#maybe ill change it back after a week lmao

[kiwi-on-ice]

HEYY, love your posts on tt. So I got something really specific I'm looking for. Lately here I've been absolutely head over heels for Cassidy's look in volume 4 of the New Blood comics.

Could you write a fem!reader x Cassidy scenario where they go on vacation at a little cabin in the mountains during the winter (reader's idea), Cassidy shares the coat and a kiss with the reader when he notices they're a little tool cold and then brings them inside to "warm them up" 🤭 (established relationship+ tons of flirting)

Cole Cassidy x fem!reader

Summary: After pleading with Cole for a long-awaited vacation, your ill advised outfit choice means your boyfriend is tasked with warming you up.

Word count: 3.2k

Warnings: 18+ smut, pretty vanilla for my usual writing lmao, no use of y/n, pussy eating, loads of petnames, also loads of ass grabbing, creampie

Notes: Hope you like it anon! Also i'm not American so typing out the word 'vacation' is kinda weird for me aha.

“Y’know, maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea after all.”

Came the smooth voice of your boyfriend as you got out of the rental car, glancing around with a big grin painted on his features. The dark wood cabin you'd rented for a week looks striking against the crisp white blanket of snow resting on the woodland and mountaintops. Crunching footsteps reach your ears as he comes up to your side and wraps his arm around your waist, letting you relax into his side like a puzzle piece slotting into place.

You’d begged Cole to have a break for months; after Overwatch joined back together he’d been all around the world recruiting new agents, and you couldn’t be prouder of your lover for dedicating himself to protecting the world. However, you’d seen first hand how this workload has affected him, the dark circles under his eyes that seem to get deeper and deeper, the frown lines that seemed to be permanently etched into his face. Reminding him that he doesn’t need to handle the weight of the world alone, you’d suggested a vacation but was met by a dismissive tone. How he couldn’t just leave everyone, there was so much work to be done, what if null sector attacked again? What if the new recruits need his help?

Despite his resistance, you felt the adoration for him increase tenfold at his worrying; gone were the days of the lone gunslinger, caring about himself only. You can see now the positive change in him, although it doesn’t alter the fact he’d been overworking herself for months. So you kept bring it up, suggesting different places until one finally caught his eye. And here you are now, the crisp winter air chilling you as you cuddle up to him, your breath visible in the winter air. Cole however seems eager to look round, grabbing your hand and taking you up to the front of the cabin, his eyes peaking in to the windows.

“Look at this beauty.” He marvels, walking around the sides of the building without a care; no doubt his fur lined coat keeping him warm against the chill in the air but you unfortunately aren’t so lucky. You regret not bundling up, bundling up like he told you, now clinging your arms around yourself to preserve some heat as Cole analyses the cabin.

“Don’t suppose the lake will be good enough for fishin’, still I bet we’ll find some things to do. Maybe that railway we passed, assumin’ they’ve cleared the snow.” He speaks, unaware of you currently freezing to death behind him as he heads to the car to grab your things. Hurriedly you follow him, and just before he pops the trunk, he glances at you.

“Cold, pumpkin?” he asks teasingly with a chuckle, causing you to scoff softly and deflect.

“No, I’m fine. Just a little chilly.” You lie, your breath visible as you speak. Humming, he smirks and steps closer.

“Is that right? Well I’m cold, maybe I’ll take that flimsy jacket off ya’ if you don’t need it-“ he says, reaching for your jacket and causing you to react and slap his hand away.

“Don’t you dare.” You snap quickly, causing a throaty laugh to escape him.

“I knew it, why you refuse to listen t��me is beyond my comprehension angel, so damn stubborn.” He playfully reprimands you. He’d told you to grab a coat, but you didn’t think it would be this cold, so you blew him off. He instead looks down at you, wrapping his strong hands around your waist and pulling you flush against his chest. “Lemme warm you up, hm?”

Despite the temperature, you feel heat rise to your cheeks at his flirtatious, before you giggle softly. “Such a flirt.” You mumble.

“For warmin’ up my girl?” he says lowly, tickling your ear with his warm breath. “You wound me, thinkin’ so lowly of me.”

You’re really giggling now, as he undoes his coat and throws it over the both of you. This causes you to huddle further into his broad chest, feeling the heat of his body as he presses you against himself. You sigh happily, your cheek smushed against his chest and your mind clearing. Feeling his fingertips stroke up the expanse of your back makes you happy you both have taken the time to rest here.

His hands wander down to your lower back, before grabbing a handful of your ass and pulling you impossibly close, causing you to let out a squeak.

“Cole!” you say with a huff, to which he smirks into your hairline.

“What? Can you blame me? Those jeans should be criminal sugar.”

He punctuates his words with another squeeze of your ass, kneading the flesh and causing you to squirm against him. You slap his arm lightly, pretending to be annoyed but he can see right through you. He chuckles at your antics, feeling you up gently and humming in satisfaction at the way your body feels against his touch. Often he wonders what he did to be lucky enough to get a girl like you, so caring and kind to him...but also goddamn just his type. The way your ass feels in his rough hands, the way your voice sounds as you gasp or tease him, you're just perfect for the gunslinger. He hums as if in thought, before leaning in to your ear.

“Y’know…if you’re still cold, I could always help warm you up.” He whispers, letting the insinuation run up your spine like electricity. Your cheeks warm as you nod slowly, causing him to pick you up with a grunt. “What’s the magic word?”

“Please?” you say with another huff, holding on to him as he takes you inside. You giggle at the way you both look, with him carrying you bridal style into the cabin; almost like newlyweds. You both look around inside, the cabin beautifully rustic in its interior decor. The living area is open plan, with a large comfortable looking sofa facing a baroque fireplace. Kicking his boots off, he feels the fur rug under his feet as he makes his way to the sofa, plopping you down onto it and grinning down at you.

“Why don’t I light the fireplace, then we can really warm up.” He states as moves to mess with the fireplace, figuring out how to light it. Deciding to be a tease, you quickly take your top off, removing your bra and throwing them both on the floor unceremoniously. You debate taking your jeans off, but decide to keep them on after Cole's earlier teasing words, lounging back on the comfy fabric as your boyfriend curses under his breath at the task.

“Damn you, stupid th-“ he stops when the fireplace is lit, grinning in satisfaction. “There we are sugar, nice and warm.”

He turns, and his eyes widen as he takes in your current form. You swear you hear his breathing pattern change as he takes in the sudden sight. Cheeks flushed, he stares for a moment, just drinking in the image of you.

“Goddamn sweetness, look at you.” He praises, the grin still on his face as well as the flushed colour. “Such a little tease hm?”

Rising from his knees, he walks over to you leisurely. His gaze doesn’t even hide that it’s firmly set on your tits, before he leans over you.

“Like what you see?” You tease up at him.

“You know I do.” He murmurs, gently tracing down your neck. “Mighty fine sight you are.”

You go to sit up, before he pushes you back down softly and straddles you. His callous fingers trace over your waist, moving up and groping your tits.

“Thought you were cold.” He challenges, as you arch your back up to his touch.

“I am…you’re helping.” You can’t help but say, gasping softly as he pinches your nipples gently.

“That right? Guess I’ll continue.”

He massages your tits firmly, leaning down and capturing your lips in a kiss. Relaxing against him, you let him take control of the kiss as his tongue runs along your bottom lip.

“Don’t want my girl freezin' on the vacation she pestered me for.” He whispers against your lips, punctuating his words with another squeeze of your tender nipples. Your hips buck instinctively at his attention, causing his hips to pin you down on the sofa. Lips trail from your mouth to your neck, leaving sloppy kisses in their wake before he starts to bite gently, giving you a hickey.

“So sweet…” he mumbles, admiring the mark he left. It always give him a rush, marking you. Seeing the way your skin bares a reminder of the love and desire he holds for you. He kisses down to your collarbones, then downwards further before reaching your chest. With a grin he licks at your nipple and blows cool air on it, reveling as you squirm.

“Cole…” you whine, causing him to chuckle and shush you. He takes your nipple into his mouth, sucking gently. Lavishing your breast with his attention, he then moves to give the other one the same treatment, sucking softly before gently nibbling to cause that delightful gasp from you.

Your fingers thread into his hair, tugging a little as he kisses down your navel to the hem of your jeans. Licking the skin just above the denim, he shifts upwards with a soft grunt before unbuttoning your jeans.

"You sure you want these off?" He asks with a cocky grin on his face, "Don't want you catchin' more of a chill."

You nod, pushing your hips up to allow him to slip the clothing down your legs. "Need you.."

He laughs a little, callous fingertips contrasting with the smooth skin of your thighs. "My girl's always needy f'me."

Using his metal hand to rip your underwear, he takes a moment to appreciate your naked form in all its glory. You can't help but notice lately he's been...for lack of a better word admiring you more and more. The look in his eyes is something new, a new sort of excitement and contentment that never fails to steal the breath from your lungs.

Small kisses work their way up your legs, before he's eye level with your dripping cunt, beard scratching lightly at your inner thighs. "Can I?"

With your permission, he lets out a soft groan before licking a stripe up your pussy. He laps at you gently at first, savouring the taste as you gently run your gingers through his brown locks. Moving his tongue in rhythmic motions, trying to draw out every last breath and moan from your parted lips. He flicks his tongue against your clit, grinning at the higher pitched noise that escaped as he digs his fingers into your thighs. But the need for you takes over, so he dives in to his meal.

"Always taste so good...all mine." he mutters against your heat, almost like he's saying it to himself as he makes out with your cunt happily. Eyes closed, hair a mess, your thighs lightly squeezing his head; Cole Cassidy is sure he's in heaven.

As you start to rock your hips into his mouth, he lets you, laying his tongue flat and letting you take your pleasure from him. His hands gently squeeze your thighs, moaning softly at your juices on his tongue. He starts to move his head, shaking it from side to side slightly to ensure he tastes every inch. The grip you have in his hair gets tighter, the pleasure causing your thighs to start to shake.

As you look down, you notice your boyfriend's hips rocking into the soft fabric of the sofa. Cole's desperation was intense, the sweet taste of your cunt never failing to get him hard and almost leaking in his briefs as he tongue-fucks you to his hearts content. Small grunts surge from his lips, travelling through your pussy and causing you to get closer and closer to the edge.

"Nearly there..." you warn him, and you're met with a soft growl as he double down on his efforts. His tongue dances along your folds before focusing on your clit, flicking and sucking. With that final push, you cum loudly like you know he loves, as he determinedly licks up all that you give him. He pulls away a little, his beard drenched with your juices as he catches his breath.

As he glances at you, sweaty and breathing heavily, his eyes are drawn to the way your nipples have hardened. "Oh look at that darlin', you still cold? Well we can't have that..."

With surprising strength he yanks you in his arms and settles you on the fur rug in front of the fireplace on your hands and knees. Immediately you sink slightly into position, arching your back a little as he hurriedly undoes his belt.

"So good for me ain't ya? Such a sweet girl...my sweet girl." he almost rambles as he rids himself of his clothing, before pressing against you so you can feel his excitement on the back of your thigh. Gently peppering kisses to the back of your neck, he smiles against your skin as you make a content sound. "Gonna fuck ya till you're nice and warm."

With that declaration, he slowly pushes inside with a grunt. "God you're always so tight..." he gets out with a stunted breath, his hands immediately gripping your hips to keep you still. He savours the sweet sensation, before slowly pumping his hips.

The slow movements mixed with the crackling of the fire make for a divine experience, your eyes fluttering closed as you allow yourself to be present in the moment. Sighing, you feel his fingers draw small circles on the meat of your hips and love handles.

"So fuckin' good...can I go faster baby?" he asks, which results in a resounding yes from you. With your permission he starts to thrust faster, groaning at the feeling of your cunt taking him in so willingly. You keen as your back arches, never getting tired of your boyfriend railing you.

He can never resist in this position grabbing a handful of your ass, squeezing as he pulls you back into his thrusts. Moaning, he brings his hand up to give you a firm spank, causing you to jump and whine.

"H-hey..." you fake complain, although Cole didn't miss the soft whine of pleasure that escaped you.

"Awe, did that hurt pumpkin?" he coos in a teasing tone. He ends his sentence with a rough thrust, causing your breath to catch as he smirks. "Oops, guess that hurt too. And this."

He reaches round and grabs at your tits, his chest against your back almost as he pummels your g spot with shallow thrusts. Watching your reactions, he can't help but feel a rush at every noise that spills from your throat. The way your ass ripples with every snap of his hips has his dick throbbing inside of you, but after a while, he pulls out and grunts, smacking your ass.

"On the sofa again, I ain't a spring chicken no more you know? M'knees can't take it." he chuckles softly, as you giggle at his slight self-deprecation. He helps you up, before guiding you back to the sofa. Laying down, he gets comfortable as you get on top and sink yourself back on his cock. "Yeah sugar...you know this is my favourite."

"Because you don't have to do any work?" you tease with a giggle, causing him to huff and thrust upwards.

"No, ain't nothing wrong with wantin' to see my goddess of a girl bouncin' on me." he defends himself with a lazy grin, his hands stroking your thighs as you move yourself up and down. You can't help but giggle at his praise as you look down at him, his chest rising and falling rapidly with every movement you make.

