#mcu crack

[bitchyycapricorn]

Well. Look at that. Anyways, I wrote this last night while I was drunk.

Peter looks at you from across the room, disgusted by ur gayness.

“Ew. How could u be gay. That’s so gross and totally wrong.” He says.

You look at him like he’s the numbest bitch in the planet. “Peter. Ur literally so stupid. Even frogs r gay.” You counter, still being gay as ever.

Peter narrows his eyes at you, “yeah well those frogs are going to like hell.”

YOu let out a loud laugh and simply counting r to stare at him. “You wanna get fucked by a gay grl.” You tease, beckoning him to come to the bathroom with you.

Peter’s eyes go very wide, but he is intrigued. Even if ur very very gay. So he stands up and goes to the bathroom with you.

You look him in the eyes and smile again. “So what u ganna do for me baby girl?” He asks, a big ass smirk when j his face.

“I’m ganna fuck u until you can’t walk” u say, pulling down his pants.

“Oh god please” peter moans, grabbing your hips and pulling you close. “I want u to tick me so hard please” he begs. Kissing your very soft juicy lips.

You let out a moan, kissing him back very passionately. “Mmm Parker” you grunt, despite not even liking men.

You finish stripping him from all his cloths, then you take off your own. “Wow Peter ur so sexy. I can’t wait to fuck your fat cock”

You push him onto the sink and slowly begin to sink onto his big ginormous fat cock. It feels so good inside you which makes you leg out a loud moan. You grip his hair tight, tugging his brow curls. “Mmmm sexy.”

You groan.

His hands grip ur hips ahead he leads ur hips up and down on his big man

Ohhhhhhh” he cries, kissing ur neck sloppily. “Gosh ur so hot baby” he cries, feeling u on his cock.

You let out another moan before hopping off his big dick, flipping him around, and bumming in his big juicy asshole.

Peter cute too, squirting all over the sink. “Ohhhh shit that felt so good” he moans.

+++

Peter found out he was probate about three months later. He couldn’t. Be more scared of having a gay bitches baby. How could he possibly have the bay of a gay Bo. Like what. Anyways, he was so very pregnant and Tony was so upset because his son is so young and so very pregnant.

But Steve thinks that it’s a miracle from the gays that he’s pregnant with your gay baby.

So Peter is told he has to has it because it’s a gay blessing from a hot sexy woman who got him prhegnage

So he keeps being very very primate u Gil it’s time to deliver. And he had the hunky ads baby and feels so proud cause he’s a mommy now.

But ur a mommy too.

Peter reali3/ he’s so gay because he’s a mommy a fan yoruens a mommy so you’re hay.

Peter is ashamed of his gay self and decides to tie. The baby to bucket because his one hand will be a better mummy them him.

The end.

+++

I’m so so so sorry. Also, if you commented on the OG 🤨 I tagged you

Taglist

@saltistic-dumbassss @t-hollanderrerr @crumpets-are-better-with-jam @clairebearfr @superficial-saturnrings @innieblogg @thetallscorpiobee @spider-biter

[giveamadeuschohisownmovie]

Marvel exec 1: So, for the Fantastic Four movie, we start off with Susan Storm picking up Franklin Richards from school-

Marvel exec 2: - wait, what? We’re already introducing Franklin?

Marvel exec 1: Pedro Pascal is Reed.

Marvel exec 2: Ohhhhhh, okay, what happens next?

[thefaultinourforcebond]

“Shuri, listen to me. The human world is a mess. Life under the sea is better than anything they got goin' on up there. The seaweed is always greener....”

[super-sootica]

And two..

[blackbyrenflowers]

"AI is not like the movies mother."

Shuri, you literally live in a universe where an AI made out of your most important resource tried to kill every living thing on the planet.

[nikkoliferous]

although tbf, given the history of uhhhh his entire life, maybe he should have seen the non-oh shit I'm a Jotun aspects coming 😭

Loki: I have successfully forestalled Thor’s coronation and kept my brother and our realm safe for a little while longer.

Thor: Let’s go to Jotunheim!

Loki: 

[pandadrake]

Spider-Society and The Day of Lots of Involuntary Trips to Earth-19999. (Finally finished this, god damn.)

I hadn’t seen any takes on what Spider-Society was like during Spider-man: No Way Home (2021), so I thought about it too hard.

I.e. I pulled up a clip of No Way Home to see what the Peter-abduction spell would look like from Miguel’s POV, then realized he'd have no idea what he's looking at and would probably mistake it for something else.

