#maybe theres someone like me who hasnt watched it

[writingpuddle]

i wanna talk about this scene because its one of my favourite character moments for both aaron and neil. theyve just gotten to the cabin, only a handful of days after nathans death, and aaron gets neil alone and says this:

now listen. maybe what aaron is doing here is exactly what it looks like. maybe he is concerned that neil is exploiting andrew, and this is him being a protective brother. and i do think theres a part of him that is. he could also be reacting badly due to homophobia, and maybe a part of him is too. but mostly -

he's testing neil.

see, aarons not totally heartless. in that moment in baltimore, when neil was bloody and beaten to shit - aaron was horrified with the rest of them. he might not like neil particularly much, but when you see someone you moderately dislike tortured past the point of human endurance, youre going to put aside your dislike for a second. youre going to take their side, and aaron does. when the foxes claim neil, aaron is right up there with them.

but unlike neil and andrew, who spend the next few days in the emotional wringer with the feds, aaron had several days to process. to really process what allison pointed out to them.

and he realized he could use it.

maybe thats callous of him, but mostly its inevitable; this is how the twins have learned to communicate, to leverage each other with bribes and threats. he watched andrew nearly kill kevin, pick a fight with the feds, grip neils hoodie like he might disappear if he didnt hold on tight enough, and he understood that there was nothing andrew wouldnt do for neil.

meanwhile, neil is still coming off of weeks of telling himself, gritted teeth, its fine so long as andrew doesnt care about me, its fine so long as andrew doesnt care about me, its fine so long as andrew doesnt care about me...

hes barely begun to acknowledge the much less dangerous fact that he has feelings for andrew. less dangerous because if andrew doesnt care about him, then neils death wont hurt him, and neils feelings cant be hurt if hes the one that dies. but if andrew has feelings for him, then this whole time hes been risking that his death would break andrew - break the very person he most wants to protect.

so neil denies it. hes made the first wobbly step towards freedom, but he hasnt yet dealt with the moriyamas. he could still die at any moment. wrapping his head around his fathers death hasnt given him enough time to break those weeks of conditioning himself in the dark. andrew doesnt care about me. andrew cant care about me. neil will go to war for andrew but the idea that the converse is true is too dangerous to look at directly. to protect andrew, to protect himself, he denies it.

but when aaron asks neil if andrew will fight for him, he's not really asking. we can see it in the casual way he shrugs off neils denial. he doesnt care what neil says. he wants to see what neil does. he already knows - or has a pretty strong bet - what andrew will do. what he needs to know is if neil is serious.

listen, i am personally of the belief that if andrew released aaron from his deal for neils sake and then things went sour with neil, andrew would respect the broken deal anyway. but i dont think aaron sees that - he hasnt yet fully internalized that andrew does things out of his own brand of fairness, and not out of malice. so he needs to know; andrew will fight for this. will neil?

so he lobs a grenade at neil, a loaded accusation, and neil comes back swinging. and theres aarons answer. neil isnt exploiting andrew, hes not just playing around. hes as viciously protective of andrew as andrew is of him and those two repressed assholes might not be saying it with words, but aarons not stupid. andrew gave himself away when neil went missing and now neils showed his hand too.

neils right. he has been had, and hes just lucky that what aaron wants is exactly what neil wanted anyway.

[m1sa-w1sa]

What do you think about my headcannons for characters who fit this song and who would you add

https://www.tumblr.com/ninjacomix/754842802243928064/but-ill-always-be-watching-cause-im-forever?source=share

(so i havent really listened to it in a while but i feel like blade would be a good choice, and hear me out)

TW:

Yandere Themes, slight talk of gore, Lil angst, not proofread, this is pretty long, brainrot?

Yandere HC for BLADE (Sahsrau and Reincarnation/One sided love au)

REINCARNATION/ONE-SIDED LOVE AU

•Before when you and blade were together, he was, happy something that he cannot say he is now

•He told you not to go out in the blizzard, you PROMISED him that you would be okay… •Your body silhouette, slowly walking towards him, crystal tears, trembling body hurt him •Catching you in his arms wasnt enough, kissing your lips one last time, once he pulled back, your eyes were dull… •Seeing your dead cold body, in the snow, your lips parted and slightly having a blue hue to them made his heart ache •Years, Decades has pasted, his S/O dying hasnt made him the same, until he saw you.. •It was you… his perfect darling.. his pain, his internal debt, washing away once he saw you, no his DARLING •Hes not the one for small talk but ye went up to you, starting up a chat, you two clicked almost immediately! •You wondered how did he know so much? When you asked, he said he ‘ assumed ‘ because he liked the hobbies and interests that you did too •That leading you both to become friends, very good friends, he saw you like his S/O, well I mean.. you ARE his S/O right? •When he confessed, he was thinking you would say yes, just like before, but you didnt. No… no no no! This isnt supposed to happen! Your supposed to love him back! •He left without a trace, you were confused, you tried to get him back but he didnt come back.. •You always felt someone watching you, but you were right, blade kept watching you from the sidelines, haunting you like a ghost •He didnt try to talk to you again… not yet, he waited and waited so long, watching and haunting you like a ghost, like a leopard creeping up on its prey •Any types of dating you tried to have the person would never come, theres something driving them away, was it you? Maybe you shouldnt have rejected blade.. •Seeing you second guess brought a long awaited smile to his face, no a smirk as he would walk up behind you, his hand on your shoulder, The two of you knew, after this, you might not see the light of day again •Maybe you just dont remember! You just need to snap back! Dont worry sweetheart! Your boyfriend will help you! Just like always, soon he will have you in his arms again, only HE WILL

SAHSRAU

•You just started playing Hsr when blades rerun came out, you thought he was pretty! So you pulled on him with your last golden ticket! •Surprise Surprise! You got him, you were so happy, giggling and clapping, when you opened his character menu complimenting him on his looks, voice, weapon, fighting skills, not thinking he heard you… Oh how cute you were… •To say the least, he was surprised when he heard you, he rolled his eyes, he knew what THOSE people thought of him… it was disgusting to him… •But overtime, you staying up hours just to get him up to level, he slowly started to grow attached. When you least expect it he was always watching you, more than you were watching him •He asked silver wolf, half asleep to make his phone be able to chat with yours, she didnt care she just did it asking him to leave so she would sleep •Anytime you would try to pull for someone else, he would always rig it, he thought it was… interesting cute when you were said when you didnt get the 50/50, its alright! You have blade still and you still love him.. right? •When he had ahold of more of your info, selfies, files, now your number he was going internally feral but also more defensive of his phone your HIS no one else needs to know that you exist… •He knows that you still have school/work so he pretended that he was someone that you met at school/work •For some reason, the feeling he has, it makes him feel happy, warm, maybe love? When you screen comes in contact with him, his eyes slightly look to the camera smiling ever so slightly •You thinking it was a easter egg you were smiling back as you were excited as well knowing that made him love you more •IF YOU DESCENDED no one knew, you hardly had any other characters, the only people who had a suspicion was Trailblazer, Dan Heng, March 17, Himiko, Welt, Pompom, Kafka and silver wolf, other than them no one really had the idea •Knowing that just made this easier for blade, just coming up and swooping you into his arms, I mean… you can give him this just one.. right your grace?

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

pt IV doctor who but i've never watched it but i know loads about it for sure

It's half past 4 am and I definitely remember everything that you maggots yelled at me about this show I definitely do

There is a slutty head preserved in a jar that had many babies

There is a Doctor who was an OG doctor and his name was Wren or something no WILF RIGHT YES SOMEONE SAID THE DILF THE MILF AND THE HOLY WILF

Michael Sheen is a sexy planet with a mouth

Neil Gaiman wrote some episodes and it was very cool I think he made Michael Sheen the sexy planet

David Tennant I know you all love David Tennant well FUCKING HERE THEN TUMBLR DAVID TENNANT

There are time lords and they are the doctor and everyone was very cross when I asked that because apparently y'all periodically forget you follow me because im dumb

It's like gay or something at some point

Andrew Garfield is a dentist who gets flirted with like you too babygirl or whatever the 10th doctor says

Oh yeah the doctors are the doctor but there are 14 of them and they all go poof and then boom new actor except for 14 where david tennant re-emerges YEAH TUMBLR HEAR THAT I SAID DAVID TENNANT

oh and THEN the fifteenth doctor arrives but he fucking girlbosses a bigeneration and so escapes trauma or something and you all get to keep david tennant YEAH I SAID HIS NAME IF THIS HELLSITE HAD AN ALGORITHM THIS POST WOULD BE TRENDING SO QUICK ISTG

Oh the TARDIS is blue and not fucking yellow sometimes my brain gaslights me and also it can be anything it is a tree but it is a police box because it wants to be due to a glitch that the doctor hasnt fixed coz hes too busy hanging out with donna or being gay or being trans which as I know from experience are both full-time occupations

Theres like an intro or something it goes DOOWEEDOOOO and when i mentioned it people started singing it in the reblogs so like nostaglia hit ig

DAAAAAAAAAAVID TENNANT YOU HERE ME TUMBLR COME AND GET YOUR DAVID TENNANT HE FOUND HIS WIFE HERE YES HE DID HIS FATHER-IN-LAW WAS A DOCTOR YES HE WAS HIS DAUGHTER WAS THE DOCTOR'S DAUGHTER BUT THEN DAVID'S WIFE SO IDK GO SLAY GEORGIA

10th doctor is kinda bitchboy and we love him for that apparently

12th doctor is girlbossing prideful or maybe it was 11th or 9th WHO'S THE ONE WHO CALLS THE POTATO A POTATO

There are rhinos and they're police they're called Zookas and they transform people into something for their sins

I think it was the rhinos but someone looks like gollum had sex with a dead horse and got impregnated

There's a potato dude (gn)

There's a Meep and Meep's pronouns are Meep which is fab

There's a dude named Harry in the original doctor who

Shitty effects are beloved here

Someone installed a ramp on the tardis

there is someone named rose and the 9th doctor did something with a timeline and lost her to another 9th doctor and everyone's sad about it coz he knew he couldnt give her the life or something

Rose is kissy smoochie with doctor

Donna noble is played by catherine tate who knows less about the show than i do (which isnt saying much clearly im an expert)

The doctor is not actually a doctor it's something about yelling DOCTOR and they say DOCTOR WHO and it's like FUCK YEAH BABA GRIL NAMEDROP

Is this show title a knock knock joke like Knock knock. Who's there? Doctor. Doctor who? Yes now let me in.

one last time for you sluts DAVID TENNNANTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

you're welcome.

[stevie-petey]

Hi M! I saw you mention that you felt bad for Billy because of that particular lack of a chance he got to prove himself to be a good person. And I definitely agree because even tho he was really cruel and horrible, the scene of his death still made many of us cry 🤧

Because of this, I thought of a tiny little angst blurb if you want to write it!

In your latest chapter of come home, it was mentioned that he tried finding bug because he didn’t know what was going on with him and why he was acting the way he was.

Do you think you could write that from his pov?

Thank you! 😁

this one is a challenge because ive never written billys pov but heres my very poor attempt lmao

enjoy !

