#maybe this is just seasonal depression idk
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If Ja’marr managed to drag Joe out of Cincy and take an actual break - where do you think he would take him? 🤔
(Im depressed over the loss so I’ve been trying to think of happy scenarios for the pookies)
hiiiii as per usual this got long wkwkk and idk more delusional than usual and i kept being sad abt everything 😭😭 so:
they're on different states currently i'm pretty sure?? joe back in cincy terrorizing the bengals facility and himself there while ja'marr had his usual acupuncture rehab session back in nola and who knows if they're both still there. probably tbh. i fully support them being away from each other lollll take some time away from work after that shitshow and that unfortunately includes your best friend (who you are in love with etc) who is also your coworker!
i imagine ja'marr being on a social media cleanse (thank fuck i hope he doesn't tweet anything please for the love of god i need them all to shut up why do they do this) so he probably doesn't know that joe is at the stadium until somebody (his dad? sister?) mentions it to him and he's all 'of course he is. he's throwing with dan isn't he.' and he gives joe what a day or two to get it out of joe's system before flying his ass to cincy and nagging at the man to stop trying to twist himself up into a pretzel.
for those few days ja'marr does spend himself because he too needs it ja'marr drives all around nola, shoots the shit with some old high school friends, plays in his old hangouts arcades hooping idk does he hoop i think not, eats out with his family, does chores with his mom, eats his body's worth in nola cuisine that sports nutritionists would weep at, etc etc. (also i thought his son lives with his mom lol i thought she takes care of him when ja'marr's busy with the season apparently his bm does it??? but i imagine he'd spend some time with junior too he loves that baby like crazyyy)
ja'marr sends joe random pics of his days, a snap of his mom nagging at him because he keeps putting needless shit into the shopping cart, a random cat wearing a bell on the sidewalk, the setting sun, a cloud shaped like a football, some seafood boil, some old friends of theirs messing up his dining room table, etc etc. joe replies back in short sentences or just ok emojis. ja'marr doesn't take it to heart. several random times joe sends the world's most shittiest one liners for some reason and ja'marr hypes him up while simultaneously telling him he needs help.
would they go to miami and get joe on a boat 🤗 ja'marr probably tested the waters first lmao if joe would be susceptible to some forceful shenanigans outside of his comfort zone. maybe joe would be like sighing and going yeah sure whatever can't hurt at this point and mainly because he himself wants to put a smile on ja'marr's face. maybe it's like that gq magazine clothes saga/get me the fucking ball where joe realizes that ja'marr wants him on a boat with him via the media (talk to each other for the love of god why does ja'marr keep spilling shit to the media unknowingly making joe realize what he wants via said media 'i didn't know i do it through media' baby please. please.) imagining ja'marr trying to be sneaky getting joe on that fucking boat but joe knows exactly what he's doing because ja'marr can't lie for shit to him and joe just telling him to quit it he'll go on the boat with him ffs and trying to hide his smile when ja'marr starts lighting up in surprised joy (experiencing joy because you brought out joy in someone else!!! doing something outside your comfort zone to put a smile on someone's face!!!!)
maybe they'll miraculously show up for another bball game. pretty sure ja'marr only fucks with the lakers lmao so maybe they pop by for an at home la game (back to la....hmm.....or just their away games nvm. they play at suns again on the 27th lol), break bengalsblr for a second time with their 🤨🤨🤨 matching outfits and weirdly first date vibes. maybe joe will finally drag ja'marr to a ufc game for a change! (i don't actually know any ufc matches...google says the nearest is the 23rd and then dec 8th?? idk any of these people 😭)
doing some shopping?? finding more matching outfits specifically shoes bc apparently that's where they their fashion interests intersect?? god bless if ja'marr makes joe wear one of his chunky interesting boots.
