by people like Minho and Han. It’d just be entirely different if it had been his choice to be out since he was fifteen. Some of the things I’d learnt the last fourteen days.

Felix attended an all boys school when he was young, when he started high school. Growing up he knew he wasn’t like everyone else, he wasn’t like his father, he wasn’t like the other men in his family, nor did he feel like his friends when they’d talk about girls that they liked. He played pretend, he said he liked girls, he had a girlfriend he’d only shared some kisses with, but he’d never be able to do anything else because, well, his body didn’t want to.

It happened his sophomore year. Confiding in his closest friend, his best friend, he asked for help. A summer night, like one that lived within Felix’s heart, he and his best friend attempted to figure out what was wrong, what stopped him from experiencing what his friends were experiencing. In his bedroom all night long, they talked about it, they watched the tapes, looked at the magazines, and he was bored. His friend clocked it first, when Pamela Anderson was on the receiving end of a cringe. He pressed his lips to Felix’s neck, and it was game over.

They spent that night, and many nights together. Hiding any feelings they may have had for one another, his friend having them long before Felix did, the reason he had kissed him in the first place, they kept their little secret to themselves. Sneaking off at parties, drunk on whatever the older boys smuggled inside, it was at one of them that it happened. A mutual friend found them in an upstairs bathroom, where it was dark, where not many of the boys came around, and saw Felix’s hand down the front of his best friend's jeans.

Naturally, his friend pushed him away, shattering Felix’s heart, the cracks filling up quickly with shame and guilt, but more fear than ever. There wasn’t anything he could say to defend himself, not when both boys started shouting horrible things at him, no matter if one of them was still sporting a hardon or not. 

His dad picked him up that night. Felix managed to call him after his secret spread through the party in record time and he was shunned by every boy in the house. That was the night he came out to his father, in the car, still a little drunk. He was fifteen, he was gay, and he was entirely heart broken. Over time the bullying got so bad he had to switch schools, attending a different high school for his junior and senior years. He patched himself up from what had happened to him, but that didn’t stop the struggle of the years that followed, having to put up with men who weren’t sure if they were like him or not, wasting his time, using him to figure themselves out. One heartbreak after the next…

Did it terrify me that he clearly had feelings for me? Of course. Here he was, draped all over the boy who’d fuck anything that walked, knowing that I knew what he’d been through, knowing what I was, how I was, and he didn’t have a care. Though I knew, deep down, there was no way in hell I could, or should, or would cause this boy an ounce of pain. I wouldn’t let him do anything he’d regret in this state.

Besides, other than keeping my eye on him, I had another task on hand.

Spinning Felix and I around, that task was glaring at me from where she sat at the bar.

“Christ,” I muttered.

Felix nuzzled his cheek against mine and giggled. “What?”

Lowering my brows, I narrowed my eyes and sent her glare straight back. The way her arms were crossed and her chin was tipped down, like she was analyzing the two of us was entirely belittling. She wasn’t judging us because we were two guys, that much I knew. Unlike the boy she won’t admit she likes, Jade isn’t an asshole. She’s just complicated.

“It’s Jade,” I said to him, keeping my lips close to his ear. His groan, that he wouldn’t have made so audible if he wasn’t trashed, made me somewhat smirk. “She’s watching us. It’s been so long now, I don’t know why she still cares. I told her the truth. This is the truth. Why is she still holding onto this?”

Felix looked up at me and pouted. “I’m the truth?”

Meeting his eyes I smiled. “We are. Lix, I told you this. I’m not with her, I can’t be. Not with what you’ve done to me.” My words fell on drunk ears, and that somehow made it easier for me to speak them. He wasn’t sober, he couldn’t therapeutically analyze me. Not accurately at least.

“What have I done to you?” Felix whispered, his wide eyes falling on my lips. 

Inhaling, I pushed my lips to the shell of his ear and sighed, feeling him melt into me. “Everything. Just keep dancing.”

When I glanced toward the bar again with a sigh of relief that Felix started singing along to the music once more, my stomach flipped over. Blood running cold at the sight of the man with silvery hair staring at me while Jade stared at him. As over it as I was, it didn’t mean it didn’t bother me seeing the two of them together.

Here we go, I thought. Catch her in a lie.

They did nothing more than speak. Frustratingly, they only shared words. 

If they did anything else, I missed it. By the time they were looking at each other, a man taller than myself bumped into Felix’s back, knocking us both off our feet for a moment, turning my focus away from the bar. 

“Hey, watch it,” I said. Felix’s hands gripped my shirt, keeping his balance by leaning on me.

The man was older, possibly ten or so years older than us. His bright blue eyes met mine, piercing through my hardened exterior. Slicked back dirty blonde hair with a curl laying over the left side of his forehead, he was handsome, and he was built. Definitely some sort of jock. Somebody we definitely shouldn’t bother with unless we wanted our asses kicked.

Dressed in his dark blue collared shirt accenting his wide shoulders, and his tighter denim jeans, he gave Felix and I a once over and scoffed before he strutted away with a roll of his eyes.

