#maybe everyone noticed this weeks ago idk but i just saw

[purecommemasolitude]

NEW SPOTIFY HEADER SINCE WHEN

(rip the bottom half of bojan's face)

[halohalona]

Letting Go

Old memories resurface so Logan reminds you who is truly there for you.

Logan Howlett x Reader

a/n: the fics I'm starting to write are getting more and more self indulgent and the situations are getting hyper-specific. Not only do I want to be with Logan, on so many different levels, he's also become such a comfort character to me (or maybe it's just hugh jackman idk). ANYWAY, this has been sitting in my drafts for a while now so enjoy the short fic

masterlist

warnings/tags: more emotional hurt/comfort, Logan is probably a little or a lot ooc here, I wanna specify this is the movie logan and not the comics, betrayal? idk, I probably forgot a few details about Wolverine here

Logan noticed you've been quiet recently. Not only that but you've been avoiding him. One time when you rounded a corner of the mansion's many hallways you immediately turned back the way you came when you saw him. Did he do something wrong? Every time he tried to talk to you, you would run away.

He asked Ororo if she knew what was going on but she didn't know either. He asked Jean but she didn't know anything either, but he did find out that you've been avoiding everyone. Scott, Ororo, Jean, Hank— not just him. It even came to the point where he asked the professor himself and all he said was, “She needs her space.”

He was at the library looking for a specific textbook he needed for his next class when he heard sniffling from a secluded corner of the library— your corner. You told him once that you've pretty much claimed that part of the library for yourself since it was secluded and quiet enough that no one would bother you as you worked.

He slowly and quietly walked over. Sure enough you were there. Your laptop was in front of you, folders neatly stacked around you on the table, and your bag placed on the side facing the main library, likely to hide your face.

He sat in front of you, gently moving the folders to the side before speaking.

“Hey.” he said softly.

You jumped and quickly wiped your face but your head was still down. “What are you doing here?”

“I heard you crying, of course I'm gonna go check on you. You've been avoiding me all week. Something's going on, and as your boyfriend I want to know.”

You don't say anything.

“Is this about Eve?”

Silence.

He leans back on the chair crossing his arms. “You know that was years ago right?”

Eve was a close friend of yours. You both have been friends for almost two years back in high school. She was someone who stood by you through your toughest times, and at the time there was a lot, specially since that was same point in your life your mutation decided manifest. But then you guess they got sick and tired of having to deal with what you were going through with you because one day you learned from your best friend, who was a mutual friend of yours, that she planned on cutting you off. You don't remember exactly what she said but one thing was clear to you, she no longer wanted any relationship with you, not even an acquaintance. What stuck with you was the promise she made a year prior: “If you think I'm gonna leave you, I won't,” which ended up being a lie.

It's been years, you know that it's time to move on, but every now and then it haunts you. You've been keeping people at arms length since then, not sharing much about yourself aside from the basics: name, age, and what you like to do in your free time. Although you've opened up a bit when you started dating Logan, you've share a few things about Eve, but you still hold back in fear of the whole thing to happen again.

“You have to let it go. I'm not saying this to be dismissive, I'm saying it because holding on to it will prevent you from finding people who actually care for you.” he unfolds his arms and leans on the table closer to you. “Like I've said before, if she was able to let you go so easily, then maybe she wasn't a good friend to begin with.”

He walks over to your side of the table and kneels beside you. Gently, he places his hand on the side of your face lifting it up to make you look at him.

“I know it hurts to be abandoned by someone you cared for deeply, but dwelling on what happened won't bring them back. It's time for you to focus on the people who genuinely care about you. Ororo, Jean, Hank, Scott, pretty much everyone in the mansion, and of course me.”

Your eyes start to well up again, a couple tears escape, sliding down your cheek. Logan gently brushes them away.

“I know she's told you this but when I say I won't leave you, no matter how hard things get, I mean it. I love you and I care for you, remember that.”

You look into his eyes for any sign of deceit and seeing none, he genuinely means it. So for the first time in years, you trust those words. You lean your forehead on his “I believe you. And thank you.” you whisper.

[blythsholland]

No More Secrets!

Pairing: Tom Blyth x Actress!reader

Warnings: None.

