#maybe with pressure i could overcome art block | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

moonbeamoclock · 4 years ago

Note

i hope you get of writers block soon, im in an art one right now :/ soo, could i request some fluff with our queen mikasa? like some kissing and making out or just being intimate with each other (ʃƪ＾3＾ )

Loved (modern!mikasa x fem!reader)

pre-note: thank you so much for the ask, i appreciate you 😘

Warnings: internalized homophobia, just a pinch of angst, just a dash of heat, a sprinkle of fluff, pining, awkwardness

Word Count: 2.0k

Rain had been steadily beating against the windows of the small third-floor apartment the entire afternoon. Inside her room, the (y/h/c) girl was sat at her desk fruitlessly attempting to do her school work. No matter how much she tried, she just couldn’t seem to focus; her mind kept drifting to her roommate.

The intrusive thoughts were almost overwhelming at this point, pictures of imagined intimacy between herself and the girl she considered her best friend kept floating around in her head. At that moment, the daydream of a featherlight brush of Mikasa’s lips against hers felt so real that y/n’s breath caught in her throat.

Embarrassed at the way she got so worked up just imagining a kiss; her face started to feel hot. She let out a tired sigh and tried yet again to go back to her work when she heard the sound of the door opening and slamming shut in the next room. Perking up, she moved to the hallway and watched as a very cold looking Mikasa shed her layers in the living room.

“Hey, Mikasa! How was class?” Y/n greeted.

“Fine, it’s just so cold out there,” Mikasa replied.

Giggling she replied, “Yeah I bet. It is Autumn you know, you shouldn’t be so surprised.”

Ignoring the teasing, Mikasa asked “Do you want to watch something with me? I’m gonna shower first though.”

“Oh, yeah. Totally. Yeah.” Y/n sputtered out.

Excitedly sitting on the sofa, she pulled out her phone and began mindlessly scrolling through her social media while she waited for the raven-haired girl to finish.

After a few moments, she registered the sound of the shower running, and the image of Mikasa naked in the shower flashed through her mind. The thought made her entire body go hot, she sat frozen in her seat trying desperately not to think about her best friend naked with soap suds wrapping around her body, hands roaming on their own, lower and lower….

Abruptly standing up, her heart felt like it was beating out of her chest.

Oh dear God, this is beginning to be too much. She’s my best friend! Plus, I don’t even know if she’s gay! I don’t even know if I’m gay! Wait, am I gay?

Her train of thought was cut short by Mikasa emerging from the bathroom in just a towel pausing in the hallway to look quizzically at Y/n, whose face somehow got even hotter at the sight, before entering her room and closing the door behind her.

Y/n threw her hands against her face in embarrassment, and she plopped herself back down on the sofa in exasperation.

Seeing her in a towel like that really doesn’t help...Maybe I should just ask if she likes girls? I mean I’ve never seen her romantically interested in anyone before, like ever. I’ll just ask when she comes out of her room if she’s interested in women in a totally casual and not weird way. Yeah, that’ll be fine.

Taking a deep breath she tried to calm her nerves and act casual as Mikasa emerged from her room now fully clothed.

Coming to sit on the other side of the couch Mikasa calmly asked, “Are you okay? You looked upset when I got out of the shower.”

Willing the heat from her face she quickly responded “Oh yeah, I’m okay, don’t worry about it! I was just thinking about...well….” Wait! Don’t do it, it’s too awkward right now! “Nevermind, sorry. Don’t worry about it.” Y/n finished shaking her head.

There was a pause before Mikasa replied quietly, gazing at her best friend “Okay, well if you ever want to talk about it just know that I’m here for you.”

The look made Y/n’s chest ache, the urge to kiss the hell out of Mikasa’s plump lips was immense in that moment. She could’ve, they were so close both, of them instinctively leaning in, it would be the perfect moment to do so, but the question from earlier kept weighing on her shoulders.

Shifting away from her roommate she rushed out

“Doyoulikegirlslikeinaromanticway?” She then squeezed her eyes shut awaiting a response.

Mikasa was caught off guard by the question. The words were jumbled together but she was just barely able to understand what she was being asked. She took a second to observe the girl sitting across from her, taking in the uncomfortable look on her scrunched up face. A wave of panic washed over her in an instant.

Oh no. She knows doesn’t she, she knows and she’s going to leave me. Oh god, I’m so gross, I’m obsessed with my best friend and she figured out, and now she’s going to leave me like everyone else did. Why couldn’t you just get it together now you��re going to lose her too.

With rare tears pricking her eyes, the usually stoic girl finally answered with a quiet, trembling voice,

“Um, yeah. I’m sorry...I’ll stay at Eren’s tonight so you don’t have to worry.” With weak knees, she stood up from the couch. Head turned, as to hide the tears threatening to fall. She couldn’t show her weakness, she’s stronger than that.

She was barely able to take a step before Y/n also stood up from the couch grabbing onto Mikasa’s wrist.

“Wait, why would you stay at Eren’s tonight,” she asked confused.

“Because...because. I’m–I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“You could never make me uncomfortable Mikasa. What are you talking about?”

Steeling her gaze she looked fully at Y/n “I’m talking about the fact that I like girls, I like you. But now I understand that you don’t like girls, you don’t like me so I’m not going to force you to be roommates with me, but you’re important to me so I hope we can still be friends.”

The look on her face was unreadable, but behind her eyes, Y/n could tell that she was scared and upset.

“You like me?” was the only thing Y/n could come up with.

Mikasa felt like she was going to vomit, but she made sure to keep up the emotionless mask as she forced out a quiet “Yes.” Before ripping her arm out from her grasp. Watching with seemingly emotionless eyes as y/n’s face was overcome with shock.

“W-wait, I,” a nervous deep breath, “Mikasa, I don’t want you to stay with Eren tonight.”

There was a heavy pause as Y/n tried to clear her head before she spoke again.

“I like you too! I was just scared because you’ve never shown any interest in me or anyone for that matter. That’s why I asked if you liked girls. And I know I shouldn’t have asked you like that because I can tell I freaked you out, but I just like you so much and I wanted to know if there was even a possibility of you feeling the same way!....I love you!”

There was a moment of silence where the only thing that could be heard was the sound of the rain still hammering against the side of the building. Mikasa let out a shaky breath before she sat back down on the couch, motioning for y/n to do the same.

“Mikasa, I still have things to learn about myself in terms of my sexuality, but the only thing I know for sure is how I feel about you. I want to be with you, Mikasa.” Y/n spoke. She watched as Mikasa swallowed quickly before whispering;

“I want to be with you too.”

The two girls peered at each other from across the sofa for an instant before Y/n’s hand reached over to grasp Mikasa’s firmly.

“Can I kiss you now?” she blurted.

Mikasa gave her a soft smile before gently nodding her head. They both leaned in slowly, the time it took for their lips to brush feeling like triple of what it really was. When their lips were at last close enough that they could feel the other’s breath, Mikasa’s hand made its way to the side of Y/n’s face caressing her skin. At the contact, she let her eyes flutter shut and swiftly surged forward to close the gap between them.

The first kiss was sweet and chaste. Pulling apart, they leaned their foreheads together relishing in the feeling of each other’s breath against their skin. The feeling of Mikasa so close had Y/n’s head feeling cloudy, she could barely register the words falling from her lips,

“Um, that was nice. I was actually going to kiss you earlier when we were sitting here right before I asked and freaked you out, which I’m still really sorry about. But I guess it’s a good thing that I asked beca––”

She was cut off by a quiet shushing and the slight pressure of Mikasa’s hand against the nape of her neck pulling her towards her to crash their lips together.

This kiss was a lot messier than the first one. The knocking of teeth and inexperienced caressing of tongues made y/n’s entire body go hot, and by the way the air around the two of them seemed to rise in temperature, the other girls did too. Her left hand was desperately clutching onto the shoulder of Mikasa’s shirt and a low whine ripped from y/n’s throat, causing Mikasa’s grip on her hair at the base of her head to tighten. Y/n’s right hand that had somehow ended up resting on Mikasa’s knee was slowly inching its way up her thigh digging her fingertips slightly into the plush pajama-clad skin.

Pulling away again, Y/n shifted her body to climb into Mikasa’s lap. Running her fingers along the sides of her neck as she asked, “Is this….okay too?”

Caught off guard by this sudden display of confidence, Mikasa’s skin flushed a deeper shade of red causing a quiet giggle to escape the other girl’s lips. In response, the steel-eyed girl ran her hand up y/n’s sides then down her back and gave a small nod as their noses bumped together. Before Mikasa could join their lips together again, Y/n started to eagerly press heated kisses along the column of her throat eliciting a surprised moan from her mouth. She let her head loll back against the back of the sofa relishing in the feeling of the girls lips against her neck. Her head had filled with a pleasant fuzzy feeling, the thought that the person she adores with her entire being was here with her returning her feelings tenfold was overwhelming. So overwhelming in fact, tears started to prick the corners of her eyes. The pure joy of having the love of her life in her arms in that moment made a muted sob bubble up in her throat.

Startled, Y/n quickly pulled away from her ministrations searching Mikasa’s face for a sign of hurt.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Did I hurt you??” her panicked voice barely registered in the other girl’s ears as tears started to steam down her face. She moved to push herself off of the girl’s lap but was stopped by a strong set of arms firmly wrapping themselves around her torso and crushing her body to Mikasa’s.

“I love you,” she whispered up to y/n, squeezing her tighter to try and show how much she meant those three words.

She relaxed slightly in her arms after hearing those words, wrapping her own arms around her neck and burying her face in her hair placing a light kiss there, she mumbled a tender “I love you too”.

end-note: hi!! this story is so cheesy my stummy hurts. I feel as if this is exactly the same as all my other stories and i’m sorry for that. I’d really love any and all feedback you guys could give me because I really love writing and i want to get better at it.

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cosmic-goof · 3 years ago

Text

U.A. Sports Festival: Round 2!

It’s time for Kiyoko versus Tsutsumi! Class 1-Y versus Class 1-X!

Word Count: 8.3k+ Content Warnings: Descriptions of violence and slightly abnormal body morphing (courtesy of kiyoko) Enjoy!

“LLLLLLLADIESSSS, GENTLEMEN, AND OTHERS! Are you ready for the second battle of round two?!” Present Mic’s voice pumped up the crowd through the stadium loudspeakers, the responding cheers assaulting the competitors with a wall of noise as they ascended their staircases up to the arena platform. Kiyoko felt like she was shaking from the adrenaline, but it wasn’t observable as she flexed her fists nervously by her sides and appeared at the top of the stairs, looking across the length of the field as her opponent came into view in tandem. “First up, from Combined Class 1-Y, you saw her in that fearsome fight of overwhelming strength meeting an immovable force! Kiyoko Hagane, Quirk: Metallurgy! Metallurgy gives the user a steel endoskeleton, and allows the user to morph all four of her limbs into several different metal constructs! Wow!” “And in the other corner, second but not destined to be, with a shockingly fast first round, Tsutsumi Natsumi! Quirk: Shaaaaaade Demon! What a spicy name for a cool quirk! ‘Shade Demon’ allows the user to become stronger, faster, and demonstrates an enhanced tolerance for pain! In addition, Natsumi-chan can also form constructs from shadow! So COOL-!!” Present Mic was cut off by the sound of an elbow making contact with something near his ribs as Eraserhead kept him on track. “Focus, idiot.” “I know I know,” Sporting his signature sheepish expression for his friend for a moment before Present Mic whipped back around to lean enthusiastically towards his microphone once more with a cheer. “Let’s hear it for our young soon-to-be-champions!” The roar from the crowd fell away from her ears as Kiyoko focused on her opponent, approaching the arena. Tsutsumi Natsumi. All horns, lava-red hair, and fiery grit. Outside of classes, Kiyoko hadn’t yet had an opportunity to interact with the other girl very much, but what was a good indicator of her personality was the discussion the two had had when they found out they’d be fighting against each other in the second round.

“My blades?” Kiyoko blinked at the question, before offering an almost sheepish, half-shrug. “We didn’t use them in the first round because we knew that while Evan could make bone constructs, not only is steel easily stronger than bone every time, but we thought it’d be pretty disturbing for people to watch pieces of him still moving around after I’d cut them aside on live television. We thought it was a better idea to just avoid that scenario altogether.” Kiyoko paused for a moment, tilting her head to the side slightly as she considered her soon-to-be opponent. “...Why do you ask?”

Tsumi nodded, “I see. Good to know that we have similar views regarding these kinds of things.” Tsumi paused, “That doesn’t answer your question, sorry. I ask because I wanted to know your thoughts on the matter of using weapons. My quirk allows me to create constructs as well, so I wanted to discuss some ground rules for our fight. Don’t want our careers ending before they start now do we?”

“Take up your positions you two, and the fight will soon commence! The energy is high for this one in the stadium tonight, listeners!”

The discussion had been a welcome surprise to Kiyoko, and had immediately colored their competitive relationship in a positive light, she thought, as her foot passed over the boundary line and she entered the arena proper, Tsutsumi already awaiting her on the other side.

Miss Me was the presiding referee for their match.

She took in a breath, before exhaling slowly and offering Tsumi a smile and a nod as she lowered into a ready stance across from her. “Good luck Tsutsumi-chan!” The expression she’d earned with her comment was a quizzical one, before Tsutsumi shrugged. “Weird to wish your opponent good luck, but same to you I guess.” “...Ah.” Was Kiyoko’s brilliant response as she now recognized the problem. It got a nervous laugh out of her. “But I can’t help it- I want us both to do well!”

“ARE YOU REEEEEEEADY?!” Present Mic crowed. “ROUND Two, Fight Two, Begins!!”

Like the beginning of her round one, Kiyoko’s metal immediately snapped into place on her limbs and she bolted forward, her bare steel thundering against the concrete of the arena with the dull clanging of semi-hollow metal. Gotta stay away from that border as much as possible. That was the main goal hovering in the back of her mind as she focused everything else on her opponent as they rushed towards each other. Tsutsumi had a very similar approach, aiming to quickly close the distance between the two of them. Her plan: hit hard, hit fast, and don’t get hit. Pretty simple as far as plans though. Tsutsumi wasn’t one for grand battle plans, much preferring to adjust to how her opponent fights on the spot. It made her unpredictable, a challenge that Kiyoko would have to overcome.

After her first few steps towards Kiyoko, Tsutsumi activated her quirk. Black “smoke” formed around her hands and feet as her eyes began to glow like gold. Her speed also increased substantially as her quirk came to life.

The dark masses surrounding her hands seemed to shift and in the blink of an eye formed into two daggers. She’d start with them, then change to another weapon if needed. For now though Tsumi just wanted to land the opening hit. Kiyoko brought her arms up with a screech of metal as the daggers deflected off of the metal blades she’d formed jutting out of her forearms. She quickly slashed back at her opponent, putting on the pressure in an attempt to make the other girl switch to the backfoot even if just for a moment, she would pursue her, before falling back again to a defensive form and looking for opportunities to capitalize on.

It didn’t take long for Tsumi to know that she was outmatched when it came to professional training. Kiyoko’s dedication to martial arts was omnipresent in her fighting. So she sought to be more unpredictable than normal, using moves that would catch Kiyoko off guard and would then give her time to recover from sticky situations. Her quirk did give her a speed boost but she’d still have to be careful to move out of risky positions her moves put her in.

Tsumi’s onslaught was powerful, and not without purpose, giving Kiyoko little to no openings to offer much of a reply herself - she had to be so careful not to take any of the attacks head-on, while keeping up her defenses before committing, finally, to offensive attacks.

Once again Tsumi came in for an attack, utilizing both of her daggers in her attempt to get some damage off on her opponent. As long as at least one of her daggers hit she’d be in a good spot to go for another hit. If not, back up and try again. With that in mind she slashed at Kiyoko...and felt a jolt up her arm as the blade was stopped short suddenly. Kiyoko stared at her from where she stood, teeth clamped onto the blade and not budging. She hadn’t actually intended on blocking this way - it just sort of...happened once she’d realized she’d fallen for the feint with the right hand, and her left wouldn’t have been able to come up to block in time, so she’d lunged downward with her mouth open and bitten her opponent’s weapon. To her surprise, however, shadow was the sturdiest stuff she’d ever bitten - she couldn’t shatter it, even as she increased the pressure not unlike a hydraulic press. They were at an awkward impasse, as Kiyoko had yet to let go and could only stare awkwardly at Tsumi as she tried to figure out what to do. “...I didn’t think this through.” She admitted, a bit mumbled, around the blade.

“Uhh…” Tsumi trailed off. This was not the blocking technique that she had expected from Kiyoko, but it’s what happened and now she didn’t know what to do except stare at her equally confused opponent. “Umm maybe… you know let’s just take a couple steps back from each other, move on from this, and continue like it didn’t happen.” “A brilliant idea.” Kiyoko agreed, before unceremoniously spitting out the blade and back-pedaling as she wiped her mouth with the back of a hand. She can’t believe she just did that on national television. Gods. Tsumi nodded as she dissolved her daggers and backed up. Once they had both finished their back pedals, Tsumi looked at Kiyoko and spoke.”Ready? And Resume!” Kiyoko reformed her hand that she’d used to wipe her mouth into a sword in response, nodding shortly, before switching off the backfoot to meet her in the middle once more.