“Jerk,” I mumbled, and Felix put a finger over my lips.

“Stop,” he said, giving me a look. Could’ve sworn for a second the interaction had sobered him up, but then he tugged at my bottom lip gently with his fingertip and that idea was thrown out into the shitty parking lot. “I wanna kiss you so bad.”

“No, you don’t,” I sighed, tightening my gaze. “That’s the alcohol talking.”

“Drunk words are sober-”

“Felix!” I attempted to reprimand him, but a laugh came out along with it, making him laugh as well. His head tipped backward, his laughter filling the space, warming my heart. “You have to calm down. When you’re sober we’ll talk about this.”

Obliging to my request with a funny whine, he went back to dancing, minding his business, while I pointed my attention to the bar. The beat up wooden slab was now vacant where Jade and Minho once sat, short empty shot glasses left in their wake. They were gone, they were drinking, and I didn’t get to see where they’d escaped to.

Without thinking I started for the bar, Felix being dragged along with me, his feet stumbling beneath him, giggling as he tried to keep up. Dina was working tonight, the blonde curly haired blue eyed bartender I’d met a few weeks ago, the one who told me she was… On my side. She saw me coming, posting up where Jade and Minho had been sitting with her elbows perched on the wood.

“Hi, boys,” she shot Felix a smile, one that turned into a smirk as she focused her attention on me. Situating Felix on one of the stools, I wrapped an arm around his back to keep him upright. “What can I do for ya’?”

Sighing, I rolled my eyes, at myself, and cleared my throat. “Where’d they go?” Felix laid his head back on my chest, his eyes closing. One of his hands ran up my thigh, making me jump. Grabbing onto it, I yanked it away and he laughed. 

Dina, withholding her own laugh, shrugged. “If you’re talkin’ about Jade and Minho, I have no idea. That girl barely gives me the time of day whenever she’s here. Shitty tipper, too.” 

“Sorry,” I grumbled, shaking my head. Glancing around the room briefly before I focused back on Dina, the two were completely out of sight.

“Don’t be sorry, it’s not your fault,” she said. “She fits right in with those assholes who have money.” I rolled my eyes again, this time in agreement. “Don’t know why they all stick around here, in Soro. They belong with the snobs in Tamoe. Why you worried about them anyway?” She gestured to Felix with a simple look, returning it to me.

I’m not sure why it was so humiliating to admit. “I’m trying to see if she’s lying to me.”

Dina, pressing her lips into a line, leaned forward on the bar and parroted, “Trying to see if she’s lying to me.”

It sounded so much worse coming from her mouth considering Felix was glassy eyed and laid up on me with his fingers toying with the silver chain around my neck. “I told you this last week, we’re done, me and Jade.”

“Then, again, why you worried about them?” Dina cocked her head sideways, her blonde curls falling behind her shoulders. “Seems to me you got everything you want right here. Let the rest go.”

If only it were that simple.

I had to prove a point. I had to catch her. I had to see it for myself, that I’m not as shitty as everyone makes me out to be. That every single one of us is playing the same game. A game I never intended on becoming a pawn in. A game I wanted out of, a game I was sick of. Something I wouldn’t allow to happen to Felix and I. It was done, the cycle was done.

But, Christ, it was exhausting.

Dina was right. I had everything I wanted gazing up at me, touching me, saying he wanted me too, and here I was worried about a past I wanted to let go of.

Make it make sense.

“Come on, Lix,” I breathed, hooking my arm underneath his, pulling him off the stool. Not giving Dina a proper goodbye, I didn’t look back. My focus was forward, I needed to find them.

She was me. I wasn’t crazy. I wasn’t making it all up in my head.

“Wait, wait,” Felix muttered, trying to pull me back. He got me to pause, my brain only stopping for him, and when I looked at him, his brows were all twisted. “Are we going to Changbin? To find Changbin?”

Pulling my lips into a frown, I nodded. Changbin. A friend I’d been neglecting these past few weeks. “We are,” I said. “I’m sorry, Lix, I just need to find Minho and Jade.”

Holding my arms, Felix blinked a few times and tilted his head to the side. “I know,” he said after a second, “I just don’t want you to go near Changbin.” It was my eyebrows turn to go all twisted. Felix placed a hand to my chest and leaned into my ear. “He doesn’t say nice things about you, Hyunjin.” 

Drunk words are sober thoughts. 

How long had he been holding this in?

“What are you talking about?”

Felix pouted. “Recently, I mean. Whenever he’s around the others he doesn’t defend you, and it’s sad. It makes me sad.”

My lips parted, half shocked. His words take me back to a time before I knew him, really knew him. When I once thought that this friend group of ours would break, and we’d all be forced apart, forced to choose sides. Changbin was always on my side when the thought would occur. It wasn’t a second thought that the friend I’d had since before we were in college would have my back, stick by my side.

“Why, uh, why haven’t you… told me this before?” I asked, watching Felix’s inner turmoil take over.

