#maybe i should check out this hiveswap thing? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

blankerthought · 2 years ago

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I posted 31,129 times in 2022

That's 20,516 more posts than 2021!

779 posts created (3%)

30,350 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@yellumina

@alien-girl-21

@blaze--boy

@sunshine-in-a-bottle

@hiveswap

I tagged 2,310 of my posts in 2022

#lo's stuff - 507 posts

#dsmp - 124 posts

#dreamwastaken - 86 posts

#my art - 78 posts

#mcyt - 73 posts

#cornered au - 54 posts

#quackity - 38 posts

#c!dream - 38 posts

#liveblogging - 35 posts

#check (change of game) - 32 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#gets smoother at knowing when to use one mask or the other to use his words to pave the way people thought much like he used to back at “hom

My Top Posts in 2022:

for @baka-monarch ‘s prompt of a pack of simps, part of it is under the cut bc it’s long

There was something about Dream that called to people. Whether it was his sunny personality, his loud, optimistic approach to life, the way he was always willing to stand up for his friends and help out wherever he was needed- it made people flock to him. The fact that he had gorgeous green eyes full of life, cute freckles and an ass you could bounce a quarter off of was also probably a factor.

The one fact that made his friends despair, however, was that despite his quick wit and occasional hilarious yet dirty jokes, that man wouldn’t know how to spot someone being attracted to him in a serious way if it slapped him with a sign saying “hey, i think you’re hot and smart and fun, we should date”. Which had basically happened, given that more than once one of his- self described- “pack of simps” had said those words or even more and had still been met with… nothing. Just Dream thinking it was a joke. Again.

This was not an isolated incident for them.

It had started, as a lot of these things did, with a childhood crush. Sapnap had always seen Dream as his best friend ever, and it had not taken much time at all for those feelings to turn into something more. And that something… never turned to anything. At first, Sapnap had kept those feelings locked up, deep inside of him, a little scared that he’d run his best friend off. As the years passed, and both of them grew up, and he witnessed exactly how his best friend handled love confessions, he realized it was, maybe, a little pointless to hide it. At this point, no matter how often Sapnap made a not-so-joke about them banging, or dating, or living together, or literally getting married, it seemed like Dream would just let it pass him by. Which, honestly, kind of worked out for him pretty well. Yes, his best friend never got his hints, but on the other hand he could stare at him (and check him out) as often as he wanted and not be told off or anything, so. He’d take his wins where he could get them.

Then, there was George. The man had moved to America from England back in Dream’s second year of highschool, and it became increasingly obvious that Dream felt something for him from pretty much the get-go. Blushing, flirting (a little badly, but that was teenage boys for you), always wanting to hang out with him. Sapnap had been jealous as hell- and then he’d met George.

The guy was equally as head-over-heels as him, and he still didn’t know it yet. Sapnap’s jealousy had abruptly vanished, and he’d debated telling George something about how maybe he should ask himself why he was always blushing, give him a hint or two. Then George beat him at Mario Kart and the decision to leave him to figure it out himself was clearly the only good choice to make. Fair was fair, and all that.

Of course, it kind of came back to bite him in the ass when George woke him up with a call at three in the morning about how he couldn’t be in love with Dream, oh my god, Sapnap stop laughing-

And then there were two. They sat together more often, bickering and laughing and also occasionally just loudly sighing about how their best friend was hot as fuck and apparently, kind of dumb emotionally.

Then highschool turned to college, and there were three and four.

Punz had gone to their same highschool, but aside from sharing a single class and sometimes detention, they’d never interacted; except for, apparently, Dream’s secret sign-up for fighting classes. Apparently, they’d both ended up in the same class, and as competitive as they both were they’d enjoyed having someone to fight against with the same type of passion. Fighting in class had led to training together, had led to sometimes sparring alone and well, once you had someone pinned or got pinned by someone to the floor enough times, it got a little easier to see that you thought the other guy was insanely hot. At least, for Punz. He’d taken a minute or two to consider his feelings, and then immediately launched himself into flirting with Dream. Not that it was that much of a difference with the sort of things he’d been saying before he’d realized, which in hindsight explained why their fighting instructor sometimes referred to them as ‘Lovebirds’.

Okay, so maybe Punz hadn’t been subtle at all, ever. But that just made it worse when, despite Dream blushing and sometimes flirting back at him, any actual attempts at anything were just ignored. He’d met Sapnap after he’d been by to pick Dream up, and apparently just the sight of him was enough for the other man to include him into their little pining club on the spot.

On the other hand, Fundy’s thing had been a bit more of a ‘wham bam thank you ma’am’ type thing, because the man had seen Dream after meeting him at the flower shop he worked at and then immediatly fallen stupid in love. Nobody could really judge him, but they did rib him hard anytime someone mentioned love at first sight, because for Fundy all it had taken was a single talk, a flower, and a smile, and he was part of the club.

So there they were. Four single, hopelessly pining idiots, all of them madly in love with the same man, all of them trying their best for that man to fucking notice. It got so bad that Sapnap had officially declared them as ‘a pack of simps’, the name partly brought on by the constant furry jokes at Fundy’s expense. Sometimes they met up to brainstorm a way to confess, but a lot of the time it was just them, hanging out, joking and playing games and only sometimes bragging about something Dream had done with them (George was almost always on top of their unofficial list of brags, but the time that Dream had made Sapnap pancakes while shirtless had made more than one of them green with envy).

And of course, in the end, it all came to head with a couple of simple events, no plans, no elaborate confessions, nothing. When they’d recounted it all later, it was almost painful to see how stupid it was.

Fact number one: All of them were loud people. They yelled a lot, they liked to say stuff that most people would probably blush with shame and hide away. They’d discussed, quite frankly, a lot of things that would’ve made old grannies have a heart attack. One of those topics tended to be Dream, because the title of simps had indeed not come out of nowhere, and they were all healthy, sometimes horny people with a crush the size of Russia on a man that wasn’t only hot, but regularly drove them crazy.

Fact number two: Up until Karl had offhandedly mentioned it to him one day, Dream had had no idea polyamory was even a thing.

Fact number three: One of Dream’s lectures had canceled unexpectedly, and he’d started heading back to his place before deciding to swing by Punz’s, just because.

Fact number four: The ‘pack of simps’ had been meeting at Punz’s loft before planning to go meet up with Dream after his lecture ended, intending to go out for the night somewhere.

Fact number five: Dream had, apparently, been attracted to all of them right back. Maybe not from the very start, but almost.

Fact number six: Apparently, a more apt title for all of them would have been ‘a bunch of dumbasses’, but they quite happily accepted ‘polycule’ instead.

66 notes - Posted August 30, 2022

sometimes i wish i could mail people their dtiys, but a picture shall have to do; here's @vioarry 's!

81 notes - Posted July 3, 2022

“arts and science are inherently tied but different” blah blah LISTEN TO ME. linguistics is like maths except the numbers are constantly evolving and also hate you personally

89 notes - Posted November 24, 2022

oh, here's my sketchbook's cover and back, since i was done with it i thought "might as well"

104 notes - Posted June 14, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

here’s a little something i started yesterday

c!dream gets deaged- but instead of being an immortal, like the cornelius fic, or a kid, he’s a teenager; specifically, manhunt!dream.

He gets a potion thrown at him by fundy during- actually. He gets deaged during the disc war finale, in the moment he starts chasing tubbo once everyone’s there. Fundy panics and throws the first thing he had in his inventory, an experimental potion he had to bring along because it was too unstable to leave alone.

The potion shatters against Dream’s side, in a loud crash that seems to resonate in the hall of attachments, and normally it’d be forgotten with the threat of the man himself against them, but his immediate scream catches their attention.

Dream drops his shield, using his free hand to clutch at his face under the mask, seemingly in pain. The weapon in his other hand seems almost forgotten, too focused on whatever the potion had done.

Sapnap doesn’t lower his axe, not when he’s not sure what’s truth and what’s lie with the man in front of him anymore, but there’s hesitation in his movements when he takes a step forward.

Dream doesn’t move. Doesn’t react at all. Not to bring his own axe up, not to pick up the shield.

Then the clang of armor moving reaches him, and he snaps his head up, flinching back from his position as he looks around.

The movement knocks his mask askew, and he doesn’t seem to care.

But Sapnap, in front of him, seeing not the face of the man he knows but instead the face of a long-forgotten past, cares. He cares a hell of a lot.

“What? Wh- where…” He knows he shouldn’t flinch, but the trying-to-sound deeper voice of his once-friend brings out that part of him, the part that remembers being fourteen and mad and hungry and looking for cash, and it scares him. It can’t be. It shouldn’t be possible.

The person in front of him doesn’t pass for 21. He doesn’t even pass for overage.

He looks fifteen, young and scared and trying not to show any of it as he bares his teeth at them like a feral thing, clutching the axe like a lifeline, like it’s the only thing between him and certain death, his suddenly just a little too big armor looking off on his frame.

This isn’t the man that committed the atrocities that they’re here for. This is the teenager that’s been hunted for longer than most people could ever try and escape for. Sapnap knows those eyes, he knows the prey drive that dwells behind them, and he knows how a cornered prey like that reacts, one that’s learned that there’s no use in pleading for mercy.

Dream reacts exactly like he’s been taught to.

He runs.

(edit: this fic is now on ao3, and is on its fourth chapter!)

255 notes - Posted March 20, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #false #huh a Lot of those were a surprise #had no idea i reblogged those ppl so much too

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emperorblargus · 2 years ago

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Why Blargus thinks you Should Back Democrats in the Georgia Special Election

Originally posted by equius2004

Today there's a Georgia run-off election to see who goes to the Senate of the United States, coincidentally, for six years. The race is between a pastor/vicar named Warnock, who is coincidentally a Democrat, and then there’s a former NFL player named Walker with a bunch of women claiming he pressured them into abortions and then there's a bunch of deadbeat dad and domestic violence allegations too on the side.

Really, commander?

youtube

In defense of Walker, at least he is not also a wrestler and porn star claiming to be a “conservative republican” (see video at bottom) while bashing gay people (actually Walker is doing that) and tweaking out on amphetamines (no comment) he uses to keep his private parts working (and Walker sure doesn’t keep them to hisself there) WAIT WHAT AM I FUCKING TYPING.

I should add there's a reason why my Twitter Handle is like this lately.

Perhaps it is because Warnock decided to back "werewolves" over "vampires", and went on a rant over Martians or something, and I decided to update my name accordingly. We're dealing with levels of off the rails that haven't been seen before, well, except they kind of are becoming normalized in the Republican party.

I should also note I am deeply skeptical the Republican party would actually back the rights of aliens. Also "equal rights for all" kind of means that werewolves and vampires, if they existed, would have the same rights as one another along with the protections as such.

I mean do you really think they would? Interactions with aliens with *these people* would probably only be somewhat cordial if it involved trade of drugs. What do you think this guy is on.

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The Republican Party sure does seem to attract a certain kind of candidate, and it’s not just one thing that’s wrong with them. Sure, under the principles drilled into our heads in free western society everyone has a point, but it seems there’s something immediately off about these candidates, and when you start scratching beneath the surface things just get worse. Walker’s one of those people, and he isn’t the only one.

The whole Republican lineup, WITH VERY FEW EXCEPTIONS, kind of looks like this screecap (off Hiveswap: Act 2), but to be fair it's a lot worse than that. They always seem to find someone worse. Would you bet on the off chance ANY Republican candidate would somehow turn out otherwise?

In Georgia, and I guess this article is specifically aimed at folks living IN GEORGIA, Walker is actually bashing gay and trans rights, while Warnock has committed to defending the rights of the LGBTQIA+ community. That’s important, because these people deserve rights. LGBTQIA+ of course is short for some of what I call “other people”: anyone who doesn’t conform to certain bigoted narrow minded concepts of what someone deserving any rights whatsoever looks like.

Having grown tired of trying to make sense of the bigotry, Blargus decided to create his own Hoochie Daddy Short Short Abridged Short Shorts version of that book, which comes down to two words: “Other People”. We don’t need to extend any more intellectual effort and should not need to extend any further intellectual effort to quantify this.

Put that way, it sounds like these people have a real bloody problem, innit. Conservatives, that is. Or whatever these people call themselves now, something like “national populist pro-herrenvolk...” maybe, you know, maybe, put a cork in this before it gets to where things were in nazi Germany?

The choice should be clear BY THEN. Check your birth certificate, skin colour, age, bank balance, credit card statements, property ownership, and most people will fall afoul of Republican views.

And this is before I get to social security, which is to say you’re one of “needs social security now” or “will need social security in the future”. It’s before I get to voter suppression, and if you’re going to live in a Democracy, you know, it’s kind of important to be able to vote somehow and get your ballot counted or you might as well be considered disenfranchised. You’re disenfranchised in all but name, I get.

There ARE checks and balances, but as it is the US Supreme Court seems to have taken on a number of reactionary judges lately who aren’t actually going to back up voting rights (in fact the voting rights act was gutted if I remember rightly), and might even work to create a constitutional crisis where the logical contradictions build up to the point where nothing works and people, particularly those in power could get away with anything. In other words, those checks and balances are fraying. Fortunately, you CAN assert yourself in this election by adding one more Senator who will actually vote for a progressive or at least not-nihilistic judge and also the Democrats gain control of all the Senate committees instead of them being divided in two.

If you’re worried about “diversity” up there, and “one party rule”, remember the Democrats are a broad church. The fact that there’s constant wrangling between progressives, liberals, and a few outlier conservatives within the party should tell you that there is a functional structure in there that’s not all-out trying to impose a cultish totalitarian agenda in lockstep. No, it’s not ideal, but that’s what you’re working with.

Yes, a functional democracy is supposed to have checks and balances but when those fail, it is the citizens who have to step up where they can. This is what you'll have to do today in Georgia.

Will Warnock do everything he promises? Probably not, but that’s OK. It’s better than the alternative, which is opening the floodgates to insurrectionists and so on.

There’s always something more, isn’t there.

The next couple of elections are more focused on “America Remains a Democracy” or “America descends into Neo-Confederate Hell”. That’s how I sum it up. Democrats are the party of the former, Republicans are mostly of the latter with a few exceptions that are extraordinarily rare (and most have been pushed out or are actively being pushed out).

There’s a lot here but I think there should be enough information out there to convince you WHY this is important. And it’s not just for millennials (Gen Y and Gen Z) but also for everyone else, because anyone living in America (and actually most of the rest of the world) WILL be impacted by this election as by all others down the line.

Go vote.

#georgia #election #senate #raphael warnock #warnockforsenate #Youtube

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thewebcomicsreview · 4 years ago

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Homestuck 2 has updated! Christmas is ruined!

Previously, on Homestuck 2: Literally nothing happened, and a non-trivial portion of the patreon supporters gave up and quit. Can this update pull a Christmas miracle and right the sinking ship of Homestuck 2? Probably not, but let’s find out!

youtube

We’re back in Candyland, having completely skipped over Karkat and John talking about Dave’s apparent death, because this comic is only interested in long conversations when they’re boring and not about anything at all. That’s alright, I got the gist of it.

When Karkat is finally gone, John still doesn’t move. It isn’t as though he has nowhere else to go, since there are quite a few places he might attempt to make himself useful, for better or for worse.

So, it appears to be morning now, meaning that John’s son has been missing in a war zone for almost 24 hours and I guess John literally forgot Harry existed?

Prediction: This conversation is going to end in some variant of “Where is our son?” “Oh shit!”

ROXY: hey john can u do me a quick solid

ROXY: actly idk how quick itll be but its definitely solid

ROXY: harry anderson says i just missed u being here but could u skip back on over?

What.

So, I went back and checked, and apparently nowhere is it explicitly said that Harry Anderson was also looking for the Vriskas, so I guess he....stayed home? Which makes sense, I suppose, but maybe a “Stay here I’ll go look for them” would’ve helped. I wasn’t the only one who thought Harry was out looking for Vriska too.

ROXY: sup

ROXY: follow me

ROXY: well were just going to my room so i guess technically u know the way

JOHN: haha ok.

John follows, trying to shake the ominous feeling he got from what she’d just said. He’d been in and out of this house a lot in the past few days. Why should this be any different?

Is Roxy....horny? Is the solid she’s looking for John’s dick? I mean, that’d make her saying Harry wasn’t available kind of weird, but I think this framing is a fake-out.

...

What the fuck is that lamp, Jesus Christ it’s awful. Just a cat’s asshole, facing the door.

ROXY: r u kiddin me rn egbert

JOHN: i’m not? unless you were, in which case yeah lets say i was also kidding.

JOHN: oh my god, i’m sorry, i don’t know why this making me freak out.

ROXY: i remember our past boot knockin with fondness but that is a situation im not interested in revisiting

Oh hey, it was a fakeout. Good job, Homestuck 2. You successfully implied something just through the art. Art which, by the way, looks a lot better than the last chapter. There are backgrounds and everything. I wonder if Chapter 15 was rushed out due to Hiveswap and that’s why it was so weak?

He’s almost embarrassed by how relieved he feels. So what if his ex wife wanted to hook up? Shouldn’t that be a situation he could navigate? Don’t people like to find solace in human physical connection during dire times? Why did the idea of it make his mind white out in panic more than, say, any number of the traumas he just experienced?

I’m not the biggest fan of the way the narration is going JOHN IS AFRAID OF SEX WITH ROXY LIKE HE’S A TEENAGE VIRGIN AGAIN (LIKE IN HS1!) AND IT DOESN’T REALLY MAKE SENSE PLEASE REMEMBER THIS IT’LL BE IMPORTANT LATER, but okay, noted.

ROXY: u said ur house is gone??

JOHN: yep.

JOHN: completely.

ROXY: jeez

Heh. I like Roxy, still.

JOHN: so i just sat there, watching, trying to figure out why watching my house burn down felt like i was being released from prison.

If this comic actually uses the phrase “home” and “stuck” in the same sentence I’m turning this blog around and we’ll go right back to Winnipeg.

ROXY: aight then no wind bending just use your mangrit

Roxy flexes, the corner of her mouth pulled up into a familiar grin. John feels his guts, so recently calmed, twist up into knots again. Her eyebrows shoot up and the smile loosens. He must have shown something on his face.

ROXY: ok or just like push when i push

ROXY: we both got sick muscles

ROXY: no other adjectives necessary

I feel unqualified to talk about how hard Roxy is pushing the June Egbert thing.

....Is that the fucking portal from Hiveswap under a tarp? Also hi Candy Callie, appearing in HS2 for the first time. One of the Calliope’s is nonbinary, I think, but I honestly can’t remember and I think it’s Meat Calliope?

JOHN: do i get to know what that big thing under the sheet is?

ROXY: hmmmmmm no

JOHN: oh ok.

JOHN: are you sure? i mean, it seems like a pretty prominent feature of the room.

JOHN: space.

JOHN: wherever we are.

ROXY: and a totally mysterious n COMPLETELY inconspicuous feature it will have to remain for now

ROXY: we r kinda in a hurry here fyi

ROXY: and by that i mean

ROXY: we are in precisely the amount of hurry that means im excused from having to a that specific q rn

JOHN: right, sorry.

JOHN: i will pay no attention to the object behind the curtain.

ROXY: u catch on fast egbert

Oh thing HS2 has not been great at is that it has a lot of plot mysteries that are supposed to keep us enticed but they don’t really get implanted into the audience’s head (Remember Vrissy mysteriously collapsing that one time? Probably not, she did it off screen and the boys kind of laughed it off). This one’s hard to miss.

JOHN: so... this is all downstairs?

JOHN: it seems like you had a lot of work done.

ROXY: well no not x actly

ROXY: were in the old meteor

It’s kind of weird how this meteor keeps popping up like this.

CALLIOPE: besides, hUman divorces are even more fascinating than i had ever imagined, and being able to witness yoUrs in motion was an honoUr.

This is an unexpected but not unwelcome direction for Callie to have gone.

CALLIOPE: ah right, right. yoU're probably a little cUrioUs as to where the dickens we are.

CALLIOPE: how much do yoU know aboUt black holes?

Oh, wow, we’re going right there, then. This does seem like a bit of a reaction to complaints HS2 wasn’t shmoovin’ enough, but maybe I’m reading too much into it.

CALLIOPE: no, i mean, what if oUr whole WORLD was inside a black hole.

JOHN: ok.

A’ight, that got a laugh out of me

JOHN: ugh, i fucking KNEW it!

JOHN: i'm so sorry.

