#me (not cis) like ‘oh my god it’s going to look so weird if i do something like this after over a year all of which has been spent going

[bravevolunteer]

Not Cis michael thoughts are gnawing at me again………..

[oysterie]

i do acknowledge i need to watch what i say wrt gender women men cis ppl etc just augh.

[unusualshrimp]

hmm gender thoughts

[so-i-did-this-thing]

Hello! I just wanted to say I stumbled across one of your posts and ended up looking through the trans tag in your blog for a while and idk it felt so so nice to see a middle aged trans guy just living life and being there for others who are at earlier points of their own trans related journeys, and I hope I can look as awesome as you and be as comfortable in my own skin and style and everything when I'm older.

I guess I also wanted to ask if you had any insight or advice about a couple things, if you're willing to share.. First thing is, did you ever struggle with passing but looking much younger than your age and that somewhat affecting your perception of yourself? I'm 28 and I started T 11 months ago (though at a pretty low dose because I wanted slow changes) and my face just recently started visibly shifting to a more masculine contour and I love it, but I still don't really look like a 28 year old guy.

I've always passed easily even before T but people think I'm like 18-21 max. Things were fine while I was in college (I came out at 19 so for a while my face just felt fitting enough and didn't make me feel either dysphoric or in a weird age limbo) but every year it feels more frustrating and makes me feel sort of alienated from myself including in mental ways, like I'm just a little kid who can't grow up. Like I'll never look like a "real guy" even though I can be stealth because I look like a weird teen and not like a grown up man. It's especially bad when I look at my amab younger siblings who are now also adults and see how I "should have looked" in some other life if I was cis. I guess maybe that's just another manifestation of dysphoria that I didn't have to deal with before? Did you ever experience something like that? And if yes did it get better after some years on T or how did you deal with it?

The other thing is just.. internalized transphobia. It's one thing to know things in a logical or intellectual sense but it's so hard to really feel and believe it sometimes and let go of all the awful transphobic stuff my family said to me during the first years of me being out. I just kept going anyway because I needed to be true to myself and my family basically bullying me wasn't gonna just magically change how I felt about my gender, but what it did do is put my already low confidence and self esteem (in this context regarding my gender) down on the floor. And sometimes I still just think and worry "what if they were right and I was wrong and I'll never be real and valid because of x y z", "what if I'm just delusional", "what if I'm a ridiculous freak". I know, in a way, that no I'm not. I'm just a trans person and they're just transphobes. But feelings like that just get to me sometimes and I don't really know what to do about them even nearly 10 years after coming out. Does that get better at some point? Just like you kinda stop giving a shit what people think about you in general as you get older? But how can you change those internalized views affecting what you think of yourself?

Bit nervous about asking this stuff tbh, so sorry it was so long also sorry if I worded any of it in a not so great way.

I will say though, that seeing older trans people like you does help a little bit. Just makes it feel like "hell yeah I wanna be like him when I grow up". So thank you for showing me that today ;u; (and also for inspiring me to put a little more thought and effort into my styling and fashion choices haha)

Heya, Anon! Let's see what I can cover here:

Looking young.

Oh my god, yes. I was getting carded to buy superglue and spray paint well into my late 30s (I started T at 33). When my partner first asked me out for a date, they were worried I wasn't old enough to drink yet (I was 36).

This is me 1 year on T, age 34.

Years 6 & 7 (ages 39 and 40), is when I feel I started looking older.

I feel like it's only been recently, 14 years in at 47, that I look in my 40s, and a "mature" adult. My beard finally getting full helped, as did my receding hairline. And I feel like my skin texture has toughened up enough, to where wrinkles show more.

That said, yes, it is tough and annoying to deal with. Even when people tell me I look like a particular cis man (where I actually see the resemblance, lol), when I look at us side-by-side, I feel like I'm just a pale shadow of him. I feel jealous and dysphoric, even while I'm flattered by the comparison. I wonder what I "should" look like, and it feels like something has been stolen from me. Its a roller coaster of emotions.

That feeling never really goes away, but you need to afford yourself some grace. You're going to be your own worst critic, and I guarantee you that, of many cis men you grew up with, you can probably still see the kid in them. So of course, you're going to see the kid in yourself.

But, you also just need to let time run its course. HRT is a marathon, and a lot of changes don't really settle for about 5 or 6 years.

I hate to say "enjoy it while you can" because I sure as hell bristled at being mistaken for a teenager or barely 20 when I was in my 30s. But do enjoy what you can of it. Because once you hit middle age, you're going to start dealing with a strange intersection of dysphoria and aging that I myself am still trying to navigate.

One other way I help myself get over negative feelings is to think of how differently my life would have been if I were cis. I honestly worry I would have been a worse person; even though being trans creates a lot of obstacles in my life, I feel like it's been a net gain: being able to know myself so well and help others learn about themselves.

Internalized transphobia

This got better for me with age. My epiphany was that, even over a decade into my transition, I was still softening myself for the benefit of friends and family. I was still using my gender-neutral birthname (I only recently changed it). I would call myself a "person", "guy", or "dude", instead of a "man". I dressed on the young and casual side, eschewing full-on masculine outfits like proper suits with ties.

I only recently pulled myself out of this. It still is a habit-in-progress to refer to myself as a man, even though I have always felt like one. And I've started to dress more vintage, not just because of hyper fixations, but because it's a way to lean into a presentation that is unequivocally, "this is a middle-aged man". And it's done a lot of good for my mental health.

What I'd suggest is to see if you are holding yourself back in any way wrt your gender presentation or how you talk/think about yourself. Give yourself full permission to acknowledge that you are a man, full stop. You're a young man, sure. But still a man, and a full-ass adult at that.