The swords Kiyoko makes are never ordinary blades, however. Tsutsumi would quickly learn this, as Kiyoko warped her blades however she pleased to make a blocked blow into a very nearly successful one anyway as the blade, once stopped, would weave and shift its way around the blade that’d blocked it, and split off into spindly pointed ends, like sharpened steel chopsticks, that jabbed at her opponent’s arm. It was only thanks to Tsumi’s enhanced speed and quick thinking that she was able to evade having an arm imitate a pin cushion, but Kiyoko had only just begun to test Tsumi’s speed. She backpedaled, surprisingly, and clapped her hands together, where they fused into one long curved blade, that split into two as her biceps grew in and upwards to form an imitation of a samurai’s war mask and upper body armor over her face and the front of her torso. Kiyoko’s Soldier’s Veneer formed, she was now in a better position to commit to attacking more than defending. She planted her feet in a wide stance, and took in a breath. As she exhaled, her quirk exploded forth with speed as her eyes snapped open and the swords slithered through the air like snakes, going so far as to form snakeheads at the ends, towards her opponent. Though they may have looked intimidating to an onlooker, for those with a discerning gaze, it was clear Kiyoko was moving with the intent to latch on with the sword snakes and immobilize Tsumi. But first she had to catch her.

Tsumi watched Kiyoko change and form her constructs into a completely different form that she had seen before. Now Kiyoko was turning up the heat, and that seemed to mean that daggers weren’t going to cut it anymore. A different strategy was going to be needed to combat this. It was time to get creative with how she would attack, especially since there was now armor in her way. Her mind quickly ran through a wide variety of things she could try to break through Kiyoko’s new defense, until it hit her. The perfect way to break through.

Seeing a chance to follow through on her idea, Tsumi used her full speed to quickly set herself up. Charging at Kiyoko, Tsumi jumped off the ground then used the top of Kiyoko’s sword as a springboard to launch herself up higher, setting herself up for a hit as she forced the tip of the blade down with her jump. Forming her claymore mid-air the sudden added weight added momentum to Tsumi’s attack. It was a risky move, that was for sure. But it was the first time she’d done it, so Kiyoko had to be caught a little off guard. Add her enhanced speed onto that and a fair amount of risk had been mitigated. Though she knew that she wouldn’t be able to pull the same trick twice. The claymore came down faster than Kiyoko could move. Her arms were angled down, her guard broken from the weight of Tsumi’s jump, and it was a panicked scramble to try to intercept the claymore as she split her sword in two and it started to shrink as she brought her arms up to guard- Just as a loud CLIANGK!!! reverberated out from where the claymore had slipped in between her arms that she had been bringing up to stop it, too slow, and Kiyoko’s eyes widened as she watched the claymore halt, embedded in the exact center of the false forehead of the armor...and continued to watch as a crack split down the entire length of the construct until it fell off to either side of her, pinging off the concrete by her feet. She didn’t have time to give the shells of her former armor more than a stunned glance before she was gritting her teeth and bringing up her sword arms to smash the claymore to the side and lash out with an extended metal-leg kick to Tsumi’s left side, aiming for the kidney. It went on like this for what felt like forever for the two girls; one would come up with a creative rebuttal and the other would parry, dodge, or tear the attempt to gain an upperhand apart. And then the other side would swap tactics and come up with a creative attack, only for the other to somehow twist out of the way or parry or jump to dodge it. Slipping free, ducking, twisting, punching, shoving, jumping, any way for the two to escape the other and prevail was attempted and responded to in kind for minutes on end. Kiyoko lashed out with her right leg as her swords turned into hands to grasp the claymore and try to hold it in place even if just for a second or two as the leg extended, grew another leg near the base of the thigh to support her torso in its absence, and grow a hand in the place of the original foot as it snatched at Tsumi’s ankle, Kiyoko jerking her leg back to roughly yank Tsumi’s leg out from under her as she twisted the claymore down and to the side, deflecting it and lunging forward as her leg brought Tsumi’s towards her.

Tsumi’s eyes widened as Kiyoko pulled her in. This wasn’t a position she’d want to be in. Especially as Kiyoko moved to make it a proper grapple. If she didn’t do something quick she could lose it here. She tried to brute force her way out of Kiyoko's grasp, however that appeared wildly ineffective. The grapple made it impossible for her to utilize her strength by not allowing her any leverage in the position. There didn’t seem like there was much she could do at this point. Unless…

It was risky but it would cause a break if done right. So in a last attempt to break through Tsumi formed a sword to surprise Kiyoko and force a break. Making sure that it’s initial position wasn’t going to lead to a major accidental stab wound.

Kiyoko couldn’t help the shocked yelp that escaped her as a sword appeared in Tsumi’s grasp - (was this how people felt when she did it?!?!?) - hovering with the tip pointed at her right shoulder, and Kiyoko immediately broke the grapple and shoved Tsumi off of her, rolling away as fast as she could before scrambling to her feet, forming her forearms into blades once more.

There was twisting at the metal knees at impossible angles in order to dodge a split-second sword summoning, a condensed pair of arms to withstand Tsumi’s blows better as they blocked and parried and punched at the gaps in her odd defense. Her legs would suddenly shrink her height by three feet, - ducking under two swipes of Tsumi’s knives, - and send her forward under Tsutsumi’s guard before having her grow and throw the top of her skull up at her chin, narrowly missing as Tsumi used her enhanced speed to barely jerk her head back and out of the way as she stumbled into a backpedal, gaining space between her and Kiyoko again and keeping her back as she re-summoned her claymore and swiped at her legs.

“Almost ten minutes and neither of them seem to be making any ground,” Miss me...couldn’t help but agree with the comms chatter she was hearing from the piece in her ear, her brow furrowing. She watched the two girls go back and forth. Typical matches were maybe a third of what their match was, and they weren’t even done yet. In fact she didn’t know when they would be, it was a stalemate.

Her concern for the match only grew. The first signs of fatigue were starting to show in the two, and in a weapons fight that becomes dangerous quickly. But to end it now, is that really something she could do in good faith? The way ties are decided are the same every year: an arm wrestle. It’s a quick show of strength, perfect for moving things along. But this match, these two...calling it as a draw...Could she really do that to either of them?

Their blades let out a rippling clang as metal screeched against congealed shadow and sparks flew, Kiyoko ducking under a slash as she batted it away with her arm only to have to form a shield out of her right arm to catch the incoming blow Tsumi retorted the parry with, in her opposite hand. She watched as Tsumi dented the metal once, twice, three times, as the groaning of metal punched through the air like a blow to Miss Me’s gut. Kiyoko reformed the shield into a fist that caught the next blow by snatching Tsumi’s hand and twisting her wrist in her grip by the thumb and forcing the knife from her grasp as she broke her grip - and had to quickly use her quirk in her legs to front flip over Tsutsumi who had lashed out after reversing the grip on her wrist and using Kiyoko’s arm as a brace to whip a roundhouse kick at her torso. She was rewarded with metal stretching from her hand to behind her, and for all of Kiyoko’s effort, the disarming move hadn’t given her any ground. The two recovered their weapons, and in a perfect parallel, lunged back into the fight.

Miss Me took a deep breath, there was only one thing to do. Even if it hurt her in the moment. She wouldn’t be able to live with herself if she allowed for two of her students to get injured because she didn’t call the match earlier. She grabbed the whistle around her neck, and her whistle screeched shrilly, reaching the walls of the arena and causing the two students to stumble awkwardly as they forced their moves to miss the other at the last second, before turning to look at her with two equally confused (and fatigued) faces.

“Girls, come over here.” Miss Me waved the students her way, and they shared a glance, Tsumi cocking an eyebrow and Kiyoko shrugging in response, before they joined her. “I’m calling your match a tie, girls. I’m sorry, but I’ve determined it’s too dangerous for you two to continue fighting like this for much longer, you’re both losing steam AND-” She said, sharply cutting off complaints before they could leave either of their faces. She wasn’t finished speaking. “And, that neither of you are making headway against the other. You’re getting nowhere, and I really am sorry.” She made sure to hold them both in a heavy gaze as she tried to impart as much sincerity in her words as possible.“But I have to call the match, we have to think of the other contestants and their matches too.” Kiyoko stared at her in a stunned silence as Miss Me turned away from the two of them to face the rest of the stadium, flipping down the microphone attached to her headpiece. “After much consideration, I am declaring this match has ended in a tie!” Her voice rang out through the stadium speakers, earning a variety of reactions from both the outcries of the crowd and the announcers at this unexpected turn of events. Miss Me spoke up again after a second or two of bearing the uproarious response, waiting for a break in the wall of sound to continue. “A tie-breaker will take place to determine the winner of this match, and we will proceed with the traditional tie-breaker shortly. The rules are to be presented by the match’s presenters.”

Aizawa couldn’t say he was surprised, though he did narrow his eyes a little bit in...consideration of how this turn of events would affect the two first years. But everyone had to remember life wasn’t fair sometimes. Even for heroes. It was still a shame, though. “W-Well, this is certainly an unusual turn of events, BUT!” Present Mic shot right back up to his usual energy levels as he smoothed things over. “Not so unusual that we’ve never planned for something like this before! That’s right folks, a tie-breaker is in order for this match, and the rules are simple! A good old-fashioned arm wrestle to determine the winner! Elbows on the surface at all times, no additional assistance from opposite hands, and quirk use is A-OKAY!”

Kiyoko felt like the world had just fallen from around her as her stomach sailed through her feet in quiet, stunned horror. They had to know. There was no way Miss Me didn’t know. The armwrestle was as good as a death sentence to any chance of Kiyoko winning the round. Her physical strength just couldn’t keep up with Tsumi’s, even with condensing her quirk - there was a reason she knew she’d have to deflect all of her attacks from the very beginning. It was her only chance at all to survive as a competitor in the fight. And they’d just announced they’d taken it away from her. In front of everyone. No...No…!!! She could feel her face heating up and a burning start to sting her eyes as she lowered her gaze to the tops of her silvered feet as she gripped her hands into fists at her sides in an attempt to get the emotions to stop.

Tsumi looked over at Kiyoko, they both had the same thoughts. This can’t be how it ends. It can’t. This match could have ended the normal way, so why? Why call it a tie? Tsumi wanted to fight it, to call it out and demand they fight as normal. And she almost did, opening her mouth to start her rebuttal, but she stopped. Even if she did say something it wouldn’t change what was happening, and that only served to piss her off more. Her mind spiralled with thoughts and emotions. The most prominent of them all were why and the reasons her brain could think of. Despite all the emotions she was feeling, her expression remained neutral. She couldn’t lose her control now, not with basically all of Japan watching.

Once again, she swallowed her feelings for the sake of other people.

“I’ll do it.” Kiyoko broke her silence, looking up from her feet to level a gaze somewhere between resignation and determination towards Miss Me. “I’ll do the armwrestle.” With those words, she’d sealed her fate. She wondered what her parents would do, if they were in her situation. She had no idea, at all.

That sudden declaration from Kiyoko snapped Tsumi out of her thoughts. Kiyoko wasn’t backing down from this so neither should she. “I’ll agree to it as well,” she paused and looked Kiyoko dead in the eye, “on one condition. Kiyoko, you give me everything you’ve got. No giving up just yet.” Tsumi forced a smile in an attempt to help Kiyoko feel a bit better about their situation, though the pain behind it was clear.

Fight to the bitter end, huh? What a silly condition. Kiyoko had thought that went without saying.

She clapped her hands on her cheeks twice to psyche herself up, before letting out a breath and fixing a determined gaze on Tsumi as she nodded fiercely, shoving down the despair that had been trying to bubble up, burning it up with her determination. Tsumi deserved her best attempt, even if Kiyoko knew what the result would be. “Of course.” Seeing that the two girls had reached an agreement, Miss Me led them over to the table Cementoss raised from the floor of the arena for the two of them, letting them each take their positions on either side.

Tsumi walked to her side of the table. She didn’t even realize it but she was biting her tongue, perhaps to distract herself from how much she wanted to fight what was happening and to stop her emotions from triggering a quirk activation. Betraying the appearance of calmness she had on. She exhaled sharply before placing her elbow on the table, ready for Kiyoko to take her hand to start the arm wrestle. Kiyoko was...handling her emotions with slightly more subtlety, if only because she couldn’t actually afford to bite her lip. She lowered herself to brace an elbow on the table, the silver of her metal sliding into place as it slid down from her shoulder until it closed over her fingertips, cool to the touch as she clasped Tsumi’s hand in hers. She was trying to ignore her heart beating in her ears as Miss Me raised a hand, preparing to declare the start of the bout. Kiyoko thought, maybe, her arm would be shaking if it weren’t solid metal at the moment. She exhaled slowly, and locked eyes with Tsumi as Miss Me’s hand stilled its apex. “BEGIN!” Miss Me’s arm fell, and Kiyoko, having condensed all the metal she could into her one arm, put every ounce of her remaining strength into pushing Tsutsumi’s hand down. ...And to her confusion, there was some give, and then more, and slightly more ground was given - and Kiyoko risked switching her gaze from their hands to Tsutsumi’s eyes and- She felt like she’d just been slapped in the face as she didn’t see the tell-tale yellow glow of Tsutsumi’s quirk consistently in her eyes. She was using it in short spurts, putting on a show, as if Kiyoko actually stood a chance. For the first time, Kiyoko felt a well of anger burn bright enough and swiftly enough to burst forth from her in a bark. “Tsutsumi I am giving it my all, the least I deserve is your all in kind.” Don’t insult me. She mentally braced herself, and refused to close her eyes or look away as she held Tsutsumi’s eyes in her steely gaze. End it, Tsutsumi.

Tsumi didn’t look at Kiyoko. She couldn’t. Her emotions were all over the place and a feeling of overstimulation was starting to come over her. The flickering of her quirk on and off wasn’t her putting on a show, it was her losing control and Kiyoko’s words didn’t help. She wanted to win this festival more than anything but this didn’t feel like the right way to do it. But this is how it has to be done now and Kiyoko was right, she needed to give it her all and push her emotions aside. Wouldn’t be the first time she had done so. After one last deep breath Tsumi looked up at Kiyoko and whispered, “I’m sorry.”

Tsumi’s quirk activated, and there was a loud groaning of metal in that same instant.

Kiyoko offered her a tiny, relieved smile, shared only between the two of them.

Me too.

Creeeeeeakashk!

[Cont.]

#Kiyoko Hagane #Tsutsumi Natsumi #Class 1-Y #Class 1-X #bnha oc comeback #kimi no hero academia #event: sports festival

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sagemoderocklee · 4 years ago

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2020 has been a weird fucking year, to put it mildly. There have been a lot of ups and downs, and with New Year’s Eve and the start of 2021 upon us, focusing on the ~positive~ seemed like a better way to end the year, and hopefully start 2021 feeling inspired and proud for overcoming this horrendous year.

For many people, it was difficult--even impossible--to get anything done this year (myself included), and that’s okay! But if you were able to make progress on writing projects, even if it was just one or even if it was just part of one, you should celebrate that! I wish I’d thought of this sooner and organized it better, but regardless I wanted to celebrate my own accomplishments with regards to my writing, and encourage others to do the same! I was going to tag people, but I’m not sure with it being 2 hours til midnight for me if that would feel like putting too much pressure on others, so if you want to do this too please do!

This wrap up is honestly just a self-indulgent look back on the works I’ve made and what I learned/gained from each, maybe what I don’t like about them, some totaling on what I did, and some resolutions for the next year. It’s silly, but I think it’s kinda fun and if you missed any of the things I have posted this year, you’ll find them here!

2020 Fic Wrap Up:

Kado: Parts II+III (COMPLETED)

Kado was started in September of 2019 for the @puregaalee summer event. This was a last minute thing that I started the day the prompt was due and managed to write the first part in about 6 hours while sitting in a cafe--remember that? Sitting in cafes? Man, I miss that. I hadn’t anticipated working on Kado, but I decided that I was going to finish it this year, and I’m honestly amazed that I did. This fic is sweet and fun, and surprisingly popular, though it isn’t my favorite of my works. However, it is a light, fluffy little romcom modern AU, and I learned a lot with it because despite my struggles with modern AUs and their horrible lack of political intrigue, this fic forced me to work within set parameters. I was only writing a 3 part story, and each part could only be 9 scenes long. For those unfamiliar, kado is another term for Ikebana, and in Ikebana there are specific elements to follow. Certain styles will only use three branches, some will use nine. So my goal was for the structural elements of the fic to mimic Ikebana. In doing this, I was able to do something I don’t usually do, which is keep this story more concise.

I’m still not sure how I personally feel about the ending, but I think endings are always a struggle, especially with something like this.

Gate of Dreaming (COMPLETED)

This is a fic that I started last year, then left to sit untouched with only 2k words. Getting back into it was a bit difficult because I was writing something very different from my usual: stream of consciousness. This fic was very experimental for me not only because of the stream of consciousness, but also because of the changing tenses. This was another exercise--unexpected though it was--in brevity. With this particular story, it couldn’t be dragged on and on, because--despite the 100 year time span--the events take place within the Infinite Tsukuyomi. This was also the first time I’d worked from Lee’s PoV in quite some time, so that was fun because I do enjoy writing him, but usually write from Gaara’s PoV. This is definitely one of my favorites from this year, and since it had been sitting on the back burner for so long, I’m so excited that I could finally get it done.

