#maybe if it becomes relevant again Later I might

[catman-draws]

Sollux is, like, the only normal guy there. He's just trying to mind his own business, but the Paradox Space won't always let him do this, so he's annoyed 24/7. Just some dude who wants to keep being some dude. Anyway, cursed request if you feel like taking it, how about adding Vriska to the Sollux HaremTM? ✨️

You're so valid, but I'm afraid I have a policy on drawing Vriska as little as possible

[possiblylando]

HTP; Ghoul Lore Audio Log Spoilers/Analysis/Discussion

Dude holy shit uh Spoiler barrier and then all in cause

Okay Okay fuck where to begin this episode literally changes everything okay I guess lets start at the Draught. Based on what we know about this unique Draught, it means Grimal might not be the ghoul?? If the ghoul potentially has this Draught (which I vaguely doubt will come into play in this arc specifically) it could mean anyone could be the ghoul so long as they were only in a place without 1 other person. Atleast I assume so because if they could use this high power Dominate on multiple people simultaneously then this whole operation would be cooked from the start. While I was very mixed on the idea of Gloria as the Ghoul previously, I think its far more possible now. This high level Dominate (Lets assume 4 dots) This ghoul could have access to Rationalize or Forgetful Mind, Or any others in that category. If Grimal is was being commanded to act that could explain why everything is so suspicious around her. Have someone else go in and take care of Occam while the ghoul sits with someone else and has the perfect alibi. So now I think the possibilities for Ghoul are; 1. Grimal is the Ghoul (The Draught is a red herring and simply setting up something in a future arc instead of this current one.) 2. Gloria is the Ghoul & has this Draught; this is based more on Vibes and the fact Gloria doesn't actually do too much in part 1 outside checking Occam's pulse. If she's the ghoul and commanded someone (Namely Grimal) to attack Occam, she would have a vested interested in knowing if the attack was successful. Okay thats about it for my thoughts on the Ghoul right now. Onto the far more important bit of this episode. Because this was not simpyl a Ghoul Lore episode, THIS WAS A MARCKUS LORE EPISODE TROJAN HORSE.

But before the deep Marckus shit- Markus was 12 in 1988. Door was present and seems to be in his 20s or 30s. Boy has not been born yet and Boy is 11 in 2006 so he was born in like 1995. So I think its reasonable to place door as being in his 20s here, having Boy in his 30s. This means Door is probably 8-15? (Maybe) years older than Markus which would make him roughly 40 in modern day. D does look markedly younger in these photographs but I'm not sure if thats art style or actually because he's aged. It does put a damped on my thoughts about D being MUCH older than he seems. But we do know his previous Ex-Wife Rozalia (The Ghoul) is roughly 108 in modern day. It seems to be implied D had met & later married her after she was pretty deep into being a ghoul so there probably was a large age gap already. But it still kinda stands out to me. D is very afraid or Marckus becoming a Ghoul because he sees himself in him. I don't necessarily think D was a ghoul (thought it could explain his weird age). Thought all this might be confirmation Bias as in the more recent episodes D's hair has been more consistently colored with grey streaks when compared to earlier episodes where it was more like a sheen in his hair. It just feels like D has done too much to only be roughly in his 60-70s and very fit. While older people can certainly be in good physical condition it doesnt seem like D has suffered any real negatives from aging? He's MINIMUM 18 years older than Door who is in his 40s but again that's a low ball. I don't know. Alright time for the Marckus stuff. So its rather basic background knowledge that HTP's main cast is inspired by the cast of Warhammer 40k TTS. Now up until this point I had thought it was mostly a baseline thing. Only really carrying over personalities and vague relationships between characters while having the freedom to change them with that background knowledge. But based on this episode it appears to be more relevant.

Whatever the fuck Marckus managed to summon, It was something not even D understood. This is in directly parallel with 40k's Magnus who Marckus is based on. For those who don't know about 40k lore (I don't blame you its VERY long.), Magnus is a Primarch (Emperor's special kids) who ended up being manipulated by 40k's god of trickery and ended up fucking up literally everything because of his lack of thinking things through and the influence of said trickster god. Gods in 40k are manifestations of humanity (and alien's) collective subconscious minds and often take the forms of their most volatile negative aspects. They're entited formed from 'The Warp' which is the source of magic in 40k. Magnus is very naturally tuned to the warp. Almost all the issues in TTS (and 40k) relating to Magnus are because he has a MASSIVE complex. He craves parental affection and affirmation but in TTS every time he thinks hes denied it, some shit goes wrong. When he actually gets that parental affection (Earlier season 2 iirc) he mellows out alot until finding out the only reason the emperor (D's counterpart) brought him back was so that Magnus would act as a pawn and decoy in his 5d chess game to deal with political enemies. Magnus is not happy about this. With all this background information, whats present in this episode slots into place. Marckus seems to have forgotten about the incident yes. The better case is that he blocked out the memory due to trauma. But the worse possibility is that a seed was planted. One that's been festering within him since that time. D may be planning to tell Marckus everything in a few months, But I get the feeling before those months are up, That seed will sprout. In one form or another, Marckus will be given the option to go down the same path of darkness as his predecessor. I don't think Marckus would go for such a path without a push but the one providing that push might be D, even if unintentionally. D is so focused on the forest that he's missing the trees.

[kimberleyjean]

Good Omens S1 Parallels - 1/?

Saturday Morning Funtime is a particularly interesting episode for me, because it suggests something about the structure of parallels Season One. Also, it's easier to start with a single episode than trying to cover the whole show at once. I'm going to show you six different scenes from Saturday Morning Funtime and how they link together.

Let's start with the pun pointed out by Danny Motta in his video (link here to relevant timestamp if you haven't seen it). Danny made the link between this scene near the start of E4, where Aziraphale gets exercise:

And this scene at the end, where Aziraphale was exorcised (according to Shadwell, at least):

Cool, seems like a funny pun. But there's no way to know it was intentional right? Well, I think I can argue it was. Let's look at another scene.

We have this scene where Hastur destroys 3 Erics on the plains of Megiddo. Since each demon has a corresponding animal, I'm going to go ahead and place bets on the Eric's being rabbits, and Hastur destroys 2/3 of them.

And then later we have this scene where Hastur again destroys 2/3 rabbits, but this time they're cartoon bunnies - the first one he beheads like a costume, the second he rips out it's throat.

Ok, but again, why am I linking these two scenes? No deep character insights, or thematic elements are being displayed here... Except that's a key reason I'm pointing them out - they're seemingly pretty pointless, so why bother to make them? Well, maybe the sum is bigger than the parts. One more example and then I'll show you how this comes together.

Here's a scene which I think is pretty good foreshadowing of something that will happen later in the episode - Hastur and Ligur talking about the dripping pipes down in Hell. Hastur has a little bucket he's collecting water in, which he uses in a toast:

And later, we have this particularly gruesome scene of Ligur becoming toast at the hands of a bucket full of (holy)water:

Ok, so six scenes, three sets of parallels... now's where the magic happens... I take E4 as a whole... loop it over on itself like a piece of trick rope from Goldstein's magic shop and....

Tada! Here's the episode laid out in 2 minute increments.

Some pretty interesting places to have parallels, no? That two minute block at the start is a lead in before the opening credits, so the Exercise and Exorcism scenes are coming directly before and directly after the open and close sequence (shown above in blue).

I'd be lying if I said it didn't remind me of the overall chiastic structure that some people have worked on, such as this one by @drconstellation, just on a smaller scale.

It's also interesting to note that each of these parallel pairs relates to someone getting discorporated - Eric, Ligur and then Aziraphale.

What's the point?

So, I promised that I would share a little on why this might be important. In my opinion? It appears like there is some detailed structure to Good Omens, at least in S1.

It should also be noted that these scenes were added only for the show in order to produce this effect - Aziraphale exercising with Gabriel, Hastur and Ligur talking about the pipes, the three cartoon rabbits in the theatre - they were all newly created for the show.

Why go to the bother of creating these little parallel moments at corresponding points along a mirrored structure? Especially when these don't necessarily have ramifications for characters or plot? Is it just good story telling or is it something more? These are all questions worth asking in my opinion. I think it relates to how this show treats words and language in a very Pratchetty fashion. The whole show is a dedication to Terry, after all.

Of course, if things were so simple, I think we would have figured it all out long ago. Parallels, puns, wordplay... they're all quite slippery things. There are things I would consider to be parallels which don't line up with this same structure. For example, the scene from earlier with Gabriel and Aziraphale exercising? The "lose the gut" gut-punch foreshadows this other gut punch scene in E4 too:

Despite examples to the contrary, the presence of parallels and wordplay that do line up along a mirrored structure makes me want to explore this further. If you're also interested in this and want to collaborate, please let me know.

This will be a continuing series, as and when time allows, because parallels seem to be absolutely everywhere. Future posts will look at parallels at different levels (within scenes, across episodes, and across seasons).

Let me know if you spot any others - I'd love to hear about them. They might be hidden in the visuals, wordplay, puns and more...

----------------------

With thanks to all the detectives for keeping me clue hunting @embracing-the-ineffable, @theastrophysicistnextdoor, @noneorother, @somehow-a-human, @komorezuki, @maufungi, @lookingatacupoftea, @havemyheartaziraphale, @251-dmr, @dunkthebiscuit, and @ghstptats <3

[nyoomerr]

For the drabble request, I can never get enough shixiong!SY bingqiu. But only if you're up to it :)

ok it turns out i'm fundamentally unable to write a drabble as short as theyre meant to be, so here's over 4k words of shixiong!sy for your perusal 🤡 (+ a decent helping of cranky peak lord sqq and his wayward head disciple sy)

---

Shen Yuan… has possibly let himself become a bit too relaxed, since he first transmigrated. He used to spend every day on high alert: every cute little kid might be the protagonist, every mistake he made might have been logged somewhere for a petty revenge side plot later. He wouldn’t dare miss anything plot relevant, not when it might cause his doom. After all, ‘Shen Yuan’ wasn’t even a named character within PIDW - he was well and truly canon fodder!

But then, ah… Then Shen Yuan was accepted as a disciple on Qing Jing, and then he was a personal disciple of the notorious Shen Qingqiu, and then - 

Well, not even Shen Yuan can keep up that sort of hyper vigilance all the time, okay!! He’s the scum villain’s head disciple - basically a henchman! If he lived in fear for every moment he might be condemned, he’d never have a second to rest!

It isn’t Shen Yuan’s fault that the best way to relax in this world is to go on years-long expeditions off peak! 

…It might, maybe, be just a tiny bit my fault, Shen Yuan thinks, staring at Luo Binghe with horror. How does he manage to take such a long vacation that he misses the protagonist’s arrival onto Qing Jing? What kind of fake fan is he, ah?!

Luo Binghe has not introduced himself as such, but there is no way he can be anyone but Luo Binghe. His hair falls into perfect curls around a face so cute and round Shen Yuan wants to squish his cheeks until they turn pink, and he’s wearing an expression so determined and focused that it puts Shen Yuan to shame as the head disciple.

And he’s chopping wood. That’s the most recognizable part, obviously. 

Shen Yuan forces himself to step forward into the small glade he found Luo Binghe in, clearing his throat awkwardly. Luo Binghe whips around, and Shen Yuan nearly cringes at the nervous apprehension on the boy’s face.

“Ah, I didn’t mean to startle you…” Shen Yuan trails off. Luo Binghe stares at him and says nothing. Shen Yuan’s perfectly nice and friendly smile starts to slip. “I don’t think I’ve seen you around before…?”

“Apologies to Shixiong, this one will be sure to cut wood further away from the main peak buildings, so Shixiong doesn’t have to see me again.”

“Wha - wait, wait, that’s not what I meant!” Shen Yuan cries, becoming increasingly concerned about just how long he’s been away from Qing Jing. 

For Luo Binghe to already be this wary of any Shixiong who looks his way… ah, Shen Yuan has basically already failed every single one of his loose plans to keep Luo Binghe from blackening! He wasn’t even there to witness Luo Binghe’s initial perfect white sheep days, let alone keep him out of the warpath of bullies and bitter Shizuns!

“This Shixiong is Shen Yuan,” he says, taking a few slow steps closer to Luo Binghe. Somehow, he gets the feeling that he has to be ready to catch Luo Binghe by the scruff if he tries to run off or start a fight while Shen Yuan is just trying to introduce himself, ah!

“This one is Luo Binghe,” Luo Binghe replies, dipping into a perfunctory bow.

“Yes!” Shen Yuan says. “I mean - well, it’s a good name.”

Luo Binghe’s expression only grows more wary. 

“And ah, how long has Luo Binghe been on the peak?” Shen Yuan asks, even though the look Luo Binghe is giving him makes him want to slink back off into the bamboo forest. He has to know - if he’s lucky, it’ll only have been a year or two, and Shen Yuan can -

“This one has been a disciple of Qing Jing for over three years, now,” Luo Binghe says.

“Hm!” Shen Yuan says, because what he really wants to do is yell but he can’t do that with this customer service smile plastered on his face. 

Inwardly, he allows himself to monologue out a list of swears that would’ve gotten his old online accounts temporarily locked. Over three years is too long!! The blackening has already started!! Luo Binghe has already started damaging his meridians by following that cursed fake manual, has already started training under Meng Mo, and most importantly has already given up hope of being accepted here and started farming resentment instead!

Shen Yuan is fucked!! What sort of half-assed blackening prevention plan starts this late!?

“Ah, so Luo-shidi must already be 15, or nearly there,” Shen Yuan says aloud, laughing nervously. “Are you, um, sure?”

Please, please tell this pitiful Shixiong of yours that you just misspoke!!

Luo Binghe looks at him like he’s an idiot. Shen Yuan can feel nervous sweat beading along his forehead.

“It’s just - well, Luo-shidi is quite small, for being 15,” Shen Yuan says, and then nearly bites his tongue in an attempt to correct himself. Who is he to call the protagonist ‘small,’ ah!! “Not quite small! Only a bit! Only - uh, only slightly smaller than I’d expect! It’s only that I’m already 19, and Luo-shidi is much - I mean only a little! - shorter than I am, so -”

Shen Yuan makes himself shut up. You’re making a fool of yourself in front of the protagonist, you idiot!

“This one will be sure to train more to get bigger,” Luo Binghe says, though it sounds a bit like he’s talking through gritted teeth.

“No, no, you’re training plenty!” Shen Yuan rushes to say. “Uh, that is - admittedly, I’ve been off peak for some time now, but when I was Luo-shidi’s age, things like chopping wood were a group chore, so if you’re managing it all by yourself, surely you’re… big and strong…”

Shen Yuan shuts up again. Luo Binghe stares at him some more, but there’s something in his expression that seems more considering that it had been just a moment ago.

After a long stretch of awkward silence, he seems to come to some sort of resolution, and takes a hesitant step towards Shen Yuan.

“Forgive this one’s ignorance,” he says, slow and careful. “The other Shixiong said it was a chore best done alone to build strength. Is that wrong?”

“Very wrong,” Shen Yuan says, nearly beside himself with relief. 

Good, very good! Luo Binghe hasn’t lost all hope for his time on Qing Jing Peak just yet, after all! Given the chance, he’ll still try to carefully raise the issue of his bullying to a responsible Shixiong to take care of!

Shen Yuan can so be a responsible Shixiong that takes care of reports of bullying for Luo Binghe!!

“Oh,” Luo Binghe says, edging even closer to Shen Yuan. “Then what does Shen-shixiong think I should do?”

“Luo-shidi doesn’t have to do anything about this,” Shen Yuan says firmly. “This Shixiong will take care of finding out who’s meant to be sharing this chore with you and make them do the rest of it.”

“There might be multiple people,” Luo Binghe offers, still speaking with a caution that makes it quite clear how likely he thinks it is that Shen Yuan’s assistance will vanish as soon as Luo Binghe complains too much. 

“Because Luo-shidi has been made to do this chore alone for many days, now?” Shen Yuan asks. 

