#maybe self destruction is the answer lmao

[angryplebianart]

Murdoc: none of my enemies will find me on this remote island!!!! muahaha

Also Murdoc: "hey all, here on my radio show I will repeat my exact location every few minutes because I think no one is listening lol did I mention how silly and funny (and drunk) of a guy I am"

[smallnico]

durge desensitizes to casual positive affection and friendship compilation

also known as real feline durge hours. esper's companions look at them and say Is Anyone Gonna Manhandle That Murderous Twink and then not wait for an answer. contexts/explanations under readmore for the curious

lae'zel and esper do morning exercises and meditation together. most of the time they pass the time in silence, but sometimes they're joined by the local wildlife. esper is a great fan of showing their friends things they might find interesting as a form of affection instead of words, especially with lae'zel, since they have a common discomfort with small talk.

esper doesn't like looking at themself in the mirror, so their makeup is always ancient and haphazardly applied, a fact that distresses the more image-conscientious shadowheart. she and esper have a sibling-like relationship fuelled by mutual amnesia and goth solidarity, among other things, but sometimes a sister has to take it upon herself to fix her stinky sibling's wings.

i already expanded on wyll and esper's dynamic a bit in this piece and i didn't feel like drawing the same thing twice, but suffice it to say, they have absolutely no idea how to talk to each other, but still look out for each other. the joke here is about how i've done a couple of long rests in-game with just alcohol i've found. hey 5 camp supplies is 5 camp supplies

jaheira unearths esper's forgotten mother issues. no real things to add here. no thoughts only cub.

gale said way back in act 1 that esper reminded him of tara, and esper isn't leaning into that on purpose per se, but as i said for lae'zel, they like getting their friends things those friends might enjoy. they also love chaos. show your evocation wizard some love by bringing him extremely destructive spells to play with. show your durge some love by casting chain lightning and letting them watch

i have no justification for this one lmao. esper isn't a Huge fan of being picked up and hefted around like a sack of oats, but maybe they should've thought of that before being small and scoop-uppable. socially, esper and halsin don't click especially well, but esper is fundamentally a creature, and therefore pretty easy for halsin to understand. obviously they don't mind that much :J

esper and karlach voted two most touch-starved nerds in faerun, they help each other cope by sleeping in a cuddle pile like cats. karlach runs warm even after getting her engine tuned up, but esper doesn't mind. she's cozy

astarion is by far the person esper is the most verbal with, probably because he's the only one who really thinks the durgeisms that slip out are funny and #relatable. everyone else errs on the side of caution with esper, but astarion knows he's allowed to take liberties with them, and he does. they have the same sense of humour. these two freaks are completely insufferable together because they're vibing so hard on a level incomprehensible to everyone around them, but astarion can put a stop to esper's self-destructive internal stress engine, and esper can drag him into helping and working hard. the others have no choice but to tolerate them as a couple because no matter how unhinged they are as a unit, they're so much worse for society on the whole as individuals. do not separate them

if you read all this, hope you enjoyed this illumination of esper's party dynamics, i love you <3 enjoy

[allastoredeer]

My favorite appleradio dynamic is prejudiced Lucifer x sassy bitch Alastor.

In Dad Beat Dad, Alastor may have started the passive aggressive jabs, but Lucifer escalated to death threats (Alastor's head on a plate) with shocking ease.

Like: "Okay, Luci. You're at a 10 and I need you at a 2." Man literally needed less than half a reason to start that Loony Tunes bout.

I like to imagine it's a side effect of his need to control everything. Like he was fighting both sides of the argument rapid fire in his head and was then meeting the escalation of an imaginary Alastor.

Sort of like how he answered for/with Charlie when she thanked him mid-song for offering his help free of charge.

It's the type of overreaction that someone that aggravates others for fun would love! Enter Alastor, Certified Public Troll with only a passing acquaintance with self-preservation.

New Mission: How far can I go before this could be considered self-destructive tendencies?

Alastor unintentionally disproving Lucifer's "All sinners are the same" philosophy by just being the worst... and then Lucifer has to face the horrifying realization that he likes the bastard. XD

Lucifer: All sinners are bad.

Alastor: *being the absolute worst person Lucifer's ever met*

Lucifer: You know what, maybe other Sinners aren't that bad actually

But yes, prejudiced!Lucifer x sassybitch!Alastor is my bread and butter. It's so good. They clash so much and that's what makes it fun.

And literally, Alastor may have been passive aggressive first, but the way Lucifer ramped it up was impressive. I made a post before going over the scene when they officially met, and, like, Alastor's comments overall? Not very antagonist. Or, the words at least. Passive aggressive, sure, but the most outright antagonistisitc he got was when he called Lucifer short.

Whereas it was immediate dislike on Lucifer's side.

All Alastor said was (both in response to Lucifer's reaction to his bar and the very first time they spoke to each other): Just some of the renovations we had done. Adds a bit of color! Don't you think?

And THIS was Lucifer's face ⬇️

"And you are?"

Like, Alastor didn't even sound that passive aggressive. The most I could give him was the smirky little face he gave Lucifer

(god, why is Alastor so pretty right here though??? maybe that's why Lucifer was so mad. Boi turn down those bedroom eyes, Luci can't think. That was Alastor's first plan. He was going to seduce the king of Hell, but then Lucifer insulted his bar, and he decided they were throwing hands instead).

I'm of the opinion that Lucifer was antagonist towards Alastor first and Alastor was just matching his energy (albeit very readily LMAO his eye was twitching the moment Lucifer walked through the door).

Also, yes, thank you for bringing up Lucifer answering for Charlie, cuz I think that's something a lot of people overlook.

Well, maybe he didn't answer for her exactly. I imagine it's just what he wanted her to say, but still, look at Charlie's face ⬇️

She doesn't look very comfortable.

In fact, she looked awkward, annoyed, frustrated, and uncomfortable throughout most of her interactions with Lucifer in this episode.

(there's a lot more but tumblr has a picture limit)

Wheras, this is what she was like with Alastor:

like

DAMN

Okay Luci, I see why your insecurities were firing on all cylinders.

We all know that Alastor wasn't genuine about being a father figure to her, but there has to be something to his and Charlie's relationship if she's looking at him like this. Especially in front of Lucifer.

I'm getting off topic though, I could do a WHOLE other post on my thoughts about Charlie's relationship with Lucifer VS Charlie's relationship with Alastor, and why it is the way that it is.

Anyway, yes, I agree with you. Lucifer 100% escalated the fight between him and Alastor. He went from zero to sixty with no hesitation, and he wasn't even AWARE of Alastor and Charlie's relationship yet. Essentially, the way I see it, he was acting that way toward Alastor for the sole reason that he's a Sinner which is the definition of prejudice.

And I want to clarify to anyone reading this, this isn't me hating on Lucifer. I love Lucifer. I love his character and his flaws and his insecurities. I love the way it all affects how he interacts with other characters, both negatively and positively. This is what makes him so interesting to me.

He holds so much capacity for love while also being so heavily flawed and it is 😙👌 delicious.

