#maybe my mom made bad ones and that’s what happened
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Syx: So when I said find a hobby, I didn’t mean buy a fixer-upper.
Icarus: I know!
Syx: Ok but if you knew then why?!
Icarus: Because it’s better than half of the shitholes on the market!
Syx: I bet I could find something better. Watch.
Icarus: NO! No.
Ares: Why are you guys yelling? I have such a bad headache.
Icarus: Can’t handle your liquor anymore?
Ares: I can leave.
Icarus: Oh he’s cranky.
Syx: Incredibly.
Winona: Hey! Uh, sorry to bother you losers but Icarus, there’s people outside.
Icarus: Huh?
-
Icarus: Hello!
Umber: Hi, we heard someone moved into the old house on the gulch and we wanted to welcome you. Hope you don’t mind!
Icarus: Not at all.
Umber: I’m Umber, this is my son Wren. My wife Juniper. Talia and my sister Sienna. Wow that was a mouthful.
Icarus: [ chuckles ] Icarus and my sister Winona. These are my friends, Syx and Ares. My grandma is…
Winona: Sleeping.
Icarus: Ah, yes.
Juniper: We brought some apple pie for all of you.
Winona: Mom used to make this all the time! Icarus, maybe she can teach you how to bake.
Icarus: Oh-
Juniper: Actually, Sienna here made it. I just packaged it up.
Icarus: We’ll have to say thanks, right Winona? Winona?
Winona: Sup. You guys cool?
Wren: Probably.
Winona: Sick.
Sienna: Nice to meet the fool that bought this place.
Icarus: Uh-
Umber: Christ Sienna-
Sienna: A joke!
Icarus: I mean you aren’t wrong.
Sienna: See? He agrees. Anyways, let us know if you need any help.
Icarus: I appreciate it.
Icarus: So how long have you lived here?
Umber: Whole life. It’s rare when people leave.
Icarus: Ah. What happened to the folks who owned this home?
Umber: Old age, a sweet couple, they never had kids. They always said the whole town was ‘nough. With no one to take care of the house, things got rough to say the least.
Icarus: I see.
Umber: [ chuckles ] How’s it coming along?
Icarus: Bad, honestly. The cleanup took a few days.
Umber: I wonder how many trash bags it took.
Icarus: Plenty. Cleared out the store down the street.
Umber: I bet Bill loved that.
Icarus: Definitely, the guy let me take home a soda. Sun’s hot here. No one tells you that.
Umber: Wait ‘til summer.
Icarus: Oh boy. Some of the pipes were damaged and on top of that we needed an electrician.
Umber: Was it expensive?
Icarus: Very. Most of the foundation is good but I replaced a few beams. That was difficult.
Umber: Well next time you do that, let me know. I can help you out. We don’t want the house collapsing on ya.
Icarus: Wouldn’t that be something.
Umber: You’d be in some deep shit to say the least.
Icarus: [ chuckles ] I guess so. Wanna see the house?
Umber: Lead the way.
#shortish post for today! <3#i went back to widescreen 🗿 these feckers yap too much for me to keep a 4:6 ratio#tessellate#tessellate: icarus#tessellate: ares#tessellate: syx#tessellate: winona#tessellate: sienna#ts4#simblr#show us your story#sims community
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Lucifer moved closer to Adam and hugged him.
He hated that he felt this way. And for what? Because a woman lost her baby one hundred or so years ago? Amd she was forcing innocent people to become hosts for her?
It was all a waste in the end. All of those people who got hurt or died weren't even close to being able to being a host for Eva.
Lucifer: I don't think you're a freak. Actually, you're one of the most normal people I've met in a long time.
Adam: ...Seriously?
Lucifer nodded: When I first got mixed up in this shit, I went to look for my wife, who had been missing. Turns out she's been held captive in some fucking house in Louisiana.
Adam: I've heard you mention that.
Lucifer: Yeah, well... you're more normal than those... that family. The mom was a bug nest. Literally. Right on the puss was a fuckimg wasps nest or some shit.
Adam: What the fuck?! That's disgusting!
Lucifer: Imagine being the one to fight her!? She was crawling on the ceiling! Shooting her puss bugs at me! And don't get me started on the dad. He wouldn't fucking die. I mangled his fucking brain and he still got up. The worst was their son. He was completely normal. He pretended to be under Eveline's control. But be wasn't. And... his dad... forced him to merge with him, to become something so... monstrous. Kid was an asshole, but I felt bad for him. Having to pretend he was one of them. Having to watch his family die and be replaced by what Eveline thought a family should be... it's sick. All of it.
Lucifer continued to talk about what he saw and killed those years ago. How it changed him. Changed Eve. Adam listened to all of it.
Adam: Do you think that's what's made Charlie different?
Lucifer: Hm? What do you mean?
Adam: Well... Eve was possessed by Eveline. That could affect Charlie's whole dna. And who knows what happened to you when you were knocked out on that boat. Besides, didn’t mom chop your hand off? And my sister and I stabbed you through the leg.
Lucifer: Wait- what? Do you think I've... got a parasite?
Adam laughed: No! No! There's two types of forms that the parasite can take. One looks like mine, a physical thing under the skin, affecting the nervous system and the brain. But then, there's the mold. It can't really survive here because it's too cold. But it's completely takes over the body. Till there's nothing left. It mimics everything. Blood, organs, the brain, memories- everything. Seems a bit weird that your hands fine after being cut off, don't you think?
Lucifer looked down at his hand. He's never thought about it. He just thought that the healing aid was just that good.
Lucifer: I... just thought that medical stuff was good?
Adam: Oh yeah. Really fucking good. I think Michael should do tests on you and Charlie. Especially you.
Lucifer rolled his eyes: He'd jump at that fucking chance...
Adam: Good. You're very interesting. So... he should test you. Like, for everything. Colonoscopy and everything!
Lucifer laughed and pushed Adam.
But this gave him something to think about. He never thought his healing was weird. He had a lot on his mind that he had never thought about it.
Lucifer: Yeah... maybe I'll get him to run some tests... I'm sure he'd love it... he's a real nerd for that shit...
Have you seen Resident Evil: Village? All I'm saying is Adam and Emily as two of the three sisters and Sera as Lady Dimitrescu.
Lucifer is Ethan trying to find Charlie.
At first, Adam was on his mother and sisters side- but because they have a weird thing against dudes, he eventually helps Lucifer.
Trust me, it feels illegal not to make Adam the stunning Lady Dimitrescu, but for story reasons, he'll be one of her kids.
I mean, their hot. What can I say? Adam would look great like this 🤷
Adam: Mmm- man flesh~.
Lucifer: ...Kinda gay, man.
Adam: It's not gay.
Lucifer: It is- man flesh? Really?
Adam: ...
Lucifer: ...
Adam: *stabs sickle into his leg and drags him away* Mother!
I have seen it! Ha I love this. ((Yes he'd rock being the Lady of the house 😩))
Lucifer: Ow!! What the fuck!?
Adam: It's not gay! Mother was right.
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Open Arms Chapter One
steve harrington x fem!reader word count : 6k Rewrite/Character Insert of Stranger Things ~1984~ This chapter takes place during Season 2 Episodes 1-5
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Another day in Hawkins. Another day of high school. Another day stuck in the same small, sleepy town you’ve known for as long as you can remember. It feels like nothing ever changes here, like every day just blurs into the next, predictable and quiet.
Every day, you wake up wishing for some kind of miracle, something that could shake things up, make life a little less ordinary. Something that could turn your world… Upside Down.
“Y/N!” your mom calls out from the kitchen, “Is Steve giving you a ride today?”
You scoff, rolling your eyes. “Mom, seriously…when was the last time Steve drove me to school? He has a girlfriend to pick up now.”
Steve, your best friend since the first grade. To everyone else he was The Reigning King of Hawkins High. To you he was just the boy next door who reigns havoc on your life, makes everything a little more complicated whether you want it or not.
