#maybe i should put together a promo post. do people still do those. i never did one i never got around to it

[rpvlix]

//it's a shame i dont super love writing combat scenes because i DO super love the siblings getting fucked the hell up. but i cannot just keep giving them inexplicable injuries off screen. or can i...?

[lemotmo]

https://www.tumblr.com/buddiebeginz/752112763763097600

So since this is the insider on Twitter saying this, should we take this as confirmation it’s not happening? Like if they shut it down again, I don’t really see what reason they have to change their mind. Nothing happened enough for Fox to do so, and nothing seems to have for ABC to be like yeah they were wrong if they are upholding that same No.

Hey Nonny!

Noooo, on the contrary! This is something that gives me hope for season 8. This season was packed with great Buddie scenes up until the finale, but it was also only 10 episodes long. This is a very short time to have two main characters come out as queer.

Remember, Buck came out in episode 4 and it wasn't that big of a deal to him. Eddie is different though. He will need time. They set him up to have a Catholic guilt arc and they went out of their way to show him interfering in the BT storyline.

So, most probably ABC told Tim that they didn't want two coming outs in one season. Which is still a pretty shitty thing to ask for, but it's network television and they have their audience to consider I suppose. Still shitty though.

Everything is set for Eddie to have some time to explore himself in season 8. He is now on his own with a lot of time on his hands to consider his relationships. Ryan told us in his interviews that Eddie will explore unexpected sides of himself and push that 'refresh' button. He said that he would leave the idea of Shannon behind. But where will that leave him? Combine this with the gender neutral terms and pronouns he has been using to describe his possible future partner.

After that interview he did where he talked about Buddie maybe happening, but with baby steps, he posted a picture over on Instagram with him walking up some steps. He added the quote: "One step at a time", which he then promptly deleted after a few minutes. Of course by then people had already screencapped it.

All of this combined paints an interesting picture for sure.

I have the feeling that there is a whole bunch of shit going on BTS that we don't know about. They are going hot and cold when it comes to Buddie. I suspect that Tim was asked to push the Eddie storyline to season 8, so he had to cool down on the Buddie promo as to not anger the fans too much.

I don't think a total shut down of Buddie is in the works here. If so, then they would have changed those scenes in 7x09 and 7x10 to put some distance between them. But instead they pushed them even closer together, setting them up as concerned about each other's mental health and co-parenting together.

So, no... this is not a NO at all. Quite the opposite. This fills me with renewed energy and interest about what they are planning for season 8. Although I will remain sceptical, because if Tim is, once again, planning on not planning out the story, it could all still go horribly wrong in the execution. Let's hope he is smart enough to start mapping out the storyline during hiatus, so he has a clear idea where he wants to take the Buddie arc.

What else can I say but: Never folding on Buddie.

[hangovercurse]

Our Song

At the last show of his tour, Kells invites you on stage for a duet, but it turns into a bit more than that.

Request: “Can you do one where the reader and Colson both are music artist. I know you're doing this with "The Thing We Can't Tell Pete about. But with this one they have been dating for a while and while they are in the middle of the song Colson decides to announce they're dating and gives her a kiss in front of the crowd, and the reader is just in shock. However it ends it up to you. Love ya!!!!!!!!”

Colson Baker x Reader

Warnings: implied smut/ mentions of sex, cursing

A/N: So, I used my own lyrics in here because why not (sue me I guess)

Word Count: 2326

The last two months had been absolute hell on Earth. Yes, you loved your job. Recording your third studio album was exciting but being busy all the time was exhausting. On top of that, your boyfriend being off on tour meant you hadn’t seen him in person in two months, which was driving you even more insane.

It also meant you hadn’t had sex in almost two months.

You’d called each other every night, even if you were both drunk off your asses or faded beyond belief. It had become your routine; get home from the studio, grab something to eat, then hop into the bath and facetime your blond boyfriend.

Tonight, was no exception, but the energy on the call was different. Colson was coming home tomorrow. Granted, he would be going straight to the venue for his concert, but he’d be here.

“You’re still coming tomorrow, right princess?” He asked, a joint hanging from his lips.

You smiled, nodding, “I haven’t seen you in two months. If I’m not there, you should assume I’m dead.”

He chuckled, “good.” He hesitated before continuing, “I was thinking you could perform with me. We haven’t performed White Sea in like a year.”

You bit your lip at the thought of performing with him again. He was right, after you’d finished live performance promo for the song, neither of you had performed it together. “Yeah, I’m down.”

The song was the first one you’d written together; it was actually the whole reason you’d met. “You don’t think people will get suspicious though? I mean, people are already catching on. I feel like performing it out of the blue would add fire to the flames.”

He thought about it, the wheels turning in his head. “I think it’ll be fine. Besides, it’s not exactly a secret.”

You nodded, “I know, we’ve just never really talked about telling people.” The last two words came out softer than you had intended.

Colson and you had been together for a year and still hadn’t officially told anyone outside of your closest circles. You liked the privacy, and getting the media involved always caused problems. So, you kept it to yourself. People saw you out together, but nothing had been confirmed.

Colson left the conversation there, not having a good answer. You had both agreed a long time ago that if people figured it out or someone slipped up and told you would be okay with it, and you would. You just didn’t think it was a big deal if people knew or not.

He started talking about his day on tour, the crowd he’d played to tonight. You told him about the song you were working on. Eventually he got called away by the boys.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, babe.” He smiled at you through your phone.

You smiled, “You better. I-“ You almost slipped up. Almost said those three words so casually. But you’d caught yourself. “I can’t wait.” You covered.

He gave you a small wave before your screen went back, the sound of the line disconnecting ringing through your bathroom. You put your phone on the floor next to the tub, leaning your head back and sighing.

You don’t know why it worried you so much. You knew you loved him, and you were pretty sure he loved you too. There was just something about saying out loud that scared the hell out of you.

 The next day was amazing. As soon as he texted you that he’d gotten to the venue, you were rushing to meet him there. When you stepped into the green room where he was, he ran up to you and grabbed you by your waist. Your arms went around his neck, legs around his as he lifted you up, burying his face into your shoulder.

“I missed you so much.” He mumbled into your skin. Your hands tangled themselves in his hair, holding him closely.

“I missed you too.” You whispered. He lifted his head up and pressed a deep kiss to your lips as your feet came down to touch the floor again. His lips were so familiar, it felt like the world had shifted back into place when you felt them on yours.

He pulled away, forehead and nose still pressed against yours. Your hands travelled from his neck to his shoulders, rubbing the fabric of his t-shirt. “I didn’t think I was gonna survive another night without you.” You said with a slight giggle, making him laugh.

“Well now you don’t have to worry about that.” He said, pressing a peck to your lips.

Before you could pull him back to your lips, your moment was interrupted. “We get it, you guys are cute. Whatever. Can we get hugs from our favorite girl?” Irv joked, pulling your attention to the group of guys near the couches in the room.

One of the things you loved most about being with Colson was how accepting his friends were of you. Slim and you had bonded over your love of music production and mixing, Baze had taught you some more complicated bass riffs, and Rook was your designated adventure buddy (after Colson, of course). You felt lucky that your boyfriend’s family had taken you in as one of their own.

You ran over to them, giving each of the guys a hug. When you hugged Ashleigh, she whispered in your ear, “don’t ever leave me alone with these lunatics again.” You both giggled at that, leaving the boys confused.

After messing around backstage for a while and catching up with your friends (mostly from the comfort of Colson’s lap), it was time for the guys to perform. You set up your spot side-stage with Ash, Irv, and Andre, excited to see the set.

Before he went on, Colson came over to you and pulled you in for a very giddy kiss. Pre-show Colson was your favorite Colson, except for maybe post-show Colson, only because he was so excitable. Every time you sat show side, he demanded you give him a good luck kiss. No matter who was watching.

Watching him was magical, in fact watching all the boys was magical. The way their passion showed through the music and the performance was something that not many other artists could perfect. You felt like you’d never match their level of performing.

When Colson brought out his acoustic guitar and two bar stools, you were a bit taken aback. Normally his shows were so high energy that he never wanted to sit down, even during the slower songs. It wasn’t really his style.

“I wanted to bring out a very special guest today to help slow this down a bit.” He said to the crowd as they screamed. “I haven’t performed this song in a very long time, but I figured today would be the perfect time to do it.”

He looked over at you, a smile on his face. It finally registered in his mind that he was talking about your song. Luckily, you’d had ears put in at the beginning of the show, so that wasn’t an issue. One of the venue’s techs handed you a microphone and signaled you to go on stage.

Once you came in view of the audience they erupted into another round of cheers, making you smile. Colson met you halfway and pulled you in for a sweaty hug. He led you over to the chairs, letting you sit down while he adjusted his mic stand. “For those of you who don’t know, not that there should be anyone who doesn’t know who this is, but just in case, this is Y/S/N. We wrote this song a little over a year ago today.”

You smiled as he started to strum the familiar intro, the lights dimming just a little bit.

Drownin’ in empty space.

You started singing.

Don’t even know my name

Feels like you’re miles away

Close my eyes, see your face

It’s okay

Rook brought the drum beat in as Colson smiled at you, his verse starting

Yeah

I was drownin’ in this darkness

Feeling like I was so heartless

All these drugs makin things harder

They tried to turn me to a martyr

You loved watching him party on stage, but you loved watching this side of him, too. Completely stripped down and raw. Hearing him rap the words you wrote together made your heart flutter, even if you’d written them so long ago.

I can’t handle shit I’m just a man

I tried to tell ‘em, they don’t understand

Riptide’s pulling me away from land

I couldn’t stand till you reached out your hand

And now I can.

The rest of the music came in, the sounds mixing as you began the chorus.

Drownin’ in empty space

Don’t even my name

Feels like you’re miles away

Close my eyes, see your face

The key raised.

Out on the open sea

Feel your eyes watching me

Wanted to fall asleep

Now I believe.

The music kept playing, but Colson’s rap didn’t enter like it was supposed to. Instead, he just looked at you, a fond smile on his face. You tilted your head, questioning him, but he just placed his guitar on the ground and kept looking at you.

“I just want to let everyone here know, that today is my one-year anniversary with this amazing woman right here.” He said into the mic, causing the audience to burst into screams. Your jaw dropped, eyes widening.

He caught your expression and laughed but kept going. “It wasn’t a secret that we’ve been together, but we’ve been quiet about it. But I mean, like, fuck that shit. When you’re in love you should tell everyone, right?”

You smiled at him, your heart picking up speed. “And Y/N I am so fucking in love with you.”

You looked down, trying to hide the heat on your cheeks and the idiotic grin you were sporting. You had never expected this from him. “Like, seriously, this past year has been the best year of my life. Even when we aren’t together you are the one thing that I look forward to the most, every day. You are one of the best things in my life, and I want everyone to know that.”

During his little monologue he had walked over to your chair and pulled you up into his arms. You nuzzled your face into his bare chest, making him laugh. He pulled the microphone away from you both so it wouldn’t pick up your conversation.

“Hey, look at me.” He said softly and you complied. “I love you.”

You had tears in your eyes as you studied his perfect features, “I love you, too.” You whispered. “I’ve wanted to tell you for a while I just…”

“I know, princess.” He smiled, leaning down and pressing your lips together in a sweet, passionate kiss. The audience erupted in applause, cheers, and awes. “Are you gonna say anything?” He asked once you’d pulled away, motioning to the audience with a smile on his face. You shook your head, burying it back in his chest and laughing. He spoke into the microphone, “she got all shy now.”

The crowd laughed with him, shouting supportive comments at you both. “But she said she loves me too so that’s all that matters.” He continued, earning even more cheers.

 After the show, Colson came backstage and immediately attached his lips to yours, hands holding you close. You pulled him into one of the unused dressing rooms, mouths never leaving each other. He hoisted you onto the counter, standing in between your legs, and leaned your back against the mirror.

Finally, he released your lips from his, making you whine. “I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you about all this, but after last night I couldn’t keep it a secret anymore. And you just looked so pretty out there that I-“ You cut him off with a kiss, lips moving together slowly.

He chuckled as you pulled away. “Colson, I loved it. I was hella embarrassed because the first time you told me you loved me was in front of thousands of people, but I loved it. And I love you.”

He smiled, pressing a peck to your lips. “How much do you love me?” He asked, slyly.

You raised an eyebrow at him, knowing something was up. “Depends on your next statement.”

A laugh fell from his mouth as he reached into his pocket, pulling out a small rectangular box. “Because I really hope it’s a lot.”

“What are you doing?” You asked him, giggling.

He lifted the lid off of the box to reveal a key with your first initial painted on one side and a C on the other. “You don’t have to, but if you wanted to maybe think about moving in with me, now you have a key.” He smiled as you took the metal in your hands.

You looked up at him with wide eyes, lips open in shock. “So, you’re asking me to move in with you?” You confirmed.

“Only if you want to. But yes.”

You smiled, looking back down to the key and then up to his face before pressing a passionate kiss to his lips. Your arms went around his neck and his hands went to your waist. “Of course, I want to, dummy.” You giggled and reconnected your lips.

“We’re supposed to go out and celebrate the last night of tour tonight, you’re gonna come, right?” He asked and you rolled your eyes.

“You act like I don’t wanna be around you.” You pushed his chest playfully. “But we might be a couple minutes late.” You smirk.

Colson raised an eyebrow, “oh yeah? And why is that?”

Instead of responding you just giggled and pulled him back into a kiss.

[lovecolibri]

No offense to Vlamis who's lovely and we're beyond luck to have but he really doesn't understand the basic ways RNM still falls short on queer rep even when Malex are a couple and always ends up overpromising a little. On the other hand you have Tyler who practically had to be forced into doing any kind of social media promo for the show even in a season where we knew Malex was going to get together unless it was with the few people he feels comfortable with and the few times he did an interview he had to balance being positive and encouraging queer people to keep watching but also not make claims the show certainly won't deliver on. That really should have been a bigger red flag. I don't know if it's plain tone deafness on the writers' part or the CW is still micromanaging the hell out of this but the end result is the same. I didn't expect post-Carina RNM to make me angrier at this show than ever but now I'm looking at Chris with the exact same side-eye and skepticism I looked at CAM which sucks because these actors deserve so much better.

I gotta admit I also was a little side-eyeing especially Vlamis and Jeanine who were SO excited about this season, but I'm trying to remember that a) their experience DOING these things is very different from us WATCHING a final result. Them having a blast filming and being really proud of the work they put in and how they felt performing certain things doesn't mean we are going to feel the same way watching a whole storyline play out. That b) that they probably get more information than we do in one sense in that hey can ask questions and get some backstory on why their character is doing something, but in another sense, they may not always get a full script or know everything that is happening in other scenes. And that c) they do multiple takes of things and may not know how the finale result is put together or what all gets cut out. Their experience is very different from ours so that's just something to keep in mind.

I also didn't expect post-c*ria RNM to make me so angry, but I think it's partly because plot-wise it's so much better than last season. The main plot was engaging, and we got some great new characters, but the whole pointless vision plot sucking up important time that should have been spent elsewhere really hampered the entire rest of the season. And it's always worse when something is so close to being good, and all the ingredients and potential are there and it's just...not used. And given Chris saying to stick with where the season starts and see where it ends up going, I wouldn't be surprised to learn that the whole waste of time and turning things into the m*ria d*luca show was some overhead interference. But the joke is on them because whatever they were trying to achieve, all they managed to do was make her character look even worse than before, ruin Greg (a much beloved character that I'd happily never see again), and shoot the whole rest of the season in the foot by being forced to basically cram 13 episodes into 8 (maybe 9 technically going by time in those first episodes that weren't about the vision/racism plot), to cater to a storyline that went nowhere and affected absolutely nothing once it was done.

[cristobalrios]

All of them. All of the joy. Spread it. Fuck you. <3

Spread the Love! Meme | Accepting!

This is an aggressive request to spread joy, but. I will take it.

Also, here's the jerk :p person who requested all of them I mentioned earlier.

1. What's a roleplay blog whose characterization you admire?

So we only have one thread but @therapardalis Thera is fun and honestly what Cris needs at this point in his storyline. He's in an extremely reclusive part of his life and Thera has quite honestly an excellent balance of light conversation ("light" as in small/not delving into details, not content-wise)/asking (and answering) questions and not pushing for details even though he's clearly got some Stuff going on. It's good for him to meet someone like Thera and know he's not the only person going through this kind of thing, and would be more so if/when he learns a bit more about her story and obviously their stories are not identical but they're similar enough in certain ways that it'll be good for him and make him feel less alone.

2. What's a roleplay blog whose writing style you admire?

@agnespjurati (@talvenhenki) Orion, both for Agnes when they RP her and the fics they've written. Also, I know this is stepping out of the RP sphere but shout out to @procrastinatorproject because I adore Lili's fics<3

3. What's a roleplay blog who always has the best plot ideas?

I'm saying Dean @assasenach again because we have the most threads and we talk ooc about ideas/headcanons all the time every day, so.

4. What's a roleplay blog whose artwork/edits/icons you admire?

@musikcr Nix! We just started following each other but her blog is so pretty, honestly. Like I said when I reblogged your promo, your edits are gorgeous.

@heartfledged Sarah's blog is ridiculously gorgeous and also her art is beautiful, whenever she'd post her stuff in the Discord I would have heart eyes. So pretty.

@assasenach Dean has great taste in aesthetic and it's simple compared to the other two mentioned but clean, efficient and pleasing, and I always like the edits he makes.

5. What's the roleplay blog you've been writing with the longest here?

Yeah obviously obviously that's Logan @manenimittliv, February was our, what? 7th anniversary of the first interaction between our first ship Erik/Anna with my Phantom blog @princeofconjurers and their OC (we'd interacted a little bit before that with their Raoul but that was like, a week or something before that, and then at sometime even before that very briefly with their version of Christine's father Gustave Daae but I didn't realize that until sometime later that that was also their blog). We've jumped multiple fandoms together and we pretty much autoship. They're my bff and the only originally online friend I've ever gotten to meet irl (three times) and I love them to death<3

6. What's a roleplay blog who's an absolute joy to talk to ooc?

The people I talk to ooc the most are @manenimittliv Logan and @assasenach Dean my current bffs so obviously I adore talking to them ooc (although I wouldn't say Dean is "joyful" talking to him does make me happy, so before you say anything, shush). I've primarily been talking with @iamselfmade PJ out of character but we're RPing now too but yeah, he's great and I love doing streams with him. I said Serena @empathicstars already for the "friendly mun" thing which honestly this question is rather similar to so maybe I should save some people for that question below, slkdjf

7. What's a roleplay blog you love whose character you didn't know until you started writing with them?

Well, besides OCs, I'm not currently RPing with any canon characters I did not previously know the character before I RPed with them, but I'll say Vasher back when Sarah @heartfledged RPed him on @cosmoshearted (which I would still love to continue/redo if/when you ever revive him as you've said you might do in the past, as well as the stuff with Resool, and I'm always up for stuff with Av<3). I did not know anything about that fandom but it turns out my brother-in-law loves it and he got my mom to start reading those books and I'm just like oh! I've heard of that! That's where Vasher is from (I realized it because my mom mentioned Kelsier who I also heard of from Sarah too) and I will get around to reading it at some point, I promise.

Also, PJ made a blog of a character I don't know and followed me on it and we talked about him and Elnor doing something so I'm gonna put @fifty-one-doc here too

Shout out to the OCs who of course I didn't know until I started writing with them but who I love, Anna @manenimittliv, Lorian/Paris previously Sylar @assasenach, Ellie @mclti, Manny @perfection-reached, Thera @therapardalis, Cheryl @ckingsbury1967, Av @heartfledged, any and all of my friends' OCs! Those are just the ones I'm RPing with rn. Give me all the OCs, I love them.

8. What's a roleplay blog with a friendly mun?

Dany hasn't really been RPing anymore but @empathyvslogic still counts. @heartfledged Sarah is great too. Jeanette @ltbroccoli, Logan @manenimittliv (yes I'm mentioning you again), Jamie @livedtough / @quantumstarpaths, Courtney @starsdestined, Eros @tongowheel, Hope @astraldestiny, Fool @strings-have-been-cut, Gin @alyafae, so many people I'm sure I'm missing some (as well as the ones mentioned above). Honestly everyone is friendly and I love all my mutuals<3

9. What's a roleplay blog whose dedication you admire?

So I've answered this question several times now but I know I did not include @mclti when I talked about multis and though I only roleplay with Ellie, Spyro deserves a mention for that "multis are so dedicated" thing I talked about here. I'm sure I'm missing things again too, but yeah. <3

Also, again I have to do a shout out to Lili even though it's still not RP because @mappinglasirena is a beautiful project and although it's technically more for fics, since that's what Lili writes, I as a Cris and Holo Squad RPer use it too, for RP purposes, so I say it counts as an RP resource blog like I did with the directory. And Lili is dedicated to this and I am here for it. I love our conversations about the tiny little details dearly.

10. What's a roleplay blog that always keeps you pleasantly surprised?

As other people have mentioned, this is kind of a weird question but I'm gonna go with Dean @assasenach. I'm not surprised by anything Dean does anymore, so "keeps" me pleasantly surprised isn't exactly right (although it is for certain things like whenever he compliments me I'm like ????) but this is here because the ship caught me by surprise. Like, OC/Canon (with me playing the canon) is my sweet spot when it comes to ships I fixate on, but I did not know they'd be shipped together until Dean posted a short fic about Cris and Raffi talking about then Sylar but now Lorian, Raffi asking Cris why he accepted his reassignment and Cris asking her what "t'hy'la" means and I was like Oh. Oh I like this, they're really cute (Note: I was already really liking their thread before Dean posted that fic, they had a great dynamic and chemistry and I was here for it) and now we're here.

11. What's a roleplay blog you admire from afar?

Good question. Umm, I'm going to say Jamie @livedtough / @quantumstarpaths because we've talked plenty ooc and we're in several Discords together, I love Jamie, but we haven't actually RPed together and I would love to change that at any time (we have talked about some things in the past throwing ideas around just never got to writing them).

Kame @cadetxtilly / @maldonadonco again we're in a Discord together and ze's really sweet but we haven't RPed, so

And just. Anyone in the Discords I'm active in that I have yet to RP with/have only RPed with a little bit. I love all of you.

[where-theres-smoak-2]

Fandom Thoughts

First thing I want to say is this post is just me speculating and expressing my thought on things. I’m sure many people will disagree with me or have a different interpretation and that’s ok. I could be totally way off base with everything I say but like I said this is just my interpretation of and my thoughts on things, also just want to say that I mean no disrespect to anyone or anyone’s fandom so yeah.  

So we all know that B*ghead is the largest fandom and the most popular ship. There’s no lying about that. I think it became so popular out of a combination of things, I think Cole’s popularity from his time on the Disney channel did bring across a lot of fans. I mean I could be totally wrong about this but I do feel like alot of the B*ghead fans were originally Cole fans. I’ll be honest, I didn’t watch Riverdale when it first aired, it was about 6 episodes in when my sister told me it was a good show about a murder mystery and that I’d never guess who was on it? Cody from suite life. I myself originally started watching the show because I was curious about the fact that Cole was on it and then stuck around because I got invested in the mystery and because from that very first episode I was hooked by Barchie and saw so much potential with them. I do think another contributing factor to the B*ghead ship’s popularity was the fact that the actors themselves became a couple and so people weren’t just invested in the ship but in the actors’ relationship too. I also do think that the fandom was very ‘loud’ on social media and there was alot of engagement. All of that combined with the fact that they did have some cute scenes together I think was the perfect storm to creating a popular ship.  