[nyoomerr]

any tips for writing bingmei pov?

oh jeez, i'm not sure i'm actually all that qualified to answer this question 😅💦

bingmei is... very difficult for me to write personally, so please take all this advice with a grain of salt. a large grain of salt. perhaps keep the entire salt shaker handy while you consider this advice, in fact. that being said, these are some things that i personally try to keep in mind when considering his character:

even as a disciple, he's not actually a pure white lotus - he still spent some long, formative years experiencing misfortune and bullying. from sqq's pov this is less visible, but from bingmei's pov this reflects on his thought process a lot. he isn't going to be blindly trustful, and his predisposition to be a bit of a schemer/borderline manipulative is still there, even if his goals are different. it's just the difference between pre-abyss manipulating the disciple roster so that he's the one always available to help out sqq VS post-abyss manipulating huan hua into being his biggest supporter.

in the abyss and up until sqq's self destruction, lbh's motivations are very much along the lines of "i can fix this, so long as i have the chance to, everything can go back to how it was before." if he can just prove himself to be a righteous cultivator by making a name for himself with huan hua, then sqq will no longer have an issue with lbh's heritage. if he can just get sqq to sit still and have one solid conversation with him, then surely sqq will understand lbh the way he used to. the more things go wrong and prove that it isn't so easy to go back to the way things used to be, the more frustrated lbh is, and the more willing he is to take drastic measures (going from slowly building a reputation for himself at huan hua to allowing sqq to be locked up in a horrible prison, for example).

personally, i attribute a lot of lbh's willingness to hurt sqq to xin mo. he's willing to take more drastic measures on his own, and some things that sqq considers 'harmful' are things lbh doesn't necessarily think of as actually hurting him - for example, forcing sqq to consume his blood parasites - but lbh is truly taken off guard when something he does results in sqq being harmed in a meaningful way. that being said, because lbh does still act on those things, i think it means one of two things: either lbh interprets xin mo's influences as his own impulses, or xin mo erodes his own ability to understand consequences. either of these can make for interesting narratives, so i go with "whatever works for the specific au i'm working on," usually.

dfjgh that was a lot of rambling lmao. i wish i had more solid tips, but for as long i personally am unsure how best to write bingmei, all i can offer are the things i try to keep in mind when characterizing him 😅

also, a final tip that is purely selfish and maybe not a hundddreeeeddd percent canon driven and instead motivated by my desires to see more bingwife in the world: #1 tip is to wife that boy up / have him pursue being shizun's pretty little wife 😌😌😌

[asmallmoon333]

Once upon a day, in some distant AU, Light and L have swapped bodies. What happens next?

Lmao, hahahaha.

Crack answer:

Light-in-L's-body: You know I think 'Light-kun' is guilty after all and I think another 50 days of confinement is needed. What's that Matsuda, you don't think so, well who asked you? I'm L, I can do what I want, and my reputation is already terrible. You thought I was corrupted by power before? Hah. And so I think numb arms for 'Light-kun' is very necessary in cracking this case. Oh, and Watari, where are those secret files I know we have? Remind me. I want to refresh my self-knowledge. Also, I want a haircut. And, oh yeah, I'm a vegetarian now, exclusively eating spicy peppers and chilies. Get me the hottest stuff you can find. Let's ruin these taste buds.

L-in-Light's-body: Screaming in the background.

Serious Answer:

Assuming that in Light's body, L becomes the owner of the Death Note, can now see Ryuk now, and maybe even tricks Ryuk into telling the truth before Ryuk realizes the swap, then we have an L who knows what's up, but is now in a position where he is technically Kira and guilty of it. So he'd probably keep it quiet and set a trap for Light in the event they swap back, and Light would do the same thing for L. They couldn't target or ruin each other or 'themselves' tho, not until they were sure if the swap was permanent. So until then, it would be more mind games and weird tension but actually (reluctantly) platonic cause Light is not that much of a narcissist. (L would do it tho, he's a pervert and insists it wouldn't matter in the dark, but he's been outvoted by Light + Light's fist).

Tangent, but L has fun messing up Light's reputation, he has to entertain himself somehow. Basically, it's a state of detente due to mutually assured destruction until the swap is over, and in the meantime, we get some relationship development as they are now in each others' shoes (Poor L's feet, now forced to wear shoes.)

[shikai-the-storyteller]

UEUEUEUEUEUEU ILL SEND YOU THIS WHILE WAITING TO SEE BOBBYS STATUS.

Dw idm u answering publicly, I want everyone to be cursed w the thought that Rubius is a babygirl and a very bad one at that <3

Honestly I've only read a few explanations of their lore and bits about their relationship but they seem sooooo,,, /pos. Like they have such a fun and silly dynamic that has this air of toxicity and their loves feels quite self destructive bc rubius is kind of a destructive force of nature of a person who has a tendency to hurt those around him, perhaps as a defense mechanism or perhaps out of simply not understanding there are consequences to the things he does while vegetta is someone far too forgiving, he continues to love rubius despite how much he hurts himself, others, and vegetta himself. I'm not saying cubito rubius is an awful person but from what I've seen he is,,, complex. Difficult despite seeming silly. I could be just completely wrong tho LOL I am doin my best I prommy

ANYWAYS IM CHEERING U ON IN WRITING!!! I'd love to talk to u abt them more and learn more abt rubegetta bc like. Look. Theres no way q!vegetta isnt hung up on that demon idc,,,

I'm likewise waiting for the Eggstatistics (which will probably get posted while I'm in the middle of writing this) (EDIT: IT DID) and you gave me the opportunity to infodump so prepare for an essay LMAO

There are SO many layers to Rubius and Vegetta’s relationship (both romantic and friendship-wise), and that complexity makes them fascinating characters to study. I’ve been discussing this a lot in private lately, but I feel like there’s quite a bit of misinformation / misinterpretations of Rubius and Vegetta’s relationship amongst some of the newer fans who might not know some key components of their personality and their relationship dynamic as a whole (which is understandable since the majority of their lore came from Karmaland, and a lot of newer fans only speak English / only watch QSMP), so ALLOW ME TO ELABORATE:

I think of the two, Rubius definitely gets mischaracterized the most (which, again, maybe isn't too surprising since not everyone watched Karmaland and he hasn't been on the QSMP server too much lately). I could go off on a tangent here and list my frustrations about the people who harassed him for his role / his actions during the Egg event / whining about ships to the point where he decided not to log into the server again ‘til the Egg event is over, but that's ultimately irrelevant to this discussion.

“Their love feels quite self-destructive” is a really good way to sum things up, because Rubius is a pretty self-destructive man. Rubius is, fundamentally, a man who is full of love for the people he cares about, but those feelings are in direct conflict with his reluctance to let people get close to him (and his commitment issues). He can freely give hugs and kisses (and more) to Vegetta, but when it comes to expressing his true thoughts and feelings, he’s pretty emotionally constipated. We’ve already seen this a few times on the QSMP server – when Rubius visits on Vegetta’s birthday, he sings him the most beautiful heartfelt love song ever, but as soon as it’s over and Vegetta tries to talk to him, Rubius runs away. Even in Karmaland V, when hooked up to a lie detector and asked about his feelings for Vegetta, Rubius tried to wiggle his way out of answering. Only when the world was literally ending and they all thought they were gonna die did Rubius finally admit his feelings, shouting his confession and his love for Vegetta at the top of his lungs.

(The real tragedy here is that it was so chaotic with everyone shouting, Vegetta never heard his words…)

Although it’s easy to slap the label “toxic” on Rubius, I think that’s unfair to him and his character, as well as his intentions. He truly does love Vegetta with all his heart, in every universe, and he doesn’t want to hurt him, but Rubius doesn’t want to get hurt either. The Meteor shower conversation gives us a clear understanding of that:

Rubius: I don't want to get hurt. I don't want to get my hopes up, and then get hurt. It's happened to me many times before. Especially here in Karmaland. Vegetta: Have you had lovesickness? Rubius: Yes. In Karmaland, everywhere, in real life... I'm already used to getting beaten. Vegetta: That's a pity... Rubius: I just want someone to take care of me, and that's it. I don't ask for much. Vegetta: I'm very protective.

The way I see it, Rubius is afraid of his feelings for Vegetta, because the larger his love grows, the larger that potential for hurt and disappointment gets. Does this excuse all his actions? No, of course not, however there’s a big difference between doing something out of self-preservation (possibly as a trauma-response, depending on how you interpret his character) and doing something with the intent to hurt someone.

IMO, Rubius isn’t a toxic guy, he just needs therapy.