Another one where the ending really wasn’t easy to achieve, but I did end up liking it more than I expected, and I think the best thing is that it’s open-ended which leaves room for others to guess at what the future holds.

It Eats Your Heart (WIP)

This was an unexpected fic for me in every way imaginable. Starting another fic? Making another modern AU? Tackling the horror genre? None of those were things I’d planned to do this year, but lo and behold, that’s just what I did. I really enjoy a good bit of horror, but it is NOT an easy genre to work within, and this fic has definitely been a push for me. But with it being such a push, the payoff is far more. Stepping out of my comfort zone is something I like doing, but I think this is the biggest step outside of that and I am so incredibly proud of how that first chapter turned out because of it. I was really able to surprise myself with this fic, and I am hoping to update the next chapter early on in the year.

Absolution (WIP)

This fic is probably the second oldest idea/longest unpublished fic I currently have up. Formerly a much longer title, the idea for this fic came to me in May of 2017 when a friend, @brianadoesotherjunk / @brianadoesart, posted a piece of GaaLee fanart that sparked inspiration. The fic took off, morphed into something much bigger than the one scene depicted by the art, and now 3 years later, the first part is up. Initially, this was meant to be a long shot, but after sitting with this for so long, I realized that I needed to split it up into 9 parts, which allowed me to use this for GaaLee bingo and finally publish it. Much of the first part was already written before this year, but I’d been quite stuck on it until now. This is actually probably one of my favorite GaaLee concepts to date. I remember back in the day, there weren’t a lot of different takes on getting Lee to Suna so he and Gaara could fall in love, so (at the risk of sounding cocky) I think that Lee as a nanny is rather inspired. I think with this fic, I pushed myself the hardest to get past the hurdle of writer’s block and accepted that publishing is probably the best way to motivate myself to keep going. The feedback for this fic has been really motivating, so I think I’m probably right about that.

I do think there are some parts in the middle or towards the end that could maybe use some tightening up, but I’m just happy to finally have this fic out in the world.

The Art of Love: Chapter 11 (WIP)

TAoL is such a ridiculous labor of love. The chapters for this fic are novellas in and of themselves, so each time I update it takes a lot of work to get them out. This fic is one of those like magnum opus type fics. I have put so much into it, and I’m honestly amazed that it’s only been up for 3 years because I’m approaching the halfway mark on it, and I don’t think I expected to be there by now. Despite being able to churn out 30k chapters, I have a hard time focusing on one thing and I often struggle with mental health related writer’s block, so big works are always sort of sporadic in their updates.

This particular update of TAoL was definitely one of my favorites though. Initially, I didn’t plan to go the sort of dark fantasy rout that I did with Shikamaru, but I actually really love what I’ve done with him, though I worry others won’t be as into it or that the execution isn’t quite there. One thing I would like to work on with future chapters of TAoL, however, is maybe pairing things down a bit--though I’m not sure that’ll always be possible. The next chapter is a Naruto PoV chapter, though, so I expect that one to be a MUCH shorter chapter than the last three and should be able to get it out sometime next year.

Before I could publish this chapter, however, I did go through and make some big changes, which is something I often struggle with because of such long breaks in between working on certain projects. I will say, though, that TAoL continues to push me to greater heights as a writer, and I look forward to actually finishing this fic someday.

Thirteen Strokes: 1 + 2 (WIP)

Another unexpected fic this year, however, this one was actually an idea for about a year, unlike IEYH. This fic has really given me a lot of perspective on my own writing and world building, and has inspired me to sit down and really start committing the things I’ve developed to paper to create a cohesive view of Suna, Wind, and the shinobi world. This fic is meant to be a Romance. Like just full on Romance. I write a lot of tragedy and focus on a lot of darker themes in my writing, so while I don’t think of this as stepping outside of my comfort zone, it is very different from my usual, and a really nice change of pace. I think, in all honesty, it is one of my best works, and I do hope I can continue to deliver on the remaining 11 parts of this story.

if this were the last i felt you breathing (COMPLETED)

Ugh. This fic has been my enemy for 2 long years. I signed up for a Secret Santa exchange, and of course, I regretted doing it when I found that I was not motivated and, after the month of October where I was churning out fic after fic for GaaLee Bingo, that I was massively burned out. I wasn’t able to think past writer’s block, and so I ended up settling on dusting off an old, unfinished piece for my giftee, and I hope they can forgive me for not coming up with something brand new for them.

This fic was a struggle. Working so closely with the canon--following the Rescue Kazekage Arc as closely as I did for this fic--made this a much bigger challenge and this fic sat and sat and sat for two years, untouched and incomplete. I’m still not sure how I feel about it. I know it’s not my best work, but I am glad that this fic isn’t hanging over my head and that I was able to deliver something to my secret santa giftee.

My goal with this fic was to rewrite this particular arc from Lee’s PoV to give more depth to the arc and shift the emotional core of it away from Naruto. Naruto as a character has a lot of flaws that never get addressed, and one of the things that is consistently frustrating for me is the way the emotional core of the series rests on him in unrealistic and often superficial ways. Naruto hasn’t spoken to Gaara in three years, but I’m supposed to believe he’s this affected by Gaara’s kidnapping? Temari and Kankuro are right there! Lee is right there! I wanted to see that, so that’s what I set out to do, and ultimately I don’t think I fully succeeded, but I tried. I guess not everything can be a resounding success

---

This year I managed to do a lot more than I realized. New works, updates, and COMPLETED pieces?! I never would have thought, but staying home gave me more free time, and when I was too broke to work on costumes, writing fanfiction was something free I could do.

Total new works: 5 Total updates: 9 Total completed works: 3 Total words this year: 143,587

---

I have a lot of goals for the coming year, and I know I won’t make all of them, but that won’t stop me from trying.

2021 Writing Resolutions:

Reach 1million words (+238,073 words)

Finish IEYH

Finish Pearl-Filled Lungs

Update TAoL (Chapter 12 and 13)

Update Absolution

Update 13S

Update Find Me (Chapter 6)

Start the Ballad of the Dragon and the Phoenix

Start editing Alliance

Return to working on Honor Bound

Return to working on We Need Not Be Yellow Tulips

#naruto fanfiction #gaalee #naruto #shippuden #gaara #rock lee #fanfiction 2020 wrap up #fanfic year in review

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queenofmoonstonetarot · 4 years ago

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April 2021 Zodiac Predictions

Aries/Aries Risings: You are still the birthday Kings & Queens right now because it is still Aries Season. In the first 2 weeks of April, the sun will be conjunct Venus in Aries in your 1st house & will be sextiling mars in Gemini in your 3rd house of communications. Conjunct means when 2 planets are in the same sign. Venus in your first house will give you a great deal of energy, super keen for new beginnings, to go out in the world, to connect with people, you may be excited to change things about your looks/appearance this month. Our 1st house has to do with our personalities, identities so when Venus is in the 1st house it brings the energy of changing your looks & buying something nice that makes you feel confident. You will be feeling really loved & appreciated this month because venus rules your 7th house of relationships/partnerships. When the Sun conjunct Venus you could be feeling very spoiled this month. Mars, your zodiac’s ruler is in a beautiful aspect to the Sun conjunct Venus in your 3rd house of communications. The first 2 weeks of April will be amazing to promote any services you are offering, promote your job, also a great time to network with clients and a good time for promotions. From April 7th to the 16th Jupiter in Aquarius will be in your 11th house which brings a sense of getting excited to where your life is headed, making plans for your future and a very active time from a social perspective. You could be making plans to see friends you haven’t seen in a long time. This is a very chatty/intellectual time for you. The card I chose for you guys was the 3 of cups, it's a time to feel fulfilled & celebrate with people who make you smile, I feel that surrounding yourself with friends is something that will be important to you this month Aries/Aries Risings.

Taurus/Taurus Risings: It is almost your birthdays Taureans, April 19th we can start lighting the Birthday Candles. The Month is happening in a slow start for you meaning the first 2 weeks in April. Right now Taurus sun is in the 12th house, the 12th house is spending time by yourself, introspection & things that are unseen. Sun will be Conjunct Venus in your 12th house & will be sextiling Mars in Gemini in your 2nd house of money & income. Even though you may be sleepy/isolated the first 2 weeks of April, it does look like you are working on something behind the scenes that is bringing you an increase in your income. Gemini, the planet of communications in your house of incomes is sextiling with the Sun in your 12th house (remember the 12th house means unseen things/below the surface). From the 7th to the 16th of April Jupiter will be sextiling Aquairus in your 10th house of career. Taurus you are pulling some strings behind the scenes so that you can advance in your career. Jupiter is the planet of luck & expansion so it being in your house of career I sense goodluck! You could be doing some secret negotiations this month or maybe you are doing work behind the scenes that you probably don’t want your boss knowing about. You could be getting a job offer & something unseen right now is going to make itself appear. Conversations in regards to your career that is unseen are spoken about in your favor. The tarot card I received the Moon card for you guys. The Moon card jumped out of my deck & I noticed that the Moon is number 18 (1+8=9) 9 = the Hermit card in tarot speaking about introspection & distancing yourself. The Moon card symbolizes things that may not seem clear right now in regards to what may be going on in career, but the fear you are projecting is not actual the results of the outcome, it's time to be patient & to focus on the present instead of the future.

Gemini/Gemini Risings: The Sun will be Conjunct with Aries in your 11th house in the first 2 weeks of April. Also sextiling Mars in your 1st house. You are feeling on fire in terms of your mental connections/intellectual conversations with your friends/coworkers. Jupiter in Aquarius will be in your 9th house, this is a time for you to expand your knowledge, expand your wisdom, and engage with people to learn. Mentally you will be on a high this month. The tarot card I received for you was the 10 of Cups. When the 10 of Cups pops up in a Tarot reading, you have a sense of wholeness, completion, and alignment in your relationships with others. You are experiencing an idyllic state of peace, harmony and love where your dreams and wishes have come true. Take a moment to step back and appreciate everything you accomplished. You created a life of connection and bliss by following your heart and trusting your intuition.

Cancer/Cancer Risings: The first half of April are incredibly focused on your career. Between the 1st & 14th of April the Sun is going to conjunct Venus in Aries in your house of career & sextiling in your 12th house of behind the scenes & introspection. You will be very busy this month & inspired with your career as well. You have a lot of energy to kick of things in your career & if you have been thinking about going a different route in your career you will be supported by others around you. You feel confident to start new projects/a new opportunity. In the past few months something in your home life could have been preventing you from giving your 100% effort into work. There was some stress within something to do with home & pressure is now off your shoulders. The card I received for you Cancers was the 8 of Pentacles. The 8 of Pentacles is a card of apprenticeship and mastery. When this card appears in a Tarot reading, you are working hard to improve your skills and become a master at what you do. You may have recently changed your work, education or financial circumstances, and now you are applying your sheer determination and concentration to master the new skill that you are learning. You are diligent and hard-working and you are applying yourself fully to whatever is at the centre of your attention. As you do the same task over and over, you work your way towards mastery of your craft, and through your perseverance and unwavering attention, you create success.

Leo/Leo Risings: From the 1st of April to the 14th the Sun conjunct with Venus will be in your 9th house of long distance travel, higher mind & higher education. Mars will be sextiling in your 11th house. You will be spending a lot of time in public for the first 2 weeks connecting time with like-minded people who share similar goals & interests. You may be getting some positive news in regards to travel, legal, paperwork & documentation. You are in a really productive mood in regards to your long term future as Mars the aggressive planet will be in your 11th house of long term goals. From the 7th until the 16th of April Jupiter will be in Aquarius in your 7th house of relationships/partnerships. You may be feeling ready to plan in future in regards with your partner, maybe a trip? Planning to get married? Talks about the future together. Officialize a relationship during this time. Spending a lot of time with a partner in social events is also happening this month. The card I received for you was the Ace of Cups. Now is the perfect time for you to open your heart and experience the rich flow of emotion available to you right now. You are more receptive to creative opportunities, loving connections, and deep compassion for other living beings. As with all Aces in the Tarot, this card comes as an invitation. Will you take it? Will you say “Yes!” to Divine love and compassion, and will you run with it? The Ace of Cups carries the potential for spiritual and emotional fulfilment – but only if you embrace it with an open heart. You may be inspired to start a new project, take an art class or even engage in interpretative dance. At this point in your life, you are comfortable with who you are and happily express this part of yourself to others. You see fresh potential in allowing your creative juices to flow. Let your imagination and talent unfurl to new possibilities.

Virgo/Virgo Rising: The first half of the month the Sun will be conjunct Venus in Aries in your 8th house of intimacy, psychological breakthroughs & the 2nd part of month will be focused on 9th house matters meaning higher education, travel & broadening your horizons in some way. Mars will be in Gemini in your 10th house of career. You will have the ability to solve crises at work, to act like the authority figure at work that steps up & helps people overcome some of the challenges that they might face. I feel you are helping out well at your career. Mars the planet of aggression in Gemini means this month you could be intellectualizing in your career & really stepping up to the plate to help. Jupiter will be in Aquarius in your 6th house of day to day life. This means you will be overcoming some sort of stress at work or that you can finally get along or work well with a team member. Also mentally you will be overcoming some things if you mental health hasn’t been the best. You are getting better health wise. I pulled a tarot card for you this month & it was the Ace of Swords. The Sword signifies in this card clarity of thought. The Ace of Sword is the only card besides others (Queen of Swords and Justice) that has an upright sword signifying mental clarity. The other cards in the Swords Suit have slanted/angled swords signifying mental blocks, thoughts turning inwardly. Represents a new beginning, a new idea being formed. Success through clarity and thought. In a relationship meaning, it can mean having the same thoughts/goals as your significant other being on the same page mentally.

Libra/Libra Rising: The first half of the month will be very focused on partnerships/business partnerships. If you are single, you are in very high demand to others. The sun will be conjunct in Venus in Aries in your 7th house. Venus is the ruler of your zodiac sign the planet of love. Romantically I see you hooking up with someone & or meeting someone in the love department. Mars will be sextiling in Gemini in your 9th house, you are going to be very mentally stimulated in relationships the first half of the month & if you are in the process of formalizing a business partnership with Mars in the 9th house in regards to where the partnership is heading. Jupiter in Aquarius will be in your 5th house meaning romantic energy at its best, there is a lot of flirty energy this month for you. I feel a lot of social energy happening for you this month, it is PARTY time! The card I received for you was the 4 of Wands. The castle in the background symbolizes stability. The 4 of Wands is a celebration/enthusiastic card after the planning and the waiting actions are now coming to fruition. There is something definitely to celebrate in the Libra's Life. In a relationship reading this means having or making a solid foundation for the relationship. The 4’s in tarot are all about security and solid foundations. New foundations could be started for my singles.

Scorpio/Scorpio Rising: The first half of April the Aries Sun will Conjunct with Venus in your 6th house of health, day to day routine & work & the 2nd half of April is very focused on your relationships. Sextiling Mars in Gemini in your 8th house of intimacy & psychological breakthroughs. You are driving your energy to solving crises & challenges at work. You will be intellectualizing new ideas in your career. You will be making great strides in regards to your health/mental health. In the 7th through the 16th Jupiter sextiling Aquarius in your 4th house of home & family. You are putting a lot of daily effort in reorganizing your house, maybe working on the house & or working with a family member working things out. You will be leading people at work. The card I received for you was the 6 of Wands. The 6 of Wands shows a victory parade with everyone congratulating him (you), even his horse he is riding. The wreath in this card is symbolic of personal power and success. The 6 of Wands can symbolize a job promotion, a goal reacher or personal confidence with yourself. In a relationship sense this card means you and your partner have goals and you both will achieve them. Your personal power will be achieved in April.

Sagittarius/Sagittarius Rising: The first half of April the Aries Sun will be conjunct in Venus in your 5th house of creativity, creative project & for those of you with children I see lots of activity with your children. Through the 2nd half of April I see you will be drawn to work matters, daily routines & health. Mars in Gemini will be sextiling in your 7th house of long term relationships/partnerships. For those of you who are single this is a fabulous time to put yourself out there, to mingle & to go on dates. Also get involved with people in your circles to things you are passionate about, mingling with your friends, getting together with people you care about. Connecting with your inner child this month is about getting more aligned with your creativity. Channeling a creative outlet. The card I received for you was the Sun card. This card is about embracing vulnerability, adventurous & a bright month for you. The Sun card is #19 (1+9=10) 10 = the Wheel of Fortune good luck & is actually the card of Jupiter ruled by Sagitarrius. The Sun signifies a time where you can feel inner peace, hope, joy & a burst of freedom. All tension is resolved. The Sun card brings happiness for yourself. It also can signify children/pregnancy. An extremely positive card for marriage, gratitude, pregnancy, success in material wealth. Being child-like and enjoying creativity.