Gripping his shoulders for support, you lift yourself and slam back down over and over, watching as his eyes almost glaze over in hazy satisfaction. He feels his cowboy hat slip, and with another smirk grabs it and puts it on top of your head.

"That's it baby, you my cowgirl huh? Gonna ride me?" he teases, although his pupils blow wide as he sees how stunning you look completely naked with his hat. You nod, using one hand to stabilise yourself while the other keeps the hat firmly on your head as you ride him. In that moment, Cole wishes he could take a picture and look at it every single time he's apart from you; truly you're a goddess in his eyes.

With his hips twitching, he can't help but thrust up into you, gripping your hips like you were gonna disappear if he let go. With a whimper, you feel your second orgasm of the evening build up inside you as you move.

"Cole..." you begin, but he knows your body like he knows his way around a revolver.

"I know sugar I know, gonna cum for me ain't ya?" he encourages, his hips really moving up into you now as he watches your face contort with pleasure. One hand slipping down to play with your clit, you move desperately, chasing your orgasm.

"That's it, take what you need." your boyfriend grunts out, and you do, using his cock to get yourself to the edge. You cum with a cry of his name, causing the breath to be almost punched out of his lungs at how beautiful you look. He starts to pound up into your cunt, groaning.

"Yeah that's it, just a little longer angel. Just a bit more...gonna make me...fuck...cum inside that pretty pussy."

You let him use you, and it isn't long before he makes good on his word and fills you up, moaning deeply in satisfaction. You collapse on his chest as he holds you close, running his hands up and down your sides as your breathing syncs up with each-other. He grips your hips to lift you off his cock, and you whine as the cool air hits your cunt as his release spills slowly out of you, most likely making a mess of both your boyfriend and the sofa. A bit of you almost pities the next people who stay here, knowing they'll have to sit on a sofa with Cole's cum stains on it, but your pleasure outweighs the potential guilt. After a few minutes of bliss, Cole pipes up.

"So...you suitably warmed up?" he grins, and it widens when he hears your soft laugh.

"Yeah i'm warm...maybe a little too warm."

"You're just never happy, are you?" he laments sarcastically, chucking as you lightly slap him on the arm. You snuggle into him, feeling him hold you close and tight. "M'happy you suggested this baby, gonna be a relaxin' few days here with you."

Smiling happily, you nod softly. This is all you wanted, for him to rest like he deserves. "Yeah...a nice break."

"A nice break." he repeats, before kissing you on the temple. "Just don't go out with that flimsy jacket on, y'hear me? Unless you just want me to drag your pretty ass back inside and fuck you till you're all nice and warm again."

[cryptic--writing]

Hiya 👋🏻

It’s not really a kinktober request, but maybe you’ll consider doing it? No pressure though))

Ajaf era James, where he was drinking a lot. He understands that that affects him and turns him into a monster. He’s afraid he’s going to hurt reader, but he can’t break up with her for her safety, he loves her too much. So he comes up with stupid plan of making her break up with him because of his behavior? So he starts to undermine her efforts, e.g. the meals she cooks “could have been better”; makes fun of her simple 9-5 job , saying that’s she lucky she can have a relaxed job cause he’s earning most of the money and covering the bills. Although she’s hurt, she is staying as she loves him and thinks it’s the alcohol talking. James, realizing his plan doesn’t work, makes the final move: after they have sex one evening, he tells her that groupies do a much better job. That’s too much for her to take so she leaves him.

Unfortunately, after break up he feels even worse. Lars is worried so he interrogates him, and drunken James confesses. So Lars finds reader and locks her in the studio with James for them to reconcile (can we have smut here)?

Few weeks later when they start recording black album, James plays her a song (which will become nothing else matters), saying that it’s his way of telling everyone how much she means to him?

I’m sorry I can’t write short asks 🥲🥲🥹🥹

You are a great writer so I really hope this will become a story 🙏🏻

hihi!

and omg its here. took me 9 days to write it lmao but yeah

i cant explain how much I loved this idea pls marry me annon

also ~~~ means POV change (yes there is James and reader pov)

this fic has legit everything so I hope y'all enjoy it bc I busted my ass on it

some parts may be confusing idk

anyways

word count: 10623

warnings: mentions of achohol/drugs, death is mentioned, toxic relationship, break up, angst, smut, fluff, I'm prob forgetting smth

OR SO I THOUGHT (1989)

It had been a rough couple months with James. I felt determined to help him with his only worsening alcoholism, though he only continued to shut me out. I could feel the guilt when he was around, but it didn't make him stop. I tried, I really did, encouraging him to talk to me, to help me help him. 

It was the same sad scene every night. James would come home, probably around midnight, and I couldn't sleep without him next to me, so I was up, all those hours, wondering as I tossed and turned as to where he might be. All I knew is I was in for a scary time when he got back, but I eventually grew tough skin to deal with this.  Understood that this wasn't safe for me, or him, and I stressed that so, so much to him, but James never understood. Well, he never told me he did. Maybe there was more going on in his heart I never knew about. But, of course, I could never discover as he would always close himself off so much.

It was another day where the cycle would repeat. I woke up at three am to the sound of James stumbling in, mumbling something under his breath before he plopped down on the bed beside me, and I knew well enough to hold my tongue, to not provoke him. I pretended I was asleep, which he believed, trying, or at least I think he was trying, to snuggly up next to me, but he had his back to me. His arms weren't around me. Maybe that's all I yearn for now, to be loved and held.

Once I could finally go back to sleep, I was awoken not much later by the sound of my blaring alarm. It was seven am, time to get ready for work. James is a heavy sleeper, he never woke up from my alarms, though I always rushed to turn them off, just in case they would wake him. Slipping out of bed with a groan, I observed his sprawled out body, his shoes still on. I'm glad he made it to the bed this night, as others he would end up on the couch, or in his car, or somewhere I had no idea of.

I pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead, like a mother caring for her ill son on a school day. I slipped off his shoes, trying to get him more comfortable. I scurried towards the closet to grab my work clothes for the day before getting changed in the bathroom and rummaging through our medicine cabinet, finding some pain killers and then getting him a cold glass of water, leaving the items on our bedside table. I paused to watch over him as he slept, his slow, steady breaths that rose and fell from his chest. I loved him too much to change this lifestyle. I loved every part of him, and if this was part of him, then so be it. I'll help him get better. He loves every part of me, no matter what, right?

Or so I thought.

I slipped on my heels, walking into our messy kitchen, the sink filled with unwashed dishes James was supposed to do. But, he isn't well, so I must do them for him. After washing the dishes, I brewed coffee, poured myself a cup and left some for him and began to make breakfast. James had been off lately, different to how he already was off, but that slowly became part of our normal, so one new change did not stick out too much, but this one did. I don't know what it is. He just felt… lifeless, cold, I guess. I decided to make one of his favorite breakfast meals, a nice, warm and fluffy stack of pancakes with eggs and bacon, cooked just the way he liked it. I spent extra time trying to make it the best I had. I knew they would probably be cold by the time he woke up, but hopefully he'd appreciate my effort. I ate some eggs before scrambling for a notepad, getting a pen to write him a sweet good morning note, explaining I was at work, when I'd be home, how much I loved him, and where the other meds were if he needed them. I wrote these notes almost daily, but this one I made longer and more love filled. I figured he would want my love.

Or so I thought.

I came home around six pm, the evening traffic being worse than usual. Instead of seeing James' car out of the driveway and the house dark, he was still home. The soft sound of the TV buzzing was easy to hear as I unlocked the door, walking in to see him on the couch, leaning against the couch arm and holding his head up with his hand. He was too engrossed in whatever he was watching to nice me walk in, so I tried to have him notice my presence.

“Im back, Jamie,” I said softly to not startle him, my voice filled with love as I moved to sit next to him, he looked over at me, like a confused puppy. “How are you feeling?” I asked, gently stroking his back, though he moved from my touch.

“Oh, hi. Yeah, I'm fine. Busy right now, yeah?” He mumbled as a response as he resumed watching TV once more, brushing me off with his simple, cold words. I knew I had to respect his space and not probe at him, so I just nodded with a sigh and got up, slipping off my shoes and setting my bags down,

“Are you hungry?” I asked, digging through the fridge to get things to make dinner. He didn't answer. “James, are you hungry? I can make dinner,” I offered again, noticing the cleared plate that I had made him for breakfast, the note missing. I assumed he threw it away, just like the others. I never saw them in the trash cans, but after everything piles up, you can just assume. I heard James sigh from the couch, “Uh, yeah, sure, whatever. Breakfast was cold, so I threw most of it away anyways,” He admitted, and I felt a small ache in my heart. I thought he liked the dish since there was none left on his plate, but clearly he proved me different. Why I even put effort in these things, I don't know. THats a lie, I do. I love him, and want him to know it, to feel it. I should’ve been doing this as part of my own insecurities, but to make sure he knows I'm there for him, always.

I thought of what to make for dinner, seeing if he had eaten anything since breakfast, only finding empty beer bottles and a half eaten bag of chips. It was probably only the alcohol making him act like this. I decided to make steak with potatoes, something he normally liked and said I made pretty well. It was easy to make, and I know it was one of his favorites I made him, but normally I would wait for a bigger step in life, like celebrating something about the band, or something in my career, but I knew he deserved it still.

I finished after 45 minutes, preparing the plate to be gorgeous, something I wish I could hear from his lips for once. But, he loved me. I know he thinks I'm gorgeous, he wouldn't have to tell me. Right?

“Jamie, the food's ready, I made steak,” I said warmly with a smile, setting a dinner table for us. I didn't get a response, just a grunt as he stood from the couch and walked his near empty bottle of beer, finishing it off and grabbing another from the fridge. I sat at the table, waiting for him to come and join me. His eyes landed on the plate, pulling out the chair to sit down. I couldn't read his emotions, he didn't look too happy, but he didn't look mad. He just looked.. plain. James grabbed his fork and began to eat, the metal scraping against the porcelain plate, waiting for his nod of approval. It never came. He didn't talk, but not in a way like he was mad. He just didn't speak. But he didn't need to, he didn't need to say the things I knew already. I took a breath and began to eat, and it might've been one of the best I had cooked in awhile. Perfect tenderness, juiciness, seasoning, and cooked perfectly, something you could get at a restaurant, now in our home. 

“What do you think, baby? I think it's pretty good, no?” I inquired, seeking the validation I craved from him. He just shrugged.

“It's fine, I guess. It could've been better.”

It shouldn't have hurt. It really shouldn't. He just didn't like the dinner I cooked. The dinner I poured my time into. The dinner I made was special. Special for him. But, what did I know? I doubt he meant it. That's why it definitely shouldn't have hurt. He was drinking. ITs just the alcohol making him act like this. He would never say something like that to me. Why did tears prick at my eyes. Why did it actually hurt?

“Oh, uhm…. I'm sorry, I'll do better next time, do you want me to make you something else..?” I choked out, fighting back my tears.

“No, don't waste your time making something mediocre, yeah?” James insisted, insulting me bitterly once again.

I took a shaky breath, another sting to my heart. Hes. Drunk. This can't be what he means, right?

Or so I thought.

“Alright, uh, do you wanna cuddle on the couch..? We can watch anything you want? Or not watch anything, just sit together.” I offered again, pleading to get love from my partner.

“I was probably gonna go to bed. You mind cleaning up?” He pushed me away again, and every word stung. I want him to see me, to notice me, just to love me. But I reminded myself again and again, he's drunk, he doesn't mean it, he doesn't mean it. I'm just being sensitive and pathetic. Maybe it's just my hormones.

I nodded, forcing a smile, “Sure, yeah, go ahead and  go to bed, I'll clean up and join you in a bit, ok?” I informed him and he just nodded and got up, walking to the bedroom, still carrying his battle with him. My eyes stung, and once he was out of sight, I felt tears streak my face, but I continued to fight them away. I quickly got up to clear James’ and my own plate, then  cleaning the kitchen, washing everything with great care to keep it tidy.

I came into the bedroom, James half asleep under the sheets. His hair was astray as he slept near the edge, his limbs tight together. The now empty beer bottle sat on the nightstand, another reminder of James’ habits. I glanced around before getting changed into my sleep clothes, a nice little night dress James had gotten me for Valentines Day earlier that year. It was nice and pink with some fluffy pieces at the bottom and lace dancing across it. It flowed nicely and hugged my body in the right places, going down to a bit above my knees. It had some other pieces, like stockings and a garter. In reality, it was more so lingerie than a bed set. But, it was one of James’ favorites for me to wear. Maybe this would make him open up more, or just show me the love I'm craving. I crawled in beside him, though I doubt he noticed the weight accompanying him, trying to cuddle closer, pressing myself against his back.

“Jamie?” I asked softly, kissing the back of his head.

“Hm.” James answered in a sleepy tone, barely aware of my presence.

“You doing ok? You've been acting differently…” I kept a quiet tone, my hands gently running down his arms and back as I pondered on what may be hurting him so much.

He took a deep and large breath, sighing, “Yeah, I'm fine… why do you ask..?” James mumbled in response.