Vegetta doesn’t get mischaracterized quite as often, though I do feel like people have a tendency to put him on a pedestal and minimize the flaws he has. I’m a massive Vegetta fan, but this guy’s far from perfect. He’s self-centered, borderline narcissistic sometimes, and he’s a very prideful man. He’s never left Rubius at the altar, but he’s still had his fair share of “oopsies” and "yikes" in their relationship. One (which I’m surprised people don’t talk about more) is an incident from Karmaland IV where Vegetta, very unhinged and mentally unstable at the time, kidnapped Rubius’ wife Nieves and threatened her with a sword, saying, “If Rubius can’t be mine, he can’t be anyone’s.”

For the longest time I genuinely thought that line came from a fanfic or something, then I stumbled upon the clip one day and I was just like:

Anyways

In Karmaland V, Rubius became very close with a little alien child named Titi. He took care of Titi like he was his own son, and despite his attempts at emotionally distancing himself early on so he wouldn’t get attached, Rubius wound up caring a lot for him.

Then Titi died.

It was basically Rubius’ worst nightmare come to life – he’d let himself get close to Titi, he’d loved him unconditionally and let Titi into his heart, and Titi’s death utterly destroyed him. Everyone in Karmaland was affected by the death, but Rubius took it especially hard because of how close they were. Rubius was hurting badly and resorting to terrible coping strategies to deal with the pain, and Vegetta…

Well. Vegetta wasn’t very nice about it.

There are a lot of ways we could interpret Vegetta’s actions and words during this time – maybe he’s not super sensitive when talking about death since he’s probably some kind of demigod, maybe he speedran the grieving process, maybe he thought brutal honesty and direct action would help Rubius “snap out of it” sooner. However you see it, ultimately it did a lot more harm than good for Rubius’ overall mental health.

I bring these examples up not to paint their relationship as toxic or negative, but rather to express just how complex it is. Because, despite all their mistakes and drama and heartbreak, at the end of the day, Rubius and Vegetta still love each other more than anything else. Even towards the end of Karmaland V when they were quite literally on opposite sides of the battlefield (one supporting Quackity, the other supporting Luzu), their true loyalties lay with one another. When Rubius was hit by an enemy, Vegetta defended him with his life, and when Vegetta was hurt, Rubius did the same.

Yes, Rubius doesn't really know how to handle healthy relationships, and yes, Vegetta tends to forgive him too easily, but that doesn't erase the love they have. The key we need to remember here is that Rubegetta is a telenovela that sits squarely in the romcom category. They may wander into other genres and tropes from time to time, but they will always gravitate back to one another. Whether you define that as fate or soulmates or just sheer dumb luck, the facts remain and the love is there.

PHEW anyways that felt good to get out, I have so many thoughts on Rubegetta so I appreciate the excuse to rant. I'm always happy to chat about these two! :D And you're so right - Vegetta is so smitten for that demon, I hope he gets to meet the angel too. I hope Rubius comes back soon so Vegetta can see his Osito Fiu Fiu, but in the meantime, we'll have to keep wishing and praying just like Vegetta...

(ALSO THANK YOU the current chapter of that dang Rubegetta fic is kicking my butt rn because it's the only chapter I didn't outline and life events keep interrupting me when I try and work on it, but it IS getting chipped away at bit by bit! I hope folks enjoy the outcome when it's released :D)

[brainrot-mx]

Just a silly post, cause I'm still thinking of HSR x Danganronpa, here's what Paths I think the characters would have! Just based on what I think:

(Keep in mind, I do not know some of the charaxters too well. If you have any other ideas, write them down!)

Makoto - Path of Harmony

We all know this man is a saint and works on restoring peace to the dangan world. Geniuenly wants to get along with everyone and fights for peace

Kiyoko - Path of Hunt

She seeks answers continuously, as a detective but also in general. Doesn't forget and forges her own path.

Byakuya - Path of Preservation

He thinks of ways he can survive and has all his life been fighting to come out on top. Despite being a prodigy, he keeps shielding himself from others due to distrust and views.

Toko - Path of Propagation

(sorry lmao) This path was born out of the Aeons loneliness, creating it's little critters with it's newfound power to quell it. Toko also seeks relationships and feels alone, paranoia from others actions and thoughts makimg her distance herself

Asahina - Path of the Trailblaze

Free-spirited and has strong beliefs, I believe she'd be an amazing Trailblazer, willing to help out with the Stelleron disasters and the people. She's steadfast in her pursuit of anything she believes to be right, feelings proving quite important to her.

Yasuhiro - Path of Elation (Path of Finality)

Part of the group called Mourning Actors. His predictions surely entertain the one who thinks of the universe as meaningless fun. I also think it'd be funny if he made a bet with Aha in human form and got powers as a result because his prediction came out wrong. He is not happy about this, as he's a follower of Terminus

Sayaka - Path of Beauty

Self-explanatory. Still, her beauty isn't the only thing that defines her. I consider it beautiful that her drive to rescue her friends was so strong, that she did what she'd done.

Leon - Path of Destruction

Yeah. He kinda dug himself a hole with how he acted (normal distressed teen LMAO) None of that paths fit him too well... maybe Rememberance, with how he is still influenced by past memories?

Chihiro - Path of Erudition

Genius with computers, smart. Nous would def cast him a glace

Mondo - Path of Destruction

Again with the self-report.

Ishimaru - Path of Trailblaze

I couldn't decide here, because the Path of Order is more about forceful manipulation of humanity. Enforced laws and forceful decisions, none of which describe someone like Ishimaru. I'd say he is a former follower of Order, becoming part of the Astral express to find his values once more, ones unbound by an entity demanding them.

Hifumi - Path of Beauty

Took a bit of time, but he eventually joined the Knights of Beauty. As a hobby, he draws whoever he meets on different planets, as a way to immortilize the beauty.

Celestia - Path of Voracity

I did think of maiing her part of the Order, but she doesn't particularly care about the Order part as much as the manipulation. Her greed therefore outshines that Path, making her a perfect fit for the Voracity.

Sakura - Path of Permanence

She found the answer she wanted to give to the question of existence.

Junko - Path of Destruction

Yeah. I'd say the Remnants of Despair are too, as is Monaca. She'd probably be a part of the Anhiliation gang, the leader most likely.

Mukuro - Path of the Hunt

I don't believe she was so destructive as much as determined to be there for her sister (without the weird incest implications the anime added for some reason.) in like her own messed up way. Also very good fighter and determined to use it for her goal, hatered for anything that lasted longer then it needed.

And that's it for Drv1 ! Again, type how you feel about my choices wherever I can see it. I wanna see 👁👁

(the hashtag is #drv3 & hsr crossover even tho it's drv1 lmao)

[viadangelo]

WB 🔥 INSPIRED MEME — a collection of prompts. V1.

subject to edits; thank you everyone for your inputs; submit to add lmao

dialogue starters ;

"listen..."

"i know i must be the last person you expected to see tonight,"

"i know you have no reason to believe me, much less to trust me, but... i promise you. i swear to you, i am being set up."

“please, don’t lie to me.”

"you know, you'd make a nice profit if you turned this place into a safehouse."

"you must think me an idiot,"

"it's a bit late to worry about dragging me into your mess, don't you think? "

"somehow it's become rare to meet people outside of a coffee shop, or bar, you know?"

"this was not a dog food orgasm"

“dude, are you crazy? I almost shot you!”

"in my head [ x ] takes out his dick once every solstice"

"a nipple for a nipple."

"if you were a cop, you'd tell me, right?"

“It’s just a knife, why are you acting like this?”

"knives, or guns, hypothetically, of course."

"if i was gonna die, i'd have picked [ x ], it's more direct."

"fighting fire with fire, you're only going to get burnt, y'know."

"fuck that, shit needs to change."