Still looking a bit wary, Luo Binghe nods. Shen Yuan sighs, having expected that answer, and takes the final steps needed to get within arm’s reach of Luo Binghe. Luo Binghe watches him closely, his hands curling tighter around the ax he’d been using to chop the wood. 

Moving slowly so as not to spook him, Shen Yuan raises one hand to place gently on Luo Binghe’s head. He really is too short for 15, but Shen Yuan knows all the details of ‘why’ - having to work too hard with not enough rest, having meals withheld from him or being served with spoilt ingredients - any kid would be a bit small, when under those conditions.

Luo Binghe had gone stiff under Shen Yuan’s touch, and Shen Yuan takes a moment to pet the top of his head for a moment before saying anything else, hoping to get Luo Binghe to relax again. 

Ah, I really did mean to try and keep you safe, Shen Yuan thinks to himself, feeling regretful. He’d come to Cang Qiong with the intention of finding Luo Binghe early, after all, and had worked as hard as he had in order to be ready for Luo Binghe when he came.

But then he had worked too hard, and Shen Qingqiu had promoted him to head disciple, and suddenly Shen Yuan thought he might go insane if he wasn’t able to get off Qing Jing Peak and stay off for as long as he could possibly get away with, and - 

How stupid of him. Luo Binghe must have been taken in during the disciple selection the very same year that Shen Yuan had taken off on his extended field trip. How very, very stupid of Shen Yuan, to think that things wouldn’t go upside down the second he looked away - this is Luo Binghe’s story, after all, and it’s always been a bit of a tragedy.

“Then this Shixiong can only apologize to you,” Shen Yuan says softly, with perhaps just a bit too much sincerity. “And in the future, if you’re given this sort of work again, I’ll chop wood in your place.”

Under his hand, Luo Binghe peers up at Shen Yuan with wide, hungry eyes. Shen Yuan gives him a final pat before withdrawing his hand, and plasters his friendly smile back on his face. 

“Now, why don’t you get cleaned up, hm? I’ll meet you again later - this Shixiong of yours still needs to report back to Shizun that I’ve returned from my trip.”

Luo Binghe nods, still watching Shen Yuan with an intensity that would feel more at home on an emperor than a scrawny 15 year old, and Shen Yuan beats a hasty retreat.

Despite all the pretty promises he made to Luo Binghe, he’s going to have to think of something clever to actually be able to fulfill them.

After all, not even all of his meta knowledge combined would be able to save Shen Yuan from his Shizun.

---

Shen Yuan has been pacing outside Shen Qingqiu’s bamboo house for ten minutes now. Nothing he can think of is good enough to convince someone as petty and stubborn as Shen Qingqiu. 

Once, at the start of his time on Qing Jing Peak, Shen Yuan had tied his disciple robes wrong, unused to wearing anything quite so complex. Shen Qingqiu had sneered at his mistake in the moment, and then for every major event in the next five years straight he’d made a point to comment snidely on how well Shen Yuan has managed to dress himself.

That’s the sort of mean streak this man has!! If he doesn’t like something, he’ll keep harping on that one thing for years, even after that thing isn’t around to bother him anymore! How is Shen Yuan supposed to coax Luo Binghe out of the jaws of a man like that?

Ah, forget it, forget it! Shen Yuan would just - he’d come back another day! Greeting Shen Qingqiu wasn’t really necessary, Shen Yuan could just -

“I was under the impression that Shen Yuan was a head disciple returning from field work, not a child trying to avoid bedtime.”

Shen Yuan whips around, the hair on the back of his neck standing on end like a spooked cat. There, kneeling elegantly on his front porch not ten meters from Shen Yuan, is Shen Qingqiu.

“Shizun!” Shen Yuan cries, trying to force his grimace into a nice, polite smile. “When did - I mean - this disciple means -”

Shen Qingqiu closes his fan with a harsh snap, and Shen Yuan shuts his mouth so fast he almost bites his tongue.

“Well?” Shen Qingqiu asks dryly, and Shen Yuan hurriedly drops into a bow. 

“This disciple greets Shizun!” Shen Yuan shouts, his ears burning with embarrassment. 

Shen Qingqiu hums, and Shen Yuan risks peeking out from his bow to look at him. 

He does not look especially pleased.

With all the elegance of a wild cat, Shen Qingqiu unfolds himself from his kneeling position on the porch and glides over to Shen Yuan. 

“Too low,” he says, slapping at Shen Yuan’s wrists with his fan. “Or was Shen Yuan hoping there would be a replacement head disciple waiting for him by the time he came back from his trip?”

“Ahahaha,” Shen Yuan wheezes, carefully correcting himself into a bow of a slightly higher ranked disciple than the one he’d originally slipped into. “Of course this disciple is honored by the position and very very grateful for Shizun’s benevolence in leaving it to him even during his absence…”

“What advice does Shen Yuan think his Shizun has for him?” Shen Qingqiu asks sharply, and Shen Yuan winces.

“‘Talk less,’ Shizun,” he recites dutifully. It is advice that Shen Qingqiu has given him many, many times.

Shen Qingqiu sniffs haughtily and walks a slow circle around Shen Yuan, inspecting him. Shen Yuan tries not to sweat too profusely. He really had been hoping that Shen Qingqiu may have forgotten about Shen Yuan in his years away, ah!

Finally, Shen Qingqiu completes his inspection, stopping once more in front of Shen Yuan. 

“What sort of pathetic creature has Shen Yuan carved the bones of to make his hairpiece?” He asks, using his fan to prod at Shen Yuan’s hairpin.

“A Hundred Year Crystal Tortoise, Shizun,” Shen Yuan answers.

“And the leather of your belt?”

“A Golden-Footed Acidic Bear, Shizun.”

“And did you even bother to remove the -”

“- the needle hairs beneath the Bear’s skin before treating the pelt,” Shen Yuan interrupts. “Yes, Shizun.”

Shen Qingqiu scoffs. “How bold you’ve gotten, interrupting your Shizun.”

“...Sorry, Shizun,” Shen Yuan mumbles, deflating a bit.

“Still,” Shen Qingqiu sighs, and Shen Yuan peeks back up at him again. “You did decent enough, I suppose.”

Shen Yuan perks up, half-standing up out of his bow. “Thanking Shizun -!”

Shen Qingqiu whacks him over the head with his fan. “If Shen Yuan’s trip had been only a single year, instead of nearly four!”

Shen Yuan very quickly gets back into the proper deferential position. 

“Fleeing so quickly after being promoted, only to stay away for this long - I hope Shen Yuan is comfortable sleeping on the ground, because I’ve long since given up keeping the side room in my house for an absent head disciple. I filled it with cursed artifacts and dusty books two years ago.”

“Shizun -!” Shen Yuan protests, starting to stand up again. He’d liked that little room, damn it! It was the one decent part of being promoted to head disciple in the first place, even if it meant sharing a roof with this asshole!!

Shen Qingqiu whacks him again, and Shen Yuan obediently shuts up.

“Foolish boy,” he scolds, before promptly turning on his heel to stalk back to the bamboo house. “Hurry up, then,” he calls behind him, “I want to see if you still make tea as dreadfully as you did before.”

Shen Yuan makes a face at Shen Qingqiu’s back. Without looking behind him, Shen Qingqiu uses his qi to send a single leaf flying to Shen Yuan’s head, slapping him on the forehead right over where Shen Yuan’s brows had bunched together.

Shen Yuan smooths his face out into a perfectly polite smile once more. This asshole, he curses inwardly, he really is scum!! The lowest of the low!! A bully!!!

“Tea, Shen Yuan,” Shen Qingqiu calls once more, and Shen Yuan hurries to catch up.

---

Later, after Shen Yuan has dutifully given a retelling of his adventures over the last few years, and after Shen Qingqiu has grilled him on every mistake he made and how stupid that was of him and how shitty his tea still tastes, Shen Yuan finally manages to bring up Luo Binghe.

“This disciple met someone new this morning,” he says, pouring Shen Qingqiu more of his apparently awful tea. 

“Was Shen Yuan sure they were new? Perhaps it’s been so many years your brain has started to forget the faces of the idiots here in favor of whatever foolish beasts you’ve been studying.”

“Someone new,” Shen Yuan confirms, pretending to ignore Shen Qingqiu’s very pointed glare. “He was a disciple even younger than Ning-shimei, and you only picked her out the year before I left.”

“Ah,” Shen Qingqiu says, and all of a sudden Shen Yuan thinks that perhaps his Shizun has never been truly irritated with him in the past, because this expression is far more acidic than anything Shen Yuan has seen before.

“A-ah…?” Shen Yuan says, stupidly.

Shen Jiu sets his cup down with a harsh clink. “Shen Yuan should ignore that little beast. He won’t bring you any good news.”

“Shizun, this disciple likes beasts best,” Shen Yuan says. “Is he so bad?”

“Ignore him,” Shen Qingqiu repeats frostily. 

Shen Yuan swallows. This… there’s no way that he’ll be able to convince Shen Qingqiu to give Luo Binghe an honest shot in this one conversation. He can’t bet on being able to eventually wear him down, though, either - even if he does eventually convince him, if it takes a year to do it, that’s also not any good. Shen Yuan needs to be able to help Luo Binghe now.

Okay. This is fine. Shen Yuan has - he has so many very good ideas, all of them very well thought out and full of strategic benefits. He can use any one of these very good and smart ideas.

“I understand, Shizun,” Shen Yuan says, “That beast won’t be a shidi of mine, then.”

“Good, now -”

“But what about as a pet?”

Shen Qingqiu stares at him. Shen Yuan stares back.

“A pet,” Shen Qingqiu repeats. 

“A pet,” Shen Yuan agrees. “Shizun, I already said that I like beasts best - if I can’t raise Luo Binghe to be my shidi, can’t I raise him as my pet instead?”

“Don’t be foolish,” Shen Qingqiu snaps. “Beasts aren’t for keeping.”

“Sometimes they are - Cang Qiong has a whole peak dedicated to such a thing,” Shen Yuan points out. Shen Qingqiu’s scowl grows more fierce. 

“Qing Jing is above such dirty work,” he spits.

Shen Yuan swallows again, his hands clenched tightly in his lap. He’s already started down this path; he may as well place all his bets on making it through.

“Then perhaps Qing Jing is not for this disciple after all,” Shen Yuan says, trying to keep his voice steady. It still comes out a bit reedy, but at the very least, his voice doesn’t crack over the words. 

Shen Qingqiu’s eye twitches. “Speak plainly - Shen Yuan has already spent several years neglecting his duties. How much farther do you intend to stray?”

“Shizun so graciously held the position of head disciple open for this one,” Shen Yuan hedges. “On that topic, isn’t it possible for head disciples to choose to spend a decade or so on a different peak of their choice, to encourage diversity in education and cross-peak relationships before the head disciple becomes beholden to their peak as a lord? Perhaps I could take in a pet on a different peak, with such a method.”

“That’s a custom reserved for older disciples,” Shen Qingqiu spits, “intended to benefit them in the years directly leading up to their ascension as a peak lord, not when the head disciple is just a little whelp with a century ahead of them before they can wear a lord’s crown.”

“No such rule is written anywhere, Shizun.”

“Then I’ll write it,” Shen Qingqiu hisses. “Shen Yuan, you’ve had your fun these past years - now you are to stay on this peak.”

“Then I want a pet,” Shen Yuan says, tilting his head up defiantly. “It’ll benefit Shizun, too: you won’t have to feed or clothe him anymore, nor train him to be a cultivator.”

Not that you were doing any of those things for Luo Binghe before, ah!! Shen Yuan thinks, trying to focus on that feeling of indignation. If he just thinks about that - about the horror of coming across Luo Binghe in that clearing earlier, too scrawny to be 15 and yet wary enough of the world he may as well have been an adult - then Shen Yuan can hold his ground. 

If he just thinks about Luo Binghe as a neglected kid, and he just thinks of Shen Qingqiu as that child’s abuser -

If he just thinks about that, then Shen Yuan can meet the eyes of the man who has taught him and promoted him and housed him in the side room of his house, and he can demand this one thing.

“With what funds would Shen Yuan be able to feed and clothe his pet?” Shen Qingqiu asks sharply. “With what free time would he train him not to bite?”

“This one is the head disciple of Qing Jing Peak,” Shen Yuan says. “If a head disciple couldn’t manage that much, they certainly couldn’t deserve to ascend as a peak lord in the future.”

Shen Qingqiu falls silent, unfurling his fan and raising it high up his face until only his eyes peered out the top of it, watching Shen Yuan. Shen Yuan’s hands twist in his lap, but he keeps his gaze steady.

“A head disciple does not run away from the position,” Shen Qingqiu says. 

“Nor does a master run off from their pet,” Shen Yuan agrees.

There’s another moment of quiet as they both watch each other. When Shen Qingqiu speaks again, his voice is firm, like someone reciting basic peak rules and not the terms of the most batshit insane agreement Shen Yuan has ever brokered.

“You will stay on Qing Jing,” Shen Qingqiu says, “and you will accept the head discipleship position without fuss.”

“Yes, Shizun.”

“No more trips. No more pretending to forget to introduce yourself as my head disciple. No more pushing your pathetic disciple brothers at me with paperwork that you clearly filled out in some sort of foolish scheme to have me consider them over you.”

Shen Yuan winces. “Yes, Shizun.”

“You will not receive any additional allowance, for any reason, outside of the funds normally provided to a head disciple. Any pests you pick up will not sleep in my house, nor will you be allowed to request room in the dormitories for any such creature. Those resources are for disciples, not beasts.”

Shen Yuan hesitates. Luo Binghe can’t sleep in the rundown woodshed forever, and he wants to protest the idea that the dorms are for disciples, as if Luo Binghe was ever allowed in there in the first place.

Shen Qingqiu taps one finger on the table. “Answer, Shen Yuan.”

“This disciple agrees under one condition,” Shen Yuan says. “Using his personal funds, this disciple would like to request permission to make moderate renovations to a peak structure in order to improve the quality of kept wood.”

Shen Qingqiu scoffs. “Disciple Shen Yuan’s personal funds will be drained by feeding an animal - you will not be able to afford the standards that Qing Jing exacts for renovation projects.”

“This disciple has been collecting favors from An Ding. They will be repaid, and this disciple will be able to afford the project.”

“Shen Yuan had best not be caught collecting any such favors forcibly,” Shen Qingqiu warns, which is very distinctly a ‘don’t get caught blackmailing people’ warning and not a blanket ‘don’t blackmail people’ one.

“Of course,” Shen Yuan agrees. “This one is the personal disciple of Peak Lord Shen Qingqiu - how could I get caught in such a way?”

Read: you’ve made sure I understand how to not get caught when doing something shady, at the very least!!

Shen Qingqiu waves his fan once, twice - he’s irritated, but doesn’t necessarily disagree.

“Fine,” he says at last. “Permission for a renovation to that ugly woodshed is granted. And Shen Yuan’s answer to all other stipulations?”

“This disciple agrees.”

Shen Qingqiu slaps his fan closed in one palm. “Then Shen Yuan is allowed a pet. I won’t interfere further.”

Shen Yuan nods. He expected as much; Shen Qingqiu won’t egg on any further bullying, nor will he stop Shen Yuan from taking any measures he pleases when it comes to Luo Binghe, but he won’t help Shen Yuan dissuade the current bullying.

That’s fine - already, this is enough to help Luo Binghe.

“Thanking Shizun,” Shen Yuan says, bowing his head slightly. “This disciple will not disappoint.”

After all, how hard could raising the protagonist be? This world revolves around Luo Binghe; all Shen Yuan needs to do is make Luo Binghe’s everyday life a bit less miserable, give him just one person he can trust. Luo Binghe will manage the rest himself, by nature of being who he is - what he is. 

Yes, this - this is the best way.

---

Outside the bamboo house, crouched beneath a window so still his muscles ache and his head feels woozy from how shallow he’s kept his breathing, Luo Binghe listens to his Shizun and Shixiong move on to discuss cleaning out the side room now that Shen Yuan has returned to the peak.

