#maybe rn is not the best time but ill go back to being a good moot once my mental health aint shite 🙏🙏

[royalelo]

UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!! HIII MOOT?? MOOT?? OH ALSO IM SCOTTISH AND MIXED AZERBAIJANI AND SAUDI :p

[phagodyke]

nvm im too tired and overstimulated for this shit

[imaginesig]

“Could someone give a message to the smallest man who ever lived”

pt2: "Ditch the clowns, get the crown / baby I'm the one to beat"

Lewis Hamilton x Reader

SMAU

The reader is a singer-songwriter who just broke up with long term fiancé Lewis Hamilton. Of course she wrote a gut wrenching album to cope.

This is gonna be a lot of shitting on Lewis— absolutely no hate! I just love a good heartbreak and the Tortured Poets Department

Also dates aren’t accurate bc I don’t have time to worry abt all that and I totally stole all of this from real life- not an ounce of originality

yn_ln

Liked by lewishamilton, mercadesamgf1, user28, and 928,928 others

yn_ln: pinky promise to always by your side 🏎️

Tagged: lewishamilton

lewishamilton pinky promise to always be by YOUR side

yn_ln ♥️

mercadesamgf1 always a pleasure to host our pop princess!

yn_ln always a pleasure to be hosted!!

user1 looks always kill in the paddock

user2 ugh to be in the F1 paddock watching my driver fiancee on weekends I'n not touring

user3 stunning!!

user4 the pinky promise makes me physically ill😭

user5 fr WHEN WILL IT BE MY TURN

carmenmmundt gorgeous! Always a good time with you 🫶

yn_ln dinner soon?

carmenmmundt yes please!!

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lewishamilton

Liked by yn_ln, user2, mercadesamgf1, and 810,298 others

lewishamilton: could’ve been better but back to work for next week

Tagged: yn_ln

user1 being a Hamilton fan used to be fun, I used to be happy

user2 the second photo is so fanfic coded I can't

user3 omg yes!!

user4 maybe Ferrari will be championship #8

user5 hottest couple in the paddock

mercadesamgf1 watch out Australia 👊💥

yn_ln

Liked by lewishamilton, sabrinacarpender, user92, and 929,290 others

yn_ln: Argentina I’m so glad we were able to dance my best dress with you! Until next time 🫶🎇

tagged: no one

user1 BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE

user2 babe wake up a dancing Taylor post just dropped

sabrinacarpender such an electric crowd!!

yn_ln thank you for your hype work

lewishamilton: wonderful show once again!!

user3 best night ever

user4 AHHH STUNNING

user5 manifesting tickets so hard rn

lewishamilton posted a story

Caption: Help me hold on to you ♥️

ynupdates

Liked by user1, user5, user9, and 819,109 others

ynupdates: Superstar Y/n L/n and boyfriend Lewis Hamilton after her show in Argentina!!

tagged: lewishamilton, yn_ln

user1 LMAO the update account rlly said she's everything and he's just Ken

user2 the wine was iconic!!

user3 omg that's my photo!!

user4 we thank you for your service

user5 you know she was jumping with joy bc of those boots

user6 omg irl! I can't imagine how her feet feel after heels all show

user7 they are so sweet

user8 get yourself a man who takes you out after work

user9 my fav couple fr fr

Twitter—

yn_ln

liked by sabrinacarpender, carmenmmundt, user9, and 928,029 others

ln_yn: Round of applause for Brazil for their incredible rain show!!

tagged no one

user1 the first pic 😳

user2 chills, literal chills

user3 the entire vibes of the whole show was wow

user4 I agree and I was watching through a fuzzy live stream

user5 anybody else need illicit affairs (angry verson) on Spotify now

user6 me me me!!

user7 Y/n make it happen

user8 it kinda felt personal ngl

user9 best night ever!! I went as fearless in a gold dress and to say I danced in a storm in my “best dress” with Y/n was incredible!!

user10 omg that’s so lucky!!

yn_ln

liked by user92, sabrinacarpender, girlsinred, and 928,929 others

yn_ln: Thank you South America for welcoming me with open arms for this leg of the tour!! I will miss you all dearly over break but rest and relaxation is important for an awesome European leg!!

tagged: no one

user1 I’m gonna miss the fuzzy live streams 😭

user2 gets some rest Queen!!

user3 I can’t wait for the second leg!! Let’s go Europe🫶🫶

user4 it’s go time to get my Eras outfit

user8 I need ideas!!

user4 me and my boyfriend are going as Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince

user9 I’m dressing in a white dress with a small veil that says “fucked in the head” and messed up makeup bc champagne problems is one of my favs

user10 I love it!!

user5 anybody else sad Lewis wasn’t at these last few shows, nor was she at any races or seen near mercades home base

user6 they’ve been together for 6 years, I’m not worried abt them spending some time focused on their jobs without each other

user7 yea and they’re really private so I’m sure they’ll catch up plenty during her break

lewishamilton

liked by mercadesamgf1, user1, user8, and 928,292 others

lewishamilton: not the results we needed but that’s what growing is all about

tagged: no one

comments have been disabled

lewishamilton

liked by georgerussel, mercadesamgf1, user83, and 718,292 others

lewishamilton: that’s P2💪

tagged: no one

mercadesamgf1 that's our driver!!🏆

georgerussell congrats man! bloody good driving today

lewishamilton double point weekend

comments have been limited

Twitter—

yn_ln

liked by user4, user9, ynhq, and 918,918 others

yn_ln: All’s fair in love and poetry, April 4th

tagged: no one

comments have been limited

Twitter pre-album release—

Twitter post-album release—

yn_ln

liked by: user433, user94, user93, and 282,209 others

yn_ln: surprise!! "The Tortured Poets Department: Eros" out now!! This edition includes two new songs, "So High School" and "The Alchemy"

tagged: no one

comments have been disabled

[yujiqi]

match made in heaven

stranger!hyunjin x wealthy f!reader

synopsis: you’re feeling desperate tonight so you decide to look for someone to hook up with on a dating app and it seems you guys could be more than a one night stand

genre/s: smut, fluff

warnings: oral f!receiving, vanilla sex, lil bit of dry humping

wc: 1.7k

a/n: listen to singularity - bts while reading! i wrote this 2 years ago so it’s not that good but i feel bad for not posting so heres a little smth! mostly proofread!

you long for evenings like this. sipping on a glass of wine, taking a hot bath with a rich lavender essence filling the bathroom.

"miss y/n, your food has arrived. shall i leave it here?" you hear your butler from the other side of the door.

"leave it on my coffee table, thank you"

you hear his footsteps fading away. being wealthy is fun. many people say money cant buy happiness but you think that's false. they're just saying that because they don't have money.

you live alone, your butler and the others that do your housework come early in the morning, but by midnight, it's just you. a part of you wishes you had someone to spend your nights with. you’re the ceo of the company your dad owns. some say you were born with a silver spoon. they aren't wrong, but it does bother you how people badmouth you behind your back when you could easily end their career.

you take the last sip of your wine and set the glass down. you carefully step out of the bathtub and wrap a towel around yourself. the aroma of food fills your nostrils. you ordered lobster with a couple other sides. your butler left a new bottle of wine right by it. you usually don't have big meals like this but it’s friday and it’s been a tiring week. you hear your phone ring and you hesitate for a moment. you don't feel like talking to anyone right now. it’s your mom calling. she's always bugging you about how you need to get married.

"hello" you finally answer the phone.

"y/n. what did i tell you about ignoring my calls." she sounds mad.

"you know i'm busy, mom"

"too busy to answer the woman that brought you to this planet?"

"mom," you pause for a second because you really don't wanna do this right now. "i have to go"

"when are you going to get married, y/n" you feel like she can practically hear your eye roll at this point.

"why are you so worried about that when i'm literally the ceo of a company? i'm well off, i don’t need a man" you protest.

"i just think it would be best if you settled with a man, have a kid that will soon takeover the company too"

"i'm going to sleep. goodnight" and with that, you hang up.

you’re 26, she seriously needs to back off a bit. although you do feel you should find a man. you don't want a man to settle down with though, you want a man to satisfy you and pleasure you. lord knows you need it. you can't remember the last time you had sex. maybe 3 years ago? you’ve been so busy, you haven't had time to think about yourself. you look at your phone and can't believe what you’re about to do. you open the app store and type in "hookup apps".

you’re shocked you’d stoop this low, but you’re feeling really desperate tonight. you open the app and it asks for the basics. name, age, city, and a few extra questions. the app is very quick to find matches. none of them interest you until someone catches your eye.

hyunjin, 23, seoul

cool, hes 3 years younger than you but you can make it work. you send a request to him and he immediately sends a message.

hyunjin: into younger guys i see?

me: im gonna be honest... im really desperate rn

hyunjin: oh yeah? dont u wanna know even a little bit about me?

me: not really

hyunjin: i could be an old white man yk

me: the fact that ur saying that alr lets me know ur not

hyunjin: true

me: ill give u my address then

hyunjin: already???

me: i told u im desperate

you send him your address and anxiously wait in the lobby area of your penthouse. you mess with the strap on your velvet robe. you’re not wearing anything underneath so easy access, right? you get a message from hyunjin asking for the gate code. you give it to him and soon you hear the doorbell chime throughout the house. you quickly get up and open the massive door for him.

"woah" his mouth wide open, pure shock on his face

"you like it?"

"i'm not talking about the house, i'm talking about you" he says.

well that's a first. you don't get many guests, but when you do, all they talk about is the house.

"you're bold" is all you manage to let out. he's fine. incredibly fine. the way his long black his falls perfectly onto his shoulders. you notice the mole under eye. how unique. he's also very tall, much taller than you at least. he has long, slim fingers and your mind can't help but imagine what he can do with them.

