#maybe i should just go to bed instead.
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Time's more serious about everything because he's been traumatized by his adventures.
I don't know if I'm going to be able to explain this properly because it's late but gosh dangit I'm gonna try.
The P in PTSD is there for a reason. The repercussions of trauma don't fully hit until sometime after the life-threatening situation is over. Depending on the duration and severity of the traumatic event/s, this can take years to happen, and decades to heal from.
The rest of the boys are still relatively young and haven't spent too much time "out of the action", as it were. Time still works for the Royal Family, sure, but he's mostly settled down and left that old, adventuring life behind him. He's grown out of his adventure-seeking youth (or maybe something happened with the FD mask???) and all he wants to do now is live on a farm and be with his wife.
Meanwhile, the rest of the boys are relatively fresh of their adventures. Even the older ones are still in their hot-blooded youth; despite all the action they've seen, they're still ready for more. They're all still in "hero-ing mode". They haven't reached the P in PTSD yet.
But Time has. And he reached it at a much younger age than the rest of them will.
Time's mandatory heroic adventures started and ended as a young child. On top of that, his adventures were among if not the creepiest: skulltula house, Dampe, the forest/well/jabu's belly/shadow temples, Majora, dead hands. Add to that being forced back and forth through puberty multiple times, and the guilt of opening the sacred realm for Gannondorf, then having to frantically clean up his own mess, all at the tender age of nine... only to be sent back to a time where no one even remembers what he's done and he can't go home. (Don't even get me started on the events of Majora's Mask.)
Time is traumatized. And he's being forced back into the kind of environment that brought about that trauma. He's not going to break, because he's a Link, and therefore cannot break by definition, but don't expect him to be as jovial and lighthearted about everything as his younger companions.
He has returned to his own personal hell—the one he thought he'd left far behind him.
#linkeduniverse#linked universe#lu time#lu analysis#gosh I hope this makes sense#it is late and I am tired and there's still another post I wanna make#it's fanfic-related#but maybe I should just go to bed instead#I've got places to be tomorrow
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So uh y’all know that trope that’s like… exhausted/sick/injured character using their last remaining energy to sit up and lean against or weakly grasping at the other person not able to get a proper hold or reach? And then the other person letting them or pulling them in closer and mumbling something or pulling them back to sit/lay down?
Uh yeah. But like. Also prison duo.
#specifically like I have this image#Centross would physically show up to Icarus we know this#but he couldn’t interact and all that#but like maybe#sometime#he comes when he expects them to be asleep. a day when fables been gone for gods know how long#and instead of finding them asleep#he finds them like. sitting staring at their hands or blankly out the window#maybe pacing just like delerious#and they see him and vaugly acknowledge him as what they think to be a hallucination#and reach for him or touch him#still thinking he isn’t real and he freezes and they mumble some incoherent apology bs as they do#and leans into him and he either drags them back to bed or freezes until they fall asleep#yeah#that’s all#fable smp#fsmp#fsmpblr#fablesmp#fablesmpblr#david centross mistvale#icarus morningstar#prison duo#prisonduo#i have so many thoughts#ignore me ranting I should go to sleep
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i think part of my problem is i lived with my best friend for two years of my life and have been searching for the same feeling of joy & acceptance & support ever since
#like I’ve sat down and had a think about it and the times I’ve felt the least lonely in the last 5+ years are when my roommates were close#friends I could pray with/laugh with/cry with/unmask with#something something you can’t keep trying to go back somewhere that doesn’t exist anymore you need to go forward#but the only way I can see myself thriving is if I can live with people/someone who feel(s) like home#and I know that can come with time and you meet new people and make new friends and settle down somewhere and slowly build yourself a life#but how do you do that without dying along the way#and I’m here in this new state and I’m trying to be content but there’s the very real possibility everything is going to change *again*#later this year and I just. I’m done I want it all to be over I want to get to find someone and commit my life to them and get to know we’r#we’re gonna figure it out together#and bitterness is so tempting right now bc unless God heals & transforms & really really surprises me#(all of which He CAN do but I just have never thought that was His desire for me); unless that happens I will probably be alone for the#rest of my life#and I can write essays on the importance of platonic friendships and how good and beautiful it is to value them but that grows weaker and#weaker the older you get the more all your friends seek marriage and find their other halves and you’re still. just. There#it’s nearly midnight and I should write a poem instead of processing in the tags of a post but really I may just go to bed#I’m so glad I have a phone call and prayer group to look forward to tomorrow#and the Bible study tonight was good <3 some things were hard about it but my soul was comforted#and I may have even more questions but at the very least right now I know God is Love#and that is the bottom line of any answer that I seek#….which I guess maybe loops back to the processing too. I know He is love I know He’s supposed to be sufficient#so what do you do when that doesn’t FEEL like enough#God I believe help my unbelief. please#elle rambles#[y]#/p
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Wish I had it in me to color all of these rn but alas! Let me know which Rüß you like best...?