"dude, are you alright?"

lights blind billy. a ringing in his ears nearly deafens him. his vision blurs and his teeth grind into sawdust. the taste of blood fills his mouth as he bites down on his tongue. he grips at the lifeguard stand, hardly able to stand himself.

theres a guy in front of him. billy thinks his name is alex, who eyes him wearily. alex clears his throat, tries again. "hey, uh. billy?"

billy. his name is billy. billy hargrove.

the metallic taste of blood coats his mouth. he tries to speak, words tumble from mouth like a slippery slope. he doesnt have control over them. he cant remember if hes supposed to breathe in or out when he speaks.

all billy knows is that theres a girl out there. someone told him to come find her of he ever needed anything. what was her name? it started with an h, two, maybe three syllables.

he loses his footing, almost falls against the stands wood, and alex takes a step back from him. hes scared of billy. did he do something? hes cold. his entire body is cold.

"you know what, im just... i'll just go." alex takes another step back. he pushes his glasses up stands awkwardly in front of billy. "y/n is probably waiting for me, anyways."

the hair on billys arms stand up.

y/n henderson. that had been the girls name.

sweetheart. billy calls you sweetheart. hawkins sweetheart. the one who extended help to him.

"where?" saliva mixed with blood follows billys question.

alexs eyes widen. "w-what?"

"where. is. y/n?" he needs to find you. its getting harder and harder to keep the blood inside his mouth. his guts twist within his stomach, billy thinks the cold that attacks his body is really white hot heat, searing his intestines and burning him from the inside.

you said you could help him.

billy doesnt know whats going on. darkness seeps into his brain. he cant think straight. the sunlight casts a blinding streak across his eyesight. is he dreaming?

"she... she should be waiting in her car." alex isnt sure if he should be telling billy this. youve always been weird when it came to the mention of the boy, but billys sweat drips onto the concrete and alex thinks he may be experiencing heatstroke.

he decides then that he should take billy to you. alex knows youll know what to do. you always do. the amount of times youve saved his ass at work is more than hes willing to admit, but alex holds a deep appreciation for you.

alex grabs billys arm to guide him towards the pools exit, but the skin is cold to the touch. he flinches, he doesnt understand whats wrong with the guy. hes drenched in sweat and yet ice cold.

billy doesnt register any of this. all he can feel is his body being moved somewhere. hes removed from it all. his body hasnt been his ever since the night he crashed his car.

theres something inside of billy. something more sinister than the anger his father left him. worse than the bruises and scars from his childhood. and billy is afraid.

it takes some maneuvering, alex has to stop and steady billy every few feet, but eventually they make it to the pools parking lot. only your car isnt there.

alex curses and looks down at his watch. its almost one in the afternoon. your shift at bookstrordinary shouldve ended thirty minutes ago. youre never late.

and yet you never show.

billy and alex stand in the parking lot for nearly an hour waiting for you. the sun blazes down upon their skin. billy nearly blacks out at one point, and alex doesnt know what to do.

then something seems to shift within billy. his back straightens, his eyes suddenly ignite, and the blue in his irises is gone. black now infiltrates, and alex nearly trips on the curb in his haste to get away from him.

billy sniffs the air in an animalistic way. alex watches.

theyre here.

the voice booms in billys mind. its gravelly, rough, it isnt human.

follow them. follow her.

billy turns and sees el walking across the street. shes coming towards the pool. she hasnt seen him yet. neither have the others. those goddamn kids and max.

max.

who is he again?

[posebean]

letting it leave mutual circles heres my rinky fic idea enjoy

niki gets into an accident (because of rinne) saving him or smth like getting hit by a car and so then nikis seriously injured and wakes up in a hospital covered in bandages and his arm in a sling but no memories at all not even his own name rinnes there when he wakes up and is breaking down into tears and then nikis just like. im sorry but. who are you? and rinne just stares and is like niki are uou joking

niki: niki? is that my name

rinne:

and then rinne leaves the room and niki is so confused because 1. he has no idea who he is and why he was in a hospital all beaten up and 2. he had no idea who that red haired man was and then out of exhaustion and painkillers he passes out

the next time he wakes up himeru and kohaku are there n help him out . explain to him a bit about who he is, take him out of the hospital. red haired man from earlier is nowhere to be found niki feels like he dreamed that whole scene. himeru and kohaku dont mention rinne at all idk why because if rinne wanted something stupid they wouldnt but well. gotta advance stupidity somehow i guess

its a whole thing of niki finding this red haired man trying to befriend him but rinne just acts like theyre strangers out of pure guilt and horror because the love of his life was literally on his deathbed because of him (he wasnt rinnes just being a dramatic bitch)

but theres still the fact that niki got hurt because of him and now has no memories except for standard motorskills and etc and a little innate stuff for cooking but like. no memories memories. no relationships or feelings.

and everyone at es is careful around niki because he doesnt remember and hes probe to migraines as if hes trying to remember but just cant and also for some reason he feels like a part of him is missing and he gravitates toward that red haired man he thought he hallucinated after running into rinne in the halls on coincidence one day and rinne just. tries so hard to push him away and it explodes into a whole rinne-kun why are you pushing me away i just wanna get to know you the way you act its like we knew each other before i lost all my memories

and rinnes like you dont want to know me and its better this way you really wont like scum like me and nikis like bro what are you talking about first ur saying were strangers now ur saying we do know each other and have for this whole time and rinne is like

you were my star but i put you out with my own hand lets leave it at that and then runs away and now niki has even more wuestions unanswered than answers and its a whole game where niki slowly pieces together from things scattered around his apartment, vague memories of someone else's life, something with Rinne and hes like oh and idk the chase continues until he finally corners rinne and is like rinne-kun i might not be the same anymore i might not have any memories of you at all but now i know is that the me in the past was the most dearest to you and i know you feel like you are the reason hes gone and feel the need to punish yourself but i dont think hed want that he pushed you out of the way of that car for a reason i may not be the same, i may not have the memories that we used to share. but i know that deep down i still have that love for rinne-kun. id like to get to know rinne-kun again. that sweet brute of a man that the past me loved so much. i want to relearn every memory ive forgotten, every memory that is important to rinne-kun. maybe one day ill messure up to the past me again , maybe ill be whole again, rinne-kun, will you help me remember and then rinne fucking bawls because he hasnt cried at all in front of niki during this and was only in complete shock or cold apathy (while himeru and kohaku watch him sob in private and are like. u fucking idiot stop doing this n hes like no i ruined niki he'll be betyer off without me )and cue tender moment where hes like niki doesnt have to get any memories back i will love him no matter what, no matter the cost even if the world burns and we all change that will always stay true. and nikis like but i wanna rember if these memories are so important to rinne/kun they must be important to me too i dont know if ill ever get all my memories back but i at least want to know the memories that rinne kun loves so in case rinne-kun loses his memory i can be the one to remind him of the memories he holds so dear

[431989]

okay fuck it we ball im posting resident alien stuff here. hyperfixation time. spoilers below so be warned.

im sooo bummed over the recent ep. the gripe i have w every single piece of media happened agaiiinnnnn. can i have ONE thing that doesnt force relationship arcs. especially ones that dont fit the initial or continuing tone of the shoooow. <--- edit again to clarify. i loved the tone of s1. i want that back. its getting too comedyish.

like i rlly connected w harry esp the fact he wasnt really getting infatuated with anyone but this whole horned up episode was grating to watch. like i still think there were sweet moments but boooo 🍅💥🍅💥 im hoping its just for some sort of conflict and that itll get squashed come the next few eps. (ALSO EDIT: at least the thing with harry and isabelle was palatable. gahhh im just peeved….)

s1 was so baller too like it had good clever comedy and still had drama to it. like im hoping the very like… bland surface level humor gets dialed back. like its soooo forced to me. but i guess thats what the average viewer likes which is dog doodoo. dont make it a sitcom please im begging. it was soooo unique.

i will be rewatching season 1 for the 5th time tonight but another thing i noticed is the increased use of like… musical scores. its like one step removed from a laugh track. gahh.

anyways im a harry asta supporter also harry joseph supporter so this forced stuff hurts to watch esp bc it doesnt fit character to me. considering harrys whole thing so far has been about developing and realizing connections, the sudden shift to horniness just! isnt consistent. not to be autistic or anything haha.

speaking of! i think its boring and cheap to have this alien/alien thing going on. and also feels really like.. “nd people can never fit in so they have to be with other nd people.” i think i wouldnt be so turned away if it was more genuine. but this is a comedy ig, i just wish it was handled differently. its uninteresting to meeeee. like an alien/alien thing can work but not like this. gives very nd are forever seen as weird and are therefor ostracized. like it feels othering to me. ESP BC OF HOW FORCED UGHHHHHHH i hate forced romance shit so much. perhaps thats an unpopular take but i said what i said! sudden nonmeaningful stuff like this i feel will kill the show. i wouldnt be surprised if it fizzles out.

UM ALSO? tudyk bringing up shape of water on insta abt the newest ep????? i dont think so???????? i never watched that but i kind of know what it was about and it certainly wasnt fish on fish love. smdh. like i feel like the reason why it was so big when it came out was (albeit as someone who hasnt watched it and have surface level understanding) bc it was between a lady and fish guy. and it was heartfelt. not to be harry asta or anything but that was already developing so like. AGHHHUU. even a harry joseph dynamic i can get around in a way bc theres room for development. also itd be gay so thats a plus.

anyways i might check out the graphic novels. told myself i wouldnt bc my brain works weird but maybe itd be a good idea to get into that. unfortunately i will probably be begrudgingly keeping up bc im hyperfixated on it. GAHHHGG anyways ramble rant over.

edit ps: i will also clarify that if asta were to be written out to be nd i would be just as pleased if not more pleased. im just not liking how this is going so far. tomato tomato tomato

[malevolententity]

hrmgmgm 4ever situ thoughts

this will probably get messy and personal because that Really informs how i feel and i need to expel it from my body LMAO

i still dont know how i feel. or well. i know how i feel but its nuanced and conflicted and im mad that i cant concisely say how i feel. we Know the initial information didnt come out in good faith. we Know that the girls involved were not asked how they felt prior to the callouts. we also can see from current actions that this doesnt happen anymore. that it doesnt represent who he is as a person in recent years.

and i fully believe that people are able to change and grow from past wrong actions. regardless of if those actions were just wrong jokes or Literal Actions.

this cycle never gets easier. ive been on both sides e.g. being like one of the girls. but also being one of the ccs. so i get their no nuance just anger. because m still mad as hell about ike/ciel. as someone who was good friends with him. but also was the same age as his victims and very easily could be considered one by some people. shout out to being two people removed from ironmouse though 🤪.

but ive also like. been in the girls situation. you dig back 11/12 years on here. theres Going to be evidence of 22 year olds with thousands of followers flirting with 13/14 year old me. some of whom were harmless friends making weird tasteless no intent jokes. and some of whom were genuine pedophiles that either were complete strangers or people i knew in real life and called friends. and id be fucking pissed if any of those were taken out of or even in context without my permission. because its my story. if anyones going to be talking about it it should only ever be because i decided i wanted it to be talked about. not some random person having a vendetta against people i used to talk to and finding and using bits of my story as a way to defame someone whos recent actions do not line up with the deplorable actions of them in 20 fucking 12.