Capricorn/Capricorn Risings: The first half of April, Aries Sun will be conjunct with Venus in your 4th house of family & homelife. The first half of the month will be really invested in home life matters & helping family members. The 2nd half of April will be focused on enjoying yourself in the 5th house of creativity & self expression. Mars in Gemini will be sextiling in the 6th house of day to day routine. You could be refreshing the home environment, renovating it, possibly moving & or maybe buying new furniture. From the 7th to the 16th of April Mars will be sextiling Jupiter in Aquarius in your 2nd house of money & income. This is a fabulous time to increase your income. Your talents are being put to good use in your career & I feel there will be collaborations within the career. The card I received for you was the 10 of Pentacles. It shows a solid, stable & comfortable home environment. This card signifies material success. It represents completion, a big purchase (home, card). & success in a business. In a career reading, it means a stable established business containing opportunities for promotion & success. In a relationship reading, it can mean you met someone through career/work or you both have a business partnership together.

Aquarius/Aquarius Rising: In the first half of April the Aries Sun will be conjunct with Venus in the 3rd house of communications. The 2nd half of your month will be in the 4th house of family life & your home. You will be intellectually on fire, you will be conversing with people, networking in business & sales. You will be very mentally stimulated. You will be much more persuasive than normal. You will be communicating with a partner very well. Lots of planning of getting together with friends. I feel a lot of flirtatious energy & a lot of texting flirty messages. There also could be some short distance travel. The card I received for you was the 8 of Wands. The wands are moving so fast it is a period of little to no obstacles. This is a period of you being propelled forward to your goals, resist it and go with the flow. This is also a card of travel hence why there is water in the background. In a relationship sense, getting the 8 of Wands can be a time where you and your partner can enjoy life together without the need to struggle during tough times. Lots of fast communication at this time.

Pisces/Pisces Risings: The first half of April the Aries Sun will be conjunct Venus in the 2nd house of income & finance. You are hustling like no one's business, I see a lot of money coming in April for you. The 2nd half of April Taurus Sun will be in your 3rd house, focusing on communications & short distance travel. Mars in Gemini will be in your 4th house of family & home. You will be buying new furniture for your home, possibly saving up to invest in something in the home or could possibly paying off your home. You are working really hard & your hard work is paying off. The Wheel of life is constantly in motion, turning events to better or worse. Life is changing for the positive to you right now. The wheel is spinning to your advantage. Good luck & good fortune is coming. The universe is working in your favour. Lots of improvements to your finances and in general your life. A turning point, karma, what goes around comes around.

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hanniiesuckle17 · 5 years ago

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Offstage

A/n: y'all about to get on me for doing another Jisung imagine………..shut up he is my soulmate okay.💕💕💕 if I got request for other people I wouldnt do him as much😂😂 also this is probably one of the longest imagines ive ever written holy crap

Member: Han Jisung ft Bangchan, Felix, Changbin, and Seungmin

WARNINGS: Swearing (it’s me guys come on, also tumblr I put it in the warnings stop flagging my posts), Jisung being the cocky bitch he is.

Summary: The Dance Dept. and Theatre Dept. have never gotten along. It’s just the stereotype of the arts. However, the teachers are done with that and have decided to include the Dance Dept in the school’s musical this year. What happens when the Queen of the Thespians and the King of the Dancers are forced to cooperate?

Genre: fluff, comedy, romance, enemies to lovers, highschool au, theatre au

“WE’RE WHAT?” I screamed at my closest friend, Bangchan. He took a deep breath before putting his hands on my shoulders. “Y/n, it’s not the end of the world.” No. This was the end of the world.

“Chan, we aren’t seriously letting those cocky small-brained dancers into the show are we?” He nodded and placed a stack of papers on the table. “I just got the notice from Mrs.Kwon.” Fuming, I flopped down in one of the auditorium chairs. I had worked my ass off to get to the status I had in the theatre department. This was my third lead and I wasn’t about to let some dancers ruin the show I cared about.

“Think about it this way. Legally Blonde is a huge dance show. Now some of the pressure for choreography is off. I talked to this guy Felix and he said he would choreograph.” Chan was my best friend and he was graduating this year. This was his last chance to direct one of our shows before he left. If he had to compromise….then I guess I could. “How does Seungmin feel about this?” A crash was heard from the wings.

“MINHO! I NEED YOU TO NOT DROP THE $300 SET PIECE! PLEASE!”

We both flinched at Seungmin’s loud voice. “He’ll be fine……probably. He’s the Stage Manager he is used to problems popping up.”

“MINHO! I SWEAR TO GOD!”

He sighed and shifted through the papers on the director’s table. He looked stressed. This was obviously not how he wanted his show to go. “You want me to stay with you for the extra auditions?” Running a hand through his hair, he turned to me with a tired smile. “No, it’s okay. Woojin wanted to go wig shopping with you anyway. We can’t have a brunette, Elle.” Playfully he shoved me up the aisle.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah! List will be posted outside.”

My eyes bore holes into the clock on the wall. I tried to drown out the loud boys next to me. Felix and Hyunjin were part of the dance department and had too much energy in my opinion. The second the bell rang I sprinted out of my seat and raced to the auditorium. Seungmin and Woojin stood in front of the call board when I arrived.

“What’s up?” Seungmin turned to me with a look that could kill. “Why are there dancers in my show?” Shrugging I turned my eyes to the list and scanned through the names.

“Technically it’s Chan’s show-”

“IT’S MY GOD DAMN SHOW TOO!”

“Ah Fuck.”

The two boys turned to me and asked what was wrong. Without another word I pointed to a name next to the male lead spot. “Han Jisung,” Woojin read aloud. A loud laugh could be heard coming down the hall. We all turned to find Jisung, Felix, and Hyunjin strolling down the hall towards the theatre. They stopped when they saw us.

“L/n.”

“Han.”

“Tightass.”

“Douchebag.”

“You want me.”

“To jump of a cliff? Yes.”

Smirking he ran a hand through his brown hair. “See you in there.” If only real daggers ended up in his back instead of my glare. “Can he even sing? How could Bangchan give Emmett to that……asshole.” Sharing a look the two of them shrugged before opening the door of the auditorium and entering.

The house lights were on and Chan was standing at the edge of a stage with a clipboard. I took a seat in the front row next to my friends Irene and Changbin. Seungmin and Jeongin joined Chan on stage and waited for everyone to quiet down.

“Welcome guys and congratulations for making it onto the Legally Blonde cast and crew!” Everyone clapped and cheered as Chan smiled broadly. “I’m Bangchan your director. This is Seungmin, your Stage Manager. And that is Jeongin our Assistant Director. Cast if you have any problems come to me or Jeongin, and crew you can go to Seungmin.”

Chan hesitated before speaking again. “Just make sure it is a real problem before going to Seungmin. We can’t have another Little Mermaid fiasco again.” The theatre kids laughed, but an obvious silence came from the dance crew.

“Okay. Y/n once again is our amazing lead!” I smiled and waved to my friends who were cheering. “And we have a new addition to the cast! Han Jisung will be playing Emmett, and Hwang Hyunjin will be playing Warner.” I felt eyes on me and turned to find Han smirking a few rows back. Rolling my eyes, I turned back around to listen to the rest of the cast being read off. I congratulated Changbin for getting Callahan and continued half-listening to the rest of the speech.

After the welcoming speech, Chan handed out the scripts and wanted to go directly into blocking. He told us the scene number and the characters needed jumped on stage. Chan amazingly lead and directed us through starting positions for the scene while answering Felix’s many questions about choreography.

Han was polite enough. He took Chan’s coaching well and did okay for his first day. I almost forgot that he was a major dickhead for a moment. Bangchan decided to not do musical numbers on the first day but told us to go home and practice for tomorrow’s first Saturday rehearsal where we would start doing choreography and songs.

My old car sputtered to a stop in the school parking lot. I was maybe an hour early to rehearsal, but that never hurt. I pulled my crop top down and adjusted my leggings and flannel. Reluctantly, I came ready to dance today.

On my way to the auditorium, I passed the dance and stopped when I heard a voice.

She was so close she could taste it

She’s gotta chip on her shoulder

Guess you never can tell

With little Miss Woods comma Elle

Hesitantly I entered the dance studio with my duffle on my shoulder. I was shocked to see Jisung standing in front of the mirror focused on adjusting to the high note, repeating the last few bars over and over again.

“Maybe try singing from your diaphragm.” He jumped at my voice and turned, shocked to see me leaning against the wall. “I mean, you aren’t bad. You just need a little coaching.” I threw my duffle on the ground and walked over to him. It was then I noticed something different about him. That cocky, confident, headass air he had was gone. He looked almost nervous as I came to stand in front of him.

Grabbing his wrist I placed his hand on the upper part of my stomach. “With little Miss Woods comma Elle,” His eyes widened and stared straight into mine. “See. It’s a completely different muscle.” He nodded and continued looking into my eyes.

“Now you.” Placing my hand on top of his I moved it to his own stomach above his diaphragm. “Go on. Try the last stanza.” He looked down at his stomach and took a breath of hair before looking back at me. “Guess you never can tell, with little Miss Woods comma Elle,”

“Yeah! That was great!” I didn’t seem to notice the smile that spread across my face. “Feel better doesn’t it?” He nodded, shocked at his own voice. “That’s actually really cool. Thank you.” He grabbed a water bottle near his bag and handed it to me.

“No problem. You aren’t as bad as I thought you were going to be, Han.”

“Just because I’m a dancer doesn’t mean I can’t sing.”

I shrugged and took a small sip of his water before handing it back to Jisung. “So what is this show actually about?” I laughed and took his script which was sticking out of his bag. Surprisingly it was marked up with notes, and question marks, and highlighted to all hell. “So there is this girl, Elle, that’s me. And after a terrible breakup with her boyfriend, Warner, ‘Hyunjin’, she decides to follow him to Harvard law school so she can win him back.”

“Okay. But he broke up with her?”

“She’s not very smart.”

"Anyway, she goes and she realizes she sucks at law school. So she meets you, Emmett, who is like a Teacher's Assistant who grows a soft spot for her. He helps her study and she actually gets really good at law. So the whole story is about overcoming adversity and stereotype and self-worth and strength. And Elle actually ends up telling Warner off and ends up with Emmett."

Jisung nods along and listens intently the whole time I speak. "This must be your favorite show if you know so much about it." I shook my head and sat down against the mirror. To my surprise, Han sat in front of me. “No. My favorite show is a little more morbid than this.” He scoffed and took a swig of water.

“Aren’t musicals like all happy and we love life and let’s all sing a song!”

“What is it that you think we do?”

“That.”

I sighed, seeing the stubborn personality he had start to shine through. “Listen if you are going to be in this show you have to understand that theatre is a way of expression.” He looked down at the floor. “Like...dance?” My eyes shot up to his face. “Yeah, actually. It’s not enough to just act the character’s feelings. You have to think of them as a real person and find a moment that you can connect to their feelings.”

He seemed kind of spaced and simply stared at me. “Well- um...my friend is in a show next weekend and I think it is a show you might really connect with. Would you maybe want to go? I mean, to see what theatre is actually like.” Why was I offering this to him? I didn’t care. Well, I care about the show.

“With you?”

“It could be like a bonding thing. I’d rather not hate my co-star.”

“Okay. I’ll see you next weekend.”

Looking at the time, we both scrambled to get our things and race to the theater. I couldn’t help but smile at Jisung as we both sat in the back row listening to the schedule being called out.

Nervously I twisted the ring on my right hand. Since when did I become nervous to see Jisung. It had only been a week of rehearsals, but somehow I had grown to like him. He was nice and cracked jokes with me in between scenes. Jisung had also stayed behind several times to help me with choreography.

I smoothed out the dark green dress I had chosen to wear. Was it too tight? Irene did tend to call it my ‘Ass for Days’ dress. The heels I was wearing were also starting to hurt. I stood outside the theater waiting for Jisung. The sun had just started to set and my friend Rocky sent me a text that the show was starting soon and he reserved my seats.

“Holy shit...”

Looking up I saw Jisung stop in his tracks. His eyes looked me up and down, but not in a lustful way. More like a surprised way. I couldn’t help but look at him the same way. He wore a casual fitted black suit and a white dress shirt underneath without a tie. His brown hair which was usually fluffy and tousled was now purposely parted on the side and combed through.

“Hi...”

“You look grea-” “You look beautiful-”

“Sorry...”

Holy fuck. He only looks hot because he is in a suit. That’s just science. All guys are hot in suits. It’s totally not because his hair looks great and I could see how slim his waist was compared to his chest. Oh fuck. He is in suits for the entire second act. Am I going to think like this every time I see him in a suit?

“We should go in!” I said interrupting my own less than pure thoughts. He cleared his throat and nodded, closing the gap between us as I turned to go inside. I mentally scolded myself for blushing when I felt his slender fingers grazing my lower back.

Once we (mostly me) were emotionally and hormonally safe in our seats, the two of us started talking. “So L/n, what is the show called?” He turned to me with a nervous smile. It’s not cute Y/n. It’s the suit. I swear to god it’s the suit. “It’s called A Chorus Line. It is a very dance-heavy show and the actors don’t leave the stage unless it’s intermission.”He nodded and looked around the auditorium for a moment before turning back to me.

“What’s it about?”

“Oh. Um. Well, it is about an audition for the ensemble of a Broadway show. And it talks about the lives and trials each person has had to go through just to be on stage. It’s a really great show.”

Just as he was about to speak the lights dimmed and the orchestra picked up. Throughout the show, I tried to focus on Rocky as he played Paul San Marco, but I couldn’t keep from glancing at Jisung. I couldn’t help but be fascinated by his reaction. He listened intently to the stories and monologues and when intermission came around he asked me all sorts of questions about the show and which character my friend was.

The lights dimmed once more and I couldn’t help but notice that Jisung’s hand gripped the chair tightly during the scene where Paul fell and injured his knee. Worried I looked up to see slow quiet tears on his cheeks. I turned back to the stage and looked up as the scene progressed. Carefully, I let my hand graze over his and I held it lightly. I heard him take a breath and glance over at me, and I hoped my face still seemed intent on the performance.

I tried to ignore the way my heart started beating faster when he moved his hand to lace his fingers with mine.

“I really do appreciate this opportunity to work with you.” My fingers pushed a piece of blonde hair behind my ear as I sat down on the desk near Changbin. We were running the assault scene in the wig and with full set today for the dress rehearsal. Usually I would have met up with Jisung and worked on lines together, but his call time was later than mine. “I have learned so much.” I could see Changbin give me the signal with his eyebrow. An almost ‘are you ready’ secret message that we had between us.

“No, what you’ve learned isn’t the point. You have instincts...and instincts, legal instincts or otherwise can’t be taught.”

His fingers tapped on the desk while he sustained eye contact. If I hadn’t known it was fake, a shudder would go down my spine. My ears picked up the auditorium door opening and closing, but I remained in character, waiting for Changbin to act on his cue.

“Trust... your instincts.”

There was a pause and I continued acting oblivious. ‘Suddenly’ Changbin’s lips were crashing against mine and his hands were groping at my ass. After waiting for my cue from Hyori, I pushed Bin away and did the slap we practiced. Bin laughed quite sleazily and touched his cheek. “I thought you were smarter than that.”

“Awesome! Let's change the set for Elle and Emmett.” Bangchan called from the director’s desk.

Turning I saw Jisung standing in the middle of the aisle, his grip tight on his backpack. He wore the tank top and sweats he always wore after coming from dance practice and a backwards white cap. Even from the audience I could see a mix of emotions on his face, and none were good. Things between Jisung and I had become more flowing. It turns out it wasn’t just the suit. However, I didn’t want to get into anything serious with my castmate. I didn’t even know if he liked me.

I jumped off of the stage to let Seungmin yell at the underclassmen to move sets. Running up to Jisung I greeted him with a smile. “Hi!” His face still looked sad, but he tried to cover it with a small smile. “Hi...I saw your scene. You were great. I almost couldn’t tell you were acting.”

“Thanks! You look cute in hats.” Playfully I grabbed it, letting his fluffy hair loose and placing the white hat over my blonde wig. “Yeah well, I like your natural hair better.” That same sad smile came over his face. It didn’t quite reach his eyes and I was surprised I took notice of a detail so small.

“Hey...you look nervous. Are you okay?” My hand reached out for his arm and he looked down at the touch. “Yeah. I’m fine, Y/n.” I smirked and looked up at the boy before putting the hat back on his head. “What? No more L/n?” He shrugged, but I saw a flash of a smile. “Will you help me with choreo after rehearsal?” He nodded and tossed his stuff in a chair next to Hyunjin. With a smile I thanked him and walked over to Bangchan who gave me notes on the next scene.

Three hours later Jisung and I were in the dance studio running over the biggest number I had. “And mark the lift, 1 2 3 4. Good!” He smiled and turned off the music.

“I mean, you aren’t bad. You just need a little coaching.”

I couldn’t help but laugh as Jisung used the same thing I said to him on me. “Well what have you been doing the last four weeks, huh? Should I ask Hyunjin to help me instead!” Laughing I jumped onto him and playfully pulled him down to the floor. He rolled me off of his chest and propped himself up on his elbow, looking down at me.

“Nah. I’m much better than him.”

“Really. Should I tell him that?”

“.......Since when are you so close anyway!”

He jokingly yelled. That bright smile beamed on his face and ran all the way up to his eyes. There was a moment of comfortable silence and we just lay looking at each other. In that moment, I started to question if he didn’t have feelings for me. Then he broke the silence.

“So, how do you do that thing?” He looked down at the hardwood floor. “What thing?” “You know...you and Changbin. It wasn’t real.....right?” He looked up at me, almost hopeful. Pushing my self up, I sat cross-legged and looked down at him. “What? The stage kiss. No. Bin is gay. Trust me.”