“It’s only started recently,” he whined, brows flipping upward. “I promise, he hasn’t always been like this. Think it’s jus’ because of what’s happening right now.”

Nodding, taking a hand to his cheek to soothe him and his rambling, I said, “Okay, okay, it’s okay.” Felix’s pout relaxed, his eyes flickering between both of mine. “Do you defend me around the others?”

“I’m barely around the others,” he answered fast, entirely honest. “I don’t get a word in when I am, they don’t let me talk. They don’t… talk to me.”

After a gulp and a drag of my fingers over his cheekbone, I mumbled, “I’m sorry.”

His hand latched onto mine. “It’s not your fault. They could just leave you alone.”

They can't leave me alone. They can’t leave me alone because I can’t leave them alone. They’d bother me until the moment I let them go, and though I wished that day would come soon, I couldn’t let go.

“I’ll deal with Changbin later, okay?” I nodded my head, making him nod along with me. Little blonde pieces of hair caressed his forehead, right over his warm brown eyes. Brushing them away, I tried to smile. “Let’s just go talk to them for a second.” 

At the high top tables toward the back corner of Haven, three boys sat around the beaten up wood with glasses littered across the top. Felix and I were approaching without knowing how much any of them had drunk this far into the night. My hopes were set on a shit ton, especially with the way Felix clung to me. Silently I prayed that in their own drunk blurriness Felix’s would go unnoticed.

His words lived in the back of my mind as I put my mission for the night back to the forefront, the Changbin thing he brought up. As we walked up to the table, it was a shock to see him sitting beside Chan, nudging him with his elbow while they laughed. They looked like natural friends, like they’d been buddies for years. Changbin had never warmed up to Chan like this, this was the first time I’ve seen them this way.

“Look out, boys.” The boy with the voice that drove pins into my skin every time. Han Jisung, nestled in his chair right next to Changbin. All three of them straightened up, their stares falling over Felix and I as I took up space next to Chan, the Aussie raising a brow. 

Knowing he had to have been taking in Felix’s state, I sighed and tried to keep my voice as low as possible, my eyes on Chan’s and Chan’s only. “This is going to sound weird.”

He furrowed both brows. “I don’t know if I want you to finish then.”

“Please,” I nearly whispered, maintaining face. Chan glanced toward Han who snickered, boiling my blood. “I’m just looking for Jade, do you know where she went?”

“Why should I tell you?” Chan asked, shifting in his seat to face me. Though I was much taller, Chan was much wider, more muscular. “I do know where she went, but do you think you deserve to know?”

Felix, clinging to my waist from behind, tried to speak up. Shushing him in a messy rush of a glance behind me, Han snickered again and I longed to reach across the table to lay my hand across his cheek. Facing Chan once more, placing a hand to the back of his chair, I dug my nails into the wood and pressed my lips together.

“You and I both know who she’s with,” I muttered, venom in my eyes. Chan’s strong stance faltered the slightest. A consequence of being a good man. “You and I both know that I am not the only one causing problems here.” A quick glance to Changbin, he was focused on his glass. “She’s had the choice to leave me. Why am I made out to be the bad guy?”

“Uh,” Han stammered theatrically, lifting his glass before he took a decent swig. “Because you are, Hyunjin.” Smacking his lips together, the cup hit the table with a bang, then he pointed a finger my way. “You always have been. You always will be. And, not just to Jade, to us, too.” Changbin didn’t move an inch. My stomach roiled in discomfort. “I mean, look at what you’ve done just walking over here, we were having so much fun and you and your dark depressive cloud shit all over us.”

My fingertips went numb, the pins and needles springing to life.

“What the fuck, Han?” Felix spat, loosening his grip around me, leaning into the table. I didn’t even have the strength within me to pull him back.

“You’ll feel it, too,” Han winked at the blonde. “Eventually. He gets them all, always. No matter what.” Pins and needles shot up through my arms, into my shoulders, invading my chest.

“You arrogant asshole.” Felix’s accent made the words sound effortless, so regal, yet with so much more emphasis. “You’re such a sad excuse for a friend.” Everyone, including myself, shocked to hear him speak this way, as Felix hasn’t had anything not nice to say, ever, watched him calmly throw these words at the boy across the table. “Riding the tail end of your fathers success, you’ve never once understood what it’s like to struggle. He’s handed everything to you, you’ve gotten everything you’ve ever wanted, that’s not a good fucking look. Nepotism at its fucking finest.”

Han threw his head backward with a singular laugh. “Ugh, Felix, you’re so right! I’ve inherited almost everything. The job, the money, the success, and it’s all thanks to my father.” He shot me a degrading look. “What’d yours give you, Jinnie?”

“You’re disgusting, Han Jisung,” Felix said. Feeling his fingers tighten around me, somewhere, he helped ease the anxiety bubbling in my gut.

That is until Han crooned, “Brave coming from you, gay boy.”

That word.

That word.

That word that had Chan and Changbin reacting. Both holding up some type of hand, mumbling some type of word toward Han, something I couldn’t hear, something I couldn’t see.

