#maybe ill at least TRY to plan or write it some day...

[tryingahandinholdingapen]

I kind of want to either write or read a time travel fix-it fic where it's Tobirama who travels back in time - BUT it's not Tobirama's POV. He's only a side character. It's mainly focused on Madara and Hashirama. Occasionally Mito, Izuna, Touka

This post got real fucking long so here's a read more

Just a really funny fic where you never quite get to see what Tobirama is doing, because he's not the POV character and the other characters don't know/don't pay attention to what he's up to. But like he is doing important stuff yk he's taking advantage of that future knowledge

For example:

Madara and Hashirama meeting at the river. They've figured out/confessed to their respective clans and are discussing peace and who in their clan might or might not support them

Madara asks about Tobirama and Hashirama is like "Hm? Tobirama? Honestly I don't think he cares about the Senju-Uchiha war at all. He's far too occupied with his own war against the mold youkai."

"....The what?"

(It's not too obvious from Hashirama's POV that Tobirama keeps sneakily fucking up Zetsu's machinations, but what's significantly more difficult to ignore is that Tobirama is increasingly getting ambushed by White Zetsu drones ('mold youkai') - that he eliminates with extreme prejudice and alarming fury)

Just, stuff like that. Main plot is making peace, focused on most of the main family EXCEPT Tobirama (who is otherwise occupied and is thus rarely focused on much) and possibly Izuna. So it's all stuff about battles between the Senju and Uchiha, probably having to deal with internal issues as well (Butsuma/Tajima? Elders? Coup/assassination attempts?) and plotting how they could possibly get peace, it's stuff like negotiating with the Uzumaki + Mito's marriage to Hashirama, it's the Uchiha having to deal with one of their allied clans turning on them (barely noticed sub-plot during this where Tobirama is trying to prevent/rectify the sabotage Zetsu did to the Uchiha's fancy tablet), it's about planning for their eventual village (Hashirama finds notes on plumbing on his desk, written in Tobirama's hand - when the fuck did he have time for that? where did he even learn about plumbing?), it's about trying to get the Daimyo on side, it's about all the politics of trying to get other clans to move into the village too, it's about ah fuck bloodline thieves discovered there were plans for a shinobi village in the works and are doing a frantic attempt to kidnap/'harvest' as much as possible before the bloodline clans are too protected in the planned village so now we have to deal with this fucking trafficking ring...

The sub-plot is an Tobiizu fic where Izuna is (correctly) CONVINCED that Tobirama is Up To Something, and (incorrectly) decided it's malicious to the Uchiha et al, and has taken it upon himself to investigate and Stop Tobirama's Evil Plans At All Costs

Longsuffering Tobirama is far too busy for Izuna's bullshit. He's attempting to prevent/stop/counteract Zetsu's machinations, he's trying to kill Zetsu, he's trying to destroy the big old statue (yk the one I mean, idk what it's called, if it has a name), he's trying to make sure the bijuu are all safe and Won't get sealed into jinchuuruki OR the aforementioned statue...

(he gets distracted for a bit with a side project wherein he decides actually it would be really funny for him to convert the cave the big statue was in, into a place for the kyuubi to hang out. that takes him quite a while since he has to run Zetsu out (so many White Zetsu drones...), destroy the statue, alter the place accordingly, and then find and convince the kyuubi that actually this is a great idea - without the kyuubi just fucking eating him)

...he's trying to make life easier for Madara and Hashirama (oh, Butsuma died from a mysterious illness right before he could enact his incredibly stupid plan against the Uchiha? damn. what a shame. anyway-), he's having to reinvent everything he remembers from last time he lived through this shit because whilst some of those jutsus/techniques/inventions (cough, Edo Tensei, cough) aren't strictly necessary, some of them are VERY MUCH NEEDED

That takes. So much time. Luckily Tobirama doesn't have to do all the research over again, since he remembers it and it's incredibly unlikely anyone will call him out on it (....except Mito with regards to certain seals. he very begrudgingly does research and writes notes and invents plausible-mistakes-that-could-have-been-a-first-attempt) so for the most part he can skip straight to inventing or writing out the final project/knowledge

Some of Zetsu's machinations are incredibly annoying to counter, actually. Like at some point the blasted weed installed/had nearly installed a puppet ruler in Land of Water which, what? Why? Urgh

(Please imagine the absolutely incredible amounts of suspicion and incredulous disbelief and paranoia etc that Izuna is aiming Tobirama's way once he (eventually) discovers that the 'White Demon' is seemingly MESSING WITH POLITICS RE: WHO RULES A FOREIGN NATION?!?!?! is nobody else seeing this!! Izuna is NOT CRAZY look at this bullshit somebody needs to stop him-!)

So long story short Tobirama has a LOT on his plate and he is so so incredibly stressed. Somebody help this man. None of this shit is helped by the fact that

a) Zetsu realised very rapidly that someone was fucking with his plans, and promptly started trying to kill Tobirama off, or failing that, sabotage Tobirama's plans in turn

(thus the years long and increasingly violent 'war against mold youkai' that starts when Tobirama is like, ridiculously young, and Hashirama casually mentions to Madara)

b) Izuna. Just, Izuna. He's fucking obsessed with Tobirama (why) and also the most paranoid person ALIVE it sometimes seems, and he just, won't stop, sticking his nose in Tobirama's business, how does he seem to be fucking EVERYWHERE doesn't he have anything else to do it's not like Izuna even knows the shadow clone jutsu how is he doing this why-

(Izuna like. What could possibly be more important to my rival than ME. And anyway he can't possibly be doing anything GOOD so it's for the best I intervene really this is entirely altruistic-)

c) amongst all this, Tobirama still has to somehow maintain at least a vague, plausibly deniable, belief that he's like. A regular person, involved in only normal things. Because if anyone finds out what he's really doing, or what Zetsu really is, or that he's from the future (IZUNA GET YOUR NOSE OUT OF-), then that introduces just. SO MANY new moving parts and this is already fucking complicated enough as it is, alright? Yeah yeah yeah teamwork makes the dream work, two heads are better than one, etc, but this is essentially a war of information and manipulation between Zetsu and Tobirama and when your main power is info+manipulation the fucking LAST thing you want is more moving parts + more people who could leak info/know your info/unintentionally fuck up your (future) knowledge. No. As much as possible he has to do this on his own. Which means he needs to act like he's doing nothing at all. Actually spend time with his family, be seen running normal missions sometimes, help in clan matters, attend the Senju-Uchiha battles when relevant...

Which is all really really hard when there's only so much time in the day. And Zetsu doesn't have to worry about 'spending time with family' or anything so any time Tobirama spends doing that instead of working towards destroying Zetsu's shit is-

(thank fuck Tobirama still remembers how he invented shadow clones, is all he can say. thank fuck for that)

Over time Tobirama increasingly gets a handle on his terrifyingly long to-do list, which means that 'Izuna is being really annoying and following me almost all the time' moves up his priority list. Eventually Tobirama figures out that the easiest way to get Izuna to stop GETTING IN THE GODDAMN WAY is to just. Humour him. Give him attention. Yes yes you are the most important person in my life and all this inconvenient shit is just stopping me from devoting my energy to fighting you now if you could just put that lady over there under a genjutsu and- (Tobirama trying to get Izuna to help un-fuck Land of Water, it only sort of works)

At some point they fuck because Tobirama's stress levels are at an all-time high and he needs SOME sort of outlet. (Could be entirely sane+consensual (relatively. given who we're talking about) or it could be dubcon) and Izuna actually chills the fuck out for an entire ten hours afterwards. Amazing. Clearly they'll have to do this again

So they do

(yandere4yandere tobiizu for the win. Tobirama starts out normal (again, relatively, considering who we're talking about) whilst Izuna approached everything about Tobirama in a completely sideways obsessive way from the start, but Tobirama gradually starts to also get more obsessive/possessive over time. Like what do you mean the one person who has followed me unquestioningly for years and wants to kill me and kissed me yesterday and volunteered to help me fight a bijuu might LEAVE?? no. fuck you)

(Izuna with a hiraishin marker tattoo-)

anyway back to 'things even further complicating Tobirama's life':

optional letter d) Tobirama is trying so hard to seem normal and not like he's from the future or fighting an evil mold-plant-creature that wants to revive his mom from the moon. So, so hard. But alas, facts work against him

Like, I mean, imagine from an in-universe perspective. There's this guy with really weird colouring, he's known as the 'White Demon', he's better at suiton than anyone else alive and if you've seen him even SLIGHTLY try it's terrifying (think: drowning on dry land, sudden rain/storm/tsunami, blood ripped from a dozen bodies in half as many seconds-), there's? more than one of him? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE and he's so fucking hard to kill but even when you kill him he just. doesn't. die. (friendly reminder that Tobirama is abusing shadow clones like nobody's business in an attempt to stay on top of his insane amount of work to do -> yk, the jutsu he invented, that doesn't work like any other clone jutsu, and that in this timeline he has thus far told nobody about. someone destroys a shadow clone and is incredibly alarmed that theres 1) no corpse 2) the White Demon is STILL ALIVE after they KNOW they killed him?!)

There's also rumours about him fighting/negotiating with bijuu, and quite a few witnesses to his ongoing war with 'mold youkai'

The majority of people (excepting like, people he's close to in his own clan, plus Izuna and possibly a few others) aren't sure he ever sleeps or eats or drinks, and wounds don't seem to last long (healing jutsu from the future + whilst he's sleeping/eating his shadow clone(s) are still out and about)

Then there's the insane amount of knowledge and jutsu and inventions he offers-

Long story short on top of everything else, Tobirama doesn't have to deal with people knowing he's from the future or about the whole issue with Zetsu

....He DOES have to deal with basically svery person in existence being 100% convinced he's not human, though

[yok00k]

pensándote

pairing: yandere!bf!jk x reader

genre: angst, smut

summary: your boyfriend is getting more and more possessive and it's starting to affect your relationship. however, he's willing to change for the better. or you thought so.

warnings: MATURE- shower sex(rough), videotaping, jk hits it from the back, oc called jk 'daddy', ass smacking, cheeks were getting clapped, mentioned lots of sex positions, oc got slutted out, jk is lowkey/highkey toxic, sick, and unhealthy, toxic relationship, attachment issues, argument, jk is a stalker w ill behavior/action, [still in denial], open ending[there might be a next part, depending on how rough life could be], not proof read bc writing this is a silly little hobby

word count: 1,611

a/n: ho i’m back and better than ever!!! note that english is not my first language and I write for funsies>..< (this ff is inspired by rauw's pensandote) — to those who knows a lot of reggaeton bangers plz hmu for recs thx

-Llevo to' el día pensándote

“baby wait up” he calmly pleaded, trying to catch up to you. still, you continue to ignore him.

It was about to be 3 a.m. when you and you boyfriend arrived to your apartment from a girls’ night. you and your homegirls planned to have a night out to have let some loose and have fun, lots of drinks and men hitting on you being involved of course. living the city night life has been the part of your lifestyle. however it doesn’t play a huge part of your life anymore. barely anymore since you’ve established a romantic relationship with jeongguk– your suitor for six months. 

you and jeongguk had the same psychology class last year. oftentimes in that class, you’re either too tired from work or still have a hangover from the party the night before. same parties he goes to just so he can see a glimpse of you from afar, trying his best to see the best view of the entire party while trying to manage being lowkey. 

fortunately, jeongguk, who’s sitting next to you in class and also can’t help but to shift his undivided attention to how you’re struggling in some works in class. as a straight A-student and a gentleman, he frequently lends you his notes and offers you help. why? because for some  strange reason, he cares for you. 

well maybe the care is turning into an obsession. but jeongguk keeps telling himself that he’s being harmless. he simply wants to know.  he’s seen you always go out with your close friends, never with any man. on the days you’re not partying, you pick up extra shifts at a nearby coffee shop. how did he know? luck. just happened to stumble upon the shop one day. he swears it’s all coincidence. 

or at least he hopes so. 

you started to see him so often. at your work, parties, gym, or at the grocery store. again and again that you began to think that this might be destiny. each time you see him, he’s always by himself. minding his own business (or make an effort to seem like it). and it made you a little curious. how come this man doesn’t have any hoe or friends around? you frankly thought ‘maybe just his lifestyle’. one day he finally gets out of his comfort zone and asks you if you would be interested to get to know him. obviously, you’d like to know who he truly is. right?

fast forward after courting you for six months, here you are. coming home from a party with him following behind you. 

you would think that he’s going to stop. it’s unexpected and extreme for what he’s about to do next. 

and there he is, both knees on the ground. his large palms reaching for your cold hands. kneeling before you like a desperate man he is.  He knew exactly what he'd done. “please, let’s fix this”

he used to be fun. less controlling. less obsessive. less possessive. 

“oh now you wanna acknowledge the problem?” you scoffed, finding his sudden behavior ridiculous. “fix what problem? you constantly getting overly possessive and manipulative or you just randomly showing up at the party while me and my friends are in the middle of having fun? for fuck sake Jeongguk, let me fucking breathe for once.” 

you’re beyond frustrated. the upcoming finals have been stressing the shit out of you and all you need is some space to relieve stress. 

“baby, you know I’m just making sure that you’re saf–” he starts off with the excuse he always says, but you’re too quick to call him out. “following me to make sure I’m safe? you’re suffocating me.”

he has no response. he knows it’s true. he’s aware of his excessive actions. no, more like impulses. a thing he can’t control. an itch.  jeongguk can’t seem to fight these urges when he knows that there’s lots of men out there that actively hit on you. and he’s terrified, scared that they’ll steal you from his possession as if you’re his favorite toy to ever acquire. 

“I think we should just end this. it’s becoming toxic.” you stuttered under your breath, gasping a handful of your hair as you shifted your gaze on the side. ‘he’s becoming toxic’ is what you really want to say. 

“I.. I will stop. I will change. let me prove to you that I love you and I only want what’s best for you” he cries, tears slowly rolling on his porcelain face. 

“do you still have trust in me?” 

you wanted to shake your head, say no. 

tragically, your answer is yes. but the real question is will he change for the better? 

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

jeongguk is a man of his words and kept his promise.  it had been a couple months after that night and you began to notice the changes in his actions. a huge change. 

your boyfriend stops controlling you in a variety of ways. every time you let him know that you’ve got somewhere to go, all he asks for is your assurance that you’re safe and sound. as long as you’re having the best time, he’ll fully support you to whatever it is. 

some nights that you have to study and do homework, he’d restrain himself  from spamming your inbox. he understood that you have priorities and you’ll get back to him as soon as you can. and you did.

lastly, he recently became more consistent on going to the gym. it makes you extremely happy that he’s investing more time to better himself. physically and mentally. redirecting his focus onto something that’s actually more healthy for him.

 or at least that’s what you think he’s doing.

so far, so good. you feel secure that everything is working well. your relationship is doing good. 

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

—"Tú desnuda, yo dándote"

“k-koo, right there baby” you begged as he continued to drill his thick cock into you from the back. slow and deep. and oh, raw.  “don’t stop, please.” the lewd sound of your ass clapping against his pelvis echoes in the steamy bathroom. all being captured by your cell phone held by his shaky left hand.

 video taping moments like this helps jeongguk cope with his unhealthy behaviors. whenever he feels a tiny bit of jealousy running through his veins, all he has to do is watch these videos to remind himself of what he has. 

you, in whatever nastiest positions he puts you in: doggy, backshots, against the wall, cowgirl, missionary, etc. this r-rated file collection you’ve got on your phone reminds him of the chokehold he’s got you in. yes, it’s all saved on your phone, but it’s not like he doesn’t have access through your apps and social accounts, let alone your camera roll. you’re all his. no one else’s. his. solely his. furthermore, he’ll make sure that he can guarantee himself so. 

perhaps you don’t need to smoke in order to feel like you’re in heaven right now. going for the 3rd round, your boyfriend still can’t get enough of you. 

supposedly was a quick shower right after the gym session you had with him turned into a long and enjoyable one. 