"do you want a glass of wine?" you ask him

"i thought you were horny"

"i am, i'm just building up to it" you look up at him with those eyes. the ones that make any guy melt. you grab his hand and lead him upstairs to your room. we sit on the couch and you pour him a glass. even while he drinks, he doesn't take his eyes off of you. he looks hungry and you like it.

"this is a nice place you have" he says, setting down the glass.

"yeah, i'm the ceo of my dad's company" you’re not really one to brag so you don't know why you said that, internally face palming. he nods and continues to stare into your eyes. he then looks down to catch a glimpse at what you’re wearing. the hunger in his eyes grows even more. with the way he's looking at you, you don't think you can sit still any longer. you get closer to him. he watches you closely. you look at him and ask,

"what do you want?"

"you" is all he says before placing his lips on yours. he kisses you so slow and sensually, just how you like it. you wrap your arms around his neck and your hand moves to the back of his head. he deepens the kiss, if that was even possible. he adjusts himself on the couch, making you sit on his lap. you can't help but to slightly grind against him due to the lack of friction. he lets out a slight groan into the kiss. so he likes this... good to know.

"hyunjin, please" you breathe between kisses

he only lets out a low moan in response. his hands find your robe strap. he wastes no time unraveling it. you get goosebumps from the cold air. but the second his hands land on your bare chest, you feel hot. he plays with your breasts for a while before breaking the kiss. his lips move to your jaw, then neck, then collarbone. you start to breathe heavy as you wait for him to put his mouth where you want it the most.

he kisses the area right above your left nipple and takes it in his mouth soon after. you almost immediately moan at the sensation you haven't felt in forever. you run your fingers gently through his hair as his face is shoved in your chest.

"hyunjin, the bed" you whisper into his ear. he stops feasting on you and looks into your eyes with that same look from before, but this one more desperate. he hurriedly picks you up and places you on your king bed, white satin sheets. your lips connect again with the slow and sensual pace as hyunjin climbs on top of you. it feels like you’ve been doing this all night but its only been a few minutes. you pull his shirt over his head. he has a slim appearance, but also has visible abs. what a sight. he's so beautiful, you admire him before he starts to kiss down your stomach. he gets closer and closer to your pussy and you want to moan before he even does anything. you like that in this moment, no words are needed. you’re taking things slowly. you desperately want him to touch and feel every part of you. he looks up at you before eating you out like you’re his last meal. with every movement of his tongue, you feel like you’re in heaven knowing you’re far from it. you thrust your hips, shoving yourself further into his mouth. he pulls your legs further apart, trying to taste every inch of you. there's that familiar yet unfamiliar feeling building up in you.

a breathy "hyun m’gonna" is all that can come out of your mouth.

"not yet love" he moves away from your pulsing cunt. you’re about to whine before he shuts you up with another kiss. he sits up to unbutton his pants. he discards his boxers as well. he pumps himself a bit before leaning down to place more kisses onto your lips as if he'll never get to feel them again. he adjusts himself before thrusting into you slowly. gosh it's been so long since you’ve felt something this good. he leans forward onto his elbows, his cock buried deep in you. you feel his breath your my ear. you wrap your arms around him tightly. the way you are right now feels so comfortable. it's like you’ve known him your whole life even though you met 30 minutes ago. he ruts into you deeply and passionately.

"y/n you're doing so good" he breathes out. he holds you tighter, kissing the skin by your ear. his thrusts start to get faster as you both get closer to your orgasm, and your moans get louder. there's that feeling again, except it's much more intense this time. with one final thrust, you both release. it's interesting how you’re so in sync with everything. you don't want this to be your last night with him. you guys catch your breath for a second before he removes his head from your neck to look at you.

"you're amazing" he smiles at you, a sincere one.

"you too" you smile back.

for some reason, it feels like you don't need to say anything else. like you both know what the other is feeling and thinking through everything you just did. it's connections like this that you should cherish. you plan on sticking with him.

"lets stay like this for a while, then get cleaned up, yeah?" he says

you just nod, his hair tickles your chin.

you’ve finally found your match, your match made in heaven.

[mickyschumacher]

Hi hun

Could you maybe write a smau about Charles x Brazilian!reader and maybe she’s like a famous actress or something?

Thank you 🤍🤍

[NOT HIDING!]

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: after being publicly mistreated by your ex-boyfriend, fans couldn't be more welcoming to a certain f1 driver.

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: mentions of cheating, poor humor, google translated portuguese

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: charles leclerc x famous brazilian actress!fem!reader

𝐅𝐂: bruna marquezine

𝐀/𝐍: i opted for a sm au after getting ill this week so hope ya'll don't mind! i was also stuck between bruna and livia as the fc but i figured my girlie bruna was the best! hope this was okay anon ♡︎

𝐏.𝐒: i don't think there are much plots in sm aus so there wasn't much here lol! also getting danny ric back at this time is kinda crazy. couldn't believe it when i saw it... but i also feel for nick :(

𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

charles_leclerc posted on his story!

yourusername

liked by masonmount, charles_leclerc, zendaya, and 2,304,093 others

yourusername: cura ♡ healing♡

view all 53,041 comments

leclercs: guYS THE DOG 👀

norrarijimin: they're soft launching 🤧🥺

zendaya: beautiful girl ❤️

yourusername: says you ♡︎

ynauurrrr: i miss her and n tho 🤧

ynbestgirl: bestie no one misses him lmao

f1gossip

liked by leclercs, pierregasly, ynbestgirl and 24,942 others

f1gossip: Rumoured WAG Y/N L/N has been promoting her heavily anticipated show in the Netherlands and seen taking pictures with her fans, a few days before the Dutch Grand Prix.

tagged: yourusername

view all 745 comments

ausnorris1: it just keeps getting better am i right?

ynbestgirl: does she ever have a day off being the prettiest woman in the world?

norrarijimin: no one talking about gasly's like?

leclercs: the drama this man likes to start...

pierregasly liked this comment!

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, pierregasly, landonorris, and 3,294,291 others

yourusername: here are some behind the scenes while you wait for the first episode tonight!

tagged: romuloestrela, johnnyomassaro

view all 63,304 comments

romuloestrela: uau… estamos incríveis. wow... we look amazing.

johnnyomassaro: modelos models

yourusername: obviamente... obviously...

ynbestgirl: IT'S GONNA BE SO GOOOOOOD

leclercs: talent with talent... love to see it!

charles_leclerc posted to his story!

[ charles_leclerc: new day, new show recommendation for tifosi! #deusslaveorei ]

[ charles_leclerc: favourite character is caterina ❤️ #deusslaveorei ]

yourusername posted on her story!

[ yourusername: i hope singapore is ready for ferrari! thank you for having me f1 ♡︎ ]

[ yourusername: the singapore grand prix winner doesn't want to show his face... anyways... proud of you charles_leclerc ]

charles_leclerc

liked by yourusername, arthur_leclerc, pierregasly, and 1,203,951 others

charles_leclerc: birthday break with the people i love before the us grand prix! still in shape and ready to win ❤️

tagged: arthur_leclerc, lorenzotl, leclerc_pascale

view all 5,394 comments

danielricciardo: happy birthday mate! hope you had a good one ❤️

pierregasly: happy birthday bro

landonorris: why no invite brooo :(

carlossainz55: ^^

arthur_leclerc: man i look good

charles_leclerc: it's the genes

lorenzotl: you're welcome ♡︎

arthur_leclerc: ...

norrarijimin: WHY DIDN'T U TAG HER AHFSRHEAKRHESIJRB

leclercs: they're still soft launching for god's sake 😭💀

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, pierregasly, zendaya, and 5,938,214 others

yourusername: he wins in méxico, he wins in são paulo ♡︎ proud of you, meu lindo. proud of you, my beautiful.

tagged: charles_leclerc

view all 100,392 comments

pierregasly: FINALLY

leclercs: LMAOOOO PIERRE

pierregasly: i thought i was going to die if i had to keep it a secret any longer 🤧

charles_leclerc: a for effort ig

charles_leclerc: thank you, chérie. thank you, sweetheart

ausnorris1: anyone checking up on ynbestgirl?

ynbestgirl: choosing to happily throw myself over a cliff rn.

norrarijimin: room for two?

ynbestgirl: ofc

charles_leclerc

liked by yourusername, pierregasly, landonorris, and 3,283,983 others

charles_leclerc: not that we've been hiding it but this is y/n, the love of my life. say hi y/n!

view all 13,078 comments

landonorris: hi y/n! yourusername

pierregasly: hi yourusername

danielricciardo: hiiiiiii yourusername

carlossainz55: hi! yourusername

yourusername: ...

yourusername: i have mixed feelings about this post

yourusername: what are these photos? 😭

charles_leclerc: what do you mean? they're my memories of you 😄

ynbestgirl: STOP IT CHARLES MY HEART CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE yourusername liked this comment!

yourusername: ^

leclercs: and here lies ynbestgirl. y/n's biggest fan. passed on the 7th of november 2023 due to y/n herself

ynbestgirl: they do say never meet your heroes 😭

yourusername: i–

© 𝐌𝐈𝐂𝐊𝐘𝐒𝐂𝐇𝐔𝐌𝐀𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐑

[runningfrom2am]

requiem // part four

summary: according to coriolanus snow, his best friend had the most beautiful voice in all of panem. she had been training her whole life constantly to get where she was; being up for a residency at the most elite opera house in all of panem. singing was her passion. her true love; and when that got stripped from her in a second, his world became a whole lot quieter. he loathed every minute of it.

pairing: coriolanus snow x fem!reader

wc: 2.3k

masterlists / nav / requests

tags/warnings: opera singer!mentor!reader (blink and you'll miss it), she's kind of a prodigy!! p cool imo, mute!reader, bestfriend!coryo, friends to lovers trope ooo, mentions of graphic violence early on (particularly the prologue) but after that it's pretty safe, depictions of ptsd/trauma, mental illness and minor suicidal ideation but at least she's not entirely alone, descriptions of minor medical treatments and use of medication.

a/n: fighting for my LIFE trying to sort out my student loans rn. also i'm sick. butttt i did just finally get my hands on hogwarts legacy so that's eating up all my time. anyway that's a small update on my life.

also, reminder to follow @runningfrom2am-library and turn on my notifications there to join my taglist for this series!!

my asks are also open to talk about this series! (i do have emoji anons open now too!)

send me any and all of your thoughts! here!

series masterlist // playlist // pinterest board

three months earlier

"You could write her a song." Clemensia suggests with a shrug, tapping her pen against the inkwell, hardly looking up from it.

