#maybe we need to also be investing some time in . just anything else really

[thursdayg1rl]

why did they have to make the summer I turned pretty into a show. it’s ruined my life and I have no plans of even watching

[inkskinned]

one of the things that's the most fucking frustrating for me about arguing with climate change deniers is the sheer fucking scope of how much it matters. sweating in my father's car, thinking about how it's the "hottest summer so far," every summer. and there's this deep, roiling rage that comes over me, every time.

the stakes are wrong, is the thing. that's part of what makes it not an actual debate: the other side isn't coming to the table with anything to fucking lose.

like okay. i am obviously pro gun control. but there is a basic human part of me that can understand and empathize with someone who says, "i'm worried that would lead to the law-abiding citizens being punished while criminals now essentially have a superpower." i don't agree, but i can tell the stakes for them are also very high.

but let's say the science is wrong and i'm wrong and the visible reality is wrong and every climate disaster refugee is wrong. let's say you're right, humans aren't causing it or it's not happening or whatever else. let's just say that, for fun.

so we spend hundreds of millions of dollars making the earth cleaner, and then it turns out we didn't need to do that. oops! we cleaned the earth. our children grow up with skies full of more butterflies and bees. lawns are taken over with rich local biodiversity. we don't cry over our electric bills anymore. and, if you're staunchly capitalist and i need to speak ROI with you - we've created so many jobs in developing sectors and we have exciting new investment opportunities.

i am reminded of kodak, and how they did not make "the switch" to digital photography; how within 20 years kodak was no longer a household brand. do we, as a nation, feel comfortable watching as the world makes "the switch" while we ride the laurels of oil? this boggles me. i have heard so much propaganda about how america cannot "fall behind" other countries, but in this crucial sector - the one that could actually influence our own monopolies - suddenly we turn the other cheek. but maybe you're right! maybe it will collapse like just another silicone valley dream. but isn't that the crux of capitalism? that some economies will peter out eventually?

but let's say you're right, and i'm wrong, and we stopped fracking for no good reason. that they re-seed quarries. that we tear down unused corporate-owned buildings or at least repurpose them for communities. that we make an effort, and that effort doesn't really help. what happens then? what are the stakes. what have we lost, and what have we gained?

sometimes we take our cars through a car wash and then later, it rains. "oh," we laugh to ourselves. we gripe about it over coffee with our coworkers. what a shame! but we are also aware: the car is cleaner. is that what you are worried about? that you'll make the effort but things will resolve naturally? that it will just be "a waste"?

and what i'm right. what if we're already seeing people lose their houses and their lives. what if it is happening everywhere, not just in coastal towns or equatorial countries you don't care about. what if i'm right and you're wrong but you're yelling and rich and powerful. so we ignore all of the bellwethers and all of the indicators and all of the sirens. what if we say - well, if it happens, it's fate.

nevermind. you wouldn't even wear a mask, anyway. i know what happens when you see disaster. you think the disaster will flinch if you just shout louder. that you can toss enough lives into the storm for the storm to recognize your sacrifice and balk. you argue because it feels good to stand up against "the liberals" even when the situation should not be political. you are busy crying for jesus with a bullhorn while i am trying to usher people into a shelter. you've already locked the doors, even on the church.

the stakes are skewed. you think this is some intellectual "debate" to win, some funny banter. you fuel up your huge unmuddied truck and say suck it to every citizen of that shitbird state california. serves them right for voting blue!

and the rest of us are terrified of the entire fucking environment collapsing.

[hgfictionwriter]

Maybe This Time - Part Three

Jessie Fleming x Reader

Summary: Jessie and you finally get some 1:1 time together (thanks Janine!). You work to build new memories together, but hurt from the past needs to be addressed.

Warnings: None. Temporary, very light angst, but mostly sweet fluff.

A/N: Part two and one.

"What do you think? Should I go for it?" 

Jessie smirked as she saw the screenshot you sent her of her jersey in the Thorns' site shopping cart. 

"I don't know. I thought you said that was too big a commitment." 

"I did. But I was rather impressed at the last game. And we went for drinks after, I finally got to meet Janine – so you know, points for that. And if I think about it, I'm like an OG fan. But if you think I should get a different jersey..." 

Jessie laughed under her breath, her smirk now a full blown smile as she read your message while she ate lunch. The conversation she'd been on the periphery of carried on as she ate another bite before typing out a reply. 

"Oh yeah? Post-game drinks were a hit, huh? And you know, my stats are only getting better with each game 😉 And let's be honest, I'd be pretty offended if you got someone else's jersey. Except Sinc's. Because, you know, GOAT." 

"Oh, well, say no more. You had me at 'stats' lol. Done. I'll pick it up before next game." 

"Lol I figured. My plan all along – I know how much you love stats." 

"You know me so well. I have to say, I'm kind of tempted to modify the jersey. Add some sort of patch or stitching, 'Yay sports!'" 

Jessie laughed out loud, less discrete than before.  

"Don't you dare lol. I've taught you better than that. But hey, if you ask nicely, I could actually sign it for you 😎" 

"I'm sure I have an old group paper kicking around with your signature on it. I need to be able to wash this thing lol. What else can you offer though?" 

Jessie swallowed her food hard, the bite getting caught temporarily in her throat with a wince. Okay, no signature – how humbling. However, there was an opening. 

She stared at her phone temporarily before a loud clearing of someone's throat caught her attention. She lifted her gaze with a curious frown on her face to see Janine staring expectantly at her. Jessie instinctively tilted the phone inwards towards her body. 

"I don't even have to spy to know who you're texting," the blonde said rather self-satisfied. Jessie looked around, heat building in her face already as she hoped Janine was the only one focused on her.  

"Yeah?" Jessie retorted, attempting to appear as unfazed as possible. "You should be pleased. You keep pushing me to text her." She cracked a smirk. "Now that you don't think she's the devil incarnate for 'stringing me along' in university." 

"Oh I don't think you need to be pushed," Janine teased with a wicked grin. "And I never said she was the devil incarnate." She lifted a hand to her chest in exaggeration. "I merely questioned things. But you're right," she relented, "she's quite lovely. And she gives you butterflies, and she makes you blush - more than usual - and you try to act all nonchalant and it's just too adorable for words." 

"Uh huh," Jessie muttered with a flat look. Janine leaned in excitedly. 

"And I have to say, I got the sense that she and I could riff off of each other and just tease the heck out of you, so that really sealed the deal for me." 

Jessie rolled her eyes. "Oh yeah, that's exactly what I need in my life." She'd never admit that it actually excited her that her best friend and you could get along so well. If – and it was a huge 'if' - anything evolved between you two, it was key that you got along with her friends and family.  

She started thinking about how well you got on with her parents and sister – you'd met before during your days at UCLA and they loved you. She also remembered how disappointed they'd seemed when she eventually told them that you two didn't speak anymore.  

"Well, since you're so invested," Jessie went on, rolling her eyes facetiously once more as she opened her phone again and turned it to Janine, "what should I say?" 

Janine squinted as she leaned in to read and it only took a moment for her expression to light up. Before Janine could say anything, Jessie snatched the phone back and placed it on her lap with a frown.  

"I don't want to hear it," she pre-empted the girl. 

"What?" Janine said innocently with a mischievous glint in her eye. "I am totally supportive of the flirtation between you two." She ignored Jessie's look of complaint and cut off her protest. "Her shutting down your autograph is pretty hilarious, by the way," she said with a marginally apologetic look. "Not smooth on your part – you know she's not impressed by your elite football skills. Don't lean on your Jessie the Footballer identity." 

"I wasn't," Jessie nearly hissed, trying to keep her voice down and avoid drawing attention. "I was joking. Half joking." 

"You were flirting, or at least attempting to. She left you an opening here though. So, you should ask her out." 

"I'm not asking her out," Jessie pouted, her shoulders rounding as she scooched closer to the table. She huffed upon seeing the scrutinizing look her friend gave her. "We're still getting to know each other again." 

"Fine. Don't define it as a date, then," Janine dismissed with a wave. She leaned in, folding her arms on the table. "Ask her to go for dinner." 

"Basic," Jessie remarked as she sat up and crossed her arms in disapproval. She frowned. "Plus that's too date-like." 

"Fine," Janine said curtly. "How about a hike?" 

Jessie hummed and hawed, unconvinced. "Maybe someday. Doesn't seem right at this point though." Janine rolled her eyes in exasperation.  

"Well, what did you two used to do back at UCLA?" 

Jessie shrugged. She saw the frustration Janine was telegraphing at how unhelpful she was being and jumped in. "We went to drop-in art classes sometimes." 

Janine held a hand up to the sky. "Thank you. Finally – something I can work with. Okay! Let's find a drop-in class for you two to go to then." She pulled out her phone and started browsing before shooting a look at Jessie as an aside. "Oh, and dinner's too date-llke, but an art class isn't? Okay." 

Jessie grunted and pulled out her phone as well to look.  

"Here," Jessie announced after a couple of minutes. "This'll work. She enjoyed painting." 

Without further consultation, Jessie began to type out a message to you. She bit back a laugh at how Janine's head was bobbing around periodically trying to peek at the message from across the table.  

"Don't send it yet! I want to see it," Janine pouted.  

"You are not writing my messages for me," Jessie told her pointedly, but gave a heavy sigh as she turned her phone for the blonde to see. An affronted look crossed Jessie face as Janine let out a guffaw and snatched the phone out of her hand.  

"No," Janine simply said with a wag of her finger before she started typing. Jessie reached out for the phone, but Janine turned her body away. Jessie clamored more, but stopped as soon as she noted some of their teammates glancing their way. She shrunk back into her seat, a hand rubbing the side of her face as she spoke in a harsh whisper.   "What are you doing." 

"Jeff. Relax. I would never lead you astray," Janine assured her. "And this is so very satisfying for me since I never got to help you with any of this during uni. Cause let me tell you, if I had been involved, you two definitely would've been living happily ever after." 

Jessie breathed in exasperation. "Please. Give me my phone back." 

"Okay, okay. Here," Janine said, all humour from her tone gone as she now offered Jessie a sincere smile. "Read it over, but I think this is good." 

Jessie gave her a lingering stare as she took back her phone and let out another withering sigh before reading.  

"Funny you should ask. I was thinking about how much I missed art classes together. How about I take you to one of the drop-in painting classes across town when I'm back from Houston?"  

Jessie lifted her gaze to meet Janine's and she studied the blonde for a few moments before relenting with an inaudible sigh. It was better than her original "I don't know. Paint class?" reply. She hit send and released another heavy breath as she tucked the phone away once more.  

"You're welcome," Janine said with a saccharine smile. Jessie gave her a fake smile in return, pulling a laugh out of the girl. "Hey, let's remember which one of us is engaged and which one of us is perpetually single." 

"Ouch," Jessie said with a light laugh.  

"I'm just teasing," Janine went on. "I genuinely hope this turns into something for you. Considering you've only come back into each other's lives, what, like a couple months ago? You two seem pretty solid already. And you seem happier." 

Jessie wanted to give a dry retort of some kind, but Janine was right. You two talked every day now and the chemistry you had in university was still very much present. And the depth you once had in your friendship was something that was quite easily and naturally being broached again. Even if you'd both grown and changed, the cores of who you were still aligned well and fit together. Too well. 

She'd more or less dismissed the spark of emotions that came up during your initial interactions as some sort of emotional muscle memory, but the feelings were proving to not be fleeting or diminishing.  

If anything, her feelings for you were growing. And this time they felt different, too. Heavier, deeper in some way. She was a more realized person now, as were you, and it made the connection between you more substantial. Less juvenile.  

Her phone buzzed. She opened her lock screen.  

"That sounds like a lot of fun! Let's do it." 

————

By the time your paint date night came around, Jessie was nearly buzzing with anticipation. It wasn’t an official date, of course, but she hadn’t seen you since that night after the game, and truthfully, it felt like it had been too long.

She was early - as usual - but as she rounded the corner to the building, she bit back a smile upon seeing you waiting. You were always early too, which she appreciated.

“Hey.” Jessie greeted as she approached. Again, she had to tamp her smile when you beamed back at her.

“Hey, good to see you,” you said as you stepped in for a hug, which Jessie reciprocated. “I love your shirt,” you continued when you stepped back.

“Oh,” Jessie said with a slight frown and a mild laugh as she looked down at herself in question. “Thanks,” she said as she gave a shrug and fought off a blush. She looked you up and down, not entirely discretely. “I like your outfit.”

You rolled your eyes affectionately and gave her a look. “You don’t need to reciprocate my compliment. But thank you.”

“I legitimately like your outfit,” Jessie retorted, her pitch rising and pulling a laugh out of you as you both walked towards the building. Jessie took a few quick steps and grabbed the door, holding it open. “After you.”

“Such service. Thank you,” you said, both teasing and appreciative. Jessie didn’t wink, but she did give a teasing lift of her eyebrows as you passed.

As the instructor gave their directions for the lesson, Jessie found herself distracted, glancing at you out of the corner of her eye. The whole lesson carried on like that, really. Jessie had to make a point to not fall behind as she’d uncharacteristically lose concentration. The worst, well, best, moments being when she'd lean over feigning critical assessment of your work when really she just wanted to be close.

By the end, she was decently satisfied with the forest landscape she’d painted. However, she felt it paled in comparison to the ocean sunset you’d crafted.

“I love your colours. And the little cabin you added is great,” you told her as you were both leaving, canvases in hand.

“Well good,” she said as she got to a clearing on the sidewalk and stopped to turn to you. “Consider it my gift to you,” she went on as she held it out to you.

“Jessie,” you said sweetly with a smile as you took it and looked it over more thoroughly. “That’s really sweet. Thank you. It’s beautiful. And bonus - I get my Jessie Fleming signature, but on a far rarer painting as opposed to a jersey,” you laughed. “And what a coincidence. I painted this for you.”

Jessie looked at you for a moment before a smile broke out across her face as she belatedly took the painting you held out.

“Thank you,” she said softly as she studied the image. She frowned in realization as she lifted her eyes to you. “Is this the same beach from our photo?”

You nodded. “It is. Nice eye.”

“Who knew you were so sentimental?” Jessie teased.

“Apparently not you,” you replied with a roll of your eyes, but gave a small laugh. “Come on. It’s been a while, but you know me better than that.”

Jessie was quiet for a moment as she took you in. She eventually nodded. “I know.”

A small lull fell over you both before you asked. “So, what now? Do you have to leave?”

“No.” Jessie spoke quickly with a shake of her head. “I don’t have anywhere to be. How about you?”

You shook your head in return. “Same. Well, it’s beautiful out tonight. Want to just go for a walk? We can drop these off at my car first,” you proposed as you held up the painting.

“Sure. Sounds great.”

After a short detour, you both began your stroll along the quiet, tree-lined street.

“Thanks for suggesting that class,” you said. “I don’t really get to paint or pursue creative hobbies as much anymore. It was nice to make a point of it. I can’t imagine you have much of an opportunity to focus on things like that anymore, hm?”

Jessie sighed quietly in contemplation and gave a shrug.

“Not extensively, no. But we do lots of team building, so sometimes we’ll do artsy things. And I can do hobbies and such in my down time, whether during the week or between seasons.”

She looked over to see you giving her a soft smile.

“What?” She asked.