JOHN: i'm so sorry that i put the earth inside a black hole everyone. ):

I like this conversation a lot.

ROXY: iirc at least part of y u got so weepy was the fact that u couldnt believe a version of earth existed where ppl got 2 watch more mcconaughey films than you

JOHN: listen.

JOHN: i simply don't think you all appreciated the gift you were given.

Quite a bit, in fact.

ROXY: ur not gonna enter a weird time vortex and change the trajectory of a little girls life with the power of love

JOHN: aw.

Roxy and John have a good dynamic.

CALLIOPE: bUt Upon her departUre, the rift closed for good. as far as i can see, there's simply no way for Us to commUnicate with the world oUtside the black hole.

CALLIOPE: i woUld certainly be very sUrprised to find oUt that anyone had managed sUch a thing!

JOHN: ...right.

John’s phone has very good coverage, since he was able to talk to Terezi in the epilogues, as we’re being subtly reminded of here with that ... before the “right”. I wonder if it still works after alt-Calliope left.

CALLIOPE: oUr exclUsion from the overarching coUrse of events which governs all reality means that oUr existence here is liable to dramatic and violent Upheaval.

CALLIOPE: to pUt it another way, becaUse nothing in here "matters", we are likely to be sUbjected to things which are a bit bats in the belfry, for no reason other than it's totally insignificant to the wider canon of reality.

CALLIOPE: and mUch thoUgh i am personally titillated by some of the conseqUences of this predicament, it is a degrading way for Us to live. u_u

Okay, so we are now being explicitly told that living in the black hole is fucking with the characters and is part of the reason they make such baffling decisions, like Rose not telling Kanaya about Yiffy, or naming her daughter “Yiffy” in the first place.

CALLIOPE: we need yoU to free vriska from the clUtches of oUr misgUided friend jane, and bring her here, to the singUlarity.

ROXY: weve been calling it the plot point

CALLIOPE: yes, the plot point is a key part of oUr plan

CALLIOPE: as far as we have been able to sUrmise, the only remaining method for escaping oUr grim confinement depends on leveraging the UniqUe properties of this location to create an event of sUch catalcysmic proportions that it simply cannot be contained within the black hole any more.

CALLIOPE: something SO dramatic, so hyper-relevant, that it becomes ontologically impossible for anyone to ignore it.

CALLIOPE: for that, we need an individUal of sUfficient narrative cloUt, so to speak.

CALLIOPE: and to liberate her, who better than the embodiment of the aspect of freedom itself?

So, the plan is literally for Vriska to be such a Huge 8itch that the black hole itself gets sick of her and yeets Earth C out of its own event horizon to freedom.

This is actually a great plan.

And that’s Hamsteak. This definitely feels like a bit of a reaction to complaints about HS2, but hey, I dig it, I guess? Definite improvement over the last chapter.

#homestuck #homestuck 2 liveblog

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fictionkinfessions · 4 years ago

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MPC, I'm really, really bored. Can you tell me about your week or something? I hope you've been keeping safe. - 🍬👿

Ok bestie, so.... ! This week

sunday: made latkes, beef stew with extra beans [because *bursts into tears* I burned my rice], and roasted brussel sprouts for the week. Stayed up way late watching movies on zoom with friends. [@ horror fans, watch The Wailing 2016. It's amazing. Ghost story. Kinda fucked up. Do check content warnings for it. Scary!! I might've slept with the ceiling light on, don't tell my friends, they think I'm brave xd]

monday: accidentally finished 'my time in portia'? I liked the conclusion, don't recommend exchanging money on account on some gross things in it. Nothing like Stardew valley tho, so don't buy it on that account. I installed thumbleweed park because it kinda looked interesting? Idk what else to play. Most of my games are those freebies from epic game store or things I bought on steam sales. Wait I have hiveswap and Night in the Woods, I should probably play them! I'm not sure what my laptop can handle. Alien isolation was very laggy and upset my poor compoopter :/ Fighting type games is hard without a dedicated controller. Also made cinnamon rolls!!!! With too much icing, which I drank the excess of... don't judge me <3

tuesday and wednesday: I finally got around to reading my stash of Neon Yang, Aliette de Bodard, and Oyinkan Braithwaite. Oh my god everyone should read 'My Sister the serial killer'. I loved the ending. Wow. I’m hoping to read 100 books this year! So far I’ve read 61! A lot were shorter novels but whatever, it’s the fact that I’m reading that is important! My brain feels so expansive and moisturized! Though it deflates when Storygraph says I have over 1000 books left to read. Well! I’ll get there! I also had a picnic in an open field with some friends which was nice. I miss looking at people?? Friendly people I mean, not customers. We didn't have to wear masks since the wind blew in a steady direction, but we still sat apart just in case. :| Kinda like frogs on a log lollerskates! [See we are totally keeping safe! Thank you for thinking of us!!! <3]

Cinnamon rolls didn't last long with me and my room mates, so I made two pound cakes with bananas and poppy seeds. I was going to make puto ube but my bananas looked accursed and afflicted, and on the brink of being a Darkest Dungeon character lollerskates

Thursday: you are here. welcome! We made green onion and sour creamed savory pancakes! Mostly because I ate all the latke and still had a bowl of green onions and sour cream left :v I finished Wicked Fox by Kat Cho, which was fun but kinda below my reading level though. I spent two hours cleaning the inbox

friday: probably after work grocery shopping :/ I've run out of some spices and will have to turn in my PoC card if I don't restock asap lollerskates I'm going to make pancit but I'm not sure what vegetables I'll make. Maybe steamed brocolli. Though I do love a roasted carrot and mushrooms. WAIT I have chickpeas I could toast for snacking too!! Idk, I'll think about this at work tomorrow!

I hope you have a happy friday, if fridays are ever kind to you! May you eat many toasted crunchy chickpeas!

Mod Party Cat!

#🍬👿#not confessions #food cw #mod party cat!

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bladekindeyewear · 4 years ago

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HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-12-25

I’m not going to spend time BLOGGING an upd8 on Christmas morning!

...yes I am who the fuck am I kidding. (Bonus stuff and Hiveswap are still well on hold though.)

So are we gonna follow up on the main ship? Probably not, right, with that perfect Karkat point to cut away, right? We’re just going to leave Roxy’s question hanging, as well as makeouts etiquette, and leave while having seen a COUPLE FRAMES of non-possessed canon Jade with only whatever fun fanart was inspired across the internet by the moment to tide us over????

Yeah, probably.

Ugh, more Dirk. I guess it’s overdue. :(

> CHAPTER 16. Welcome to my Secret Lair

Oh huh, I guess not? So... Jane’s, or Rose and Kanaya’s?

Karkat stays for longer than John thought he would. They talk a bit, but mostly they are quiet. Eventually, Karkat gets called away on yet more important war business, leaving John with one final touch on the shoulder. John leans into it in response, though he’s a bit ashamed of chasing down a sliver of physical affection so soon after obliterating Karkat’s evening like he had.

Pretty much, yeah. Can’t blame either of them.

You’re still abandoning the task that was explicitly yours to protect your literal kid and his friends, but, oh well. Low-point. Dave dead, house dead, broke news, I get it.

He just doesn’t feel ready for that yet. The remnants of his house are still smoldering, and he can’t stop staring at them. It would make sense, he thinks, to want to root around through the rubble for anything that’s still intact; some half-charred keepsake to claim as the last thing left that’s still his. But he doesn’t want to do it, and he doesn’t want to think about it. And he still can’t move.

Can’t move. No Breath huh? What’s going to get him to, then?

> (==>)

Oh boy, that might help. XD She’s pretty good at that.

> (==>)

Still with the waistline gap. And was his phone always yellow like his God-Tier shoes?

ROXY: hey john can u do me a quick solid ROXY: actly idk how quick itll be but its definitely solid ROXY: harry anderson says i just missed u being here but could u skip back on over?

Nice, huh! No judgment, just a hey-any-chance-you-could-swing-back. He sort of needs to be needed right now, in a simple, almost everyday non-judgmental way I guess. (That’s what he NEEDED anyway-- whether he deserved it though is up for debate.)

ROXY: i need help w/smth and yr darling boy is holed up in his room working on some fuckin craft project or other and cant be bothered

YES SEW JOHN A BETTER FITTING FUCKING OUTFIT

ROXY: and now that me and u are freshly on speakin terms again i might as well take advantage of that olive branch and put u to work ROXY: assumin you havent died in an air raid, that is ROXY: which id also be interested in knowin about so if u wld be so kind as to reply instead of leavin me hangin

Heheheh. Gosh Roxy is always the best.

JOHN: yea yea sorry im here. JOHN: i just had a hard time getting my phone out of these fucking tiny pants.

Hah.

JOHN: and also my house is bombed out so i'm kinda grappling with that. JOHN: but i honestly am not sure how much longer i need to sit around staring at it. trying to align my memories of my youth with whatever is happening right now so JOHN: short version is no i’m not dead, and yeah i can come back over there and help you out. ROXY: oh sweet yr alive and down to do manual labor its a win/win JOHN: see you soon.

Yep! Pulled away from all the metaphorical, ultra-meaningful bullshit, back to some brass tacks with some easy humor. Definitely something Roxy can do well.~

> (==>)

EXCUSE ME. What is that outfit and pose. Did you--

ROXY: sup ROXY: follow me ROXY: well were just going to my room so i guess technically u know the way JOHN: haha ok.

Did you invite him over for the manual labor of banging you while your son is sewing in the other room

Or maybe the labor is making him a new sibling. JFC

Is this plan part of why we got the sudden content warning that was mocked or was that mainly for Hiveswap

John follows, trying to shake the ominous feeling he got from what she’d just said. He’d been in and out of this house a lot in the past few days. Why should this be any different?

I DUNNO JOHN DOES THIS SEEM DIFFERENT TO YOU

> (==>)

Yea this seems like a fucc room.

JOHN: it’s not like i could forget! ROXY: ya i guess u only really saw the living room when you were here the other day but i have changed some stuff up ROXY: done a lil redecoratin here n there

So it’s MORE of a fucc room than previously >__>”

ROXY: may have to do a smidge more if my old bff decides im next on the list for bombing out ROXY: but so far so good

Ah geez.

ROXY: just a coupla exploded cars in the yard from some shenanigans our dear son and his friends were in but u kno it is what it is!!!

Well, that’ll buff out easy.

ROXY: can i get u anything? ROXY: just made some coffee JOHN: no, uh, i’m good.

Of course she has a fancy handled winecoffeeglass (and the handle does look ridiculous but it’d be too hot to hold otherwise)

Roxy shrugs and swirls her own coffee around in her novelty mug. John looks around. A lot about the room is the same. The family photos, the rug. There’s a lot more cat stuff in there now, though. The bed is new. John feels like he’s about to take a test he hasn’t studied for. He makes himself focus on what she’s saying.

That would be the feeling.

> (==>)

MY GOD. Roxy is so fucking good at this holy shit

She KNOWS she’s making him squirm and she loves it

JOHN: so uh anyway. JOHN: what was this favor? ROXY: yo why dont u just come rest yr tush for a bit ROXY: take a lil relax next 2 me here JOHN: haha uh. JOHN: roxy i uh. JOHN: im flattered, but i don’t know if that’s really the right step right now. JOHN: don’t get me wrong, everything seems so fucked up right now that when i try to think about what might actually BE the right step, it feels like a huge cartoon question mark might physically manifest over my head. JOHN: but I’m not sure if um rekindling our physical relationship is really the best--

So is Roxy trolling him, about to reveal she wasn’t thinking of sex and was just making things seem sultry? Or just had “lol jk” as an option-select, maybe.

> (==>)

ROXY: r u kiddin me rn egbert JOHN: i’m not? unless you were, in which case yeah lets say i was also kidding. JOHN: oh my god, i’m sorry, i don’t know why this making me freak out.

OH NOOO NOT THE DISDAAAAIN - CRITICAL HIT D:

ROXY: i remember our past boot knockin with fondness but that is a situation im not interested in revisiting

boot knockin XD

ROXY: look john ROXY: i was trying to be polite about it ROXY: offering u sustenance n rest n all ROXY: but you look like shit ROXY: i just wanted to catch up on the whole heinous war situation were in and maybe check in on e/o before leaping strait to the real n actual nonsexual manual labor favor i have in mind for u JOHN: oh.

Hey, she can’t help looking sexy she’s too good at it.

Is the manual labor moving the crashed cars? Can’t Roxy pull that off on her own, or... banish the cars to the void or something? (Oh, but WOULD she want to do it on her own when she can rope in John and bring him down to earth by giving him a useful task? And admittedly his strength and wallet would make things easier.)

John feels his shoulders unbunch. Of course. Yeah. He’s almost embarrassed by how relieved he feels. So what if his ex wife wanted to hook up? Shouldn’t that be a situation he could navigate? Don’t people like to find solace in human physical connection during dire times? Why did the idea of it make his mind white out in panic more than, say, any number of the traumas he just experienced?

Probably some gender stuff mixed up in there too, June.

He doesn’t know, but he believes Roxy that he must look pretty haggard. He probably feels haggard? Maybe sitting down will feel better.

Just put your feet up yeah

> (==>)

WHAT A CUTE IMAGE

JOHN: sorry. like i said, my "how to react to stuff" meter is completely fucked right now. ROXY: thats fair bud

she’s used to being patient with you don’t worry otherwise you never would’ve gotten this far

ROXY: real fast i do need to do a quick takeback of all that shit i said last time we talked about janey not being literally the most evil person we knew or whatever ROXY: i guess i was hopped up on arguin or somethin since that was before we hit our conversational vibe bc of course u were right and i shoulda listened

Ouch. Yeah, we saw just lately just how far off the deep end she was. (Where was that funny upd8 reaction art summarizing the bit where Kanaya was holding Tavros hostage and Jane was transparently debating “hmm do I let my son die?” and Kanaya and Tavros were just looking at each-other flat-mouthed nervous? I REALLY wanted to share that but I don’t usually want to reblog or put most stuff HS^2 not under a read-more, for spoiler purposes, usually.)

ROXY: im just glad ur ok ROXY: or like alive JOHN: yeah, jury's still out on "ok" but, you know. ROXY: ya ROXY: u said ur house is gone?? JOHN: yep. JOHN: completely. ROXY: jeez ROXY: i would ask how ur feelin but like the answer 2 that has got 2b "prtty bad"

Talk it ouuuut~~ get those feels out there and articulated john

JOHN: yeah. JOHN: i mean. JOHN: no? JOHN: it’s weird. JOHN: it feels like it should be a bigger deal, I guess? JOHN: like it’s my HOUSE. JOHN: but mostly it always felt like my dad’s house? JOHN: and when i started living there after i moved out of here, it was like i crammed myself back into whatever was left of my kid self? JOHN: and it didn’t feel good, but it at least was familiar, you know? JOHN: like living there let me feel closer to my dad, trying to be like the way i remember him, or like how i remember him wanting me to be, or something? JOHN: and i didn’t realize how much i hated doing that until i saw it all go up in flames. JOHN: so i guess i could have used my powers to stop the fire and save whatever was left of the place, but i couldn’t bring myself to do it. JOHN: like some fucked up part of me was glad i got there too late? JOHN: so i just sat there, watching, trying to figure out why watching my house burn down felt like i was being released from prison. JOHN: and even now i keep trying to explain it away, as though it’s because of how fucked up everything else is that it made me feel good. JOHN: but that’s just bullshit. JOHN: it DID feel good. JOHN: i DO feel free. JOHN: sorry.

I was kind of saying some Breath/Blood stuff at the time of him losing his last tie to his stubborn sticking-to-his-kid-self bit? Except now we’re mixing it in with June Egbert and his gender-identity questions too.

ROXY: no need 2 apologize ROXY: we just delved in2 my whole gender thing last time so it seems fine for u to have a turn JOHN: i didn’t say it was a gender thing.

Oh shit

ROXY: well no i just meant like i did some sharing ROXY: like referrin 2 the topic i brought up when we chatted last ROXY: but like now that u mention it ROXY: *meaningful pause* JOHN: … JOHN: i JOHN: ROXY: lol well we can move on 2 the favor part if youd rather ROXY: stick a lil pin in that topic n come back 2 it when u have had sleep

Are you just INCREDIBLY incisive Roxy or have you and John talked about this before?

ROXY: like i said the other day its not like this shits figureoutable in 1 sitting anyways JOHN: yeah... ROXY: sooooooo ROXY: movin on

It’s just fine for Roxy to slow-roll this yeah, if she’s going to pry open that door a little

ROXY: dont be mad but theres a part of the house u didnt know abt the whole time u lived here JOHN: what? ROXY: yea ROXY: i got a secret lair ROXY: for my sciences

OH FUCK YES SCIENCE LAB, of COURSE Roxy would want a cool science lab basement because she always wants a cool science lab basement

ROXY: and i get to it via a transportalizer underneath our bed ROXY: which is 2 heavy 2 move by my lonesome so i just needed to borrow some o your aforementioned powers of wind

Okay no. Wait. What the fuck?

First of all, as funny and MSPaintAdventures-y as furniture being in the way of things is, why would you block it with a bed too heavy to move, but,

Second of all, more importantly, how is a GOD-TIER ROXY not strong enough to lift a heavy bed?!?!?!? Either she’s lying to get John involved in things or this is a gendered cop-out because these characters are superheroes at the TOP of their echeladders, given obnoxiously powerful video-game strength and athletics only to then have ascended into DEITIES. God-Tier Roxy could probably have lifted a bed like that when she was SEVENTEEN! And now she’s an ADULT, out-of-shape or otherwise! If this were a whole CAR I might be willing to handwave it, but just a heavy BED?!? And none of the GUYS are going to have this much trouble lifting a bed like this, are they?? This just feels like following classic cartoony gender tropes in the complete absence of these characters’ super powers, what the fuck, and also Roxy if you didn’t make it Transportalizer-only access you could have given it an entrance you could phase through with your fancy powers to get to. FUCK.

This feels stupid.

ROXY: so if u dont mind woosh away JOHN: uh ok, well... JOHN: a secret science lair, sure, i can deal with that. JOHN: why not! JOHN: it doesn’t work out great when i do the windy thing indoors, though. ROXY: aight then no wind bending just use your mangrit

You’re already THIS sensitive about gendertalk?

ROXY: ok or just like push when i push ROXY: we both got sick muscles ROXY: no other adjectives necessary JOHN: yeah ok. ROXY: on 3?

Please, please reinforce the idea that they both have sick strength, because they fucking do and the idea that Roxy actually a hundred percent NEEDED John to do this is BS.

> (==>)

JOHN: holy shit? ROXY: sorry to lop yet another huge scoop onto ur lil brains ice cream revelation sundae JOHN: so wait, if this thing's always been under the bed, how’d you get down here before without me? ROXY: well thats neither here nor there john JOHN: i mean it is kinda. Here. ROXY: fine ok checkmate ROXY: i dont ACTUALLY need ur nerdgrit for this escapade ROXY: like im sorry but i said it ROXY: i mostly just wanted to see you and show u wats down here

THANK FUCKING CHRIST.

If that wasn’t actually just a lie to get him involved I was going to stay SO mad. Of COURSE Roxy can move a fucking BED no matter how heavy it is. OF COURSE.

ROXY: and also uve been ~sent for~ JOHN: ok but like ROXY: john i am inviting u 2 my inner sanctum ROXY: i am literally bringing out the word "sanctum" in case u werent already clued in 2 how cool this is ROXY: so do u wanna go into my secret lair or wat JOHN: yeah!? JOHN: yes? i guess? ROXY: aight good

Yes John of course you want to stop fighting it

ROXY: then as they told me in the hospital before lil h a was born ROXY: just push

eyeroll, but yeah, of course

> (==>)

Oh cool, sprite form version of her loungewear.

> (==>)

Sorry for my compulsion to post every full-frame image of Roxy in this awesome outfi-WERE YOU KEEPING CALLIOPE UNDER YOUR BED THIS WHOLE TIME?!?????

