#maybe irrationally so but
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#just saw a bucktommy fanfic that was like#save a horse ride a cowboy#and its set in texas#and it made me so angry#maybe irrationally so but#its so clear sometimes that the bucktommys just see tommy as an eddie replacement#like what connection does buck or tommy have to texas#why are they there#eddie is the one who grew up there#its like they want all the storyline from the buck and eddie dynamic#and none of the melanin#anti bucktommy
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You know what, fuck it, I have to speak my truth! (this is gonna be a rant, so anyone who actually likes assassin's creed revelations and/or the secret crusade, be warned or maybe don't read this at all)
remember how altaïr talks to king richard at the end of ac1, and richard is like "[humans] come into the world kicking and screaming, violent and unstable. it is what we are. we cannot help ourselves."? and how altaïr answers "no. we are what we choose to be." and how that ACTUALLY has meaning bc he himself was "violent and unstable" at the beginning of the game but he has learned and is now CHOOSING to be a better person who cares about others and humanity at large? remember how his calmness and gentleness was something that he ACQUIRED over the course of the story?
and remember how in revelations they then suddenly had a PRE-AC1 altaïr say about the first of his targets "no man should pass from this world without knowing some kindness." and be all wise and calm and collected during a nice little chat with al mualim, who suddenly acts all fatherly? (like, this is suddenly supposed to be a positive relationship? what??)
also, during the confession the target says to altair: "you put too much faith in the hearts of men, altaïr. [...] humans are weak, base, and petty." and altaïr answers: "no. our creed is evidence to the contrary." KJASJFJDKL???? like, it’s almost insulting how close this exchange is to the one with richard. you know, the one that was actually earned after a whole game of character development. like WTF??? cool congrats now that development means nothing. like, apparently that was just altaïr reverting BACK to being the exemplary assassin who understands and believes in the creed that he was apparently just born as. (i also hate how having a young inexperienced altaïr saying this implies that altaïr's faith in humanity is a sign of naivete instead of a sign of the wisdom he has gained after being confronted with counter arguments for a whole game, and also something that distinguishes the assassins from the templars who use humanity's supposed wickedness to justify controlling them like in AC1, but whatever)
altaïr’s development in AC1 mattered BECAUSE he is not NATURALLY a good person, it actually said something about humanity's capacity for both bad AND good and how humans don't have to be forced to be good through mind control bc they can by their own free will choose to be better when taught how and when allowed the freedom to grow. but no. apparently altaïr has just always been calm, wise and gentle. and he just sort of forgot about that during AC1 bc…. ? bc of adha?? bc of abbas???
oh don’t get me started on the whole abbas thing. (it doesnt even make sense that abbas is so hung up about his father and "his family’s honor", like what about the whole point of al mualim not allowing parents to be close to their children bc it would make them weak? like, my dude, you’re not supposed to HAVE any family aside from the brotherhood)
they used the throwaway character that had like 5 lines and made him into altaïr’s main antagonist in revelations… like, abbas wasn’t supposed to be this ONE dude who had personal beef with altaïr, he was just supposed to show how while altaïr’s revered by many, a lot of his brothers also hate him, bc 1) altaïr is a shitty person at this point and 2) bc there’s no real feeling of community and family in this version of the brotherhood, but just a pervasive sense of competition and jealousy — these assassins don’t care about their goal of safeguarding humanity bc they’re too hung up on petty squabbles and divided by rivalries (you know, the things that made malik hate altaïr even before solomon’s temple and that he overcomes in the end which enables him to forgive and to reconcile with altaïr so they can work together and stop al mualim? (you ever just think about "we are one. as we share the glory of our victories, so too should we share the pain of our defeat. in this way we grow closer. we grow stronger." and cry? bc i do. all the time. malik, the man that you are))
and now abbas is altaïr’s childhood best friend turned lifelong enemy?? like, bowden bent over backwards to come up with an explanation for why altaïr is an arrogant ass at the beginning of AC1, when the explanation is right there: he was raised to kill without asking questions and was constantly praised for how good he is at murder, which resulted in him becoming arrogant and disregarding human life. like, it doesn’t have to be some shakespearean family feud type shit. and guess what, this "simple" explanation actually plays into the story’s themes, who’da thunk!