"answer me!"

"time’s up! "

“why are you looking at me like that? grab the damn shovel or go!”

“Fuck, put the gun down, okay? I didn’t mean to freak you out!”

scenarios:

send 🚑 to find my muse after they have been stabbed. Alternatively send 🔪 to be the one who stabbed them, eager to finish the job. Or maybe it was an accident, who knows?

Send 📕 to throw a book at my muse.

send [ TRAPPED ] to have our muses get trapped in an elevator together.

send 📞 for one of our muses to have dialled the wrong number, and ended up on call to the other.

Send 🚨 to arrest my muse, or if not applicable, witness an arrest, or be arrested etc.

send [ NO ] & a request to have your muse ask of mine, knowing they wouldn't like it.

send [ YES ] & a request, for my muse to do a favour for your muse, or vice versa.

✊ for our muses to play rock paper scissors, the loser owes the winner a favour.

headcanons:

🎬 for my muse's favourite movie.

💎 for my muse's favourite spot in new york

❇️ for what my younger muse's self would think of themselves now.

🎼for a song on my character's playlist

how does your muse apologise, do they apologise?

❤️ their love language(s)?

does your muse attend church, or mass? are they religious?

the best prank they’ve ever pulled.

their weapon in a zombie apocalypse.

if they ever wrote an autobiography or a diary what would the last line be?

💓 what gets their heart racing?

🏝️ for who they would pick to be stranded on a desert island with

🍖 their mortal enemy, and why.

🔥do they have any self destructive tendencies? what habits do they have that hinder them from becoming their best self?

send !! for what character unnerves my character the most.

burnies funss:

send a ⭐ and my muse will answer if they would fuck, marry, or kill yours.  ( feel free to replace fuck with kiss if it's not appropriate! )

send a 📸 to see my muses favourite photo of yours

Send 👏 for my muse to deliver a harsh truth to your muse, or, deliver one about mine.

Send 🎣 for my muse’s best pickup line they would use on yours

Send 💥 + a topic for my muse to start an argument with yours based on your submission

Send 📰 for a newspaper headline my muse would be involved in, or write one about my muse.

send 👀 for an honest answer from my muse.

send ⚖️ for three qualities my muse loves about yours

ideas taken, or inspired by ; @phantasmalatelier , @soulscollection , @neorph . @rpsourcedmemes , @charmymemes

ask: via, zed or emilio.

[loaffofbred]

Hmm.. interesting (qsmp rambles)

Note: All roleplay/characters

So much has happened lately in one day! Apparently Bad has to do a survey for the fed, Cellbit has done the final code/enigma, Forever's plan to leave the island, Pac&Mike's plan against Foolish, and Roier found a book that Foolish possibly wrote with a gun in the grandma room of Cellbit's castle.

I find all of them interesting, but since im massively biased, i wanna focus on Foolish's and Bad's since im super curious with what's been happening to them. The questions seem like they plan to do something to change themselves, maybe they'll make actual changes? It'll be interesting if they actually listen to the suggestions and answers of the different members. Bad used the reward in order to ask the possible entities the federation has created, which is pretty smart since itll answer several of the questions we have, including the code, the eggs, and the island overall. It's interesting that the federation is rewarding or making transactions with this, I guess its self aware of everyone's distrust. If they ever do answer the question honestly, i feel like they'll be just as vague, but at least they're giving answers unlike the past months lmao

About Foolish's book and gun in Cellbit's castle, the thing is, theres at least 2 possibilities:

Richas was the one that put it, including the gun! Since he has a gun himself and may know some spanish, and is there to simply hide it for fun or for others to also possibly get it.

Foolish hid it, changed the contents of the book ( since the book wasn't with codes nor written in spanish before ) because he wanted to give a gun for fun! This is indicated further based on Foolish's (supposed to be qsmp) recent stream with the emoji as Grandma and his statements about his guns to Forever, saying he already has possible plans behind it. This means he did this offstream ;)

It's definitely leaning more towards Foolish, especially the overall mannerisms of the book, with the middle finger at the end of the page and random codes. But i wonder why he would do it in general, most likely for fun since its not like many ppl have any ammo for the gun. Yet I cant help but feel like its such a weird move, especially now that many people suspect him to be working for the federation! But this does establish that he would never be fully with the feds, which are definitely against spreading around guns lmaoo

I'm not super informed about Pac&Mike's possible plan, but from what I know they may use Rey(Phoenix) as a hostage, possibly do something to Foolish's dragon (Keep in mind they will be avoiding hurting Leo here), or kill him after an interrogation;

Killing him off wont be too incriminating, maybe except the badge but thats it really it

Interrogating him may be useful as long as they don't go in circles like the previous interrogations, its best to listen but also dont expect a direct answer from him. Imo its best to keep it casual, but if they don't have the patience, then go off

Rey as a hostage - Maybe possibly can work since he can be very attached to animals, i.e Mr. Mustard, but it depends highly if he feels actually threatened.

Destruction of Foolish's Dragon - Easier but more riskier to execute, probably should be the last resort!

If theres one thing i would recommend when it comes to trying to get through to Foolish, Bad probably knows more tactics since he knows Foolish very well. I know the trap/revenge will be done tomorrow but I feel like they could've benefited from taking advice from Bad at some point. Not sure if this is confirmed but if Foolish does stream tomorrow I wonder how he'll react to Pac&Mike's experiences. Since his moral compass is nowhere near similar to theres, I think they may misunderstand his intentions based solely off of his not so straight morals. If Mike ever does do revenge, from what I know of Foolish, he would never clap back at Mike (unless if it involves Leo and his family). Foolish is pretty chill and tries not to maintain any grudges, so if he was killed off, I think he would understand. In the end though, I do hope they come to an understanding! Foolish definitely still has to lie just because of his job lmao buttt, I think they can still come to an understanding without all the info he has.

anyways thats all folks, carry on!

[markantonys]

one last s2 speculation post before the season is here: gawyn edition!

the absolute only thing we know about gawyn in s2 is this leaked audition script, and even then we don't know for sure that it was for gawyn rather than galad. but personally i agree with the writer of the article that it feels like gawyn, so that's the assumption i'm functioning under for this post. i'm also assuming that despite the total lack of other evidence for gawyn's presence in s2, he will indeed be there and this script is still largely valid (barring tweaks that might've happened during filming).

we have two scenes: 1) gawyn asks someone for help with archery. presumably this takes place at the white tower and he's speaking with a warder. 2) gawyn is in a bar as a city is about to be sacked.

scene #1: i like the article writer's idea that the person he's talking to is one of alanna's warders. taking this further, what if ihvon/maksim replaces hammar? so, gawyn forms a nice mentorship bond with him in s2 which we actually get to see onscreen, then in s3 they find themselves on opposing sides of the coup and gawyn ends up having to kill him in self-defense. it would be more emotionally impactful for the audience (and also more practical/cost-effective) to use a warder we already know in this role rather than introducing a new one, plus ihvon/maksim will have to die anyway if the "alanna is so wild with grief that she bonds rand against his will" plot beat is kept, so replacing hammar with one of them would kill two birds with one stone.

scene #2: my theory is, this scene takes place in cairhien. let's elaborate on that!

so, we know min ends up in cairhien during s2 (there's a shot of her standing by a window that resembles a window in rand's presumably cairhienin inn room). we know siuan ends up in cairhien as well. we know mat begins the season at the white tower. we can strongly suspect gawyn and min also begin at the white tower. we can strongly suspect based on them being paired together in a poster that mat and min have a connection/shared storyline this season. we can strongly suspect that mat's reason for leaving the white tower and going to falme is that he's worried over the wondergirls' disappearance.

pulling all this together, i propose that mat, min, and gawyn all leave the tower together to search for the wondergirls. maybe siuan has already left for cairhien, so they head there in hopes of finding the girls with her or of getting answers from her regarding their whereabouts. the scene in the audition script is the destruction of foregate (which in the books happens during the shaido invasion, but i've previously speculated the TFOH shaido battle will be moved to tear and combined with the TDR stone battle, so if that's true, then foregate could be destroyed in s2 by different means). the person gawyn is talking to is either min (bartender whose natural instinct is to save the alcohol) or mat (alcohol-lover whose natural instinct is to save the alcohol). i'm leaning towards mat because the discussion of ishamael betraying his BFF lews therin would resonate with mat re: rand, as well as with gawyn re: galad. also because gawyn's first assumption being that the person plans to set a building on fire totally tracks for mat lmao

(actually, reading the script again, i think DEMANDRED would fit better than the writer's guess of ishamael. LTT's best friend who sold him out because he needed others to be weak to make himself strong - that's totally more demandred than ishamael. and the show making gawyn-demandred parallels would be perfect and delicious!!! gawyn-mat-demandred parallels would be even more perfect and delicious!!! kinda losing my mind now i love this so much, i hope these guesses are right!)