“Nothing, you just seem off, I guess,” I rushed out. I didn't want to upset him, but he just seemed so soft and sweet, something I hadn't seen from him awhile.

“Oh, well, alright then… love you..” He mumbled out, slowly succumbing to sleep after saying the words I knew were true.

Or so I thought.

The office today was exhausting. Absurdly exhausting. And infuriating. A stuck up and snotty boss whos full of himself ordering me around to do his mundane dirty work, my co workers giving me side glances of judgment for my more rushed than normal appearance, not having as much time this morning as I had to help James with yet another hangover, getting him to the bathroom in time before he painted our bed green in vomit, making him some foods to keep him comfortable and having to buy more pain killers, my 3rd trip this month, all before heading to work. All I wanted was to come home, sleep, relax, and be held by the love of my life. 

As simple as an office job 9-5 may seem, how it is not. No one else wants to do their own work, always needing some kind of assistance, and of course, I none the wiser, agree to help them.

It was another late evening with heavy traffic, not allowing me to come home until seven, again. I had stopped at the market, grabbing food and other supplies we were running low on. And more beer. 

The door to the house was locked, something that had been happening more and more as I came home, only growing worries on James' worsening habits, the idea of drugs coming to mind, but I tried to shake it from my head, just wanting a nice time at home. 

I unlocked the door, the house quiet except for the soft strum of a guitar in James’ mini studio, which was just an extra bedroom we had turned into a spot for him to store his instruments and for his practeing. We hoped one day for it to become a nursery, a room for our future child.

I followed the music, the half open door allowing me to peek at James, hunched over one of his explorers, fiddling with the strings as he danced around the fretboard with his talented fingers. I smiled at the sweet sight, slowly entering the room.

“Whatcha working on?” I asked, announcing my arrival home. James looked up at me, at first a smile on his face, but he quickly dropped it. His actions only confused me further.

“Uhm, not much, just… a couple riffs and stuff for the new album..” He answered, still picking at the strings with something unreadable in his eyes.

I nodded, smiling at him, “It sounds good, I'm excited to hear it,” I responded before speaking again, “Work was so exhausting today, I don't know how I put up with it anymore,” I said with a laughy sigh, trying to lighten the statement.

James just shrugged. “I mean, I don't really see how a nine to five can really be that tiring,” He disputed, but his tone sounded unsure, shaky like how it did when we first met. But there was a force, an anger of some kind.

I was even more lost with his shift in attitude, “Well, what do you mean? You don't work one, you wouldn't know,” I argued back with more aggression than I meant.

“Yeah, I don't work one. Your job is light and relaxing feather work compared to the shit I do. You are out doing twelve hours a day for months on end at a studio, being out for a year just to tour and shit, you don't make anything working that job, I'm the one paying the bills with my money.” James spat, cold and bitter. His words rung in my ears, repeating each syllable like a painful stab. My brain scrambled for reasons to understand his reaction and response to my complaint of work.

James' piercing blue eyes still starred up and me, my mouth agape in shock. Why would he act like this? He loved me. He just told me he did the other week before we went to bed. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. What is wrong in his life that I don't know about, that he wont tell me about.

My eyes scanned the room, searching for anything that might explain this behavior of his. Truly, anything that would help explain such a swift and sudden change in his mood, but deep down ZI knew, I was just looking for bottles, cans, cups, glasses, anything that would contain the fizzy and bitter liquid he loved. The only thing I could find was a half empty bottle, freshly opened next to the chair he sat in. That's it, that's why he's acting like this. He's just drunk. He doesn't mean it. He doesn't mean it.

Or so I thought.

Even with my new found reasoning, his words still hurt a great amount, the pain struggling to leave. A simple insult, just telling me how I don't work as hard as him, that my job isn't as crucial as his. I took a breath, trying to control and reign in my emotions before I could meltdown in front of him for such a stupid reason. Drunken words, not filled or backed by any true thoughts. Right?

But they do say drunk words are sober thoughts.

“I- well,” I tried to speak, but I couldn't come up with the words. What would I say? I didn't want to make him any more upset than he seemed to be, but I didn't want to submit to him so easily, especially after such disrespect. But I knew better. I don't lash out, I keep him happy. We will work this out together, we have to.

“I'm just gonna go to bed,” I muttered under my breath, fighting back tears that needed to spill out, James rude comments only adding fuel to the fire that had been burning in me all day. Not a fire of anger, passion or desire, but a fire of hurt. Once I shut the bedroom door behind me silently, I broke. The bottle shattered, and my tears overflowed my face, covering my mouth as I cried, trying to calm myself down as I got ready for bed at such an early hour, even forgetting to make James something for dinner.

It was my day off, a relaxing Saturday I could use to have some me time, as James was gonna be out with the band all day as the brainstormed for the new album, which was still taking its baby steps into production, nowhere near any concept for songs yet. At Least that I knew of. 

James had been really tense this week, and I had tried everything to get him to relax and cheer up. Taking him out to his favorite restaurants after I came home, making him home cooked meals, getting him gifts and all things. Though there was one thing I hadn't tried. Sex.

I spent all day dolling myself up, wanting to be as bare and beautiful as possible for James. I shaved everywhere, leaving not a single trace of hair anywhere except for my head,, of course. I scrubbed every nook and cranny of my body, putting on James’ favorite set we bought together, doing my makeup just the way he liked it, lighting the candles he got for my birthday, and dousing myself in his favorite perfume I owned. All the lights were out, except for the lowlights of the candles in the bedroom. I laid on the mattress, waiting for James to come home, hoping this would finally get him to unwind from his stress.

I heard James’ keys jingle in the door, and I could feel myself getting more and more excited for his arrival. This would be one of the few times I would have him sober, as when they worked on material they rarely drank or did anything crazy, thankfully. His shoes thudded on the wooden floors, a sigh escaping his lips as I heard him slowly walk towards the bedroom.

“Are you home?” He called out to me before approaching the bedroom door, taking in the sight of me and the room I had spent the evening preparing for this moment.

“Hey baby,” I mused with a smirk, looking up at him with loving eyes. His eyes met mine, looking warm for the first time in awhile.

“What's all this for?” He asked,  still taking in the well decorated bedroom and my sexy form.

“Wanted to help you relax… you've been so stressed,” I replied, grabbing his hand to try and bring him closer, to get into the bed with me.

It didn't take much more conniving, and James had given in pretty quickly to my offer. He was being more loud than normal, probably because we hadn't had the chance to be intimate like this in awhile. I loved this so much. Well, I loved being close to James again. He wasn't hitting the right spots or focussing on pleasuring me much, but that's fine, he's the one who needed to relax anyways, and I have enough time on my hands if I wanted to please myself, I guess. It didn't take long for him to come, pulling out and painting himself on my abdomen and my breath labored, coming down from…. Well, not an orgasm, but being close to one. James was beat after that, and I don't blame him for that. He had been so busy recently, I was happy we just got to share a moment like this together again. 

I laid close to him under the sheets as we both recovered, James already half asleep. I had his hand in mine, kissing each knuckle of his and more, pouting all of my love into that moment. I looked up, having felt James’ eyes on me for a while. I met his blues, and there was a slight guilt in them, a gestation and regret. But, it didn't last long as he blinked it all away, taking another breath. 

“How are you feeling now? Did it make it any better?” I asked, my voice heavy with sleep as I lazily continued to press kisses to his hand.

“I mean, yeah, I guess… It wasn't like, amazing though… I've had better, normally the groupies can do a bit more than that, y’know?” James said cooly, acting as if the words he just said didn't mean anything and had no weight to them.

“What?” Was all I could muster out, the tears already filling my eyes as I tried to process all of this.

“You heard me, the groupies normally do better.” 

The words came so normally from his mouth, as if he was just telling me the date and time. But no, he was comparing me to prostitutes, previous women he has slept with. I began to cry, not just out of hurt and sadness, but this time anger. How could he say something like that to me?

And then the worst part hit.

He was sober.

Something I would've wanted more than anything else just a few days ago is now what is causing this experience to be even worse than it is with the horrible comparison and insults James had spewn at me. He meant it. Alcohol was toying with his brain, making him into the aggravated man I had grown to know quite well over the years.

“Are… are you serious? After everything? I put myself through hell to deal with this, to go to work, to do EVERYTHING for you! I have tried so hard James. And Yet you still compare me to them?! Sluts with prices on their heads?!” I cried, anger and hurt filling the fire in my eyes, and I could swear I saw Jamw\es’ cold attitude falter for just a moment. Maybe it was what I was hoping for, that it was all an act, that he truly did love me deep down, but maybe he didn't. Maybe this is the truth I had been hiding from all these months.

James didn't res;ond, just sighing with a shrug.

That's what pushed me over the edge.

“Are you fucki ng serious? You're not even gonna try and fight for this? Get out of here! We're done. Since you don't appreciate anything I do for you nowadays, I don't want you in here anymore. Pack your shit and leave.” I cursed at him as I continued to sob, processing the moments that passed, feeling as if the earth was slowing, each second hitting me hard and heavy.

I could see a slight guilt in James’ eyes, and as much I wanted to believe it was true, I couldn't give it in myself to do that anymore. I couldn't keep living this lie. He nodded, staying silent as I cried, slipping on his clothes and grabbing some things he'd need for the night.

“I loved you because you loved me, or so I thought you loved me, truly you don't give a shit!” I called out again, hearing James breath hitch at my harsh words, but he just left. No goodbye, the final words spoken to us only filled with hate and hurt, though millions went unspoken.

— —- — —> A FEW MONTHS LATER…

Not a lot has happened since I broke up with James, but a lot has changed. Maybe for the better. I miss him terribly, but a lot of weight is off of my shoulders now. I'm no longer worrying about having to make elaborate meals for him, or to do everything in my power to make him happy as [possible, watching my words at all times to make sure I wont say anything that might upset him. It was a large change. The house is still cold like how it was with him, but its a different kind of cold. There is no warmth of another body. Its quiet, no more TV static and laughter or guitar. Work had only gotten more tiring, but I had recently gotten promoted, something I had wanted for a long, long time.

I haven't spoken to James since we broke up. I know he had come by the next day, as when he left that night he only took clothes to last him the night, and when I came home from work, all of his belongings were gone, and his spare key was left on the counter, all of his music gear out of the house, leaving me a now empty room, not to house his guitars, and no longer holding the hopes and dreams of a future child.

Or so I thought all of his stuff was gone.

I came home after work, the house dark and silent, turning on the lights before going into the former music room, which had now become my office for the time being, as I needed one for the promotion, to be able to have a comfortable spot where I could do other work tasks from home. I set down my purse, sitting in my computer chair and sliding off my heels. I saw something in the corner of my eye, something that somehow had never caught my eye all these months. 

An ashtray, repurposed to hold James’ many guitar picks. It was behind a lamp that was in the corner of the room on an end table. There was more than just guitar pics, but one of his rings. Like the ones he always wore on stage, the cool reflective metal that shone brightly under the spotlight. I paused, only having gotten one heel off, so confused as to how I never noticed. I sat in this same chair, facing the same direction, taking my heels off the same each day. I quickly got the other off before walking towards the table, picking up the ashtray, having remnants of cigarette butts and ash, some of which covered the pics. There had to be at least 20 of those pics, I don't know how James could forget such a thing, along with one of his more favorite rings. He wore it when we met, but I never made the connection as to that being the reason he left it. I missed him, yes, but having these almost made it worse. Like the world was teasing me that he is gone, that I won't be able to be held by him again, because he doesnt love me anymore. How I still love him, I don't know. Part of me still wants to believe he never meant any of it, but the chances of that being true is slim now. But, I didn't have the heart to call him, to return them to him. He would have come to get them by now, right? 

I picked up the cold metal, holding it in my hand before slipping it on my ring finger. It was too large, slipping off quite easily. I tried the next, my middle finger, and it fit well enough to not fall off. It felt so wrong to wear, but it made me feel closer to him. I hated it, but I loved it. A little piece of him to be with me always. ‘God, I sound like a wife mourning her husband who died in a war.’ Was all I could think to myself, setting back down the ash tray and taking off the ring before sitting back down in my office chair, trying to shake my head of the matter so I could focus on the important task at hand, work.

I spent about two hours on the assignment before finishing it among other things, now exhausted even further. I stumbled towards the bedroom, changing into my pajama pants and a sleep shirt. Since the break up, I have refused to wear or even look at the clothes sJames had bought me. I didn't feel any desire to wear those things now that I knew he would be the one to see me in them. I never really wanted to wear clothes like that, but knowing he liked it made me like it. Now that he's gone, so is that enjoyment. I layed down on the mattress, sinking down as it swallowed me and the day whole. I had gotten used to the loneliness of sleeping alone, even after having a body next to me for the last four years. Maybe it was an easier adjustment as towards the end it was like sleeping next to no one.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The last few months are hard to describe. I can't explain it, I really can't. I've never been more lonely in my life, drowning all of my sorrows in the bitter bottles that wasted away each night and day. I've tried putting my energy elsewhere, focusing more on the band than I was earlier, trying to pour my emotions into guitar and lyrics, but nothing works. Nothing matches what I once had. What I threw away. What I ruined. Though, all my life, through all my struggles, there was one thing I learned.