(like, abbas might not have been a "fleshed out" character in AC1, but he had a specific function and now that function is gone. mr bowden, mr mcdevitt, you know characters are allowed to simply exist to tell us something about their worlds and the systems they live in and sometimes that’s more important and also more interesting than having every single character have a detailed backstory to explain all their behaviors, right?)
with all of this revelations loses all nuance in regards to the levantine brotherhood and also the creed in general. like, altaïr being a master assassin at the beginning despite being a terrible person and not actually understanding the creed is a criticism of the brotherhood and the creed itself. like, it said something about the order that someone like altaïr was able to get that high in rank, simply bc he's good at killing, which also tells us what is considered important in the al mualim era assassin order. when you make altaïr’s arrogance the result of his personal conflicts instead of how we was raised by a brotherhood that only valued one's ability to kill, you lose that characterization of the assassin order itself!
and by suddenly making al mualim a semi good "father figure" you also downplay his manipulation of not only altaïr but all those under his care. (altaïr says something about al mualim being "as a father" to him exactly twice in the codex, but he doesn’t mean by that that he WAS a father to him, what he means is that he was the CLOSEST THING he had bc HE DID NOT HAVE PARENTS, not because his mother died in childbirth and his father was executed when he was young btw, BUT BECAUSE IT WASN’T ALLOWED, like his parents actually lived but weren’t allowed to be close to him, he says he came to view al mualim’s "weak and dishonest" love as enough and even better BECAUSE HE HAD NOTHING ELSE, BECAUSE AL MUALIM ISOLATED HIS ASSASSINS FROM THEIR FAMILIES. al mualim "loved" him bc he was good at killing people for him! hm, i wonder if this could be trying to say anything about cults and indoctrination and the inherent contradiction in fighting for peace and free will by taking children away from their parents and raising them to become killers?? like, altaïr wasn't ~the special orphan boy~ taken in by al mualim bc his father died a hero's death, it was "the way of the order" to have al mualim be the closest thing to a parental figure for everyone to ensure absolute loyalty! altaïr saying al mualim was like his father is not supposed to make you go "oh, he must have actually been a good guy for altaïr to consider him a father", it should make you go "oh that's kinda fucked up that he considers the dude who made him into a killing machine and who manipulated him a sort of father figure"!)
and then in revelations they suddenly portray that relationship as positive and healthy??? like, it would be one thing to give it some nuance by delving into the psychology behind al mualim’s "love" and maybe showing how al mualim did care about altair in a complicated, fraught sort of way (like, you know, there’s a lot of interesting things you could say about al mualim at several points addressing altaïr as "my child" in AC1 and how that parallels Garnier referring to the people he drugged and abused as his "children", and what that says about how the templars view the people who they say they want to save and in whose best interests they supposedly act (in any case, al mualim doesn’t use that phrase because he has any real parental feelings but rather to patronize and to invalidate any objections, like in a "mother knows best" way))
but they even fucking DARE to parallel that relationship with that of altaïr and darim in revelations, by having the reflection in the puddle of darim hugging altaïr showing altaïr hugging al mualim…. like their relationship wasn’t inherently abusive but just tragically cut short because al mualim was just "corrupted by the apple"… like WHAT???? so it’s not the very real problems like grooming, manipulation and indoctrination and the hierarchical structure of the brotherhood itself (all of which are antithetical to the assassin ideology), it was just the evil apple all along. great. that’s DEFINITELY a lot more interesting.
god im sorry i really dont want to spread negativity but this is driving me INSANE. like, somebody please tell me im not crazy bc i feel like somehow most of the fandom is in agreement that revelations and the secret crusade have better storytelling and characterization than ac1.
SPEAKING OF WHICH, can we talk about how, even IF we completely ignore AC1 and treat revelations altaïr as his own character…. the narrative still doesn’t really work?
basically, the whole point of his story in rev is that "he gave his whole life to the brotherhood", this obsession led to him not using his time with his family which has him ending up dying alone in a dark library and this in turn makes ezio reevaluate his life choices…. except. he doesn’t? neglect? his family? or whatever? like, his devotion to the assassins is sort of painted as this tragic flaw that leads to a lonely death bc it supposedly comes at the cost of his family, but… his wife has joined the assassins, (at least) one of his sons is in the brotherhood and even when he goes to protect the assassins against the mongols, he takes his family with him (except for the son who stays behind bc he has a family of his own and who, ironically, ends up dying bc of that)… like, you can’t describe altaïr as a good husband and father in the database and have his son tell him that "everything that is good in me began with you, father" when they say goodbye, and then want to make us believe that he put his family behind the brotherhood and that that is a character flaw that leads to his tragedy.