Comparison to this same concept from more than 3 years ago(urghhh the passage of time kills me):



I didn't realize how bug eyed my style was atp LMFAO
#god i truly love her big stupid ears#theyve kept getting bigger over the years......#icl they're now influenced by my dog 😭😭 goofy but so expressive and beautiful#also regarding the hat. they live on a planet of animal eared people so the hats are made w that in mind !#anyways idk how i feel about the colored one just yet#I was avoiding doing schoolwork so thats mainly why its there LMAO#idk whenever i do portraits its a 50/50 whether i like the painted version or not#i just am really fond of my lifeart#especially for her particularly idk why!! i always find her most handsome there#her 36 year old version is who I mainly ponder about#though ive been thinking a lot lately about the other two#especially 27 year old Rüß with controversially young Noir THAT DYNAMIC MAKES ME CRAAAZYYYY#actually i was drawing that and then it went very badly so i drew these instead yaya#anyhow this is my beautiful wife and i love her dearly <3#aagaghhhhh i CANNOT believe how long its been since i drew her its genuinely a travesty#context. i literally think about her every day. i think about her almost every time i go to bed#but her visage was not coming to me easily :(#so im really happy to have drawn her aaghhhhh#maybe ill color the others idk. i just end up drawing portraiture SO often#should i post the drawing compiled w her and noir 🥹🥹 my shippy <33333#also plesse ask me questions abt her if you see this– i mean.#catie.art.#rüß
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I watched Adolescence ep 1-3 back to back, completely captivated. I'm a bit conflicted about the casting of Jamie. Because on one hand the young actor does an absolutely phenomenal job. But on the other hand there are bits in the dialogue that don't quite fit him - for example he's going on about how ugly he is (perceives himself to be and is perceived by others to be), but the actor is pretty cute. So I get the feeling it was written with a 'rougher' looking kid in mind, but they were just so (rightfully) impressed by this guy that they cast him instead.
#i had a cry when i realised one of the teachers is the actor who played shaun's mum in this is england#and ofc trudy / stephen graham's wife but she's done a few of the same projects with him :)#netflix adolescence#i had to force myself to go to bed instead of just watching the 4th episode too#but then here i am lmao thinking about it#anyway update after finishing it: yeah funny how my last post here from a good while ago is relevant to this too#while i thought Adolescence was way nuanced and teetering on maybe excusing & sympathising too much with Jamie (bc Katie 'bullied' him lol)#so many people are apparently upset that it's 'anti-men' or 'anti-white' lmfao and 'making young boys feel bad'#when it's just depicting something that's really happening#even in a way that's not quite up to date - but then ig it's a lot from the adults' perspective#who seem blindsided by what their kids are doing online#well anyway i as an adult woman got physically assaulted by a lone angry teenager on the street a while ago#and he seemed so shocked and angry that I elbowed him hard#like what did he expect me - an adult - to do when he came at me??#what do the adults at his fucking school do??#i reacted on reflex mostly but i felt so ~bad~ about it after like ~maybe i should have talked to him uwu~
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Fffffrustrated with myseeeeeelf AGH I'm just really tired of disappointing myself constantly and never being able to get (enough) work done even when I have all the time in the world
and it makes me legitimately so worried that I'll never be able to accomplish anything because I'm running on an engine that can only go for a few seconds before stalling out and refusing to restart. just a broken down shell of a human man stuck in amateur limbo forever and ever