museummm dateessss but specifically national history museums or those space science museums or dinosaurs museums or those creepy oddities museum do you think they'd fuck with that probably not tbh. maybe they switch things up do things that ja'marr wants (boats, bball games, etc) and what joe wants (museums, ufc matches, etc) that's so cute wow. but ja'marr waits patiently as joe nerds out on the fossils and gigantic ass 3d planet renditions and those augmented topography booths where they can move sand and it automatically changes the color projections??? ja'marr remembers joe talking abt this shit one time and does his due diligence researching where it actually is and takes the man there. joe looks on fondly as ja'marr gets into it himself because the science museum offers so many interactive shit even he gets excited for it when originally he just took them there for joe.
late night walks that seem supremely out of character tbh. post clubbing (?) but they find they cannot stand crowds that night for some reason so they walk out and just stroll the midnight away. hanging out on some bridge leaning over railings talking about some easy plays, some insane ones they've made and want to streamline, ja'marr shares some of his cute little bathroom mirror post it notes goals for the season, joe shares that he's considering switching up his throwing arm practices, joe says he wants to do some blocking and tackling exercises and ja'marr tells him to shut the fuck up....okay sure but don't actually try to do it in game unless he absolutely has to. drinking shitty corner store bought beers and making stupid little jokes about their mistakes they can finally make light of under the flickering street lights and shrouded moonlight and blood buzzing slightly from shit alcohol. i don't think they've ever actually been in the position where they won't make the playoffs together. last year joe was injured so it maybe doesn't count idk. playing so fucking well together yet not making it is…..befuddling. so maybe they'll spend some time talking about that and coming to terms on it too. (actual verbal communication...hmmm)
breaking into a random community outdoor basketball court and they didn't find any bballs to play with but there's a dilapidated little football (of course there is. sharing a little smile because of course there's a football in a basketball court for them. out of all the courts they could end up in.) for some reason so they throw and catch with little success joe throws for barely 3 yards but they make each other laugh because 'damn jb that's pathetic' 'well maybe you should run and catch it what are you doing just standing there' and then it turns into a little game of tag and joe straight up tries to tackle ja'marr except he's shit at tackling and ja'marr never goes down on first contact but he lets joe bring him down and they just end up caking their stupid expensive clothes with dust and dirt with lightly scratched elbows and shins, staring up at the night sky with barely any stars, the street lights irritating their peripheral vision, limbs slightly grazing each other's, finally quiet and settled, barely fidgeting like they've been doing these past few weeks.
they both send stupid little snaps (do they use snapchat??? or just instagram ig) to tee who replies back cursing at them for not inviting him. they pop by his place literally the minute he replies that because technically they're just waiting for an 'invite'.
little family get together where joe finally gets to eat the chase family seafood boil??!!?!?!? the chases comforting him too :( they should go to a pet kennel (??? what are these called omg im too tired to search 😭) and pet some dogs and cats for therapy tbh
before joe goes back to spend more time with his fam and ja'marr with his and whatever shit they want to do apart before back to the reality of practices and season games, they watch the la film together. nitpick on each other's game. apologize for their mistakes once and move on with improvements.
in all honesty if i was remotely aware what places to go to in america that would fit these two this'll be a longer list but well
but wait sorry if i can just yap a bit for the team as a whole ngl i think everyone being away from literally everybody in the team would be good for everyone as whole (yes even joemarr from each other and god why tf is joe in the facility ffs) like just keep to yourselves and stay the fuck off twt and ig jesus these dramatic ass men have they never heard of a 2nd acc or even a burner account. like stay with your family and recharge for at least 2 days idk 3 or a whole damn week actually then come back greet each other like you love them and let go of your baggage and start getting your shit together for real. the vibes are terrible it's so confusing you were THE team the past 3 years and the vibes changed to SHIT starting literally WEEK 1 that i believe is from the jamarr contract debacle suddenly playing game 1 and the entire thing finally got put to rest by ja'marr himself (as he should! the thing about joe and ja'marr is they fix their shit! they know they made mistakes and they actually fix it!! he knows the contract stumps his joy from playing so he left it behind and got his groove back literally scored 2 tuddys the next game). but i do hope they all learn how to navigate each other again and actually work together as a team and better their communication. it's kind of funny that they went on that bonding trip only to have the worst bench vibes that same game 😭. snapping at your teammates is normal tbh but letting that shit keep on festering without actually making an effort to fix it is just cancerous and on whatever miracle hail mary some of them still believe they can make the playoffs needs to start there. and maybe some audacious change in play calling lmao just try anything at this point.