A pet, he thinks, his eyes blown wide, his fingers digging deep into the ground beneath his knees. He can feel dirt caking the underside of his fingernails, and the scars he leaves in the ground are very much like an animal, indeed.

A pet, he thinks again, over and over on loop in his mind, his pretty Shixiong’s voice fading to background noise. He thinks of Shen Yuan gently patting his head like one might coax a dog, and he thinks -

Yes, a pet.

[david-talks-sw]

hey david! Do you have any George quotes regarding the final Vader vs Obi wan fight? Like did obi wan deliberately throw that fight and let vader kill him or did vader win the duel and obi wan did the Force ghost thing as a last resort?

Here's the quotes I could find that are relevant to the subject:

"A particular case is the confrontation between Obi-Wan and Darth Vader. You know there's something, some relationship they have to each other, 'cause they talk about meeting again ‘and now I'm going to get you’ and all this kind of stuff."

"So there's some kind of old battle going on that we don't know anything about that works amazingly well considering that all it is, is ultimately this one scene between him and Tarkin where he says, “He's here. He's come for me. And it's our destinies to meet up again. And I'm gonna handle this myself. I have to."

"This confrontation with Obi-Wan and Vader— it works just as a confrontation between the good guy and the bad guy. I mean, he’s— Obi-Wan's, at this point, the strongest good guy. He’s the one that has the most knowledge— the father figure that has taken on Luke. Then you have the bad father figure who is the evil father."

"And the subtext of this, which is that this is the culmination of a larger issue… has never really played, I think, for people. It's really just the confrontation between bad and good. Then the surprise at the end of this, is that: Vader doesn't kill him… but that he's able to join the Force, and by being one with the Force, influence things in a more powerful way than he can just being a Jedi." - A New Hope, Commentary Track, Special Edition DVD, 2004

"When he loses Ben, [Luke] freaks out. He’s depressed and all the things that you would be. But Ben has put that idea in him that things happen naturally and there’s also this other thing that’s never explained, which is that he allowed himself to be killed. He didn’t really die. He disappeared. There’s more to this than just a death. Later on in the movie, Luke hears Ben say, “Use the Force!” It mitigates that loss a little bit, because he knows Ben’s somewhere and that something’s going on." - The Star Wars Archives: 1977-1983, 2018

So there you have it.

In a destined confrontation between good and evil, good triumphs not by defeating evil but by ascending and growing beyond it.

So it feels to me that it's a "when in Rome" kind of decision on Obi-Wan's part, wherein he realizes he won't win this fight, and so he decides to make his end meaningful, so that he can show Luke that death is not the end of the journey... he's joining the Force.

Now, if we're talking power-scaling...

... you could argue that Ben might have put up more of a fight, had it been necessary.

George acknowledges that Ben's an old man when explaining the more dynamic fights in the Prequels... but back in the early days, he ranked him as more powerful than Vader/equal to the Emperor.

"Maybe we should set up some kind of levels of achievement. Ben can say that Luke is now a level 2 and Vader is a 4; ‘‘I was a 6 and the Emperor is a 6, and he’s on his way to becoming a 10, which will be a force so powerful in the universe that nothing can stop him. You must stop the Emperor before he achieves the level 10.’’" - Story converence, 1977, as transcribed in The Making of The Empire Strikes Back, 2010

"[Vader] ended up losing his arms and a leg and became partly a robot. So a lot of his ability to use the Force, a lot of his powers, are curbed at this point, because, as a living form, there’s not that much of him left. So his ability to be twice as good as the Emperor disappeared, and now he’s maybe 20 percent less than the Emperor. So that isn’t what the Emperor had in mind." - Vanity Fair, 2005

Now, the first one is an old quote from the development of Empire Strikes Back, when the story was very different; it's take it or leave it, if you ask me. Power-scaling is invented to justify storytelling, so if the story changes, it's not guaranteed the power-scale remains.

But if you're going by "everything Lucas said is canon!" rules then you could make the argument that, in terms of power...

If Ben = Emperor and Emperor > Vader then Ben > Vader.

And thus can argue that Ben might've beaten Vader if this confrontation was/turned into more of a Force-based contest than a physical one.

[fcthots]

hear me out.. tattoo artist! jason

Ok think Jason w tattoos is UDHFH STEP ON ME. AND TATTOO ARTIST JASON? EVERYTHING. but I have such a fear of needles that this is the only way I could do this one. I will return to it later if I become any less of a a coward.

Also this somehow turned into a full fic, don’t ask me how. I just looked down and there were words typed in the post. I don’t know what possessed me. And before I forget: it’s not really relevant so far if the bats are still bats in this AU, but the batfamily is still at the very least, a family.

Jason works at a tattoo parlor and that’s where you two meet. It’s love at first, well, first day? Anyway, you come in wanting to get your ears pierced. You know you’re scared going into it so you call ahead and ask for the nicest, most gentle, and most patient person there and you book a stupidly long appointment with him so you have time to have a panic attack and freak tf out.

You were not expecting Jason to be over 6 feet tall and be the most menacing person you’ve ever seen (and you saw batman one time!!). You also weren’t expecting him to be so stupidly fucking attractive. You sit down where he gestures for you to, and hug your arms close to yourself. He gets everything ready while you start trying to control your breathing. You can see Jason continuously turning to look at you out of the corner of your eye as you fidget with your ears wondering how bad this is gonna hurt.

“You okay?” You look up at him. He’s staring at you with concern in his eyes. Ok, so maybe you weren’t as good at controlling your breathing as you thought, but you still needed to respond.

“Mhm.” Your words were sort of failing you right now so that would have to do. You attempt to keep your tears in.

“You ready?” You look down and see the needle in his hands. Absolutely the fuck not. Your breathing gets worse, your tears are starting to make it out of their prison, and you are about to have a panic attack.

“No.” It comes out too fast. You shake your head wildly to make sure you get the message across.

He immediately puts down the needle and shows you his open hands. “Can I sit?” You bring your knees to your chest and nod before you hide your face. “You’re scared of needles?” He sits next to you, keeping a respectful distance.

“Phobia,” you mumble as you slightly lift up your head. You see the equipment on the table and you attempt to cover up the way your heart spikes. Jason follows your gaze. He gets up and puts a clean towel over the needles before he sits back down.

You were very clearly crying now despite trying not to. Your adrenaline was kicking in.

He held out his hand. “Do you wanna hold my hand?”

You jerked. “Do you mean like while you stick me with the needle? Because I’m not ready. I’ll be ready soon. I swear I’ll try and get myself together, I just need a minute-”

“We’re not piercing your ears right now. You can hold it then too if you would like, but I was asking if holding my hand would help you right now. We have all the time in the world for the needles later. I just wanna help you through this for now.”

You grab his hand. “I’m sorry.”

“Why?”

“I’m sorry for all this. I don’t mean to make your job harder. Also I might be here for a long time. I’ll try not to, but I’m scared.”

“Don’t be sorry and don’t worry about me. Let’s help you right now. I can be content here all day. You’re just helping me slack off.”

You smile and wipe your tears with your free hand.

You sit in silence for about 5 or so minutes before Jason pipes up. “So why are you getting your ears pierced if you’re scared of needles?”

“People keep telling me I need to. Also I have a friend’s wedding coming up and I was told my dress needed to have earrings.” His hand is warm and huge. You really don’t want to let go.

“But if it’s causing you this much stress, who cares about earrings?”

“Most other people apparently.”

“That’s fuckin stupid.”

You laugh and finally meet his eyes.

He starts talking again. “Well what about clip-on earrings?”

“They don’t really make those much anymore. Super hard to find.” Jason looks thoughtful at that.

“Didn’t you book out the rest of my day?”

“…yeah sor-”

“Respectfully, don’t finish that sentence. My brothers ex-girlfriend makes jewelry, and I know for a fact that she makes clip-ons and fake piercings. Steph, her name is Steph by the way, used to make them for my brother before he moved in with us and was able to get them pierced. I’m 99% sure she’s home right now.”

You feel a huge weight lifted off your chest. “Seriously?”

“Yeah. How did you get here?”

“I walked from my apartment. It’s not all that far.”

“Alright well, if you’re comfortable with it, we can take my bike to go see if she can make you some if you want to go now. It’s not a walkable distance really. And don’t feel pressured to-”

“Let’s go.”

“What?”

“Let’s go. Anything to not jam a needle into my ears.”

Jason leads you by the hand to his bike and takes you back to Wayne manor. There are so many people there that barely question why you’re there. Jason walks off to go find Steph and you get nervous until a dog approaches you. A child follows shortly after.

“Titus can tell that you are upset. He is trained to help with such things.”

Jason comes back to find you with Steph in tow only to see the dog literally laying on top of you while you discuss animals with Damian.

What a weird ass fucking day, but a good one.

Part two

[verdemoun]

Fun fact, Kieran may have been originally supposed to live longer, at least judging by his many unused voice lines (found on YouTube) and a longer hairstyle which I actually think looks better for him (found on rdr wiki of cut content). Maybe he was supposed to go to Guarma? The voice lines to me suggested going on hunting missions with him but I’m not too sure.

spoilers. obviously

fun fact i have listened to the 2+ hours of Kieran's cut voice lines so many times even my housemates know it and groan when they walk in and i'm listening to it. Did you know one of his cut voice lines for a near miss in a shootout is 'whoo, nearly took my head off!' to foreshadow his eventual demise? And he has several variations of lines telling Arthur to rest with the gentlest tone suggesting he would have been one of the few characters to show concern for Arthur's illness in later chapters? And slightly less relevant but there is a cut interaction in where he asks Jack to sneak him some food only for Arthur to threaten to kill him BUT CALLING HIMSELF UNCLE KIERAN???

screenshots by cad5150

About Guarma, all but confirmed. Here is one of his cut outfits, which I think very obviously suits the vibe of what most of the gang wore in Guarma like compare it to Micah's Guarma outfit in particular. Additionally he has this hood as an outfit accessory: some people think it was intended that when he rides into camp Horsemen Apocalypse there's a moment of the hood being taken off and then the characters having a much more visceral reaction to his eyes being gauged out but personally I think it makes way more sense that he was meant to be in Banking, the Old American Art 'replacing' Sean as an extra gun. Which would have been really cool because I would have loved a conversation where they bring up they're a gun short and it spiral into more reflection on how they're not just a gun short, they're a man down, they lost the 'joy in their lives' Sean Macguire and they were still hurting instead of just NEVER MENTIONING HIM AGAIN other than a few rare character lines.

Side tangent also his scarf is different in his guarma outfit which is it's own essay because if you're going off the blue high honor red low honor theory this so strong implies we could have seen some really cool character development. looking at what the gang were wearing in banking and then in guarma there's no obvious explanation as to where he got it. how cute would it have been if we got a scene where mary-beth gifted him a scarf?? but the also terrifying implication that we might see kieran become less high honour good boy blorbo to someone a bit more morally ambiguous?

I think the question really is how he would have fit in in Guarma, which of course we will never know and considering how much cut content there is about Guarma. Like everyone else in Guarma makes sense: Dutch's descent into immorality being so clear even Arthur questions it, Bill being the one trusted to look after Javier following his rescue, supporting their friendship in rdr1, Micah reaffirming his position as an actual piece of shit in his lines responding to Hosea and Lenny's deaths and complete lack of empathy. Maybe a kieran who is slightly more ruthless and active in shootouts in guarma but also shows compassion for arthur as arthur gets sick? Maybe the attack on Hanging Dog Ranch was meant to be more a revenge for Kieran's death assuming he was taken and killed similarly to his death in chapter 4 (given how much much foreshadowing there is for his death), but just another misery in chapter 6 that hits harder because we have more time to grow attached and see him develop?

Except. Except then we get to cut outfit kieran.

first. hellooooo sailor. but who is this man. who is this man who looks older. and wears a very, very low honour red scarf. and is obviously dressed still as an outlaw, and didn't go live a happy life with mary-beth. is it. is it possible. kieran was not always meant to be doomed by the narrative??

is it possible we would have seen kieran become more loyal to dutch and micah, true to his army abandoning, gang jumping, choosing to ride with the o'driscolls rather than die, immediately 'loyal' to the vdls despite torture because being alone meant certain death, coward nature? or would he have just been a character john could encounter in the epilogue? perhaps shaken by knowing arthur, as one of his very, very few friends, died trying to be a better person and abandoned any effort to be more than an outlaw?

but. but kieran. shirt all buttoned up. scarf on. thick coat. hair slightly feral and wild. why does it looked like you're all dressed up for the cold, buddy? like- like you might have been hiding out up mount hagen.

[dhampling]

How do you think astarion would handle a tav who is actually from earth and is going to return home after defeating the Nether brain? Like maybe mystra or some other god brought them to faerun and told them to "fix it" and at first it's all like "great, sure, why not? I can do that" but they meet astarion and he gets attached only to learn that no matter the outcome their days are numbered?

Firstly - thank you so much for this one. It made me a little sad thinking about it and yet it was a weirdly bittersweet sadness? Thank you for your brain. I like it. I think it’d be quite easy to write off Astarion’s response as ‘meh. They’ll be useful while they’re here and OH NO I’VE FALLEN IN LOVE I AM UTTERLY BESOTTED’ and watching the chaos around that. In reality, I reckon there’s a big fat chunk of mirth in how he deals with them.

He’s fascinated by the fact they’re from a different world, but mainly for selfish reasons. I do think there’d be a lot of questions on his part (he’s trying to suss out if it’d be a viable proposition to return with them when they leave Toril in order to escape Cazador’s clutches).

Early on in the journey, when it’s unclear as to their actual destination - and whether the heart of the Absolute will return them anywhere near Baldur’s Gate; whether Cazador can be dealt with is up in the air, and if the party would even be willing to assist him is an entirely different question.

So I think Astarion would be scoping out every avenue of escape, like a rat in a cage; frantic for a way out, which is where the seduction comes in.

The issue is that the typical script doesn’t really work.

Astarion has no relevant contextual clues for this strange being and his charismatic advances often fall flat. As a result the traveller sees straight through him with a stoic detachment that can often come over as unnerving.

He realises he really, genuinely enjoys the traveller’s company. It’s refreshing. No city-prattle, no self-gain. He can almost feel himself beginning to regain some of his edges.

Somewhere at the back of his mind he’s aware his new companion will have to return home someday, but every day alive and free at present is a blessing.

The earthborn grows fond of him, too - despite the fact he talks their ears off frequently - they banter together along the road; spend countless late nights sharing life experiences and pointless musings when their fellow travellers are resting, and inevitably become close.

Towards the middling end of their adventure; after the drow at Moonrise, he realises that Cazador might actually be an attainable kill. He could be free forever. He has a friend willing to help him.

Then he wonders what there actually is left for him along the Sword Coast. Everything and everyone he knew, dead or gone. 

Obviously, he can’t return to earth. It just isn’t an option.

He continues to hope the gods will make an exception though.

The Absolute is eviscerated, and so is Cazador. Along the journey their bond becomes ridiculously solid - love in every sense. He wasn’t aware he was still able to feel things so strongly. He feels safe. Cared for.

He’s free, and as he turns to relish in the victory along the docks his most beloved companion simply isn’t there. 

He begins to burn, hides behind a stack of crates in a dumbfounded stupor until nightfall.

Then, he realises he has to commit them to memory. Writes pages on pages detailing every last little thing he remembers of them; commissions a portrait with the money sat in his account since the day of his death (now having accrued a sizeable interest) based on description alone. Revises it time and time again while their memory is still fresh. A locket pendant he attaches to his belt.

He has a lot of life left to live and he doesn’t intend to forget them. 

Hundreds of years later and they still flit into mind. Careful, compassionate; his liberator. He’ll regale new friends and lovers with tales of this strange creature given by the gods. Likely long gone by now. 

Always there somewhere in his mind.

[gorogues]

1. What’s the most accurate/canon depiction of The Rogues relationship with each other for both pre-New 52 and post-New 52 comics? (eg what Mark is to Lisa and vice versa, what Digger is to Sam and vice versa, Len and Mick, etc until you’re done listing how everyone’s relationship with everyone else is like)

You can add others (Owen, Axel, Evan, etc) if you want, but this question is mostly aimed at the main Rogues.