I hope some of this helps. Transition gives us a unique toolset for examining who we are and how we want to move through the world, and that work certainly doesn't end after finally getting on HRT. <3

[gettinontopic]

This is so transphobic like what the hell is this

↓Screenshot↓

↑Screenshot↑

[Image Id: A large addition to a tumblr poat reading "Also if I'm going to be honest, passing as a man is also just easier than passing as a woman. The rules to being a man and passing as a man are much more lenient than being a woman or passing as a woman. Trans women have to worry about shit like "I need to wear an outfit that distracts people from the fact I have an adams apple, and not allow people to see that I have shoulders, and learn makeup and basically become a voice actor and etc. and maybe I won't be called a man today" (and if you pass too well and the wrong cis guy feels guilty about being attracted to you, you get murdered meanwhile if you're a trans guy and you wanna pass as a man, you gotta like have short hair and hide or remove your boobs and at this point you can already just go to the grocery store and most people will see you as a man. Once you get facial hair and a deeper voice, most people will just see you as some guy. Like I don't understand why transmascs insist on this idea that they could never really pass. Like the idea that trans man who passes is almost far-fetched. Weird as hell." End Id]

Lets upack this shall we?

1."Passing as a man is easier than passing as a woman"

No it's not. The rules to being a man and passing as a men as strict as lots of rules for women. Have you ever seen a cis guys who fails to pass? They're called names, theyre physically beat, and theyre often ostracized from their cis peers just as fast as any trans person. Cis boys cant even pass half the time by the rules they made. Quit fucking lying about men just magically having it so easy.

Your experiences as passing as a man aren't universal and if you've never passed as one what makes you think it's fucking easy?

Also god forbid you're a black man, or a black man who is into something deemed feminine. Shit I've seen guys call black men women for wearing a damn hair bonnet.

Oh not to mention I'm only a man to transphobes when they can call me a "dangerous black man" only to switch back to tryibg to detransition me by saying "you can just be a masc girl!"

2.Adams apple

While you have to hide yours, I have to wear shit that distracts people that I *don't* have one. Cause, and I know this is wild, if they expect you not to have one for being a women, what do they expect me to have for being a man? Hmm? And if you're a man who's adams apple never came in? I've seen them called girls to. Shit I've heard a guy called not manly for missing his, and he was still in puberty!!

3.Shoulders

While you have to hide you shoulders, I have to do whatever I can to have the.. small shoulders on men? maybe if youre in a "non manly" field like music or art, but I do gym work. I better look likeit regardless of the disability that effacts my muscles growth and development or I am called maam by every guy there. Which sucks btw.

4. Makeup and voice acting:

Trans men also are regularly advised to wear makeup that masculinizes them and do voice training. thats some of our oldest passing tips. thats litterally never been unique to trans women. what the FUCK kinda of implications are you trying to put out here?

5. Murder:

Hey did you know cis guys will murder trans men bc they were attracted to them and then found out they werent "real men" and then kill them. shit cis women also kill us if they find out they were attracted to us and we aren't their ideal man anymore. do u know how men who hear im butch and into women behave?

Fuck right the fuck off trying to tokenize the murder lf trans women while throwing trans men murders in the "that doesn't happen" bin.

6. How many times have we said short hair and no boobs dont fucking automatically gets us gendered correcly!! We have voices that have to be trained, we have muscles were expected to build,and some men even watch the way you walk to guess if you have a dick or not.

Listen to any trans men. any of us for five minutes. those things do not making an easily passing trans man fuck you for lying about our experiences as not a trans man.

7. "You gotta like have short hair or remove your boobs"

Untrue! just Untrue. we also have to preform the rules of manhood really well. ive seen beareded transmen clocked for like so many different other reasons and you wouldn't listen to those men if it would save all trans people lives forever. cis men constantly dig at other men presentation to keep each other in line. Its a regular for them.

Also: not all of want to pass with those features. I deserve to have long hair and not bind and still pass as a man and you suck for defining everything around passing.

8. I don't know why you insist on this idea that trans women never really pass without obscene work (when ive met trans women that admit they have it easy by throwing on a dress and wearing her hair down) and that all trans men who have ascess to transition magically do pass (When multiple of us transitioning have said we dont)

If we can't talk about the ones who don't pass then you kinda can just sweep away the idea we don't face discrimination or danger and that's getting us killed actually.

None of us have said we can all never really pass any who say they can't are usually speaking on their own experiences. Because you want us all to pass so bad you don't care that we don't, and that it gets us backlash and hurt.

Also, if you ever read this, kiss my black ass and go reevaluate what makes you think you should speak on experiences that aint yours as if you're the one with the Hard Cold Facts.

[scopophobia-polaris]

Honestly I have a theory that sheik was ORIGINALLY early in development supposed to be their own character but became Zelda’s alter ego later. Regardless their body types and features are so different it’s so fucking funny seeing Nintendo try to gaslight us and say « NUH HUH SHEIK IS LITERALLY JUST ZELDA IN DIFFERENT CLOTHES » like come on she definitely gave herself a dick be real. Zelda is SO the non binary person who says « yeah I dream about changing genders and I wish I wasn’t always a girl but I’m not trans I’m just cis haha »

🫵👍 BWAHHAHAHA YEAH oh my god, there is a chance that could be the case because of this

Because this is Sheik

Like OBVIOUSLY so, he could of been made to ve a separate chracter originally yes! And i don't know if there are any alternate development notes or interviews that says otherwise, but...the more I look at this picture, I'm scared this was gonna be Tetra before Tetra if you catch my drift.