That’s like... almost a fucking metaphor isn’t it???? For the relationship you preferred in the other timeline and possibly THIS one TOO or

ROXY: hey callieee i got him ROXY: o damn john sorry i shoulda also told u callies here weve been hangin out again ROXY: 1 more freak for ur bean

Oh huh, so this isn’t an always thing. And these two can get close in more than one timeline where it would’ve worked out nicely. :)

JOHN: oh it's ok, my bean feels pretty well adjusted to freakage at this point so keep them coming if you like! ROXY: k cool i will JOHN: do i get to know what that big thing under the sheet is? ROXY: hmmmmmm no JOHN: oh ok. JOHN: are you sure? i mean, it seems like a pretty prominent feature of the room. JOHN: space. JOHN: wherever we are. ROXY: and a totally mysterious n COMPLETELY inconspicuous feature it will have to remain for now ROXY: we r kinda in a hurry here fyi ROXY: and by that i mean ROXY: we are in precisely the amount of hurry that means im excused from having to a that specific q rn JOHN: right, sorry. JOHN: i will pay no attention to the object behind the curtain. ROXY: u catch on fast egbert ROXY: anyway theres more cool info coming so just follow me

I don’t have any big theories. Is it just the Hiveswap device or something? If Calliope helped with it it’d help explain the Cherubic theme.

> (==>)

JOHN: so... this is all downstairs? JOHN: it seems like you had a lot of work done. ROXY: well no not x actly ROXY: were in the old meteor JOHN: under the house??? ROXY: ok so ROXY: in hindsight it may have been a bit misleading 2 say like ROXY: "downstairs" ROXY: in reference to a place which is hells of buried underground and may not actually be literally under the house ROXY: but there is no time to explain all that rn john so instead im going to refer u to my adorable little green friend here CALLIOPE: #U_U# ROXY: (hehe) CALLIOPE: *AHEM* CALLIOPE: hi john! CALLIOPE: long time no see. ^u^

Cherubs just really like dark cavelike places full of weird tech don’t they.

> (==>)

THEY’RE SO CUTE

JOHN: oh, uh. hey callie! JOHN: it sure has been a while huh. JOHN: now that i think about it, the last time the three of us hung out like this... CALLIOPE: was when i was aggressively third wheeling yoUr prenUptial coUrtship? CALLIOPE: if yoU dont mind, john, i'd rather not rehash that period of oUr lives. CALLIOPE: it was more than a little painfUl for me. JOHN: oh. JOHN: god, jeez, i'm sorry. i didn't mean to-- CALLIOPE: hee hee john i am only pUlling yoUr leg, don't worry. CALLIOPE: if anything i was personally a little thrilled with how things shook oUt in that respect. CALLIOPE: imagine, if yoU will, a yoUng cherUb raised in solitUde, whose only solace was the convolUted and tUmUltUoUs romantic schemata she projected onto her only friends from another Universe. CALLIOPE: and then fUrther imagine that this yoUng cherUb, throUgh varioUs even *more* convolUted contrivances, ended Up in the company of those selfsafe friends as an eqUal participant in their sphere of social discoUrse! CALLIOPE: it is a joy the like of which yoU possibly cannot fathom. u_u

Reinforcing that things turning out this way was in fact the FANTASY that Calliope was writing over in the Canon timeline. Just, heavily, HEAVILY implied that the Candy timeline is -- or at least originated as -- Calliope’s fanfiction as a Muse of Space, and its competition for audience interest with canon is the essential conflict between alt!Calliope and Dirk (or Dirk and Andrew Hussie).

CALLIOPE: so to pUt it simply, getting to experience sUch emotional drama myself was an impossibly enriching experience. CALLIOPE: possibly a first for my species! CALLIOPE: it's actUally qUite interesting, if yoU ROXY: *nudge* CALLIOPE: oh, right. yes. i'm getting a little carried away, haha. CALLIOPE: argh, i'm sorry, this is not how i planned to begin this vital conversation.

Vital conversation? What sorta truth-bombs are coming?

CALLIOPE: but to sUmmarise, what i was trying to say is: CALLIOPE: don't beat yourself Up aboUt it john. CALLIOPE: besides, hUman divorces are even more fascinating than i had ever imagined, and being able to witness yoUrs in motion was an honoUr. CALLIOPE: so i consider Us aboUt even at this point. JOHN: hahaha!!! JOHN: okay, well that's good to know! CALLIOPE: ^u^

Holy SHIT that was savage! And we’ll NEVER know whether or not she really intended it so savagely, either.~

JOHN: so um... JOHN: i hear that there's this big secret thing you wanna tell me about? CALLIOPE: oh right, yes of course! CALLIOPE: let me jUst say first of all how thrilled i am that yoU're on board. CALLIOPE: i wasn't sUre if yoUr natUral inclinations woUld have preclUded yoUr coming to such a place as this, and yet here yoU are. CALLIOPE: this whole endeavoUr will be *so* mUch easier with yoUr help.

Uh oh.

Hopefully babies aren’t involved.

JOHN: oh! well, shucks. JOHN: not really sure what that means but i'm just glad to be of use somewhere, haha. JOHN: which, speaking of somewhere, CALLIOPE: ah right, right. yoU're probably a little cUrioUs as to where the dickens we are. CALLIOPE: how much do yoU know aboUt black holes? JOHN: um... like, the big space things? CALLIOPE: they aren't always big actUally, and in fact their relative smallness is practically their defining qUality. JOHN: oh. CALLIOPE: bUt okay i think we are on the same page. CALLIOPE: so, what if i told yoU that we are inside of a black hole right now.

Oh dear, we’re getting into the canon/noncanon divide?

JOHN: um... JOHN: like, HERE? JOHN: we just transportalized into a black hole? CALLIOPE: no, i mean, what if oUr whole WORLD was inside a black hole. JOHN: ok.

Yeah, that’s gonna be John’s reaction. “ok.” Pretty much inevitable.

CALLIOPE: earth c, or at least oUr version of it, has, from the moment we crossed the victory threshold, been inside a black hole. JOHN: ok. CALLIOPE: and not just any black hole, bUt the very black hole in which the green sUn Ultimately met its demise, allowing oUr victory in the first instance! JOHN: huh! ROXY: ("huh!") ROXY: (rofl my fucking ao egbert) JOHN: (shhhh!)

And Roxy enjoys his non-reaction reactions as much as we do, hehe.

CALLIOPE: bUt, paradoxically, the critical moment which determined its capture within the black hole happened *after* that point. CALLIOPE: i refer of coUrse to yoUr decision not to retUrn to the mediUm and fight my brother. JOHN: wait, wait. JOHN: you mean, the meat and candy thing? JOHN: oh my god. JOHN: you mean i actually DID make a mistake that day. CALLIOPE: well, that's not exactly what that-- JOHN: ugh, i fucking KNEW it! JOHN: i'm so sorry. JOHN: i'm so sorry that i put the earth inside a black hole everyone. ): ROXY: john ROXY: listen ROXY: u have got to get out of this mindset i am begging you JOHN: ):

Yeah shake him out of this shit.

ROXY: your choice literally didnt matter ROXY: the whole thing was symbolic in the first place ROXY: literally symbolic in the case of the picnic i mean come on ROXY: it was just some steak and a plate of candy suckers JOHN: oh. CALLIOPE: i mean, i wouldn't go so far as to say that the meal we shared was unimportant, given the sacred significance of the two options i presented. CALLIOPE: but yes, yoUr choice of snack was infinitely less important than the choice which it presaged. CALLIOPE: and even then, calling it a choice woUld be sorely misleading. CALLIOPE: think of it like a coin flip. CALLIOPE: the series of events that led to Us being trapped beyond the event horizon of an Ubermassive black hole could be considered "tails", while the events which would have occUrred otherwise could be considered "heads". CALLIOPE: since both were possible, and paradox space is the way it is, they actUally both happened. and we jUst "happened" (hee hee) to get tails instead of heads. JOHN: you mean we ended up with the bad possibility. CALLIOPE: not at all! since both possibilities depend on one another's existence, it really doesn't make sense to call them "right" or "wrong". they both just "are". JOHN: o...kay... CALLIOPE: u_u

Yeah, it’s going to take a bit more than that to convince him he didn’t make the “wrong decision”.

CALLIOPE: i realise that this may be a lot to process. CALLIOPE: it's easy to forget that this wasn't obvioUs to everyone from the beginning. CALLIOPE: anyway, the reason i went on this tangent in the first place was to explain that the space we are standing in right now has a special significance, in that it is the location which corresponds to the black hole's singUlarity. JOHN: oh, wow. JOHN: um. JOHN: ok so, sorry if this is a dumb question to ask suddenly, but what does being inside of a black hole actually... mean for us? JOHN: is that bad? JOHN: is it like in movie, um, JOHN: shoot. JOHN: roxy what was that matthew mcconaughey movie from your earth that we watched? ROXY: u mean interstellar JOHN: RIGHT. JOHN: the one with the organ. JOHN: man. i cried at that movie so much. ROXY: lol u can say that again ROXY: iirc at least part of y u got so weepy was the fact that u couldnt believe a version of earth existed where ppl got 2 watch more mcconaughey films than you JOHN: listen. JOHN: i simply don't think you all appreciated the gift you were given. CALLIOPE: i don't believe i'm familiar with this particular film ^u^;; ROXY: oh dont worry cal you didnt miss much JOHN: (gasp)

This is all gold

ROXY: but the important point is that no its not really an interstellar type situation here egbert ROXY: ur not gonna enter a weird time vortex and change the trajectory of a little girls life with the power of love JOHN: aw.

Dammit, now we have to be on the lookout for that possibility. Or it did sort of already happen more than once to John. ...Whatever.

CALLIOPE: to go back to your original question, john. CALLIOPE: it's not strictly speaking "bad" for Us to be inside of a black hole, mUch thoUgh that contradicts most of what anyone knows about them. CALLIOPE: of coUrse, if we had fallen into it, that woUld be a whole other kettle of fish. CALLIOPE: the tidal forces woUld have stretched Us all into spaghetti and then ripped us apart! CALLIOPE: bUt the natUre of oUr arrival was more akin to simply "being" here, sUddenly. one moment we were not, and the next moment we were, and somehow always had been. CALLIOPE: in everyday, practical terms, being inside of a black hole has very little bearing on Us. CALLIOPE: i mean, the natUre of space and time is a little finicky in here, bUt for the most part it doesn't seem to be anything too oUt of the ordinary. CALLIOPE: bUt beyond that, it means that we are sealed away from the rest of existence. CALLIOPE: oUr sphere of inflUence is limited to the sphere of the black hole's bounding horizon. CALLIOPE: as far as everyone else is concerned, we might as well not even exist! JOHN: is there no way we could let anyone know that we're in here...? CALLIOPE: almost certainly not!

No? So this doesn’t have to do with the divide?

CALLIOPE: there are very few ways for anything to escape the kind of predicament that we are in right now. one of them is to be an all-powerfUl being with control over the very fabric of space, with the energy of two Universes at yoUr disposal. CALLIOPE: in which case, escape woUld become rather trivial, if a little Unscientific. JOHN: ok. i am going to assume that we can't just do that. CALLIOPE: yoU've hit the nail on the head, UnfortUnately. U_U CALLIOPE: the method i described was the one employed by my alternate self, who yoU may recall crashed through the event horizon in the body that once belonged to jade harley. CALLIOPE: she departed through a pUnctUre she created in the black hole's surface shortly after consUming my brother, a deed which provided her with the necessary "oomph", and which was frankly rather breathtaking to watch. =u= CALLIOPE: bUt Upon her departUre, the rift closed for good. as far as i can see, there's simply no way for Us to commUnicate with the world oUtside the black hole.

What the heck? Calliope SAW all this? Is this her Muse powers at work, letting her observe these things, or was she there? And John certainly did NOT see ANY of what Calliope just said happen.

CALLIOPE: i woUld certainly be very sUrprised to find oUt that anyone had managed sUch a thing!

So we’re going to find that out if we haven’t already. Maybe something to do with the way Vrissy just conks out narcoleptically?

JOHN: ...right. JOHN: so... let me just get this straight. JOHN: knowing that we're inside of a black hole... does that actually change anything? JOHN: like, can't we just go on living like normal? CALLIOPE: oh absolUtely not. CALLIOPE: i don't know if yoU've noticed john bUt this world is on the brink of a total cataclysm. JOHN: oh.

Um, what?

CALLIOPE: oUr exclUsion from the overarching coUrse of events which governs all reality means that oUr existence here is liable to dramatic and violent Upheaval. CALLIOPE: to pUt it another way, becaUse nothing in here "matters", we are likely to be sUbjected to things which are a bit bats in the belfry, for no reason other than it's totally insignificant to the wider canon of reality. CALLIOPE: and mUch thoUgh i am personally titillated by some of the conseqUences of this predicament, it is a degrading way for Us to live. u_u JOHN: that's... certainly one way to put it, yeah...

No plot-armor for your entire timeline, I guess, yep. Outside of canon, we can imagine and write about ANYTHING happening to the characters, or just drop their existence entirely, much like a doomed offshoot timeline. It’s a plot stability that depended heavily on the threat of Lord English and being trapped in a story, and without it things are bound to see a BIT chaotic (or “degrading” if you view it as subjected to the whims of fanfic writers, certainly).

CALLIOPE: at first, i believed that this was simply necessary. Us playing tails to oUr coUnterparts' heads, the black to their white, and so forth. CALLIOPE: bUt over the years i have come to the conclUsion that this is simply not kosher. ROXY: its total bs is what it is CALLIOPE: right, yes. CALLIOPE: a steaming pile of bUllshite. CALLIOPE: and so we have decided that something needs to be done aboUt it.

Ah fuck. You’re going to regulate non-canon? “Canonize” it? Is the fact that you eventually succeed at whatever it is you’re trying to do part of why we have the story presented to us in this bifurcated structure?

ROXY: this is finally where u come in jegbert ROXY: we gots quests for yous CALLIOPE: hee hee, yes. CALLIOPE: or *a* quest, to be specific. JOHN: oh boy! ROXY: (this fkin nerd i s2g)

Roxy and Calliope setting him on this quest as a Rogue of Void and a Muse of Space feels fitting.

JOHN: i'm not sure how i can go about freeing us from a hellish space prison, but i'm up for giving it a try i guess? JOHN: i have... literally nothing better to be doing at this point. except for maybe hanging out with harry anderson. ROXY: nice save lol

YEAH WE’RE STILL GLOSSING OVER HOW YOU LEFT HIM UNPROTECTED, JERK

ROXY: but u dont need to worry abt busting us outta space jail tbh ROXY: thats not ur problem to fix JOHN: oh. JOHN: i'm... not sure i follow, then. ROXY: i mean yeah ur gonna obvs facilitate it in a sense ROXY: but only by going and busting the person who can actually help us outta normal earth jail CALLIOPE: we need yoU to free vriska from the clUtches of oUr misgUided friend jane, and bring her here, to the singUlarity. ROXY: weve been calling it the plot point CALLIOPE: yes, the plot point is a key part of oUr plan. CALLIOPE: as far as we have been able to sUrmise, the only remaining method for escaping oUr grim confinement depends on leveraging the UniqUe properties of this location to create an event of sUch catalcysmic proportions that it simply cannot be contained within the black hole any more. CALLIOPE: something SO dramatic, so hyper-relevant, that it becomes ontologically impossible for anyone to ignore it. CALLIOPE: for that, we need an individUal of sUfficient narrative cloUt, so to speak. CALLIOPE: and to liberate her, who better than the embodiment of the aspect of freedom itself? CALLIOPE: ... CALLIOPE: phew. okay, i'm finished. CALLIOPE: CALLIOPE: sorry, that took longer than i expected to go throUgh.

..............................

OOooooh, kay.

Whatever this is, it’s going to be really weird and PROBABLY infuriating and/or shippy, and I’m probably not going to like it. Plus it seems like it’s some sort of inverse belated canonization of some other black-hole-rescue theories I went on about at some point. Although, related to that link, “aspect of freedom” if anyone wasn’t paying attention! That’s a (sorta-)canon mention of the purpose of it!

They’re going to attention-wh-- attention-hog themselves out of the black hole so that they’re “considered canon” too, or close enough. Huh.

ROXY: what r u talking about cals that was great ROXY: i could listen 2 u plotsplain for years CALLIOPE: oh you >u< ROXY: fyi this was why i wanted u to get a move on eggbread ROXY: so callie could have more time 2 infodump ROXY: thats love bitchhhhhh JOHN: hahaha. JOHN: ok, well, i think i understood all that?

Love with who? Callie, John, both?

In reality, John isn’t sure what most of this means. But on balance, it feels okay? He’s gone back and forth about a hundred times in the last week about where his place in everything is, so he might as well ride this out. Plus, the last time a Lalonde kind of told him to do something, he thinks that he chose not to, and look where that got him. And it’s not like he has other plans. He may as well do this! It’s at least going to get him involved in things again, if nothing else. He turns to go, and then hears a sound. It’s the sound of feet and knocking on doors, echoed through stone and digital static.

Oh shit. Is Andrew trapped behind some fourth walls behind the curtains.

> (==>)

Oh RIGHT also that DEVICE is where they want to bring Vriska. Are they going to overturn part of canon itself with a super-retcon thus making this timeline unbelievably relevant or--? Maybe make all the PESTERQUESTS canon or something?! I don’t know. Maybe they’re INTENTIONALLY starting the game like Vriska wanted to??????

Guh, this is something so big that I don’t WANT to theorize about it, do I.

JOHN: did you hear that? ROXY: wha ROXY: oh yeah uh ROXY: i may have messaged rose and kan and jade to check on them too ROXY: so its prob onea them showin up ROXY: they don’t need to know bout all this tho ROXY: we got time to chat with them b4 u go get vriska

No, even if it’s a knock at the somehow-top-level-house-even-under-buried-- oh, right, maybe it’s covering in part a monitoring system that looks up there. But still, part of that sound was DOUBTLESS these two hiding something, all standing in front of the curtain like that.

JOHN: i’ll go stall em. ROXY: thx babe ROXY: oh is it 2 soon for that joke or JOHN: no, weirdly enough, that one’s fine. ROXY: oh good ok see u up there soon!

How is calling your significant other “babe” not cool REGARDLESS of gender?! Like wasn’t that always cool? --Oh wait is it because they’re not together or... but... guh, I don’t know.

Anyway, see y’all after the holidays at least.

#Homestuck #hs2 #Homestuck Liveblog #upd8 #Homestuck^2 #spoiler #spoilers #Roxy Lalonde #John Egbert #Calliope

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abundantchewtoys · 5 years ago

Text

Hiveswap: Xefros’ balcony & bedroom

Last time we played, we had just become Xefros! We saw the neighbourhood getting culled and a strange light erupt from our neighbour/friend’s hive!

---

PACKAGE > Oh my god it's a FLARP manual! Hahahahahh, he's a FLARPer. .... Pfff Dammek used the manual as a real life "guide" to rebellion. Well, it'll just have to be seen whether "SCYTHIAN" (I guess that's the publisher?) has noble or nefarious intentions in creating this particular role play.

MANUAL > Those are completely ridiculous amounts of references. It's like a Wikipedia article. :P

MANUAL + BOX > Okay so he USED to play it, but not any more. I have a feeling we're going to get a lot of intel about the disadvantages of his caste, like no returns.

MANUAL + BILLBOARD / SKYLINE > I get the feeling a lot of FLARP storylines have been suppressed, lately. Seems like Trizza (if she ordered it) is maintaining a Big Brother like oppressive state. I mean, more oppressive than vanilla Alternia, even.

ENTER HIVE >

Oooooh, look at all them attributes! Hahah, nice. He's got a lot of different clothes hanging on the rack, a lot with his symbol - that was mandatory, wasn't it? Or at least showing off your caste. He's got a baseball-equivalent poster up, too!

Those pool themed items though. Oh boy, I wonder what that means, where he got them, and whether it'll be plot relevant later.

He's also got a sports helmet (with horn openings) and padded clothes, so he's actually physically able! Maybe to compensate his weaker telekinesis?

BUTLERY BOOK > "involuntarily aspiring butler" Uuuuhmmmm. Oh yeah, look at the glass ware and cutlery on his desk! Is that the only occupation he thinks is open to him? The spoons seem to be bended, seems like he uses them for a different kind of practice, namely his powers.

POSTER > Oooohhh, the pool theme comes from the fact he's in a sports team, and the pool balls are part of the logo. Huh. Maybe TROLL POOL is a physical sport. :P ... Oh, so the pusher is a traditional rustblood position. Seems like they actually tactically use the ability to communicate with dead players! So it's something Xefros should also (weakly, I suppose) be able to do! That seems like it could, tragically, become relevant later on in some capacity.

SPOONS + TELEKINESIS > Bent spoon get! Now, to create the ultimate strife specibus - BENTSPOONKIND! :P

WAREGRID STUDYSCROLL > ... Pffff, yeah, of course Indigobloods would both care for etiquette and then proceed to sin against it by crushing everything in their palms. I guess all indigobloods have raw STRENGTH, though I presume only Equius' and Horuss' was so very obscenely OP.