because you HAVE to have a character’s tragedy be the result of a character flaw. like. that is how tragedies work. otherwise it just becomes tragedy for the sake of tragedy which is… boring bc it has no purpose. and we know it is SUPPOSED to have purpose bc ezIO FUCKING QUITS BEING AN ASSASSIN AFTER WITNESSING IT!
it’s like they want to have their cake and eat it, too — they didn’t want to actually make altaïr a bad husband/father, but still wanted to make his life a tragedy where he loses his family which is why instead they outsource all responsibility to abbas who now has to be the reason for ALL the deaths.
like, they try to make at least maria’s death kind of sort of the result of altaïr’s rashness or whatever but like… these guys KILLED THEIR SON and TOLD HIM THAT ALTAÏR HAD ORDERED HIS DEATH. like, altaïr losing it in response to that is not rash, it’s fucking logical and justified! if anything the scene made me angry at maria for trying to stop him. like, GIRL, he was YOUR son too??? but god forbid we give female characters actual real emotions, she has to fill the role of "voice of reason who dies for altaïr’s man pain" i fucking guess.
like, it’s this weird mix where his tragedy is simultaneously painted as his own fault but also not really bc abbas is the one responsible for all the shit that happens. it just… it just doesn’t really go together.
the only way to make his story make sense narratively and to give it actual purpose is by looking at it in the context of ezio’s story, bc the things he sees in altaïr’s memories are supposed to be a revelation (ha!) to ezio specifically. and i guess that’s maybe the crux of it all — altaïr’s story in revelations was conceived of first and foremost to support ezio’s story and development. which is probably also why many people maybe don’t notice bc, having skipped ac1 and started with ac2, the majority of people mostly care only about ezio and only really appreciate altaïr’s story in as far as it serves to push ezio forward. (tho i’ve also seen a few people say that ezio is also written kind of weird in rev, but i’ve never really been an ezio girly myself so i can’t speak to the truth of that)
like, altaïr dying alone in the library doesn’t really have to make sense for his character, i guess, bc it’s only really supposed to be a cautionary tale for ezio.
so, i guess, for once, they actually had a MAN dying for another man’s character development, which is pretty woke actually. ubisoft, i take everything back jksdsfjhgdsahfhsdhfghfdsgjhsdgjh
#assassins creed#ac1#altair ibn la'ahad#malik al-sayf#ezio auditore#asscreed#rant#long post#this is killing me#i even started rereading the secret crusade bc i thought maybe i remember it being worse than it is#but honestly its the opposite#even just the fact that in the secret crusade altair always says some last sentence after his targets' confessions#has me so irrationally angry aksjdfh#like over sibrands body he says something like 'may death be merciful' or something#like? did they want that to be like requiescat in pace or something???#like aside from the fact that altair WOULD NOT FUCKING SAY THESE THINGS#it also just destroys the tension built up by the target's last words#like... i do think it was very much on purpose that the target always had the last word in the confessions#sigh whatever its just a stupid video game from over 15 years ago who cares#(me. i care. unfortunately. i wish i didn't. send help please.)#also the fact that bowden just completely fucked up arabic naming conventions with the whole “umar/darim ibn la'ahad” thing#(which is kind of an achievement considering that wasn't too great in ac1 to begin with)#tho bc of that they kind of inadvertantly ended up implying that roshan is altairs ancestor which i actually kind of like lol#anyways sorry for this giant wall of text#this is probably (definitely) the longest post i've ever made lmsadjf#but i do think i've gotten most of it off my chest.... maybe#maybe ill add stuff if i come across something else that makes me angry lol#sorry i know i promised an essay and instead delivered a rant#i just dont think i have the capacity to actually structure my thoughts any better kajdsf
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it's genuinely infuriating how badly dean and sam treat kevin or how little they actually even care about him like out af all the side charcters they interact it with they truly just care the least about his wellbeing and the most about his utility. they just dgaf. it's ok to abandon kevin for a year when he's been kidnapped and its ok to try and kill his mom when she's possessed by crowley and it's ok to keep him isolated in a boat even after sam and dean find that they have access to what's apparently the most secure place on the planet and it's ok to give kevin uppers when he's already over-exerting himself to the point his body is literally shutting down. girl like genuinely this is just the first 3rd of s8 that's just a part of what happens. kevin you have the license to kill.