and so i cant help but have 800 fucking emotions. because what we know about is gross. but i dont believe he should be fully deplatformed over shit he hasnt done in 5-7 years. and that is absolutely fueled by my emotions because as far as we know. the girls did not ask for him to be deplatformed. the girls stories are being spread without their input to ruin a guys life. and i would feel violated if i was used as evidence by strangers against my will.

but maybe thats just the victim brain in me who will always feel the need to shield some of the guys from my past because its complicated and messy and humans are complicated and messy. and im just projecting. because i have been in those girls position. a few times.

and thats why ive been mostly silent through this whole thing. because i am a Hashtag Bad Victim and no one wants to hear from the people who think were being too hasty and think information should come from the people involved. not twitter sleuths who really fucking hate a cc.

that said for people who need to see it written out. im not supporting him with views on future videos. i still enjoy 4ever as a character. i will still probably reblog 4ever art every now and then, because ive also gone thru this in a dnd fandom where one guy turned out to be a shitter but i still enjoyed his character so i will engage with the character when i feel like it. because that character is not the streamer.

this whole situation just feels bad and unfair to absolutely everyone involved. no one here is winning. celebrating his removal is weird. because the removal means something Did happen and thats horrible. and watching this turn into a spectacle to see who unfollows next/what the next announcement is, is disgusting. this isnt a game and it feels like some of you are treating it that way. these are real lives, these are real people.

side tangent.

i really fucking cant stand everyone whos been comparing this to the dream situations. because every single dream situation has come from victims or people posing as victims. so of course. listen to them and do your own research but believe them from the get go. THIS THOUGH????? WAS ADMITTEDLY UNRELATED PEOPLE WHO HATED A GUY, WHO FOR MONTHS HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING TO DEPLATFORM HIM. AND FINALLY FOUND SOMETHING THAT WAS ACTIONABLE. of course some of us were going to hold off on forming thoughts and were gonna be skeptical of where the information came from because it was not victims coming forward.

its two different fucking situations and acting like theyre the same is insane to me.

[caluski]

ive made myself hot chocolate wine. hot wine chocolate maybe. its mostly hot chocolate and some wine... i only added a little because i havent made hot wine in a long time now, i was worried id evaporate the alcohol and make it gross. but it turned out fine and its good, maybe next time ill make some with spices. maybe replace oat milk with some other one... i think cashew might be good, maybe if i spot it on sale somewhere. with cinnamon maybe, with slices of orange? orange matches both chocolate and wine, why wouldn't it work with both at the same time. i wish i could spend an hour or so in the kitchen, making different infusions that i could try with someone else. its always so much more fun to try new things with another person.

i dont really mind drinking alone, since i already usually do it while watching something or writing. but i do really really miss drinking coffee or tea with other people. i miss talking to people so very very much. i talk so much.. if one somehow hasnt figured it out yet from the absolute fucking abundance of long posts on my blog, but i really do love talking. my big problem is that i talk so much, that my hot drinks cool down before i get to take a sip or two. im really horrible at keeping that balance between being caught up with the conversation and drinking. although i never really have much to say, i keep repeating the stories ive already told a million times before, and i say silly stuff, and i complain about a lot of things, and i get sidetracked constantly. not really in like, adorable or quirky way, i can imagine it must be annoying for the other people in the conversation, especially when i get too excited and interrupt people and dont listen very well. i think its one of those things i wanna improve about myself.

yesterday, as i was walking home through the centre of the city, i was horribly in need of coffee, it was so cold and i was in a good mood, and i only had weak green tea that morning, and since it was still pretty early in the day, the cafes had some free spots. but i walked in, looked around, and walked out. its like everything reminds me of loneliness these days, and when i got inside, tables were all taken by couples or groups. i dont think it was a sign of anything, but it made me so awfully bitter. i know loneliness doesnt make me special, i know literally everyone experiences it to some degree, but god, it really hurts to look around and see that despite everything, people always have someone out there. a best friend, a significant other, family member, whatever.

theres that stupid thing everyone always repeats, "theres always someone out there who loves you, even if you dont know about it". i used to hold onto that desperately, but its so dumb. unrealistic and dumb. it makes you hope that maybe right now youre alone, but once you'll be at your rock bottom, SOMEONE will magically show up and say, i care for you, and i will be by your side to support you, or whatever. but then you hit the rock bottom and theres nothing, or better yet, someone you had hoped would stay with you suddenly says "i have anxiety and seasonal affective disorder, i cant be around you or ill get worse, too", and you dont want them to get worse because of you, of course you dont. theyre being reasonable, and you know that, and you cant do anything about it. even if you do guilt-trip them into staying, would that even really help, if they resented you for it secretly for the rest of their life.

a week ago or so ive walked into a cafe, as well, but i got so overwhelmed that i had to pretend to look around which tables are free, and left right away. just brought in mud and puddles, probably, since it was such a snowy day. i worry that one day ill be better, but i wont be able to step foot inside a cafe anymore, because it will remind me of nothing but the days when it was just me and self-loathing. not that i can really afford cafes anymore, but i cant think about that now. or worse, that ill never get better, and ill never get to experience it again, the presence of another person by my side, having coffee or tea or desserts, and talking and laughing and maybe even flirting. that thought makes me nauseous, but i know its likely. it kind of sounds like not much to wish for, but it feels almost too perfect to ever be possible - not only to have money for that in the first place, but also a person who cares for you enough to want to be around you, to want to talk to you or listen to you, a person who wont tell you "we can go out, but i have only an hour" and then leave after 20 minutes because it turns out in that hour was included their ride back home.

i keep thinking, one day ill find someone, one day i wont be lonely anymore and then ill let it all out of my system. but i know its silly, because by the time ill find someone, ill forget how to really be a person, how to have a conversation. i talk to myself a lot, in my head, but its not enough, it doesnt really feel like anything. i write a diary, i write short stories, i write posts on this stupid blog, but nothing feels like talking to another person, and its awful. my memory is far worse, i stutter more and more with each passing year, im being more and more awkward in such an uncomfortable and humiliating way, that it only makes my brain scream at me to shut up forever. i know why my family doesnt want to talk to me, im more unpleasant than ive ever been. i know its unfair to be blaming them for not wanting me around; they stopped asking about anything, recently, because i cant stop crying whenever they start the topic of job search. i cry too much these days. i had to stop showing up to my favorite grocery store, because theyve seen me too many times all wet-eyed. and i cant help it anymore! i know im still human, i know im not a victim, i know my suffering isnt greater than anyone else's. but something has changed and i cant imagine getting better, anymore. or at least going back to who i used to be. theres no hope anymore! and if theres no hope for me anymore, what do i do? "just surviving" isnt neutral, its horrible, its painful, its a nightmare. i dont want my life to look like this. i dont know what to do anymore. and ive said it a thousand times, i know, but its the only thing i have floating around in my useless empty head. i miss hope. i miss believing that i could still be happy, one day. and i know that was stupid, too, i can see it now, but at least it was something to hold onto.

i miss being around people. i miss it so much. i miss talking to people so horribly. i miss laughing and i miss being held. i dont need all this cortisol. i dont want to forget what it feels like to not be alone. but the more i want it, the more out of reach everything feels, the more unrealistic even the simplest things seem. i might as well be dreaming of living in alternate universe fanfiction.

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

couple of disconnected thoughts but okay so like if daemons settle as a part of puberty then it is more of a process than a Moment probably even if it might look like a Moment from the outside it’s not really it’s part of like a continuum of growing, and different for everyone

also because it’s a representation of You most of the time it probably feels Right what it ends up settling as. children talk about i want this or that cool animal but i expect most people feel at least in part that when their daemon settles that it settles as the right thing. even if it’s something that doesnt look good maybe like a snake or those magisterium guards with the dogs. you’d think like seeing those daemons settle you might be like ‘damn thats me? i hate that’ but most people probably wouldnt be like that because they are like that. if that makes sense

but by no means everyone. and it’s by no means a yes/no kinda thing. it’s not you love your daemon or you hate it, relationships to self arent that simple. but i do think there are people who watch it settle and just do not feel right with that. people who are going through a trauma and feel like maybe the way theyve been for years isnt who “they really are”. they might feel like no you cant settle like this im not like this ive been warped by this outside thing. you cant settle like this, im only response to circumstances rn. you cant settle like this this is not my real self

there are also undoubtedly lots of people who try to postpone the settling. who try to stretch it. who maybe see their daemon settle and sorta know this is sorta for real like sorta feel this is sorta permanent and they pressure them just do whatever they have to until that daemon shifts again. not sustainable obviously but it’s easy to imagine

ruth wilson also says in interviews that the way she plays mrs coulter or like the headcanons she has for her theres some kinda trauma in her past. sure thats just headcanon but i share it so im just kinda gonna go with that for now

it’s not hard to imagine that mrs coulters daemon settled as something she maybe didnt entirely feel like was fair. or her. like she’d been operating just like in response to circumstances for a long time, like just playing defence basically, and now her daemon might have settled as this thing that maybe it wouldnt have if this Something hadnt happened to her (“you think you couldve been something else, someone else”)

that would make you resentful of it from the beginning. and also it might feel like a sort of,,, destiny. embodiment of how youve been irrevocably changed by something out of your control and now you have to live with it. this reminder of how you mightve turned out different

and at the same time try not to let it determine who you are. like mrs coulter definitely didnt do that but if you dont want to end up like her then what you have to do is not give in to like the worst possible reading you might be inclined to give to the form your daemon has taken. no animal is inherently anything but humans do give those kinda meanings to them. you might be tempted to look at your daemon that formed at a time in a way you didnt want it to and interpret its form in the least generous way. and apply it to yourself. “well now that im already bad and ruined aNYWAY” kinda thing. why not give in to your worst impulses. youve been made wrong youve got visible evidence. even if the daemon hasnt changed in response to whatever youve experienced. you’d never know for sure. you could still make that assumption

[bmpmp3]

I READ a lot of different manga recently and i WANNA talk about em :)

SO LIKE i ADORE stories about the entertainment industry like music actors celebrity whatever i LOVE IT so oshi no ko had been on my to-read list for like a bajillion years now BUT queen bee doing the ending song for the anime (MEPHISTO!!!! LISTEN TO IT!!!!!!!!!! ITS SO GOOOOOOD!!!! LISTEN TO EVERY QUEEN BEE ALBUM RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!! the opening is good too) finally pushed me to read it (not watch it sorry... normally the anison industry has this symbiotic relationship between the songs and the shows where the show makes people get interested in the musicians and vice versa but as a person who cannot watch a single episode of a show ever (jk.....probably) I only ever check out the manga and osts HJKFJFDHKDSLS its kinda cool that the first episode is like a movie length adaptation of the first volume of the manga though from what i can tell) AND its very good!!