Coryo scoffs, shaking his head. "Don't mock me, Clemmie. I'm serious."

"So am I!" She laughs, facing her palms up against the table and looking across at him now. "She likes music, it's like, the only thing she likes. It would make her happy, I'd bet. Is that not the whole point?"

In the face of something so juvenile as asking his best friend to go to their graduation gala together, Coryo is stumbling. You were his best friend, yes, he could just outright ask- especially considering nearly everyone had already just assumed that the two of you would be attending together, but something about that didn't sit right with him.

Other girls were getting special things. Flowers, jewelry, notes, and love letters that he had genuinely heard that, on a couple of occasions, brought tears to their eyes. Not that he wanted you to cry, but... He wanted you to feel that he cared. It was important to him that you knew he really cared.

"It is." He grumbles, rubbing his forehead.

"Okay, then-"

"I'm not writing her a song."

Clemensia sighs, rolling her eyes. "It doesn't have to be any good. Maybe it's even better if it's bad! She'd get a good laugh out of it too."

"Yes, and then I'd never live it down." He says, pushing his hair back out of his eyes and trying to put his focus on the assignment they were supposed to be working on. "Besides, I didn't ask for your advice. I don't need it."

"Yes, you do." She insists with a teasing smile, reaching over the table and poking him in the shoulder with her pen. "You wouldn't have told me otherwise. You were just too scared to ask directly."

Coryo lets out a deep breath through his nose, shaking his head in quiet denial, but she can easily make out the pink tinge on his cheeks.

"Coryo, you know she'll say yes no matter what, right?" She adds, her voice softer this time.

"That's not... that's not what I'm worried about. Necessarily, I mean."

"Ah." Clemensia hums in response, taking the end of her ink pen between her teeth. "More like... you just don't want her to get the impression that she was a last resort?"

"She's not." He defends quickly.

She raises her hands defensively, a short and quiet laugh falling from her lips in the library. "I know. I know that. I'm just clarifying that you don't want her to get that impression."

When he doesn't respond, pretending to pour all his focus into taking notes again, Clemensia lets out a dramatic sigh. "I don't know, just ask her. She knows you well enough that I really don't think it matters. Just... when's the next time you're hanging out?"

"Not sure." He mumbles, scribbling down some notes that he knows are hardly legible.

"Well, what about after class today? See if she wants to go get coffee or something."

"She's coaching until seven."

"Tomorrow?"

"Rehearsals."

Clemensia lets out a huff. "This weeken-"

"Orchestra practice." He cuts her off this time.

"Panem that girl is busy." She sighs. "How does she even have any friends at all?"

"We make time." He shrugs nonchalantly, as if it didn't bother him that he hardly ever saw his best friend this late in the academic year. That was common for you, though. Usually come summer and fall you had more free time to share with him. And he was happy to wait- it wasn't like he didn't get busy during exam seasons too.

"Okay, well, now is the time to 'make time'." She exclaims sternly, leaning closer across the table and lowering her voice to a whisper. "Because I heard rumours that Sejanus Plinth was intending on asking her, and you and I both know that she is far too kind to say no. Even if he is District."

Coriolanus' jaw tenses at that and he grips his pen just a little bit harder. "Have you done question fifteen yet?"

He had already been thinking about that for weeks, and he would torture himself for another week before he finally took Clemensia's advice and "made time".

You had seen him since that conversation he had had with Clemmie, but that didn't mean he could ever get himself to actually bring up graduation outside of asking you casually if anyone had asked you yet. To which, the answer was always an unbothered "no", and a shrug that allowed you to mask the sadness behind your smile.

He didn't exactly "make time", though. His plan was quite the opposite. Knowing you had morning practice, he got to the academy early and shoved the folded up paper in your locker and practically ran down the empty halls to the library. No taking it back now.

'A note? That's so stupid! She's your best friend! Just ask!' His thoughts race at him, but that's exactly why he did it this way. He couldn't back out again now.

"Coryo," Your familiar voice says as you slide into the seat next to him, hair perfectly styled and uniform ironed flat despite the early morning you must have had.

He looks over at you, eyes slightly wide out of nervousness. "Uh, hey... How's, um... How's your morning?" He asks, trying his best to play it casual.

You smile, sliding the folded up piece of paper you had found in your locker back over to him. "Good." You answer, already going about taking out your books. "Yours?"

"Good." He nods, mouth dry as he stares down at the paper, looking between the sheet and you.

Silently, you nod for him to open it, a small smile on your lips.

He hesitates before opening it, the conscious effort it takes to not tremble taking over his nerves.

He curses himself for his own fears about what it would say, blinking a couple times before reading the note.

'Want to go to the grad gala with me? -Coriolanus'

And then in small, flawless handwriting, a swift and smooth print that lacked any hesitation, there was a new line underneath.

'Yes :)'

"I only tried on fifty different dresses to decide on the fit and style of what I wanted." You say with a slight laugh, unzipping the garment bag that held your dress.

Coryo was sitting on your bed, like he often did, hands fidgeting in his lap. Fifty dresses to him seemed unnecessary, certainly you looked just fine in the very first one all the way through to the very last. But he did understand how seriously your family took your dresses, for both your performances and events like the one you would be attending together.

"That's... that's a fair few dresses." He laughs with a small nod, gazing into your closet and away from you for just a moment, trying to get a glimpse at your performance gowns you had stashed in bags and lining the wall. It's a wonder you had room for everything, he knew you had never tossed or re-worn a single one- all large in either sheer poofiness and volume, or bright colours and patterns that drew the eye and held them hostage in your form. Sometimes both. Coryo was never sure if it was the intent to make you look like a princess from a fairytale, but a few times a year he got to see you look just like one. What he imagined them all to be, anyway, when recalling the storybooks his mother read to him and left on the untouched shelves in his should-have-been baby sister's nursery.

"Yes, well, I wanted it to be perfect." You hum, pulling the dress out of the bag and turning to him, holding it up against your chest. "Thoughts?"

Coryo nods in response, swallowing hard. The dress was stunning, and the colour was rich- it would compliment the tones of your skin and hair beautifully. He had very little technical knowledge of fashion, but what had trickled into his mind from Tigris would lead him to believe it would be complimentary to you.

But he had no idea how he would match that.

The last of his father's salvageable dress clothes was that shirt Tigris is working on for the reaping ceremony in a couple of months, and he couldn't possibly wear that twice. If she could even salvage it. Maybe he should ask her to prioritize making it into something that would better match your dress, or just wear it plain white with the black stripes to the gala instead, so he would at least feel worthy of standing at your side. Then he could wear his academy uniform on reaping day, and claim he forgot the occasion. Would that be believable?

No, of course not. That's the day the Plinth Prize will be awarded.

Hopefully to him. Definitely to him, he had to pray. He was never a religious man- no one really was anymore, but reading about it in pre-Panem history textbooks, he couldn't deny the temptation to beg some higher power for help.

The prize would solve everything.

"You like it?" You ask, drawing him from his internal panic and he nods, smiling.

"Yeah, yes. Wow. It's lovely." He nods, clearing his throat.

"Thank you." You grin, looking down at the dress and smoothing it against your leg a bit to try and get another good look at it yourself.

You let out a soft sigh of contentment before hanging it back up. "Anyway, do you want to do like a matching thing, or is that tacky?" You ask, turning to face him again.

Coryo purses his lips in thought, drumming his fingers on his lap. "I'm not sure. Are other people matching?"

You knew about his situation, of course, though he wasn't fond of talking about it. Obviously not, who would be? It never bothered you, at the end of the day he was still your best friend- even if he never let you come over to the renowned Snow penthouse unless it was some kind of emergency. Regardless, as far as the two of you knew, you were the only one outside of his family who had any idea. And you both intended to do everything you could to keep it that way.

"I think so, I heard some of the other girls talking about it." You say with a shrug. "Just something simple like a matching tie or something, we don't have to go crazy with it."

"Right." He nods, thinking it over.

"Here," You say after a moment, reaching into the bottom of the garment bag and pulling out a much smaller plastic bag with fabric samples in it from when your dress was made. "I asked for more extra than they would normally give for fabric samples, in case we wanted to match. I was hoping we could ask Tigris to make a tie or a pocket square or something, or maybe cover your cuffs with it." You suggest, sitting on the bed next to him and holding out the bag.

His heart aches as he reaches out to take it from your soft hands. It's hard to place, almost- whether or not it's gratefulness or loathing of the fact you had considered such a thing at all. Attending an event with a Snow should not include the accommodation of whether or not they could afford to dress accordingly.

The bitterness fades and settles into thankfulness for you, and all you do for him. Silently. Without discussion, without real, significant thought.

You could be friends with anyone; the girls with wealth enough to bathe in like your own, Sejanus Plinth, even, whose family quite literally bought their way into the Capitol. But you chose him.

Granted, when you chose him, you didn't have the slightest clue of the financial state of his family name, but even when you had stumbled across that fact, it didn't deter you. Coriolanus often wonders why, but who was he to question it? Hell, sometimes he wonders if the roles had been reversed, would he have been so gracious?