“Wait what?”

“You haven’t seen Felix and him making out in the light booth?”

“WHAT?”

I laughed at the shocked look on his face and slightly pushed his shoulder. “You’re oblivious.” He shrugged and looked back up at me. “So, how do you do it?” He started playing with the ring on my right hand. “Are you nervous about our kiss--Oh- Have you never kissed anyone!!?” Jisung shot upright.

“I have kissed lots of girls!”

“Oh, okay.”

“I HAVE!”

“Yet, you are still nervous for our kiss.”

He brought his knees up and rested his arms on them. It took every inch of my self control not to stare at his arms. “Well, it’s gonna be in front of hundreds of people so yeah. A little.”

“It’s easy. Ours especially.” I snatched his white hat from him again and he chuckled when it was a little too big for me without my wig. “Explain, good madam.” “Both are at the end of the show,” I said have laughing and him nodding along.

“The first lasts exactly one eight count and then we do the rest of the song. The second is the cue for the blackout. Not long at all.” He nodded again, yet I didn’t think I had put him at rest. “Would it help set you at ease if we rehearsed it? That way you’ve done it when it is just you and me and not six hundred and eighty four people.”

Thinking about it, he nodded and followed my lead when I stood up and cued up the music. “Okay, so I’ve just proposed,” I stated getting done on one knee. I looked up to find him smirking.

“Having fun done there?”

“I will punch you in the nuts and not regret it. You really will be singing tenor then.”

“Okay moving on.”

He laughed and looked down at me slipping the pretend ring on his finger. He sang his line with the track. A real laugh left my lips when he picked me up in a hug and spun me around. The note sounded loud and clear in the dance studio and ended when my feet touched the ground. He looked into my eyes and his hand came up to my cheek before he kissed me.

I tried to ignore the tingling sensation that ran through my body as soon as his lips touched mine. I tried to ignore how even though he had been dancing for hours he still smelled like vanilla and the grass after a storm. I tried to focus on measuring the eight count, but my mind went foggy when I felt his hand bury itself in my hair. Well if I’m not counting he is, so it’s fine. It’s fine.

Jisung subconsciously took the control I gave him. He slowed the kiss from its original pace. Every time I thought he was pulling away he came back to my lips and I thought I could feel him smiling. After a moment he pulled away and looked into my eyes. At that moment I snapped out of it, realizing the song had already ended. He was still looking at me with his big brown eyes.

“The song is over...” His voice was low and almost a whisper. “Yeah...we kinda missed our cue.” What should I do? For once in my life....my mind was blank. “Uh...I’ll see you tomorrow, I guess?” He said with the corner of his lips quirking up. After a nod, he smiled and pulled away from me. Jisung stole glances back at me frozen in place as he picked up his bag and left.

The next day I walked into the auditorium in a crop and shorts. Immediately my eyes found Jisung and a wide smile spread across my face. Slowly it fell when I saw him talking to Hyori, a smirk evident on her small face. Her eyes met mine for a second before she reached out to Han’s arm. Suddenly he turned and saw me. A cold expression resonated over his sharp features.

After saying something to her, Han looked away and headed backstage. While my heart screamed to storm over to Hyori and ask what kind of game she was playing with Han, but my head told me to let it go and focus on tonight’s show.

Woojin caught up with me and helped me get in costume and makeup for the show. Every time I tried to talk to Jisung he would just avoid me and tell me some random excuse. Even Hyunjin came up to ask me what was wrong with his friend. Soon the wig came on and it was time for the start of the show.

The laughs and cheers sounded from the crowd but in the back of my mind and in the corner of my eye I could see Han in the wings, watching me with that cold expression.

I feel so much better...

Than before

My throat burned and my stomach clenched as I held out the last note. If I couldn’t know what was going on with Jisung, I was damn sure going to give the best show I’ve ever done. Even if it destroyed my vocal cords and my body. My voice was the thing I could control right now, and it would do what I told it to. So, I told it to keep the note strong and not take the second breath.

With the conductor’s cue, I stopped and smiled brightly at the audience before the stage went black for intermission. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Bangchan bolted from his front-row seat in the audience and sprinted backstage. Seungmin and Changbin both rushed up and gave me a bottle of water.

“God damn Y/n! I knew you had pipes but I thought fossil fuel was the reason we were running out of oxygen.”

“Y/n!”

Chan rushed up to me and threw me over his shoulder. “I love you. I love you. I love you, but please save your voice. We kinda need it for the second act.” I smiled and nodded, my eyes looking everywhere for Jisung. I had ten minutes to change costumes, wigs, makeup check, and somehow get him to talk to me.

“Where’s Jisung? I need to-umm...ask him about the costume change for ‘Take it Like a Man’“. I asked as calmly as possible after I had changed. Woojin told me that he was in the guy’s dressing room changing suits. Charging down the dark cramped backstage hall I opened the door to find Changbin and Jisung. With look towards Changbin he scurried out the door leaving me and Jisung alone.

“We have three minutes until curtain. You better tell me what the fuck is going on, Han.”

“Why don’t you tell me, huh?”

His brows furrowed as he raised his voice. His outburst stunned me for a moment. “Is this just this thing you do? Messing with your co-stars? Huh, L/n?” I could see in his eyes he was truly hurt. “Where the hell did you get that from!” He scoffed and finished doing his tie. “Hyori told me all about you and Jungkook.”

“Hyori?”

“Yes.”

“Hyori? The girl who Jungkook cheated on me with? Only so I would so devastated to miss the opening night and she could fill in for me.”

His expression changed drastically. “She lied?” He sank down in one of the cheap metal chairs. “Yeah it’s kind of her shtick.” He ran a hand through his hair before looking up at me again. “Y/n I am so sorry-” “I just can’t believe you trusted her word over anything I would have told you.” A heavy silence came between us and all I could do was stare at him in disbelief.

“Come on people! WARNING is NOT a suggestion! PLACES is NOT a category on jeopardy! GO is NOT A FUCKING OPTION!”

Seungmin yelled down the hall and Jisung sighed and got up from the chair. “Y/n, I-” He stopped when I put up my hand. “Listen...we’ll talk after the show.” I just had to get out of there.

Han grabbed my arm and blocked the set door. “Hey. Hey. We’ll fix it. We’ll fight it.” Something in his eyes told me the emotion was real. “Emmett. There is no reason for me to stay.” I opened the door and closed it walking onto the other side and closing it. The music started to swell and I could feel all this pent up emotion in my chest. “What about love? You never mentioned love.”

I could hear the crack in Jisung’s voice that wasn’t usually there. “You never mentioned love. The timing’s bad, I know. But perhaps if I’d made it more clear, that you belong right here, then you wouldn’t have to go.” My throat started to close up but I pushed through it and took a breath for my part of the song where we sang over each other. “Because you know that I’m so much in love-”

Back to the sun

Back to the shore

Back to what I was before

Lie on the beach, dream within reach

Don’t stray beyond

I felt real tears come down my cheeks as I moved downstage to face the lights. In my side vision I saw Jisung do the same. I had thought that I could be different. That he was different. That maybe we could put this unspoken rivalry behind us.

If you can hear, can I just say

How much I want you to stay

We returned to the door, but this time something felt different when I pressed my hand to the door.

It’s not up to me just let me be legally blonde

Seungmin pushed everyone on stage for the final scene and Woojin tugged the graduation camp over my wig and hurriedly covered the curtain call dress with the robe. Throughout the scene I couldn’t help but steal glances at Jisung. It wasn’t his fault. He had no way of knowing about Jungkook and Hyori.

Walking over to Han, I gave him a genuine smile and got down on one knee. “Emmett Forest please make me the happiest woman I know!” I sang with sureness. He spun me around like once before and took my face in his slender fingers.

And kissed me.

The grin on my lips was so big that it hurt my cheeks. I had to tap him on the shoulder when we needed to sing, but pulling away his smile was so big and genuine. He knew I had forgiven him. It felt so hard not to just stop singing and just jump into his arms. We both rushed up to the platform upstage and stood in the center.

Jisung smiled down at me and moved the tassel onto the other side of my cap, like he was supposed to. With the final cue of music, I couldn’t take it anymore and I tangled my fingers into his soft brown hair and crashed my lips onto his. I heard the roaring applause which meant the stage lights were in blackout for curtain call, but he was still kissing me. “Curtain call?” I whispered against his lips, in case my mic was still on. I felt him nod and pushed me further back on the platform and behind the center curtain without parting from my lips.

I laughed as he tried to help me pry of the robe for curtain call. “Take a break for a sec,” I said laughing and he joined me. He and I both fumbled with the buttons and tossed the hat and robe off stage to reveal the bright pink and sparkly dress for the closing of show.

“I’m impatient. Come back here.”

His hands pulled me back by my waist and pressed a heated kiss on my lips once more. Kissing him felt like time stopping. At first, I didn’t notice the cheering audience as the curtain rose again, and I honestly didn’t care. Han pulled away and smiled at me before doing his bow and then he motioned to me and the audience cheered. We clapped as Bangchan and Seungmin did their bows.

“There’s a party later. Are you going, L/n?”

“Duh. Cast party.”

“You gonna wear that green dress from last time?”

“You gonna wear that suit from last time?”

The entire cast did another bow and the curtain closed fully. When the red fabric touched the floor of the stage the cast and crew went crazy and Jisung wrapped me up in another kiss.

“HEY! NO MAKING OUT ON MY SET!”

“Sorry, Seungmin.”

“THAT DOESN”T MEAN DO IT AGAIN!”

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monicalorandavis · 5 years ago

Text

Let’s all quit fucking around and give Renee her Oscar for ‘Judy’ now

I am several months late to the ‘Judy’ party. But due to a trip getting cancelled last minute I’m having a staycation instead of a vacation. (Tomato, tomahto!) Needless to say, I’ve got time on my side and I’m watching movies, baby. Time for Judy Garland, baby. Because that’s showbiz, baby!!!

I regret even joking about the razzle dazzle of show business because for Judy Garland show business, the very business she adored, also destroyed her. And that whole journey through the dark, twisted roller coaster of entertainment is sort of the thesis statement of this whole thing.

“The biz” was a cruel bitch to the greatest entertainer of all time. Her nic-name was Miss Show Business for crying out loud and yet when we meet Zellweger, playing the title character in ‘Judy’, she’s in the final year of her life, struggling to keep a roof over her children’s heads. She’s gaunt, exhausted, addicted to pills, alcohol and can’t manage to meet a decent man to save her life.

And instead of nitpicking every wrong choice that led her there, director Rupert Goold allows us into the plodding sojourn that was Judy Garland’s final tour in England. She’d lost custody of her children to ex-husband no. 3 and finally went across the pond where her fans were still willing to pay top dollar for the Hollywood legend.

But when she gets to England we peer into the sheer loneliness that encompasses the lives of the super famous. No friends to share dinner with, kids thousands of miles away, and vulturous men always lurking on the sidelines. It’s grim and bleak and you can’t imagine things ever getting so bad. And yet they were. But, again, and I have to stress this because some power of Judy Garland compels me to underline this as a fellow woman in the arts, this is not the story of how Judy Garland ended up broke. It’s the story of how she tried her damnedest to make enough money to get her kids back because we actors are tryers.

She was a relentless performer who tried. Over and over again. She tried and tried and tried. She tried to put on a good show every night and we watch Zellweger lose the battle to those cloying pills and that seductive martini until she quite literally falls on her face. No, she doesn’t pretend like it didn’t happen. She gets up and is booed off stage and she barks back. And then she gets fired and gets word that her children want to stay with their father in Los Angeles. The final twist of the knife. Zellweger delivers that final conversation to her youngest daughter with aplomb and grace. The Judy Garland we wanted to know - Judy Garland, the mother. Tortured, flawed, generous and loving. A sensitive, soulful singer who had to fight for every scrap of dignity she ever got.

And I kept finding myself wanting to change how things turned out. She was so, so good. So talented. So kind. So willing to give herself to the audience, to new friends. She deserved more.

In one scene, that gives me chills to even think about, she asks two male fans to dinner and they can’t believe their luck. Only after dragging Judy Garland around the streets of London all night in hopes of a meal do they agree to host her at their home just blocks away. She obliges graciously and, of course because a living legend is in your home, they totally ruin the meal. And she couldn’t be a more gracious guest. She eats the terrible, soggy eggs, then, sings while her new friend plays the piano and, then, comforts him when he crumples into a ball of tears, overcome by this grand situation he finds himself in. She knows, and we know, that these two men are gay and the point is not belabored or sentimentalized. Instead, Goold treats us, the audience, like grown-ups with enough context to understand how important Judy Garland was to the gay community. She was their patron saint. Be it all the struggle, the pain under the surface and the resolve to put one foot in front of the other and sing her heart out in spite of it all. A metaphor for being gay, perhaps. Her life and legacy meant something to the community and still does. (The Stonewall Riots occurred on the day Judy Garland died and I think it played no small part in pushing things over the edge that fateful day.)

What a fight it was to be Judy Garland. A star who’d been spit out by Hollywood. Any actress over 40 will tell you their version of the story. And maybe no one understands that today quite like the star of ‘Judy’, Miss Zellweger.

I don’t think Renee Zellweger’s ever been better. She fucking soars. She sings her ass off (and I didn’t know the bitch could sing, not like this). In some instances, the resemblance is so striking between Zellweger and Garland it baffles the mind to reconcile that you are not looking at the original Judy, herself. Somehow, Zellweger completely transforms even the expression in her eyes as if the thought process, or the experience, or perhaps even the torment, is the same between both starlets. How else can an actor arrive at the exact same place as the person they are imitating? How do you achieve not just a version of a person, but the person, themselves?

I do not know what spiritual voodoo Zellweger achieved (move over, Christian Bale!). But this performance is an achievement of the highest order. I imagine Garland herself, at times her toughest critic, would be thrilled to watch the film even in its hardest moments.

Because Judy, and I suspect Renee, are consummate performers. Completely engrossed. Not engrossed. Obsessed. No, not obsessed. Addicted...

Judy Garland was completely addicted to the stage. Yes, Lady Gaga coined “I live for the the applause” but that’s only because she did her homework. Any diva in training gives their respect to the o.g. Judy Garland devoted her entire heart and soul to her performances. Often to her detriment, and to the detriment of those around her.

To be so completely talented, I imagine, is a curse to the performer. And when you’re a mother, a curse to your children. The performer’s gift has the power to kill them. It can drive them to the brink of self-destruction. The pressure and the anxiety of not performing at the same level again and again, night after night, drove Judy to the brink. The pills and the booze became absolutely necessary.

Years ago, I recall news stories about Renee Zellweger suggesting addiction and anorexia. She had wasted away, rumors swirling of drug abuse chased her - she’d been branded with a scarlet letter.

And then, I saw her in person, in Santa Monica. I was inside a Barnes and Noble bookstore (a rare occurrence nowadays in the era of dwindling brick and mortar). She was skin and bones. I barely recognized her. She looked...deranged. Her eyes were bulging nearly as much as the veins in her neck. I didn’t know why she was so distraught but my eyes fixed on her like a cheetah staring down a gazelle. She was just on the other side of the glass, and then she locked in on me. Suddenly, she was the cheetah. She stared at me, then a sour look fell upon her and she dashed away. I was shaken. I had never felt so judged by a famous person before. I had never shared such a fraught moment with a star of her caliber. But then, I wondered, maybe she hadn’t been looking at me at all. What if the glass was opaque and she wasn’t staring at me at all? What if she was looking at her own reflection that whole time? Could it be that she stared at herself that way, with that loathsome look in her eyes?

And now my heart breaks because I do believe she saw herself. She saw something in herself that she couldn’t stand and she fled from the reflection. Just like Judy would’ve ran. Just like Judy.

I’ve asked so many questions and I apologize but I must ask a few more:

What if Renee Zellweger doesn’t win an Oscar for ‘Judy’? Oof. Yes, I remember that she won for ‘Cold Mountain’ in 2004 but it was sort of payback because she’d been nominated for ‘Chicago’ in 2003 and was a shoe-in (but lost) and even that had been a sort of a gimme nom since she’d been nominated in ‘02 for ‘Bridget Jones’ Diary’ and lost even after she stole the entire world’s heart.

In a parallel way, Garland was famously snubbed for a ‘Star is Born’ in 1955 when she gave the performance of her life and lost to the quintessential Hollywood beauty, Grace Kelly. After a lifetime of comparisons and cruel remarks about her looks, it had to feel like a stab to the heart to lose to the pretty girl, the princess. Poor Judy. She just wanted to be beautiful and thin. But instead she was talented and charming. And that’s not to say she wasn’t beautiful and thin, she just didn’t fit the stupid, totally arbitrary model of beauty. And she eventually wasted away to a skeleton. Why did we do that to her? Why do we do that still?

I don’t know. But I do know that Renee Zellweger should win this god damn Oscar.

#judy #judy garland #wizard of oz #renee zellweger #oscars #oscars 2020 #grace kelly

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aboutlouishofmann · 5 years ago

Text

A Life Devoted To Music

[Original interview here which is already in English. I'm just testing. All images curtesy of cinema.de]

FRIDAY, 7/5/2019

A LIFE DEVOTED TO MUSIC

In PRÉLUDE Louis Hofmann plays a talented pianist.