2. I swear I saw a post from someone on this platform, I don’t know if it was you or somebody else, but they basically said something along the lines of: “You’d think that it would be out of character for Barry to leave his villains in Iron Heights, knowing how unethical the prison is and all. But the more I thought about it, the more I agreed that no, it isn’t actually that out of character for Barry.”

That thought has been stuck in my head ever since, and as someone who doesn’t really know Barry’s characterisation all that much (a crying shame, I know), I just wanted your opinion.

Is this statement true? I’d like to hear your reasoning for if you agree or disagree.

I didn’t know if I should keep these two questions on separate asks or not, so I just combined them both onto one. Hope you don’t mind all that much. I know it will probably take awhile to answer my questions, if you decide you want to that is. If you do then no pressure, take as much time as you want. If you decide you won’t answer, that’s also completely fine with me. Either way, hope your happy and safe wherever you are and have a good day/night.

Buckle up, because this is a long ride. To start, I'm leaving out stuff like when a Rogue was mind-controlled into doing something, or when they weren't in control of their actions due to being puppeted by Neron or Nekron (although the Black Lanterns were speaking from their victims' memories and thus may have had relevant things to say. It wasn't that person committing evil acts, however). That stuff wasn't voluntary, though of course the people harmed by them during those periods might not see it that way.

--Pre-Flashpoint--

Lisa and Len: Their relationship has varied depending on the era. In the Bronze Age they were often indifferent and sometimes hostile to each other (she didn't seem upset about Len's purported death), but occasionally got along well. After Crisis they frequently worked together and were generally friendly, but tensions built and things turned bad -- originally, Lisa was intended to have murdered her brother for his cold gun, but that was nixed in favour of her just stealing it. By the Johns era she was dead and Len was overtly mourning her, and we'd see in retconned flashbacks that they were very close due to their shared traumatic upbringing. One flashback showed her saying she'd become a criminal to be like her big brother, although Bronze Age comics were quite clear that she did it to avenge her dead boyfriend.

Lisa and Mark: They didn't interact much (just a few issues), but she poisoned him in one story to get him to do her bidding. It doesn't seem like they were close.

Lisa and Digger: Again, they didn't interact much, but she poisoned him in one story to get him to do her bidding. After she died, the tabloids claimed that she and Digger had a secret love-child -- which wasn't true -- but maybe they had more interactions that we never saw. Or maybe the tabloids just assumed Lisa was the mother because she was the only female Rogue in those days.

Lisa and Sam: They never interacted with each other back in the day, but in a later retcon Lisa wanted to be introduced to him because he was "cute".

Lisa and Roscoe: They were dating, and were very close. Eventually death separated them several times and they didn't get back together for unknown reasons.

Lisa and Mick: She and Len once tried to kill Mick in the Bronze Age, but he doesn't seem to have held a grudge; the three of them got along fine after Crisis, and they worked and socialized together. In the Johns era we saw an early flashback of Mick being exceptionally rude to Len about Lisa, so maybe their early relations weren't always great.

Lisa and Hartley: They only appeared in a few stories together, and in one (Blue Devil #30) they didn't interact much but seemed friendly. In DC Retro-Active: The Flash: 1980s they got along quite well, and seemed to get along when the heroes were rescuing Wally from the Turtle Man. Overall they were civil and friendly with each other.

Lisa and James: They co-existed well enough at Len's party, but she later poisoned him to get him to do her bidding. And the relationship between James and the Rogues (including her) was rather sour in Blue Devil. They seemed terse with each other at best.

Len and Mark: Len's been kind and supportive to Mark over the years, especially since taking over the team's dad role, but interestingly he didn't list Mark amongst the Rogues he liked. (There was also a panel in which Len listed Mark amongst three Rogues who were his "real family", but that was right after saying he was glad Lisa was dead -- it was from Johns' first arc and he quickly retconned his own work). Mark seems to like him, and trusted him enough to confess to Clyde's killing. The two had a good relationship of mutual support in Rogues' Revenge, which was probably the best they've ever had and the closest they've been.

Len and Digger: In Len's spotlight issue, he claimed Digger was one of the few Rogues he liked. They did get along well, including working together outside of the Rogues/Central City, though Len didn't treat Digger very kindly near the end of his life. Len was also cool-to-hostile to him after he returned from the dead and wanted to rejoin the Rogues, and actually beat the shit out of him (admittedly Digger had just done something stupid). That said, Len wistfully said "what are friends for, eh, Digger?" when Digger was dead and told Owen that Digger "was one of…my friends", so it seems Len always did retain a soft spot for him even despite his growling. He was probably taking a tough-love approach, even if he was a jerk about it.

Len and Sam: They got along fine before Sam was killed, and even liked each other enough to work together outside of the Rogues/Central City. They didn't seem close or anything, but Sam was one of the few Rogues Len said he liked in his spotlight issue.

Len and Roscoe: They seemed to get along okay or were mostly indifferent to each other before Roscoe died, but after his death Len made it very clear he didn't miss him (although interestingly, Len seemed sad at his funeral). This may be because Roscoe had recently tried to kill the other Rogues if they messed with his plan after he'd died (which they did), but the fact that Roscoe dated Len's sister surely didn't help. By the Johns era the two of them hated each other, and Len opted not to treat Roscoe like he did most Rogues -- leaving him to languish in prison and not helping him when he clearly needed it. Things eventually devolved to Roscoe threatening to mind-control the other Rogues to make them fall in line, and Len killed him. Afterwards, we learned that at some point in earlier history Len had turned the other Rogues against Roscoe to become the group's leader, but unfortunately we don't know the details of what happened.

Len and Mick: A very complicated relationship, which goes from friendly to openly hostile and back again…sometimes within the same issue. Mick said he got along with all the Rogues but Len, which is basically true, and Len was a major reason Mick spent long periods estranged from the Rogues. In the Bronze Age, Len (and Lisa) tried to kill Mick, and previously Len had tried to traumatize Mick by manipulating him into killing an innocent person. Len's been openly insulting to Mick at times, who'd then retaliate in kind, but Len has also been supportive and helpful with Mick's many psychological issues. Sometimes Len watched out for his well-being in ways nobody else did. The end result is a complicated and not very healthy frenemy relationship between them, though they generally work well together with their complementary tech.

Len and Hartley: They seemed to get along okay until Hartley reformed (though there was a flashback to Len being callous to him in the early days), but Len's been low-key hostile to him ever since. There must be an underlying reason for it, because Len didn't really treat other reformed Rogues that way (even if he wasn't always thrilled with them) and I think he just doesn't like Hartley.

Len and James: In Len's spotlight issue, he said James was one of the few Rogues he liked. Which is interesting because I've never seen a particular bond between the two of them, but Len did accept James back quite readily after a long period of reform (which even involved fighting against the Rogues as part of the FBI). James doesn't seem to have much fondness for Len though, and has cheerfully tricked and pranked him a few times.

Mark and Sam: They seem to have gotten along okay, though they didn't interact much.

Mark and Digger: They were generally quite friendly to each other, though Mark didn't have the nicest things to say about Digger after he'd died. The Rogues can be like that with each other, however, so it might not really mean anything.

Mark and Mick: They didn't interact much but got along well when they were on the same side. However, the two of them have frequently been on opposing sides (or at least one was reformed and one wasn't), so there may have been ongoing tension between them from the time of Mick's first stint with reform. But things were fine between them when Mick rejoined the Rogues after that, so it seems like there was no lingering grudge.

Mark and Roscoe: They didn't interact much but seemed to get along okay. In Blackest Night, Roscoe's zombie (which wasn't actually him, but had his memories) spoke flatteringly to Mark and reminded him that at some unspecified point they'd once planned to take out Len and run the Rogues together, which was a bombshell never addressed again. They probably would have turned on each other if the plan ever came to fruition, but there was either mutual respect or some intended backstabbing going on there.

Mark and Hartley: They seemed to get along reasonably well back in the day, though many Rogues were frosty to Hartley after he reformed and Mark was probably no different. Hartley didn't seem as though he had fond feelings for Mark after reforming, as he was pretty apathetic when he saw Mark distressed in Iron Heights and potentially exposed to a lethal virus, and Hartley was as cold to the Rogues when he 'returned' undercover as they were to him. It's not clear whether Hartley knew Mark was part of the Rogues who'd killed his parents and framed him for it, or if he'd even blame Mark for that since Mark wasn't directly involved in the scheme. But it's fair to say that they didn't get along well from at least the Johns era until Flashpoint.

Mark and James: They got along well before Crisis, and socialized in a friendly manner up into the Waid era. But things had probably changed by the time James joined the FBI, in which he was working to take down the Rogues (including Mark). James rejoined the Rogues in the aftermath of Rogue War and interacted civilly with them, though he was openly contemptuous of their behaviour in Countdown and we later learned that he was there undercover. I think it's likely James didn't have particularly warm feelings for Mark or most of the others, and perhaps there was just too much bad blood before James was killed and the universe soon rebooted.

Roscoe and Mick: They didn't interact much but seemed to get along okay; they looked cheery when chatting during a flashback in Mick's spotlight issue. However, Mick's narration stated that he got along with Roscoe even though Roscoe talked over everyone's heads, so it seems probable that Mick tolerated him more than liked him.

Roscoe and Digger: They got along well before Crisis, but haven't been shown interacting since. Both have done personality 180s since Crisis, and I can't imagine either of their newer personalities would like or even tolerate the other, so they probably wouldn't get along and likely avoided each other. Roscoe did attend Digger's funeral, though.

Roscoe and James: In the Silver/Bronze Ages they never actually interacted with each other on panel, though they must have met behind the scenes because James was at Roscoe's funeral and complained about his sense of humour. (We've also seen a flashback of them together from a comic published later.) And James spoke dismissively of him after his death, calling him the least of the Rogues. It's difficult to say what their relationship was, though James clearly wasn't impressed by him, and probably wasn't thrilled with Roscoe when his mind-whammy was undone…and Roscoe died soon after, so they never spoke again before the universe was rebooted. It doesn't seem to have been a good relationship, but we've seen so little of their interactions.

Roscoe and Hartley: They seemed to get along okay before Roscoe died, but things took an ugly turn after he'd returned and Hartley had reformed. Roscoe tried to goad Hartley into killing a presidential candidate and then tried to frame him for it, and did so by being a homophobic asshole to him and Hartley understandably thought he was a monster. My opinion, based on what Roscoe said in the issue, is that he was trying to seriously rile up Hartley to accomplish his plan and might not have actually believed the stuff he said…but it doesn't change that he said and did it, and was in fact acting like a monster. What's interesting is that later (in the Johns era) Hartley was lamenting having no living family left, and Roscoe told him "You still have family. Me for one." Which was probably cold comfort and Hartley wouldn't agree, but it's still very interesting that Roscoe would say that.

Roscoe and Sam: Roscoe was generally quite friendly to Sam, but Sam tricked him into losing a million dollar bet and left him to die in a booby-trapped prison, so Roscoe resentfully helped Barry ruin Sam's plan. Roscoe secretly swore to get payback, but never seems to have acted on it and Sam screwed him over again by later stealing his loot. For whatever reason, Sam was the Rogue that Roscoe chose to inform of his death, though he also had a scheme to blow up the Rogues if they messed with his revenge plan (which they did). They had a weird relationship, but I think Roscoe liked Sam more than the other Rogues.

Sam and Digger: They were generally great pals, despite some hiccups here and there -- Digger was a dick to Sam in Gotham and then tried to hypnotize him into doing his dirty work. Sam was pissed enough that he tried to get a cop to shoot Digger dead. But otherwise they got along quite well and worked/socialized together even outside the Rogues and Central City, and after Sam died his costume and tech ended up in Digger's hands and he used them to commit incognito crimes. The other Rogues were furious (not knowing who was doing it), but Digger thought Sam would appreciate the joke, and he was probably right.

Sam and James: They mostly got along okay, although Sam robbed James of his loot once, and all the Rogues of the late Bronze Age tended to snarl at each other for some reason.

Sam and Hartley: Their relationship didn't seem particularly notable until Hartley was hospitalized for a nervous breakdown, and then Sam and Digger went in disguise to free him. Both were somewhat dismissive of Hartley, claiming he wasn't a great pal or anything, but the Rogues sometimes do that to downplay their feelings (perhaps to seem like tough guys?) and they went to a fair bit of effort to spring someone they didn't really care about. They obviously cared.

Sam and Mick: They seemed to get along well before Mick had a traumatic experience and left the Rogues. We don't know what Sam thought about Mick's reform.

Digger and James: They generally got along in a friendly jocular manner before Crisis, though one time Digger disapproved of James trying to unmask an apparently-deceased Flash and kicked him for it…they ended up squabbling and yelling at each other. After Crisis, Digger turned his back and suggested that the Rogues should let James fall to his death. Later, after Digger had been away from the Rogues a long time and James had reformed, Digger repeatedly begged him for money and James completely cut him off, calling him a "mooch". So perhaps relations soured after their time apart.

Digger and Hartley: As noted above, Digger and Sam went to some trouble to free Hartley from lock-up. That aside, they didn't have a good relationship; Digger criticized Hartley's battle tactics and Hartley thought poorly of Digger's intelligence even before Crisis, and we know that Digger made a lot of shitty comments/jokes about Hartley's sexuality. And Digger was openly hostile when he saw Hartley at Linda Park's funeral. Post-Crisis' Digger's personality is obnoxious enough that he'd definitely get on Hartley's nerves (and vice versa, to be honest), so it's no surprise they don't get along.

Digger and Mick: They seemed to get along well, though as noted above Mick could get along with almost everyone. Digger may not have appreciated Mick's stints of reform, but he still accepted the situation when Mick sometimes returned to hang out with the guys, so maybe it didn't even bother him. And Mick was willing to lend him money (likely knowing he wouldn't get it back) after James cut him off, with a bit of gentle chiding about getting his shit together. They appear to have had a good relationship.

James and Hartley: Best friends, at least when they're being written properly; we'll leave Countdown out of this because we all know how OOC it was. James was friendly with Hartley when they were both Rogues (it's not known whether he knew Hartley's sexuality then, but he might have), and he accepted Hartley once Hart had reformed and become a pariah to the Rogues and was openly gay. Later Hartley was accused of murdering his parents and James refused to help him when he was on the lam, but it's very possible that was due to the general mind control James was under, so it's debatable whether that was really his fault. Ditto for James basically press-ganging Hartley and Mick into the FBI. Either way, all those shenanigans aside, they're very good friends who like, accept, and trust each other. James also left his will and data for taking down the Rogues to Hartley, and told him that the information was hidden from everyone else by invisible ink.

James and Mick: They've never seemed particularly close, but later in life developed the commonality of reform or semi-reform and both are quite easy to get along with. As stated above, James drafted Mick and Hartley into the FBI and that may not have been their choice, but James was supportive of Mick's mental health and ensured he received plenty of psychological support…which was definitely necessary. He also encouraged Mick to train and remain physically healthy, so overall he was very considerate of his needs and well-being. They weren't close after the two of them went back to the Rogues, but that may have been because Mick sincerely wanted to return and James was (apparently) undercover. Overall they had a friendly and supportive relationship, despite some occasional bumps.

Hartley and Mick: Their relationship before Crisis wasn't particularly notable one way or another, but in the Johns era they were firm friends and allies during a time when most of the Rogues neither liked nor accepted Hartley. Hartley was a fugitive at the time, and Mick was the only person willing to help him with no questions asked. They later worked well together at the FBI, but weren't close when Mick rejoined the Rogues.

--Post-Flashpoint--

Digger and all other Rogues: Only Digger and Len have had significant interactions, and that story inexplicably depicted them as not knowing each other. However, a later issue showed Len offering Digger a place with the Rogues via text message.

