#maybe ill take some sleeping pills and go to bed

[nilefreemans]

I need to find a good distraction - any book recs?

[ayeyolooo]

Memory lane

This is part 2 part one is here!

Please excuse any grammatical errors 😥!

—

"MAN ION LIKE BOYS BUT who was that fine ass boy you was talking to at the mall yesterday n/n?" London asked. "Oh he's someone from middle school." You shrugged and smiled.

"One of them kids that made you leave?" You nodded. You clacked your nails together as london mugged you. "No no he was the one who made them stop." You said defending armin.

"Ohhh okay." She said. "I'm happy that you found someone my love." She said smiling and wrapping you into a hug. Paris was sleeping cuddling with your dog kody who was also sleeping.

"I wanna see how they look now." You mumbled and laid on your stomach before opening instagram and clicking armin's page. You scrolled on his page.

"But maybe imma see them later." You said. "Girl you over there worried bout them,youn got nothing to be worried bout." London said. "Okay?" London asked. "Okay." You said clicking your phone off. "Now let's go do summm." She said smiling and getting off of your bed. She grabbed your beats pill speaker and grabbed your phone. She unlocked it and clicked shuffle on your playlist.

'Run tha streetz.' By Tupac started to play as you both of you starting singing. "YOU COULD RUN THE STREETS WITH YOUR THUGS ILL BE WAITING FOR YOUUUUUU." The both of you began singing outloud and laughing.

London went on her Instagram and began to go live.

User1: ouuuu who is thaaaat?

3rennn joined.

Mi.mikasa joined.

Meelasplayhouse: ouuuuu she reall prettyy.

"I know right!" London said bringing your face into the camera. You just smiled and lip synced to the song.

Armin.alert joined.

"Ohhh y/n there go your mannnnn." She said as you jerked your head back before looking closer to the phone and seeing that armin joined. Your face went hot as you just sucked your teeth."Girl that's not my mannnn." You said. "Yet." She whispered.

Niseyuserlol: whoooooo!?

^gossipqueennn: that basketball player armin alert.

Jaecomments: no way she talks to armin alert.

"That's cause I don't." You said throwing some hair over your shoulder.

You pulled your pants up and buckled them finally after jumping just to get them up. You took a breath out and just laid on your bed out of breath. "Lord have mercy." You sighed out and stood up before you walked to your dresser and grabbed a shirt and slid it on.

You walked to your closet and grabbed your jordan 4's before abusing your finger trying to put your shoe on.

You grabbed your bookbag and threw some blank journals, a binder,some mechanical pencils pens and some paper in it. You grabbed your France fragrance perfume by Victoria secret and sprayed some on you before placing it into your bookbag.

You grabbed a hoodie and made your way downstairs. You seen your mom throwing last minute things into her purse before looking up and seeing you.

"Oh hey baby you look beautiful as always." She said kissing your forehead. "Thank you ma." You said cheesing. Your mom grabbed her phone and held it up. "I need my pictures,this your last year mama." She said.

You groaned. "Maaaaaaaaa." She shook her head. "Ion wanna hear it,now pose." You did a pose with a fake smile and she clicked the button making the flash shine bright in your eye. Your eyes watered as she took a thousand more pictures.

"Okay ma. It's getting late." You said looking at your Apple Watch. "Okay fine."she said smiling at the pictures she did get. "Ahhhh my baby got so big." She said. You sat in the front with her as she started the car and backed out of the driveway. "Okay here's your schedule,just ask around and someone would point to where you have to go okay?" Your mom said handing you your schedule. You nodded before taking it from her.

You looked at it and scanned for your first class. "Psychology." You read outloud. You walked around asking for directions as everyone pointed to where your class was. Your heart was beating out of your chest as you knocked on the door.

Someone opened it as your heart was beating out of its chest as you walked to the teachers desk. She had glasses with a ponytail and a green suit on.

"Hello." She greeted as she took your schedule. She scanned it and nodded. "Okay you can sit in this group right here." She pointed to a group that had one seat missing. You nodded "thank you ms...." You trailed off you her name. "Oh it's hanji! Don't worry students always have a hard time pronouncing my name." She said smiling.

You just gave her a little smile before you turned and made your way to the back where you sat down in the seat drawing attention to yourself. "My goodness she's so pretty." One of the girls whispered to the other who just nodded in agreement.

"Y/n?" You heard someone call you. "You looked around and seen the familiar blonde. "Armin?" You asked scooting over to him and hugging him.

"Wait your name is y/n? As in y/n l/n?"the boy with a buzz cut asked as you nodded hesitantly. All of their eyes widened and their jaws dropped.

"Pick ya jaw up off the floor before someone step on it." Armin said mugging them. "How do you know that?" You asked them tracing your forearm tattoo. "Um I'm Connie,that's mikasa,Jean,Sasha and eren." Your body went hot as your eyes widened.

"My bad man we didn't mean to run you away." Connie apologized. You just shooed it off. "You good,I just hope that we're passed that point." Everyone eagerly nodded as you just chuckled. "You're so fine." Jean said as you just smiled. "Thank you." You said. Armin just chew on his inside cheek.

"Okay class so we're going to be talking about the mind responds to different things." Hanji said titling the board. "Make sure you take good notes and use a pen,do not write with a pencil in my class." Hanji said pushing her glasses up and turning around.

"Y/n." Armin lightly nudged you. "Hm?" You asked looking at him. "You're left handed?" He asked looking at you holding your pen. You just chuckled and nodded yes. "That's so cool." He said with a pearly smile.

His pink plumped lips looked so kissable right now. "Wanna go catch up wit you." He said. You nodded "yeah when?" You said bouncing your leg up and down. "Today after school." You nodded. "Yeah but you gotta come get me cause ion gotta car yet." He nodded his head. "Ight imma come get you around what? 5:30?" He asked. You nodded. "Bett." He smiled.

My kitty kitty meow meow is not meowing right now. It's growling,barking and waterfalling. Heyyy do you like hello kitty cause my kitty wanna say hi to you lollll.

His nose is so rideable. I can see his abs though his shirt. I should ask him what size shoe he wear for research purposes..

"Y/n you good?" He asked you "I'm good." You cleared your throat and continued to write the notes down.

"Okay so now that we're done with the notes! Please review with your partner what you've taken down. And exchange some information between the two. After that please give me two examples of the different types of responses and stimulus's" hanji said writing on the Promethean board.

You were sitting beside Sasha and armin. "Hiiii." She exitedly waved as you smiled and returned her wave. "Okay so I'm just going to let you know nowww,I'm INLOVE with you." She said. You just laughed and covered your mouth. "Thank you." You said barring your false eyelashes at her.

"Girl I'm so serious." She said with a serious expression before the both of you buses out laughing. "Na I'm just playing but wanna work with me?" She asked. "Yeah sure." You said.

Both you and Sasha exchanged socials and phone numbers before getting to know eachother. Hanji had to ask you two to quiet down more than once,which was horrible due to the both of you laughing out loud.

"So what's something you've been interested in?" Sasha asked you as the wrote down the answers "I've learned how to do hair." You replied as you worked.

"Ohhh that's niceee,I know how to do nails." She said showing you. You gasped and grabbed her hand as you looked at her nails. "Girllll these are so cuteeeeeee." You said looking at her short nails that were black French tipped with little planets on it.

"These $45 for you ma." She said with a little wink. "Ouuuuuuu." You covered your mouth from being excited. "So y/n..." Connie drew attention to you as they all started asking you questions until class was over with.

You placed your things in your bookbag and you looked up to see Sasha waiting for you at the door. You just smiled as you walked next to her. "I didn't think you was going to wait for me." You took your beats out and placed them around your neck. "Why?" She giggled out. "Becauseeeee." You trialed off.

"Listen I'm truly sorry for how we all treated you in middle school,but I promise you that we aren't like that anymore." You just played with your lanyard that held your id in it. "Okay." You said with a small smile.

She wrapped her arm in with yours and walked with you to where everyone was. "Y/nnnnnn!" Connie said running up to you.

This was honestly so weird. "Yes?" You asked looking for Armin.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

the girl next door 17

Warnings: this fic will include elements, some dark, such as age gap, manipulation, chronic illness, noncon/dubcon, coercion, and other untagged triggers. Please take this into account before proceeding. It is up to curate your online consumption safely.

Summary: A new neighbour moves in and upends your already disarrayed life.

Author’s Note:��Please feel free to leave some feedback, reblog, and jump into my asks. I’m always happy to discuss with you and riff on idea. As always, you are cherished and adored! Stay safe, be kind, and treat yourself.

This lewk but silverfox

“You’re leaving me?” Your mom whines. 

“Sorry, Holly, they need to keep you overnight for observation,” Steve crosses his arms. 

“But... you could stay?” 

“What about her?” He asks, nodding over his shoulder as you sit on the bench against the wall, head down as you grip the boxes of pills. You haven’t said much since she woke up, you just stayed out of her way. She only wanted to talk to him anyhow. 

“She can drive,” she pouts. 

“I drove her here and I’m sorry, but I can’t stay. I have stuff to do. We’ve been here all day and I didn’t exactly plan for it,” he shrugs, “you got my number, okay?” 

“Wha-- I’m sick, how can you just abandon me?” 

“Now, Holly,” he firms his voice and drops his arms, hands on her bed rail, “don’t be dramatic. No one’s abandoning you. There’s nowhere for either of us to sleep and you need rest if you’re going to come home. Look at it like this, I’m taking care of your daughter while you’re here. Making sure everything’s ready for you.” 

“Hmph,” she grunts, “I... I’m sorry. I’m scared, Steve,” she sniffs though even from where you sit, you can tell her eyes are dry, “I’m going to miss you,” she touches his hand and rubs it, “these last few days have been... the best I’ve had in a long time.” 