Your mom hums thoughtfully. “Maybe it’s time you found yourself a boyfriend.”
“I’m perfectly fine, thanks.”
She gives a little shrug. “I’m just saying, wouldn’t it be nice to be taken out on a date once in a while?”
“Mom,” you sigh, “please take your matchmaking somewhere else.”
She’s not wrong, though. You haven’t let yourself even think about dating anyone else since the last “almost” with Steve. Around a year ago, he’d done something reckless enough to mess up things with Nancy, and she seemed to be getting closer to Jonathan Byers. You had just gotten out of a relationship yourself.
It happens every time: he messes things up with a girl, or you’re fresh out of a breakup, and suddenly, like clockwork, you’re back in each other’s lives, circling each other. It’s as if you’re both bound to this endless cycle of almosts—falling together just to fall apart again. You know the game by heart, and you’re tired of it, tired of the late nights that never lead to anything real, the unspoken words that hang heavy in the air between you both. But still, you can’t seem to let go.
Nothing ever actually happens. You just end up crashing at each other’s houses, watching movies till you both fall asleep, or driving out to Lover’s Lake to stargaze and rant about your trainwreck love lives. But you both know what it is—and what it isn’t. The truth is, you’re bound by a history no one else could touch. Growing up together, you made the stupid decision of being a lot of each other’s firsts, and you’ve always been the one person who truly gets him. It’s a bond that runs deeper than most things in your life, yet it never seems to go anywhere beyond these stolen moments. And maybe that’s why it hurts the most—knowing he’s always right there but never fully yours.
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At school, you overhear the girls in the hallway whispering about the new guy in town. Though “guy” isn’t the word they use—they’re calling him a real man, with a muscle car to match and actual muscles to back it up. You’ve never been the type to shy away from guys, and you’ve certainly never had any trouble attracting attention. Still, something about the way they talk about him piques your curiosity, though you’d never admit it.
You notice the once-empty locker beside yours is finally in use, a few things tossed inside. You wonder briefly who claimed it. That curiosity doesn’t last long.
“Excuse me, gorgeous, but I think that’s my locker.”
You turn to find the living, breathing embodiment of the girls’ descriptions. Tall, sharp-jawed, with piercing blue eyes, and that effortless, cocky grin. You don’t even have to ask if it’s him.
“Oh—my bad,” you say, stepping aside.
“And what’s your name?” he asks, his smile unwavering.
Who does he remind you of?
“Y/N…” You try to pinpoint it, that nagging sense of familiarity.
He tosses his keys into the locker, eyes still fixed on yours, something almost playful in his gaze.
Then it hits you.
“I’m—”
“Knight Rider?” you say slyly, a smirk playing at your lips. He blushes just a little, caught off guard, and you savor the small victory.
“Well played,” he says, taking your hand into his for a confident but gentle shake.
“That’s just the beginning,” you respond, shutting your locker with a quiet click, eager to keep the mystery between you two alive.
“I hope so. I’m Billy by the way,” he replies, his voice softer now, still slightly in awe of you. There’s something in his eyes—a challenge. And you can tell, he’s baited.
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At lunch, you find yourself walking through the crowded cafeteria, scanning the room for a familiar face. As luck would have it, you bump into Nancy and Steve near the food line.
“Hey,” Steve greets, his voice laced with a hint of curiosity. “What did you think of the new guy? Total douche, right?”
You catch the look on his face, a mix of hope and something else you can’t quite place. It’s clear he’s fishing for your opinion, eager for you to agree with him.
You shrug, trying to keep your tone casual, though you can’t hide the small smirk tugging at your lips. “I mean…” Your voice comes out just a bit higher than usual, betraying your uncertainty. “He’s like the entire cast of The Outsiders wrapped up in one package.” You leave it at that, the playful jab hanging in the air between you three.
Nancy chuckles, gripping her tray closely as she looks between you and Steve. You take the opportunity to point at her, nodding toward Steve. “Looks like your girl might agree with me too.”
Nancy gasps and bursts into laughter. “I don’t know, I guess. He’s not really my type though.”
You smirk, not missing a beat. “That’s so funny, because I’m pretty sure I saw a David Hasselhoff photo in your locker just last week?”
Steve’s face falls slightly, and you catch the brief flash of disappointment in his eyes. “Oh please,” he says, his tone a bit too defensive, “he is not David Hasselhoff.”
“Knight Rider,” Nancy interjects, her eyes darting between you and Steve. You both freeze, caught off guard.
“What?” You ask, happy she sees the resemblance too.
Nancy looks back and forth between you two, realization dawning on her. “He has the car, the curls, and the mus—muscle car.”
You raise an eyebrow, teasing her. “You just said the car twice. Sure you didn’t mean another kind of muscle?”
Nancy giggles at your comment, but Steve pushes you playfully, though there’s a layer of something more in his touch—like he’s trying to keep things light but it doesn’t quite feel like it used to.
“Have I told you that I hate you?” Steve mutters under his breath, though it’s more playful than anything else.
You smile, your tone laced with the usual teasing. “All too often.”
But as you both lock eyes, something shifts. It’s not just a playful exchange anymore. The usual banter feels heavy now, the space between you both thick with unspoken words. Steve’s smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes, and you wonder if he’s feeling the same distance creeping between you two that you’ve been trying so hard to ignore. You quickly look away, forcing the feeling down as Nancy continues to laugh, unaware of the sudden tension lingering.
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You’re walking down the hall, a few steps ahead of Steve, the sounds of lockers slamming and voices all around you fading as the tension between you both hangs in the air. Every time you glance over your shoulder, his gaze is already on you—lingering, just a bit too long.
You both fall into an uneasy silence. It’s not the comfortable quiet you used to share, but something heavier. Something unspoken.
You stop for a moment, unsure of what to say. “I’ll see you in class,” you murmur, turning to leave.
But Steve’s voice stops you. “Hey,” he calls softly, his hand brushing yours as he steps into your path. His touch is warm, too warm for something so casual. His fingers linger for a split second before he pulls away, but the moment still sits between you, unresolved.
You look up, meeting his eyes. His usual cocky confidence is gone, replaced by something more vulnerable. It’s almost as if he’s waiting for you to say something, anything to break the silence.
“Steve…” You don’t know what you’re going to say. You want to say something that makes it all feel normal again, but the words feel stuck in your throat.
He opens his mouth, hesitates, then shuts it again. “Never mind.” The smile he forces doesn’t reach his eyes again. It’s strained, tight. And suddenly, you can’t look at him anymore.
Turning quickly, you walk past him, your heartbeat pounding in your ears.
From down the hall, Nancy watches the exchange, arms folded, leaning against the locker as she observes. There’s no jealousy in her gaze—she’s been there too. She knows the space between two people who care for each other but don’t know how to bridge it. She’s seen it with Jonathan, with the way they get tangled in unspoken words and moments that feel like too much, but too little at the same time. It’s just the way things go sometimes.
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*Flashback*
1 year ago
It’s a Friday afternoon, and the hallways of Hawkins High are quieter than usual. Most of the students have gone home, leaving the echoes of footsteps and lockers slamming shut. You and Steve are walking side by side, the familiar warmth of his presence at your side like it always has been—comforting, easy.
You laugh as Steve pulls an exaggerated face, trying to get you to laugh at his antics as he mimics one of the teachers. You roll your eyes, but you can’t help the smile spreading across your face.
“You’re such an idiot,” you tease, nudging him with your shoulder.
He bumps you back, almost knocking you into the lockers. “You love me for it,” he smirks, and there’s a hint of something else in his gaze, something unspoken that lingers between you, like a question neither of you has the courage to ask.
You roll your eyes again, but there’s no denying the way your heart skips. “Yeah, maybe,” you say, trying to brush it off. But you both know that maybe means something more.
You reach the end of the hallway, your steps slowing as the moment stretches, neither of you wanting to be the first to turn back, to end this rare, quiet time between just the two of you.