#monster noises#I know it's a bit early in the evening for this kind of post but today's been rough#I couldn't get myself to sit down and start working until 4pm#and as soon as I sat down i knew it was going to be a struggle#that I just wasn't in the mood for what I wanted to work on and I had no ideas#and if I had fucking started earlier in the day maybe I could have taken the time to find something that would get me in the mood#or been able to pivot to other things instead#but because it's f o u r I'm going to be having dinner soon#and I don't like working after dinner if I can help it#and I'm trying not to go to bed as late as I have been#so I just packed it in and put everything away for the day after about an hour#and after the success of yesterday that defeat feels like Such a huge bummer#but even the success of yesterday is tempered with like#I've been off for nearly five weeks now and I both only started and finished The Thing I was going to work on while on break#now??#and considering it only took me a couple days I should have been able to do this like.. week 2 or 3!#or at least I should have started it then!#but so So many of these days have been me just fucking around doing nothing#and not even relaxing I've been stressed this whole fucking time#and I kn o w I know this isn't a six week vacation#I'm recovering from surgery so I couldn't have expected myself to have full energy the whole time#or for the experience to be like some kind of writers retreat#but it's still frustrating!#because it's the exact same song and dance everytime I get space to be free of my day job and just do Art#I flounder it!#I flounder it over and over and over#and it's really hard not to just sink and suffocate in the feeling that I'll never get better and I'll never be able to accomplish anything#because I'm fucking Like This#it feels Embarrassing#it feels Pathetic
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Dove Cameron’s Alchemical album is so fucking bat coded I feel like a conspiracy theorist.
(This went off the rails at one point, so WARNING: vague mentions of sexual assault and being drugged without consent)
First song: Lethal Woman.
Cass, all over, right? The bridge is “she walks like a saint, floats like an angel, sharp like a knife under the table”
c o m e o n
Second song: Still.
“Man on the screen, they only see whatever you want them to see” and “Supernova self-erasing, hourglass is always draining”
Could be either Tim or Bruce, but I lean toward Tim because of “how dare you, dare me to love you, if you jump I will too” because whenever Tim decides he loves someone, he’s the ride or die, ends of the earth type, even if they don’t even know who he is. A) how and why he became Robin in the first place, B) The Cloning Thing, C) an argument could be made for the Captain Boomerang thing (but now that I think of it, I think I’m mostly basing this off fanon oh well ontotgenextone).
Song Three: Breakfast.
I will admit out the gate that this one’s a reach, so I’m just going to leave Selina here.
Song Four: Sand.
For this I’m thinking Tim or Jason, for different reasons.
For Tim;
“I saw the end when we began, you couldn’t love the way I can, I tried to bargain with the stars, for more than half your heart but you have more pieces of me than the dessert has sand, and I have less pieces of you than I could hold in my hand” and “our love’s misaligned, ‘cause you’re on my mind every night, I stretch out the time, and now I know why.”
I’m just making it obvious I read the Red Robin run, aren’t I?
For Jason:
“What's worse, being wanted but not loved, or loved but not wanted? What's worse, hearing what you wanna hear, or hearing what's honest?” And “What hurts, is the one thing that you wanna do, is the one thing that you shouldn’t do”
Pre-death Jason, but like, right after the Garzonas thing.
Song five: White Glove.
Okay hear me out.
This is part one of the Dick Grayson saga; the persona he shows to the public. This is Richie Wayne. This is every honeypot mission he went on too young, every woman he’s had to seduce for information (it’s one hundred percent happened before don’t fight me) every source of sexual trauma (that one I’m ninety percent sure is canon) that keeps him up at night.
And this guy’s been a vigilante for over twenty years, he can absolutely recognize drugs by sight, smell, and how they feel when he’s too late to notice something slipped in his drink. He’s felt nearly every strain of fear toxin and every one of Ivy’s pollens. If anyone knows their drugs it’s pretty boy Richie Wayne and Robin.