"Thanks." Coryo mutters, clearing his throat and nodding. "I mean, she's the expert, so I'll talk to her about what she thinks will work best."

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea." You agree with a soft laugh that makes him smile by instinct alone. He couldn't help it.

"Um, I meant to ask," Coryo says after a moment, tucking his feet up on the bed and sitting back a bit, getting more comfortable. "Did your coach agree to let you change your song for the year end gala? The one you pitched to her, that was really good. You did amazing. At least, in my opinion but I don't really know what I'm talking about."

"Thank you." You reply through a sigh, laughing slightly as you flop back on the soft cushioned duvet next to him. "But, yes and no. Yes she's letting me do something other than 'Never Enough', but it's not that song I showed her while you were there. She said it was too long and would disrupt the entire schedule, which, in hindsight does make sense and I wouldn't want to do that to everyone else."

"Well, what is it?" Coryo replies, eager to hear something new from you. It was special, he knew that it was. He had seen first hand how badly you wanted to do something else.

You smile, looking up at him as he leaned back on his hands next to you, blue eyes searching yours as if they could somehow portray the answer sooner than your lips- despite you knowing it would be a song he's never heard or even heard of before.

"I decided on something else. It's gonna be a surprise." You answer with a small, almost sly smile while you prop yourself up on your elbow, gazing up at him with your chin in your palm. "But you're gonna love it, I think."

You really hoped he would, at least.

While Coryo protests, tries to squeeze the information out of you in the light-hearted way only a best friend could, you don't budge. The song in title and content reminds you far too much of him; of his pretty face, and electric soul.

no taglist this time around!! my fics usually get over a hundred requests to be added to the taglist so instead i made a library! follow me over on @runningfrom2am-library and turn on notifs to get updates when i post new parts!!

[chrissdollie]

♡ ⸝⸝ BACK IN THE DOLLHOUSE, 2k / off hiatus event　🎀

what is this event? ♡

hii! i havent written anything in over a month due to working on my other acc and personal affairs. however, this is me coming back, ready to write more than ever! its going to be a little difficult juggling two different accs at the same time but i dont mind ! anyways ehehehe in advance, thank u so much for 2k !!!!

you can send in any request (still respecting my rules ofc !) and ill write for it ! this is the masterlist and ill tag my usual list for each post. please don't rush me for any of these, the event hasn't even offically started and i've already gotten like 5 reqs LMAOO please be patient <3

everything you see is up to date ♡

yummy, huh?

🐈₊˚ ⊹　requested by: anon :: Could you pls write something about chris with a gf who has an oral fixation which can get rly bad when she’s anxious leading to her biting on her nails or lips too much to the point of bleeding and chris being the best bf he is lets her suck on his fingers for stres relief and maybe even his dick 🎀

eclipse chapter three

🐈₊˚ ⊹　requested by: anon :: (shh technically this isnt a request request but it still counts hehe)

UNNAMED

🐈₊˚ ⊹　requested by: anon :: can you please do a rapper!chris and singer!reader where they are about to perform together and reader is really nervous but chris comforts her and is really sweet on stage? i hope this is specific enough<3

UNNAMED

🐈₊˚ ⊹　requested by: anon :: Basically a part 2 to the singer!reader x rapper!chris headcannons because that was SO good lemme know if thats not specific. Also maybe one where the reader goes out of the country for a tour and shes gone for a while and then she gets back. Another one that is like some of both of their songs and what they are about (idk) Maybe a smut where during one of her shows, reader gets down and dirty with her dancing and then chris gets a little jealous and punishes (dom!rapper!chris)

UNNAMED

🐈₊˚ ⊹　requested by: anon :: rapper Chris catching singer reader watching edits of him while she’s getting her makeup and hair done for tour 🤭

UNNAMED

🐈₊˚ ⊹　requested by: anon :: RANDOM THINGS THAT SINGER READER DOES THAT DRIVES CHRIS INSANE AND VICE VERSA

UNNAMED

🐈₊˚ ⊹　requested by: anon :: RANDOM THINGS THAT SINGER READER DOES THAT DRIVES CHRIS INSANE AND VICE VERSA

UNNAMED

🐈₊˚ ⊹　requested by: anon :: HEADCANON OF CHRIS IN DIFFERENT POSITIONS??? please and thank yew😊

UNNAMED

🐈₊˚ ⊹　requested by: anon :: rapper!chris gets physical at a show because some guy was being a perv to singer!reader

UNNAMED

🐈₊˚ ⊹　requested by: anon :: hi queen! can you please make a Chris x Plus!sized reader fic where fans are sending hate to the reader bc of her looks/weight and Chris goes off on them and comforts reader? can you tell that I'm craving resolved angst rn ANYWAY ILYYYYY AND THE NEW SMUT U DROPPED WAS AMAZING AHHH

i'm a good girl, officer

🐈₊˚ ⊹　requested by: anon :: cop!chris where he pulls reader over and idk what to happen next or if it should be smut or fluff

UNNAMED

🐈₊˚ ⊹　requested by: anon :: spider!man chris headcanons where he cares for reader and stuff he does

peek-a-boo

🐈₊˚ ⊹　requested by: anon :: this one is so random but could you do one where reader likes the dark so she never turns on lights in her house and prefers natural light from the big windows in her house and so chris fucks her in the dark because she likes the dark so much

[gamblersdoll]

PUT MY NAME ON IT, NOW IT DESIGNER. 1

New message!

“girl you gon call me or what?”

it made you roll your eyes. hakari always didnt like if you didnt respond right away, assuming something was wrong and you were in trouble or mad at him, that was a pro and con of him.

you started typing, making sure to turn off the notifications or sounds coming from your phone. you would occasionally look up to see your current boyfriend, sinji, still focused on the damn game… like always.

you readjusted your bonnet, finally pressing send.

Message sent!

“what do you want? cant call rn.”

you felt your heart drop to your ass when he immediately started typing, fucking creep. you couldnt call him– not with sinji right infront of you and not to hakari. the hell could he possibly want at … eleven thirty-two at night?

New message!

“ite, but call me l8tr.”

yeah, absolutely not.

. . . . .

maybe you shouldve called him, because for the past two days he had called you and only to have seventeen voicemails from him. if you had given him a chance you wouldve found it as a turn on. but knowing history, history.

“so, did cha call him?” maki asked, leaning in close to you. you never know why she asks even if she doesnt like hakari. but she could be very nosey.

“uh oh, boy drama!” gojo chimed, “well— whats his naaameee?” that damn idiot satoru.

you tuned everything out, only having to be pestered by he himself. you shut down your phone, needing a break from it anyway. you owned your own apartment, which was good, until it wasnt. you walked in to only see your boyfriend had left, which was fortunate and unfortunate, knowing sinji had only came over cause you had the good wifi and food. so you debated, call or not? you finally said fuck it. powering your phone back on and then taking a shower to relax first.

the hot water running down your hair and skin was always what relaxed you the most, nerves going away and settling until you prepared yourself for the worse and hoped for the best. throwing on a old oversized shirt and hopping into the bed, you pressed the call button.

ring!

ring!

you heard shuffling and bassbooted music in the back, and somewhat of yelling.

“look who’s pretty ass decided to call me.” hakari always called you pretty. no matter if you were throwing up or throwing a tantrum, as he would call it, no matter what.

“you said you wanted to talk, so talk.” you held a straight face, only trying to fight away the memories of what used to be your relationship.

“ill assume you heard about me dropping out and being some gambler or whatever, havent you mama?” he chuckled, waiting for you.

“sure, and dont call me mama, i have a whole—“ he interrupted you.

“yeah yeah yeah, your lil’ boyfriend or something.” he finished for you, immediately growing annoyed at the thought of you being with someone that wasnt him. “anyways, you’ll be getting your money back, and its been tripled.” what?

“you do realize its been a little over a year since that happened.” you deadpanned.

“its better than ten. i promised you didnt i?” hakari deadpanned back, matching you always. “i always keep my promises. you know that.” he stated.

“okay, good to know. anything else?” you tried to hurry the call, hoping to hop off of it. you heard him laughing in the back, calming himself.

“always, im inviting you to my club, you got till the end of the week or imma just have someone escort you here. got business to talk about.” hakari said, adding that onto your plate.

“so you deadlining me now?”

“you damn right.”

“ill think on it. now get off my phone.” you said, rolling your eyes.

he chuckled, exhaling. “hope to see you soon, babydoll.”

call ended!

you rubbed your face in your hands, that went better than expected? putting your phone on the charger and laying there, you should have not been on edge, but it was hakari, and you felt your phone vibrate. what time had it been? twelve o five.

for hakari, he knows how to wire transfer, infact pretty well.

“make sure it gets to her, or imma fuck yall up. dont make me repeat myself.” hakari warned, leaning back against his soft couch watching some fight he placed a bet on. he puffed out smoke from the joint he held, only waiting.

“its been transferred, kinji.” the words exactly he wanted to hear. “she’s gonna get it by twelve o five.”

by twelve o five, a hundred and fifty thousand had been transferred to your account.

repost, reblogs, shares, and tags are so welcomed.