i did NAHT expect the reincarnation stuff (all i knew was it was a manga about an idol who has kids in secret) but theres some glimmers of interesting concepts touched on with that (kinda like half way between the modern isekai “i just am the person i was before i died just in a different body” and the 90s shoujo manga style “im mostly the new born person but there is the remnants of someone else in here”, it hasnt touched on it That Much but what they brought up is interesting, like that kid has simultaneously been alive for over 50 years and also is incredibly 15 years old hjkfdsjhfds) but it’s a showbiz mystery thriller with so much tonal whiplash OF COURSE i’d like it those are like. my favourite genres hjkfddsjklfd

so far ive been digging it. OR... well i’ve caught up and the last third has been. a little odd? i know i just said i love my tonal whiplash but it feels a little like its going really fast but also like. dropping some plot threads and character arcs that i was kind of hoping they would go back into? it’s still ongoing though, it could easily bring stuff back and turn around. im assuming this is a symptom of the weekly release schedule? 99% of the manga i read is monthly or occasionally volume at a time so im not as familiar with the structure. is the author like. okay. i know they take breaks but man. i could feel it with the arcs about the manga authors. salutes

that does remind me though. this isnt a manga ive read Recently (i first read it like a year or two ago) but recently i finally was able to collect all volumes of penguin revolution (VERY DIFFICULT FEAT for some reason all the volumes were cheap as hell except people kept listing volume 6 for like hundreds of dollars and i was like. its not worth that. i was finally able to find one for like under 15 bucks after like a year but MAN) and its interesting that like oshi no ko felt like. the slightly bloodier penguin revolution. penguin revolution with more blood and less acting magic hallucination little girls (actually what was that one little girl who showed up for a chapter....maybe they both have equal amounts LOL) JK JK they’re probably not very similar ones an award winning 2020s era seinen and the others a weekly shoujo from the mid to late 10s that was cut off short and while well rated, largely forgotten (not to me...to me its Everything) so they got different things going on  its just little blonde boys and their mother situations put me in the mind of penguin revolution...i should reread it again...

ALSO before i started that i read sweat and soap and um. first of all. that man is a little freak <3 second of all ITS REALLY GOOD its a really nice and sweet story about a couple navigating their relationship, the first chapters are a little clunky (i think the author mentioned it was a one shot that unexpectedly got picked up for a full series so thats why the first chapter is a little fast lol) THIRD OF ALL the depiction of bullying and how it can affect one later in life even as an adult was Very well done like especially how the bullies themselves may have completely moved on, thinking nothing of it even while it still consumes you, real ass shit for a manga about a little freak who sniffs <3 also just a very funny and fun manga with pretty great characters. if i ever get physical copies some of those book covers are gonna be. hard to explain

speaking of real ass shit before that i also borrowed sand chronicles from my library (<3 my local library it has so much manga for some reason!!!!) and that was ALSO 99% really really good as like a decade long coming of age character study about this girl and her trauma and how she attempts to navigate it, very realistic in a lot of ways, i mean it was heightened in classic 2000s shoujo ways but so many of the characters had me going like damn. i feel like i know these people jfkdshfds its good!!! EXCEPT. why’d they make that one guy marry his cousin. 99% good and 1% girl why. oh well, im still glad i read it, sometimes i find that something that does most things fantastically and one thing really bad has a lot of value as someone who loves media analysis LOL

OH and i havent finished this one yet, but seeing that little red bespectacled blonde twink and his 2018-ass undercut reminded me that i’d been meaning to read trigun, i watched the original anime when i was like 10 but all i remember is like. the opening theme guitars. something about plants. love and peace SO this is basically a new experience hjkFjdskdjfkds its good so far! I’ve only read like 3 chapters but i like it! i wish i could watch the new show too (i love that style of 3d animation) but as i said before. watching a show is. a monumental task. maybe someday

ANYWAY this has been BEEBEEPBEEBEEEBEEBEEP (news jingle) things i have read in the past couple months thank u and good night

[anakinskywalkerog]

ello oli, tis i!

how are you? and ur doggo?

also i just started the gilmore girls and its GREAT although my mom hates lorelai so she wont watch it with which makes me very sad pwq

also a not-update on the machete boi:

i realized that it was the girl who came up to me asking if i liked him because she heard it that told him (this year, at least). i don't think she bit the bullet and said it the whole way, although - just our names and the word like in a sentence. maybe she asked him what he thought of me, or whatever. i even know how she knows, but im not faulting the person who told her

he deffo didnt take her very seriously like he took my bitchy friend last year thats fs

and she read a relatively (not really, i just talk about him without talking about him) simpy google doc of me (me simping for him without simping for him basically in case that didnt get thru) (dont ask how or why, long story) and she MaY or may not have told him? or worse, showed it to him

hopefully he didnt see it because theres some shit i wrote abt these other girls hes friends with and i wouldnt want him to see that

it would be a scandal

theres a chance he actually hasnt and knows nothing about this, and his staring at me has nothing to do with what i may have said, but rather the fact hes just a fuckboy who enjoys playing games

but always err on the side of caution

sadly no one else has appeared in my life yet but surely they will soon

ello sythe! i am good! doggo is good!! busy week but otherwise 👌

i have been watching gilmore girls too!! it’s one of my autumn shows. i’ve watched it many times, it’s so comforting

also, re: machete boy, NEVER put your unhinged thoughts down in a place like google docs. this is why women have kept diaries for hundreds of years. my unhinged teenage thoughts are still written down in diaries that i locked in this box 😂 that i believe is still in a closet at my mother’s house. i hope no one ever finds it lol

i still am in the camp of, “forget him and date someone else”—there are just so many boys in the world. find a cute one and ask him to hang out. it will get this boy off your mind and also, if he does think you like him, it’ll throw him off the scent/make you look cool.

i need to take my own advice and find a cute boy to date lol

[onmymasa22]

Sometimes being good to ur family means

Brown and blue denim

So I was so excited to do an oil painting, thought of an idea and a color palette, did a sketch, painted half the canvas. Dreamed of a painting from a picture a friend took by the kinneret. And then I stopped. And its been a week since I touched it. And its 22:30 at night and I'm thinking, what's wrong with me, I was so excited about this, what happened. And then I realized, i just need to pint trees. For my final project, I

I think my obsessions this year went from lady diana, to orange juice, to trees. Am i normal?

My soliloquy at 22:30, waking up everyone around me: ive figured out what my issue is and why i cant get myself to finish that kinneret painting! I need to be painting trees. I know its really weird, but i just have this need to paint more trees. More and more trees. And it started months ago, but my need still hasnt been satiated."

Everyone: "that's great dalya, can u paint the trees tomorrow..."

If i would do an exhibit, on escapeism, it would be a room in paris. Thered b a window with a gorgeous view, a balcony maybe where you see the most amazing thing. Maybe sunset. A cup of coffee, flowers, the whole wall would be the view. You would just want to sit there for hours. A place where you could just be. Or lying on the floor. I dont think i want to disgust people, i want to create a space that ppl would want to b there and sit, and think. Maybe jazz music or something french, a scented candle. And to paint the view i want to see. A coffee cup and a cigarette lit. You can have clothes and shoes in the room. Flowers. Maybe amsterdam. Sitting on a bench. I like places ppl can just thing. I want to create a space.

Am I racist? Maybe. If any group of ppl try to kill my friends, and make them deal with things no one should have to go through, im gonna wish that group gone, killed, erased from the world. Not sorry. My mind is so full of trying to keep my friends from jumping off roofs and sleep at night, and checking on them, and to be safe, i have no room to think about anyone other than jews. So am i racist? Probably. Do i care? No, not really, ive got pretty thick skin.

Fun compliment of the day: "we need a photo of someone who looks like shes an eishet sota for haaretz newspaper... i know, lets use that photo of dalya!"

The next ten years of my life:

Ppl: "where have i seen u before? Ur face looks so familiar."

Me: "i was the model for- woman who cheats on her husband, drinks paper, and explodes, thank u for noticing, have a lovely day."

I want to cry. And all i can paint is trees. Trees trees and more trees. What is a tree. They say dalya is a branch from a tree.

I want to live in paris for a bit. I want to learn french and be everywhere loving

Is there a name for hashem that encompasses the feeling of there is a plan. Like, gd has names for attributes, but is there a name for hashem

After spending a few days exclusivity watching emily in paris and mrs harris goes to paris. My dream is to live a bit in paris. I want to paint in paris. And all of france. And sicily, and rome. I want to paint the flowers that monet painted. Follow the footsteps of impressionism. Monets flowers, degas ballerinas, van goghs nights and cafes and nature. I want croissants and wine and to just make it.

I sound high, i know, but im not.

[redactedwriting]

good lord im sorry in advance this got so long LMAO

its soooo devastating to me that theres so few ryan/brendon/pete fics on ao3. im sure there are some on other fic sites but other fic sites are scary and i never know how to navigate them. anyway. theyre on my mind. my thought was that the three of them would be the only ones that could seriously give ryan/pete/ashlee a run for their money in the toxic messy hot threesome department but 1. i think there are actually a lot of different bandom combinations that could make for toxic hot threeways 2. the more i think about it the more i think maybe the three of them TOGETHER wouldnt be so bad? depending on when i guess lol. so lets put it somewhere in 2007 . right. cutting out all girlfriends/wives from the narrative im sorry. i just think if it maybe started as ryan/brendon and ryan/pete at separate, simultaneous relationships (that know about each other !) theyd have such………… Different dynamics. i think with ry/bren theyre switches but most of the time ryan is the one domming/in charge, and maybe sometimes they also have sappy lovey heavy makeouts/sex. theyre not boyfriends but like, they basically are. whereas ry/pete are Distinctly NOT boyfriends. maybe there are/were feelings but they get buried until theyre gone. theyre close good friends and they have hot sex and sometimes ryans in charge but he always, always bottoms. maybe its pete one day who asks him if hes ever topped a guy and hes like ??? um yeah ??? because like. pete knows ryan and brendon have Something going on but what him and ryan have going on isnt serious/frequent enough that he feels the need to ask for all the details on the rest of ryans sex/love life, the same way ryan doesnt know absolutely everything about his. but yeah so ryan tells him a bit about his & brendons sex life and maybe pete makes an offhanded joke about how itd be fun to watch and ryans like. really? you wanna? i could talk to him. so he talks to brendon who obviously immediately agrees. tbh i know ive written this whole essay leading up to it but honestly i dont know what exactly the three of them together would do. i def think ryan would freak out about it beforehand because he has such different dynamics with the two of them and is scared of them seeing him vulnerable in ways he hasnt been with them before. maybe it just starts w him making out with brendon then pete then making the two of them kiss, and obv the whole time all three of them have tentative/wandering hands on each other, whoevers not kissing someones mouth is kissing someones neck. n maybe it just starts with ryan guiding the two of them with each other, telling them exactly how the other likes to fuck/be fucked, because, yk. he fucks brendon. he gets fucked by pete. he knows these things. it works out❤ maybe he gets involved. maybe not! maybe this time he gets off just on watching the two of them together. maybe there'll be a next time

that threesome dynamic, to me, is one that is so reliant on the maybes. maybe it happens again, maybe he gets involved, maybe it works out and they don’t have a huge tiff about things. they’re like, a fucking crazy trio and i don’t mean that in a bad way.

you nailed their varying dynamics. they’d be incredibly different, and ryan is very worried about if it’ll work out as a trio at all. ugh. anon this is so good and spicy