#and like at least dean's openly not giving a single fuck but sam is coming across as the biggest hypocrite saying stuff like hey kevin maybe#you should take it easy when just months ago he chose to ignore the fact that kevin had been kidnapped lol#s8 rewatch#sorryy this genuinely makes me so irrationally angry at the show
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i rewatched the deadpool movies and then watched the new one over this past week, and while these movies are lot of fun in a lot of ways and i enjoy a lot about them, may i just say: DAMN, is the writing for vanessa ever thankless as all hell, especially in the sequels
#'maybe she'll actually get something to do and get to be an active member of the plot in the third one!' i thought#like an IDIOT#rob delaney (an angel btw) gets infinitely more to do than vanessa!!!!!!!!!! wade's alleged reason for being!!!!!!#i guess being a man's reason for being is actually objectively a pretty boring thing to be#it's just antiquated sexist tropes o'clock with her and it's a bummer because morena is so luminous and likable in the role#anyway. that was my feminist rant!#it was a fun movie; i just wish she'd gotten a substantive role in it to make up for the stupid-ass fridging in deadpool 2#dollsome's deep thoughts#p.s. this is neither here or there#but seeing matty mcf tom wambsgans-ing so hard filled me with a yearning for succession that i can barely describe#'stop talking in that dumb obviously fake british accent tom!' i wanted - irrationally - to scream#what if i rewatched succession immediately#deadpool spoilers#deadpool
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slimeriana yuri if you even care…
reblogs appreciated!!
boobs under the cut because idk if that’s something i need to warn people about,,, it’s suggestive??? aaah fem!qmariana is wearing an open button up shirt 👍
#🎨 my art#slimeriana#fliporiana#hope you like this slimeriana fans <33 this one’s for you AIJDHIFJOAJ#please forgive me for my cringe TT#my friend is soo silly /pos about the last drawing so i thought i’d share it lol… i’m sure they’ll see this actually#they give me positive reinforcement and im like “wow maybe people do like my art” and i get too confident and want to share it online KMAIH#/lh it’s fine i’m just shy and worry too much for no reason#that being said im irrationally worried about the last drawing TT if it crosses some line please let me know so i can delete it
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how it feels to listen to prog or psychedelic at night
#maybe i should just not be allowed editing softwares anymore#i made these a while back so apologies if i already posted them but im irrationally proud of them#syd barrett#pink floyd#idk#the beatles#theyre there as well#prog rock
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The Yellowjackets Instagram sharing the drop date for YellowSTONE gave me the worst whiplash of my life. Don’t. Don’t do that. I care immensely about lesbian soccer cannibals and inescapable trauma. I do not care about Costner in a cowboy hat. Don’t play with me that way. In Pride month? How dare you.
#yellowjackets#I just watched a bunch of Chris Fleming videos in a row and I fear it shows in my sentence structure#but all the same: I got irrationally excited for point two seconds and then realized#the OTHER one. the other show beginning with yellow. not even close to the same thing.#me: oh my god a drop date. they literally just started filming but maybe!!!#how could you play me this way#I do like to imagine it’s the same human in charge of both accounts. that’s a hilarious mental image#they just crossed their wires by mistake and now the gays are SO confused
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prev rb: that scene is basically like the cat convo in acok anyway but i find jaime having to clarify “no idgaf about the starks actually” so much funnier
but its also so damn funny that jaime feels like this when he is trying to delineate something to this couple
#like they r truly missing the point hes trying to make so bad its so funny jaime get better at mansplaining maybe#i really do think a big part of not confessing why he did it is that every time he tries to outline something ppl respond so irrationally#in his perspective#and this outline is what could set up the confession#‘um jaime aerys was mad everybody knew it so stfu’ and its like yes thats whats driving jaime crazy kinda 😭😭😭😭😭#for a multitude of reasons#like again if he did admit to it and he gets the same response as with these he would fr set himself on fire#weirwood dream tease
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guy having a very normal reaction to punisher max
#sorry to the artist guy getting fucking decimated for no reason other than being around. the artstyle just makes me deeply uncomfortable#i have a very bad headache................................................... maybe its not that bad and im just insane#for context i read somewhere that in the max series frank has another child with some episodic woman#and it make me irrationally angry. for some reason#like okay i cant tell you why right now because of the headache i genuinely can barely think#this isnt a jealousy thing okay trust me here. it just feels so wrong in my soul to have read that#I DONT THINK ITS AN ACCIDENT EITHER IN WHICH CASE LIKE OK FAIR ENOUGH IM PRETTY SURE HE DOES IT FULLY INTENTIONALLY#oughhh my head hurss ghan im gonna lose my minddddd#maybe ill wake up tomorrow and think about how this was a persona l problme but. god. eughhhhh that felt so wrong
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The Holidate (Spet me k tebi vleče) - Chapter 15
“Hey, uhm …” Kris begins while fidgeting with his coffee cup. “I’ve been thinking …”
He’s leaning against the kitchen counter, already dressed and ready to leave the house, waiting for Bojan to finish up as well. The other appears in the doorway to their- … to Kris’ bedroom, fiddling with the buttons of his shirt and his hair still a little damp from the shower.