“Nothing really. Just kind of crazy how everything turned out. You’ve achieved so much and your life is so impressive.”

Jessie was about to interject with a compliment for you, but you carried on.

“Are you happy with how things turned out?” You asked with a slight cock of your head.

“I-um, yeah.” Jessie stammered slightly, caught off guard by your question. “I mean, yeah it’s been incredible. More amazing than I could’ve ever pictured. And I know I’m very lucky.”

“You’re not lucky, Jess. You’ve worked exceptionally hard.”

She huffed lightly. “Yes, but luck is involved too. Lots of people work hard and still don’t get half the opportunities I’ve had.”

“I suppose,” you relented. “But you’ve made the most of those opportunities and haven’t taken them for granted.”

“That’s true. But look at you. You’ve worked so hard. And I know what you’ve been up against, but you’ve risen above and built a great life for yourself,” Jessie emphasized.

“Thank you,” you accepted with a half smile. Jessie knew the ins and outs of your family dynamics - something few people truly knew. You smiled more fully at her. “And look at us now. We both left LA and then found ourselves in the same city again and got to reconnect,” you finished with a laugh. "It sounds strange, but it really feels like in some ways like no time has passed. Not really, anyway. Like you and I were able to pick up where we left off."

You let out a quick sigh, giving a deep shrug as you did so. Your eyes remained trained on the ground as you two walked. "I mean, we talked the other week about my family and it just felt so different. Like, I've told recent friends or girlfriends my history and everything, and they listen and they 'get it', but it's not the same. That conversation with you – via text, no less – had more depth and weight than any comparable conversation with my exes or current friends. You were there. You know it – and me, I guess - inside and out. And even if I retell things, it's just not the same." 

Jessie nodded, watching you. It did feel like yesterday when she was sitting next to you on your bed, sobs wracking your body after one confrontation too many with your family. Normally, Jessie was so analytical and tentative about her physical contact with you, but the second you started crying she put her arms around you without hesitation and you leaned in, resting your head on your shoulder as she held you. That was the first time, but it wasn't the last.  

Looking back on it, maybe your girlfriends did have good reason to dislike her. 

"I know what you mean," she told you. "It's different. I mean, it's the same with you in a lot of ways. You were there for me during some critical points – big decisions in my life and you understood who I was and who I wanted to be." 

You smiled at her fondly. You looked ready to say something and Jessie waited. A moment passed and you exhaled, saying, "It really meant a lot – having you in my life and the support you gave me back then. I hope you know that." 

"I know," Jessie accepted with a smile of her own. "And likewise." 

Her mind drifted. She should probably just leave things be, but not speaking her mind is what held her back all those years before. She needed to share her thoughts and feelings if things were going to be different this time. She took a breath.  

"You know, I was really shocked when we saw each other here." She paused briefly. "I don't know. We hadn't talked in so long. I think I'd relegated myself to assuming we'd never see each other or ever talk again. Despite how important we were to one another at some point." 

Her statement seemed to give you pause, the mild surprise evident on your face. You eventually glanced down at the street as you two continued to walk. 

"Yeah. That's true, I guess," you conceded, your voice soft. 

Jessie studied you, unsatisfied with the response you gave. She pushed.  

"I knew we wouldn't be able to stay as close as we were. That was inevitable with us living so far away from one another, but I don't think I expected contact to fall apart as quickly as it did." You didn't reply right away and she went on with an ironic laugh. "We went from talking all day every day, to a few times a week with a video call scattered in there, to the odd message every couple of weeks, then just texts on birthdays and at Christmas, to nothing at all." 

She wasn't sure what she was anticipating, but she didn't expect you to turn to her with a perplexed frown.  

"Yeah. It did taper off pretty quickly."  

Despite the time that'd passed, Jessie still knew when you were telling half-truths. She gave a bit of an empty chuckle. "What else are you thinking?" 

You returned her laugh with a mild look. "I don’t know. I'm just kind of confused, I suppose." Jessie frowned.  

"About what?" She questioned. Faint alarm bells went off in her head when you stopped walking. She stilled her movements as well and you turned to one another on the sidewalk.  

You took a moment to gather your thoughts. You spoke with a smile that didn't quite reach your eyes. 

"I know it was me who stopped replying right away to messages – I don't deny that – but you weren't exactly giving me a lot to work with." You took a breath, dropping your shoulders before you spoke further. "Honestly? It was kind of feeling one-sided. Yeah, you replied, but a lot of your replies were brief and noncommittal. And when I asked if everything was okay you just told me you were busy. Which," you let out a slightly rueful laugh, "is absolutely fair. You were building this brand new, big life. Which is exactly what you were supposed to do. I don't begrudge you at all. I don’t know." You shrugged and averted your gaze momentarily. "I guess things just started to feel off." 

Jessie exhaled quietly as she processed your reply. What you were saying wasn't false. It had been so long it was easy for Jessie to just recall the end result – that you'd stopped replying altogether. That you'd given up on her; on the connection you'd both built for years. 

Standing here now though, if she was honest with herself, it was true that Jessie grew distant in her messages - purposefully so - knowing it would drive you away. What was she supposed to do? You two were never going to be together. And being friends was so incredibly hard sometimes because it was never just friendship for her. There was always this bittersweet feeling to everything and now that you were on completely different paths, there was an inevitable conclusion. Yet, she struggled to cut herself off cold. So instead, she took the coward's way out.  

Jessie scratched the back of her head. "I was busy," she repeated. She contemplated doubling down, but thought better of it. "And I guess I was finding it hard. We were building two very different lives." 

There was so much more she wanted to say, but she couldn't. What would be the point? Her chest panged when you gave her a sad smile.  

"I know," you accepted with a sadness in your eyes. "And I really wanted that for you. I just - it was hard to not feel like a nuisance. Like some obligation. So I just stopped writing."

Jessie's frown deepened. She knew all those years ago that she had to be hurting you, but she could lie to herself about it and focus selfishly on herself. Seeing you talk about it in front of her wasn't something she'd anticipated.

"I didn't mean for that," Jessie said. "And I never stopped caring about you," she compromised. 

"Yeah. I never stopped caring about you, either," you reciprocated in a subdued manner. Despite her role in everything, Jessie was still harbouring hurt from all those years prior and she felt compelled to push on. Sure, she'd pushed you away, but you'd let her. She erased you from her life little by little, day by day and you allowed it.

"Funny how quickly things change sometimes," Jessie went on. She didn't mean to scoff, but she did. "You didn't even tell me when you and [y/ex] broke up. You didn't even tell me you were having problems."  

In years past, Jessie was your sounding board for all your girl troubles. She remembered it well – it was painful. Having to hear you either swoon or – more often – complain about your girlfriends. Hearing how they disappointed or frustrated you when Jessie knew she could love you better. Just thinking back to it stoked a fire in Jessie's chest again. While she had genuinely loved you and cared about your well-being, she'd vowed to never get stuck in that dynamic again.  

You cracked a smirk. "It just seemed frivolous to bother you with something like that at that point." 

Another pang in Jessie's chest. "Well," she kicked idly at the concrete beneath her, "I would've been there for you if you ever needed me. I hope you knew that." 

You sighed and gave a hollow laugh as you pushed your hair back, causing Jessie to get momentarily distracted by the way the rays from the street light hit your face.  

"I know," you said quietly before meeting her gaze. "And I hope you knew the same about me. I know you're surrounded by people who love you, but," you shrugged listlessly, "I'd be there for you, too." 

Before Jessie could respond you gave her another smirk. 

"Besides. Though you never said anything explicit, I know you didn't like her. And by the end I could see why, too. No point wasting any of our limited conversation talking about her." 

Jessie bit back a smirk, but knew her eyes betrayed her. "Well, I guess that's poetic. Your girlfriends never liked me and I never liked them." 

Despite the mounting tension in your conversation, you laughed and gave her a nod. Jessie didn't return your laugh though. She gave you a solemn look. 

"You always deserved better than them. I know some of them were just fine, some of them even good, but they didn't seem earnest enough and they didn't love you enough." 

You were taken aback by her sudden proclamation. You opened your mouth to speak, but couldn't find the words.  

Jessie never understood how they didn't worship the ground you walked on. She practically did, even if she didn't show it. While those girls showed they cared through superficial acts like a generic bouquet of flowers, Jessie listened. In many ways. It was obvious to Jessie that they didn't really get you – not the way she did. And if they were so in tune with you, then why was it her you came to when things were hard or you were scared or even hopeful. If she'd been your girlfriend, she would've given you everything you needed and more. They clearly didn't. 

You eventually gave a soft huff and offered Jessie a quiet smile. 

"You've always been very observant. And very thoughtful. I get it now. There's a reason I'm single now. I don't want to settle anymore," you told her. 

Jessie was quiet before giving a nod of acceptance.  

"I'm glad to hear that." 

You both started walking again, though neither of you spoke right away. There was still a heaviness in the air, but it felt different now; hopeful.  

"I'm sorry for how things ended," you said as she glanced over at Jessie as you two strolled through the quiet street. "You've always been really important to me – regardless of whether we were in contact or not. I don't want to say that I wish things had been different, because I really don't see the point in regretting anything, but I will say I'm very grateful that we've had this chance to reconnect and rebuild." You paused. "I've really missed you. I didn't realize how much." 

"I'm really sorry, too," Jessie said, a smile spreading across her face. "And I agree – we can't change the past, but I also appreciate the chance to be friends again. I've missed you, too." 

She swallowed as she contemplated whether to add more. The lull that naturally formed told her to forge ahead.

"And you were never a nuisance or an obligation. I'm really sorry it came across that way."

"Awww, Jessie," you said in a teasing voice, lifting your conversation up again. You paused your steps and Jessie stopped and turned to you in question. "Come on," you beckoned as you waved her over and brought out your phone. "We need a new photo together." 

Jessie didn't fight it. Instead, she smiled at you and walked over to stand next to you. You leaned into her and Jessie found her hand naturally gravitated to your waist. It rest there before Jessie could even realize it, but before she could fret, you looked back at her with a smile before facing forward again. 

You took the photo and immediately opened up your messages with Jessie to send it to her. Jessie belatedly realized her hand was still on you and she pulled it back, holding her hands behind her. 

"There," you announced. "Now we can start rebuilding our collection. Portland memories – not just UCLA anymore." 

Jessie laughed and held up her phone, pointing the camera at you. 

"No, come on," you whined immediately and she laughed further.  

"Hey, this is part of the deal," she countered. You huffed, but eventually smiled for her. "Just remember. This goes both ways. I get new photos of you, too." 

She found herself giving you a wink. "I'll allow it."  

A/N: Part Four is available here.

[kazimirovich]

all i can say forever

i'm jewish. as a child i moved from a rural town where my family saw acts of rage and hate, emigrated from a country with a horrifying history with jews. you know the one, though there are many. i'm 31 now and i have seen and experienced antisemitism my whole life, in the many places i've lived, to varying degrees. not that i should need to qualify this before everything i have to say - but i know what that looks and feels like. in my life there have been times at which i have been in danger. i choose to stay out of danger in all the ways i was taught. (part of that is not moving into someone else's house uninvited (more in a sec))

(well-meaning?) people want me to have a relationship with israel. they are very invested in assuming i have some connection to this shifting space, this project. they associate my german jewishness with a place i have never been and never felt. home, for me, is the uncle i haven't seen in too long, the ailing brother of my mother, the same red nose. it's fresh sheets hung over dry summer grass, it's bavarian farmland, it's thick liptauer on pumpernickel bread warmed over the wood stove. it's my grandmother's dining room and rough fenceposts, borders we disrespected as kids. home is also here and there and where my family is, where my friends are, where i've built myself.

in a geopolitical sense, it is clear that the antisemitic position is to sequester jews into a partitioned state conceived of by non-jews after the sunset of our most recent attempted decimation. antisemitic, to tell jews "move here, be at home in this space of constant war. impose war on others. fight for a tenuous link to an ancestry you've never seen or studied." in a religious sense, sort of a key feature of judaism since the second exile is that - we're in exile. this is an orthodox argument, but i have to admit that rabbinical discourse is pretty convincing. the secular establishment of the israeli state in an attempt to accelerate any so-called redemption has left us at a point where i really don't know what hope we have for that to occur. if you believe in god, how can you believe they are looking down at us, impressed

because beyond theoretical or spiritual reasons, the bloodlust, the vengefulness, the racism, the violation of law (i know that laws are agreed upon, are broken all the time by those who grant themselves impunity), the evil of this continuance, the evil which grinds babies and text and memory, gnashes it all in its droning machinery, its cold horror and inhumane (unhuman) practice, seemingly perfected... it is obvious to anyone with a single thought that it is an ethnic cleansing. the forcible "movement" (murder) of people of one group from land people of another group want. is ethnic cleansing. we are watching it in real time, and the world stands by and in many cases, it endorses, it beats and imprisons those who are brave enough to stand up to it, it rewards cowardly men in war rooms who having read fukuyama and arendt and maybe even voegelin conveniently forget themselves, because they can afford to, and wave their hands and make calls and decimate entire families cities sovereignties. and liberalism - that fickle ideology whose sole search is for the justification of atrocity - sends its thoughts and prayers, and emphasizes how just horrible both sides are, and conveniently forgets the histories that have led each "side" to this. convenient.

and i can't do anything about it. i can perfectly articulate every well-thought-out argument, i can cry the most frustrated tears from the well of my chest and i can scream that this isn't right, because it isn't, but nobody fucking cares. those who matter have decided for those who don't.

if you align yourself with israel, or feel any sympathy toward the supposed plight of active settlers (not a neutral spot to be in, by the way - another rational argument), i hope you know how thoroughly you've been manipulated. how successful the project of those with the power to decide we don't matter has been. you and i don't matter. so-called free thinkers meme. you fucking idiot. you genocidal maniac.

not putting this under a cut. fuck you. read it all and remember my jewish name and keep it far out of your mouth the next time you tell someone why the people you've told me are my neighbors deserve a flattening.