ok bye hhh
#ask#joemarr#ja'marr chase#joe burrow#still sort of sad so there like little whimsy tbh sorry#truly ridiculous#idk this doesn't hit for me like they usually do :( maybe it's because im still sad sigh#this fuck it mentality im trying to grasp is not easy 😭#my writing#should i change that tag damn
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writer's block is debilitating atm. i want to write soooooooooo badly but im just sitting here staring at google docs with 0 neuron activation
#also i hate to admit it but ive felt kinda weird writing phanfic lately :/#bc idk. seeing them irl at tit kinda made me think about it too much i guess#plus the revelation that they (or at least phil) lurk and they might see it ldsvlknlsknvlsfn id have to kms#im still debating deleting after the “someone on tumblr will write about that” comment#still trying to convince myself it wasnt about me but i will never know for sure and now i always feel mildly uncomfortable on here :(#maybe im also self sabotaging a bit because i dont really want to finish any of my wips#bc then i should post them. but i dont want to bc what if they flop dslnlnsnvlknvl#i am starting to resent these wips but at the same time theyre still my babies#i always used to think writing was like my Thing. but now im starting to feel like i cant write for shit lmfao#and it's really hard to write if writing just makes you feel stupid#maybe this is just seasonal depression idk#when phil said in his fanfic video rpf is fine as long as you dont cross certain lines#i thought the line was trying to make them aware of it/taking it beyond fan spaces. but now im second guessing everything i write#one of my wips is kinda dark/very angsty and im worried that it gets too deep into mental health stuff#even though it is an alternate timeline au so it's really about 2 fictional characters based on them. but still im worried it's too serious#especially since someone mentioned the bluebird fic recently. i havent read it but now im stressed that my fic is too dark#in a similar way. spoiler alert lmao but this fic was supposed to culminate in dan getting outed by a friend and having a breakdown#but now im wondering if im doing too much and i should just drop this whole idea ugh
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I need to find a good distraction - any book recs?
#im going to start reading again#i just idk i feel maybe seasonal depression setting in#i haven't been feeling very okay lately#gotta get out of this funk before it becomes something deeper#the last time i felt like this reading helped a lot#maybe it will jumpstart my creativity too i feel like everything i write/make lately has been idk just okay#kayla.txt#tbd#maybe ill take some sleeping pills and go to bed
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mindless rambling in tags don't mind me
#not art post#rambling in tags because i can and its MY BLOG#anyway its about tdp *waits* ok for the three of you that actually care#someone retweeted one of my threads from 2019 after s2 dropped (imo the BEST tdp season) and i reread it#and tbh i am still right about viren's characterization#obviously canon changed some things but TO BE REAL..... i dont care what the writers say bc i had beef since s3#how am i supposed to believe any viren and callum parallels and callbacks when they..... havent talked since when?#and uhhh viren's demise lol i expected it but wow i am not happy with the lead up to it#more cool and eloquent people put it in better words on twitter and probably tumblr too idk i just say things and hope they make sense#anyway viren is still the very real traumatized angry severely depressed old man from s2... his life was just revealed to be so much worse#like damn. he was poor he was orphan he got divorced and then a stupid mirror started ruining his life even more#yes the mirror was the start of it why do you think aaravos revealed himself after viren's firey break down#aaravos went i can make him worse and ran with it#should viren go to prison? yeah i never once denied that lmao but god he and his family were really the ones to suffer in the show#at least viren is gone so i can just *plucks him out of the dirt and morphs him into my own oc* (im for real)#i got maybe more to say but this is long and im lazy and im not too smart so i will just move on#i will watch s7................................... i GUESS and if you find salt i will probably be there lol
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can i ask.how u guys practice ur creativity <3 how u practice ur imagination or like.. how u experiment with ur art, how u come to ideas and how u develop them.<3 pretty please <3