Slinging an arm around Felix’s back, I ushered us toward the bathroom, away from the three of them. The pins and needles were spiking more so than before, spreading up to my face, my lips going numb. Shooting down my legs, into my ankles, it overtook my entire body.

It wasn’t until I was in a bathroom stall, in the quiet, with Felix’s hands around my neck that I was able to come to. His thumbs were wiping beneath my eyes, where tears had fallen.

“Don’t listen to them,” he was whispering, his eyes dancing all over my face. “Don’t let him get to you.” Him. Han.

“He’s right,” I sighed, wanting to wrap my arms around him, instead I kept my hands over my middle.

Felix shook his head. “No, he’s not. Nothing he said, nothing he’s ever said is right.”

Blinking, my tears fell onto his fingers. Shuddering a breath, I cried and shook my head. “What if it happens to you, too?”

My whisper paralyzed him. Brown eyes going wide, thick brows flipping over and pooling into the center of his forehead, Felix whispered, “Whether or not this turns into something more I’ll always care for you, Hyunjin.”

“You’re drunk,” I said, sniffling.

The cutest smile appeared on his lips, his brows still flipped over. “I am drunk,” he whispered, making both of us laugh. “But, shit, I’m having the best night. As selfish as that sounds ‘cause of what’s happening… Hyunjin, I’m having so much fun with you.” My tears ceased, my heart pounding louder between my lungs. “I need you to literally forget everything they’re telling you, everything they’re saying to you, because that isn’t you.”

Poking my tongue out between my lips, I tried to nod. “Even when you’re trashed you’re a good therapist.”

Felix swallowed his grin, dragging his thumbs over my cheeks once more. “That’s not what I’m doing here. You’re not a case for me to fix. I care about you, a lot, and I’ll say it however many times it takes for you to believe me. You’ve got baggage, yes, but we all do. I want to help you ‘cause… I really like you, and I know you’ll help me with mine once yours gets better.”

“I really like you, too, Lix,” I whispered.

Shocked, he moved a centimeter closer, pressing his body against mine. “Thought we weren’t supposed to talk like this.”

Focusing my eyes down on his lips, I breathed through a gentle laugh and gave him a slight shake of my head. “I like you.” Looking into his eyes that were full of hope, I started to smile. “You’re… different. Real.”

Felix sighed, eyes darting between my gaze and my lips. “Is this when I tell you to calm down?” Feeling my body relax itself, I slid both my hands around his waist and held him close. “Can’t even tell you you’re drunk,” he whispered, teasing me with what I’d been telling him on the dance floor.

Tipping my chin, I brushed our noses together and fluttered my eyes shut. His breath through his parted lips danced over my skin, taunting me, drawing me closer. “Tell me to stop,” I whispered.

“Never.” Felix caught my lips with his, his whisper forgotten in the air that expelled from him in a sigh. His lips, plush, so incredibly soft, fitting with mine ever so perfectly. Whether it was because we’d gotten past the we feel things part, or the pressure from the night, this kiss was unlike any other.

Rolling his chest into mine, Felix’s hands slid to my neck, wrapping around the back, keeping me over him. Pressing my fingers into his waist I let them slip underneath his shirt, the smooth skin soft, warm, inviting. He seemed to mold into me, against me, a perfect fit, his smaller frame seeming to click into place with my larger one. 

I know I shouldn’t be kissing him, shouldn’t be letting this happen right now. Not while he was intoxicated, and certainly not when I was here for a completely different reason… A reason that didn’t seem to matter anymore. With the way Felix curled into me, my mind wiped. Feeling my skin heat up and my thoughts warping into Felix and Felix only, it had to stop, or it’d go too far.

Taking my hands to his shoulders I tugged him away and smirked at his pout. With swollen lips and shiny eyes he blinked a few times and the tiniest smile pricked onto his freckled face. “I liked that one,” he muttered.

A giggle fell from me. A giggle. “You’re so cute.”

“You’re so hot,” he said with no hesitation.

“Stop,” I eyed him through a smile.

Groaning, Felix let his weight go in my hold and dropped his head backward. “Don’t go back there!”

Catching him, I couldn’t help but giggle again. “Lixie, come on,” I said. “You know we can’t just do that.”

Standing up straight as if he hadn’t ragdolled seconds ago, he furrowed his brows. “Why not?”

“Because…” Pausing to gather reasons why we weren’t allowed to kiss one another, there wasn’t anything I could think up that sounded reasonable enough. Felix took a thumb to my lips and toyed with the bottom one.

Raising a brow, in a low voice, he said, “Thought so.”

“Lix, you’ve been drinking, that’s why.”

Looking up at me, his thumb still on my lip, he pondered to himself for a few moments, then smiled. “I still dream about kissing you like that when I’m sober.”

Sucking in a deep, shaky breath, I attempt to stop him once more, but before the words can come out, the bathroom door is opened and all of the outside noise from Haven interrupts me. Glancing down at our feet, it’d be very easy to tell that we were two men trying to occupy the same spot in a closed bathroom stall. Feeling my blood run cold, especially over the fact that Felix didn’t notice, or care, I maneuvered him off of me, putting an arms length between us.