Rising star Louis Hofmann has often been seen at FILMFEST MÜNCHEN — for example, in the tender coming-of-age drama CENTER OF MY WORLD. By now, Hofmann is well-known all over Germany thanks to the captivating mystery series DARK. This makes us all the more delighted that this up-and-coming actor is returning to Munich this year with not one, but two exciting films. In PRÉLUDE, he plays a talented musician who experiences the downside of being an artist; and he also has a role in THE WHITE CROW, about Soviet ballet dancer Rudolf Nureyev. We met the amiable actor at the world premiere of PRÉLUDE and asked him about his own experiences as an artist and how life in the spotlight affects a person.

In PRÉLUDE, you play an aspiring pianist named David, a freshman at a conservatory who's under pressure from the beginning. What was it about this story that caught your interest?

In 2015, I was invited to a casting for PRÉLUDE. I think I'd read only a small blurb about it, but it won me over right away and I knew I absolutely had to play this part. I don't know whether I'd already seen WHIPLASH. I grew up around lots of music and have an affinity to it — and probably a fascination with sadness as well. I thought if the script fulfills the promise of that little blurb, I've got to be a part of things. Then I went to the first casting with director Sabrina Sarabi and we simply got along very well and I noticed that she does very fine work.

When did you finally shoot the film?

Two years ago. It was hard to get all the money that was necessary. It is just a small film, after all. I'm still glad that we made it even though we didn't have much money. Being so close on set was also great. On the first day of shooting, there were maybe 15 of us on the set. It took some getting used to, because I'd just come from DARK, where we'd had 100 to 150 people. That was our own little microcosm, and working with such a small team was something I enjoyed to the fullest.

Is that something you generally prefer: a smaller scale?

No. I just prefer good material.

What does good material consist of?

That's the question. There are only the standard responses: well-developed characters, a nice development of the role, a story that's exciting, not one that's narrated. David is somebody I can identify with to a good extent. He's sensitive. He has this great ambition that I carry within myself. When he does something, he jumps in wholeheartedly. That's also the approach I take to my own work. That's why I understood him right away.

You mentioned that music has always been very important to you. Do you play an instrument?

I played violin for a year, because my brother played violin. I stopped pretty soon after that. Then, at age eight or nine, I began to play the drums. I did that for eight years.

Do you still play?

I stopped when I moved from Cologne to Berlin. I didn't have a drum set there, nor did I have the infrastructure: a place to rehearse and so on. I didn't take it up again until this year. I rediscovered how awesome it is and how much I'd missed it — how I'd totally been caught up in the piano as well. I used to be able to play chords or three-finger accompaniment. Classical pieces, though, were pretty foreign to me. I somehow put in a lot of effort with a teacher, without being able to read music. We did it with videos. I think it helped me a little to be able to play the drums. But to learn a new instrument and suddenly understand how it works and to be familiar with the keyboard and to get into the groove when playing: that really did a lot for me. In addition, it was just extremely good preparation for the part. It made the character accessible to me, which is something I hadn't really expected.

How long did you practice?

After I got the role, we did two years of workshops. In the end, we had two-hour lessons, five days a week for three months, and then two to four more hours a day of practice.

That's a lot.

You're right. But it's great. At first it's so difficult. The first two weeks were so rough: you're really just searching for the notes; your fingers don't understand it all just yet. You feel like a dyslexic on the piano, just so amateurish. And suddenly after two or three weeks, your fingers start doing what they should. You follow the instrument, and it's simply awesome.

Are you still doing it?

Unfortunately not. No, because I can't read music and because I'd noticed that I get bored easily because I only ever play the same pieces. My roommates and I have a piano, and I play it sometimes, but not like before.

What kind of music do you listen to?

Mainly indie rock, indie pop, alternative. Sometimes soul classics, chansons, or jazz hip-hop.

Can you name two or three artists?

Two or three artists I can name... Somehow that's always pretty hard to do. Right now I'm really looking forward to the new Dope Lemon album that's coming out soon. As for indie pop, Bon Iver is one of my heroes. Parcels is great. I could go on forever. Music is a really important part of my life. I just immerse myself in it and discover new artists. It's a lot of fun.

There's this gotcha question that I once picked up from a job interview: If you were a song, what song would you be? That is, a song that describes you very well.

I have no idea. I think the songs we listen to speak to only part of ourselves. The first song I thought of is "8 (Circle)" by Bon Iver. But that's just my melancholy side. It wouldn't describe me completely, because I also have a non-melancholy side, a very happy side, that I wouldn't be doing justice to.

Now that you've had a brief look at the life of a musician, even indirectly, what would you say is similar to or different from the life of an actor?

The pressure is what they have in common. The expectations one has of oneself. The competition. Although I have to say we're a generation, I think, who fight more alongside each other than against each other. For a pianist, it's a more individual fight than for an actor, because as an actor you normally don't perform alone.

In the film, David has to put his personal life on the back burner in order to get somewhere as a musician. Since you said that you enjoy immersing yourself, to what extent do you find yourself having to put your personal life on the back burner?

Since the work always comes in phases, you only have to do that in phases. And then I do that. In recent years, I've also learned that you can't completely separate the two — that the project phases should intersect more with the phases of free time. I've always felt that I've completely forgone personal life while working, up until the end of shooting. At some point, I no longer thought that was a good thing. In this line of work, you have to watch out, otherwise you'll start thinking of the year only in terms of blocks of time. I've resolved to be aware of this for more than a whole year again. Theater actors can probably do that a lot better, because they have regular work. They're able to balance their personal lives and their work more easily. That's a small obstacle that a film actor has to overcome at some point.

Let's assume you have free time. What do you do to unwind after work?

I had a hard time of that in Berlin. But this year, I went back to some old hobbies, like the drums. Also skateboarding, climbing, bouldering, and so on, to find balance. It's just about doing something that no one judges and where there's no output. Where you're not forced to deliver output. Because all you do when playing is give, give, give. You learn something, too, of course, and it gives you something back. But it's very relaxing to just do something that no one is appraising.

And where you're not being watched.

That, too, yes.

How often does it happen nowadays that you're recognized out on the street?

Sometimes. Occasionally. There are days when nothing happens, and other days when it happens several times. It also depends on whether I'm in a bar or another place where people gather.

Imagine that for some reason you had to do something other than act.

What would I do?

Exactly.

Hm. That's difficult.

Did you always want to be an actor, or were there alternatives?

A soccer player, of course. I definitely wanted to be a soccer player. When I finished high school, I was also very interested in psychology — and art. But I don't believe that I'd study art or psychology, even though I was still saying that two or three years ago. I also have a lot of fun working behind the camera, and I've been a set manager for short films. I enjoy organizing a set in the extreme, because I also have experience in how these things work. I'd probably still prefer to stay in the world of film and then maybe try to develop material or help to see it realized.

So you could also imagine directing and scriptwriting?

Probably not scriptwriting. I'm more the kind of person who reads the script and says, "Oh, that's what happens. I think it'd be great if this and that also happened." I don't think I could write a story myself. I have a lot of respect for those who can.

What else are you up to next?

On Monday, we started filming the third season of DARK, so I'll just do that for now. That'll probably take another six months. After that, we'll be done. The series was planned as a trilogy from the beginning, so the story will conclude with the third season.

That's all from me. In closing, do you have any more comments you'd like to make about your film?

I think Sabrina is very talented, and I'm very proud of this film and hope that people will see it.

#louis hofmann #dark netflix #prélude #sabrina sarabi #german film #german actor #jonas kahnwald

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ofcloudsandstars · 5 years ago

Note

If you’re still doing readings~ I’d love a general one! Initials are SLN and I’m a Gemini sun Virgo moon Scorpio rising 💛

I'm just going through all the requests I got previously before I closed the readings. Sorry it's taking so long!

Just a general note for now: Reading requests are closed. I will get to the requests in my inbox but just to make sure I can get to all of them and won’t be drowned I am closing it lol. Each reading does take a lot of energy so they may take me a while to answer all of them but rest assured if you sent in a request I will get to you!

So I thought maybe the cards were picking up on the energy of the previous reading so I reshuffled them (cause a lot of the cards were the same) and I am sorry I doubted the cards the first time cause it seems to be the same reading but just now it's more INTENSE haha (Like the 5 of wands card was replaced with the devil lol.) I still kind of remember some of the first cards I drew and their positions so I may bring those up too!

Your Card: Nine of Swords reversed -Prior it was Ace of Swords reversedComparing the two cards together you have a lot of new ideas and creative/intellectual energy but no clear way to start on a new project or get them out. Alternatively you may have too many projects or ideas going on. What the nine of swords reversed indicates is there is a deep inner turmoil as a result of this. Even if reality may not show it, your mental state may make things feel much worse than they are. If you are struggling to keep your head above water it's time to reach out to people and seek their support. Some can offer a new perspective or just a place to vent to ease some stress and tension. You may be way too hard on yourself or letting inner fears block you from progress. On a positive side this card also shows that you are coming out of this period of worry and are making a recovery. In order to fully recover ask yourself why are you being so hard on yourself? Sometimes we are our worst critics though what we feel about ourselves and are work do not reflect reality and how others perceive it.

What you should be focusing on: Seven of Swords upright-Prior it was Queen of Wands reversed

Interestingly enough seven of wands upright was the obstacle card in the first reading and Queen of Wands reversed was the 'what you should focus on' card but now Queen of Wands reversed is the advice card. These cards seem like they really want to give you a message. Seven of swords shows that you need to be strategic in what you do and prioritize what's important to you. You can't do everything and it's not possible to take on every duty. It's ok to take on shortcuts to resolve your issues quicker. This card also shows that it's ok to also put yourself first and focus on your needs. You may feel obligated to help others or help with everything but if you prioritize your needs you can see what you need to get done and if you have free time to spare to help others. It's ok to also let others know that you aren't always available for support. Additionally the seven of swords can show that there is someone who is deceiving you or there can be betrayal going on. Someone or something can be sneaking around your back causing more stress. I only bring up this possibility because there is the devil card in this spread and previously there was the 5 of wands that signifies disagreements and isolation as a result of them. Take note of any manipulative people in your lives. With pluto going retrograde a lot of their mischievousness will soon be revealed.

Action Card- What you should do: Ten of Swords reversed.

Sadly I don't recall the previous card that was here. This card can show an old situation or conflict that ended badly of which you are still carrying around wounds from it but they are buried so deeply you may not realize they are still present and continuing to hurt you. These pains need to be confronted and dealt with once and for all. This card wants you to release these memories to allow you to move forward with a sense of renewal and hope for the future. If you try to avoid it, and avoid inevitable change because you are not ready to face what's happening, the more you resist the more the painful situation will drag on. This card is calling for some self therapy or shadow work. You need to dig deep within yourself to see where old wounds are buried and though you might not understand it all yet, the outcome will lead to your personal growth in the long term.

Outcome Card: The Devil reversed

If you look at the previous card like you diving into your own underworld to face your shadows this card is like the boss fight. The devil of the underworld. However this card as an outcome is very positive, it shows that you are on the verge of a break-through, ready to get to the surface to your highest potential but first you must let go of any unhealthy attachments or limiting beliefs holding you back. When you are called to do something 'more' you must deal with your shadows before you can step into this new version of yourself. These can be the inner voice of self criticisms, any unhealthy relationships (if this is about someone taking advantage of you such as the Seven of Swords may suggest) or a disengaging career and sometimes even addiction. This card shows that you can confront your inner fears to free yourself from the chains that bind you to your limiting beliefs.

Obstacle Card: Ace of Swords reversed

Interestingly enough this was your initial card before I reshuffled (cause some of the cards seemed similar to the last reading I did but now I realize this card is for you!) This may come out as an obstacle because you may have too many ideas without any clear direction of where to go. This can also show that you may be made aware of a troubling path ahead and the steps you may take but that new path is causing you stress. It's ok to feel negative when we have to go through our own shit. However stress is something that needs to be managed cause it can make us sick eventually. Know that you are doing your best and the fact that you may make the option to confront yourself is the best decision you can do at this time. Don't be hard on yourself. We do live with weird expectations that we should get things right away and berate ourselves when we don't but if things get heavy and really hard do not beat yourself up further about it. Additionally you should consider getting a private journal to voice your inner stress so you don't hold on to it. Once again it's ok to feel negative but once that negativity gets weaponized into stress we end up attacking ourselves with it. Don't beat up on yourself and when things get hard you should write in it and hide it somewhere to keep it private.

Advice card: Queen of Wands reversed

As mentioned before this was your initial 'what you should focus on' card. It's nice to see that this is the advice. It shows that you need to focus on your self confidence, self respect and explore yourself on a deep level. You should stand up for your personal truths and beliefs. If you know what you stand for, whatever bogus other people have to say or manipulate you into doing won't work as well. This card also shows that you may have a rich inner world. Even if you could be someone introverted, the world you have cultivated within yourself is fantastical and you should focus on your positive inner qualities within to boost your confidence. This card could also show that you may have handed your power over to others by paying too much attention to their thoughts and opinion but this card is inviting you to call that power and confidence back. Since this card is also showing someone who is creative, take this advice along with the journal and make some journal entries just random art that you can explore. It can be private and just for you so you won't feel pressure to share with anyone or make it seem perfect. It just has to express.

Underlying Card: Three of Wands uprightThis card shows the underlying theme of this is that you may have some plans you want to accomplish to bring in additional opportunities or there are more opportunities already on the way to expand your current path. These can be in the form of study, business or any new venture. You are having new chances available to broaden your horizons. It's time to think bigger and take advantage of this potential as well as accepting your vision and confidence to achieve it. In the context of the reading this can also mean that your attention is on changes and challenges that lie ahead. There can be obstacles in your way or obstacles before you can get to those new ventures. However if you work on your confidence and inner power you can overcome those obstacles.

I hope you found this insightful! It was an intense reading. Let me know if I was off or if it was helpful. Wishing you luck!

#anon #tarot reading

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songwritingtipsandtricks · 5 years ago

Link

New episode of the podcast to this blog!

Transcript:

Hello and welcome everyone again to another episode to this podcast. My name is Kieper, and I am thrilled to talk to you today.

This podcast is dedicated to writing lyrics and overcoming writer's block. I hope the previous episodes helped you with just that. If you like the show so far, I'd love to hear your feedback on the content and really appreciate your ratings in whatever application you are listening to this show to help this show further develop. If you know anyone that might benefit from the tips we are talking about, feel free to share the program with them.

So last week, we were talking about writing lyrics with the mindset of a programmer. And we came to the conclusion that we need to write every day, see structures in the code, solve future problems and look at other people's code. And I hope these commandments helped you with just that and you have tried to use these techniques in your songwriting already. Maybe it even paid off somehow.

In the past week, I have been searching for something new to talk to you about. And then I realised that this corona shutdown itself is something we could be talking about. As it gives us as songwriters a lot of opportunities to grow, write songs and collaborate, even though we are apart from each other. So this week is dedicated to the songwriters Home Office. We will be talking about routines in your quarantine, some software to use in your writing and how you could collaborate with others while they are not physically present.

So what can you do when everything stands still, most concerts for this year got cancelled and you don't know what to do? First of all, relax, it is quite essential to lose all the tension that builds up over the months of routine and everyday life. Look at it as an extra holiday for the first couple of days. Nothing is more toxic than pressure when you are trying to be creative. It is art after all that you are trying to produce. Drink some tea, read a lot, do all the things that you wanted to do when you were too stressed from working your sideline jobs perhaps.

When boredom hits, you will get creative automatically. It might surface in lyrics that pop up in your mind. It might also be an interest in covering some songs that inspire you, and you would like to incorporate in your songs. Try out some new styles or tunings on your instrument and develop your skills. It might ignite a spark already. While we are mostly talking about writing lyrics, knowing your instrument is an essential part of your career as well. And if your instrument is your voice, well then go ahead and do regular singing exercises to increase your strength and range. Try imitating singing techniques and scales of your favourite singers. Read a lot about your instrument and about techniques to further improve your skills. Notice this time as an opportunity for you to focus on your creative path and use it wisely.

When it comes to reading, read some blogs or listen to podcasts that target your field of interest. These formats are easy to follow along and portable. So whenever you are making breakfast or shower, try listening to a podcast, read some blog posts that inspire you and see whether something pops up in your mind. For me, quite a lot of ideas pop up from podcasts and phrases that the hosts are using.

A high profile strategy for writing better lyrics is looking at other's songs. So when you are listening to music, try to follow the story, or read the words alongside the music. You might as well use a mindmap to understand the full story. After that, you can use that mindmap to write your own story based on this blueprint by altering some factors such as character traits, settings and relationships. Most popular stories in books are based on the same foundation by narrating differently. So try using this with your favourite songs. You can also try to change the perspective to tell the story from a different angle.

Okay, so much for development and finding and making up new stories, after all, there are some rules that we need to follow when writing coherent and good-sounding lyrics. So you might want to look up a webpage to find out more about literary terms, meter, syllables and basic rules to writing poems. This is a powerful tool to write lyrics that fit your music and even make your music follow the words. If you know about this, then you can translate words into music or vice versa. It is because speech has a rhythm, it has patterns, and there are so many useful devices to make our story more appealing and convincing. So look up some basic rules of writing poems.