#smthing i have always struggled w.is feeling like i can only draw things that r handed 2 me.#as in.an idea or concept that already exists#chara or conflict that already exists.Scene that alr exists.#and i think it can be soo limiting bc when i have that sort of creative desire but nothing 2 reflect off of it#i feel like im unable to do anything/get anywhere bc im unable to do that mental legwork myself ykwim#like comic artists r SOOO JAW DROP INSPIRING TO MEE bc not only are u envisioning ur own sequences/situations#but u are able to imagine even the most MUNDANE interactions within those scenarios u know#like the transitory panels and the quiet moments and the every day stillness#and i feel like.its not even a poor attempt on my behalf its like.i cant Even attempt it.like my brain is soo empty#and soo static and noiseless that i am like gauhh......#i can practice lines all day long and practice colors and practice anatomy or Whatever bc its something concrete#and its in front of me and i can pry apart the physical technicalities until i understand it better#but my MIND???ABSTRACTION>? THOUGHTS .ough its so hard#and i really want to push past that but i dont know how and its so .. demoralizing to think that ill get there One Day but i feel#one million and two days away.and not making active process towards it.#i know the first step is to build ur visual library and i feel liek. idk i FEEL LIKEEE theres more 2 it that im missing#but also im depressed as hell n my job is killing my creative drive and the seasonal stuff isnt helping#so maybe i just need 2 give it time (true) but i also like.man i dont know. i want 2 do something w my hands#but everything ive been doing so far has felt soo .hard and fruitless and i definitely dont want 2 turn art into such a stressful thing#fruitless as in like.i dont get any personal satisfaction w it.idgaf abt monetization or algorithms or any of tht#but smtimes thats just what happens and i have 2 weather through and know ill be more equipped 4 this some other time#SAWRYYY IM ALWAYS GOING ON AND ONNN im nromal im normal<3 i just rly like art and it sucks balls whn it feels out of reach#sigh cry fart scroll.(:salute:)
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Remember in Teen Titans (the good one) when Raven sort of died and then came back and bb was rlly freaked out cuz she was acting different? Remember when she responded to that with “don’t worry, blue is still my favorite color, and you’re still not funny.” And remember in that one episode where bb and cyborg went into Raven’s mind scape meditation thingy and Raven revealed that pink was her favorite color and that she thought bb was funny?
I think that she said the wrong things one purpose then, because she knew that bb would understand that she was sort of saving face since that information was sort of something only they shared (with the exception of cyborg but he’s the third wheel bestie so yknow)
#teen titans#teen titans 2003#one of the best shows#I wish starfire got a season abt her tho#Terra showed up outta nowhere#but it was good for the team’s character development#and it also sort of gave bb two seasons abt him#which like#bb’s my blorbo so that’s a win#anyway#bbrae#one of my favorite straight ship#tho I do headcannon bb to be kind of fruity sometimes#maybe he’s bi or pan idk#or maybe he does it just for funsies#honestly k couldn’t watch the last season of young justice cuz I couldn’t stand bb literally being depressed#it physically hurt me to watch that#headcannons#yippee
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Lets be real, my hanahaki comic is the peak of my creation and i will never make anything that is just as good 😔😔
#i might be just in a big ol drawing slump#dunno :(#maybe its the seasonal depression#i just dont feel like drawing that much#and seing that the stuff i make us just not as good as it used to be demotivates me so much#or maybe thats just me imagining it but idk
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someone pls make a step by step guide on how to be CONSISTENTLY happy pls i can't be sad on sunny days that's not how this shit works
#depression#how to be happy#help needed#seasonal depression#chronic depression#??? possibly ???#idk i just know i feel no joy rn but eight hours ago i did#maybe it was manic joy?#idk ive been told that's a thing that happens after severe adhd rsd drops#adhd#rsd#adhd rsd#rejection sensitive dysphoria
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me rn listening to noah kahan and thinking about aegon, having a lot of thoughts n feelins abt this greasy haired lil dude
#~chloe rambles#idk man something abt aegon is just hitting today#is it the seasonal depression? maybe so
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Having a really hard time being motivated!!!