Felix, milliseconds away from protesting, brows twisting in confusion, a voice from outside the stall cut in first.

“Hyunjin?” 

It was Changbin.

Audibly sighing with relief, I threw my head against the plastic wall of the stall and shut my eyes.

“It’s just me, I promise,” he said, keeping his distance from the stall we were in. There were only two in the bathroom anyway, though there was plenty of room for more. Something I’ve brought up to Arnold numerous times.

“We’re in here,” I said, looking down at Felix whose glare could kill, and he was sending it toward me. “What?” I whispered harshly.

“Chan and I, we, uh, we put Han in his place,” Changbin said. I could hear the remorse in his voice. “They might have their issues, but no one should talk like that.”

They. The other side of the friend group he’s seemed to find himself on. Felix’s glare made sense.

“Um,” I stammered, wincing as Felix’s grip tightened on me. “Thanks, I guess. It’s still fucked up.”

“Oh, I know,” Changbin spoke a bit louder, as if to emphasize his point, a habit of his. “It’s fucked up, I mean, Felix, I wouldn’t ever let anyone say that to you, and now… Hyunjin, now that you’re…”

“Not gay,” I muttered. Felix bobbed his head, his eyes glistening with something related to happiness. I couldn’t push the words out, but this was Changbin, I’ve spent my whole life with him. “Just… Really liking… Felix.”

“We’ll work on that,” Felix whispered, smiling at the same time.

“Right,” Changbin said, clearing his throat. “Just want you guys to know I’m on your side.”

Felix switched back to the glare, and I’m suddenly reminded that apparently Changbin has been double teaming us. Taking him under my arm, I unlock the stall and step out, giving my old friend an uneasy onceover. He took into account the way Felix held onto me and the way I clung around him as well.

“You, uh, you and Jade,” Changbin said to me.

Gritting my teeth, I mumbled, “It’s done. It’s been done. The only thing that’s happened between us,” I gestured to Felix with a nod of my head, “While I was with her, was a kiss.”

“That I initiated,” the Aussie said softly. “It wasn’t even his fault.”

Turning my chin, I lowered my brows. “I mean, I wanted to,” I said. “You know that, right? I kissed you back, it wasn’t a-”

Felix took a hand to my chin with a flattened smile and turned me back to Changbin who watched with the ghost of a smile.

“You’ve got him, don’t you?” Changbin asked Felix, who answered with a blush of his freckled cheeks. Focusing back on me, a new amusement in his eyes, Changbin asked, “Why the interest in Jade still?”

Felix scoffed. “His mission.”

Changbin laughed. “His mission?”

Able to set aside his tiff about Changbin at my expense, Felix laughed with him, even more so as I lifted a hand in defense.

“You know why I am,” I shot a glare at Felix, lifting it to Changbin who crossed his arms and leaned against one of the sinks. Felix placed a hand to my chest, assuring me it was jokes. “Bin, you all… They all think that I’m the only bad guy here.”

Changbin nodded, his eyes shifting into his analyzing ones. A look he somewhat shared with Felix when their therapist was turned on. “Accountability, huh.” Sharing a look with Felix, he perked a brow. “You’ve done a shit ton in such a short time.”

Felix swallowed a smile, tapping my chest one more time. “Wasn’t me, it was all him.”

Unsure of what they were talking about, I swapped my attention between the two psychoanalyzers and narrowed my glare. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I know what I’ve done, okay? I fucked up, a lot. I’m not saying I deserve to get off scot free…” Pausing, I glanced at Felix. “Think that’s why I won’t let you kiss me.”

Felix wore the amusement Changbin once did. “I did kiss you. Twice. For a long time.”

“Whatever,” I squeezed my eyes shut, brushing it all away while Changbin laughed.

“Punishing yourself, or trying to,” he said, nodding. “You’ve put yourself in timeout. Or… you’ve tried to.” Changbin winked at Felix. “You’re a naughty boy. You see what he’s been trying to do.”

“He doesn't deserve punishment,” Felix whispered, and Changbin half agreed.

“This doesn’t explain why you need to know where Jade is,” Changbin began to question. “Or, as you said before, Jade and Minho. You’re standing here with Felix, what’s the difference if she’s with Minho?”

That nausea roiled within me. The Jade and Minho nausea had the possibility to rip me apart from the inside out.

“Because,” I began, tone low and shaking. “I’ve owned up to my fuckery. And though there may be more than she’s got, she won’t own up to hers. You’ve all watched it happen. I know you’ve seen it, right?” The way his gaze dropped told me everything. “Exactly. So, why am I the one getting all the piss?” Both boys were silent. “I haven’t witnessed anything. Tonight I intended to catch her in her lies. She tells me she has no interest in him. She tells me all this time she’s only wanted me, and nothing but me.” Laughing aloud, a singular sound startling both men, I said, “You’ve seen how I’ve been, who wants that and only that!?”