He glances over at you, his steps slowing, his voice quieter when he speaks again. “Hey, so… Bryan still around?”
You stop walking, surprised by the question, but it’s Steve, and it’s always been easy with him. “No,” you reply, shaking your head. “He’s out of the picture.”
Steve’s expression softens, a slight smile playing on his lips as if the weight of something between you two has been lifted. “Good. He never really seemed like the right guy for you.”
Your breath catches slightly at the unexpected warmth in his words, but you don’t let it show. “Yeah, well… sometimes you don’t really see things until it’s too late.”
Steve nods, looking down for a moment as if he’s trying to decide something. He looks back up at you, his usual carefree grin returning. “Well, if you’re not busy tonight, you wanna come over to my place? We can grab some takeout, watch movies… you know, normal hangout stuff.”
There’s something in his invitation that feels different this time, but you brush it off. It’s Steve. He always invites you over. You’ve done it a million times before—movies, pizza, talking about everything and nothing. It’s what you do.
“Yeah,” you agree, “sounds good.”
Steve’s eyes flicker down to your lips, then back to your eyes, his expression shifting. You feel your stomach flutter, the air between you thickening as the playful banter dies down.
You find yourself leaning in, just a bit, and you see Steve’s breath catch, the tip of his nose almost brushing yours.
But before you can get any closer, a loud bang from down the hall makes both of you snap apart like you’ve been caught.
You both step back, instantly awkward, eyes darting everywhere except at each other. The spell breaks, but the tension still lingers, heavy in the air. You glance at Steve, and his expression is unreadable—like he’s trying to hide something, or maybe it’s you who’s hiding it.
You break the silence first, a half-laugh escaping your lips. “Well… that was close.”
Steve rubs the back of his neck, looking embarrassed but also relieved. “Yeah, totally. We’re just—uh, messing around, right?”
You nod, trying to brush it off, but your heart is racing, and you know he feels it too. “Right. Just messing around.”
But neither of you says anything more. You both head in opposite directions down the hallway, still feeling the echo of what almost happened, both of you wondering if the other is thinking about it too.
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At last, it’s the day of the party. You’ve spent longer than you’d like to admit getting ready, but you’re finally happy with your look. Blue bell-bottom jeans, a tight orange top with a center zip that falls just below the line of modesty—it’s bold, but you feel good in it. Confident, even.
You arrive at the party, a mix of excitement and nerves swirling inside you. The music pulses through the house, and people are scattered, laughing and talking, their faces blurry in the haze of a dimly lit room. As much as you try to act like you don’t care, the anxiety creeps in. Funny how someone so confident can still feel out of place in a crowd.
You push through, trying to find your core group, but as you weave through the bodies, there’s really only one person you’re looking for. Steve. The one person who has always had a way of making you feel like you belong.
On your way through the crowd, you bump into Jonathan Byers. Another one of your longtime friends. You’ve all grown up together in Hawkins, so you’ve seen each other through the years—some friendships stronger than others, but still, it’s hard to forget those familiar faces.
“Jonathan!” you call out with a smile, pulling him into a quick hug. “Loving the look, very you.” You nod at his usual, low-key style—flannel and jeans. He’s always been the quiet, thoughtful one in the group, and you just want him to feel good about his understated vibe.
“I like… your shirt,” he says, his words trailing off awkwardly.
Well, at least your shirt is doing what you intended it to. Maybe just not with the target audience.
“Looking for Nancy?” you ask, hoping he’ll pick up the conversation.
“Yeah,” Jonathan responds, his hands shoved in his pockets. “I don’t really associate with anyone else here.”
You put on a mock-offended face, “Ouch.”
He immediately backpedals, realizing how it sounded. “I mean, you were gone for a while. We kinda lost touch.” His gaze drops a little, clearly uncomfortable, referring to the time when your parents separated again, and you spent some months with your mom in California. It had been a rough time for you, especially being away from Steve. You’re still not sure how you survived that.
“Well, I’m back now,” you say, brushing off the past. “Come on, join me. I’m on a mission to find Steve and Nancy.”
Jonathan nods, grateful for the company. “Alright, lead the way.”
And there he is, leaning against the wall by the kitchen, laughing at something someone said, a bottle of beer loosely held in his hand. He’s effortlessly cool as usual, but there’s something different tonight. Maybe it’s the way his eyes flicker over to Nancy every now and then, or the tightness in his posture that betrays the casual air he’s trying to maintain.
Nancy stands next to him, arms crossed, her jaw clenched in that familiar way when she’s upset—though it’s hard to say if it’s the alcohol or something else that’s fueling her frustration tonight. She’s leaning a little too heavily on the counter, her face flushed, the words she’s muttering barely audible over the noise of the party.
Steve’s smile is gone now, replaced by a more serious expression. He’s trying to keep things light, but it’s clear she’s not having it.
As you and Jonathan walk toward the kitchen, you spot Steve and Nancy in their little world, tucked away by the counter. You can hear the edge in Nancy’s voice, even from a distance, though you can’t make out the words. Jonathan follows your gaze, his brow furrowing. You can’t blame him for looking the way he does—he’s been around long enough to know the dance between Steve and Nancy.
“Is she okay?” you ask, your voice quiet, though it feels more like an automatic question than one you really expect an answer to. You’ve seen enough of this cycle to know the routine.
Jonathan glances over, shaking his head just slightly. “I don’t think so,” he says, a rare seriousness in his tone. “But you know Nancy. She’ll push through.”
You feel the knot in your stomach tighten as you watch Steve’s stance shift, his body leaning toward Nancy as if trying to reach her without crowding her, trying to give her space but also not let her slip too far away. There’s something fragile in the air, something more than just the tension between them. It’s like Steve’s holding on by a thread, and maybe Nancy is, too, but neither of them wants to admit it.
“You should probably go talk to them,” Jonathan says, glancing at you. He doesn’t know what to say either, but it’s obvious that Steve’s been trying to manage things on his own. You could step in—or let him handle it.
You glance at Jonathan again, silently debating what to do. Jonathan nudges you gently with his elbow. “You good?” he asks. You nod, taking a step forward, your voice hesitant but warm. “Hey, guys, what’s going on?” you ask, trying to break through the tension without adding to it.
Nancy shoots you a sharp look before turning away, but Steve doesn’t seem to mind. He’s got that defeated, yet resigned, look on his face as he exhales deeply. He’s trying to hide it, but the frustration is written all over him.
“Just the usual,” Steve says with a small, forced smile, looking at you.
Nancy, still with her arms crossed, shoots you a look that says more than her words do. It’s not that she’s mad at you; it’s just that she doesn’t want to be the center of attention right now. She’s not ready to have the conversation.
Jonathan stands by you, hands in his pockets, waiting for you to say something. You don’t know what the right thing is. The silence in the room is thick now.
“I’m gonna go get another drink,” Nancy slurs, her words trailing off as she pushes past Steve, who’s still trying to calm her down.
“Please don’t,” Steve says, his voice low and frustrated, but he’s too late. He sighs and chases after her, leaving you standing alone for the moment.
Not long after, a voice you’re starting to recognize from the past few days calls out from behind you.
“So if I’m Knight Rider, then who does that make you?” Billy’s voice is smooth, cocky, and unmistakable. He’s standing just a few feet away now, that grin still plastered on his face.
You turn to meet his gaze, letting a playful smile tug at the corners of your lips. You raise an eyebrow, a silent challenge in your eyes. “You’ll have to learn more about me to find out.”
He steps a little closer, eyes narrowing with amusement. “When?”
The question hangs in the air, and for a split second, you feel that old rush of excitement—the thrill of the unknown. Remembering your mom’s less-than-subtle hints this morning, you decide to play along.
“How about Wednesday night? We can go see the new Terminator movie. You look like someone who appreciates a little Arnold Schwarzenegger,” you say, testing the waters, letting a hint of flirtation slip into your voice.