“I know,” he lowers his voice, “but you gotta get better and... take better care of yourself. You want this to last, right?” 

“I.. I guess,” she concedes grimly, “can I... I get a kiss before you go?” 

He nods and leans in. He kisses her cheek, ignoring her pucker, then stands. He gives a yawn as your mom blinks up at him. She obviously expected more and you can’t tell if he even realises her disappointment. 

“Alright, sweetie, give your mom a hug, I can see you dwindling over there,” he beckons you over. 

You stand without a word and approach the bed. Your eyes meet your mom’s glare. You don’t hug. Ever. You can’t even remember the last time you did. Maybe when you were ten? You look down ashamed and spread your arms, embracing her quickly and daintily as she just lays there. 

“Bye mom, love you.” 

She pauses and swallows loudly, “love you too.” 

You spin back to Steve and slant your mouth. You know she’s only saying that because he’s right there. You cross the room as he bids his own farewell and you mom huffs and puffs mopily. 

As you come out in the hall, Steve walks beside you. You’re startled as he touches your lower back. Again. It must be a habit. 

“So, when we get home, are you going to try some of those pills?” He asks. 

“What?” You look down at the handful. “Oh, uh, maybe...” 

“The nurse said you should try. Even just for tonight. At least get some sleep while you can, you know?” 

“Yeah, er, I don’t know.” 

“Nothing wrong with accepting a little help. Especially when you need it.” 

“Mm, I guess,” you shrug, “I’ll think about it.” 

You carry on, following the halls and riding the elevator in silence. You chalk it up to fatigue on both ends. As you come out under the sky, the sun is setting. You follow Steve to his car and get in, resting the boxes in your lap as you rub your eyes. 

He turns the engine and backs out. He grips the wheel and sighs. The air is thick even as the AC blows. 

“Does your mom always talk to you like that?” He asks. 

You’re struck by the question. You know you can’t tell the truth. Even if you didn’t know your mom would lose it, it’s too embarrassing. Besides, you deserve it. You ruined her life. 

“She’s just out of it, I think,” you murmur. “Me too. I was worried.” 

“You’re a really good daughter,” he says, “a good person too. You know, you can tell me anything and I'll believe you. I’ll listen, sweetie.” 

You nod and chew your inner lip. He might believe you but he wouldn’t be able to change it. No one ever tried. Even when your aunt saw how your mother was, she only ran away. 

“Seems like you could use someone,” he steers smoothly behind another car, “what... I hope it’s okay for me to ask but where’s you dad?” 

Your heart drops. You shift and the boxes fall onto the floor. You bend forward to pick them up and suddenly, the car jerks and Steve’s pushing you back against the seat. You flatten yourself to it as your pulse pumps wildly. He’s at a complete stop as the car in front of him is only an inch away. 

“God-- guy didn’t even tap his breaks,” he snarls as he keeps his arms out, his hand on your chest, cupping you. 

“Uh,” you gulp and look down. 

He glances over and retracts his hand. He puts it back on the wheel and clears his throat, moving in his seat as he slowly leans on the gas. You won’t say anything. It was an accident and awkward enough. 

“I didn’t want you to hit your head,” he says. 

“It’s fine, thanks,” you carefully bend again and reach down to retrieve the pills. “Didn’t mean to drop these.” 

“No harm, no foul right,” he chuckles and pulls his hand from the wheel to rub his neck. “You can crash at my place if you want. Might be weird all alone in that house. Unsafe.” 

He bends his elbow against the armrest as he drives with one hand. You lean into the door and stare out the window. You really just want to go home and be alone. 

“It’s okay. I’m... an adult.” 

“Oh, I know, sweetie, I didn’t mean to treat you like a child. I know you’re not. Trust me, that’s clear,” he assures you. “I just thought... pretty girl like you home alone. Maybe I worry too much.” 

You didn’t think of it until he said something. You clutch the boxes tight and cross your feet together. You turn your head straight and watch the traffic ahead. 

“I don’t think... guy don’t...” you don’t know how to say it aloud. You’ve never had to admit what a loser you are, it’s just been obvious. Somehow, he seems to miss that. “It’s a safe neighbourhood.” 

“Sure, I guess you’re right,” he clicks his tongue. “Be weird being alone though, won’t it? You and your mom, you’re always together. Someone like me... I’ve been alone a while. Guess I’m used to it.” 

“Oh, yeah,” you agree flatly. 

“Sorry, that was... sadder than I meant,” he laughs at himself hollowly, “you know, I just never married. Always wanted to but did the military thing then the art thing and then I woke up and I was fifty. Then fifty-one and one and one...” he shakes his head as he slows down with the residential traffic, “if I can pass on any wisdom, sweetie, don’t let life run away from you. Don’t run away from it.” 

“Erm, thanks,” your tongue makes a gross noise as you swallow.  

“Just the wisdom of an old man,” he scoffs, “young girl like you, you got a lot waiting for ya.” 

You turn your head and hide your frown. You feel even worse with his empty promises. There’s nothing for you. You’re too stupid for college, you’re too useless for a job, and you’re just a shell of a person. There’s nothing in you worth a damn. 

“Sweetie, you okay?” He asks as he turns onto your street. 

“Tired,” you answer; it’s the truth, just not the whole truth. 

“Yeah, me too,” he yawns, “before you ditch me, how about you come have some dinner? You’re gonna need something in your stomach before you take those meds.” 

He pulls into his driveway and you peek over at him. Your stomach growls before you can say you’re not hungry. You flick your thumb on the elastic band around the boxes. You can’t be rude, what if he tells mom? 

“Alright,” you accept, “thank you.” 

“You’ve been through a lot, sweetie,” he reaches over to squeeze your shoulder, “you don’t have to keep being strong.” 

[lulublack90]

Prompt 8 - Bodyswap AU

@wolfstarmicrofic April 8, word count 1209

CW- Cronic Illness, Child Abuse (Not described, but you know what's happened).

Sirius and Remus regularly bickered. It drove their other friends mad. Remus thought Sirius was a spoilt rich boy brat, and Sirius thought Remus put on how sick he felt because he loved the attention that came with it. 

The bickering got so bad one day that Remus shoved Sirius, and Sirius shoved him back. James had to come between them and break up the fight. Remus’s eye was swelling shut, and Sirius’s lip had burst open. 

“I wish you two could walk in each other’s shoes for a day. Maybe then you wouldn’t bicker so much.” They scowled at each other until it was time to go home. 

Remus awoke the following morning feeling better than he’d ever felt before. He stretched, and nothing hurt. Slowly, his eyes fluttered open onto an elegantly decorated room. 

“You are late for breakfast. If you are not presentable at the table in five minutes, there will be consequences!” A woman who wasn’t his mother screeched through the door. 

He got up and opened the ornately carved wardrobe. The clothes inside were not his and most definitely wouldn’t fit his tall frame. He rubbed his eyes, grabbed a perfectly ironed shirt and held it up to his body. He used the mirror on the back of the door to see how it looked. He dropped it on the floor. The reflection staring back at him was not his own. 

Sirius had never slept worse in his life. He felt like he had the flu. His joints ached no matter what position he slept in. The sun shone through too-thin curtains, stopping him from falling back to sleep. A gentle knock came at the door as it slowly opened. 

“Good morning, darling,” A sweet honey-haired woman cooed at him. “I’ve got you tablets and some toast. When you’re ready, I’ve got porridge keeping warm for you. Don’t rush, though, my love.” She opened the curtains and planted a kiss in his hair before she walked back out, closing the door behind her. 

Sirius panicked. Pills? What pills could he possibly need? He jumped out of the unfamiliar bed and rushed into the little bathroom across the hall. He stared at the boy in the mirror above the sink, higher up than he was used to. His hands came to his face, and so did the reflections. He pinched himself hard. It hurt a lot. So he wasn’t dreaming. 

“Sweetheart, there’s a phone call for you.” The woman’s sweet voice called through the door. 

“C-c-coming,” He stuttered as he stumbled to the door. He took the portable house phone from her and put it to his ear. “Hello?” He said into the receiver. 

“Sirius!” 

“Remus!”

“What the hell is going on?” They said together. 

“Are you in my house?” Remus asked.

“I think so. Do you have blue striped bedding and a yellow lamp?” 

“Yes! And do you have a ridiculous wardrobe and an insanely gigantic bed?”

“Does it have green bedding?”

“Yep.”

“Oh my god, Remus! What the actual.” Sirius ran his hand through his hair. His fingers came away too quickly. Remus’s hair was a lot shorter than Sirius’s. 

“Your mum seems like a lot,” Remus tried to make light of it like he always did. “Apparently, I was late for breakfast. I didn’t even know that was a thing. Now, I’m meant to be self-studying. Then there’s a Latin tutor. Sirius, I don’t speak Latin!”

“Yeah, she doesn’t abide laziness. Your mum seems lovely, though. She brought me toast and some pills. What are they for?” Sirius followed Remus’s example. 

“Oh, you need to take them. Believe me. You’ll regret it if you don’t.” Remus warned. 

“Sirius, where have you gone?!” Sirius heard his mother’s voice over the phone and flinched. 

“Remus, you need to hang up now and go do whatever it is you were meant to be doing.” He couldn’t help the touch of panic in his voice. 

“What are you on about? I’m only on the phone.” Remus chuckled back at him. Sirius heard his mother’s heels click against the hardwood flooring. 

“Remus,” He whispered in a shaky voice. The line went dead. 

Sirius knew what was about to happen to Remus, and he wished he could take his place. He snatched up the pills off the bedside table and swallowed the lot. This he could do for Remus, at least.

Mrs Lupin beamed at him when he walked into the kitchen. 