SCROLL + MANUAL > Hah, he's only comfortable with spoons, not knives. Something he and Jane could've related on. Before she went off the deep end, I mean.

RECUPERACOON > Ooooh, Dammek trained Xefros to no longer need recuperacoons! That's actually very useful for when he and Joey have to hit the road in their quest, and sleep wherever possible. Seems like the slime in the 'coons might have been addictive to some extent, which isn't surprising considering Gamzee. Even if it protects against the nightmares, in the long run it might have made them all more vulnerable or susceptible. Especially if it were the purplebloods creating chucklevoodoos to give them the nightmares.

TELEKINESIS + 'COON > So the slime keeps his powers at bay at night. I wonder if it's just propaganda, or that it isn't actually something he should be afraid of anymore, now that he's hardened enough to sleep outside of the slime. Even if his powers weren't weak, he might be able to resist the nightmares better now.

LAMP > Pffffffffffff. "Arena Stickball". With all these terms he throws around, I think it might closer to Quidditch than Pool even. Blaperile has a good point! (Table) Stickball is how the Felt call pool! So this is like a massive arena-wide version of pool. I can definitely understand how people get killed in a game where heavy poolballs are flung through the airs with pads.

LAMP > REMINISCE : The Dozer? The snowglobe? ... Are the names for the nightlight and the cue ball? Or the 8-ball and the cueball? If the cueball makes him nervous, then the rebels are definitely aware to some extent of Doc Scratch!!

TROPHY > Yyyyeah, there's no way this "trophy" isn't one of Scratch' seeds masquerading as a trophy, right? Through which he can keep a closer eye on the rebels? Maybe? Maybe Jude is rubbing off on me. And hey, this actually is relevant to Blaperile's theory that Joey would bring the cueball Jade has in the future, from Alternia to Earth! Maybe this is the one? Lol, I dunno.

POSTER > Pffff, Dammek was ALSO being forced into butlerhood, it seems.

MIC + PICKUP > We continue the conversation where we left off. Cool that Xefros, concerned for his own life, also took the time to check up on his friend. Ahahahh, yes, Joey is becoming rather concerned with Xefros. Either his actual wellbeing or his mental one, she hasn't decided yet. :P It'll take some more to convince her everything he's saying is actually true.

"what's a brother" > what are parents? >:]

ooooh, so there ARE other tetrarchs, meaning it really IS a title Xefros is using to continually refer to his "friend" with. Kind of sad.

MIC > Pffffff, are you serious? The batteries are out on this thing. Oh if only Xefros knew someone running around with a spare set of batteries. :P How's that for shizo tech? Human batteries in a troll microphone!

MIC + MANUAL > Pfffffffff, espiacrooner class. A spy/crooner combo. That's definitely difficult to pull off.

#homestuck #hiveswap #xefros tritoh #reaction #alternia #arena stickball #joey claire

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woopim · 5 years ago

Text

im ranting about homestuck for the sake of myself so ignore :p

also major spoiler warning for the Epilogues.

{also color coded cause its fun}

im gonna vent about homestuck mainly for myself so i dont have to go through this complicated ass thought process again

this also has nothing to do with ships (they all cool you good), pesterquest (me likey that), or hiveswap (i just havent checked that out yet)

also images arent mine, in gif section ٩( ᐛ )و

i love homestuck, got into it waaaay too late (my bad) i read it during the summer (2019) and read it in my free time, all i did. i love all the characters, they mean the world to me Caliborn and Bro cant eat a dick but ya know, good characters...just die tho

so with that said

fuck the epilogues

i know cliche but heres the thing: i read the first chapter of meat and just gave up and read a summary, it didn’t engage me that much and i was warned to not read it anyways

there are some things i do like in the epilogues, you get more in depth with how the kids grow up and their personalities and emotions, i like that. i like the weird obama thing that was funny, or gamzee getting out of the fridge (get him help), vriska coming back, karkat being president or even his resistance thing that was neat.

whennnn jane started being racist, jade being a cock block for davekat (very bad way to word that but i feel as tho jade deserves more for story telling than just that. i wasn't really a huge fan of jade, but how she was written in the epilogues bug me. Totally just made jade this "3rd thing" in a well developed relationship. Jade's more than that, and has her own story and growth. She didn't need to be shoved into that. Also Dave just randomly being uncomfortable with his sexuality again after excepting himself??? Like- why we pit the man back in the closet?), the shit ton of toxic relationships, the shit ton of babies, the VORE SCENE????? and dying....

just no

Example: Dirk fucking said bye world, yep. thats it, Dirk's gone now. And what do we do with this tragic character? One of our most mentally broken characters? Oh we just oop he dead now, lets have a funeral where his own brother is just "well...that fuckn sucks." And then ROXY AND JOHN GET HITCHED??? ON THE SAME D A Y?????????????

and homestuck 2, i was already weary cause it takes place after the epilogues. and i kinda just dropped reading it. i like seeing the kids grown up, i like seeing their kids, the designs are nice. but....the og characters deserve better. they had their good ending after a long battle and complicated time lines. they just deserve to find love without loveless marriage to whoever they feel, healthy lives, happy homes. and for story telling maybe some of the tough stuff, but should be worked through together like the big ass family they are.

just reading homestuck 2 keeps reminding me how screwed up the og characters are now, or the fact some are just dead, and it hurts :/

there are scenes i do appreciate in the epilogues and 2, but the majority just leaves a sour feeling.

so im pretending epilogues and homestuck 2 doesn’t exist, cause honestly it just hurts to know the characters didn’t just get at least a calm ending. maybe will go back to it if something interesting happens but for now its a nope

no hate to Andrew Hussie tho just...owie :p

#homestuck 2 #homestuck epilogue #homestuck #my thoughts #have a nice day :)#long post

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momestuck · 6 years ago

Text

Let’s read Hiveswap Friendsim - volume 10!

We’re over the halfway mark. Nineteen friends. This time, Of Faraway Lands and Nearby Pals.

Our trolls are going to be...

These two.

Incidentally, I haven’t commented, but every troll select screen has a different drawing when you mouseover the troll. Usually they’re just the same troll with a light shining on them, looking more enthusiastic, but you gotta see Tegiri’s one...

In addition to the Jojo-like art style, that’s the katakana character ゴ ‘go’ repeated. For some reason, katakana is commonly used over hiragana for sound effects in manga, such as laughter. So yeah. We’ve finally found the mall katana guy mentioned waaaaay back in Polypa’s route!

Oddly, while ‘Tegiri’ would be valid romaji (although not, I checked, on lists of Japanese names I could find... I wouldn’t want to guess at a pseudo-’translation’, there’s a few possibilities), ‘Kalbur’ is decidedly not, and would be turned into something like ‘karuburu’ if it was transliterated into Japanese. That might be significant...

But that’s as far as my rudimentary Japanese knowledge can take me. We’ll come back to Tegiri shortly. First of all, it’s...

youtube

...beloved The Magic Roundabout character, Zebedee!

I really hope that’s not a coincidence.

Zebede

Zebede is the third and final troll by Magdalena Clarke, author of Vikare and Elwurd. Well, I enjoyed Elwurd, so that’s a good sign... hopefully...

This begins with getting a chittr notification. God, push notifications, am I right?

The name suggests we’re going to deal with the bees that made Sollux’s ‘mind honey’, granting goldbloods fantastic powers. (The game seems to have decisively chosen ‘gold’ rather than ‘yellow’, so I will defer to this.)

Who is this new friend? It seems to be someone who knows Cirava...

Their speech quirk seems to be using z in place of s, but not always.

Zebede invites us to download a video chat app...

Surprisingly, this does not result in our phone getting inducted into a botnet. Apparently the app we downloaded is called ‘grype’.

It’s weird to have so many Skype jokes given that Skype has pretty much given way to other messaging apps, at least in my experience...

He’s really excited to hear about how we know Cirava, and we tell him. He lets on rather unsubtly that he’s lonely and would appreciate a visit. Apparently he lives a long way out, for the sake of the bees.

We get our first choice...

Honestly no idea which one is the instant death option here. Probably asking if it’s really fine, but the ways we die are so random in this game, who knows?

Let’s go with asking where he lives.

We mention we went out to visit Skylla in the countryside, which leads him to... more self-deprecation. Wow, this guy sure is insecure.

And he decides like... we’re not really interested in visiting him. ‘A wall has been raised’, as the game puts it.

Dude, no wonder you don’t have friends.

OK, well, that was a short branch. Let’s try asking about his living situation and his lusus, whether it’s really fine.

Ah yes, play on his feelings of resentment. Get him to complain and wheedle in that way. That’s our narrator.

This guy’s face is so... pointy... I don’t have much commentary to add.

This leads us to a non-choice of saying we’ll go visit him immediately. This seems like a really healthy, non-manipulative friendship we’ve got going on here.

Apparently Zebede’s got some of whatever concentrated loneliness and fetishisation of friendship our narrator is suffering.

The narrator goes through a few friends to try and figure out who to get a lift from... and after rejecting Tagora, Amisia, Zebruh (oh god no), taxis and public transport, they decide the only option is to do crimes. Hey, I can get behind it.

By crimes they mean, finding an unlocked car and nicking it. Unlike Konyyl, they can’t punch locks off.

Apparently we know how to turn on the auto-pilot in a troll car. Not sure when we figured that one out!

Fittingly, Zebede’s hive is full of bees.

Inside, too, it’s a nice rustic bee farm.

We get a text message from... Cirava, it turns out. I wonder what they want...

We have the choice of ignoring it or letting it go to voicemail. Wow, we’re getting a lot of phone calls in this episode! Let’s try chatting with Cirava, maybe we can invite them over and all chill here...

It’s nice to see Cirava again. The protagonist’s weird obsession with collecting more friends instead of spending time with the ones they’ve made is highlighted...

What’s up with that?

The matter of Cirava’s clothes comes up.

Oh right so that’s what happened to Cirava’s clothes... I honestly forgot.

Anyway, Cirava’s a little worried when we say we’re hanging out with Zebede, who they know by chittr handle if not by name. They are worried that we’re tight, and we say we’re working on it.

Called out!

Anyway, Cirava warns us about getting too close to Zebede, and links... his fanfiction. OK, sure. It turns out to be... RPF. Of Cirava.

Oh dear, we’re gonna get into the RPF discourse in this episode, huh? That is something I generally want to stay a long way away from.

Anyway, Zebede comes back while we’re reading one of his fics.

That sure is an expression.

Anyway, when we explain that Cirava linked this, Zebede decides we’re not prioritising him after all, and clearly Cirava is more important than him.

I’m really not sure we want to be this guy’s friend.

He breaks down crying at the perceived slight of mentioning that we have other friends.

The protagonist starts feeling like a dick. There’s a poke at the blurry line between inner monologue and spoken dialogue on the protagonist’s part...

But anyway, that’s that for Zebede’s route.

So, how do we actually befriend this guy? Trick seems to be to pretend we care about literally nothing other than him, I guess. So let’s go back and ignore Cirava’s grype call.

Instead of answering the call, we work on our chittr profile. God, that’s hard enough irl, let alone when you’re on an alien planet...

So, we assure Zebede that we weren’t about to take a call in the middle of a hang sesh, and he starts showing us some pirate films. Then, switches to space pirate films. Poor guy’s really thrown for a loop by our indecisiveness.

The narrator is sympathetic, but unhelpful. Honestly narrator, just pick something. Fake some enthusiasm. If you really want to be friends with this kid...

We suggest watching the last thing he watched on grubtube. Which... seems like a shitty suggestion to me, since like, if it’s the last thing you watched...

But to Zebede, that seems to be something much worse.

You promise you absolutely won’t judge him. We may regret this.

Mostly, it turns out to be videos of Cirava. Yeah, we get it, he’s got a crush.

He shows us some music videos of a group called hatched2dance. I’m guessing this is a KPop (or perhaps JPop) parody, especially given the whole RPF angle...

Honestly like I probably couldn’t stand this guy in real life but I have some sympathies for his whole awkward gay teenager reading fic thing.

Anyway, seeing themselves reflected in Zebede prompts some reflection in the narrator.

The narrator has kind of a freakout on realising how offputting they’ve been - that they’ve been ‘a big phony’.

We’re saved from an existential crisis by someone showing up to reclaim their scuttlebuggy.

The narrator decides they should probably go out and face the music before this troll carves their way into the hive. This wins over Zebede even harder.

We learn that Zebede’s psychic power is... controlling bees. Using the bees, they drive off the troll outside.

And so we chill with Zebede, and the protagonist takes notes on ‘not being such a desperate piece of shit’.

We’ll see if this whole change of heart actually lasts.

The Alternian text in the picture says ‘ALTERNIA K-POP ALL-STARS’ in the Hiveswap version of the alphabet. Just in case you had any doubt what videos he’s into.

Tegiri

And now... time for things to get anime. This is the debut of David Turnbull.

The protagonist notices the edges of sunrise, and concludes they need to make a friend before daybreak. At that moment, someone accosts them.

Tegiri also gets chiptunes, in common with our other anime troll. I think it’s a remix of one of the tracks elsewhere in Homestuck. But it could easily fit in with a genuine 8-bit game.

Reassuringly, Tegiri concludes that since we’re an alien not a troll, he doesn’t have to cull us.

His typing quirk is that he replaces the letter ‘L’ with slashes.

And his character trait is, sure enough...

HUGE WEEB. Though, glass houses, stones, etc....

Naturally, the initial instant death choice is...

Unusually, we get three choices.

I can assert with 100% confidence that if I click anything other than ‘subs’, I will be executed by katana. So let’s try... both are good.

He casts us out for our indecisiveness.

The Alternian text here reads ‘PATHETIC.’ The drawing here recalls a particular anime meme... after some digging I was able to identify it as a screencap of Asuka from eva:

Think this is probably from End of Evangelion? But I can’t really recall.

...god I’m not helping my case for not being as much a weeb as Tegiri here, am I?

OK, let’s try subs now.

...lol, I’m wrong. He prefers dubs. What kind of weeb is this guy?

However, even though we’re wrong on the Most Important Question, we get to come back to his hive.

We can see body pillows around his recuperacoon, an improbable number of katanas, a bunch of figurines... the text above his bed says OPPAI, which is, well... Japanese for boobs. Yeah.

If you look closely at the anime figurines, I’m sure you can identify a few.

But except for Luffy in top right, I’m not sure about the rest. Someone who knows more about anime, feel free to fill me in. Bottom right might be a machine lifeform from NieR Automata, but that seems too recent, and wouldn’t 2B be a more in-character one for him to have?

Anyway...

I like how this casually assumes that the reader knows what an otaku is, but then again who reads Homestuck without knowing that I guess.

The narration says Tegiri has sorted his merch by blood colour, which is like... contradicted by the illustration which clearly has a bronzeblood troll at the top, but who cares I guess.

This guy is just too quotable lol.

Anyway, we get to meet a lusus again. This time, the lusus is actually drawn, not just a filtered stock photo!

It’s also mildly terrifying :D

It’s called Tadashi Inu, which means... well it kind of doesn’t mean anything (‘however dog’???), but if it was Tadashii Inu, it would mean Correct Dog.

Anyway, naturally what does an anime club do but watch anime?

He’s presently in the middle of watching ‘Philosopher’s Half-Iron’, which I’m guessing is a joke about Fullmetal Alchemist? Instead, he proposes Schoolfed Heroism (BNHA maybe?) and Kismet:Stuck Morning (no guesses for this one... I’m a fake weeb).

It’s also interesting that we’re watching on DVDs. If they wanted to go full weeb, they could put in fansub jokes here... but then this guy prefers dubs to subs, so maybe he likes to buy official releases.

Naturally, we run into translation issues.

He wanted the first edition and ‘paid extra for it’. So rather than enjoy the rest of the episode, we set off to have a word with the importer...

I have to ask... how does the troll economy work? There’s hints at a capitalist economy, money is mentioned and we had the guy running the club just now, but none of the trolls seem to have jobs. They seem to just get issued money according to their blood colour?

Speaking of which, we get some comments on troll retail...

So yeah, we’re gonna find another weeb I guess.

If that’s the billboard in the background, it's too small and blurry to work out what it says, unfortunately.

He seems pretty opposed to any ‘rebel sentiments’. Which of course he discusses with the weebiest metaphors. Alternia balances on...

He goes on about katanas for a while, like he’s going down a checklist of orientalist tropes. Naturally it’s a prelude to a challenge to ‘dance’.

We say swords are cool and this gets a little rant about bushido. You know, that self-serving horseshit some guy in the late 1800s fabricated as nationalist mythology...

We arrive at the anime store.

More text to transcribe, oh joy. At the top of the store it says the name of the shop, mentioned in dialogue, ‘SUPER TOPATO IMPORTS’. Above the door behind the counter it says ‘EMPLOYEES ONLY’. On the bookshelf full of manga it says something too squished to easily read.

Anyway, we’re having a look around, but Tegiri starts kicking up a stink.

It’s basically the navy seal copypasta, slightly modified to be more trollish.

Meanwhile we’ve accidentally knocked some anime and manga out of someone’s hand.

Still not getting these references, unfortunately.

The troll with a pink sign is apparently against troll law - ‘depiction of nonstandard hemological attributes’.

This is all going over my head at this point. The references, I mean. Obviously the text - that Tegiri is an entitled douchebag - is clear enough.

Oh, this one I get - Ace Attorney, of course.

Anyway, this is where we get a choice. Do we stop Tegiri straight up murdering someone for peddling the wrong kind of anime?

Obviously we will try. Even though this seems like a great way to end up dead ourselves.

We speak up for the shopkeeper, and manage to convince Tegiri not to straight-up kill him. This leads to... a story, of a previous time he showed mercy, in contradiction to the law.

Of course, we know who this baby - who should have been culled for lacking a lusus, by troll law - would have been. God, I’d sure rather be hanging out with Polypa than this guy.

The narrator, of course, has one thing on their mind...

We suggest that the law, and what is right, are maybe not the same thing...?

The hard decisions such as ‘do I murder this baby?’

The narrator decides they know something about bad ways to manage loneliness...

The narrator manages to divert his rant by asking about his eyes. Which are... any guesses? Contact lenses. For cosplay.

Before we can make the error of accusing him of breaking the law by cosplaying a nonexistent blood caste, who should show up but...

Oh thank god. Save us, Polypa.

Of course he says 何 nani instead of ‘what’. And as for 後輩 kōhai, that’s basically the counterpart to senpai, the junior partner in an informal hierarchy within an organisation, dictating the use of certain honorifics. If my reading of the wiki article is right, he’s using it quite incorrectly.

Polypa lets on that we’re moirails. This causes Tegiri to be a little taken aback. The narration has some fun.

Tegiri claims - despite his huge stack of body pillows and figurines - that he has no time for quadrants.

‘Were it not for the laws of this land’ is most commonly associated with a meme from a Ghanaian film, not anime, but the sentiment surely fits.

Polypa tries to talk some sense into him.

So we end up doing an anime sleepover...

The dog is saying ワンワン (wanwan), which is standard Japanese onomatopoeia for a dog barking.

The text in this screen says... ‘Ore wa kaizoku-ou ni naru otoko da!’, which is a One Piece reference, meaning ‘I'm the man who will be the pirate king!’.

So, Tegiri may be insufferable, but at least with Polypa around we can keep him more or less under control.

There’s a few more options to explore. What if we’d picked dubs, not subs, near the start? He praises our choice, but otherwise, the story proceeds in the same way. I think that’s actually the first time we’ve had branches merge.

Now, what if we let him kill the shopkeeper?

Shockingly, he’s not as much a swordsman as he makes out. And the shopkeeper, it turns out, is psychic, and zaps him before legging it.

I was under the impression that psychic abilities were rare in goldbloods, but what do I know?

We ask like... was that really necessary?

Well, he’s certainly a tool, he got that part right. (Sorry.)

We go to report the shopkeeper’s terrible crimes to the drone, but unfortunately... it seems that the protagonist has a rap sheet themselves!

They can’t pin it on us! We’re innocent!

God, the ‘everything happened’ approach to continuity is still fucking with me. Did we make friends with Remele? Did we not? Earlier, the narration mentioned making ‘between 1 and 19′ friends. What if someone didn’t obsessively explore and replay every branch? They’d be so confused!

But despite his ineptitude with a sword, our attempted escape over an overpass leaves us...