[ladytauria]

i will def do the wip game later this month bc rn my wips look like "essay 1" "essay 2" "essay 3" etc haha BUT!!! i would like to know more about the tenderest of touches break the hardest of hearts pls!! and also maybe the jaytimsteph pls

oof no not the essays xD good luck on them!!

tenderest is a stray!tim au featuring identity porn, angst, and gratuitous amounts of smut haha. the plot is more focused on the emotional core of their relationship than the actual under the red hood au they’re in lmao

tim was stray around the same time jason was robin, and they played a similar cat and mouse game as their mentors… until jason died. tim mourned him deeply and resented batman for taking a new robin, even though he understood why he needed one. still, he can’t bear the thought of another one dying, so he’s a bit protective… esp any time joker is released.

jason sees this as a betrayal—an endorsement of robin. however, he’s less angry at tim than he is at bruce. he doesn’t intend to deal with tim much at all, but tim keeps his eye on all the doings of gotham and he immediately starts investigating red hood.

this leads to jason deciding maybe keeping tim closer is better, especially when tim is on board with his killing the joker. there’s still a lot of fighting between them, though—tim doesn’t approve of some of jason’s methods no matter how necessary jason sees them as

which leads to the opening scene (an early draft so forgive the repetition):

‎

Stray isn’t sure how they got here.

One minute, he and Hood are arguing—fighting—over Hood’s use of excessive force, and the next, Stray’s got him pinned to the ground, all of the fight leaving him as Stray slots their mouths together.

It’s a bad idea.

He knows it’s a bad idea.

Hood’s dangerous. He climbed his way to the top of Gotham’s underworld in the span of just a handful of weeks; establishing himself as a kingpin to rival Black Mask. He’s terrifying in his ruthless efficiency, and if ever decides to turn on Stray—well. Stray doesn’t plan on going down without a fight, but he’s not confident about his chances.

It’s terrifying.

Even more so because, if there’s one thing Stray prides himself on, it’s his network. There’s not a lot going on in Gotham that he doesn’t know about. In information trading, he comes second only to Oracle. But despite his best efforts, Hood remains a mystery. He’s dangerous. Working with him is bad enough. Fucking him, or being fucked by him? Almost certainly a step too far.

Curiosity kills cats, and in this life, satisfaction won’t be enough to bring him back

He can’t bring himself to care. Not with Hood solid and warm beneath him, mouth opening to his tongue. The moan Stray gets is deep and throaty, sending heat straight to his groin.

Stray takes his time, licking into Hood’s mouth like he belongs there; like Hood belongs to him. He tastes the lingering echo of tobacco and smoke; traces of the tea blend Hood favors over coffee. Hood’s hands flex in Stray’s grip. It would take nothing, nothing at all for him to break it—push Stray away, flip their positions, whatever he wants to do. But he doesn’t. He lets Stray hold him down, and that—

It’s heady. It’s power that goes straight to his head—or, maybe just his cock, which strains valiantly against his jockstrap.

He pulls back when his lungs make it clear he needs to breathe, dammit, and settles back into his haunches. He settles his hands on Hood’s chest; clawtips resting lightly on the red bat. Hood’s face is flushed and pink, lips swollen and slick. He’s just as breathless as Stray; and for a moment, they just—sit there. Staring at each other.

With the helmet gone, and only the domino mask in the way, Hood looks—familiar. Stray sees, for a moment, a cheeky smile and wild curls, and aches.

‎

the rest of the fic will follow a similar line, hehe; meeting up for ill-advised kinky sex & blurring the lines between them more and more until it all comes to a head~

‎as for jaytimsteph! this is being written for a prompt from @waffleinator-inator <3 jaytim are in an established relationship, and steph is pining soooo hard.

Steph will always be a little bit in love with Tim Drake.

It’s something she’s come to accept about herself, the same way she accepts that her curls will always have a mind of their own, that her stretch marks are here to stay, and that her left knee will always ache before it rains.

She also knows that it’s best they stay just friends. Not that that’s a hardship, or anything. Tim is a hell of a lot better friend than he was a boyfriend—though in hindsight, Steph can admit she wasn’t a stellar girlfriend either. They were young and dumb—or, well, younger and dumber—and now their history was too fraught to ever think about trying again.

Steph loves being Tim’s bestie, even when that means biting her tongue about his relationships.

Especially with Jason Todd of all people.

Steph can honestly say she never saw that coming.

Like, sure, okay. He’s hot. Steph can admit that, she’s got eyes.

He’s the kind of guy you could actually climb like a tree—tall and broad and thick to boot, with thighs made for biting and pecs Steph is pretty sure would fit nicely in one of her bras. He’s also handsome, in a rugged sort of way, with his twice broken nose and the scar curving up his cheek and his full, kissable lips. His curls always manage to be perfect, too—artfully messy, even when he falls asleep on the couch or takes off that helmet of his.

It’s enviable, really.

Some day she’ll ask him his secret.

But… Steph always kind of saw him as a walking bad idea. The kind of guy baby Steph would have adored, which… Steph loves baby Steph—or she’s trying to—but she had shit taste in men. And Jason, with his leather jackets and guns and daddy issues (and mommy issues too, come to think of it)—

He certainly fit the bill.

Except—

Despite all outward appearances… Jason is a good guy. He’s smart, and funny, and passionate, and kind, and—

Ugh.

Steph kind of hates him a little.

Because, like. Steph can handle thinking about Jason sometimes, in a not-so-friendly, maybe-a-little-bit-sexy way. Tim, too—or even both of them together. Maybe sometimes it gets a little awkward but… Fantasizing is human, and Steph is an adult. She can picture them fucking her and each other six ways to Sunday, doing whatever the raunchiest part of her brain cooks up, and still behave normally around them after.

She’s a grown woman. Her hormones are not the fucking boss of her.

So. Attraction? Handled. Steph has that shit on lock.

What she cannot handle is—

Feelings.

[curious about my wips? send me an ask about one from the list]

[loserlvrss]

｡ ｡ 𝐇𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐄 𝐋𝐀𝐌𝐄 ( 조.𝐆𝐇 )─────베리베리

( 一月 ). ──you and gyehyeon broke up on mutual terms, but neither one of you thought it was mutual now. 조계현 &fem!rea. ⟡ drabble, angst, fluff warn. language wc : 676HUN ++( 𝓈𝑒𝒸𝑜𝓃𝒹 𝒸𝒽𝒶𝓃𝒸𝑒 )

노트 zanna im sorry im feeling particularly emo rn

Was it cruel to not wish the best on someone, even if you’d said the opposite on multiple occasions? Did it make you a bad person to lie, simply because you couldn’t get over it?

Countless searches on the internet to pinpoint how you felt. Tabs on tabs open inside your brain. You needed the validation that other people could give you. You needed the echoes of your thought-reflected doubts to subside. Maybe some random person understood the rain-shower that drenched you in uncertainty better than you did. 

You couldn’t—you didn’t…but you did. 

It was the labyrinth you were stuck inside. The circles you kept drawing around his name. If there was treasure at the end of the rainbow, was it him? Did you really want to know if it was? 

In real life, you were reminded how complicated it was; feelings, thoughts, and expressions. Everything piled up until you felt like you were left in the middle of a burning room, staring at the silhouette of someone you…loved? 

God, it was stupid. 

It was another bitter-laced poison in your veins, another sign you got good at ignoring. You loved him—how stupid. 

Love was grasping at something uncertain. A feeling that made you want to scream into your pillow. A feeling that makes your skin hot and your heart beat at an unsteady pace. 

How fucking stupid. You shouldn’t love him, but you go back and forth between wanting him and pretending that you don’t. 

“Y/n,” The man that your heart skipped for, waved his hand in front of your face. “Did you hear a word I just said?” 

You let out a pained laugh, “No?” 

“Oh,” He replied, casting a bright smile onto you—you swear he did it on purpose. He ran his hand through his hair, looking off to the side momentarily. 

Oh, how stupidly pretty he looked. How stupidly nervous his silence made you. You wanted to admire, but you feared it would be short-lived when all you wanted was forever. 

You were reminded of a time when it was simpler, when you didn’t shy away from his eye contact or friendly hugs. When you didn’t know him at all. When he wasn’t the cure to all your illness, the light at the end of a dark and twisted tunnel. You were reminded of a time when you could fall asleep without him invading your dreams, and when you didn’t wish upon every stupid star in the sky. 

But then it seemed like overnight everything was complicated.

You called him yours, even if only for a moment. And when it was over—though shortly after it began—it left you cut off at the head. You felt like you were aimlessly running, all directions leading you back to something you couldn’t have. 

But, God did he make it hard to stay…and even harder to stay away. 

If love was the cure to all, then you had to admit you were sick. Sick and tired of pretending you could get over it. Sick and tired of not sleeping because you were lonely. Sick and tired of being sad because you didn’t get to call him your boyfriend anymore, throwing a one-man pity party. 

Even if it was only for that short moment, you feared he was already engraved in your code and steadily swimming through your veins. 

“I said I was sorry,” 

You blinked with wide-eyes, “What?” 

“I’m sorry that we hurt each other but,” He clarified, reminding you of a time when you once could call it mutual, “I can’t get over it.”

And you never would.

He continued, barely giving you a moment of intake before he was bombarding you with words you only dreamt of hearing, “I know it’s lame because we said it was for the better but I really don’t know what to do without you.” 

“Is that why you called?” 

“Isn’t that why you came?” 

You took a deep breath, biting your lip and humming a confirmation. He knew but needed to hear it. 

“I love you, y/n. Could you still…love me?” 

Always, it seemed.

© loserlvrss 2025. 𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁𝘀 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗲𝗱.

networks : @blossomnet @starlit-network @k-films @kstrucknet

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back to masterlist!