“Oh, love. You look a bit pale. Why don’t you go snuggle up on the sofa, and I’ll get you some tea? She fussed over him all day, making sure he was comfortable. He had full control over what they watched on the TV, and she never uttered the word homework. He was glad he didn’t have to do too much, as his body felt so delicate. Plus, with the bad night’s sleep, he was exhausted. “How do you feel about pizza for dinner?” She asked when it began to get late. 

“Yeah, Mrs—Er, yeah, mum. That sounds perfect.” He smiled at her.

He asked to go up to his room after they’d finished eating. 

“Of course, you can silly. I don’t know why you’re even asking. Oh, don’t forget to take your evening pills before you go up,” Sirius did as he was told. The stairs were hard to get up. He was out of breath before he’d gotten halfway up. 

He spent the next hour doing all of Remus’s homework for him. By the end, he just got into bed and passed out. 

When he woke again, it was morning. His alarm was blaring next to his head, and his emerald sheets were wrapped around him in a tight ball. He could feel the bruises. She’d proper walloped him this time. He wondered if Remus had talked back at her. 

He got ready for breakfast, but before he could leave his room. Regulus came in. And for the first time in years. He hugged Sirius and hurried back out when Walburga’s shoes clacked across the hallway floor. Monday couldn’t come quickly enough.

Remus, for once, got up early and arrived at school before any of his friends. He watched the town car pull up and deposit Sirius and Regulus onto the curb. 

Regulus hugged Sirius and disappeared off into the building. Sirius and Remus stared at each other. Sirius moved first and gently wrapped his arms around Remus, knowing now how much that body ached and why he needed the extra care the school gave him. Remus gripped him as tight as he could. He’d had no idea how bad Sirius had it. His parents made their lives look so perfect. 

Sirius sucked in a breath when Remus squeezed against one of the bruises. 

“Oh, shit, Sirius. I’m so sorry.” Remus panicked, loosening his hug. 

“No, no. It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” Sirius knew how much effort Remus was putting into that hug. 

“Aww, isn’t this sweet?” James smirked as he walked up to them. “Nice to see you hugging rather than fighting.” Sirius and Remus looked at each other, smiling happily at each other. Finally, they realised there was so much more to each other than they ever could have guessed.     

[williamkisser]

♡— The Mercenary and Forward when they’re sick

♡— I don’t know how to start…. here we are. I was talking with @fishermanshook some time ago on discord about random stuff as always when i expressed that i feel like writing something. I discussed it a little, i started writing a draft on tumblr and ended up writing something completely diffrent lol. But anyways. If you know me from my @williaml0ver account you’re most likely aware i retired from writing like… three months ago? I just gave up on doing it. But now that time passes i feel quite rested and ready to write something silly. Maybe from time to time i may write something more. Either way, i hope you all enjoy writing my goofy fic.

♡— Warnings: g/n reader, short fluffy hcs, a little over 400 words for each character

♡— You instantly received some mixed signals from the rugby player when he refused to wear warmer clothes on the way to his match. Sure, the days were still fairly warm, however at nights it could get really cold. William, who seemed very bold before going out, is now tucked in his bed with two blankets on.

♡— At first, the Forward feels embarrassed. He should have listened. William would like to pretend everything if fine to save his pride, but he can’t hide the symptoms even if his life depended on it. When he sneezes, it’s like if there was a small earthquake in the room - at least from what you can hear in the other room.

♡— This man leads a healthy lifestyle. Obviously, he is an athlete. He also eats a lot, mostly healthy food and has a consistent diet. You barely see him ill. But when he IS, he can be very unbearable, only calm when he’s asleep. Thank god he gets back to his shape swiftly.

♡— Inevitably, the signs of William’s illness grow stronger with time. Still, it’s just an ordinary cold, but judging by his dramatic behaviour you’d think you’ve got a victorian baby about to die from fever.

♡— That’s right. Being sick is never a fun thing, but William plans to make the best out of it. He loves being babied by you. He’s a cute menace. Constantly whimpering or whining that he’s dying and needs cuddles and kisses. He will convince you to snuggle together, knowing there’s a risk of you catching the cold as well.

♡— Whenever you’re not around, he would play with his plushies by throwing them up the ceiling and then catch them. Obviously, if one of them falls on the floor, he will specifically call for you to pick them up. Later on, he claims to already feel better, which obviously is not true. He’d get scolded for going to the toilet on bare feet, without slippers on. Much to your horror, William even takes off his fuzzy pajama and starts walking around only with his boxers on. He claims the sweat is unbearable. To avoid such situations, he needs some entertainment. Maybe play board games together? Or just have a nice chat. He’d also appreciate it if you read him a bedtime story and cuddled together.

♡— When it comes to medicine, William struggles with swallowing pills. For some reason, he just can’t do it. He needs all of his medicine as liquid, and still he would complain a little, claiming the taste is unbearable. If there’s no drinkable alternative, you may as well attempt to blackmail him into swallowing. Just say you won’t cuddle with him anymore, he’ll swallow those pills immediately.

♡— Overall, when sick, William turns into a baby. Like i said, he’s only calm when he’s sleeping.

♡— As a Mercenary, Naib has to deal and interact with a lot of people, dead and alive. He is, of course, always very cautious. There is literally no room for a mistake at a job like this, which means he pays a lot of attention to hygiene. Obviously, even if someone tries to avoid illness, everyone can get sick sometimes. Mercenaries included.

♡— When Naib’s approaching home, he begins to feel some sort of weird feeling in his throat. One thing leads to another and quickly enough he starts sneezing and feeling cold. The first feeling that comes to his head is confusion. Is this sickness going to develop further? Will he be able to continue his duties the next day? As soon as he comes home, he actually seeks medicine, but he doesn’t explicitly tell you that he’s caught a cold - though there will be signs. There’s just a growing feeling of unnecessary shame in his mind. He wishes for both of you to live peacefully, without worrying for money, so he considers to continue, despite being sick.

♡— Naib, just like William is a healthy man. He has his routine and is fit, he also eats healthy. He gets ill a little more often than the Forward, but still, it’s a rather rare occurence when you see him coughing. Surprisingly enough, when you realize he’s sick, he doesn’t protest when you tell him to rest. Naib is actually calm and obedient. As much as weak and uncomfortable the virus makes him feel, he probably enjoys not having to be in charge from time to time. He as well heals fast.

♡— The Mercenary tries to stop the cold before it starts to intensify. He stays in bed and takes the needed medicine, but it is sadly no help. Yet, he won’t make a big scene of it. You might hear him complain about having a sore throat here and there, but it’s not constant.

♡— He won’t mind, and will be actually grateful when you take care of him, but he’s capable of healing on his own. It’s up to you if you want to take the risk and cuddle with him, Naib won’t force you, although he’d like it a lot. Usually, you’re the one clinging to the Mercenary when sleeping, to your surprise, for this period he becomes a greedy cuddle bug. You may tell him that he’s gripping you a little to rough.

♡— Whenever you’re not around, at first he’d probably find a way to kill time. Would appreciate it if you brought him a book. While going through illness, his appetite, which already is quite big by default, would raise drastically. You should control him a little, unless you want to see him running to the toilet every ten minutes. After some time, Naib states that he already feels stronger and wants to help around the house, which you should not allow him to. Make sure he’s not overworking himself. While he usually prefers to sleep in boxers and a tank top, for sick days he actually dresses up in his pajama.

♡— About medicine, he won’t complain about it and will take whatever you offer him, Naib however is an avid enjoyer of natural medicine, saying that the factory-made one doesn’t taste that great. Both ways are fine though. Maybe prepare some warm tea for him?

♡— Overall, taking care of a sick Naib is a pleasant experience. He is very calm and doesn’t make much hustle.

Idv x reader tag how are you guys feeling today……. im kind of eepy…….. it’s almost 2am yippee

[fourwingedwriter]

Ibuprofen

AN: Fighting off sleep for both of the evenings I've worked on this lol

Other random nameless stuff

CWs: chronically ill whumpee

----

The ibuprofen tablets sit waiting, taunting her to take them before her coffee was done brewing. But in her current state dry swallowing would undoubtedly end bad. So, she sat and watched the coffee drip from the machine she'd needed to descale for weeks now.

Whumpee pressed her heat pad against her stomach, wishing it would work faster. She looked down and smiled through the pain at the platypus shaped plush containing her heat pad. Caretaker had gotten it for her and it had done loads of good for her morale.

She looked to her phone, not sure if she could wait another two hours till 5am. Caretaker always wakes up early in the morning to go to the gym, but Whumpee would have to call her and see if she could come over instead.

Whumpee heard her coffee finish, reaching out and taking the mug. She was actually very excited for her coffee, having failed to sleep all night. So, Whumpee very patiently waited for her drink, smiling sleepily as she drizzled a bit of caramel into it.

She wrapped her hands around the warmth of it, greedily taking the heat. It wasn't even an especially cold night, but Whumpee had been walking around wrapped in a blanket.

Her phone lit up, a message from someone she couldn't make out the name of. Wondering who else could possibly be awake at this hour, she picked it up and saw [Caretaker: You awake? I can't sleep]

Whumpee unlocked the device, concern for her partner growing. She has a job, Caretaker can't afford not to sleep, even if it's the weekend. Hew brow furrowed, messaging back [Whumpee: Yeah I'm up. Chronic illness on the war path again lol]

She sighed, trying to joke through the pain, acting like it wasn't affecting her. She wasn't sure why she did this, seeing as her only wish was to cuddle her woes away.

[Caretaker: Alright, can you let me in?]

Whumpee practically jumped out of her skin, looking to the door. She stood, leaving her phone in favor for her heat pad.

Upon opening the door, Caretaker was already concerned, "Bad pain night?"