Billy doesn’t hesitate, that confident grin of his widening. “It’s a date. I’ll pick you up. And…I’ve been to the gym Arnold works out in.”
You raise your hand to stop him, a slight smirk on your face. “Right…I’m sure you have. Also, I’ve seen how you drive your car. Maybe I’ll meet you there,” you tease, enjoying the playful banter.
He chuckles, stepping back, his eyes twinkling with a mischievous glint. “I’ll go nice and slow just for you.”
You can’t help but laugh at that, the tension between you both shifting into something lighter, something you haven’t felt in a while. But as you look past him, your eyes flicker briefly to Steve, catching him trying to pry the solo cup out of Nancy’s hand. Just as the music halts, that red solo cup and the red mystery punch within it spills all over Nancy’s white shirt.
Her face is in complete disbelief, she sways back and forth her reaction clearly slowed down by her alcohol intake.
“Screw you.”
Jonathan follows her quickly into the bathroom.
“You know,” Billy starts again, “Rumor has it that you and Harrington have quite the colorful history? Why is it that you two aren’t prom king and queen this year?”
Something in Billy’s tone instantly makes you second-guess your plans for Wednesday. His fading smirk tells you he’s noticed the flash of disdain on your face.
“What does it matter if you’re the one taking me on a date Wednesday?” you say, your voice edged with a warning. You’re feeling oddly protective over you and Harrington’s history, a past that’s none of Billy’s business.
Billy raises an eyebrow, caught off guard but intrigued. “Fair enough,” he replies, but the cocky glint in his eyes lingers, as if he’s still sizing up the situation.
Shortly after, you spot Steve storming out of the bathroom alone, Nancy nowhere in sight. His expression is tense as he heads straight for the drink station, a familiar frustration in his stride. You catch a glimpse of Jonathan making his way toward Nancy, so you turn to Billy with a polite excuse and make your way over to Steve.
“Hey, you don’t need to be drinking any more right now,” you say, noticing that Steve has downed two cups of punch in the short walk it took to reach him.
“I’ve got a pretty damn good reason to,” he mutters, his jaw tight as he opens a beer.
“Steve, you don’t have to tell me what happened, but at least think about the fact that you still have to drive home,” you warn, trying to keep your tone light.
He shrugs, avoiding your eyes. “You can drive me.”
“I never volunteered for that,” you reply, crossing your arms.
For a moment, he looks at you, really looks at you, and you can tell he’s realizing that things are different. You’re not just there to pick up his pieces anymore. You have your own life to live tonight—a party to enjoy, and maybe even boys to dance with. The weight of another round of Steve-and-Nancy drama? That’s not something you’re willing to carry this time.
“You’re right,” Steve says, setting the beer down with a sigh. “I’ll just go sit out on the porch and sober up a bit. Then I’ll head out. And I wanna make sure Nancy gets home safe.”
You give his arm a quick squeeze, silently admiring that, even in the middle of an argument, he’s still looking out for her. That is… until his gaze drifts to the front door, where he sees Jonathan helping a barely-standing Nancy out to his car.
Crap.
“Go sit on the porch. I’ll be right there,” you say quickly, hinting you’ll handle it. You rush outside to catch up with Jonathan. “You know how this looks, right?”
Jonathan gives a solemn nod. “She asked me.”
Nancy lifts her head slightly, her words slurred and muddled. “I don’t want… Steve to take me home. Not Steve. I want to see Barb’s parents. Take me to Barb’s house.”
You pause, taken aback. “Barb’s parents? Why do you want to see Barb’s parents right now?”
Jonathan stiffens, worry flickering in his eyes. “Uh, I really think I should get her home now. Maybe check on Steve too.”
Without another word, they’re off, leaving you standing in the night with a sense of unease. You know Barbara Holland was Nancy’s best friend, missing since last year. But why would she bring that up now? And why with such urgency?
You find Steve out back, leaning against the porch railing, eyes glazed with frustration and a hint of sadness.
“Steve…why would Nancy want to see Barb’s parents tonight?”
He shakes his head slowly, the alcohol clearly loosening his grip on restraint. “God, I wish I could tell you everything right now. It would make things so much easier. You’re my best friend. I tell you everything. But for the past year, I’ve been keeping so many secrets from you.”
A pit forms in your stomach. “What do you mean, Steve?”
He looks at you, eyes haunted, and whispers, “If I told you, you’d die.”
You laugh nervously, trying to shake the unease settling over you. “C’mon, it can’t be that serious.”
“There’s stuff going on around here that you have no clue about.” He reaches up, gently brushing a stray hair from your face, his fingers lingering a second longer than they should. Your heart skips, half hoping this is just the alcohol, half hoping it’s not. He always does this, walks that fine line.
His voice cracks slightly as he murmurs, “I just want to keep you safe.”
In that moment, you realize it’s not just words—it’s a plea, and you can feel the weight of something dark lurking just beyond his gaze, something he desperately wants to shield you from.
You give Steve a gentle pinch, trying to ground him. “I’m safe, Steve. I’m right here, see?”
But he only shakes his head, eyes dark with something close to dread. “Here is where it’s least safe. Those things… they’re out there.”
A chill runs down your spine. “What things, Steve?” You search his face, recognizing the unmistakable truth behind his words.
He just looks away, jaw clenched. Instinctively, your mind flashes back to last year, the disappearances of Will Byers and Barb. Then Nancy and Jonathan, vanishing for days without a word. Everyone assumed Jonathan had to hold things together while Joyce spiraled, refusing to believe her son was dead. There was even a funeral, and she still wouldn’t admit it. Then, against all logic, Will came back with no real explanation.
You remember Steve acting strangely after everything went down. He kept trying to make peace with Jonathan over the fight they got into outside the movie theater, but he dodged every question you asked about the night he went to Jonathan’s house, laughing nervously or changing the subject so fast it left you spinning. Then there was the night you found a bat in the trunk of his car—nails hammered into it like some kind of makeshift weapon. When you questioned him, he just shrugged it off, calling it a “guy thing,” and you let it go, though every instinct told you there was more to the story.
Whenever you pushed for answers, Steve would wave it off, teasing you about reading too many mysteries and spending too much time theorizing. But seeing the fear in his eyes now, the weight he’s carrying, it hits you like a punch: you were right to question everything. And he knows it, too.
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You drive Steve’s car back to his house, figuring you’ll pick up your mom’s in the morning. One night won’t matter.
Helping him up to his room, you can’t shake the strange coincidences piling up around Hawkins.
“I missed this,” he mumbles, settling onto his bed.
“What?”
“You… in my room,” he says softly, grabbing your hand. “Stay tonight. Don’t leave.”
“You have a girlfriend, Steve. I don’t stay over when you have a girlfriend.”
He sighs, eyes full of something almost desperate. “What kind of girlfriend says she isn’t really in love with you?”
You freeze. “I’m sorry—what?”
“She said we’re just… acting like we’re in love,” he says, voice rough with frustration and something else.
You can see it—the hurt he’s tried to bury, the way he’s tried so hard to be enough for someone. To finally feel wanted.
His arms slip around your waist, his head resting against your stomach, and you feel his shoulders shake. Silent tears he doesn’t want you to see.
“Hey, hey… She was drunk, okay? Everyone says stupid things when they’re drunk. Talk to her tomorrow. It’ll be fine.”
“She meant it,” he whispers, his voice breaking.
You gently push him back onto the bed, pulling the covers over him. “You’ve got a long day tomorrow, Steve. Get some rest, and we’ll figure out the Nancy thing together.”
You hate to leave him like this, but you know it’s the right thing to do. So, once again, you walk away, leaving your best friend alone with his heartbreak and the last traces of alcohol on his breath. Another turn in the endless cycle that is your friendship—always there for him, even as it pulls you back into the same, unbroken loop.
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The next day, Billy and Steve square off on the basketball court, the air thick with tension. Billy’s been taunting him non-stop, poking at Steve’s so-called “King Steve” reputation like it’s a worn-out joke. But Steve keeps his cool, mostly.