OoT and MM to a lesser extant probably have so many weird production stuff we just don't know about, if we had like the stuff we have today about botw's devlopment but for OoT I would be so excited, the little stuff we has interests me to no fucking end and I wanna see what the hell was going through their brains for half of it cuz one thing....Im just gonna word vomit out this theory.

Link's mom. There is a chance that her design in the manga was actually by Nintendo originally and not the akira himekawa. So, here me out, the German Club Nintendo comic, it's called Hyrule under fire, its supposed to be about the end of the civil war that happens before OoT, so, since Link's dad is so close to just looking like Link with cheek bones (designs that drive me up the way in a funny way for reasons that if you ever ask me I'm gonna throw up on a post) I think he was just made up for the comic.

Like....look at him, HOWEVER.

Link's mom has a consistent design between here and the offical manga

(Love his dad dying in the shadow like HDNSBDHSN)

bUT STILL WITH THE WIDOW'S PEAK AND EVERYTHING! SAME CLOTHES AND EARRINGS TOO.

The ONLY thing that's different, is that in the legendary edition of the manga her dress colors are different

BUT, THEYRE FLIPPED, ITS STILL BLUE AND PINK, and her earrings are still pink.

Both of these came out within 2 years of eachother, the German comic in 1998 when the game came out and the manga in 2000, so either Akira Himekawa saw the German comic from 1998 and decided to reference that design for their own work OR....Link's mom had an offical design that was SCRAPPED FROM THE GAME.

I wish I could ask them about it because they would be the most straightforward I bet, look if any of you ever want to @ them on twitter and ask where they got that design I would LOVE to know

[reorientation]

So I have a guy friend who super thinks I’m also a cis dude. He’s even asked me for advice with girls! Ironic since most people assume I’m a gay man (I’m bi) but I can’t help but fantasize about him finding out and doing something about it, maybe he says he’s experimenting at first but then he calls me a good girl and I’m just done for

"Man, I just keep striking out. I swear to god, I'm going to have to buy my hand dinner if we keep spending so much time together."

"Oof. Sorry to hear it, man."

"Yeah, like you've got a lot of sympathy. If I didn't only want pussy, life would be so much easier. I bet you've never had so much trouble getting your balls emptied."

"...in a manner of speaking."

"Lucky sonova... Wait. What do you mean by that?"

"Nothing. Nevermind."

"No, not nevermind. That was a really weird way you said that. What did you mean?"

"Well, uh... I guess I never told you, but I don't have balls."

"WHAT? No way! Like an accident or something? Or somebody wanted you to have a better singing voice?"

"No! Nothing like that. Look, uh... I'm trans. Been taking testosterone shots for a long time."

"..."

"Don't be weird about it, please."

"I'm not going to be weird about it, just... I've been complaining to you about how I can't get pussy this whole time."

"So?"

"So you've been holding out on me."

"What? Man..."

"Look, my dude, I'm desperate. Like I said, my problem is I just want pussy. If it's on a guy, if it's on one of my buds, that's no problem, I guess, never thought about it before... And it's not like I've never caught you checking me out."

"Don't call it that! But, well, I suppose..."

----

"Fuck, that feels good. God, it's been way too long since I've gotten some pussy."

"I - ah, ah - I said not to call it that!"

"Whatever. You've got the parts, I've got the skill. We're going to have some fun."

--

"Now get in bitch position - I want to see that cute little ass bounce on me."

"Oh-okay..."

"Never thought I'd be grabbing your hips like this... Always thought they were weirdly wide, though. Child-bearing hips, haha!"

"No, I... oh..."

--

"Getting close. Gonna fill you."

"No! Ah, you, uh, you can't!"

"Shut up. Just take it like a good girl."

"OH FUCK!"

--

"Guess I got a little carried away at the end there. Didn't mean to call you a girl."

"..."

"God, you took it so well, though. You didn't look offended afterwards. Mostly looked leaky."

"..."

"What, you don't have anything to say?"

"...can you call me that again?"

[ghnosis]

*rips bong* (this is my bong in case you're curious)

so some of you have asked me, over the course of the 80-someodd interviews I have so far conducted, why I am doing my PhD on Ghost.

tonight a participant asked me in a manner that sort of finally clicked for me - because I assume all of you live inside my head with me and know why I do everything.

Rose, why are you doing your PhD on Ghost fandom?

when I was 12, American Idiot by Green Day came out. I lost my mind immediately. Green Day were my first hyperfixation. I promise if you ask about "Green Day Girl" to people I went to high school with, they would remember me. not only did Green Day teach me about the Iraq War, and American progressive politics in general, they also taught me, a bullied and weird child, what it meant not to give a shit. someone thinks I'm wrong/bad/inferior? cool! I don't fucking care. "now everybody do the propaganda," etc.

if I kept talking about everything I learned from Green Day, we'd be here all night. but. Green Day *also* taught me that music didn't have to sound like pop, or like country. that music could be written because someone felt something. that music could be used to express rage, a thing I felt in spades.

so from Green Day, my door is blown wide the fuck open and I get to learn about Dead Kennedys, about David Bowie, about Nirvana.

the other thing I know I love, back then in 2004, is learning. and teaching.

fast forward 15ish years, give or take (or pack me a second bowl and I'll tell you the middle), and I'm looking, halfheartedly and in a bummed-out manner, for a PhD program. I have my master's, I didn't like the experience, but I want that Dr. I've been presenting at conferences and doing some piddly academic writing on video games and the use of games in education, and I'm on a listserv for other people writing about games. I get an email from someone at Falmouth University about a PhD program there in "Dark Economies." who's listed on the email? none other than Tanya Fucking Krzywinska, my number one academic girl crush (in my subject area. my actual number one is a historian)!!!!!!