Whumpee stared up at her girlfriend groggily, "Why the fuck are you at my front door at 3 in the morning."

Caretaker blushed under the dim light of my front porch, "I- I uh- I couldn't sleep... and I was missing you."

Whumpee pulled her inside, leading her to the kitchen table where her coffee was already waiting, "I was kissing you less than 48 hours ago."

"And?"

"And you're hopeless." Whumpee pulled her closer, kissing her before taking a sip of coffee.

Caretaker leaned into her, eyeing the mug "Can I have some?"

"Lemme take my pills first." Whumpee sat up a bit straighter, needing to have Caretaker off her shoulder to effectively take her ibuprofen. Taking pills was never her thing, even after taking them for years.

Caretaker took the mug when offered, leaning back into her like nothing happened, "I see you're putting your creature to use."

It took Whumpee's sleep deprived mind a few moments to realize what she'd said, laughing slightly when it processed, "Yes, indeed." She looked down to the woman on her shoulder, "Maybe you could be a space heater too?"

"Snuggles? Hell yeah. Lead the way." Caretaker helped her up, supporting her as she swayed momentarily.

They slowly made their way to the bedroom, Whumpee's body struggling to manage even this simple task. She collapsed into bed, groaning as Caretaker pulled her into an embrace.

"Shh, I've got you, try to rest."

----

Tagging: @tildeathiwillwrite @whumperofworlds @rainbowsandwhumperflies @mysticalshadow351 @dontasktwt

[boizandgurlzinthehouse]

𝐝𝐢𝐝 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮?

summary: y/n didn't fell well in the last year... and she probably never will feel herself well again. word count: 2.832k trigger warning: SUICIDE, SELF-HARM (really, don't read it if it trigger you please please please), psych ward, signs of mental illnesses, heartbreak, hallucinating, screaming, farewell letter

count your fingers. breathe in, breathe out.

"are you doing this again?"

y/n sat on her bed, smoking a cigarette as she read the newest tabloids. others were watching tv in the lodge, but she preferred to out out some titles and interesting articles. the date stated 1995, may 3rd.

"you are no longer in the newspaper. they're dumb, never writing anything in these papers, fuckers."

scratching her neck, her nail broke at the end. it was weak ever since she got here, sleeping and eating was difficult also.

"but they were true about me."

she looked at him, pulling her knees to herself.

"fuck you, they weren't."

kurt sat at the leg of the bed, now the closest ever. he always stood at the door, sat by the window, or sat on the ground, facing her.

just keep counting. six, seven, eight...

"you look like you need a rest, love. dark circles doesn't fit you."

something constantly buzzed in her mind, like a radio band is always on, even if there's no music and no jokes. or the tv in the lodge at 2am, no shows were playing, she always talked with kurt at night, until the nurses didn't guide her back to her room. she was alone here, at peace, doing what she liked to do --writing her diary, reading books, painting her nails. he wanted to paint kurt's too, but he never came close to her, never let her touch him. he was distant, but in a comforting way.

"who do i need to look beauty for?" y/n asked, exhaling the smoke. kurt smiled, pointing at himself.

"for me."

"yeah, of course."

take your medicine. place a pill on your tongue, then swallow it down with a gulp of water.

the next dose of pills were laying on the plate, waiting for her to take them with a cup of water. they trusted her enough to take it alone, since she almost scratched her wrists from freaking out too many times. the clock on her nightstand ringed, it was time.

"you know i'll never disappear, even if you take those?" kurt laid back on her bed, reaching his hand to the ceiling.

brushing her hair, y/n turned away her head from him. she didn't want to hear this, and to turn to her sane sense.

"if you live only in my head, why can't i just make you go away?" she whispered, her eyes lingering on the lace of the curtain, forming an angel and a bunny.

"because you don't want to let me go."

looking at him again, the buzzing was so intense and it wasn't pleasuring. the voice wanted to tell her something, but it never could. it was a void. she was a void.

am i telling this to myself too? y/n felt tired, picking a pill, popping into her mouth. she ate more pills than actual meals, in the first two months, it was strange to even eat after only living on little pieces of medicine for so long. she looked at kurt, he was still here. ten more minutes and he'll be gone, but the pills only made her tired, they never sent him truly away. or, maybe it was easy to crawl into her mind. laying down, she used her boney arm as an extra pillow, dragging the comforter up on her body.

"when i wake up, piss off."

"can't promise, princess." kurt said, leaning on his elbow as he saw her closing her eyes.

days went like this --waking up before 10am, taking pills, skipping breakfast because the pills always caused her nausea, playing and talking with the others in the psych ward, talking with her own psychiatrist, eating lunch, taking pills, resting in the afternoon, reading the tabloids every wednesday, watching the telly or reading a book before dinner, and then, taking the day's last pills, and then sleeping all night, but she often woke up, sometimes two or three times even.

a knock woke her up from her deep slumber, making her shake. looking around, kurt was not around anymore --at least he kept his poor promise. a nurse, dorothy was standing in the door.

"good afternoon, y/n. you have a visitor."

it was strange. she broke her connections with most people, only dave and christ knew that y/n was still in here.

"who?" she asked, getting up to put on her shoes.

"his name is dave grohl. do you know him?" dorothy asked, making her nod. standing up, y/n went out on the door, seeing dave. walking up to him, dave smiled at her, but it was something uncertain in his eyes. y/n gave up for caring about other's feelings a couple months ago, since she couldn't even deal with hers.

"hello, angel! how are you?" he asked in the sound like you ask from a child, hugging her lightly.

"totally fine." really, she was in a psych ward almost a year from now on, what could she say?

"can we go for a walk? that girl... maybe dorothy? said that we can go for a little walk, i want to know what's going on with you."

stepping outside, y/n breathed fresh air only when she opened her window, and went for a short trip with the others once in three months. the air was calming, and the sun didn't shine too bright, flowers grow on the edge of the sidewalk. dave was so strange, like he also lived in her mind. but he doesn't have to know about that.

"so, what's up? hanging around, uhm..." he wanted to continue, but y/n looked at him.

"chill, dave. i know this place is a horror house. i'm pretty fine, dealing with my things and stuff... and you?"

"i'm fine also. me and jennifer talked about having kids, but i'm not feeling the time yet."

"i felt that." she and kurt had frances, y/n loved her as her own daughter, even if that crazy woman courtney fretted her for being in the baby's presence.

"i have some pictures about bean, do you wanna see them? courtney was against it, but... i thought you'd like."

"that's really nice from you, dave."

seeing the pictures, she felt like the whole universe laughed at her. the buzzing started again, she tried to smile. "how big she is!"

"yeah, well, she is just like her fath-"

dave suddenly silenced. because everybody knew. everybody knew that y/n got in here because kurt died, her mind couldn't comprehend the fact, and she began to see him. she began to hallucinate, and most of the time, she just laid on her bed and looked at the ceiling, not eating, not drinking. if she wasn't crying or screaming, she was sleeping or just being like a sack of potato. the most miserable sack of potato. almost a year, and she didn't even made the smallest progress. she clearly, medically went crazy because of her lover's death.

"look, y/n... me, jen, chris and his wife is going on a trip... you should come too. it's much warmer there in california, you could loose up a little bit, don't you?"

y/n scratched her arms, looking at the stop sign at the end of the road.

"it's a really nice idea, dave. thank you. it's just... what if kurt-"

"what? what about kurt?" dave asked, getting angry. "sorry, but what fucking about him?"

"nothing, just... nothing, really, i just don't want to go."

"because of him? y/n, i don't want to be mean, but did you look at yourself? his death caused all of us pain, but you literally got sick from it."

"what about me? what about me, what about me?" she yelled. "don't say that he's dead, because i fucking see him everyday, and i'm not gonna let it slip!"

"do you see him right now, huh? do you see him? because if yes, then you are just the same as those girls who get shocked to be normal just a little bit!"

"and what if i saw him? what if i saw him and he just could see that how big of a cock your are, fuck you, dave!"

he laughed like he doesn't believed what he just heard.

"here we fucking are again, y/n! because i'm a good friend of yours, i'm gonna tell you that nobody fucking sees him, nobody who's normal! i thought that it's just some aftermath of your depression, but..."

"but what? i am crazy? i am compulsive? i am fucking hopeless? because you know, every fucking day was a menace since things got fucked up!"

"no, you are fucking worse than you were when he died!" dave screamed, trying to reach for her arm to get her back to the psych ward, but y/n clawed at him like a cat, while from the tip of her throat, an enormous shriek came from her, and then y/n just snapped.

"HE MAY BE DEAD! AND EVEN IF HE IS, I WISH I COULD DIE EVERY DAY JUST TO FREE MYSELF FROM ALL OF THIS VOID!" her vocal cords almost teared up as she screamed, crouching on the ground, holding her head. this was the end, the waves crashed above her head, the endless sea of her depression caged her in.

like a switch finally turned down, y/n tried to collect her breath, but it didn't helped. she went too deep, and the last breath of hope was sucked out from her.

"are you okay? y/n, fuck, are you alright?" dave asked her. y/n stood up, brushing her hair from her face.

"yes, i think everything's okay." she felt her own voice static, but it didn't matter.

"okay, then... shall we go back? you must be tired."

"yeah. let's go back."

dave didn't even know that he saw her the last time alive.

"i hope you get a little rest. i think it wasn't a good idea to come, but... i care about you. we all do." he said inside, y/n pulled up the muscles of her lips.

"it's okay. it was good to see you, dave." giving him a hug, it lasted a little bit too long, but he wanted too, so it wasn't a problem. she just wanted to feel loved after so long.

"see you later, y/n."

"yeah, see you too, dave!" she waved to him from the window, dave got out his camera from his car.

"do this again! wave and say, 'hi everybody!'"