[ganondoodle]

so guess what they released more interviews and i think given what a writing shitshow totk was and what they have been saying in all these interviews is actually painting a really bad picture; i dont have the time, nor the energy to go over every detail

but they were commenting on people wanting the more linear format back and aonuma himself basically said that he thinks people who feel like that do so only bc of nostalgia and "Why do you want to go back to a type of game where you're more limited or more restricted in the types of things or ways you can play?"

what .. the fuck, more freedom DOESNT automatically mean better??? like ... restriction can be a GOOD thing just as tooo much freedom can be BAD?? like in totk??? are you fukcing shitting me- what the hell are games even for then, has he had an awakening to the fact that he actually just loves sandbox games without realizing it???? im not playing fucking zelda for a sandbox, especially not when its advertised as a somethign else

its pretty clear that they want to keep this format going with everything they say there, ... maybe it really is over huh

also i hate how they kept talking around answering anything about story/lore; they go asked how ganondorf even connects to ganon since theres nothign about it in game, and all they got out was welllll we dont wanna say anything bc its up to the player; about every question you got the answer of "make somethign up yourself" which is just ... its really clear they dont actually care but dont want to say everything is meaningless actually, so they try to be vague about it and with doing that really just confirm they didnt think about it and they dont care- so no lore actually matters, nothing thats been said or established has any meaning bc they will get rid of it the second it crosses paths with their new -more freedom equals better- philosophy, they say its bc they want you to be "free" to think up anything but apparently dont realize that when there are no rules, no consistent lore or anything that it ROBS it, it stops having meaning, its fun to connect dots only when there are rules you need to work with and dots to connect in the first place, when you have an established world with its restrictions it drives you to think more creatively about things- but when there are no rules?? its fucking boring!! thats what it is!!

when you discard all rules i wont care to get invested into anything bc i know it will not be considered again, be done away with without any reason and wont have influence on coming or previous games ... bc there are no rules, anything is possible and everything can be changed any second, so nothing matters

(they also talked about the many viral videos of those very few dedicated people that make godzilla mechs in totk and how happy they are about that- i get that to some extent, but the way they kept talkign about it really just felt like it confirmed my suspicion that that whole mechanic was mainly implemented to let people do that since that gets shared around en masse making it seem like that is why people enjoy it while neither the game nor the narrative are build around it in any way ..)

it just makes all the time i spend thinking, feeling and theorizing about zelda like a true waste of time, bc nothing matters and there are no rules-

i am someone who greatly enjoys working with and around established lore/rules, its fun to me to recontextulize things by being smart or creative with it all without breaking anything or as little as possible of the established things!

if i wanted to do just do anything i want I COULD HAVE ALREADY DONE THAT bc theres nothing actually stopping anyone to just make up what they want! i DONT need canon to lose all rules for that??!!

maybe ill have to make myself believe the franchise ended with botw on a good note ... ono

[ariesmoontarot]

🌷What's Next In Love🌷

The Piles:

*ROLES CAN BE REVERSED*

Book a personal reading here

Pile One:

Labradorite “I can’t get enough of you.”

Labradorite can help with eliminating negative energies from your life along with balancing and cleansing the throat, third eye, and crown chakras. It can boost creativity, confidence, and promote physical healing. Labradorite can also alleviate pain, enhance intuition, and strengthen higher senses such as clairvoyance, precognition, and telepathy. It shields from spiritual attacks and negative spirits.

Someone can't get enough of you or the other way around. I'm sensing distance between the two of you so maybe you're in different states, haven't seen each other yet or in a long time, someone is blocked, or there is a lack of communication in some way. For some of you pile two might also resonate. I feel like there is a period of stagnation where someone is waiting for the other person. Maybe to make up their mind, reach out, to make some type of decision or take action. I feel like for a lot of you this is someone you already have history with or you know this person already and something could've happened between you that is all too very confusing for the both of you to understand. There could even be a third-party situation where someone is in a committed relationship and they are cheating with you or you're cheating with them take that how it resonates.

I'm seeing someone has their guard up. There are very strong boundaries here and it's an energy of not wanting to let you or them in. Whether it be not wanting to see each other, not wanting to have sex, not wanting to talk, or just simply being defensive in general due to some type of fear, hurt, or maybe someone blocked the other person so now you or they are mad about it but for a lot of you I'm getting they blocked you so now you're guarded about letting them back in. I feel like you wanted everything with this person, you wanted a long term relationship, to invest in a future together, having a family, meet each others families, and all that good stuff, but something happened. It seems as if they just shut you out, confused you, themselves, and basically gave you the cold shoulder with their lack of communication. You've been so open, loving, and compassionate towards them and it's like they haven't been fully honest with you about a lot of things. They haven't told you how they feel, what they're thinking, or anything really. I feel like whatever distance there is between you is needed because it's helping the both of you get back in alignment with yourselves. I feel like you've done all that you can and you're just sitting patiently loving yourself, content, and focused on your own priorities. Meanwhile, this person is coming to recognize the connection between you and who you are as a person. They underestimated you and didn't see the true value of who you really are. They didn't see how much you loved them. I'm seeing that for some of you they are indecisive between you and someone else. Maybe they are in a relationship or were in a relationship with someone and they loved this person, but they just didn't have the same goals or investments. I feel like they feel like you are their person. You love them the way they need to be loved and you both have the same goals and values in life. I feel like you feel the same way about them. Without each other you both feel like you're missing something and it's not in an unhealthy way. We all need love, support, family, and connections in life and I feel like you both want to be with each other for good reasons. God ordains this connection so you both feel this energy of being pulled closer together no matter how far apart you are. They are in the process of letting go of another person or some type of third party interference because it's blocking them from being able to come forward with an offer. For others they've already did this and they're anxious and scared that they're losing you because of what they put you through. You've always been so kind and loving to them and they hurt you. This hurts them too and I feel like they're feeling weighed down by the burden of their own guilt. They want to tell you how much they love you, but they're building up their confidence to do so. For some of you they're going to mess up again before they do it right, for others they will come clean and tell you what they've been feeling but it might not come off in the way you expect. They aren't exactly the best communicator so I see them communicating how they feel in a toxic way and then it leading to resistance and maybe conflict between you. Be patient. Don't let this stress you out and know that you are manifesting what it is you need. The fate is different for all of you in this situation so for some you will get past the hard times with this person, for others it will just be a hard lesson you have to move on from. Whatever happens will be for the best.

Pile Two:

Fire Agate “I will wait for a sign from you.”

Fire Agate can help promote passion and creativity. It is connected to the root, sacral, and heart chakra. It protects and grounds the person using it and can also increase sexual vitality / libido. It can help you step into your highest self. Fire Agate also takes negative energy and returns it back to the source. It stimulates spiritual and physical energies, invokes courage, and helps with open communication in all relationships.

Someone is waiting for a sign. Whether it be communication, action, literally any type of sign. Maybe there isn't great communication between you and them or it could be that you're waiting for them to make a decision or change. For some of you you're waiting for them to demonstrate that they care and love you.

I'm seeing you feeling disappointed and sad like someone let you down emotionally. It seems like its past energy for most of you. Like a person you loved really hurt you but it didn't just happen. You seem to be getting past it now and you're doing your best to move forward, but it's been hard. I feel like it's been hard because you don't want to move on. You aren't ready to let this person go and you could be just exploring different things and people trying to find what makes you happy. For a lot of you you're talking to different people trying to move on emotionally and mentally, but you just can't. This person is in the back of your mind and you're tired. I see that you need rest to clear your mind. Its like time to meditate, gather your thoughts, bring your mind to a clear state because your emotions are creating all these different scenarios that confuse you and distract you from facing how you really feel. You're really frustrated and I don't think you've ever been in a relationship with this person. Maybe for some of you. You really connect with them, you trust them, you feel like they are your person, but things aren't progressing the way they should be after all the time and effort you've tried to put into having a relationship with this person. Please remember the roles can be switched so this could be how they feel and maybe your in the other position. You both feel stuck here like you don't know what to do, but you both want the same thing. There is very deep love here but there is also pain. I feel like you're both learning a deep lesson about how you limit yourself from having the love and things you deserve because of fear, anxiety, and pain. It's like you're both scared of this love that's between you, but you yearn for each other so bad in every way. For some of you, you're waiting for this person to tell you they're sorry or express some type of emotionally heartfelt apology to you regarding everything that's happened between you. It's like you were keeping yourself stuck in the same mentality about the situation and waiting for this apology that you never received and finally you're not waiting for it anymore and you're allowing yourself the time to heal and move forward emotionally because you've been sad way too long about it. I'm also hearing the song lonely by akon specifically the part when he says 'cause ever since my girl left me, my whole life came crashin' and i'm so lonely". It's like you waited and waited and you're tired, you're hurting, and you just want to feel closure already. I see you really sad and just moving forward because this person hasn't been on the same page as you. You finally see clearly that it's time to continue moving on and I see better things in your future. I get this really heavy sad feeling from this pile and just know It's okay to cry and be sad. I can tell you have a really big heart. May God bless you. This person will come back and will try to be in your life, but I don't see them giving you what you deserve any time soon. If they won't say sorry to you I will because I literally feel your heart ache and I'm so sorry you have to experience this, but you are so strong and it will be worth it trust me!

Pile Three:

Clear Quartz “We don’t share the same values.”

Clear Quartz is used to cleanse, protect, and heal all chakras and energy. It promotes awareness, wisdom, intuition, and is a really good stone for calming and meditation. It cleanses negative energy and promotes positivity. You can use this stone when you need clarity and truth in your life. it can also help to heighten your spiritual and mental awareness.

So I'm seeing that emotionally you know who you love and they know they love you, but the physical world when it comes to values, goals, aspirations, you can oppose to some core details and it makes things a bit difficult between you. However, I'm seeing that you both want it to work and you're both really smart enough to come together and create ideas and ways of doing things to make each other happy. I feel like this person thinks very highly of you and they really feel like your smarter than them. Maybe to them you don't share the same values, but deep down you really do. I just feel like they think you're better than them so they may degrade themselves because of it. It's like they hold themselves to a lower standard than you. You both don't want to move on from the connection or each other because there is very deep love here and you're both emotionally committed to each other whether you know it or not. I'm seeing that somebody feels like no other person will bring you or this person happiness like the way you do for each other. You've both been with other people and it seems like they just don't compare. I'm also seeing that there has been some hurt between you guys and maybe even deception, betrayal, lies, etc. The energy here is very confusing so I can understand why you got the clear quartz because honestly I'm having trouble understanding the full message here. Whatever happened between you guys is the past and your energy is in a very balanced place now not sure about this person though. You might not feel like that, but it very much is. I see you sitting with yourself probably a bit upset and apathetic just sulking in the feelings of how this person made you feel, but God is offering you more opportunities. Change is inevitable and life will move on and get better no matter what. I'm seeing there has been a lot of obstacles, arguments, and conflicts. But nothing can stop what's meant to be. I'm seeing you closing out a chapter of your life with this other energy of someone else, maybe even this person too. It could be an ex, even someone you have kids with for some of you. They were unhealthy just as you were with them. Together you guys just didn't balance each other out and they could've been pulling on your energy heavily and it held you back from being able to see things with more of a clear-headed perspective. I'm seeing that once you really focus on what it is you want and the type of person you want it with, God will start clearing obstacles for you so things can align in the physical. It's like you had both of these energies weighing on you and it was causing conflicts within you. You're literally refreshing your whole mind of this idea you had of what you wanted with an ex or with multiple people for some of you. But it wasn't what you needed. I feel like you will meet someone new and realize these old connections just weren’t meant for you. Spirit wants you to be patient and have faith. What you need is on its way to you, but it’s a surprise that I can’t even know.

[yzafre]

thoughts on tmnt 2003

I finally finished watching 2003 for the first time! I've been compiling thoughts as I go along, so here they all are, for the "I like hearing what new people think of my favorite things" crowd (and also just to give myself a place to put them).

Spoiler alert: it's mostly positive, and forgiving of the less-than-positive. This gets long, so I put it below a read more:

Okay, so I saw everyone talking about how different Rise was from 2012, and how it jarred people, and some people couldn’t stomach it, but I never saw anyone mentioning 2003’s place in this discussion?  Because I didn’t realize just how much 2012 pulled from 2003, and I feel like the expectations that set about what it means to do a new iteration of the franchise definitely had a place in how people received something different

On that note, I kind of want to do a “who wore it better” post about all the arcs 2012 adapted... (although 2003 probably also pulled its ideas from somewhere else – I've heard the comics, maybe?  I barely know anything about those, so have no idea how closely they’re connected.).

The City at War arc (good series of episodes, btw) really clarified a point of difference for me in how I understand 2003 and 2012 Raphael.  And by that I mean I think 12!Raph would agree with 03!Leo?  Not on the honor/it’s our fault point, but on the “the gangs are out there hurting people, and we should do something about it”. I’d need to re-watch some episodes to check my work here (I think the episode where they meet Murakami sticks out most in my head?) but 12!Raph seemed to have – at least verbally – an investment in the idea of stopping bad guys simply because they were hurting people.

Okay so obviously Same As It Never Was is agonizing, BUT.  Leo in Usagi’s world was SOOOOO funny to me.  omg.  Everyone just being all “ninja deceit”!  “Dishonorable ninja”!!  With Leo’s whole... deal.  Like from the beginning of the show I was like “isn’t bushido a samurai thing?” when Leo brought it up, so to see it being highlighted here is.  Mwah.  Even Usagi being “bluh bluh you’re turning me into a ninja with all this sneaking around >:(".  SO funny.  I was dying.

I’ve talked several times on how 2012 invested in inter-connected, long-form plots rather than being purely episodic, so it’s interesting to see 2003 move that way as the seasons go on!  I don’t think it ever quite reaches the level of ‘12, but you can definitely see how the writers were inspired by the plot work going on here, and went “okay, can we do that but more?”  The differences between how the two shows do it is interesting, too, but that would be a whole other conversation.

Similarly, I can see how part of Rise’s inspirations might’ve been some of the weirder world-building stuff going on in ‘03.  Everything about the underground city/ the Y’Lyntians, the idea of the Utrom/Kraang being here since long ago, all the more mystic stuff that ‘12 only sometimes dabbled in.  ((I also think part of the way Rise was written was to be in dialogue with the themes of ‘03 and ‘12, but that’s also a different conversation.))

I was aware of Grudge Match before watching the show, but given what I knew about it I honestly expected Mikey to be much more obnoxious about it?  Like yes he wouldn’t shut up about it in the multi-part immediately after the Nexus arc, but after that it seemed like he only mentioned it, what, once every couple episodes? Grudge Match implies he was louder about it off screen – which would be in character – but given how good the show usually is at “show don’t tell” for setting up characterization it stood out to me.

Okay this is petty but.  I am getting very tired of the constant movie quotes.  Stop that.

Okay so on the topic of “show don’t tell” characterization – Leo's ptsd arc was good.  Like this was a thing I knew about before starting the show but everyone was right it was goooood. Like obviously within the limitations of a kids show, but a wonderful amount of nuance for that audience. It tracks so well start to finish, even from season 1 where Leo was shown to have this.  Really strong but devastatingly rigid sense of identity?  Like what it means to be a warrior, and who he has to be because of that.  Like the thing with his identity being tied to the swords, and then the reason why he was tempted by Shredder’s initial (lying) offer. It all tracks to like.  Okay when he fails.  When he can’t live up to it.  Of course it shattered his mental state and threatened his sense of identity.  Of course it did.  And then just several arcs of different plots but with this other character story woven through them.  Just in how he was approaching it.  This is the shit I was wanting from ‘12 the whole time.

And Usagiiii.  Usagi.  I love him so much, and this was such great use of him. Building up a solid, believable foundation for a very enjoyable relationship between him and Leo, then bringing it back at this critical juncture in Leo’s character.  FUCK their conversations in Samura Tourist were so good.  Amazing.  Fantastic.

Actually just all the work that’s done with the turtle’s allies is great.  The homeless/junkyard people.  The super-heroes.  Leatherhead.  Usagi.  The Daimyo.  Just... all of it?  I love it?  It makes the world feel more alive and the turtles grounded in it as like.  Real people.  Who make connections and upkeep them and.  Yeah I love it.

I reached Tale of Master Yoshi and noooooo it’s.  It’s the 2012.  It’s the 2012 backstory.  The inspiration for 2012’s whole thing… its right here… ((Although is it just me or,,, does Yoshi (our hero) look a lot more western compared to Mashimi (our villain)?  There’s something about that.... hm. Hmmmmm.))