[isaacathom]

its ds9 time once again, because like every two weeks i remember im meant to be watching it. s2e11

fun opening, unclear on the vibe but it is fun i guess. lot of essentialism going on-

hello obrien? hi. oh keikos in this episode. hopefully for good reasons. okay so we're playing downball with rackets. squash? is this space squash? space squash. i understand now.

i do like that the squad has a range of relations to each other, namely that noone actually seems to like bashir except for like, i wanna say dax, and im not sure thats genuine friendship as much as it was pity. i just think its fun. only person on this station who genuinely likes the guy is garrick, i think. and crucially that bashir is completely unaware that people don't like him that much. cause it lets him just keep going :) hello! and obriens over here like 'jesus christ this fucking guy'

i dont know what the plot of this episode is, but i do think this unwell alien immediately divulging his life story to this guy is incredibly funny

both of these actors feel very familiar in a way i cannot place. who are you fuckers. PRINCE HUMPER- wait no while thats a fascinating role i wouldnt know the fucker off that. no way i wouldve recognised him from that. i think maybe he just has one of those faces. ditto the dead guy. wild shit.

obriens impersonation of bashir was fucking hilarious.

while checking out humperdincks wikipedia i have been reminded of the actual plot of the episode, because netflix's summaries are honestly kind of rubbish half the time, and i see it is beginning. though i guess obriens sole opponent for space squash being the sector champion is the first point of bonkers luck, and 'no fucking salt' is the second. or sauce.

okay so the way the orb works is that if you win, it gives you good luck at someone elses expense. martus gets out of prison while bashir struggles to find a sauce dispenser. obriens gonna have a fucking heart attack while he gets rich, things of this nature.

martus, very charismatic fellow.

obrien mate surely theres a treadmill somewhere you dont gotta jog in the prom- hang on hasnt odo yelled at people for running in the promenade? obrien man being on the fucking executive committee doesnt get you exemptions. okay maybe it does but still come on. (bridge crew was the word i was looking for, "executive committee" isaac)

this woman is ALSO really familiar. who are you. noone! just another of those faces! jesus im being played for a chump. have i been struck by the bad luck orb????

so bashir isnt naive, per se, but he is focusing on one specific thing - obriens ego - and not on the fact obrien just doesnt like him lmao. incredible work. love you

hi sisko, been a hot minute.

"you begged me to stay" "i didnt beg i blackmailed you" sisko man youre the best

genuinely though like, the dead alien man that was probably less that he looked familiar and more a vague impression from the makeup, but martus and roana seem SO familiar, roana just has a vibe, its bizarre.

stepped on a ball midflight, exceptional.

i do enjoy that obrien just stomps around casually.

oh its just straight racquetball? oh so when i said it was squash i wasnt that fair off. ill be fucking damned. still space racquetball mind, also space something.

bashir looks so pissed to be swindled into this fight, like hhhhh i hate having a moral compass. i love that for him.

the running joke of people telling martus their whole life stories is genuinely quite funny.

head immediately into a tit, incredible work martus, and the wife arrives, the luck of the galaxy baby

WHO DOES ROANA REMIND ME OF. my god! fuck! like shes just so FAMILIAR. its gonna drive me nuts i have absolutely no way of figuring it out because shes predominantly a tv actress, and further that im not sure ive seen the person im thinking of in a movie or anything, just a gifset???? god. fuck man.

frame the fucking obrien/keiko scene, excellent stuff, genuinely love it, really sweet just MWAH. very nice.

bashir going ... okay so you tried to drug me, first of all, and NOW youre trying to guilt me into either doing it myself or playing like shit to fix the match. oh yea bashir. just going :) you guilted me once, quark, not a second time, that shits hot.

yeah the ep kinda bites. ohhh alsia. oh lmao.

yeah that episode wasnt good but bits were funny. shrug

[insertdisc5]

Hi!! I wanted to ask, in celebration of Deltarune CH. 2, do you have any updated thoughts and head canons about the game?? Like, y'know, similar to a previous ask about Kris in your Deltarune tag? Thanks!

thoughts on kris part 2 i guess???? (part 1 from ch1 here lol)

spoilers for deltarune like woah. this wont be kris focused just random thoughts on everything. thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk

not that many thoughts for this chapter tbh! EDIT LOL: this was a lie i have a lot of thoughts

-just in general i feel like the player isn't the only one controlling kris... like yes the player forced kris to do what happened in the snowgrave route but AT THE SAME TIME idk it feels like there's someone else too. just because of the terrifying voice i suppose. and also the jerky movement kris does every time they get their soul out? unless there's another reason for it... maybe getting your soul out means you walk weird lol

-BUT ALSO i feel like kris is 100% in control when they create fountains. idk it just makes sense kris would create them. to create another world, a better world, A WORLD WHERE THEIR BROTHER IS HERE PERHAPS? i do wonder why they get their soul out then though. i'm all for it sweetie! do whatever! i support you!

-(i am and will be playing deltarune with only kris' best interests in mind. i will not hurt anyone unless kris wants me to. dont worry my little meow meow im on your side! talk to me! no? okay ill stay under the sink its fine)

-speaking of asriel. SUMMER VACATION COLLEGE WHEN? SUMMER VACATION COLLEGE WHEN? SUMMER (starts crying) V-VACATION COLLEGE WHEN

-kris misses their brother so much it's so sad. if you make kris steal 5$ from asriel they take it "reluctantly"? talking to asriel online so often even alphys knows?? the google search?? GOING INTO ASRIEL'S GOOGLE SEARCH ROOM WITH THEIR EYES CLOSED BECAUSE THEY'RE CONVINCED THEY ALREADY KNOW WHATS IN THERE? THAT ONE IS LESS OF A MISSING THING BUT IM LIKE OH MY GOD

-the city walk with susie at the end makes it clear to me that kris really values susie's friendship... kris even sits with her if you spend long enough near the lake like aaaaah ;_;

-and even in snowgrave you spend your last acts with the final boss calling for your friends like YES there's a way bigger creepy aspect to this (kris as more of a Leader who Commands and commands their subjects to come) but still :'0 (and then noelle answers oh my god noelle im so sorry for the trauma)

-berdly. listen. listen. listen. liste

-berdly sucks but [berdly hurts his arm in the battle against queen if you don't save him because he doesnt want to hurt you] [berdly realizing smg's wrong in snowgrave and immediately taking steps to save noelle] berdly is my little crumb nugget. i will protect him.

-noelle. noelle. girlboss!

-like ooooh listen. hearing about the genocide path for undertale. made me go "that is SO COOL. i HAVE to experience it myself this is great. hehehe killing time" and like no regrets. i was fully enjoying the experience knowing i was an awful person. SNOWGRAVE THOUGH. i will never try this myself its too fucked up. casually grooming your childhood friend to murder people <3 and also acting like a weird stalker towards her <3 stockholm syndrome speedrun i will get all the info i can about this but i will never do this myself

-people remarking the kris/player>noelle relationship is similar to the relationship between player>chara in genocide path is like yes. chefs kiss. don't worry we just are making you stronger and everything will be fine "you made me kill my friend? and for what?" this is fine sweetie don't worry about it!!!!!!

-like the amount of details added to snowgrave, like if you equip noelle's watch she notices later? and her battle animations change as time goes on, she gets an ice shield and stops sighing in relief after battle? oh my god? oh my god.

-(berdly is not awake.) JUST KILL ME RIGHT HERE I HAVEN'T STOPPED THINKING ABOUT BERDLY NOT BEING AWAKE!!!!!

-also why didnt he turn into dust. so many possible reasons. is magic a thing in the normal world and perhaps no magic means no dust (theres graves). maybe he isnt dead. maybe hes braindead. maybe he'll come back. either way that boy is now in the closet big enough to put someone in

-also dess' name probably being december AND THATS WHY NOELLE LOST THE SPELLING BEE?!?!??! FUCK ME UP!!!!! JUST FUCK ME UP!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!

-also so many good pixel art this chapter. too many? i didnt need pixel art of cardboard noelle falling on the statue. like thank you but please. please it hurts my game artist brain.

-the expressions in this chapter were also top notch. all the unsettling noelle expressions like (i fall over face first)

-i threw away the ball of junk (which i already tried in ch1) and this time the game was like "ARE YOU SURE BC THIS IS A BAD IDEA" and kris felt bitter :'( (it deletes all your items in the dark world)

-i uh fucked up and skipped the susie+noelle scene bc listen last time ralsei mentionned seeing what susie is doing we missed some PRIMO LORE. turns out it just makes you skip the scene and you dont get anything new. welp

-speaking of ralsei well you know. he exists. but im stuck on him going "i just wonder what being ralsei-like even is...?" ralsei my dude there's so much i could say about this. do you feel like you can't be ralsei-like because you feel like you have to be asriel-like

-but also that makes no sense bc susie hasnt even mentioned ralsei looks like asriel. and i cant imagine asriel being so meek. so WHAT GIVES

-ralsei as kris’ “i wish i was a monster just like my bro and family and i’d look like asriel but with red horns [THE HALLOWEEN COSTUME] and my name would be something cool like ralsei instead of a boring human name like kris and im sweet and cute because thats how i act with asriel because ASRIEL MADE ME” theory because that would be cute.

-ASRIEL GOING TO THE CHURCH TO CONFESS HIS "SINS" WHEN "SINS" AREN'T A THING IN THE ANGEL BELIEF LIKE I KNOW THIS INTERACTION WAS TREATED AS A JOKE BUT WHAT THE FUCK ASRIEL?

-kris definitely has a connection with the big red door in the city, judging by what the kids say they probably went there... i feel like this place's dark world will be the Final Dungeon you KNOW some shit happened there. also the sounds you hear when you go there is the phone dark world call's sound slowed down? AND AFTER SNOWGRAVE APPARENTLY YOU CANT HEAR IT ANYMORE? HUWAH?

-speaking of songs the songs were all so good, My Castle Town rules, the berdly snowgrave music is stuck in my head, flashback is uwah wuahah, Until Next Time is so good, AND ALSO A FRIEND NOTICED THE DARK WORLD CITY THEME IS JUST tHE SONG 74 (MOST NOTICEABLE WITH THE SNOWGRAVE VERSION)?????? WHAT DOES IT MEAN????? it might be just "hey its just reuse" BUT MR FOX YOU KNOW WE'RE GONNA READ INTO THIS IS NOELLE THE ONE SINGING IDK BRO!!!!!!!!!!