ANYWAY, with cairhien in chaos, the party gets separated: mat manages to make his way to falme (maybe he runs into rand and/or moiraine & lan and goes with them), but siuan finds min and gawyn and wrangles them back to the tower, thus ensuring they're in place for their s3 storyline and preventing gawyn from actually finding elayne and getting any closure on that front (and making him even MORE resentful of siuan if she dragged him back to the tower in the middle of his elayne rescue mission).

the "not concerned about your brother?" "if he gave a toss about me he'd be here" exchange in this scene is interesting because it implies galad and gawyn are in the same city during this city-sacking, but are not currently with each other. the galad casting leak notes that the actor appeared to be in prague for s3 filming, but we have no confirmation that he took part in s2. if galad isn't in s2 (which we really don't know one way or the other, so this is super hypothetical), then perhaps rather than going to the white tower along with gawyn, he's currently living in cairhien to hang out with his damodred relatives for one reason or another? and maybe gawyn is sulky because galad knows gawyn is in cairhien but hasn't bothered to come see him. so basically, in this scenario galad is discussed in s2 but remains an offscreen presence until s3. this could be a way to get viewers aware of galad's existence and relationships with his siblings but without having to cast him for s2 if they felt there wasn't space to give him a big enough role for it to be worth including him just yet.

alternately, maybe galad is already a whitecloak and this scene actually takes place at falme (since we know whitecloaks will be at falme). if so, then something else would have to happen to get gawyn and min back to tar valon for s3 and to keep gawyn feeling dissatisfied about siuan lying to him about elayne. @butterflydm speculated that verin and/or alanna and/or some other aes sedai could be at falme and then go to tar valon to bring the horn to the tower, and min (and gawyn in this scenario) could go with her. as for elayne, maybe she does reunite with gawyn at falme but then sneaks off on her and nynaeve's s3 black-ajah-hunting roadtrip without telling him, leaving him upset again over not knowing where she is.

overall, the show having gawyn tag along on a mat-min roadtrip would be a great move for a couple reasons. 1) it lets the viewer spend more time with him pre-coup and get to know and like and understand him as a character, so then his actions during the coup will be easier to understand and also more of an emotional gutpunch. the books' critical error with gawyn is that we just didn't see enough of him or get a proper look inside his head until TGS which was far too late, and so most readers had no understanding of his character/mental state/why he behaves the way he does, and just thought he was stupid and annoying. 2) it lets gawyn and min spend time together and become friends onscreen, which will be great setup for their emotionally significant encounter during the coup in s3 when they find themselves on opposing sides, but gawyn decides to help min escape nonetheless. and most importantly, 3) i love him very much and it would make me very happy to see him participate in a major storyline in s2 <3

[sometimesiammybpd]

quick mention: i have already written one post somewhat on being aromantic. i honestly forgot about this, but here's that if you wanna read. this will cross over on certain things i've mentioned there and other posts because of the more general topic. don't mean to repeat myself, but this is all still so new to me and i want to understand it better and this helps /gen.

this post is gonna be both about what it's like to have hypersexuality, but also what it's like for me as someone who is aromantic because to me they go hand in hand. not great at intros lmao.

anyways hi. not really in the bestest of moods while writing this, so i apologize if it comes off a bit brash or something. idk. it's 5 (almost 6) am for me when writing so like. that's probably why. probably. i wanna talk about being aromantic first because that's the more complicated one for me personally and it's the one that honestly still bothers me. i didn't realize i was aromantic until this year. more specifically, a few months ago. for, i think 3 years now, i'd assumed i was demiromantic because i thought i was still having crushes on people. real "i could imagine my entire life with you" crushes, which i wasn't. that i'll go into obviously. but as i've spent time looking back on things because of all that just falls into place for me with the aro label, i realize it wasn't there from the start. don't get me wrong though. crushes were not common for me as a kid.

i really do think i was demiromantic until about a year ago. because when i was younger, i didn't feel anything towards anyone. i didn't even think i had a sexuality because i didn't like girls or boys. there's stuff i won't get into right now, but by late elementary - early middle, i was getting bullied heavily and they were starting to get so fixated on who likes who and all that bullshit. which did come back to me because at certain points, they would walk to me and ask who i liked. if i didn't have an answer, they'd bully me more. so i started to keep a mental list of sorts. it's creepy to say honestly, even with context, but this is what worked because it was either this or just have everything get worse. it wasn't anything bad, i would just choose a girl and she'd be my "crush" should they ask. each year would be a different girl and it was just to not have things get worse (they eventually did anyways). but by like 7th grade, i thought it was just normal. i mean. kinda. i wanted to believe it was, but this was also when i started to spiral for the first time and so i was already deep into self-hatred, self-destructive tendencies, shit like that. so not only could it NOT be normal according to my mind but if i wasn't the person i was, maybe it'd be different. shit like that.

8th grade was the first time i ever did feel a crush on someone. and i knew it was actually a crush and not some confused emotion. it was towards my closest friend at the time and lasted years. i think when i first started to bring this (the realization of being aro) up to my friends, i stuck this under the "hyperfixation" category, which it was. but it was also a real crush. and honestly, it was the first time i ever felt normal. because normal people get crushes and want to date. that's what i was always told and that's what i thought needed to happen. and it led me to pursue her for longer than i ever should have. she couldn't date because of her parents but there's no way in hell i would have been a good partner at the time anyways. regardless, i pursued it through sophomore year of high school. the history between me and her is too rough to talk about outside of that, but yeah. and i think i know why. i mention wanting to feel normal a lot. at the time i really did. because to me, i didn't know myself. i grew up heavily conservative and christian (although the christianity part never stuck) and it really did form a mental relationship between feeling the way i did and stuff like being gay or bi that was so unhealthy. as i went through high school, the friends i met pushed me further left which did help when it came to this. because i remember watching love, simon at 15 (i liked the movie so shut it /hj) and watching him fall in love at the end, i cried. because i wanted that. but honestly i don't know if i did at the same time.

it all felt so unreasonably scary and outside of the unnamed friend, i never felt anything towards anyone like that. at least until jake entered the picture (fake name, separate post coming later). for the quickest context, he was 19 when i met him and by this point around 20-21. i fell in love with him. i don't even know why but i really did. multiple times. it was the first time i couldn't get rid of a crush, which was a new and very NOT fun experience. and when we finally did date, it was three days of him refusing to talk to me and then breaking up with me and blaming me. it was not fun. i think this was the first time that something romantic fucked me up because i didn't really trust anyone after this until i met nathan. and if you read the post about him, you know how that went. point being, that fucked me up more. and then i had another friend after nathan and before the one i met through bumble that also fucked me up more. and that's kinda what got me to want to write this post in the first place outside of the hypersexuaity part (comes later). i know i said in the last post how unsure i felt about relationships. and i won't say that's not untrue, but i have my answer.