“yeah? you love getting fuck like this, huh?” his cockiness is on top of the roof, he looks down to watch his veiny shaft disappear inside your pussy just for it to come out and back. he’s got the bestest view. not even a phone camera with flash on can justify that. he then props the camera on top of the toilet, leaning against the wall as it still catches both of your filthy actions. 

seeing how much you enjoy this position– bent down in the nearest sink, one hand gripping onto his wrist while the other clutches on the ceramic white sink. the whimpers coming from your skilful mouth can alone make him bust a nut. 

when he receives no reply, the hand that helps you to stay in place snakes its way to your hair, collecting a fistful before tugging it back.  

“answer, slut” he snapped, demanding an answer from you whilst he proceeds to thrusts in and out. with your eyes rolled back, you’re barely processing what he wants from you. unable to even utter a single proper syllable from how ecstatic he’s making you feel. Indeed, you love being treated like a slut. 

in and out. in and out. in and–

smack 

 a sudden sharp pang on your ass cheek, causing you to moan loudly.  “c’mon my love, you’re still with me. right?” he asks, increasing his pace faster. rougher. 

“hmm y-yea, love the way you feeel” you desperately murmured, still clouded by the glorious dick he’s giving you. 

“m-more,” a single word from you is all that your man needs to hear to continue drilling onto you. rough yet with love. 

“almost there,  daddy” your breath hitches, still struggling to speak.  on the other hand, your words made the man pounding into you even crazier than he already is. he began to notice the signs that you’re about to reach your peak as your walls desperately clenched around him. 

he abruptly comes to a stop. pulls out completely from you, resulting in you to release a whine. 

jeongguk manhandles your fragile body, turning your body to face him. he pats the side of your thigh, insisting you to jump and wrap your  legs around his waist.

“want you to look me in the eyes when you come.” he orders, slowly penetrating into you once again, while being face-to-face with you at the same time. 

 just like his destructive actions filled with obsession, he’s not stopping anytime soon,

is he?

<want to read more? : my m.list>

[boobav]

Viktor this season has rlly inspired me. I hope you all enjoy the various drabbles :) I'll try write more here.

The first time you met Viktor, you recall, the sun was shining.

The meeting was perfectly ordinary. Not even a meeting, really, seeing as you learnt his name a week later.

With a cool breeze, you ate your lunch in silence, head held to the sun as though a flower in bloom. You closed your eyes, breathed deep. Meditative perfection.

And when you reopened them, he was there.

Half-frozen in the doorway, he gazed at you with what seemed like surprise, at the time. Later you'd learn that he was, from his own words, mesmerised.

"Professor." He'd said in polite greeting, looking away. You smiled, but he left the way he came before any conversation could commence.

The next meeting, he was the one sat outside, silently pondering something. You'd found his expression of concentration endearing beyond words. The furrow of his brows, the occasional, unconscious movement of his lips. The way his eyes lit up when they landed on you.

The weather that afternoon, when you'd strolled over to properly introduce yourself to the man, was similarly bright. A perfect blue running across the sky. A songbird somewhere unseen, and the breeze defined by its almost supernatural ability to alleviate.

You weren't superstitious, nor did you believe in signs, an elusive, irrational concept. But with his presence offering as much warmth as the sun, with the way his eyes ran nervously from yours only to return, bound by some societal principal of politeness, with the way he tested your name on his tongue that cloudless day, you thought maybe there really was something to the concept. Some sign leading you to him.

"How about we get lunch sometime?" You hadn't exactly thought the offer out. But his smile alone was quick to convince you of the idea.

"Of course," Viktor said, "are you... free now?"

"I think I had something planned, but I seem to have forgotten all about it..."

-

For a few months, then, you re-learnt what it meant to be alive.

To meet someone so perfectly in tune with your every move seemed fantastical, seemed like a sign. You spent free weekends not hunched over a desk, stressed beyond articulation, but with Viktor. You learnt of his work, learnt of the pure brilliance that bloomed at the mere touch of his hands.

And you learnt every contour of those hands. Pressed your lips into the palms, into every scar and cut. A fleeting remedy, but one he grew unable to live without. For he, too, had to re-learn what it meant to be alive.

He felt astoundingly undeserving of what you seemed so willing to provide. More than love, but adoration. Something almost approaching worship. He felt the weakness of his own body so acutely with yours pressed against it, so terribly perfect. Whatever scar or mark you seemed to mention in distaste, he loved. He thought, maybe, that you were some kind of sign. That things would get better. That the traitor he called a body would recover or, at least, stop wilting away.

But nothing changed. Not really.

Learning of his illness wasn't a shock, because it wasn't a secret. Jayce mentioned it to you often. The real shock came on slow. Like a spider taking it's time to crawl up your spine. As the months passed, the extent of its deteriorating effect showed itself. Viktor's heart, weak against your own. The bags under his eyes darkening further, his pale skin sinking pallid.

Happiness, by some twisted measure or other, seems to run from its owner more often than not.

You think you're living in a state of euphoria, a state of perfection for so long, the way we were supposed to exist. You feel as though nothing could break this film of joy over your life, that you're somehow exempt from reality.

But you're not.

Overtime, Viktor shut himself off. He spent more and more time in the lab. He had very little to say. When you broke down, the only consolation he could offer was a quiet apology, mumbled from across the room.

You dreamt of consolation. Every night, from then on. Endless fields of restorative ideas. Endless ways to make him feel better, to be there for him even if he found the idea ludicrous.

Because why would you waste your time with him? He knows you're better off somewhere else, stretched out in the warm weather without a burden as heavy as him on your back. The pillar you were in his life, crumbled by his own hand. He deemed it necessary. Convinced himself so.

But what could you do?

You could barely comprehend his struggle. How could you even begin to ease it?

This thought process kept you from physically seeking this dream of yours. A warning sign from your mind, a psychological guard rail which, in reality, only protected you from yourself. All these flowery ideas of reconciliation, bouquets of roses and trays of baked goods in your mind, and yet, you did nothing.

The attack on the council made sure that you'd never have the chance.

Jayce had been the one to tell you. Tell you that among the victims was the dream gifted to you every night, the man you viewed as an inseparable extension of yourself. And when you visited, stared up at whatever the hexcore was doing to Viktor, you felt an unparalleled hatred.

For yourself, for your failings and shortcomings. Every time a word came out wrong. Every time a day ended in silence.

Rising tensions, blood on the city streets. Soon, you had nothing left in Piltover besides a few shattered friends.

So you left.

-

Of course, you felt that you'd never see Viktor again.

Even if somehow he survived the critical condition he lay struggling in, you convinced yourself that he wouldn't want to speak to you. Perhaps out of self preservation. Perhaps out of genuine belief.

A knock at the door was already uncommon. And, certainly, a knock that specific. Gentle, apprehensive. You stumbled out of bed with an undeniable sense of neuroticism, convincing yourself of the knocks familiarity whilst simultaneously convincing yourself of your own delusion.

But, there he was.

Wrapped in a robe, which to you appeared regal, the blue sky beyond framing his pale face, was Viktor. A songbird carried the news, then another, but your words seemed inadequate compared to theirs.

He raises a hand to cup your face, the flesh replaced with something firm, something running with a strength he himself barely comprehends.

You place a kiss on his palm.

[fallingdownhell]

Hi it's me again 😅

Is it okay if I request something very specific and angry cause I'm bad at writing fanfics.

Well if it's okay could you do a Ayato x Reader

«Where Reader is in an arrangement marriage with Ayato but despite this fact she somehow ended up falling in love with him. But for Ayato the Marriage was nothing other than a political stunt. So when you get a sickness you keep it a secret from him until Thoma had a enough tells Ayato but before Ayato could rescue you, you had already succumbed the illness. And lay on the floor in your own pool of blood. That was the day Ayato regretted he's life decisions the most. Had he just listened to he's heart instead of his brain, just maybe you would have told him»

Is this too much to ask?

Of course! I'm so sorry I'm so late with your request. Still hope that it's what you imagined it to be. Pairing: Ayato x Reader Content: female reader; arranged marriage; unhappy marriage; Hanahaki AU; blood; major character death; unhappy ending (if I forgot to mention something, please tell me and I'll add it!) Word count: 2,1k words Requested by: @smaika Hope you enjoy<3

Catching your breath again, you stare down at the bloodied tissue in your hands, mind empty.

It's gotten even worse now. The petals, that were smeared with blood, were now also accompanied by a few thornes scattered here and there.

Now you knew where that scratchy and uncomfortable feeling in your throat came from, at least. It was those thornes, most likely.

With shaking hands, you grab the headboard of the bed, sitting down on the bed while you try to calm yourself down again. The coughing fit has gone by, but there was still blood dripping from your lips. At least you didn't stain the bed sheets, or it would probably have rosen suspicion from the housekeepers.

It has been a few weeks now since this whole thing has started. It began with just a general feeling of getting sick. Just some slight nausea and a sore throat, nothing to wrack your brain too hard about. But then the coughing started, and nothing, no medicine or whatever else you tried seemed to help against it.

And then the blood and flower petals came into the mix. When you coughed up the first red petal, you instantly realized what it was you were suffering through. Coincidentally, that was also the moment when Thoma walked in on you and figured it out, as well.

He had been worried sick about you, seeing as you didn't seem to get better at all. That day, he returned from the city with a new medicine he had planned on giving to you, but when he walked in and saw you, hunched over the sink in the bathroom, blood and bloodied petals in there, it didn't take him long to figure it out.

He was already halfway out the room, hellbent on telling the Master of the estate, and your husband. But you begged him not to, pleaded to him to keep it between the two of you.

Thoma did not understand your reasoning behind this request, but he saw the desperation behind your eyes, and he just couldn't bring himself to act against your wishes. Because no matter the professional relationship you two had, you were also friends. And he just couldn't betray a friend like that.

So he reluctantly agreed, promising you not to tell a word about this to Ayato. But that didn't mean that he wouldn't still go out and try to find a cure for you.

And here you were now, weak and sick, sitting on the bed you shared with your husband and contemplating how you got to this point in your life. But deep down, you already knew how this all came to be, and also, how this whole thing would end..

Your marriage with Ayato was by far not the happy fairytale you had always dreamed it would be. The arrangements of the marriage had been taken care of years prior, without any of you two having a say in it in the first place.

You did only get to meet Ayato a total of three times before you were married of to him. And despite all those facts, you couldn't bring yourself to mind it all that much. The Ayato you got to know over the course of those few meetings was a kind and gentle one, respectful of your wishes, although a bit too caught up in matters of work and politics.

It didn't take much for you to actually fall in love with him. A few nice words and compliments from him, a nice gesture there and you were head over heels for him. And then seeing how kindly he treated his staff and his sister only sealed the deal for you.

You couldn't wait to get married to him and recieving that same loving and respectful treatment from him as his wife, looking forward to the days that would be ahead of you, together with him by your side as your husband.

What you didn't expect however, was the complete turn he did one the marriage ceremony was dealt with.

Every time you tried to engage in conversation with him, trying to get to know your husband better, he would shut you down or just flat out ignore you. Every time you tried to touch him, even as innocent as laying a hand on his shoulder to get his attention, he would push you away from him.

You were attending social events with him, though he never held your hand and didn't bother to keep you around him. You slept in the same room together, in the same bed even, and he has never made a move on you even once this entire time.

Often times, he comes to bed long after you've already fallen asleep and is already awake again by the time you get up in the morning. At first you brushed it off as him being crowded with work, or even a bit shy about this new arrangement. However, since his behaviour towards you never changed, you couldn't help but begin to think that there was an actual intent behind it. Wether that was because he didn't like this marriage, or you specifically, you couldn't tell, because he wouldn't talk to you.

But you were certain that those events are what led you to your current situation at hand.

Hanahaki disease..

A disease stemming from unrequitted love towards another person. One that would kill the affected person if those feelings were not returned.

No one really knows how this disease came to be and there wasn't really much that could be done about it, either. Once affected with it, there were only really a few ways to handle this situation.

One. You could simply do nothing at all, but that would lead to your certain death.

Two. There were surgeries available, though these procedures are still very much experimental, and a huge side effect would be loosing any and all feelings towards the person that the affected one had feelings for in the first place.

Or three. You could tell Ayato about your predicament. But knowing him by now, he wouldn't care about it, which would only result in you nearing your end sooner.

You appreciated Thoma for going out there and trying to find some form of other cure, but you and him were both well aware that there wasn't any. He was reaching for solutions that just weren't there.

You had briefly considered the option of undergoing such an experimental surgery, but ultimately decided against it. It just didn't feel right to you, staying married to a man that you wouldn't feel anything for. No joy, happiness, sadness.. nothing. But, were you really ready to give your life for him...?

A moment later, your train of thoughts got interrupted by the opening door of your bedroom, a familiar blonde head poking through the opening. You looked at Thoma, who carefully entered the room and closed the door behind him, kneeling down in front of you.

He looked at the bloodied tissue in your hands, noticing the thornes mixed in there.

"It got worse..", were his quietly spoken words. You couldn't muster a respone, only a small, weak nod. Thoma then gently pulled the tissue from your graps, throwing it in the trash, before he returned to your side.

"I'll help you lay down. You need to rest, (Name)."

You just nodded again, not having the energy to argue with him right now. He helped you to lay down on the bed, a warm hand brushing over your forehead and almost immediately after that, you blacked out from pure exhaustion.

........

Thoma has had enough. He had no idea why you were so hellbent on not telling Ayato about your condition, but he couldn't take it anymore. Even if it meant breaking his promise to you, he could no longer just stand by and watch his friend wither away and die while he could do nothing about it.

If there was a chance that all this could be fixed, he just had to take the risk now. He's waited far too long already, the guilt eating away at him more and more with each passing day.

Quick, determined footsteps echoed from the halls as the blonde aimed for the office of the head master of the Yashiro commission, knowing that he usually locks himself in there the entire day to get his work done.

Out of pure politeness, Thoma still knocked, though he did not wait for an answer from his Lord this time around. Instead, he swiftly opened the door and entered the room, quickly closing the door behind him again as to not cause too much attention from the other staff.

Ayato, sitting at his table, hunched over many papers, did not even look up when the blonde went and stood right in front of the desk.

"Did something important come up, Thoma?", he asks, though the tone in his voice is void of any actual interest in his answer.

"Yes, my Lord. It's about (Name)."

At this, Ayato sighed heavily, dropping his pen and squinting his eyes, rubbing his temples like the topic brought him great pain.

"Look, I know what you want to say, but we've been over this. It was an arranged marriage that was mutually agreed upon by both our parents. Just because she's my wife does not mean-!"

"She's dying, Ayato!", Thoma interrupted him and that sentence quickly shut the Commissioner up. Would he not have been so shocked over the statement itself, he would have been shocked about the untypical rude behaviour displayed by Thoma right now.

"..What do you mean by that?", he asked instead after a few beats of pure silence, in which Ayato tried to comprehend what was just said to him.

"Exactly that. (Name) is dying if you don't get up and finally talk to them about everything. I know you like to tell yourself that you don't feel anything for her and that you're keeping her out of things, but you're just making it worse for her.

I.. I don't think she can make it much longer."