#dunno if it’s seasonal depression or what but all I wanna do is just lay in bed#do nothing#maybe I’m just really sad I finished my book series?? idk#idk idk idk
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ngl… my excitement for this weekend literally vanished last night
#daniel ricciardo#danny ric#dr3#f1#formula 1#dutch gp 2023#I’m trying so hard to find it back but -#listen danny fans yall know#the emotional toll we’ve been through the last year#or two years depending on how long you’ve been watching but I’m baby I’ve only been here for a year#but seeing him lose his happiness and his seat… spending the first half of the season without him just going nutto for the glimpses we got#here and there and then BAM surprise we get him back! but no it’s 2 races and then A MONTH OF BREAK#but it’s okay bc he’s excited he’s ready he’s COOKING and then yesterday#the emotional roller coaster I am exhausted#I can’t imagine how he feels after all this but we know he’s got great people around him thankfully#anyways yes so now that I have a taste of him enjoying being back in a car.. seeing another x amount of races he’s forced to sit out feels#extremely depressing#I honestly don’t know if I’m up for it and like ofc I do root for other drivers but they’re not Danny yknow? idk maybe I’m just a lil dumb#joey rambles#sorry sorry I’m in a sad girl moment tm rn#which is not great since I have to go to a work thing tonight
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got angst on the mind today y'all,,,,,
steddie angst below the cut
okokok so someone has probably already written this BUT
what if Eddie never tried to be a hero? never left that trailer in the upside down, never left dustin alone, etc. they both survive (I'm going with vecna was defeated so without someone controlling them they drop dead all at the same time)
but there's a frantic call on the walkie coming from Nancy
Steve is taken down somehow. Weak and still breathing, still has a pulse, but her and Robin need help moving him
Eddie and Dustin make it over as fast as possible
Eddie barely managed to get Steve out from under a near hysterical Robin. Steve is in and out of coherency, it seems like he took another hit to his head.
Eddie just keeps talking in an effort to keep him awake until they can get him to a hospital, to keep from breaking down himself.
"You know, never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I'd have Steve Harrington in my arms like this."
"You dreamin' about me, Munson?" Steve slurs back. He has the ghost of a smile on his face.
The frightened tears Eddie's been successfully keeping at bay so far suddenly threaten to spill. "Yeah, and I'll tell you all about it later, you just gotta stay with us, alright? Promise." His voice is shaking. He can feel Steve start to go further limp against his chest.
Steve hums as his eyes start to flutter closed. "'M gonna hold you to that."
Eddie tries to jostle him back to full consciousness. "Steve? You gotta stay awake, man, okay? Steve, you hear me?" Eddie loons down only to find Steve's face has gone totally slack; he can't tell if he's even breathing.
Goddamnit, Steve. Eddie breaks out running towards the gate that's finally in sight, grateful for the adrenaline still coursing through him. He'll be damned if Steve doesn't make it back, even at his own expense.