so I read this email and it's talking about the intersection of the occult, video games, and heavy metal. as I said, I've been writing about video games. one of the things I'd been writing about was a certain thing that happened in that industry ooooh, 14 years ago now. something in my brain slots into place.

the occult: I know what that is. occult rock, certainly. I maybe could squeeze in some punk or pop punk. the goffik. we got some MCR.

heavy metal. well, I'm a punk girl through and through, but I used to date that guy in the metal band and have seen Slayer et al multiple times live. sure. I can occupy that world. wait a minute. Ghost.

video games. the thing I'd been writing about, specifically the mistreatment of anyone who wasn't a cis guy. you know what that sounds a lot like? sounds a lot like going to metal shows with my ex. WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE. GHOST??? on TUNGLE DOT HELL???

so I log my ass back on to this website and I look at you, at all of you beautiful people I'd been reblogging ass wobbling gifs with for years, and I said "oh my god. are they me? is whatever is going on in there just a bunch of me's, except it's Ghost not Green Day?

are all of you finding the most beautiful thing there is to find, namely, empowerment and freedom, in the goofy Satan band music band? was it the heaviest thing you had heretofore encountered? did it crack open a yawning chasm in your soul? were you hurting in ways you didn't know how to articulate? are you learning what it means to take up space, to demand rights for yourself and for others, to truly let your fucking freak flags fly? are you feeling the stirring in your heart that only comes from religion (read: witchcraft) or from seeing the most important band in the fucking world live, in the flesh, singing TO YOU, sweating FOR YOU? if you are, I think we are fucking important and vital. I think that we can tell our stories and make a bunch of other weird little girls realise that they, too, have rights - including to transition.

cos immediately in doing this research I found out - you're also NOT me, in some really important and specific ways. maybe being AFAB in the US isn't part of it. maybe it's bigger than that. and I feel so lucky, so truly fucking blessed and lucky, to have gotten to speak to over eighty of you beautiful people, to have been trusted with your stories. to learn what makes YOU ache in your soul and how it is different to but also the same as mine. I have to stop now I'm gonna cry!!!!

[butch-bakugo]

Oh my God a fucking " anti-transandrophobia truther" perisex fuck wrote word for word, in a massive fucking post " I wonder if intersex people know being Intersex affects your gender" (NO SHIT???)

And!

" I'm pretty sure all the afab/cafab (coercive meaning ya know ... GENITAL MUTILATION OF INTERSEX BABIES FORCING THEM INTO THE AFAB IDENTITY. The whole camab/cafab thing was stolen from the intersex community.) intersex people who claim the transfem title don't actually have transfem experiences"(regardless of the kind of the type of intersexuality they are?? You are just outting yourself as someone totally fucking blind to actual intersex experiences.)and! " They need their own term because they don't 'fit'". They tried to dress up the offensive bigoted nonsense they just spewed by trying to make it sound like they had our best interests at heart and "shouldn't be forced into using perisex language".... You are litterally trying to push intersex people you don't like out of our terminology to other them .... This literally reeks of literal terf rhetoric " most intersex lean one way and therefore shove them under that label" like...

Ur both intersexist freaks and bigots just in different ways. Imagine trying to claim you care about intersex people then try to determine our labels for us and push us in the way you think we should go regardless of our actual fucking lived experiences because you don't like sharing the transfem community with people who've experienced both transmysogny and transmascphobia. Not to even mention the fact the last time people tried to make a term to talk about their experiences, you've not shut up about it in years and called it a mens rights movement to try and silence an entire fucking portion of the trans community so you don't have to care about them. You literally fucking said " trans men experience both transphobia and mysogny but not at the same time (we do????) but trans women do" ok and ur blind to Transmasc issues because you think that nonsense and we are the same as cis men. Ur blind to our issues in the way you accuse us of being blind to your issues but only expect us to shut up and listen.

Anyway, denying that trans men can't face their own issues while also ignoring any trans man who disagrees with you and then attempting to delegitimize all intersex people who look you dead in the face in the transfem and Transmasc playing fields and tell you ur wrong...

Bro just say you hate Transmascs and anyone who might be slightly aligned with them and go home you intersexist piece of shit.

Also the whole " stop calling anti-transandrophobia truthers baddels! That's something specific"

My brother in CHRIST, THEY ARE LITTERALLY UNIRONICALLY IN THE USERNAMES OF THE PEOPLE YOU REBLOG FROM. BULLSHIT.

Anyway the fact y'all are all fucking white trans women and CONSTANTLY bring up black and indigenous people's experiences with gender while also being unironic baddels aka a horrifically abusive to trans men (including rape) and racist ASF movement within your community tells me everything i need to know as a native american two spirit intersex person with no "lean" whose experienced transmysogny and transandrophobia.

This is why they don't trust you motherfuckers, you got no class, just entitlement and weak ass attempts at silencing people you already hate and a weird trauma fetish for black and indigenous people. There is over lap between the transfem experiences and bipoc experiences but there is also an overlap between Transmasc and bipoc experiences, nonbinary and bipoc, like almost everyone can relate to our shit, ur not special 😭 leave us alone and don't use our oppression to try and legitimize your fundamentally transphobic views.

[cedarnommer]

Seeing some posts of people excited for their first weeks of HRT makes me wanna share myself.

It's been around 1 year and 4 months since I started estrogen and around 6 months since I've been on cypro. After I started t blockers, the dreaded libido I experienced from my insanely high levels of t finally disappeared. These days I can feel aroused, but that arousal isn't necessarily connected to my genitals in any way. That's been an interesting effect.