Roscoe and all other Rogues: He's only interacted with them in passing, although Len tried to kill him again so it seems their relationship hasn't improved :>

James and all the other Rogues: He's only interacted with them in passing (aside from Axel), and he mind-controlled them into doing his bidding so there's probably no love between them and him. A past version of him also worked on the Legion of Zoom with the Snarts, but they were cool towards each other.

Lisa and Len: For a while she blamed and hated him for giving the Rogues metahuman powers, which left her seriously injured/ill and her boyfriend trapped in the Mirrorverse, but those problems are over now and the two are fairly close despite occasional differences. She opposed his regime during "Year of the Villain", but still cared about his safety and his conscience, and she broke him out of custody after his defeat. For his part, Len made a lot of mistakes during the New 52 and was selfish at times, but he went to great lengths to keep her safe and healthy during her illness.

Lisa and Sam: They almost got married and were very close through many struggles, but eventually broke up and she's been cool towards him since. He reacted by becoming a sullen hedonist, and their breakup is probably a big part of why he's not been with the Rogues for a while.

Lisa and Marco: He admired and respected her and wanted her to be team leader before seemingly falling back towards Len's leadership. They treat each other with mutual respect, though he put her life at risk in Rogues Rebellion when he'd had enough of the ongoing shenanigans. He later returned to do the right thing and help her and the others.

Lisa and Mick: He's frequently been surly towards her as he is with everyone else, but clearly cares about her and treats her with about as much respect as he has for anyone.

Lisa and Hartley: The first time they interacted on panel, Lisa got revenge on him for being a "traitor", but later that was forgotten and he went to a fair bit of trouble to keep her safe from danger. His narration stated that she'd supported him and helped him come out to the other Rogues before the New 52 began, indicating that they'd been good friends, so I don't know if they ever reconciled the 'traitor' thing or he simply let it go.

Len and Sam: They had/have something of an uneasy relationship because Sam was dating Len's sister, and Len was responsible for tearing them apart and nearly getting her killed…and after getting through all that, Lisa and Sam broke up and left Len somewhat in the middle. But Len has much better relations with Sam than he had with Roscoe before Flashpoint, and they mostly treat each other with friendliness and respect. But there's obviously anger and tension at times too.

Len and Mick: An extremely hostile relationship throughout most of the New 52, though Mick calmed down somewhat in Rebirth. All the meta Rogues were angry at Len, but Mick took it to another level of resentment and bitter violence. That's mostly behind them now, but Mick's still somewhat surly and it's probably a legacy of what happened to him. Len, on the other hand, didn't really take much responsibility for what he did to the other Rogues who weren't Lisa, and it's not surprising his relationship with Mick wasn't good. However, when the Sage Force was sorting out Mick's trauma it (or his mind) conjured up 'Len' to talk sense to him and calm him down, and by "Year of the Villain" Mick proclaimed that Len was his best friend, so obviously the situation significantly improved over time.

Len and Marco: They formerly had a terse relationship due to resentment about metahuman powers, though they seem to be on good terms now that it's behind them. Marco can be moody though, so that's probably a challenge at times.

Len and Hartley: They haven't interacted much, though Hartley saved Len from dying in an accident and Len seemed happy to see him -- but he also wanted Hartley to let him go, so maybe he was just buttering him up. Hartley was working as a hero at the time, so he wouldn't budge even for old times' sake.

Marco and Sam: Their relations have ranged from friendly to antagonistic during times of stress, but overall they treat each other with respect and have a brotherly relationship. They seem like actual friends.

Marco and Mick: Mick's intense anger issues and Marco's brooding moodiness was kind of a match made in hell and probably why they've never been close. They seem to get along okay now that Mick has mellowed a lot.

Marco and Hartley: They haven't interacted much.

Mick and Hartley: They haven't interacted much.

Mick and Sam: Mick was surly to everyone for most of the New 52, though his relationship with Sam in Rogues Rebellion was surprisingly positive and friendly. Sam tried to talk sense and the brotherhood of Rogues to Mick, who mostly dismissed him but still sacrificed himself to save the others, showing that Sam had gotten through to him. Mick later turned up alive, and was afterwards restored psychologically and physically by the Sage Force, which calmed him down significantly. But Sam turned into a jerk after he broke up with Lisa, and Mick yelled at him for it and finally got through to him somewhat, indicating that both of them listen to the other and are the better for it. Their relationship has never been warm and fuzzy, but it seems like there's enough respect to get the other guy to be better, and for both to accept advice.

Sam and Hartley: They were friendly during their interactions, which makes sense because Hartley was helping to save Lisa.

Question 2: I swear I saw a post from someone on this platform, I don’t know if it was you or somebody else, but they basically said something along the lines of: “You’d think that it would be out of character for Barry to leave his villains in Iron Heights, knowing how unethical the prison is and all. But the more I thought about it, the more I agreed that no, it isn’t actually that out of character for Barry.” That thought has been stuck in my head ever since, and as someone who doesn’t really know Barry’s characterisation all that much (a crying shame, I know), I just wanted your opinion. Is this statement true? I’d like to hear your reasoning for if you agree or disagree.

This is a bit of a tricky question, because Iron Heights was introduced and got most of its panel time when Barry was dead, so he wasn't around for the 'heyday' of its development when Ashley Zolomon and Wally West grappled with what was going on inside. We don't know what his position would have been before Flashpoint, though I don't think he would have liked it. Classic Barry was very much a law and order type (a cop, obviously), but that was in the days when prison brutality generally wasn't addressed in comics. We do know he was horrified by what was done to Clive Yorkin, which was an experimental and arguably cruel treatment of a prisoner.

But there's no question that Iron Heights has been around since Barry came back, that there's been abuse shown on-panel since then, and he hasn't really done anything about it. He was shocked by what happened to Axel in solitary and seemed like he was going to rescue him, but that just kind of petered out and it was Kristen Kramer and David Singh who did the work to stop Wolfe. I do think that's out of character….to a point. There's no question he's a cop and someone who follows the rules more often than, say, Wally. But that can also work both ways, and overt cruelty and harsh punishment isn't following the rule of law either. I think Barry wouldn't lose sleep if Wolfe took away prisoners' material comforts and privileges, even if we think that's wrong, but IMO he should find a beaten prisoner or a prisoner with his prosthetic arm removed unacceptable and take action. He's a person who has shown mercy towards reformed and even completely unrepentant villains before, and he's not perfect, but nobody is.

TL;DR I don't agree with how Barry's Iron Heights plot was handled.

[sandcobangevent]

Ghost of a Christmas present

by @annoyingcat413 and @itsnobodysproblem

1 December 2024 - 23:47 - 24 days till Christmas

They stumble together up the stairs. He’s giggling, leaning his weight on Sherlock, who is barely holding back a smile.

“It’s not even that funny.”

“He just dropped it… Fries and all.” 

He sighs, contented, then starts laughing again as he remembers the poor guy’s distraught expression. 

He tries to calm down, once they're in front of the door. He breathes out, wipes away a tear, and searches his pockets. He finds the key and, with one last pat on the arm, lets go of Sherlock. He stabs at the keyhole, twice.

“Do you want me to open that?”

He is considerably steadier than John.

“Nah, I’m fine, I just-” He stops. Positions the key with the concentration of a safecracker. And… In it goes. “Hey-heyy! See?”

“Very good, Watson.”

“Thank you.”

He unlocks the door and opens it. The warm light of the hallway falls onto the floor, and he can see the dust swirling around in the air. He almost doesn’t notice the red card on the floor. Maybe if he didn’t concentrate so much with the key, he wouldn’t have. One of those ‘Sorry we missed you’ things. Might be Sherlock’s gift.

He steps in, covering the paper with his shoe. He holds the door open, leaning on it - he doesn’t really need it, but it’s a reason to stay in the same spot. Sherlock shuffles in, flicks on the light and turns around while taking his coat off. John pushes the paper under the cabinet behind him. It’s out of sight before Sherlock notices, and now he can close the door. 

It might not be the gift, anyway. He doesn’t remember the ETA but it was definitely later in the month.

He’ll go check it out tomorrow.

Sherlock’s gone to the kitchen. 

“Whatcha doing?”

“Water.”

“...doin’ water,” he mumbles, dragging his feet into the living room. The couch beckons to him. He sits down, closes his eyes, then realizes that sitting down is not gonna cut it, actually, so he lets himself slump down to his side. The microphone bothers him now, so he blindly sets it on the coffee table.

“He’s doin’ water, listeners. If this ever becomes relevant for any case…”

“Yes, I’m sure they would be thrilled to listen to your drunken mumblings. Again.”

“Hm. Piss off.”

He hears Sherlock’s steps, closer and closer. John doesn’t open his eyes, but when the steps stop he could swear that Sherlock is right next to the couch.

“Watson.”

“Mmmhh?”

Two more steps. A tap on his shoulder. John sighs and cracks an eye open.

Sherlock’s holding out a glass of water.

“Yeah…” He props himself in an elbow and takes it. “Thanks, mate.”

“You’re welcome.”

He drinks half of it, sets it on the table, and slumps back down. Sherlock taps him on the shoulder again.

“You should go to bed.”

Oh, but he just lied down…

“Mmmh.”

“You’ll regret it in the morning.”

“Yeah, I’ll go. In a minute.”

Some seconds pass, and he hears no steps going away.

“Y’know, I don’t actually mean 60 seconds.”

“You should. You’re already half-asleep.”

“Nah. Just resting my eyes for a bit.”

Silence. Then, “If you’re sure.”

“Yeah, don’t worry. I won’t fall asleep.”

2 December 2024 - 12:34 - 23 days till Christmas

Sherlock shakes him awake.

“Case!”

“Wha-” He opens his eyes, and the light hits him right in the face. “Ughh. Jeez… What?”

“There’s a case! A client. Downstairs.”

“Ah.” 

He presses his palms to his eyes. 

“Alright, mate, just give me a second…”

Sherlock pulls the blanket off him.

“Hey!”

“Come on. It’s not like you have to change out of your pyjamas.”

He’s right. He’s still wearing yesterday’s clothes. He vaguely, vaguely remembers Sherlock trying to convince him to go to bed.

He sits up and reaches for the half-empty glass. The water tastes dusty.

“Ugh.”

His neck hurts.

That’s what he gets for sleeping without a pillow. At least he had a-

Oh.

He doesn’t remember his blanket being there.

“Why are you smiling?”

“I just am.”

“...right.”

He holds out a hand, impatiently. John takes it and Sherlock pulls him to his feet.

His head protests to the sudden movement. He covers his eyes with one hand and holds on to Sherlock's shoulder with the other.

“Christ, my head…”

Feels like he banged his brain to the front of his skull.

Sherlock just pats him on the shoulder.

Fair enough.

It’s his own damn fault.

They both drank, sure, but one of them knew when to stop.

“I could go alone”, Sherlock suggests after a while.

No. They’re a team. And it’s not like he’s sick.

“No. No, I’m ok.”

“Good.”

John takes the mic from the coffee table. He hesitates. There's something… Something else. Something he should do.

“You can have your coffee downstairs.”

“Right. Yeah, alright. Let’s go then.”

21 December 2024 - 11:39 - 4 days till Christmas

The door opens just as John finishes his sandwich. He thinks it’s Mariana, for a second. Just before breakfast, she complained that she kept procrastinating on sorting ‘a mountain of paperwork’, and John hesitantly offered to help. She refused - John only detected a small hint of ‘you’re too incompetent for this’ - but did ask him to keep her company so she’d feel peer-pressured to start. He said he’ll be down ‘in a minute’. 

The door slams. 

Not Mariana, then.

“Heyy!” He greets, and exits the kitchen. “Look who’s ba-”

“No, stay where you are!”

John stops just before catching sight of the hallway.

“O-ok? Why? Are you alright?”

“Yes, Watson. Perfectly fine, thank you.”

He sounds fine, happy even. But why’s he being weird?

There’s some shuffling, then a cabinet door slams shut.

“Alright!”

John enters the hallway. He squints at Sherlock, who’s leaning on the small cabinet, trying to look as innocent as possible.

“What are you up to?”

“Nothing. I thought you were downstairs, with Mrs Hudson?”

“I’m on my way now.”

He looks at the cabinet, then at Sherlock again. He’s trying - and failing - to suppress a smile.

John’s eyes widen.

“Is it my gift?”

“No,” he answers without missing a beat.

“It is, isn’t it?” John beams, excited, and Sherlock stops trying to hide his smile.

“Alright, yes, it is. But I’m not showing it to you.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it... Though, you did make me curious. You’re looking rather proud of yourself.” 

“I do think I've made a good choice.”

“Can’t wait to see it then. And, for the record, I think I’ve made a good choice, too. I’m o-” He stops himself before making a pun that would give it away. “Erm. Yeah. Think you’ll really like it.”

Sherlock’s smile widens.

“Alright.”

“Alright. Well, I’m off.”

His smile slowly fades, on his way down. He does wonder... It’ll be here before Christmas, right? The ETA said it would, before the 23rd if he remembers correctly. 

Still. His chest feels a bit tighter than a minute ago.

Mariana opens the door.

She asks him what’s wrong within the minute.

He shrugs, and tells her.

“I mean, it should be here in the next two days, but… I dunno. Cutting a bit close.”

“Well, you should’ve ordered it sooner.”

“I did! In November!”

She throws him a confused look.

“It’s from Etsy. Uh, eBay. No- Yes.”

“Ah.” 

She nods sagely.

“Only one seller had what you wanted?”

“Yup.”

“Far away?”

“Yup.”

“Did you choose the cheapest shipping option?”

John doesn't answer.

“Ay, Dios…”

“It said before 23!”

“Ok. Ok. Um. It should have a tracking number. Open your email.”

John fiddles with his phone. 

Mariana waits around 30 seconds.

“What is taking so long?”

“Just have to log in…”

Mariana makes several faces - and noises - of disbelief.

“It’s a… An old account,” he explains. “The one connected to… Uh. eBay.”

He remembers what is wrong with his password.

“Ohh. With a zero… I always forget.”

And he’s in.

“Hey-Hey! It’s here!”

“It is?”

“Yeah!” He taps on the screen. “Hmm-hmm… Arrived at your local delivery office… Pick it up unti-”

He stares at the date. His smile slowly fades away.

“Oh, John…” she says, in her please-tell-me-you-didn’t voice. “Until?”

“...the 19th.”

She buries her face in her hands.

“You’re such an idiot.”

He is. 

He should’ve checked.

“But it was supposed to be door-delivery. And I didn't-”

Then he remembers. The red card he’d pushed under the cabinet. 

“Oh…”

He forgot.

Just like that.

If he didn’t drink so much that night…

“No. No, maybe… Maybe if I call them? I- I mean it can’t have gotten that far. In two days?”

“You can try, but…”

She shakes her head.

He does try. He calls, explains, offers to pay the transport again but the best he gets is a polite “There’s nothing we can do.” 

That, and the suggestion to order again, this time with express shipping.

It’s just the one item. 

He didn’t find it anywhere else.

There’s no way he can re-order it in time.

It’s gone.

Four days till Christmas and he’s got no present for Sherlock. 

He covers his mouth with one hand. 

“No... I’m so stupid. I’m so stupid. I saw the thing, the delivery… form… thing, but I- I was drunk, and then there was a case and…”

And he forgot, and didn’t remember for almost three weeks. Barely even thought about it at all. Until today.

He plopps himself on Mariana’s couch.

“I’m an idiot. I forgot . Just… And- I mean, screw forgetting about that card, I didn't even think to check my mail. I- I barely even thought about it at all.”

The most important person in his life, and he couldn’t even be bothered to check on his Christmas present.

“I’m a bad friend.”

“Ok, woah.” Mariana sits up straighter. “You’re not-”

“I am.”

“John…”

“I mean, how- How? How do I not think- How did I not remember-”

“Ok. Stop. Seriously. Calm down.”

He shuts up. Mariana tries to get him to face her, so he does. He must look just as bad as he’s feeling -  she’s making the same face she made when seeing a video of a three-legged puppy the other day.

“John… Yeah, you… You’ve been kinda dumb about this. But you’re not a bad friend. If you were, you wouldn’t even care that much. Right now.”