And after that, you might want to analyse whether your favourite songs follow some of these rules, or where they break with them. As we said last time, it is essential to see patterns and schemes in songs. Repetition is quite crucial in pop music, as it gives the listener a silver lining to follow. Imagine for a second, you are listening to a song by your one of your idols which you have never heard before. Still, after the first chorus, you can follow the melodic line and sing along to, because there are a lot of repetitions in the song that vary only slightly from the one prior. So try some repetitions both lyrically and musically to give your listener something to follow along.

A significant opportunity opens up with this because you can use the rhythmical blueprint of another song for your next song. Analyse the meter of the song and how the patterns of the different parts are structured to write your song following the same blueprint.

What can you do else than writing lyrics? Well, besides your instrument, knowing how to record yourself helps to make proper demos of your newly written songs. So while you might not have an entire recording studio at hand, there are some ways to record yourself. First and maybe the most used method would be the voice memo application on your phone, which is in your pocket most of the times, I guess. So wherever you are, you can quickly record a song idea. Another tool on your phone would be GarageBand on your iPhone or WalkBand on Android. Personally, I have only used GarageBand, yet WalkBand should be able to do the same with some more limitations. In GarageBand, you can record yourself, add virtual instruments, add loops from Apple Loops to find interesting beats and samples to try something new. You could also use live loops to use it in a live setup if you want to or make a remix. So endless possibilities right in your pocket. Interestingly enough, you can even do a multitrack recording with an interface or use amps when you are busking.

But this is just for jotting down ideas. The proper software would be on your computer, I guess. So whatever digital audio workstation you are using, you should be a pro in using it to your benefit. So know everything about it. Watch as many videos and tutorials as you possibly can. It should be your second nature. With a proper interface and mic, you are able to do everything in your DAW, you don't need a recording studio. Well, not for now and not for your usual work. The most famous DAWs would be Logic Pro X, Ableton Live, ProTools, Cubase and so many more. So find the right DAW for your work. It is just like finding the right pair of shoes. Once you know about your DAW, you might as well want to watch some production videos of your favourite songs to understand how great producers make songs stand out and share their tricks and best practices.

So one thing that is really important for becoming a better writer is to not focus on writing at all. Try learning something new every day that is not work-related. Watch documentaries or join some online courses on a variety of subjects. Personally, I try to complete one course each month on FutureLearn a platform hosted by the BritishCouncil. The classes are free, and surely there is something for everyone. Take a walk outside and sketch a tree or a river, do something for fun and self-reflect on this later in your writing. Find one moment each day that could be worthy of writing about even though you have not been trying to find something. Find inspiration in your actions. In time, this will lead to an open mind that is ready to find new things to write about in every little thing you do.

So how can we write songs together in these days? Remote collaboration is possible through Skype, Zoom, FaceTime or WhatsApp Video calls. However, I found a useful tool on the web a few days ago, and it inspired me to collaborate with others and write new songs. Songcraft.io helps with writing lyrics, tabs and chord sheets with others in real-time. So you could talk via FaceTime and at the same time write lyrics, put the right chords to them and find words to rhyme or paraphrase them. So when it comes to collaborating on the same project, try giving this a shot. Maybe this sparks imagination. Accompanying this program, I use RhymeGenie and TuneSmith that have a more in-depth dictionary and functionality to adjust the search. The urban dictionary, Merriam-Webster, or MacMillan provide us with the correct definition to words we want to incorporate.

And as always, turn off that inner critic and just write, you will still get better at writing when you are doing it. So do not think you are at your peak yet. Just persevere. It is a steep and rough way to the point you want to reach, so take step by step. You will always find something to rephrase.

So that is it for today already. I hope these approaches help you with writing great lyrics and awesome songs this week. I would really appreciate your feedback and ratings on the platforms you are listening to, all the scripts will be available on my Tumblr, Facebook and Webpage. If you have an approach that helps you and you would like to share with me, simply send me a voice message via the link in the description and get in contact with me. To support the show, you could donate on Patreon and get exclusive access to exercises, reviews of songs and exclusive episodes to this show.

So much for this time, have a wonderful week and happy songwriting.

#podcast #Apple podcast #google podcast #Stitcher #breaker #outcast #pocketcast #Spotify podcast #spotify #music #lyrics #home office #daw #Logic Pro x #Ableton live #cubase #protools #garageband

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emilococo · 5 years ago

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So Much for Milo Coco

Ay ay ay, has it officially been a decade since I first let myself be exposed online? It seems like yesterday I made an account here when I started joining sites like these, I wanted to make something of myself. I would use them to share with you ideas and concepts of mine, they seemed like the perfect hub for me to express myself. These places where I learnt new tricks, where I can grow as an artist. My experience on each one of them has left an impact, as I've come across many talented, aspiring individuals who I can emphasise with. While I would focus on my studies, I have these sites to help give my career a boost. When I started joining sites like these, I wanted to make something of myself. I would use them to share with you ideas and concepts of mine, they seemed like the perfect hub for me to express myself. These places where I learnt new tricks, where I can grow as an artist. My experience on each one of them has left an impact, as I've come across many talented, aspiring individuals who I can emphasise with. While I would focus on my studies, I have these sites to help give my career a boost. But lately, things have been much harder for me, as we reach the end of the 2010s, I'm going to be really open with you.

You're probably wondering why I've not posted much new pieces here, well the truth of the matter is that I've lost the drive to do any artwork. For the past few years, doing these studies would become stressful for me. No matter how hard I tried to get my work to a high standard, it could never be good enough. Part of this comes from my perfectionism, in that I would spend so much time on a certain aspect that I have to juggle so many of these agendas of mine. It's not like I couldn't understand a brief, I just wanted to do it the way that I can. The thing is that I cannot do things on command, I would rather spend a good portion of my time getting the project done right, otherwise, it would look haphazardly. I've reached the point where I went through a phase where I hit a creative block, I feel like I was scraping my brain for any ideas. I've struggled to make sense of these thoughts that I went into a quandary. Whenever I would put my hands to a keyboard, my mind would go blank. I was also told time and again that my work would not appeal to today's consumers, but I for one always wanted to work in my way. I've never been one to copy any form of zeitgeist, I never wanted to follow trends, but start my own. If there was some trend that interested me, I would want to interpret it my way. So with this pressure on me to achieve these goals, I needed to take some much-needed recuperation, to reflect on the decisions I made and do some soul searching. Whenever I would do something creative, I just didn't feel the urge to make art at all. I felt that my skills would not be up to standard and that what I do would never look as good as I hoped. I was going through this cycle where I wouldn't feel like working, no matter how much the people told me to get on with it, I would still not be motivated to do so. I don't know if it was something wrong with my brain, that the reason I take long with these projects was a mental issue. Maybe all the pressures of balancing all these assignments started to affect my mental and physical health. I always aimed to do such tasks, even if it was one step at a time. But I feel like no matter what I do, there was always this obstacle getting in the way of achieving it. Like fate was conspiring against me. Whenever I tried to get back into the routine of producing a piece, there were these insecurities, misfortunes and shortcoming that keep holding me back. I felt like Sisyphus, constantly pushing a heavy boulder up a hill, only for it roll back down again. I also had my mind set on one thing, and it would be fixated in doing that one thing that I couldn't be able to multitask. I was just leaving these goals and ambitions on the back burner, whether its because they were taking longer than I initially planned, or that I didn't have the proper resources. I was hoping that at this point, I would have gone somewhere, but I would be swamped at some point. I could hardly recognise myself, what I used to love doing had became arduous and tedious. I felt like I was a disappointment to the people who had faith in me (even my own family), but the person who I disappointed the most was my self. I want people to understand that I have limits to my ability. I feel that all my anxiety and this strive for perfectionism comes from my Aspergers Syndrome. Just to clarify, I'm not blaming my condition for my mistakes. At least I acknowledge my failures and struggles, I try to learn from them, I don't use it as an excuse for not accomplishing anything. If anything I want to prove that people who are on the spectrum are capable of accomplishing amazing feats in the field, no matter what occupation they choose. I don't want people to judge me on my condition, rather than the contents of my character. I've never talked about this with other people, but there have been times in my life where I have been depressed, where my anxiety would get the better of me. Despite my quiet facade, behind the artwork, there was a deep sadness that I tried to overcome. I've always used these sites and projects to help me overcome this woe, in some cases, I use it to come to terms with it. I've used the arts as this outlet for my emotions and to let out these frustrations. I don't want to suppress these feelings of mine, so I've tried to channel them healthily. I live for the arts and storytelling and expressing myself through these means was a coping mechanism. But I feel the hardest obstacle I've had to deal with, is society. I've always found it hard to make friends with new people, it's not that I'm socially inept, but sometimes I feel like nobody wants anything to do with me. Whenever I try to open up to other lightminded individuals, they tend to ignore me. It leads me to believe that I give a presence that turns people off, whether it's because I gave an opinion they disagree with, or that they don't understand a thing I say. Even online, no matter how much I pour into giving my thoughts and passion into something, I seldom ever get any attention for it. I feel that when I discuss more popular topics, then it gets people's intrigue. Even then, I only get so much as a simple comment. I was hoping for feedback on my artwork and writing, advice even. I'm not asking for a deep discussion or detailed critique, but I would appreciate it if someone could give a penny for my thoughts. I feel like the fool on the hill; I can handle the lack of feedback, I can even handle rejection. But sometimes it really gets to me when I have something important to give, yet others don't want to pay attention. Like I don't even exist to them. It would be nice to have a taste of some publicity, even the worse kind is better than none. This is the reason why I prefer to be alone with my thoughts because I don't want people to be recognised for any negative things I may have done. Even if I did go somewhere with my life, I would appreciate it if someone first knew me for my Cramp Twins fanart or something like that. It's why I kept myself anonymous from the public because I had this stigma that I wanted to be known for my achievement than how I look like. Now that we come to the end of the decade, I hope we can make 2020 our year to shine. I've come to accept that this will not be the end, but the start of a new chapter. We'll never see another year like it ever again, so please make the most of it. Because I can remember the 2000s ended with such a dark, dark year, that we were hoping that 2010 would be the light at the end of the tunnel. Throughout this decade, I've tried to make each moment from it as special as the last. We've gone through highs and lows, but I'm definitely grateful for the highs that we got. I achieved a lot during these past 10 years, and I couldn't be more grateful for the experience I've gained. I'm not sure what the future will hold for me or anyone else but if there's one thing I'll say, it's carpe diem. For you see, my resolution for the decade to seize every moment of every day. Take on every opportunity that comes my way without any hesitation. I want to take on similar achievements I've made for the past 10 years and amp them up 10 fold. No matter what obstacle stands in my way, I'll find a solution to make it though. For better or for worse, we can start the decade the best we can, to make it a year to remember. I can ensure you that I have big plans for the year. I've learnt not to give up on hope, I don't want to forget about my dreams or ambitions. I spent all this time trying to perfect my craft, I feel like now is the time to put it to use.

#depression #sadness #anxiety #2010s #thoughts #adversity #angrish #heart to heart talk #broken #creative block #drive

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studiousbees · 7 years ago

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Language learning when busy

Hello, everyone! This post is not about any language in specific but about learning languages in general. A lot of us have a lot to do in our daily lives! Work, school, family, friends... what about study time? Today, I'd like to talk about making a study schedule that fits in your schedule and, most importantly, works for you.

Multiple intelligences

Before we actually talk about scheduling, let's talk about learning. To maximize your studies, you need to know how you learn the best. For this, you should know which of the multiple intelligences suit you best. The theory of multiple intelligences was created by a man called Howard Gardner. He suggested that there are many ways of taking in and processing information, and some work better for some people than others. The multiple intelligences are:

visual-spatial

— People with high visual-spatial intelligence are good at tasks that require manipulation of things in space, and things related to images. Art might be their thing! Things like making webs to show related vocabulary and drawing pictures or otherwise using images and charts to link with next concepts are helpful here.

kinesthetic

— Kinesthetic intelligence is related to being in tune with physical motion of the body. Manipulating physical objects, relating words and terms with motions, and doing activities that require movement like acting things out are all helpful for people with high Bodily-kinesthetic intelligence.

musical-rhythmic

— This one is of course related to one's musicality and sense of rhythm. Using audio materials, using music to help learn and remember concepts, and even just having some music playing while studying can help!

interpersonal

— If you have high interpersonal intelligence, you learn well when you interact with others. Getting involved in language exchanges or study groups could help you a lot.

intrapersonal

— High intrapersonal intelligence is related to knowing and being at home with oneself. More quiet, solitary, reflective study might be your thing.

verbal-linguistic

— High verbal-linguistic intelligence is related to being good at manipulating words. Of course, this does not mean that people with high verbal-linguistic intelligence are automatically good at languages! If you fall into this category, try to use the words and grammar you use in more creative ways, such as creative writing. Also, your natural skill will words might help you draw more information from written sources.

logical-mathematical

— If you have high logical-mathematical intelligence, you are probably good at reasoning and finding trends and patterns. It's important to build concepts up upon each other to understand the big idea and then get into the detective work of investigating grammar and vocabulary more closely to see how they're related.

naturalistic

— This eighth intelligence was added after the first seven had already been published. Nature-related intelligence is concerned with how in tune one is with the world around them. I honestly am not too familiar with this one as a concept. However, I think that finding ways to naturally encounter language would help people with high naturalistic intelligence. Also, I think that their sensitivity to things around them would help them to pick up on body language and pragmatic nuance.

Of course, these multiple intelligences are not absolute, and everyone has all of them in a variety of degrees. Still, thinking about which categories you fit into best can help you to start thinking about what might help you to learn best.

Setting aside time for study

One of the biggest hurdles to overcome when studying on a schedule is time. Studying a little bit each day is more effective than studying a lot just once every few days! Try to get a big study session or two in at least once or twice a week. On other days, you can do shorter sessions to review the words and grammar you encountered in your main study sessions. The important thing is to set aside the time for it. If you do not make an effort to set aside the time for something, then chances are you just will not do it, especially if you're already pressed as it is.

I personally have a planner in which I write down my goals, study-wise and otherwise, for the day. I check each item off the list as I complete it... and I hate having to mark an X for incomplete on anything! This works for me. However, if you need more structure, set apart a designated block of time for study. I recommend at least 30 minutes, but that is ultimately up to you. Mark down your study time somewhere—maybe you think 8 to 8:30 is the prime study time. C0mmit to that time and make it a habit!

Study time does not have to be pure study time

Don't feel too pressured to make every study session a real bring-out-the-big-books session! Your study time can be time spent doing other things as well—listening to dialogues or doing flashcards during your commute, listening to a foreign podcast in the background while doing math homework, watching a show in your target language as your nightly TV time... any way you can fit in that exposure!

If the thought of studying becomes stressful, take a break

If you find that you are actively avoiding study for whatever reason or that your study schedule is stressing you out, take a step back and reevaluate. Your health, both physical and mental, are more important than your studies! Make sure to take some time for yourself every day in the midst of your busy life!

Remember that missing a study session is not a failure

Learning is not a race! Life happens and sometimes we get off track a bit. When it happens, on those days you can't check your study off of the to-do list, don't feel bad about it! As long as you can commit to getting back on the study train, a few days down here and there won't hurt :)

As always, happy studying~!

#study tips #learning languages #learning languages when busy #time management #study schedule #studyblr #langblr

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hallodraws · 6 years ago

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Silkster | A Spider Story (02)

Wordcount: 2,252

Summary: “In September 2018, NYC, college student Jonas Jaeger reels from his first experience with Spider-Man - only to realize his night with the spider is not yet over.”

Warnings: Very minor mention of blood and hinting to a character that passed away.

Author’s Notes: Like I said before, this started as a graphic design exercise for my MCU OC, Silkster. Eventually, it snowballed into a full-fledged-fic. This is just for fun and stuff like this always gets my creative juices flowing. Hopefully, you guys enjoy reading and maybe I can share more of this story (and maybe art?) as it develops. Welcome to part 2. ♡

『 02 』

I continued to run as fast as I could - far after the bridge had ended. The brisk September air of New York City dried out my throat from running so long; eventually, I had to stop to give my lungs a break. I must've run a full extra block before realizing I could no longer see Spider-Man or the thug he was now apprehending. I couldn't hear any signs of a struggle or anything of the sort. In fact, the city was quiet. I was left with only the sounds of crickets, light traffic, and the whistle of a soft wind tunneling from the bridge's north side.

I felt as my wrist throbbed. As I looked down, I saw the rough and slightly bloody scrape made when the chain got tugged from my arm. It was a small injury but in a very inconvenient spot. No matter what I did, every movement I made with my hand caused an ache. I tried my best to wipe the small amount of blood there was out of the way to get a better look at the damage. I remember wincing as I attempted putting pressure on the cut. I didn't even notice the figure above. Without warning, a massive thud came from behind me.

"That looks like it hurts," I heard through a muffled voice.

Without thinking, I spun around - swinging as hard as I could. I wasn't going to be a victim of this mugger again. Because, it is my luck, it wasn't the mugger. With one solid punch, I made contact with a familiar red mask. It didn't take long for the realization to hit me. I just fucking punched Spider-Man.

"Ow! Holy shi--" The masked vigilante yelled. He was silenced soon enough by my ever-growing panic as I reached for the spot I targeted.