Ayato wanted to laugh. Surely, this was all just a cruel joke the both of you decided to play on him, maybe your newest strategie to get him to pay attention to you. But this is Thoma standing in front of him. He doesn't joke about this kind of stuff.

Realizing now how dire the situation must be, Ayato quickly got up and headed towards your shared bedroom, where Thoma told him you were resting at the moment. The sooner he got this all handled with, the better.

Soon after, he stood infront of the bedroom door, gently knocking on it. He didn't want to startle you in case you were still sleeping in there. When no response came, he gently slid the door open, only to freeze in shock because of the scene that played out in front of him.

There you were, laying on the floor, your body pale and almost lifeless, as a puddle of blood was next to your head, blood still dripping from your lips.

"(Name)!" Without even realizing what he was doing at first, Ayato rushed right over to your side, turning you to your back. When you didn't show any reaction however, he began shouting for help while tears began to form in his eyes..

This couldn't be happening..

Not like this...

He didn't even notice when Thoma and a bunch of other people, who had also heard his desperate shouting, entered the room. They were gathering around you, Thoma frantically dropping down and searching for a pulse from you.

And Ayato knew..

He knew that you were gone, even before he saw that sad look in Thoma's eyes and the slow, little, almost unnoticable shake of his head.

But... this had to have been just a dream, right? A nightmare, that he's going to wake up from soon.

Surely, this wasn't really happening... he couldn't just have lost you like this..

He thought he was doing the right thing by keeping you at a distance, keeping you out of the dangers that dealing with certain people does involve. He didn't want for you to corrupt like him, to stay your pure and unapologetically kind self.

To know now that this was the wrong decision, that he basically killed you himself...

He should have just induldged you, talked to you, treating you like he should have, like you really were his wife..

Maybe then all of this wouldn't have happened..

Maybe then, you'd still be alive right now...

But now it's too late. And all he could do right now, is to hold you in his arms, right here with Thoma, and mourn the way things went...

[milunalupin]

hello !!   I just found your page, and your work is very good! If you’re willing to, I thought I would ask if you could write an Ominis x FMC piece where the FMC is actually a major fan of history and tends to go on a hyperfixiated rant whenever she’s asked about it, but seeing how many people don’t care for the subject, especially Ominis, she feels embarrassed and stops midway. With that, maybe you could incorporate ominis comforting her? or possibly him trying to seem engrossed in the subject to impress her?

thank you for your request, i hope you like it ! :)

— mon amour, mon ami

ominis gaunt x reader ★ 535 words

If you asked any of the students at Hogwarts, they would say that History of Magic was their least favorite class. That would be because of Professor Binns, whose constant droning on did nothing but put the class to sleep. A midday lesson would keep you drowsy for the rest of the day. Not that History of Magic was a particularly boring subject, but the professor enjoyed talking about his own past too much to really learn anything.

You were the exception.

Despite doing quite well academically, even Ominis couldn't fight against the way his eyes fell shut during the ghost professor's draining lectures. He doesn't understand how you can stay bright eyed and upright during them.

"Tell Sebastian he should be more careful. Him and that friend of his have been in the Hospital Wing more times than I can count. They're one dragon claw away from getting sent to St. Mungo's." you had told him one day, sitting side by side in the Transfiguration Courtyard. "Speaking of, they should be careful with dragons, in general. We just learned about Dragon Pox you see, and Professor Binns said..."

Ominis smiled to himself, wondering how you could work on your Divination essay, the Arithmancy extra credit work, and in the nicest way possible, prattle on about your History of Magic lesson.

If it was your lovely voice speaking to him, perhaps the dangers of Peruvian Vipertooths and ancient illnesses would interest him more.

Ominis kept rubbing his eyes, having stayed up last night studying. He didn't make it to breakfast that morning, needing to sleep in, so you were catching him up on Sebastian's latest adventure. The dumb sod tried to clear a whole mountain troll den on his own, his plans on finding a rare plant having failed. This woke him up, he could put his newly acquired knowledge to use.

"You know what else failed?" Ominis piped up, switching his wand between his clammy hands, "The Werewolf Code of Conduct that was developed in 1637. It's a shame that no one felt safe enough to reveal themselves as werewolves and sign it."

"Very true. You know, my cousin knew a girl whose uncle was a werewolf and- hey-" you brows knitted together, turning "How did you know?"

"Last week's lesson."

"Obviously it was last weeks lesson, but you hate History of Magic!"

He chuckled nervously, "It's been growing on me."

"Ominis that's wonderful!" you gasped, both hands coming to hold onto his arm. "You know, I was talking to Professor Binns the other day and we're going to have a project on wandlore in a few weeks. We could partner up and get started on it early!"

His heart rate picked up as you squeezed his arm with excitement, nodding in agreement because he could never say no to you.

"Perfect! I was thinking we could go to Ollivander's and ask for some samples of the different types of wand wood. I also already started researching wand wilting, and Stella from Potions said she'd let me take a look at hers since it's hazel wood! Did you know..."

No, he laughed inwardly. Ominis had no idea about what you were rambling on about.

[my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction]

Private Dances [1]

Club!Blue Jones X F!Reader • Rating: 18+ pals Masterlist• ao3• want to be tagged? • ko-fi • request info • series masterlist •

A/N: A MASSIVE HUGE THANK YOU TO THE WONDERFUL, AMAZING, STUNNING @lonelyisamyw-0love for not just being one of the kindest and best people ever, but also for tipping me on ko-fi! Here is a little gift for you 💚

(Also, I'm so sorry this became more than one part.)

Warnings: overuse of italics, sub!Blue, choking, biting, a little blood, hand job, there's some power dynamics in here because reader is a dancer (but like Blue is getting his ass handed to him), swearing, badly proofread, please let me know if I've missed a warning.

Word Count: 2680

________________________________

The Best Room in the House

The best course of action was to stay out of his way, really. That had been your plan so far at least. 

Avoid his attention like Perseus circumvented Medusa’s glare. Keep your head down. Don’t make a fuss. Stay relatively quiet and blend into the background as much as possible. 

Being a back up dancer helped. All you had to do was make sure you kept in time with the other girls, make sure the spotlight was firmly pointed on the star. And far, far away from you. 

It had all been working out quite well. That was, of course, until tonight. 

Someone always brought Blue a nightcap (well, morningcap) in the early hours of Sunday. When the club had just closed for business. 

And that someone was always one of the dancers. Crystal did it most often, or Peach. Sometimes Trixie, or Songbird, or Sweetie Pie. They were the stars. They were the ones Blue wanted to… provide him with a service. 

So how it somehow fell upon you was madness. 

Peach and Trixie were otherwise engaged. Songbird was ill. Madam Gorski couldn’t find where the hell Sweetie Pie had disappeared off to after close (something you now wished you had thought of). And Crystal… well, she wasn’t in Blue’s good books at the moment. 

You were pretty sure that you had just had the unfortunate luck of being the first person Gorski had set eyes on.

You knocked on Blue’s office door, resisting the urge to use your shoe and actually going to the effort of balancing the tray in one hand. On the tray was a bottle of expensive whiskey and a glass with those fancy chilled stones in it instead of ice cubes. Though, why go to all this effort escaped you. You were almost certain that it was just for show, and besides Blue had a drinks cabinet in his office. 

You crept in slowly when he called out for you to enter. Half-heartedly hoping that maybe you could sneak in, leave the tray and get the hell out of there before he’d even realised you’d stepped inside. 

Blue sat at his desk, a small frown on his face as he scribbled in a ledger. Presumably checking the day's takings. 

That little spark of hope grew a fraction as he continued to ignore you as you walked quietly to the side table by the sofa and set the tray down, just as you’d been instructed to. Maybe sometimes he just wanted a drink. Maybe because you weren’t one of the stars you’d get out of here scot-free. 

You pause for half a second, nervously watching Blue as he keeps writing before you turn and take a step towards the door. 

“Sit.” 

Fuck.

You turn, swallowing down the anxiousness that threatens to close your throat. 

He’s still writing, staring intently at his papers. But he gestures when you don’t move straight away, pointing to the sofa but not looking up. “There.” 

You sit down quickly, perching on the edge as if the soft blue velvet would transform into teeth at any moment. 

He keeps working, the clock in the corner ticking away the seconds. You try to breathe steadily, to match your racing heartbeat to the gentle tick, tick, tick. It doesn’t work. 

Blue sighs, an unimpressed look on his face before he glances up, his dark eyes boring into you. 

The expression disappears instantly. Replaced with a subtle bemusement. A small smile pulls at the corners of his plush lips and he tilts his head to the side ever so slightly. 

You look away quickly. Choosing to stare ahead and focus on the ornate clock. 

Blue carefully puts his pen down and closes the ledger, you can see his movements out of the corner of your eye. The precision he purposefully injects into his actions as he savours the tension. 

“You’re new.” He says offhandedly, but it’s clear he expects a response. 

You shake your head, “No, erm, a few months.” Closer to six than two, but who was counting. 

“Really?” He raises an eyebrow at you as he leans his elbows on the desk. 

You nod.

“Huh,” he pauses for an unnecessary long time. “Strange, I would have thought I would have recognised you.” 

“I’m, I’m just a back up dancer.” You shake your head, shrugging a little as you tuck your hands under your legs to hide their shaking. 

“Now, now,” he tuts playfully, “back up dancers are important. It takes a lot of skill to work in a team like that.” He smiles, the expression viper like and poised to strike. 

You nod and stay quiet. 

Blue gets up slowly, just walking around to lean on his desk and crossing his arms. “Still… odd that Gorski didn’t recommend a pretty thing like you to me.” 

You swallow. The back ups were solely handed by Madam Gorski, while she jointly oversaw the main dancers with Blue. 

“I, erm, I don’t have the coordination.” You mutter. It’s a lie. And a bad one at that. 

“Hmm.” Blue nods, seeming to consider your words for a moment. “You do any private dances?” 

Private dances. What a fucking joke. 

“Not… currently.” You say carefully. You try your best not to look directly at him, keep your gaze on the clock or the floor.

He lets your answer hang in the air for a moment. “Why?” 

Fuck. “Madam Gorski said I’m not ready yet.” Not a complete lie. Not the whole truth either. 

“Virgin?” 

Your line of sight snaps up to him in surprise and you shake your head. 

He smiles again at you. “You sure?” 

You frown at the tease, despite how hard you’re trying to not provoke him. “Yeah.” 

His expression widens into a grin. “Could’ve fooled me with how skittish you’re being.” He moves slowly, coming to sit down next to you. He leans against the sofa, placing his arm over the back. You can feel his body heat radiating off him, even though there is a sliver of space between you. 

You swallow and say nothing, staring at the floor. Perhaps this would be so much easier if he wasn’t so upsettingly beautiful. 

He tuts again playfully and lightly touches your jaw, sitting up as he turns you to face him. “There, that’s better, isn’t it?” He looks you over with a quiet examination, like he was evaluating a painting.

“I think I’ll call you Bunny,” he tests the nickname on his tongue and nods. “Yeah, that suits you, my little skittish Bunny.” 

You frown, not liking the gleam in his eyes at all. But resist the urge to pull your face away from his hold.

He strokes your cheek absentmindedly, apparently not noticing your glare. “You know what you’re here for right?” He says softly, “what’s expected of you when you’re in my office?” 

You nod. And he smiles. 

“Sometimes it’s just a quick use of your mouth,” he runs his thumb over your bottom lip. “If I’m feeling tired or… satisfied with how the day’s gone.” 

He pauses, waiting to gauge your reaction. But you school your face into neutrality. Part of you expect his annoyance at this, but instead, that glow in his eyes brightens. 

“Sometimes I bend them over my desk until they’re a screaming, crying mess.�� He runs the tip of his tongue over his lip. “Crystal likes that best, you should hear the sounds she makes, how she begs.” Despite the teasing nature of his tone, the word ‘Crystal’ still comes out harshly, barely veiled anger simmering just below the surface. 

You keep your face calm, force yourself to breathe slowly and steadily.

“What’s this?” Blue chuckles, “either my little Bunny is scared stiff, or she’s trying to be defiant?” 

Nothing, you give him nothing. 

He grins wickedly, almost giggling with glee. He shifts closer, his thigh brushing against yours. “Oh, defiance now is it? My little Bunny thinks she can be brave?” He teases, leaning closer still and lightly pinching at your jaw. “Silly thing,” he whispers, pressing his lips against your throat and you shiver. 

“I’ll make you beg.” He bites your neck, not hard enough to break the skin, but enough to pull a yelp from your tongue. 

He chuckles and something in your soul just snaps. 

You move instinctively, not even thinking your actions through as you turn. The movement looks like you are going for a kiss, but instead, you sink your teeth into his bottom lip. 

He yelps in surprise, his eyes going wide for a second. He flinches back, but is cut short by your hand around his throat. 

There’s a bead of red on his lip when you pull back, bubbling up from the very centre until his tongue darts out and Blue groans, savering the iron spreading along his tastebuds. 

You squeeze his neck ever so slightly, just boarding on the side of discomfort and Blue moans again. His eyes roll back for just a second before he quickly closes them. His breathing stutters and he gasps, mouth agape as he presses closer to you. 

You swallow, your self-preservation seemingly coming back to you in an instant. 

That move had been stupid, so, so stupid. But here Blue was… seemingly enjoying it? Submitting to you? 

All the stories and warnings you’d heard, none of them ever mentioned Blue being anything but a sadist, a control freak who needed to have power over others. 

He whines again when you squeeze a little tighter. His hand has dropped from your face to your forearm, stroking your skin softly with his thumb. 

His eyes flutter open, hazy and desperate as he looks at you from under his lashes. 

You can’t help but think he looks better like this. Sweeter. 

Perhaps it’s panic, or just the need to not give up that fragment of power you have found, but you lean forward again, keeping your grip on his neck tight and kiss him. 

His whimper is musical as your lips touch his, as your tongue pilages his mouth and forces his surrender. He starts to kiss back a little forcefully, pushing his chest into yours and you squeeze his neck hard as you bite down on his lip once more. 

He yelps, eyes flying open as you pull back, his blood on your mouth. 

You keep your hold on him tight, nearly suffocating and he doesn’t fight back, doesn’t resist just gasps and mutters a hushed, “sorry.” 

The sincerity of it is puzzling. But it still sends a flush of heat to your stomach. 

He’s breathing hard, looking at you with large doe eyes. A dusting of pink to his cheeks. He tries to keep still, practically shaking as you look him over, appraising him like cattle bound for the slaughter. 

His cock presses painfully hard against his trousers. Your eyes linger on it for a moment, how it twitches under your gaze, how Blue’s breathing increases and his heartbeat flutters under your fingers. 

Oh, this is such a bad idea. But you can’t stop yourself. 

With your free left hand, you undo the first three buttons of his shirt and pull his tie just enough that it’s hanging loose and out of your way. Then you push him back by his neck, forcing his shoulder blades against the sofa. 

He moves easily, following your command and letting out a little grunt of air as you squeeze a fraction tighter. He closes his eyes again as you kiss the nape of his neck and shoulder, just below where your fingers press. Moans loudly when your kisses turn into bites. 

“I, ah, please!” His throat bobbs under you, his hips buck upwards uncontrollably, trying to chase a friction that isn’t there.  

You growl, moving your mouth close to his ear, “shut the fuck up,” you bite a little harshly on his earlobe and can’t help the satisfaction that rages in you when he whines so prettily. 

“S-sorry,” he breathes, eyes closed tightly, tears starting to build in the corners as the sensations start to bubble over and overwhelm his every thought. 

He squirms under you as you continue to bite and suck at his neck, breaking and bruising the skin. You squeeze his neck tighter in warning every time he moves just a little too much. 