-asgore dreemurr fired from the force what happun!!!!! game theory is that asgore is related to dess' death/disappearance but eh who knows

-you start the chapter at lvl2 and get to lvl3 after the final boss, a friend mentioned this is probably because we destroyed a world and im :0

-to go back to kris it's still so interesting to figure out who they are based on how they act/people mention them. like kris shaking the ferris wheel car? yeah makes sense i can imagine a pranking kid do this. kris' dance? yeah thats a little silly but i can buy it. doing cool anime poses? well i dunno this doesnt line up PERFECTLY but sure. BUT EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN SNOWGRAVE... especially >proceed like that is such a weird thing that i can't imagine them doing, but i can't completely see the "player" doing either (compare with going to sans -which kris doesnt know- and going "SANS!" because of course the player would know sans), like THATS one of the reasons i feel like there's someone else in there. the weird robotic merciless actions. if im going super meta it feels like there'd be someone else like writing the choices into existence for us to pick you know? gaster probably? god i need to read more gaster theories i completely sidestepped the gaster shit bc i wasnt interested. anyway just spitballing

-(looks at big shot guy) please dont make him the next tumblr guy i beg you

-obligatory "queen was great" mention if only because this part made me laugh a little bit too hard

that was a lot. thank you for letting me talk

[heyitsyn]

Manager!Inarizaki

a/n: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i would put in all the reqs but there were so many people who requested for our fox babies that it would literally take up every space :”) and im happy to comply so here it is

AAAA LOOK THEY’RE SO CUTE OMG LIKE BLS BUT IM A RIN SIMP :’)

alkdfjlsdfi

sunarin simp is typing😍🍃💞..........

ogeiogeiogei

hehehehehe

so im actually just going to include the starting lineup like i knowwwww theres subs but im only most familiar with the regulars :(

okay so anyways!!

now

you might be wondering

how in the hell did you become the manager of these crackheads

from calm papi kita to psycho tsumu,

why are you their manager

you, the cute and shy and innocent not wittle first year, somehow became the manager of the powerhouse volleyball team of inarizaki high

it all started with our dear lovely samu

hehe bet you didnt see that coming

now we all know baby samu literally is the biggest foodie in the team and he constantly thinks about food 24/7 therefore there isnt much room in there for anything else except for volleyball

basically, 

the dude loves to eat

it just so happens that you made food

your family owned a cafe down the street from the school and you worked there after school to help your parents

now how does this tie in with samu you ask

this chile was so hungry that he had to skip practice

sending kita a quick text about doing a quick errand, he walked down the street on the hunt for a quick place to grab a bite

he totally ignored kita’s warning of cramps if he ate a lot then practiced but whatever food is life

it just so happens he stumbles upon your family’s cafe

when he entered, the smell of bread and food entered his nostrils causing this baby to just float right in

you were manning the register while your brother was at school so you smiled at the incoming figure of this familiar boy

and because you recognized him, you couldnt help but grin and gasp a little

‘oh! miya-senpai!’

you exclaimed and osamu was confused because he’s never seen you before but he thought you were probably a kouhai in school

you looked young and definitely not a face he’s seen before so he concluded you were most likely a first year

and you were really cute

like really

really

cute

that thought caused this babe to blink awkwardly and nod at your direction

‘uh, hi’

he greeted and you smiled at his awkward nature

‘what can i get you today, miya-senpai?’

he must’ve been busy looking at you to actually look at the menu behind you and he fumbled, rushing to find a food to get

‘wh-what do ya recommend?’

he asked and you paused then thought deeply

‘hmm, we have onigiris freshly made! and we also have milk bread thats really good!’

did you just-

did you just say onigiri?

‘yea ill take some onigiri’

he decided and you lit up

‘perfect! the total is-’

he completely blanked out because wow your smile was really pretty

‘miya-senpai? miya-senpai?’

you called out and he snapped out of it

‘oh, sorry, here’

he gave you the cash and you gave him back his change before wandering to the glass case where the savory foods were placed

you seemed to glide over and osamu watched you with fond eyes, interest bubbling in him

there was something about you that made him curious

but he just didnt know what

it confused him because maybe you were just someone he hasnt seen before and not the same fans he sees all the time

‘you’re really lucky, miya-senpai. i just finished making them minutes before you walked in’

you commented

this took him aback

‘you cook?’

he suddenly asked and you chuckled, soft and airy laughs filling the air

‘of course, senpai! learning to cook is an essential for a business like this’

and thus created a beautiful friendship

he would come over to eat nearly every day of the week while you would happily serve him

sometimes, he would even buy extra so you could eat with him

while you were talking, he noticed you lacked the accent others from there had and he thought you were not originally from hyogo

he learned that you were actually from miyagi and you moved here just this year

‘so, how ya liking it ‘round here?’

he asked one day, after swallowing his food

you thought about it before shrugging

‘i mean, its still the countryside so i guess everything’s the same. maybe the dialect? my neighbors have strong accents, haha’

samu chuckled

‘its common over here. ya sound a lot more from tokyo. my best friend’s from there, ya see’

you raised an eyebrow

‘hm?’

‘rin. suna rin is in the team and hes from tokyo so he sounds like a standard city boy. ill take ya to meet him sometime’

nah he really wasnt

he wanted to keep you away from the others as much as possible, especially his brother, because he was a greasy mf

but that didnt really work out into plan because you approached him in school the other day

you saw him and you hurriedly ran to him where he stood with his twin and some guy

tsumu saw you coming from behind his brother and he smirked before nodding at you

‘samu, ya got a girlie running for ya’

samu turned, confused, until he saw your adorable face

‘y/n. whats up?’

you grinned

‘you left your team jacket, miya-senpai’

the red jacket was clutched in your hands and the two boys behind him shared a surprised look because osamu never mentioned a girlfriend

and with the way you were holding his jacket, the two boys immediately jumped into conclusions

well

more like atsumu started whining at osamu for not telling him he had a girl

‘i thought we were brothers! brothers for life!’

samu just awkwardly stands there and he has a sheepish look in his eyes that were looking at you apologetically

‘sorry about him, y/n. but thank you for returning it’

you handed him the fabric before smiling

‘it was a good thing you had a spare one for me, miya-senpai. who knew the rain would come so suddenly’

osamu sighed then playfully poked your forehead with his finger

‘how many times do i have to tell you to call me by my first name? i really dont want to hear anything that associates me with this bastard’

atsumu socked osamu at the shoulder causing the gray-haired boy to look away from you and start yelling at his brother

‘touch me again! see what happens then!’

‘yer just showing off for yer girlie! ya aint doin nothing!’

suna shook his head before turning to you with a sympathetic look

‘you really want to be with this guy? him and this idiot are practically a package’

you tilted your head

‘im,,, not with miya-senpai?’

suna blinked

‘but he gave you his jacket. he doesnt even give it to me. i guess its not part of best friend privileges’

at the mention of best friend, you lit up

‘oh! you must be sunarin! the tokyo boy!’

baby rin choked a little at the sight of your grin and he scrunched his eyebrows while awkwardly raising the corner of his lips to a smile

‘you,, uh,,, you know me?’

like it was the most obvious thing in the world, you nodded

‘at first, when miya-senpai told me, i didnt know who you were. but! youre actually very popular, suna-senpai! too bad i never saw you until today, though, because we’re in different floors. but! a lot of girls talk about you!’

poor rin didnt know how to react to that because he didnt want to look flustered but he didnt want to look cocky either

so he just opted to smile gently

‘oh. well, in that case. let me introduce myself to you. suna rintaro’

can we normalize suna being an actual nice guy instead of the cold stand-offish player bastard?

you shook his hand and said your name as well

like samu, he asked you to call him by his first name too since you were close to his friend therefore should try being close to you too

speaking of samu, him and atsumu reduced the violence to just bickering and they were still teasing each other even after you and suna talked

the coochi bangs boy rolled his eyes then slapped atsumu’s arm to gain their attention

‘yo. theres a girl here. try and be nice and civil’

atsumu seems like he forgot your existence because his eyes brightened at the sight of you

‘oh! heya!’

you nervously smiled at him because his hyperness and overall atsumu-ness was quite overwhelming

‘h-hello, miya-senpai’

atsumu pouted at how apprehensive you sounded

‘eyyy, why are you being nervous, girlie? im just samu, yanno! same face and everything!’

osamu knew you well enough that you were kinda awkward and you didnt know how to approach a hyper person like his brother so he naturally saved you

‘hey, y/n, the bell’s about to ring any moment now so try to not be late and ill be sure to see you later. do you want me to pick you up from your class and we can walk together?’

to you, it was just a simple offer from a friend but to the two, that was the confirmation of your relationship with the wing spiker

‘wahh, atsumu, your brother really is better than you. he knows how to treat girls good’

atsumu took offense to this

‘excuse you! i would be too if there were genuine girls in this school!’

osamu’s aggressive blinking was his signal for you to hurry along and you noticed causing you to chuckle before bidding goodbye

‘it was nice meeting you, rin-senpai. and,,, you too, miya-senpai. samu-senpai, later at 3?’

osamu softly smiled while nodding

‘later at 3’

the TEASING HE FACED from the two was unbearable and despite the amount of times he denied it, they were still teasing him

‘samu’s got a girlfriend~! samu’s got a girlfriend~!’

‘tsumu, i swear to god if you dont shut your trap’

‘imagine having a girlfriend’

true to his word, osamu was waiting for ya at the bottom of the stairwell from the one that led to the second floor, absentmindedly kicking some invisible thing in the floor

you were fixing your bag straps on your shoulders when you saw him at the end of the hallway and you couldnt contain your excitement seeing the grey haired boy

‘samu-senpai!!’

you shouted, getting his attention that made him whip his head up

the blank face contorted into a small smile and he raised a hand

‘yo’

when you made it next to him, you were grinning really big and samu felt flustered at your happy face

so he cupped your chin with his large hand that allowed him to squeeze both cheeks

‘cutie’

he mumbled but you didnt catch it, too busy trying to get him to stop squishing

you were originally supposed to go walk over to the cafe but you didnt know that osamu was actually trying to skip practice and he was trying to hide from the members

okay first off, i dont think samu would ever skip practice willingly bc he has the same drive as miya atsumu but he also just wants to spend time with you asklfjldfjdlk

but the loud mouth tsumu saw you guys as you turned a hallway

you were busy talking to osamu about some cooking chef guy gordon and he was nodding and talking but then he heard a loud shout

‘SAMU!’

osamu babie didnt know what was happening so he protectively placed an arm in front of you and hurriedly shoved you behind him in case something happened

duh you didnt know what was happening either so you were clutching his jacket and peeked from his arm to see atsumu stomping over with suna trailing behind him, seemingly texting on his phone

osamu lazily glared at his brother

‘what’

atsumu blanched and sped walk faster until he was right in front of him to yell 

‘IM TIRED OF YER EXCUSES! JUST CUS YA GOT YASELF A GIRLIE DUN MEAN YA GET TO SKIP PRACTICE!’

you furrowed your eyebrows

you tugged at his jacket and osamu turned to peer down at you and he gulped, preparing himself to hear your scolding

it wasnt the first time you scolded him as you just told him off the other day for not eating enough vegetables and fruits to balance out his unhealthy love for onigiri and sweets

‘samu-senpai,,, you told me you guys were taking an off week. why are you skipping practice today’

you were genuinely worried and you didnt seem to understand why he did that but the other two did and atsumu didnt hesitate

‘CUS HE WANTS TA SPEND TIME WITH YA, Y/N! BASTARD CANT EVEN BOTHER TO TELL ME THE REASON! YER SICK?! WHAT THE HELL EXCUSE IS THAT! YA NEVER GET SICK!’

poor suna is just watching this go down and he felt bad that you were caught in the middle

so he suggested a compromise

you watched sunarin push atsumu’s chest to make him back off and he gently smiled at you before looking at the two

‘how about we all go to practice and if y/n-chan wants, she can wait and osamu can spend time with her when hes done? besides, atsumu, you know osamu has been doing good on his spikes. maybe we can persuade coach and kita to let him off early since hes,,, quote unquote,, ‘sick’’

osamu debated but you emerged from behind him

‘sure! samu-senpai would love to go to practice! right, samu-senpai?’

you smiled at him but it was a stern smile

you just wanted him to go to practice because you knew now of how important volleyball was to the school and they needed to get all their time and energy to win the sport

atsumu agreed to this plan but osamu was forced to accept it

simp

just for extra measure, sunarin and tsumu walked behind you guys to the gym so you and samu had time to talk

you were chiding him of course because why would he waste time with spending time with you

‘just wanted to see ya, y/n-chan’

he winked but you pouted and wrinkled your nose

‘you cant weasel yourself out of this, samu-senpai’

osamu has never heard you scold him before so he was like o.o but inside he was like,,, hot

the gym was already on full practice and kita saw the second years from the door

aran LAKDJFLAKSFJLASDKF ARAN AAAAAAAAAAAAA nudged mimi with a smirk

as much as they loved the underclassmen, watching them get told off by kita was too funny to not watch

but what caused them to curiously peer behind the three was the appearance of a girl

a girl?