However V*rchie doesn’t actually seem that popular to me. In fact from what I can tell its a much smaller fandom and I would argue that after B*ghead the most popular ship out of the three is Barchie. Barchie has always won out in fan polls against v*rchie and I feel like I see more comments from the Barchie fandom than I do the V*rchie fandom. To me it has always been more of a B*ghead vs Barchie thing than a V*rchie vs Barchie thing. It always felt more like V*rchie got support because it kept Archie out of the way of B*ghead. In fact I see quite alot of support for Veggie and for Archosie and alot of people admit that they liked those parings over V*rchie. I myself loved Veggie together far more than V*rchie and I didn’t mind Archosie I thought they were cute, I didn’t like them as much as I did Veggie but I still thought they had some really nice moments together. I think after Betty, I liked Archie with Josie best. 

But here’s another thing to bear in mind. Whilst Riverdale and its ships are popular online and get alot of chatter on social media and has its fandoms which are very vocal on social media, there is also the general audience. These are the people who just watch the show every week, they don’t talk about it on social media, they don’t look up interviews and obsess over every little crumb of info the writers put out trying to figure out what might happen in the next episode. They are the silent part of the audience, I suppose you could call them. And I would say that this part of the audience far outnumbers the part that are involved in the fandom side of the show. Of course its very difficult to really know what this side of the audience really thinks of the show because they aren’t out on social media telling people what they think. The best way is to know what they think is to look at the ratings and the netflix streams. 

I mean I know that the ratings don’t really matter a whole lot when it comes to whether or not the network will renew a show and that streams mean more nowadays anyway. But in my opinion I do think the ratings can still give you an idea on how interested the audience is in the show. The way I see it is that if I am really excited by a show, I spend all week looking forward to the next episode and you can bet your ass that when that show’s next episode airs I am sitting down in front of that tv and watching it live if I can, because I don’t want to wait a second longer than I have to when I want to see it. With this season all the Barchies know that the most live viewed episodes of the season were 5x05 and 5x06, the two episodes that were promoted with Barchie. The lowest two episodes not just for this season but in the shows history were 5x08 and 5x09. These were the two episodes that had the V*rchie and B*ghead content. 

I also discovered this website flixpatrol that tracks the top tens on Netflix in various countries each day of the week. You can also look up specific shows to see where in the top ten they come each day of the week and I think I found something interesting. Now obviously because its week by week I could only really get information for episode 9.  

So what can this information tell us. Well episode 9 aired on the 24th and appeared on Netflix in alot of countries on the 25th. This chart shows where in the top 10 Riverdale fell this week, I’ve outlined those two dates in red. A dash indicates that it didn’t appear in the top ten that day. Now we can see that Riverdale most definitely does better on Netflix than it does in the live views and is consistently in the top ten in most countries. However, as I said, I did notice something. On the days it appears on Netflix we can see  that in most countries it doesn’t appear in the top ten and in the countries it does it is very low on the list coming in at mostly, 8,9 or 10. To me this suggests, like with the live ratings, that people just aren’t rushing to watch it. Some of this can be explained by the fact that it airs on a week night and it does fall high on the list on the Saturday after it airs on Netflix which could suggest that people are waiting until the weekend to watch it. But again, maybe its just me, but when I really want to watch a show, when I am really excited by a show, I will stay up late or I will get up early to watch it. I mean when 5x05 and 5x06 aired I was up early on the Thursday morning refreshing my Netflix page over and over waiting for the episode to become available because I was that excited to watch the episode.

*Edit: I’ve learnt that I have read this chart completely wrong as there is a one day lag, so the ratings on the 26th show that people were tuning in on the 25th which is the day it becomes available on Netflix in those countries. So ignore everything I just said in the paragraph above. I am going to keep the chart in for those who are interested in those numbers though. But yeah apologies for that.*   

To me this doesn’t really line up with the whole B*ghead is the most popular ship. I mean with B*ghead being the most popular ship then this last episode should be the most watched and I’ll admit I was a little surprised that it didn’t have more views. So why is that, we know B*ghead is popular so why aren’t we seeing it in the views. Well I think the answer is whilst they are popular, whilst it has a large fandom, its not popular or big enough to save the show by itself. And to be clear this is just my opinion which I’ve based on what I’ve seen people saying on social media and in YouTube reactions and reviews and from this data from the amount of people tuning into the show. But I think as much as many people like B*ghead, more people dislike/ are bored of V*rchie, are bored of the repetitive plotlines, are getting frustrated with the nonsensical plots. I think it has just gotten to the point where the things they don’t like about the show, or the things they’ve become bored with, far outweigh any appeal one ship might have. Basically I just get this overwhelming sense that people have lost any excitement they felt at this show. And this goes beyond any ships, whilst I do think alot of people tune in because of ships, there is more factoring into it than just that. I feel like all the excitement that came with the time jump and with seeing something new with Barchie and seeing something new with them being adults and dealing with adult themes, has worn off. It happened so fast too. I mean after episode 8 aired it was like a dementor had come along and sucked all the happiness out of the fandom. All of that energy that had existed before was just gone in the space of 45 mins. 

But here’s my question. I did notice a little bit of that energy come back when the promo for ep 10 was released and it showed that shot of Jabitha together. Again I do think that alot of people like this idea of Jabitha together or at least are intrigued by it. Although I know there are quite a few B*ghead fans who think the romance is unnecessary. But again I think this interest in Jabitha is because it is something new and therefore it is something interesting. I’ve also seen some Veggie fans creeping out of the woodwork over the last few weeks. So what I am wondering is if the show decided to go the route of Barchie, Veggie, Jabitha, Choni and Kangs would that generate enough buzz and would all those smaller fandoms together be enough to revive the show a bit. Especially if they couple those ships with some interesting new storylines to go with them as well as keeping the interactions between characters varied. I mean I am not expecting the views to suddenly jump up massively back to what they used to be in like season 2 but I do wonder if it would be enough to breathe life back into the fandom again.   

[twdmusicboxmystery]

10x19: One More - Analysis

Okay, what did everyone think of 10x19? I really liked it a lot. I’m still trying to get a handle on what everything meant, and I think there’s a lot more to be had than what we see on the surface, but it was a really tragic and moving episode. I got lots of messages from people who watched it early and immediately noticed the Bethyl callbacks.

So, I’m going to do something slightly different this week. Today, I’m going to focus on those—all the obvious callbacks—and tomorrow I’ll do more of a forecasting post about what I think this episode means for the future and where I think it’s going.

***As always, spoilers abound below for 10x19. Don’t read until you’ve watched!!!***

I kind of figured from the description that this would be a case of Gabe and Aaron = Beth and Daryl. And that’s definitely true. I’m going to call this a mixture between Still callbacks and Consumed.

Still, because of all the callbacks I’m sure you noticed at least a few of. And Consumed because it’s two friends out looking for something. Actually, the first thing that made me think of Consumed is that they kept showing really sad things accompanied by really sad music, which reminded me of Consumed. I know for most people in our fandom, that’s not our favorite episode because it’s a Daryl/Carol episode, but just for the imagery and music and sadness of the dystopian world, I really love it. And this episode was similar to that.

So, it starts by showing some—both white and yellow. This flower

Is an Easter Lily. Yeah, not kidding. EASTER Lily.

Of course there are both white and yellow flowers. The yellow ones are reminiscent of the ones we saw in the cemetery in Alone.  

Then we see Aaron and Gabe surrounded by walkers. When they start killing the walkers, its shows blood hitting all the flowers in a really kind of graphic way. I was like, “ew.” But at one point, they also hit a green grasshopper.

So, I was thinking that blood hitting the flowers and the grasshopper could possibly represent Beth being shot. And there are plenty of blond walkers to be had in this episode.

Aaron and Gabe arrive at a particular house. On Maggie’s map, it says this should be a two-story house with a root cellar, and she wants them to check the cellar for supplies. But when they get there, all that’s left is a doorframe with a swinging door and the chimney. The rest has been burnt, and by the looks of it, fairly recently. This is where they see the three charred skeletons with the pink flowers growing around them.

Couple of things. 1) This is a foreshadow for later in the episode. It has to do with the 2 stories, and I’ll get to it at the end. 2) The charred skeletons are a bit like what Daryl saw in 6x06, which was chalk full of Beth symbolism. 3) The pink flowers. (Pink Theory.)

In terms of foreshadows, this really screams the CRM to me, because of the burnt skeletons and the ties to 6x06, and remember that in 5x09, the radio voice (Andy) talked about the republic and a group that was setting people on fire. It’s like that’s one of their tactics.

One thing I didn’t realize from the trailer is that these are not three adult skeletons. It’s two adults and a child, all with their arms wrapped around each other. There’s a huge theme in this episode of families dying and specifically children dying. (Which is actually another tie to Consumed; remember the mother and child walker they find, and Daryl burns? Well, here we have two parents and a child, all who’ve been burnt. Yeah, not a coincidence, folks.)

We have two or three representations of families or children dying in this episode. I was thinking about the family in the gas station in 4a. I don’t think any of theme were children, but Daryl said something about them holding hands and taking themselves out Kumbaya style. And a lot of the skeletons we see here seem to be either taken out by their family members, or else they’ve committed suicide. There’s the child walker Carol and Daryl saw in 5x06. There was the creepy nursery near Denise just before she died. Etc. And it’s really very dark, ominous symbolism. Very sad.

Then Gabe pulls out an egg timer (another one of those), sets it for 5 seconds, and lobs it into the field. When it rings, tons of walkers spring up. So, it’s their way of checking before walking into tall grass. In this case, it shows the dial turning as the timer counts down. It definitely feels like a symbolic countdown to something big.

There’s also huge bullet theme. And usually single bullets. Mays makes them play Russian Roulette, which is all about one single bullet in the chamber. But there are tons of times when they pick up single bullet casings, or we see bullet holes in cars or walls or cans. Just a huge theme.

Okay, let’s get specific. They come upon a line of cars, which is really important. But just before that, Gabriel sees basically two piles of bones. I could tell not all of them were human. Some were too big. And I thought they might be horse bones. @bluesandbeth told me she thought they were two horses with their riders still on top. And she’s right. I couldn’t tell when I first looked at them. But once she said it, I could see it. It’s like a horse lying on it’s side, with the rider still straddling the horse, also lying on his side. And they died that way.

Now, other than knowing that we’ve definitely seen horses in the show before—think Buttons—I wasn’t sure what to make of it. Until @wdway said something interesting. You know the two horseback riders we see in the opening credits? Me and my fellow theorists are always going back and forth about who they are. I originally thought Rick and Michonne, which is the obvious conclusion. But @wdway told me she thinks this is actually Rick and Beth.

And you know, that makes a lot of sense since we didn’t see these new opening credits until Rick disappeared into the CRM. So, they could represent the two missing sheriffs.

And that makes a lot of sense with these bones. Because this scene with the cars has about 20 callbacks to Beth and what we think happened during the missing 17 days. So the bones represent the two riders from the opening credits, which represent the two missing sheriffs.

Now, onto the cars. One has the trunk open (Still) one has the side door hanging open (5x09). And there’s a van where Aaron sees a female walker in the front seat, which is kind of like what we saw in 5x09. Gabe finds a can of food, but there’s a bullet in it, which probably means the food either leaked out or spoiled. 

But the really interesting thing is that him opening this trunk and looking in is very reminiscent of Maggie opening the trunk and finding the Beth walker in 5x10. So if we can equate those two things, both times, it represents opening the trunk and Beth being inside. In 5x10, she was represented by the walker. Here, by the can of food with a bullet hole in it, just like Beth got shot in the head.

Another thing I was reminded of was in 6x04, when Morgan sees the man and woman and she puts down a can of food and a bullet on top and says, “Thank you.” I think this symbolism may be related to that.

Then they go to the MiniMart. On the outside, it feels like the Big Spot or else maybe the gas station where Rick and Daryl met Jesus. In fact, much like in 6x10, there is a post for cigarettes with a price of $4.30.

When it pans out, there’s a coffee pot lying on its side (important because it’s something that water runs through, and we’ve seen a coffee theme as well) a walker with a bullet hole in its forehead, a bright yellow magazine rack by the door, etc. And this was a place you could play the lottery, so there was a poker theme going on.

 Okay, the ARM symbolism is alive and well. My fellow theorists and I have been obsessing about what the arm symbolism points to ever since Leah threw the walker arm at Daryl. In this episode, a walker sticks both hands out of the door, and Gabe hacks them both off, around the forearm/elbow area. 

Then, another walker gets its head and torso out and Aaron stabs it in the head. He and Gabe both grab an arm to try and yank it out of the way so they can get by, but the arms (really the hands because it separates at the forearms) just come off. And really, it’s just the skin, not the bones that comes off, but still. (Ew.)

This is where Gabriel goes up on the roof and we get the scene from the promo.

Okay, so when I first saw the promo, I immediately said this was a Grady callback. The “SAVE US” is something that could only be seen from the sky. Like…from a helicopter? Plus there were some important scenes on the roof of Grady. There’s a walker that’s handcuffed. So it’s an imprisonment theme. And Grady was all about imprisonment. And finally, we have what looks to be two lovers, dead, but entwined together on a mattress. I was thinking that if this is meant to represent Grady, that might represent Beth and Daryl. The love that never happened because Beth “died” and the relationship died with her. Or something equally tragic.

But there are other things we can connect this to as well. First off, what you don’t see in this shot is that there are two other walkers also tied to a second pole, but neither of them are animated. They’re just corpses. So we have a grand total of three prisoners here. If you look closely, the man lying on the mattress has a gun in his hand. Which suggests this might have been a murder/suicide situation.

It’s reminiscent of Merle being handcuffed on the roof in season 1, which was just before he went missing. It also reminded me of the strange, unexplained handcuffs Daryl found in 8x02 in that office building. Those were never explained. But the point is, it’s a handcuffs/imprisonment theme.

A big part of this is a foreshadow for the end of this episode and what happens with Mays. But given that he and his bro are one-off characters only appearing in this episode, I think this must foreshadow more than that, too.

We don’t actually see the inside of this place because Gabe goes to the roof, takes the ladder down (Ladder Theory) and then comes out the front door, but tells Aaron there’s nothing they can use in there.

Then they talk about going home. Aaron and Gabe been out for 2 weeks, which is definitely a Heath/Tara thing. In S6, they’d been out scouting for supplies for 2 weeks, and that was just before Heath disappeared into the CRM. Just saying.

Okay, then Gabe falls in the mud. Here’s the thing: we really thought Gabriel might die in this episode. Obviously not. But I do see some fairly clear death omens for him here. Of course I can’t be sure of anything, but I still think his death is probably close.

First is the fact that he trips at all. Anytime anyone really faceplants on the show, it sort of shows a coming catastrophe for them, which is often death. Beth face-planted in the elevator shaft in 5x04. Spencer fell off the zipline in S6, and died less than a season later. You get the idea. When, when Aaron lifts the walker off him, it leaves some intestines (ew) on his stomach, and the camera focuses on them for a moment. Just felt like a death omen to me.

I will say, however, that anyone who’s read the comics knows that this feels a lot like they might do exactly what they did there for his death. And they don’t usually do that. They almost always remix it in some way. So this could also just be a nod to his comic book death. We’ll have to see where they go with it.

But this scene is super interesting. It feels like EXACTLY the same thing we saw in 10x18. We have Gabriel’s map being ruined, and then a huge storm that immediately follows. And there’s Beth symbolism (talk of a water tower, etc). So I thought it was interesting that we saw it twice, in two subsequent episodes. Also, for most of the episode they’re kinda sorta trying to get to the water tower. As though water tower is end game or something.

Then they get to a warehouse that wasn’t on the map. Gabe finds the bibles inside. I’m still forming a theory about the passage he opens up to, but we all know they use biblical symbolism in this show a lot, and especially around Beth. But remember they found a bible in the barn in Alone. Later, Mays says the pages are torn because he uses them for toilet paper. (Toilet Paper Theory.)

Then we get to the really good Bethyl callbacks. Aaron and Gabriel eat pork, drink alcohol, play poker (not exactly the same as Beth and Daryl’s drinking game, but it’s a game), Aaron has a “bullshit” line, Gabriel shows an 8 and a 2 card, Aaron says he needs to “take a piss,” etc.  

I did notice something while watching, but wasn’t sure what to make of it until AK was talking at the end of the episode. It shows one hand of poker and Aaron folds, which means Gabe wins. This is where he shows a 2 and an 8, which isn’t anything in poker. So, he won the hand on a bluff. And I went, huh. Wonder what that means. But it was a foreshadow of what happens with Mays. I’ll get to that.

Gabe has an “I’m serious” mention. In one of the bigger parallels, the dialogue is not the same, but the meaning is. So, different words, same meaning. Gabriel says his line from the promo about how evil people aren’t the exception, they are the rule. That really disturbs Aaron and he says, “okay, now I’m sober.” It’s the equivalent of “you ain’t a happy drunk at all.” And then he drives it home by saying, “I’m going to go up to the room and pitch myself off head first.”

And THEN—get this—he picks up a golf club and smacks a golf ball at FG, hitting him in the foot. Gabe says, “ow.” So not only a golf/Still reference, but I think it specifically ties back to when Daryl uses the club to kill the walker and hits Beth with the gore.

They say in TTD that they actually did an extended golf sequence where Aaron and Gabe set up this huge mini-golf course thing, but most of it got cut from the episode for time. So there was originally a massive golf theme in this episode.

Of course Mays shows up to take them captive. He shows Gabriel Aaron’s metal arm. So, more arm symbolism.

Without going into tons of detail here, let’s just recognize that the entire theme of this episode is whether or not there are good people in the world still. (Beth line.) Mays thinks all people are evil but Gabe and Aaron prove him wrong by refusing to the point the gun at one another during the Russian Roulette game. There’s a line where Gabriels screams at him that he needs to remember who he was. (“who you were.”) Which is a direct parallel to Beth telling Daryl to stay who he is. Which is a good person. So it’s a similar theme being explored here.

At one point, Mays says, “there’s nothing left in this world but thieves and murderers.” It’s not the same line Glenn says in 5x02, but the wording of the first part is exactly the same. “There’s nothing left in this world that isn’t hidden.”

We also definitely get an “illusion/hallucination” reference here. I noticed Gabriel said (and I’m paraphrasing; didn’t write down the exact words) that Mays was so bitter, and had so convinced himself that everyone in the world was evil, that he’d blinded himself to the truth and couldn’t see that he was about to kill two very decent guys (Gabe and Aaron). So, it just struck me as a you-can’t-see-the-truth-that’s-right-in-front-of-you theme. Plus, maybe a see no evil theme?

Another theme that jumped out at me is whether or not they are the same as him. At one point, he says, “you’re so close,” and I think he means to becoming a villain, like he is. During their fight, he says they’re the same and Gabriel rebukes him, saying they aren’t like him.

We’ve seen that theme a lot before. It’s like a theme of the bad guys trying to make the good guys like them, and the good guys have to prove they’re better than that. So, Crazy Tattoo Guy at Terminus came running out of his train car yelling, “we’re the same,” before he died. Joe Claimer tried hard to convince Daryl that he was like them and one of them, even though he wasn’t. And we could even tie this to Beth saying, “I’m not like you or them, but I made it.” Slightly different meaning in that case, but the verbiage is similar.

(BTW, notice in the pic above, Aaron has a head wound, bleeding from exactly the spot Beth was shot.)

And surprisingly, they actually manage to convince Mays that they’re right and he puts away the gun and unties Aaron, looking as if he’ll let them go. He unties Aaron…and then Gabe kills him. Pretty brutally.

So this is the second reason I think this might be a death knell for Gabe. And it also ties to the bluff in the poker game. AK said that everything Gabe said to Mays about him still believing in God and the bible was a bluff. So we’re left wondering if it was a complete lie, and Gabe has entirely lost his faith. Now, a crisis of faith does line up with Daryl in Inmates/Still, but at the very least, Gabe is in a really dark place. But he hides it well. It doesn’t look that way to others. But I feel like he’s spiraling and being super self-destructive, and this might soon lead to his death.

Remember when he killed Dante? It’s a lot like that. And at one point, Aaron says that Gabe doesn’t mean that (all the negative stuff he says) because his mind is just really full of the Whisperers still, but not all people are like the Whisperers. So, I think the idea is that dealing with the Whisperers really messed Gabe up.

But of course they go upstairs, or up a level and find Mays’ twin brother. And the thing is, Gabe wasn’t entirely wrong to kill him. I mean, in terms of Gabe’s inner arc, obviously he was being really, disturbingly brutal. But Mays was keeping his twin brother a prisoner upstairs. We see two bodies—that of a woman and child—each with a bullet hole in their foreheads. Which is obviously reminiscent of Beth. But the brother also says Mays “made him play.” Which means he did the Russian Roulette thing, but unlike Gabe and Aaron, he didn’t shoot himself but rather turned the gun on his wife and child and eventually shot both of them.

So neither of these guys was exactly Alexandria material. Then the brother gets ahold of Gabe’s gun and shoots himself. Aaron and Gabe leave. On their way out, it shows a photograph of the two brothers laughing together, clearly before the apocalypse.

Okay, let’s talk about this scene. This is what I meant was foreshadowed by Maggie’s two-story building description. Gabe and Aaron found a 2-story building where a family died together. You could say the same thing here of Mays and his brother.

I’m still not entirely sure what to make of the evil twin/evil sibling symbols. I think it must foreshadow something, and we just don’t understand what it points to yet. We saw it with Lizzie/Mica, with Noah’s twin brothers (and the picture of Mays and his brother is very reminiscent of that) and now here. So it’s really fascinating to me, and I’ve talked about it before, but it’s obviously symbolism that’s still in play and that we don’t entirely understand. For more on this, see the 5x09 Post I recently wrote.

But here’s the other thing about this scene. It was this scene in particular that reminded me of the handcuffs Daryl found in S8. 

Because Mays’ bro was handcuffed in the same way. Near those cuffs in S8, there was also what might have been a dogfood sandwich, which is exactly what Daryl was fed at the Sanctuary in 7x03. So you see what I mean? It’s a whole imprisonment theme, with similar symbols around it. And dog symbol always = Sirius = Beth, which is why I think it has to have something to do with her. Then, I saw this:

Guys, this is the exact same brand of dog food we saw with Daryl at the Sanctuary. It’s called A-OK.  

And what does it mean? I’m not sure, but consider this: even in 4x01, Beth had a lot of imprisonment symbols in her cell. A bird cage, a no exit sign, a garden gnome. And if Grady was tied to the CRM, and was absorbed by them, then Beth may have been a prisoner of the CRM for like 8 years, now. And even putting her aside, Rick has been their prisoner for 6 years. That much is confirmed in the show. So I think this points to the CRM in one way or another. It’s about a long imprisonment term, but is tied to Sirius and the return.