Felix stirred beside me. “I do.” His voice was quiet, small.

Looking down at him and his wide shining eyes, my heart swelled.

“You’re different,” I whispered. “You don't belong with these shitheads.”

It was quiet for a moment longer, Felix and I sharing words in the silence until Changbin spoke up, sending my heart plummeting through the tile.

“She and Minho left not too long ago.”

I won.

I don’t care what any lowlife has to say about me. Not anymore.

Because I won.

Jade sat across the kitchen table from me, red hot with rage, and I won.

It’d been two hours since I drove Felix home, leaving him with a kiss on the forehead, making sure he made it into his front door before driving away. Surprisingly calm, despite the anger sitting in my gut, I was more entertained than anything. It happened, I caught her. She and Minho spilled out of the backseat of his car, unaware that anyone would be there to catch them. Thinking they could trust the friends who sat around the wooden tables of Haven, not knowing one had been keeping tabs for my sake.

My friend. The one I’d always known was my friend. A friend I’d have to make apologize to Felix, getting them past the co-workers boundary.

I had been right the entire time. The delusions that haunted me in the middle of the night, the thoughts that would creep into my subconscious at the worst times, they were all right. Every single one. I wasn’t crazy. I wasn’t the only bad guy. 

And I’d get her to say it.

“You were my girlfriend when I fucked Jennie,” I shrugged. Her eyes went wild.

“That hurt,” she spat. “Fuck you.”

“Fuck you!” I shot back, half in disbelief she’d throw the words around. She’s heard this before. It wasn’t the first time.

Dragging her hands through her hair to over her eyes, she rubbed the sleep away and sighed, placing her hands on her knees. Avoiding my eyes, she stared down at the table.

“I think… I think I should go,” she said, flickering her eyes up to catch my gaze. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?” I whispered.

“Like… like you’re sad,” she said, shaking her head. The front was working. “You don’t hold an ounce of empathy for me when you go frolicking down the streets to pick up the next conventionally attractive person, and take them somewhere to hook up.” 

Maintaining face, I kept my lips ironed shut, and my argument from weeks prior resurfaced. She’s had so many opportunities to leave, opportunities to break things off with me. I had been open, honest, everything she could possibly need. I showed her who I was, or, what I had been. Unhappy. She chose, she made her choices, and I’m the villain.

“Some of them, we’re friends with, Hyunjin. So, yes. This relationship was over two weeks ago when you drove me to crazy town, to the point of no return.” My eyes were laser focused on hers. “You know, in a way, it’s like you pushed me right into his arms.” 

“Oh, that’s rich,” I said, and she huffed a laugh. “Could I say the same about Felix? That you pushed me right into his arms?” Jade sat back and folded her arms over her chest. “You know I can’t, because I fought, and tried to make this work.”

“Did you?” Her snicker burrowed its way beneath my skin. “Sleeping with everything that walks by you is trying to make this work?”

My tone packed a punch. “You’ve been emotionally fucking with Minho this entire time, don’t even try to deny that! Though I know you will. You love him, and you’ll tell me that you don’t. Go ahead,” leaning forward, I plastered a fake smile to my lips, “Tell me you don’t love him. I wanna hear you say it again.”

She’s quiet, her mind working overtime at this ungodly hour of the morning. “Tell me you don’t love Felix.”

“I’ve spoken my truth about him, I always have, and I always will. I don’t know if I love him, it’s so new, but I can tell you I like him, a lot.” Pressing my lips together, I shook my head. “You deflecting the question tells me everything I need to know. You love him.”

“I do,” she whispered, and the words had me washed with fury, yet incredible release. The look in her eyes, full of a sorrow I couldn’t place. “I love him,” she whispered, taking in the shock that filled the cracks of my hardened  expression. “But, I still love you.”

She left moments after the confession. Leaving me at the kitchen table, a nail shoved between my teeth, she gathered a bag, filling it with some of her clothes from our… my bedroom. The words had been spoken. Whatever was going on between us was over, and we both agreed that it had happened two weeks ago.

I asked her if she needed a ride to wherever she needed to go, and she gave me a sheepish look, telling me that Minho was downstairs waiting for her. She didn’t stick around long enough to see the amusement light up in my eyes, she was out the door seconds after telling me. Though once the door was shut I collapsed onto the kitchen table, clasping my arms around my head with a scream that should have the neighbors knocking.

It was real. All of it. The cheating, on both ends, the shared feelings, the mutual pining for others, the emotional distress, the love we had for one another, it was all real. The hell was finally over, the misery, the weight that clung to me and kept me in such a horrible place, it was done. Out of my life. I could move on.

I was free, and it hurt.

It hurt so goddamn bad.

Pushing my chair out from under me with a force, it collided with the wall behind it. Feeling shaky on my legs, I took myself into the kitchen, the lightheadedness hitting me harder than I thought it would.