Slowly, you inch your left hand down, the angle is a little awkward, but you manage it, and pop open his trouser button before unzipping his fly. 

He whimpers again as the pressure on his cock eases, the sound turning into a high-pitched sigh as you take him in hand and pull him free of his underwear. 

“Please, fuck, please, please,” he rocks his hips up, needing the warmth of your hand, needing you to touch him so, so badly. 

But you let go the second he bucks and Blue sobs. 

You squeeze his neck hard again and he shudders. “You’re such a little bitch, you know that? Can’t even fucking control yourself and I’ve barely done anything.” You hiss into his ear. 

He moans. He knows he shouldn’t be enjoying this. Shouldn’t be rock hard and leaking and needing anything you’d give him. He should be taking. He should be in control. He should-

You squeeze the base of his cock and neck at the same time and all thoughts fly out of his head. 

You let go of his dick and hold your hand up to his face. You slap him lightly when he keeps his eyes shut. 

He whimpers in surprise. 

“Spit.” You order.

For a second he stares at you in confusion, but panics the moment you frown and quickly spits into your palm.

“Again.” 

He follows your command. 

“Again.” 

He swirls his tongue around his mouth, summoning as much salvia as he can in hopes of pleasing you. 

You don’t praise him, but you don’t ask for more. 

He whines as you take him roughly in your hand, pumping him hard and fast and not giving him a second to adjust to the sudden onslaught. His back arches, eyes fluttering closed for a second as he moans loudly, whimpering and biting at his bloody bottom lip. 

Little breathless sighs of ‘please’, echo from his chest with every thrust. 

You keep a firm hand on his neck as you work him over, hampering his movements and keeping him in place. 

To your surprise, he doesn’t even try to fight your hold at all. Let’s you press him further into the back of the sofa as your hand glides over his velvet soft skin. 

Heat starts to tighten in his stomach, twist in the base of his cock and he sobs out in pleasure. “Please, I, please kiss me,” he whines so desperately, so needily as if he would fall apart if you refused him. 

You move forward, keeping up your pace and squeezing his neck tightly as you press your lips to his. 

He whimpers into your mouth, tears leaking down his cheeks and smudging his makeup. He grabs hold of your cheek hastily, but softly, stroking your skin as if you were made of fragile china. 

His hips buck as he chases his high, licking into your mouth and kissing you for all he’s worth. 

He comes with a sharp cry, spilling himself over his shirt and your hand. 

You pump him slowly, enjoying his little after shocks and spaced out expression before you stop and pull your lips away from his, move your hand from his neck. 

Blue breaths deeply, his head foggy and mind swimming. His thoughts don’t quite make sense, don’t fall into order the way he’s used to. He can’t remember when he’s come so hard. 

Nerves sneak back into your stomach, twisting your intestines. You swallow and wipe his cum from your fingers and hand onto his thigh before you stand quickly, breathing hard. 

You leave the room quickly before he can string a coherent thought together and head back to your room. 

You ignore the roaring heat in your stomach and the ache between your legs.

____________________________________

Thank you for reading!

@pleasurebuttonwrites @raven-rk @campingwiththecharmings @alexxavicry @mystinky-butt @cocodiem @oscarisaacsspit @whatthefishh @mbakubabe @romanarose @saturn-rings-writes @boredzillenial @lonelyisamyw-0love @queerponcho @pimosworld @melodygatesauthor @steven-grants-world  @eyelessfaces @angel-of-the-moons @minigirl87 @queerponcho @lunar-ghoulie @dumdaradumdaradum @plastichearts @silver-night-m @autismsupermusicalassassin @apesarecuul @reallyrallyauthor @basicalyrandom

If you'd like to be taken off the tag list please let me know here

[hellsitedotcom]

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

*·˚ PRETEND IT'S THE FIRST TIME ft. Moze *·˚

words: ~4k

This is a "continuation" of those First Kiss headcanons I made a while ago! [Linked in my pinned post] I literally lost my mind with this, and I'm unsure how I feel about it, but I've spent too long on it to just...not post it. [Also on AO3]

warnings/info: first part of the chapter features Guinaifen as your friend; I don't think any warnings necessary? maybe some angst, but I don't want what really qualifies as angst. [Is it obvious that I never post my writing and have no idea how to tag it?]

English isn't my native language!

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

‘’Hello? Are you even listening to me?’’ 

Torn from your thoughts when someone suddenly started waving a hand in front of your face, you blinked in surprise before glancing over at the woman walking beside you, her expression a mixture of frustration and confusion. ‘’I feel like I’ve been talking to myself for the last hour,’’ Guinaifen huffed, crossing her arms while waiting for an explanation from you, ‘’Did you even catch any of the things I said?’’

‘’I’m sorry, Gui,’’ you sighed, offering her an apologetic smile before straightening up, ‘’I was just…thinking about something.’’ That was one way to explain it. You had been thinking about said ‘’something’’ for the past couple of days, and it had become apparent to anyone with a functioning pair of eyes. Even your colleagues at work had commented on your absentmindedness, given how clumsy and forgetful it had made you since…that day.

Next to you, Guinaifen shook her head, though there was no ill-intend in her reaction, ‘’I’ve noticed that much. I’m telling you, you need to work less. The stress is probably just getting to you.’’ ‘’When I picked you up this morning, I had your neighbors come up to me to ask if you were okay,’’ she sighed, staring at you, ‘’He said you haven’t left your apartment for anything but work in days. What’s going on?’’

You weren’t sure yourself, you thought. Since your transfer to the Yaoqing, your life had actually improved tremendously. You couldn’t remember the last time you were that excited and happy on the Luofu, and you hadn’t mourned your old life since. Yet recently, you felt like you were again stuck in that same everyday routine you had dreamed of escaping from back on the other flagship. And all because of one dumb, intrusive decision.

‘’I don’t know,’’ you sighed, hoping your friend wouldn’t catch the lie, ‘’It’s not work, I promise. I’ve never had a job I loved that much.’’ ‘’Maybe my subconsciousness is trying to tell me something,’’ you suggested, shrugging, ‘’I mean, it’s been a while since I was on the Luofu. Maybe I’m homesick without realizing it.’’ 

At that, the woman beside you just chuckled, throwing an arm around you to pull you into a side hug, ‘’Well, see what happens when you never visit! Huohuo and the others miss you.’’ Much to your relief, Guinaifen didn’t notice the lie, or at least, she didn’t call you out if she did. Instead, she began recalling recent stories from the Luofu as if trying to help your alleged ‘’homesickness’’. 

‘’You know, I’m sure even the General would appreciate seeing you again,’’ she hummed as you made your way back to your apartment, ‘’Actually, I was hoping to drag Sushang and Huohuo along with me, but that didn’t really work out. That’s on me, though. I should’ve planned it better.’’ 

You chuckled as you continued listening to her, this time determined not to get distracted again as you watched her. Something about the woman’s optimism and endless energy helped lift your mood, silencing the overbearing thoughts in your head, though another emotion threatened to plague you now: Guilt. Keeping secrets from your close friends was never easy, but how were you supposed to explain to her what had happened? 

By the time you arrived at the alley leading to your apartment, you felt lighter, the best you had in days. ‘’Anyway, I’m sure Sushang will want to tell you herself,’’ Guinaifen huffed, stepping in front of you, ‘’You really need to visit us soon. We need to get the group back together again! And don’t tell me Feixiao won’t let you leave!’’

‘’Well, I’ve not really talked to her in a while,’’ you admitted sheepishly, avoiding your friend’s eyes. ‘’But,’’ you quickly added, hoping to distract from that topic, ‘’I’ll see what I can do, okay? I can’t promise you anything, though.’’

You breathed a sigh of relief when the woman didn't question your words, merely rolling her eyes before she continued talking about yet another thing on her mind. Watching her head toward your apartment, you hesitated to follow when the sudden feeling of being watched made your skin crawl. Is someone there?

A glance over your shoulder toward the empty street behind you didn’t help calm your nerves, yet before you could look around any further, Guinaifen’s voice called out to you, ‘’And you’re not paying attention again. Seriously, what’s going on with you?’’

There it was again, that guilt plaguing you. You checked the street behind you one last time before walking over to your friend, an apologetic expression on your face. ‘’I’m sorry,’’ you sighed, fiddling with your hands, ‘’I just- had this feeling someone was watching us. I didn’t mean to ignore you.’’

‘’Why would someone be watching us?’’ the woman huffed with a raised brow, ‘’Besides, even if someone was watching us, why care? It’s not like we’re breaking any rules.’’ ‘’Are you sure that everything’s alright?’’ she insisted, her usually relaxed expression now serious. 

‘’No- I mean, yes, I- Fuck,’’ you just groaned, dragging your hands down your face, ‘’I don’t know. I’m not even sure how to explain it. It’s ridiculous, really.’’ Before she could ask any further questions, you pushed past her toward your home, ‘’It’s really not that important. I just made a dumb mistake, and it’s kind of been haunting me ever since.’’

Guinaifen was far from convinced as she caught up to you, blocking your way, ‘’Oh, come on now! I’ve seen you make dozens of mistakes before. You never act this way because of a stupid mistake! Spill it, what happened?’’ 

‘’I made a mistake in a conversation,’’ you tensely elaborated, wrapping your arms around yourself, ‘’I…said the wrong thing, and I’ve not had the chance to fix it yet. H- They’ve been avoiding me since then, I guess.’’ Or maybe you’ve been avoiding him, no? Suddenly, the feeling of being watched made you even more nervous. Was he watching you?

Your friend perked up at your response, her interest piqued, ‘’What do you mean, you said the wrong thing? How bad of a thing could you have possibly said?’’ Oh, guilt was a beautiful feeling, wasn’t it? Especially with how strong it was growing the more you talked to Guinaifen. 

‘’Well,’’ you struggled to find an answer, unsure how to continue building on your lie as your face turned red, ‘’I- urgh, fuck. I didn’t really say something wrong, you know. I…did something wrong? I made a dumb, intrusive decision-’’

‘’Oh my god,’’ the woman interrupted, her eyes wide, ‘’You kissed someone.’’ 

‘’How did you deduce that from one sentence?’’

‘’...I didn’t. I just thought it would be a funny reaction,’’ Guinaifen smirked, winking at you before the realization settled in, ‘’Wait, you kissed someone?! Who?!’’

‘’Keep your voice down!’’ you whisper-yelled, covering her mouth with your hand, ‘’Fucks sake, Gui. I don’t need the entire Yaoqing to know about it!’’ After making sure she wouldn’t start screaming again, you took a step back and sighed, ‘’He’s a good friend. We were…hanging out, I guess, and I got caught up in the moment and had this intrusive thought to just…yeah, and now I’ve not seen him since then.’’

‘’Oh. Oh wow,’’ the woman seemed at a loss for words, processing the information you just shared, ‘’I mean, uhm. Well, have you tried texting him?’’ 

‘’Seriously?’’ ‘’What?’’ she huffed defensively, pouting, ‘’I’ve never had that happen to me. I’m a little lost right now, okay?’’

‘’Well, you’re not the only one,’’ you muttered under your breath, walking toward your apartment door, ‘’I was hoping that maybe he told Feixiao about it, but she doesn’t seem to know anything. Jiaoqiu’s been acting like he knows something, but- yeah.’’ 

At that, Guinaifen’s mouth fell open, ‘’Wait. I need you to repeat what you just said.’’ Yet, before you could, the woman herself did it, ‘’You were hoping that he told Feixiao? As in, the General? You kissed the General’s friend?!’’

‘’Technically, he’s her personal Shadow Guard,’’ you admitted under your breath, wincing when Guinaifen screamed.

‘’What?!’’ 

‘’I told you to keep your voice down!’’

‘’How do you expect me to keep my voice down after telling me all this?!’’ she whisper-yelled, flailing her hands, ‘’You just- You kissed the General’s personal Shadow Guard?!’’

Well, at least you didn’t feel guilty anymore. You held your hand up to stop the woman from rambling, taking a deep breath before answering, ‘’Can we do this tomorrow, please? I promise I’ll tell you everything, okay? But right now, I’m just getting tired.’’

Despite not being satisfied with your answer, Guinaifen agreed with a deflated groan, ‘’Alright, fine. But I get to tell Sushang and the others-’’

‘’Absolutely not,’’ you scoffed with a raised brow, a warning in your eyes, ‘’I don’t need the entire Xianzhou Alliance to know about this, okay? I’m serious, Gui.’’ ‘’I need you to promise me that you won’t be talking about it with anyone, okay?’’ you insisted, internally already expecting the worst.

But, to your surprise, the woman nodded slowly, ‘’Alright, alright, you have my word. Only because I love you so much!’’ ‘’But that means you’ll have to tell me everything tomorrow, alright?’’ she countered, walking up to you, ‘’I need all the details, understood?’’

‘’Understood,’’ you sighed, struggling to hide your nervousness as you embraced her, ‘’Come on, you should get back to your hotel room. It’s getting late.’’ 

‘’I’ll see you tomorrow then?’’

‘’Yeah,’’ you muttered, a hand resting on your apartment’s doorknob, ‘’See you tomorrow, sunshine.’’ With that, you watched her disappear down the alley before unlocking your front door and slipping inside your apartment.

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:

‘’Fuck,’’ you groaned, falling back against the wooden door. Well, today didn’t go quite as planned, did it? But then, did any of your recent days? After everything, today was still one of your better days since screwing up your relationship with-

‘’Moze? ’’ 

A little stunned, you blinked, hoping you were just imagining things. Yet, when the man’s silhouette didn’t disappear from your doorway, a nervous chuckle escaped your lips, ‘’What are you doing here? How did you even get inside in the first place?’’ 

‘’Through your balcony door,’’ the man calmly replied, watching you from the shadows of the hallway, ‘’You forgot to lock it.’’

‘’I- And you just decided to let yourself in?’’ you muttered in disbelief, straightening up as you made your way toward him, ‘’How long have you been waiting for me?’’ In the dim light, you could barely make out anything but his eyes, violet orbs watching your every move. 

The man just stood there, seemingly indifferent to the fact that he just trespassed on your property. ‘’Not that long,’’ he just replied, his expression obscured by shadows, ‘’Feixiao told me that you had visitors, so I figured you’d be home somewhat late. I think we got here around the same time.’’

‘’Well, that’s- okay,’’ you sighed before shaking your head and meeting his gaze again, ‘’Listen, I- Can you just give me a minute real quick? I need some water.’’ Today really feels like one big joke, you thought to yourself while pushing past him, careful not to touch him as you headed toward the kitchen, ‘’Do you want anything?’’

The man soundlessly followed after you, his presence unfortunately doing the opposite of offering you comfort, ‘’No, thank you. I don’t want to inconvenience you even further.’’ ‘’And I apologize for not informing you of my visit,’’ he muttered almost hesitantly, leaning against your kitchen wall, ‘’I didn't think of it. I’m sorry.’’

‘’Don’t rack your brains over it,’’ you dismissed his concern, pouring yourself a cup of water, ‘’I mean, I haven’t cleaned the place in days, but you'll have to deal with that now.’’ ‘’Besides,’’ you hummed, taking a sip of water, ‘’I’m sure you’ll gladly help me clean up if I ask nicely enough, no?’’ Is this really the right time for some lighthearted joking? Well, you certainly hoped it would at least ease the awkwardness.

Moze, bless his soul, just furrowed his brows, meeting your gaze, ‘’If you need me to, I can help. I don’t mind.’’ 