Maybe. Maybe not bad. But still not good enough.

“I guess…”

“And you know he won’t hold it against you.”

“I know...”

“Just get him something else. Er. Maybe a scarf?”

“A scarf ??” He scoffs, dejection turned to indignation. “Yeah, sure, ‘there you go Sherlock, my best friend, person who changed my life for the better, don't know where I'd be without you, there you go, Merry Christmas, it’s a scarf I got from Primark!’”

“Nobody mentioned Primark.”

“Not the point!”

“Fine, then, a book.”

John hesitates. He does like books. Well, certain books. But…

“No. It’s… That’s a very ‘I was invited to my classmate's birthday party’ gift.”

Mariana raises an eyebrow, amused.

“Should I be offended?”

“You’re a nerd, you love getting books.”

She shrugs.

“Eh. True.”

She considers something for a moment.

“And… If it helps. I had this really good friend whom- to whom I’ve only ever gifted books, for her birthday. But I would write… Sort of… Like a little dedication, on the first page, but in the style of the book? There was one that sounded like a ransom letter, one like a prophe…cy. Stop looking at me like that! She liked them.” 

“Was she a huge nerd, too?”

“Absolutely.”

They both chuckle.

John’s smile fades quickly.

Sure, he'll get him something else. But…

“I told him he’s gonna love it. What I got him.”

“Why would you do that.”

“Because! It was… Y’know. I was excited.”

He tells Mariana about the encounter. 

“Alright, now I’m curious. What was it?”

John crosses his arms.

“Not telling you.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’ll either think it’s stupid or call me an idiot again because it was perfect. And… I’m frustrated enough as it is. Don’t wanna think about it anymore.”

Mariana raises her hands in surrender.

“Alright. Fine. Keep your secrets.”

He drums his fingers on the armrest.

“Last year I got him the perfect gift and I’d only known him for three months. Even less.”

He can’t have a worse gift this year. An impersonal one. Something you could gift practically anyone.

“I don’t know, John. It’s a bit late for something… Not basic.”

“Yeah. I know.”

What could he find in 4 days?

21 December 2024 - 15:12 - 4 days till Christmas

The mall is full of people trying to get their Christmas shopping done. Some are filling their carts with food, others with Christmas lights and tinsel and reindeer figurines. Others, idiots like him, are still browsing for some present or other. An old lady comparing two pyjama models, a middle-aged guy scratching his head in front of the toy aisle, a young man picking out some make-up- Make-up? For Christmas??

John shakes his head.

Some people.

Well. He’s probably not in the best position to be judgy right now.

He walks around with his hands in his pockets and a look of utter defeat on his face.

Nothing’s good enough.

There’s a coat, warm and soft and pretty. But he has enough coats.

He could always buy him a puzzle. There’s some with 2000 pieces. But the pictures don’t impress him much, and none would really go with Sherlock's room.

The unidentified Christmas carol blaring from the speakers fades and another song starts playing. John barely holds back a groan.

“Hello, listeners,” he starts in a sweet voice. “If you're wondering what that sound is- You're really, really lucky.”

Too harsh?

“Eh. Alright, that's a bit- Cuz it's a great song, really, but I've heard it- This is the 23rd time I've heard it this week alone . Yeah. Not even exaggerating- I counted.”

He stares at a snowglobe for a couple seconds. 

No. He could get anyone a snowglobe.

“It's gotta be a form of torture, right? Every single year, as early as Nov- Actually as early as October! Boom. There she is. The Ghost of Christmas Present. Cuz it's- Cuz- Yeah. Why not Past? I hear you ask. Well. That's gotta be Last Christmas, surely. I mean, it’s in the name.”

He thinks for a couple seconds.

“…Dunno what Christmas Future would be. Ehh. Yeah.”

He’s approaching the books and stationary aisles. He is not buying him a book.

“Really hope there’s no case, in the following days, and I can just delete this. I’m not too keen on sharing my astronomical failure with the world. Heh. So- H-Hope there’s no murderers lurking around the corner!”

He chuckles. An old lady gives him a weird look and he decides he should probably stop talking.

There’s some albums. Empty albums, for pictures.

This would’ve been nice.

But he doubts they have enough photos.

He opens his gallery - his Favorites folder - to check. 

If he doesn't count variations of the same photo, there’s around 6 of them.

He sighs.

She's right - it’s too late for anything special.

Then his eyes go wide.

“Oh.” He chuckles, delighted. “Oh, I’ve got it.”

23 December 2024 - 17:03 - 2 days till Christmas

“I promise next Christmas I’m staying here.”

“Hey, we’ll hold you to that!”

She opens her arms and John goes to hug her. She only hugs him with one arm, and gestures to Sherlock to join in with the other. He does. John throws a hand around his back, too.

She squeezes them both as much as she can. 

“Awww… My boys. I’ll miss you so much!”

“We’ll miss you too.” He waits for a second. “Isn’t that right?”

“Yes. We will.”

She squeezes one more time, then lets them go.

“You take care of each other, alright?”

John doesn’t see Sherlock frown but he hears it in his voice.

“Of course,” he answers.

Mariana gives John a look. ‘I mean you, specifically’, it seems to say.

“When do we not?”

He offers to help with the bags, and as soon as the outside door closes, Mariana turns to him.

“Listen, I know you need time to work on that thing, but he’s started to notice something’s… Different.”

“What, did he tell you that?”

Mariana hesitates. She gestures for him to put the bags down.

“Sort of. Just… He just… Asked if I know why you’re uh… Acting weird.”

John sighs.

“Right. Yeah, I had to shoo him out of my room yesterday, that was a bit… Much. But, I mean, I had everything laid out on my desk and all.”

“Hm.”

“Yeah… Think I might ask him to hang out tonight. Walk Archie or watch a movie, I dunno. And work on the gift at night. Don’t want him to think I’m mad at him or something. At Christmas, too.”

Mariana pats his back.

“You do that. I will call an Uber.”

She whips out her phone and types the airport’s name.

“Um. Yeah, by the way. Did you find anything… Usable?”

She blinks at him, confused, and he's just about to clarify when she goes,

“Aaahhh! Right. Er. No.”

He pouts.

“But! I will have a more thorough look after I check in. And send you what I find. Ok?”

“Yeah. Thanks, Mari.”

She smiles and gives him a quick side hug.

“It's gonna turn out great, John. You got this.”

25 December 2024 - 10:06 - Christmas Day

They're sat down, cross-legged, on the carpet, in front of the Christmas tree. They're both still in their pyjamas, with their hair all tousled, and even though John has only been able to catch 5 hours of sleep, he’s wide awake.

He really hopes Sherlock will like it.

“I don’t understand why we can’t open the others, too.”

“Because I promised Mari we’ll open them on video call. So we’re… You know. Together. In a way.”

“Will she also wait to open hers?”

“Yeah. Course.”

Sherlock thinks about it.

“Fine.” He looks at the gifts again. “Just us, then?”

“Yeah.”

Sherlock mutters another confirmation, then pushes towards him a big, colourful bag stapled together at the ends so its contents can't be seen.

“You go first.”

John grins.

“All right! Well, now I know why you had to hide it in the cabinet.”

Sherlock smiles and nods.

John forces the bag open, leaving the staples hanging uselessly on each side, and pulls the object out.

It’s a backpack. Grey, sleek, and - John opens it - clearly designed with laptops and cables in mind.

He rummages through all the compartments and pockets, mentally mapping out where every cable, battery and SD card will go, while Sherlock explains that,

“You’re always complaining about having to ‘dig’ for the things you need in your current backpack, so I decided I’d get you one specifically designed for electronics. It has a built-in charger, elastic bands, hidden pockets, a reflective strip and it’s ergonomic. And waterproof, in case you find yourself in another pool. Or river.”

John smiles, and doesn’t remind him whose fault it was the last time he’d taken an impromptu bath.

“It’s awesome, mate. I love it.” He pushes it aside and gives Sherlock a quick hug. “Thank you.”

Now for his turn.

“Ok. Um. First of all, I have… a… confession. To make. You know how I told you you’ll really like your gift?”

“I recall, yes.”

“Right. So. I was a total idiot and forgot to pick it up and now it’s gone. I tried- Yeah. But I did…” He gives Sherlock the gift, a long, rectangular book-like thing clad in red and gold paper. 

“There’s this. Well, It’s kinda last minute, but…”

He trails off. Sherlock looks at him, clutching the gift in his hands.

“It doesn’t matter what it is, Watson. I will treasure it simply because it's from you.”

John presses his lips together. He definitely doesn’t feel his eyes sting.

“Stop that. You softie… Actually, I’m really not the one to talk.” He gestures towards the gift. “Go on, then.”

Sherlock tears the paper away.

He sees the brown cover, and the clearly hand-painted golden letters. 

‘ Our Adventures ’ - not a terribly creative title, but it gets the point across. 

Sherlock’s eyebrows raise, but he doesn’t say anything. He opens it and looks at the first entry. There’s some writing - there’s writing on all the pages, short summaries of what happened and little anecdotes. There’s a generic picture of Ming pottery, one of a flower, and some drawings.

“It’s uh. It’s a scrapbook. Of our cases, together. Well, I wrote ‘Our Adventures’ cause it sounds a bit more, uh… I dunno. Exciting?”

He points at a drawing on the first page.

“See, it’s the bumbag, the VOR bumbag.” 

“Verkehrsverbund Ost-Region.”

“Yeah. And-” He taps on one of the photos. “The flower. Edelweiss. Like the tattoo. I- Didn’t… You know, didn’t really wanna include a picture of a corpse. And I drew these guys-”

He points at two red and white flags with little question marks floating around them.

“Cause you- Cause it meant she’s either Swiss or Austrian.”

Sherlock nods, quietly, and turns the page.

“Duck feathers?”

“Yeah, cause of the… Duck… Incident. Just before.”

Sherlock smiles.

“Yeah, thought you’d enjoy that reminder.”

“I don’t recall you picking up any feathers.”

“Well, I didn’t. Right then. But they’re from the same ducks, so, uh… Yeah”

“Did you disinfect them?”

“What, the ducks?”

“The feathers.”

“Ah.” Does giving them a wash count as disinfecting? “Sure, just don’t… Lick them. Or something.”

“Wasn’t planning to.”

He goes through the next couple pages a bit quicker. He does stop to stare at the two pages reserved for The Blue Carbuncle. It’s the first one that has a photo of them - just after they exchanged gifts, Sherlock with the ear defenders on and John holding the watch with two fingers. They don’t look too different, but John feels they’re ages younger in that photo. So much happened, in the meanwhile. They grew so much closer. 

They were friends then. 

They're family, now.

That John almost left him alone at Christmas. Now there’s no one he’d rather spend it with.

He brushes a hand on his shoulder. Sherlock’s still looking at the pages. They are among his best. He drew sprawling Christmas lights at the top of the pages, the carbuncle - somehow, he didn’t find a picture of it - and poor Heather the goose. There was the picture of them in a corner, and in a different corner, taped to the page, two receipts. Sherlock was fiddling with one of them.

“They’re from the Oakshott Farm Shop. Technically only the first one is part of the adventure but if I didn’t include the second I’d just be mad at myself for not buying you those biscuits, so…” He pointed at the second receipt. “Proof that I did get them after all.”

After the listeners hounded him.

He chuckles nervously.

Sherlock flips through the next pages at a regular pace. John points things out to fill the silence - ‘it’s the Valentine’s Day card’, ‘so, that’s supposed to be us high-five-ing’, ‘aww, Mercer. You know, I almost didn’t take this picture’ and so on.

Silver Blaze is full of photos. Sherlock, looking out the train window. Them, on the moor, John’s arm wrapped around Sherlock’s shoulders. The Airbnb. Silver Blaze himself. The only drawings are some hoofprints, snaking through the writing. They seem to amuse Sherlock.

He flips a couple more pages.

Dancing Men’s looking pretty good, too. 

There’s the code key, occupying half a page, and some lyrics swirling around it. A photo of Elsie, and one of the four of them, at the O2, before anything went wrong. And at the very bottom of the page, a little anecdote he hesitated to include:

‘That’s the first time you called me your best friend.’

Sherlock’s face falls a bit.

“Yeah, well. It’s not exactly a good memory, the whole Abe Slaney thing, but… Er. S-Silver linings, you know?”

Sherlock doesn’t say anything. 

A few minutes later he’s turning the page on the latest case.

He flips through the white, unused pages. There’s many of them. More than a half. But he didn't find a smaller album, and even if he had…

“That’s uh. That’s like a sort of, to be continued. I- Maybe. I could. Update it. Next year or something. If you want.”

Sherlock slowly flips back the pages, from the latest to the very first case, until he’s looking at the front cover again.

He’s still quiet. He’s frowning, slightly, and his jaw is set.

For a second, John thinks he might be disappointed.

He dips his head to see him better.

“Sherlock..?”

Then he looks at him and John only has time to think, ‘Oh, that is not disappointment’ before he’s being hugged, tightly, though in a somewhat awkward position. John scoots closer so he can hold him better.

“You like it?” he whispers, and Sherlock nods.

He breathes out, relieved, and strokes his back a couple times. He wants to say something, something more, but he can’t put his finger on what, exactly.

“Merry Christmas,” he says instead.

Sherlock huffs a laugh.

“Merry Christmas, John.”

When the hug ends they both pretend he doesn't see Sherlock wiping at his eyes.

“Breakfast?”

“Yeah.” 

He reaches out his hand and Sherlock pulls him to his feet.

“You know, I never realised, but- We have surprisingly few photos together. I really had to dig around. Made Mariana search her phone, too. And it’s what you saw in the scrapbook and two more. I mean… After a year? Weird.”

Sherlock humms.

“Not weird at all, Watson. People take photographs to commemorate certain events or achievements, things that do not occur every day - whether it is a wedding photo or simply an overweight bulldog-”

“Hey!”

“-sleeping in a particularly adorable position. It is a means to possess and preserve something that might soon end, or never be repeated. A souvenir, a ghostly trace of the soon-to-be past.

We spend the majority of our time together. Seeing each other isn't an event of any sort. The photos you did find coincide with outside events - a concert, a holiday, trips to a different city or country. You knew those things would end soon. Our... Partnership, on the other hand, our close proximity to each other, here, in 221B…”

He trails off and looks at him for confirmation.

“Won't. Not going anywhere, mate.”

Sherlock smiles.

“Neither am I.”

Good. 

A year is a year, but…

They just found each other.

“Well... Seeing as this is an event... Wanna send Mariana a ‘Merry Christmas from Baker Street’ pic?”

“Sure.”

John grabs his phone and opens the camera app.

“Alright, I’ll take the picture, you hold Archie.”

“What?”

“Pick him up.”

“Absolutely no way.”

“He’s gotta be in the picture!”

“Not in my arms.”

“Fine.”

He places the phone on the table, propped up on two glasses. They push two chairs together and sit down, John with Archie in his lap.

“Ready?”

He sets the timer, taps on the shutter button, swings an arm around Sherlock’s shoulder and pulls him close, so close their cheeks are pressed together and Sherlock has to grab his shoulder to not lose his balance. Archie tries to lick their faces and John laughs and tells him to “Stop, stop it, Arch!” Sherlock’s hair is in his eye and he tries to swat it away but the countdown’s 3, 2, “Shit, ok-ok smileee!”

The shutter clicks.

_______________

Read it on AO3 too!

[hermitw]

I've been thinking about this reblog of yours for months and I finally figured out how to respond to it.

I went and read No Longer Human by Junji Ito and it was a very upsetting thing to go through. I don't think I can read it again. However, I came out of it thinking that Gege was probably inspired by it.

When Yozo is first introduced, I noticed that Takaba's backstory was very similar. Feeling isolated from others, he decided to become a clown to gain acceptance from others. (Citations in Image Captions)

And later when Yozo was caught "cheating" (it's in quotes because those women are child rapists), I noticed that her face was really similar to the one Higuruma's client made when he felt betrayed by the trial outcome.