In general my mind has been very clear. I'm also crying semi regularly now and when I do, it can be quite intense. I have more than 20 years of repressed trauma, so I might just be a crybaby like this for a long time.

My relationship with food is weird. I both get hungrier but my stomach also hurts a lot when I try to eat too much. I really need to be careful.

Since being on cypro, I've experienced a growth spurt with my breasts. They're small but very noticeable now.

I think perhaps the most interesting thing is that I find myself further and further alienated from how cis men think these days. It's like the hormones have rewired my brain and the way I could understand them before is gone. Though I still struggle with understanding people in general as I'm autistic.

I've become significantly weaker physically. I'm struggling lifting and carrying shopping bags now and my hands are in pain for some time afterwards.

My sexual attraction has been thrown through a loop. HRT has opened up clearing my libido and forcing me to face the fact that I'm in some ways ace. Even pre HRT I found physical interactions intimidating and may have acted demi. Now I think I'm experiencing a more intense form of that. In general I lean more sapphic lately. I can still feel attraction to some men and my boyfriend is probably what's anchoring me from not being more lesbian inclined.

There was also an unintended side effect with HRT. This was basically my life goal since I was 16 and I only started medically transitioning at the age of 26. Once I finally acquired t blockers, I was forced to face some important unresolved questions on why I'm different. And this year I went from self-diagnosed to now confirmed autistic. It was a lot to unpack and I'm still going through the motions on what it all means for my life.

And I've also finally begun doing what I want at a large scale. I threw away the majority of my old male clothes. I just dropped them at a donation bin. I've been doing a lot of shopping for clothes I want. I even own a dress now! And oh my god I love how dresses look on me!! I also finally started doing my nails and I regularly apply make-up when going outside. These things might seem insignificant to a cis person, but even as an 8 year old I yearned for these so badly. I also have to wear bras now because my breasts are visible and I feel awkward and self conscious about it. So I just wear sports bras.

I think the best aspect of HRT has been me feeling happier. I'm mentally unstable and now also very emotionally unstable. I'm probably at the worst my anxiety has ever been. But this feels like it's been the best moment of my life. I feel alive and free.

I'm a woman! I'm autistic! I'm me! ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

[scenetocause]

hiii i was just wondering if it was you that wrote the max/ lando/ luisa fic where they changed genders? and max like stays a girl? i’ve been back reading nortrell and absolutely loved reading this one the first time. i can’t find the fic anymore and if it was you that wrote it, did you delete it?

it was me! it is here. also your other ask led to me looking at it and being like on what planet did i rate this mature it's got like, several dp scenes haha what.

for something that was pure whimsy cus someone on a discord server was like lol there should be mandinha sex swap fic it's one of my favourites. in retrospect it probably should have been clearer to me that i am not at all cis earlier on lol.

here's a little drabble to make up for making my own fic completely fucking unsearchable with my bizarro rating assessments. ("nsfw i guess" there)

It's not exactly news that Lando likes tits. Especially Max's. So she could've thought through wearing a bikini a bit more thoroughly but Lando's been away for weeks and Luisa's been on Strictly or whatever and there frankly hasn't been nearly enough attention on her from either of them.

And it's the first sunny day in London for ages. She'd definitely have her top off if she was a boy right now, so she can lie on the sofa in a sunbeam soaking up the warmth if she wants.

Until Lando's blocking the light, anyway, eyes crinkled with glee. "Maxy, oh my god."

"What? Get out of the sunbeam, mate, you're in the way."

Lando ignores her but does at least crouch down so he can trail his hand up Max's waist, cup his stupidly massive palm over her tit. "You're so hot."

"I'm fucking freezing actually, it was nice in the sun but some bloke's fucked that up."

Lando just rolls his eyes, picks Max up off the sofa with an ease she's still not sure if she's jealous of or can't help enjoying. It takes her breath away a little bit, sometimes, that the guy so tiny he had to be velcro-ed into a fucking kart could throw her around, now.

Even if the way her body changed was different (sudden, all at once, no years of carving muscle in the gym) it's crazy to think how much they've grown, still with each other. Makes her a bit soppy about it, maybe, so she has to hide her face in Lando's hoodie while he's putting her down on the bed and then tucking her in.

"Warm now?" He's a fucking weapon, this guy. Lying on top of the duvet, on Max, so she's basically pinned down.

"Be warmer if you got in, Bob." She's missed him. Got to into her own head while he was off driving laps of Bahrain and making heart-eyes at a more successful ex-Renault junior.

Lando relents easily because she's going to let him fuck her. Might even be up for anal, if he wants that. Sometimes they like it, as a throwback to how they used to fuck and Lando's dick feels pretty good anywhere.

Under the duvet his hands get everywhere, undoing the ties on Max's (well, Luisa's) bikini and slipping it off her, down into the foot of the bed somewhere.

"God. Your tits are so great." Lando's doing something with his mouth, between them, that's really not very far off motorboating and Max would object but it's the weird attention she's been craving. All Lando shit, unfocussed and a bit mental.

"D'you think you could do F1 Academy?" Obviously that's the kind of mad thing Lando asks when they're about to fuck.

"Bob, no. I don't know? Maybe." Callum could probably ask. She might, just to race again. Maybe. Maybe she could actually take a fight to Doriane. Or, mortifyingly, find herself massively off the pace. It's a big gamble.

"Could be the Silverstone wildcard. Be all sexy, we can both win." Alright, Mr confidence.

"Don't think they're racing there." Max kisses him, tries to get Lando's brain back on the job at hand by stroking his dick through his joggers. "C'mon, make me come and then I'll show you what Connor's done to his hair."