Kris doesn’t think he will ever get tired of seeing him this way.
“Oh yeah?” Bojan asks with a grin. “This early in the morning? That’s new.”
Read chapter 15 here!
#im irrationally nervous posting it idk whyyy maybe bc were getting so close to the end??#oh well: happy holidate update sunday!!! ♡♡♡#joker out#bokris#bojan cvjetićanin#kris guštin#new chapter
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mobius putting his hand on the small of loki's back like "its ok i got you bbg u aren't leaving me this time" was wild
#im foaming at the mouth#this makes me irrationally angry#the queerbaiting is so blatant PLEASE#i just want them to kiss tenderly#is that too much to ask#or maybe confront their feelings#i hate this show#disney is slowly killing my hope for the world#loki#loki tv show#lokius#loki x mobius#loki season 2
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genuinely why is there so much misinformation about the guardians of childhood book series?
#Lemme be a toxic fan for a moment bc im so tired and stressed and i need to yell my silly fandom frustrations out to the void#The people saying Jack is fourteen in them. No.#He can manipulate his age from 11 to 18 and is dating a 25 yr old#people still insist that the books are connected to the movie despite there being no possibility for that since 2018#And like they totally guess what happens in the books#I saw someone try to say that dreamworks were being 'weird' and aged Jack up to ship him with tooth but in the books he was a child#three things: He's not fourteen (see above for age. He's essentially an adult and is treated as such) and is dating an adult#And he didn't make an official appearance in the books until 2018. Six years AFTER the movies release#and thirdly dreamworks aged him DOWN????#Joyce's og idea was an adult with a wife + kids ???#Like what are you talking about#never mind the people insisting that JACK IS 12???? NO??? Where did you get ur information bc wtf???#the movie started production (in 2008) before any of the books even existed (first book was published in 2011)#We have no idea how much of the books they had! The most they had were Joyce's ideas that were subject to change (and boy did they change)#the walking eggs in the movie didn't come from the book (even tho they're in there) they came from Joyce's doodling on notes!#The third book published alongside the movie tie-in books and then days later the finished film premiered at the Mill Valley Film Festival#by the time the second book rolled around (2012) the movie was probably finished and was just getting distributed by paramount and#was possibly even finished in 2011! Four years of production of the movie and then the first book got released#I cannot express enough how much the books are not the source material for the movie. If anything is it's the 2005 short film Joyce made#God it's so infuriating to see people discussing the books like they're the Bible without having read it. I get so irrationally upset#And why are we talking about the books like they have any relevance to the movie after 2018? that book completely severed all ties#Like I get it if people want to connect them but you'd have to ignore the entire last book to do that (which yeah most do)#but there's so many assumptions about the books and it makes it clear who got their into from fan rumors and who actually read them#if you are basing ur understanding of a book you've never read based on fanfic maybe you just shouldn’t say anything about the book#rotg#rise of the guardians#guardians of childhood#goc
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whatever og text i had in mind for this post about ko shibasaki looking like sayama in this movie is completely cancelled on account of utsumi (this character)'s first name being kaoru and i only found this out cause i was looking up her name just to be sure when making this post
like jesus christ i legally have to make this post now