‘why’s a girl with them?’

aran mumbled and mimi shrugged, but also intrigued

you were behind osamu and he could tell you were nervous because youve heard of the reputation of the team

they were seen as practically as popular as the basketball team and everyone worshipped them

they were who put the school’s name in the map and you were about to meet the legends of inarizaki

thankfully, atsumu and rin walked to the front of you two so you and samu were at the back

samu didnt look at you but he reached behind him to open his palm as a signal for you to take it

you gratefully grabbed it and leaned closer in case something happens

‘KITA-SAN! WE GOT EM!’

atsumu shouted and suna chided him for being really loud

‘you’re late’

an even voice said in front of them and you leaned over to the side to see who it was from

your eyes bulged out of your head because one, wow he was handsome, and two, he looked like someone from miyagi

YALL KNOW WHO IM TALKING ABOUT BYE-

‘oh wow’

you mumbled absentmindedly and samu looked at you at the corner of his eye before scoffing

your face was totally bright red and your eyes were super wide

kita? really? of all guys? it was kita?

‘SORRY! was samu who took so long!’

atsumu lowered his voice down but he didnt tell the captain of his brother’s plans to skip

‘he has a stomachache and he was at the nurse’s office’

suna smoothly came up with a lie and he might look cool and calm, his hands were clasped behind him with it clenching his phone

your eyes left kita to notice that habit and you had a small smile because it was another reassurance that these boys werent as high and legendary as everyone made them to be

in the end they were still just students and boys

they were still human

‘oi, osamu, who’s the girl?’

aran finally bit the bullet and asked the question everyone has been wondering since the beginning

both you and samu stiffened at the direct question to you but he nodded

‘this is l/n y/n’

he introduced and you raised a shaky hand as a greeting but let go of samu to bow slightly to your seniors

‘hello, my name is l/n y/n, i’m a first year’

a few players also raised a hand but it was mimi who spoke at last

‘nice to meet you’

kita nodded at you but turned to the three

‘why is she with you? are you skipping again, osamu?’

again?

osamu inwardly cringed 

obviously, kita was sharper than they would think because he easily saw through suna’s lie

he also knew that samu never really got sick

he watched the younger shovel 5 bowls of ramen and still have enough room eat a plate of mochi and he was perfectly fine

it was silent between the four of you and atsumu and suna were looking at each other as they ran out of lies

dang they even planned the entire walk of what to say to kita

you looked between the twins and their friend before speaking up

‘samu-senpai really did have a stomachache. i was-uh-helping the nurse! um, i want to be a doctor or a nurse when i grow up! and-’

you started to ramble but because you were trying to lie and it was never your forte

ALKESDJFLKD Y/N I NEED TO TAKE YOU UNDER MY WING WE NEED TO TEACH YOU THIS IMPORTANT LIFE SKILL OMG

‘we were tryin to convince y/n to be a manager. thats why we took so long’

atsumu huffed

you froze

a what?

a manager?

you were genuinely truthful about wanting to go into a medical profession but not a manager

you were already a manager before and you didnt really want to do it again

kita was inspecting suna’s and atsumu’s and osamu’s faces to see a trace of dishonesty

you saw him raise a dark eyebrow and you knew then that these three cannot tell a lie to save their life

so you nodded frantically making kita look at you

‘mhm! they asked me! miya-san wanted someone they knew already so they asked me because i’m samu-senpai’s friend! so here i am!’

your awkward smile and stiff outstretched arms might’ve seem suspicious but kita moved his gaze from you to atsumu and the blonde nodded

‘yea! ya’ve been talkin bout bein worried of next year cus yall aint here no more so i got sum person responsible enough fer us!’

STOPP I HATE IT HERE I CANT SEEM TO WRITE OUT ATSUMU’S ACCENT LIKE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

after the longest 3 seconds, kita finally nodded and closed his eyes warily

‘alright. l/n-san, come here’

you froze at the way he said your name but suna was kind enough to walk over to your place beside samu to gently push you forward to kita

‘its okay’

he mumbled and you were so thankful because that gave you enough motivation and strength to keep going

your height was staggering between these men and kita seemed to tower you

but you kept an even and calm face 

‘yes?’

you asked

kita looked at you and he stared at your face, pupils moving as a sign that he was inspecting your eyes and every feature 

oh my god you shouldve plucked your nose hairs this morning

before you could feel more self-conscious, he spoke

‘you said you want to be a doctor?’

‘well, more like a nurse but um same thing’

‘you know medical stuff? know how to treat injuries?’

‘yes. i was a manager back in my hometown so i have experience’

‘where are you from?’

‘miyagi’

‘ya familiar with shiratorizawa?’

you cringed but nodded

‘yes’

‘are you from there?’

‘yes’

the three stooges from behind you had wide eyes at this sudden revelation because that was a school theyve played before

even the last interhigh, they were familiar of how strong that school was

the eagle and the guess monster

and you were their manager before? 

must’ve been during middle school as you were just a first year

‘so you know how plays and stats work?’

‘yes. anything you want me to do, im familiar and capable to do it’

god why are you saying this

you didnt even want to be a manager in the first place

yet here you are again

you were getting flashbacks from the war ajkfdfd

kita looked at you silently once more before finally standing up straight and pointing you to their coach who was watching the whole thing with crossed arms and furrowed brows

‘there. talk to him and you can finalize everything. i think its too early to say this but nonetheless, welcome to the team, y/n’

AND THUS STARTED YOUR JOURNEY WITH THE BOYS

akldjklfjsdlakj

IT WAS ALL BUILT ON LIES BUT WHATEVER

AS LONG AS NO ONE DIED ISSOKAY

no but really dont tell lies in general yall, maybe white lies, but try not to do that

OKAY MOVING ON

MOMENTS WITH THE TEAM

duh you are much much closer to samu than the rest of the team so you tended to stick to him more

like you would go to him first if you needed something or if you wanted someone to help you with the crate, he would be your go-to

that would make atsumu whine because he felt that samu was better than him

‘oi, y/n! im really good with ma arms! i can bench 300 yanno?’

you politely smiled and nodded

‘thank you for telling me, miya-san’

then you would proceed to nudge samu’s arm yum to ask for help

butbutbutbut

dont worry!!!!

you do end up warming up to him

for my atsumu stans, yall tend to go to him when samu is either busy or you just need a good laugh

this mans will embarrass himself both on purpose or accidentally to make you laugh lmao

you also have extra bottles for his medicine because he has adhd and the guys are like,,,, yo chill

and duh atsumu would forget to take them so youre practically his reminder

we all know how tsumu was practically attacked that one time when he insulted those girls, right?

yall may have forgiven but i will never forget >:(

well, during matches, you as their manager, always have to tell the stands to be quiet when atsumu is serving 

but no one told you this

you kind of figured it out during your time like when his eye would twitch if samu was talking to suna too loudly or when he would close his eyes to shut off his hearing because of the loud spikes on the other side

you noticed it

so you would go to the stands and nicely tell them that if they see atsumu serving, to be quiet

‘i understand you are all excited when he does his serve but we would all benefit more you could release that excitement inside and silently’

*cue atsumu pretending to faint in sunas arms*

OH SPEAKING OF SUNA

YES I SAID THAT I DONT REALLY LIKE FANON SUNA BC,,,

WEED

AND DRUGS

AND RUDE 

JUST OVERALL

NOT RECOMMENDED

but canon suna :”)

as a player, suna is seen as really manipulative and snarky and witty

he loves to poke fun at the other team, even his own, and just all-around annoying

but off-court

suna is a very quiet and reserved person

totally different from the one who talks and yaps constantly to the other side of the net

and hes a really pure person in some topics

like he would turn red when you would compliment his new picture that he posted in inasgram 

PLEASE SUNA IS TOTALLY A PHOTOGRAPHER LIKE HE TAKES PICTURES OF SUNSETS AND STUFF

or when you would offer to bandage him up for him because it’s hard to do it himself and your hand would touch his

dont tell anyone this but suna is very relieved that you and samu weren’t dating

thats all

thats all for now

;)

OOOO kita!!!

okay so kita is the captain, right?

but he doesnt play

like he plays rarely and aran is usually the on-court captain

this causes you and him to be at the sidelines a lot

he would tell you what he thinks would happen next or what the next plan should be and you would provide your own input

in a way, he was the one who really taught you the mechanics of volleyball and he would tell you the different tricks that techniques that the twins came up with 

what makes you really soft and fall for him is when he starts to compliment his players

his pride in aran for being one of the top aces that has led them to nationals

his pride in mimi for being able to go on the longest on court and not be tired

his pride on akagi for being able to receive each ball and successfully give it to their setter

his pride on hitoshi for being the one who could handle the team personality wise and his plans for him to be his successor

his pride on ATSUmu for being the best setter he’s ever seen and his drive to get better no matter what

his pride on samu for being so strong and still getting stronger despite his dream career to be something not volleyball-related

his pride on sunA being motivated enough to help the team and make sure everyone knows that every ball can be stopped

like pls you almost cry all the time when you hear kita saying that because he seems to not say it to the others but only to you

it makes you happy that kita relies so much on these guys as much as they rely on him

OH MY GOSH OMIMI

okay

so omimi ren is a very quiet and calm character

hes kinda like suna where they dont really say much but when they do, its usually important and not irrelevant like atsumu

and he didnt say much when you got inducted in the team as a manager

like he just stared at you and you were just like o.o

ngl he did scare you a bit bc of his tall height looming over you and the way his dark eyes just pierces you through your soul

hes the type that you cannot willingly tell a lie to him bc you know he will find out one way or another

he can see right through you

maybe thats what makes him such a good middle blocker

but you started to warm up to him really quick and he would sometimes walk you home if the others cant mainly bc he knows his appearance will make anyone back off

its the simple things that make you appreciate him

two words: ginjima hitoshi

he is so two-faced

NO LISTEN BEFORE YALL BEAT ME UP JUST HEAR ME OUT

you know how like the 4 second years (PLEASE I KNOW THERES A GUY NAMED YUTO BUT LIKE I DONT KNOW MUCH ABOUT HIM AAAAAA TELL ME IF YOU WANT HIM IN HERE)

like suna, the twins, and hitoshi

the twins are the annoying ones who causes trouble, suna is the one taking pictures and evidence while cheering them on, and hitoshi is the one trying to break it up

BUT

i think that hitoshi is really the worst out of the 4 and he keeps in because who else would be the responsible one of the bunch

hello? they were about to be third years next year like are we really gonna go on with possibly a miya twin or suna being captain?

no

so he tries to force down his inner chaos to take on the role of the responsible one

BUTTTTT

you try to release that inner chaos

you sometimes hear him egging on atsumu under his breath like ‘do it’ but quietly so no one hears him

and youre like

?-?

please? we’re not? supposed? to allow? atsumu? to eat? and swallow? a whole? raw egg?

at first, duh he was also like that with you but you want him to be himself and be comfortable with you so you work hard to make him open up

now

you kinda regret it

because he now wants to go through the mcdonalds drive-thru, with no car, just to get mcflurries

you stared down at hitoshi from your bedroom window with a confused expression

‘but? you dont have a car?’

he grins up at you

‘but i got a CART! they said as long as it’s a car and car is in the word cart and the extra ‘t’ is just a bonus!’