[qqueenofhades]

Genuinely hope this isn't too weird or personal or a rant but here goes

Recently I've been having a bit of a sexuality crisis and I don't know what's going on. I'm a cis woman and I've never had any interest in men at all for my entire life and knew I wanted to be with a woman, I was completely confident I was gay because I just never felt anything toward men that I do women. But recently I have this one male friend who I'm very good friends with and he recently asked me out on a date. I've known him for a while and looking back, it's embarrassingly obvious that I had a crush. Like I quite literally described it as a platonic crush (spoiler alert: it was not platonic) to one of my friends and compared it to the exact same feelings as a romantic one and I would not shut up about him and how he's an amazing, wonderful person, which he absolutely is.

And I've had crushes on women before which was probably why I was... in denial, for lack of a better phrase? And I didn't want to ruin anything I had with him as a friendship, I had no idea how I felt, and apparently every single one of our mutual friends realized that something was up except for me. He also knows I'm some flavor of not-straight even if I've never explicitly been "hi I'm a lesbian" just because it's never come up in conversation and he's cool with that, even if he's straight himself. But he's such a nice and amazing person and I'm really excited for whatever might happen and I feel like even if it doesn't work out romantically he'd still be a great friend.

I never had the "oh my god am I gay" sexuality crisis, I was just always gay and confident in that about myself, and to make things even worse, I'm not publicly out but basically all my friends do know that I thought I was lesbian and it's actually kinda hard trying to be like "yeah I thought I was gay too, apparently I'm straighter than I thought" but this is an incredibly recent development, I still feel more comfortable with a lesbian label than bi or pan or anything but I'm completely and hopelessly attracted romantically to a man and I feel like I've lost the right to use that label as someone who is apparently NOT exclusively attracted to women when up until about a week ago, I spent my entire life thinking I was. And everything that's going on all of a sudden is just weird and confusing and frustrating and there's a lot of good stuff and a lot of not-so-good stuff all associated with this.

So I dunno, if you have any sort of advice or anything to say, I'm not sure, I just feel like I need to talk about this somehow and try to figure out who I am and how I'm feeling, and this is really hard

Welp. Oh honey. I feel bad that instead of being able to just enjoy the possibility of a new romance with a great person, you have to worry about whether you're the "right" kind of queer or whether you "can't" identify as a lesbian anymore or all of this. I can definitely see the rhetorical roots of what's worrying you, and especially the way it is viciously propagated in online queer spaces, so yeah.

First of all, and most important: absolutely nobody, NOBODY, in the entire world gets to tell you which label you should or should not use, or try to strip it from you. I know the younger queer community in general is INCREDIBLY fond of restrictive gatekeeping, attempting to devise micro-labels for everything, and insisting that you have to be Just One Thing and Not Another, but it's... not true. It's not that you're "straighter than you thought" (which in this framework is automatically pejorative/less worthy than being "properly gay"), it's just that sexuality is fluid, the queer experience is fluid, and you've found someone that you're attracted to regardless of gender -- which is the whole concept of queer sexuality in a nutshell. If any of your friends want to give you grief or insist that you're a Bad Lesbian or whatever, I cordially invite them to take a nice perambulation into the nearest body of water. It is NOT THEIR BUSINESS and if they want to shame you for discovering something new about yourself, rather than support you, then fuck 'em. I am so serious. If you're still most comfortable identifying as a lesbian, that's what you are! Over time, you might decide to move to more of a bi/pan label, or just "queer," or whatever else. Or you may not. Either one is totally fine.

Secondly, this feeling has its roots in the radfem ideology of the 1970s, which has been repackaged, reheated, and distributed in TERF spaces today, and obviously fuck TERFs, we don't welcome TERFs or anything they think about in this space, so yeah. The idea was that women who had any kind of romantic or sexual attraction to men at all were "inferior," that "gold star lesbians" only ever had sex with/romantic relationships with women, and that any queer woman/wlw who had any kind of attraction to men was just obliged by the patriarchy to pretend that they did. In other words, bisexual women were just "lesbians in waiting" who were deluding themselves about wanting men at all, sexual contact with men made you "impure" or less "worthy," and all kinds of other gross things. This is obviously a) wrong, b) hella biphobic, c) and still harmfully prevalent in modern TERF spaces, which do their utmost to convince the younger queer generations that this is the "only right way" to do it. Which, since being queer is all about breaking singular paradigms and embracing fluidity, is total nonsense. It's why they hate the word "queer" itself and try to convince people that it's the "q-slur," because it's too deliberately broad, non-determinative, and inclusive.

Take me for example: as a younger person, I first experienced attraction to/romantic interest in men, so I assumed (HA) that I was straight, and totally ignored the part where I also had those feelings about women. (The amount of "I bet straight women also have these thoughts!" that I did was, uh, a lot.) It wasn't until my late 20s that I consciously acknowledged it and went uh hey, super not straight here, so I began identifying as bisexual. Now in my mid-thirties, when I'm only attracted to women in real life, mostly want to spend time with women, and would only think about marrying a woman, I've decided that "lesbian" is probably the best term for me. But I still do experience attraction to men from time to time! Usually a man that I have no chance of ever actually meeting or having a relationship with; i.e. blorbo from my shows or something like that, and when the hyperfixation fades, the attraction often (if not always) does as well. So maybe there's an element of knowing that I WON'T actually have to do anything about it that plays into it. Who knows. The point is, I still call myself a lesbian, because it's what makes the most sense for my orientation as I experience it, and I do not have to drum myself out of using this label because I still sometimes find men attractive. There are a lot of people in the world! There are a lot of experiences! There is no one RIGHT way to be LGBTQ, and anyone telling and/or insisting that there is, and that you should be shamed if you don't do it exactly in their narrow-minded, bigoted way, should safely and swiftly be completely ignored.