In the last scene, Gabe and Aaron walk through a field and they are coming up on the water tower, though it’s still in the distance. One of them says it’s the last place on the map. And I think that’s significant. So, I had a few different thoughts about how we could interpret this.

So, as I already said, Beth = water = endgame. But we also know the CRM is purifying water. So CRM = endgame. What I mean is, maybe it’s saying that the CRM is the last huge battle they’ll have to fight, and maybe then they’ll get the world back. And we’ve kind of thought that for a while. That they’ve been hinting at this group and this war, since season 1 when Rick saw the helicopter in Atlanta. And Beth will be a big part of it.

I also think we may be getting lots of hints of them losing Alexandria here. So it might be a matter of losing one more home or finding one more home. Something like that. If the CRM is the “one more” in the title… well, at first, Gabe says, “two more,” and then eventually “one more.” So I’m thinking two more big arcs. The first is the Commonwealth. The second “one more” is the CRM. But I think that will last for several seasons.

It also occurred to me that the “one more” could also be a death omen for Gabriel. One more place. One more battle. One more episode? And then he’s done. But all of this is just conjecture. Me brainstorming ideas.

One other thing I wrote down is that AK said the bullet in the gun in the Russian Roulette game represented one last trial, and would this be the bullet that will break them? I thought that was interesting, especially in terms of Beth’s loss breaking Daryl.

Okay, lets go back to what I said at the beginning. Obvious callbacks to Bethyl and Still, and lots of things suggesting her imminent return. Since the water tower = Beth and Gabe and Aaron were kind of searching for it the whole episode, you can see how that parallels 5x06, Consumed. But I also think it foreshadows the spinoff with Carol and Daryl leaving together to go search for Beth, even if they don’t know it initially. The fact that Aaron and Gabe were originally searching for something else (food/supplies) but sort of ended up aiming for the water tower here is probably purposeful.

Bottom line? This still points toward Beth being very close. I’ll do more general forecasting tomorrow. Thoughts?

[calm-and-wine]

(I’ll give you) the best years

part V (masterlist, taglist)

hello, hope everyone is well and taking care of themselves! here is part 5 of best years, in case anyone needs a little escape. there will be one more part (more like an epilogue probably), but i’m not sure when it’ll be posted yet, because i do need to (and want to) write my one shot for the quarantine challenge. it will definitely happen though. anyway, hope you enjoy this one and i’d love to hear your thoughts!

PART V

 November 2025

 Life without tennis was weird, that was the conclusion Lucy arrived to after two months since her retirement. It wasn’t necessarily bad, just very different. She didn’t regret her decision, not at all, but it’ll take some to get used to that new situation. She spent a bit over a week in LA while the band was doing promo, then went away for a week, just her and Niall, back in Maui, celebrating their wedding anniversary and whatever the future had in store for them. That was good, quite normal, but coming back and not going back to training was not normal. Not having to wake up early was not normal. Not having to pay attention to her food or being able to drink alcohol as freely as she wanted was not normal. Well, it was her new normal and she should probably start getting used to it.

 It wasn’t like she didn’t have anything else to do. She went to see her parents and stayed with them for a week. She had been making moves on starting the management to help young tennis players, attending meeting after meeting, trying to be as involved as her knowledge allowed her to, all the pieces slowly but steadily falling into place.

 Her life hadn’t necessarily slowed down, it just took a different course. And in the middle of it all, her and Niall also started looking at houses. Their friends said it was crazy, them running around, from meetings and Niall’s rehearsals with the band, hurrying to not be late to meet with their estate agent. Lucy was actually more tired than she was while playing. But she wasn’t complaining. Because no matter how chaotic the days were, in the end, it was always her and Niall, under the same roof, in the same bed, together.

 Even though they were both busy, they were about to be even busier. Well, Niall mostly. With the band’s first album after reunion being released in just over a week and a world tour starting in January, he definitely won’t be complaining about too much free time on his hands.

 They just got home from looking at yet another house (fourth this week), going straight to the kitchen, with Lucy starting to heat up dinner she prepped earlier, while Niall put a kettle on for some tea. Even though they hadn’t spent a ton of time together at home, especially considering how long they had been in a relationship, they had no problem falling into step with each other.

 “So, what did you think?” he asked, stepping behind her and putting a hand on the small of her back while reaching up beside her head to pull out two mugs from the cupboard. Because they drove separate cars, coming from different locations, they hadn’t even had a chance to talk properly.

 “Um… It was alright, I liked the exterior, it’s very well-kept. Big garden, which is nice,” Lucy said, turning slightly to follow Niall’s moves.

 “What about the inside?” he asked.

 She shrugged. “I don’t know. It’d need some renovation.”

 He sighed, passing her a steaming cup, knowing she liked her tea almost scolding hot. She took it with a smile, also noticing he chose her favourite mug. “How come there are no good houses in London?”

 “I know, right? I did not expect it to be that hard to find a nice home.” Because Niall was close enough, she took half a step and rested her forehead on his shoulder, him instantly putting an arm around her to rub her back.

 “Could you see us in any that we’ve seen?” he asked after planting a sweet kiss on her hairline.

 “I like the one we saw yesterday,” she said, raising her head, but staying pressed to his body. “It needs a lot of work, but it has good structure. It was finished terribly, we would have to change the floors probably, maybe take down a wall or two…”

 “That’s probably doable though, right?”

 “Did you like it?” she asked. It obviously needed to be a mutual decision, even if they may not stay in that house forever.

 “Yeah, I did,” he assured. “It has everything we wanted, just needs some work, but at least we wouldn’t have to rebuild it. And I liked the location a lot.”

 “Me too.” She wrapped her arms around his waist, her mouth going into the kiss. “Should we arrange for a contractor to take a look? See if it’d all be possible to do?”

 “Mmm, yeah,” he agreed, planting another kiss on her lips. “I know it’s not perfect, but I’d say we try, I think we’ll feel different once we’re done with it.”

 “I was never a big fan of perfect anyway,” she shrugged.

 “In everything except your husband, obviously,” Niall pointed out.

 Lucy laughed. “Oh, that especially, I settled.”

 He looked at her offended, pinching her waist, which earned a yelp from her, instantly squirming in his hold. But he held her tightly, finding her lips for yet another kiss, both their faces lighting up with grins. They truly did not need a perfect house, because they already found the perfect home in each other.

 ~~

 The album was out. One Direction was officially back and everyone was loving it. The guys were special guests at the morning radio show, then did a few more interviews before arriving at the venue for their special show. It was their first proper show, only performing the singles on tv or radio before. But tonight was a ‘one night only’, when they would play the new album in its entirety, as well as their biggest hits, obviously. 

 Lucy, Maya and Ines met up at the venue, waiting for their guys to arrive. Eleanor was coming later with Freddie, everyone’s families and friends were going to be there as well. It was a big day and the buzz was evident in the air. When the band finally arrived, everyone could tell they were scared about the upcoming show. But there were also huge smiles on their faces and excitement coursing through their veins. They just hadn’t done it all in a while. 

 They all sat down to have dinner together, talking about their day, the amazing reaction the album got and everything in between. It was truly heartwarming to see them back together and happy like that. 

 Soon after, the guys had to go to soundcheck, the girls standing up, ready to join them, all except Lucy.

 “Are you not coming?” Maya asked, looking at her surprised.

 “Nope, this one is banned,” Niall replied before Lucy could utter a word, throwing an arm around her and squeezing her shoulder with a wicked smile on his face.

 “Why?” Harry asked, looking at the couple with intrigue.

 “Well, I’ve actually never seen your show, so he wants me to watch it properly,” she explained.

 “No spoilers,” Niall smiled, proud of himself.

 “You’ve seriously never been to our show?” Liam asked incredulously, to which Lucy shook her head. “Have you been living under a rock?” he snickered, genuinely surprised. Judging from the amount of people who used to come to their shows, they kind of thought most people have seen them perform at some point.

 “Nope, just travelling the world, being one of the top tennis players, you know, the usual,” she replied with a laugh.

 “Well, it might be for the better that you haven’t seen us in our golden years,” started Louis, “at least you’ll be less disappointed tonight.”

 “Oh come off it, you’re gonna be amazing,” Ines chastened him, hitting his arm playfully. 

 “Yeah, yeah.”

 “Okay, lads, we need to go,” said Harry, trying to rush the boys, knowing their team was waiting.

 “I’m actually gonna stay too,” Ines said, when he reached for her hand.

 “Me too,” joined Maya. “It’ll be fun watching the show with a fresh mind.”

 “Well okay then, we’ll be extra sexy during soundcheck, so you’ll be missing a lot,” Harry said playfully, which earned him a few laughs.

 Each couple shared a kiss and hugs, with Louis making whiny noises behind them, because Eleanor wasn’t there yet, before the guys finally left.

 Lucy loved hanging out with the girls. They were all very different, but still got along well, having this amazing thing connecting them. It was the same with the boys, all four of them with very different personalities, but forming a bond as strong as true brotherhood. It was the type of relationship you wouldn’t understand if you weren’t a part of.

 She had fun hanging backstage, she always enjoyed those moments, everyone buzzing with excitement, talking, relaxing before going out there, and sharing it with the band, the atmosphere was even better. It was like a family.

 After sending Niall off with one last kiss and an unneeded ‘good luck’, Lucy went out into the crowd. All the women decided to watch the show from the stands, only choosing side stage for the last few songs, so they could hug their men right after.

 Watching Niall on stage has always been an incredible experience, making Lucy not only smile, but her heart fill with warmth, love and admiration. But seeing Niall on stage with his three brothers was another level. It was so easy to see just how much love those four guys had for each other, for what they were doing together. And the crowd… She had been to many of Niall’s shows, but she’s never seen or heard a crowd like that. That loud, that passionate. It was breathtaking. And knowing not only how hard the guys worked for it, but especially how much it all meant to them, made it even more awestracking. If she felt like that standing on the sidelines, she couldn’t even imagine how it must feel for the four men on stage. 

 Lucy knew Niall loved watching her play. And she felt like she truly understood why. How proud he always felt. Because seeing him up there on stage, she felt exactly the same way. There was nothing better than watching the person you loved doing the thing they loved. 

April 2026

 Niall was finally home. Sure, it’s only been 11 days since Lucy left the band’s tour and flew back home to take care of some businesses, meet with the few players her management was considering signing and oversee the renovation of their house. She spent over two months by Niall’s side, travelling through America and watching him perform night after night. And even after that time, she hadn’t gotten bored with seeing him on stage. She probably never would, just like he’d never get tired of performing.

 Having just over two weeks together at home came at the perfect time. Not only because there were a few things that needed to be done in London, but mostly considering the conversation she had to have with her husband. A conversation that required a certain level of privacy, which was quite hard to find while almost constantly being surrounded by people on tour.

 She occupied her time waiting with cooking dinner, his favourite of course, but her mind and stomach were turning, both with uncertainty of the upcoming conversation and excitement of seeing Niall again. But the sound of their gate opening brought her back to earth, making her instantly turn off the stove and leave the kitchen to properly welcome her husband.

 She got outside just as Niall was grabbing his suitcase, so she ran up to him and threw her arms around his body, which was as familiar to her as her own, if not more. He saw her coming, having managed to close the boot of the car and open his arms just in time to catch her. At that moment she was so carefree, running wild just because she missed him, not caring about what the driver might think or how it might look, just happy to have her love home.

 “Hi,” he said joyfully, moving his hand from her waist to cup her cheek and leaning down for a kiss. 

 “Welcome home,” she said before going in for a second kiss. They were both aware that they were stood in their driveway and not exactly alone, so they refrained from making out like teenagers.

  “Thanks, John, see you soon!” Niall said over his shoulder to his driver, grabbing his suitcase in one hand, the other wrapping around Lucy and leading them into the house.

 As soon as they were inside and the door was closed, his mouth was back on her. 

 “Niall,” she laughed, when after a minute he moved to her neck, “I made dinner.”

 “Not hungry,” he said hurriedly, like he wanted to spend as little time without the contact of her skin as possible.

 “But,” Lucy started, which made Niall pull away slightly, putting his hand on the back of her neck making their eyes meet. It was like that look made her grounded again, all the worries, stress, all the different scenarios she made up in her head, none of that mattered. He always had this amazing gift of making everything else disappear. Like it was just them two, at that very moment, their feelings the only thing that mattered. “I guess the dinner can wait,” she agreed, marking her words with a playful tag at his hair.

 “Missed you, love,” he said with a wicked smile, before raising her up, her legs instinctively wrapping around his waist to hold tight, and carrying her upstairs to show her just how much he really missed her. 

 ~~

 They were enjoying the peace and quiet after dinner, cuddled on the couch, an old rerun of the show they’ve seen already humming in the background while they chatted a bit, sharing the things that happened the last couple of days, even though they already knew the majority through their phone calls. The company of their spouse always brought a level of comfort, no matter where they were, but when they were together at home, there truly was nothing better. 

 Lucy turned her head slightly to check if Niall hadn’t drifted off to sleep during the lull in their talks and when he looked back at her with the softest smile, the one reserved only for her, she said what’s been on her mind for the past three days. 

 “I might be pregnant.”

 Her statement made Niall sit up, turning his body to face her properly, his hands grabbing hers to make sure her attention is all focused on him.

 “How sure are you?” he asked softly, his voice level, oozing nothing but calmness.

 “Um… Not really, I’m late, but I haven’t taken any tests.”

 He let go of one of her hands to rake a hand through his hair. “Shit, okay, should we go get some now?”

 She bit her lip nervously. “There are three waiting in the bathroom upstairs.”

 He looked at her carefully, trying to decipher how she felt about it all, but he could only see the slightly shake to her hands and a soft smile gracing her lips, which was a bit contradictory, but in a way he felt like he understood her mood perfectly, a balance between very nervous and excited.

 “Shall we go now, then?” he asked carefully. 

 “Yeah,” she said getting up, Niall halting her for a second before she could walk away, their lips meeting in a very reassuring kiss, before leading her upstairs with a hand on the small of her back.

 Lucy had three different tests she bought the day before tucked away in a medicine cabinet, waiting for Niall to get home, because it didn’t feel right to check on her own. She went into the bathroom, her husband walking circles around their bedroom, leaving the door slightly ajar. She picked all three tests up, read the instructions carefully before peeing on the sticks, laying them all on the sink and rejoining Niall in the room to not wait alone.

 “Hey, you’re alright, yeah?” he asked, coming right up to her and grabbing her shoulders, massaging them slightly.

 “Yes,” she said, stepping closer to hug him, needing the safety of his arms. “I didn’t expect it, but whatever happens, it’s okay. I mean we want kids anyway and maybe it isn’t the best time and we didn’t really plan it, but we’re ready, right?”

 He smiled at her, reaching up to tuck a stray of hair behind her ear. “I think so, yes.”

 They took a minute embracing each other, both holding the other tightly, both having this epiphany that their lives might be changed in a matter of minutes. There were some soft kisses shared, loving words of reassurance whispered, before Lucy’s alarm ringed out, Niall squeezing her one more time before wrapping an arm around her waist, their bodies colliding as he led them into the bathroom to see the results.

 “You look,” she said, burying her head into his shoulder, trying to take deep breaths and stay calm. She wasn’t afraid of being pregnant. Sure it would change a lot, a kid would probably turn their lives upside down. But it wasn’t like they never talked about it, they both wanted kids, they wanted kids together. She loved Niall, he was her forever, there was no trace of doubt about that in her mind. But it was still scary.

 “Hey, look at me,” Niall said after a minute, his calloused fingers cupping both her cheeks. When she looked into his eyes, she could see them begin to glisten. “They’re all positive.”

 Before she could say anything, a huge smile broke into her face, Niall’s face instantly mirroring hers. “We’re gonna be parents,” she whispered, as it was some kind of secret only they knew, like she didn’t want to share it with anyone else, it was only for Lucy and Niall.

 “We’re gonna be parents,” he whispered back, resting his forehead against hers, before pulling her impossibly close, his lips finding hers, the kiss soft and urgent at the same time. 

 When he pulled away after quite a few more kisses, he grabbed her by the waist, lifting her and swung her around the bathroom, the biggest smile on his face, a laugh escaping his lips, she was also pretty sure she caught a tear running down his cheek. She had her doubts, she had to admit that, but she was also incredibly happy. Niall felt like her home for the longest time, but now they’d be a proper family. They were growing, they were making even more plans together, it was all evolving, growing, especially the love. She didn’t think it was possible, but it truly felt like the love they shared only grew and grew and all she could hope for was that it would never stop.

 ~~

 As Lucy slowly came into consciousness, the sun trying to seep into the room through the curtains, as soon as her eyes cracked open, she saw Niall. It was the best feeling to wake up and feel his body connected with hers, even if it was just their feet tangled together. But it was a rare sight to wake up and see her husband already awake. But this morning he was just that, lying on his side, an arm curled under his head, watching her.

 “What time is it?” Lucy asked, rubbing her eyes, voice groggy from sleep.

 “Don’t know,” Niall replied shrugging, his eyes not leaving her face.

 “How long have you been awake?” She turned on her side to face him properly, her hand setting on his bare torso.

 “Don’t know.” He reached his hand to push back the hair falling onto her face, before lifting his head to plant a good morning peck on her lips.

 She looked at him with furrowed brows, his behaviour a bit unusual. “Do you know anything? Have you not looked at the clock?” It wasn’t like him to wake up before her but it was even more unlike him to not check his phone right after.

 “Nope.” His face was lit up by a content smile, his hand travelling from her cheek to her waist to pull her closer.

 “Why not?” she asked, eager to get some answers, see what was going on inside his head.

 “Why would I?” He threw the question back at her. “It doesn’t matter, we don’t have anywhere to be today. Why would I waste time looking at the time when I have such a beautiful angel to admire beside me?”

 Even though the room wasn’t entirely bright, the curtains keeping the sun out for the most part, she could easily see the love in his eyes. 

 “What got you all soppy this morning?” she laughed, feeling her cheeks warming up at his words.

 “You get me soppy all the time, it’s your magic ability.” He moved even closer, wrapping his entire body around her, burying his head in the crook of her neck.

 “I missed this,” she admitted, pushing her fingers through his hair. “There’s nothing better than waking up together.”

 He hummed, his hands gently roaming over her body before setting underneath her t-shirt (or rather, his), right on her belly. Her heart skipped a beat. Niall planted a kiss on her neck, before pulling away to press their foreheads together, looking not only into her eyes, but straight into her soul. Lucy could feel her eyes starting to glisten, and who knows, maybe it was the hormones, there were definitely many emotions filling her, the strongest of them all being love.

 “We’re really gonna have a baby soon,” Niall whispered, cupping her cheek, ready to catch any tear that might escape.

 “Yeah,” she managed to say, before he leaped in to kiss her, wanting to show her just how happy he was, how in awe and in love he was, how grateful he was for her. 

 “You’re okay with that, right? Having a kid now?” he asked after a minute, his voice laced with the slightest hint of insecurity. They talked about it last night, but he wanted to check in again, after some of the emotions died down.

 Just looking at him, concerned about her and her feelings, made her heart soar and a smile graced her lips. “Of course I am. It’s unexpected, sure, but I’d say we’re in a pretty good place, maybe it’s not ideal timing, but it’s not terrible either.” She propped her head on her shoulder to get a better look at Niall, making sure he not only heard her, but also knew she meant every word. “I’m happy. We’ve known for a while we wanted children, so we might as well start now, right? We’re having a baby, of course I’m happy. Pretty scared, but happy.”

 “I feel like the happiest man, honestly. You always make me the happiest.” He grinned so much this morning, his cheeks would probably start aching before the clock even hit noon.

 “Do you think we’ll be alright as parents?” she asked, grabbing his hand to play with his fingers.

 “Well, I have no doubt you’re gonna be the best mum. And I’d like to think I’m gonna be an alright dad.”

 “You’ve always been amazing with kids.”

 “Yeah, but it’s a bit different with your own, right?” He shrugged before moving onto his back and looking at the ceiling, like it could hold some answers. “I think you might have to be the strict parent most of the time. I’m too soft for those kinds of things.”

 Lucy chuckled, leaning up and over him. “We’ll figure it out,” she assured. “I need to call my doctor and actually get an appointment first.”

 “You’re still coming with us to Europe, right?” He asked, looking up at her hopefully.

 “Yeah, it should be okay, right? We’ll ask the doctor, but I think so. We need to get the house done though. Especially now.”

 “Don’t worry about it, we’ll make it. Everything will be alright and if not, we’ll figure it out.”

 She went in for another kiss, before settling down onto his chest. “I love you.”

 “And I love you.” He moved his hand around to her belly and looked down. “And you little bean.”

July 2026

 “You can see my belly, can’t you?” Lucy asked, turning every which way in front of the mirror. 

 Niall glanced at her from his place on the bed, looking away from the emails he’s been responding to and taking in his wife. She had a pretty summer dress on, the mixture of elegant and cute, looking as beautiful as ever. But he felt like he was on thin ice, because yes, he could easily make out a small baby bump beneath the material, but he was more than familiar with her body and was pretty sure this was not the response Lucy wanted to hear.

 “Well… Yeah, but that’s just because I know it’s there,” he said, gesticulating to her stomach.

 She huffed irritatedly, clearly not happy with his answer. “I don’t have anything to wear, then.”

 Niall sighed (but not loudly enough for her to hear), closing his laptop and going to stand behind his wife, grabbing her hand to pull her close. “You look beautiful, love. And if someone can spot your bump, so what?” He knew Lucy wasn’t feeling great lately. Her belly started growing and as much as he thought that made her even more sexy, she didn’t feel perfectly comfortable with it yet, so used to the way her body had been pretty much the same for years. The fact that she had been feeling like shit, growing tired way too soon and morning sickness lasting almost all day, did not help.

 “It’ll probably make tens of articles pop up speculating,” she reasoned, wrapping her arms around his neck.

 He shrugged, clearly unbothered. “I say, let them. Fuck it, you know? It’s ours, yeah, but we can’t keep it on the downlow forever, so we should just do whatever we want to. And not care. You are pregnant, so why hide it?”

 She bit her lip, taking a moment to think through his words. “Are you sure I look alright?” she asked again. “There will be a lot of people. And pictures.”

 “You look stunning, Lulu,” he assured, marking his words with a kiss. “Like always, but even more. You’re glowing and I’m loving it.”

 “I do not feel glowing,” she huffed.

 He looked at her with concern. The doctor said it was all normal, some women feeling better, some worse, so technically there was no cause for concern, but he still worried, especially knowing that she was happy with the pregnancy, but couldn’t actually enjoy it, because it was not being easy on her. Having her on tour with him was good and bad at the same time, he was glad he could keep an eye on her, but it was hard seeing her struggle, especially all the travelling taking its toll on her. She assured him she was fine, time and time again, being an absolute champ about it all, which of course she was. But he was a husband, it was his job to worry.

 “Are you sure you’ll be okay today? How’s the sickness?” he asked, holding her steady by the waist and taking a step back to look at her properly, almost like he was trying to assess her state, even though there were no clear symptoms.