Until Billy casually drops your name.
“So tell me, Harrington,” Billy sneers with a smirk, “what made you go for the Wheeler girl over Y/N?”
Steve feels the muscles in his jaw clench, but he doesn’t take the bait. He knows better than to react. But Billy’s not done. He moves closer, a low chuckle escaping as he continues, “I mean, the King and the Princess of Hawkins High—cute match and all. But damn, man, have you seen the hips on her? Perfect for holding onto. Word is you already took her for a test drive, too. So I gotta wonder… why didn’t you ever claim her? Or maybe you just weren’t man enough?”
Steve’s control snaps. He shoves Billy hard, fire in his eyes as he stands inches from him, fists clenched. “Say one more thing about her. I dare you.”
Billy laughs, clearly enjoying himself, but there’s an edge to Steve’s stance, a fierce protectiveness that makes even Billy pause. Steve glares, his voice low and dangerous. “Y/N’s worth more than someone like you will ever know. So keep her name out of your mouth, or you’ll regret it.”
Right on cue, Nancy’s soft voice cuts through the tension. “Steve?” She stands just a few feet away, looking pale and uneasy, clearly having seen the entire thing unfold.
Billy smirks, throwing a last taunt over his shoulder. “Good luck, Harrington.” He saunters off, leaving Steve standing there, fists still clenched, his heart pounding.
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“Y/N!” your mom calls from downstairs. “Steve is here!”
Steve coming through the front door? That’s unusual—he’s always climbed the vines up to your window. You quickly spray a bit of perfume, fix your hair, then catch yourself in the mirror. Why are you even putting in effort for him?
When you come down, your mom throws you an excited smile, her back to Steve so he can’t see. She’s still holding onto that hope she’s had since first grade that you and Steve would end up together.
And then there he is, standing in the entryway with a bouquet of sunflowers—your favorite. Your heart stumbles as you take in every inch of him. For a brief second, you let yourself imagine you’re the only girl he brings flowers to. But realistically, he’s probably just coming from Nancy’s or on his way there next.
He hands you the flowers, his gaze lingering. “Thank you for everything.”
“It’s no big deal,” you say, trying to steady your voice.
“Well, I should get going,” he says, and your heart sinks. That’s it?
“But, uh, make sure to open your window. There’s a nice breeze out tonight,” he adds with a wink. You bite back a smile, catching on.
You say your goodbyes and dash up the stairs, ignoring your mom’s questions as Steve leaves. You open your window, sitting on your bed, waiting for him like you have a hundred times before. Somehow, after all these years, the excitement still feels brand new.
“Miss me?” He slips through the window, quietly so your mom doesn’t hear, and makes himself at home. He turns on your record player, the soft hum of music filling the room, then joins you on the bed.
He stares down at his hands. “I’m sorry for the position I put you in last night. It wasn’t fair, and you deserve better.”
You try to catch his gaze, but he’s clearly embarrassed. “That’s what best friends are for,” you say, hoping to ease his guilt.
You bite your tongue, unsure whether to bring up what he shared last night—but you’ve never hidden things from each other, and you don’t want to start now. “You told me about Nancy… how she said it felt like you were just acting in love.”
He sighs, defeated. “Yeah. I confronted her about it today. Asked if she could say she loved me, and she couldn’t.”
Your heart aches for him. “I’m sorry, Steve. Maybe she’s just… having a moment. A lot’s happened this year.”
The silence hangs between you for a moment, heavy with unsaid words.
“I’m gonna bring her flowers after this. I don’t think it’ll change anything, but she deserves an apology for everything I put her through,” he finally says, breaking the quiet. You smile, resting your hand on his knee. “I think that’s a good idea.”
He looks down at your hand on his knee, his fingers hovering for a moment before he covers it with his own. His expression softens, a hint of something he quickly tries to hide, but you can see it—a sadness mixed with a reluctant acceptance, like he knows exactly what all of this means.
He lets out a quiet sigh, staring at your intertwined hands. There’s a heaviness in his eyes. Like even if things with Nancy are ending, there’s something between you and him that’s never quite let go.
His fingers tighten around yours, just for a second, before he releases your hand and gives you a small, bittersweet smile.
“You should go,” you whisper. You don’t want him to. But he needs to.
He reluctantly resigns himself.
“Can I come pick you up in an hour? Maybe we can go to the movies or something?”
You know you should say no, but you can’t. “If you and Nancy aren’t making out and making up within the next hour then yes, we can go to a movie.”
He stares at you, and you can’t quite read him. You avert your gaze.
“It’s so funny,” he speaks almost as if he can’t believe himself, “No matter what…or who…I always need you.”
And with that he’s out the window and on his way to try and win back another woman.
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#strange things imagine#steve harrington imagine#steve harrington fluff#steve harrington fanfic#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington x you#steve harrington x y/n#steve harrington angst#steve harrington#slow burn#angst#steve harrington fic#stranger things fic#billy hargrove#nancy wheeler#jonathan byers#Open Arms AU
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I've spent most of my writing time working on chapter 3 of Now We're at the Starting Line (I Did My Time) this month. The good news is that the chapter will be out on the 15th as planned! The bad news is that I didn't write anything for Crystal week.
Luckily, this chapter has a Crystal-and-Edwin scene in it that I'm extremely proud of! I'm posting it independently a few days before the chapter for @crystal-week, because I love our little psychic so much and want to post something for her.
Starting Line spoilers under the cut!
CONTEXT: After getting home from an awful meeting with her mother, Crystal finds herself crying on the stairway of the Agency building. Edwin, after a rather emotional moment with Charles, ascends the stairs and sees her there.
-
Crystal should go home. She knew that she should – her bed would be a great distraction right now, and the promise of a night sleeping beside Niko’s ghostly form was a comfort. But she didn’t want to go home to Niko a crying mess, so she sat on the stairs between the parking lot and the Agency above with her knees pulled to her chest.
Her mom really didn’t care about her. She didn’t give two shits what happened to her daughter. It had never been clearer to Crystal than it was today, and it had already been pretty fucking clear.
You have twelve minutes, she had said.
This conversation has been a perfect waste of time.
Crystal, I’ve let you have your little delusion for long enough.
She should be beyond sadness. She shouldn’t be such a baby. She was Crystal Palace Surname Von-Hoverkraft, and she’d always been a force to be reckoned with. Not just psychic, not just magical, but strong. Emotionally sturdy. Reliable.
Even if her memories didn’t feel like her own, she recalled feeling that way. Powerful.
And, apparently, she couldn’t catch a break. Not even to have a good long humiliating cry on her own. Because the last voice she wanted to hear sounded behind her, echoing through the rickety stairwell louder than she’d ever wanted it to. “Crystal?” Edwin sounded weirdly worried. “Are you… crying?”
“No,” she said. “Someone’s fucking chopping onions.”
Edwin sat down beside Crystal gingerly, lowering himself with his hands awkwardly. He cocked his head to the side and hummed. “I can in fact recognize when you are being sarcastic,” he said. “You are not particularly subtle.”
Crystal snorted. “Did you think I was trying to be?”
“I do sometimes,” Edwin said lightly. “Perhaps not now, though, as you seem rather… tense.” He paused. When he finally spoke, his voice was oddly stiff. “Would you like to… discuss your particular malady?”
Crystal touched the buns in her hair, one after the next. She was already crying, and Edwin knew it. She might as well talk to him. What was the worst he could do?
And, as much as she hated admitting it, somewhere deep inside her she knew that she and Edwin were birds of a feather. Crystal might as well talk to him, right? Besides, she didn’t really care what he thought about her. He’d see her, and he’d be honest. Maybe that was all she needed right now. So she took a breath and said, with absolutely no prelude, “it was my mother.”
Edwin’s response was short, and his voice was light. “Oh?”