Summary: You join the cast of TBOSAS, sparks fly between you and Tom, and fans are quick to notice some things.

AN: For the sake of this social media au, let’s pretend spiderman: no way home was being filmed as well!

part 2

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

thehungergames posted a photo

liked by youruser, variety, tomblyth, zendaya and others.

thehungergames Rising Star @ youruser has joined the cast for the upcoming Hunger Games prequel: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, lead by Tom Blyth and Rachel Zegler. Character details still unknown. (📸 Getty)

View all 2,345K comments

youruser I’m so happy and excited to join such wonderful cast! 🤍🤍🤍

tomblyth Welcome to the hunger games! 🐍🕊️

↪️ youruser Can’t wait to work with you! 🫶🏻

↪️ user The hands heart emoji… oh I ship it already!

rachelzegler Fans aren’t ready! 👀

userfan If I have to guess, I’d say she’s playing someone from the academy. Maybe even have a relationship with Coryo.

comment liked by youruser

↪️ youruser You just have to wait and see!🤫

user1 AHHHH IM SO HAPPY. I just know she’s going to be amazing in this!

youruser posted a photo

Liked by tomblyth, tomholland2013, jacobbatalon, zendaya and others.

youruser That’s a wrap on No Way Home! 🎬 Grateful for this amazing opportunity! Catch me in the FoS crew!!! Iykyk 🕸️🕷️

View all 2,123k comments

zendaya I’m going to miss youuuu 🥺

↪️ youruser I’m gonna miss you too :(

jacobbatalon FoS crew let’s goooooo!! 🤙🏽

tomholland2013 now why would you post that pic of me giving the finger 😂

↪️ youruser your beautiful girlfriend told me to post and I follow orders!

↪️ zendaya you bet I did! sorry love @ tomholland2013 😂🩷

userfan1 FoS?!?!? What does that mean???

user @ userfan1 It means friends of spiderman. If you saw FFH they mention this towards the end!

blythloverrrr This is like the 4th consecutive post Tom has liked of youruser 👀

↪️ youruserfans1 right 👀 apparently he also liked one or two edits of her not too long ago.

↪️ blythloverrrr that’s interesting ✍🏼

youruserupdates_

liked by user1, blythloverrrr, userfan22, and others.

youruserupdates_ @ youruser posted on her story this morning on her way to Berlin . And surprise, a fan spotted Tom Blyth picking her up at the airport. The two of them shared a hug that looked very cozy. 👀

View all 125 comments

blythloverrrr that’s a cozy hug indeed. ✍🏼

userfan2 relax guys, they’re just friends!

user1 @ userfan2 who’s saying they aren’t?

youruserfans okay but can we acknowledge the fact that he went to pick her up? that’s so sweet!

user23 I ship them idc!!!

user3 him liking almost all her posts, liking some of her edits and now he’s picking her up??? Something is happening idk. 🫢

blythfan can a guy and girl be just friends? let them be!

youruser posted a photo

liked by tomblyth, tomholland2013, zendaya, rachelzegler and others.

tagged: tomholland2013, zendaya, rachelzegler, tomblyth

youruser Life lately 🤍

View all 4,589K comments

tomholland2013 gonna tell Sony to make that pic of me the official poster for nwh 😂

↪️ youruser you’re so unserious 😭

hunterschafer I’m going to meet you as soon as I get on set next week!

↪️ youruser YES PLEASE! 🥹

rachelzegler 🩷🩷🩷 that pic tho, tom can’t never be serious.

lionsgate Coriolanus snow, part time model!

user1 that pic of Tom belongs on an art museum!

blythloverrrr okay but the last pic??? Is everyone seeing this??? 👁️

user123 IS THAT TOM ON THE LAST PIC?? THE HAND HOLD??? THE ROSE???

user Yeah they’re definitely dating, I have no proof but I also have no doubts 👀

tomblyth 🤍🤍🤍

comment liked by youruser

↪️ youruser 🥰

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

part 2? 👀

If you want to be tagged let me know!!

[mimiyewaffles]

A FEW INTERESTING THINGS

I guess I need help

So if y'all dont know, I'm trying to revise my boyfriend's d3ath.

It's been two months since I have been affirming and a few days since I got into the concept of void. Now, I'm trying to get into the void.