Dead.

I’m sure this shot is also an allusion to an anime meme, but I can’t say which one, so yeah.

That’s Zebede and Tegiri. Not the best friends we’ve made, but I enjoyed the chance to be a huggggeee neeeerrrd in this post. (>implying that I could be anything other than a huge nerd on my homestuck liveread blog)

#momestuck #lets read hiveswap friendsim

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captainarchmage · 2 years ago

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Why CaptainArchmage thinks you should vote Democrat in the Georgia Special Runoff

Once again, I did not, at all, want this particular blog to be devoted to politics or make any political posts. On November 8th, I was thinking I'd *have* to do two, but I'm now leaning towards three as there is this Georgia run-off to vote in a Senate election to see who goes to the Senate, coincidentally, for six years. The race is between a pastor/vicar named Warnock, who is coincidentally a Democrat, and then there’s a former NFL player named Walker with a bunch of women claiming he pressured them into abortions and then there's a bunch of deadbeat dad and domestic violence allegations too on the side.

Really, commander?

Over in Pennsylvania, the candidate was some “doctor” pushing fake medical advice, who tortured puppies (and had a license revoked over that incident), who drank his own piss, tried to suck his sister’s brain out with a needle, and because that wasn’t enough he also mocked a stroke survivor. Also that guy lost, thank God, but quite frankly none of this should be that close at all. That’s one of the reasons you should get out and vote, and, ideally, not for these people. Like any of them.

https://warnockforgeorgia.com/issues/lgbtq-equality/

And all of whom fall on what I call the “Bumper Book of People Conservatives Don’t Like”. I’m toning down what I think about it here, down to that it’s a huge book.

Having grown tired of trying to make sense of the bigotry, CaptainArchmage decided to create his own Hoochie Daddy Short Short Abridged Short Shorts version of that book, which comes down to two words: “Other People”. We don’t need to extend any more intellectual effort and should not need to extend any further intellectual effort to quantify this.

The choice should be clear BY THEN. Check your birth certificate, skin colour, age, bank balance, credit card statements, property ownership, and most people will fall afoul of Republican views.

Yes, a functional democracy is supposed to have checks and balances but when those fail, it is the citizens who have to step up where they can. This is what you'll have to do today in Georgia.

Will Warnock do everything he promises? Probably not, but that’s OK. It’s better than the alternative, which is opening the floodgates to insurrectionists and so on.

There’s always something more, isn’t there.

Go vote.

youtube

Will

#runoff #georgia #@election

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vanillabeenflower · 3 years ago

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Should I Get Into Homestuck?

hhhh.. Should I get into the Homestuck fandom? I’ve been curious about it for a few months now, but I’ve never checked it out fully, usually from being overwhelmed, but I saw the odd video here and there, but recently, it’s piqued my interest again. I’ve been reading a bit of the wiki, and all the information in it overwhelmed me a bit and made 0 sense to me, but it was interesting. The world looks extremely fleshed out and expansive, which is mostly what is making me consider watching some of the readings of the Acts.

I usually have a thing with getting into something that is way bigger than it used to be when I first saw it, mostly because of how much time it would take to “catch up” (like JJBA). Homestuck is no different, I tried to get names of all of the stuff that’s in the HS universe, and I got Homestuck, Homestuck Epilogue, Hiveswap, Hiveswap Friendsim, and Pesterquest (let me know if I missed any). I’m kind of overwhelmed by the first one in the list, which I didn’t know was 8,000 pages long!

Idk, maybe I’m thinking too hard about it, it’s just that I assume this fandom has been around for years, but I was still very young when the original story was first started, and it’s just that the amount of story that accrued while I was growing up until now just sort of intimidates me, mostly because of how long any reading of one act would take.

If you think I should, suggest some places to start and a few things to let me know before getting into it.

#homestuck #I’m kinda scared 😅#idk what to expect #long post #stuff i wrote #random #pesterquest #hiveswap

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irregodless · 7 years ago

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its only like a dollar but heres a review anyway if youre not sure if you want it

so lets review. 38 trolls in total, counting the trolls who come in twos. assuming these trolls are released as individuals for their friendsims, that makes a total of 38 trolls. which makes 19 sims at MOST, otherwise, 18, so either way a full experience for roughly 20 dollars

thoughts:

the art is not bad. ardata’s was better than diemen’s frankly. diemen had a lot of squiggly imperfect lines. most of the backgrounds seem like subgrub caps from the game, but some seem to be unique.

im not good with music so i cant tell how much of it is original and what comes from hiveswap, honestly i couldnt even tell just by memory if the two even had different music. but it wasnt bad.

the writing isnt bad either. it’s very andrew hussie. and where hiveswap felt in its first act like it was going to be very soft and easy, friendsim has that good old dark alternian culture going on. there was one major typo near the beginning and they forgot to highlight one of diemen’s hotdog synonyms like they did for all the others. i know a lot of work goes into making these (music, art, writing, coding, etc) but when the main deal of the work is that its a written and read experience and there are typos (granted only the 2 i noticed) its really disappointing. but not enough to ruin any hope for it

related to that each troll (or should i say both for now) has 3 routes, as expected. there is a “good” end, a “bad” end and an instant loss. the instant loss, for these two, occurs literally within the first interaction and ends, literally, with the character saying “never speak to me again” and leaving. for ardata, her bad end and instant loss were the EXACT SAME with the exact same end screen and name. diemen had three individual endings, even though one of them was just him saying “never speak to me again.” the ending screens are kinda poorly drawn like jailbreak era art, but isnt MEANT to be spectacular. i think considering the entire focus of the game was story and art the sprites could have been higher quality, but i wont harp on it too much

there are not many options. in fact, theres only roughly four. the first which determines whether or not youll fail immediately or progress, and then two decisions that determine if you go to the good or bad route. (ardata had a fifth option but it was only one single option you HAD to choose and might as well have not been an option anyway.)

gameplay for me, lasted roughly an hour, maybe about ten-fifteen minutes under. worldbuilding was not enormous, and theyre still kind of banking on non-homestucks playing it by lightly explaining the hemospectrum and lusii (though to be fair, our character isnt a troll so its fair pc wouldnt know these things immediately. its my hope that depending on framing for future installments that these obligatory pleasantries, but considering theyve made it in a way where you can only buy the ones you WANT to play, i doubt it will play out as a linear story and itll be the same scenario but with different options. i kind of hope once theyre all released theyll condense it into a singular set of options or something i guess

a dollar per hour of gameplay really isnt that promising, but its possible future trolls will have more complex stories which involve either more routes, options, or story.

so, under the assumption the soleils and folkyl and kuprum are their own characters, we have 38 trolls. 19 possible games. 3 routes per troll (including an immediate failure). summing at 114 total routes for 18.81 dollars (might as well say 20)

its........ fun. i guess. i like learning about the new trolls. and its certainly cheap. but if you really just cant pay a collective 20 dollars +about 10 or 15 for individual hiveswap games, id recommend just checking out a lets play of it

if nobody does one id even consider doing one myself for people who are curious or dont want to spend their money on it if there was a demand for such a thing

overall grade: A Repetitively “Not Bad” Experience (That Will Hopefully Get Better With Consecutive Releases).

EDIT: i forgot to put this in but also diemens route is really creepy and like. pedophilic. dealing with trolls is kind of hard in this respect but knowing everyone on the planet is a kid and theres like awkward moments between pc and him just makes it........... erh. maybe im too old, maybe its aimed for people 17 and under. maybe diemens just especially pushy as a person since ardata wasnt quite like that. i dont know. i just didnt like it. it was uncomfortable.

#friendsim #liberal use of apostrophes #id lp it if there were a demand for such a thing as explained at the end

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galaxa-13 · 8 years ago

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Been seeing lots of posts about people discussing new fans coming in with Hiveswap and I figured I’d throw my two cents in.

I want there to be new fans. I don’t want Hiveswap to just be Homestuck: The Game. I know lots of people are going to avoid the game because it is tied with Homestuck, but I hope there’s plenty of others who never read the comic who will check it out. The game just looks so beautiful and fun I want it to be experienced by as many people as possible. I hope popular Let’s Players take a crack at it, spreading it even further. (also just for my own twisted satisfaction I want to watch people who never read Homestuck play it so that I can see them experience something Homestuck-esque, kinda like reading a liveblog for Homestuck [dear god I love Homestuck liveblogs])

If some people play the game and then decide to go back and read Homestuck then cool beans, but I’m not going to push for that to happen. I want Hiveswap to be it’s own thing and be appreciated as such. Should Homestuck get an influx of new readers then I am happy for them getting to find something to entertain them and the old guard should welcome them with open arms. Maybe we’ll even put on a dirty wife-beater and grow out some mullets to really bring the heartwarming hugs home.

I’m not expecting a huge surge of popularity outside the Homestuck fandom. . . but I want there to be.

#hiveswap

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aurimeanswind · 7 years ago

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VIDEO GAMES—Sunday Chats (10-29-17)

There are a lot of video games, and I haven’t done questions in a minute, so those too. Let’s get to it!

ExtraLife 2017

I wanted to throw a PSA in here that Irrational Passions, my “conglomerate” is throwing together our big special ExtraLife show for 2017 on November 11th, starting at 12pm Eastern Time, and we’ll be playing video games and live streaming them for 24 hours from then. It’ll be live over on twitch.tv/IrrationalPassions and myself and Roger Pokorny threw together a little announcement video, since a TON of guests will be there with us! You should check it out!

youtube

That’s really it for stuff I wanted to get out of the way, not games and questions!

What’s on Tap

Two things, that are not games, that I want to mention.

Stranger Things Season 2 is out now on Netflix and I have watched all nine episodes of it. It’s very excellent, and you should take the time to watch the series. It’s fun, and funny, and tense, and has a lot of great relationships between characters.

And actually, above all the amazing things to come out this week in the media world, my favorite, hands down is the new cover album from Ninja Sex Party, featuring Tupperware Remix Party (TWRP). It’s called Under the Covers Vol 2 and it’s legitimately incredible. Easily my album of the year, and I’m listening to it right now while writing this. Dan Avidan’s voice is perfect.

That is all on that front.

The Evil Within 2

So I finished The Evil Within 2! It’s great, very fun, very well made, very polished, and has some excellent mechanics.

I think the weakest aspect of the game really is the story, and specifically in that the performances of the characters. There is just not any one really well done character save for the two major villains of the game.

I actually rolled right into New Game Plus right after finishing it too, and that’s been fun since you just get so much extra points and parts to upgrade your guns and abilities, so you turn into a powerhouse pretty quickly.

It reminds me a lot of Dead Space 2 weirdly enough, just not quite as excellent. Regardless, it’s still a really excellent game and worth a look, especially if you at all liked the first.

Super Mario Odyssey

Joy.

This game is just purely joyous, and unabashedly so. It just takes delight in its own mechanics and creativity.

It’s just a massive breath of fresh air, in a similar way to how Zelda was, but in a totally different way as well.

Nintendo has laid out some stellar stuff this year, and Mario is no exception. While Mario has never held the same special place as Nintendo’s other properties for me, this one channels all the best parts of Mario and his lineage and brings that glee to light. It’s excellent, and I’m sure you didn’t need me to tell you that.

Questions!

Look for my Tweet with the hashtag #SundayChats that I shoot out Sunday afternoons. Respond with your question, and I’ll answer it here on Sunday Chats!

Okay, but I mean is this—

Um... Okay. Yeah dude. You do you. Glad you got a Switch and the Mario and stuff...

But really, a lot of playing Mario for me has been falling back in love with the Nintendo Switch as a platform. I’m curious what you think of it Logan! Glad you seem to be enjoying yourself!

No. For sure not. I also didn’t really love their E3 showing, so who knows. I think Sony is gonna have some cool stuff to show, but I think the “Second half of E3″, if that is gonna be anywhere outside of E3, is going to be at PSX, especially after The Last of Us 2 drop last year. With Uncharted fully done now, we know Naughty Dog is likely all hands on deck with Last of Us Part 2. I cannot wait, with that in mind, even though it’s likely still 2019. But I think PSX will see the reveal of Sucker Punch’s next game, so I don’t know what that leaves for Paris Games week.

This is a great question! It’s hard to pin down, and I’m honored to say some of my favorite things I’ve read this year have been on IrrationalPassions.com. But outside of that, I wanna give a shoutout to Jason Schreier’s unveil of what went on with EA and Visceral, from this very week.

It’ll be in the Checklist section, but it’s kind of the first of these big exposés I’ve sat down and read all the way through in one sitting, and it was phenomenal. It really opened my eyes to the different kinds of struggles that studios can run into that I had no perception of at all. It’s a fantastic read, and an even better story.

I mean, yes. And no.

Taking into account that I know you, and I know you don’t really like 3D games and games of that ilk, of course, yeah I get it. Taking those big ones out, games like SteamWorld Dig 2, Stardew Valley, HiveSwap, Shantae, and more can’t carry a year like the heavy hitters in the 3D space. But I think you have to take that step back and look at the wider "games” as a whole.

To use me as an example, I don’t like Wolfenstein nor do I plan on playing the new one, or Battlefront 2, or Call of Duty World War 2, those are the big games that don’t click with me, but that doesn't mean those games can’t be incredible, and just because I don’t like them doesn’t mean they’re not great or incredible, but my appreciation of them will be different. But that’s my critic’s perspective.

I think that’s okay, but I’d encourage you to keep trying those games you typically don’t like and search for something in them that you can find and enjoy. I’ll try the betas for Battlefront 2 and CoDWW2 and try and try and look for something I like even if I can’t find it, because I’d rather waste my time looking for the good then take the easy road of assuming the bad.

But eh. That’s just me being a goody two shoes as always.

Yeah, it does! I would love to see that extend out to Bandai Namco! Getting games like Dark Souls, and the upcoming Code Vein on Switch would be excellent. But more over, I think they’d be shrewd, and quiet, like the Bethesda team up. Bandai Namco isn’t the biggest publisher, not even top three, but it covers another niche of games that Nintendo can draw to its platform. Those kinds of players maybe are to chopped on what system they play on, just how enjoyable that experience is. Going the obscure route has worked so well for them, and I think this could work to.

Plus I really want a Dark Souls remaster/re-release with some new features/better frame rate, and it being on Switch may be even better.

Princess Peach, Princess Zelda, and Samus Aran.

We’d have tea and crumpets, and discuss cute color combinations and space ships, because I think all four of us would have some broad, sweeping opinions on all of the above.

Another good one, a bit more serious, is Nathan Drake, Marcus Fenix, and... Well, Samus Aran again.

Can I just have a date dinner with Samus Aran?

It’s been crazy weird dude. I wish the world wasn’t in as rough shape as it was :/

Uhg.

Fuck.

This is a great question Miranda, but god fuck all of this.

Okay.

A wolf.

And hear me out, because the wolf would probably kill me a lot slower.

But the same shit with Octopi that is with spiders, which I hate. Octopi got too many legs, and I just don’t wanna fuck with it. And it’d be all slimy. And I know both would ultimately kill me, because Octopi do NOT fuck around, but I can like, imagine the Wolf is a cute fucking doggo and be slightly less sad about it.

Also like, then I’d get to see a wolf, which I’ve always wanted to see, and I never want to see the sea-spider for as long as I live.

He is a v. v. handsome boy Cameron and you should be proud.

I’d say at least two customs, and one robo.

Because I know me.

I’m not selfish.

Save some Robot for the other kids.

I think it’s definitely up there. I love it for sure. I love that it’s doing something different on Netflix, and blending this weird nostalgia and referential material into a really cohesive and well made original thing with its own ideas and things to say.

And these latest season has a ton of Ghostbusters so I’m a fan.

This is so rad! For folks curious, here is the referenced article:

https://www.polygon.com/2017/10/28/16563612/destiny-2-deaf-clan-leviaithan-raid-calus

I just love this shit. I hadn’t seen it, but it shows the tenacity and ingenuity of players from all walks of life. What I’d really like to see, and it’d be hard to set up, but having all six players on six screens in the same room so the Shadow Realm folks didn’t need to say anything, and the ones outside could just look and know. It’d be super rad, and we may be able to do this at ExtraLife, but we’ll see.

I love making new and original solutions to problems, and just like I said with the whole jargon-discussion when we played the raid, this is this team making their own jargon for the raid.

The Checklist

The Collapse of Visceral’s Ambitious Star Wars Game - Jason Schreier - Kotaku - https://kotaku.com/the-collapse-of-viscerals-ambitious-star-wars-game-1819916152

This is the first one of these I’ve actually really read, at least since Klepek’s last one I would have read. And it was fascinating. I have so many thoughts and feelings on this piece, and I know Schreier has a book out about them, and did one for Mass Effect earlier this year, but this is the first one I’ve ever really sat down and read. And it’s phenomenal. And eye opening.

Orc Slavery Made me Quit Shadow of War - Matthew Gault - Motherboard - https://motherboard.vice.com/en_us/article/bjve9q/middle-earth-shadow-of-war-orc-slavery-lord-of-the-rings

This is so, so, sooooo good. I haven’t really read anything on Motherboard before, but being a close sibling to Waypoint, which has skyrocketed to my favorite video game site on the internet this week, I will tune in more after this. Shoutout to OK Beast Podcast episode 65 for bringing this up and reading an excerpt from this. It really hooked me.

Inside the Sexual Misconduct Allegations Rocking NEOGaf - Patrick Klepek - Waypoint - https://waypoint.vice.com/en_us/article/qv384d/inside-the-sexual-misconduct-allegations-rocking-neogafs-last-48-hoursd

This is a weird story for sure. And I wish i could talk to Patrick about it. It’s invasive, but it’s also incredibly well reported, and I think clears up a lot of the misconceptions in the situation. There are no biases in Patrick’s writing. It’s really excellent, and help me get a grasp of what went on on Gaf. And I appreciate it.

Whew, good to get in the swing of things again. I’ll say, we are two weeks out from ExtraLife, and I am going to assume there will not be a Sunday Chats that day. Sorry in advance, but I will try to get my “Alex-Asks-A-Question” style Sunday Chats done like normal next week.

But it’s been a fucking crazy month, and I am so happy to see all the hard work I put in this month come to fruition, and the next big thing is that ExtraLife extravaganza. I hope to see you all watching.

But until then

keep it real.

#video games #super mario odyssey #gaming

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betweengenesisfrogs · 8 years ago

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OFF THE CUFF HOMESTUCK THOUGHTS #3: THE SELF PILE DOESN’T STOP FROM GETTING TALLER OR: THE PROBLEM OF DEAD MARIOS

DISCLAIMER

IMPORTANT THEORETICAL FRAMEWORK

[CHECK THE TAG FOR MORE THOUGHTS]

So, a long-ass time ago, Rose and Dave had a conversation like this:

TT: After you go, what do you think will happen to me? TT: Will I just cease to exist? TG: i dont know TG: i mean your whole timeline will TG: maybe TT: Maybe? TT: Is there a chance it'll continue to exist, and I'll just be here alone forever? TT: I'm not sure which outcome is more unsettling. TG: the thing with time travel is TG: you cant overthink it TG: just roll with it and see what happens TG: and above all try not to do anything retarded TT: What do you think I should do? TG: try going to sleep TG: our dream selves kind of operate outside the normal time continuum i think TG: so if part of you from this timelines going to persist thats probably the way to make it happen TT: Ok. TG: and hey you might even be able to help your past dream self wake up sooner without all that fuss you went through TT: I think the true purpose of this game is to see how many qualifiers we can get to precede the word "self" and still understand what we're talking about.

This is the most important sentence in Homestuck.

I am dead serious.

Well, OK, I mean, it’s pretty important for understanding some major Homestuck themes and shit or something like that.

Also, I totally should have said: Pre-Retcon Doomed Timeline Non-Dreamself Rose but ultimately about to become Dreamself Rose who semi-merged with Pre-Retcon Alpha Timeline Rose and Doomed Timeline Dave aka Davesprite AKA future Davepetasprite^2 or as we all call them around the office, Davepeta, had that conversation.

Maybe you begin to see what I’m going to talk about here.

One of the major frustrations a lot of people had with the retcon was that the characters we ended up with at the end weren’t the ones we’d come to love and know throughout the story. Was it even worth it, to lose the characters we loved to the tyranny of Game Over? The victorious kids, with the exception of John and Roxy, were other people, with other histories, other goals, and other choices.

Allow me to submit that that may be the whole point.