Hello season 5! A!Ni!Me! Bullshit!!!  Very accelerated anime bullshit.  Obliviously this is a huge inspiration for Rise, though I appreciate that that show took more time for the powers to build up.  Also the ninja tribunal are assholes and very questionable teachers.  Would it kill you to actually explain anything ever.

Huhhh okay so I am picking up a LOT of Rise vibes not just from the mystic powers/glowy lines, but from Splinter’s deal with the ninja tribunal, and how they wouldn’t hesitate to sacrifice the boys, and how the brothers need to stick together.  VERY reminiscent of Rise!Splinter’s deal with the Hamato.

Noooo not Oroku Saki getting possessed by a demon.  Hello Rise backstory.  I see.  It really all comes back to 2003 doesn’t it?  Rise was definitely made by people who looked at S5 and went “okay, can we do that but more?”

Have I talked about how much I love that from the beginning the show was just like “oh yeah also actual superheroes exist in this world, it’s just an accepted thing”?  Because I do.  Love it a lot.  Having most of them be really old/kinda retired/people are forgetting about them was a good idea though because otherwise.  Their spotty presence at cataclysmic events would be much more noticeable.

Dragon fight is cool.  That is all.

The fact that at this point Stockman is just straight up like “Let me die.  Please let me die” is.  Well it sure is something!

I’d heard the last two seasons weren’t as good and… yeah.  Like it’s not bad, it’s just… less good.  I miss the world and characters of the previous season.  Though hey did the Rise gear designs steal some inspo from this season?

HOWEVER.  The episode introducing the dark turtles.  Where Leo’s like “if you’re really my clone, you should value honor and the code of bushido!” and his counterpart just... stares solemnly for an extended time before being like “lmao yeah nope” and sucker punching him was hilarious, and got a sharp laugh out of me.  Favorite moment in this season.  I actually liked this episode overall, too.

So.  Hm.  Mikey has always been very un-serious – a jokester, (verbally) a bit of a coward at times, easily distracted.  But as this season goes on it really feels like they’re amping it up/exaggerating those traits, to the point of stripping away anything else at times. Similarly, his brother’s willingness to indulgence/reactions to his silliness seems to fluctuate wildly, but on a downward trend - they always razzed him, but in this season... well they paired his increased goof-offs with increased put downs/jokes about it. This, while a bit annoying to me as a characterization choice, does track on a more meta-textual level.  By this point it’s 2006-2007.  2007 is the year Big Bang Theory aired, which I find to be, uh…. Tonally representative of the cultural attitude in the US between 2008 annnnd… 2013-ish?  There was this extra-concentrated feeling of, like… snideness and sarcasm that I remember around that time period.  It’s also very prominent in TMNT 2012 – especially in Season 1 (when binging that show I was hit by high school memories so viscerally that I said, out loud, “oh, GOD, we really were all Like That, weren’t we?” only a few episodes in).  Similarly to my post about the increasing frequency of the “Gibbs slap”, I find it interesting to see the way the changing attitudes are reflected in the same show as time passes.

LET STOCKMAN REST jeZUS

Overall, I see three kinds of episodes in season 6: mediocre, good, and what I call “good but out of order”.  What I mean by that last bit, is like… okay, the Graduation episode was good in theory, but felt very strange coming after Season 4/5, you get me?  Things where the concept is solid, but seems to be placed in the wrong position in their arcs, which I think is a knock-off effect from the lightened tone of the season.

Oh.  I just got to the second episode of S7 and.  I don’t…. hm.  So, I could deal with the simplified designs in Fast Forward, because they got some cool new gear stuff added in as well, but this is.  Uh.  Worse. But even beyond that – the dynamics also feel sort of off.  If Casey has been going to this gym for a while, why is April only now doing something about it….?  I don’t feel like she would have let this go just because the guys weren’t there. Also I'm putting it down here now that I think the whole digital world thing is kinda dumb

I do think 2012 looked at a lot of the ideas for S7 and went “interesting idea, we can do it way better”, which I commend them for.  Admittedly, these can also be stock tropes: April getting possessed also reminds me of Ghost Busters/Zuul, and mind control is a pretty standard trope, but… well, you know.  2012 took so much else from 2003, you can’t help but wonder if they pulled inspiration here, too.

Oh they are wayyyy over-using the Shredder/Foot Clan sting/motif this season and it is getting,,, annoying,,,

I kept waiting to see what they were doing with it, but they did not handle Donnie’s guilt arc with anywhere near the finesse they did Leo’s.  It wasn’t… horrible, I guess.  It’s just notably lacking in comparison. They didn't even have Leo really sit down with him to talk about his own experience like???

I did appreciate them bringing back all those side characters in the finale.  I’ve already mentioned I love the plethora of allies and friends they gave the turtles in this iteration, so obviously that was going to please me, though they could have gotten a little bit better showing in the final fight.

Lmao the guy I thought was gonna be rat king!!!!  He’s there lurking and watching in the distance???

Good show!  But yeah I’d agree with people who say that the heart of the show is really in the first 5 seasons.  After that the characters and stories feel a bit… flattened? The more I pushed through the last two seasons, the more I was missing the first 5, which I really, really enjoyed. Ranking on my personal tastes of the series I’ve watched so far, meeting each show where it's at, it goes Rise > 2003 > 2012.  Rise and 2003 are really close, with Rise just beating it on account of “it was my first show” and also “I REALLY like anime bullshit”, although there’s potential for that to shift or fluctuate as it marinates in my brain. That being said, 2012 is the one that makes the creative part of my brain go crunch-crunch, so take that as you will. Continuing to go backwards puts me at the 1987 series, so I suppose that’s next.  I have plans to watch the new TotTMNT with family during the holiday season, so unfortunately I’m up for an (agonizing) wait on that one.

[velvet-games]

hmm ok thoughts/questions so far on hazbin hannibal au (feel free to chime in):

okay full disclosure I haven't watched hannibal in like four years but I was obsessed enough with it at the time that I can hopefully still analyze it without forgetting major chunks of plot (emphasis on hopefully)

also full disclosure that a lot of my view of alastor is based on fandom/my own extrapolation; I rewatched some of hazbin recently, and we honestly don't get much! there's a lot of room for different interps and I'm just using mine

the most obvious choice for hannibal is alastor, but the characters are just different enough that I can either a) have someone else be hannibal or b) have the whole point be that alastor is not hannibal (and why that's interesting)

hannibal is a lonely devil (but like, not from the bible): he's the only guy in the world that knows how to play chess, and he'll do anything to keep playing with the one other guy that knows how to play chess; hannibal is legitimately better and cooler than most people, and he is only actually made vulnerable by will.

alastor is like. just a guy tbh. even in hell, he's kind of mediocre; not all of the other overlords respect him, and he's not even as powerful as the goetia, much less anyone in heaven. and that's not even touching on human alastor.

hannibal is born into a lot of wealth, and I think that shapes his sense of "morality;" instead of absorbing actual morals, he absorbs a need for decorum and propriety (the aesthetic of morality basically). he kills because people are "impolite." he fucks with people because it's genuinely just interesting, and he doesn't respect them as people.

I don't really know what to do with hannibal's trauma with later being destitute and having to eat his sister; it wasn't fully explained in the show, and I think it's kind of a relic from the more human version of him in the books. maybe it speaks to a level of having to remove oneself emotionally because being invested means Something Bad Happened to Hannibal, which cannot happen ("nothing happened. I happened." etc etc), and that's why he needs to see everything as a game he can control. that makes will a lot more significant because hannibal could've chosen not to play chess, but now that he does, he needs someone to play with him (or he might have to go back to believing something bad happened). eh.

I don't think alastor was born into wealth at all; I'm good with the general fandom interp of him growing up poor with a shitty father, and I don't really see him as ever becoming wealthy in life. I doubt being a radio show host paid that much, especially since his whole thing is not being a sellout.

alastor's morality is kind of a big question mark that everyone has a different answer to. I don't like the politeness thing because again, I see it as being shaped by hannibal's childhood, and I also do think alastor is Invested. I think he's too invested, actually; there's kind of this desperate edge to him that hannibal would never have. alastor's ego is wounded multiple times and he is, at least to the audience, very obviously ticked off by it. he doesn't like that the other overlords aren't impressed by him, he has a meltdown over husk's minor jab, and tears out his own hair at the idea that other people might've thought he had a heart. he's less of a master chess player and more of a wounded animal that got really good at scaring other animals into not hurting it again. but he's still an animal. and no one has gotten close enough to heal the wound.

so I guess alastor's morality is just whatever feels good/safe. I watched swarm a while back, and I liked the use of murder as a kind of coping mechanism: "this feels bad. I don't feel safe. I don’t know how to deal with this. no one in my life has taught me how to process emotions normally, so I'm literally just gonna do murder." dre's killing is subtextually compared to stress eating; it feels good, there's a dopamine rush, and you stop thinking about the bad things. you can also eat comfort food just because you want to and enjoy it.

something I realized while I watched the show is that I'm pretty sure we don't see alastor actually kill that many people? like he fucked with pentious and tried to kill adam, plus we get a flashback about killing other overlords, but I only remember him actually killing the sharks that were after mimzy. so. lots of extrapolation still.

I think all of those examples can be read using the eating metaphor, but obviously there's some other stuff going on too. killing the overlords was a reputation-building (no one will hurt me if I'm scary enough) moment, but it was also just for the more practical side of gaining power/souls. killing for mimzy helped confirm to charlie that he could defend the hotel, and it also plays into his role as a gentleman that will clean up mimzy's messes. he gets to be a hero in a fucked up way.

there's obviously no redemption arc for hannibal. I don't even know what the fuck that would mean in a thematic sense. but I do think alastor can be softened a lot if he lets someone in to heal the wound. not sure who that would be though.

I have a lot more, but just one little thing to end on and get y'all's thoughts going: what if vox is hannibal? not in the full character sense, but just to fill the role as the rich guy that psychoanalyzes people. he's probably more obviously suited to a freddie lounds-type role, but maybe he does hypnosis "therapy" and realizes it doesn't work on alastor, which sparks his interest. just some food for thought.

[slickchickchocolatier]

S E 7 E N : R E C K O N I N G P A R T 1 N E

WARNINGS: Religious references (both accurate and inaccurate), mentions of cannibalism, rape, murder, grotesque deaths, demons, angels, heaven and hell, conspiracy, abuse of authority, cruelty behavior, sinister and sadistic main character, threats of death, threats towards women, time travel, sexual fantasies, religious/sacrificial death/offering, God, the Devil, 7 o Princes of Hell, 7 Deadly Sins.

The text in purple are song lyrics.

The next day, you woke up as usual and conducted your regular routine. You showered and found yourself staring in a daze as the water coats your body. 

‘Tomorrow…..tomorrow I will no longer be here…I'll no longer be alive....’

You felt like crying…you felt like screaming…you felt like running and releasing every inch of emotional energy you could think of. 

But you couldn’t…your body froze internally and you couldn’t think let alone feel. 

‘Lily….is this how you felt? No wonder you were so stoic…poor girl….it wasn’t your fault….it really wasnt….we really…are just two moths that were drawn to the flame…and burned.’

You finished up and made a cup of tea, nothing out of the ordinary….nothing. 

Maybe this was all a dream…a nightmare…maybe you’ll wake up any moment and look past all this. Maybe this was just a test, or a cruel joke…there has to be a rational explanation…people like Lily and yourself…just regular and innocent people…they can’t die like this….

Sipping on your cup, you looked at the phone Niki gave you. Reaching over to it, you opened up the contacts list and subtly released a breath.

Hitting the number displayed, you hold the phone to your ear and your insides felt light as the familiar tone of the line ringing came back to you in a manner that felt like deja vu. 

It had been so long, what with cell phones being banned, and you never did own or invest a landline, it was somewhat pointless considering after Lily had died, you hadn’t felt the need to reach out and talk to anyone…who was there to even call? You hadn’t really gotten to know anyone else, everyone had changed and became stagnant in the comfort of their own homes….they were too scared to live, out of fear that whatever they did, it would be considered a sin….your parents including....especially considering you never joined the cult.

When the line picks up, your heart sank upon hearing your fathers voice….

“Hello?”

‘It’s been too long…far too long.’

“P-papa?”

“….y/n!…my girl…where are you calling from? How are you able to....did you buy a landline phone?”

Tears streamed down your face, you couldn’t help it. 

“N…no…I um….and using a friends phone.”

“Y/n….don’t…don’t be putting yourself at risk! You need to be careful, who is this friend? Are they apart of the organization? Is it a landline? Cell phones are banned, you know that…” 

“I know…..but….I had to call…I have to tell you something…”

He stayed silent on the other end.

You filled the air with the stuttering cries as they slowly escaped your lips…you tried your best to maintain composure….you really did....for the sake of your parents...you tried to be strong for them.

“Daddy….tomorrow…..I…” you paused as you raised your hand and covered your mouth for a second as you began sobbing. “Im going to die tomorrow….”

You heard nothing but a long unsteady sigh as it became evident that he was choking up his own sobs.

“……so it’s true then….your mother and I heard about you being selected….we kept telling ourselves that it wasn’t true…not you….there was no way that my daughter could have been selected…..you’ve never done anything….like Lily….” 

Upon him mentioning your best friends name, you winced your eyes as you started to cry aloud. 

He also began sobbing and for a moment, no words were exchanged as you both cried. 

“How can this happen?….my girl please tell me that there was some sort of mistake…please tell me that it wasn’t your name on the message….not my daughter…not my y/n…” he cries out. 

You built up your composure as you started to talk again. 

“Papa…please listen to me….I’m sure…I’m sure you and mama are not going to watch it go down….but I know you’re going to hear about it….just know…if I don’t die by the angels…..just know that I’ll always love you and mama and my siblings…I don’t know what exactly is going to happen but…”

“What do you mean? Are you saying there’s a chance you’re not going to die??” There was a slight bit of confusion and hope in his voice. 

“…….yes…well…sort of…..I will die either way but…I just…”

“……y/n…..what’s going on?…..do you have something to tell me?” His tone was steady. 

You looked out your window and closed your eyes for a moment, the warm tears escape through your closed lids as you took in a steady breath before continuing…

“I….I made a deal….with someone that…that says he’ll save me….but in return…I have to go with him…” 

“………”

Everything went silent for a moment before your father panicked his words. 

“W-what are you saying? Y/n what is going on? What is this person you’re talking about? Is he a part of the organization? Does he work for the Senator?” 

“…….no……”

“……then who?….who is he…who did you make this deal with?”

“......The Devil....I made a deal with the Devil….”

……………..

You broke down and sobbed louder than you ever had, even more so than when Lily had passed. He didn’t say anything but his silence said it all.

“I-I’m sorry papa….I don’t know….I don’t know how to explain it…..the past 6 days I’ve learned so much and yet I know nothing…I’m so confused and I don’t know what’s going to happen.” You gasped out in between sobbing pants. 

“Please….please papa tell me what to do…say something because I need my father more than ever right now….please…I don’t know what to do or how to feel…”

“……..I don’t know what to say…..i….how? Y/n….the Devil? Have you gone crazy? Why are you talking that way? Why would you say this? Do you know what they would do to you if they heard you right now??I’m sure it was just a mad man you spoke to but still….you can’t say something like that….”