“Yeah,” Crystal said, grateful for his brevity. It made her feel like she could go on. “When Charles and I met up with her today, she was… I don’t know. A real asshole, honestly. But I hate saying that. She’s my mom, even if she was super clear that she didn’t want to see me.” She paused. “Did you know that she only gave me a fifteen-minute appointment? I’m her daughter, and she gave me a fifteen-minute scheduling block.”
“That is… less than positive,” Edwin agreed in an oddly sympathetic voice.
“That’s very British of you,” Crystal told him, and he smirked. She did, too, but felt her face fall again after a few seconds. “Just… and, like, I don’t want to bitch and moan about it, even if I’m speaking to the world record holder for bitching and moaning.”
“Now you are just needlessly instigating,” Edwin said, but there was an undercurrent of laughter in his voice. “A well-known facet of your personality, to be sure, but unnecessary right now.”
Crystal rolled her eyes. “Well, like I was saying, I don’t want to gripe too much, but like… she didn’t care that I was missing. She didn’t even fucking notice, and neither did my dad. What kind of parent doesn’t even notice when their child is missing? What kind of parent doesn’t even give it a second thought when they learned that their kid was a literal missing person?”
She was angry. She was indignant. But Edwin was looking off into the distance, his expression calm and contemplative. He looked like he wanted to say something, but was holding back for some reason.
Which sucked, because one of the reasons that she liked Edwin – though, ugh, why would she think that – was that he never bit his tongue. But his face was careful now, even if his eyes shone with some unidentifiable emotion.
“What is it?”
Edwin turned his head toward her, his shoulders rolling. He assessed her with an almost practiced nonchalance before speaking. His voice was kind, but there was an undercurrent of anger in it that Crystal didn’t understand.
Not yet, anyway.
“I do actually know something of that,” Edwin said. “Believe it or not.”
Crystal blinked. “What does that mean?”
Edwin paused. He opened his mouth once, shut it, and shook his head quickly. “When I went to Hell - ”
“God, Edwin,” Crystal said. “I know that what’s happened to me isn’t as bad as literal Hell. You don’t always have to compare.”
“I’m not,” Edwin said. His fists clenched and pressed together on his lap. “I am very sorry that I have given you reason to believe that I am.”
All the fight went out of Crystal then. “It’s fine,” she said.
“Might I go on now?”
“Fine.”
“When I went to Hell,” Edwin continued, “my disappearance was labeled an Act of God. I believe I have told you that, but… well, I have had decades to contemplate the implications of that, and to research precisely what the declaration entailed.” He paused. “One facet of such a statement is that I was not looked for. Not by anyone. Society at large, to be sure, but I do not care much for the opinions of that lot. I do, however, care that my family abandoned my search.”
“Jesus,” Crystal said.
“Yes, I do believe that is a likely reason that no one searched for me.” Edwin’s voice was saucy, but Crystal sensed an undertone of real hurt. “They did not even start, in fact. I was an Act of God from the day I went missing. To this day, my death is what Charles calls a ‘cold case.’ I remain unburied, and my mother and father could not even be bothered to purchase an empty casket for me despite their abundance of money.”
“That sucks,” Crystal said sympathetically.
“Yes,” Edwin agreed. “It is not an ideal outcome. And I know that you think me unemotional, or cold. But remembering that no one around me cared to search for me – it is the only time that I remember that I was once a person.” He cocked his head. “But this is not about me. It is about the truth that you are far from alone in your sentiments, and-” Edwin made a vibrating sound with his lips, his eyes wide. “Well. That is rather enough emotion for one sitting. I daresay that I had far too many feelings after… well. I shall have to find a way to cleanse myself of it.”
Crystal snorted, and in that moment, she felt a bit herself again.
Then, to bring the mood back to something adjacent to normal, she turned toward Edwin. “Did you know that when I was born my mom signed my forehead?”
Edwin gave her an odd look. “With one of those… magical markers? Whyever would she do that?”
Crystal laughed slightly. “No, it was a temporary tattoo of her signature. It was like I was an art piece they were curating. They wanted to make some weird statement online.”
“Your internet is indeed an odd place. A wealth of knowledge, but also a wealth of independent publications waiting to be ridiculed.”
Edwin sidled off the stair next to her wordlessly and walked away, up the stairs and toward the comfort of his books and notes. Crystal watched him go, and he never turned back.
And she knew what she had to do.
She couldn’t give up, not for herself. Not just for her own sake, though that would have been a pretty damn good reason in itself. She had to understand her powers for Charles, for Edwin… and for Niko, who had been lighting her up inside in a weirdass way lately that she didn’t even understand. She had to know who she was, even beyond her memories, and if Maddy Surname wasn’t going to help her…
Well, fuck her.
Aicha, she thought, are you there?
Her eyes went white as Aicha responded.
Always, my sweet child.
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I’m so glad ik how to make scrambled eggs now. Amazing egg texture
#dean speaks#i have no fucking clue who convinced me that scrambled eggs were ass#maybe my mom made bad ones and that’s what happened#but well i made em after learning how and they’re yummy!!#so that makes me happy
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i'm so angry and heartbroken and i think this is all i will ever be
#no it's not pms :( Jeremy is still missing and i haven't slept well waiting for him#it's getting so cold too#all my ''''progress'''' this year means nothing to me#also my sister is here because she didn't have to work yesterday and today and my brother video called her not knowing she was here#and when she picked up he was all cheerful and happy and it sounded like they video call often#(he texted me only a few times when he moved to the north and not a single time since he moved to Argentina)#and when he realized she was here he sort of got quiet and asked if i was around and she pointed the camera at me which always makes me sic#so i didn't look or wave and i didn't say anything and he said “she's got he headphones on” and my sister said no lol and it was awkward#then she told him we are all sad about Jeremy and said me in particular#i've been so sad and moody and angry#i can't do anything because of this anguish i feel#can't read or watch movies because i can't concentrate#i watched the emperor's new groove the other day to cheer up a little but it made sad#nostalgia doesn't work for me when i'm down like this because i see through it lol and i remember i spent my whole childhood scared#i remember i was certain something bad would happen to me (and it did but not as tragic as what i was scared of)#i'm rambling. i should be journaling instead#...#Keanu is with me now and i can't even look at him without tearing up because i start thinking about Jeremy#it's so cold and he's probably hungry. if he's even alive#the cats are all i have. i spend more time with them than with the only 2 humans i can interact with without throwing up (mom and sister)#you know how they say cats mirror twhe personality of their humans :( Jeremy is exactly like me. my mom and siblings used to joke about it#he hides when people come over to the house:( he pees himself when strangers touch him :(#we have the vet come over so we don't have to take him out of the house#and the vet is the only person he's forced to see. he pees himself when she touches him too#i can't stop thinking about how he's doing if he's still alive because he gets scared so easily and he's so anxious#i'm so angry because i should go outside and look for him but i can't even picture myself out of this house#i feel so betrayed too. because one thing is my stupid sick head thinking there's no amount of therapy or meds that could work for me#but why is my family listening to me when i say these things. why don't they get me lobotomized or something#maybe it is a bit of pms#📓
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I’m feeling deeply unhappy with everything and I’m unsure if it’s due to stress or if it’s the depression