SBURB is cruel. We’ve known that for a long time. It’s cruel not as Caliborn is cruel, but as the cosmos is cruel, as a supernova is cruel. It wants what it wants, and doesn’t care about how that intersects with the needs of humanity. It wants to make universes through a complex game-playing method, and drags hapless, vulnerable adolescents along for the ride. And most of the time it doesn’t even succeed, leaving its champions to rot in a doomed timeline or similar! Skaia’s victory is an amoral creation myth where individual human beings are just the carved pieces on the chessboard. (I mean, the other ones. Not the carapacians.)

Again, let’s consider the theme of VIDEO GAMES vs. REAL LIFE.

Homestuck, let’s be real, is basically some postmodern horror timey-wimey Jumanji. For a generation way more familiar with pixels than cute little tokens It’s easy for teenagers and in fact, basically everyone, to fantasize about escaping their life and slipping into some game world forever, where they get to do awesome things and be a heroic person.

Homestuck makes that literal. Congratulations, everything you ever knew is dead. You will never see it again, except your internet friends, who turn out also to be your family and other important people. I mean, from a distance, SBURB sounds like an awesome game, right? You figure out who you are and get to wear a cool costume displaying that identity. You get to make anything you want and enjoy this hyperflexible mythology tailored to YOUR CHOICES. HS fans talk all the time about how cool it would be to play a real version of SBURB. That’s a big part of the appeal of SBURB fan adventures. They put you and your friends in the story. Or your favorite characters! It sounds like a fantasy come true.

The thing is, as fantastical as it is, it’s also really fucked up, and ultimately you and your friends are being used. By a giant frog to let it have its babies. By the universe. By a smug blue cloud thing that doesn’t care about you at all.

SBURB does not care about you at all.

The funny thing, SBURB features a mythology with so many layers and nuances and seemingly human motifs about growth and self that you might search for some grand ultimate meaning behind it, but it’s not even human enough to have a personality, to be something you can argue with or fight. It just is. It’s all the cruelty and power of a god without any of the dazzling personality. It’s empty. It just wants to make universes all day long, or fail trying. It is a great, weird tadpole-making machine that eats children.

One of the big ways it doesn’t care about you is its attitude toward the self. Humans and trolls and whatnot prefer not to be relentlessly duplicated. SBURB says, oh yeah, let’s make tons of copies of the player characters and use them for a lot of different purposes.

There’s the dreamself, an essential bifurcation of identity (you are now and were always the dream moon princex) that sometimes gets merged into god tier but sometimes doesn’t. There’s doomed timeline selves, who exist ultimately to augment an Alpha timeline whose Alphaness is decided very arbitrarily and frequently by Lord English. There’s the you who exists before a scratched session and the you who exists afterward, who are two different people but started as one baby in an act of ectobaby meteor duplication, your player self and your guardian self. Dead timeline yous fill up the dreambubbles made by the horrorterrors and get endlessly confused with each other. Any one of these could be the you experience being at any given moment, and which one it is entirely arbitrary. Don’t like being Dead Nepeta #47? Tough hoofbeast leavings, kiddo.

To top it all off, in Terezi: Remember, we learn that every single time we thought someone changed from one self to another, was resurrected or something like that, it was another act of duplication. For every time someone’s died, there’s another version of them waiting in the Dream Bubbles, surprised that they’re not the main character anymore. And we have no way of knowing which is which. Even John, good old everyman John, may or may not be the person who died three or four times. It’s really impossible to say whether we’ve been following the same person throughout our story, or just the illusion of the same person, like a horrifying cosmic flipbook.

The retcon is a return to this same theme. Ultimately, there’s very little new in the changes John makes to reality except that they drive the point home.

John’s friends all died. John and his friends won the game. These things are both true at the same time, except those things may not have happened to the same people. There was a happy ending. Hooray! For, um, some folks who may or may not be the ones we care about. In fact, it’s very confusing, because from Rose’s perspective, Roxy is dead but came back to life, and from Roxy’s perspective Rose is dead but came back to life, except also she came back to life as a weird tentacle catgirl of pure id and self –indulgence. So there’s that. Um. Which Rose are we rooting for again?

Or wait: is it none of them, because the first Rose died in a doomed timeline, hundreds of panels and a number of years ago?

There’s a tension here which one experiences between saying it’s okay because it’s still the same people, and saying it’s not okay, because it’s not the same people at all. This tension is exactly what we’re meant to wrestle with. To put it another way, Homestuck asks if identity can work in aggregate. Are all Johns John, all Roses Rose, and do they all share in what they accomplish? Or are the final victors only accidents created by the whims and needs of the frog baby machine?

What I’m saying, basically, is that the retcon, in the sense that it pointed out our confused relationship with these characters, was already here.

In interviews and questions put to him over the years, Hussie constantly compares HS and SBURB to other video games, particularly Mario, which he frequently returns to as a baseline of comparison that most of his readers will know. One answer, from a recent Hiveswap interview, is particularly revelatory. To the question of “Why do you kill off all your characters?” Hussie replies:

[…]HS is supposedly a story that is also a game. In games, the characters die all the time. How many times did you let Mario fall in the pit before he saved the princess? Who weeps for these Marios. In games your characters die, but you keep trying and trying and rebooting and resetting until finally they make it. When you play a game this process is all very impersonal. Once you finally win, when all is said and done those deaths didn’t “count”, only the linear path of the final victorious version of the character is considered “real”. Mario never actually died, did he? Except the omniscient player knows better. HS seems to combine all the meaningless deaths of a trial-and-error game journey with the way death is treated dramatically in other media, where unlike our oblivious Mario, the characters are aware and afraid of the many deaths they must experience before finally winning the game.

The big man hass the answer.

Homestuck is the story of those dead Marios.

Other works, like Undertale, have engaged with this topic as well. But one of the major differences between Undertale and Homestuck is that in Undertale, between “lives,” one’s consciousness is preserved. In Homestuck, it’s discontinuous, and the value of the overall trial-error process is called into question by the fact that you, the player, may not even get to experience the victory. What meaning does victory hold if that is the case?

So, to put it in a nice thesis format:

One of the central themes of Homestuck is the challenge of reconciling an arbitrary and destructive pattern of growth and victory with the death and suffering you experienced along the way. Homestuck asks: is victory worthwhile if you’re not you anymore? And would you be able to know?

What even is the self? Is there such a thing?

If you were left feeling somewhat disconcerted by our heroes’ tidy victory and departure to their cosmic prize, or by how which Rose gets the spotlight is so deeply, deeply arbitrary, there’s a good reason for that. You’re supposed to be.

The philosophical problem of Wacky Cat Rose is insignificant next to the bullshit of SBURB.

And don’t forget—John and Roxy’s denizens helped them achieve the retcon. Ultimately, the victory they achieved was mediated by the same amoral system of SBURB, and was a victory over an enemy, Caliborn, whose power was created, perpetuated, and ended by that same system.

Okay, so here’s where it gets contentious. There’s an argument to be made, which I’m not sure how I feel about, that some of the character development that could have been in post-retcon Act 6 was left out precisely to push this feeling and play up this tension. Note that this is not the same thing as saying that they were deliberately badly written, but that they’re deliberately written to make us uneasy.That Hussie deliberately played with the balance between making these retconned characters feel familiar and making them feel eerily different to leave us feeling uneasy with the result.

I’m not sure I like that idea. It smacks a little too much of that “everything is perfect” thinking that comes sometimes from the far Metastuck camp. Some of the differences may also be the result of flawed writing. (See: Jane and Jake’s character arcs, which I might talk about later.) And I want to be able to critique those flaws. Ultimately, I think we still needed more time and development to figure out who these new people were—even if our goal was ultimately to compare them to their earlier selves. And again, more conscious acknowledgement of the problem from our heroes—especially John, the linchpin in this last and biggest act of duplication—might have helped drive this theme home.

Still, I think the Problem of Dead Marios is one of the most fundamental questions of Homestuck, maybe THE biggest question. It’s essential to understand it to understand what Hussie’s doing—or attempting to do— in the retcon and the ending.

I don’t know that Homestuck offers us a clear answer to that question. There are some confusions around the issue, too. Where do merged selves fit in, exactly? Clearly they’re a big part of the discussion, because Hussie spends some time in Act 6, especially near the end bringing the identity-merging powers of the Sprites to the forefront. (See also: the identity-merged nightmare that is Lord English.) Can we even come up with a clear answer to what it means when a dead Mario returns to life grotesquely fused with Toad? How does he beat the game? Does he tell himself that the princess is in another castle? Or what if he merges with Peach? Are they their own princess? How do they know if they’re in the right castle?

Um. Anyway—

Interestingly, it’s not all grotesque—spritesplosions suggest that personalities that are too different don’t stay together long, so a fusion might rely on some inherent compatibility between the two players. Erisol’s self-loathing, sure, but also Fefeta’s cheerfulness. Davepeta seems to be a way of bringing out the best in their players, a way of getting Davesprite past his angst and Nepeta past her fear. Honestly, I know a lot of people don’t like Davepeta as the ending of these two characters’ arcs, but I can’t help but love it. They’re the ultimate coolkid. Cool enough to know they don’t have to be cool. Regular Dave got there, too, of course. But was his retcon assist from John ultimately any different?

Then, of course, we come to Davepeta’s speech to Jade in one of the last few updates before Collide. Davepeta suggests that there is such a thing as an ultimate self beyond the many different selves one piles up throughout the cosmos. A set of principles that describes who you are that’s larger than any individual instance of you. Your inherent Mariohood. (Maybe this is comparable to your Classpect identity, which attempts to describe who you are?) Davepeta even tells Jade, strikingly, that one might learn to see beyond the barriers between selves. Be the ur-self, in practice, rather than theory. This would be incredible news for Jade, who wrestles with the issue of different selves perhaps more than any other character. (There’s a lot to say about Jade.)

Honestly, I wish this ur-self idea had been developed more, and I honestly expected it to be. It doesn’t fully come to fruition, I feel. (Same goes for Davepeta’s character. Ohhhh, ZING!) I’m not sure it entirely makes philosophical sense, especially with fusion—I mean, doesn’t Davepeta themself disprove it? Or at least complicate it? Like, are they part of the ur-Dave or the ur-Nepeta? They seem to imply they’re BOTH? Does that even work? Does that mean that Marieach is all the Peaches and Marios at once?

(In fact, Bowser/Peach/Mario are but the three manifestations of one eternal principle. Also, Bowser/Peach are the true power couple. Read my fanfiction plz.)

And what, say, of Dirk, who ultimately ends up rejecting aspects of his other selves? It feels like there’s a lot more you could say here, and I wonder if Hussie would have said more, if he’d had time. What’s weird is, none of our victorious kids never reach an ur-self (though to their descendants, they become archetypal to some degree), which one might have expected. They’re just individual selves who happened to get lucky. Does that make them representative of the whole? It feels like something’s missing here, or like something got dropped at the last minute.

Same goes for the idea of the Ultimate Riddle. You’d be forgiven for missing it, but there’s been this riddle in the background lore of SBURB that seems to have something to do with personal agency in this overwhelming, overarching system. Karkat called it predestination, saying something like “ANY HOPE YOU HAD OF DOING THINGS OTHERWISE WAS JUST A RUSE.” But others have interpreted it more positively. My favorite interpretation, from bladekindeyewear: the answer to the Riddle is that YOU shape the timeline through your existence, personality, and choices, even when it looks like it’s all predestination. Ultimately it’s your predestination, your set of events, based deeply on your nature, that you are creating. Someone like Caliborn can use his innate personality to achieve power; someone like John might be able to use it to achieve freedom.

I definitely expected something like that to be expressed more explicitly. Like, a big ah-ha moment that helps John or Jade or whoever understand how to escape Caliborn’s system. Something like that would have been very helpful for a lot of our heroes, actually, who’ve been pushed around by Skaia and SBURB together, in finding a cathartic ending. Once again, I wonder if something was dropped or rushed because there wasn’t time to put it all in. There’s places where you can see hints of that Answer being implied, maybe? But it’s kind of ambiguous.

You can see how the Answer to the Ultimate Riddle ties into some of Davepeta’s ideas. If your personality, the rules of your behavior are a fundamental archetype that goes beyond each individual self, then the answer to whether it matters if one self of yours makes it through to victory is an emphatic YES. You are all of those people, and by winning one round with Skaia, you’ve won the whole game, despite all the arbitrary challenges and deaths it heaps upon you along the way.

This may strike some as too positive for Skaia’s brutality, or again, some way of excusing flaws in many characters’ arcs, or unfair things that happen to them. To be fair, I don’t know that Davepeta’s necessarily meant to be taken as authoritative or the voice of Hussie. They may simply be offering a purrspective.

Hussie not choosing to come right out and engage with the Ultimate Riddle leaves the question of Dead Marios and what they mean for the victorious versions of our cast very open. I like that in some ways—let the reader decide—but I can’t help but wish we had more to work with in making that decision. Plus, it might have brought the thematic messages of Homestuck all the way home to tie them more closely to our characters and their experiences—character development being one of the things most people found most lacking in the ending.

NEXT TIME: All that wacky gnostic stuff probably

#homestuck #off the cuff homestuck thoughts extravaganza 2017 #homestuck meta #homestuck theory #homestuck analysis #The Ultimate Riddle #dead marios #ugh why is tumblr basically unusable #pictures and text can go together TUMBLR #GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER IT'S 2017 WE HAVE HYPERCOMICS #HOMESTUCK COULD TEACH YOU A THING OR TWO ABOUT COMBINING MEDIA

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clevercatchphrase · 8 years ago

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You Monster Chpt.29

[Click Here to Read on AO3!] Chapters: [First][Previous][Next] Notes: It’s September 15th somewhere in the world right now, so I’m just gonna go ahead and post this now~ Happy second birthday Undertale. Despite everything I still really love this game. (Also! Happy Hiveswap Day! It took 5 years but it’s finally here!)

Alphys sprints to the front exit of her lab, squeezing through the automatic doors that can’t seem to open fast enough in her manic state.

The soles of her uncovered feet hardly register the hot stone underneath. Not that the searing floor of Hotland bothered her at all anyway; she was perfectly adapted to the boiling temperatures, thrived in it, really, but in this current moment not even the blistering swelter of the lava that surrounded her lab could chase out the cold icy dread that sat in her stomach.

The ground floor of Hotland was nothing more than a bunch of molten sea stacks in an ocean of magma; islands of igneous rock connected by bridges and conveyer belts which made the path to Waterfall not exactly straightforward to get to. The scientist didn’t let this fact distract her, or even enter her mind to begin with. The sight of her brother about to fall off a bridge had left no room in her mind at all.

She had sprung from her chair the second she saw him lose his footing. Undyne, preoccupied with the human, either hadn’t noticed or hadn’t cared, spurring Alphys into action, hoping and praying she wouldn’t be too late, God please let her not be too late.

The main chamber of Hotland narrowed into a thin twisting tunnel that connected to Undyne’s favorite training area before the bridge where she needed to reach. Rounding the corner at top speed, she nearly collides head on with the two children in front of the watercooler near Sans’ sentry station.

“Kid!” Alphys exclaims half in shock, half in relief. “Kid are you alright? I saw you slip on the bridge and ran here as fast as I could! Oh, thank God you’re okay! Mom and Dad would have killed me if they found out I knowingly let you got hurt!”

“Oh! H-hey s-sis,” Kid coughs as she embraces him. She caught the hint of his stutter on his voice, similar to her own in how it showed up when he was nervous or shaken. And shaken he still was. Kid’s whole body still trembled with shellshock from the ordeal, but she was more than relieved to see him in one piece.

“H-hey, Alphys, let me introduce you to my friend!” Kid says, wiggling out of her grasp and slyly shifting her focus away from himself so he wouldn’t be the center of attention. “Dude! This is my sister, Alphys!”

“Hi,” the human says, extending a hand in greeting. They’re a little unsure and visibly exhausted, but still they put on a smile and do their best to sound friendly. “I’m Chara. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Oh!” Alphys stutters, turning to the human as if seeing them for the first time. A stab of anticipation and dread digs in her chest. Oh God, this is it. They’re actually here in Hotland and she’s finally meeting them face to face. Oh geez, she wasn’t ready in the slightest! Up until now she had been content watching a tiny figure on her computer screen; a detached silent character made up of colored pixels that seemed no more tangible than the fictional heroes in the anime she watched. It almost didn’t feel real to see them in the flesh and hear them talk. She can’t help but stare, trying to take it all in. They’re a lot shorter than she expected.

Alphys gives herself a mental slap. Focus! Now that they were here, she could finally study them! Now that they were here, plans would start getting pushed into action.

“S-same!” She blurts out at last. “I-it’s n-nice to finally meet you too! I’ve been waiting so long to study- I-I-I mean, uh, examine you!” Her brother and the human give her a couple of weird looks. Reflecting on it, that was a pretty weird thing to say, so she tries to smooth it over as casually as she can. “B-because! You have a doctor’s appointment with me! Shoulder injury, c-correct?”

“Oh, right.” The human says, absently rubbing their left arm. “About that, I think it fixed itself on the bridge somehow. It actually doesn’t hurt that much anymore.”

Uh-oh, think quick. She can’t let them get away before she’s had a chance to even observe them up close!

“Oh, w-well a quick check up to make sure everything’s in order wouldn’t hurt?” Alphys suggests. “J-just to be absolutely certain there’s nothing wrong. We’d rather be s-safe than sorry, right?”

“I dunno…” they protest. “I’ve had too many delays already. I really should just head straight to the capital.”

“I-I promise it won’t take longer than f-fifteen minutes!” Alphys assures. “A-and it’s a straight shot from Hotland to the Capital. Literally! You can just take any elevator straight up there! You’ll make up your lost ground in mere minutes!”

The human stares at her, clearly skeptical of her claim.

“Trust her, dude.” Kid says. “Alphys knows all the ins and outs of Hotland. She can get you to New Home faster than you can blink.”

“That’s what you said about Undyne,” the human points out.

“Y-yeah, well, I admit I was blinded by my fangirling and didn’t listen to you,” Kid apologizes and shuffles his feet. “And I’m sorry for that. But Alphys is my sister! I’ve known her my entire life and can promise you she’s true to her word!”

The human eyes Alphys with a look that says “I don’t know if I believe you, but I haven’t go much choice, do I?” written blatantly on their face. Thankfully they don’t say the words out loud and instead settle for a very weary and defeated; “Okay”.

“G-good. Great!” Alphys fidgets. “Th-this way! My lab isn’t far from here.”

The human starts after the scientist, but pauses when they realize Kid isn’t following.

“Kid? Are you coming?”

“Nah,” Kid smiles sheepishly. “I think I’m gonna head home now. My parents must be worried sick about me.”

“Head home?” the human repeats. “But we just got here! Are you really going to walk all the way back through Waterfall after what we had to go through to get here?”

“Pssh! No way!” Kid snorts. “I’ll just take the ferry back to Snowdin. It’s way faster than walking.”

The look on the human’s face becomes inscrutable as they process Kid’s words.

“Ferry?” They say in a strained, tired voice. “There’s a ferry that goes from Snowdin to Hotland?”

“Well, yeah.” Kid says like it should have been obvious. “It stops in Waterfall too. Didn’t you see the docks along the river banks?”

The human’s shoulders sag in disbelief. “Are you saying there was a boat I could have taken to get here this entire time?”

“W-w-well you can only ride the ferry if you have a boat pass,” Alphys nervously points out before the human can have a breakdown. “A-and you can only get those in New Home, so you kind of had to walk all the way here in the first place.”

The human closes their eyes and holds their breath for several seconds. Alphys is pretty sure if it weren’t for the fact that the ground was a hundred degrees, they would have curled up on the spot right then and there.

“If you say so,” they respond at last after a long exhale. “Then I guess this is goodbye for now, Kid.”

“Yeah. But I’ll see you real soon when you come back to Snowdin with the king!” Kid says, resting his chin on his friend’s shoulder as they give him one last goodbye hug. “Take care, Alphys!” he calls out, trotting down a separate tunnel that leads to the docks.

Alphys and the human wave until he’s out of sight. Crisis averted, she turns to her patient.

“R-ready to move on?”

“Yeah,” they say hollowly. “Let’s go.”

They walk side by side in silence. When Alphys isn’t stealing glances of them out of the corner of her eye, her head is snapping side to side, as if on the lookout for spies. Everything was unfolding nicely so far. Now if she could just get the human into her lab before a certain robot noticed they were here ahead of schedule, then maybe she could get a bit of her own research done before he showed up to offer his “help” with her experiments.