“It’s true though….papa it wasn’t a mad man…he really was…..I’m just….please understand that tomorrow if I don’t die by the angels…..please just know that I did what I did….not because I’m afraid to die…I am but I was more than willing to accept it… I made the deal because if in the case….if he does come for me….you…mom…and the rest of the world will be safe again…..everything will go back to normal…..I’m willing to make that sacrifice….please just know that.”

He remained silent. You’re not sure if he was angry, disappointed or confused…maybe all of the above. 

“…..your mother just walked in….you should talk to her….but don’t mention anything that you just told me….”

Handing the phone over to your mother, the familiar sound of her voice made you break down all over again, as did she. 

You abided by your fathers demand and didn’t say anything about your deal with Heeseung….but you did confirm about being selected when she had asked. She fell to pieces, her cries could be heard in the background as your father takes the phone and continues the conversation. 

“…….we love you….we always have…we had wished that you would have joined the organization but after witnessing what happened with Lily…..I suspect that sin or no sin…we are all doomed….I just never would have wanted for you to go before us….y/n….”

“I know……I’m sorry papa. Please know.....I never did anything…I’m not perfect but I truly lived life and represented you well as your daughter…just know that….”

“I know my girl….I know…”

With deep sighs and breaths of teary gasps, you finally had to end the conversation after finding yourself unable to bear any more. 

“I love you so much. Always know that, you and mama…”

“We know….we love you too….I wish we could see you….please…..please know we love you so much…..”

It took numerous tries to hang up as you found it hard to let go, as did he. Finally, unable to cope and hear your voice any longer, you heard your father sob as he clicked the phone off. 

You sat and merely kept the phone next to your ear for a minute or two….silently sobbing.

‘…..I don’t know how…I don’t know why this is happening….all I know…all I feel is that six days ago…far away I heard the call…of a heart that sang a song like mine…it’s melody drew near and suddenly, we were in perfect harmony. I know that it beckons to me…from a land that’s not part of this world…yet I know I must follow…wherever it leads me….wisdom only comes with time. The road to love is paved with broken hearts. If I am to reach my goal, and protect those that are dear to me…I must stake everything, in my true destiny, no matter what the price…’

As you mentally issued your internal will, you stepped out to your balcony and took in the sight of the wide sky before you. 

‘Should I just jump off to my death? What will happen timid I died prematurely? I’ve thought about it so many times but then….if I did that…if in the chance he and his brothers are for real…would he still come and get rid of the angels? Or would he abandon everything because I abandoned it first? What would happen to my family? I’m left with no choice but to take the risk and die by either their hands…or his…’

Resting your forearms against the rail, you gazed down from the third floor your apartment raised on. You admired how everything looked so small, the people, the cars, and the trees. 

‘Is this what everything would look like from Heaven? If I had died and became a part of Gods kingdom, would I have been an Angel? Would I be able to fly and look at the view of the world from above?’ 

As you relaxed into the pensive composure of your mindful thoughts, you didn’t realize or hear the sound of your front door opening. 

The last thing you had seen was the clear blue sky….before a shadow of darkness coated your entire head and you felt the forceful grip restraining your body as they dragged you away from your apartment. You kicked and screamed. You heard their voices as one issued out orders to hurry up and take you into the vehicle, where you were driven away. 

You don’t know how long of a drive it was. After succumbing to exhaustion from trying to break free, you felt them tie your feet and hands together, practically throwing you in what you assumed was the back seat as you felt the leather seating and the seatbelt buckles. 

“We have her…...right.”  You heard the unfamiliar voice…assuming he was speaking into a phone. 

“We are to take her into the church, she is to stay there for the night.” The voice issues, followed by an acknowledge response from what you assumed was the driver, based off what you could gather from their conversation. 

‘The..church?’ 

With whatever energy you had, you attempted to struggle yourself free upon feeling them removing you from the vehicle, and dragging you away. 

You felt the stone tiles beneath your bare feet as they took you in to a massive room, or so you think as the echoes of your cries as well as their foot steps sang throughout the entire area. 

Taking you up a series of stairs, you were picked up as you felt multiple hands grab you and elevate you from the ground as they carried you. 

Finally, after being carried away, they threw you on to the stone cold floor, rather roughy as you felt the pain of landing on your shoulder and hips without any motion to break the fall. 

“Is this her?” A woman’s voice emerged. 

“Yes.”

“Hmph….a witch indeed.” 

‘…..witch?’ 

Removing the bag that was placed over your head, you saw the elder woman studying you as the group of men depart. 

“Don’t even think about doing anything funny. There are guard everywhere and I will have no issues in calling them should you not follow my orders….you filthy whore.”

Glaring at the woman, you studied the room as it looked to appear as some sort of dungeon. The walls and floors were all made of stone tile just as you suspected. The windows were all barricaded by metal bars without any glass, and the only furnishings that existed was a small wooden table, chair, and a pile of hay straw off in the corner. 

“Where am I?” You asked in a deep and steady tone.

“You are in the Ecclesia Sanctorum, the church of Holy Saints. Your execution tomorrow will be on full display for the entire world to view, since you are the most offensive sinner that has yet to die at the hands of Gods holy soldiers.”

You blinked and paused your shifting gaze as you looked into her eyes. 

“What?”

“Are you deaf as well?” She speaks harshly. “You are to be cleansed and prepped here before we take you to the location of where the angels will come to execute you. A priest will attend to your final prayers. You will be an example to all, as the greatest sinner.”

“You…you people are sick….there’s something wrong with all of you…can’t you see that this is wrong?” You spat out as you glared back at her. 

“Sounds like something a witch would say…how dare you plague Gods own country with your evil  filth…disgusting piece of trash.” She grits out before she exits the room. 

Bind by the ties that restrained you, you shifted yourself free and quickly made way to one of the portholes that allowed you to view the outside. 

Looking out through the metal bars, you realized based off the entire view of the city, that the church you were in was the largest amongst all in the entire area. 

From afar, in the middle of the main road, a large platform was being put together, resembling a stage for a concert or performance. Yet you knew it was far from being an entertainment setting…at least for you. 

Looking around, there was no way for you to escape. You were too high up, the windows barred, and the door was locked securely. The slight bit of voices on the other side of it made you aware that the elder woman was not bluffing about guards remaining spread throughout the church. 

As night fell, you sat on the stone tile directly center in the prison space they had locked locked you in. The discomfort didn’t matter, from where you sat, a clear view of the moon could be seen at the angle from where you positioned yourself. Your knees remained close together slightly propped up for you to rest your forearms on as you dipped your head low. 

‘This….is really my last night alive…in this cold and dark room….in this church….this....prison....'

You dipped in and out of consciousness as you slept on and off. It was still awfully dark outside, the moon and stars remained in full view when that abrasive woman came back with a small group of younger women trailing behind her. They had to be in their mid to older teen years, all of them adorning the same black attire with the badge of the cult symbol. Their hair all tied in a tight bun. 

“Hmm…prescribing the last bit of your witchcraft? Pitiful…” she scoffs out as she notices you sitting on the stone floor, facing the secured porthole in front.

“Clean her body, prepare her for the ceremony but make sure you cleanse yourselves afterwards. No matter how much you scrub her down, her body will still be filthy, don’t let it rub off on you.” The woman scolds out as you watched each young woman nod timidly. 

They grabbed you and stood you up. Taking you into the next room, passing by a series of security guards, they positioned you in the center of an old washing station. It surprised you that it still worked, yet the water was cold….too cold. 

You winced in pain as the cold water felts as if it was piercing through your skin, and the harsh scrubbing of their bristled pads were applied roughly as each young woman cleansed your naked body with old ivory bar soaps, and dried you with a rough cloth. 

Taking you back into the room you remained in throughout the night, one girl brings in a single white fabric, appeared to be made of chiffon. It was a long skirt that touched the floor and trailed behind as you walked. It was terribly long and the deep high slit on the right side didn’t provide much cover considering you didn’t have any undergarments on. 

They left your breasts exposed, at the mercy of your long hair to cover it so long as it remained in place. 

With a crown made of Azaleas, which according to what you overheard from the elder woman, was a sacred flower in the Bible, they placed it atop your thatch of silky strands as the subtle waves of your hair draped passed your shoulders and chest. Your ankles and wrists were adorned with brass cuffs, all of which contained a single loop ring. There was a type of  Biblical scripture that decorated them, though you had no idea what it entailed. 

“Hmm…you look angelic…but we all know that that’s part of your evil charm.” The elder woman exclaims. Upon closer inspection of her badge, she was one of the lead regulators within the cult. 

“What is all this? What’s going on?” You asked in frustration as you remained scantily dressed. The long skit was transparent, despite the layers of chiffon fabric, it remained see through as the silhouette of your hips and legs could clearly be made out. Your entire right leg and thigh fully exposed as you moved from the lengthy slit.

“Your execution will be in our history books. You are to die wearing only the white cloth and the holy flowers that is close to God, it will show the public that even after living a life filled with sin, we the organization, take every preparation into consideration to ensure your passage to his holy rightful judgment, that we aid in saving your soul….it will help the Senator in his mission to gain the trust of the world….”

You scoffed. “You’ve got to be kidding me….your ‘organization’ is nothing but a hypocritical joke…your Senator is a criminal and you all are too blind to be aware of it. Whatever makes you feel better about yourselves and sleep at night…right?” You spat out with a glare as you watched the elder woman restrain herself from striking you down. 

“You tainted…evil bitch. If you weren’t set to die I'd kill you myself…” she grits between her teeth. 

“Go ahead! You and your Senator are nothing but a disgrace to humanity! You’re using me, and all others for your own advantage….whatever, go ahead….” You paused as you crossed your arms to cover your bare breasts. 

“If he truly does come…and takes me away….I hope from the high Heavens to the depths of Hell that he does away with all of you in the worst way possible….you should pray the he doesn't ask me....because if he does…I’ll make sure to let him know that you, the Senator, and the other high authorities figures of this terrible cult... should all burn.” 

You’re not sure what came over you, normally you weren’t the hostile type, yet as the rays of the sun peered through the open portholes, signifying the moment of your death was breaching nearer, you lost all sense of composure. 

“Leave her! She will get what’s coming to her…” the woman shouts out as one of the younger girls rushed up from behind to lash out at you for your displayed moment of disrespect. 

Your eyes grew glossy and the burn of tears built up. Your face was angry and expressed all sorts of resentment, even though you were accepting what was coming, it hardly meant that you weren’t scared or upset….in fact, you were terrified. 

Gazing off to the side, you zoned out at the patterns of the stone wall when the elder woman spoke out.

"You know...when he chose you and told the angels your name....at first I couldn't understand why he was so riled up over a young woman. I figured his pride was just hurt from being rejected....more or less being injured beyond repair. But now that I look at you....and hear those despicable words that come out of your mouth...I'm glad he gave up your name." she issues out as she lets out a victorious chuckle.

".....what do you mean.....he gave the angels my name?"

"Oh poor stupid girl....you really think that you all were selected at random? I mean...sure, those before you were....from a list that the senator would choose out personally himself......and each time he summoned the angels....he gave them a random name from the public directory. Once the government gave him their fullest support, it allowed him more access to people of various age groups, ethnicities, and culture backgrounds. That only enhanced his message of how God was cleansing the world."

Your eyes began to widen more than ever, glossed over as you couldn't believe what you were hearing.

'This man.....this woman...these.....monsters....they did this? They did this to the world?....All those children...mothers...fathers...brothers...sisters...daughters...and sons....they chose people....innocent people to die.....in those terrible ways?.....'

Your legs began to shake as you felt yourself stumbling down, yet you caught yourself and remained standing. Placing your hands on your hips, you leaned forward and shifted your head off to the side, trying to take in deep breaths.

"You.....you people.....you did this....." you stuttered out.

"Had you just been obedient and gave yourself to the Senator, much like the others did before you, you would have been spared...but I guess you rather give yourself up to evil men who represent Hell....multiple in fact. How many were there? Six? You filthy whore..."

"STOP CALLING ME THAT!" you yelled out. Glaring right at her, you narrowed your eyes as you issued your decree.

"If I go to Hell tonight.....I promise you....I will do everything in my very being to make sure that you people see my face when he shreds you to pieces!"

She merely scoffs as she side smirks at your angry expression and threat. "Your words of warning will not work here. We are in God's own church....we are his carriers that spread his rightful name and will. You will die....and you will suffer. The Senator has made sure to request a special treat for you when he last spoke to the angels."

At that, she turns and quickly departs as she hastily locks the door.

'........How could they?......No wonder he and his brothers disagreed with God when he wanted to create people...look at us......we're monsters to each other...'

.....................................

The sun was setting, and they finally brought you outside as you noted the large gathering of the public. They all surrounded you as the guard members, the priest, and the elder woman with her posse all issued out commands for everyone to remain back and away from you.

"Get back! She is the most evil of all sinners, you must not get close at all!"

Yet many of them ignored the commands of the cult authorities as they reached out with Azaleas and Crucifix’s in hand, grazing your skin with them as they spoke out in prayer for your soul to be saved.

.....................

'God save this sinner.'

'Cleanse her soul so that she may be saved.'

'Let her soul bide by the will of God....otherwise send her to Hell where she belongs.'

......................

You couldn't exactly hold any grudges or blame to the people....what with bending to the fear of being selected for execution...a brutal one at that, you couldn't help but sympathize as they all were falling for the tricks of that ruthless man and his most devoted followers.

'If only these people knew the truth....'

The regulators dragged you through the street. Upon reaching the large platform that was built from earlier, stationed on the surface were two large holy statutes.

Setting you directly at the center, you realized what those loop rings on the cuffs were meant for as they secured a chain to each one. THe chains were connected to the statues to your left and right, providing only enough slack for your to place your hands center on your body, but not enough to touch and remove the chains that bind you.

You heard the whispers of the crowd as they gathered to take a closer look.

.......................

'She looks like an angel....'

'Look at what the Senator is willing to do...even for someone who committed the greatest offense to God.'

'Of course she's beautiful....that's the reason why! I heard she slept with six different men in a week's time....'

'A whore and a witch...so beautiful but that is a part of her deadly charm.'

'Rest easy sinful dark child.....rest in peace soon.'

........................

You kneel down and slightly hunched over as you cradled your breasts with your arms. The delicate rattle of the chains is all you can hear as you shut out the terrible words that were spoken about you.

'I.....didn't do anything....if anything....i made a choice to save you all.....at least I was....I am willing to.....yet you all don't see me for who i am.....'

In their own eyes, you looked ethereal...like a scared angel as you remained kneeling and leaned forward. Your hair drapes downward and reaches the ground as your back becomes fully exposed. The Azalea crown atop your head, a deep red as it matched the shade of your lips.

Your eyes open as you hear the voice of the Senator...speaking above from the balcony of a tall building that overlooked the city.

"People of the great city! Today will mark a milestone in our nations history, as we have discovered the most offensive sinner yet......but we are here to pay tribute to this sinful and savage child as she will be executed by God's own guardians. I ask that you all say a prayer for her soul to be saved, as her crimes against God had been one of the most displeasing. Pray for her soul, and witness the acts that God's soldiers will carry out should you sin....take her death as an example for what will happen, should you or your children commit sin."

'.....This can't be happening....I....I didn't do anything....'

..............

Silence ensued as the crowd all knelt down and began offering their prayers. Minutes had gone by as the sun continued to set....leaving you the bright red sky.