[triplegoths]

untagged

i cant fucking take living like this anymore

i cant do it i have to end it soon theres literally nothing for me here anymore. its too much to do. im never gonna fucking have another close in real life relationship.

i want to just like order some food at work so im not more miserable being here but i dont have the strength or stomach to eat something. ill eventually try maybe. i dont know. the drugs make me not eat like a fucking sick dog already and everything rn just says i dont deserve it

i have no motive or energy to do anything but work or somethimes playing a game but even that were usually unable bc were too tired.

whats the fucking issue with me!!!! i just dont give a shit anymore i dont want to do anything nothing makes me happy everythinf eventually juat makes me feel scared and sick and weird. every time i try to make fun or have plans it goes horrible and it just feels worse so i wont anymore ill just fucking rot alone like life wants me to

nobody here can help me and if i could i couldnt afford it so who fucking cares its cheaper to kill myself and lose the body so they dont need funeral costs. theyd misgender and shave me anyway probably

im just so fucking over it all im never gonna be happy like this. i got nothing. theres no good its just working til i fucking kill myself and putting myself through fuxking agony constantly for a life that continues to just KICK AND KICK AND KICK AND KICK me when im fucking down. i cant handle anything else happening. im trying so hard to get things done and theres just fuxking nothing. i will never ever be enough and ill never feel enough.

doesnt matter what or when or the circumstance its so depressing that its not just romantic relations too im so fuckinf scared in groups i automatically feel unwelcome and hated and like i should just go off by myself because im literally so unlikeable and everything has proved it forever. like genuinely as soon as i realized there were more than 2 people i got terrified and started questioning everythinf i did and wanted to run away bc i felt like i wasnt meant to be there and it was ovipus and i was being annoying like fucking ALWAYS GOD IM SO SICK OF BEING LIKE THIS can i just shut up forever? dirk please come back to front im tired of annoying all the people who so graciously allow me to exist around them so i dont have to be in such crushing loneliness all the time i feel like such a fucking baby and everybody probably thinks im such an annoying drug addict too can i just quit it and fucking feel and then kill myself already when i realize its worse

like im never gonna be able to afford any of the shit i need to heal and i dont even wanna try bc ill get 3 appointments in and will run out of money and continue doing that and then ill die bc i cant afford anything else. like why would i do that to myself ill just suffer like this and just do my best forever til i can only rot. id rather get it fuckinf over with and just die now. this isnt a life

i go frm one box go another. rotting. i rot at home alone or i go to work alone. i dont really go out. i dont really talk to anybody. i dont really see anybody. i have 1 irl friend who talks to me and lives in town. the other i dont see her often and honestly feel so embarassed of myself around her because of how i am that i can barely convince myself to see her sometimes even if she is in town. the other person is one of my exs and he doesnt give a shit about me he just wants sex bc thats the only thing im good for. i feel like i just annoy and make everybody uncomfortable conwtantly i dont wanna do it anymore i want to shut up

i always do it i always just talk endlessly frm the second i fucking could before most kids could talk even and i just never shut up did i? my parents were always annoyed by me talking about things that brought me joy (and they never believed me for things that were upsettinf and it was just fake and i needed to be quiet about it bc theyre not taking me to the doctor. so i stopped talking about it to my family and everybody else in my life in that era did the same. the bullies. my friends who ignored me. no matter the form it was always like that i just need to learn to keep quiet and go away and not need anything ever again. i couldnt fucking learn it every time i got a red or yellow card for talking (usually trying to ask questions bc i didnt understand or couldnt see or couldnt hear in elementary school. or to make conversation bc i was friendly and had no friends and my parent didnt play with me so i was lonely. nobody ever liked me bc i was weird. i feel like such a bitter dickhead but i get so jealous when i see that people talk to others every day. especially in person. im so fucking alone i literally get so excited when people want to call with me even if it makes me really scared (and sometimes if im not comfortable enough or feeling sad i will run a away from that too because im so scared to fuckinf annoy people and say something stupid or be boring or trying too hard or just fucking being a total downer because theres nothing good ever going on for me. i got so depressed goin on bsky today and seeing everyone playing webfishing when i cant. but even so lik.e maybe im glad i djdnt join bc one of them was in a big group with new mut and then all strangers so like. its better i wasnt able to bc i would probably jusg feel worse and run away frm everyone bc i feel inadequate snd guilty for taking up space. i always feel like im bothering everyone no matter what. fuck my exhusband in general but he also made me so much more insecure than i was already. he made me feel so annoying and he broke my communication. i was alone with him and JUST him for so long. i could only communicate in nonsense phrases sometimes (literal jibberish not memes) because thats all he would respond to or wouldnt talk to me until i did. he changed my whole pattern of speech and i still almost lapse into it sometimes. it was never any kind of real conversation about anything i felt like it withered my brain. nothing ever in depth just stupid sensless bullshit and jokes (that were often insulting me and made me feel like shit) and i was doing it for fucking nothing because everything else sucked too!!!! the only time there was ever a conversation was when i was BEGGING HIM to stop sometbing or do something for the millionth time. or him defending himself or trying to force my support and trigger my ocd (i genuinely think he was trying to make it worse he never respected it ever he mever respected a single part of me) or him fighting with me on something again (usually the thing was due to him and i just was not being forgiving and quiet and turning off my emotions enough about it. learned numb happiness)

my existence is like a plague and theres nothing here for me. theres even less left of me after he got done with me. he stripped my personality all the way down and forcef me to mirror him. everythinf will always be rotted and ill feel like a horrid shell of a person any time im near anyone. the only option is being alone. maybe this time i will learn and just fuxking stop all of this so we can stop being a curse on everybody. even if i could afford mental help theres nobody that can help me here so its all a waste. i feel like everybody will just hurt me again. doesnt even have to be a partner i feel like every single person is gnna realize sooner or later that im not worth it or they dont like me (ir even hate me) and that im just too fucking annoying to be around

i dont want to be annoying anymore. i wish it was like right after he went to prison again when i didnt have anything and was an empty shell and had nothing to say or talk about that wasnt venting. i wish i never got back some of my "sparkle" or whatever the fuck people call it. mines not a sparkle. its a noxious cloud of toxic annoyance fumes and everybody just has to keep their masks up til i vacate the area. why would i ever fucking want this to come back. i need to shut the fuck up i really do. just take our personality and every crumb of joy again im so sick of it. make it so i dont have any of those thoughts to even post. thus sparing everyone from having to be like "UGH this motherfucker AGAIN. does he ever shut the fuck up? is he ever quiet? can he just log off already? this guy definitely has no life. why does he always have to butt into everything"

that way i can just post like. the shortest most boring updates ever like "back to work! only 3 days this week for the 39 hours. more time off is always good" and then shut up for days and then "got paid nice. going to the bank and then grabbing a few groceries" like thats do much better. nobody needs to fucking know man its sad and depressing and all the same OR you are the most obnoxious prick on any site youre ever and you ruin everybodys day when theyre forced to see you in their notifs or on their timeline

ive probably already muted me bc it didnt even take a week for me to just talk way too muxh when none of of it is important and nobody wants to hear it

even if im not allowed to talk frm my body. its already annoying enough in text and then psyically i just stutter and trip over myself or cant think or forget what i was saying

i wanna delete everything i have and crawl into the earth. i hate being alive. the one time i find something that makes me happy even the littlest bit i cant do it anymore. disallowed by the universe and painfully reminded of the fact im supposed to alone and theres actually nothing for me. it doesnt get better for me it only gets worse. and it makes me feel stupid for believing it could even though thats few and far between. theres nothing left for me i need to just get whatever drugs i decide on and have one last hoorah and take enough to kill me. which hopefully wont even be that hard because im mixing downers and uppers constantly so like its only a matter of time right. my nose hurts and i feel like crying and my body is killing me again so im taking both things again. one for pain. one for maybe like. a little bit of energy but mainly so i dont feel so absolute shit. i just want it all to stop i dont wanna get better anymore im sick of it every time i try i get fucking worse or am crushed by something else even harder than before im DONE WITH IT IM FUCKING OVER IT i just wanna end it theres nothing fucking here for me im never making it. im sick of trying. im sick of always helping even while going through the wordt shit imaginable. im not sick of it. i want to help and i love helping. but it makes me fucking SICK to think about how ive spent my whole life caring for others. have been let down or ignored or told i was lying or had them hurt me instead so many times over i just fucking wish i was important enough to have gotten help when i needed it. to be listened to enough for somebody to even acknowledge or believe there is an issue (or simply convince me im overreacting)

it was fucking stupid of me to think my last ditch effort of doing art school because every other thing i failed miserably at because im too stupid and cant do enough and dont have the support. it doesnt even fucking matter bc my body is slowly and slowly getting closer to just saying "no fuck you" to the art i NEVER HAD TIME TO MAKE TO MY FULL ABILITY IN THE FIRST PLACE. and then ill never be able to do it ever again because i cant get help

i am going to die knowing i never finished a single thing in my life and nobody will ever know what i was capable of.

i want to die in the most painful and uncomfortable way possible because its what i deserve. its the only thing i truly deserve. i need to endanger myself more than i already do obviously its not killing me fast enough if im still kicking and dragging myself across the pavement. i should be dragged along the pavement by a semitruck instead.

i wanna kill myself so bad tonight man. im gonna try not to bc my friend really needs me rn. but i really might relapse. im so fucking tired i want to just go and sleep but ill stay up just for that. i should just cut a vein already why do i care about beinf careful. there was a thing i wanted to do... cut myself with a razor right after i use it to chop **** because maybe itll make me feel good when im not or just fuck my heart enough to make me faint or do smth stupider

ive been writing this for so long im fucking done. i got 2.5 more hours here. i hope i find my mouse when i go home so i change my mind but i honestly really just want to end it right now. im at the end of the line really. im gonna work til i die and never get a break

"everyday it feels like noone sees and noone knows. every day i kinda wanna cancel the show." /lyr

please for the love of god like this if you read all of it i just spilled my whole guts and not even well

[catgirlbussy]

holy shit i just realised im autistic

i know this seems like a shitpost, and tbf i am laughing at myself pretty hard rn. it's dawning on me at 6 AM after being awake all night, but (if you care, and if you don't feel free to ignore too, have a nice day!) hear me out, cause this genuinely feels meaningful and insightful for me with how my life has gone so far. I spent an hour writing this post in hopes someone might find it helpful too :3c

If you don't wanna read my post pls enjoy this picture of our famous friend autism baby stackin those cans before you go~♪

(source: wikipedia)

l

like i already /knew/ I was before this moment, but i was thinkin about what i used to do as a kid and wow i am so autistic how the fuck did i not realise sooner. It straight up wasn't until I was already well into my 20's that I started to meet other autistic people online and learned about their experiences and difficulties from talking with them that I realised a lot of things they described matched for me too.