#maybe its the seasonak depression hitting but for some reason this won't leave me alone#seasonal***#if someone wrote this already please please please send it to me#steddie#angst#major character death#maybe maybe not idk if i would rather it be hurt/comfort or hurt/no comfort#steve harrington#eddie munson#stranger things#robin buckley#nancy wheeler#dustin henderson#actually pretty proud of when it gets to dialogue? the rest im not as sure about it's just me rambling#didnt know how to also keeo track kf everyone else so theyre kinda only there in the beginning#i def won't continue this myself but if anyone else wants to please feel free#the like 'you dreamin about me munson' popped into my head while i was doing dishes at work and won't leave me alone
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Anyway how is everyone doing
#had to get up at 6 in the morning and therefore had 4 hours of sleep today (a weekly occurence pretty much)#so i just took a nap which took all evening and i'm still tired yayyyyy. because naps only work how they should about 10% of the time#and also i did nothing else today because sleep and now i'm truly wondering what to do with myself anymore#meanwhile i have to get up and go to school again tomorrow 😑 and the day after that 😑 and the day after that 😑#or i could drop out again and have nothing else to do anyway and continue rotting in my room#(whether it's my dorm room or my actual room doesn't matter). what's the pointtttttt#might be reaching some kind of limit or maybe i'm truly just dramatising and should just chill about it all#save me 4 hours of music listening now probably. idk man#got my minimal amount of social interaction today in the form of riding the elevator with 3 of the ppl from my course#when i could have (and normally would have) just taken the stairs instead#i feel like i made a big important step today that will help me later on through this year (no not really)#at least one thing i've noticed recently is that i might have the reverse of what is i guess is usually called seasonal depression#in the sense that now that it's chilly and cloudy and it gets dark earlier i feel like i'm finally LIVING in a way#the good effect of that will probably pass after a week or two though#but also just a bit over a month left now until my birthday and then my long awaited trip!!#anyone else get unreasonably excited for their birthday each year even though there's never anything special about it in the end#and that only makes the day more depressing lol#ok whatever i'm done whining now i think. music time then#celebrating (a bit late) one year of gratsax and lil beethoven today. some of the albums of all time for me personally#goosepost
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inside you there are two wolves: one gives a fuck, the other doesn't give a fuck
#sage's diary#006#10/30/2024#(incredible timing on my mom's part to start texting me for the first time in a month right as i was about to make one of these)#october has really been kicking my ass mental health-wise good fucking god#maybe i really DO have seasonal depression idk#this whole month's just been a rollercoaster of emotions and thoughts. its so exhausting#first it was the stressing about moving out soon. trying once again to get a job ontop of that (and failing of-fucking-course)#then all the dumb romantic feelings i was experiencing (and STILL struggling with)#and now im genuinely considering if i'd be happier if i was actually fully trans (or atleast just MORE masculine than i already sortof am??#when will i catch a fucking mental break man. my brain's already going 1mil mph a day anyways thanks to my ADHD i REALLY dont need more#uhghh whatever......... i have ace attorney to do soon i cant be worrying about this shit too much#save me talking to friends on discord...... save me....................
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i started watching barry and when you all were swooning and horny over bill hader in like 2017/2018 i thought you all were insane........i get it now...............
#just needed to see him depressed and murdering people i guess#i've been in love w anthony carrigan for years like you know. you KNOW#that's not new but this....is new....and idk how i feel about it....#i think the show is just ok btw#like idk. i just started season 2 and think it might have been overhyped to me a bit#i've seen it held up with the likes of succession and the sopranos and. no. not even close#maybe it'll get better but i give it like a 6/10 so far maybe a 6.5#i don't really like comedies at all and it does lean more comedy on the dramedy scale which i don't think i was expecting so maybe thats it#i am very bored and have depression i will keep watching it
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i don't think i really get angry, maybe a bit annoyed sometimes, but mostly i just get sad instead. i had a long conversation with my friend about how our minds work and also became conscious of how quiet my mind is. kind of numb. idk it used to be loud but i think that could just have been being a kid
#but also like idk i don't think i know myself very well (yet)#and saying this and that about how my mind works is kind of arbitrary i could be so wrong#because most mental functions are subconscious so it's difficult to really name and categorise them#oh also i'd suspected i had aphantasia before but i assumed that people 'seeing' the things they imagined#didn't actually SEE them. like an actual picture inside your head#i can imagine things but i don't SEE them i just can imagine how it would be to see them#so i assumed that's what people meant#but apparently people do SEE things?? like actually see them?#which hey wtf such a scam that i cannot#like wtf do you mean you see more than just black when you close your eyes. what????#and when i said this to my brother he said the same thing about it 'oh obviously people mean this when they say they imagine things'#but it's difficult to really know because you can't swap minds with someone#and unless you're both very well spoke and understanding it's very difficult to conceptualize a different way of thought#anyway it all just made me realise my mind is very quiet. very very quiet#not a bad thing? i think conscious effort contributed to that. a little dissociation and depression too maybe#but oh who even knows lmao i'll grow up and get to know myself better#one of my biggest wonders is if i have seasonal depression. i have absolutely no idea
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