He had promised he wouldn’t “start the show” until they at least got to her lab, but Alphys knew better than to take his word. With him, you had to get everything in writing with witnesses for it to really count.

“Is something wrong?” The human asks when they catch her staring at her again. “You seem worried.”

“Oh! Ha, ha,” Alphys nervously grins as she debates how to answer. If she wanted to study them up close, she had to get them on her side, that much she was certain. It was a terrible revelation when she realized how suspicious of strangers they were when they were introduced, especially knowing what plans she had for them in store. Having been deceived too many times already, telling them the carefully crafted lie she had prepared might be too risky, but maybe a small warning about Mettaton was warranted in this case. It wasn’t a total fib, anyway, and it might even convince them to stick with her in the meantime.

Oh, why did Kid have to go and vouch for her honesty and trustworthiness? She had never planned to be a hundred percent open with them, but her brother’s unasked for assurances were certainly going to make it harder to keep up her act. Her initial plan to string the human along had been dashed as soon as she left her lab and met them prematurely. Now all the carefully rehearsed conversations and arguments she imagined in her head had to be improvised. Alphys didn’t trust herself to “wing it”; she liked her plans thought through and fortified with backup plans that were also fortified with backup plans. But now that the stone was rolling and it looked like she had no other choice.

“Well, I’m kind of on the lookout for someone,” Alphys admits, carefully altering the grand intro speech she had planned to deliver in her lab that would have warned this little “Boss Monster” about their dangerous quest ahead. “A-and I guess it’s only fair for you to know, because it involves you as well.” The human raises their eyebrows in interest, urging her to go on.

“His name is Mettaton. H-he’s an entertainment robot I built years ago. You know, to perform for the masses and give people an idol and TV star to look up to? Well, lately his shows haven’t been pulling in the ratings and he’s desperately been trying to find the next ‘Big Thing’ that will make him popular again.”

“Okay?” The human nods despite not seeing how they factor into it.

“And, well, he caught wind of a new Boss Monster coming to Hotland and he has been making preparations for your arrival ever since. I fear if he finds out you’re here, h-he might try and slow you down so he can exploit your status for his own means.”

“Oh.” Their face goes hard and serious, as if already trying to find a solution for the impending problem.

“B-but don’t worry! I-I think I can sneak you p-past him without him n-noticing!” Alphys stumbled, trying to remember her script and hoping the human wouldn’t be able to pick out the misdirection in her words. Sneak as hard as they might, Mettaton would definitely notice they were here before they got to any of Hotland’s elevators. She knows he’d made certain of that. It was just a matter of “when” he decided to make his debut, now.

“Come along,” Alphys urges them. “He could show up any minute. We shouldn’t stay out here any longer than we need to.”

The human unquestioningly follows her deeper into Hotland. She had hoped for this kind of reaction. So far, so good. Time for the next scene.

Flowey sat in a hidden alcove in Waterfall. The tiny recess was so small that only two equally small children could have possibly fit comfortably. The hidden room was filled with a secret spring of luminescent water, a few gemstones on the ceiling and a lone abandoned echo flower. The room had been virtually removed from time; completely untouched and undiscovered since the last time he had been here. Or rather, the last time his memories said he had been here, before with his Chara…

His Chara had always been an explorer, and Waterfall had always had dozens of unmapped pockets of mystery, making it the perfect place to roam. The last time they had been here, though, the echo flower had been no more than a sprout. Now centuries old, it filled most of the room, feeding off the tiny spring it had all to itself. Isolation had not done it any kindness, however. The flower grew bent, its face cast downward, or maybe it was wilting under the weight of its own self-pity. Flowey did his best to ignore it. He didn’t want to admit he could relate.

Despite the time that had passed, one conversation still survived in the echo flower’s memory, which Flowey listed to on loop. He stared off into space, looking for the patterns in the gemstones on the ceiling that Chara had made up. Hidden constellations that only belonged to the two of them…

“Hey Asriel, can you promise me something?” Chara’s quiet voice poked through. They had always been soft spoken and hard to hear if you didn’t listen carefully.

“Of course, Chara,” He mouthed the words while the flower spoke them. “Anything for you.”

“I’m gonna free all the monsters someday. It’s my destiny! But I’ll need your help to do it. Promise me you won’t let me down, okay? I have a plan.”

“I promise,” He said without hesitation. His Chara had always had that effect on him, to make him feel like they could do anything if they believed hard enough, like nothing was impossible. “We’ll free them together. We’ll be heroes!”

How many times had Flowey reheard this conversation? How many lonely hours had this one flower spent in the company of the other? How many days had he spent regretting his broken promise and trying to fix it?

Fix it…

Flowey blinks and snaps himself out of his funk. That’s right; he had given a second chance, a do-over. He could still fix it. He could-

The flower turns away from the puddle only to startle and do a double take. Just for a moment, out of the corner of his eye, he could have sworn he saw a flash of white and the texture of fur on the water’s surface. He could have sworn his reflection looked like…

Gazing into the water, a circular face with six yellow petals stares back at him.

Clicking his tongue, the flower turned away. When would he learn better? Countless times his eyes played this same trick on him whenever he passed a reflective surface, and he fell for it each time. His memories constantly reminding him what he should be, and the reality showing him what he was not.

He flexed his vines and burrowed off. He hated looking at his reflection anyway. Stretching his roots before him, Flowey sensed activity on the main streets. It must be “morning” again. It was time to catch up with the temporary place holder Chara.

Flowey pops up at Gerson’s and carefully pokes around inside with his roots, staying low and in the shadows at the edges of the store. He had watched Chara and that annoying kid and that obnoxious guard woman go in here last night then suffered through hours of that Turtle’s chatter before deciding there were better things to do with his time than listen to him prattle on about the good ol’ days. But now the house felt empty and still. None of its occupants anywhere to be found.

Crap. They must’ve decided to leave the house earlier than he anticipated. He needed to catch up to them and fast.

Burrowing as quickly as he could, Flowey races away in the only logical direction- Hotland. Various monsters crisscross his path on the way there, but none are who he is looking for so he does not stop. Slowly the ground begins to dry out and the earth cracks and crumbles as he digs. When the dirt begins to feel like an oven, Flowey surfaces to check his surroundings. He was almost to the border.

The metal vibration of heavy footsteps headed his way give him pause. He cowers instinctively, knowing the familiar cadence in the march, just in time to see a defeated looking fish retreating from the border. Chara is not with her, which tempts him to fake expressing excitement. That’s right! It was too hot for the fish stick to go into Hotland in a full suit of armor! If the royal guard is no longer with them, then he could possibly get close to Chara again!

Hastily the flower takes off once more, stretching out his vines and stalk as far as they could go, sensing for any movement up ahead. Two pairs of feet catch his attention a ways off and he zeroes in on them like a honing missile. If that kid was still with them, Flowey could easily take care of it.

Digging in Hotland is a challenge with all the underground pipe work and dangerously hot metal at every turn, so the flower relies on his mental map of the region and which islands connect to which as he traces them through the earth, racing to keep up. When he realizes where they are headed, the Flower halts his burrowing right in its tracks and worms his way upward. He pushes through the crust just in time to catch the sight of the Royal Scientist’s and Chara’s backs disappear behind the automatic door to the Hotland laboratory.

“No… no, no, no!” Flowey groans. Of all the places in the Underground, there were very few he could not, or would not go. Alphys’ lab was one of them.

Hissing, the Flower hunkered down. He’d missed his opportunity to get Chara alone again. Once more, he’d have to wait and bide his time.

You feel Hotland before you see it. It’s a choking wall of heat that sucks out every ounce of water from the air. Your eyes get dry and itchy before you even cross Undyne’s arena and your throat is parched and scratchy as the suffocating heat steals the moisture right out of your lungs.

You pass a giant marquee with scrolling letters that flash “WELCOME TO HOTLAND!” on your left, followed by a familiar looking sentry station, complete with snow on top. You manage to grab a drink of water from a conveniently placed watercooler before running into Kid’s sister (quite literally), and said your goodbyes to him. A dim glow crawls along the tunnel walls as you follow Alphys further into the region. Its red color intensifies as you walk down the hallway until the tunnel ends and you stop for a moment to squint and blink as your eyes adjust to the sea of blinding lava before you.

A burning wind blows towards you, hot enough to sear your eyebrows off and you cough at the stench it carries. The magma smells like burning plastic and wax, an aroma you’re intimate with from the countless hours you’ve practiced fire magic on your crayons back in the Ruins.

When you can finally see through the harsh glare, you look around in confusion. A dozen or so islands poke up from the lake of molten rock, connected by catwalks and swathed in steel girders, but there’s only one or two buildings in sight. It’s surprisingly… barren. But then you remember that, while the small towns of Snowdin and Waterfall pretty much have horizontal layouts, Hotland goes vertical, so you look up, and gawk in awe.

Suspended on cables and beams many feet thick are several platforms hanging in the air. Skywalks branch out from each level, leading off into the honeycomb walls where more of the region must be hidden away. Clouds of steam hiss and sigh around you as all of Hotland breathes with its mechanical lungs and the life blood of lava pulses below. You crane your head back as far as you can, but still can’t see the top.

“Th-this way, please,” says Alphys, waving at you to keep moving.

You hastily catch up and follow her into the biggest most prominent structure on the ground floor; a giant white brick of a building with the word “LABORATORY” written in big black letters over the front door.

Automatic doors smoothly part when the two of you approach, and lets out a welcoming draft of cool air. Air conditioning. You gratefully tail along when Alphys enters.

The first thing that hits you about the inside of the lab is its smell. It’s a strong metallic odor of antiseptic and soap that’s strangely alien and achingly familiar all at once. You immediately associate the scent with the word “hospitals” but can’t fathom why. You’ve never needed to go to one before, not when your mother could cure any ailment with healing magic, but the sense of having been here before, or a place alarmingly similar is so strong that it hurts and that unscratchable itch in your head starts to flare up again with each draw of breath.

You slow to a stop, swaying on your feet. Alphys looks over her shoulder at you and practically trips over her own tail to rush back to your side.

“A-are you alright? You’ve gone pale!”

“M’fine…” you mumble, closing your eyes to stop the room from spinning. Ugh, bad idea. The images of glinting needles, blue gloves, and a long sheet of paper on an uncomfortable plastic bed flash across the back of your eyelids. Fragments of forgotten questions whisper in your ears but it’s so garbled you can’t make out the words. Your brain conjures up the mental image of a chicken covered in red polka dots being denied entry to a school house, and you can’t even begin to find a correlation, making you more disoriented than ever.

“Fine? You look like you’re about to faint!” Alphys panics. “Quick, come sit over here,” Alphys grabs you by the wrist and you let her guide you to a semi-empty work bench surrounded by piles of clutter.

Fighting off a wave of nausea, you manage to push yourself up and sit on the table, vaguely aware of the doctor rushing out of the room before returning with a glass of water.

“Here, sip this while I go get my examination equipment. F-for your shoulder,” She instructs you, handing you the glass.

Numbly you take it from her claws. Obediently you take a sip, fighting off the dizziness that comes when you lift your head and squint your eyes against the harsh florescent lights overhead. You swear you can hear them buzzing.

This is the third time now, you realize, when something seemingly arbitrary and benign has caused something in your head to snap and twist. The first time in Snowdin, it had felt like a fading dream. The second time in Waterfall, it had burned like a fire. You hadn’t expected it to happen a third time, and you especially hadn’t expected it to make you feel sick.

Was this to be your fate until you got home, then? Risk getting ill or blacking out every time you saw or heard or smelt some random new thing from here to the capital? At this rate you wouldn’t be able to walk to the elevator, much less talk to the king.

“Okay, I’m back!” Alphys says hauling a large black bag of medical supplies behind her. She unzips the top and starts laying out a plethora of tools you don’t recognize and don’t even bother trying to identify.

“Here, put this thermometer under your tongue while I get my stethoscope…”

You barely register any of Alphys’ poking or prodding while she gives you a physical. While you concentrate on not throwing up, she concentrates on taking notes, gently asking you to stand or sit or move over here so she can get your height and weight and temperature, tests your reflexes with a tiny hammer on your knees, looks in your ears and eyes and throat. You don’t get what any of this has to do with your shoulder, but you’re too nauseated to argue, so you don’t question it. Lastly Alphys asks you to stand in front of a wall so she can take an x-ray then turns to her computer to examine the photos. When your lightheadedness finally passes, you join her at the desk.

“W-well good news! Nothing’s broken as far as I can see,” Alphys smiles at you. “A-and I didn’t see any bruising so I think it’s s-safe to assume that no muscles are torn. Th-they might be sore for a while from being stretched the wrong way, but I can prescribe you a pain killer for that.”

You nod in agreement, and Alphys pulls out a clip board and pen.

“Great! Um, if you don’t mind, though…” Her eyes dart left and right as if she’s not entirely sure she wants to go through with her next question. “W-would you mind filling out these patient information forms first? Legal stuff and record keeping and what not.”

You readily take the clipboard and begin to answer the questions. The first page seems standard enough, asking for your name, age, any allergies or current medications. The questions start to tickle your mind again with a familiarity you can’t place, but you power through it.

The next page of questions seems more arbitrary; “Are you right or left handed? Any magical talents? How many hours of sleep do you get each night? How much weight do you think you can lift? How long can you hold your breath? Preferred food of choice?” You don’t see what these questions have to do with a pain killer, but you dutifully answer them all regardless.

It feels like an hour has passed by the time you finish answering all the questions, and maybe it has from the sheer number there were. Alphys holds the clipboard like it’s the most valuable thing in the underground when you hand it back to her, and she reads it with wide, fascinated eyes.

“Oh my…” She mumbles, flipping through the pages, unaware you can hear. “I’ll definitely have to make some adjustments to my observation notes…”

“Pardon?”

“Oh! N-nothing!” The scientist sweats and puts the clipboard under her arm. “L-let me get that medication for you!”

Alphys ducks out of the room, leaving you to stand in silence. Now that you’re alone, you take the opportunity to look around. The first thing you realize about Alphys’ lab is that it’s… well… a mess. Books and folders are stacked from floor to ceiling, papers and blue prints carpet the floor, trash bins over flow with crumpled scratch work and empty containers of cup noodle, but the thing that draws your attention most are the various work benches piled high with machinery and schematics, and all the white boards decorated with math and colorful heart shapes on the walls.

“O-okay! Here you go! Alphys says to you, returning to the room with an orange bottle with a white lid. “Take two pills with water every four to six hours until the pain goes away. Um, they may cause drowsiness so be careful about where you are after you take them.”

“Got it,” you thank her, and put the bottle in your pocket next to your borrowed cellphone. Suddenly all the gadgets and technology gets you thinking.

“My pleasure!” Alphys says. “Now, the closest elevators are actually right outside the front of my lab. Once you get into them, just hit the top button and you’ll be on your way straight up to the capital. I-i-is there anything else I could help you with before you go?”

“Um, yeah, actually…. You’re good with electronics, right?”

“W-well, I don’t like to brag, but,” The scientist puts on an arrogant smile. “I am fluent in three programming languages and I do know my way around a welding shop.”

“Do you think you can fix a phone?” you ask, pulling out Papyrus’ cell from your pocket. “Papyrus let me borrow his, and I kinda broke it. I can’t give it back to him like this, after he trusted me with it.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” Alphys says with a resolute look on her face, and whisks the phone out of the room for a diagnostics check.

You wait patiently, listening to the sound of whirring drills and pounding hammers and what you swear was the sound of an angry cat that had its tail stomped on, before nothing but silence. Alphys returns faster than you expect with a look of triumph spread across her face.

“Finished!” she declares, handing the phone back to you. You almost don’t recognize it. Not only has she replaced the cracked screen, but the entire outer casing as well with something far more sleek and slim.

“Turned out the battery was just dead, but beyond that, it wasn’t broken,” the scientist explains. “It is a nokia model after all. They’re notorious for being practically indestructible! I gave it a few upgrades anyway since the old design was rather bulky and cumbersome.”

Taking the phone back, you thank her for all her help then turn towards the front door. You walk right up to it, waiting for them to part, but the grey doors refuse to open at your advance.

“Er… Alphys?” You say. “The door won’t open.”

Alphys steps closer, a serious look on her face. “That’s strange. They were working just a minute ago…”

The scientist raises her hand to test the automatic sensor, but nothing happened. She opened her mouth to say something else, but just then the lights when out.

“W-w-what’s going on?!” she squeaks. Behind you, the Lab’s exit doors part and let in a rectangular shaft of magma glow from the other end of the room. Like moths, both you and Alphys turn towards it in time to see a large roll of scarlet fabric bounce into the room and unfurl at your feet.

“Oh no, he’s here,” Alphys whimpers.

“Who?”

Before Alphys can speak, a giant rectangular box eclipses the doorframe, his outline glowing red from the wicked backlighting.

“Mettaton.”

“Alright now! Places, everyone! Places!” His synthetic voice commands as he wheels into the room, pushing right between you and Alphys. A camera crew marches into the room and get into position.

“Sorry I’m late, darling,” The robot says to the scientist. “But all the actors are finally in their place, if you catch my drift! We’re ready to get this show on the road!”

He turns to you and makes a red and yellow smiley face with his screens. “Why hello there, beautiful! I must say, I am absolutely delighted to meet you! I have been waiting all. Day. For your arrival, and your timing couldn’t be any more perfect! Now, here’s a quick rundown of the program; we’re setting up the interview, I’ll ask you the common stuff as the ice breaker to get the audience warmed up, then we do a little back and forth, witty banter and the like, then we’ll just play it from ear by there. Don’t worry about tripping up your words or making any mistakes; we can edit that out in post. Sound good to you?”

You stare, completely dumbfounded as his jargon goes in one ear and out the other. What was he talking about?

“Oh! Where are my manners! I didn’t introduce myself! I’m Mettaton!”

“Uh… Chara?” you say uncertainly. This robot was certainly the most… unique monster you’ve met yet, but right now he was doing nothing more threatening than talking. This was the robot Alphys had been worried about?

He extends a hand and you can’t help but take it out of habit. His grip instantly turns vicelike, and like a lasso, his arm extends and coils into loops that constrict around you, rendering you immobile.

“Mettaton! What are you doing?!” Alphys interjects and jumps to your side to pry the arms off.

“Ah-ah, darling!” Mettaton tuts, and grabs her with his other arm, wrapping her up as well. He stretches his arms far apart to keep you separated. “You can’t make your daring escape yet! We haven’t even started rolling! MAKEUP!” the box demands, and a lion monster with a giant powder poof dabs you and Alphys on the face and leave you coughing in a cloud of chalk.

“PROPS!” a slime monster stretches out, handing the box a microphone and magnetic bowtie which he fastens to his chassis.

“AAAAAND! ACTION!” He turns to you one last time. “Get ready for your fifteen minutes of fame, darling! I’d allot you more but then it cut into my screen time!”

A monster comprised of nothing but two-dimensional geometric shapes with a clapboard crouches down in front and whispers “take one, rolling!”

A chorus of drumrolls and trumpets rev up from hidden speakers overhead as colorful spots dance across the floor.

“BEAUTIES AND GENTLE BEAUTIES!” The robot roars. “IT’S TIME FOR AMUSEMENT AFTERNOON, WITH YOUR HOST! METTATON!!”

A spotlight comes to life right above the robot, blinding you with a flashbang. Cheering blares from all sides with no apparent origin.

“Heeelloooo my Beauties and Gentle Beauties! I, Mettaton, the Underground’s premier actor and robotic superstar, am here on the red carpet to bring you an exclusive interview with a very special guest! Yes, lovelies! They’ve traveled a long way to get here, and I am proud to finally introduce you to the Undergrounds latest…! Greatest…! Boss Monster!” A second spotlight illuminates as his arm retracts, pulling you close to his red and yellow screens. Thunderous applause plays from his speakers.

“Welcome darling! I hope you enjoyed your trip here now that you’ve made it to the highlight of the Underground! Tell the beautiful watchers at home about yourself!”

“Let! Me! Go!” You grunt, thrashing against his noodle arms.

“Aw, camera shy, darling? Well don’t feel bad! It happens to the best of us!”

“Mettaton! What do you think you’re doing?!” Alphys demands, struggling in his grip.

“Oh my! How impertinent of me! Beauties and Gentle Beauties! Please give it up for the Royal Scientist, Doctor Alphys!”

More synthetic cheering erupts from everywhere at once.