#or maybe it’s a mixture of both#:/#this has probably been the shittiest holiday season ive had in a long time#definitely not the worst. but no where close to one of the best#i just want to curl up and disappear for a while#im so tired of dealing with my partner’s mom and sister#theyre so high strung. i cant deal with it#not with everything else going on#and now i have news that my mom’s husband is having really bad medical issues to the point where#they’re discussing what happens if he dies#and im like. idk. half numb to it half super upset#i like him ig but it’s more i like him because he makes my mom happy#im mostly just upset with the idea of my mom being widowed twice#i probably need therapy for how i feel towards him since 90% of it is ‘keep him at arms length so i dont get attached to#and lose another father figure that my mom is with’#what sucks is if he does die i’ll have to do that whole funeral without my partner since he cant travel due to recovering from his own sur#gery#god. fuck. can i catch a goddamn break?#anyway thanks for reading if you made it this far lol#i just needed a moment to vent#they speak
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hanamusa artist: (puts screenshots of the wiki pages for jessie and delia under several comics to prove their ages are 25 and 29)
me: surely this isn't necessary. it's in your FAQ, and people can't really be--
me: (looks at the comments of one such post)
me: (look at the comments of yet another one)
me: i think i give the internet too much credit sometimes
#the amount of people freaking the fuck out about delia having ash when she was 19 is doing permanent damage to my psyche#i don't know how to tell you this. but women have children young A LOT#sometimes because they want to and sometimes when they don't#acting like it's some moral evil isn't fucking helping anybody#like anti/fancop/etc mindsets are bad enough but this is such a weird thing to be nitpicky over when it happens irl ALL THE TIME#my mom was 33 when she had me but serzh's mom WAS 18 or 19 iirc#and i went to an independent study high school bc of my mental health and let me tell you#all the pregnant teens who can't/won't get abortions that you think aren't an issue#ARE IN THOSE SCHOOLS.#i made friends with one she was very nice. felt bad about what she was going through but it wasn't my business#like has the internet really poisoned people's brains so much that they just up and forgot pregnancy is a thing that can happen at any time#and a lot of women can't abort/don't want to abort/are convinced not to abort/think they can handle a baby at 19#maybe this isn't surprising. i don't know. i really didn't think this was an issue people had.#they're not even making disparaging comments about ash's deadbeat dad who would. you know. be the one who knocked her up at 19.#like it reeks of a moral judgement on DELIA? ARE YOU HIGH?#remind me to not read post comments#tox.txt
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Why do my mom always purposefully cook shit that i purposefully and actively say i fucking hate and make me pukes, then come at me and say im a fucking picky eater and the most ungrateful human being ever. Is it so fucking hard to not cook a literal specific food that is literally fucking hard to make and forcing me to fucking like it, i literally am not that fucking picky i just hate eating fucking liver and that stupid broth that makes me pukes
#ignorelist#im just gonna eat fucking candy#dont care that im gonna starve myself cause seemed like no one gave a shit abt that anyway#she cooks food filled with liver and broth that i fucking hate#btw#which i have stated many times again im going to kms if i eat one of those#and i’ve proven many times that if i eat that i will literally fucking puke#and yet she still fucking made it on behalf of me#literally what does she think of me a fucking torture subject that needs fucking torture?#fucking asshole literally what the fuck did i do to her#she is always like this if bad things happenned to her im telling you#she always take out on me and my sister and started degrading us weaponising her fucking religion and saying how much she’s more superior in#that field than us#and how much god must fucking hate us this is why i dont have faith in god anymore btw and then she started becoming much aggressive and jus#t went to verbal attack either body shaming or subtly insulting us#its all fucking subtle and maybe she started using her mom card make us do shit that we dont even usually do#which i have to say is fucking insulting because those are basic chores#which you care to give us when you’re mad#is that the length you need to give a shit abt ur kid and gave them great scheduling activity?#sorry i actually envy people who has parents that cared enough and gave their kids meaningful chores to do like maybe buying food or other#also since like im islam totally i gotta do fasting m shit lately been wanting to faint#hastags so cool right#i have a sliver of chance pf maybe fainting in the pavement and someone fucking car crash in front of me#sliver of hope of dying yippee!#what the fuck is wrong with me
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the bad news is i spent about an hour (after already getting home late) wandering around my apartment crying because i couldn't find my computer mouse anywhere. checking every place it could be twice, three times, knowing i don't lose things because of how badly it messes me up, only finally finding it at the cusp of a very bad meltdown in a place that i had already checked once before (and only once bc i knew i hadn't seen it in there the other day). had to take meds and cbd and lay on the floor for a long time and i still don't really feel ok.
but the good news? i won $100 in a raffle through work. so that's neat.
#personal#eating and drinking will probably help a lot right now but they're kinda the last things i want to do#takes too many spoons#and my entire face hurts from crying#therapist brain is asking me what that whole computer mouse search ordeal might have felt like if i wasn't alone#and first answer is i wouldn't have let myself get so worked up bc my Being Upset and Fixated is apparently very bad#always made my mom really upset#so probably not a safe thing to express#around anyone. any. one.#i don't know that i woulda been able to really hold it in tho with how upset i got. though maybe i wouldn't have spiraled so much?#a second pair of eyes wouldve been helpful but i also can't imagine not being made to feel like an idiot about it all#i kept saying to myself that *i don't lose things*. it's *not like me* and i even cited what my shrink has said#about how much i clearly DO care about things and always act with INTENT. and i felt that all about to shatter in the face of the proof#that i wasn't. proof that i WAS careless. proof that saying i'm anything but a thoughtless careless waste#was just another lie i was telling myself (and believing it so thoroughly i didn't even know i was lying)#and then i found the mouse. in a spot that i know made sense at the time#i at least managed not to throw it at the wall and shatter it. i didn't even want to. the mouse didnt do anything wrong#i can't even imagine a possible scenario where having another person with me when that happened would have been a good thing#where i would have been safer (and not just bc i was masking and bottling it all up) and not made to be a monster#other people aren't safe#why would they be? i'm certainly not
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today might be a lyric posting on main kinda day
#nightmare.personal#GF said she was excited to see me later and sent me a heart and a smiley emoji#and it's the PINK hearts which I think in her heart rankings I learned last May that's a good thing?#but maybe purple is better but like why would she make me the worse one compared to what she made my ex#that doesn't make any sense also did i mention that my ex's first kiss i think was with my current girlfriend#i feel like this is some ruse but i was the one who pitched the date so nothing bad is going to happen but i don't think she likes me?#like i don't think my girlfriend actually likes me because i haven't seen her in forever#like i didn't see her at ALL yesterday and i mean i had to mediate an argument with her and my other friend#and that was like a week ago and we definitely spoke after that but i think she still remembers#and i HAVE to look good today but it's really cold outside so i don't know how to impress her#because I don't know what traits about me that she actually LIKES and that's like so difficult?#because I don't know what i need to play up to get her to really like me she isn't giving me ANYTHING#does she think i'm attractive? does she think i'm smart? does she think i'm kind? like WHAT IS IT.#because if i don't KNOW then i have to just be me and that's not going to work!#dating is so fucking difficult what the hell i'm going to explode#maybe I do my makeup today OOH I COULD PAINT MY NAILS#maybe that iwll make me better#no but then i have to hide the nails from my mom God dammit.#oh and i can't listen to music because my brother wants me to change my spotify username!!!#so if he sees me listening! he'll know i haven't! but i also don't think he follows me?#i don't think i like my brother very much#i keep trying to decide if there's something wrong with me and honestly i'm not so sure i think there isn't#but the fact i said that will make you think there is so there's no point anyway
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All, der real
Me: they sure are perfect...damn
****HugeP***Hugo*****Hugo now ok**
This message has been brought to you by NASA.