I've noticed a few crazy things, that I would love to share.

I've always affirmed that “everyone will forget about my boyfriend's demise because it was just my nightmare and no such thing ever happened. He's all alive and healthy” So I guess my affirmations are kinda playing out.

1.

When I got to know about his demise, I sent him like 100 texts that day, I was so emotional and poured down everything to him. He not only is my boyfriend, but also is my best friend. The bestest friend ever and it was the worst day of my life. I was never ready to lose him.

I sent those 100 texts to him on Snapchat and obviously, my texts were just delivered. Nobody read them because that "nobody" Was long gone. I'm talking about feb, 2024. So I checked his snapchat after a few days of emotional ranting, and those texts didn't show up. I thought it might be a glitch and now after like 3 months, I went back to check on him because I missed him and guess what? ALL OF THOSE TEXTS ARE GONE!

Now idk if I'm tweaking but wtf? Snapchat has this feature where messages get deleted after 24 hours of being seen. But nobody saw my messages to begin with, where are those texts????

Like... All the snaps, that were sent before those texts and even after those texts are still in delivered, not seen.

Can anyone tell me if this is a glitch? This couldn't be, right? It's been 3 months to that incident, if it were glitch, it would have been fixed by now but idk-

2.

My bf would post about his travelling and stuffs in Instagram reels and I often visit his account to look at him all alive once again and one day, I noticed one of his reels cover has changed 💀 and I even showed it to my sister and friend and they were shocked too. I thought it might be a glitch too. But it stayed like that for 3 days and then switched back to what it was before.

This might be a glitch idk honestly but my friend said it might be a "timeline/dimensions overlapping"

3.

Two of my close friends are really logical minded and I never told them about my manifestation/shifting to a reality where my bf never got into an accident, because they wouldn't believe me. They don't even believe in multiple realities... So, not worth it.

A week ago, I texted one of these friends, saying that I feel like my bf is alive (emotional ranting) and all she told me was to hold up and move on, I'm thinking way too much 😮‍💨

And that's that. We didn't talk much about it.

After a few days of that, she texted me herself telling me that she feels the same. She feels as if my bf is alive too and maybe faking a death. We didn't get into the conclusion but yeah, we are still in doubt.

Also I would daydream about meeting my bf once again and i would make infinite possibilities to proof my reasoning mind that he's alive. So one of my imagination was my friend texting my bf's brother (they have nothing in common, they don't even know each other yet I imagined them talking) and his brother would say that my boyfriend is actually alive. And that scene exactly happened, except for the alive part. my friend talked to his brother to get his "last" Pics and guess what? They don't have that. Which is super weird because that accident just happened this year and those photos are gone. I texted one of his other brother who always replies to my texts and always give me updates about how their family is grieving but when I asked about pics, he left me on seen— again very weird.

Moreover, all of them (his family members) have moved on completely. They are enjoying and travelling. Idk how but like in a month of my bf's demise, they started partying a stuff which is super weird to me.

.....

I guess my affirmations are kinda becoming true. My 3D is maybe conforming slowly (?) Idk 😭

Lemme know what y'all think. Any tips on revising such thing would be appreciated. Thanks for reading 🎐

I'm sorry if I don't make any sense, I'm probably being delusional. Sorry for the rant 🥲🤌

[gh0stsp1d3r]

omggg I saw that you are taking requests for pjo x obx and I just had to come here with one.

Imagine reader is the daughter of Apollo (maybe Cleo’s twin) and she they have arrived there a couple of weeks ago, rafe was not too keen on her but they get paired in one of those games/missions on the camp and after that he just decides that she ‘needs’ someone to protect her? Like even though she’s Cleo’s sister she’s more quiet and not as bold as her twin? Idk how else to explain it lol

I love your writing and I believe that you’ll do an amazing job if you’re comfortable with this one 🫶🏻

TYSM FOR THIS I LOVE IT SM AHHH!! ❤️ im so glad u like my writing !!

𝒞𝒶𝓉𝒸𝒽 𝓉𝒽ℯ 𝑔ℴ𝓁𝒹 𝓁𝒶𝓊𝓇ℯ𝓁𝓈

ok this game was literally one of my favorites for no reason lol, it was just silly and fun ?