Suddenly, a loud screech can be heard from afar. Then another....and another....

'.....there's more than one?....'

The Senator speaks out once more as you processed your mental thought.

"Good people.....watch at how God treats the sinner's who offend him....witness as he has become greatly displeased and angry at the betrayal of this young woman...whom he graciously, like the rest of you, loves and cherish...yet she not only tarnishes his holy divinity and name...this woman had the audacity to harm those who serves him and does his work."

Peeling your sight off the surface of the platform, you raise your head as your arms remained crossed over your breasts, your mouth slightly gapes open as one by one, each metallic humanoid figure flew in and landed at a great distance from the stage.

One....two...three....six......eight...ten....

Soon, there were more than fifteen or twenty of them that landed. Each morphing their extremities into something tortuous and terrifying...all to rip, pierce, and tear off flesh from bone.

'........so this is how it will end....my God....I am scared...I am frightened beyond measure.....please.....just get this done and over with.....'

.................................

Seven thousand years ago.....

"Heeseung...the muses are here...." Jake speaks as he calmly approaches the elder brother, who rests on his throne with the speckles of blood on his face. His fingers coated with bits of flesh and blood clots from whatever it was he tore to pieces.

"Uh huh....." he merely issues as he leans back into his seat.

The three muses, the guardians and mentors of Helel...or Heeseung, steadily approach the young man that they raised and loved...yet saw the darkness in his heart had changed him into something far worse than a killer. He became the very thing that nightmares were made of.

"Helel....we-"

"Iiiiiiii......prefer that you call me Heeseung...." he cuts off.

"....Heeseung......you know why we came?...."

"I have an idea...." covering his eyes with his bloodied hand, he leans back with only his nose and mouth remaining exposed. An evil grin coats his bright red lips as he chuckles out with a slaughtering tone.

"So what?....does he really want to make peace or is he trying to change my mind again?" Heeseung peeks a wide and glaring eye between his fingers as he coats his upper lip with his tongue. The muses all felt their weight drop upon the unsightly horror that was before them.

'So.....evil.....so dark and sinister.....how insidious this man is....to think he was the beloved and first archangel of God...'

"He wanted us to show you...to appeal to your senses as the first and most notable archangel of his Heavenly kingdom."

"Aaah...." Tsking in air through his teeth, Heeseung looks down at the ground before presenting his most unpleasantly horrifying gaze back to the lead muse.

"Appeal to my senses huh?" he chuckles once again, each time he issued it, it became even darker and more disturbing in nature.

"How about I just rip you both to pieces, starting with your feet, working my way up to your heads....and I'll take her...." he points to the lady muse, "and feed her virginity to those hungry demons beneath my feet? hmm?"

"Heeseung....." all three muses bow down. "Please.....give us the chance to show you his vision...his sight....it is his most desired request. You've killed off all of the other archangels, with the exception of Jol......yet he bears no ill will....he still is trying to show you....please....show us what his love has purchased....let us show you. After, we will leave and never appear before you again."

Upon hearing the muses, all six brothers stood by them as they spoke out in high respect to the eldest archangel.

"Heeseung....you know we are on your side no matter what.....would it be wrong if we express that it would only be fair for you to hear them out....perhaps there might be something to your advantage....." Jungwon and Jake spoke out, all in earnest as they kneel down.

"Like what?....what could possibly be in it for us? we're already banned from the one place that we called home....disowned by those that raised us.....what could he possibly have done to change my mind?" Heeseung scoffed out.

At the last bit of his sentence, the three muses, while remaining bowed down, all glanced at each other with a look that indicated a knowledge that wasn't shared with anyone...

The remaining brothers present themselves and spoke out alongside Jake and Jungwon.

"Heeseung....wouldn't it be best to hear them out...than to dismiss or slaughter them and to not know what it was that they were sent here for? Wouldn't it cause turmoil to wonder for eternity what he is wanting to show you?"

Rolling his eyes as he bites down on his finger, he glares wide eyed to the three muses.

"My brothers all seem to be adamant about this...I wonder if it is truly out of their own curiosity or if there is another meaning behind their intent..." Heeseung's glare shifts from the muses over to his brothers who remained kneeling in a straight row.

"No.....we would never treat you in that manner.....we only appeal to you as we still hold respect for the elder muses....they were the ones that raised you....and us. There would be no harm in allowing them to deliver God's message....that is all." Sunghoon spoke out calmly as he stares at the base of the throne that Heeseung rested on.

"huh.....for fuck sake...." tapping his fingers on the arm of the chair, Heeseung didn't issue his decision...not yet.

Cracking his neck as he shifts it from left to right, back to front and back to center, his eyes closed as he gasps out slight chuckles at the harshness of each sound effect that punctures the air in his realm.

"Who are they.....darling?" she walks out sensually, stark naked.

Heeseung merely shifts his head, looking off to the side on the ground as the succubus approaches from behind. With only an aloof expression on his face that suddenly replaced the twisted grin, he remains quiet as the demoness graces her presence to the audience before him.

Upon hearing her approach, all six brothers slightly snarled. Heeseung's favorited mistress was here, displaying no sign of respect or courtesy towards the muses, which didn't sit well with any one of them....or Heeseung.

Despite that he was murderous in nature, especially at the sight of Heaven's guardians, which brought out memories that both, pleased and pained him, it didn't deter the fact that they were not received well by him, without an ounce of respect. However, it also didn't mean that all those beneath him shouldn't render instant courtesy and obedience.

The muses merely stared with awkward looks as the demoness stands off to Heeseung's side. Her hand grazes over the intricate carving of his throne as she raises a bent knee and hovers it over Heeseung's lap, as if she was shifting to sit atop and straddle him.

"Are these old friends of yours?" she smirks out as her rather full and curvaceous figure adorns him gracefully.

Looking down at him as she remains standing, Heeseung places a hand atop her thigh as she fully swings it over his lap. Looking up at her with a closed-mouth smirk, he raises two fingers and suggestively signals for her to lower herself down to him.

Leaning in, she prepares to come in for a kiss.....much to the horror of everyone around, it became apparent that Heeseung was either annoyed, angry, or just fed up with the presumptuous attitude of his lead mistress.

The muses winced their vision shut and turned their heads away as they heard the agonizing screams and the tearing of flesh, the dislocating pops of bone and cartilage. He started by grabbing on to her hair as he tore off her wings, before moving on to her arms, and then taking her by the ankles and ripping her apart, piece by piece.

With her disfigured remains in his grip, only her torso and head was left fully intact as she breathes out her dying tortured breaths.

"Oh 'darling'.....I kind had enough of you.....also....you never really pleased me." with his cold words, he tosses her limbs off of his high throne.

Sitting atop the large stoned mountain, with a series of stairs that extended miles long, starting at the base and reaching the top of the peak, his throne remained highest, above all in Hell. With the deep crevices below, he observes as he, his brothers, and the muses hear the terrible and frightening sound of the demons feasting on the flesh of the demonic maiden.

With her head remaining attached to her torso, he maintains his grip on whats left of her by her hair. Kissing her lips one last time, he detaches it from the main portion of her body and tosses the remains over.

"Alright then....show me what it is that he sent you over for. Pray that at the end of it, I'll be in a good mood to not kill all three of you." He issues as his gaze remains on the demons below. Smirking, he watches with amusement as the monsters all scurry like bugs, attacking and devouring the limbs he tosses over. Raising his hand, a large disbursement of raging flames emerge from below at the base of the mountain, burning all, the devouring demons and the flesh of the succubus to ashes, all the while he chuckles as the roaring cries of demonic forces fills the air.

Witnessing the most evil they had ever seen, the muses gasp in great horror as the brothers all remained stagnant with their expressions. To them, this was nothing out of the ordinary.

The lead muse in particular started to question if what they were sent to do...would make any difference after seeing the cruel nature of Heeseung and the acts he just committed.

'This man.....this first of all angels to be created....and we helped raised...the one that was closest to God....was favored by the divine king.....yet here he is.....he lives for death...he enjoys seeing it....his heart is too twisted....are we doomed for death by coming to his territory?'

......................

".....Why are we here?" Heeseung stood with his arms crossed. After being convinced by his brothers, the muses escorted the King of Hell to an unfamiliar site at the border between Heaven and Hell.

"He has asked that we show his creation of people, leaving us strict instruction to take you to seven thousand years time in advance....it was his strict orders for us to do so...." the lead muse uttered out, in hopes that Heeseung wouldn't become too riled at being brought to the alter of time, space, and universal continuum....all to see people....the creation that he disagreed with the holy king on.

"Are you ready, Heeseung?" the lead muse looks back as he observes the man looking completely indifferent with his arms still crossed. Dressed all in black, with knee high boots and a kneel length coat to match, he fit the defined description of the dark prince.

"Just....fucking do it already.....before I change my mind and tear your throat out." Heeseung irks out as he rubs his forehead.

The lead muse dismisses his threat as he continues to chant out a series of prayers before the alter. A glow of light rises and becomes brighter, enveloping the group into an orb as the electrical currents surrounds them in a globe of flashing light.

The muses all wince their eyes shut upon the light flashing into their eyes, yet Heeseung seemed unbothered as he merely stood and continued to stare out fully.

In a swift second, the globe envelops them completely. With a loud boom, the orb expands into nothing, disappearing along with Heeseung and the muses.

In a flash, feeling like as if they merely blinked, their eyes reopen and adjust to the unfamiliar surroundings of the current world and time.

"….Where the fuck are we?” Heeseung calmly states out in an irritated voice as he raises a brow.

“fret not, Heeseung. We have traveled through the continuum of space and time, nearly 7 thousand years into the future of the world you created, after the creation of the first man. The people have thrived in population and advanced their evolutionary talents. They have expanded into an heightened stage of cultural application in regards to engineering methods and knowledge, known as ‘technology’.” The lead muse explains as Heeseung walks with crossed arms, confusingly admiring the tall buildings, the scenery of the bustling streets of the city and the combination of modern and old century architectural design.

With the passing of the large crowds, blindly unaware of their presence, Heeseung displays a look of annoyance as the myriad of people walk past.

“you brought me through the advancement of time…to show me this?….THIS….is what he wanted you to show me??? THIS is what he thinks is going to enlighten me??” Heeseung spoke with wide and gruesomely angry eyes.

“the very thing that I disagreed with him on…which ultimately became the reason why I left the high Heavens….is this some kind of joke? Is he trying to mock me?” He takes his steps slowly towards the three muses, glaring into their eyes with the most evil sense they’ve ever witnessed.

“please Heeseung, as your former mentor, I beseech you to spare us your time and allow us to do what we were asked to do…” the lead muse exclaims as he stands before the other two younger muses.

“Choose…old man…choose which one of you I should rip open and cut to pieces…” Heeseung leans in, snarling at the upper lip. “I'll allow two of you will go back...so choose wisely."

The lead muse stood bravely with shaking eyes as he once more, appealed to Heeseung’s familiar appeal, hoping to get past his cruel nature.

“please…allow us to show you…should you find no change in your heart, you can take me. Sever my head from thy body and send it back with the two other muses…” the lead muse spoke out, his fortitude against the Dark Prince earned a gasping shock from his two disciples.

Heeseung’s wide eyed glare remained, yet the gritting of teeth through the sadistic grin and look of twisted amusement displayed a sense of pleasure as he looked forward to shredding the one who raised him, knowing that the elder muse was one of the closer guardians to his former master.

“very well old man….killing you would hurt him deeply. It will be my pleasure to separate your spine from your body and rip the skin off your flesh by the end of this fucking atrocity you got me entangled in.” He remarks harshly at the last bit as he side eyes the view of the people that continue to walk pass.

All three muses nod in discouragement as they regained their composure, trying their best to remain hopeful and trust in Gods will.

Noting as the Devil continuously expressed a look of disgust as the marching of the crowd surrounds them, the lead muse signals for him to follow as he guides Heeseung with detailed explanation.

“Be forgiving Heeseung, they cannot see nor hear us. We bid you to refrain from using your power to alter your perceptible vision afront of them….it is best that they do not know who we are or why we came.”

“huh…cunning old man, how wise of you to understand my capabilities….nonetheless, I have no intentions of making myself known to these shitheads.” Heeseung sighed out in annoyance as he remained standing still.

the muses led the way with a disgruntled Heeseung trailing behind, leaving his arms crossed and a harsh look of annoyance on his face.

“He wanted us to show you their capabilities…how they work together to build governments, some in the form of electoral democracy, others are permanently ruling with authoritarian standing. He also wanted us to show you their capabilities when it comes to compassion, nurtured behaviors....all angles of human behavior.” The lead muse continued as he guides and explain the advancement of people.

Disinterested, Heeseung rolled his eyes as he dazes off and imagined the various, grueling methods of killing people. “Fragile…aren’t they?” He asks with a wide eyed smirk.

“They are nothing like you or your brothers…they are delicate in the manner of flesh and time span of age. So, yes....they are quite fragile.”

“So that means, in a week’s time from now, when he creates the first of all people, I will have to induce slow torturous designs, so as to not kill them too quickly….riiiiiight?” He snarks out as he raises a hand to stroke his chin as he eyeballs a line of people waiting at a local food stand.

“Heeseung….as I am willing to give up my life for his will…I ask that you try…try and see the side of his vision…he created people to-“

“I KNOW…exactly...his claims as to why he created….people….” Heeseung sneers out as he cuts off the elder with a deep tone.

Clearing his throat, the lead muse didn't bother to entertain a response, he merely turns and continues, to the best of his ability, in showing off the greatness of people. The mortals that are capable of showing, teaching, and developing love.

Breaching an old historical building, the muses take note of the smell of freshly brewed coffee.

“Come…this way.” The lead muse signals to Heeseung with a gentle gesture.

Dragging the disgruntled Devil inside, they allow him a moment of silence as they watched the Dark Prince study the interior design of the establishment. The space was filled with so many people, yet they hardly interacted with one another. Instead, they had all been engrossed by the development of technology through the use of phones and tablets.

On the wide screen TV mounted on the wall, a local news media displays a covered interview with Michael Forras, all before he claimed the self title of "Senator" and when his cult gathering took on the ruling authority of the city.

“So you’re saying that a day of reckoning is near us?” The news reporter asks the cult leader.

“It is true….God has been displeased with the people and their offenses to his name…mark my words, Gods own, will ascend from the Heavens and cleanse the world within due time."

Upon hearing the interview taking place on the television, the muses slightly anticipated the reaction as they observed Heeseung noting the words the cult leader spoke out.

“Who is this idiot?” He asks, gazing a consumed glare to the elder muse.

“He is one who claims to be Gods servant. People are Gods greatest creation, yet they are far from perfection.” The elder exclaims.

Taking in a breath, he takes Heeseung’s attention away from the screen. “Do you see the contraptions over yonder? People have become ingenious within their own right and have developed the usage of machinery to create masterpieces that are both admirable and delectable. Take for instance, the method of developing this beverage, its scent alone is quite pleasant.” He nods over to the counter where the baristas work diligently to draft up each order as they call out the names of customers.

Walking up for a closer look, Heeseung did appear genuinely interested upon smelling the scent of the creation, known as ‘coffee’. It was a scent he’s never smelled before.

Leaning in with his arms remaining crossed, he inspects the transparent container that held the liquid in place. The elder muse continues to explain the craftsmanship of people, gaining a sense of accomplishment that the young Prince had seemed to take interest.