Gripping the kitchen counter leaning forward onto it, I pressed my forehead to my arms sucking in shallow breaths. The cabinet that stared back at me was tempting. It called for me, it wanted me to open it. Everything inside of it could fix what I was feeling, it has before. Snatching one of the handles, my head lobbing onto the counter, I white knuckled the brass and longed to throw it open. Any one of the glass bottles on the shelves inside called my name, a sweet, sweet siren song.

But, all at once, another overpowered it. A deeper, happier, beautiful song that mimicked a laugh, bringing me to my senses.

Letting the handle go, I stumbled backward, pressing a hand to my brow and the hair that laid there, moist from my sweat. Coming to, like I��d been in a trance, an anxiety induced trance, I snatched my car keys from the counter, bounded out of my door, locking it behind me, and I got into my car and drove.

Following a familiar path I drove until I pulled into a driveway beside a grey Nissan, one I’d fix up one day, whether he’d let me or not. Slamming my door shut, I hurried up the walkway and rounded the house to the backdoor, where I was no more than three hours ago. Lifting the mat beneath the door I took the key and managed to get myself inside, popping right into the kitchen where he stood in a different t-shirt and boxer shorts.

With a glass of water in his hand he spun around in surprise as I wiggled the old door open, and he half smiled after it shut behind me.

“Hi,” he said, setting his glass down on the tan counters. Taking in my state, he took a step closer, but I stopped him by moving closer on my own. “Think I almost blacked out,” he laughed that laugh, and I almost fell to my knees. “You got me here?”

Nodding, I whispered, “Yeah,” still tiptoeing closer to him.

“Thanks,” Felix smiled. “I just tried calling you, I-”

Catching up to him, he didn’t have the time to finish speaking his peace. Wrapping my arms around him, I closed the space and kissed him with the ferocity he was begging for on the dance floor. Lasting about a minute, Felix melting into my hold, I pulled myself away and pressed my forehead to his.

“You drank something, you had water,” I half asked, looking into his eyes for confirmation. His stunned nod was answer enough, but he kept going.

“I did, a lot,” he whispered, focused on my lips. “I ate, too. Did you? Do you want something, I’ve got-”

Grabbing him by the waist, lifting him onto the counter, the whine that escaped him ripped my being in two. His arms slung around my shoulders, keeping my forehead over top of his while my hands tugged at the elastic band of his shorts.

“That’s not what I want,” I pushed from my lips in a whisper, nipping at his bottom lip before dropping to my knees.

Sunlight leaked through the shades, early morning sunlight, meaning I hadn’t been asleep for very long. Stretching my legs out over the mattress, blinking my eyes open to the pastel yellow walls home to photographs of people I didn’t know, my heart sprung out of my chest for all of two seconds until a pair of plush lips pressed a kiss to my collarbone. Turning my chin, ruffled blonde waves tickled my chin.

Felix, on top of the sheets with nothing but shorts on, smiled up at me, only his lips turning up, hiding a plethora of secrets behind them.

“Hi,” I attempted to say, my morning voice rough. Felix bit his bottom lip and tilted his head.

“Hi,” he whispered. “How do you feel?”

Sitting up to my elbows, I squinted in the light. “Shouldn’t I, uh… Shouldn’t I be the one asking you that?”

Felix smiled again, this one larger than the last, full of amusement. “I’m fantastic, but I’ve done this before, and it doesn’t matter who does who, it’s still proper to check in, Hyunjin.”

Flopping back on the sheets I covered my face with my hands and sighed, the end coming out with a laugh. Flustered beyond belief, I reached out a hand to cup his cheek, giving him a smile. “I felt like…”

Felix bobbed his head, melting into my touch. “Tell me, tell me everything.”

The light in his eyes was spectacular. He cared. This was… normal, talking about this. It wasn’t just a moment that’d never be spoken of again like all of my experiences had been, it meant something, it was supposed to mean something.

“I felt… like a virgin,” I said, and he laughed softly when I did.

“So did I,” he admitted, moving his chin to press a kiss to my wrist. 

Shooting him a look, I narrowed my eyes and he laughed again.

“I’ve only been with four people,” he said. “One of them was female, I had to try it.” More laughter. He reached for my other hand and laced his fingers within mine. “You make five. The other guys I’ve been with have… They were more experienced than I was, so I followed their lead. I dated one of them for a while, but it doesn’t matter.”

“Was he older?” I asked, shocking myself with how the words just seemed to slip out.

Felix pursed his lips and nodded.

“How much older?”

His smirk was devious. “You’re a curious fucker this morning aren’t you?” Scooting closer to me, he buried me with kisses and giggles for a few seconds before he pulled away and sighed. “Much older.”

“Do I know him?” I asked just to mess with him, grinning wide as a disgruntled shout fell from his smiling lips.

“You most certainly do not!” Felix’s eyes shot open wide. “If you did I think he’d eat you alive, so let’s be grateful he lives many, many hours away. All the way past Delo.”

With a breath, I drug my fingers through his hair and accepted his answer as final. I’d be able to get it out of him with time, if he was going to give me any more of his time after this.

“Sorry I showed up unannounced.” The air grew quiet, the only sound heard was that of the birds outside his windows. “I didn’t know what else to do. Didn’t know where else to go.”