‘’Is that why you’re here?’’ you hesitantly asked, turning to face him, ‘’Just for some small talk? I mean, I do appreciate the visit, but it doesn’t usually warrant you breaking into my home.’’ There was a part of you genuinely hoping he’d just share some random information with you before leaving again, but deep down, you knew where this conversation would eventually lead. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have practically avoided each other for the past few days.

And, as expected, Moze confirmed your suspicion. ‘’No, I was hoping we could talk about what happened,’’ he explained, your nervosity growing with each word, ‘’Jiaoqiu thought it might be the best course of action.’’

‘’So, he knows?’’ you hesitantly inquired, tapping your finger on the kitchen counter, ‘’I mean, that we- that I- fuck, Moze, I’m so bloody sorry.’’ You stepped away from the counter, wrapping your arms around yourself as the words uncontrollably spilled from your lips, ‘’I should’ve apologized a lot earlier, I know, but I was just- bloody scared of your reaction.’’

‘’I shouldn’t have kissed you,’’ you sighed, unable to meet his gaze, ‘’I- I’m sorry I made things awkward. I wasn’t thinking, I just-’’ ‘’I should’ve said something first anyway, instead of just- doing it without warning,’’ you continued, waving your hand around, ‘’I don’t know why I did it, okay? I just- fuck.’’

The man merely watched you, waiting for you to finish before gently interrupting your rambling, ‘’I’m not angry.’’ ‘’Not to mention that I didn’t act any better,’’ he reminded you, making you stop in your tracks, ‘’I just left you on that rooftop without saying a word. Jiaoqiu chewed me out for it.’’

‘’I mean, I kissed you without your consent,’’ you muttered, your hands dropping to your sides, ‘’You had every right to just…up and leave. You’re not at any fault here.’’

‘’Well, Jiaoqiu thinks differently,’’ Moze spoke, pushing himself off the wall, ‘’He said I should’ve talked to you sooner.’’ You watched him walk around the kitchen island, keeping a respectful distance from you, ‘’Though, he did call us both idiots.’’

You chuckled, though the sound more hysterical than you intended, ‘’He’s not wrong, is he? I mean- I did kind of fuck that up. I really should’ve just- said something instead of expecting you to do so. I’m sorry, I- suck at this stuff.’’ 

‘’I think we both know I’m not the best at conversations either,’’ he replied, and for a split-second, you thought you caught him smiling at you, ‘’Maybe we should let Jiaoqiu and your friend do this for us.’’

‘’Absolutely not, that’s a horrible idea,’’ you interrupted, the thought alone making you opposed to the idea, ‘’I’d never hear the end of it.’’ ‘’Do you, uh, think Jiaoqiu told Feixiao?’’ you wondered, glancing over at him, ‘’I mean, I doubt he would do it, but you know him better than I do.’’

Moze was quiet for a moment, allowing you to move a little closer to him, ‘’Admittedly, I wouldn’t be surprised if he did tell the General, but I trust him enough not to until this is all over. You don’t need to worry about that.’’ 

‘’Oh, I’ll worry regardless,’’ you sighed, rubbing your temples, ‘’I’ve realized I’m really good at that. Worrying, overthinking, the whole thing.’’ ‘’I’ve had people at work come to me these past days to make sure I was alright,’’ there was a self-deprecating tone to your words as you recounted the past days, ‘’And earlier, Gui told me that some of my neighbors approached her to ask about my well-being. Worrying was the only thing I was doing since, you know.’’

In the dimly lit room, you couldn’t make out Moze’s expression as he watched you. Then, unexpectedly, he spoke with a gentleness you had never heard from him before, ‘’I didn’t know this was affecting you so much.’’

Your eyes widened at his words, tearing your gaze from the floor to meet his. For a second, a mixture of fear and uncertainty crossed your face before you collected yourself, clearing your throat, ‘’Well, I thought I screwed up after you just left.’’ Then, you looked away again, your voice more quiet, ‘’I guess I was terrified of losing you.’’

The silence that followed was unbearable to you, a throwback to those nerve-wracking minutes right after you had your first kiss. Internally, you were cursing yourself out, reprimanding yourself for being so open with Moze, but could you really blame yourself?

‘’Can you please say something?’’ you whispered hesitantly, wrapping your arms around yourself, nails digging into the skin of your upper arms, ‘’I’m getting a sense of déjà vu.’’ 

‘’I’m sorry,’’ the man apologized, the gentleness still there, ‘’I should’ve said something back then. I- I guess I panicked. I’ve never-’’ He fell silent before finishing the sentence, pulling his hood down to obscure his face. 

‘’I- I didn’t mean to put you in that position,’’ you quietly muttered, the grip on your arms weakening, ‘’I don’t know why I- There were so many times before that where I was in perfect control of my thoughts and actions, but that day? I can’t even explain it.’’

‘’You wanted to kiss me before?’’ Maybe you should learn when to shut up, no? Moze was already staring at you when you looked up, a storm raging in his violet eyes. 

Hesitantly, you shrugged, taking a deep breath before elaborating, ‘’I guess I did. Do- Do you remember the last Wardance? When…Hoolay escaped.’’ After Moze nodded, you continued, ‘’After everything was over, after I finally found you, I just- yeah. I think that was the first time I wanted to kiss you.’’ 

There it was again: The unbearable silence. Maybe you really shouldn’t admit all these things so openly . But, catching you by surprise in the process, Moze didn’t let it stretch this time, his voice growing unsteadier with each word, ‘’Why didn’t you do it?’’

‘’I- I didn’t think it would’ve been the right moment for it,’’ you muttered with furrowed brows, gesturing around with your hand as if to emphasize your point, ‘’I mean, you were all injured, not to mention the entire Borisin crisis. I didn’t want to add to your problems.’’

‘’You’re never a problem to me,’’ the man replied, straightening up, ‘’I might not be the best at showing it, but I care about you deeply.’’ ‘’Otherwise, I wouldn’t have kissed you back that day, don't you think?’’ he added, his voice quieter.

For a moment, you thought your heart would jump out of your chest, the beating drowning out all the noise around you as you processed his words. He did kiss you back, didn’t he? ‘’I figured maybe you just- I don’t know, had a moment of weakness?’’ you rambled, growing more nervous again, ‘’I mean, I didn't- I know you kissed me back, but I didn’t think it meant anything, I guess.’’

‘’You…thought it didn’t mean anything?’’ ‘’I was panicking, okay!’’ you argued defensively, ‘’I mean, you just disappeared without a word after that, remember? How did you think I’d react?’’ 

Moze didn’t have an answer for that, watching you silently while you continued to ramble, ‘’I’m not blaming you, I swear. I just- there wasn’t really a positive way in which I could’ve reacted to the situation, you know? How would you have reacted if you had been in my shoes?’’

Once again, no answer. Admittedly, you wouldn’t have one either if you were in his shoes. Well, and that’s that on it being an awkward situation. ‘’I feel like I’m just making this worse, aren’t I?’’ you muttered, offering him a weak smile, ‘’I’m sorry. Again. I don’t think I can apologize enough for causing- well, all of this.’’

‘’Did the kiss mean something to you?’’

Moze’s interruption caught you off-guard, eyes widening in surprise. Well, you've already admitted to wanting to kiss him a handful of times before. Confessing your feelings can't possibly lead to a worse outcome, right? ...Right? Truth be told, you weren't really sure what outcome this entire conversation was heading toward anyway, so you might as well be completely honest with him now.

Still, it took you a moment to reply, afraid of being this vulnerable. ‘’I wouldn’t have kissed you if it didn’t,’’ you hesitantly admitted, looking away, ‘’I...care about you, Moze. A lot more than I probably should. More than normal friends should.’’

‘’I think I realized even before the Wardance, but I just- hoped it’ll go away,’’ you chuckled, the sound hollow, ‘’And when it didn’t, I just kept hoping. Which obviously failed, given, you know.’’

You weren’t sure what Moze was thinking, too scared to look at him. Another silence settled between you, making you feel restless as you waited for him to say something. Anything. Please just don’t leave this time.

And he didn’t. Instead, Moze stepped in front of you, tilting your face up to look at him, his violet eyes roaming across your face until he met your gaze, ‘’Can you- Can you kiss me again, please? Pretend it’s the first time?’’ 

His voice was surprisingly soft, barely audible over the sound of your own heartbeat. Did you get that right? ‘’You want me to kiss you?’’ you breathed out, a dozen questions running through your head as you stared at him, ‘’Are- Are you sure?’’

‘’I’ve never been this sure about anything else in my life,’’ the man muttered, caressing your cheek, ‘’I’ve noticed that I- felt different around you around the time you got transferred to the Yaoqing, but I didn’t think much of it until…well, recently. The realization didn't hit me until I talked to Jiaoqiu about it and he put it into words for me.’’

‘’Oh’’ 

‘’Is…that all you want to say?’’

‘’To be honest, I never thought I’d be in this situation,’’ you admitted, still processing what he had just told you, ‘’I- I can’t believe I was terrified of losing you like, ten minutes ago, and now we’re…here.’’

‘’That’s…a good thing, isn’t it?’’

‘’I think this a better outcome than I had imagined possible,’’ you huffed, straightening up, ‘’The only thing I need to worry about now is explaining everything to Guinaifen.��’ Then, still shaking from nervousness, you leaned forward, ghosting your lips over his, ‘’May I?’’

‘’...You may.’’

And you did, gently pressing your lips against his as if afraid all this was just your imagination, that he'd vanish the second you touched him. Yet, when his arm wrapped around your waist to pull you closer, you knew you weren’t dreaming. ‘’You’re…really okay with this, right?’’ you whispered between kisses, glancing up at him, ‘’I’m not just hearing what I want to hear?’’

Moze merely responded by pressing his lips to yours again, hand wandering to the back of your neck to deepen the kiss. ‘’You worry too much,’’ he eventually muttered before pressing his forehead against yours.

‘’It’s a talent,’’ you chuckled, slightly out of breath but audibly relieved, ‘’Besides, the only reason I was so worried in the first place were you.’’

‘’May I remind you that you were the one kissing me without warning?’’ ‘’Alright, alright-’’ you groaned, just barely containing your joy, ‘’I’ll never live this down, will I?’’

You freed yourself from Moze’s grasp, turning to head toward your bedroom before stopping and glancing back at him, hesitating, ‘’Do- Do you mind staying for the night? I don’t…want you to leave just yet.’’

‘’If that’s what you want, then of course,’’ the man reassured, ‘’Just don’t start complaining when I wake you up too early.’’

‘’Don’t make me regret this, big guy,’’ you chuckled, offering him your hand while you made your way toward the bedroom, ‘’Thank you, by the way, For…well, everything.’’

‘’Always.’’

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

[wizashcs]

Hi pookie

Ill give you a good start on this bc Im so happy you write these ahain💗

Can I get some ideal date headcanons with Zoro, Nami and Robin? Like what is their dream date would look like with their s/o. Sfw/nsfw is fine too~

Thank you for always supporting me, my dearest!! Of course, I'll give you everything you want.

One Piece Headcanons - What is their dream date with their s/o like, with a little spice~

Zoro

This man is such a loser when it comes to dates, because if he's in love, I'm sure he doesn't know what to do exactly. I think he's relying on his partner more in the planning of dates, since he's fine as long as you're happy. (But choose an activity that he likes or at least doesn't hate, because then he wouldn't get grumpy.)

His ideal date is just you, him, and a beer for each one of you. You'd just find yourselves a nice little nowhere, without the sharp noises of your crew members, and just talk. Maybe he'd even get a little more open about his old stories when he was a pirate hunter, or he'd even talk about his days in training, when he was just a boy. He'd also listen to you talk, secretly being glad that he gets to know the little things about you. (He would be so surprising sometimes, when he'd just randomly give something to you that you've mentioned him years ago. You'd be so emotional about it, while he denies the fact that he remembered at all. No need for him to be called a sweet loverboy, you know.)

Nsfw part:

Since you two have found a little privacy, the swordsman would probably get cheesy enough to pull you onto his lap, listening to you like that, then, after a while, he'd start to run his fingers under your shirt while he's behind your back. When you ask him "What are you doing, Zoro?" - he'd simply reply: "Nothing, continue." You decide to join his game, by trying to ignore his touches on your bare stomach and chest. Needless to say, Zoro would take this as a challenge, and will do everthing to make you lose. You can feel him getting hard on your bottom, his chest touches your back, his mouth is sucking on the side of your neck, leaving blood red hickeys on you, marking you as his once again. Meanwhile, he'd play with your nipple with one hand, and tries to untie your bottom clothes with the other. You two will not get out of there without breaking a sweat, that's for sure.

Nami

(s/o is afab)

Nami likes money, but also likes spending money, especially when you're with her to do that. You two would decide to have an all-day date, including some shopping, and then in the evening a hot bath together, undisturbed. When you guys are out there shopping, she'd insist to buy some new clothes for each one of you, and believe me, she hypes you so much when you put on a new set of clothes. "Baby, this was literally made for you. You look stunning." Even if you're insecure about it, she'd buy it for you. Who knows, maybe one day you'll change your mind. (She will be working on changing your mind very hard.)

When you came back home with your stuff, you two decide to have a bath together. I'm sure she have planned all this, so she'd buy scented candles and colorful bathbombs for your lazy night together. You sit in the tub first, so Nami could sit between your legs, pressing her back against your bare chest, leaning her head to your collarbones. At first, you'd just enjoy the bathbomb's gentle tangerine scent, and the blinking lights of the candles you lit, with the ship's easy rocking. Silence, at last.

Nsfw part:

The feeling of Nami's red hair tickling your skin, she's caressing your leg with her nails gently, from knee to thigh. It would drive you crazy. She always drives you crazy. "Nami, you're doing this again..." You breathe out softly. It seems your scolding wasn't very impactful with that pleased moan. She'd turn her head to you, and smile playfully. "Doing what?" She answered with brattiness in her voice. You both know where'd that lead to. The door is locked, so who could stop you two? Nami turns over to you with her body as well, and you'd pull her into a passionate kiss. She'd hug your neck with one of her hands, and with the other, she'd start to wander down across your chest, then your stomach, slowly down there, on your heated spot. She would begin drawing circles around your clit, and after a little while, her middle finger would find your slippery entrance under the water, carefully but also confidently pushing her way into you. You moan and run your fingers through her orange tufts, making her sigh a little. "It's been so long... You won't escape me now." She'd say just before she'd lean back hungrily to the mouth she was longing for.

Robin

Robin would appreciate cozy dates, where you two would visit a nearby library, finding some goods to read together back on the ship, in her room. You'd choose something easy, a short romance novel for the night, instead of an archaeological science book. (I mean, she would really like that, and I'm sure she would read from those to you as well, but no way that's an easy subject.)

When you came back from the library with the book you chose together, you decide to settle into Robin's bedroom. She would open a nice bottle of wine for the two of you, and you could begin your cozy, reading night. You'd read the chapters aloud, and when you reached the end of a chapter, you would take turns. To be honest, you both love hearing eachother read. There's something of a passion, an art about reading to someone. Robin's words flow into your mind like a river, wishing the chapter would never end, because that would mean she'd stop speaking on her gentle voice, and you'd have to take turn. "I could listen to your voice all day." You said, when Robin finished her part. The woman smiled gently, almost shy. "I could read you all day."