i don't think i want to be in a relationship. i like being alone. i like being by myself and doing what i want. i care about everyone so much, but that feeling people say you get when you wanna do anything for your partner . . . i just don't get. i didn't really get it with nathan even though we were together for long enough and i did feel something towards him. but i never got that feeling. i did a lot for him and it was mainly because i natually have a similar instinct to help anyone because it's just who i am. but like i like my routine and for some reason, it actually makes me upset at times to imagine changing it for a relationship. i don't even know why but i'm kinda just accepting it. i'm not the most likable person and i know that also affects my "chances," as it usually gets labeled. i still have a lot of bad habits and toxic behaviors that i'm working to change but i know it turns a lot of people off of me than i'd want.

but i don't care, tbh in the romantic sense. it's so weird to try to explain to people that i don't feel things like that. i came to a realization a couple months back when i figured out the hyperfixations getting confused for a crush shit. it made so much sense to me when i learned the possibility of that with people with adhd and shit. and it just blew my mind.

until one of my closest friends at the time labeled it as weird and said i'm not normal for feeling like that. that got to me. i didn't expect someone that close to me to respond like that. at that point i hadn't even figured out the aromantic label yet and moreso if it was fitting for me. but that made me almost not want to. because i felt like i wasn't normal enough to deserve to get the answer. it really really hurt coming from them which only made it worse. but i eventually pushed through by myself and came to aromantic. it took me a long time to actually confidently say it because i kept thinking i was demi. i kept mixing hyperfixations up left and right (that didn't even last long enough to really count) and it kept making me wonder if maybe i still could feel that way. honestly, i don't discount it permanently. no one knows what the future holds.

anyways, yeah.

the only reason i'm so concerned about labels isn't because i have something to prove or whatever. it just. i have felt hopeless my entire life because everything others felt or did, i was the opposite. and most of it being not on purpose too made it infinitely worse mentally. it dragged me down because i thought i'd never get answers. and honestly, i wonder sometimes what my child self would think now about me. i really wonder. to be fair, they'd probably ask why i'm even still alive but yknow.

the point why i'm writing a second post on being / feeling aromantic isn't to retell what i already had written. i completely forgot i wrote that original post until half-way through writing this AND i only found it by complete accident lmao. EITHER WAY. what i really wanted to write about was the way my brain mixes up hyperfixations as crushes and what that feels like to me. because all of what i wrote prior to this was supposed to be context but i'm a yapper. to me, it doesn't feel like a hyperfixation until it's over. and i'll be real and say that i don't honestly even know what a real crush is supposed to feel like. when i started to like nathan, i only noticed because of things like how he was the only person i was talking to. or how my mood was starting to be affected by how he was doing. or how i really did want to spend every second of my life with him (which was a rare thought but it was there for a moment). stuff like that. and even now i'm not sure if it was a crush or just a really long hyperfixation. because to me, hyperfixations are things i want to spend every moment on. things i can't stop thinking about. sometimes they do affect my mood in ways that are hard to explain. i mean, this entire thing is hard as fuck to explain but yknow. and what made it more complicated was a lot of the "hyperfixation-crushes", or whatever the hell you wanna call them, started going away insanely fast. right before i realized i was most likely aromantic, i thought i had a crush on three different people. all three started and ended within 6 hours and it wasn't like how i felt with nathan. it felt like something was there, but it was almost unreachable. and the more i tried, the more it went away until suddenly it felt like i snapped out of something and woke up. and it was gone. like i know that sounds dramatic as hell, but that's how it felt. that's genuinely how it felt / feels for me.

and i remember trying to explain this to my friends . . . and they dismissed it and called me weird. which hurt. it wasn't like a big insult but this was me trying to figure myself out. and the friends whom said they would be supportive as they were queer themselves dismissed me and said that it wasn't real. i still don't understand myself. i still don't understand what got me here or where i fall on the spectrum where labels do and don't matter (they matter right now for me because i've had no answers for so fucking long). i still don't understand most of me and everything and. i don't know.

it's hard to talk about. it's hard to be honest and open because it makes me feel like. i'll never be accepted. which is unfortunately how i've felt my entire life growing up how i did but that's for another post. either way.

this is honestly a topic i don't see a proper way to transition into, but i wanna talk about having hypersexuality as someone with bpd who is also aro. because let me just say that it's hell. i mean, i doubt it has anything with my capability to form or not form romantic thoughts and feelings but. anyways. i haven't had a proper off-period in almost six months and it's killing me. for folks who don't know, depending on the person will depend on the specifics of their hypersexuality (if they have it because i believe while it's common with folks who have bpd, it's not guaranteed). the most common ways it presents though are periods where sex is the only thing they can think about and usually will lead one to do anything they can to get sex, even if it means putting themselves in harms way. the other way it presents is of utter disgust towards anything sexual to a point where they usually don't even feel the need to masturbate because it's just. too much. i have been fucking stuck in the first way for almost half a god damn year. and it's so so so painful.

because a lot of days for me, i wake up and just feel horny. and so i do what i need to do and it's not enough. and i ironically don't get good enough luck on any hookup apps to actually "put myself in harms way" as i put it (or effectively ignoring any warning signs because sex). so i end up averaging out at five or six times (masturbation) because i got no responses and nothing else is working. and it's a living hell because when it kicks in, it kicks in. and there's nothing i do besides have sex or something to get it to stop. like it doesn't matter what i was doing. my brain just shuts off. i literally get a feeling of like being so uncomfortable because all i want to do is have sex. i don't remember when or if i last had an off period. because i think back to a moment when i was eighteen. i mentioned it slightly in my introduction post, but when i was eighteen i signed up for grindr. at this point, i was already relieving myself 2-3 times a day minimum and some going up to 4-5. and when i got on grindr, i was actually looking for a long-term relationship. i don't remember that lasting long before i realized i could use it for hookups and eventually dropped my walls and said fuck it. and this is where i need to mention two things. the main event and the way i approach(ed) hookup apps.

the way i approach(ed) hookup apps once i dropped the "i want a relationship" thing was that i had / still kinda have no regard for safety. all i wanted to know was that they weren't like 55, had a decent member, and if they'd be down to fuck. i ask now, but at the time i didn't even ask for stds or anything of the sort. when i get on a hookup app, i lose a complete sense of time. not because i want to, but because i become so horny all i can fuckin think about is finding someone. anyone. there's been times where my body starts shaking because of it. it's awful. but yeah, i had no sense of making sure it was safe for me to do. which also pissed everyone off because i was also so forward with what i wanted that i was impatient and desperate and all that. i'm not proud of it, but half the time it feels like i literally cannot help it. it's something else that's so difficult to explain (or unfortunately get some to believe). but that leads into the main event.

the "main event" was the moment that this all came crashing down on me. i found a guy on grindr who said he'd be willing to let me top and he'd give me head and all the lot. i was down and we exchanged pictures and he told me where he was located. the one stipulation he had was that i needed to pay for him to get some weed. i was desperate, so i agreed. i went to my mom, lied and said i was meeting friends from college, and then drove off to cincinnati after going to the bank to get the money. before i go any further, i am a bottom LOL. i also didn't really know my identity then and while i don't particularly hate my biological parts, i am not proud of it. this was a rare occasion. anyways. i picked up the guy and immediately, he gave me meth-head vibes which did make me a little nervous. at the same time, i completely did not care because we were gonna fuck. i gave him the money and he offered to blow me while i drove him to his dealer's. i declined because i could barely focus on driving as it was. once we got there, he got out and said he'd be a minute. i left my car running in the in-between mode where it uses your battery but no gas. a few minutes go by and he texts me saying he was making sure he was cleaned out and was sorry for it taking so long. i got like one text after this and then he disappeared entirely. i waited for hours longer than i should have because it was like 9:30 i think when i left and was 11, almost 12 am by this point. so i finally said fuck it and was gearing to leave...