Mask your emotions, hide your turmoil. It's something I had quickly gotten good at from a young age.

Or so I thought.

I went out for drinks with Lars to discuss lyrics and other parts of music for the record, as we normally had for our other productions and everything. We had another few weeks before we went into the studio, where we planned to record for many months, wanting this release to be the best we ever had. 

Before I had even gone out to the bar with Lars, I had already had a few bars at home, or what I had tried to make into my home. It was a home, yeah, but it didn't feel homey. There was no warmth or touch to it to make it seem whimsical or joyful. I know I have a problem, but what is there I can do. 

When I got there, Lars’s car was already outside, and I knew I was late by thirty minutes, having to build up the motivation to leave the house for a reason other than food, so trying to get up and socialize and talk about important stuff was not on my top choices to do.

I trudged in, my eyes darting around for the Danish, who was never that hard to find. And as I expected, I found him somewhat quickly, taking a seat next to him and ordering a drink for myself.

“Hey man, where the fock have you been? Been waiting here ages for ya,” Lars commented with his laugh, sipping on his own drink.

I just shrugged, “Sorry man, there was just…” I tried to think of a reasonable excuse, but none could come to mind. “Traffic, y’know, it gets bad around five or six, all those people getting off of work,” I explained, thinking I was an expert at this facade.

“Alright, whatever you say. Let's get to work now, yeah?” Lars tried to believe me, but it was clear he knew there was something more to what I said. 

I just nodded, “Yeah,” I answered, and Lars took out his notepad where he already had some ideas for songs. The mask was as strong as stone, no way to see in.

Or so I thought.

 Lars looked back to me, a thought popping back in his mind, “Traffic? There's normally not much in this area, I mean before you moved out of that place, shit, traffic was bad, but here? No way,” Lars questioned me, no longer believing a word I had said. 

“Well, I guess it was just different today…” I muttered, “Let's just start now, leave it be,”. Lars agreed reluctantly, and soon we were sharing ideas sas I jotted down lyrics, Lars taking turns as we debated on the new project.

Of course, as we worked, we were drinking. Me more than him, and it was getting me tipsy, and then drunk. Normally we wouldn't get drunk during lyric writing, just a bit.. Wobbly, I guess. We were just reviewing the lyrics for the third song we were jotting up and I had ordered another drink.

“Jesus man, you only focused on drinking? We got shit to do!” Lars complained to me, and I just shrugged. “Sorry, got my priorities here…” I joked, and Lars only gave a pity laugh.

“Is something up? You've been acting weird as hell for the last few months. We barely see you anymore, and when we do, you're late.” He informed me firmly, clearly not wanting to put up with my demeanor much longer.

“I'm fine, didn't I already tell you that?” I responded, and at this point I just wanted to go home. “Well, you can tell me it a million fuckin’ times and that doesnyt mean Ill believe you,” He rebuttled, and I sighed. “So, what's up with you?”

I didn't want to answer, well sober me would've deflected. But drunk me? He doesn't have much of a filter. Who does when they're drunk anyways?

“Nothings up with me, just dealing with shit…” I answered, taking another sip of my drink.

“Ok, well dealing with what?” 

“The breakup, and everything,” I answered, my eyes avoiding Lars’s own.

“Ohh, yeah, I see. What happened anyways? You never went into detail, just saying she kicked you out in the middle of the night. The fuck did you do to her?” He laughed, but the sting of the memories still remained.

“I.. well, I told her she was a shit cook, lazy, didnt work as hard me, and that groupies fuck better,” I admitted. Lars' face changed from a small smile to a look of shock.

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah”

“What would make you say something like that?! That's totally messed up!” I knew this would be shocking, especially coming from me to say something like that. But I didn't expect him to be this shocked.

“No, I did it for a reason, I'm not just some asshole! I didn't want to break up with her, and I didnt want her to break up with me, but I knew I had to get her to break up with me. I keep drinking, and it makes me into… I don't know, I'm a different person and I don't want to hurt her. The only option was to force her to break up with me.” I tried to explain, but Lars was quick to respond.

“Only option?! Have you heard of rehab? Getting help? Did she just let you waste away?”

“I didn't want to go to rehab either, and no, she did try to help, but I don't want help…” It was getting embarrassing at this point, showing how weak I had become.

“James, not everything is about what you want! There's things you need to do, but you don't want to. Those are just as important.” He paused, hoping my worlds would process through me as he thought of an idea. “How about this, clean up your act a bit and I'll get her back over here and you can go back to paradise, alright?” Lars offered and I perked up a bit.

“How the hell do you expect her to come back to me after all of that?”

“I never said she'd come back to you, I said I can get her over here, make you guys talk or something.” He corrected me, and I just rolled my eyes.

“Well how are you gonna get her to come here? She probably hates me at this point,” 

“I have my ways, we were closer friends than you probably remember,” Lars’ words didn't help. He could never explain his plan, and that's what always ticked me off about him.

“Fine, whatever, work your midget magic or something,” I muttered under my breath.

“What did you just say to me?” 

“Nothing, nothing, just do whatever it is, alright?” 

“Fine.”

— — — — > A WEEK LATER…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Time moves slow these days. But not in a bad way, it was nice that life was hitting the breaks a bit instead of the pedal. Though, that joy wouldn't last long.

I sat in my office chair at work, working on some papers my boss had handed me a few minutes ago. He was giving me stack after stack after stack of papers today, all coming with my promotion I got a bit back. More money means more work, and more work means more money, so I guess it isn't all too bad in the long run. I glanced up from my paper, eyeing the now double repurposed ashtray, one being made for the intents of cigarette butts, then guitar pics, and now it held my keys and some other trinkets, including one singular guitar pic of James, one of his favorites. 

I was startled out of my thoughts by hearing the office phone ring, quickly reaching to grab it, assuming it was a customer call.

“Hi, this is Capital Advisors, how can I help you?” I offered in a cheery tone, but the voice I heard response was not what I had expected.

“Hey man, look, it's Lars, something happened to James, you mind heading down to the studio?”

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Sure, Lars and I were close, but we haven't talked much since James and I’s break up. My words caught in my throat, processing the second half. “Something happened to James? What happened? Is he ok?” Even though he proved himself worthy of a break up, I still couldn't shake my love and worry for him.

“Uhhhh, yeah, no, sure he's fine, but you just needa come to the studio?” Lars rambled, not sure how to keep up his lie.

“Ok, yeah, of course, when do I need to be there?” My mind was racing, Lars wasn't being direct with what happened, so my mind could only think of the worst. He always poland things off to make them not seem as bad as they were. What if James fell and hurt himself? Overdosed on something? Only darker thoughts hit my mind.

“Like, now, this can't wait,” Lars demanded, and I had no choice but to agree.

“Yeah, I will be there as soon as I can, ok? Tell him I’ll be there soon, I don't want him to worry,” I gave in and then Lars thanked me and hung up. 

Now I don't know what to do. My boss wasn't the type of person to just let me leave whenever I want, and I had already promised to Lars I would be there immediately. Though, my worries got the best of me and I quickly began to gather my stuff together. I grabbed my keys and my purse, quickly heading to my boss's office. 

I always hated going in here, it was freezing since the AC was always blasted, and it reeked of musty air freshener. I gently knocked on the door before I heard his baritone voice respond, telling me to come in. I entered, seeing him sitting there, filing papers. 

“Can I help you?” He said in a monotone voice, opening and shutting cabinets.

“Yes, I need to leave, like right now. ITs an emergency, family matter,” I tried to briefly explain, but it didn't take long for him to come up with a new response.

“Emergency? Of what? Is someone dying?” His eyes looked up from his papers, meeting mine as he waited for an answer.

“I… Well, I don't know,” I muttered, and it was true, I really didn't. With Lars’ vagueness, I tru;y didn't have a reason to not assume James was already on his deathbed.

“How can you not know?” He questioned me as if I was stupid, then noticing my pale and shaky look of true worry, “Fine, yes, you can go, but you're leaving three hours early. I want you working those hours back tomorrow. Understood?” He finally made an offer, and I quickly accepted without hesitation.

“Yes, thank you, and I'm sorry,” I responded with a smile and a nod, quickly leaving the office and getting to my car as fast as possible. Lars never specified where exactly the studio was, but I had been there a few times with James to hear them practice and record. I did my best to remember the way there, speeding in some places and having to make a couple U turns to figure out the exact spot. The whole time my head was buzzing, I could not think of one normal reason as to why James would want me there. He clearly didn’t like me much towards the end, even though I still like to think he never meant it and that it was only the alcohol talking, but I was probably wrong. Why did I still care so much after being so wrongfully disrespected? Part of me still loved him. Still wanted to wake up next to him every morning, hear the faint strumming of a guitar whenever I came home from work. Now those days were gone, and never looked like they would return. I still worried for the worst for James, endless horrid possibilities arising in my brain, all trying to piece the puzzle together.

When I finally pulled up, I saw two other cars out in front, not seeing James’ car, assuming Lars gave him a ride and KIrk giving Jason one. No cop cars or ambulances or fire trucks, so he isn't dying, or maybe they already left. Maybe I was too late? 

I quickly got out of the car, almost running to the studio door, knocking until Lars came and opened it for me.

“Hey! There you are, took ya long eno-” Lars was quickly cut off by my own anxieties.

“Where is he? Is he ok? Was I not fast enough?” I quickly voiced out, my eyes darting around the inside and searching for him.

“Yeah, relax. He's fine. He's inside-”

“If he's fine then why did you make me come here from work?! I thought he was dying or something crazy,” I cut him off, questioning his efforts.

“No, none of that, you worry too much. He just wants to talk with you,” Lars answered, and my previous worries and a new suspicion grew in me.

“Just want to talk? Last time I talked with him he was critiquing me! He hates me! He doesn't want anything to do with me!” I voiced the feelings that had been clawing at me for months, never having anyone to tell them to.

“Or so you think. Look, just talk to him, that's all this is, ok?” Lars grew tired of my attitude and clearly I would have to give in soon.

“I want to, I want to talk to him, but I doubt he wants to talk to me,” I responded, trying to further explain my hesitations.

“I just told you that he wants to talk to you! Go in there, please!” Lars pleaded with me, and I sighed, finally agreeing.

“Ok, ok, I will,” I answered, beginning to head into the studio.

“Thank you! He's just down the hall, in that room with the sound equipment and everything,” Lars informed me, and I followed him, seeing James hunched over a table, scribbling down on a piece of paper. My heart was racing now. I hadn't seen him since that night. I didn't know what I would say to him, I was worried what he would say to me.

Then he looked up at me.

His cold, piercing blue eyes, a newfound softness in them as our eyes met. I avoided his eyes, but felt his lingering on me. Lars guided me in, shutting the door behind himself, leaving us alone. I was unsure of what to say, my eyes lingering on the floor, hearing James set down his pen.

“Uh… hi…” He started, probably just as unsure as I was.

“Hi,” I responded back shyly, avoiding his gaze, though I could still feel his own on me. The sound of footsteps approached me, instantly recognizing them as James’, and then I heard a click. Lars had locked us in here, now forced to talk.

“I.. I'm sorry, I really am,” He mumbled, and I looked up at him, seeing a true guilt in his eyes, “I wish I didn't do it, that I didn't say those things, that I didn't make you hurt so much like that… I should’ve been much more, well, mature about it. I feel like shit for everything,” James explained to me, but this only caused me to have more and more questions.  

“What do you mean?” I asked, my voice still a hushed whisper as a wave of various emotions crashed down on me. “I had reasons for what I did, I just wish I went about it differently. I wish I had listened to you when you had offered me help. I didn't want to hurt you with my habits, and I couldn't break up with you, I didn't want to be the one to do that, so… so I tried to make you break up with me, and you did. Everything I said, it was a lie. I never meant it. You're a great cook, you work hard, you're just… you're amazing, you're too good for me.” James confessed, and I could feel a bit of the cold melt away, though still a hurt in my heart.

“Then why make me come and tell me all of this? This would only pour salt in that wound, no?” I was still confused at why he would make such an effort, but I still found it touching.

“Because I still love you. I want things back the way they were. I swear on everything, I've changed. I miss you more than anything-” I cut him off with a sweet kiss to his lips, and he melted into me, wrapping his arms around me in a comforting and loving embrace.

After James pulled away, he looked me in my eyes, “How could you forgive me for saying all of that to you?” He began, “Id think you would just… hate me, I was a total jerk,”

“Or so you'd think. I still love you and miss you more than you could imagine,” I responded with a  small smile, and James matched mine, kissing me again. “Can… can I show you how much I've missed you?” James asked in a mumbled tone, clearly a bit embarrassed. My cheeks heated up at his offer and I giggled, nodding as our lips met a third time, a new hunger and desire now displayed. Slowly, he walked me to the table until I had backed up into it, his hands trailing up my sides until we broke away, his lips now going down my neck, eliciting a needy whine from the back of my throat, my hands pulling him closer, snaking under his shirt to trace his skin. 