Nsfw part:

So you persuaded her to read the rest of the chapters by herself... She sat on a sofa all this time, but as the time passed, you two found yourselves laying on her bed, cuddling. Robin held the book between her two summoned hands, while you rested your head on her chest, snuggling up the her tall, slim shaped body. She held you in her own arms, while she was reading the last chapter of the book. You'd stroke her arm that held you, and then, from a sudden thought, you'd put your hand on her lower stomach, starting to caress her with your nails tenderly. Her stomach jumped a little each time when you touched her, but she managed to keep her words flow the same as before. You became pretty amazed, seeing her being able to resist for so long, even after you began to do the same to her inner thighs, and eventually reached her womanhood as well. Yep, she'd read the last chapter until the last page's last word, while you literally finger her. "You are an unbelievable one." She says, and just after she put the book on her nightstand, she'd turn to you and pull you closer with all four of her hands. "Now... Let's see how long you can ignore my touches, my love."

[butterflyprompts]

🍲 Fluffy Cooking Prompts 🍲

(as usual, these prompts are 100% free to use for anything! credit isn't necessary either, but if you do write with one of these please feel free to share it with me! i'd be happy to read it! i also take prompt requests!)

Character A has a hopeless crush on Character B. They struggle to word their feelings (whether it's shyness or pride preventing them from expressing their love!), so instead they use food to express how they feel. Maybe it's through baking them treats, or bringing them a homemade lunch!

Character A accidentally (or purposefully!) pavloving a very food-driven Character B

Character A makes something delicious for Character B. Unable to get it out of their mind, Character B asks them to teach them how to make it.

Plot twist: Character A can barely focus with Character B around. Maybe B is just a huge goofball. Maybe they've got a crush, and can barely think because they're so nervous. Or maybe Character B is just intimidating! Either way, things take a turn for the worst!

Or: Character A bought it from the store, lied to impress B, and now has to scramble to find a recipe and not get caught in their web of lies by B!

Character A loves to cook, but with a sudden injury/illness/mental episode/whatever works for your character, they are barely able to feed themselves. Now it's up to Character B, who is determined to both cheer them up and cook them a delicious meal.

Character A can't cook. Maybe they get too creative with the seasonings, maybe they are lazy/impatient and try to take shortcuts that end up ruining the dish, maybe they have a special talent for turning everything they touch into a textural nightmare (just HOW do you get instant noodles to look like that, Character A?!) Despite these challenges, they are determined to impress Character B with their cooking!

Domestic fluff! Character A having a home-cooked meal ready for Character B when they get home after a long day. Bonus points if it's the character you'd LEAST expect to be acting like a housewife. Give them the frilly apron, they're ready.

Character A stressing themselves silly trying to learn Character B's favorite childhood dish! Maybe they're able to impress B with how close it gets, or maybe Character B finds it's not quite right but loves it all the same, because it reminds them so much of Character A.

Use symbolism in your food! Bitterness, sweetness, salty, savory, sour... All of these can reflect emotions! The way characters react to food can tell a lot about them too. Can they handle bitterness? Spiciness? Do they grin and bear it if they can't? Do they feel safe enough to admit they don't enjoy it, as childish as it may make them sound? Or do they put on airs, wish to impress the other? Certain dishes have symbolism as well, such as this list of foods with religious symbolism!

Post-meal fluff! Who does the dishes? What do they do after their meal? Do they cuddle on the couch together after dinner? Do they prepare for bed, or are they night owls? What about lunch, or breakfast? Do they have plans after their meal? Maybe one, or both fall into a post-meal coma!

Character A surprising Character B with breakfast in bed. Maybe it's a random sweet gesture, maybe they're trying to butter B up, or maybe they're trying to earn back some brownie points after a fight! Also great for sickfics. Spoil Character B!

[mehilaiselokuva]

Interviewing a beginner Finnish learner

A bit of a different post for today! I have been working with a friend who has started self-learning Finnish. Maybe you can gain some inpiration or tips from this interview we conducted! I have added extra commentary bits to some parts, marked with "C".

PREFACE

Interviewer: Me

Interviewee: @nuniante

Been learning Finnish for: half a month

Previous knowledge of the language: none

1. How long have you studied finnish actively?

A) ive been studying for just about half a month

2. What is your study routine like? do you study daily?

A) i try to write notes everyday about grammar concepts i think will help me advance at my current level (so far really basic stuff). i try but dont study daily. i also use duolingo to learn basic expressions/vocab and try to immerse myself in finnish through making some of the apps on my phone in finnish.

C) He tends to write at least one sentence in Finnish a day in our groupchat to the best of his abilities and will ask if he doesn't know a word. I feel like that's a very good way to learn when you are learning a specific dialect like he is.

3. What kinds of notes do you take? what do you write down? do you always write things down or just memorize things without writing?

A) my notes are basic. i write in the exceptions but i dont really go into detail sometimes. i might skip over something mentioned in the lesson or material im using if i think that a concept they bring up is inferrable. for vocab i try to memorize words i learn because i know so few that theres not much point to writing anything down. i think when ill reach a more advanced level ill start to write down more

C) I think that this approach is great, finding things you know you'll use and learning those first is useful!

4. What was your initial plan when studying? what things did you study in what order?

A) my initial plan for studying was trying to learn the basics and formal language to help me in learning colloquial speech, which i planned to learn from a friend (im talking about you juho). so far ive studied the basic cases + declensions, basic verbs conjugations, demonstratives and conjunctions and im rn learning about the numbers and the plural forms of nouns. i plan to take a break from grammar and learn vocab next.

C) Remember that all this is just half a month in! I think learning grammar before vocab is very good! You'll start picking up core words while doing that and of you perfect those grammar points early on, you will find speaking and writing easier fast.

5. What is your goal?

A) i dont really have a goal, but i think that if i could hold up a real conversation in finnish id feel successful.

6. What has been the most difficult + easiest?

A) i think the hardest thing so far has been consonant gradation or numbers. gradation can feel irrational, what with weird sound changes (eg. k > v) and also how you cant really predict what grade a noun/verb should be in depending off its form. easiest might be vowel harmony. you can decide harmony just by feeling what sounds better.

C) For once, a learner has not only learned vowel harmony but has no mistakes using it and will not forget that it's there. If you are more than half a year in learning and you still cannot remember to apply vowel harmony accordingly, you need to make it your priority ASAP.

7. How would you rate your current finnish level (speaking, writing, reading)

A) id say theyre all low. reading is probably my highest because i dont really consume finnish any other way. juho said my finnish accent is ok so i think that makes speech second. i havent listened to finnish yet so i cant even tell.

C) This person writes and speaks better Finnish than some people who have been learning the language for like three years! He is very careful with congruence which many learners don't consider very much. This means that he is eliminating most of the beginner mistakes very early on

8. Additional comments.

A) i like saying hyvää yötä

C) I like that our groupchat has started using Finnish and picking up words like "joo" and "sama asia" since we speak the language now. I consider it very admirable that this person has not only started writing Finnish early on, but he is learning kirjakieli, puhekieli AND a dialect all the same time!

Feel free to use this as motivation or inspiration! I recommend finding a learning style that fits you, so remember that what worked for this person might not work for you! I could make this a series honestly, are any of you interested in participating?

[f1nalboys]

hey bestie! may i pls request something that is tod from final destination x reader? maybe some fluff headcannons, what it’s like having a sleepover with him? thx u sm! <33

hi bae!!!! i had sm fun writing this >:)) i do think tod would be one of the better characters to have a sleepover with he serves so much genuinely!!! hope you enjoy <3 first request to start out >:)))

Tod Waggner x GN!Reader

WORD COUNT: 651

WARNINGS: none

TOD LOVES SLEEPOVERSSSS

listen this guy wants to spend 24/7 with you, he is clingy as all fuck

like one of those shelter dogs, you know the vibe

anyways so regardless of whether or not him coming to spend the night is common or not, he’s ECSTATIC!!!! 

bro is jumping for joy up and down like yippee!!!!! YIPPEEEE!!!

he prefers going over to your place because then it feels like a vacation almost

but if you want to come over to his place you have to give him a day’s notice so he can clean up (he is MESSY i'm sorry to say)

he packs a bag and has a smile on his face literally until he has to leave

in my opinion, tod loves a good movie marathon and he is going to want to do classic sleepover shit with you to the point of almost annoying you LMFAO

he's like haha we should order a pizza… we should watch scary movies… pillow fight babe?? wanna gossip and do a face mask? let's talk about boys!!!!

and if you point out that he is the boy in question youd talk about, not only is he getting smug as fuck, hes going to go ‘ill pretend to be someone else!!!! go on and be so honest about how you feel about me babe ;)’

he's a great sleepover guest though, at least the first few times

he's awkward the very first one bc he's sitting on the edge of the bed bag on his shoulders hand in his lap like o-0 so…

its endearing 

and overall he's very chill and will stay by your side or in your bed the entire time

once he's comfortable though… loudest stupidest dumbest mfer!!! he is doing reckless shit and messing with you and trying to prank you and stuff

once he's settled down though, good luck getting him out of your bed for ANYTHING, a fire could break out and tod is staying put

he has to cuddle. it's a rule.

and he has no preference for being big or little spoon honestly, he has pros and cons for both, he just needs you literally right next to him

he does not care what movies you guys watch but he DOES want to watch some shitty stoner comedy like (ignoring the fact devon plays in this movie) he wants to watch idle hands and harold and kumar go to white castle LMFAO 

he's wearing your pajamas…. even if he cant fit he’ll find something to put on his body from slipper to an eye mask to your pjs to a robe to a bonnet, etc etc, you leave that room for longer than 2 minutes and he's playing dress up

you go to shower (and yes he's gonna try and join you he's handsy though so choose carefully) and come back into your room and he's wearing half your wardrobe and going through your jewelry and shit

and when you're like uhm… hello?? he stands there like oh… you're back sooner than i thought…. LIKE UR IN MY ROOM???

he's a popcorn snack guy, plus sour candy. sleepovers are for pigging out and he takes that SERIOUS he’ll sneak his own candy in if he has to

if he falls asleep at like 10pm-12am, then you will have a peaceful night where he sleeps until 8:30am and is well rested and so sweet

and he might even make you breakfast

but if he sleeps before then or later…. good luck

he's going to be LOUD and OBNOXIOUS (positive) and he's going to keep your ass up as long as he can

you're laying in bed in the dark with your eyes closed and he's steady talking trying to remember some obscure tv show from his childhood 

great guy though, love him

and you would have a ball, just don't plan on sleeping much

[the-s1lly-corner]

what if father from hit show kids next door had a beach episode with reader. what's going on with him and his delightful children at the beach

Father and Delightfuls x reader but its a beach episode

just in time for summer!! hell yeah lets go!! YIPEE!!! maybe ill doodle some summer related art before august ends... maybe i wont... only time will tell! notes: reader is gn, fathers part can be seen as romantic or platonic, delightfuls part is purely platonic, beach shenanigans! cws: none

FATHER

its like a little mini vacation getaway! if all goes according to plan its quiet pleasant, actually... assuming theres nothing to put him in a sour mood

hes not very much interested in swimming or playing games, hes more likely to just lay in the shade and relax! you might be able to convince him to walk around with you!

can definitely see him being more into just checking out shops and vibing rather than being confined to the shore

hes totally loaded so expect to go to some fancy beach somewhere with some nice hotel to boot

1000% wears those floral swim trunks all dads seem to own; alternatively i can see him wear those striped one piece suits.. ponders

HATES sand though

debating on whether or not he can get sunburnt in his shadow form... like does it just protect his skin ooooor?

lets you give him sunscreen as a precaution

DELIGHTFULS

they would destroy someones sand castle its so comically evil and harmless but i can definitely see the knd (or even them!) blowing it out of proportion

on the flip side i can see them building their own sand castle but putting waaaaay too much effort into it

or they might just make a bunch of the other kids build it for them... they literally hold people captive for their birthdays... i can see it...

usually i tend to group them as one unit but some of them definitely burn worse than the others... horrid at least one of them is going to be bright red

war ensues if someone from a knd sector is also there, things get tense very fast

generally behave well enough when youre around if youre not a villain, if you are they dont really care all that much

oh they probably would try to convince you to confront someone if their plans blow up in their face, under the guise that they're the ones who were done wrong

like i love writing day to day stuff for these characters but theyre manipulative and evil too LMAO

[littlejuicebox]

Dancing on my own

Guys I don’t know what this is, it’s just some random angsty drabble that came out inspired by the song “Dancing on My Own” by Robyn (the version by Calum Scott is also nice).

I’m trying to get out of a writing slump so there might be a few more random bits of writing here and there. I’m not sure I even like this tbh lol.

Summary: You and Astarion decided to be just friends after his Moonrise Towers confession. He couldn’t make himself admit to you that he wanted more than that. He knew you deserved better than what he could offer. Now that his quest with Cazador is done, he’s totally lost. He wants you, but you have someone else now; he thinks it’s someone better than him. He’s heartbroken.

Tags/Warnings: PG13, lots of angst, depression, PTSD, low self esteem, depersonalization/derealization, sad Astarion, tbh it’s kinda just a sad bit of drabble

Astarion killed Cazador. You’d think he would’ve been happy… ecstatic, even. But instead he felt exceedingly numb and so, so tired.

It had been nearly a week since then. Astarion had spent most of that time in his room, trancing or simply just lying in the dark. He was exhausted; his limbs felt like lead.

Shadowheart was concerned he had fallen ill and kept checking on him. He would simply grunt to her in response or ignore her line of questioning until she sighed and left.

You came by a few times a day to offer him your wrist; he would drink with a misty-eyed, faraway expression… or sometimes not at all. His hand would linger for a moment on yours, and then he would roll himself the other direction, turning away from you.

It was hard to look at you, to be that close to you, to touch you, to taste you. Blood and sex had been so intertwined in the beginning, it always brought back the memories from before. It made him sick to his stomach.

But his hunger often won, in the end.

How ironic, that the only blood which satisfies his near-insatiable thirst is also the only blood that makes his stomach churn with guilt and disgust at himself.

A double edged sword. Stabbed through his heart.

He should be happy… ecstatic, even. But, by the gods, is he so, so tired. Can a vampire rot into the earth if they stay in one place for too long?

Perhaps. Perhaps he should get up and move, if only to avoid rotting away.

Astarion manages to take a short bath and pull himself together… somewhat. It’s hard to move when your limbs feel like lead. His shirt is wrinkled, and his hair feels like it’s not quite in place, but it will have to do.

The pale elf slinks down to the tavern, where the evening crowd is teetering the hazy line between buzzed and drunk. He’s not in much of a mood for talking to others, so he sits in a corner booth, hoping the natural shadows and his brooding demeanor will deter any visitors. For a few moments he feels normal… or at least acts it. But then he sees you. And Halsin.

Halsin has his arms coiled around you as he absolutely ravages your lips. His thick hands are gripping your body; one hand on your waist, one on your neck. It’s an exceptional amount of PDA; he would vomit, if he had anything left in his stomach from the only small sip he’d taken from you this morning. The hand the druid tenderly placed on your neck is covering the scars Astarion had marked on you from the times before, back when you’d been his. Had you been his? Back before—

“I had a plan. A nice, simple plan…”

“Maybe what you need is a friend, not a lover.”

Astarion had hurt you. He’d hurt you. The look that crossed your face as he confessed is etched into his mind for all eternity; it’s the first thing he sees when he wakes from a trance and the last thing he sees before he slips into one. He’ll never forget the tears that welled in your eyes, which you’d rapidly blinked away. And then you thanked him… thanked him for telling you, for being truthful. Thanked him for hurting you.

He should have lied. He shouldn’t have said anything. He should have chose differently from the start.

He knew what he did was terrible; you deserved something more, something real. He just couldn’t be that. He didn’t know how to be… real.

Hells, was he even real now? Was any of this real?

He felt like a shell. Hollow. Empty. It all felt like a sick, strange dream that he couldn’t wake from. All that time he spent running, and now he no longer had to… but who was he, if not a runner?

