littlsize

[littlsize]

03/14 🦭 1:43AM

Having so much trouble sleeping, every time i close my eyes my mind wanders to how much stuff i have to do . i miss being on antidepressants, although the sleeping pills gives me a nice kind of fuzzy feeling when i take them . yesterday i took around 5 ? i was hoping it would kill me but it didn't so i had to wake up and keep working haha ! maybe i'll do the same today ! i've already taken 2 so just 3 more to go. usually i'll just lay in bed and scroll on youtube reels while im fuzzybrained but it ends up wasting a lot of my free time.

I keep getting up to go to my desk and feeling like i want to do something, but when i get there it's like all of the motivation and energy is drained out of me. i miss having friends, but i also don't really want to make new ones... people are so disappointing...and i don't want to put in effort to meet others when in the end it will just go sour. it's annoying but fine i guess, ill just hang out alone.

it's so late already and i still can't sleep, im going to be so tired but it's fine! i really want some tortilla chips but we don't have any plain ones, im so sad ! popcorn with sugar to the rescue ! i've been getting so fat lately :-( i think it's all the food i've been eating... but i've been making money ! dashing has been okay .. i like being in my car and just jamming .. this is a bit sad but... i hope tonight is the night.. i know it sounds selfish and all of my problems will become my moms but... she's much stronger then me and she'll be able to handle it... life is too much for me.. i want to give up.. i can't actively pursue it because im terrified of failing and ruining my future but.. i hope it happens tonight... i hope and hope and pray and i hope god hears my pleas and helps me...