[agathas-megacoven]

Owen Wilson will never know just how much I love his little ordinary time-man character. In a cinematic universe of super geniuses and sorcerers and aliens and enhanced soldiers and thunder gods, all with crazy abilities, I love his littlest normal human analyst who started out solving time mysteries so, SO much, in my very heart, soul, bones. He’s just some guy but like… he’s NOT just some guy at the same time. Some of my MCU favourites I’ve had over a decade of getting to know them, yet here Mobius is, sitting comfy in one of my atriums like he’s always been there. He’s so soft and soothing and reasonable and safe. If I had to choose between travelling to all sorts of weird and wacky and wonderful places with the Gaurdians, maybe Thor, or sitting in a Burger King gossiping over a Whopper and a Slushie with Mobius, I’d absolutely choose Mobius. He just has this vibe. I totally get why Loki would sit eternally alone to let Mobius live freely. Just a lovely, stand-up lil fella. He is coded like a well-needed hug. Thinking of him right now.

[sleepynegress]

*record scratch*

"I bet you're wondering how I got here, when last you saw, I was watching the sunset at a crab-boil in Louisiana with my family..."

[hero-i-am-not]

Steve: I have news

Bucky: Okay

Steve: I'm bisexual

Bucky, waiting: ...

Bucky: Nice, but what's the news?

[youlackconviction]

nikko's tags XD

also as was observed in one of the server convos... none of the planets are in their correct locations either so this drawing is blasphemy actually XD

this scene never fails to make me lol so hard

look at her face 😂

this is where she rethinks her choice of boyfriend XD

in a (now deleted) LOKI discord server in 2021 we had great fun with this, and reprised the hilarity in our current OG LOKI server last year too

thor really can't fucking draw... and you can see jane all what the fuck do trees look like on asgard, thor?

it's the scene that keeps on giving 🤣

[giveamadeuschohisownmovie]

So I was playing around on A.I. Dungeon and I ended up with a story where I was a peasant girl named Hailee Steinfeld who led a revolt against the royal family. Helping me was my good friend, Jeremy Renner. This was the end result:

(Bold = my entries, regular text = A.I.)

You attack the princess, and slice her neck open. The princess starts to scream, and her skin and flesh begins to peel away.

The princess's body begins to turn to dust, and your blood covers her.

> You say, "Sorry princess...but democracy is cooler anyways"

You say, "Sorry princess...but democracy is cooler anyways"

You look at Jeremy Renner, and laugh. Jeremy laughs as well, and you begin to laugh.

You wonder why this is such a funny joke, and Jeremy tells you it's because of democracy.

> You attack the king and queen.

You attack the king and queen, and slice their necks open. The queen's body is consumed in flames, and the king melts away to dust.

You say, "Well, democracy works, huh?"

You begin to laugh.

> You declare that the royal family has been destroyed and that the monarchy is no more.

You declare that the royal family has been destroyed and that the monarchy is no more.

You begin laughing again, and the villagers laugh with you.

You wonder why this is so funny, and Jeremy tells you it's because democracy.

You chuckle, and Jeremy asks you if you've saved the village.

> You say to Jeremy, "We saved the village, you and I. Now let's make another season of Hawkeye"

You say to Jeremy, "We saved the village, you and I. Now let's make another season of Hawkeye"

Jeremy smiles and nods.

You continue laughing, and Jeremy joins in.

[kuso-nagi-san]

DeadClaws: Spanish dub

Eng: "What are you waiting for, Papi?"

(...) "I'm yours my hairy princess!!"

[super-sootica]

Y'all were whining about us overusing the Castiel version so here you go, Ernie declaring his love to Bucky Barnes. This is your fault, think about you did

[not-me-underc0ver]

(something in my docs i found and have no recollection of writing)

Peter having to have surgery and waking up to see the Avengers (or at least some) in his room (maybe tony and steve) and freaking the fuck out.

"Peter-"

"OH MY GOD!" peter jerked in the bed trying to find the doctor 

Tony rushed to him. "It's okay, you're okay-"

"DO I HAVE CANCER?!" Peter pointed Tony and the till suited-up Steve. "THE AVENGERS ARE HERE!"

Tony asks how those are related and Peter explains that the Avengers only visit the sick and dying kids. 

[pparkerized]

the scene where loki and mobius narrowly escape death together, wrapped in each others arms was SO gay. but of course they had to ruin it with loki immediately bringing up sylvie afterwards.