James’s fingers slipped under my shirt, working to get it off of my head, leaving my neck for only a second to remove the fabric before attaching himself to my sensitive flesh, feeling him suck and nibble, definitely leaving bruises. He gave a more harsh bite, causing me to whimper, then soothing it over with his tongue before pulling away. Soon his gaze focused on my breasts, still confined with my bra. His eyes met mine again, “Can I take it off?” He asked ,already reaching around my back to work on the clasp, which had become an easy task for him. I nodded, and soon the garment was now on the floor with my shirt. The cold air caused my nipples to erect immediately, and James’ eyes were locked on them, cupping the in his hands as he squeezed them and pinched at my nipples, making me make high needy sounds, causing him to smirk, kissing around the soft flesh, teasing me with every movement he made. 

I began to claw at his shirt, trying to take it off of him, so he reluctantly pulled away from my chest, removing his own shirt, giving me a view I had missed more than I care to admit. My eyes dragged slowly over the newly exposed skin, and his lips crashed down on mine again, pushing me back so far I was now laying down on the table, the cold wood causing goosebumps to rise on my skin. I tugged at James’ pants, feeling myself grow wetter at the moment. He slipped down his pants, leaving him in only his boxers as you pulled down my skirt, leaving me in only my panties. I could see the bulge in his final layer grow at the new sight, and then he got on his knees, gripping the sides of my aunties and taking them off in a swift motion, leaving my glistening folds exposed to his hungry view.. His warm lips teased my thighs, kissing around the area I needed him most, making me writhe with desire. Eventually, his tongue found my center, giving it soft licks at first, parting my folds with his tongue. A moan escaped my throat, and James took it as his sign to keep going, burying his face between my thighs. He licked and sucked at my hole, probing at it with his tongue as his nose nudged my sensitive clit. My hand snaked into his long blonde locks, gripping his scalp tightly as I pulled him closer. I could hear him groan into my flesh, causing a vibration to coarse through me, making me moan again as I came closer to my first high. Eventually James moved further up, giving more attention to my aching clit, giving it gentle licks first to tease me before sucking it into his mouth, biting it softly, making me squeal from his ministrations.

“Jamei, fuck, Im gonna cum,” I whined out, tugging on hair harder, causing him to let out another low groan as he continued to feast on me. “Cum for me pretty girl,” He mumbled into my flesh, and like that my orgasm washed over me, a breathy moan falling my lips, feeling my core pulsate , releasing my grip on James’ head, allowing him to pull back.

James chin was drenched in my essence and his spit, some caught in his facial hair, wiping it off on the back of his hand. I dont think Ive seen anything hotter. His eyes landed on mine, and I noticed a lustful darkness in them, kissing me again as our tongues tangled in a battle for dominance, James winning in the end, and soon his boxers were on the ground, both of us bare in front of each other again.

JAmes broke the kiss, trailing his lips down my neck, leaving new hickeys and bruises in his wake as they now peppered my neck. I felt his tip at my entrance and I squirmed, his lips leaving my bruised flesh. “You ready, baby?” He asked, taking my hand in his, and I nodded, feeling him slowly push into me, the stretching sensation stinging my insides, a delicious stretch my body had missed as I tried to accommodate his size. Once he was to the hilt, I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding, squeezing his hand tightly.

I gave him a look of a need, and he gook note, slowly beginning to pump his hips, untwining our fingers as he positioned himself with better support, placing his arms on either side of my head. With every thrust a moan escaped my throat, tears pricking at my eyes from the pleasure. “Fuck, you’re so tight… haven't had anything since me, hmmm?” James whispered to me, and I could only whine in response, his calloused fingers sneaking down to my clit, brushing the bud lightly with the pad of thumb, and I began to squirm around his cock, feeling his thrusts increase with speed, more grunts falling from James.

The table I laid on creaked beneath from our frevorus movements of need, completely forgetting we were still in the studio. The band was still in that studio. This room wasn't for recording, very little sound blockers. Anyone in this building could hear us. The thought didn't pass my mind once throughout the whole experience, only focused and becoming closer with James once again, not just in body, but in our connection reforming with every minstration from either of us.

James' thrusts grew relentless, only increasing the pleasure for both of us as he chased his own high, helping me with mine, continuing to toy with and stroke my clit, moans and whines leaving me with any movement he made. “So pretty like this, baby, taking me so well,” He groaned, his small grunts and moans filling my ears like sweet music. I began to buck my hips, knowing that my orgasm was approaching, James not far behind, his vocal expression of pleasure growing in number and volume, mixing with my own mewls and moans, that and the sound of skin slapping skin filling the room, my nails clawing his back.

My eyes began to roll back, James’ name falling from my lips a thousand times as my legs wrapped around his waist, trying to pull him deeper to finally bring me to edge. James noticed and thrusted harder, hitting that special spot with every movement, making me have to cover my mouth with my hand, the unholy noises escaping me growing too loud for us to stay secret. James disapproved, “Mmmm, don't do that baby, let me hear you cum around my cock,” He cooed, and that was all the encouragement I needed to come over the edge, a high pitched moan coming from me, feeling my walls clamp down on James’ length, pulsating as waves of pleasure cascaded over me. James helped me ride through it, still rubbing my sensitive nub, his thrusts losing rhythm as he approached his own high.

“Fuck, sweetie, gonna cum inside you…” He grunted, his pace increasing as his movement became erratic with pleasure. “Take it, take it like a good girl, baby,” He moaned, his load shooting deep inside of me and painting my walls white with his seed. His hips sputtered, bucking into me as he collapsed on top of me, our sweaty foreheads clinging together as we both recovered from the intense orgasms, trying to catch our breath. James pressed soft, lazy kisses around my face, reminding me how much he loved me and how he'd never hurt me again if given the chance.

After a moment, we both had come down from our highs, James’ softening member sliding out of me with a pop. He looked down at the mess between my thighs, all evidence of our pleasure with each other. “Youre fuckin’ perfect,” He muttered, his eyes dragging over me.

“Are the groupies still better?” I teased him, remembering our bickering that was one real, or so I thought it was real fighting.

“Oh, hell no, they don't stand a chance to this,” He responded with a smile, and I smiled back.

We cleaned up, slipping back on our clothes so we were somewhat presentable. Only now did the realization that we were never once alone in this studio and the rest of the band was outside had hit me. A wave of embarrassment flowed over me, my cheeks flushing even more than they were before given the previous activities. Both James and I looked quite disheveled, our hair a mess and clothes wrinkled. I tried to shake off whatever nervousness I had in me as James put his arm around me. We went to reach for the door handle, only to find out it was still locked. Now it would be even more awkward. James knocked on the door from the inside, calling out to Lars, or anyone else in the studio.

“Guys? Lars? Can someone unlock the door?” And it wasn't long before footsteps approached, hearing a key click as the door swung open, Lars, more curious than ever eyed both my own and James’ appearance, noticing the hickeys, the slight wobble I gave, and any other imperfections that we might have displayed.

“I take it you two worked things out?”

— — — — > A FEW WEEKS LATER…

It had taken some time, a lot of talking, and more than just one hook up for James and I to work out any other issues that we had with each other. We met up a lot in the recent weeks after that, discussing different ways on how to help James with his drinking, and just trying to regain eachothers trust.

Soon enough though, James had moved back in with me. I kept my office space, but now the room was split in two halves. I worked in one half, while James did his guitar work in the other half. It was a fairly large room, so we both had our own spaces and rarely bothered each other. If I had a work call or anything that required silence, James would just migrate to the living room.

It was the same old schedule we had all those months ago, and I was now returning from work. It was Friday, now I would have plenty of time to relax and be with James. I pulled into the driveway, parking and getting out of my car as I walked up to the porch, the click of my heels following my steps on the cement. The lights were on, the door unlocked. I could hear a faint strumming coming from inside, meaning James was hard at work on new material for the album. It was my favorite thing to listen to while doing work assignments at home.

I walked in with a huff, setting down my purse and keys on the counter before heading to the shared office space. James wasn't playing much, just sounded like scales and chords for his warm ups. “How was work, baby?” James greeted me, still focused on his guitar. “It was a bit tiring, but it was good. I think my boss is starting to like me,” I answered, settling into my chair. He nodded in response, going back to fiddling with the strings.

It wasn't until a little later a soft, sweet and melodic tune had hit my ears. Much different than what Metallica normally plates. James hummed along to it, almost like he had lyrics already written out. But knowing him, he probably did.

“What are you playing? It sounds really nice,” I started, listening to a few more notes before continuing, “It's not what you guys normally play,” I commented, and James let out a deep hum in response. “Just something new I'm working on,” He replied, and I nodded, getting back to work.

Only this time, I couldn't focus. Normally James’s music helped me to focus, becoming a comforting background noise. This time though, I couldn't get my mind off of that melody. He kept going, and each second I kept getting more and more captivated by it. 

“That songs really pretty, I like it,” I said, scribbling down whatever notes I couldnt on a piece of paper. “Thanks, it's actually, uhm..” He trailed off, and I knew something was up. I spun around in my chair, going to face him. “It's what?” I asked, confused by his shy demeanor. 

“It's called ‘Nothing Else Matters’,” He stated, finally stopping picking at the strings. “Nothing Else Matters?” I repeated, connecting whatever the lyrics might be in my head to the melody. Normally their slower, melodic songs were dark and heavy topics, so I expected the same with this one.

“Yeah,” James answered, “I wrote the lyrics about you, actually,” He muttered softly, though I still picked it up. “About me?” I questioned, slightly shocked. “Yeah… I've thought a lot about, well, everything recently. Ever since that point a few months back I've reflected and everything… Rumors spread, and I just want everyone out there to get the right idea,” He paused, searching for the right words, “I want people out there to know that you're all I care about, you mean more than the world to me, and I want everyone to know that,” He stated, his tone true and emotional. I had never heard him say sweeter words to me, and I knew that he was speaking nothing other than the truth, I could see it in his eyes, there's a way to read people, and James wasn't easy to read, but you soon could learn the lingo.

“That means a lot to me, Jamie,” I answered, smiling at him. I got up from my chair to sit next to him on the couch, leaning against him. “Thank you,” I said, kissing him on the cheek. “You don't need to thank me, sweetheart,” James responded, wrapping his arm around me.

And now, I knew my whole world was whole again. What was once hatred, or so I thought was hatred, was once again love, everything as it should be.

[phagodyke]

gym was soooo much fun. someone kick my ass on thursday to make me go out to the queer bouldering social after work 😡👊

my parents brought my bike up last time they visited and I'm only just taking her out for the first time today but god she's such a beauty..

[luzlopesarts]

Some warnings + Chapter 1 Progress!!!!!

HELLO MY LOVELY STARS!!!

You didn't expect to see me updating KoW so soon, did you???

I usually post updates on Saturday or Sunday, but I'll be traveling so I decided to leave the previews today.

In fact, this trip is the warning I have to give. I will be away from my work desk and my materials for a few days (I don't know exactly how many but between one and two weeks), therefore I will not be able to make progress on the Comic during this period.

This is sad I know. But look on the bright side, I'm going to get a lot of rest and return to work with renewed energy!!!

✨YAYYYYYY !!!✨

Anyway, without further ado, let's get to what everyone wants to see:

THE CONTINUATION OF THE OUTLINES OF CHAPTER 1 OF "THE KINGDOM OF WISHES"

( Written by @annymation , design by @uva124 )

Check out part 1 here.

"The two brothers grew up and, with their father's teachings, became powerful sorcerers."

"But when the big day arrived, Florian was crowned king, as Magnus still didn't feel confident and claimed that something was missing in his life; something that gave him strength and courage!"

"It was then that Magnus met Amaya."

"The most beautiful maiden he had ever seen had been found adrift in a boat and taken shelter in the castle by order of King Florian."

"As a form of gratitude for the hospitality, Amaya began to serve the court as a royal alchemist and, as the days went by, she ended up winning Magnus' heart, finally making him feel like he could do...anything".

"Encouraged by his new love, Magnus decided to travel in search of adventure, leaving the kingdom to prosper in Florian's hands."

"But then, a tragedy happened. When Magnus returned to Rosas he discovered that his brother had passed away due to illness. A painful loss for the entire kingdom, which was made worse by Florian not having legitimate heirs"

"Magnus was moved. He could not let the magnificent legacy of his beloved brother and predecessors end like this."

"Feeling confident with Amaya by your side, Magnus took over the throne and changed the way wishes were granted monthly, doing dozens of them a week, making them float back to your Wish Makers, during the night"

The Kingdom was so happy and grateful that they began to name their new rulers with nicknames that reflected their magnificence and passion, thus making them known as King Magnífico and Queen Amable.

"The end".

Sabino: "I admire your taste in complex stories, Asha, but... Hmm...Don't you think this is too complicated for you?"

Asha: "I thought it was a fantasy book, but it's just romance. Yuck!”

Sabino: "Never judge a book by its cover, darling! What you have here is a history book."

Asha: "But he doesn't explain things very well.Where does Queen Amaya come from? And the king's staff?What disease did Florian die from?"

Sabino: "Well, Asha, let's see..."