Anyway: you should feel absolutely free to pursue this relationship, you should feel absolutely free to call yourself whatever you damn well please, and if that evolves over time, great! If it doesn't, also great! You alone know who you are and have the most right to define your identity and experience, and anyone who would give you grief over it is definitely, DEFINITELY not worth the time of day.

[80linesofvirgil]

Genuinely hope this isn't too weird or personal or a rant but here goes

Recently I've been having a bit of a sexuality crisis and I don't know what's going on. I'm a cis woman and I've never had any interest in men at all for my entire life and knew I wanted to be with a woman, I was completely confident I was gay because I just never felt anything toward men that I do women. But recently I have this one male friend who I'm very good friends with and he recently asked me out on a date. I've known him for a while and looking back, it's embarrassingly obvious that I had a crush. Like I quite literally described it as a platonic crush to one of my friends and compared it to the exact same feelings as a romantic one and I would not shut up about him and how he's an amazing, wonderful person, which he absolutely is.

And I've had crushes on women before which was probably why I was... in denial, for lack of a better phrase? And I didn't want to ruin anything I had with him as a friendship, I had no idea how I felt, and apparently every single one of our mutual friends realized that something was up except for me. He also knows I'm some flavor of not-straight even if I've never explicitly been "hi I'm a lesbian" just because it's never come up in conversation and he's cool with that, even if he's straight himself. But he's such a nice and amazing person and I'm really excited for whatever might happen and I feel like even if it doesn't work out romantically he'd still be a great friend.

I never had the "oh my god am I gay" sexuality crisis, I was just always gay and confident in that about myself, and to make things even worse, I'm not publicly out but basically all my friends do know that I thought I was lesbian and it's actually kinda hard trying to be like "yeah I thought I was gay too, apparently I'm straighter than I thought" but this is an incredibly recent development, I still feel more comfortable with a lesbian label than bi or pan or anything but I'm completely and hopelessly attracted romantically to a man and I feel like I've lost the right to use that label as someone who is apparently NOT exclusively attracted to women when up until about a week ago, I spent my entire life thinking I was. And everything that's going on all of a sudden is just weird and confusing and frustrating and there's a lot of good stuff and a lot of not-so-good stuff all associated with this.

So I dunno, if you have any sort of advice or anything to say, I'm not sure, I just feel like I need to talk about this somehow and try to figure out who I am and how I'm feeling, and this is really hard

Girl just kiss him and see what happens. You could get hit by a truck tomorrow. Yolo

[lizardsexposed]

thing is is like im a cis person right and a cis woman

and if i kinda think about it and forget all the brain rot online. ppl tryna get me to think about ~gender issues~ and vote on it is so weird

cuz on a day to day basis i spend exactly 0 seconds a day thinkin about trans ppl. sometimes i see a woman who is kinda like obviously transitioning but the same way i wouldnt say to a woman with short hair U LOOK LIKE A MAN GET AWAY FROM ME!!! cuz that would be weird. like why would i do that. i dont go for a piss in the toilet and think oh god what if the person next to me has a cock?

a lot of the pubs i drink in have rly small toilets were the cublicles and urinals are in the same room. just cuz logistics mean that has to be the case. u walk past the urinals on the way to the stall. its just normal im not there like hmm i must see these ppls cocks

on like a gender transitioning basis do i think hormones should be given out under doctor prescription? yeah of course. the same way i think u should have an abortion at home. also like puberty blockers n shit. idk why these are an issue, my friend had them when we were teenagers cuz she hit puberty too early and was over developing so idk why theyre making laws around this shit. i dont want ppl takin hormones and puberty blockers at home or worse DIY cuz if that shit goes wrong, as a tax payer im payin for fixin the problem if someone gets dodgy pills. id rather it was just right the first time and done under guidelines

all in all its kinda like despite articles telling me i should care deeply about this shit and vote on, i don't. i really dont care. what im now having to vote on cuz its forced down my throat is protections of trans ppl cuz i dont want them hurt. but if this had never become a debating issue it would never have forced my hand.

idfk like i rly dunno why i should be anti trans. like the worst thing i can ever imagining happening is im gettin down n nasty with a trans girl and it turns out she has a cock and i just say 'sorry i am not into cock. im gonna have to stop here' and they go oh :c and then i feel bad. like idk what else could happen. like 'oh a scary trans person could attack me in a bathroom' like so could a fuckin cis woman??? this has never happened to me nor do i know anyone who it has happened to. the only time i know someone who was attacked in a bathroom the victim was trans and the perpetrator a cis man.

idk man i just dont know why theyd expect me to hate trans ppl like they have not given me any reason other than apparently i just just fear being near trans ppl. which is literally insane

[lurkofyourlife]

Not to pop in your asks, BUT, just answering your q, as a trans person (non binary but still trans), about not wanting to seem like a chaser. Obviously, this might change from trans person to trans person. But all in all, basically you want to care about the person too.

Like yeah trans folks (both binary and non binary) are hot af, but like if all you care about is their transness that's going to come across as wrong. Because we're not a monolith. There are some shitty trans folks out there, and some great ones. We all have different interests. Some of us like gaming, or sports, or fashion, or books, etc.

So as long as you're interested in our personality, history, our core being outside of us being trans. Then you're aokay! Of course, again, this opinion changes from person to person (because trans folks can also be chasers, it's rare but it can happen), but that's how I view it tbh.