"hi, goodbye, good morning, good afternoon everybody!" she sang while faning with her hand, smiling. dave waved to her the last time, then he got in his car, riding away.

do kurt miss christ and dave just as she?

1am. 1995, may 4th.

not a soul walked on the hallways of the ward. it was peaceful, only the small droplets from the fountain harmed the silence. only one bathtub, filled with water, a hand hanging on the side of the white porcelain. little curls of steam floating in the air.

"are you sure about that?"

he was here again, with her. kurt leaned on the brim of the tub, looking at y/n as she collected the pills. she's gonna swallow all of it, with two gulps of water, and then... she didn't know what's going after this, but she couldn't handle it any longer. life was too heavy, she felt it on her shoulders, her spine, her head, it crawled it's weight into her guts from day to day, a new day, a new weight.

looking at him, she stopped in her movements.

"did it hurt?"

kurt only smiled at that, saccharine in his smile.

"did life hurt?"

"only when you weren't there." she replied, then, placing the first dose of pills into her hand. "i wrote a letter. i hope they find it. and i hope i'll find you."

because she hoped, really. she had hope, not for life, but for him. she felt dumb every time she saw lame romance movies about people can't live without each other, but it turned out that it was true. she literally died without him, and air got much more suffocating.

looking at the pills, she looked up to the cross on the wall in front of her. so this is the end.

"i'll look for you, kurt. i love you." she said, not even paying attention to the fact if he was there or not, even if he just lived in her head. downing the pills, chug, another doze of pills, chug. just a couple of minutes, and no days will be spent with agony and crying, screaming, watching shitty movies, trying to live.

somehow, it was comforting to her.

laying back in the warm water, she saw kurt coming closer to her. her vision began to get blurry, and she felt stomach churn, her heart and liver exploding, but it was only a little pain. her lover bend over her, and maybe he touched her, kissing her forehead, but she didn't felt it. there was no movie in front of her eyes, playing her whole life, there weren't any so special things from books the writers always talked about. it was just laying down and resting for awhile.

in her last moments, she felt nothing else but warmth.

dear everybody, or anybody who finds this,

i never wasted too much words about anything. maybe i should have done, but i'm not gonna change this, so please, don't judge me. it's rude to judge dead people anyway.

everyone who thinks that my actions is in connection with kurt, they're right. i don't want to brag about my mental state, let's just say, i didn't feel well in the last couple of months. people around you change you, taking you to a ride, and i guess that i wasn't ready for the end of the ride. in the end, i only want you to remember that how wonderful and gentle, unique and perfect creatures we are. i loved myself, always, i just didn't love the way i felt.

some words to the people, because i was too much of a scaredy-cat to talk with them in the last rounds: dave and chris. you two are truly wonderful, the best guys i could ever imagine. i'm sorry that you have to get to know about this in a letter, but please, never let kurt's memory die, and maybe, don't even let mine. i didn't do a lot of good things in my life, but i loved. i loved and cared, and maybe that can be valuable even for you. courtney, i know we've never been good friends, but maybe, we never could be. i just want to wish you strength and courage for the rest of your life, i've never invalidated your feelings. maybe i felt just like you, excluding the fact that i don't have a lovely supergirl. frances bean, you little star; you won't remember me, but i'll remember you. you are the most fantastic girl i've ever known, and you'll gonna rock the world, just like your father did.

i don't want you to be sad. i wasn't sad, just a little crazy. living our lives without our loved ones claims us to be strong and brave, but i'm not enough brave for it. you're gonna do it instead of me, and my gratitude will chase you forever.

never forget to love and care! i did the same.

y/n y/l/n

she opened her eyes, sun shining through her eyelids. where the hell she was? feeling something soft under her touch; she laid on sand. little rocks pressed into her palms as she sat up. she didn't know where she was, and she wasn't even certain if she did what she did. coming to her senses, the waves crashed in the ocean only a few foot apart from her. washing the shore, it almost get wet her too. it was peaceful and unusual.

but she was not the only one sitting on the beach.

a figure, 60 feet from her sat just like her in silence, looking at the ocean and the dawning sun. could it be...

standing up, she was unsure in her steps, but somehow, she managed to go closer. it was him. instead of screaming and jumping, she simply crouched beside kurt, looking at him, so she was sure that it's really him. the wind blew his hair, his lips surely were salty from the air. brushing through his hair at the back of his neck, the blonde curls felt like silk. he was an angel.

without saying a word, y/n leaned her head on his shoulder. she could touch him now, watching as the sun bleed through the sky. she felt something warm in her chest–

–sure it wasn't reality. but it didn't even needed to be.

a/n: this is my first oneshot in this genre, and to be honest... i don't want to write more. i just had a very depressed couple of weeks, and this just came into my mind. i won't write fics like this, it turned out that i like domestic comfort and fluff more. if you liked it, or want to request, write in the comments, dm me or write here

stay safe, love yourself girliez,

louisa

[grrw--boy]

•Sweat dreams•

Morpheus takes care of his sleepless lover♡ (morpheus x gn!reader)

Prompt: so many things got pilled up so you're unable to sleep properly for the last days, and morpheus decides it has been enough.

Tw: anxiety, trauma(?, fluff, comfort.

Its has been a hell of a month, maybe even a hell of years.

You'd haved never had a peacefull life, but lately life seems harder than ever, days feel longer and even more tiring, that not even the soft carress of my lover seems to erase the frown on my face.

Morpheus, dream, my love, he has always helped me feel normal, calm, wanted. So i cant help but feel guilty of being so distant from him lately, knowing full well he always tries to help me in any way he can.

But i cant really help it, can't i?

Work has been anything but gentle, with the amount of late doing work i have, im almost restless, not really taking breaks ethier.

Morpheus was anxious, scared even, he knew your work was tiring but this looks extreme.

Its been days since he saw you in your dreams before youd woken up a few hours later, and even in your own dreams you looked exhausted with dark eyebags and a marked scowl on your pretty face

So he had enough

Everyone has bad days so he though youll be okay in a few days, but it has been weeks, so he decided to visit you when he finally had time to. As this not only worried your fisical state but your mental state too.

He remebers years ago when youll end breaking down in his arms, telling him how you couldnt go on like this in tears.

He'd never wish to see you so sadly lonely again, it would personaly pain him too much.

So after he had remotily finished his work he was running to see you.

You where comsuded by another work fit at 3 am when you heard a knock to your aparment door, in confusion of who might be visiting, you shouted a wait to the door while stoping your work and rushing to the door*

"Who is it?" You move your hair to look more presentable trough your stress.

"Its me dear,-" at hearing his voice after so much time you open the door without second thougth, not letting him finish his phrase, seeing your certain tall, blue eyed lover.

"-morpheus." He chuckles at your eageress to see him, but quickly noticed your tired look, unsurpsingly.

"My dea-" "morpheus!, what are you doing here?, so late... is everything alright?" Your voice quickly changes to worry while you question the reason of his visit.

"No, no, dear, everything its okay i just..." he sighes before saying "missed you, we havent seen eachother in a few weeks and i have noticed you havent being coming to the dreaming a lot ethier" he finishes while coming inside as you opened the door more for him to come in.

"Yes i- i have been busy lately, im sorry love, i think i didnt realise we havent seen eachothee in that much..."

"Theres nothing to be sorry about my dear, i know you're stressed, i want to help you" he notices the amount of work in your desk "and its quite late too, you need rest, and love. come on to bed now" he holds your arm to the bedroom.

"B-but morpheus! Theres to much to fini-" "no, to bed now, tomorrow youll finish your chores, when you're well rested"

You sigh giving up, as you cant convice the dream lord of anything especially about your care, and because the offer didnt sound so bad.

Morpheus gides you into bed before turning of the lights in the office, going to laid with you and give you your well needed rest. He goes to hold you as you get more comfortable next to him, already feeling sleep taking over you while feeling dream kissing your forehead and rubbing your head as you cuddle with him.

Before you knew it you were magicly falling asleep in your lovers embrace, feeling some beat of calmness in a long time, before hearing some soft whispers of your lover, knowing youll get some enticing dreams tonight

"Sleep well my love, ill see you in a moment".

[jhilsara]

I Can See You

Pt. 1/ Pt. 2/ Pt. 3/ Pt. 4/ Pt. 5/pt. 6/Pt. 7/Pt. 8/Pt. 9/ Pt. 10/

Pt. 11/ Pt.12/Pt.13/Pt. 14/Pt.15/Pt.16/Pt.17/END

Mariana Jimenez-Watson or MJ works in a normal pub living life paycheck to paycheck. Nothing exciting happens to her except the occasional drunk getting thrown out. She's 24 working away and finds a wrench thrown into her very boring life. His name is Hobie and she thinks maybe, a little excitement isn't awful. In fact she might start to crave some change for once.

Small moments of Hobie meeting his world's MJ. AKA I made an MJ variant and I think she's neat.

Chapter 11

Everything’s too cold, freezing almost, then it’s just as quickly too hot. She’s been rolling around in her bed for hours, trying to sleep but nothings working.

She looks over at her phone to check the time, it’s only ten at night but she’s been awake since four in the morning and she’s desperate to sleep. She’s tried everything, pills, tea, warm milk, nothing works. Nothing gives her the relief her mind needs.

She’s so frustrated she’s about to cry. She crawls out of her bed and shuffles into the living room. She’s in a hoodie and carries her big blanket with her. If she can’t sleep she might as well try to watch something and hope she passes out that way.

She makes a nest on the couch and tries to ignore the pounding in her head.

She’s sick, really sick. She’s running a fever and her body is aching in places she didn’t even know could be sore. She can’t remember the last time she was this ill… probably in university.

She’s practically begging her own body to just go to sleep.