 “Not awful, but not the best either,” Lucy admitted, having trouble to even remember when was the last time she actually felt good. She took his hands and wrapped them tight around her waist, stepping closer to him once again. “You’ll be by my side, so I’ll be alright.”

 He sighed, knowing there was no point in discussing it further. He did plan to make her ginger tea in a travel mug, so she could drink it on their way, hopefully calming some of her nausea, because that was pretty much all he could do to help her. “Are you excited?” he asked, changing the subject. They were going to watch the women's final at Wimbledon, with Lucy not only being invited, but also asked to take part in the trophy ceremony. It was a great honour, he understood that, of course he did, but just a little part of him wished she would take it easy. Stay home if she didn’t feel great. Especially because he knew she was stressed out about it. Not only about how she looked, despite all the questions she just asked, that was probably the least of her concern. She didn’t like being in public like that. Maybe she wouldn’t be the centre of attention, but she’d still be under the spotlight. She worried about making a mistake, having thousands of eyes on her, all the comments that might come after. She knew how to play on a tennis court, not hand trophies.

 “Yeah. Really excited,” Lucy said, a smile taking over her face. “A little stressed, especially since I could technically feel the urge to throw up at any minute.” Niall was about to say something, probably along the lines of her canceling, so she pressed her palm against his mouth to shut him up. “But it should be fine. I’m really hoping Naomi will win, she deserves it so much.”

 She didn’t just say it because she had beaten Naomi last year, but as a friend and a fellow player. They already made plans to meet up for lunch on Monday for a little catch up.

 “Oh, I forgot to tell you, they asked us to come in on Wednesday to see the house, they need some decisions regarding the living room, I think.” Lucy said, after Niall finally went into their wardrobe to change. She was just about to hurry him, not wanting to be late and knowing the traffic will probably be awful.

 “Do you have any other plans on Wednesday?” he asked, coming back into the room, dress pants on and starting to button a light blue shirt.

 “There might be a meeting regarding the sporting centre, I’m not sure yet. But if I’m busy you’ll handle it, right?” Lucy asked, not even trying to hide the fact that she was ogling her husband’s naked chest. Damn, she loved his body. And his heart and soul, but his body… It made her crazy, especially now when her hormones were all over the place.

 “Yeah, of course,” he said right away, knowing Lucy was actually the one making sure everything was on track with their house, so he could take some of that load now that he was home for three weeks.

 “And I might not be coming out for that last leg of your tour.” She said, finally turning around and going to put finishing touches on her makeup. 

 “Wait, what? Why?” Niall asked, stopping his movements to look at her.

 “Just…. The house is gonna be a shit show next month, with most of the general work being finished, the furniture and equipment starting to arrive, the other crew coming in… We can’t ask Mia and Nat to keep an eye on it all the time.” She didn’t turn around, didn’t even raise her eyes to look at him through the mirror, because she didn’t want to see his expression. Seeing the disappointment on his face might just make her cry. And she spent way too much time trying to make her eyes look decent with makeup to destroy it now. “Plus there’s been talk of some more meetings, getting the ball really rolling for the centre… And it might be good for me to slow down for a bit. Especially all the travelling. I haven’t decided yet, maybe I’ll come down for Australia.”

 “Oh okay. I mean…” he sighed, his hand going up to his hair and stopping at the very last second when he remembered it was already styled. “Yeah, it might be good for you to chill for a minute. But I’ll hate not seeing you for weeks again. And I don’t like the prospect of leaving you alone with it all.”

 Lucy finished applying her lipstick before finally turning around, his eyes already trained on her, a weak smile on his face. Niall didn’t mean to make her feel bad or guilty, that was never the case, but he also wanted to be honest. And she knew he was coming from a good place, always.

 “I’m a big girl, I’ll be fine,” she said, coming up to him and cupping his cheeks, making a move to plant a kiss on his lips, but pulling away a second before their lips met, not wanting to put lipstick on him, which made him whine and her let out a little laugh. “It’s just a few weeks. And then you’ll be home. And I’ll be here. And we’ll be moving while also preparing for the baby, so that will probably be a shitshow, but hey, at least we’re in this together.”

 He smiled, kissing her cheek. Then the other. And then her neck, making her giggle. “‘Course we are. Always.”

October 2026

 Putting finishing touches and getting ready to move houses while being seven months pregnant was not ideal. Thankfully they were both home now, after Lucy flew to Australia for the last shows of One Direction’s first tour back, they came back two weeks ago, after spending a few days longer, just relaxing, on the other side of the world.

 All of this made Lucy stressed, her pregnancy made her uncomfortable most of the time and the impending arrival of the baby made her feel unprepared, no matter how many books and blog posts she had read. Because of that, it was no surprise to Niall that she wanted a quiet birthday. Lucy was never a fan of huge parties, especially the ones thrown in her honour. He proposed going away to their getaway house in Ireland, but she had insisted there were too many things to be done and overseen here, so he didn’t push, not wanting to make her even more stressed or upset. He did however make sure she hadn’t done anything unnecessary that day. Bringing her waffles and tea to bed in the morning, staying wrapped up in each other until midday, spending the next few hours cocooned on the couch, talking and watching tv, catching up on the lost time while they were apart. 

 However, when it was nearing the evening, he did ask her to get ready, saying he had something special planned. 

 “If you threw me a party, I’ll kill you,” she said while walking down the stairs, ready to go out. She knew it wasn’t dinner, because they had eaten not too long ago, Niall cooking her favourite of his while she admired him at work from the kitchen counter. He just chuckled, refusing to give her any hints.

 But he did throw her a surprise party. Well, maybe not necessarily a party, more like a gathering. He got all of 1D with their better halves, their friends, her parents, Mia and Natalia, his own parents, even few of the people she’s been working closely with at the tennis management. The place wasn’t too crowded, filled with people she knew and appreciated. The music wasn’t too loud, you could easily have a conversation without screaming at each other. There was a bar, but not a proper dancefloor, just a little free space in case anyone wanted to bust a move, which eventually they did. 

 It was special, a perfect night to finish off the perfect day, the gesture making her cry more than once (which was fine, because at least she could blame it on the hormones). She trusted Niall completely and moments like those just proved how he truly knew her, giving her the perfect balance of what she wanted and what he knew she’d enjoy. 

 But now it was nearing 5am and she was lying awake, over half an hour since she woke up. She was uncomfortable. Huffing and throwing away the comforter because she was too hot, then growing cold mere minutes later. Not even her pregnancy pillow brought her any comfort tonight. She was just about to try getting up, when Niall stirred besides her, his eyes cracking open and his hand going to rub at her back as soon as he noticed she wasn’t asleep.

 “Everything alright?” he asked, voice barely above a whisper. 

 “Yeah, I couldn’t settle comfortably and now I’m wide awake,” she explained.

 Niall hummed, looking at her in the darkness, her eyes tired, brows furrowed. He could see she was stressed or anxious, like she had been most of the time lately. It made him worried. He tried his best to take as much burden off her as he could, especially now he was home. 

 “I’ll go make some tea and then give you a message, hmm, how’s that sound?” he asked, bumping her nose cutely.

 “I’ll go with you,” she said, throwing the comforter off her body already. 

 “No, you relax, you’ve been on your feet half the night, you should rest.”

 “I need to stretch, I’m too uncomfortable now,” she reasoned, which made him give up easily, ready to help her up right away.

 They went downstairs holding hands, because that’s just how they usually walked, him not really letting her do anything beside walking around the kitchen to stretch her limbs, before going back to bed, Niall refusing to even let her carry a cup.

 “I know you’re tired because of the house and the pregnancy hasn’t exactly been easy on you, but there’s something else also troubling you, I can tell,” he said, as soon as they were settled into bed, Lucy propped against the headboard, while he sat cross legged in the middle, facing her.

 When he woke up, she didn’t expect him to stay up with her. They went to sleep just a few hours before. Sure, he only had two beers last night, saying he was gonna keep her company in the sober club, even though she insisted she was fine with him having some drinks. So he wasn’t even buzzed anymore, but it was 5 am, he must have been tired. And yet, he was ready to stay up with her, have tea and an actual conversation, just because she couldn’t sleep. That was love, gestures like those only made her appreciate him more and more.

 “It’s just a lot, I don’t know,” she shrugged, not really sure how to even explain her feelings. “I’m anxious about the baby, I wish we were done with the house already and… I just… I don’t know what to do with the training centre.”

 “Well, the house is almost ready and I’m back now, I can handle most of it. Especially the packing, you’ll just sit and give me orders and I’ll get it all done, don’t you worry ‘bout a thing. It’s not good for you nor our little bub,” he marked his words with a gentle hand rubbing her swollen stomach. “And what’s up with the centre? You’ve been having quite a few meetings about it lately, yeah?”

 “Yes and if I was going to pull out, I’d need to do it now.”

 He sat up a bit straighter, looking at her confused. “Wait, why the hell would you pull out? I thought you were excited about it.”

 “I was, yeah, but…” Lucy huffed, playing with a loose thread in the comforter. “Just how will it work? I was hoping to get it done at the end of this year or the start of the new at the latest, but with a kid.. I don't know, I can't do it all.”

 “Hey, it’s alright,” he scooted closer, noticing she was starting to get upset and placing a calming hand on her knee. “You’re not alone in it, love. I’m here,” he assured with a small smile. “And I know I’ve been busy, touring and all, but I’m home now. I’m here for you, we’re in this together, yeah? You’re never alone with anything.”

 “Maybe i should just postpone it. Wait a year or something.” She shrugged again, looking down, her eyes unfocused.

 He licked his lips, thinking of the best response. “You can if you want to. But if not, we can make it work now.”

 Lucy finally raised her head, meeting Niall’s eyes, the look he was giving her nothing but gentle. “I’m just scared that if i put it off now, it’ll never happen,” she admitted. “Because then it’ll probably be another kid, I really doubt we’re gonna be done with one, and just… it’ll fade away.”

 “No, I won't let it, love,” he was quick to assure her, grabbing her hands in his and squeezing. “I know you want it. And if you want it now, we’ll make it happen. Or if you want to wait half a year, or less or more, you’ll do it then. But I’ll make sure it’ll happen for you.”

 Lucy’s lip started wobbling and tears began streaming down her cheeks. Niall reached to wipe them right away, letting go of one of her hands, but still holding the other.

 When she calmed down, he asked, “Tell me how do you see it anyway? I know you want to be involved in it, not just set it up, but do you want to just generally oversee it or train someone or… I don’t know.”

 “Umm… I think oversee mostly,” she said. “Pop in to see how everything’s going. Talk to people, trainers, players… everyone. Conduct training from time to time, but not really regularly. Taking on a player would be too much for me.”

 “Well, couldn’t you do it now?” he asked, giving her a look of confidence. He was always the one who brought her courage when her own ran out. “Like, even soon after our little bug is born, you’d be gone for a couple of hours tops, not everyday,” he explained. “I think it’d be alright. Might even be good for you.”

 “What about the band? Aren’t you planning another album? Another tour?” She asked, not exactly sold on the idea. It was something she’s been turning over in her head, trying to come up with a perfect plan, but she wasn’t sure it existed.

 He shook his head. “There’s gonna be a little version of us both super soon and you expect me to leave for months upon months? No chance.” She chuckles, hitting his arm lightly to make him be serious. “There are plans, yes, we for sure want to continue, but not right away. I mean, we’ll probably pop into the studio from time to time, but no schedule, we just want to relax right now. Put our families first. We’re having a baby. It’s technically a secret, but El’s pregnant as well. Harry is getting engaged…”

 Lucy squeaked in excitement at all those news. “What? El’s having a baby? That’s amazing. And Harry! Finally! Did he get a ring?”

 Niall grinned, finally seeing his wife happy and excited making him feel a bit lighter. “Yeah, showed us like a month ago, fingers crossed he’ll actually man up and pop the question.”

 She giggled. “That’s crazy. Maya has told me that she and Liam had talked about trying for a little one as well. Ahh can you imagine our kids being so close in age?”

 His face matched her grin. “They’d be best friends.”

 “Definitely.”

 “But, to get back on topic, I’ll be staying put for the foreseeable future. Ready to take care of you and our bug and everything. So do your thing, don’t be scared, please. You know we’ll work it out.” He moved to his knees to get close enough to plant a gentle kiss on her lips.

 “Thank you.”

 “You don’t have to thank me, love. I’m your husband, no thank yous needed.” 

 “Yeah, but I still want to thank you,” she marked her words with another kiss. “For being the best husband and the best teammate ever.”

 “You don’t have a lot of experience with teammates though, right?” Niall pointed out with a chuckle. “With tennis being an individual sport and all…”

“Yeah yeah, alright, here’s my trying to be nice and you ruining it. Just like always.”

 He laughed, wrapping his arms around her body and bringing her flush to him. “I love our little team of three.” 

 Lucy went in for yet another kiss, having to agree with him.

taglist: @stylishmuser @verorax @georgiahoranxx @exoticniall @awomanindeniall​ @soullikestyles​ @bopbopstyles​

[calypsoff]

Sixty Four.

“Rihanna, hello!? Are you with us” I blinked looking around me and then looking at the laptop “yeah” I laughed to myself, I zoned out to a place where I wasn’t married or pregnant, the way I would get him back for this in so many ways “I am here, carry on. So” I stifled out a yawn “sorry, so the Puma event will be in California for me? That is sweet thank you, I know it was going to be in London but moving it for me is sweet” I am tired as hell “yes, so as we was saying the event is pretty much after your husband’” I rolled my eyes, do I even have one “yeah, ok that is fine. I am excited, sad that I couldn’t be in the promo video. I just didn’t expect to be growing this big” I laughed “funny when this shit sells because of me, I don’t even think my foot would fit in any of the shoes at this moment” I sighed out “anyways, I am fine with that. I will do everything I can, I will be posting soon with the slides on so I will start rolling that out” I explained “Yeah, that is fine. So onto other things” Jay Brown smiled at me, it wasn’t a smile that I want. It’s that he knows I don’t want to speak on it “cheating rumours, what is happening. Your publicist is in the Zoom meeting, so let’s speak on it” Jay Brown sat back in the chair “we need to speak on something that is plastered on many avenues even though you have been quiet about it, he is where? In Canada and you are in Mexico. What is happening” looking over at Mel “it’s a little bit of a misunderstanding but I rather be quiet on it, I haven’t exactly spoken to Chris like that. So no comment really, I don’t want to speak on it when I don’t know what to say. I know my husband hasn’t cheated on me, that is it” silence from the call and this place is driving me crazy “so can you actually speak to him, he’s doing a lot of damage. We are building him up alongside you, if he is putting my client down Robyn then something needs to be done about it” nodding my head “when I speak to him I will, I need to go. Bye everyone” I knew that part would come on “ASAP Rihanna, we need you to do that” getting up from the chair, closing my laptop.

Sitting down outside on the chair, this weather is the only thing that is making me happy. Just sun, sea and breeze “are you ok? You knew they was going to ask; everyone is asking. I know you’re sick of people asking but I would ask, just like you snapped with your mother, but they are just asking, they don’t understand when you say he isn’t when the blogs have really manipulated the situation” Mel sat down across from me “he texts me, he won’t call because he knows I am pissed. How can he do so much in these two days, he has me Rihanna looking at his Instagram like I am nothing. I don’t want to be nasty to him, I don’t but it’s getting there. He hasn’t checked on me, I want to get him back, I want him to know pain. He doesn’t know where I am or what I am doing. We are flying back to Cali; you are coming with me to my scan. I bought the date forward. I said I am busy, I will find out the sex of my baby without him there, we will come back to Mexico. I have to get him back; I have to do it. I have worked so hard for him; I don’t get it. I am never enough for a man?” Mel held my hand “that is untrue, I think he is in the moment. He’s having fun but the fun is no good, I believe in Chris. I know his intentions aren’t what the public see, the girls are making it that way. But I am excited to come with you, you my wife” I smiled at Mel “I was daydreaming if I wasn’t married or pregnant, I would have got him back publicly to shame him, but he is my husband, and I don’t want that. So” I breathed out “I am doing that, I know he said he is coming back Monday night, night? You hear that? Such an asshole, not even morning. But we will be back here, he will feel how I felt, and I put that on my momma. I am not going to lash out, but he will feel it” I slammed my hand on the table, I am sick.

Mel and I are funny together, we have a burner account to be nosey and to mingle with my fans. My fans want me to divorce, I get it. Outside looking in this looks bad, it looks like he is openly just doing that, but I know he isn’t, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry, they are writing thesis about my wellbeing, how I am a single mother already. They are very hard headed my fans “juicy, so someone asked who is this chick? I don’t get it why is everyone on her ass, this fan page put India Love has been with Drake and has been staying at his house for a week now, looks like he has passed him onto that bastard husband of hers, fave can do better. She has been around, I mean are we shocked” shaking my head “I didn’t even know girl until now, is he being blind to the mess. Like I am deep in it and he is in that OVO compound just doing what? I mean come on, are you really being this ignorant” speaking of him, he calls when I just want to slap that face of his “what?” I answered, “I call and all you keep saying it what?” placing my phone on loud speaker “are you being ignorant Chris? I know how much of an asshole you can be, are being ignorant?” I need to know, he is just being sly with everything “those blogs can suck my dick and if you believe that then you dumb as them” shaking my head “right, Chris you are very new to this. Trust me, you are very fucking deluded right now. So you didn’t repost anything on your page?” I just can’t help myself; I am not getting real answers by being quiet “I have no idea, I was drunk. I didn’t see anything on my page” Mel’ mouth fell open “so all those screenshots were just lies Breezy huh? You know what, bye get the fuck off my line nigga” disconnecting the call “no way, he has been caught out, he knows he has made a mess. Oh my god” he is digging and digging “if I knew he wanted fun then I wouldn’t have married him, he asked” I sniffled “anyways, I just. I need to get on hateful mode, tomorrow we are going to the hospital and coming back” flicking the tear away, Chris tried calling me again, but I put it down, he can go and have his fun because he will have no choice but to be coming home to me soon.

I somehow feel upset that Chris is not here, I feel the sadness in me but he needs to feel how I feel and he will, I look so stupid publicly and social media is the devil for him, I feel for him because that India chick is running, I was going to comment but I stopped myself because then it looks like there is issues, I didn’t know he followed her either. Not even recent either, he been following her which to me I didn’t think like that. But the recent picture of Chris I seen and I know his face, I think it’s hitting him now. He isn’t smiling but yet manages to take pictures, he needs to know that India chick is not a friend, she is dragging him down. I assume he is thinking they are just friends, and he is being kind. I know him, I know what he is like, but he is playing dumb, he is really doing it “Mrs Fenty-Brown” looking up as the nurse “hi” getting up from my seat “hello, nice to see you again. You look so well, follow me” smiling at the nurse as I followed her to the room, Mel wasn’t sure about doing this and was like maybe this will break him but he has the world questioning my intentions of marrying him, I can do better but I can’t because I love him, I do love him and to me he is perfect but he is causing so much shit and then when he played a stupid card about being drunk, I don’t care. I rather find out the sex of the baby with Mel “hi Robyn, welcome” Audrey waved me in, walking into the room “nice seeing you” hugging Audrey “likewise, and who is this?” she pointed at Mel “she is my best friend Mel, Chris is busy” Audrey shook her hand “please come in” sitting down on the chair “I always said I had time for you did I not, I guess you have a busy schedule” nodding my head “I do so that is why I had to change it, but thank you for fitting me in” it was nice of her.

Audrey wasn’t wrong when she said that this scan is long as hell, she hasn’t said anything to me so I can imagine that things are ok with the baby but she is still measuring things and checking for any abnormalities, I have been very quiet since laying down with Mel holding my hand but I am just missing him and he should have been here really, this is what sucks but he has shamed me enough publicly, and making me look stupid “did I ever tell you that on Chris’ and I honeymoon that this guy called captain, I never said anything about being pregnant, that was when I was hiding that fact, so nobody really knew. He randomly told me that I am having a daughter, out of nowhere said I am having a girl. And I was so taken aback that he said that. I questioned how he knew, he said he sees the future and that I have four children but he is not sure about the forth, I am like what the fuck” Mel’ eyed bulged out “if he is correct I am going to him, he can tell me where the fuck I am going wrong” I laughed “likewise, that is if he is right” Audrey added that to the end, she isn’t giving anything away “he also said that we have a beautiful marriage and there isn’t anything we can’t take, things will be bumpy so yeah” I shrugged “I am being deadass Robbie, if he is right. I am going to Jamaica and seeing him” I chuckled “you ain’t going to wait for anything huh” shaking my head laughing “nope, Audrey tell us please” Mel is rushing her.

Audrey has been quiet and that scares me “why are you quiet?” I asked, she spoke more last time “I am doing a report on baby, there is a lot I have to write. No news is good news, if I started speaking and telling you then I was leading up to bad news. So are we ready to see baby, I can tell you the baby is so healthy, very active in the stomach. You heard the heartbeat right, but shall we see?” nodding my head “I can’t wait, I want to see my baby” I shrieked “I always felt like yes I am pregnant but it was a tiny little thing and I have been reading up on it and now they take form so I am so excited” Audrey smiled “that is right so if you would like to look at the screen in front of you, and now it’s in a weird position, let’s see if the baby moves while we do this” the screen came on and I pulled a face “this is the baby feet” she laughed “awww, showing the feet off, how adorable. Oh wait, I see a penis” Mel said, squinting my eyes “I am joking” hitting her arm “lying bitch” she is annoying “do you know hundred percent what the baby gender is?” I questioned “I can say one hundred percent I know what it is. Do you want to know?” looking over at Mel and guilt just came over me but then why should I wait “oh my god look at the baby moving Robyn, this one doesn’t actually be still” I swallowed hard “tell me, I want to know” staring at the screen seeing my baby “if you can see here, she just put her thumb in her mouth” poking my bottom lip out “wait” it just hit me “we have a mini Rihanna with the way she moves” placing my hand over my mouth “it’s a girl?” Audrey nodded her head “It’s a girl, congratulations” I sobbed out loudly, I was louder then I should have been but I am feeling so hurt about everything and now I am having daughter.

I feel so embarrassed that I cried the way I did, I wanted to run out of the place after that “mess” I said to myself “don’t say that, I am happy. So fucking happy, a whole niece. And I think she has your nose; I swear she does. Just look at the polaroid” shaking my head “you think I did wrong?” I asked Mel “erm, only you know your own pain Robyn. I think what makes it worse the headlines, it’s making the whole thing worse. Only you know the hurt he will feel but I mean, he has the world thinking the marriage is sham too, it’s a hard situation” looking out of the SUV window “I just wanted him to tell me before, I wanted him to keep in contact. It stemmed from that, that was the downfall. He is showing out, I get it but he needs to come back to who he is, he is not like them. Money can change a person, it can, and I don’t see that with Chris, but you end being that way because you have to show off to make it. I don’t ever expect him to not be around females, I don’t. But there are classy women and classless. Those girls that are there are there for one thing, I fully expected women to be there, I did but I just you know. I didn’t think Chris would be laughing and joking that way with them, he is flirty with his niceness and then when he reposted that and deleted it and his reaction to it, I have work on my hands. His ego is getting in the way, one of us are going to break and I hope it is him because if I do then my point isn’t going to get to him” I spoke to myself really, Mel will be just listening “my daughter will never go through what I went through, she will have a home and a loving home. She won’t go through that, she won’t and so help me god I won’t allow that, she will be loved by her dad, and she will get that” wiping my tears “she will get that Mel, my daughter will. Anyways, back to Mexico I need to sleep. I am tired” this is a mess.