I live in assfuck nowhere so most of my life the only few times that I had met autistic people were like, folks who were nonverbal or whatever, just generally needing direct assistive care, and I never bothered to look things up on my own because I was already inundated with the pressures of growing up, school, mental health, etc. I remember one of the first times I had built up the courage to ask anyone about it, I was in the hospital because of mental health issues. This was in my second year uni, and when one of the doctors assessing me was asking me questions, I said I thought maybe I was autistic. He promptly and with a fair amount of snark told me that if I was autistic I wouldn't have gotten into university.

Thinking back, he was probably just an exhausted, fresh outta school resident with no special interest in psychiatric care (and also just seemed to suck in general), but it was enough that I shelved the idea for another 5 years.

Lo and behold, now I am lying here in bed, just absolutely gobsmacked by the VERY REAL idea that im autistic and like holy shit I feel so vindicated.

I've been on tumblr for just a bit, but I see a lot of folks talking in various neurodivergent circles about their experiences and that's been so wonderful for me. I also have a few good friend groups w/ a lot of neurodivergent folks, and that's been really exciting too.

Like, I'm still processing this cognitively as I'm writing, so please pardon this ill patterned post, but this feels like such a beneficial thing for me. Over time I've adapted a few strategies here and there to help myself accomplish various tasks, but now I feel so empowered to, like... actually figure stuff out.

Even after feeling confident I was autistic, it was this nebulous, floating concept in my head for so long of, "oh yeah im autistic or something idk," that I never really dedicated much effort to finding healthier ways to do things that didn't irk me or whatever. I don't feel like the label /itself/ is what is important to me here, but rather the awareness around why I do so many things in the ways that I do and that it's /okay/ that I do.

I don't want this post to go on too much longer, but I feel it's worth noting that I've fought for years with my family because they didn't understand why I was going about things the way I did. Again, remember, they all grew up in this cloistered hellhole too. But, surprise surprise, the times in my life that I have been doing better than any other are when I felt confident enough to ignore what everyone was trying to get me to go along with and instead just fashioned my own best methods (which also sometimes included informing said overbearing individual(s) to go fuck themselves cause I'm busy doing shit. It's hard for them to argue with me telling them as much when I would be completing X objective well, which is what they wanted in the first place).

I don't want to make this sound like I'm trying to be overconfident, but I mention as much instead as a sign of support for other neurodivergent folks to feel similarly empowered to drum to their own beat. Thinking back, I went from almost failing high school and ultimately retaking a grade to excelling in all my classes. Every single one. I know that's a relative assessment, you got variable difficulty levels, etc., and the grade score isn't important in and of itself, least of all because the school systems here (Canada) are a mess it seems, but just that alone as an idea, within the parameters of a particular system, I went from initial abject failure to thorough and lauded success.

Just think of what so many people could do if they weren't being pigeonholed into formats that absolutely aren't working for them.

I already have a boatload of (genuinely helpful by way of enabling access to proper education and treatment) diagnoses from my history of working with my (very wonderful and genuinely caring and helpful) psychiatrist that match with what I know about the neurodivergence term umbrella like ADHD, OCD, and bipolar, so it seems |autism| will feel quite at home in the group ^w^. I'll ask her about it at my next appointment to see if an official diagnosis has any value versus me just continuing to figure things out on my own.

Either way, I am thrilled right now thinking about the next time I get to shout

"FUCK YOU IM DOING AUTISTIC SHIT"

while an electric guitar squeals and lightning strikes all around me and I make cool stuff happen :3c.

[theropoda]

...... i have. PRAWBLEMS. with the ending but honestly i felt very unwell and gross rn so i had difficulty focusing in the first place, maybe if i watch it again when i feel better ill feel different. under read more bc this got long lol

disclaimer before anyone GETS at me: i am not a critic. im literally just some guy watching a tv show, and i am really more confused than anything so if you really enjoyed the finale and feel like it was the perfect way for the show to end im happy for you! i don't have any intent on arguing it Absolutely Wasn't. this isn't a Hatepost. just me airing my thoughts. that are probably really incoherent bc again, i feel unwell ;_; brain is more focused on my stomach than this damn show

i knew how this was gonna end, i did watch the end of this show before, ive always been familiar w house because i watched episodes of it on tv as a kid with my mom and sister and knew major plot points like amber's death and wilson's cancer and house faking his death and everything but. the details were lost on me. now that i know the details something about them just doesn't jive with me and feel right.

probably related to my earlier post about how even in the final season so much of house is the same. he tried to change for the better but he was still back. i mean the entire premise of the show is about "the disabled addict doctor who struggles to be a person" so if any of these magically stopped being there that'd be stupid ESPECIALLY him being a disabled addict which are so central to his character. so im definitely not complaining about that.

initially i thought him faking his death was insanely reckless but what other choice was available. if he went, Hey, im here! im alive he'd absolutely be going to jail. in jail so far away while his best friend, maybe his only friend would be dying alone. of course he did that. his only choice was ttofake his death to be with wilson. throwing away his whole life and legacy and career and reputation to be with him.

hilson endgame real but also, while watching the whole show i kept going from "tumblr didn't lie these guys are gay" to "Tumblr may have oversold it a bit". but that might just be in the nature of its episodic structure. not e everything is abt wilson there's other people in house's lofe but in that final season everything does speed up, suddenly and become about wilson. which brings me to the whole cancer thing. in my memory of the show from watching it as a kid, Wilson's cancer came up as a plot point WAY earlier and there is much more time to discuss it in the show. to ponder and delve into it, what it means for wilson, for house, for the show. but actually watching the show it feels very sudden....! i felt like the entire cancer thing, which plays so damn heavily into the SERIES FINALE, wasn't explored enough...? it felt rushed. but it might feel like it because well there's a difference between watching a show as it comes out on a schedule vs binge watching it on demand.

and another thing that irked me is- but this is more of a "this personally makes me Feel Sad and Weird" as opposed to genuine criticism is how EVERYONE thinks house is dead except Two People. that's crazy. i have a Thing for closure and knowing things, the truth, im a little paranoid about that, but it just feels insane to me that house's own parents, family, former and current colleges, lovers, everyone... they all think he's dead when he's not. i see how that is, in terms of the Narrative, a good thing? house is truly FREE now. and if other people knew they'd probably call the police. but also that's just kinda horrifying.... I don't know. idk. also wtf cuddy wasn't there at the funeral? D: obviously i know how their last meeting went but they were such big part of each other's lives im rlly shocked she wasn't there! or even showed up at ALL in the ending scene where we see where everyone's life has headed, a little scene of her, Rachel, and someone new

and also. ._. how did that fire even start in the first place?..... did i miss something....? uaaaaah. i should watch it again

ugh but despite my peeves. i want to pass this off as Just another show ive watched, time to move on to the next, because a big part of the reason i started house and kept going and even chose to watch it at the times i did was because i have been going through some rough shit mentally for the past. entire year plus. i have relied on it to keep me distracted. i want to just move onto the next distraction but i have become so attached, it's hard to not feel :/ and :( about 1) the fact it's over now 2) it ended in a way that makes me feel funny, and not in a good way. aaaahhhhh.

[vault-kid]

Hellllooooo. 7, 13, 18, 30, 32-35. (I hope I didnt repeat myself on a previous ask I’m high af rn)

ik u sent this last night but you being high as fuck is making me giggle so much. anyways woe Luna lore be upon ye

7. Do they wish they lived before the war / could go back to life before the war?

Watching Pre-War movies with James or Jonas always had her wondering what life would be like before the war, and not being stuck inside a Vault. She loved all of the pretty dresses the women wore, the music, and how "lively" everything seemed, but that's pretty much it!

13. What is the most frightening experience they have endured?

I can name a few!

One, that first damn Deathclaw encounter.

Two, Andale. Other than being absolutely revolted, she genuinely felt extremely alarmed and scared shitless when she sneaked inside the shed. (Serves her right for sneaking and breaking in, but her freak-radar was going off like crazy, and for good reason LOL)

And of course, her biggest full-blown panic attack was the night James left the Vault. Being suddenly woken up by Amata, and getting hit by the realization of everything scared the fuck out of her. As it would with anyone I think, but the fear of not knowing where your dad ran away to, or why. Plus, Luna always had this (possibly irrational) fear of disappointing James, which made the notion of him leaving and abandoning her even worse.

18. Do they have any disabilities, mutations, or implants / enhancements? Do they have any chronic illnesses?

VDS got her ass. No, she barely took her medication, and James being her dad did not stop her from lying about taking it 😭 She also has mild myopia, but she kind of stopped wearing glasses around age 15. She didn't appreciate those four-eyes comments LOL. It's not something that affects her that much, though. Other than that, I guess she also has the Ant Sight modification?

30. What decisions have they made or actions have they done that affect their canon wasteland? (Did they blow up Megaton, have they killed/spared any major characters, etc.)

This isn't much of an effect on the Wasteland canon, but also it kind of is?? But, the only one I can think of is her inability to fulfill Harold's wish. She simply couldn’t bring herself to kill him, and the idea that his existence might benefit the Wasteland got to her as well. However, she knew this decision was selfish on her part, and it was a really tough choice for her.