#snap chats#they literally never say her first name in the movie. i think lol LIKE WHEN I FOUND OUT I WAS JUST 'NO FUCKING WAY'#i do have to be tbh and say her face /is/ a little more round than sayama's#and its absolutely predominantly because of how her bangs and wardrobe are so close to sayama's that i think she look like her#BUT I CAAAANT THE WHOLE MOVIE I WAS JUST THINKIN ABOUT SAYAMA... i miss her...#OH RIGHT THE MOVIE THOUGH noooo fuck you this movie was so good it actually made me want to write a summary for it LMAOOO#LIKE I LIKE WRITING SUMMARIES BUT IVE JUST BEEN SO LAZY ABOUT IT WITH THE PAST FEW THINGS IVE SEEN BUT GOD.#ignore the fact i finished this movie two hours ago i was too busy fiddling with a card holder kit but. ill make a post about that next--#THIS MOVIE THOUGH NOOOOO IT WAS SO GOOD //SCREAMS AND YELLS AND DESTROYS A SNOWGLOBE//#god the part where ishigami and yukawa are walking by the homeless and it just lingers on an empty spot.. LIKE I THOUGHT I WAS WACK#CAUSE I WAS LIKE 'hang on wasnt there a guy there last scene' and obviously there was since the shot lingered right#BUUUUTT WHEN IT WAS REVEALED DOWN THE LINE SHUT UPPP I LITERALLY YELLED IM SO GLAD. my roommates arent home..#on god i thought the movie was gonna end with utsumi and fukawa's convo from the beginning#and i was gonna make a gaf about how fukawa was acting irrationally because he was too in love LMAOOO#BUT THEN IT KEPT GOING AND. im so glad it did. ishigami valid tbh#id also cover up and take blame for AND ACTUALLY commit murder for a girl if she said hi to me and made me lunch while i was trying to kms#while fukawa and ishigami were talkin that first night tho i just thought of after the rain.. lol... maybe the mangaka was inspo'd by that.#anyway. this movie was great. it reminded me of sherlock but if it was directed well and actually let you solve the mystery too#CAUSE WHILE I WAS WATCHING THERE WERE POINTS WHERE I TOO WAS JUST 'hang on' AND I JUST POCKETED THE INFO FOR LATER#i kicked and screamed when ishigami was talking abut how he formats his tests LIKE I SAID 'oh you fucking slipped'#when ishigami called and told her he had a white envelope in there bitch i knew it was gonna be the stalker letter i YELLED#LIKE I LIKE HOW THE MOVIE SETS THINGS UP SO ABUNDANTLY. IT'S FUN SEEING IT FIT IN THE MOVIE LATER ON#the twist of there being two bodies was so fun tho cause at the start of the movie i was sure two murders happened the same night#so when it was played off as just one i was like Oh. Ok. im still stumped on how he snuck a body out of the apartment#but yk what one detail is like. whatever in comparison to the rest of the movie being fun to watch#god im running out of tags POINT IS. PLEAAASE watch this movie if you got two hours#ive left some minor warnings on my Watchlist doc but there's nothing. TOO extreme ??#i mean there's an aforementioned suicide attempt but aside from that it's nothing too grotesque. for an rgg fan ig#ok bye i have to ramble about the card holder i got <3
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Constantly thinking about how WWX thinks about JC how he thinks JFM thought about YZY but mostly as how he denied and yet carelessly commented JFM thinks (disregards) about JC
It is so, so, so fucked up and one of the reasons why chengxian is so doomed by the narrative bc no matter what JC does or says, WWX already "knows" what is about. Bc JC is his shidi and WWX knows best. And still, pre masacre, pre core exchange, it could have work. It could have, because they love each other so much but JC lost his core. WWX thinks he chose his parents. He thinks Jc choose the dead bodies of his parents, a filial duty, over survival, over him. And he never forgave Jc for it.
Bc now is WWX turn to assume the consequences of his shidi actions, now it is his turn to bear the pain for him. And he does not do it with reluctance, he does not, he does it bc he loves Jc so so much, but still. Still. The hurt it caused it. The hell it send to him. The hopelessness.
And then to see his shidi thrive were he can’t no longer. To see him shine when he is but a shadow. To see him reach for the impossible time and time again as if it was not WWX who never gave up before, who rallied his shidi over his (small, imagined, greedy) woes. To see all that and know envy, envy he had denied his whole life and envy he will repress into resentment, into sth useful bc WWX is not like yzy or Jc he is not, he does not hurt the ones he lives with his jealousy and sense of inferiority. Bc how can he not envy, when one says his dad doesn’t love him but he still has a dad? When one says he is not enough for his sect when he has such a inheritance, such a clear path at life. And WWX never cared never ever ever, how could he? He loved his shidi best, in spite of all the bad things.