until i realized my car had completely died. yeah. the in-between state didn't feel so smart now lmao. my mom was panicking because i wasn't home. i was starting to freeze because it was like 32 degrees F outside. i had this big comforter in my trunk and that did nothing! it was to a point where my body was physically shaking because it had lost that much heat. i had no heater i could run, nowhere to go. it was the scariest moment of my life. and at this point, 2 - 3 am. finally AAA comes and jumps my car and i get home at around 3 am. it took me the entire car ride with the heater blasting to even feel my hands again. not my body, just hands. it was bad. and i do admit, i wouldn't do it again. i've been a lot more careful now than before.

but it's not just hookup apps. for me, hypersexuality ruins relationships. nathan and i were never going to work out, but the second i had to start seeing him in a more sexual nature, it was done for. and i will never forgive myself for that. and it's never changed. if i had a close relationship with anyone and it became sexual, it'd be over. and this is what really makes me feel so abnormal. cause i hate it so much. i fucking hate feeling so horny that i almost mentally shut down or the willingness to almost end my life for maybe sex. or ruining relationships because no matter how hard i try, all i can think about is us fucking. it's my living hell. i genuinely feel like some days i can't even get anything done because i just can't stop feeling horny. even though i don't even have it in me physically to have sex, it won't stop or go away.

this post is way too long lmao. but yeah that's me sharing more than i ever thought i would. if this helps someone even just by putting into words maybe what you thought wasn't possible, then i'm glad /gen. i just wish it didn't make going day by day so unnecessarily difficult. like as if it wasn't hard enough

[starsnores]

how do you think gamzee views the church? i saw your post thinking hes not actually that religious, so him being so closely tied to religious imagery is rly fascinating to me. like even without being a true believer, hes mired in it, etc. just love to hear more of your thoughts on it!

ok so i'm gonna try and answer this with out rambling too much or sounding insane and contradictory bc the thing with me is i really like gamzee bc he's so volatile. there's a core to him that remains consistent but he's so changeable in the way he interacts with the world and people around him in a way that makes me insane?

So with gamzee, Church is sort of like. a thing he attached himself to very young. As a child it was a community that welcomed him openly, that was fascinating and bright against the backdrop awfulness of his home life and alternia in general (even as that church contributed to that awfulness) and the death worship, death, the dead, and dying, as ways to connect with the divine appealing to his morbid fascinations. But there's also a core to him that is very jaded, bc idk he's an observant guy and living on alternia sucks! there's this pit inside him and he feels awful all the time and he wants to believe in miracles so badly, and so maybe he doesn't believe so much in gods or holy relics or scripture, but he does believe in the transformative cycles of life and death, wants whimsy and miracles and is so full of an empty directionless rage. he grows up so deeply mired in these ideas and this culture that even separated from true faith it can't be washed out from him. and that's on purpose i think. there's this weight all coming down onto him to mold him a certain way. An eldritch truth behind everything that Must come to pass, and then there's that tipping point where apathetic commitment becomes a divine revelation, like when he says he's god(s) he's not right but he's not wrong either. but i think it also means he must know that gamzee makara needs to die for this. he doesn't get to be swept up whole into a new being he needs to die first, and a lot of that religion pushes him further towards his most awful self destructive tendencies. idk i think i'm rambling now lmao.

[elizmanderson]

(For the ask game)

I've heard you mention 'Remarkable Retirement' a few times. And I NEED more information so I can propperly obsess.

Thanks:)

SO GLAD YOU ASKED

first of all, obligatory plug because The Remarkable Retirement of Edna Fisher is out now in hardcover, paperback, and ebook, with an audiobook pending! you can find tbr and buy links (plus fun stuff like a "which character are you" quiz) at my linktree.

(I also have a shiny new website if you prefer a traditional website format or if that's more accessible to you)

okay anyway

the inspiration is exactly what you'd think it was

for anyone who doesn't know yet, the book was inspired by this post that I saw on tumblr years ago when I had my original account

...except it's not a series, she's 83, and she had one cat in the first draft who got cut because I simply cannot keep track of characters' pets, rip Mittens

here's a plot summary

which I c/p'ed from Goodreads just now, but I wrote this summary myself except for the lovely blurb from SJ Whitby at the bottom

You're never too old for adventure.

When you’re a geriatric armed with nothing but gumption and knitting needles, stopping a sorcerer from wiping out an entire dragon-fighting organization is a tall order. No one understands why 83-year-old Edna Fisher is the Chosen One, destined to save the Knights from a dragon-riding sorcerer bent on their destruction. After all, Edna has never handled a magical weapon, faced down a dragon, or cast a spell. And everyone knows the Council of Wizards always chooses a teenager—like the vengeful girl ready to snatch Edna’s destiny from under her nose.

Still, Edna leaps at the chance to leave the nursing home. With her son long dead in the Knights’ service, she’s determined to save dragon-fighters like him and to ensure other mothers don’t suffer the same loss she did. But as Edna learns about the abuse in the ranks and the sorcerer’s history as a Knight, she questions if it’s really the sorcerer that needs stopping—or the Knights she’s trying to save.

“Beyond the utterly charming premise of this wonderful book, you will find dazzling wit, a cast of delightful characters, and a plot that will sweep you away. At heart, this is a love story, but one that shows the depth and complexity of love in all its permutations. But my very favourite thing about this book is how it makes me believe in a kinder, better world.” - SJ Whitby, author of the Cute Mutants series

no-context spoilers aka random shit in the book that I like to mention now and then for funsies

handkerchief magic

a largely useless wizard

"I'm fine" [but she was not fine]

"snickerdoodles"

"we're not flying right into a SHITLOAD OF DRAGONS" (I have a temporary tattoo and stickers with this quote on it lmao it's a fave)

a dragon who thinks he's a lap dog

a dragon who hoards flowers

an extremely self-indulgent kiss-on-the-beach scene

a Soft Old Man™

maybe she's born with it, maybe it's PTSD

idk I'm bad at giving info without a specific question

I could literally talk about this book (or,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,anything I'm writing) all day, but I never know where to start or where to stop when I lack a specific question lmao. so if you have more questions or new questions or questions about anything listed here, please let me know what they are so I can answer them better!

[vitaetmorsfilo]

this is a list of moments where natsu is smart (and then some) (episodes from 33 to 48)

(should i- should i still call it that? it fells like its more of me just yapping then anything else, lmao)

(anyway)

- when fighting wally and milliana, managed to turn his disadvantage of head being stuck in a cat helmet into an advantage using milliana's love for cats,so that she would be hesitant to attack him and would sabotage wally when he attacked (also using milliana's plush as a shield against wally's attack, good use of your environment)

- (cunty gray fullbaster)

- (also, kudos from me to ikagura, who managed to corner erza, and forced her out of her armor and to rethink her tactics, no one else have done it, you are underappreciated queen)

- (and second also, like, poor natsu? when they where on galuna, he saw how gray nearly killed himself twice, after phantom lord, was worried that lucy decided to go home, and now, simon is telling him that erza won't back down even when etherion strikes, thus killing her and jellal, his team is full of self-sacrificial people, huh?...(combine it with how zeref became cursed, just so he could bring natsu back, what is it with people around natsu-))

- (and another kudos from me to fucking jellal, you sly bastard. tricking EVERYONE around into thinking that there were two of you, and that etherion is necessary to destroy r-system, when actually it was the only way for it to gather enough magic power to do its work, ingenious, i got goose bumps from these scenes-) (or maybe its all just ultear's puppeteering, still cool tho-)