Masterlist

You had gotten to camp sort of late, something some campers disliked. You quickly learned and caught on about the cabins and their children.

For example, the Ares children were people who you would want to be paired up with in a game like this. And the Demeter children were people you wouldn’t.

You were shocked when you heard that you’d been picked for the game.

“You know you’re getting partnered with Rafe cameron for the game tonight?” One of your friends told you at lunch, your fork dropped and you stared at her.

“No way.”

“Yes way.”

—-

“Hey, the pairings out.” One of his siblings told him, sitting down next to him. Rafe stopped his movements, turning to his siblings.

“Who am I with?”

“You’re with that Apollo girl, y/n.”

“You serious right now? An Apollo kid for the gold laurels?” He groaned in annoyance, scanning the tables for you. “I mean, I met the girl and she’s nice, but nice isn’t exactly gonna get us a win.”

“Well, I mean, her sister’s pretty badass. She beat half the kids here, including some of us.”

“I guess.” He grumbled, sighing and continuing to eat.

Later that day, he actively looked for you, even asking around. Eventually, he found you, giggling among some of your friends when he came along.

He looked pissed off about something, his hands shoved into his pockets and he towered over your entire friend group. Everyone’s smiles disappeared, and everyone looked up at the man.

“Y/n, right?” Was the first thing he said to you, everyone looking at you and back at the man.

“Uhm… yeah.” You told him quietly. “You’re Rafe?”

He just nodded, waiting on your friends to leave. Which they did. They quickly dispersed when he glanced at them.

“We met before, right?” He asked you, scratching the bell of his neck.

“Uhm.. at that one party.”

“Right…” he had accidentally spilled a drink on your shirt, making you leave the party before he could even apologize or get a word out. “you saw that we’re partnered together for the game?”

“Yeah.” You nodded this time, not sure what else to say.

“We could train together, for a little. I’ll tell you how the game works and shit.” He suggested, and your heart raced.

“I-I mean- sure. Yeah. Okay.” You stuttered, eyebrows raising. “But I- I need to grab my sword and stuff. It’s back at my cabin.”

He nodded, and followed you there. He stood at the doorway of your cabin, leaning against it. You siblings whispered and looked at you and him.

“Where you going now?” Cleo asked you, furrowing an eyebrow as she watched you all over to Rafe.

“Uhm- I’m just going to train. For later. See you, cleo.” You gave her a small wave, looking down at the ground as you followed Rafe’s

One thing he noticed while training with you, you were good, but you weren’t exactly your sister. You were quieter, not as bold.

—-

He disarmed you, knocking your sword to the ground, holding his to your neck. He raised it so it hit your chin.

You both stared at each other for a moment before he lowered his sword, your cheeks warming up as you stumbled back a step.

He didn’t say a word, just stared at you before snapping out of his daze.

“C’mon. We should get ready.” He told you, turning around, grabbing his sword, holding it against the back of his neck and beginning to walk.

You fumbled for your own sword, quickly grabbing it and running to catch up with Rafe, who stole glances at you every once in a while.

You all met up where it would begin, while Chiron walked you through the game. There was 6 cages, four other teams.

“The cages have 6 ten foot scorpions in them.”

Your eyes widened, looking at Rafe and back at the cages.

“Each of them have a package on their tails, your objective is to find the one with the golden laurel. If you find it, you must slay the scorpion in order to win.

“Kill it? They look huge!” You whispered to Rafe.

“There’s nothing to worry about.” He shrugged nonchalantly. “Promise, these scorpions aren’t getting near us. Just follow my lead and you’ll be fine.” He told you, getting in a ready stance with his sword, waiting for the scorpions to be released.

You did the same, looking at him and mirroring his stance, eyes widening and heart thumping against your chest as you watched the scorpions get released.

It wasn’t long before you both got cornered by two scorpions, Rafe had an arm extended behind him, putting it protectively in front of you and motioning for you to get behind him.

They were huge, you were practically shaking in fear and Rafe could feel it when you pressed your body to his.

He glanced down, looking for anything to distract them with. He saw a pretty good sized rock. He glanced over his shoulder, whispering to you.