Drake’ crib is the best thing I have ever seen in my life, the place is amazing, and I appreciate that he even allowed me into his home and let me just relax with the homies, I have had the best time here “back to sunny Cali now” Drake made his way over to me with his hands stuffed in his pockets “yes, I think it’s time. I think a nigga is in trouble, so you know” he got his hand out “I don’t pay attention to the blogs, you know what is in your heart so who cares” dapping him “true but thank you. Also they think I am a rapper now” Drake laughed out “album soon come, but we will see each other soon. Birthday next” I took in a deep breath “I think I am going to be in trouble bad, there won’t be one for me” Drake is laughing but I am being dead ass “this is why I don’t do marriage; I am young, and I need to evaluate myself. I need to test and taste the world yet but you’re an exception you had to wife Rihanna up, that was a must because it’s Rihanna but marriage for me, you did it anyways, but I wouldn’t pay attention to what the blogs say, you know your heart” he has a point “Breezy leaving us that quick, he barely arrived” Drake turned around to India “he has priorities now, you could both catch a flight together. I am joking but he’s going, link up soon. Tell riri it was nothing, it was just a little get together” picking up my duffle “be quiet nigga, anyways I am out. Indian, peace. Nice meeting you love” waving her off “until we meet again” I laughed out, that won’t be happening for a while “sure” I said as I continued to walk off.

I have not managed to look through social media like that, I have been peeping here and there but from what I know, from what TJ has been saying it’s not good and now I have to face the music of Robyn which I did nothing wrong, she is acting like I had an orgy which yes there could have been a thing but no, I am faithful to Robyn, she is my wife and I love her, but I enjoyed myself so much. I have never laughed so much in my life, just good vibes. Good booze, good weed, good vibes all around. It’s just amazing but now I am here, and I am dreading it, Robyn did not see the IndiaLove repost, I did it in a drunken manner in the middle of the night and I deleted, she sleeps early. It’s all hearsay on what happened and she is reading into that “thank you” picking my duffle back from the backseat as I got out of the Uber, I don’t know about that SUV shit, I don’t’ know how to be booking that shit when Robyn be telling about it. Drake only allowed phones in the oarty, that is why there is only pictures of that floating around, there was plenty of other shit in that, it’s all bullshit but I am just going to have to listen to Robyn go on about it, throw me out of the bedroom and deal with that, she is going to be dramatic.

I huffed out, I came back at night because she will be asleep and looks like she is. It’s quiet as hell but none of the lights are on, let me go upstairs and say hi to her that I am back because I want her to know that I did come back. Walking up the steps, looking down at my phone laughing at Drake’ text about have a I been kicked out yet, TJ said the same thing what is wrong with these niggas. Making my way to the bedroom, I don’t want to argue with Robyn this is why I will let her speak on how she feels first before I even say anything, yes I get it women were there. But nothing happened, pushing open the bedroom door and it’s just dark. No light on, I pulled a face. Not like Robyn at all, reaching over and putting the light on seeing the empty bed “Robyn?” looking around the bedroom, she can’t be in the bathroom because the light is off there too. Walking into the room more confused, slowly placing my bag on the bed looking around and then seeing my clothes on the floor, a trail actually. I swallowed hard; did something break into the home. Putting the light on in the walk in closet and my clothes are on the floor “fuck” where has she gone, getting my phone out of my pocket panicking on where she has gone.

Staring at Mel, Chris is on the phone to Mel because I have ignored his calls, so he called Mel “how do you not know where she is Chris? I don’t know where she is” Mel lied, I wonder how far is he going to go “I will try for you, ok bye” Mel disconnected the call “he is panicking sis, like when I said I don’t know she is supposed to be home he said I should know, like hell I should” my phone started ringing again “he is going to call me again, so he says because I am going to find out for him. He didn’t say why he just says she’s not home. Where is she, she should be home. What if someone has kidnapped her” rolling my eyes “now he cares, he hasn’t bothered since being in Canada but now he’s trying to move mountains. If he calls again I will pick up but honestly I should make him suffer for how he has done me, I just knew this whole trip would have been bad vibes because of the way he told me, I don’t want him to be Rihanna’ husband, I want him to have his own name but in the right way, anyways. I think it’s time I post” I smiled “oh yes, Melissa photography!” I grinned “let see how he feels when you post on Instagram and you don’t pick up, I am not saying about who took it though” looking down at my phone “I don’t mind” Mel said, she took a beautiful pictures of me with the sunsetting in the background. A side view of me, one hand just under my bump and the other arm just over my boobs. Bitch I was naked and what but it’s just a side view and it’s a nice ass picture, I smiled to myself adding a caption ‘Peace’ I wanted to keep it short, I did want to put just the two of us but it’s sparking drama so that is simple “that is now posted” I giggled to myself “it’s a beautiful picture, a black queen is going to give birth to a black queen and I love that for you” I am excited to know I am having a daughter.

That picture wasn’t even up for a second, he is calling me already, so the nigga has my notifications on clearly “that was quick, you know he is panicking” Mel is right he is, answering the call “yes?” I answered “I have been calling you! Least ten times now, what the fuck!” he shouted, “lower your tone, what is it?” oh the nigga is panicking, he is shouting so he has lost senses now “where are you!? Why is my clothes on the floor, where did you go without me knowing, are you serious? I thought someone took you, I panicked” he said out of breath “ok” I don’t care “ok? Robyn, I was scared. Where are you? I expected you home, this is stupid. And you posted a naked pictures, I told you about the body thing” I knew he would say that “so nigga?” I said, he is acting like I care “I get it, you’re angry with me but where are you. Come home” I sniggered “I am in Mexico” the line went silent “for what?” he said, his voice is less panicky now “I don’t know, last minute thing. You know how that goes” he did that to me “I will come to you, you went there alone!?” staring at Mel “yes” I lied, I think I will tell Mel to go because she doesn’t need to be involved in any of this “right, I will come there to you, like now” he can come I don’t care “make sure my house is clean before you think of leaving that house, I want the bed made, clothes picked and the washing done. And the floor needs cleaning Breezy” disconnecting the call “Mel you will need to go, he wants to come here. I don’t want you involved in any of it, neither of us can look to you for help. This is between me and him, he better clean that shit up” placing my phone on the table.

[messiisgodibeliveinhim]

Just Another Rant

Okay, so why do NCTzens have a hate boner for Taeyong??? It's so f*cking weird, it doesn't make sense.

Taeyong has been under NCTzens' microscope since his debut. Everything he does is dissected and twisted into something its not. No other member of NCT or any group (except maybe Jennie from Blackpink) is treated this way by the group's fans. NCTzens want Taeyong to be the villain so bad, that they're willing to stoop as low as dehumanizing, body shaming and wishing d3ath on him. NCTzens dislike him, some even hate him and they're not very subtle about it.

Now, I'm not saying all NCTzens are TY antis. I have moots on Twitter who dont stan him, but are incredibly respectful towards him and acknowledge his talents and hardwork. If you're one of them, then this rant is not about you. But i will say this, if it isnt all NCTzens who anti Taeyong, it's most of them.

It started with Lines and Screentime distribution for NCT songs and mvs. Now, i agree that Taeyong used to get a little more lines and screentime than the others at first. But instead of calling out SM, most of you targeted Taeyong saying he deliberately stole the said lines and screentime from his members so that he'd get to shine more..... Really???

Next, when he was announced as a member of SuperM, NCTzens were clearly upset it wasn't Johhny or Jaehyun. Do you wanna know why??? No, they didnt talk about talent. Instead, they wanted Jaehyun/Johhny instead of Taeyong because SuperM is a group targeted at the western audience and Jn & Jh knew to speak English better than TY..... Okay.

And it keeps getting worse.

-NCTzens saying that TY goes into the recording studio to record his solo songs, by LOCKING OUT the rest of NCT, so that they wont get to record their solo stuff.

-That TY is SM's Golden Boy cuz he 'gETs a LoT of SoLO pRoMos anD cENter TiMe', completely refusing to understand what 'SOLO PROMO' means or see how overworked and mistreated he is by his own company.

-When TyongFs praise TY about anything, NCTzens always, ALWAYS insert their faves in the post. Like, go make your own post maybe???

/Trigger Content

-NCTzens saying that TY dances like he has a sq*irrel in his pants, raps like d*g, looks like a skeleton etc etc. And these are just mild stuff i mentioned here. NCTzens are so much worse when it comes to body shaming and dehumanizing him. And when we call them out for it, thay have the audacity to say that its a JOKE and we're STUPID for not having 'A Sense of Humor'....

/End of Trigger Content

-NCTzens saying that TY's main dancer/main rapper/main visual/leader/center positions should go to their faves cuz their fave 'iS So mUcH beTTeR aT TheSe pOsiTIOns'. Yeah.... sure..... NCTzens rarely talk about the positions other members have , but are really obsessed with Taeyong's.

-NCTzens still denying that Taeyong is NCT's leader and that he's really good at it. Just yesterday, a Wayzennie (also a TY anti) started spewing sh*t about Taeyong's leadership. And their arguement??? That they have 'lEAdeRsHiP eXpEriEncE iN UnI, WoRk aND ouTsIDe wOrK' and that makes them an expert about leading a 23 member global kpop group, who had a rough start what with their controversial 'unlimited' concept and experimental songs. Sure, Jan.

(Also, the thing where some Wayzennies are still not accepting that TY is the leader of whole of NCT, cuz Kun is WayV's leader..... Seriously, though its not that hard to understand. Kun IS and WILL remain the leader of WayV, a 7 member group. That's a fact. But when the subunits (127, Dream and WayV) come together for projects (ex: NCT 2018 and NCT 2020), Taeyong becomes the overall leader. But since these Wayzennies are still on their WayV not being part of NCT agenda, they're simply ignore this. Go figure.)

- Oh, but when some other member in NCT messes up, it suddenly becomes Taeyong's responsibility cuz 'HE'S THE LEADER'. Funny, how NCTzens change narratives quickly. Also, weird how, according to NCTzens, NCT members suddenly can't think for themselves even though they're grown adults and need Taeyong to take the blame for them. Haha.....

-Also, NCTzens guilt tripping TyongFs from canceling NCT Beyond Live tickets when they got to know that he was injured and wont be participating in the concert a little too late, cuz "Taeyong, as a leader, would be sooo upseeet that his group wont be getting TyongFs' money and he'd feel sooo guiltyyy that y'all are getting refunds of your OWN money that YOU CHOSE to spent and its not my business at all. But damn, y'all are sooo selfish!!!!"

-NCTzens posting about how overjoyed they are that TY is injured cuz that means their faves get to shine..... "Look how MY FAVE killed TY's part" "MY FAVE ate Taeyong up" "Should've put MY FAVE in the OG line up instead of Taeyong" "MY FAVE made TY's part as his own" "Thank god, MY FAVE got to show off his talents, now that Taeyong isnt here". God, if i were one of the Neos whose fans say sh*t like this, it would've felt like a slap to my face. Honestly, tell me, do y'all really think so low of your faves? Do you really think they cant shine even with TY being on stage? They absolutely can, but you're focus is not on them, is it? Way to embarrass yourself.

-NCTzens blaming Taeyong for NCT's slow rise to fame because of the false rumors/allegations pinned on him by nasty people. They say Taeyong was the sole reason for NCT not being liked by many, not because of their confusing/complicated concept or the music. Yeah, you heard me. NCTzens are not above victim blaming and pointing fingers, cuz they are not ready to accept the fact that Taeyong was the one who carried the group on his back all the way.

-And how they can't stand the fact that TY gets praised by proffesionals or non-fans or locals. A dance analyzer analyzed 127's Kick It and at the end stated that Taeyong was the best dancer in 127. And what did NCTzens do. They bullied the analyzer to the point that they deleted the video, just cuz their fave was not named the best. A reactor reacts to Taeyong's Long Flight and the comments on the videos are along the lines of 'Hey, MY FAVE'S also has a solo song too. You should definitely react to that' or when they're tryna be subtle (but not really), they go 'Taeyong is soo good but you should also check out MY FAVE'S blah blah blah'

Hell, even when TyongFs say 'Taeyong is very so creative, by coming up with BDLI Jungle Gym concept and the MAW chandelier thing. He's literally an Idea Bank', and NCTzens go 'All the Neos are idea banks' in the same post.

When TyongFs say 'Taeyong is the really so handsome. NCT's main visual', they go 'All the Neos are main visuals'

Lmao, just 3 days ago, someone commented 'Taeyong is cute' under a tiktok video and an NCTzen just couldn't help but fume about it and went 'All Neos are cute'🙄

Like seriously, this is sooo annoying. Make your own goddamn post about the rest of NCT, ffs! Why do you to insert anyone else in a Taeyong tweet? Literally, can't let Taeyong have a moment for himself.

-Recently, Taeyong released 2 solo demo tracks on SoundCloud- Dark Clouds and Dark Clouds Remix (check it out here: https://soundcloud.com/eh_ovo_taeyong). And NCTzens being NCTzens started those who never even promoted Kun's SoundCloud before started promoting it under every TY tweet on the same day. Now, i don't have a problem with them promoting Kun's SC. But they could've done it any other day or made their own tweet about it. But doing it under every TY promo tweet and on the very same day? Really??? And some of them had the audacity to say that TY was getting free clout from Kun cuz Kun followed him on SC.....😑😑😑

-NCTzens have this weird belief that TY is getting solo promos and is being pushed by SM. What on earth are they talking about? Taeyong being center, main rapper and main dancer of the group is not solo promo. Him being in SuperM is not solo promo. Him opening Instagram and SoundCloud is not solo promo, but self promo- which means HE'S promoting himself, not SM. Solo promo is usually provided to the artist by the company in the form of photoshoots, accepting brand deals, releasing the artist's solo music etc and SM isnt doing sh*t for Taeyong. All they're doing is overworking him and milking him for money. That's it. And i want NCTzens to understand that.

And the list goes on and on and on. This weird hate boner NCTzens have for Taeyong is so bizarre to me. All Taeyong does is sing, rap, dance, talk cutely, take care of his fishes and play games with Baekhyun. And this somehow gets NCTzens mad. They constantly discredit him, try to make him seem less than what he actually is, insert everyone else when someone is talking just about him, make him seem like a villain by twisting his words or actions and making it into a big deal.... *sigh* Its so unbelievable how low NCTzens can stoop. And it gets tiring real quick.

N E Ways, this is everything i wanted to rant about and damn, this turned out to be too lengthy. Now, if you havent followed Taeyong on his Instagram, please do @eh_evo_nct. Stream Long Flight, his one and only solo station. And please look forward to BaekhyunxTaeyong collab on Taeyong's SoundCloud.

Ciao!

[spnreactions]

15x15: Gimme Shelter

Alright guys! It’s time! 

Just a heads up, in case you haven’t figured it out yet, these posts usually come out later in the day, because even if I watch it live, I tend to do my reactions live, but then write up the full review later. In case you were wondering why the posts don’t usually come right away. 

Anyways! Let’s get down to it! 

Oof. Yep. We’re definitely on the serious track now, with a then like this. 

Also, I didn’t say this before, but I really love the “then” and “now” openings for this season. It’s beautiful with the Impala like that. <3 

Oof. Interesting flashback to Jack breaking out of the Ma’lak Box. 

...ew. Maybe it doesn’t taste as gross as it looks, but it looks gross. 

Jesus girls, chill. 

Okay, I already like the pastor. 

I’m watching live this week, and I’m in a FB group that’s commenting as we watch, and someone just pointed out that the pastor is Dr. Sexy MD!! Man I love when actors return like that. 

Ope. Connor’s gonna die. Poor kid. He seemed nice. 

...that teddy bear definitely wasn’t there when he was walking over before, but okay. 

UMMMMM...TALKING TEDDY!

NO THANK YOU!!! 

I HAVE A DOLL THING!!! NOT COOL!!! 

Hmmm...gotta be honest, I’m not sure how I’m feeling about Cohen’s directing on this one. :/

It had a talking teddy bear. I bet it is. 

Darkness. Nice pun. 

“He’s not that funny.” XD XD 

Dean you just want to go to Atlantic City whether Amara’s there or not don’t even deny it. XD 

Cas’s confused face will always be one of the cutest things ever. <3 

I love the way they’re all walking down the hallway together. It’s such a simple thing, but I like the way they’re positioned and everything. Point: Matt Cohen. 

SCENE FROM THE PROMO! 

Sure they can. 

“She and I used to have a thing” DEAN!! XD XD 

HIIIII JACK!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

Dude, let me tell you, I am so ready for some quality Cas and Jack content. 

I love all the different reactions here. Dean is trying to get Cas and Jack out of the house, which Jack is super excited about, and Cas is very not into. XD 

...wait, did they not tell him about Mrs. Butters? Or did they just not mention her name? 

Cas looking at Sam like “help me out here” and Sam being like “sorry but no”. XD 

Oh come on Cas. Look how excited Jack is! I love how enthusiastic he gets over every hunt. It’s adorable and I love him. (Yeah you’re gonna be hearing that a lot. XD)

Cas is like “you’re kidding me right?” 

“Highway to Heaven” XD XD 

THE SCENE!!

MY BABY IS SO EXCITED I LOVE HIS LITTLE SMILE AHHHH!!!! 

No matter how Cas is against going to deal with something so small fry when they’re in the middle of something so huge, he will still smile affectionately at his son, because he loves him. <3 <3 <3 

“Blue’s a good color on you.” XD XD <3 <3 

“Agent Swift.” XD XD XD XD 

“Agent Lovato.” I’M DEAD THESE TWO ARE THE BEST!!! XD XD XD XD

HE’S HOLDING HIS BADGE UPSIDE DOWN JUST LIKE CAS DID ON HIS FIRST HUNT I’M DEAD!! XD XD XD <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

A BABY YODA REFERENCE?! This show oh my god. XD XD XD 

“I just graduated from CSI.” JACK OH MY GOD YOU ADORABLE LITTLE BEAN!!! XD XD <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

Okay, I love watching Cas and Jack together, and I love watching them go on a hunt, but guys, could you at least TRY to be subtle? “Did you find tiny bags with chicken bones? Smell any sulfur? Feel cold?” Like, NO you two. XD XD 

The cop lady is just like “what the heck is wrong with these two?”

Oh. “Liar” isn’t a seven deadly sin thing. Maybe I was wrong about that. 

“For my stepson, Ronald.” JACK!! XD XD XD <3 <3 <3 I love him so much oh my god. 

For someone who’s new to hunting, that was actually an awesome cover. <3 <3 

Wait...speakers? Maybe it isn’t something supernatural after all? 

“Almost demonic.” Okay so that was a little more subtle. 

Okay Cohen, I take back what I said about your directing. That was a good shot of the stop sign. 

I love the way Jack’s sitting in the back of the truck. <3 <3 

Learning from Sam. <3 <3 <3 

Cas, there is no such thing as too many cats. His face when he says that though. XD 

THAT ENTIRE SEQUENCE ABOUT PARENT/GUARDIAN PERMISSION I’M DYING HOLY FRICK!!! XD XD XD XD <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

That was both the cutest and funniest thing ever and I just...I LOVE THEM AHHHH!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 

I feel like Cas is upset though. Like, he’s extra frustrated with the whole Amara and God thing. Not that I blame him of course. He’s just got a certain...coldness to him in this episode. But I like how it disappears whenever he’s talking to Jack. <3 <3 Good acting on Misha’s part. 

For example, that little soft smile when he looks over at Jack logging in to the social media account is so sweet and so cute and so undeniably fatherly. <3 <3 

Okay, gotta be honest: British demon? Totally hot. 

"Why is he talking like that?” he whispers, very loudly in a way that the party he is speaking of can definitely hear him. XD XD <3 <3 

“Because Zack has style.” 

WAIT!!! 

He’s not ACTUALLY British??!! 

Oh my god that shouldn’t have made me laugh, but it TOTALLY did. 

AND he made the “Highway to Heaven” reference just like Dean did! 

I love this demon holy frick. XD XD 

Cas’s and Jack’s confused expressions at his sudden change. XD 

“I would watch that show.” XD XD 

How this show manages to introduce a new character, however brief, and give him so much personality when we’re six episodes from the end is beyond my understanding, but man, it is one of the many reasons I love this show. <3 

Ha! “Demons are get, humans are just crazy” ring a bell? 

Ha! Of course Rowena has that philosophy. God I miss her. 

“You’re a deviant soul corrupted by Hell.” Ah, Cas, ever quick with the logical wit. XD 

Cas’s “and we’re done”. XD 

Zack is so desperate. 

And now, Zack is all of us during COVID. XD 

I love Zack. Take him with you. XD <3 

Oof. Too true, Cas. Too true. 

Awww...Jack. 

AWWW! Cas!!! Knowing his son wanted to be busy and help people. I LOVE THEM!!! 

THOSE SMILES AT EACH OTHER OH MY GOD SO CUTE!!! <3 <3 <3 

She’s gonna steal the money. 

Yep. Classy lady. *eye roll* 

Ope. And now she’s gonna die. 

AHHHH!! 

OKAY I TAKE THAT BACK!! BRING THE TEDDY BEAR BACK!! SCARY MASK IS WORSE!!! 

My mom and I both screamed jesus christ. 

“Focused.” Interesting phrasing, but okay. 

I like the way this phone call is happening. The back and forth is cool, and I like their easy talk with each other. 

Dean can’t just give straight advice. Ever. “Drink the Kool-Aid and sign up.” XD 

Oof. Jesus. 

Clearly Dean wasn’t talk about the Amara thing. 

Wait, this was over a two-day timeline? Huh. Okay then. 

Dean that doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect you stop. 

“Messengers of God’s Destruction”. 

No, but did any of us? 

“Least this time it’s not you or me.” Yeah, yet. 

That look Sam gives him means he had the same thought I did. 

Okay sorry, I am super not religious, and the God speak makes me want to barf. 

HA! JACK! XD 

See, this is why you have to give straight advice, Dean. I know that’s hard for you, being your chaotic bi self and all, but angels tend to take things literally, bud. XD 

Jack you dork. XD <3 

Geez girl. Be nice. 

Jack whispering again to try to be sneaky I love him. <3 

So that’s a yes then. 

Jesus. She’s a b***h. I don’t like her. 

That little head nod OMG!! <3 <3 

I LOVE THE CAS AND JACK TEAM UP THEY’RE SO CUTE!! <3 <3 

Oh. That was a sweet hug. 

My Mom: It’s him. It’s the pastor. He’s the bad guy. 

Oh! Greed! So this is a seven deadly sins thing! 