The tv is playing lowly in the background but she’s not paying attention. She can’t look at it too long or her head starts swimming and she gets nauseous.

She’s already spent one night profusely puking, she didn’t need to do it again.

Her eyes are closed but she’s not asleep. Just resting to the best that she can.

Knock knock knock knock

She looks up groggily and sees Hobie at her balcony holding a small bag.

She motions that it’s open, refusing to get up. It’s a miracle her legs let her shuffle to the couch.

He gives a smile and let’s himself in, kicking off his boots. He walks over to her, leaning down to get better look, “Wow,” He whistles lowly, “You are sick.” He says reaching his hand out to check her forehead.

“I’m probably contagious, you should go home.” She slurs her words and squeezes her eyes shut again. She hasn’t heard her voice all day, it’s thick with congestion.

“Pfft. Not worried. I am worried bout you.” He says softly pulling some items out from his bag.

He sets a small prescription bottle down as well as some Pedialyte. He opens the medication and shakes out two pills for her to take. Making her sit up for it.

She groans as he helps her sit up. He holds his hands out for her and she dramatically grabs them as he pulls her up. He hands the medicine to her and she takes the pills happily.

“Where did you get these?” she asks as he presses the Pedialyte bottle into her hands.

He shrugs nonchalantly, “Know a few people in the pharmacy who owe Spider-Man a favor or two.” He says smugly.

“Now drink.” He tells her, “Know you’re dehydrated. You probably haven’t drunk anything all day.”

She drinks the beverage slowly, when she sets it down she gives him an unsatisfied look. “I had tea today…” She murmurs quietly.

“Ya only had the one cup didn’t ya?” he accuses raising a brow.

She rolls her eyes and goes back to drinking the Pedialyte. The silence answering his question.

“That’s what I thought. Scoot over.” He demands pushing his way onto the couch.

“What no!” She tries to stop him, her voice cracking and rough. “You’ll get sick!” she chastises.

“Don’t care.” He says and helps her readjust.

He lifts the blanket off of her and moves so she’s laying with her head in his lap. He gently covers her again and let’s her move so she’s comfortable.

She’s facing him, eyes closed, one arm wrapped around his thighs using them like a pillow. He gently runs his hand through her hair trying to get her to settle. She hums in contentment.

“Look tired…did you sleep?” he asks softly.

She shakes her head no, “Can’t, I’m miserable.” She whines with a yawn.

He rubs her shoulder reassuringly, “The meds should help.” He whispers, still lightly stroking her hair.

She opens her eyes to look up at him, eyes locking. She’s comfortable, more so than she’s been all day. Every touch has her relaxing even more, almost melting. He’s looking at her in that way that makes her stomach turn and flip. His gaze intense as he looks over her.

His gaze used to make her nervous, like he was searching for something she wasn’t willing to give… Not so much anymore. It’s a comfort, she didn’t know when that changed.

It’s nice to know if she looks out to find him in a crowd, his eyes are already on her. They’ve been looking for her since he played in the pub.

She doesn’t know when, but she does fall asleep on Hobie’s lap. She has fever induced dreams of webs, music, bright colors, and him.

It’s the best sleep she’s gotten in months.

When she stirs awake, it’s early morning light filtering in that wakes her. She’s still on the couch and she’s laying on a very solid form.

She makes a small noise as she rubs the sleep from her eyes and when she blinks through her blurry vision, she sees that she’s on top of Hobie’s very solid chest.

Her face burns as she looks up, he’s still asleep, head thrown back with small snores filtering through.

She breathes a sigh of relief, but finds her heart still racing as she looks up at him.

She almost laughs from how silly he looks, his mouth open as he sleeps, his hands lazily wrapped around her body.

She smiles warmly up at him, and lays her head back down. She wraps her own arms around him and nuzzles her face into his chest. She can hear his heartbeat. It slow and methodic as he continues to sleep. She wonders if his heart beats erratically like hers when they're together.

She finds herself wanting to hear that, wanting the confirmation that he’s just as flustered by her.

Her face warms up at that idea and she tries to go back to sleep, but she’s wide awake now.

She also notices how her body is achy again and that she’s still very congested. She doesn’t want to get up, but she knows she needs to take the medicine and probably drink some water. She groans to herself not wanting to move.

His hand moves up to rub her back comfortingly, “Mornin’…” He mumbles, voice thick with sleep and leans down to press a kiss into her hair.

She adjusts to look back up at him, “Morning, I didn’t know you were stayin’ here.” She says, voice still stuffy and low.

He just grins lazily at her, “Can’t leave ya alone after you finally fell asleep.” His smile turns to a smug smirk, “Ya started cuddlin’ and I couldn’t pass that up.”

She shoves her face into his chest slightly embarrassed, “Not my fault you’re comfortable…” she mumbles.

He just chuckles and tightens his hold on her. She feels his chest rise and shake but she also hears his heart beat quicken. She smiles to herself.

“I need to take those meds again.” She says going to sit up, she doesn’t want to move but she needs to.

“Stay here, I got it yeah?” He tells her. He moves to sit up with her in his lap, as he leans over to grab the pills off the table.

His one arm is wrapped lazily around her but presses her into him. She leans her head into the crook between his shoulder and neck.

“You’re seriously gonna get sick…” she mutters to him as he presses the medicine into her palm and holds the Pedialyte bottle.

“S’fine.” He mutters watching her take the medicine. “Just means you can take care of me when I inevitably get ill.” He grins at her.

She sighs in response and finishes the drink. “I don’t know if I’m this good of a nursemaid like you are.” She says playfully.

He pulls her back down to lay on the couch again, pulling the covers over them, “Sure ya are. You patch me up constantly.” He says softly wrapping his arms around her waist holding her close to him.

She keeps her hands pressed against his chest and nods her head. “Mmm you’re not wrong. You do end up injured pretty frequently.” She says with small concern.

“Oi, oi, oi, don’t say it like that! I’ve not been too beaten up when ya see me!” he complains playfully.

She gives him an accusing look. “You bled out next to my door waiting for me once Hobie…” She reminds him.

“One time. Just the one.” He gives a bright grin. “I didn’t know you the time I literally almost died, had to give myself stitches!” he tells her.

Her face sours, “Don’t tell me that, I worry about you enough…” she whispers.

He scoffs, “Don’t worry about me, promise. I can handle myself, been doing this a while.” He tells her tracing circles into her back with feather light touches.

“Seriously Hobie, I worry about you.” She moves her arms to circle him, hugging him. “I know what you do is important, and I love that you protect everyone… I just want to make sure you’re safe too.” She whispers looking at him.

His brown eyes pierce hers, really looking her over. He gives a soft sigh of resignation. “Fine ya win, ya win.” He shoves his face into her hair hugging her tightly to him, “Just stop lookin’ at me like that…” he mutters.

“Like what?” She replies hugging him just as tightly.

“You know like what, using those big doe eyes on me. Isn’t fair...”  His voice muffled.

She laughs at him, “Hobie what are you talking about?”

He pulls back and raises a brow at her, “You know you do it! That thing with those big eyes of yours, lookin’ at me like it’s the last time you’ll see me or something.” He scoffs pulling her close.

“M’not going anywhere…” he whispers.

She hears his heartbeat again, pressed so close to him, it’s beating wildly.

Her eyes soften and she moves to sit up, she runs one hand up to caress his cheek, her thumb brushing his cheekbone.

“Better keep your promise then.” She tells him, voice soft.

He moves a hand to grip the one she has on his face, he looks at her intensely, “Not going anywhere.” He repeats.

“Good.” She replies and settles back down laying with him.

He runs his hand lazily up and down her back, lulling her back to sleep, but she’s okay with that. He’ll be here when she wakes up.

And the next day after that.

And the next.

She falls asleep listening to his heart.

Tag List: @missshelleyduvall

(If you'd like to be added to the tag list please message me. c: )

[moonlit-void-to-the-far-unknown]

Logan Roy would 1000% send his children to be institutionalised if they were more blatant about there mental illnesses.

Like all of the Roy family has sever mental illnesses let’s be real here how can they not growing up like they did.

But I see so many ‘being the youngest Roy sibling’ HC and I keep thinking about being the youngest Roy sibling and showing sever signs of bi polar or depression or schizophrenia *hey hey I have bi polar, depression and had schizoaffective disorder so I can say that shit ain’t fun* so here some Hc? Brain dribble about that.

So it’s under readmore and yeah also I am

Someone who has been in a psych ward many times *dont ask* so I feel qualified to make this.

Like they show signs of it being sever, sever and like they get dealt with, when there like a kid and Logan just punishes them like they are having tantrums. But by like maybe early to mid 20s it becomes very clear when they try to off themselves.

That’s when Logan says ‘fine we’ll deal with this the old fashion way’ and let’s just say the siblings are ya know sitting with the youngest Roy at Logan’s house when the men in white jackets come and basically yank them up and the whole time the others are screaming like ‘the fuck is going on?!’ And the youngest is just screaming for them to let them go and maybe even tries to grab onto Kendall or Roman or shiv while being dragged out.

After logan explains, your just going to a hospital that can better treat you, and help you deal with your mental state better.

Connor fully riots when he hears this happened, storms into Logan’s office with Kendall and Roman behind him trying to ya know stop the fight that’s about to kick off and Connor is fuming like

“You fucking bastard! You already locked my mother up, your once wife! But that’s not enough so you lock your fucking kid up?!” Like this is an anger I don’t think anyone’s ever seen in Connor.

And Connor is the one to visit you every day, he brings you things you may need, or just things he hopes you can decorate your little space in your room with.

Roman brings you like the things you can’t sleep with out at night, like a special stuffed animal or a blanket or pillow. He’s the one who jokes about you being the actual crazy one, and like he gets the need to deflect with dark humor.