There's probably a lot more to say about how themes surrounding CSA and suicide in this work are echoed in JJK, but I'm not able to make the post myself. No Longer Human is too far out of my comfort zone in terms of graphic depiction to delve into it deeper.

But you seem strong enough to handle it, so... Idk maybe run with this some more.

Ohhh this is so interesting! I could definitely read No Longer Human again - tbh I read Junji Ito's version years ago. This year I listened to the audio book and bought a copy - but it's like, a draft in the author's handwriting (bc I thought it would help me study Japanese and if I had an English translation that I'd read it on repeat lmao). But you're real for that - I forget how disturbed people tend to be trying to read through it, I'm sorry that was rough.

I did go back to read the reblog and idk how relevant all that was - I've reread the manga since and felt like, oh I might have been misremembering some things like Uraume - idk if they actually had a freeze response in ch. 219, since they did tell Yorozu to back off though it took a minute - but it's also interesting how their CT deals with ice. Like to have a fight response, they freeze others? It's so interesting but I can't be sure whether it's there at all. (ik that yap II inspired some more coherent posts, like how it influenced Choso's self-image, etc., I linked but didn't tag you back then bc I felt Annoying especially w heavy topics but I can definitely go back and find them if you'd like.)

On a twin peaks note (without spoiling it), I feel like it inspired jjk to some extent - I've been feeling like the last chapter will end the way s2 did. Or at least - with the weird dreamy themes, "we are the dreamer who dreams and who lives inside the dream", etc...

But you're right - Yozo and the others' reactions resemble more jjk characters than I would think to connect. Takaba's jokes are truly a shield... And now I have an excuse to read Junji Ito's version again? Thank u so much (also isn't it funny how September 28 Uzumaki airs and September 30 jjk ends?).

I think gege gets inspired by the most tragic stories, I wonder how much of that is accurate but I can't always be convinced otherwise.... Especially when anime / manga series that he's confirmed as influences often deal with autonomy in ways that I couldn't handle (Evangelion, the night beyond the tricornered window).

By the way - ik we've mentioned elfen lied before, but in the first episode, you know that coffee mug? How it looks like jjk foreshadowing? Even has snail head Mahito - cut off-, the baseball, Panda, the worm (also cut off).... and later the newborn babies that look just like Yuuji...

I swear that elfen lied, Kagewani, and banana fish influenced jjk. It seems so obvious w those, maybe Vampire Princess Miyu as well.

Sorry for getting off topic - I've been looking into why Momotaro keeps coming up in jujutsu kaisen, and in the end it came back full circle to that damn coffee cup. Invest in a baseball team? A zoo? I'm going insane.

All this to say - rereading Junji Ito's version and seeing if I notice similarities between manga panels is so exciting. Gege even made a note that he asked for permission before drawing - I think it was the Uzumaki CT - So we know he's a big fan of Junji Ito. And it seems like there is a rly good chance No Longer Human inspired him as well (though I feel like characters with similar traumas having similar reactions is inevitable to some extent, if they're written in a believable way, it should be clearer when I'm reading both stories in the same format) based on the stories he has officially referenced.

[felinecryptid]

hoooooooooo boy, tmagp 4 go-

this time its becoming apparent that there are some themes and clues that tmagp wants us to notice, the sections stand out, begging for attention

like the recurring theme of bones, and blood, and gore in general (it might be too soon to tell exactly what themes are leading to, but they are definitely there)

the violin could fit right in grifter's bone with it's affinity to music and violence

(the music feels aligned to circus over spiral or web

tho there are elements of the web what with the mind control, but i fear all fears possess a certain degree of control, as such

the violence feels more of the slaughter variety rather than the hunt, though you could make a valid argument for flesh as the words 'sacrifice', 'payment' and 'creature with needs and purposes of its own' do stick in mind

once again i do not think that tmagp follows the same format as the smirke's fourteen (or 15) , i merely use them as parallels to better explain what aspects of the episode sticks out to me (and for me refer back later on))

as other listeners have noted, another theme that tmagp in general follows, is 'obsession', rather than tma's 'fear'

i feel this is also paralleling (intentionally or not) the audience's own listening habits and motives

we first consumed the magnus archives for its content of horror

and yet we are back for the magnus protocol like we never left, and perhaps

we never did

the statement's first person pov depicts a truly horrific picture of the slaughter, of the violence that the violin demands

and his descriptions of the mania on the audience's faces too

it's eerily reminiscent of the france's dancing plague

enough about the statement, lets talk about my boy sam and his co-workers, and their workplace in general

there's a protocol surrounding the magnus institute? interesting interesting, very similar to the police division daisy and basira were part of, the unofficial supernatural division

is this like the civil servant version of such?

another thing that is interesting; how is freddy getting these statements incidents? like sam asked, how exactly does a letter from the 18th century end up in the system?

i don't think gwen's answer is satisfactory (and we weren't meant to either), sure someone might be updating the archives website for reasons unknown but rarely in magpod is something a dead end, every little thing is a clue, a small part of the larger picture

so how exactly does a letter from the 18th century is in freddy's system?

perhaps an 'avatar' or the equivalent (such people are suggested to exist in tmagp universe, like the tattooist from daria's statement)

or maybe the fears themselves manifest in phenomena that upload relevant content to freddy

colin my guy, still being iconic and not trusting tech, hats off to you, the only real character in the whole show

never trust any piece of technology older than paper

the video of lena that gwen got in the end? weird? yeah, fuck yes, but how did she even get it? is there any sort of personal communication available on the ancient system? why gwen?

i have so many questions and so many more thoughts, but this is already so long, im gonna write a separate post about tmagp so far, in general

[pinkinsect]

going insane over shidou ryusei recently and seeing your posts about him being connected to hide songs are making me even more crazy. can i know more about your thoughts.. maybe what you think his backstory will be like.. (<- i have clinical shidou disorder)

hi sorry to hear about your shidou disorder. as a fellow sufferer i have to say it doesn't get better.

i don't have a set backstory in my head for him, just conclusions of things it's like from all of the supplemental info we've gotten for him. to succinctly sum up my thoughts about what his backstory will be like: Not Great!

tl;dr: there's so many dots to connect that anything could happen at this point. but i think that possibly, shidou's backstory is one of deprivation; either deprivation of physical needs, self-determination, or both. though i don't have a set idea of how exactly that may have happened, there's a few options—poverty, an abusive household, family members with too many expectations, too many restrictions on himself or his behavior. i wouldn't be surprised if he'd been arrested at some point (it's happened before. it could happen again) or if he had been in the foster system, where the aforementioned conditions occurred, given there's absolutely no mention of any immediate family members in the egoist bible—and he seems to really hate santa, though that could be for other reasons.

the rest of this is basically explaining why i think so—it ended up being awfully long (it turns out i cant Not summarize rocket dive/pink spider/ever free) so the rest of this is under a cut. let's go!

there are plenty of people view shidou as someone who is Just Horny And Violent; Born A Freak Forever A Freak. and you know what? i fuck with that type of character, but i think there's more to shidou than that.

during the U-20 match, he has his trademark "football is a biological phenomenon" speech (which is probably quickly overshadowed by its last line, "right in the womb," and i can't blame everyone. it is baffling), that gives us some of the first deeper insight into shidou.

"Every human on the planet wants to leave proof of their own existence behind. The act of passing on their own genes has been programmed into all living beings. They connect with others, wound others, do things that make them persist in the memories of others. Those who create something, those who want to become something, and of course, those who make children. They're doing something that leaves behind proof they existed."

shidou often says he wants an explosion, but another way to think about it is freedom. he wants the freedom to play the way he wants, to live the way he wants. and for soccer, that's through finding people he can create an explosion with—people he can play freely with.

(i think this has been acknowledged by other characters too; given shidou's placement on the Isagi Yoichi Type Indicator compass and noa telling kunigami to "take away [shidou's] freedom" by marking him. i choose to look into individual word choices in blue lock since kaneshiro seems to like making specific word choice relevant later)

shidou is all about freedom, and i think that could come from being deprived of it, in some ways.

a lot of the supplemental info we're given about him could be described as "things someone does just because they can." people often go through their lives taking certain things for granted, until it's taken away. once it's returned to them, you'll see a sort of appreciation that might seem a little out of the ordinary.

(personal experience, so it might not be great evidence, but plenty of people who've spent a lot of time in prison seem to gain a newfound appreciation for couches and making food late at night.)

his morning routine consists of "going onto the balcony naked and soaking up the sunlight, dancing however he likes, and yelling whatever comes to his mind ("stuff like capillaries and flesh rupture!!")." is it strange? yes, but to me it's an appreciation of freedom; one's free will to do and say anything, and to let the sun hit you while you're doing it.

something else that sticks out to me from the egoist bible is his favorite and least favorite foods; yukhoe and bean sprouts respectively. i normally wouldn't mind it, but the juxtaposition of something that can be so indulgent and really cheap produce is interesting to me, especially because of his reasoning for hating bean sprouts: 「フォルムが貧弱で萎える」, which I would translate as "They look weak and wilted," but the words used for weak and wilt can also mean "insubstantial" and "to lose passion." that extra translation detail could be a reach and extraneous information, but similar to my earlier point, kaneshiro seems to really like using words with multiple meanings instead of more clear cut synonyms. the top of shidou's scale being a rich, fatty dish of raw meat and the bottom being bean sprouts is interesting to me, and fits this picture of shidou that isn't necessarily hedonistic, but is "living deep and sucking the marrow out of life" in a very explosive way.

now a section specifically for hide songs because there's so much

as you mentioned, i really think that the hide songs will tie into shidou's backstory; an awful lot of the characters' favorite songs represent their character in the past or present. pink spider is his favorite song, and rocket dive is mentioned in chapter 253 in regards to shidou's goal.

for those less familiar with hide's work, pink spider was written as an answer to rocket dive, and the cd for the single contained a third track: five minutes and twenty-seven seconds of silence, then a short clip of ever free, the titular single released several weeks after his death.

all three songs deal with a desire for freedom, and to break out of the monotony of one's surroundings for something new—but with varying tones and approaches.

rocket dive has an endlessly encouraging tone, ending happily with a new star being seen in the sky (and this is a reach, but shidou's given name—ryuusei—is a homophone with the japanese word for meteor/falling star, ryuusei).

pink spider, shidou's favorite song, is about a spider so trapped in its surroundings it kills anything that comes close, until it learns there's more. and to reach it, it steals a butterfly's wings and flies and fails and tries again, and we never know if the spider succeeds at its second attempt at flight, or is resigned to watching the sky from the ground.

ever free's speaker is trapped on the ground, and faced with the questions "how much does love cost?" "can you eat a dream?" in response to their own questions about how love feels and what it's like to feel their dreams. but still, they dream of flying toward freedom, of escaping. like pink spider, and unlike rocket dive, we don't ever know if they make it off the ground.

despite the order of songs released being rocket dive -> PINK SPIDER -> ever free, i think that the order the songs represent shidou may be the opposite. he started, trapped, wings closed, uncertain, but had the dream of freedom inside of him. and though he may have hurt someone—or lost someone—in the process, he seized that freedom, and the expanse of the future awaits him to live in and make a name for himself.

something specifically about love being something that could be bought, or a dream being something that could be eaten, makes me want to think that shidou had a lot of expectations, or restrictions, placed on him as well.

hide in general is shidou's favorite, though, not just that one song of his. hide's live performances are high energy, and he's just really funny when talking to the audience between songs? it fits the massive amount of his songs are upbeat lyrically and about sex and desire, but an equal amount are about difficulty controlling unhealthy behaviors, cynical, or reflecting on one's own flaws and the loss of others.

the duality there makes me think of shidou's other favorites, chainsaw man and a clockwork orange—both media that can be, and often are, interpreted on the surface as simply spectacles of violence and sex, but are also acclaimed for their deeper themes. it could be like shidou, in a way. there's layers.

to sum it all up. i think shidou probably was in foster care. maybe was sexually abused. probably also saw a lot of bad things happen to other people, so it's nothing personal to him on a surface level, at least. he's out of that situation and deciding to enjoy the hell out of life. probably repressed and that's why he cries when alone at night (possibly nightly ?) for reasons he doesn't know.

[interstellarrisa]

Dream Journaling

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖࣪

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖࣪

Dream journaling is perhaps the best thing you can do in order to get lucid dreams. It helps with remembering dreams and noticing patterns inside dreams while also becoming more aware in your dreams.

keep a dream journal

Doesn't matter if it's a physical notebook or just your notes app, wherever writing is possible.

write down your dreams as soon as you wake up (preferably)

It's recommended to write them down as soon as you wake up but maybe you don't have time or just too lazy to do it. If that's the case then you can just go over your dream over and over again until you remember it and write it down later.

if you don't remember your dream WRITE IT DOWN

Even if you don't remember your dreams write it down that you don't remember your dream that night and that you'll remember your dream next night.

write down the dates and that it was a dream

This is to help your brain know that dreams are actual important information and to actually start remembering them each night.

include details

How a specific thing smelt, who a dream character reminded you of, where you were and if it was a familiar place what about that place where changed in your dream. small details you pay attention to in your dreams and specific sensations helps a lot more than you think. Writing what POV you saw the dream for is also good.

record your emotions

Emotions inside a dream can be so powerful they might induce a lucid dream or just completely wake you up. For example my first lucid dream was because I was so scared to get a burning football shot straight at my face.

keep a note of recurring themes

This is really important!!! For example you often see cats in your dreams? From now on whenever you see cats perform a reality check and you might just become lucid.

How does dream journaling help?

Dream journaling makes your brain think that your dreams are relevant information and that it should pay more attention to it and when your brain pays more attention to it you start paying more attention to it cause TADA YOU ARE ACTUALLY YOUR BRAIN?!?!?!? shocker right?

Also what's the point of having a lucid dream if you don't even remember it?

Dream journaling also helps with making your dreams more stable in general which makes it easier to become lucid in. If you had a more abstract dream stabilizing in it would be difficult since you have nothing to ground yourself too.

Sweet dreams everyone ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖࣪

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖࣪

[notquitejiraiya]

9 Years

Well, here we are again. Back to spew some nonsense you could’ve done without about fic writing and otherwise. As a small introduction to myself, if you miraculously come across this before anything else I’ve done online: hiya, I’m Becks. When I was fifteen years old I decided that I was going to create a Naruto specific blog to post fanfiction on and 9 years later, I’m still here.

This is only my third reflection of those 9 years, the first and second of which you can find linked respectively, but it’s the 24th of September, and so here I am, ready to continue a tradition set by the wonderful @unioncolours of documenting her years in fandom. Sink your teeth in below the cut off if you so wish. If not, have a wonderful day ♥️

Before I talk about myself, a little thank you to her, to Bex. Two days ago, she posted what I consider to be her most powerful reflection yet, and I command the lot of you to read it, feel it, and walk away demanding you treat yourself and others kindly for this year and all those to come. Her heartfeltness and honesty is something all of us should learn from, and it is an honour to share my forename, space, fandom, world with her. Thank you, Bex, for all you do, here and away.

Now, the first thing I must address about this Rebecca here is “job no1”, as I called it in last year’s recap. “Job no1” was to become more concise.

It is safe to say that I did not get hired for “job no1.” Not yet, anyway. Perhaps on the future. Maybe. We’re still in the interview stages, and you know how many rounds these things take.

To set the tone of this past year, I will admit that it is the 24th of September, not just when I post this reflection, but as I write it. As mentioned, I have only written two recaps of this sort in my fandom career, both of which were written ahead of time and posted on the day with little stress. This one is being bashed out when the sun is already setting, and time is running out.

Time is something that has fascinated me for years; it’s something I’ve written scientifically on, written fiction about in short spells, and something I’ve come to respect a bit more over the last year, too. It’s something I’ve especially enjoyed playing with and writing about in the one fic that I’ve published/added to this year. In Grandmaster, one of my favourite passages from the fic and one of the bits I’m most proud of involves time. But I won’t dwell on that. Grandmaster — or GM, as I affectionately call it — will get its moment later on. For now, let us focus still on time.