Song six: God’s Game
This one I’m definitely taking some lines out of context, but for Jason, “Just a boy with a man's face, playin' God's game” is when he’s taking over Crime Alley, pit-mad and trigger happy. “I prepare with so much care, I was runnin', it was stunnin', I am desperate from delusions, not much of a solution, never knowin' what the truth is, oh, God” is when hid plans start to fall apart, when Bruce slits his throat with a batarang, when eventually the pit-madness eventually starts to wear off and he realizes what all he did to Tim, who was a child at the time, not to mention Robin.
He nearly became what the Joker was to him to the next Robin, and I feel like at some point that would occur to him.
Song seven: Boyfriend.
(…Admittedly, I don’t think this one has any grounding in canon and if it does, feel free to educate me.)
So, obviously I could mention Kate Kane at this point, but I know basically nothing about her, so instead I’m going to talk about Steph.
So Steph has definitely had some shitty experiences with guys, right? Like, her dad to begin with, but also the guy who got her pregnant (at like fourteen? Maybe I’m just sheltered, but I don’t think anything about that relationship was heathy—again, I haven’t read many of the comics, so correct me if I’m wrong), then Tim, which, I love him as a character, but didn’t he date her in the mask for like, months, and I have some vague recollections of some dickish things he said (i know i know i need to read more comics)—whatever. Men are shitty.
I have a scene in my head. Like, Steph’s in college, at a bar with friends or something, maybe it’s an under cover op, idk, and there’s this girl she’s been lowkey watching all night. She doesn’t quite know why, but she just keeps catching her eye, and okay, it’s not like she’s never questioned her sexuality, she knows Cass. There have been Extensive conversations with Babs on the subject.
Anyway, so at some point, there’s obviously some sort of argument between the girl and the guy she came with and the girl’s crying, and Steph just Can’t Handle That.
She goes up to her, comforts her, makes a new friend, listens to the whole story.
And at some point, she has the thought.
“I could be a better boyfriend than him.”
She doesn’t necessarily do anything about it that night, but now that she’s had the thought, it won’t leave her alone.
Yeah. So. Maybe I’ll write that story later.
Song eight (last song): FRAGILE THINGS.
Dick Grayson part two; So your mentor (dad) just died, leaving you an angry murder child, another one hanging on by a thread after losing eighty percent of his support system, a grieving butler (grandfather), and a mantle the size of the Most Dangerous City in America. Any direction you move is going to hurt someone, and one kid is more likely to snap and murder people than the other, and hey, if you have to be Batman anyway, might as well let your brilliant kid brother be Nightwing, right? Except, whoops, you forgot to mention that last part and now Timmy thinks you just replaced him without telling him and fuck you knew you were forgetting something and now there’s a goddamned imposter Bruce and—
“Love is like a house of fragile things, where hearts can be broken as easy as antiques, and now there’s glass all shattered at my feet, what we built together, you left in smithereens.”
Anyway. This got kind of incoherent (or maybe it was from the start?)
I accidentally added a poll at the bottom and can’t figure out how to remove it, so.
#batfam#batman#cassandra cain#tim drake#jason todd#dick grayson#stephanie brown headcanon#stephanie brown#damian not included bc he’s baby#dick has so much trauma that just never comes up what must his brain be like#is he on meds? he probably should be#actually all the bats should be but we all knew that#it was so tempting to put tim for breakfast for gender reasons but i think i’ll do that on ao3 instead#this is so long#im so tired#im sorry#is this was a shitpost is? nobody asked for this#i didn’t ask for this#also i maybe running a fever#im going to bed now
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There should be more of a discussion about how the Democratic Party leaned right in their campaign, and thus failed to convince people to vote for them. Rather than blaming 3rd Party voters, or people who stayed home instead, or people who refused to vote because they were anti-war or just felt unmotivated to. Saying people were racist and misogynistic, while that certainly has a part to play, is not fully to blame for Kamala Harris losing.
It is very easy to point at your neighbors and blame the way they voted for the Democratic loss. It is a much bigger challenge to acknowledge how the Democratic Party itself failed. And to list out everything would make this post massive, but it was a collective failure of everyone involved behind the scenes. Wanting one person to change their vote is easy. Wanting an entire political institution to change their messaging in massive, progressive ways against the wishes of their corporate donors is a more intimidating task.