Ummm....that’s a little weird. Maybe this is as monster after all, with the tech working like that? 

But if it was a monster, why is she set up like that? 

Okay no, I take that back. I watch Criminal Minds, and this totally looks like something a serial killer would do. Especially the timer thing. 

“The new guy’s hot.” MEEEEE. That girl is me. XD <3 <3 <3 

EVERY. SINGLE. THING. JACK. DOES. IS. SO. STINKING. ADORABLE. <3 <3 <3 <3 

Boyfriend and girlfriend, I’m guessing? 

Awww...baby. :( 

Awww...Jack. :( :( 

Okay but, like, we’ve learned now, right? Don’t give her your whole story please and thank you. 

Oh okay. That’s okay. 

This girl is...off. Is it the acting, or is the character actually weird? I honestly can’t tell. 

Oof. Daddy issues alert. 

“I have more dads than most.” AWWW!!! XD XD XD <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

Wait baby no, you’re not letting them down stop that. :( :( :( 

Ew. “Put your trust in God, not people.” Now I hate her. Trust me honey, the last person Jack--or anybody, for that matter--should be putting his faith in is God. 

Oh okay then. 

Ha! I love Cas’s subtle little sass with the “faith-based community”. 

Oh. A.V. and tech. TV screen. Bingo. 

Yeah I don’t think it’s the pastor. He seems too innocent. 

...except he’s definitely not getting any father-of-the-year awards. But what else is new with this show. 

“It’s complicated.” What are you talking about?? Just say yes, Cas. 

Awww...soft side of Cas. <3 

Yeah no. It’s not the pastor. There’s no way. It must be that Brother Rudy dude. 

Ha! Awkward. XD 

That’s actually really nice. I like that idea, having a church community (sorry--faith-based community) helping other people like that. It’s sweet. 

Oh. Connor was gay. That honestly totally makes sense. Poor guy. :( 

I’m glad the pastor was accepting of him though! <3 <3 

Awww...that’s a good line. “A saint is a sinner who keeps trying.” 

I really hope it’s not the pastor. I like him. 

My Mom: Wait, have we just never seen them put gas in the car before? I had no idea it was behind the license plate! 

I’m thinking back and I didn’t know that either, so this must be the first time we’ve actually seen them, like, open it, and that’s HILARIOUS to me. XD 

OOOOH WAIT!! This is where they see Amara, according to the promo photos!! 

Oh heeeey girl. 

Wow she looks really pretty with that snow in her hair. 

She...she...smelled them? 

“You have a very distinctive musk.” “Thank you.” ARE THESE TWO STILL PINING FOR EACH OTHER? XD XD XD 

I like this Amara. She’s fun. 

My family and I always make kielbasa with our pierogis (I had no idea that that was how that was spelled, btw), so pierogis without the kielbasa feels wrong. XD 

Jensen’s facial expressions say so much all the time and I love it. XD 

Oh boy. 

NOOOOOO!

WHAT IS IT WITH SUPERNATURAL AND FINGERS ON THIS SHOW JESUS!!

Okay, WHO is the timer for?? Like, is it just some form of slow torture?? Because it’s not like it’s being shown to anyone other than her. 

Ooh. I like that he’s listing off all of the different names for God. Good pastor. Please don’t be a bad guy. 

HIS FAMOUS “hello” OH MY GOD I LOVE HIM SO MUUUUUUUUCH!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 

...oof. Ummm....

Awww.... Poor baby. :( :( :( 

AWWW!! Dad Cas to the rescue!! <3 <3 <3 

Jack looking at his dad omg. <3 <3 

I already like this speech from Cas. I can tell it’s gonna be good. 

“I guess I found a family.” <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

JACK’S LITTLE SMILE!!! 

“And I became a father.” THERE IT IS!!! THERE. IT. IS!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

THE WAY JACK LOOKS AT HIM AFTER HE SAYS THAT AHHHH!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

AWWWW!!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

GOOD SPEECH CAS!!! GOOD SPEECH!!! WAY TO MAKE YOUR SON FEEL BETTER!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 

Awww...I really like this pastor. <3 

FRIIIICK. 

Oh sh**. There’s the time for everyone else. 

JESUS!!!

Yeah okay. This is 100% a human being’s doing. A monster wouldn’t bother. 

Jack running over to turn it off right away. Ever the hero. <3 <3 

The pastor seemed too surprised to have done it, which, for me, puts pastor in the clear. Thank goodness. 

True, but also he sucks, so help us out Amara. 

Okay, I’m sorry, but quick side note. Everyone keeps saying he’s “very nearly done”, but when Dean looked in the telescope, he didn’t see anything. I thought that meant he was done. Unless it only reaches so far? I guess it probably only reaches so far in terms of other dimensions. 

Sure there is. 

“Our pal Jack.” That’s such a weird thing to hear him say, but okay. XD 

Also I’m not sure how I feel about them telling Amara about Jack. Like, I like her, and I feel like she’s gonna help, but what if she doesn’t? She could, whether intentionally or unintentionally, wind up seeing Chuck and mentioning Jack to him, and if she does, that ruins the whole plan. But, on the other hand, I guess they have to earn her trust, and keeping details from her would definitely make that harder. But I still don’t like it. It puts my baby in danger. Again. But anyways. 

Oh. Just like that? 

“I get he’s your brother” Dean says oh so casually, as if he hasn’t literally moved heaven and hell to protect and save his own brother. 

“Squirrely weirdo” XD XD 

Oh. The Big Bang. New theory. I like it. XD 

Sure he can. 

Ummm...yeah, Amara. You’re a fool. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself. Maybe he cares about you a little, but definitely not as much as you’re giving him credit for. Not right now anyways. 

Wait...she actually said no? No way. I thought they were gonna be able to convince her. Guess my initial theory was wrong... What does that mean though? Like...what now? 

Jack’s gonna come slamming through that door, according to the promo. 

Called it! 

Wait...why did Jack slam through it while Cas is just...casually standing there? You’re an angel, Castiel. XD 

“Lust” It is based on “Seven”! I love it! 

Welp...guess it’s not him. 

Wait, so we are walking away with a no? That never happens to us! 

THERE we go. Go get her Dean. 

Is it just me, or has Sam been, like, really not involved this episode?? Jared’s had, like, six lines. XD 

OH! Okay, the “then” makes sense now. 

Oof. You tell her, Dean. 

That she sucks. That’s what she wanted. Because she does. 

Wait NO WAY! That’s what I said! Kind of, anyways. 

Woooow. That’s actually pretty messed up, Amara. But it makes sense for why Mary was such a terrible character and why I hated her so much. She is only human. A sucky human, too. 

Is it, though? 

“That you could finally start to accept your life.” Okay, that’s actually kind of cool, and that’s awesome on the writers’ part for adding in that explanation of why everything went the way it did. Nice. 

But also, that’s pretty messed up Amara. 

Oooh. We’re about to get some awesome Jensen acting, aren’t we? 

Jensen’s trying not to cry face is so incredible wow. 

Awww....poor Dean. 

Jesus Amara. A little sympathy? 

OOF. I love that quiet fury that Dean has. 

OOH! He got her! 

YES DEAN!!! TELL HER! 

“Well now who’s living in a dreamworld?” ...ouch. But true. 

...oh boy. That was a bold-faced lie. But so brilliantly told, Dean. 

After ALL THAT, you’re going to THINK ABOUT IT? Really??!! 

But hey! I KNEW IT!! BEAUTIIFUL acting moment on Jensen’s part!! AWESOME scene. <3 <3 <3 <3 

Oh! It’s the girl. I’m calling it. 

Yep. Daughter. 

I KNEW SHE WAS BEING WEIRD! 

See?! Super religious people are crazy!! 

Go Cas and Jack go! 

Ope. Cas is gonna heal, and Jack is gonna attack. Go boys go! 

Cas is gonna heal in front of all those people oof. 

Girl has ISSUES. 

Wow, this girl is WAAAAY too religious. Chill. 

Yeah, cause you need help. 

HEY!!! NOT COOL SYLVIA!!! 

Oof. Yeah nice try, but that’s not gonna work. 

I love how Jack just takes it and then heals all bada** like “yeah sorry but no”, but then he still looks up with the kindest and most innocent expression and I love it. <3 

Meanwhile Cas is like “yeah I’m not having any of this.” XD XD 

Does...does he always have to say sleep when he does it? Cause he didn’t used to, and for some reason, that was hilarious. XD 

Jack’s little nod. So cute. <3 <3 

Fixed her fingers, but couldn’t wash the blood off. XD 

Yeah ummm...how you gonna explain that one, Cas? 

At least pastor dude seems nice. And, like, being the good kind of religious, he’ll probably be totally cool with the angel thing. 

Wait, pastor dude is still processing this when morning hits? Okay then. 

“Not a very good one.” WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! You are literally the BEST angel, thank you very much. 

Man that girl is MESSED UP. 

And Jack still feels sorry for her, my baby. :( <3 <3 

Ah. Nothing like your daughter becoming a murderer for you to finally step into a proper role of fatherhood. 

WAIT A SECOND! IT’S ZACK!! 

Dude waaait. What does that mean?? That’s, like, a really random thing. Does that mean she’s gonna come back? Or that Zack is gonna come back? I’m not sure what that means. That seems so random! I DEMAND ANSWERS SUPERNATURAL! 

The way Cas looks at Jack after the pastor says that about looking after her better. Cas I don’t know what you’re thinking, but you’re the best father Jack could’ve asked for, okay? 

Awww! Cas and Jack talk time!! <3 <3 

Cas is trying so hard to help him I love him. <3 

NO YOU DON’T STOP!! THIS IS WHAT FAMILY IS FOR!! WHHHHYYY are all you Winchesters like this. 

Wait. WAIT! He was hiding something?! I hate it when Sam’s right. 

Wait WHAT?! 

HOLD ON!!! 

NOOOOO NO NO NO NO NO!!! NO! JACK NO!!! That is NOT ALLOWED!!! 

HOLD ON A SECOND!!! NO!!! THAT IS NOT WHAT I WAS EXPECTING WTF??!!! 

Wait wait wait. A bomb?? Like, just like S11?? Because no. No no no. We’re not doing this again. JACK YOU ARE NOT GONNA DIE WTF??!! 

THIS THROWS ALL OF MY THEORIES OUT THE WINDOW NOOOO!!! IT CAN’T BE JACK!!! I REFUSE!!! :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( 

WE JUST GOT YOU BACK!!! WE CAN’T LOSE YOU AGAIN!!! :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’(

Cas’s face is all of my emotional screeching right now. 

WHAT DO YOU MEAN “Don’t tell Sam and Dean.” ARE YOU KIDDING ME JACK??!! THESE ARE YOUR DADS!! THEY NEED TO KNOW!!! YOU CAN’T DO THIS!!! CAS WON’T LET YOU!!! 

JACK NOOOO!!! STOP IT WITH ALL OF YOUR GUILT! GOD you’re such a Winchester!! NO!! DEAN BAKED YOU A DANG BIRTHDAY CAKE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!! YOU DON’T NEED TO DIE FOR HIM TO FORGIVE YOU!!! 

I’M HAVING SUCH A HARD TIME TYPING RIGHT NOW WTF IS THIS SCENE??!! :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( 

Me too, Cas!!! 

SEE JACK??!! YOU CAN’T!! 

NO! WHAT IS THAT?! 

NO!! STOP IT!!! STOP IT YOU STUPID IDIOT NO!!! YOU CANNOT SACRIFICE YOURSELF LIKE THIS!!! THEY WON’T LET YOU!!! 

Cas tell Sam and Dean. Please.

Oh WAIT! We have, like, two minutes left craaap. This is the scene from the promo. Cas is gonna say Sam and Dean need to know something and then it’s gonna end. I’m calling it right now. 

YES CAS!! GO CAS GO!! SAVE YOUR SON!!! 

Yep. Here it is. It’s gonna cut off. 

GODDA**IT!! I HATE IT WHEN I’M RIGHT!!! 

WHY YOU GOTTA DO ME LIKE THAT SUPERNATURAL??!! You can’t just...DROP A BOMB like that and then NOT RESOLVE IT GOD DA**IT!! SCREW YOU WRITERS!!! 

AHHHHH!!! I NEED NEXT WEEK RIGHT NOW!!! AHHHHH!!! THIS IS SO NOT OKAY!!!! 

If I deny it ever happened, then it didn’t happen, right? Jack and Cas solved the case, Sam and Dean got Amara’s help, and they all went home and had family dinner, okay? New ending. There we go. Problem solved. Because NO! 

Well...f**k. I guess it’s review time?? But JESUS CHRIST!!! Okay, okay, I need a minute. Please hold. 

(Several Hours Later)

Okay. I’m back. Let me start with something kind of amusing. Several minutes after the episode ended, while I was still trying to process everything, this interaction happened: 

Me, breathing heavily and dying inside: Mom, you do not seem as distressed about this as I am. 

My Mom: I am never as distressed as you are about anything in this show. It’s impossible for me to reach that level of distress. I don’t know how you do it. 

So...if you didn’t already realize how emotionally connected to this show I am, now you do. XD 

That said, let’s get down to it. 

God, there is soooo much to unpack with that episode, and even crazier, it honestly all comes from that last five minutes. Let me start with this: 

I really enjoyed this episode! It can’t quite beat last week’s episode--but, honestly, I don’t know if any of the other episodes will be able to, except for maybe the finale--but it was good! I had a few qualms about Matt Cohen’s directing, but he definitely had some strong moments, so it wasn’t bad. And, admittedly, at first, I felt like the pacing of the episode was kind of slow, and switching back and forth between the Winchesters and Cas and Jack felt kind of choppy for a bit, but as the episode played out, I realized why. This was a full-on set-up episode. While last week gave us a chance to be silly with the boys and see some beautiful family bonding, this was the one that set us up for what’s sure to be heavy and plot-filled coming up. (And yes, I know next week’s episode is much more of a monster-of-the-week, but 15x17 is when things will likely really get down to it, so I’m sure there’ll still be some important plot stuff next week--especially since we need a resolution to the Cas and Dean talk). Between the boys having to find and trick Amara, and Cas and Jack bonding and working with each other again, plus that big reveal at the end, it’s setting up the next string of episodes to be fast-paced and intense as they finally start to take on God. 

With that said, I really loved being able to see Jack and Cas together again. It’s been so long since we’ve seen them really spend time together and bond, and watching them play off each other and be father and son was adorable and hilarious. Plus, I just love Jack with every fiber of my being, so that makes everything better. XD <3 

I also really loved Dean’s interactions with Amara. I mentioned this already, but that scene, where he’s talking about Mary...that was some INCREDIBLE acting on Jensen’s part. He’s always been really good at that subtle rage, especially when it’s also filled with sadness, and this scene was no different. And I’m glad that they did finally get Amara on board; however, I’m a little concerned with what she’s going to do when she finds out he lied. Especially after how worried she seemed to be. AND SPEAKING OF LYING!!

THOSE LAST FIVE MINUTES! HOLY SHIT!! 

Okay, so I’ve had some time to think about this and talk it out with some people, so I’m just gonna roll with the thoughts as they go through my brain. First of all, that is a big no a thousand times over. Jack, you cannot die. Second of all, that reveal was very well done on the writer’s part. After such a nonchalant episode--in terms of pace, that is--to have that in the last five minutes, AND to end with that cliffhanger, was a beautiful way to keep us fans guessing, invested, and wanting more. But also, SCREW YOU! 

That said, as freaked out as I was--and honestly, I’m still pretty worried--I really don’t think Jack’s going to die. There’s no way. Initially, my theory left Cas and Jack standing at the end of all of this. After CW said that thing about one of the main characters not surviving to the end, I thought it was gonna be Dean, but I can also see how it could be both Sam and Dean. However, in any case, Cas and Jack, in my various theories, always end up on top. So Jack saying he’s going to die in order to kill Chuck and Amara TOTALLY threw me. BUT! After talking it through with someone else, I seriously doubt it’s going to happen. 

First of all, Cas is about to go look for another way, and, as we’ve seen in the past, they always find another way. After all, this is the Winchesters (and yes, Cas counts, obviously). 

Second of all, they’re telling us this five episodes before the end, but Jack is, supposedly, completing his final ritual in 15x17. That leaves three episodes of unaccounted time, and if Jack is really going to die to kill Chuck and Amara, there’s no way they can stretch that over three episodes. Therefore, his dads are bound to stop it. To FURTHER that, 15x17 has Jack and Dean heading out together to complete Jack’s final ritual while Sam and Cas stay behind, which means that, once Jack does whatever he’s supposed to do, Dean is bound to find out what Billie’s true intentions are, and I’m convinced that he’s not going to be okay with it. Because here’s the thing. Between Sam and Dean, Jack is the one that Dean still needs the most forgiveness from. And, kind of like what happened in Last Holiday, the second Dean realizes Jack is in actual danger, he’s not going to let anything happen to him. And I’m hoping that the resulting protectiveness will give Dean the chance to tell Jack that he does forgive him, which will hopefully release some of Jack’s guilt complex and give them the ability to find another way. 

THIRD of all, (and I mentioned this in my reactions), this whole “becoming the bomb to kill the cosmic entities” is an exact mirror of what Dean tried to do in S11, and we saw how that went. But the thing is, why would the writers play the exact same storyline again unless they were intending to parallel it and connect it to Jack and Dean’s relationship now? When Dean didn’t detonate in S11, he got his mom back, but then Jack killed her. Now, Jack is ready to detonate himself as a bomb because of having killed Mary, and Dean’s bound to stop him, especially after that conversation with Amara. Maybe this is all wishful thinking, but I really, sincerely feel like (and hope) that Jack isn’t going to make that sacrifice. Because, on top of all of that, while I love the family that is Team Free Will 2.0, this show still is, as it always has been, about Sam and Dean, and, as such, it should end with them too. So the odds of Jack being the “be all end all” without Sam and Dean’s help? Super slim. 

So, to sum that up, as worried as I am about my baby, I really really really think (and god I hope I’m right) that that’s not the way this story will end. There has to be more to it. 

With all of that addressed, let’s talk about WHATEVER it is that Cas is about to tell Dean. For me, there are two things it could be:

First, there’s the obvious answer based on the episode itself. Cas is about to tell Dean that Jack has to die in order to kill Chuck and Amara. However, I don’t think that’s it, because that seems too easy and unrealistic. If Cas tells Dean that now, then why would Dean take him to do his final ritual in 15x17 (I guess this is what happens when you read too much promotional material lol)? And even if he does, the next episode seems to be very Sam and Dean centric, and Cas dropping a bomb like that would not allow for a Sam and Dean centric episode, at least not when it’s putting their whole big mission in a different light. Plus, on top of all of that, that Cas and Jack conversation is an exact parallel of the conversation the two of them had about Cas making his deal with the Empty back in Season 14. Cas told Jack not to tell Sam and Dean, and Jack never did, even though his life is at risk. So Cas telling Sam and Dean about Jack now, knowing that Jack kept that secret for him, might break a certain level of trust between the two of them, and I don’t think Cas would do that. Which brings me to my second and, in my opinion, more likely theory. 

Cas is about to tell Dean about his deal with the Empty. While this would also be a huge bomb to drop in the middle of this big fight, and in the middle of all this chaos, it technically doesn’t directly correlate with their fight with Chuck. However, if something does happen to Cas, that’s something that Sam and Dean do need to know, because it’ll affect how they handle things and what they do, in a lot of ways. At the same time, I feel like, if Cas is gonna do a whole “go it alone” thing, it’s important that he tells them before he leaves, because there’s no telling what could happen, to any of them, when they’re not all together, and being as open as possible before separating like that tends to be a good idea. It seems like Cas might finally be learning. 

That said, I could be wrong all around. It could be neither of those things. It could be both of those things. Honestly, there’s no way to know for sure until we get to next week. However, after a crazy ending like that, I am definitely looking forward to seeing what Supernatural has in store for us next. 

My Rating: 8/10

[hopevalley]

@kvanbooven said:  I wholeheartedly agree with the Rosemary line and thought it was weird when I watched it live. Idk if they were going for it to be a normal response and think people would think it was normal or if they were going for a bad response just so they could start a fight, but like Rosemary as Elizabeth’s best friend, would never say that to her. That makes her look so bad and not caring. I maybe could understand it if it was true what she said (like the rest of the convo of it not being Nathan’s fault) but it wasn’t true. Even if it was supposed to be a bad thing to saying on purpose in makes Rosemary and Nathan look like they don’t care about what Jack meant to her idk. 

You know I always look forward to your thoughts!! Thanks for stopping by again. ♥

I think they wanted Rosemary’s reply to Elizabeth to be a “bad” response for the purpose of it causing drama/turmoil, but the thing about bad responses is...it still has to feel like a natural response someone might have to the conversation that’s taking place, and unfortunately Rosemary’s reply didn’t feel like that, at least not for me. 

I can only guess, but I imagine what they wanted to do was give us an episode where Elizabeth is struggling so hard with everything she’s feeling that she doesn’t really know how to talk about it. If this was a novel it would be easy to write out all those feelings to make her reaction to people feel more natural, but I think the writers are really struggling with how to convey this exact type of struggle in a way that both makes sense for the audience and works for the characters.

I talked before about Elizabeth being a sort of selfish “everything’s about me” kind of person and she does that several times within this episode, so I feel Elizabeth is largely in character here. She turns Rosemary’s conversation about Ned and Florence into a discussion about her, for example.

The problem is Rosemary, and it’s not the character. She can be a bit stupid sometimes (she used to jump to conclusions a lot back in the old days, though mostly for humorous reasons) but her logic always tracked. In this episode we have two responses from Rosemary that don’t feel quite right. The first is her “maybe he didn’t think it was important” and the second is “it’s not Nathan’s fault.”

I get what they were going for, though!

It’s not Nathan’s fault Jack died so Nathan didn’t feel the information was important enough to reveal. It would just be upsetting and offer little else.

The problem is...the fact that this information was clearly weighing on Nathan tells us all that he knew it would be a big deal (and therefore important) to Elizabeth.

Which makes it really hard to make the same logic-leap that Rosemary does. The only thing I can assume is that Rosemary has largely been left out of the Nathan side of things; she doesn’t really know him very well (as compared to Lucas) and is just giving it her best guess.

But still, Rosemary knew that Elizabeth felt he was keeping something from her, and if Elizabeth got those vibes from Nathan, then that should tell Rosemary that Nathan is aware it’s not ‘unimportant’ at all.

I’m just going to have to chalk it up to poor writing. There’s no other explanation that works for me.

---

@kvanbooven​ said: What you said about Nathan’s line too got me as well cuz I also felt the last line was out of place. It just don’t flow with the rest of the convo of him telling her why he kept the secret. When this scene was in the promo, I thought it was going to be a scene where Elizabeth was pulling away from him or she was past Lucas already and wasn’t sure if she wanted to be with Nathan or if she was telling him why she couldn’t be with him but could be with Lucas. Idk. Anything else that would have made more sense for that line to follow. I was also afraid of having Nathan coming to town to look after Jacks family, but because he never knew him, to me, it’s not that weird. I actually kinda like how he said I had to protect them rather than take care of them and that it was his duty. 