"First, the queen is very private about her past, we have to respect that."

"Second. That staff is just a souvenir the king got on his travels."

Sabino: "And third. Sometimes bad things just... happen... without explanation."

"And there's nothing we can do about it."

"Unless you move on..."

To be continued...

FORGIVE FOR ENDING WITH AN ANGUISH DRAWING 🥺🥺

BUT DESPITE THAT, I HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT!

And understood. Remembering that, like Anny, I'm Brazilian, but unlike her, I don't understand English and I'm always using Google translate, so maybe there are some mistakes. But Anny and you are always welcome to point out mistakes and correct me!

That's it for today and until after my little vacation Lmao 😅 I'll still be online to answer any questions or curiosities you may have, or simply to see posts and rewrites in which they mark me. I love interacting with this fun and tight-knit community of Wish Concept Art fans!

Anyway, goodbye!!

Kisses full of light and stars!

~Emy

[sitp-recs]

considering is close to halloween now (ok it’s october 1st but lmao) do you have any spooky / halloween related recs? it can be drarry or femslash or wolfstar or whatever. i’ve never read any fic in the hp fandom with halloween in mind before :0

Happy Halloween season! 🎃 Absolutely, I don’t have the stomach for gore but I do love myself some spooky reads. Here are some of my faves - they’re all Drarry but I’d suggest checking the 2022 HP Fear Fest masterlist. Enjoy! 👻

I Demand a Soft Epilogue by @the-starryknight (M, 1k)

James didn't arrive on the Hogwarts Express, and so Harry hasn't slept in a week. Something has brought him back to the stoop outside a building marked "Library" in gold letters. He's going to go inside. Maybe the Librarian can help.

The Heart of the Manor by kedavranox (M, 4k)

In his efforts to remove the taint Voldemort left on the Manor, Draco hires a team of Curse-Breakers. But what will happen when they stumble upon something older and more insidious than simple Dark magic?

The Other Cottage by @corvuscrowned (T, 6.5k)

If Pansy wasn’t shagging Ginny Weasley, Draco would never have been dragged to Luna’s ridiculous Halloween party in the first place - meaning he wouldn't be sitting in the corner of the room with Harry Potter all night. But when a strange comet passes overhead, things start to get even weirder than usual.

Doppelganger by @writcraft (M, 7k)

It was just a silly dare, but one ill-advised trip into the Forbidden Forest changes Harry’s life forever.

Saltwater Stain by @the-starryknight (M, 9k)

Seven days stuck on a boat investigating a rogue ghost wouldn't be so bad if Harry didn't want Draco so much. Draco has his rules and Harry's content to follow them, but the air feels different away from the shore. Is it possible that the sea could offer Harry something impossible on land?

And So Death Took by @icmezzo (E, 25k)

Fairy tales may soothe small children into slumber, but some stories themselves refuse to sleep. The Tale of Three Brothers, retold.

In Our Blood by secretsalex (E, 38k)

Draco is an accomplished pure-blood curse breaker, and Harry is tasked with accompanying him on his latest job—cleaning up the Van Boer mansion, which has been under a devastating fertility curse for seven generations.

Yours is the Earth (Hold On, Hold On) by chickenlivesinpumpkin (E, 127k)

After a serious accident in the Forbidden Forest, Draco's personality begins to undergo subtle changes. At first, Harry credits this to a new enthusiasm for life. But as the days pass and Draco's behavior becomes more and more mysterious, Harry begins to suspect that something bigger--and darker--is at work.

Forgive Those Who Trespass by Lomonaaeren (E, 135k)

Harry Potter was convinced he had an ordinary, if inconvenient, life. Then Ron and Hermione vanished in the Department of Mysteries. And the only person who may know where they are is a mute Draco Malfoy.

[mit0bee]

Ten Circles (Obey Me Figure Skating AU)

I can think of a title haha wym hahahaahah lmao.......................................................

have I been gone for almost a year? YES! Are all my posts about twisted wonderland? ALSO YES...! AM I GOING TO WRITE A FIGURE SKATING AU FOR OBEY ME (and twst)?? YAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (do i have my own skating practice in 30 mins....? yeah...) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Let's start with the story. So, Lucifer and his brothers were under contract with the [insert group name here]. After their sister, Lilith, breaks a very important rule that may or may not have something to do with the cute hockey boy who uses the ice before her, The God of Figure Skating boots her.

Lucifer tries to reason with him, but that only results in him following Lilith out of the group. Everyone else had their own reasons for leaving, whether it be the corruption leaking its way into the group, or they simply were more loyal to Lucifer and Lilith than the rest.

After hearing the news, a large-scale nepo baby corporate figure, Diavolo, offers the estranged group a deal. He wants to start a new group to contend with [insert group name here]. But, if it's just him and his loyal butler, Barbatos, there's no way they can climb all the way to where they want to be.

Lucifer, in a desperate attempt to revenge on the God himself, agrees. With that, the Ten Circles were born. But they didn't stay the ten circles.

Right after the deal was closed, Lilith disappeared off the face of the earth. No one could call her cell, and she hadn't been seen in weeks. The brothers were devastated. For all they knew, Lilith was dead.

After the first three years, all hope was given up on for finding her. The police were involved, there were missing persons posters around every corner of the city. A grave had even been dug for her. But, without a body, it was an empty reminder, a hopeless dream of Lilith.

The Ten Circles became monotonous; go to practice, compete, practice more. Even while rising to the top, the group was solemn.

That was, until Diavolo suggested something. A tryout, of sorts. The Ten Circles makes no sense with nine of them. Changing the name would be too tedious. All of their advertising and practice gear were branded with a ten.

And so, the group (albeit, reluctantly) opened up tryouts. The first stage? Stacks and stacks of papers and resumes.

One night, while languidly searching through resumes, Lucifer kept going back to a specific one. It was yours. He couldn't put his finger on it; you had experience, sure, but nothing with any well-known groups. Why did he feel so drawn to you when there were tens of hundreds of resumes with detailed histories from very prestigious groups?

He acted on impulse. Lucifer lied to Diavolo, saying he had extensive knowledge about you. In reality, he was working off of a hunch. to be fair, his hunches were often correct.

And correct this one was. When you came in for your first practice, you immediately fit right in. Mammon was assigned as your initiator. He was to make sure Lucifers hunch was right you could keep up to speed with everyone else.

From there on, you befriended each member of the team, and even convinced them to open up to more members (there was no changing Ten Circles though. They'd just have to cope). Eventually, there were twelve of you. The Twelve Ten Circles were rising the ranks even rapidly, going from one of the best middle-class groups, to one of the best in the country.

And of course, as per usual, Lucifers hunch was correct.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------- PLOT HOLES GALORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just thought of this while thinking of practice hehehehe ill probably write the intro to the twst one, then start my usual bulletpoint drabbles, and maybe even do an extension to this intro!

m.list

@mit0ee 's work, please do not steal!

[castielsprostate]

day 36 of asking misha to put his hands around my neck and choke me lightly

day 1 of asking misha to put his hands around my neck and choke me lightly

[suckishima]

okay so i know i posted a few weeks ago that i did get to see the haikyuu movie when i was in japan last month and ive been so busy i didnt fully have time to process lol so ive been writing down thoughts as i remember them so, spoilers under the cut (no particular order)

final rally pov shot was craaaaazyyy (sidenote i saw challengers today lmao and they did a similar pov shot thing a couple times and it reminded me how sick it was to see such a complicated thing be animated)

in addition to that tho, while i liked the drop of the music then to just have it be kenmas breathing, i felt lie his breathing seemed a little repetitive?? like it was possibly just the same couple voice recordings repeated???

and also tbh.. i kinda didnt love how after the super amazing pov animation the way they chose to animate the full court flashback to tokyo training camp was just like a flat pan around the room. it just didnt feel all that dynamic after seeing something so cool, and maybe it was just my screening but the image was kinda blurry and not that crisp at that part

in general tho i thought the sound design was really cool, so much of it just straight up felt like a live match happening, and the part when kenma tells hinata to stay interesting and the sound cuts out?? ooo v effective i thought

and then the birdcaaaage aaaah i loved the way the wings like got all stifled in the cage when kenma first trapped him and then ofc the bursting out of it oooo im excited to see it again in imax

there were a tonnnn of small moments that i assumed wouldnt make the cut that actually did too, yaku sitting on lev's back when he's doing pushups, the bokuto/kuroo hair swap flashback lmaooo, goshiki having to share his ipad with tendou (i cant remember for sure now if he actually says that or not but theyre definitely in the movie), bokuto and akaashi coming over and talking to yachi and ah i think theres more. a lot of them were shortened down a bit, but i appreciated them getting attention nonetheless. sadly no kuroo/lev poop conversation though lmaoo

i thought the kuroo/kenma flashbacks were pretty good as well, i think they possibly added a few lines?? it seemed like there were more frames of stuff of kuroo being inspired by the "lowering the net" concept which was really cool bc thats really integral to his character to me. and then theres this line where kenma is like "hinata has kageyama and i have kuroo" and uhhhh that is news to me!! im like 90% thats new content lmao, and oooo it was good, the shots they chose with it too gooood

oh for some reason they changed how kenma flops??? he falls with his butt up in the air instead of just flat??? like why lmao, obviously that was like an Actual Choice they made bc they had to draw it and obviously had the manga as reference and it makes no difference other than to confuse me lolll

im interested to see it again distributed by crunchyroll too bc im sure some of the subs i saw werent right, a few lines just didnt make sense and there were a few instances of like "lead blocking"

and okay. i gotta talk about the chapter 298 stuff

its there its in the movie!! but,, it's watered down lmao

and i think i was also too in my head and overanalyzing it which im disappointed in myself for so im hoping on rewatch ill have a better time

the "hes always been one step ahead of me after all" was like as perfect as it could get tbh, it looks just like the manga and tsukki like says it just right and yamaguchi comes onto the court behind him totally focused and aaah really loved it. then the service ace and tsukkis little laugh it really good

but then i'm torn on the actual serve and block, there's no inner thoughts on yamaguchis "oh no the ball isnt drifting enough" and then tsukkis silent reply "no that was plenty" before stuffing it, so we arent hearing their like mind reading/intuition connection there which was a bummer. and thennnn im not positive on this bit but i dont think anyone repeats anything about the serve and block being the perfect play?? (its yamaguchi echoing ukai in the manga) and then no little flashbacks to how theyve been training

HOWEVER the big main flashbacks of seeing how yamaguchi walks from behind tsukki to in front of him are there!!! and the way theyre presented is interesting? i was like taken aback by the decision to have the clips being showed within their silhouettes as they move toward each other (i couldnt even tell thats what it was at first tbh..) that i missed whether or not all the panels were in it..... (majorly disappointed in myself for that one). idk visually i found it a little confusing i guess and so i couldnt fully appreciate and im hoping itll look cool on rewatch when i understand whats happening

and then the high five ahhh it was pretty good, idk if anything will ever live up to that manga panel for me, the joy and success and sense of achievement in that image means so much to me lol, but its animated fairly well. do wish they didnt cover tsukkis smile tho

then kuroo asks how tsukki feels about volleyball and he says its fun and he smiles and its.. fine. like ugh its just one of those things were this entiiiire section just slightly suffered from being a two minute segment of a movie instead of a whole episode (or even just half an episode tbh), like something about his smile and saying it was fun just fell a little flat for me and i was unfortunately a little sad about it, i was hoping for a little more buildup and like emphasis. this is a huuuuge culminating moment for him and it didnt quite feel like it to me bc the movie had to have other priorities where a season wouldnt have

later one when tsukki and kuroo are like battling at the net exhausted tho and tsukki smiles again that was pretty good, the animated is really top notch when theyre all panting n stuff, and the voice acting there was great, really liked it

[executables-sims]

Get to know you: Sims Style

Thank you so much for the tag, @goatskickin! :D I am ill rn, so please excuse the rambling. x) Long post ahead!

What’s your favorite Sims death? Maybe fright? I've only ever had it happen once via ghost, the anim is pretty funny. :)

Alpha CC or Maxis Match? My Simblr probably says otherwise, but I don’t have a preference! I’ve had nearly every possible CC style under the sun throughout my years of playing, and I constantly think about reviving my 'semi-realism' folder (living vicariously through you, other simmers!). I didn't play with CC until early 2006 though, so MM is a little bit more nostalgic. :)

Do you cheat your sims weight? Hell no! I'm still in awe of Nysha's townie body diversity mod finally letting townies be fat. :D I wish the game had a better way of managing bodyshapes so I could add more variety that way.

Do you move objects? Of course!

Favorite Mod? Of all time? Impossible! My continued interest in gameplay is always because of new mods. :)

I did gain a new outlook thanks to a mod recently, though! My wild romance sim Blaze Biermann ended up 'mood swinging' to fortune before he went to uni, and instead of reverting, it got stuck.

He had a few flings still (pleasure secondary), but after he returned home and met his daughter (for the first time since her birth), he started cringing whenever I directed him to romance his dates. It felt like he had grown as a person, and I loved it!