And somehow, Jc himself is a thing he has to be loved in spite of. And it’s heartbreaking.
#but WWX never will say any of that aloud or even think it clearly#this man has been running form negative emotion like he’s sprinting his whole life#also that would make him the bad guy and WWX has enough guilt to carry and not talk about already try#also I love Jc and it shows sorry#this is not to say he is a perfect shidi or anything the man is a mess#but all his doubts about WWX character have it reason. it’s proof#and maybe the proof was forged but it was there#he does not deal with a single emotion gracefully but he does deal with them. he lets them simmer for eternity#which is. not ignoring them.#bad but at least real. idk how to say it.#anyway it fucks me up how much agency WWX denies Jc and how much complexity he refuses to see#like. WWX would do the impossible to make Jc the person who hates him irrationally so that he is not the bad guy in the relationship#(which is more complex than good or bad guys but I digress)#I love when they reconcile but I also hate it. bc it is never acknowledged how much WWX daily shits on Jc as a person)#you can love a person you don’t like. it happens.#but the Jc in WWX head is not the real Jc and the sad thing is that WWX loves the real Jc not the inherited prejudice from jfm#but he can’t perceive him he refuses to he can’t bc then he has to deal with what he did to him.#he lied. he lied. he lied to Jc’s (and himself) so much he can’t no longer distinguish the truth of them and is so fucking sad#mxtx#chengxian#grandmaster of demonic cultivation
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WIP Wednesday
I'm still trundling along over here... my biggest project right now is the Hermit embroidery. Which I have been avoiding by doing all the other, smaller pieces I've posted lately, because I put WAY too many annoying tiny sections in this pattern 😭
Luckily last night I finally finished those two loopy blue sections , which I started like a month ago. Honestly I regret my shading/color selection here a bit in several ways, but it's too much to redo (and I'd rather die probably) so I will just stick it out. I don't think it will look BAD but not perfect. Oh well. Once the rest of the colors and thread are in it will look better, though it'll probably be another 30-40 hours of stitching even though what's left will hopefully be a lot faster.
I don't think I've posted any WIPs of this yet in part because I tried a different spray adhesive to attach the stabilizer to the back, and it left these gross looking dark spots on the front of the fabric. They won't be visible when it's done or anything but it annoys me greatly to look at them as I stitch. I'm so sorry ProStick Textile Spray Adhesive I will never forsake you again in favor of another 😭
Second thing I'm working on/avoided all my real work to hyperfixate on today, is I wanted to join in that flower-face trend... i thought since the original inspo image had the kintsugi-esque look plus cracked off parts it'd work really well translated to my stained glass images hahaha. I vectorize'd my Lavellan's whole face from a screenshot (so I can have an intact stained glass portrait of her too), and my intent once I've colored/textured/etc it to look like glass, go in and draw on top to look like it was broken/fell down/has plants growing through it now. I do very much suspect my artistic vision FAR exceeds my actual artistic talent here but yknow whatever, i'll see how far i get.
(Jacinth's screenshot was taken by the wonderful @i-a-w-v ♥︎)
#ramblings#WIP wednesday#my art#my embroidery#dragon age embroidery#Hermit embroidery#no one tagged me i just need to share the hermit piece or i will abandon it FOREVER bc i have decided to be irrationally annoyed at it#so maybe now i'll have a sense of responsibility about it maybe
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My bug phobia has actually gotten sooo much worse in adulthood like I used to LOVE moths and butterflies but now even seeing a close up picture of a butterfly on a screen has the capacity to cause me distress if I see its little legs and stuff…… maybe it’s bc I moved to the city when I turned 18 and I’m not surrounded by all kinds of bugs 24/7 anymore
#I was always extremely irrationally scared of bugs but it wasn’t quite this bad#it was mostly spiders#the only bugs I ever rlly see now are those little water bugs which terrify me#and flies and the occasional moth MAYBE#and sometimes roaches outside at night#and ants#and bees in the summer#all freak me out badly#if I saw a spider in my room at this point in my life I would probably kill myself#even like ladybugs and fireflies creep me out now and I loved them so much as a kid#idk if they count as bugs or what their deal is but worms make me want to actually set myself on fire#and I used to play in the dirt and look for them when I was a kid and collect them in a red solo cup LMAO
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