Yeah, I was expecting his final line about fighting for love to be put into a scene where his willingness to fight for it was called into question. Until this season he was the quieter, less openly emotional character, and I could see where he might feel he needs to be a little more earnest in expressing his intentions—kind of like what we got right out of the gate with his love confession.

I’m not bothered by Nathan’s situation in regards to Jack, either. Both because he didn’t know Jack (as you mentioned) but also because he was very well aware of how odd the situation ended up becoming. He didn’t come to Hope Valley expecting to fall in love with Elizabeth. He didn’t know anything about her when he arrived!

It would be creepy if he’d known Jack well beforehand, or if Jack asked him to look after Elizabeth, but him feeling that he had a hand in Jack’s death (that he was the indirect cause of it in this case) makes the choice...more understandable. All he knew was that Jack had a family, and that nobody would be returning to the post there. So he took it upon himself to do what he thought was the right thing to do: go to Hope Valley and make sure the people Jack cared about were safe and cared for.

I agree with Rosemary that it’s a noble act. It’s not selfless, but it’s noble. I think they handled that aspect of the story extremely well. I was afraid of it happening because I was afraid of how it would be presented, but...they surprised me!

---

@kvanbooven​ said: I will say in the handholding game I got major secondhand embarrassment and almost couldn’t fully watch the scene lol. Elizabeth’s look at rosemary right before fiona puts in the blindfold is absolute Terror. IM DYING ABOUT THE SPARKLY PEN THING. AND ABOUT THE DOCK THING. Haha cuz yes that was frank and Abigail spot and I loved them. 

My husband and I were both shouting during the handholding game! It was just so awkward!! I would have thought it was pretty funny if we saw a bunch of people from town playing it, too, but having it be Florence and then immediately Elizabeth kind of took some of the fun out of it. I’d rather have had a gentler fall from “Cute and Fun” to “Secondhand Embarrassment City.”

I’m glad you enjoyed the other things, too, lol. ;)

@kvanbooven​ said: For the mine disaster, I don’t really remember what happened off the top of my head and if they ever actually really solved it. I think what Henry could know is either specific people or the specific thing that went wrong. I really love your theory about the first mine disaster. Overall wasn’t a bad episode and Lucas is starting to see he might not have a chance I think. Hopefully he’s the one that confronts Elizabeth about it all and makes her face her feelings.

I’m not sure what’s left to solve about the mine. I mean, everyone knows Henry was involved and the company was sued for negligence and the widows won. We got the name of the person who told Henry to shut up from S6: a Mr. J. Smith.

March 27, 1910 1231 Front Street San Francisco, CA 1819383

Re: Noah Stanton

Dear Henry,

After careful review, we feel your concerns regarding any safety issues are unwarranted. 

Please consider this matter closed.

Best,

J. Smith Manager - North West Territory Pacific Northern Mining Company

The only resolution that never occurred were prison sentences for the guilty parties in question, so...maybe Henry has more names, or is willing to tell Bill the entire sequence of events that took place (rather than him having to piece together what he knows occurred). 

I also think it was a pretty decent episode and I can see Lucas losing hope each and every scene he gets with Elizabeth. The poor guy. I agree that it would be nice if he was the one who prompted her to face her feelings and work through that last bit of grief she’s struggling with. It’s the only way I feel like I’d be satisfied with her choosing Nathan, now. 

(They’re still on thin ice, though. If Nathan does anything else stupid or thoughtless I can’t imagine many people will still be rooting for him.)

[tbhwhocaresanymore]

Nancy Drew 1x16

Oh my God you guys it has been so long since I have been able to watch a show that is so well written that has clearly been planned out from the beginning where the viewers have been able to theorize and have it pay off and Jesus Christ it is GLORIOUS. If I ever write for a show I would want to work with these writers on a show like this.

Before anything else let me start off gloating that I started calling Nancy as Lucy and Ryan’s daughter back around episode 9 or 10 and I am so fucking vindicated right now, I have been riding an otherwise unattainable high nonstop for the past three days. @kat--writes is this how you feel when you accurately predict things??? Because it feels AMAZING.

For the rest of the episode first can I just say how horribly tragic Lucy Sable is? Kudos to the writers because it was a stunning plot twist that I never saw coming but for some reason it’s almost worse than a murder to me? If for no other reason than how it has affected and will continue to affect everyone around her. Ryan who is now going to be even more guilt ridden about not getting to the ice cream parlor on time, Karen and Josh trying to avenge a murder that never even happened, Tiffany Hudson who died for nothing, Nancy who will be forever wondering if her mother slipped and fell or if she really did kill herself right after Nancy was born because if anything will give you an abandonment complex it’s that.

And hearing Carson say what happened that night with Lucy (PHENOMENAL acting by the way, maybe best scene of the season so far) makes rewatching the earlier episodes, especially 7/8 where Nancy was accusing Carson of murdering Lucy so much more tragic. This girl who he and his wife clearly cared for and felt sympathy for, begging him with her last words to take care of her daughter, knowing he looked away for less than two seconds and probably spending weeks if not months if not years questioning if he’d just looked up a half a second sooner if maybe Lucy would still be alive. Seeing Lucy’s daughter, his daughter, accuse him of murdering Lucy had to be a gut punch and it gives his character so much more depth. I just hope this doesn't put too much of a strain on his relationship with Nancy because they have finally gotten to such a good place and as far as Carson is concerned Nancy is his daughter, and he wasn’t trying to lie to her about Lucy. All he was trying to do was respect Lucy’s dying wish and protect her from the Hudsons. I mean he was willing to go to prison for murder before admitting what happened on the bluffs that night, that should count for something.

Moving away from the Shakespearean levels of tragedy for a moment.

God I fucking KNEW Owen was shady I have known it since the beginning. Granted I do not have absolute confirmation yet BUT: him being in his car outside the Claw when he said he would be out of town, holding a piece of Lucy Sable’s skull? (As far as the skull goes though, loved that bit of Bess/George/Nick teamwork to casually hide it from the cops.) Creepy bastard, thy name is Owen. I have no idea how it will play out yet but I hope to God that it will. But also that is going to be a bit of a blow to Bess, finding out her cousin is whatever he is, and also Nancy who literally just had sex with him.

Speaking of.

Much as it pains me to admit, the writers are clearly taking several steps away from Nancy x Nick for the moment, probably to give Nick x George a fighting chance. Side question. Why is Nick sleeping on a couch when he has over four and a half million dollars? Like he could afford to build a house with that much money. But I digress. I think it will be good for George to have a love interest who is A her own age and B not married, especially someone who she already had a good friendship with. Maybe since Owen is a Confirmed Shady Motherfucker the writers will either keep Nancy single for awhile or pair her up with Ace because their chemistry is off the charts. And as long as we’re on the romance topic, Bess. BESS. My sweet queer daughter. Where are Lisbeth and Amaya? Last time we saw Lisbeth they admitted they were kind of falling in love and slept with each other, last (and first) time we saw Amaya I fell in love and she and Bess had more chemistry than a high school sophomore. GIVE ME MY ON SCREEN BESS ROMANCE DRAMA WRITERS. And am I the only one who finds it a little bit weird that Bess is apparently so good at other people’s relationships when she has never really had one before?

I’m going to take a quick minute to be sad about Nancy x Nick so if you don’t like that you can skip this paragraph. NED NICKERSON. How the FUCK can you be so totally fine with Nancy sleeping with Owen when you two are clearly soulmates and you never liked him anyway? After the inevitable Owen betrayal possibly one of two things will happen with Nancy. She will regress and start to push people (read: love interests) even further away than before, OR she will finally really start to open up to Nick and they will find their way back to each other. Admittedly the second one is unlikely since Nick and George literally just got together but you never know. Just as long as Nick doesn’t cheat on George with Nancy because those two are finally friends and are really good friends to boot, and also George deserves way better especially post Ryan Hudson affair debacle. Maybe she and Nancy can bond over having shady not good for them older boyfriends.

On the topic of Ryan being Nancy’s biological dad every time George complains about Nancy asking favors I want her response to be “you had sex with my dad” every time.

Now we will talk about the promo for the as of now untitled next episode and also what the rest of the season and possibly season 2 have planned.

In episode 17 Ryan will clearly be Going Through Some Stuff, and will also find out that Lucy was pregnant. Whether he realizes she had the baby or thinks it died with her remains to be determined, but that shot of Nancy with a busted lip and her hair cut off in a car being driven by Ryan makes me think maybe he snaps and kidnaps her? It’s a bit of a stretch but it would certainly be interesting. I think we’re also going to see more of the Aglaeca coming after Nancy for not paying the toll, because for a minute we can see Nancy sort of choking and putting her hand to her throat like she’s about to throw up again. Maybe it’s going to keep coming after Nancy until they finally let the Aglaeca have Owen, or maybe its going to try to kill Nancy as punishment for saving Owen. I don’t know but I can’t wait to find out.

For the rest of the season/next season there are a couple threads not related to Ryan finding out Nancy is his daughter. There’s the new detective but I’m not talking about him. Joshua Dude, Lucy’s brother. He is still out and about wherever he is, and does not know his sister killed herself. This will probably not exonerate Ryan in his mind as Ryan’s family is part of what drove Lucy to suicide. Maybe he will come back and decide to sort of take revenge on A the Hudsons or B the town of Horseshoe Bay as revenge for what they did to Lucy. (Sort of like the Black Hood from Riverdale but you know, well done.) There is also Everett Hudson. Last time I checked he had just been arrested for sinking the Bonny Scot and racketeering and insurance fraud and stuff, what the hell is he doing at a yacht club? I can only assume he got out on bail so maybe we will see Nancy (possibly together with Ryan) work to put him behind bars for good. Maybe Carson Drew will finally leverage some of that dirty laundry he has on the Hudsons, or better yet that Grecian urn thing Ryan has will finally be put to good use. And then in the future although there is zero proof of this I still want A for George to become clairvoyant/psychic like her mother and B for George and Bess to be cousins. I don’t think I’m asking for too much here.

Finally, because of how much of a staple character he is in the books I refuse to accept that Chief McGinnis is gone for good. My very being rebels against it. But before you scream at me about how different the show is from the books (those two or three of you who have read the books anyway) even if he were an original character I would want him to stay. He is a fantastic character, he was just starting to get depth, I adore his relationship with Ace and on top of everything else he’s good Native American representation.

I ALSO WANT VICTORIA TO COME BACK. I HAVE NOT SEEN HER SINCE 2019. WTF WRITERS. YOU CAN’T JUST MAKE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH A DYSFUNCTIONAL PSYCHIC ALCOHOLIC MOTHER LIKE THAT AND THEN ONLY PUT HER IN TWO EPISODES.

Dead Lucy should also continue to stick around, maybe she can teach Nancy how to hang from ceilings or they can bond over how much Everett Hudson Sucks. It’s just that Lucy spent all this time trying to show Nancy that she is her biological mother, and for her to move on after sticking around for 20 years right after Nancy learns the truth? It would be too - and I fully recognize I have used this word too many times but I am going to use it again - tragic.

The wait for April 8 is going to be an agony unlike any other but at least after it comes back there will only be six episodes left, and so it is very unlikely the show will go on another hiatus before the season is up. Let me know what you guys think will happen in season 2/the rest of season 1.

[all-the-love-harold]

Chapter 4 - Just Trying to Remember How it Feels to Have a Heartbeat

Master Post 

 *You might need some tissues for this one* 

January 21st 2020 - 6 weeks 

Poppy lay on her back on the examination table in her OB’s office, her heart pounding faster than it ever had before. Harry sat her to her, his hands holding on tightly to hers, just as nervous as she was. “The Styles are back!” Julie, the same midwife they had with Oli, said as she walked into the room . Harry and Poppy smiled weakly through their nerves. Julie sat down on the stool next to Poppy “How are we feeling dear? You look nervous..”

She let out a breathy laugh, “That obvious is it?” 

“Well, yes but  I don’t want you to be OK?  You’re  only 6 weeks along, so  I doubt we’ll be able to hear a heartbeat -  this machine’s not that good, but we’ll be able to see it and make sure that baby is doing what they should be for now. ”Poppy nodded and squeezed Harry’s hand. He kissed her forehead gently, sending up a silent prayer that everything would be alright.

“Alright”, Julie smiled at the tender moment between the couple, “Let’s get started, shall we?” 

She turned on the machine and slipped on a pair of gloves. This was going to be an internal ultrasound, which meant that when Julie had everything ready, Poppy put her legs up in the stirrups and Harry held onto her hand even tighter than he had been before. It was uncomfortable but not painful, just like having a pap smear.

 Minutes passed and Julie didn’t say a word. The room  rang with an eerie silence. The only sound was that of Julie pressing buttons on the machine. “Is everything OK?” Harry broke the silence, only daring to whisper lest speaking any louder shatter the slipping illusion that there was nothing to worry about and their baby was healthy.

“You said you were six weeks?” Julie asked Poppy, studiously ignoring Harry’s question. “Just over,” Poppy nodded, wishing away the sudden burning of tears behind her eyes. Don’t say it. Don’t say. It. Don’t say it. Please. Julie turned away from the screen, letting out a soft breath. “Baby’s a bit smaller than we’d expect,” she turned to the screen and pointed to a tiny white splodge to the right of the screen. “This is your baby here, by this stage we should be able to make out the vague shape, it usually looks a little like a peanut.” 

Poppy’s eyes lost focus and she tuned out of the conversation. All she could think about was the walls. How they were closing in on her. They were so white. She’d never noticed before but it made the room dull. There was no character to it. The room was lifeless. “...I’m so sorry Poppy. But your baby doesn’t have a heartbeat.” Julie put  her hand on Poppy’s shoulder, “I’ll give you two a moment and I’ll bring Dr Marshall back to discuss what happens next.” She turned and walked out of the room. Tears were already streaming down Harry’s cheeks but as soon as the door closed, he stood and helped Poppy to sit up so that she could bury her head in his chest. Right then, her whole body crumbled into a thousand tiny pieces, only held together by Harry’s arms. She sobbed. Louder than she thought possible and eventually when there were no more tears left in her eyes, she lifted her head away from Harry’s chest and whispered 

“I’m sorry, H.” ”He shook his head, before the words were even fully out of her mouth,  “You have nothing to be sorry for Pop. We can try again,” he placed a kiss on her forehead. “But not until you’re ready” 

A knock came on the door and Dr Marshall walked into the room, a sympathetic look on her face. “I’m so sorry,” she said, putting her hand on Poppy’s shoulder, just like Julie had “This is the conversation I’m sure you’ve been dreading, but I want you to know what’s going to happen to your body now…”

Poppy was numb and she could only just focus on what her doctor was saying. “In the next few days, you’ll start bleeding and you’ll experience pain similar to early labour pains. The best case scenario is that you pass the fetus, but it’s not uncommon to need a little help. We’ll make you an appointment for three weeks from now to make sure everything’s all clear. After that you can start trying again.” She was robotic in the way she was talking, just reciting the facts. Detached. Poppy guessed that she had to be if this was a conversation that she had almost daily and wanted her heart to still be intact at the end of it.“I’ll put you in contact with our counsellors too. This isn’t an easy time for either of you, and if you have any questions just give us a call.” 

Harry and Poppy both nodded unable to form words. “You can stay here for as long as you need. Take your time,” she smiled sympathetically and walked out of the room. 

“I’ll call Jeff when we get home” Harry said after a few minutes of silence ‘Cancel the next few weeks of promo.” Poppy wanted to say no. She didn’t want him to disappoint millions of people. But she needed Harry to stay with her. To make everything ok again. 

“Thank you, she whispered. He kissed her hand “Should we go home?” “Yeah,” she nodded and swung her legs off table slowly. “Can you pass my pants?” 

Harry let out a soft giggle “You might need those,” he grabbed them off the stool and handed them to her. Poppy got dressed and they left the room, hand in hand, trying to hide the tears. Both of them stayed silent. Harry didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t help but think that this was all his fault, that if he didn’t want to have a baby of his own than they wouldn’t be here right now. 

“What do you want to do Pop?” Harry asked, closing the door to the car behind him.

“What do you mean?” 

“Do you want me to take you straight home? Do you want to go and pick Oli up?” 

Poppy stared blankly out the window and rested her head on her hand “I don’t want to see anyone H. I don’t want to have to tell anyone.” 

“OK,” he nodded. “That’s OK, Pop. I’ll text Gem and I’ll go pick him up before dinner time.” 

“Thank you,” Poppy continued looking out the window. 

Harry took his phone out of his pocket and sent Gemma a message. “Baby has no heartbeat. Can you have Oli for a few more hours?” 

“I’m so sorry H. I can have him for as long as you need. Call me if I can do anything xx” 

***

The house was cold and dark as they walked in, but Poppy didn’t really care. Her whole body was numb, she knew that Harry’s hand was on her shoulder because she could see it, but she couldn’t feel it. 

“Where do you want to go Pop?” Harry asked, voice laced with both sadness and concern 

He was met with silence, Poppy didn’t know where she wanted to go or what she wanted to do, all she knew was that she’d lost her baby and she wanted it back. “Let’s go into the kitchen, I’ll make us some tea,” Harry sighed. 

He led the way, never letting go of Poppy’s hand. They both knew that this probably going to happen, but they weren’t prepared for how they would feel when it did. 

The kettle boiled in a room filled with silence. Neither Harry or Poppy really knew what to say next. How could they say anything really? Just as the water was boiled, Poppy’s phone started to ring obnoxiously from her bag. It was Addie, who had been out at job interviews all morning and probably wanted to know how the scan went. Poppy didn’t know if she should answer, she didn’t know if she’d be able to say anything if she did. Harry took the hint from Poppy’s blank stares at her phone and picked it up himself, walking away from the kitchen as he did. 

“Hi Addie,” He said into the phone in a hushed tone

“Oh, she said at the other end. “Hi Harry, where’s Poppy? Is everything OK?” 

“She’s in the kitchen”, Harry took a deep breath “We lost the baby” his voice broke as the words came out of his mouth and he tried to hold back the tears. 

Addie was stunned, she didn’t know what to say. “I’m sorry” was all that she could manage 

“Me too,” Harry responded. “Everything OK with you?” he asked changing the subject in the hopes that he wouldn’t start crying. “I was just going to ask which tube to get on to get home again, but if you guys need some time, I can stay out a little longer...” 

“No, no, you can come home whenever you like Addie, do you want a lift?” 

“I can get on a train,” Addie said sympathetically, “I just don’t know which one.”

“I’m afraid I’m not much help there, it’s been a while since I’ve been on the tube.” 

“That’s why I called Poppy” Addie laughed nervously. “I’ll go ask her.”

“Thanks,” Addie said “Can I get anything while I’m out? Dinner maybe?” 

Harry thought for a moment. “You could get Oli for us?” he asked on a whim, desperate to be off the phone and be with Poppy again. 

“Um, yeah” Addie hesitated a little. “Yeah… I could do that. He’s at Gemma’s right?”

“Yeah. Gem already knows what's going on, I’ll send her a message to let her know you’re coming.” 

“Thanks, and I know how to get there, so no need to bother Pop about it. Give her a hug for me will you?” 

“Of course” Harry nodded 

“I’ll spend some time with Gems and then come home, give you guys some time.” 

“Thanks Addie, I’ll see you later” 

Harry returned to the kitchen to find Poppy crying over her cup of tea. He didn’t say anything. There wasn’t anything that he could say. He simply wrapped his arms around her and let her cry. Each sob ripped his heart in two. How is it that a few hours ago they were filled with joy and hope and now they were broken people that would never be the same again? They stood there for what felt like hours, neither of them said a word, and neither of them tried to break the hug. They just stood, until Poppy couldn’t anymore. 

*** 

The next few days were the worst of Poppy’s life. The bleeding started two days after their appointment and the pain that came with it  was worse than she had expected. She couldn’t get out of bed and she didn’t want to either. She could be alone with her grief there. Everyone around them was doing their best to help out. Addie stepped up and took care of Oli, Gemma brought meals over for them and Anne made the trip back down to London to be there with them. And as much as she appreciated all the support, Poppy found it a little overwhelming. 

The strange thing about the whole experience was how much Poppy wanted her mum through it all. Anne, who had been a mother to Poppy since she moved to London seven years ago, was by her side like she always had been, but it just wasn’t the same. Addie was the only one that really understood how Poppy was feeling in that regard. 

They were sitting together in the garden one day when that became clear to Poppy.“I know she’s awful and everything,” Addie said breaking the silence as Poppy sipped her tea “But I really miss Mum,” she sighed .

“Me too,” Poppy added. “I thought I’d never say that again after what happened at Christmas but after losing the baby I kinda get it.”

“Get what?” Addie asked curiously

“Mum,” Poppy said simply “all of her kids just up and left as soon as they could and now she’s left with nothing and I know that doesn’t make her behaviour ok, but I kinda feel for her.”

“We all feel for her, and I miss her like crazy but that doesn’t make me want to go back there!”

“I always thought I would when I had kids,” Poppy said truthfully “But when I found out I was having Ol,i the first thing I wanted to do was make London a home for him but when I found out that I lost this little one, she was the first person I wanted to tell…”

“She’s the first person I want to tell everything” Addie sighed “But she never reacts the way I expect her to and we just get mad at each other”

“That’s why I moved, we used to fight all the time and not over stupid things that most mothers fight with their daughters about, but things that she shouldn’t have been mad about, like me leaving the house” 

“I remember how mad she was when you left” Addie said “she barely said a word to anyone for weeks without snapping”

“I haven’t told her about the miscarriage” Poppy said softly “She’ll probably try and blame me for it” 

“You know it’s not your fault right?” Addie put her hand on Poppy’s knee as she spoke 

“I do” Poppy nodded, staring blankly into space “But sometimes it feels like it. Like if my uterus was the right size and shape it wouldn’t have happened” 

“People with perfectly normal uteruses have miscarriages all the time Pop”

“I know, it’s just one of those things, I can’t help but blame myself” 

“If anything, it’s Mum’s fault” Addie said lightly trying to change the tone of the conversation “For giving birth to you with a weird uterus” 

Poppy giggled “Yeah” she sighed “Let’s go with that”

“Is it bad that I don’t really want to speak to her again?” Addie asked, changing the tone of the conversation once again 

“No” Poppy shook her head, “I don’t either, neither does Kai”

“Kai hasn’t for years” Addie admitted 

“Since he met Liv, and Mum got jealous” 

“There seems to be a running theme here” 

Poppy nodded “This might sound horrible, but for Oli and any other kids that I might have, I don’t want her around, I don’t want them to feel that resentment that she has for them”

“Oli has Anne, who he adores, he’ll be more than fine without mum” 

“I know” Poppy sighed “We’re lucky to have Anne” 

***

January 27th, 2020 

The Baby was gone and Poppy was numb. She didn’t know that she would ever feel the same again but as much as she wanted the world to stop for her to grieve, it didn’t, life went on like normal. Like the baby was never there. But her body kept reminding her that it was. She was still bleeding and cramping but getting on with her life as if nothing ever happened. 