Shiv is the one who brings you the clothes you actually would wear, and not the random stuff that Logan had a house keeper pack for you. When she first visits to bring them your in a full on hospital gown because you refuse to wear what Logan gave you.

Kendall is the most awkward when he visits because yeah he went to rehab but like, this is way more lock down and he maybe realises that this could have happened to him if he didn’t ya know get a control on his shit like he tries to.

You meet Tom while still in the ya know hospital and fully tell shiv if she marries him you have a free bed in your room if she needs it.

Logan basically 51-50ed you so like the resentment against him is real, it’s like not good.

You spend like a solid almost 2 years institutionalised. But when you get out, Connor has a welcome home party for you. Everyone comes out, except Logan cause Connor was not about to have that KO fight happen.

You have always been closest to Roman, not really sure why but you two just get each other better and oh the jokes you both make at each other, like makes everyone else so uncomfortable. When eating at the like welcome back dinner he switches your silver wear for plastic and you joke like

“Plastic can still hurt. Wanna see” and like he knows it’s a joke but everyone else gets that like uncomfortable vibe about them

“If I can’t joke about it, I’ll cry about it, so we joke yes? Do you want me to jump off the roof cause-“

Roman casually jokingly makes sure your taking your meds everyday like texts or calls or quips like

“So how’s today? You eat? Take your fucking crazy pills that make you see god or whatever…” like very obvious but very Roman.

I just, I have feelings alright…

[strxbrymochi]

random when you're sick jaemin drabble

pairing: jaemin x reader (i tried to make it gen neutral djsjsjs)

words: like less than 1k ish??

warnings: mentions of sickness, illness, id say it be too close to home fr

synopsis: basically you're sick and jaemin's here to comfort you as much as he can long distance style.

note: a random ass drabble i came up w as im lying in bed sick for the 4th day and after a conversation i had with my mom bc i needed an outlet lol (its like 99% based on real life events other than the fact that i unfortunately do not have a jaemin with me 💔)

you absolutely despised being sick. okay, maybe sometimes you would be okay with it because it served as a formidable excuse to get out of work or your responsibilities for a couple days but that was when "sick" constituted to simply a cold or a fever that passes over the next day, not when you're tied down to the bed and the toilet every second of every day.

you wake up one day to shivers, brushing it off, you continue on with your day, heading over to work. on your way to work, you start feeling dizzy, nausea hitting you. you take a pill to calm down and make your way to your shift. today, you were working at a small fast food chain restaurant and if things couldn't get any worse, you were assigned to deal with the blowtorch. the heat from the fire and small space rushing all the way to your head but you push through, making it to the very end of your 3 hour shift.

making your way to your next appointment, you scavenge for food to hopefully give you back your appetite. you haven't eaten a proper decent meal all day; only crackers before you drank your pill. oh, and did i forget to mention, you headed into work with a 38 degree fever; claiming "to be fine" because you needed the hours to sustain your living expenses in a foreign country all alone.

at your meeting, you're met with fatigue. a wave of exhaustion rushes over you and coughing fits take over. your brain barely processing what was being discussed, only speaking when directly being asked a question. but still, you push through, ensuring everyone around you that you were going to be okay. that it will all brush away soon and that you really are just tired. your fever has reached close to 40 degrees.

you sigh, throwing your phone on your bed. on any other day you would have loved to talk to jaemin, especially now that you two were oceans apart. it killed you to know that if only you hadn't moved he would be right there and you could see him in person. that alone would've been all the medicine you need to get better. but alas, life had other plans.

the next couple days consisted of sleep, wake up, repeat. occassional trips to the toilet and visits from coughing fits disrupting your sleep that make you sound like you're entering into an entirely different dimension. you had absolutely no energy-- to eat, to move, to do anything really. when you said you needed a break, this wasn't what you meant.

jaemin would call you, or attempt to call you and you would pick up, if you were awake and if you were in the mood to speak. he would send you daily messages to drink your medicine, eat meals, get some rest. you knew he was worried and it killed you not to be able to ensure some type of reassurance everything was going to be fine. you knew if he found out what you had been actually doing, you would never hear the end of it.

one night you had awoken from your nap struggling to find something to eat, let alone the energy to consume anything. at this point, your stomach is practically bounded to an electrical heating compress to temporarily soothe your pains. you weren't sure if you were getting any better. your fever was relatively gone sure, but the coughs, stomach pains and diarrhea remained. let alone, that morning you almost passed out in the toilet, hearing muffled, ears ringing, vision blurred. all you could do is pray.

well, at least your sense of humor was back.

---

LOL such an abrupt ending idk i just needed an outlet to express how im currently feeling and whats been going on these past few days so if theres a delay with mtt or my other stuff i apologize once again 😭😭 need all the prayers and support i can get fr; being sick is one thing, being sick in a foreign country alone is another story. for anyone else who has gone thru or is currently going thru same thing, i hope yalls feel better soon and that know things will get better! bc i know thats what i need rn 🫡

[the-bjd-community-confess]

Mod: I'll post Anon's more recent update first, and the older confession under the break 💖 I'm glad you're feeling better now Anon!

Hey mod, if you see this, I’m the anon who confessed about my cats catching a fatal disease and it making me want to basically give up on everything like my work and my dolls.

I’m okay now and I’ve made peace with it and whatever happens I’m just gonna give my cats the best life I can in the time they’ve got. It doesn’t hurt to look at my dolls anymore, in fact, I’m anxiously anticipating the clothes I ordered them for fall/winter. I love my cats, but this was out of my control and it doesn’t have to ruin my life. Sending in that confession really helped me come to terms with the situation and get my joy back. I’m happy to say my cats are happy and my new boy likes to steal my doll wigs (which I’m not so happy about xp)

Anyway, you don’t have to post that confession, but I don’t mind if you do. If you do though, would you attach this or some kind of note letting people know I’m okay? Life happens and my refuge has always been dolls, I was just worried that I had lost that too in my sadness, but they’re still there for me after all.

Thanks for listening, and I hope you’re well!

~Anonymous

Previous confession below:

CW: pet death, pet illness, depression, rant

One of my cats died, so I got another cat so my older cat wouldn’t be lonely, but now we’ve found out that my new cat might have a deadly disease and he may have already given it to my older cat, now we have to wait 3 months to find out if either one is infected or not with no real way to prevent my older cat from being infected in the meantime if she hasn’t been already.

Before we found out I got paid for the first time in a while and bought a bunch of new doll stuff because I wanted to get my dolls fall/winter outfits as the season is changing. Slowly, the items arrive and I dress my dolls, put new eyes in because I finally bought the new eyes I wanted, but I’m just so empty.

I’m supposed to be working too, but I have no energy for that either, nor any of my non doll hobbies.

I know that even if my cats are infected they have a good chance of living another 3-5 years (according to the vet and Google) but the dread is eating me alive. Every night I have to take pills to sleep and I stare at my dolls which sit around my bed on tables and they seem so empty now. My heart hurts so much that I don’t see the light in my doll’s eyes anymore.

It’s all my fault. I wanted a new cat to help my heart heal from losing my sweet darling girl, and I may have doomed the cat I had left, not to mention I might lose the sweet baby boy I’m already so in love with.

Doll stuff came in the day we got the news and I tried so hard to enjoy it. My doll is beautiful and maybe my favorite of all of my dolls, but there’s just no joy left. I wake up every day feeling like things might be okay and I go to bed every night looking into their empty eyes and wish I could just not wake up.

Why can’t I wake up tomorrow and it be December so I can be free of this not knowing and get back to things I love again. If my cats will have shorter lives I’ll be devastated, but it’s out of my hands and I can move on and love them and get my dolls and my life back and enjoy my life again, but not knowing makes me ill and all the things that once glittered and gleamed and filled my heart with joy just seem so fucking pointless.

As if the world wasn’t already crashing down around me, why this? Why now? Why can’t I just keep moving and enjoying my work and my hobbies? I’m so fucking exhausted.

I’m sorry if this isn’t doll related enough. I just need to say this somewhere even if it’s just a void. Maybe someone here can understand the emptiness of not being able to love the one (hobby) thing you love above almost anything else (dolls, my special interest) because life starts falling apart. I think if I said this to anyone else they’d think it’s stupid to care about pieces of expensive plastic when something bad is happening to a living creature, but dolls always spark joy in me even when bad things happen, but this is just so fucked and I’m so ill that they don’t even do that anymore. I want to feel normal again. I can’t change what’s already happened, but I can’t let it go and I hate going up to my room at night and looking at my dolls because it feels like they’re judging me. I feel like a monster. I just want to feel joy and peace again.

~Anonymous

[everydayyoulovemeless]

Big MT Scientists With A Sick!Reader

➼ Word Count » 0.5k ➼ Warnings » None ➼ A/N » I think I'm obsessed with them

Dr. Dala absolutely adores it when you get sick because she can use it as an excuse to poke around your body more. She'll be sweet about it, taking your health very seriously, but she also has no problem strapping you down to a medical table if you refuse to take her advice in getting better. Dala is going to be VERY close to you for the majority of it and will measure and document every little thing your body does. As uncomfortable as it might get, she's the best person to take care of you considering she specializes in medical science and since she desperately wants to keep you alive, you can trust that all her advice is genuine.

Dr. 0 doesn't really know what he's doing, but he cares a lot more than you might think. He'll throw around all these scientific terms to sound like he's confident in what he's doing, but bros got no clue. He'll get some standard pills for you to take and make you something vaguely edible, maybe even a coffee if Muggy likes you, but other than that he'll just try and make you go to sleep and prays that that does something to help.