"Spider-Man!" I shouted, "Oh my god! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to, I swear! I thought--" I remember my words just becoming one long jumbled mess as I tried to force out an apology as quickly as humanly possible. Somehow, saying it faster made it not as bad. I know, that sounds stupid. But, much to my surprise, my rambling was greeted by an overwhelming laugh coming from behind the mask.

"Hahaha! Don't worry about it! I shouldn't have snuck up on you." he said as he rubbed his cheek. Soon enough, his laughter began to calm.

"Still... I'm sorry." I didn't know if I should smile or not. Was it rude to act relaxed after punching someone? Spider-Man seemed pretty calm, so maybe I should follow suit.

"What's your name?" he asked me.

"Jonas, uh... sir." I looked at my feet, unsure of how to adequately address my protector. Was it like talking to a police officer? I figured I should be as polite as possible; That way I would avoid any chance at offending him.

"Sir?! What happened to just Spider-Man?" The vigilante chuckled as he gave his (probably now sore) face one more rub for good measure.

"Sorry." I apologized again, "It's just I've never met a hero up close and personal before." I felt embarrassed when I said those words for some reason. Calling him a hero to his face sounded weird. I felt my face flush. I think he noticed how uncomfortable I was.

"Well, Jonas..." Spider-Man said my name, stepping forward, "...that's a mighty strong swing you got there."

It was strange, I thought. People usually picture superheroes as insanely ripped and intimidating. They were essentially gods amongst men. But Spider-Man didn't fit that image, per-say. He was just about as tall as me and couldn't possibly be that much older. This revelation of mine didn't stop the nervousness in my voice from coming out.

"Haha... R-really? You think so?" I stuttered.

"Yeah!" he raised his fists in a confident stance, "I bet you could've taken that guy yourself if I didn't show up."

"Please... I was a wreck." I retreated, my eyes rolling into my head at the compliment that couldn't possibly be true, "I wouldn't have been able to do anything. I was pathetic." my voice faded into my natural shyness once more. Spider-Man stepped forward again, filling the space between us.

"Scared maybe. But not pathetic." He placed a firm hand on my shoulder, "And there's nothing wrong with being scared."

"You're not scared of anything. You're a superhero. You're Spider-Man." I argued. Don't ask me why. I think it was my nerves. When a superhero compliments you - take the damn compliment.

"Just because I'm Spider-Man doesn't mean I don't get scared. I was terrified when I saw that guy pushing you over the bridge." His voice changed a bit. He sounded concerned. I felt his hand tighten ever so slightly.

"You were...?"

"Uh, Y-Yeah I was." Now he was the one that sounded nervous. I felt his warm hand leave my shoulder, but he continued, "Scared... I wouldn't make it in time. Scared that I might've made things worse. Scared of the unthinkable." He paused. I couldn't see his eyes behind the mask, but I could tell he was looking right at mine, "But ultimately, I was scared of what might've happened if I didn't do anything at all."

The wind whistled once more. I didn't know what to say to that. What could I have said to that? In the end, a barely audible "Wow..." was all I could muster up.

"W-what? Did that sound stupid? Too cliche?" he began to fidget as he looked away. Was he embarrassed? The whole situation was so strange to me. Seeing the action shots of Spider-Man on the news was so much more different from actually seeing and speaking to him. He didn't seem like an authority figure or soldier. He wasn't super smooth or commanding. He was just... friendly. Were all heroes like this? It was actually kind of refreshing. Underneath that red leotard, this guy was supercharged - but still a sweet, funny, and regular guy. It's makes so much sense when you stop and think about it, but at that moment in time, the idea was so far from what I thought I knew about superheroes. I didn't see the people, I just saw the names and the masks.

I was silent for too long. I let out a laugh, "Haha, no. Not at all. It's just you never hear heroes admit to being scared."

"Oh..." I could hear a tinge of disappointment in his voice.

"It's a nice change of pace." I smiled

"O-oh!" He perked up, "Well, I'm glad!" Despite not being able to see his expression, I could tell he was smiling back at me.

Once again there was silence. Only the soothing sounds of the city around us. Spider-Man looked down at my scraped wrist.

"Uh... Hey! Let me take a look at that cut." He held his gloved hand out to me.

"It's not that bad." I tried to hide my arm behind my back. I didn't want to take up any more of his valuable time.

He persisted, "Give it here."

I complied. He trailed fingers across the cut. He was so gentle, I barely felt a thing. Granted, I was a little preoccupied tried to decern what was going on inside that concealed head of his.

"Might want to give it a proper cleaning, but you'll be alright." He lightly cupped his hand to my wrist, covering the wound.

"Thank you." I nodded, thinking he'd let go. He didn't.

"Does it hurt at all?"

"Not so much anymore. I really felt it when my--" I finally noticed the faint tan line on my arm was now exposed, "My bracelet!" I felt a sinking dread overcome me when I saw the empty space where my bracelet once was. I didn't want to let Spider-Man see, he saved my life after all. I was incredibly grateful. But still...

"Your brace--?" He began. Suddenly, he reached for his belt, "Oh! This?."

There it was, glimmering in his hand off the New York City street lights. I could barely contain my excitement, "You got it back?! Oh--" I began to stutter. I calmed myself and placed my hand on the bracelet, "Thank you, Spider-Man. You don't know how much this means to me.”

"Oh..." I could just make out what he said as I slid the bracelet out of his hand - in two pieces, "It's broken. I-I'm sorry." He was upset. I could hear it.

"It's alright." I clutched the bracelet to my chest. I smiled back at him once more, "I'd rather have it back broken then not have it back at all."

"That important, eh?" he inquired.

"Yeah," I said shortly, I didn't want to overshare. Heroes probably don't want to hear sob stories, I thought. "It's a long story."

"I've got nowhere to be."

I guess I was wrong, "Well..." I began, "It was a gift from someone important to me who's not around anymore."

"Who?" He asked. I must've unknowingly gave him a funny look, because he immediately tried to back-peddle, "I... I'm sorry, that's none of my business." I could tell he was trying to be compassionate, the least I could do was reciprocate.

So I told him, "An old boyfriend."

"Oh." I could tell he didn't know whether or not to continue to discuss the matter, but I guess he inevitably decided to proceed, "And are you two still...?"

"No, he... he passed away last year." I might as well tell the truth, I thought. We've gotten this far.

"Oh, I... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry." I think it finally hit him that maybe this topic was a little too deep for a post-rescue conversation. He was sweet, and he was trying. How could I be upset about that?

"Don't worry about it," I tried to change the subject, "Thank you for saving my life... and bringing this back to me."

He perked up once again, I wasn't sure why. "Hey... can I take a closer look at your bracelet?" he said with his gloved hand outstretched once more.

"Oh, sure." I allowed, placing the damaged chain in his palm.

"Hold out your arm."

"O...kay?" I was confused, but I did as he asked, "But what are you--?"

He wrapped the two chains around my arm, holding them in place. With his other hand, he aimed precariously over my wrist. Suddenly, a small web shot out of the mechanism from his suit. The web was so little. It looked like that of a real spider - maybe even tinier. It slid around the broken piece of gold chain and connected the two halves. A second web shot out, joining the other side. It wasn't perfect by any means, but my bracelet was once again resting firmly where its been for the past year.

"This should at least hold it together again," he said as he ran his fingers across the newest addition to the chain.

"You...! How did you...?" I couldn't find the words.

"Uh... it's the web slingers." He answered the question I already knew the answer to.

"You... you really fixed it."

"So it's okay?"

"Okay? Are you kidding?" I was so happy to know that this silly piece of jewelry was still in my life, "It's more than okay. It's..." I looked at him. There it was again, I could tell he was making the most focused eye contact, waiting for validation, "...incredible." He sighed with relief. I stepped forward.

"Thank you, Spider-Man." I took his hand in mine, "This is the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me."

"N-no problem," His own grip tightened, "I'm just glad I could help."

We stood like that for what seemed like hours, but I'm sure it was just a few fleeting seconds. It was the howl from the wind billowing across the bridge that snapped me out of the moment.

"I... should be getting home," I said as I let go.

"You gonna be okay?”

"Yeah. I'm gonna wait at that restaurant over there," I pointed at the small diner that sat at the end of the street, "I'll call my friend to see if they can pick me up."

"You sure? I can take you home if you'd like," he said, pointing to the sky. God, I wanted to say yes more than anything. But I felt bad. It felt like I was misusing the police force or fire department. He has places to be.

"Yeah," I said softly, "I've taken up enough of your time. Besides, you've got a city to take care of."

"Haha... yeah." he chuckled as he rubbed the back of his neck, "Be safe out there, okay?"

"You too. Thank you, again." I wanted him to stay.

"It's all in the job." and just like that, he was gone.

There was silence once again. I was alone, but I didn't feel it. Part of me thought that he was still there, secretly watching me from the darkness above. It might've just been wishful thinking on my part, but it made me feel better. I pulled my phone from my pocket (whoops, I guess I was holding out on that mugger...) as I made my way to the diner. I had my signal back so I could've called an Uber, but I hoped Peter would be able to borrow his Aunt May's truck. I had a story I just couldn't wait to tell him.

『 Previous | Part 01 』『 Next | Part 03 』

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myuntoldstory · 7 years ago

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Mystic Messenger | To Rest Deservedly

AO3 | FF.net

Half-Awake, Fully In Love

Part two because I can’t stop writing, apparently. Also, I realised I should have written something *for* Jihyun than the other way around. In saying that, though, still happy with what I first produced. So I hope this one is just as adequate?

Now, on to the thing!

Enjoy.

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: V | Jihyun Kim/Main Character

Warning: N/A

Word Count:1,607

To Rest Deservedly

“I’m home!” Lux called, stepping into the foyer and closing the door.

Silence. Not even an echo answered… but she wasn’t expecting it anyway. Before venturing further inside, she removed her shoes and put on the slippers. She made her way to the studio, detouring to the bedroom to deposit her things on the bed. As she approached the door, she noticed the tray before it. Sighing, she crouched. The glass of juice was full, the sandwich and fruits she had prepared untouched. She ate a piece of browned apple before rising and knocking on the door. “Jihyun?”

Silence again. She opened the door and looked inside. The studio was dark, but not completely; silvery moonlight found its way through the gaps the curtains had left, giving the room a dim glow. Lux walked inside, leaving the door open to let some of the hallway light in. She saw him on the bed, wrapped tight in a thin blanket. She walked to the curtains and drew them apart; then, she faced the canvas he’s been working on for two months. It’s nearly halfway finished… but it’s been that way for four weeks now.

Lux breathed deeply. It was the sixth piece for his upcoming exhibition and it seems to be his toughest to date. Jihyun never said anything; he didn’t want to worry her, but she sensed his struggle—his desperate and urgent need to break through the walls that blocked him. Being unable to do so easily made the ordeal more excruciating. She dearly wished she could do something for him, destroy the walls herself, but… this was a hurdle he must overcome himself as an artist, as his new self. All she could do was support him, ensure he ate and rested properly—though, right now she seemed to be failing spectacularly at that.

Guilty, she turned to him now. The blanket had nearly hidden him from view. She sat at the edge of the mattress and gently brushed away his fringe from his eyes. She noticed the dark circles, the result of his sleepless nights. The line of his jaw and cheeks were more pronounced. Lux stroked his hair, listening to his deep breaths. It’s best he stayed asleep a bit more… at least he’d have some respite. She kissed his temple and adjusted the blanket around him before leaving. She picked up the tray, left the door ajar, and walked to the kitchen.

She better make some proper for him to eat.

***

“Jihyun?” Lux returned to the studio after nearly an hour of cooking. She shook him gently. He stirred, lids fluttering open. She smiled at him as he stared at her, eyes dazed. He mumbled her name and she stroked his arm. “Are you okay?”

Shaking his head, he took her hand and pulled her to him. She followed where he led her until she lied next to him, pressed tightly against his body with his arms securely around her. He sighed and nuzzled into her neck. “Recharge…”

“Recharge?” Lux repeated, chuckling. “Been picking up Zen’s vocabulary, are you?” Jihyun remained silent. She smiled—she could feel him blushing. “Jihyun?”

“I… heard it from Jumin.”

“Jumin!?” she snorted. It was impossible to imagine such words coming out of the stoic corporate heir. “S-should I ask?” she bit her lip to keep herself from laughing at Jihyun’s determined silence. “M-maybe not, then…”

Silence fell between them. Jihyun’s breaths were warm on her neck and it comforted her as she ran her hand along his arm, giving him as much comfort as she could in return. Before them, the canvas glowed underneath the moonlight. Even at night Jihyun’s creation looked as glorious as it did during the day. Now, however, it seemed to taunt them in their peace, exacerbating Jihyun’s insecurities when it meant to challenge them. Lux glanced at him and saw that he was staring at it, eyes now clear and dark. She turned in his arms, blocking his view, and placed her palm on his cheek. “Talk to me?”

Jihyun now looked at her. She smiled encouragingly. With a sigh, he held her hand. “During my time overseas,” he began, voice low, “I was alone.”

She nodded. “Yes.”

“But… I was also free.” Breathing deeply, he looked away from her as his thoughts travelled to a place she couldn’t reach. “Without the ropes of my history binding me I could… say whatever what I wanted, be whoever I wanted without feeling guilty. There I… could say I was an artist, be honest with that part of myself, and believe it. Because no one knew who I was.”

Lux didn’t say anything. She only continued to listen as she stroked his cheek.

“Returning… it’s as if I bind myself once more.” He closed his eyes. “The ghosts of my sins and inadequacies haunt me. Once again I wonder if I truly deserve—if I could even be—” he stopped, shaking his head with a sardonic chuckle. “No, I’m sorry. Forgive me. I’m worrying you with insecure nonsense.”

“No—”

“I don’t regret returning home, Lux,” he continued, determined. “I don’t. I’m glad to be here with you. To be with the RFA. This is… the pressure of the exhibition reaching me. I’ve hit a block on my new piece and it’s… resurfaced memories.”

“It’s okay.” She kissed his forehead. “I understand. You don’t have to hide it from me.”

“I want to.”

“No, please.” She smiled when he looked at her again. “Would it be better if it was overseas?”

“Perhaps… but I want to start here. I want to work here.”

“Then start here.” His fringe was in his eyes again. She brushed them aside. “The past… is something you can’t forget. Not because of your ties here, but because it’s a part of you. But that doesn’t mean you can’t start again. You... now live as the person you want to be—the person you’ve always been. It seems difficult now because you had to be someone else for a while.”

Jihyun said nothing and only looked at her.

“You deserve this,” Lux continued. “You can do this. You’re doing the best with your art, like you always do with everything. As long as you put your heart and honesty in everything you make you can’t do wrong.” She beamed. “When they finally see what you made it will reach them. They will hear you and respond. They’ll see you as the person you are and react positively.”

“Will that happen?”

His eyes were glistening. He looked into hers so deeply, so desperately, looking for something she was trying her best to give. Ever since his return almost all days were good days—days when Jihyun loved himself, what he did, and no amount of doubt dragged him under. Some days, though, were like this: when doubts overtook. Days like this when she tried her best to give him faith. “Yes, it will,” she said, “I know it will. I believe it.”

Swallowing hard, he closed his eyes and nodded. “Okay.”

“As you said: this is a block. Blocks can be overcome,” she whispered. “You will overcome this and when you do, everything else will follow. I promise you.”

He nodded again and kissed her hand. “I believe you.”

“And I believe in you.” She tapped his nose.

Finally, he smiled and her heart melted at its brilliance. “Thank you.”

“Oh, I’m just telling you the truth.” Once again his fringe had fallen into his eyes. Chuckling, she swept them away once more. “Which sometimes you don’t see because of this long hair of yours.”

He laughed quietly. “But I like it this way.”

“So do I, honestly.” She leaned in close, rubbing their noses together before kissing him. He pulled her closer. She smiled against his lips, leaning away before he could deepen the kiss. “Shall we eat?”

“Mmm… no.” He shook his head. “I want to sleep more.”

“Okay.”

“Please stay with me,” he said, nuzzling her neck again. “Just a bit longer.”

“Of course—but you have to eat when we wake up.” He looked at her and she raised her brows at him. “You didn’t eat the whole day.”

He winced. “I’m sorry. I’ll eat everything you made, I promise.”

“Good.” She stroked his hair, watching as he his eyes closed. Soon, his breaths evened and he returned to slumber. His expression was calm and that made her happy. Two years ago, during those fateful five days, though he slept often it was drug-induced. One thing she noticed as she watched over him was the worry on his face, how it looked permanent because he didn’t look any different when he was awake. Even in dreams, he couldn’t rest; he couldn’t let go of his guilt and his sense of responsibility. It was as if he wasn’t allowing himself respite.

Now, though…

Now he no longer looked worried, no sign of restlessness about him. He even has a hint of a smile on his lips. It must have been a tough time overseas, being alone and trying to convince himself that he was allowed to sleep in peace, to rest without guilt. It was the struggle he had to endure to arrive here, to a place where his darkness could not reach him often. As she watched over him now she prayed to any higher being listening to let him continue this peaceful rest, this brighter life. She wished for him to live his days without any more guilt, to live it as the person he’s always been.

After everything that’s happened, it’s the least he deserved.

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