It was a Monday morning and her alarm went off at 6am, like it always did, despite the fact that she’s been lying awake for the last two hours thinking about what today was going to bring. She turned the alarm off quickly so that it didn’t wake Harry and rolled out of bed onto her feet. The cold January air hit her like a tonne of bricks as she made her way to the bathroom where she quickly turned to hot water in the shower on so it could warm while she undressed. She stepped into the shower, letting the water wash over her, warming her from the outside in. Her eyes closed and she was met with the image of the ultrasound, the one that should have shown their baby for the first time, but instead showed an almost empty uterus. No baby. No heartbeat. 

A knock on the door followed by Harry’s voice brought Poppy back to reality 

“Can I come in Pop?” he asked, already opening the door

“Yeah” she responded softly as she searched for her shampoo bottle 

“Morning” He half smiled as he walked in “Everything ok? You’ve been in here for a while?”

Poppy nodded “Just thinking about the baby” 

Harry ran his fingers through his hair “We’ll be able to try again soon,” he sighed “I know that doesn’t make it better though”

Poppy shook her head and stared straight at the wall. She knew if she looked at Harry she’d start crying and she didn’t want to do that. Especially not today. 

“Anyway” she said wiping her eyes and turning towards him “Today’s about Oli - and you” 

A smile appeared on Harry’s face “It is” he nodded “On that note, we’re running late, you mind if I jump in?” 

“Of course not” she said “You don’t really have to ask you know” 

Harry stripped his boxers off and in one swift motion threw them into the laundry hamper and hopped into the shower. Poppy took a step to the side so that Harry could stand under the flow of water. 

“You know I feel guilty about being excited for today” he admitted, tipping his head under the water, letting it wash down his back 

“Why?” Poppy said, pointing to the shampoo bottle that sat on the shower caddy just above his shoulder 

Harry grabbed it and handed it to her “Because we just lost the baby and it feels wrong to be excited to be a dad to a kid that’s been mine since the day he was born” 

“Miscarrainge sucks” Poppy said, massaging the shampoo into her scalp “But we get to be a family today, offically, and you’re allowed to be excited for that -conditioner- ” she pointed to the bottle next to the shampoo “I know I am”

Harry picked up the body wash and squirted it onto the loofah, sighing a little, “I’m excited, I just feel like there’s something missing” 

Poppy nodded, pushing Harry gently out of the flow of water so that she could wash the conditioner out of her hair “Maybe the miscarriage was my body telling me that this isn’t the rigt time, you’re going on tour for six months, I would have given birth while you were away”

“I would have made sure I was here for that” he admitted, although he hadn’t thought about he would have kept that promise. 

Poppy placed her hand on Harry’s shoulder “We’ll get a baby when the timing’s right H, today let’s just think about Oli, yeah?” 

“I want to take him out for ice cream after” Harry smiled, turning the water off 

“He’d like that” Poppy stepped out of the shower and wrapped the towel around herself, handing the other one to Harry as she began drying herself off. 

“Can I get him up this morning?” Harry said, strolling into their bedroom to find some clothes to put on. Poppy followed, taking a swift turn into her wardrobe. 

“Yeah” she called “I’ll make breakfast, what do you want?” 

“I’ll have what Oli’s having” 

“Porridge it is then” Poppy pulled her shirt over her head and tucked it into her business pants. She wanted to look professional, but not too professional. They were signing the papers that would make Harry’s adoption of Oli official. Since Danny hadn’t attempted to make any contact with them in the month since Oli turned two, the courts were happy to approve the adoption and finally make them a family and Poppy wanted to look the part. And so did Harry. Instead of going for usual high waisted pants and vintage t-shirt, he decided on a slim fitted trouser and knitted sweater. 

“Do I look like a Dad?” he asked Poppy as she walked out of her wardrobe 

“Yes” she giggled “You just need a puffer jacket and a coffee you’ll look like you’re ready for the school run with four kids”

“Perfect” he grinned, placing a kiss on Poppy’s forehead “You look stunning” he said before turning and leaving the room. It was even colder in the hallway than it had been in their bedroom and Harry made a mental note to himself to call the heating guy to get it fixed. But that was a problem for later. He twisted the handle on Oli’s bedroom door and found him still fast asleep in his big boy bed. 

“Oli” he whispered, “Oli it’s time to wake up” 

His eyes fluttered, but they weren't open yet. Harry sat down on the bed next to him and started to rub his back. 

“Mummy’s making you some porridge my little dude, how about we hop up and go toilet while we wait” 

Oli shook his head “No wees” he said, voice still laced with sleep 

“How about a cuddle and then wees?” Harry asked, opening his arms. 

Oli nodded and sat up, nestling himself in Harry’s chest and rubbing his eyes. Harry’s heart swelled. He couldn’t believe how lucky he was to be a part of this little boys life in the way that he was and he couldn’t believe that the day had come when he got to officially be his dad. 

“Wees”Oli said, quickly breaking the hug and getting out of bed to run to the toilet. He was still potty training and wearing a night time nappy, but he was getting really good at going when he needed to. While he was in the bathroom, Harry picked out his clothes for the day, choosing a pair of jeans (with leggings underneath for warmth) a navy blue jumper with rainbows and a grey beanie with a navy bobble. 

“We’re putting your fancy pants on today my man” Harry said, holding the jeans up as oli walked back in the room, holding his pull up in his hand. 

“It’s dry dad” Oli handed him the nappy 

An excited expression appeared on Harry’s face “Good Job buddy!” he exclaimed, holding his hand up for a high five “four more of those and you won’t have to wear them to bed any more” 

Oli started jumping up and down with excitement “No more pullups!” he shouted. 

Harry laughed “Alright Ol, we’re going to be late if we don’t get these fancy pants on you soon” 

Oli got dressed as fast as he could with Harry’s help, even though he kept saying he didn’t need it. He even put his shoes on himself, Harry just didn’t have the heart to tell him they were on the wrong feet

“We’ll leave that one for Mummy” he whispered to himself as they walked out of the room. 

***

Nothing about a Lawyer’s office was fun, there wasn’t a single children’s toy in sight and Oli sighed in boredom while his parents talked to the man in the boring black suit behind the desk. He didn’t really know what they were talking about, there was a lot of mention of a man named Daniel Watts, but he didn’t know who that was. He didn’t sound very kind though.  Oli thought his parents looked really happy, which made him happy too, but again, he couldn’t really work out why sitting in this boring old office was making them smile like they were. He remembered that his dad had said something about ice cream in the car on the way here, but this didn’t look like an icecream shop. 

“If you just sign here, the whole thing will be over and you’ll be Oli’s dad” the boring man handed Harry a pen and an official looking form. 

“So Daniel won’t have any parental right after this?” Poppy asked whole Harry signed the form 

“No” the boring man shook his head “No he failed to contact the courts prior to Oliver’s second birthday, therefore forfeiting any parental rights” 

“What happens if he does contact the courts, or us?”  Harry handed the paper back to the lawyer 

“If he contacts you, you can take out a restraining order and if he contacts the courts, they will handle it”

“Good” They both nodded 

“Right, Mrs Styles, as his mother, I need you to sign here, saying that you believe your husband to be a fit parent”

Poppy took the pen and signed along the dotted line, heart beating out of her chest, in a good way. As the pen met the paper she couldn’t help but notice how ugly her signature was, which she knew was a weird thing to be thinking about in this moment. 

“Done” the lawyer said when she was finished “It’s official, you’re a family!” 

Harry stood up and shook the lawyers hand “Thank you” he said before turning to Poppy and wrapping his arms around her. 

“We did it Pop” he kissed her cheek and broke the hug so that he could pick Oli up. 

“You’re all mine now buddy” 

Oli still didn’t know what he meant by that, Harry had always been his dad, but he could tell that he was happy so he wrapped his arms around his neck and snuggled in. 

“Let’s go get some ice cream buddy” 

“Ice Cream!” Oli exclaimed.

[yaz-the-spaz]

Gigi has a Muslim father just like Zayn does, so it's her celebration too.

It may be her father’s celebration, I will give you that (if he even still considers himself a practicing Muslim), but it is definitely not hers. Even Bella I will allow because she has publicly claimed that she is a Muslim (as did Zayn formerly). But please point me to where G has ever talked herself about being Muslim. Because everything I’ve ever heard or seen from her suggests otherwise. Just because ONE of your parents is Muslim (or may have been raised Muslim/considered themselves Muslim once), does not automatically make all the children (or any of the children for that matter) Muslim.

And as for G the claims of her being a Muslim only ever arose after she started dating Zayn, when it was most advantageous to her, and even then it was just article writers making assumptions because of the Eid pics posted of her with Zayn’s family. She has never herself stated publicly out of her own mouth that she is a Muslim. She posts pics of Christmas all over the fucking place, but never talks about celebrating or observing Muslim holidays herself and has only ever shown herself doing it when it’s with Zayn’s family. Where’s the pics of her and her dad and siblings going to the mosque to celebrate Eid? Where’s her talking about observing Ramadan (or even mentioning / acknowledging Ramadan or Eid ever at all) before she started dating Zayn? We get 99 pics and vids of her and her family celebrating Christmas every single damn year. Tons of pics and vids of them making gingerbread houses and decorating the tree, etc., but not ONE of her family together celebrating Eid? And the only pic we’ve EVER gotten of her at all on Eid was once and even then only to promo z*gi and some random fashion brand? Tell me that’s not fucking suspicious as hell.

To put this all in the form of an example that may help you understand better, say you had a friend where one parent of theirs was Christian and the other parent was Hindu. But as far as you knew that friend didn’t attend any church, never personally observed any Christian holidays and/or never talked about attending church or Jesus or reading the Bible, etc., never mentioned to adhering to anything in the Christian faith. Would you still consider them Christian? Or maybe it was the opposite and as far as you knew they never went to any temple to pray to Hindu gods, never gave offerings or observed any Hindu holidays and/or talked about Hindu gods, attending temples, reading the Vedas, etc., never mentioned to adhering to anything in the Hindu faith. Would you still consider them Hindu? Obviously the child may be influenced by both (or neither) religions depending on how they’re raised. But there is a big difference between being influenced by (and/or aware of) a religion via your parents vs considering/declaring yourself a part in that faith. Maybe once that kid grows up they don’t eat beef cause the one Hindu parent influenced them in such a way that they grew up not eating it and not wanting to eat it. But that doesn’t make them a practicer of the Hindu faith. In the same way that someone who observes Christmas because they maybe grew up doing it, but has never doing anything else to engage in Christian religious practices or beliefs (praying, going to church, reading the Bible, declaring themselves a follower/member of that faith), wouldn’t necessarily be considered a Christian. All that said, however, please don’t misunderstand me. I am not saying that someone necessarily has to do all of those things, or even any of those things, to be considered as a follower/member of a faith (I certainly don’t for my own). But it’s the combination of those things with the declaration, or lack thereof. What I mean by that is you can choose not to do any of those things but still consider yourself/choose to declare yourself a member of a specific faith. For example, if that hypothetical person I described earlier were to declare themselves a Christian or a Hindu even despite not actively and/or publicly participating in either religion, then great! It is up to them how they choose to practice and their right to practice and to declare themselves in whichever way they chose and everyone around them should respect that (which is why I regard Bella’s pronouncement the way I do). BUT. When that person has never publicly demonstrated any of those things AND never publicly claimed to be apart of said faith that is where the issue lies, specifically in reference to G in this case. Because again if that same hypothetical person was raised with two parents of those two different faiths, but you only ever saw them celebrating let’s say Hindu holidays and not Christian ones, and they never spoke a word about celebrating Christian holidays or going to church, etc. What would you assume their religion/religious allegiance was? Probably not Christianity (again unless they overtly stated that they still considered themselves Christian, but again that is a different case). What about vice versa? If you only ever saw them celebrating Christian holidays and not Hindu ones, and they never spoke a word about celebrating Hindu holidays or going to temple, etc. What would you assume their religion/religious allegiance was? Probably not Hinduism. This is pretty much the case that G is in. She has never spoken publicly herself about being a Muslim, and only ever shown like ONE picture of herself celebrating a Muslim holiday. That does not make her Muslim, and in my opinion all evidence points to her actually identifying otherwise and just letting people make the assumption purely for the clout it gives her.

Now if G ever decides to publicly claim it out of her own mouth I may change my stance/view on this (though again I would still consider it HIGHLY suspicious that she only addressed it/publicly claimed it so long after the fact, and especially after years of showing clear favoritism for another religion and ignoring any public mention or show of celebration for her actual “purported” religion) but as of right now that is where I stand on the matter, so no I do not consider it “her celebration too.” Mohamed’s and Bella’s maybe. But not G’s.

[bakagamieru]

I don't think people are mad because of harry still being sad about zayn or whatever it is between them. Public image or offical narrative you name it but for some reason it's ALWAYS zayn who gets talked shit about and people at their "enough!" point me inclueded. 90% of theblogs I follow here are always critical about what's going on but after 5 years you want somethings to left behind. And at this point I can't help but ask would this mess still going on after all this time if it was not zayn?

General

There is every reason to believe that Zayn leaving is a stunt and that none of the boys ever had a problem with each other.  I’ve explained that in many previous posts, and the explanation takes up a lot of space, so I’m not doing it again here.  You can check out those posts in my Zayn Stunt Summary here: https://bakagamieru.tumblr.com/post/120840259353/zayn-stunt-summary

I think it helps to visualize this situation as a siege.  The human psyche is rather suggestible.  Even for strong, confident, self-assured personalities, it can be difficult to hold up against constantly being told the same lie from every quarter.  Sooner or later, people who are repeatedly told lies start to believe them, unless they’re very lucky, very aware, and very careful.  That’s the whole concept of gaslighting.  This has also been shown in psychological experiments where people have eventually been convinced they’ve broken bones that they never have just because they keep being told they have over and over.  

That’s why it’s important with this situation to keep reminding ourselves of the hard facts and work through every new development logically.  That’s how we survive the siege and stop ourselves from getting hypnotized into believing negative things about the boys just because we’re told negative things over and over again.

Direct Answer

I think the current badmouthing is about a sick and twisted promo strategy that all of their teams seem to share.

I suspect there would be a lot more negativity from Zayn’s side if he had proper promo.  No promo, no appearances, no performances, no interviews = no opportunity for badmouthing.  

Also, keep in mind that there are 4 people that can potentially badmouth Zayn, while Zayn is only 1 person to badmouth the other boys.  That’s obviously going to lead to more vitriol directed at Zayn than at the other boys.

Those two things (lack of promo, 4 v. 1 scenario) are probably part of the reason everything seems so unbalanced.

There’s also the fact that Zayn was cast as the villain from the beginning.  In the post I linked, you can find a post I made about why there were multiple reasons for that and why Zayn was actually the only person among the boys that could have been put in that role during this stunt.  Is there probably some racism involved in that?  Yes.  Is part of the reason that people are so willing to believe the worst about Zayn linked to unconscious racism?  Quite possibly, yes.

I know it sucks to see other people buying the negativity and feel like there’s nothing you can do about it.  The only thing I can say is that if you’re surrounded by negativity, it’s very difficult to see anything but the negative side of a situation.  

I prefer to think that most of the fans have been taken in by a targeted psychological strategy that relies more on repetitive misdirection than that most of the fans are blatantly racist.  And I really do believe that’s true.  I believe a lot of this type of racism is unconscious bias and that one day, hopefully a lot of people with these unconscious biases will at least become aware they have them and work towards trying to fix them.  

But no, in general I don’t think this negativity is still going on only because it’s Zayn.  I think it’s still going on because old 1DHQ still want it to be going on and keeps stirring the pot to make sure it does.  I think this is still going on because old 1DHQ still has some sort of hold on 1D’s public images, because the “feud” drama is being used for promo, and because the situation can’t really be fully resolved until the hiatus ends (and I predicted that before the hiatus began).  I had hoped that we might at least get friendly Zayn and 1D even before a reunion, but apparently that’s too much to ask for from the evil 1D overlords.

I, too, feel like shit every time this unnecessary negativity rears its ugly head. However, you have to either find a way to accept and move past it (which I do through reminding myself of the truth via logic) or you might need to remove yourself from the negativity.  If it’s dragging you down constantly, consider unfollowing blogs that post the news that upsets you or blocking the most common tags on the posts that upset you.  I know being told to ignore a bad situation isn’t the best, but for your mental health, it’s either that or finding a way to fight back that makes you feel better.

Showy = Putting on a Show

To me, the drama of this “feud” is just another reason to believe that nothing IS actually going on between Harry and Zayn.  Nothing bad anyway.  

When something is constantly being pushed in your face, it’s generally because someone wants you to see it.  More often than not, the things that are really scandalous are hidden in the entertainment industry and it’s the huge dramatic “feuds” that are constantly in the news that end up being all an act.

Character

Maybe I wear rose-colored glasses, but I’d like to think I’m a decent judge of character.  None of the boys are rude or spiteful enough to keep taking potshots, especially to gang up on one particular person, for years and years after a fight.

It takes a certain maturity to survive with as much grace as the boys have managed in the entertainment industry, and that sort of maturity should also lend itself towards mending a relationship after an argument / learning how to move on from an argument that can’t be fixed.

Former Friend vs. Foe 

Yes, there have been a few public scuffles with other celebs in the past, such as the Wanted, but that situation is different simply because no 1D boys were ever close to any of the Wanted.  A fight with a near-stranger is very different from a fight with someone you’ve called your brother on multiple occasions. 

The closer the people who are fighting are, the more emotional it is and the more hurt people get.  Being more emotional means being more likely to be very angry, but being more hurt means that you aren’t as likely to want to broadcast that very vulnerable, private feeling.  You’re more likely to want to shun the topic with strangers than vent about it, if you’re any sort of a private person.

If we know nothing else, we at least know for sure that Zayn and the other boys were very, very good friends.  You can’t fake the way they were together for the amount of time they were together.

It Was a Single Fight Supposedly

The story is that none of the boys are really in contact with Zayn, so according to that narrative, it’s not like there are ongoing clashes that keep any of the boys feeling like they need to keep commenting negatively about Zayn.  If you’re continually butting heads, it might make sense to keep complaining about the situation, but that’s not what we’re being told is happening.  We’ve essentially been told that there was 1 fight years ago and that’s been it aside from a small amount of supposed back and forth, almost entirely in print interviews initially.

Time and Common Decency

It’s been almost 5 YEARS.  What person with any sense of decency keeps bringing up a fight at every public appearance that happened 5 YEARS ago?  

That would be like getting in a fight with your good friend and then badmouthing them publicly at every gathering of your mutual friends for years.  No matter who was in the right originally, you’re just a jackass at that point.

Talking about something in private and complaining is one thing, but doing it in public?  That’s entirely different.  And the more time that passes, the more ridiculous it is.

Relevancy

Zayn isn’t even really relevant to any of the boys’ solo careers, so it doesn’t particularly make sense for him to be brought up over and over.  

This might be because the interviewers can’t seem to move on from 5 years ago, asking constantly about when the band is getting back together, if they’re getting back together, how is it different having a solo career, etc.  It’s been 5 YEARS.  Those questions have been asked and answered ad nauseam and it’s not like those answers have changed over time.  

Sorry, got a bit off track complaining about interviewers… Anyway, it might just be the interviewers being unoriginal, but their team clearly hasn’t blacklisted the topic which would be a more sensible and classy way to handle things given the situation and the amount of time that’s passed.  There’s no need to talk about Zayn at all really, and yet it keeps coming up.  It just makes all of them look bad, which shouldn’t be the image their teams want for them, and yet…apparently something is more important.

The Promo Connection

More than that, it specifically always seems to come up during promo, for better or worse.  Sometimes the mentions are more positive, but most of the time the narrative takes a sharp turn to the aggressively negative overnight. 

After ranging from positive to neutral when talking about Zayn for years, suddenly during Liam’s first round of promo, things turned quite negative (e.g., wouldn’t save Zayn if he were drowning) and again during this current round of promo (e.g., guess I can talk about this honestly now, etc.).  

After supposedly reconciling about 3 different times (while apparently having no contact positive or negative at all during these years?), Louis’ feelings on Zayn are apparently very negative (e.g. we’re too immature to ever make up) during this current round of promo.  

After not talking about Zayn at all, Harry was suddenly negative during his first round of promo (I think it was the Rolling Stone print interview, but I’m not sure) and brought it up negatively again, unprompted, during this round of promo on SNL.  

It’s not like Zayn ever HAS promo anymore, but when he does have interviews, there’s generally some sort of dig at One Direction somehow (pretty much all print interviews, of course).  

The only one to escape the pattern is Niall, but Teflon Niall is a real thing, enough said. 

It’s ALWAYS during promo for a single or album that things get nasty again.   My best guess is that their teams think that the “feud” = drama = attention = sales.  To me, it seems dumb, repetitive, unrealistic, etc., but I guess a casual fan or the general public wouldn’t follow everything they do, so it’s not as repetitive to that type of consumer.

Conclusion

I am 100% aware of how exhausting, frustrating, and infuriating this whole situation is.  There’s no need for the negativity, it makes no sense, it paints all of the boys in a bad light, it basically requires someone to assume the worst of Zayn in order to believe any of it, and yet there are tons of people who still do believe all of it without any critical thought.

This is why I still write posts like these over and over again.  I have to get those negative emotions out somehow, and the best way for me to feel better is by countering the official narrative by using logic.  It reassures me that even though I’m made to feel like crap about the situation, my initial and continuing judgments about the situation haven’t been wrong.  If you remind yourself of the actual proven characters of the people involved and work things out logically, it’s not dire like all the negativity makes it feel.

When things are loud, they tend to be for show.  That’s what this all is.  This negativity is for show, which means it’s not real.

TLDR;

The fact that there’s still so much public negativity between the boys and Zayn is unrealistic, and therefore suspicious, because:

the boys are too good to be acting like this

this supposed fight would be too intimate and painful to bandy about publicly like this

supposedly the boys haven’t been in contact and so all of this is over a single fight that happened 5 years ago

the boys are too smart to not know that acting like this makes them look bad

their teams have to be in favor of the badmouthing because otherwise they could easily have just not talked about it at all

there’s generally a sharp increase in negativity when one of the boys has single or album promo

there’s more badmouthing of Zayn because it’s framed as 4 v. 1 and also Zayn never has any promo

My conclusion from these points (and also from previous facts and experience) is that the badmouthing isn’t because 1D and Zayn want to be badmouthing each other.  Rather, the drama of the “feud” is being used for promo and possibly other purposes.  I firmly believe that if there were a real falling out, the 1D boys would have handled it far more gracefully than this, given the chance.  

I suppose it’s possible that there was a real fight and that the boys were forced to handle it ungracefully by their team, but I would point to Occam’s Razor.  The simplest explanation that fits ALL the facts related to this situation (from the time of Zayn leaving through now) is that Zayn was forced out of 1D as a stunt and that there was never an actual feud between Zayn and the rest of the boys.

So yes, this situation sucks, but no, I don’t blame either side for it because there are NO sides when there is no actual fight.  I blame old 1DHQ and I blame society in general and I blame the ignorance of the general public.  But I’m not here for them, I’m here for 1D, so I keep my head down and keep waiting for things to get good again.