Dr. Borous will try and put you in a cage. He doesn't like the idea of you running around will some disease or sickness. He'd rather isolate you and then try and use that illness to infect other creatures in Big MT just to see what would happen. He finds it really interesting how the sickness affects you and will decide to study you and how your body declines until someone else steps in and stops him. He might even decide to dissect you just to see if any of your insides have altered or changed due to it getting worse.

Dr. Klein could not care less. You could be dying of cancer or simply just have the flu and he'll still lock you out of the Think Tank to avoid getting your germs all over his equipment. Even if he wanted to, he'd have no idea how to cure anything you might have. He's got even less of a clue than 0. Don't expect any handouts from him cause he's not letting you back in until he's certain you're good again.

Don't go to Dr. 8 for ANY support or care when you're sick. The only thing he can realistically do for you is play a song or something. He might help you out if any of the others are trying to abuse you but he won't do anything about you being sick.

Dr. Mobius isn't as well educated about medicine and medical science as Dala is, but he knows enough to put you in a bed and give you the least irradiated food he's got, and if the pain of being sick ever got too bad for you, he has plenty of Mentats that could probably numb some of it. He isn't the best at it, but he's friendly to you and treats you as gently as he can manage.

[lifblogs]

Anyway, have some insane rambling long-winded lines of poetry about my life.

WARNINGS: Mentions of incest, rape, abuse, near-death, suicidal thoughts, severe illness, miscarriage, and murder.

I’m losing time to illness

I don’t really know how to be an adult

I’m at twenty-six, and I’ve

Never had a job that didn’t make me wanna die

I started bleeding at eleven

They said, “You’re a woman now.”

But what the fuck does that all mean

When my blood isn’t clean?

Yeah I’ve had partners

That used me like a doll

And I’ve had family take advantage of my age and all

The ways I looked for love

Try having a creepy uncle, I have two

It ripped my family apart, and they said, “It’s you

This is your fault, why did you ruin a life or two?”

And now my blood it boils daily

I’m burning in my body

Filled with aches and pains

And a stupid fucking brain

I’ve taken almost a whole year

To heal from what my body did

But I still can’t remember, and my words feel like those of a little kid

And every day I’m choking on whatever my body chooses

My throat closes up from water

Or any kind of juices

I get swollen, I get itchy, I burn inside like when I nearly died

I can’t breathe

All I can do is wheeze

I can’t beg for help, and help is never here

What do I have? The doctors do not know

And I’m trying to not let all my friends know that I’m scared to go

I’m having seizures every night

But that’s just my regular old life

Take twenty pills at night

And hope that when the sun wakes up I’ll still be alive

I’m hungry but my food attacks me all the time

Have you ever been erased by the certainty you will die?

Yes, I am nothing

I am not here

I will die

I will die, I will die, I will die

My body can’t decide if it will kill me in the night

Or maybe in the morning, a little bed and breakfast

Oh, and I need more surgeries

The doctors say I’m broken

Maybe they can fix me, but will I live long enough to see them try?

I really want to go

But I don’t really want to go

And I want my baby boy to always know his mama’s right here by his side

I can’t leave him all alone when he, too, seizes in the night

Who will kiss him, who will be there when he has to say goodbye?

And I don’t want to say goodbye

But I really cannot

I cannot breathe to say goodbye

So maybe you should just leave me

I’m in pain every day

I’m scared and I’m awake

My body won’t let me sleep

Because it knows it might be too late

Please someone, can you save me?

Can you steal some of my bone marrow

And see if it’s acting right?

I swear I need an epipen almost three times a day

But insurance would rather have me dead if I cannot pay

And oh, I’m scared of what saves me

Because of the agony

The agony, the agony

Tell me, have you ever lost yourself?

Have you ever spent hours awake, alive

And wanting nothing but to die?

Is pain all there is to me?

Am I not a person with a name?

And maybe I should be forgotten

Just to hide all this pain

I can’t remember, I can’t remember

Thanks to my injured brain

Yeah, I hit it against a wall

And now I always feel the same

I feel sick and sick and sick

Is any second of my life worth it?

Please, someone just help

I want you to help me

But maybe no one can help me

Then at least can you bury me

I don’t want this

I’ll admit, my whole life feels like a piece of shit

I don’t want this

I want my boy to die before me

So at least I can tell him,

“Mama’s always here”

And then maybe I’ll slip away

Or maybe I won’t make it

Long enough to hold him as he lets out his last breath

I’m letting out my last breath

I can’t breathe, I can’t believe

All my life is diphenhydramine toxicity

Every day, every day, and every day it’s getting worse

Maybe I won’t even make it till Christmas

So don’t buy me presents, don’t send me cards

‘Cause I won’t be here at all

I suppose at least I could say hi to my baby

She never made it all that far

I can say hi to my friend

My friend who met her end from her husband

My friend who saved me from myself

But who can save me from this living hell?

Who can save me?

Can you save me?

Someone please save.

Someone please save.

Save me.

Please, just save me!

But maybe all saving me means is that I’ll die.

[kel-of-ulthar]

If You Tolerate This, Then Your Children Will Be Next

If you tolerate this, then your children will be next.

The way that hit me, right in the chest. Like the flat of a board right to the heart. 

If you tolerate this, then your children will be next.

It’s the truth, the truth handed me by my father, handed to him by his mother, handed to her by god or fate or happenstance.

My father told me, on his death bed. He told me that this was not the life that he wanted to give me. It was not the world he wanted me to live in. It was not the world he wanted his grandchildren to inherit. Of course you didn’t, I told him. I said, I don’t blame you for any of this. 

His generational cohort is at fault for all of this, sure. The boomers built the world we languish in now, and to think otherwise is senseless. They did, they built the fuck you got mine world, the one where they clawed their way to the top and then stayed there even as they decayed in place. So what that the children of their cohort might not buy their first house until they were fifty years old? So what if the elderly were suffering en masse because they didn’t care to take care of their neighbors?

My dad didn’t do that. It was not his fault. He wanted a different, better world. He couldn’t make it on his own. He had me and my brother hoping that there was a horizon filled with beauty and wonder. That horizon exists, I live within it,  I try every day to at least acknowledge the wonder that is all around me. But I have the ability to live that way. Not everyone does.

That’s the world I want.

I want everyone to have the capacity to have my mediocre life. I didn’t go to college. I dropped out and worked at a convenience store because no one else would hire me. My career is a fluke. I want everyone to fluke their way into a job that pays at least $27 per hour. I don’t aspire to much more. I feel that $35 will be my cap and I’m okay with that, so long as my husband can grow with me and con someone in to selling us a rattle trap, asbestos lined 1950’s two bedroom house. 

I dream of a single floor, and a basement. The porch is negotiable. I will paint the overhang, however big it is, haint blue to confuse any passing spirits that want to take advantage of my hospitality. There will be bells on my doorknob and seasonal wreaths and a meager garden that I will care for and neglect in cycles. It will be beautiful only because it is mine. That is all I aspire to. To do what I do, right now, today. I try to make lives easier, for people who are ill. I aspire every day to give an elderly woman an hour back in her day, where she doesn’t have to sort her pills. Maybe the caretaker of a dementia patient has one less question to ask on their visit. It’s little things. But it feels like it means a lot. 

I dream of a little house and a strip of sun bleached grass, that I will peel back and replace with clover seed. In a raised garden bed I will try and fail and try and fail to raise tomatoes and basil and cucumber, succumbing always to high plains desert sun and a lackadaisical nature. That’s okay. The fun is in the doing. The garden doesn’t need to be fruitful so long as the grocery store continues to operate. From this house, I can walk there. Stroll to any of three different stores and bring back things to cook and to share and to eat. 

Sharing food over the fire is the first thing we ever did that made us human. It connects me back to the hominids that first figured out the usefulness of flint and stone. Something like, what? 2 million years ago? I share something with them. More than one thing, even.

I want to watch things grow. I want to bring forth fruit. I want to cook and eat and read and fuck and die. 

It’s simple needs. It’s not radical, to just want to live. I don’t want to be a mother. I don’t want to fight. I just want to work and live and sleep, and work and live and sleep. I want to listen to music and make some small personal pieces of art. I want to play guitar. I want to at least pretend that I can use cards or bones or stones to tell the future. I want to make my husband smile, and laugh. I want to eat a sandwich on a mountain top. I want to dip my toes in the sea.

I don’t need everything. 

Just something.

[littlsize]

03/14 🦭 1:43AM

Having so much trouble sleeping, every time i close my eyes my mind wanders to how much stuff i have to do . i miss being on antidepressants, although the sleeping pills gives me a nice kind of fuzzy feeling when i take them . yesterday i took around 5 ? i was hoping it would kill me but it didn't so i had to wake up and keep working haha ! maybe i'll do the same today ! i've already taken 2 so just 3 more to go. usually i'll just lay in bed and scroll on youtube reels while im fuzzybrained but it ends up wasting a lot of my free time.

I keep getting up to go to my desk and feeling like i want to do something, but when i get there it's like all of the motivation and energy is drained out of me. i miss having friends, but i also don't really want to make new ones... people are so disappointing...and i don't want to put in effort to meet others when in the end it will just go sour. it's annoying but fine i guess, ill just hang out alone.

it's so late already and i still can't sleep, im going to be so tired but it's fine! i really want some tortilla chips but we don't have any plain ones, im so sad ! popcorn with sugar to the rescue ! i've been getting so fat lately :-( i think it's all the food i've been eating... but i've been making money ! dashing has been okay .. i like being in my car and just jamming .. this is a bit sad but... i hope tonight is the night.. i know it sounds selfish and all of my problems will become my moms but... she's much stronger then me and she'll be able to handle it... life is too much for me.. i want to give up.. i can't actively pursue it because im terrified of failing and ruining my future but.. i hope it happens tonight... i hope and hope and pray and i hope god hears my pleas and helps me...