- (natsu... punching those he cares about into unconsciousness, so that they don't overexert themselves, huh... (okay, it happened only to gray and erza as of now, lucy is lucky she avoided it))

- (it is also evidence for how well nastu can mask and hide his emotions, because as he got erza, he smiled, and talked about another quest and paying lucy's rent, and started tickling erza, but the moment she passed out, his gears instantly shifted 180º, telling about how erza cried, that she gave up, and how he is going to fight for her to wake up from this nightmare, like, he was 100% putting up a brave face for erza)

- when fighting jellal, he was focusing very hard on smell, sound, and touch, to predict jellal's movement's

- when jellal said that tower can't handle more destruction, or magic will start to leak out, he immediately punched tower, that destroying is what fairy tail does best, aye! (that also means jellal can't fight in full power, while natsu has no such restrictions)

- eating etherion in substitution to his fire, and actually absorbing it, triggering his dragon force, damn, our favourite freak of nature, everyone! sure, it was a gamble, but one that paid off (what is it with you putting weird things in your mouth? first, when fighting lullaby, you talked about how would souls taste like, now etherion, and a bit later laxus' lightning, are you an animal? (don't bother answering, we know you are🥰🥰🥰))

- used falling chunks of tower to climb up to jellal and to catch up with him

- (oh, our assassins are okay, whew)

- natsu managing to find erza in that whirlpool of magic and save her (its not really about being smart, but i can't imagine that feat being easy, okay?)

- got the idea to "melt" erza from being a stone with his fire? makarov and happy kicked up a fuss, but gajeel was rather calm, even if he said that it was risky... task failed successfully, i suppose. erza is free, so that's what counts.

- (wait, i forgot that gajeel was even dealing with ivan, what the f-)

- (AND ONCE AGAIN, how the fuck lisanna is even alive? she talks about how she doesn't feel anything, and based on her reaction and how her eyes look she probably became blind. that's some spinal AND brain damage AT THE LEAST. how she managed to walk around edolas as if nothing happened-)

- correctly interpreted Laxus's impatience as worry, because his plan really was all or nothing, with all being named master, and nothing being, uh, i dunno, destroying magnolia? but now he won't have either

- (also, what in all hells, natsu? once is an accident, twice is a coincidence, but thrice is a damned pattern, stop stripping in your fights, you are not gray-)

[transhawks]

Spinner screaming I don't care at Shouji as the other tried to engage him an actual conversation about being heteromorphs and what the plan was for them is not....positive growth. Where is the Shuuichi who grabbed Tomura by the collar and demanded answers because he was there for a reason and that being what was done to him?!

He became this?! This?!

You think this is okay because he's doing it for a friend? Bby boys and girls and nonbinaries, the mangaka ain't agreeing with that.

Does this look like something someone who cares about a friend should do?

Like if you think discarding all previously held beliefs in favor of giving up autonomy and sense of self for another person is friendship, congratulations bitch, you're mentally ill in a very cluster B way, and I'll warn you lamictal made my ass sleepy.

Horikoshi isn't subtle lmao.

You know what he sees when he turns back?!

No one. Shuuichi is ALONE. ABANDONED. HE HAS NO ALLIES. The friend he's doing this for is possessed by a hundred and fifty your old maniac who thinks life is a comic book and Spinner is simply helping him at this point. Like you think Spinner doesn't know that he's not getting Tomura back? Of course he's denying it because to reconcile with it means to reconcile that every thing he loved about Tomura since Deika had been hurting Tomura and shouldn't have been adored.

Also, Horikoshi isn't drawing empty fucking corridors because he likes sharp lines and shading in shit.

"Shoji must have gotten through to them".

Honestly, sometimes the story beats you with the fact things are wrong. I've shown that in stuff regarding Hawks's murder of Jin and that was STILL more subtle than whatever the fuck this is. None of this is good or helped and fuck if it's not heartbreaking to see what Spinner turned himself into.

Yeah, what HE turned himself into. Because ultimately he did let AFO do this to him. You think Spinner couldn't have walked away? I think he could have. You think Spinner couldn't have asked Dabi and Toga what to do? I think he could have, because those two are just not even engaging with what's happening to Tomura and maybe seeing them like that could have really spelt it out for Spinner that somewhere all of this had gone deeply wrong.

There's no positivity here. This is a tragedy. It's meant to be read like one. Spinner adores his friend for the traits and wishes of his that are a direct result of his trauma and grooming. Spinner finds inspiration in actions that only served to rob Tomura of free will. Spinner contributed to that. Spinner let someone turn him into the thing he kept begging people to understand he wasn't - a monster because it stopped mattering as much to him as Tomura. This isn't good.

Seriously. This is why I was holding my tongue for months about all of this and not engaging with people obsessed with Spinner's relationship with Tomura. I don't understand why people can't clearly see how fucked up this all is and it makes me really frightened of how many of you live your lives for other people to the point of self-destruction and think that's healthy or normal.

[gunkbaby]

do you think Tsukiyama is a vrigin

I’ll answer this quickly because an unwarranted overanalysis about Shuu and sex is coming I fear - which was not the question!

Personally, in general: no.

When I read him, when I write him, I don’t see him as a virgin. I actually have a oneshot related to his ‘first time’ sitting half-baked in my drafts, relating it to ‘ghoul hood’ and people eating - it’s maybe a bit Bones And All coded lol - I might post it idk. My main project with him has sex as a sort of key theme - using it to express passion that isn’t understood, ferality, and forms of self-destruction - I bring that up to say that maybe I don’t think Shuu is a virgin because I have been writing this thing too long, and maybe it’s swayed my answer/opinion of him. Maybe also worth noting that I headcanon Shuu as having BPD and I have BPD, and that can affect how you act sexually and I also find that the way I myself think about sex and the like can also be a bit odd. So in short: maybe I’m utterly wrong, and am horrendously projecting my experiences alone in my opinion! You tell me!

In canon though, I’m like 99% sure he has eaten sexual organs - and I don’t doubt there’s more off-screen meals he’s done like that. So maybe that adds a bit of credence to Shuu not being a virgin - if you associate the way ghouls eat with their sexuality. I certainly wouldn’t call him a prude, regardless.

I think Shuu’s virginity or lack thereof can be approached it in different ways - I feel like Shuu could be read as a virgin also. If someone said that I wouldn’t argue heavily against it, unless it was used to like. Make fun of him, or something - because mocking virginity is just really lame to me. But I don’t think him being a virgin is mischaracterisation or whatever.

Maybe virginity isn’t that big of a deal for ghouls - they eat people and I imagine they don’t differ Down There much from humans, so maybe they just think of sex differently. Maybe they experience it differently, feel it differently. I think that’s an interesting thought - how ghoulhood might affect their sexuality - something to chew on, I like that.

If I do allow myself one tangential point here about Shuu and sex in general, I would argue against is the idea that Shuu is like. A horny sex pest. I’ve seen that interpretation before, mostly on the TG Reddit - shocking to no one. Worth noting that TG Reddit is where most of the straight men in this fandom are, and that particular interpretation of Shuu feels very much like a straight man’s comprehension of pining. Like I’ve seen art of him with kinda foot fetish intentions from him and it feels so…Like people weren’t understanding why Shuu is a bit. Peculiar about the Kaneki handkerchief - i don’t read it as a fetish or anything for him, i read it as him being hyper-focused on something and needing every part of it - something like that. He might be getting a bit randy in those scenes, but I feel like it’s not in the way ppl have made out - Shuu doesn’t feel like a ‘male gaze man’ to me, and that interpretation does feel like that to me.

Sorry. I allowed myself one long tangent lmao. Maybe I’ll sound off about Shuu and sex in the reblogs - but I kinda wanna rethink my ideas of it anyways, so sorry if in like. Three days I reblog this with excess Shuu waffle. Thank you for the ask anon!