“Th-that’s not what I meant!” Alphys shouts. “Mettaton! We don’t have time to play around with your silly TV shows! Let us go!”

“Sorry, Alphys, but no can do! I’ve been waiting AGES for this interview! It’s the opportunity of a lifetime, and I’m not going to pass it up! Now darling, give us the scoop! Tell us what a day in the life of a Boss Monster is like! My twelve viewers at home want to know ALL the details! Don’t hold back!”

“I figured something like this would happen!” Alphys grumbles. She cranes her head to look at you as best she can. “Quick! Pull out your phone! I installed anti-robotic defense mechanisms in the upgrade! Hit the blue button to jam his frequency!”

Despite being jostled about like a sack of flour, you manage fish out your phone from your pocket. You scan the front and find the key in question then give it a forceful push. The phone lets out a high pitched shriek and Mettaton instantly locks up.

“Oohh Mmyy!” the robot’s voice quivers like he’s been strapped to a centrifuge. “Iitt sseeeemmss II hhaavvee bbeeeenn ttthhwwarrtteedd bbyy tthhee ggrreeaatt ddoocctteerr aallpphhyyss!!”

Mettaton’s noodle arms go slack and you and Alphys ungracefully drop to the ground as the robot shakily back petals to the back exit.

“It seems I have no choice but to retreat for now! And we only just got started! How unfortunate! But mark my words, darling! We will meet again! I will get my interview yet, but until then, I will have to leave this episode on a to-be-continued! Ta-taaaa!”

Rolling backwards, Mettaton wheels out of sight with his camera crew close on his metaphorical heels, leaving only the echo of his voice and the red carpet behind.

“Thank God that’s over,” Alphys says picking herself up from the ground and brushing off the dirt from her lab coat.

“Yeah. Well, it looks like the exit’s open now. I guess I should get going before Mettaton comes back.”

“Um! W-wait,” Alphys stops you before you can leave. “I-I was doing some risk calculations in my head, and I was thinking… m-m-maybe I should come with you? T-to make sure Mettaton doesn’t try to get in your way?”

Alphys notices your hesitant look and goes on. “N-now that he knows you’re here, he’s going to do everything within his programming to try and slow you down so he can use you for the whole “Boss Monster” thing and force you to be in his sitcoms! B-but with two against one, we should be able to keep him at bay!”

You mull it over before nodding in agreement. Mettaton would undoubtedly be a problem if you run into him again, and you have a rising suspicion that you would. Who better to have on your side to fend him off than his inventor? At least it seems you’ve finally found another monster who genuinely seems interested in helping you progress. “That sounds like a good plan. Okay.”

“Great! L-let me just get a few things before we leave!”

Dashing over to her computer station, Alphys grabs her doctor’s bag and stuffs it with the thickest spiral notebook she can find and a fistful of pens, along with some graph paper, a calculator, and a few other gadgets you can’t make heads or tails of. You hope all of it is more anti-robot gear.

“A-alright! Let’s do this!” She cheers, hefting the bag over her shoulder, and together you venture into Hotland.

Alphys lets her patient take the lead while she starts jotting down observations as discretely as possible. They’re jumpy at first, as if expecting Mettaton to reappear again from every corner, but the streets remain empty and after a few minutes they start to loosen up again and explore the new region.

Alphys lets her mind wonder as they walk, replaying the events in her lab. The first happenstance with Mettaton had gone more or less smoothly, right down to the front doors “mysteriously” losing power. Now all the pieces were in place; he would appear as the villain and she the hero, all while she could get footage of the human’s reaction on split second decision making. She wished Mettaton had given her a bit more foresight about what his shows were going to be, though. Alphys hadn’t expected an interview. She’d be almost as much in the dark as the human. She guessed, in a way, that that was a godsend. It would certainly make her acting seem more believable. She just hoped she could always find a new way out of each of Mettaton’s gimmicks in all their future encounters right on the spot.

Before long they come across their first conveyer belt. The moving sidewalks startle the human at first, unused to the sensation of conveyer belt transport, but they get the hang of it fast enough, and take a moment to enjoy the view as the sidewalk carries them along. They take like a fish to water when they discover the vents for the first time, and their mood does a complete one-eighty. One could have never guessed they were anticipating being assaulted by a robot only moments earlier. Eagerly, they stand on the slotted metal screen while the heat and pressure built up in the trap underneath before propelling them across the gaps with a powerful blast of steam. They land ungracefully, more or less falling flat on their face on the other side, but they’re laughing regardless, when Alphys joins them. Fascinated, she writes down their reaction as they collect themselves.

Laughter… response… to… steam… vents. There.

They jump across the rest of the platforms with ease, looking quite pleased with themselves.

“I’ve always wanted to try that,” the human sighs with satisfaction, talking to themselves. “He was right, it does feel like flying.”

“He?” Alphys says conversationally. “Who’s that?”

“Oh, uh, just a friend of mine,” they reply cryptically. Hmm, was it the heat that was making them flush or a sense of guilt? Were they keeping secrets of their own?

The sound of a skirmish in the distance distracts them before she can ask them to clarify. Up ahead, Alphys looks up to find two Hotland residents tangled together in front of a walkway lined with laser beams of blue and orange light. She groans when she recognizes the monsters, Vulcin and Pyrope. Generally the two monsters were kind and well-meaning folk, but when their forces combined, explosions of volcanic proportions were sure to follow, along with a dozen cases of second degree burns.

“Vulcin, my hotcake! This was KNOT my idea when you said you could help me with the puzzle,” the rope monster nervously laughs, struggling to uncoil itself from the tiny volcano.

“Ah, ah, sorry,” Vulcin whimpers. “Feet all stuck. Can’t carry you through the lasers. No help at all…”

“Th-they seem busy,” Alphys says. “Let’s see if we can move around them.”

“Wait,” the human hovers. “They look like they need help. Hey! Are you guys stuck?” They ask, approaching without fear.

“Ha ha, yeah!” Pyrope grins. “You could say were a little TIED up! Someone turned on these old laser puzzles which really threw me for a LOOP! All the moving lasers and stationary lasers made my mind go like, ‘whaaat!’ Vulcin here tried to help, but those beams give a really hefty zap! We ended up getting kinda tangled. Say, mind givin’ us a hand? I’d do it myself, but I don’t got any!” Pyrope laughs at his own jokes despite being a knotted up mess.

“No problem,” the human says. “Hold still…”

“Ah! W-wait! Don’t!” Alphys interjects when she sees them reaching out to touch the flaming monsters. “You’re gonna get bur-“

She trails off midsentence when they put their hand on Vulcin’s smoldering body, flabbergasted that they don’t instantly go up in flames.

Delicately, they begin to unwind Pyrope’s coils from Vulcin’s legs.

“H-how… how are you doing that?” Alphys asks.

They wave a gloved hand at her. “Oh, I can’t get burned. My hands are fire proof!”

Alphys gawks for a second then immediately writes the finding down. Remarkable ingenuity with textiles. It was just one discovery after another with this one!

“There you go,” the human says when they manage to untie the two monsters.

“Much appreciated!” Vulcin gleams.

“Yeah! Thanks a ton, hot stuff!” Pyrope adds before bouncing off. He stops when he gets to the laser bridge and turns back sheepishly. “Er, ha ha. Do you by any chance know how to get past these lasers as well? These puzzles haven’t been active in YEARS, and suddenly they’re all back on today!”

The human and Alphys exchange a serious look, a silent name shared between them. Mettaton.

“Sorry, I can’t help you there,” the human shrugs, turning back to Pyrope. “This is the first time I’ve seen laser puzzles too.”

They study at the field of lights. Each beam was like a wall, too high to jump over and too low to crawl under. Some of the lights were blue and moving, while others were orange and stationary, but all of them were buzzing like a hive of angry bees just daring you to touch them and see what happens.

“A-allow me!” Alphys chimes in, boldly stepping up to plate. “I-I figured something like this might happen. It looks like Mettaton was here, trying to slow us down. B-but don’t worry! Look!” Alphys scuffles over to a maintenance hatch on the ground and lifts it up by the handle to reveal a circuit board full of twinkling lights, switches and wires. “This is the control panel for this bridge. All I gotta do is reroute some wires, flip a couple switches, aaand- there!”

The lasers die with a depressing bwoooop, leaving the pathway clear.

“WHOO! You’re on fire, baby!” Pyrope cheers and bounds across the bridge.

“Good job!” Vulcin praises, and gallops off as well.

“That was brilliant, Alphys.” the human says.

“Oh, it was nothing,” the scientist blushes. “B-but if you ever find yourself confronted by lasers without me, just remember blue lasers won’t harm you if you stand still, and orange lasers won’t harm you if you’re moving.”

“Got it,” they nod, and march onward.

“Hm. Mettaton must be more determined to stop us than I thought,” Alphys says distractedly after a few minutes of walking. She honestly had no clue he would turn on old puzzles to hinder their progress. “If he reactivated the laser puzzle, then I wonder what other puzzles he’s turned back on.”

“Do any of them have to do with giant doors?”

“Well, y-yes, but how did you-” Alphys stops when she bumps into the human’s back. They point to two massive iron slabs sealing the way before them. Two computer monitors sit like sentries on the sides, a trail of red lights connecting them to two unwelcoming red “X”s, one emblazoned on each of the doors’ front.

“Do you think you can hack the door?”

“U-unfortunately no. B-but the unlocking mechanisms should be on either side of the door, and I can hack those!”

The human gives her a thumbs up and they head to the right. A terminal screen illuminates at their approach, white blocks appearing on a black background with two opposing ships on either side of the field, and two tiny bullets labeled “AMMO” at the bottom.

“Alright,” Alphys grunts, lacing her fingers and pushing her palms outward as she crouches below the monitor. “Let’s see what I can- w-what?!”

“What’s wrong?”

Alphys points to the bottom of the control panel, still glowing red with recently soldered metal.

“That damn robot! He welded the control panel to this puzzle shut!”

“Guess we’ll have to solve it the old fashioned way then,” the human says, their face setting with a determined look. They turn back to the screen and examine it a little closer.

“Hmm… ‘Move the boxes to shoot the opposing ship.’ Seems simple enough…”

They look down at their available controls, consisting of a joy stick that goes only in the cardinal directions and one big red button that says “FIRE.”

They experimentally toggle the stick, seeing how the boxes react. They fiddle a second more, then…

“Ah-ha!” they whoop triumphantly when their bullets break through the boxes and hit their target. The screen lets out a congratulatory jingle and one half of the door lights up green.

“That was easy! Let’s see the other one!” They say, jumping to the other screen on the left side of the door.

“Incredible!” Alphys murmurs, frantically scribbling in her note book while they study the next challenge. They solved it in record time and on their first go! Their ability to find patterns is outstanding!

The human has no problem getting the second puzzle figured out as well, and with another successful chime, the massive doors slowly part to reveal a line of one way steam vents to push them forward.

“What do ya’ say? Full steam ahead?” Alphys winks.

The human chuckles, and fearlessly leaps on the first vent to carry them across.

The island they land on is raised slightly higher than the others, just enough so neither could see what awaited on the summit. A large staircase leads to the top.

The human forges ahead, undaunted by the number of steps. Alphys follows, thoroughly breathless by the time she reaches the top. God, there was a reason why she never liked to take this elevator to get around Hotland.

“Thanks,” the scientist gasps, completely winded. “For waiting, that is.”

“Of course. I don’t want to move forward in the dark. We could fall off the edge.”

“Dark?” Alphys echoes. “It shouldn’t be dark up here…” but dark it was. Cautiously, the pair inch their way forward, when suddenly-

FLASH!

Floodlights on all sides flare to life with blinding white light. A plucky harmonica strikes up a tune that sounded a near-lawsuit level of similar to another ditty Alphys knew as hidden voices being to sing all around them.

♫Good moooorning all! In Snowdin and-! Waaaaterfall! Hotland and-! Neeew Home too! We’re so glad to see you! Won’cha come with us to play? Here on Android Avenue! ♪

Alphys blinks the spots out of her eyes and looks around. She knew this island held one of Mettaton’s sets where he planned to help her collect data on the human’s problem solving skills, but she couldn’t recognize the set up. The only thing could see was that the set was a mess. The stage had three walls, each lined with shelves and overloaded with toys and knickknacks that spilled on to the floor.

The human leans in her direction. “Retreat?” They whisper.

“Retreat,” Alphys agrees and began to walk back. They don’t get very far. A few steps backwards and their backs hit a solid wall that wasn’t there before.

“Force fields!” Alphys gasps, feigning surprise. “We’re trapped!” Beside them, two marionette puppets of red and blue drop from the ceiling as the theme song ends, and Alphys and her patient stand rooted to the spot as they dance around them against a colorful backdrop.

“Howdy-doodie, kiddies!” the red puppet yaps in a comically nasally voice.

“It’s that time again!” The blue one’s mouth flaps its jaw, moving it like a hinge, and then in unison-

“It’s time for-! Android Avenue!”

Stock audio of children cheering blares from all sides.

“Today’s episode is brought to you by the letter “H”!” the red doll says, its arms flailing like a windsock in a tornado.

“And the number seven!” The blue muppet adds, its googly eyes pointing in two different directions.

“Alphys… what’s happening?” The human whispers, pressed close to her side and as far away from the creepy puppets as possible.

“I don’t… know?” Alphys replies. Studying the puppets, she traces the strings upwards and finds a familiar metal box with arms perched on the girders overhead.

“And now for your host! Mettaton!” Pre-recorded cheering and clapping plays on cue as Mettaton leaps from the rafters.

“Oh no…” Alphys groans.

The giant metal box lands with a hefty crash hard enough to shake the floor and nearly knock the other two monsters off their feet, but he expertly rebounds on his one wheel.

“OH YES!” He exclaims. “Beauties and Gentle Beauties! Darlings of all ages! Thank you for once again allowing me into your homes through the underground’s public access television! Your number one choice for children edutainment! Today is a very special day here on Android Avenue. Please, put your hands together for our newest neighbors, the Royal Scientist, Alphys, and the Underground’s newest Boss Monster!”

Mettaton claps and synthetic clapping backs him up. The human looks more confused than concerned.

“Um? What’s going on?”

“Why! You’re on TV, darling!” Mettaton says, throwing one arm around their shoulders. Now they look really lost.

“I’m on tee-vee?” they repeat, stressing the letters like the word is unnatural to them. “Right now? How?”

“The cameras are broadcasting live, beautiful!” Mettaton explains, pointing to a camcorder barely visible in the darkness that surrounded the set. “But let’s not waste any more time, sweetheart! As our special guest, would you like to help us on our educational adventure today?”

“We can’t, Mettaton!” Alphys proclaims, stepping between him and her patient. “We’re on a mission to get to the king, and you won’t stop us!” She looks over her shoulder at human. “Use your phone!”

It takes them a second to understand, but when it clicks they scrabble to get their cellphone out and swiftly press the blue button…

…but nothing happens.

“Sorry darling!” Mettaton says. “That trick won’t work on me twice! I’ve installed frequency jamming frequency jammers in my software since we last met! Oh! And don’t even think about trying to escape! I’ve also installed my world famous MTT force fields on every wall! They only allow robots to pass through! Now, we’re all about manners here on Android Avenue, so I’ll politely ask you again; would you like to help us today?”

“Ugh, let’s just play along,” Alphys grumbles to you quietly. “You distract him and I’ll see if I can tap into the force field’s security system.”

The human nods then turns back to Mettaton. “I’ll help you.”

“Brilliant! As you already know, today’s episode is brought to you by the letter “H”! Now darling, can you find all the things in this room that start with the letter “H” in less than one minute and put them in this basket?” As he speaks, a table rises from the floor. Mettaton opens a port in his side, pulls out a plastic basket and places it on the tabletop. As stealthily as she can, Alphys begins to tip toe to the far wall and feel along its edges.

“Okay, but only if you let us go afterwards.”

“Ooh! Raising the stakes are we?” Mettaton teases. “Very well then! I’ll agree to your terms if you’ll agree to mine!”

The human glances at Alphys who’s apparently found another control panel. She mouths ‘Keep him talking!’ to them as she furiously taps away at a small keyboard. They look Mettaton in the eye. Er- screens. “Shoot.”

“Find all the things that start with “H” before the time is up…” Mettaton says. “Or you’ll have to become a resident of Android Avenue… PERMINANTLY!”

The human swallows a lump in their throat. They nod.

“Excellent!” Above them, a giant cartoonish stop watch lowers, its second hand ready and waiting at the twelve o’clock. “Good luck darling! You’re gonna need it!”

Mettaton raises his right hand in a gun shape. “On your mark! Get set! GO!” The cap of his pointer finger pops opens to reveal a tiny flag that reads ’bang!’

Springing into action, the human frantically begins to search the shelves on the wall opposite of Alphys, keeping Mettaton’s focus away from her. They lunge for an item they saw on the top shelf -a hammer- and place it in the box. Alphys turned away from them to focus on the key pad and pretended to work. The force field wasn’t hard to hack at all; it would allow them to pass as soon as the timer was up regardless, but for now she had to make this look convincing and let the cameras get as much data as possible.

She wiped away a line of sweat beading on her brow. The situation was tense nonetheless. This isn’t what she agreed on with Mettaton at all. There wasn’t supposed to be any threats of kidnapping or being held hostage on a film set. She was beginning to regret making a deal with him to get screen time with the human. He was too much of a loose cannon.

Over head the ticking of the stop watch grew ominous as time drew closer. The human sifted through each object on the back wall, found a plastic horse and a hair brush, and tossed them in the basket.

“Fifteen seconds left!” Mettaton warned. The human grabbed for a hat, a toy harp, and a picture of a hexagon off the floor.

“Five! Four! Three! Two…!”

One last look around, and the human scooped up a bike horn from over Alphys’ head, lobbed it towards the basket, and hit the mark.

A buzzer sounded.

“Times up!” Mettaton announced. Extending one arm, he retracted his hand down the vacuum tube limb and swapped it out for a broom head appendage then swiftly swept all the extra clutter off the edge of the set into the lava below. The backs of each shelf opened as each ledge tilted upward, clearing the walls and becoming smooth and flush. The room was clean.

“Now! Let’s see how you did!”

Dumping the contents of the basket onto the table, he laid them out straight and pointed to each one.

“Oooone! Twoooo! Threeeee!” Children’s voices counted as he pointed to each one. “Siiiix! Seven!” Cheering exploded along with confetti raining down from the ceiling.

“You found seven objects that start with the letter “H”! And seven just so happens to be the number of the day! Congratulations!”

“Does this mean I won?” The human pants.

“First let me check with our judges,” Mettaton says, putting a finger up to the side of his casing as if listening to an ear piece. The screens on his front flash in a checker board pattern of red and yellow before making a frowny face.

“Oh my… it seems you found all but one of the things that start with “H!” How unfortunate!”

“W-what did I miss?” The human asks.

“Darling, don’t you see? The answer’s still in this room!”

Alphys stiffens. Was he about to? No, he wouldn’t! He promised!

“Darling, you missed… the Handsome Robot! I’m sorry, beautiful! Looks like you’re moving into an apartment on Android Avenue! Let me draw up your lease!”

Like a bush viper, Mettaton’s arms explode outward, snaking towards the human who anticipated the move and expertly dodges. Ha! Looked like old tricks wouldn’t work twice on them either!

“Quick! This way!” Alphys shouts. “I recalibrated the force field!”

The human bolts towards her, the robotic TV star zooming right behind. Together, she and the human dive through the force field before the arms can grab them. Unable to slow down fast enough, Mettaton hits the invisible wall with a reverberating clang.

“Oh my? What’s this?” Mettaton asks, gesturing in an over the top theatrical manner. “Why can’t I pass through my MTT brand force field?”

“B-because I’ve reprogrammed it to let everything pass through BUT robots!” Alphys exclaims. “You’re trapped!”

“Rats! I have been foiled again by the Great Doctor Alphys!” Mettaton pontificates. “But do not think you have seen the last of me, you two! You may have one this battle but I shall win the war! Thank you for watching and tune in next time my beautiful audience! Adieu!”

With that, Mettaton retreats once again, scrolling back across his set as the light fade out once more.

“Well that didn’t sound ominous at all,” the human says sarcastically. “How much further until the elevator?”

“Just around the next bend,” Alphys says.

“Good. The faster we get there, the faster we can put this all behind us.”

In silent agreement, the two continue on once more, eager to put as much distance between themselves and the robot as possible.

#You Monster #undertale #fan fiction #my writing #Alphys #Mettaton #Flowey #Frisk

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