He’d run from Cazador. Run from you. Run from the concept of true intimacy, which you had so willingly offered.

But now? Now he wanted nothing more than to run to you. He wanted to run into your arms and be held by you, comforted by you. But there you were in the arms of someone who was able to give you what you deserved.

Who was he to get in the way of that? He was nothing. He was no one.

“Good to see you out of bed.”

The vampire rips his eyes away from you and Halsin, where the two of you seem oblivious to the world and stuck in a heated embrace.

Shadowheart is standing next to the booth; her eyes had followed his, and she’d been watching the same passionate makeout scene with mild interest.

She flicks her gaze back to Astarion with a knowing look, and a soft, sad smile crosses her face. The cleric extends her hand out to him, “Come on, Astarion. One dance and then I will let you slink back into this corner to sulk for the rest of the night, if you wish.”

He sighs and considers the offer. He doesn’t want to move, but he can’t keep picking different places to stay and rot. And he can’t keep watching you two. His limbs still feel like lead.

“Very well.” He murmurs, and he takes Shadowheart’s hand.

They dance. It’s a platonic sort of jig, mostly spinning around at arms length with one another. For a moment, Astarion feels a brief glimmer of happiness. He chuckles and smiles; his limbs don’t feel like lead. And then the tune ends, and he’s wandering back to the booth with Shadowheart, and that sinking feeling begins to grow in his chest once more.

“You should talk to them, you know, Astarion. Let them know how you feel. They may choose differently… if you make your true desires known. You did tell them you wanted to be friends, after all.” The cleric murmurs, with another sad little smile. Her eyes contain pity; he hates that.

He’s watching you and Halsin again, where you two are staring contentedly at one another, chatting away. You’re lost in your own little impenetrable bubble. You don’t even see him or notice him at all.

He’s nothing. He’s no one.

Astarion looks so dejected; normally he would be better at putting on his mask. But he’s so tired. He should be happy. But he’s exhausted.

“Maybe I should. But Tav looks happy… I can’t bring myself to ruin that. Selfish as I am, I do care about them, you know.”

Shadowheart nods and sighs. She knows something, he can tell by the look on her face. She wants to say more but decides against it. A small pat on the vampire’s hand and she murmurs, “Good night, Astarion. I hope to see you down here in the morning.”

Then she’s gone, heading upstairs to her room. And he’s alone again.

Astarion watches you two for a bit longer, even though every second he witnesses causes another crack in his fragile heart. Then his eyes return to the dance floor and he sighs before forcing himself out of the booth again. His limbs feel like lead, but he has to start somewhere.

For now, he’ll have to keep dancing on his own.

[stxrvel]

not my one

summary: bucky was in love with you, from the bones to the tips of his hair, and life would be perfect for him if it weren't for the fact that you had just gotten engaged to Steve.

pairing: (bucky barnes x) f!reader x steve rogers

words: 4k

warnings: some bad words, bucky regretting a lot of things, bucky suffers a lot, reader is not aware of anything, miscommunication, bucky can be unfair to those around him. love triangle?¿ also angst. like i said before, there's no happy endings in this account.

note: hi! i had this in my drafts too for days until my inspiration strike again, and also only by leehi was playing on repeat on my headphones while writing this. if you want a full experience, i highly recommend you to listen to that song while reading. there's something in using a love song to write a heartbreaking story. anyway, i hope you all like this!! and i dont know when ill see you again so i really hope you guys enjoy this one. feedback is always appreciated! <3

So… Bucky knew it was wrong. From the beginning, from the first furtive glance, from the first unexpected, not at all reciprocal, brush. Bucky knew it was very wrong. His moral compass was shot when his thoughts, his intentions, went south and he couldn't stop them, or just didn't want to. At first it was hard to stop them, but at least he knew he intended to. After a good while, Bucky couldn't be sure he was really trying to stop it at all.

His gaze wandered in the crowds, among familiar faces, but only one that really cheered his soul. Guilt followed him, too. Maybe he had stopped fighting the feeling, but that didn't make it any more bearable. Seeing those two faces, smiling at them like it was nothing, asking them about the ring as if it were casual small talk while his heart contracted, made him feel like a traitor every day, and that guilt hung on his back like a bag full of stones. He carried his own sin like the unworthy one he was.

Still, he loved carrying those little moments in his heart, as if they really meant something, as if he didn't feel like he lost something every time he did it, as if butterflies flew around him when they did and everyone around him got as excited as he did, as if all the love songs came true in a single moment. As if saying I love you was as easy as breathing.

“Bucky, what do you say?”

But that was all just in his head.

“I'm with Natasha this time.”

The whole table was filled with shouts and boos. Bucky felt like he could shrink back in his seat and disappear.

Your face was right in front of his, a huge smile made your eyes sparkle. Everyone he knew was gathered and there were so many places Bucky could look, but he couldn't tear his gaze away from the curve of your lips. It was electrifying the way a simple distant gesture could ignite his body like that.

And it was shattering the way he had to remind himself that he couldn't stare for that long.

Not when the first person you saw after laughing was Steve. Not when the first hand you held was his. Not when those sparkling eyes were only for him. Bucky had to remind himself that he couldn't stare at you too long because you were his, for Steve, even though Bucky felt like he was eternally yours.

Bucky could remember the first time he'd seen you because it had been the first time he'd felt alive after so long living in the shadows and dust.

He was fixing his motorcycle, as he used to do countless times, instead of having gone out with his friends to the dinner that night that Wanda had scheduled. Every month they had an outing and one of them had to organize it. That was how they'd basically managed to stay in touch after so long after being out of college.

Bucky knew everyone was going to hate him for canceling at the last minute, but he really didn't feel like going out. So he sat outside his garage with his motorcycle looking for any slightest mistake he could fix or any scratches he could paint while he spent the entire day just there. That was his plan. But everything changed the moment you suddenly appeared in front of him, in a white flowered dress that he could still remember, that you actually still wore, and asked him if he could help you. With those doe eyes and a pout Bucky couldn't have escaped you, even if he wanted to.

“Excuse me, hello,” Bucky heard your voice for the first time and raised his head as if he knew what was in store for him.

Seeing you for the first time was very pleasurable, Bucky truly thought you were the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his entire life. The tool in his hand was halfway through fixing something on his motorcycle when his hand froze and his lips remained pursed. When he thought about it from time to time, Bucky thought he must have looked like an idiot.

“I don't want to bother you. Uhm… I'm Y/N. I just moved into the house over there,” you moved to point to one of the houses in the neighborhood that Bucky had seen for sale, being so far inside his own head to even realize that someone actually moved in there. “I wanted to know if… Well, it's just that I see you fix things and I- My car broke down. I don't know what's wrong with it, but it won't start with anything. I don't know anybody around either and only you were around, could you help me?”

Bucky had never heard a person ramble on like that. Rather he could say he had never heard such a melodic voice nor had he ever found a person who just rambled so tender and entertaining.

He took a moment to look behind you, where indeed there was a black car parked near the approach with the hood open. Returning his gaze back to you, he found you anxiously waving interlocked hands and a slightly frowning brow.

“Sure,” was all he said.

The smile you sketched for him felt like a reward.

“Thank you! Really thank you so much.”

Bucky could only nod as he picked himself up off the floor.

At that moment, your gaze lowered and met the bare chest of a man who spent every morning looking for something to fix on his perfectly good motorcycle. Bucky didn't think it was ever possible again, but he felt his cheeks redden.

“I'm going to-” Bucky motioned pointing to his house and then to his bare chest and then disappeared behind the door leading into his living room from the garage.

As he entered he had leaned against the closed door and berated himself for acting like a teenager and not a responsible adult who paid his taxes on time.

He came back out a few minutes later wearing a dark shirt and found you circling around his bike, looking at it as if you were in a museum. When he approached, you straightened up in embarrassment. Bucky wondered what you could feel embarrassed for when your very existence was worthy of being admired like that in a huge museum.

“Is that your car over there?” he asked stupidly, pointing to the only car parked along the road.

But as if that hadn't been too obvious a remark, you nodded animatedly and started walking in the direction of the vehicle. It looked like that huge grin wasn't going to disappear from your face since he agreed to help you, and Bucky felt like he was going to get in trouble for it.

“It came out of the garage very normally and I parked it here. I turned the engine off and went inside to get some stuff out and when I came back it just wouldn't start,” you explained with a cute frown, as you moved closer and closer to the car, that he couldn't stop staring at as if that was what he had to fix.

“Okay,” he almost whispered, and was startled as you moved closer to him to hear what he was saying. “You can stay in the seat and turn it on when I tell you.”

You shook your head animatedly again and went to sit down to wait for his direction. Bucky lingered for a moment processing the delicious floral, sweet smell, and the vanilla that your perfume gave off. He felt it wouldn't be long before it became his favorite scent. The lavender and vanilla. Bucky wasn't even a fan of ice cream or flowers.

He reluctantly looked down, letting the scent escape into the air. He quickly spot the problem and, after a simple motion, reached up to lower the hood.

“You can turn it on now.”

Bucky watched your surprised face, eyebrows raised and lips curved in a circle. It startled him how fast you were making his heart move in such a short time. How was that even possible?

It was even better when you moved the key and the car started without a hitch, with that giant crescent smile that almost hid your eyes completely. By the time you got out of the car, any trace of discomfort or nervousness in you was gone.

“Thank you very, very, very much. You don't know what you just saved me from…”

Bucky stared intently into your shining eyes, as if in the midst of a trance, as if he had to do it to live. He became so immersed in his introspection that he almost didn't notice that you were waiting for him to give you his name.

“Bucky.”

“Bucky…”

He almost melted at your melodious voice repeating his name as simple as butter, as if that's the way it had always been.

“Thank you so much, Bucky.”

He nodded, barely curving his lips into a half smile, and that also served as a farewell.

Bucky didn't know, or maybe he did, that from that moment on he wasn't going to be able to get you out of his head. And even if he tried, doing so would be more painful than simply leaving you there growing in his thoughts like ivy.

--

Bucky had spent many nights thinking about what had gone wrong. He replayed conversations in his head endlessly, like a broken record he replayed his own words, thought about what it all would have been like if he had done something different, if he had said something different, if that really would have been a relief to his heart. Bucky had already thought of everything, but really the only answer is that you were not meant to be together as he'd imagined.

Nothing was ever reciprocated. Any spark, any friction, it all had to have been inside his head because there was no other explanation.

And everything changed that night.

He had talked to you too many times since your car thing, even though it was hard for him. You had been to his house and he had been to yours almost countless times. You would meet in town and drive back together. You walked early on weekends. You brought him the best dishes he'd ever tasted in his life to eat together….

And he decided to take you to meet his friends. Even before he took you on a date. Before talking about what you had. Before a kiss. Before sleeping together.

For Bucky there was nothing more important than you meeting his friends. That's how big his love was, even if sometimes he lied so he wouldn't see them. It was his way of loving.

Every day of his life he regretted that decision because that night it was all about Steve and you. That night he felt like the world was falling apart on him. Everyone was talking about Steve and you. That you had so much in common, that you would make a cute couple, that your children would be beautiful. Bucky loved his friends, but that night…

After that everything went to hell.

As if you'd never met him, your days began to fill with Steve.

“Where are you going?”

“Oh. I'm going to meet Steve. We have a reservation.”

“Ah.”

Every day. There wasn't a day when he didn't hear his best friend's name come out of your mouth, sentencing him to eternal agony, because Bucky was never able to tell him that he loved you first, that he fell in love first. He couldn't do that to Steve who in so many things had been with him and had gone through so much.

“Are you free tonight?”

“No, Buck, I'm sorry. I'm going out with Steve.”

“Oh, sure. Is he coming to pick you up?”

“No, I'll take a cab.”

“At this hour?”

“Don't worry. I'll text you when I get there.”

And you did. But you wrote him too much. You told him how amazing the date had gone. You described how good you felt around him. And you confessed to him that you'd kissed.

Bucky thought about moving out after that.

“Hi, Bucky!”

But he also thought about how hard it would be to be so far away from you. Maybe it was worth it to avoid a broken heart, but…. No, it was too late for that now.

“Are you doing anything tonight?”

He lifted his head so fast he felt a whiplash of tension run down his back.

“No. Why?”

Could it be possible that…?

“Then you are cordially invited to a game night at my house. Sincerely, Steve and I.”

Steve and I.

Bucky shouldn't have been disappointed because he knew he shouldn't have felt hope in the first place, but he didn't expect to feel the anger bubbling in his chest either. You walked away like it was nothing after that, with a huge smile on your face, the one that made him fall in love with you in the first place. You walked animatedly as if you hadn't just stomped his heart to smithereens. You walked totally oblivious to the overwhelming guilt that grew from the pit of his stomach to plant itself in his chest for the first time.

You didn't even know anything. There was no way Bucky could blame you. Not even Steve. He had only himself to blame. For not speaking up first, for waiting so long, for not taking the risk.

Bucky didn't go to that game night.

Not the next one, not the one after that, not the one after that, not the one after that, not the one after that either…

Bucky stopped going to his friends' monthly meetings. He always said he had too much work. And yes, he dragged out his own work so he wouldn't even risk thinking about all he had lost.

At least five months passed and it was a year to the day since that night when Bucky made the worst mistake of his life.

That night he was surprised to find Steve outside his door.

He had just come home from work. It was close to ten o'clock at night. His face was cold from the weather and from not wearing his helmet since entering his residential area.

“Steve,” was his greeting.

“Bucky,” his friend reciprocated as he parked the bike in his garage.

Reluctant to any kind of conversation that might come up that night, Bucky tried to find any possible excuse to get Steve to leave. But he took too long.

“We're neighbors now,” was all Steve said, once Bucky got off the bike and turned to face him.

“What?”

“I moved in with Y/N today. I live with her now.”

Like a hundred broken panes of glass Bucky's heart sounded every time it pounded. His friend's sparkling eyes were telling him, screaming at him to say something, to congratulate him, a few words, but his breath caught in his throat and he didn't even feel like he could trust his own legs at that moment.

You had moved in together.

You loved Steve so much that you'd asked him to move in with you.

“That's good, Steve.”

Not even great, just good. The words came almost slurred out of his mouth, and yes, his own head ripped the words out of him before it became too awkward and suspicious a silence.

“We tried to call you to come by after work. We had a little party.”

“I had my cell phone on silent.”

Bullshit. Bucky had seen every call, even yours, along with your messages, and had spent a good while just staring at the screen wondering what it could be about that both of you at the same time wanted to contact him.

“I figured.”

Steve sighed, and for a second Bucky thought he had figured it out. From the look on his face, Bucky figured he'd tell him to stay away from you and not try to get close because he'll have him between his eyebrows.

“You can stop by tomorrow at breakfast, if you want.”

Somehow, that was worse.

“No, thanks.”

“Buck-”

“I'm leaving very early for work.”

“Bucky-”

“I can't, Steve, I'm sorry.”

“Bucky, we haven't seen you in months.”

The aforementioned stood halfway through opening the door to his living room, almost completely forgetting that had he gone through to the other side he would have locked his best friend in his garage and, for a moment, that almost didn't even matter to him. The thought scared him.

“It's been about four months since I've seen you in person. I figured you were going through something and needed time, but hasn't it been a long time already?”

“Five.”

“What?”