Yet the grudge he bore had cut deep into his soul, it didn’t matter how crafty people became, he refused to accept Gods hand in compromising a peaceful settlement.

Looking at the elder once more, Heeseung smirked as his eyes narrowed with mischief. “Listen old man…I could care less about how fancy these grueling idiots have become…I’ll devour them all…man, woman and child, it doesn’t matter." Pausing, he takes a step closer as he squares up the elder muse. Glaring, his eyes widened once more with an insidious grin that accompanies it.

"..and you…" biting down on his bottom lip, he all but nearly reached for the elder's throat.

“Order for y/n!”

You walk up to the counter, jacket looped over your forearm as you adorned yourself with a black form fitting dress, suitable for a career field, yet tastefully appealing as it subtly exposed the flesh and structure of your collar bones, the minor rise of your cleavage, and your legs, mid thigh to ankles. Your hair swayed as you took your steps, and reached up to the grab your drink. Without switching his gaze away from the muse, Heeseung continued to stare into the man’s eyes with a murderous grin, yet as you walked passed, right behind him, he caught the slight bit of your subtle scent. It was quite pleasing and differed from the rest that surrounded the area. A hint of lilac and rose, with sugar plum and pear extract…it wasn’t overpowering, but softly sweet.

He merely shifts his eyes to the side and looks at the ground after taking notice of the scent, as if he was zoning out to piece together the ingredients, yet he does not turn fully to look at the source of where the scent came from.

Upon noticing how just your scent alone caught his attention, the elder muse takes the chance to carry out his mission. He speaks out calmly. “Has something distracted you?….”

Shifting his gaze right back to the elder, Heeseung issues an expression of irritation at the audacity that his former mentor displayed.

“Are you seriously implying that a mortal caught my attention? As if I care? Did you forget why I fucking left his kingdom?” He spoke out lowly with a dark tone.

The elder's breath hitched at the sudden rise of chaotic anger within Heeseung’s heart.

“I mean no disrespect….Heeseung…he wants you to find happiness….you were the first son…the first archangel…and will forever be his favorite.”

Heeseung scoffs as he rolls his eyes. “You done?” He issues out with wide eyes.

“He wanted to present his gift to you…that is why we are here.” The muse slips out, all in desperation to reach through to the Devil.

……..

“Gift?…..” Heeseung raises a brow in confusion with his insidious eyes widening in anger. The muses remained silent.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me….the one thing that I despise….the very thing that ruined my everlasting love and respect for him….yet he dares to bribe me with one of them? As if that will mend the broken bond? ARE….YOU….TOYING..... WITH ME?....” Thrashing out a hand to his side, a blast of force and power expels from his hand and sets the confectionary stand on fire with raging flames.

The muses watch in despair as the people all gather in shock and fear of the strange phenomenon that occurred, yet have no idea as to how it happened since the small group remained unseen.

....................

“Oh my God….how…what happened?”

“Was it the heater?”

“We need to get a safety inspector out here!!!…How the hell did the entire counter catch on fire like that?!”

“Thank God no one is hurt."

"Did anyone else hear a large boom?"

“Where did the heat and fire come from? Did anyone see anything? It was as if it came out of nowhere…”

......................

The customers all rushed around in panic as they worked together to put out the flames.

“Where is she? The one that he intends to give up? This so called, ‘gift’?? I’m sending her body back in pieces, you will take her limbs and show him how much I really ‘enjoyed’ his 'present'.” He grits out.

“Heeseung we beseech you-“

“Shut up and bring her here!”

The elder muse kneels along with his two disciples behind him, shaking his head with glistened eyes, he proceeds to beg.

“I beg of you….as your former mentor and father figure….please Heeseung…don’t…”

Heeseung shifts his gaze to the elegant marbled stairway that led to the upper floor. Sensing your scent in that direction, he smirks as he flares down at the desperate muse.

“She’s up there, isn’t she?…..good.” Kicking the muse aside, he walks in the direction of your scent, leading the way as the despairing muses trailed behind.

“Heeseung please! You cannot! We beg of you!”

Ignoring their cries and pleas, he makes his way over to the third level. Turning to the left, he noticed the double doors leading to the grand library.

“Heeseung no!”

They follow in haste as he makes his way inside, not paying any mind as the muses beg, kneeling before him trying their best to appease his grudging nature as he walks swiftly past them.

Looking around, Heeseung’s irritation grows deep as the scent seemed to have disappeared.

The elder muse makes his way from behind the dark Prince and kneels before him once more.

“Heeseung…”

“Where is it? The fucking cunt? Where is she? Bring her to me right now…”

“I cannot! “

Walking up to the bold elder, Heeseung places his foot atop his hand, adding pressure and heat as smoke emerges from the bottom of his soles, melting the skin off as he adds more weight.

Wincing in pain, the elder remains as poised as he possibly could as he continues to appeal to Heeseung.

“P-please….you mustn’t…..you cannot…..”

“Where….is…..she?”

The muse looks up and witnesses the death glare as Heeseung slightly smirks, enjoying the view of pain in the elders face.

…….

“Oh! Hi y/n! You’re here early today.” The woman from the counter in front exclaims pleasantly, directing her words to you as you enter from behind the invisible group.

The elder's eyes grew terrifyingly wide as fear and hopelessness took effect. Watching as Heeseung’s eyes grew wide, his smirk also expanded, bearing teeth as he bites down his lip and chuckles.

“......That’s her behind me isn’t it?” He scoffs, his chuckle coming in more sinister than before.

“H-Heeseung…Helel….I beg you….please!” The elder desperately pleads.

Heeseung's chuckles grew louder. Stretching his neck as he did before, he closes his eyes as he cracks it from left to right, front to back, and center. “Oh elder one….when you present those bloodied limbs….tell him, ‘with best regards’ from his ‘favorite’…” a sharp chuckle emerges and he suddenly turns, his hand developing lengthy claws as he lunges out once he commits to a full turn.

“HEESEUNG NOOO!!!!”

……………

The sound of the wall cracking and burning, punctured completely through to the other side, all the librarians and staff shocked with screams and gasps as they look at the destruction of the wall behind you, right above your head.

When you're gonna stop breaking my heart

You stood with your head shifted to look at the wall behind you, taking in the view of the massive hole that suddenly appeared out of nowhere. You were so shocked, you didn’t even build up a reaction, not a single scream or yelp emerged out.

‘…..What just happened? Where did this hole come from? And why are there traces of ember and smoke? Did someone blast a cannon or some type of weapon?’

You wondered as you continued to stand and study the blasted alteration of the stone wall, completely unaware that right in front of you, the Devil stood....bewildered.

I don't wanna be another one

His frame leaned into your form with his nose and lips just a hair away from your forehead as his face leans inward from the bend at the base of his neck. His arm extending and hovered over you as his chest somewhat cradles you against the wall. A change in direction of his attack last minute upon seeing you, disintegrating the wall instead. He's there... right in front of you...yet you feel, see, and hear nothing….not his hitched breath, his wide eyes of shocking discovery, or his forearm touching your hair as it remains fully extended with his hand against the wall near the blast.

“y/n!! Are you okay?! Did something hit you??” one of the staff speaks out from behind him.

Paying for the things I never done

Turning your face back forward, where he gets the full view of it, he watches and slowly breathes out…his expression, was unlike anyone had ever seen. He was.....enchanted….

“Uh…yeah….what…was that?” You calmly spoke out with heavy lids, so exhausted from staying up late at night as you completed schoolwork and prep for exams.

Don't let go

“I don’t know…did anyone see anything? Y/n, are you sure you’re okay?”

You nod. He watches. He was so close to you….so close.

His eyes grew soft…his lids grow heavy as he stood with slightly parted lips and studied the remarkable features of your face….

‘Her eyes…her nose….her lips….her hair…her skin…her voice….her body….she’s so…..’

Don't let go To my love

The three muses stood behind, releasing a breath of relief as they note the reaction of the Dark Prince as he remained in place, admiring you.

“Master…..did we succeed?” One of the muses whispered out.

Nodding, the elder softly responds back….

“Yes….I believe we have….thank Heavens….”

I can fix all those lies But baby, when I run, I'm running to you You won't see me cry, I'm hiding inside My heart is in pain but I'm smiling for you

P A R T 2 W O

Taglist: @deobitifull; @solstramaii; @vampiregirl215; @nshmrarki; @enhypen14; @iamliacamila; @lisaaannna; @nikstrange; @jaehaki; @luv-enhy-skz33; @silcry @honeysjae; @crackedcameraa; @stinkmonkey ; @baekxo07 @raishaii @@yangjungwon33 @lhspeachie ; @differentchildwombat ; @prettykia ; @kimsseonu ; @stvrryhee ; @en-thralled ; @hoonzdzbl ; @yuppppp ; @jinniespuppy ; @talesofyuan ; @solstramaii

[raifuujin]

“I just don't like Gosho's use of ideas nowadays” do you have some examples? I’ve been feeling the same but I still don’t have like articulate thoughts on it

Well, 'nowadays' has been for. About ten years, ish? The most glaring example that always sticks out in my mind is the Sun Halo MK chapters, with the complete and utter waste of the very common fanfic tropes of 'Aoko gets suspicions' and 'Kid gets injured around someone'. But it kind of matches the general problem I have with his writing that I don't think used to be this bad: He's trying to stuff too much around the strict case-by-case structure (or for MK, introducing the heist-by-heist structure) without actually giving anything focus. (And for MK it's so much worse because he writes it so rarely, that he makes everyone cameo every time but they tend to just get hand waves to whatever drama plot gets instigated by Kid having his next heist.)

For DC, it's the whole. 1) Overarching plot with the BO and suspects and 'here's the available suspects for who's involved with the BO that we introduce one at a time at the end of cases and then maybe leave more clues about them during future cases'. 2) Dangling character or relationship progress and then constantly pulling it away, usually as a joke. 3) When we do occasionally get some of the major plot, it's all at once and then maybe mentioned once in the next case, but otherwise completely dropped. (Amuro and Akai and Kudo tea party tease also lingers as a 'Gosho is just evil at this point'.) Basically rigid structure that doesn't allow for much of the subplots aside from breadcrumbs.

For the current situation, it's also tied into interview comments. Which. have no bearing on the story until he actually uses them. But instead of even that, the movie gets exciting stuff instead and puts it in a giant limbo of is it meant to be canon or not, because no one has been able to settle on that for any movie, even as some details get connected back to the manga more and more.

It's bad writing. Gosho has been a bad writer for a long time, and it's kinda just getting worse. It's my opinion that it's because he tries to have his case after case after case (because mystery manga), and then stuff little bits of everything else in the seams, whether it works well with the case he's writing or if it's a good delivery or (more usually) it's just. Kinda tacked on.

It's partially because of time investment, partially because I have low standards of entertainment, and partially because I want to see how it all ends that I stick with DC. MK is. Similar, but hurts more because I really hate how it morphed into the DC structure when old MK had more you could do with it. Gosho will never drop his rigid case-by-case structure at this point, but it really would be better if he did at this point. Things need development that they're not allowed to have. Or at least smooth out the lines between his hints. And stop with Heiji and Kazuha, just. God. Stop. Is this how people felt about Kid appearances? I feel like at least when people were mad about Kid, they knew nothing was going to happen from the get go, the romance 'tease' is just painful.

[blue-sunflower-bee]

I kinda have this comfort headcanon that Mike is genderfluid cause I like projecting my own identity/sexuality onto my fav characters and cause I need some wholesome and gender accepting content (More under the cut)

I feel like Mike has just recently discovered he was genderfluid because he never really thought about questioning his identity cause really...his mind was always full with other things. Maybe he randomly read the word and the definition somewhere and it just...clicked. Or Ness, who's really into the subject rambled about some terms anf what they meant and he went like: "Hold on, thats me!"

He usually just sticks with hoodies/plain shirts no matter what he's feeling like cause it's the safest option...and because he cant afford that many outfits anyways.

When he told Abby, he struggled to find the right words, afraid she wouldn't understand but she does. Kids are smart

Mike told her over dinner and it probably went sth like: "So sometimes I have a big brother and sometimes I have a big sister?" "Uh, yes..." "And sometimes you're neither?" "...yes." "Cool. Can I have some more soup?"

We already know she's creative and likes to draw, maybe she's interested in anything that has to do with crafting and makes pins/bracelets in different colors or sth for Mike in school that he can wear so she knows which pronouns to use.

And to throw in some securitywaiter:

Mike was already dating Ness when he found out he was genderfluid because Ness is really invested with everything that has to do with the LGBT community. He's loud and proud and loves to go to pride parades and stuff. He also introduced him to all the different terms.

When Mike told him, he was really supportive. He even lets Freddie wear a bandana with the genderfluid flag most of the rime to show his support and Mike still wonders where he got it.

Ness changes pet names and compliments depending on how Mike feels

Mike feeling pretty euphoric when she hears a "Hey beautiful" or simply the word "girlfriend" on a girl day

Mike cant really choose a good name for such days, she'd just stick with Mikey or Michel, but feels like they're too plain. Abby and Ness saw it as their job to pick the perfect name and have already spent enough time doing research on different names and their meaning

For some reason I feel like Ness would be good with Make Up and would offer to do her Make Up or help her when she wants to try out something else

Mike actually struggles most days to detect what they're feeling like and just groans in frustration when Ness asks them (cause thats a whole mood) and Ness sticks with neutral terms of endearment when that is the case or uses the funniest pet names ever lmao "Okay, today is just a cute potatoe day then." "Hello my beloved gremlin." etc

[darcytaylor]

At this point, I feel like academic papers need to be written regarding PR and fandom culture, because it truly is getting to be an incredibly toxic and taxing thing that social media is just making worse.

Yes, LN is a real person who should be able to live his life and have a girlfriend he has been very explicit at times to refer to as a “loved one” or part of the stuff he keeps private that he cherishes. But at the same time, he went 6 months on promo that pushed the girlfriend off to the side (either or partly by his own choice) while very much embracing and amplifying a very affectionate and close relationship with his costar/friend all in an attempt to gain attention for a show, playing up attention from a very vocal fan base that is extremely invested. It isn’t just a piece of media for those fans, and PR def knows that. Unfortunately, actors are in a really delicate position because as much as they are themselves, they are also the most visible and therefore real part of their character, and people can’t always separate that. This is all to say that if you’re going to benefit from mixing/playing into the relationship between the actors and the characters, it should also be recognized what costs/considerations that will have.

Is this all out of hand at this point? Yeah. Do I think we would have always seen people lose their shit post S3 simply because they went SO HARD on promo for so long that suddenly not having content was gonna be like a detox? Absolutely. But some of this could have been avoided if they hadn’t made the personal so much a part of the promo, and figuring out how to handle that better should have been something PR teams worked on, even if not for the fans sake, but the actors themselves.

I saw someone comment that basically do people expect him not to have a life and I think that is a valid point, but also ignores the fact that at least part of his real life was very much a part of the promo. For a lot of fans, they aren’t at a point where they can compartmentalize that actors are doing a job and what we see isn’t really always them. It isn’t really fair to him, but that’s basically/realistically part of the deal they made taking on a role like this and promoting it how they did. If having to maintain the illusion for a bit after in order not to cause issue wasn’t explained to them, then that’s a fairly shit job on the PR teams, because I even saw that coming. Ultimately, this whole situation feels rather shitty, uncomfy, and honestly really avoidable.