I’ve had a strange amount of it this past year. I wouldn’t say I’ve had too much, nor particularly little, on average, but I certainly feel as though I have. Even if not, it’s slipped away from me, and this year that feels rather damning. You see, as you might know, I live in Finland at the moment. I say ‘at the moment’ because this time next year, when I’m writing my next recap, that will no longer be true. I already no longer live 40 minutes from the front door of my best friend — moving in the summer upped it to almost an hour — and by next year I won’t be able to jump up, hop on a train and see her when the mood (and life) suits. Many rather saddening things have hammered home time to me since last September, but even considering that one thought makes time seem rather fleeting. I need to treasure it until the summer, and so forgive me if my time at my laptop is a little less than it once was.

More relevant to you reading this, perhaps, is the amount of this year that I have been able to spend writing. Without examining the statistics, I feel like I’ve barely written this year. I know that that is ultimately not true; I have made good progress with GM, and have written snippets of works to come. But I still feel as though I haven’t had the time in year 9 that I would’ve liked, and even less than the small amount I dared to expect.

In the time I did spend writing, though, I largely spent it on GM, so it only feels right that I dedicate a sizable portion of this recap to that fic.

I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that GM has consumed me. I view the world through a different lens having conceptualised, written, and frankly breathed the world in that story. I see situations in the real-life chess, and I imagine where that might happen in the GM-timeline, were it there. I see the people I envision when the scene play out like theatre performances in my head, and I think about GM, even when it’s totally irrelevant. Even just a face. I hear songs, and I think about GM. I watch movies, and I think about GM. I sit on the bus or god forbid the train, it rains or it shines, and I think about GM.

I have never, in my life, felt a story in my bones like this. When it ends, which this year it certainly must, I will cry. Don’t get me wrong, I won’t cry because it’s over — I will cry because I will remember all the countless hours that have gone into not just writing but thinking about this fic. It is a part of my daily life and has been for such a long time now. I don’t go an hour, let alone a day, without thinking about it. It has been in progress for over 2 years — during every every wrapup I have written, it has been in progress — and 2 nights ago, I finally posted a chapter, the heart of which I first sent to my friends almost as long ago.

I won’t spoil the contents, as I’m sure many of you may not have read it, but I’ll admit now that I cried as I went to sleep after posting it. It took me three months to be happy with that chapter. Three months. That long to accept a chapter that I knew I had the core, important part of set and the was happy with since almost two years ago. It felt and still feels ridiculous to me. Even three days ago I felt like, surely, I had forgotten how to write. Or maybe I just had never known how to write in the first place. I had lost my touch, at the very least, the very spark that made anyone read more than the first paragraph. How in the world could it be that I manage to write these core lines two years ago, when GMverse was Strangers and only Strangers, yet having honed the voice of this story for so long, I now couldn’t write a single good word?

I felt like such a failure. I felt like there was no way I was ever going to finish it, and if I did, I was sure I wouldn’t be happy with it. But I told myself that I was going to post the fic on Majsasaurus day and so I said, “Fuck it,” to my assignments and I finished it.

I was late hour, but I almost did it. When I read it back before posting, I cursed myself for all the clunky sentences and obnoxious descriptions — which may not even exist, I don’t know — but I still pressed post at the end, and I immediately felt proud of it.

It’s incredible when you realise you can do that. I think perhaps it’s a skill that doesn’t make sense to people when they first start writing. Not giving a fuck, that is. I know I was guilty of it for a very long time, but there’s no point in being a perfectionist, especially if you’re trying to write about realistic people. Real people are so far from perfect that you’re fucking kidding yourself if you waste your time on such things. Year 9 has been a lot about that: settling. Settling for grades in uni I once would’ve beaten myself up over. Settling for a sentence that I know could be worded better, in theory, but I’m not yet the writer who can word it that way. I’ll meet her one day, maybe. But before I get to, I have to mould her. I won’t do that without writing more and more.

In any case, in the words of Shikamaru in my own fic: “They’re just words. They don’t mean anything unless you let them.”

In line with that thought, I want to thank you all for your theories and thoughts and engagement with GM. The fact so many of you have managed to find some meaning or emotion in it that matters to you specifically, even if that differs between people, amazes me daily. It makes me emotional and humbles me and all manner of things I could write an entire reflection on.

It is on that note that, I would like to extend a particuar mention to @twnj who has brought to life so many scenes in GM with her beautiful artwork as well as created so many fun headcanons for outside of it. I am so lucky to have met and to know you, and it is a pleasure being rambly with you, my dear.

I also would like to shout out @backgroundcharacterno5 for creating one of most incredible things I have ever seen by way of this comic. You brought that scene to life more beautifully than I ever could’ve imagined even in my own head, and I cannot thank you enough for thinking of GM at all. Thank you.

And finally, the book club. Learning of your existence blew my fucking mind, and it continues to. I refer to you this way because I do not know exactly how many of you there are, but I bloody love you all, even those of you I have never spoken to. The comments I received from you and from every reader, even if I am shit at replying to them, move me and inspire me endlessly. Your analysis and theories and reactionary comments thrill me and make my heart sing. So thank you. So much.

With GM this past year, I feel I have reached a point as a writer that I never expected to, and am endlessly proud of. I never expected people to be so engaged with something I wrote — I thought I was a one- or maybe two-trick pony with song inspired banter-filled one shots and depressing britishisms. But this year showed me that that isn’t true. Do I have the widest range? No, and I’ve made peace with that. But does that devalue what I make? No. I love it. I have fun making it. And as an incredible, frankly unexpected cherry on top, so do some of you. So thank you for that. You’ve ticked so many of my author bucket list dreams in a single year.

As I have certainly mentioned in past ‘blog’-type posts, there are elements of GM which are personal to me, but in the coming year, I will introduce to you what I consider my most personal fic yet. While I may lend things I have overheard or observed, I rarely let myself into my own work too heavily. I value the power of looking over a shoulder, and do try my best to do that. But I rarely force my shoes on a character.

Piano Man (affectionately referred to by myself and those closest as GMJ) will not be like that either. Not on purpose. It will not be a 1-to-1 retelling of my life, the opinions and feelings and experiences within it will by no means be my own, but it will be an expression of things I love and know more directly than before.

GMJ will be set some 20+ years after Strangers, so I am still not escaping this universe I’ve built for myself (not that I want to escape it). It will follow one of my most beloved characters in Shikadai, and how he meets someone he really ought to have known his whole life, but by chance, has not: Inojin.

Any writing I have done that is not GM this year has been ShikaJIn. I know that many of you who follow me, do so for ShikaTema. I wonder if there are even so many of you now that joined for GM that ‘CHESS’ and ‘Cloud Nine’ are now irrelvant in my list of past fics. But regardless of what you’re here for, and whether you ship them now or not, I hope that you’ll stick around for GMJ. It is not a ship fic anymore than GM is, and I like to think that perhaps you trust me by now to tell you a story you might enjoy.

Besides GMJ I have dabbled in a couple of other potential AUs, the most promising of which is a wartime au, which came about after my dear friend Bex suggested that @clumsydragon28 and I read a book she was reading: In Memoriam. IM was one of the most fun reading experiences I have ever had, and I cannot reccomend reading with your friends enough. The joy is something I can’t quantify, and I will treasure that experience forever.

I myself have read more books this year than I have in years. I haven’t read so many fics, which saddens me, but I am so pleased that there is space in my life for fiction and stories again besides thsoe in my own head.

One of the books of this year will no doubt come when I return home to England for Christmas, because last year, darling Barb sent me (and Bex) a goodie box from across the Atlantic. In it, she placed the US edition of my favourite book: The Beach. It will get loved and cherished this year with its first physical read. I promise.

There are so many other things that I could say here, but ultimately, I don’t know that I have the time. All I can say is that I am so grateful for the people of this fandom space, old friends and new, and even those that have not shown me kindness this past year — you have hardened me to realise I am worth more than I thought.

The next recap I write will mark a decade of notquitejiraiya. That, in itself, seems absurd. But I am certain that I go into it lucky, and grateful, and really really fucking inspired.

Thank you, all, for another notquitejiraiya year. May the next be sweet and full of more frequent updates than the last! ♥️

(PS - I’ll try to be more consice next year, but I’m not making any promises)

[loquatenjoyer69]

Natori and Wavering

Foreword:

As it is my tendency to over explain, I will mark my actual conclusion with “TL;DR” in bold, so anyone who doesn’t want to read all the context I provide can just see what I think. The following is a collection of scenes from the manga that are relevant to my conclusion, summarized and interpreted by me. Also, if you read this, I will assume you have read up to chapter 116, as I include the arc which ends there as a large part of my analysis.

This all started with the Miharu arc, once again. After Natsume asks Matoba the famous question, (have you ever thought about quitting exorcism?) and hearing Matoba so confidently state he's never considered it, he thinks

「名取さんは堂だろう。いつもゆらいでいる優しいあのひとは」

"What about Natori-san? That kind person who is always wavering."

The verb being translated as “wavering” is 揺らぐ. This word refers to a swaying or rocking motion, something going back and forth, or shaking/trembling. The reason this line stuck out to me is that it made me wonder "Why is Natori wavering? What does it mean to be wavering?" Thankfully, my questions were answered when I went back through the past exorcist chapters.

The concept of Natori feeling unsteady or his world feeling unsteady comes up in special chapter 15. When Matoba tells Natori about the history of the Natori clan, how even though they should have been especially able to deal with kami, they still fell, so "you never really know what will happen," Natori responds with "The Matoba clan might not always be on top either," and Matoba laughs and says "Who knows… I won’t let it fall."

This is probably when Natori stops seeing Matoba as merely the spoiled prince of a wealthy family, one who has everything Natori wanted growing up, and realizes what kind of burden he has on his shoulders. Indeed, after this exchange, Natori thinks "I don’t have anything like that resting on my shoulders. Maybe that’s why this unsteady/shaking/bubbling world seems to waver." (This is not how any English speaker would say this, but I want to convey the picture that’s being painted. He uses the onomatopoeia ぐらぐら which denotes boiling/wobbling/unsteadiness to describe the world). Again this verb 揺らぐ comes up when Natori says the "world seems to waver." Natori feels like he doesn’t have a defined place in the world the way Matoba does. He doesn’t know what kind of person he should or will be, unlike Matoba, who probably grew up seeing exactly what he would become in the previous clan head, down to the long hair and eyepatch. For Matoba, the world is steady, unmoving, and almost preordained. For Natori, everything is uncertain, including his own identity. 

I’m going to take a brief detour from the “wavering” idea to touch on something Yorishima said to Natori in chapter 80. Seeing that Natsume is emotionally affected by the story of the enchanted scarecrow, Yorishima remarks that Natsume’s heart has been pulled in by ayakashi, or in other words, he’s become emotionally involved with them. He tells Natori "A savage exorcist like you shouldn’t drag a (this kind of) kid around," and then "Natori, lately you’ve come to resemble the Matoba brat." Keep this idea in your back pocket. It’s a surprise tool that will help us later. 

Then, as I said before, in the Miharu arc,  after Natsume hears Matoba say that he’s never considered quitting exorcism, he wonders how Natori, who "is always wavering," would answer. And of course, later in that arc Natori himself asks Matoba the same question, though this time Matoba doesn’t answer. Although the focus is usually on Matoba’s answers to this question, I’ve also thought it significant that Natori asks Matoba this. He seems to initially want to ask it after Matoba ponders about the previous Matoba head who failed to protect the Miharu family, but gets interrupted by the spell on the room.

When Matoba starts going on one of his "you should make use of useful things" monologues, he asks it for real. It’s still not entirely clear to me what makes Natori want to ask him if he’s ever thought about quitting, though all I can really think of is that hearing Matoba talk like this reminds Natori of how tiring and cutthroat this life can be. Natori, the one who wavers, has probably thought a few times about giving up, and hearing Matoba talk this way makes him wonder, "Haven’t you ever thought about quitting?" Just like how Natsume asked Matoba after Matoba told him how many people are out to usurp the Matoba clan. 

Finally we come to the Younger Cousin arc. When Mitsuru tells Natsume about how she met Natori, she says that she didn’t care whether she was going to be exorcised or not, she just wanted to know (and say) Natori’s name, so when he saw her, she told him her name (which is Mitsuru, but written differently than either of the names that would have been given to Natori’s cousin), and she saw herself reflected in his eyes, "wavering" (揺れて). So Natori’s heart was shaken, to put it another way, when it seemed for a second that he could have what he had always wanted. For a moment, he hesitated, and this was the weakness that the ayakashi latched onto. She read his mind and created a false reality where she was the cousin he wished he’d had.

Natsume believed she was not malicious, and went to hear her out before Natori could exorcise her for real, but Nyanko-Sensei warns him "Those who can’t heartlessly dedicate themselves are unfit to be exorcists. If you support ayakashi, Natori is just gonna waver." Here, he uses the verb ぐらつく which is related to the onomatopoeia from special chapter 15. Nyanko-Sensei is telling Natsume that if he tries to stand up for ayakashi, Natori will just become more conflicted and eventually be unable to "heartlessly dedicate" himself to exorcism. 

When Natori and Mitsuru finally face off, Mitsuru tells Natori that she just wanted to help him. Natori tells her

「親切ごかしはもういい。どちらが化物だかわからなくなりそうだ。」

which is something like "Enough playing nice/Stop pretending to be nice. I might not be able to tell which of us is the monster." Mitsuru then makes the final offer for Natori to stay with her in the illusion and be happy together, but Natori, now firm in his resolve, says that he was weak for wanting a cousin who could see the same things as him, that he doesn’t need that anymore, and that Mitsuru is an ayakashi, which is what he’s chosen to spend his life fighting. This is where Natori makes the decision he faltered on when he first saw Mitsuru. He throws away what might have been, knowing that it never could be, and decides to stay firm on his path as a heartless exorcist.

At the conclusion of this arc, Natsume apologizes to Natori for trying to stop him from exorcising Mitsuru. Natori smiles and says "Ah, you really couldn’t be an exorcist," probably realizing now that he’s set himself on this path, that Natsume could never be "heartless" enough to follow the same path. Natsume seems to pick up on this difference between them, because he starts to ask about Natori, who tells him "Don’t worry. It’s not something I’m burdened with. It’s something I chose. I’m not bound by anything." By the way, he uses the same "burden" word here that he uses when he tells Matoba in the Miharu arc that he doesn’t know the weight of inheriting a burden. 

TL;DR:

So, after all this, what I think happened is this: Natori is "wavering" from the beginning, unsure of what he should do or who he should be. Even as an exorcist, he has doubts and hesitation, which eventually causes him to slip up and be taken advantage of by Mitsuru in the Younger Cousin arc. Having been confronted with his "weakness," he decides finally to "heartlessly dedicate" himself to the path of exorcism. In this way he has become more like Matoba, which Yorishima seems to have had noticed the beginnings of much earlier. A savage, heartless exorcist: something Natsume could never become. After I originally came to this conclusion, I wasn’t sure if I was reaching, but then I read Midorikawa’s afterword for the Younger Cousin arc, which I translate thusly:

"...I’m glad I could draw the world that Natori-san, for whom the boundary between ayakashi and humans wavers more than even Natsume, sees even a little, as well as how ayakashi see it. Natsume has really only had limited experiences in his small world, and in contrast, Natori-san has a greater deal of freedom, but feels trapped. If I was able to draw the path that Natori-san came in on, and the path he’s going on, I’ll be happy."

This pretty much confirmed to me that I was right about Natori’s arc, provided I am interpreting Midorikawa’s words properly here. I believe she is saying that Natori until now has been much more unsure of himself and how he should feel about ayakashi and humans, even more than Natsume, who also has this issue. Appropriately, this issue was resolved in the arc which also highlights their similar beginnings. And it sounds like Midorikawa also wanted to show that a significant event has happened now with regard to the path Natori is taking. Like I said I believe he has become more set on being an exorcist and all that entails, but Midorikawa doesn’t say, so I’ll just have to see.