(I'm so sorry if you weren't actually asking, I just love your tags on my post lmfao 💖 from a fellow 90s pansexual)

(For context: the post/tags in question)

This is a really useful answer! Tbh as someone who’s actually super picky about the Person side of things (I’ll be honest: I’m far more attracted to personality than looks, sexual attraction has come and gone and come back at different times of my life, but then I have an insane libido and interest in kink) I have no doubt that irl I’m *very* much more into the person than the identity and/or body, but as a kink blog it can feel a little odd, since posts are pretty quickly divorced from who made them through the web of reblogging.

(More chatter below the cut)

As someone aesthetically attracted to a wide variety of gender and body types, though, but self-IDing as cis [given how much trans stories make me cry, I have had a lot of intense internal consideration on this, tbh, cause every time I’m in tears over trans joy part of me is like ??? is this egging? And then I consider it for a long time and nah, if anything I more relate to apagender/agender stuff but being a girl is fun for various story reasons lol— is that weird to say? I’m rambly, and I’ve thought about gender a LOT, given how many trans and enby friends I have, I frequently look critically at myself to check if I still ID as cis, and I do xD] I do feel a little unsure about how best to tell trans folks “hey you’re hot, I’m thirsty for you” without coming across as weirdly fetishy. To be clear: I’m thirsty for cis folks and trans folks (and enby and neogender stuff included); there’s a lot of pretty people in the world, and my kinks are gender-neutral! 😅

For now I’ve mostly just liked allll kinds of posts from all kinds of peeps, and then reblogged the thirsty posts about trans folks from trans folks rather than making my own (idk, feels like I’m just agreeing rather than shouting out over other people; this is an ABNORMAL AMOUNT OF THOUGHT to put into hornyposting lmao, I am so very tumblr-coded, I have been here too long ^^;) but like, admiring all the hornyposting by trans folks about trans bodies and I’m just like yeah, same, yes, I agree, you are 100% correct, I too would like to be bullied by flirt with ftm puppyboys and mtf puppygirls, yknow? (or the cool butch with the carabiner on her belt buckle, or the hot masc in his mesh crop top, or the genderqueer knife collector willing to put it to my throat— I am WEAK, okay, I am DEHYDRATED, my body is FIGHTING for MOISTURE—)

Anyway. Rambly as hell. But yeah, I promise it’s not based just on the transness, it’s all a draw to the kinks/powerplay/vibe 😅

….i’ll be honest, I’m not sure if this clarified ANYTHING, or if it’s just me over here like “👉👈 I’m just a bottom” OOPS.

But yeah, thank you for reaching out! And it made me happy you enjoyed my tags >< especially cause I tend to, as you can see, ramble. 🩷

Oh god and now I have to figure out how to tag this…

[eldrytchcryptid]

"You gotta enjoy every part of your transition, you're still becoming a man now - even without it."

-a very wise trans girl

I've been waiting almost a decade to start testosterone, and finally having a date for my gender appointment has made me... almost ignore all the euphoric changes (and all the weird and funny changes) happening in my transition as a trans man. So I thought I'd make a list of pre-t stuff! I might add more later - or y'all can add some too!

Socially transitioning

- feeling I gotta make sure to let ladies go first (on the bus, through doors etc)

- "Ma'am?" "Who??? Oh right. Uh yeah no." / "Deadname?" "DEADNAME?" "WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO RN - oh lol."

- oh god am I making her nervous DUDE STOP BEING WEIRD *I'm literally just walking home and it's dark* BE LESS WEIRD *aaaAaaAAA*

- *mmm boobs* *AAAA IM LOOKING AVERT AVERT AVERT*

- am i still allowed to say hi and pull faces at cute babies or is it weird cause I'm a dude now?? Am I creepy?? But kids! Kids are fun!!

- *on dating apps* oh god this is so different now I have to come up with conversation oh god oh no

- yes let me pick up these heavy chairs for you ma'am yes I am helpful I am a valid man now / yes let me get this thing off this high shelf even tho I'm only 5'7

- *watching videos of me a year ago* oh shit I actually speak lower now w/o T

- that crunchy morning / cold-ridden / drunk low rumbling voice 😩👌

With a (stp) packer

- *upon putting it on* oh oh it's a dick holy shit yes

- *upon taking it off at the end of the day* 😭 noooooo my dick my broski I miss you already

- the fcking toilet seat

- aim aIM GOD NO nOT THERE

- I really hope I don't look like I'm hard rn

- *need to adjust* *no I'm disgusting don't look at me*

- *upon crossing legs* oh shit I can't wait hold up it's in the way *has to change way to cross legs*

- manspreading?? Am I spread too much??? help

- these trousers as tight af but my dick looks amazing right now

- left or right. Too far up wait *searches pictures of dudes to find out where to put my dick

- *touches whilst sat chilling at home* fren. safe. i love u pp

- *squish* *wiggle*

- *I will hit you with my penis as an threat*

Minoxidil (pre-t beard growth)

- *stroking beard* hheeeeeee fluffyyyy

- RAZOR BURN ITCHY

- researching how tf to shave cause apparently i can't fuckin do it right

- stubble???? Itch???? Euphoria???

- *strokes* hmmm yes indeed

- gotta fuckin use twice the face wash cause I'm essentially shampooing at this point

Body

- huh yea guess that's me (instead of hatred/disgust)

- yeeeee hairy legsssss

- cis guys wish they had this ass dude

- need musle gib *too chronic fatigued to work out*

- mm yes men's clothes (on top half w/binder)

- mm no men's clothes (thighs and ass too strong 🥲)

- shoes make me taller let's fucking go

- men have tits too right? Ye man I just got man tits

- *stroking the mirror like I'm Mulan* am I just a gross man? Is this my fate?

- strapon. just. strapon.