TL;DR: Randomly change your sims' original aspiration/s to give them interesting character arcs! First Expansion/Game Pack/Stuff Pack? I mean, not my decision, but our first TS1 EP was Hot Date. I'm pretty sure I got TS2 EPs/SPs in order of release (miss those days of unwrapping a new one every birthday/christmas!).

Do you pronounce live mode like aLIVE or LIVing? We're LIVE, baby! 🎥

Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made? I don't usually get very attached to my first-generation sims, but maybe Evonne Milos, from the gameplay/story hood I accidentally destroyed in four days? Never actually played her, but I had a lot of ideas for a corrupt 'sexpot' politician. x)

Have you made a simself? Lots! 99% of the fun I had playing TS2 as a kid was me and my best friend making ourselves and our respective crushes of the week, and we'd always live in one of those Veronaville lots that was two houses connected by a balcony. I can't even tell you the amount of times she got me pregnant against my wishes whilst I went to the bathroom, lmao.

Which is your favorite EA hair color? For colour consistency, probably brown? But there are a lot of brunettes in Brunwick (must be the name!), so I enjoy the recessives popping up in gameplay. :)

Favorite EA hair? Does an EA download count? Jeanette is lovely.

Favorite life stage? Ohhh dude, that's so difficult to answer. They all bring different challenges and dynamics to the household! I feel like I've started to appreciate the child lifestage more since Brunwick has grown large enough to have multiple friendship groups. It's fun watching them goof around with each other and be actual kids, instead of sitting indoors skilling. I really need to build a park! :)

Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay?

Are you a CC creator? Yes, I really love how this game has led me to so many creative hobbies! Would like to tackle BHAVs one day. :)

Do you have any Simblr friends or a Sim Squad? Yeah! I consider us all friends over our shared enjoyment of the game really, but as a chronic lurker I'm not the best at cultivating connections. x) Does anyone wanna make a secret club? xD

Do you have any sims merch? No, but I do have a bunch of rad sims memories. 👉😎👉

Do you have a YouTube for sims? Nope, but I watched plenty of sim music videos back in the day! Found a lot of songs that way. :) Some formative memories here: One / Two

How has your “Sims style” changed throughout your years of playing? I sadly don't have screenshots of my oldest saves thanks to a combo of no external HD and no screenshot program, but here's one example:

But gameplay-wise, a lot! My early years were probably based around creating stories more than actively playing, but when I did I would just emulate perfect families, attempt legacies, and restart BG hoods over and over. x)

Now I'm all about wants-based gameplay; witnessing and interpreting a story, as opposed to creating one from scratch. But I will add drama if I find my interest waning! x)

Who’s your favorite CC creator? Again, super-duper impossible to answer because everyone's CC makes the game fun, but my most recent CC shopping spree was Honeywell and HugeLunatic! :) 🛒

How long have you had Simblr? Technically 2011, officially 2013, but if we're being pedantic, I finally made a dedicated Simblr (this) in 2016. x)

How do you edit your pictures? These days, just sharpen and shrink! CC previews aren't too complicated either- a blurred out screenshot for the BG and a shadow.

What expansion/gamepack is your favorite? Ooh… maybe Nightlife, by a smidgen? I feel like it gave us a lot of new features and items, and the subhood was nice (as a non-builder at the time!).

Tagging: @daman19942 @aondaneedles @eulaliasims @profesionalpartyguest @tvickiesims @and everyone else, I love reading these! :D

[avocadoraisin]

Hi! I’m sure you’ve answered this question before but what or who got you into saw?

this is actually kind of a long and funny one. to me

part one

so, eeeeons ago.. when I was, what, 16? 17? There was someone I followed on tumblr that for some reason I used as my barometer of coolness. I just thought they were so rad, and I don't remember why. Their art, maybe?

I was, and to some extent still am, very easily influenced by peer pressure. So, whatever they got into, I heavily debated checking out myself. (Because, they're so cool and all. And I want to understand their art!)

i think i watched walkthroughs of all the Assassin's Creed games (up to 3, at the time) just to admire their art lmao

then they got into Saw and I was torn lmao. I was so scared of the franchise (because of the reputation and all) but they made it seem so interesting? They were a chainshipper I think. And by god, do i WISH i could find their old art again... or even their blog at all, so I can find those vintage Saw memes again...

i was fascinated that this "super gory torture franchise" had a fandom and people were shipping characters that were heeella dead

but also i was a HUGE baby and didn't watch anything that wasn't anime violence until uhhhhhhhhhhhh............................................................. college

so i was always curious about Saw, but as someone who hadn't even seen the most basic of basic horror films at the time, or a single rated R film, I was sssooooo not ready

part two

fast forward to 2022

So, I have a "list" of films I want to see. I'm mostly fascinated by films with pop culture significance, cult classics, or films that otherwise helped define a genre in some way. my inner film history nerd. Many of those are horror, because horror in itself is a very fascinating genre with so many iconic characters and films that change the rules of the game every few years. (horror games also do this)

Saw was always in the back of my mind as this franchise i never really understood, because of the reputation, but the first one always fell under the category as one of those iconic genre-challenging films I should try to check out at least once

in 2022, i watched the first film and I really liked it!! I was curious about the rest of the franchise because I also knew there was some kind of fandom for it, thanks to that person i followed ~13 years ago, but I heard the gore gets a lot more gruesome............. and i don't really like gore, actually..........

and i started noticing more and more really funny Saw jokes and stuff now that I at least knew the first movie, and i was like "hey, people seem to really love this franchise despite its gory reputation" I told myself I'd work my way up to it, watching other horror films and slowly training myself to be able to handle more and more gore. with the SOLE purpose of trying to build up the stomach to enjoy the rest of Saw

so last year in 2023, Saw X came out. and it was getting really good reviews. and i love going to the movies, and i was getting FOMO like you wouldnt believe

so, i let Saw skip the line on my horror list. i was like "I'll just put on Saw II and if its too much, ill just stop. If I'm not ready for this franchise, then that's fine. I don't need to see Saw X in theaters"

anyway yeah then i binged them all in a week or two because i was hooked immediately. and i got to see Saw X twice in theaters and had the time of my life

(and yes, in hindsight, i was SOOO not ready to watch this franchise as a teen LMAO. I can still barely look at gore. I think it would have sickened me. and yes, my parents are shocked I like these horror franchises so much now after being such a weenie kid)

[moreteethplease]

Devlog: Close The Window, My Love

Close The Window, My Love is a game about nursing things that should no longer remain. It was made for the 73rd bitsy jam, with the theme "close the window" - pretty on the nose, I know lmao. Click here to play it!

C/W for the game: allusions to death and physical illness.

Told myself I'd write devlogs/post-mortems whenever I make something, even if it's a very tiny something, so here goes! This devlog contains spoilers for the game.

Writing

When I started making this game, I didn't really know where it was going. The game jam's theme didn't spark any inspiration, which is ironic because I voted for it. So I just whipped out a word document and started writing, and the first thing I wrote was this: "Close the window, my love," she says, voice softer than a whisper."

But why is this person asking me to close a window?, I asked myself. Maybe they don't really want me to close the window. Maybe they're only doing it because they feel they have to?

I often find that I don't set out to create things that relate to me, but if I let myself write and work, the things I'm processing begin to leap out, begging for a spot in whatever I'm working on. That's what happened here. This is an ode to a past version of me, one so vastly different to who I am now that we have little in common, one I've spent the longest time desperately clawing my way back to, trying to embody them again. I love them very dearly, and I'm sure they love me, but it was time to let them go. I'm never going to be them again, and it's time to accept that and move on, growing into someone new.

It took me a whopping three days to finalize the script. I started out writing prose, but when some lines ended up rhyming, the non-rhyming lines felt out of place. I flip-flopped between intentionally rhyming them and trying to remove all rhymes for two days before committing to writing a rhyming poem. The poem is divided into four "parts" or "portions", each with three verses.

Making The Game

Because I'd spent so long on writing the script and was pretty busy the week of this jam, I didn't have a lot of time to spend on art. I opted for a very simple room - just a little square with slight top-down perspective, bare walls aside from the window, and a bed for The Relic (yes, that's what I call the person in the bed). When that seemed too empty, I added a doormat and a lil bedside table. Don't ask where The Relic uses the bathroom; I don't know either. It's an impractical living space, to say the least.

I made sure to leave plenty of space for four lines of dialog on top of the screen that wouldn't obscure the room. This is important because the window sprite doesn't appear until after the first two verses of each part of the poem, and I wanted players to see the window change colour, indicating it is now interactable.

My favourite portion of this game is the bit where the window slides down over four lines. I really love doing stuff like this in bitsy, where you shift rooms to create an effect akin to very simple animation. I've only used it a couple of times - the last time with It Piles Up - but it's so much fun. I didn't have a sketch for this, I sort of just made it right away at the 128x128 size used in bitsy and tested it, found it satisfactory, and added it to the game. I did this with the "Dot" brush in Ibis Paint, which is how I make most of my bitsy sketches and tests.

I also wanted each part of the poem to have a different mood, despite the fact that the poem itself mostly has the same vibe throughout. To do this, I used a different colour palette and ambient sound for each portion.

Of course, I needed the four parts of the poem to be divided smoothly. Just having the player avatar pop back up in the exact same room would be jarring. So I created a small area where the player avatar walks up to a house, and the environment slowly loses its verdancy with each new part of the poem - until the post-poem portion, where it is green and lively again.

Okay, I don't really know how to write these things. This might have gotten rambly. Please give the game a play if you like! You can play it here:

[rottytops]

i definitely think the adhd medication (successfully) rewired my brain and made me seek out long term goals over short term pleasure like i have been literally my entire life so now my current goals are to unfuck my credit to move away from my shitty roomies, get my new car and actually get into an ltr lmao

SUPRISINGLY ENOUGH 2 of these 3 goals are either in progress or very obtainable ive been saving a tunna cash and i can get a new car next month after i get my license renewed and ive found this cute little studio that i can maybe move into if i get help co-signing it, then ill just camp out there until my loans are paid off in 50000 years

the last one though.,,,,its so weird. the like. burning fervor to date someone long term kinda slugged me in the back of the head! ive always WANTED a nice relationship but it was never a PRIORITY to me bc i had video games or whatever. these new feelings made me realize ive been living my life like. entirely for myself which is FINE but my standards for myself (combined with how ADHD made me content with literally anything as long as it was easy) make me like. gutter trash tier as a partner, i think. essentially as i am now, unless the other person is equal parts deranged and shitty, im utterly unlovable which is like. tough tits i guess. but if im honest about it i can at least try to change it. part of me is conflicted; if i have to change myself to become more datable, is the person really dating me, or am i just creating a false persona to get conditional love. its a scary thought but at the same time im not really changing MYSELF past getting in shape and taking care of my skin, its more im giving up on being a dopamine addicted manchild and getting my own apartment. with my own car and stuff...these are actually just completely normal goals to have and i already wanted them i just kinda have new motivation for it lmao!

you cant just force a relationship and theres no way im attracting the hoes to me in my shitty room, so i think i need to??? go??? outside??? and hang out with ppl??? utterly mortifying but when i get my car next month i think i can actually do that. id like to make more irl friends as well, i had a bunch of friends in college so. i guess ill go to more smash locals or something but outside of that sigh sigh i have no idea.

these major revelations have all hit me in like the past 2 weeks, since i started my medication and the dosage was upped, i have a lot of work to do and not that much time to do it, really!!!! i hope i can become someone like. worth keeping around in a few months time...!!! the pieces are there i just need to like, put them together....



i could write a whole thing on how mad i am that it took me so long to get medicated and how fast i became a Normal Person after being on meds but like idk that line of thinking doesnt help anybody...!! i accomplished so much even with my debilitating ADHD and now i can do so much more with a mindset that can actually handle the shit neurotypical people expect me to be able to do, considering how im literally good at everything, combined with how ive managed to survive this long with almost no real help from irl people (seriously ive gotten more assistance from my online friends than literally anybody in my family both financially and emotionally) means that me WITH medication is gonna go absolutely insane. im going to be like ultra rich this time next year, probably LMAO....or at least have a boyfriend AURHUFG



anyway if u read this for some reason i love u and also give me ideas on going out and meeting people, i think i can hold a conversation just fine but where do people even GO. do you guys think ppl at bars or whatever know about disgaea. hmmm.

[dialovers-translations]

Long ask ahead lol but I just got out of a Covid phase, my first time catching it, and my experience with the smell/taste loss was kind of weird. I can tell that everyone experiences the symptoms in a different way and to different degrees, unfortunately nothing is set in stone with this illness.

Personally, I only lost smell/taste on the third day after starting to notice symptoms (in my case, fever and severe body ache came first), and then I couldn't smell nor taste anything, and I noticed when I couldn't notice that my cats' litter needed a change lol. I had a congestion/stuffy nose as well (in fact, I still have it, but less that before), but the loss of smell and taste was absolute for two days before it slowly came back later, with or without congestion. I had a hard time eating w/o taste too, plus the overall sick feeling made me lose some appetite.