32. What is their go-to weapon or weapon class?

Luna loves her .44 Magnum and Sniper Rifleeee. She always tries her best to avoid upclose confrontation with anyone out there, so a good long-range scope is perfect. It also helps her see whatever is far away better! In the case of needing a super close-range (and I mean super close...) weapon, the Double-barrel shotgun is her favorite. She barely uses it, though. That shit is also loud as fuck... But it works!

33. What is their fight-or-flight response?

During her first few weeks, maybe months, out in the Wasteland, Luna would freeze up a lot of the times. Y'know, considering it's all a new, scary and fucked up environment. She was very panicky, but this also made her become hyper-aware of her surroundings, which would also come in handy. As for fight response, at least in the beginning, she would shoot aimlessly and freak out. That definitely means she got hurt a lot, but since then she's remembered what James and Jonas taught her on her 10th birthday, and ofc she's learned from her mistakes. Now, she tries her best to sneak and remain out of sight so she has better control of a situation.

34. What armor / clothing do they typically wear?

You'll usually see her with the armored Vault jumpsuit, or her Riley's Rangers armor. Luna tries her best to keep her Vault jumpsuit in one piece and clean (as clean as she can, anyway); it just means a lot to her. Fresh out of the Vault, she used to have her Tunnel Snakes jacket tied around her waist, too. Though, as the years go on, Luna would probably slowly stray away from wearing her jumpsuit.

35. Do they have power armor training? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Yes! Well, somewhat. Obviously, she was curious and asked Gunny to train her, but... lol. It's not like she ever uses it, or cared for it that much. She respects it, but she lives just fine without the need of power armor (lie). She also can't really sneak in that beast, so no thanks.

[theproblemcallednight]

wungo wednesday guys

i’m not ok. im very not ok. this is gonna kill me

spoilers for bsd s5 and maybe 110 but fuck knows wats happening next week

AYA BABY NO

SCREW UR BIO DAD HE CAN GO FUCK HIMSELF IN HELL. GO LIVE W KUNIKIDA AND BRAM

AYYAAAAAAAAAA. she’s my child my kid sister if something bad happens to her i will and i am not joking murder-

nsjsjsjs BRAM MY BOI PROTECT UR DAUGHTER. ILY BOTH TOO MUCH SISIIAJEHJQJSJSJD

omg sigma he’s beautiful

SIGMA RUN RUN RUN THATS A DEMON FROM HELL DONT LET HIM TOUCH U MY GODS DAZ WHAT DID BONES DO TO U

ok daz has a thing for cupping ppls cheeks. i will not eleborate

THIMBS UP????? WAIT TILL A GLOCK IS AT UR HEAD U STUPID BASTARD PEICE OF SHI-

i’m g the one time sigma can b happy 😭😭 he deserve the world wksjdndhd

BITCH. U CRAZY BITCH GET OUT IF HERE W UR DUMBASS ILL LEAVE THE REST TO U GO FACE UR RESPONSIBILITIES U LAZY ASS SACK OF SHIT BEFORE ME AND KUNIKIDA COME BEAT UR ASS

fuck. get out. i’m not crying u r

BOI U TELL HIM SHOOT HIS ANEMIC ASS. bro sigmas trying his best and it shows and i luv him with all my heart omfg

omg my boi

NDJDJDJS AYA YES. bother ur father until he does smth yes girl go go go go slay save the world i believe

oh but u care abt u daughter don’t u. cmon u can’t deny it. ayas ur daughter and there’s nothing u can do abt it

wait i didn’t capture it but she’s says father. so if it’s confirmed that aya is some reincarnation of brams daughter. good to have confirmation

DJDJDJ HE LOOKS SO BABYGIRL. and the way his voice went up omg. fedya baby y r u so fake ily

WHY CANT MY SILLIES COEXIST DAMMIT. CMON PLZ JUS LET THME BE GRUMPY COWORKERS NOT STABBING EACH OTHER

yes i would love to take ibuprofen w u rn i rlly need it

FATHER DAUGHTER IN COOL LIGHTING SJSJDBXBS i’m so normal abt them wdym

oh hi chuu i messed u. plz come back i need a happy ending i beg

ah yes daz being the ass as usual. i’ll let it pass this time tho.

yes the power of friendship will never go wrong skin manifest it bsd magical girls and then they beat fukichis ass

AAAKKFJDJDJD NOOOO DAZ

birch i hate u sm come back to me

bones where r the eyes don’t leave those out u cowards

oh nvm that’s my sleep paralysis demon

ADAM. VERLAINE. WELLS. SOMEONE. SHOW UP AND TANK THE DAMN NUKE PLZZZZZZZZ

BRAM

it’s red for his death 😭😭😭

well. that was a trip. idk what’s happening next week but bones better not fuck it up.

and that’s a wrap from ur tired delulu very upset abt 110 hostess

have a bsd day folks

[lucem-stellarum]

I want to draw your attention to some contrasts between our two rope wielding boys, Hush and Ivan. Their actions are similar, but are they truly so alike? It may be a common ASMR trope to wake up tied up in a bed, but Mr Redacted can't have done all of this by accident.

Under the cut because of canon typical violence and creepiness.

Ivan spends a lot of time reassuring Baby that they're safe with him. That he won't hurt them (unless they make him do it). If they were just good, he wouldn't have to treat them the way he does in their nightmares. He's only doing it to help them, to make them put themselves first and learn how to be loved and appreciated.

Hush on the other hand explicitly says that Doc shouldn't feel safe anywhere. That they're always in danger (though he doesn't really specify what that danger is, at the time of posting this; rn there are only the 2 videos) and should temper their expectations accordingly. After a bit of waffling back and forth he eventually decides he doesn't want to hurt Doc [physically], but later says that saving him from Reticuli will be something they regret, implying something very bad is going to happen because he's free.

This focus on safety and pain draws two very different pictures of these two characters. They both avoid responsibility for their actions but in very different ways. Ivan will only hurt Baby if they "deserve" it, emphasizing the gaslighting in order to subtly threaten them into compliance. Ill also draw attention to Ivan saying he won't hurt Baby "unless they want him to" with the clearly sexual implication. He wants Baby to belong to him, to give up their independence and freedom and submit to his will. Ivan wields pain and fear for the power it gives him over Baby. In contrast, Hush doesn't want to hurt Doc, but pain will almost certainly happen to someone(s) because of his purpose; it's not his fault he's doing what he was made to do. It depersonalizes Hush from the pain he will cause; it's a side effect rather than the end goal. He warns Doc that they're not going to like the "complicated answer" to what he is, but he doesn't seem particularly remorseful when they are hurt because of it. He doesn't have the usual sort of smug condescension when he says [I told you so] that you'd normally expect. He accepts that what he is hurts people. "Maybe someday knowing me won't have to hurt." Hush wields pain and violence as a matter of course, he will do whatever is necessary to achieve his goal. [He's only ever experienced physical contact through violence]; He doesn't know any other way to behave.

The way they both react to the listener struggling against the ropes is also very telling. Ivan tries to convince Baby to stop, that it’s in their best interest to relax and accept the restrictions. Ivan becomes distressed when Baby tries to escape, breaking the delusions he's built up about their "relationship", resorting to manipulations, threats, and gaslighting to force Baby to comply with his broken view of reality. Hush respects Doc's agency (I do understand how ironic that phrase is considering that he has them tied down) and doesn't seem to mind if they hurt themselves. He just says, "That's a conversation to be had between you and your epidermis"; he's willing to allow Doc the freedom to struggle even though it's useless and will only hurt them. He only uses the force necessary to keep Doc contained until he decides what to do with them; he's eminently practical about it all. Hush has no delusions about what he's doing, it's just the most expedient way to get what he wants. Ivan causes pain for it's own sake, sadistically enjoying the responses it gets (fair mention, he is being manipulated by a Sadism demon at the time, but they can't exaggerate what isn't already there).

Even their tone and word choice are very different. Ivan, especially in his first video, knows what he's doing is wrong. Listen to the way he speaks when talking about what happened to the listener's phone or why the ropes are necessary vs. talking about their friends ignoring them (basically the second half of the first 'kidnapped' video. It's more hesitant and almost questioning, like he's trying to come up with lies on the spot to convince the both of them that his actions are necessary, but he does believe in his own justifications. Ivan is a selfish man. He wants Baby, and does terrible things to keep them.

Hush, on the other hand, doesn't have any hesitation towards restraining Doc or killing Reticuli. He's very direct, actually, about when he won't answer a question or wants to change the subject. Instead, Hush gets more hesitant, less forthright in his word choice when talking about his own feelings and wants. "I think I want you to remember me," "I'm starting to think there's a lot of things I'd like to give you". His tone is only minorly different in those phrases compared to others; it's that same soft, even tone and cadence. There's no second guessing, no embarrassment. As far as we know, Hush hasn't lied to us. Can he even lie? It takes a lot of skill to lie well, and I'm not sure if he could pull it off. It's worrisome how he's "drunk the Kool aid" about his purpose; that unshakeable belief in his lack of individuality, that he's a force not a person, the ends justifying the means. He's a zealot on a mission, leaving the cult to carry out his master's plan.

Even though they start out taking similar actions (kidnapping and tying up the listener, invading personal space, hurting them) they both have very different motivations and relationships with pain and violence. I don't think we're getting another yandere kidnapper character with Hush, despite his actions so far. His way of reacting and reasoning is just too different from what we'd normally see in that archetype; besides, Blake and Regulus are still out there causing problems. I think Hush's personality traits align more with the Android Listener or James. Direct, impersonal, beholden to their creators/boss for a specific outcome. More powerful in different ways than the people around them. Doing whatever is necessary to achieve their purpose.

And just for the sake of posterity, Adam was also a creep who tied up the listener. For the purposes of this post he's similar enough to Ivan that I'm not going to repeat myself; Adam's motivations are pretty clear and simple, and his hedonism is close enough to Ivan's selfish sadism to not be worth more than a footnote.