"Take your girth from the Seventh Seal"
#overlaying the Hun's yellow pages with gemini is a rather funny way of doing things#I really can't say how many sisters I bring to see myself young#I went to that place a bunch with mom and grandpa#that would be kinda funny though#yeah....so our dad kinda fucking sucks as a person and you're better off not having him around to have access to you#the weird counter balances of people and dog names in that place#I don't know where Merlin is at#maybe it the guy that Arthur likes to visit on the quest to keep the network cooling#perhaps we could transfer the Abraham's ailments to be done with the dog of a resurrection#I love my burrito so fucking much#he is like some grounded if not irritated and(horny A LOT) version of myself#gotta say though#I never needed to masturbate#I was built for Vagina pleasing a second kind of hand#xtra large marriage = Mormons#like yes you made enough of an impact on me my goodness#me talking to you both before you go serve me (*nice*) in 1983#ladies you have practiced for this your entire smoke filled lives#this is the most important fag you will ever smoke#also: weapon: lets fuck with Alex....me: no life does that enough#a double doggy bagger#yoga on the knees back to back#takes huge rip: damn you are some bad bitches....licks one vagina and rubs the other#that tension for a bug fucking hug from you..... shit#me looking back: you wore your hair in a ponytail but made sure it looked curly#my words: are you dancing still....why? mm mm mm that body.... fuck#Also I called you over right and then you kinda look down and then oh shit this is what happens when we lock eyes
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Had a very bad day Gotta eat gravel
#had to work a shift with only one other coworker and we were in this same position last weekend too and so like last time#he had this Moment where like as we locked up he was yelling very frustratedly about an annoying customer#which is fair but lol we dont know each other well enough for him to yell and rant like that to me like i get it but#god i hate yelling and just felt like shit and wanted to die#then tonight i was legitimately kinda scared cuz uh liiike. he had a lot more little Moments#i think like some kid dropped something and it broke and he had to clean it up and he got frustrated#and like. went in the back where the custom framing shit is and there was loud banging with a hammer and glass shattering#and he went back and did this multiple times and customers heard it too and were like uhhh 😰#i was already in a bad mood coming in and this really didnt help its honestly a miracle i didnt start having a meltdown#i guess ive just had to deal with so many man babies at home that all i can do is look at them like a disappointed parent and ask if they#would like me to take them to daycare#so yeah that was fun i uh dont like this guy hes always wearing very cutesy clothes and all i can think of is the bit where its like#‘there is nothing little about your things’#also i got money problems and keep getting fast food cuz i got eating problems and theres not much here i can eat and obviously#buying food so much wastes money so i was gonna try to make a sandwich today and like we dont have half the shit needed#and the bread was moldy obviously and theres so many bugs in the house cuz ive been too busy to clean and my sister was here#and the cat is here and my mom does everything wrong and then i spilled water everywhere and everything just went wrong#im also in a horrible place mentally doing so so bad so unbelievably stressed rn#just like. im repressing very bad and literally procrastinating having feelings like everything is going so wrong but i cant feel bad#because i dont have time for that so ill feel bad later when i escape which surely will happen someday ahahaha fuuuck#dont know whats real anymore maybe ive made everything up maybe the abuse is just me being dramatic maybe im the worst child in the world
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my mom likes dr who but english isn't her first language, she just barely understands any british accents (her viewing of dr who is mostly vibes-based), and she doesn't do much scifi.
so imagine how confusing the throwaway butterfly effect gag in space babies would be from that perspective. she was practically in distress.
#it wasn't a bad gag but it wasn't a particularly good one either#and i can't tell if it was made better or worse by my poor mom going “WHAT'S GOING ON?!?! WHAT HAPPENED TO HER?!?!”#(i paused it and told her about the butterfly effect but not before laughing maybe a little too much from how distressed she sounded)
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I wish that I was more
#sad hours at the huskin bee#personal#graduating soon and the animation department is collecting photos of everyone in the drive#and seeing all these group photos of everyone in the program makes me realize how distant i am from them#and how close knit everyone else has become...#ive never been good at making friends and within like the first few weeks of school it was like everyone got to know each other#and the few friends i made in the program left after the first year#i wish my social anxiety wasnt so bad i tried harder to make friends in college#also i have an essay due on monday and i might just not do it#or itll be really half assed#ive been doing well so far in that class so if i dont do it i think the least id get is a C#idk maybe i can still make friends w these ppl after college somehow but itd still feel weird bc i had a completely different shm experience#than they had#ahhhh#i can imagine a future reunion where ppl will talk to be about old drama that was big among this giant friend group#that consists of most people in my year that ill have no idea what theyre talking abt#bc im never in the loop abt anything ever lol#this actually happened at my hs animation reunion except i actually knew and talked to most ppl in that class#i wasnt like super close to most of them but i had a few closeish friends#and i know one of those friends probably werent/arent in the know#also like i did hear abt relationship drama back in the day bc gossip spread p easily#anyways i was told completely new information abt someone getting stalked back then so thats wild#and apparently there was a super handsome guy in our class that i for some reason have zero recollection of#point is i be the last person to know something and if i know smth then everyone probably already knew#which is annoying. i wanna hear gossip too. even in my own family my sisters will tell each other and our mom about shit that went down w#their friends or our cousins and i only hear abt it when im in the room#so i end up hearing a lot but never directly and sometimes not in full#man i shouldve gone on more college field trips#shouldve done a lot more in life that my insecurities get the way of#tbh i genuinely think i might have a form of undiagnosed anxiety; tism; or some other mental disorder
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despicable
updates as of 22 oct
Travis Dermott knew that he would draw attention with his actions in the Coyotes’ home opener against the Anaheim Ducks at Mullett Arena on Saturday. The Arizona defenseman just hoped that the spotlight might shine on the issue that he was addressing, not on him.
“You don’t really want to go against rules that are put in place by your employer, but there’s some people who took some positive things from it,” Dermott said. “That’s kind of what I’m looking to impact.
“You want to have everyone feel included and that’s something that I have felt passionate about for a long time in my career. It’s not like I just just jumped on this train. It’s something that I’ve felt has been lacking in the hockey community for a while. I feel like we need supporters of a movement like this; to have everyone feel included and really to beat home the idea that hockey is for everyone.”
“I won’t lie,” said Dermott, who is playing on a one-year, two-way contract. “From the outside, it’s easy to see that I’m putting my career on the line for something. I definitely went through some emotional ups and downs that night, not regretting anything by any means, but I’d love to have maybe done a couple of steps a little different by making sure that everyone was aware of what was going on before I did it.
“I don’t want to put my teammates or my coaches or my GMs or the equipment managers in any kind of bad light when it’s their job to kind of look out for something like this happening. It was definitely something that I did just by myself and was prepared to kind of deal with whatever repercussions the league decides to push towards that. I’m not going to back off and say that this battle is won, but we’re going to find better ways to do it.”
As Dermott noted, LGBTQ+ inclusion is an issue that he has supported for a long time. Without getting into specifics, Dermott said the issue is personal for him because it impacts people close to him.
“I’d be lying if I said I haven’t shed tears about this on multiple occasions,” he said. “So yeah, it’s something I’m definitely very passionate about.
“I’ve met a lot of people that from the outside, it looks like they have everything going right in their life and they have a smile on their face every time they talk to you. But sometimes when we get closer to people and get comfortable enough for them to open up to you, you can see that there’s some pretty dark stuff happening to some good people. It doesn’t take too many times encountering something like that for it to really change someone.
“I’ve been blessed to have some of those opportunities put in front of me to really change my view of what being a good person means; what being a good father and a good example and role model means going forward. You really see how people are hurting and it’s because of a system that maybe no one’s intentionally trying to be malicious about, but until you’ve really had that first-person experience seeing people hurting from it right in front of you, it’s tough to kind of take steps.”
It would be a surprise if the league handed down any sort of punishment. The optics alone would add to the public relations damage that the original ban created. Even so, Dermott reiterated his desire to bring the entire franchise into the fold before he takes similar actions in the future, but he also made it clear that he will not be silenced on the topic.
“It’s not like I’m shutting up and going away,” he said. “I know more questions are going to be coming. We’re just going to be as prepared as we can be to just spread love. That’s the thing. It’s gay pride that we’re talking about, but it could be men’s health. It could be any war. It’s just wanting world peace. Everyone’s got to love each other a little bit more.
“Like my parents said growing up, ‘How awesome would it be to be the guy that people look up to?’ That’s what really hit home when I was a kid, especially from my mom. You want to grow up and be that guy. You want to be the guy that’s having the impact on kids like NHL players had on you. If they had been racist or bigoted, that’s going to have an effect on you.
“With how many eyes are on us, especially with the young kids coming up in the new generation, you want to put as much positive love into their brain as you can. You want them to see that it’s not just being taught or coming from maybe their parents at home. They need to see it in the public eye for it to really make an effect.”
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