“It's been five months,” Bucky turned to look at his friend unhinged face and guilt washed over him once more, as strong as the first time, a great wave breaking the sand. “Come in. So you can go out the front door because I already locked that door and it's electric and very slow and…”

The sympathetic expression on Steve's face didn't please him, he decided he didn't like it. It looked like he was looking at him with sorrow, with pain, but he didn't understand, he wasn't going through half of what Bucky was feeling everyday, he didn't have the slightest idea. He was going to a warm bed after this, at least, and Bucky would get to the great solitude of his thoughts.

No. Steve didn't understand shit.

“Don't look at me with that fucking face,” he exclaimed before he could stop himself. “Just leave.”

Bucky thought about that hurt expression on Steve's face for several days.

--

Two months later, somehow, you had convinced Bucky to attend one of your monthly meetings. It was so hard and yet so easy to make that decision, because you had gone all the way to his house and knocked on his door and asked him to come so many times that he couldn't say no just to avoid seeing your disappointed face.

And so it had come to that moment. That moment where everyone was booing Natasha and Bucky could tell by your huge smile that he hadn't gotten over you one bit. Two months without seeing you had been for nothing. That zero contact method surely only worked with teenagers.

As the laughter dissipated, Bucky thought about all he had been through and all he had suffered in silence. He hated that he couldn't hate anyone because everything that had happened was his fault. He hated every time he logged on to his text app and had to find himself in the group chat various messages about how Steve and you made such a great couple that neither of them could wait for you to get married.

Maybe Bucky complained too much.

Because the next thing he knew, everyone gathered around the table and you announced your engagement to Steve. When the table was again filled with shouts and applause, Bucky couldn't take his eyes off the giant ketchup stain on the table that Natasha had caused by getting too excited about the news. The envelope had been crushed by her hand, splattering its contents on that piece of the table and even on the shirts of those nearby. But no one really cared, because you and Steve were getting married. No one except…

... Bucky's weak and bruised heart, which despite the months could never stop beating just for you. Even though he tried, for his sake, for the sake of your friendship, for the sake of being happy for his best friend, he simply could not. It was a losing battle for him from the start. Ever since you showed up in his front yard in that blessed white flowered dress you were wearing now to deliver that news, and you smiled gratefully at him with the same smile you had now as you were encircled by Wanda and Tony's arms.

Bucky wanted to say that he'd grown accustomed to the pain that accompanies a broken heart, but the truth was that it never got easier. Every time he felt that pain, he prayed he wouldn't have to feel it again, because the pain that followed was so much stronger, so much so that he felt it suck the air out of him and a hollowness made its space inside his chest.

Bucky was really struggling to keep his composure at that moment.

But when he looked away from the large ketchup stain on the table, he met Steve's eyes, and somehow he knew. Bucky knew that he knew. However it was, coincidence or fate, Bucky realized that Steve knew what was going through his head.

And, for some reason, Steve didn't look angry.

But Bucky wasn't taking that pressure. Feeling invisible hands suffocating him.

So he barely mumbled an apology to him and ran out of the house.

His intention was to make it to the safety of his house, but his legs only gave out until he found his motorcycle parked in front of the future husband and wife's house.

His breathing was heavy, rapid and ragged. Of all the heartbreaks, that one was perhaps the most painful.

“Bucky?”

Hearing your voice behind him as he tried to fight the anxiety of not crying, not that moment, not in that place, not when it could be so obvious to you, was like a bucket of cold water. He suddenly felt alert, uncovered.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes. Why?”

“You ran out of the house.”

Although he tried to avoid it, the first thing he saw when you stepped around him to face him was the large ring that was now part of you. It was beautiful and delicate, Steve had made a good choice.

“I was overwhelmed for a moment. The screaming and stuff,” he gave you a lousy excuse, but it seemed to convince you enough.

“Oh, sure, I'm sorry. Do you want me to make you some tea? I've got a soothing one.”

“No,” Bucky shook his head quickly. “No need. I'd better go to my place.”

“So soon?”

Bucky looked into those deer eyes he loved so much and it hurt so much to think that would be the last time he saw them.

“Yeah, I'll feel better there. Don't worry.”

“Text me if you need anything.”

“Sure,” he wasn't going to. “Ah, congratulations on the engagement.”

Bucky was going to leave it at that, at a few simple words he tried to say with his heart in his hand, but you went further and jumped in to hug him by wrapping your arms around his neck. He felt dizzy for a moment.

“If it wasn't for you I never would have met him. Thanks, Buck.”

Bucky swallowed hard to keep from collapsing right there in your arms.

“Sure.”

“And to think I thought I'd end up with you,” you blurted out with a chuckle, as if it was nothing, as you backed away from his body, as if you hadn't just dropped a bomb on his face.

Bucky went cold.

“What?”

You laughed again, as if it was nothing more than a funny anecdote from adolescence or college. His chest heaved from the pain, his heart pounding so hard he felt it behind his ears. Hands sweaty, he didn't feel ready to listen to you.

“When we first met I liked you, Bucky, and I thought maybe we could work something out… But then I met Steve and it was… Wow, like fireworks.”

“Ah.”

“I guess things really do happen for a reason.”

“Yeah, right,” Bucky replied on automatic, afraid that any distraction would give him a glimpse, trying to even out his breathing.

“Well, you know, text me if you need anything.”

“Yeah.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

“See you at the wedding, huh.”

“Sure.”

Bucky followed you with his eyes as you walked back to your driveway, where Steve was waiting for you. His gaze lit up as much as yours every time he saw you and the lump in Bucky's throat kept getting bigger and bigger. He couldn't be one second closer to that house.

But then you walked into the house and Bucky met Steve's gaze.

He started to get on his bike as his best friend started walking towards him.

“Why didn't you ever say anything?”

Bucky remained sitting on the bike, helmet in his hands.

“I'm not going to talk about this with you now, Steve.”

“No, Bucky, you're not going to do this again. Answer me.”

“Steve…”

“Answer me!”

Bucky turned to see his friend's contracted face and knew where his anger was coming from. It wasn't against him, it wasn't against his feelings.

“I just… I couldn't do it.”

“And that's all?”

“Yeah, that's all,” Bucky started the bike. “I couldn't say anything when I saw you smile for the first time in months. Not when you actually looked happy after everything you went through.”

“What I went through? What we went through, Bucky! We both suffered through it and you… you…”

“Whatever it is, Steve, it's over. The time is past. It's all behind us.”

“Bucky…” Steve slurred the words, incredulous, pained to see his best friend allowed to suffer like that. In deep pain because he knew if it had been the other way around he would have done the same.

“I'll be fine. Send me the invitation to the wedding. I promise I'll be there, if you want me there. And I'll be fine by then. I'll be fine.”

Bucky finally put on the case and without waiting for final words from Steve, he took off riding to an aimless destination.

He didn't know if he would be better by the time the wedding happened, because thinking about it at that moment made the tears run desperately down his cheeks, even though the wind dried them very quickly, just as they were replaced by others and others.

Bucky had no idea if he would ever be well again, but he had to try. He had to try because at that moment he felt like he would die.

[avpdvoidspace]

Since you've mentioned a couple of times having comorbid OCPD, would you mind explaining more about the effect that disorder has on you? Out of every PD, it's the one I never find people talking about. Due to that, and the diagnostic criteria itself being (as ever) exasperatingly superficial and vague, It's hard to know where to even look for information about it..!

Sure. I agree that it's very difficult to find information about ocpd online. I guess I could categorize my experience with ocpd into three categories: things that are absolutely recognized symptoms of ocpd, things that overlap with other obsessive compulsive spectrum disorders (like things more traditionally thought of as OCD symptoms), and things that I have to assume come from ocpd because they seem to but I don't know if they're universal because I don't see other people talking about having ocpd. So in terms of things that are definitely ocpd experiences: I really don't feel safe or comfortable in situations I don't have at least some control over. I need to control my space, my food, who is around me, etc to feel safe. This also applies to my time and schedule. I get very agitated when it's interrupted, even if I don't show it. I tend to plan my day's activities pretty rigidly and it stresses me out when I'm not able to follow through. I also have very rigid ways I like to do things, and it stresses me out if I have to do something with someone else's method or if someone in my apartment does something differently to how I would do it, especially things like eating without washing hands first, not taking shoes off before coming in, etc. I try to keep this kind of thing in check because I don't want to be controlling or obnoxious, but it causes me a lot of stress internally. This has been very difficult when I've had a job and I'm being told to do things a particular way but it's not MY way. It's also difficult when I'm intentionally trying to push myself to try a different method for, say, drawing something. Even though I'm making the choice, I'm breaking my method and it feels extremely Wrong. The next category is overlap with other obsessive compulsive spectrum disorders. I definitely get intrusive thoughts and the anxiety inducing spiral of 'something bad will happen if I don't have the tv volume set to an odd number' and 'I feel compelled to make sure my foot touches to the floor in a very certain way right now for Reasons'. I also have health anxiety that gets worse if I try to engage in reassurance seeking behavior (but this only started after I got diagnosed with a chronic illness, so it could be a combination of ocpd and trauma). But you can apply the mechanics of health anxiety to other things that pop into my head to frighten me with no basis in reality that start the reassurance seeking/me becoming more convinced the terrible thing is true cycle. Then the third category, which is random things I think are ocpd but who knows because there aren't a lot of other people out there talking about their personal experiences with it: I like recording things. Every day, I write the weather conditions down in a notebook. I also have very rigid records of my drawing time and draw with a stopwatch going to make sure I'm keeping track and write everything in a notepad++ file like so

I get extremely stressed out if anything gets in the way of this process! You could say my life kind of revolves around this actually. I've actually drawn at least an hour a day for about a decade (knock on wood...), and I track it every day. In general, I have a lot of fun creating methods and systems to follow rigidly. It's like a game even. Maybe why I like playing games with a lot of organization/time management... Love giving myself a list of tasks and completing them. Speaking of games, I love Pokemon Legends Arceus because it is essentially a checklist simulator. Also, I experience something similar to special interests but maybe not exactly the same. I wouldn't say hyperfixations either because they're not fleeting. They're very enduring. I wish I could explain more about how they're unique from either special interests (in the autistic meaning of the phrase) and hyperfixations (like with ADHD), but it's kind of hard to explain without feeling like I'm explaining it poorly. And last, something that could go in either this category or the second because it's something I've heard people diagnosed with OCD talk about experiencing is I have a weird thing with my memory where my visual/auditory memory are weirdly strongly connected. So if I'm listening to something while drawing, if I listen to it again, I can 'see' what I was drawing at the time. If I look at the drawing, I'll remember the part of the audiobook or whatever I was listening to. It's to the point that if I was listening to an audiobook while playing a certain video game, hearing the audiobook again will make me crave playing the video game really intensely! It's like I can see exactly where I was in the game as if I was playing it right now. Anyway, I hope that was helpful. I tried to include everything I could think of. My life is very rigid, but I guess if there's one more thing I could say about that, it's that the rigidity excites me and feels like it lights up my brain with feel-good chemicals. I think having ocpd is like a combination of extreme anxiety and the ability to create fun engaging activities all by myself and with very few resources.

[gorbo-longstocking]

Omg hi I’m the anon about having a dream about chapter 9!!! Thank you so much,I’m looking forward to this absolutely work are art. THIS ISNT ME TELLING YOU WHAT TO DO but it would be cool if you could do more works like it! Loving the vibes of it a lot of maybe if you feel up to using similar media to write different stories would be so epic if you have thought of it! I just love how you write things and incorporate it all together it’s beautiful!!! Thank you so much again -🍒

GOD THIS IS SO SWEET. man, i think this about all of my projects when im working on them, but dare i day that i think dnbts is my most coherent and well put together one yet. i have a bad habit of not planning ahead and just going with the flow, and while im still doing that with dnbts, i have at the VERY LEAST and ending in mind for it! which is honestly more than i can say for my other fics.

speaking of which! if you ever wanted to read any of my other fics, while i dont think theyre as good as dnbts, a few have similar themes to the “i can fix them”isms, and a sweet but somewhat toxic relationships. and also they can be read fandom blind, I THINK???? along with some other future projects that i have planned. ill put all that information under the cut, and if you ever want the vibes for any of my fics, just check out the playlist for it! theyre all on my pinned post. itll tell you all you need to know

okay for fics im working on and have already published, if you like “do not blame the sea,” check out:

wolf, made for slaughter - an oc x canon polyamory endgame about a weirdo freak main character who used to be a mercenary under the tutelage of their abusive creator who they are a clone of moves to gotham and desperately tries not to be discovered as a criminal by batman while entering the most toxic yaoi imaginable with two rogues (scarecrow and riddler)

nemesis & nike - an undertale fanfiction, that… okay, to the uninvolved of the undertale fandom, lowkey needs some explaining. but basically, the first arc — which im still working on — is a survival horror where the main character (who is an autistic dog coded transmasc, i love those if you couldn’t tell) has to try not to be killed by vengeful alternate universe variants of sans and papyrus. and they all fall in gay love the end.

displeasures of the flesh - this is my transformers fanfiction that’s a romance featuring two background characters from the comics being forced into human bodies after their deaths. yn is a weirdo freak who finds one of them and they go on a journey to find his original giant robot body, falling in toxic love along the way. also his boyfriend shows up and a throuple happens. this one, while no where NEAR well written, has some of my favorite scenes and themes of anything ive ever written.

all three of these fics feature a trans main character, freaky/damaged love interests, and half toxic / half sweet romances. id say nemesis & nike are the least toxic and half of the love interests are all trying to kill the mc.

and as for future projects

out of sight, out of time - my book that i’m trying to publish, so i likely won’t post it anywhere online. however, if you want to read or stay updated with the draft, you can always dm me! i dont mind! it’s a time travel romantic comedy about an uptight roman centurion waking up in modern day kentucky and having a nuisances to lovers arc with a lazy but kind farmer

balm for the soul - sister fic to displeasures of the flesh featuring the other three members of the decepticon justice division x scientist reader. i have to finish displeasures of the flesh to start this one and that’ll take a WHILE.

metameric hearts - another original work that i don’t really know what to do with because it’s basically just monster porn. the plot is a human astronaut is shot into space in a one way trip to search for intelligent life. they are knocked off course and, coincidentally, picked up by an alien vessel in orbit of a small planet studying the microscopic lifeforms on the surface. its first contact for both species, three giant centipede scientists and one little human. there was supposed to be some humor there where the aliens are trying to hide the human from their superiors so the human doesn’t get carted away to be dissected. so darkly humorous.

commodus modern au x reader - no title for this one yet, but we were talking about it in the server and i MUST write it one day. basically yn works at a restaurant as a waiter, and their coworkers is maximus, who is a bartender. commodus shows up to deliver maximus a message from lucilla, but winds up sitting down to eat during the slow hours and you are his waiter. in short, you are nice to him and accidentally validate him during his bad day with your stellar customer service and he becomes pathetically hyperfixated on you. love fails!

oneshot modern au caracalla x alga - i just listened to lost kitten by metric once and saw visions of modern caralga. if i need a palate cleanser from writing dnbts ill cook this up

possible assassins creed odyssey longfic featuring stentor x reader - this would be the most similar one to dnbts as its set in ancient greece and it’d be a time travel romance because i LOVE those. this is my favorite game btw chat.

possible star wars isekai x reader fic - i had this plotted out in my head last summer but i didnt write anything down except in my qpps discord dms so. we shall see if this ever comes to fruition but i really really like the idea. it’d be clone centric because i FUCKING LOOOOOVE the clones

possible doctor who doctor x time lord!reader - featuring themes of identity, trauma, and toxic yaoi. no clue when ill get around to this as i genuinely don’t remember anything about doctor who but TRUST this is a yaoi so toxic. sad miserable sweaty yn shaking like a chihuahua while this fucking alien projects all of his hopes onto them