It’s super important to be vocal about telling the Democratic Party why they failed the presidential campaign. Because some news shows are coming up with their own fun things to blame. Like claiming that Kamala Harris ran too far to the left.
“We’ll have the strongest most lethal military.” “Giving loans to start up businesses.” And talking about the free market. “Not all companies are bad, but some select few rare exceptions are Price Gouging.” Being pro-war. And all the things the Democratic Party chose to focus on in DNC night. Claiming all of that was too far to the left, when it is clearly to the right. And I have no doubt that the current Democratic Party will gladly lean to the right next time, because they are so disconnected from the working class.
So instead of all this in-fighting about how people should have voted harder, let’s focus on the Democratic Party itself so we don’t have the same two right leaning dogshit campaigns to pick from in 2028.
#mine#politics#us politics#clown on this post and you will be blocked#instead of trying to change the minds of people by harassing them for not voting right#MAYBE the party should message to them and not to CEOs and corporate donors#I should be sleeping rn#added a read more bc some people do not wanna see politics and I get it lol#I just Needed to rant somewhere#throwing this post into the void and going to bed#democratic party#Kamala Harris#Joe Biden
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i keep starting posts abt death note and then stopping to start a new post about some other death note opinion like fuck i have so much to say. i need to relax genuinely. jts just a vaguely misogynist yaoi anime like i need to remind myself that in a year or even probably a few months something else will feel like its encompassing my entire life an dn literally will not matter to me. i know this to be true because this is how i do everything all the time always but its so unbelievable like. autistic obsession rly does make me a little bit delusional every single time. im always like "well THIS art/story/subject is DIFFERENT and clearly of unique importance and significance compared to that last thing i was obsessed with (an every thing ive been obsessed w ever)" like no matter how much i understand that logically to not be the case i genuinely cant convince myself to actually believe it. like ik this time last year i was just as much if not more obsessed with moomin valley but it just. doesnt feel true like it feels unique and special every time its so strange. death note is a story its pretty good its silly its fun its camp its suspenseful like i can acknowledge these things to be true in a normal way but it is also the most important thing on earth to me right now and i need everyone else to know all of the time. its enormous in my mind its radius expands to so many other Important Things to the extent that whether its actually objectively good or significant i could not tell you right now because it is eclipsing my entire mind. i can talk abt its objective value and significance all day but it does not matter bcz i will not stop being able to think about it regardless. fuck man. being autistic is crazy. my most consistent hobby is being in the throws of obsession. also the way im phrasing this sounds like its distressing me but i love it i love being in the throws of obsession i love it every single time it happens i just love it so intensely that the idea of it having less significance to me or to others than it has right now seems incredibly strange. what do other ppl even get out of watching tv shows and reading books if not this. i need to relax i need some coffee
#my passions do infact make me a bit insane but where would i be without them#ive said this before but im so serious like the way ppl talk abt being in romantic love i cannot relate to feeling for a person#like. only stories and subjects give me this feeling. make me feel so passionate and obsessed that its almost painful#maybe not almost maybe it just is painful. like my body cant contain it. but i love it its my reason for living like genuinely djgfsdjfg#i love being alive i love when i get like this its fun. its just inconvenient sometimes when i ought to be doing something else instead#which isnt rly the case right now ig i mean the semester's over. i should probably go to bed though#i just know i wont b able to sleep yet bcz brain is still too active#death note#this isnt even rly a post abt death note though its just a post abt my posts abt death note#should i just tag this autism. whatever ig#autism#any other autistics or adhd havers in the chat get like this abt their Thing
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spending the entire day stuck,,,, sucks
#brought to you by; i need to go to bed in the next hour and literally the only thing of value ive done today is eat#maybe if i brush my teeth now i will feel better in the time before i sleep#debating if i should shower now or leave it for the morning#now would make me feel better maybe but my hair wouod dry weird and it would eat into most of my remaining awake tine#idkk#unlikelyapricot#i was meant to finish off the washing i didnt do on sunday today#it wouldve been nice to draw#maybe even look at applying for jobs#instead i sat in my phone literally all day#which wouldve been good if it made me feel better ig but#it didnt#sometimes i feel like time is washing over me and im just letting it#i dont feel like an active participant in my own life yk#and idk how to bring myself to be