Dropping his head to my bare chest, where I now realize I’m completely naked beneath his sheets, he smiled up at me. “Don’t apologize. I’m happy you came.”

“Me too.” Winking at him, Felix swatted at me and sat up with a horrible laugh. Following him, I sat up as well, bunching the sheets up in my lap. Trying to not turn red as he ogled my bare chest, I caught him off guard with, “You have to teach me.”

Wide eyes shot up at me. “W-what? Teach you what?”

“Blow jobs,” I said, completely serious. The boisterous laugh that came out of him wasn’t condescending in the slightest, and in fact made me happy to hear I could amuse him with my ignorance. “I mean it, teach me. I think I… I just tried to do what I think I like to feel, yanno?” Scooting closer to him, our knees bumped. “But, what if you didn’t like that? What if I did something that was weird to you, or didn’t feel good, or it-”

He cut me off, grabbing each side of my face with his hands. “Hyunjin,” he spoke softly. “Trust me, you knew what you were doing.”

Cheeks squished in his grip, voice muffled, I asked, “You’re sure?”

“Positive,” Felix shut his eyes in approval. 

I guess the way his head was thrown back against the cabinets was a good thing. He did have one hand gripping my hair, and the other on the countertop clawing at nothing… 

When he opened his eyes I whispered, “I like the way you taste.”

“Fuck,” he breathed, giving me the swiftest kiss before pulling away, sitting backward on his bed, putting space between us. Following suit, I twisted where I was sitting so I could face him, eyes on alert, like I’d done something wrong.

“What’d I say?”

“Nothing,” he said immediately, giving me a reassuring smile. “I’m loving everything you’re saying, and I’m finding you so incredibly adorable right now that it pains me to even have to say this.” My stomach flopped and my heart sunk. If he had pulled one over on me and was about to send me home, cutting this off, I swear to… “I want to talk to Jade.”

The name sent a jolt through my nervous system. “Oh, w-why?”

He took a deep breath. “I used to consider her a friend. I’d like her to also hear it from me that nothing between us happened while you were together, nothing more than that kiss. I feel like I owe it to her. It won’t have anything to do with you, I don’t want to do it to… unpack you guys. It’s between her and I, what happened with me and Jade. I owe her a conversation. If she’ll let me.”

My gaze traveled around his room as he spoke, his voice of reason always right, always correct, even if it pained me a bit.

“I’m not saying this because of last night. Can you look at me?” Listening, I met his eyes full of care, full of trust. “I wanted last night to happen the day I met you, Hyunjin. I promise you. I care about you, I like you, I have some… intense feelings about all of this, but this is new. For both of us, but especially you. Do you agree?”

Heart fluttering at the thought that Felix had been crushing on me longer than he’d originally let on, I nibbled my bottom lip and bobbed my head. “Yeah,” I sighed. “I care about you and like you, too.”

He smiled. “So then… If you trust me? Can we start over? Not in the sense of forgetting all that’s happened, because believe me, I will never forget last night, but… If we both want this to work out we can’t jump in headfirst right now.”

Trust, communication, the start of a, hopefully, healthy relationship. I could get on board with that.

“You’ll be worth the wait,” I whispered.

Felix’s smile grew until it erupted over his entire face. Burying himself in his hands he giggled, and whined. “Don’t say stuff like that, you make me want to say fuck it all!”

A breath caught in my throat between a laugh. “Don’t say stuff like that! I’ll really make you say fuck it all!”

The glare he shot me crippled us both, rolling on the sheets until we met in the middle, his head resting back on my chest where it started. Unable to help myself, I delved a finger into his blonde waves and breathed him in, though he seemed to do the same to me.

“Friends,” Felix said quietly, eyes fluttering as I scratched his scalp gently.

Giving him a lazy smile, I whispered, “Friends don’t do this.”

“No sex,” he restated, a smile trying to appear on his lips, but I relaxed him further. “No kissing, unless… Unless it’s proper…”

Enamored by the way he seemed to drift off, I breathed through a laugh. “You want me to court you, I get it.”

His smile finally appeared, his eyes closed. “Maybe I do, Hyunjin.”

“No sex, no kisses, only on the back of the hand when I drop you at your doorstep in the evening,” he chuckled, “But, this is okay?”

He hummed his approval. 

“You’re gonna be a handful, aren’t you, Lixie?”

He hummed again, his grin growing back to where it was. Then, his eyes popped open, halting my ministrations.

“We need to get tested,” he said. My brows scrunched above my eyes. “Don’t let me forget. We can go together. I’m coming up on one year anyway, I always go near the end of summer. Was a school thing for me.”

Dumbfounded, I squinted my eyes. “Tested… for what?”

Felix blinked, then pursed his lips.

“You gave me a condom…” I said, voice trailing at the slight disappointment mixed with adoration in his eyes.

Taking a hand to my cheek, he pinched the skin and smiled. “So much to learn.”

Smiling back at him, I attempted to nip his fingers, then whispered, “Teach me.”

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