‘hitoshi no-’

AAAAAA MICHIMICHI BABY

so akagi is the libero of the team and he is the one responsible for the make sure the ball doesnt touch the ground type of thing

you get really worried about him bc he does a lot of flying saves and his knees always get roughed up and such

so you try and stitch him up as much as you can like you even send him sites for good warm packs to buy

something that isnt known about akagi is that he, like atsumu, really likes to cook

but more like

he bakes

he bakes as a stress reliever and its like his meditation time

you go over to his house a lot to go bake something w him and share it to the guys later on

during ina get-togethers, him and samu are in charged of the food while youre the sous chef

SPEAKING OF SAMU

we forgot about him for a sec aldfjklkfdjlk 

it was all thanks to him

because of him, you became a manager despite your initial refusal to become one again

you made friends with more people and you were able to have a fun high school life because of it

because of him

osamu does get a little sad or irritated whenever the guys start to hog you up

like he has to push down the tantrum of ‘I SAW HER FIRST!’

he wants to be the better twin lmao

he gets really butthurt when you would go to someone else even during the middle of your conversation

like he would be talking to you on the side but suna calls you over for tape and youre going

he pouts and atsumu teases him about it causing him to bark at him

LOL HE BARKS

okay so training camp

i think therell be an imagine for this so ill try to not make it as detailed

lets just say its a mess

suna really wants to go hiking bc he wants to go the top of the mountain for pictures of the stars and stuff

but atsumu whines of the bugs and possible creatures in there

this causes osamu to tease him and call him a coward and a wimp

and leads to a fight which aran tries to break up but gets sucked in anyways

and omimi just stands by and watches but he intends to intervene if it gets too much

then akagi gets taken by suna to go the hike with him even though hes scared of bugs so hes whimpering and complaining

while kita and hitoshi are off in the kitchen talking about new grains of flour and stuff

where are you?

youre at the lodge, drinking your f/d (favorite drink) and watching all this go down bc at training camp, it’s every man for themselves

there is a lot of bonding times as a team bc these boys may seem like all they think about is volleyball but they like to do something else outside of that

what they love the most is going to the beach

not only do they get to have fun, they get to relax and see you in a swimsuit alkfdjkfj

especially when kita accidentally falls asleep? they bury him with sand and make him look like a mermaid

because they are players who work out so great bodies duh

and they get so much attention for that

but they all mainly pay attention to you and oh my

youve expressed not being comfortable in wearing a swim suit and watch these guys absolutely start throwing compliments at you

but the third years would softly tell you that it’s okay not to wear one bc all that matters is if youre comfortable or not

HELP I WANT AN ARAN AAAAAAAAAAA

OH SO

we know how kita’s family are rice farmers, right?

well

he farms to help his granny and sometimes, youre the only one who’s free enough to go and help him 

so you go over there all the time and granny really loves you bc one, you take care of her shin and thats beyond everything, and two, youre reliable and make shin laugh and such

like one time, you were carrying a basket to the back deck and granny saw you from the kitchen

she smiled before waddling over to the door so she could talk to you

‘y/n-chan!’

you whipped around quickly at the call of your name before grinning and hurrying up to her

‘yes, granny?’

she gave you a bottled water then gestured down to the field where shin was tirelessly tending to the rice

‘please give that to shinsuke. poor boy has been pushing himself too hard with the field and his sport and not taking care of himself’

she chided but there was a certain hint in her tone that made her sound so proud of her grandson

you looked down at the bottle and squeezed it

‘kita-san works hard not for himself, but for everyone else. it makes me sad when he neglects his health and tends to the team instead. so dont worry, baa-chan! i’ll take care of kita-san for him! for you!’

nah bc granny was already gossiping with her neighborhood ladies about this beautiful girl that shin got and how they should be jealous their grandsons don’t have someone like you

OOOOOOO 

since your family owns a cafe, the guys goes there all the time

its kinda like the ramen shop for the seijoh boys

they go there mainly to see you even outside of practice ANDDD

they wanna look good in front of your family

like tsumu suddenly knows cleanliness bc he cleans up the mess on the table or kita is no longer an introvert as hes now talking to your mom about the benefits of rice water and her not needing one bc her hair is already beautiful

PLEASE WHAT

and even during the summer, theyve helped out a lot when it was busy lunch times and you couldnt handle it yourself

GOSH IMAGINE SAMU BEING YOUR MOM’S APPRENTICE AND HANDSOME BOYS TAKING YOUR ORDERS WHILE SOME ARE CARRYING HEAVY TRAYS THAT MAKE THEIR ARMS POP

okay imma stop now

OH DONT GET ME STARTED DURING THE DEFEAT WITH KARASUNO

I DONT CARE YALL CAN HATE ME FOR SAYING THIS BUT KARASUNO SHOULDNT HAVE WON LIKE INARIZAKI WERE LITERALLY THE SECOND PLACE IN NATIONALS AND COMPETED AGAINST I T A C H I Y A M A

LIKE WHAT

OKAY ANYWAYS

everyone was already down and moody bc of the loss

and you wanted to be at the back bc you didnt know how to handle the situation

in your time as their manager, not once have you seen them lose

during those 10 months of being a manager, you have not once seen them be defeated during a game even with practice matches

then with those nobodies?

karasuno?

last time you checked, karasuno went down under when coach ukai retired

so having them lose was a real shock

and a really bad event

there was a certain air around you all during the bus ride to the hotel which made the entire time very uncomfortable

everyone finished their crying either in the locker rooms or the bathroom so all that was left was their red eyes

the coach sent everyone off to bed and although they were allowed more days to stay, they all collectively chose to just go home and keep those excused days as a rest day

‘we all would like to just stay at home and recharge’

kita’s request was everyone else’s, even yours, as you were both worried and tired for the boys

so that night, the coaches were able to book train tickets for everyone the next day back home

you stayed up, watching tv in your own room out of boredom because the group chat was quiet and you were too tired to do anything else

the next day, everyone 

osamu claimed your shoulder and he held your hand tight with his

his breathing was ragged and even with his closed eyes, the redness around them made it obvious he had been crying

the bus that was filled with excitement before, became quiet and the sound of the engine and wheels took over the silence

you thought samu had fallen asleep so you raised your free hand to stroke his hair

‘hey y/n?’

you flinched at the surprise but hummed 

‘imma tell him today. later, but today’

his voice was low and he was murmuring to hint that this was the extra sensitive topic you both discussed a few days ago at the cafe

you nodded but made sure he knew that no matter, he still got you

the coaches were upset and mad at the loss

but in the end, they all realized that this was the last game the boys would play as a team

sure, they could have practice matches and they could play again together in the future but nothing would change the atmosphere and feeling of playing the important matches 

this was the team that brought them closest to nationals with placing second out of the entire country

they were a good team that somehow got defeated

but the coaches were still proud

they didnt even yell at the boys to take laps and instead brought them into a team meeting

you stood beside the coaches, your own sniffles with everyone else, and listened to them talk

‘-year has been the most productive this school’s team has had in decades. i hope you all are proud of yourselves as we are proud of you. you lost so you are no longer in the competition and we talk about it tomorrow. but for now, go home and take a rest because tomorrow, we will be running laps and drills and miss y/n will be timing you until you pass out from exhaustion’

you blankly looked at the coaches bc you thought this would be a heartwarming talk but quickly turned into a threat

‘but thats for tomorrow. so go home and rest up. expect what is to come’

you were just wanting to leave lmao

like you wanted to hurry home and make something for the guys to eat tomorrow

just do something to make them at least smile

the guys were quietly packing up and you watched them with trembling eyes at their dismissal

you wanted them to stay longer

stay here and laugh and mess around

like tsumu poking kita and pretending he didnt

or mimi talking about something and aran staring blankly at him but he’s really sleeping with his eyes open and startling him awake

‘guys!’

you shouted

they all stopped and turned to look at you

‘hm?’

hitoshi asked

you hurriedly looked around to find something to stall them here and you noticed the cherry blossom tree that’s blooming 

must be the time of the year

‘l-lets! have a-take a picture! outside! by the tree!’

you pointed and they looked at each other

you were acting strangely

but they were simps for you so they just nodded and went outside

they didnt even complain and went to stand out in front of the tree

you had your phone and pulled it to the camera app to raise it to get the team in the frame

they looked sad and tired and worn out but they were still trying to joke around and have natural smiles

‘closer, you guys! bunch in closer!’

you motioned with one hand but they stopped

‘um? y/n? aren’t you gonna join us?’

ren asked but you shook your head

‘its? for you guys? besides, no one will take it for us, silly’

the boys insisted on you prop it up on a bench over there because they wanted you there with them

‘hey, come here! lets all be in it!’

aran shouted and you had no choice but to follow them

the boys had to stand closer to the camera as the bench was a ways ahead of the tree but dont worry, the tree is still there

they wanted you in the front bc they were all taller than you but they really wanted to showcase you

you were their manager and the person who took care of them

they treasure you so much

‘smile!!!’

someone shouted and the timer hit zero and the picture was taken

sure, their school’s motto was that they didnt need things like memories

to not have anything tying you down to the past and to challenge yourself with everyone focusing on the future ahead

in years from now, you could just be another thing from their past and nothing else

but they would be damned if that happened

any fragment of you to remind them of the best time of their youth and the person who loved them more than anyone else did

so yea, sure they wanted to represent their school’s motto

but this time

they can make an exception

a/n: HII!!!! IM BACK AND SUDDENLY IM ABLE TO WRITE AND FINISH THIS I SWEAR I CANT BELIEVE IT TOOK ME THIS LONG TO PUBLISH THIS I CANT WITH THIS YALL IM LOWKEY DISAPPOINTED IN MYSELF AND IM ASHAMED IM SO SORRY