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Season one “i forgive you” season two “i forgive you” wouldnt it be crazy if he’s the first one to say “i love you” in season three
#like#the actual words#its so important cuz theyve never actually said those words to eachother#i think it just makes sense for aziraphale to do it#crowley tries again for a third time#tries to get him to listen#and instead of forgiving he says it#i love you#hngk#i should go to bed#good omens#aziracrow#aziraphale#crowley#crowly x aziraphale#ineffable husbands#maybe ill expand on this later but you get the gist of what im saying from the tags right i guess sure yeah please#gon go bed now
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Ugh I hate fighting w my sisterrrrr
#I feel so yucky and maybe I did jump the gun a little or like come on too harshly but bleugh#just puts a damper on my whole next day and everything when I should be excited abt my job#and I know she’s gonna ice me out#but she has been saying mad weird shit for a long time and nobody’s called her on it#And worse yet I told my mom and she like didn’t seem that concerned sm instead turned it on me somehow and we got in a huge fight about#being gay and shit ugh whatever#i need to go to bed#mine#personal
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Hgggg
Had one of those sundays where i felt just like
A little bit like shit all day
So i didn't really get any of my comic work done and it just kinda became a Lost Day
So now as consequence my brain won't let me go to bed because i did not Satisfy the Requirements as Set Beforehand
But i would like to actually set myself up for a successful week of going to bed on timebl because i haven't the last two weeks and i can Feel it slowly destroying me spiritually, mentally, and physically
But sometimes there js Naught you can do in the face of Wanton Mental Illness
#monster noises#i know i know my meteric for a successful day should not be tied to Productivity#but in my Defense that isn't Exactly what's happened here#i mean#yeah#i'm dissapointed that i didn't get the ball rolling until like 8pm and thus only had an hour to Work#but going to bed issue#is more about me setting the Plan and Expectation that I would do Comic Work today#but i didn't Fulfill that Expectation and therefore the Balance is Off and the Days Not Done#because we haven't Fulfilled the Criteria#i would have this same probelm if I had set aside today as a Relax Day but spent the whole day Stressing Out or Doing Chores/Work#without doing the classic half-day reset#where sometimes i'm In Control enough to realize when the day has gotten away from me and Pivot the Expectations to Just Chilling#then at the end of the day i Have met my Expectations and can just Siddle into bed no issues#but today i was not that Strong Willed#and kept Insisting that i Would get to my comic writing#Just After This Last Thing#but there was always One More Thing#and i felt like i was trapped under a sheet of plexiglass and couldn't fully wake up all day#so there was no pivot#i just stayed Stubborn until i had my dinner - then wrote maybe one page#and put it down for the evening#and that was not enough to satisfy the internal control team#and now i must sit here and Yearn instead of going to Sleep#it is Silly and i wish for it Not to be Happening
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would it be good to go to bed now? probably
am i going to? probably not
#little rock.txt#venting#i'm not even like. closely following the election or anything. i'm just tired#i don't want to go to sleep because then tomorrow starts#i'm not ready for tomorrow. i don't want it to be tomorrow#not even bcus i'm dreading tomorrow. i'm just not ready to face another day#but everyone else is in bed so i might at least go fuck around in the basement instead idk#play on my switch or draw or something until i pass out#i just. idk. i don't want to go to bed yet.#today hasn't even been good. like there were good parts but overall? not one of the better ones#maybe i should go to sleep though. actually get 7-8 hours of sleep or whatever#idk. i'm definitely getting off of tumblr at least so
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Anyone else have a brain that wants to do six different things at once while simultaneously doesn't want to do anything?
#i think its creating a feeling of restlesness#im stuck at an impasse#and playing totk instead#frustrating myself over trying to get places#maybe i should just go to bed#it is around that time#soul rambles#absolute nonsense#i have thoughts#and a need to share them
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my stupid idiot body keeps making me fall asleep at a decent time only to wake up an hour and a half later and be absolutely wide awake for the next 3 hours
#bella.txt#like maybe i should just get out of bed instead of lying here going insane#would that make me more or less tired though..
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