The best I can describe my experience is that it was like eating textures. Noodles were some soft slimy texture, crackers were a hard dry one, nothing had any flavor, no matter how much I'd season it. However, here's where it gets weird: I could still feel the kind of flavor they had if it was strong enough, without noticing the flavor itself (?). Like if I ate something salty, like potato chips, I could tell it was salty, as if my taste buds reacted the way they do to very salty flavors. But if it wasn't because I was looking at the potato chip, it didn't taste like potato chip, and it could as well be a teaspoon of salt, because it was the same feeling. No taste, just my taste buds reacting to salt and making my mouth feel like it had salt in it, without tasting the salt. If I seasoned something with salt (or something likely) I felt nothing.

It's similar with sweet flavors. I didn't taste any sweetness, even fruits were tasteless. But I'm guessing that since I love sweets, that's why I could feel my mouth getting more watery at sweet things, although I, myself, had no clue what it actually tasted like. Could be sugar, candy, chocolate, and it was all the same. And again, a soft sweet drink was tasteless. It's like my taste buds were on but muted or at a very low volume, lmao.

And it came back two days later, slowly, and by the next day I was able to smell and taste normally again, although I started having other symptoms instead. Today I fully recovered smell and taste, but I'm still with a small congestion and a cough every now and then, because I'm more short of air than before, and they say it could last some more weeks.

I hope it goes easy on you, make sure to stay hydrated and get lots of rest. I'm guessing that it depends on its severity and viral charge to determine how bad (and how many) the symptoms are, plus previous health conditions and such. But it's still hard to find two people going through it the same way, or recovering at the same pace. Take care and stay safe!

Aah, thank you so much for the input! Your experience is kind of similar to mine in the sense that I had other symptoms before I lost my smell and taste. :3 Knowing that it returned fairly soon is kind of a relief though.

In my case it also isn't as severe to the point where I can't taste or smell anything at all. I just need to really get my nose in there to smell something while otherwise I would be able to smell it from a distance. I can still distinguish tastes as well, but I need to really concentrate and they're not as intense either.

Right now, I've been craving stuff like toasted bread (because of that CRUNCH) and apples because they're juicy, crisp and slightly tart, which is one of the flavors I can still taste best. Also vanilla yoghurt with granola still tastes pretty good too. The yoghurt is refreshing and the granola adds texture so it doesn't feel like eating gloop.

On the flip side...I've always been a wuss when it comes to spicy food so maybe this is my chance to order some Indian or Thai food and actually be able to eat it lol. (Then die from cramps afterwards as IBS kicks my ass)

[the-woild-is-y-erster]

ok since @watch-me-stand-watch-me-run was the one who asked this is mostly for you but like

gather round the campfire, children

cw/tw violence, abuse, child abuse, might add more after

this is gonna be really really long lol hold on to your butts, brochachos

ok so his given name was micheal sauveterre, his family wasnt nobility, but they werent poor either. he was born in 1883, and is sixteen when the strike starts.

no word of a lie, i cannot for the life of me decide if i want him in the livesies or 92sies-verse, so i kind of just go back and forth in my head lol

so he grew up in a pretty well off family, but his parents were severly abusive. they would beat him and his brother, telling them they deserved it for being ungrateful. his older brother spencer was the favorite child, always got the special privileges. they both did well in school, until micheal was 12. his brother went off to a fancy college in virginia, and he was left alone with his parents. his dad tried to make nice by teaching micheal self defense and giving him a switchblade with his initials on it. one night, micheal snapped, finally having enough with his parents abuse, and ran away. he lived on the streets for a year, joined a circus that was in town as a acrobat and knife thrower, but didn't go with the circus when they left.

shortly after the circus, micheal was left starving on the streets again, and had to steal food to survive. snyder caught him, but micheal slipped away. in the chase, snyder grabbed him and gave him the scar on his face, taking him to the refuge for a few months after.

a manhattan newsie (havent decided who, maybe skittery or blink) saw him on the streets and offered him a job. manhattan was too close to where micheals parents lived, so he asked if there was anywhere else he could get a job.

the newsie told him about all the distribution gates for all the papers, and all the different boroughs. the leader of queens at the time (i didnt know who it actually was in the show so hes an oc ig too) Crush, was an ass and treated his boys like dirt, so micheal made his way over to queens.

crush refused to let micheal sleep in the lodging house at first, so he just hung around, watching. after a week or two of being there, he and the newsie who acted as queens' medic, Jade, came up with a plan to overthrow crush. long story short, crush found out, tried to shoot micheal in an alley, hit his side, and micheal walked out with a brand new pistol, not to mention title.

he hated his old name, so he changed it to Ezekiel, Eel for short. crowning himself the King of Queens, and a new era of ruling came along.

sketch break lmao (i love this one sm)

ok so he became really close friends with manhattan newsies, despite being on the other side of the bridge from them. might have had a teeny tiny crush on spot, but once he saw race did too he immediately started trying to get sprace together lol

jack takes him to see medda, and she takes one look at him and goes "hmm, this boy needs a mother figure" and takes him under her wing. once she learns abt his time at the circus, she offers to let him be in some of her shows for some extra money.

he only wears the tutu outfit sometimes, mostly to make the guys laugh, but he likes the makeup and he really enjoys the stage, but would never leave queens fully, so medda's is mostly just for fun and when he needs to de-stress.

his second is named Shoe (another oc lmao) Shoe's real name is Harvey, but he only lets Eel call him that, and thats mostly only when hes in trouble lol

i dont have any sketches of shoe yet but i will i prommy<3

eel and shoe are dating<3 and the flushing lodging house's owner has basically adopted them. her name is Eden, shes italian, and she taught eel italian along with his french from his family, but they only speak it in private because people werent really accepting of 'foreign' things

anyway if i remember anything else ill put it later

yeah! thats eel/zeke, i love him dearly<3

[pink-booty-butts]

🥮 🍘 🍙 (also ur great thank u for ur time)

Omg anon thank you so much for responding!! And omg you're the sweetest!! You're great too anon!! I bet you're amazing and wonderful!! <33

🥮 Do you have any writing milestones you're working toward?

Ooh this is such a great question!! When I first started writing fanfiction for this blog, my goal was to post one fic a week. I've definitely slacked on that, especially since I got discouraged a while ago and haven't written in a hot minute (i'm so sorry guys!!). But one of my goals is to hopefully get back to that! I'm going to attempt to ease back into that so I don't burn myself out, but watch me post like 5 billion fics over spring break lmao

One of my other goals, I suppose this is more short term, is to hopefully post a fic for each of the boys I haven't written for once I finish the requests in my inbox! I'm hoping maybe this will make things more interesting for you guys, or maybe encourage a bit more interaction? Not to sound like an attention whore but highkey I LOVE talking to you guys cos you're all awesome!! So I'm really hoping if I add more variety to my content, you guys will enjoy it more and maybe feel more comfortable saying stuff!

🍘 Is there a fic or idea for a fic that you've abandoned?

Yeah definitely!! I wouldn't say they're abandoned necessarily because I do intend to go back and finish all of them at some point, but currently I have like 3 Ariel fics in my WIP folder where I kinda wrote myself into a corner and I abandoned them because I didn't know how to keep the story going haha. I also have one for Jamie and a chronically ill reader which I wrote before Lying in Laundry, but at the time I thought it was a little awkwardly written so I ended up scrapping it and writing that fic instead. After re-reading it honestly I think it's not that bad and I kinda wanna post it, but I probably need to change some bits I ended up using in Lying in Laundry so they're more different!

As for fic ideas, probably the only one that comes to mind is one on my ideas list about the Reader sending Jamie articles about having a massive dick (lmao hear me out before you judge me!!). That idea was born from seeing articles that literally had titles like "my dick is too big and it ruined my life". There's also a tv special on Channel 4 called "my massive cock" and it's about guys who have dicks that are too big and it causes problems like finding a job and that kind of stuff (i actually haven't watched it, but tbh i probably will to get inspo for this fic lmao).

I still really wanna write something for it because I think it'd be hilarious, but I probably need to think of a bit more substance/a scenario to add to it because as it stands right now it'd probably be a super short fic if I wrote it haha. Also in the Baynton Babes server we always talk about how Jamie has the biggest dick so it seems really fitting for him :p

🍙 Is there a fic you wish had gotten more attention?

I answered this one here! But I would say the fic in the #2 spot is probably Lying in Laundry.

I assume it could be because that fic was too similar to some of the other Jamie fics I've written. I mentioned this in the other post answering these questions but I do try to re-read my fics to avoid this. I think when I was writing this one and re-reading the others I was worried it was too similar/boring, so that's probably part of why it didn't do so great haha

Also I think it probably didn't get that much attention because mentioning "chronically ill reader" in the title probably turned some people off haha. I knew that would probably happen even before I posted it, but I did try to make the reader's chronic illness not a major focal point (i think it's mentioned like once and that's it haha) so it would still be relatable to those without one so it lowkey hurt my feelings lmao </3

But I'm chronically ill and I know there's a few other people in this fandom who are as well, so even if they don't get as much attention as my other fics I will probably still post chronically ill reader fics every now and then because it's important to me for the chronic illness gang to get some representation, even if it's just on my little baby corner of the internet :p

Thank you again for your questions anon!! I appreciate you!! <3

[starjxsung]

hi hi bb! how are you?

i’m moving to the floor upstairs in my apartment complex bc they’re turning my apartment into an office! we just got that done today. but i literally just received the most frustrating news ever.

so im supposed to be doing a practicum the whole next year at a center that they assigned me. so they tell me like in may to get my practicum supervisor’s number from a former student and coordinate the schedule for my work. (this is kinda on me, i really didnt pay too much attention to texting the supervisor three months before starting). so i texted her like a week ago and she responds today saying that she’s in vacation and that if i was one of the students that she interviewed that i shouldn’t have any problems. and im like ??!? so i text my practicum coordinator bc they’re supposed to have a contract and my spot available. nobody told me anything about an interview or having to compete for my spot. and nobody knew who made the initial contact with the supervisor so i could text her back and explain the situation. and im just so frustrated at the lack of organization bc like, you’re supposed to make sure that they’re keeping my spot before assigning the center to me?? and if my spot wasn’t guaranteed you should’ve told me so i could contact them beforehand?!? bc last practicum i did, my professor introduced me to my supervisor and here they didn’t even make contact with the supervisor beforehand. so my professor is trying to work things out bc maybe imma have to change centers :))) yay i love grad school. tbh if they give me a hard time imma drop out idgaf anymore <3 and like, if they had told me that i needed to work everything out in may i would’ve done it but they just said to talk about the scheduling so it pisses me off that now my spot isn’t guaranteed (also my grad school bestie dropped out bc the program is literally trash and the coordinators gave no fucks or anything :))) gr8)

i still haven’t preordered my album but i rlly want to but i rlly shouldn’t before lolla (i probs will).

and fr i wanted to buy some new ones for lolla but decided against it bc i had to break them in. so ill be wearing my crusty ones bc they’re the best <3

pink haired seonghwa hits sooo different too </3 ik i had another ateez dream but i can’t remember it </33 i hate when that happens :(((

i love momo, she’s so bestie coded <3 i hope you’ve had such a good week!! i send you so much love <33

-🐈‍⬛

NOOOOO OH MY GOD????? This sounds legit EXACTLY what my sister is going through. She’s doing an internship next year and she was assigned a program at a center but the lack of organization is actually INSANE…. She’s had to follow up so many times about wtf she’s supposed to be doing and SO many people within the program have ended up just dropping out bc nobody communicates anything. When she first had the interview they said QUOTE “you’ll hear back from us in 1 week about whether you got the position”. And 2 months later she heard nothing, so naturally she assumed she didn’t secure the internship and she was crying like every single day trying to scramble to find something else. I finally pushed her to just reach out and be like heyyy wtf is the status of this… and they were basically like “oh yeah you got the job we thought someone reached out to you already”. She starts in August officially but no joke EVERY checkpoint for this internship has been a nightmare of what she’s supposed to be doing. No communication, no scheduling, everybody’s magically on vacation when she reaches out. She has to chase after them like she’s doing THEM some kind of favor by remembering they have a new fuckin intern. What a joke lmao

I am so so so sorry the same thing seems to be happening to you :( I am manifesting everything in my SOUL that you’re able to still have the position secured (my sister was able to after 2 months, so there’s hope !!) but it’s so beyond FUCKED that they didn’t tell you any of this before. People wonder why these positions aren’t filled more and then they treat people within that field of work like this…. yeah I sure wonder the fuck why everyone’s quitting 🤨

Hoping so hard for you bby :( my sister’s having a hard time being excited for lolla bc she’s so stressed about all of it and I don’t blame her (or you) for being so frustrated with all of this. I really really hope everything turns out okay. And if it doesn’t, I have no doubt you’ll still be able to secure something else at another center. Most everyone in my sister’s class had issues with their practicum but they ALL got something in the end and lived to tell the tale. I’m sure you will too 🤞💓

Sending you so much love from me and the lil fluffy kid (who got a new collar this week and it’s purple !! I’ll post pics when I get it on her) we love u very much and we’re always rooting for u 💖🫶💝🩷💘 also I hope moving’s going okay and I’m manifesting more Ateez dreams for u always. Love u bby :(