Wow, ok, I’m writing a novel here, I need to stop.

It is true that celebrities should be able to have private lives and be able to have relationships. But when your job is to profit off of fans (because it is the fans that give you a career in the end), you need to be willing to cater to them a little bit in a professional way. And with a proper PR team and them actually taking the advice, it can be a smooth transaction.

It would be like someone wanting to work in customer service/retail but then getting mad at the customers who come into the store for no reason. They are there to do a job, even if they don't love every aspect of it, and it's what they have to do to keep their jobs. Cater to the customers needs and wants. And then don't rebel and get mad at the customers for wanting to buy the product from you.

Celebrities customers are the fans. You need to be able to have that relationship with them in order for the fans to keep coming back and for them support you. Promotion is part of his job that shouldn't have been a surprise since it was planned months in advance. But if you continue to do questionable things, you don't deserve that career or maybe you aren't meant for that career. Even if one does have talent, it doesn't mean they will excel at anything else related to the job.

Luke could have had a relationship with Antonia out in the public if they took the time to cater to them. That's part of Luke's job, whether he likes it or not. If he continues down the path that he is on, he will be the one that loses.

This response may sound a bit angry, and I'm not angry at all! So try not to read this as if I am angry!

And when I say cater I don't mean they have to be at the fans beck and call. But to interact professionally every once in a while.

[neopuppy]

i follow both your nct and enha blogs, so i saw your reply to an ask on your enha blog which also mentioned renjun and it felt wrong messaging you abt him there so i will just message you abt him here haha. hope you don’t mind!!!

have you seen renjun’s message on bbl where he exposed a sasaeng’s twt account? that was bravery right there. i hope that’ll serve as an example to idols and warning to crazy fans

I was going THROUGH it last night bc of this jcjejcjdjd I genuinely dont know if I’d be as concerned if it was anyone other than Renjun only given the circumstances(SM ent. and their long history of torturing idols- plus what was also happening with cbx/exo yesterday)

going to say this as someone who is on my 3rd SM group that I’m watching fall apart in real time once again, this is likely Dreams last run(the irony) as a properly promoted group. the only reason they even still get so much is because they are huge in Asia and have always been(PROBABLY BC SM HAS NEVER ONCE TRIED TO BREAK THEM INTO THE WESTERN MARKET THE WAY THEY DID WITH 127 BUT THATS BC 127 WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FOR US FANS- we know how that went). its so hard to watch your favs literally cry for help and you cant do anything when its their own company working against them.

sasaengs are kept alive by INTERNAL staff that have access to information such as private schedule locations, hotels, flights, etc. why else would the SAME people always conveniently ‘show up’ to unannounced events that were never for ‘fans’ to begin with?

Renjun is one of the handful of actual talented idols we have in the age of 2024 where all kpop idols need to do is buy an entirely new face to debut and be deemed “it boy/girl”, makes me sick to my stomach that he cant do his job peacefully bc of people who relentlessly stalk him, purposely sit by him on planes, call his phone day and night.

I’m fr just a normal person, not famous just living my life and my anxiety is BAD. way worse when I was younger and would have physical panic attacks to the point of throwing up. I got help(therapy, meds, etc) fortunately and learned how to calm my anxiety but I always think abt how idols have to deal with this especially when I’m at the airport. like INTL travel is so fucking stressful and taxing on the body, I cannot imagine camera shooting at me the second I step off a 16 hr flight where weird ass ssngs followed me to the bathroom and took pictures of me SLEEPING the entire time! only to run after me in mobs after going through customs.

like idfk why anyone would defend this animalistic behavior. if an idol feels desperate enough to share their mental health issues with us as fans- coming from a place and industry where this is very stigmatized- WE NEED TO LISTEN, AS FANS WHO RESPECT AND TRUST HIM. I wish I could do something, but I cant, and I would beat up every ssng to exists if it held no repercussion bc famous or not these are HUMAN BEINGS, and they dont deserve this.

I really worry given the kpop track record of idols choosing their exit instead of finding help. I am so proud of Renjun for putting himself first and taking this time off to heal himself. like there is just so many things and I am worried abt all of Dream, they debuted so young and have some of the worst ssngs out of all of kpop with a company who wont lift a finger to protect them. in this case they truly only have us(the actual fans)and Renjun going public with this proves that.

I hope anyone who has invaded their privacy feels ashamed, and this goes for ‘fans’ that follow them around the world/are constantly in fan calls/fan signs etc- you are weird. period. nothing normal about that one-sided parasocial relationship that you brag abt online, and instead of spending $1000’s upon $1000’s on bothering an idol who will never fuck you, maybe consider investing in a much needed grippy sock vacation.

I think these people are beyond help, and unfortunately they have the funds or limitless credit to endorse their madness. I need more idols to see this and start calling out these weirdos. NO ONE SHOULD ALLOW THIS BEHAVIOR TO BE NORMALIZED, end of story.

[nereidprinc3ss]

…no but going on about the rant…that is just a very interesting perspective and hot contrast coming from spencer. LIKE him being such a sucker for love, for reader but at the same time, being so confident in his knowledge on s*x. ouf, the hicky or the vibrator thing using it in front of him…i hope we can get a one-shot or anything…

just to let you know…

just.

but still, i think there must be boundaries for all the affection he gives to reader? i mean, i believe it can get overwhelming for reader at some point. (i feel like this sounds so weird but i hope you can get me) s*x is already a very overwhelming activity in itself with all of the emotions & changes going on in one’s body. i wonder how they discuss or handle this?

the way i’m so invested into your rantings and ramblings….

i definitely get you!!! i do at some point want to write something where either reader does get genuinely overwhelmed during sex or something and they have to stop cause he would sooo take care of her like it would just be really sweet and i think going along with the whole him “teaching” her thing, that would be a part of it for sure. like learning that it’s important to listen to yourself and be honest when you need to stop and stuff like that.

kinda nsfw discussions below the cut abt aftercare

i love writing aftercare😭😭 idk i know it’s random and idk if im going to do this for dybmn but ur right like i think sometimes sex IS rlly overwhelming especially the first time and it does feel weird and does weird things to you and i have this vague idea of her being like rlly confused and overwhelmed and kinda achey and stuff afterwards cause that’s very real and having him just take care of her and be reassuring idk idk….. maybe that will go in to the final part of dybmn maybe it won’t i’m not sure

im also not sure if that’s something anyone else would be interested in or if it’s just super niche and weird and nobody wants it LOL😭 if you do pls let me know and if you don’t pls let me know

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for retroactively cheating on my partner?

Look, I know the title sounds kinda dumb, but it was kind of the best way I could sum it up. This also might get a little long. I'm just trying to give the context it needs that I feel sorta led me to the decisions I made.

I (22M) went on my first vacation with my partner (25F) last summer. Our vacation was to a relatively local spot not too far out of the city that's decently popular. We'd been dating at that point for around 18 months, though a lot of our dating had been done online cuz of the whole global pandemic thing. When the restrictions started loosening she started getting pushy about me moving in. This caused some tension between us, but it always kind of fizzled out. I still lived with my dad at that point. I'd never moved in with her, since I always wanna be really absolutely sure about these things beforehand, and I'll admit to viewing our week long vacation as sort of a trial run for maybe, one day, taking that step. All of this is just context for the fact that I was really serious about her. It was also the first real adult relationship that I'd been in.

If it was meant to be a trial for moving in, the vacation probably brought to the surface all the issues that I'd had with her. It was seriously a disaster. Our first day was great, but she spent a lot of the next two days taking calls from work and having some "alone time". I was really pissed off on the third day, waking up to ask if she wanted to go swimming, and having her tell me she was up for hours, and if I wanted to go I should've talked to her earlier. I suggested things we could do together, and we did eat lunch together and go to the pool, but she wasn't at all interested in doing anything else with me. After lunch, she sort of disappeared, so I went to the bar myself and considered texting her to join me. I got distracted talking to a guy, and soon enough we were super invested in the conversation together.

For context, I'm probably somewhere on the bi/pan end of things, but I grew up and continued living in a close minded small town. Especially last year, I was very much not out, not comfortable with people seeing me as in any way lgbtq adjacent, and still holding onto a lot more internalised stuff than I was willing to admit to.

This guy (who I'll call R) and I hit it off. We had lots in common, and he was fun to hang around with, and a good listener. I won't lie, I did find him pretty physically attractive, but naturally, it wasn't a huge issue. I've never had a problem being faithful, it's something I value over anything else in a relationship. When I spoke to my girlfriend about him later, she make some teasing remarks towards me about him being my "boyfriend". I was extremely sensitive about this, and snapped at her, to which she called me oversensitive and complained I never understand her jokes. I, being more mean than I should've been, told her she should try being funny, and she just called me misogynistic, which I resented, so I walked out, and came back later when I was sure she was asleep.

The next day, she shut me off completely, which I understood. I apologised, but I appreciated that she needed some space. I ended up meeting R at the pool again. We went for a hike, which took longer than expected, and made it home at dinner, which we got together. He insisted on paying in full, and we had a fun time, walking back to the hotel together. He told me he was leaving that evening, and I offered to help him pack. We got into his room, I helped him pack, we talked, traded socials, and, eventually, just out of the blue, I kissed him. I don't really know why, but it was nothing more than a chaste kiss, and I panicked and left.

The rest of the trip with my girlfriend was mostly us keeping to ourselves, and while we made up, there was definitely an atmosphere. The atmosphere just stayed. We broke up in October, for reasons unrelated directly to the vacation.

However, my issue is that from the vacation to when my gf and I broke up, R and I were dming each other. Objectively,it wasn't anything romantic or sexual, no nudes, nothing like that. We would just talk like we always did. We decided to try out dating in February of this year, and so far, its been great - he's genuinely a brilliant partner, we have far less conflicts, we sort things out quicker, and we generally seem to mesh much better than I did with my ex. But being with him has sort of taught me that what I valued him for when we were just talking is also what I mostly value him for now that we're dating - his good listening, his great sense of humour, the fact he just seems to get me. I could be overthinking things, but I can't shake this weird feeling that while I was with my ex I was somehow having all the trappings of another relationship whilst not indulging in the traditional markers of one. It just doesn't feel right to me. Am I the asshole?

What are these acronyms?

[weekend-whip]

This is a writing question more than an ask but how do you handle lore dumps???? Your AU is so full of em and you handle them so gracefully. I’m here stuck on a chapter because my MC really really needs to have Information in order to Progress, but having Character B explain it to him is so tedious??? It reads like a rant!! I want the information to flow smoothly for readers, but it needs to be given all at once because it’s Plot Relevant. Any advice is a godsend 🙏

Well, 90% of my "lore dumping" is done via conversation to some degree—whether it be one character happening to be knowledgeable during a particular situation, two characters sharing a personal discussion with each other, or round-robin getting a whole group up to speed on a subject. It just never reads as a "lore dump" because a) there's also character dynamics being dispersed amongst the information, and b) there's more to the scene than just the information itself, even if the information is still the most important part. And that's still true even if dialogue isn't your go-to method for info deliverance!

All right, here we go, spit-balling rambles here!

You can still have Character B outright explain things to the MC, but to avoid it being "ranty", the easiest thing to do would be to have the MC react to what's being said to break up the monotony with how they're feeling about it, or even questions about what's being told to them. And having the MC asking questions has the added bonus of allow different ways for Character B to offer information, instead of going through the points like a check list. Character B could respond to points the MC brings up, questions the MC had the Character B hadn't even considered, the MC mentioning something that jogs something else to mind for Character B to bring up—anything that isn't just "MC, you must know this: [word words words words]". Make sure there's a push and pull, give and take with the information, rather than, well, all push or all give—THAT is what will ultimately help with your flow.

(...though I dunno if the characters are in, like a "time crunch"/urgent situation at this point in time, hence why Character B would be divulging everything at once in a bombshell rant—but if that is the case, at least you'd have the excuse for doing so! That being said, you'd have to counterbalance this by limiting the amount of info that's being given, because otherwise that's going to make the "ranting" even more obvious and harder for a reader to get invested in gfdsgfd)

And also, assumedly, your audience is learning this information just the same as your MC is—think about the questions your audience might consider about the lore too, and use the MC as a way to add those extra clarifications as well! I tend to use Kai for this a lot haha

Or, if you don't want to go the "direct" route via conversation/dialogue and want to switch it up, you could have a mention of the MC learning the info from Character B offscreen, then jump right to them either mulling over everything they've learned to themselves or someone else (flavored up by their own personal thoughts about it) or by them already putting the info into practice with some reflection throughout. This is probably a little less effective strategy for a written story than something like a movie or tv show, but if your first way isn't working out, try restructuring it like this anyway! If nothing else, you can reverse engineer what the most important bits of the info you really want the MC to take away in this instance in time (or at least what's most relevant for the moment/situation at hand), thus shortening the amount of time Character B has to spend "ranting" in the first place. Or, maybe it'll give you another idea of how to frame the information!

Also, try to give a reason for why this information is suddenly being shared right now (again, if this isn't some kind of "MC I have to tell you all this NOW before it's too laaaaate!" kind of scenario. Sure, there's always "you'll need this to progress on your quest" or the overall whatever else may be going on, but think on a smaller scale—what in the moment causes the topic to come up now?

For example –using my own story here because I wrote it and I know my own thought process lmao– Lloyd starts explaining about the Moon's Triad holiday in B2Ch41 because Acidicus comes to him with concerns for how the associated traditions are affecting the Serpentine's plans going forward. Miranda discusses how the Aftershock Ability functions to Jesse in B2Ch45 because Jesse's been trying to figure out why it happened to begin with. And Wu and Garmadon's whole discussion in B2Ch36 is mostly stuff that they both mutually know for the most part —yet is shared regardless for the audience's benefit—but to avoid falling into an "As you know" back-and-forth trap, it's also framed by Wu trying to catch up Garmadon on things he's missed, with their mutual information being used as anchoring context for Garmadon, so it's there for a character purpose as well. Basically killing two birds with a stone there.

Yet when the lore dump is large enough to warrant, like, half a chapter's worth of dedication *eyes B2Ch31*, sometimes you just gotta bite the bullet and go all-in with an outright dump for utmost clarity—but that doesn't meant you can't dress it up or have fun with it! Like, for the Elemental Compass explanation, I literally have Jesse pull out a whiteboard and marker and make everyone sit in a circle to learn sjhgffd–I make fun of the fact that I know this is going to be a big chunk of info to take in for everybody, and using some of the techniques mentioned above, I'm able to break down all my main points I want delivered all while preventing Jesse from just throwing out text blocks in an unnatural, not-fun-to-read fashion. So, that could be an approach for you too!

Ah, how to phrase this...as long as there's dynamism in the deliverance of the information, that'll save it from reading as stale. Even if at the end of the day it really is just two people standing around talking at each other (or one at the other)—if there's action and reactions, emotions, an established point of it all to begin with (as opposed to sudden information for information's sake), and that push/pull + give/take as discussed, you should be able to get your point across in a way that's entertaining for reader's just fine~

Anyway, I hope at least even a sentence of this made sense and was even minutely helpful! Good luck breaking through your block; I'm rooting for you! ^-^)/