“Pick the rocks up and throw them towards the kids over there.” He told you, you nodded, bending over and picking up multiple rocks, throwing the rocks repeatedly into the large field.

The distraction had worked, both scorpions turned around and you both took the opportunity.

He pointed to the package to the one on your side and he went to the one on his. You both successfully untied and grabbed both packages, Rafe ripping his open to find nothing.

You ripped it opened, finding the golden laurel just as the scorpion had turned around.

You held it up, looking at Rafe who smiled at you. Not enough time to celebrate however, as the scorpion noticed you and whipped its tail around violently, its eyes set on you.

Your smile faltered, face turning into an expression with fear again. Rafe’s smile fell, quickly getting back into his fighting mode, his grip tightening on his sword as he dashed over to you.

The scorpions claws snapped, all legs moving towards you. You fumbled for your sword, grabbing it and holding it in front of you.

You swiped at its hard claws, but Rafe was quick to be in front of you again. He furrowed his eyebrows, examining the scorpion and thinking of how to kill it.

“The legs. Go for the legs.” He told you quietly, you nodded again, focusing up and the both of you ran to the sides of the scorpion, chopping off its legs all while avoiding the stinger.

The scorpion was now struggling to move, Rafe hopping on it, and stabbing it repeatedly until it fell.

He panted, looking up at the sky, shutting his eyes as they announced you both were the winners.

The corners of his mouth twisted up, and he opened his eyes, looking over to you. You were smiling right back at him.

Maybe you weren’t so bad, he thought as he hopped off the giant scorpion, making his way to you, both of you standing next to each other with smiles as medals were wrapped around your necks.

“You did good.” He told you when Chiron walked away.

You smiled at him. “You did most of it.”

“Nah, you found it. Give yourself some credit.” He told you, patting your shoulder and walking away to celebrate with his friends and siblings.

[tartigglez]

I saw you were taking a break and I hope everything with you is okay I love your writing! <3 long time lurker here.

Whenever you are doing better or feel up to it I was wondering if I could make a request for Megumi x fem reader. She’s like way shorter than him and she’s also a sorcerer, it would take place in like the canon time period (idk if I’m saying that right haha). Could it be about them in a pre-established relationship and Megumi starts acting distant so reader thinks he’s mad at her but really he’s upset about something else? I hope that was detailed enough I read your rules lol.

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ITS LATE BUT ITS HEREEEE

"apology"

megumi x fem!reader

・❥・fluff, hurt/comfort, tiny smidge of smau cuz i couldn't help myself

・❥・1k

・❥・gumi lowkey struggles with his emotions, physical touch, one instance of petnames, reader is hurt by megumis actions but it's okay they all live happily ever after don't worry, megumi picks at his nail briefly, i think that's it

it started a couple of weeks ago, and you tried to ignore it at first, putting it up to high tensions over his grade promotion. still, this really couldn’t be an excuse to keep blowing you off, right? even a text to ask if you could go off campus together for lunch, replied with a simple “no, sorry”. a phone call asking if you could accompany him during his training session with panda left unanswered. and most recently, flat out walking away whilst you were trying to talk to him. 

why was he being so strange? what could have possibly inspired this? could he be getting tired of you? was it your fault? were you doing something wrong? 

he used to always text you goodnight, but he hasn’t been lately. in fact, his communication has been completely minimised as of late. you decided you weren’t going to try and reciprocate something that didn’t exist, frustration growing as you feared losing him. he would still answer if you really needed him, right? was he really not at all afraid of losing you?

“hey” he said flatly, door clicking open as he peeked his head inside. he then closed the door behind him, “you know i’m not supposed to be in the girls wing this late at night, what is it?” 

he didn’t sound particularly angry, or upset. but he didn’t sound like he had any opposite feeling in the words either. it was just empty.

“i think we need to talk,” you preceded, moving to sit on the edge of your bed, legs dangling off the side. 

“seriously? this couldn’t wait until the morning?” he muttered, plopping down in the chair next to your desk. was he really being like this? couldn’t he tell you were upset? this isn’t the megumi you know, this isn’t the megumi you love. 

“don’t snap at me, megumi” you raised your eyebrows at him, then shifted so your back was against the wall at the other side of the bed, crossing your legs. 

“right, sorry,” he spoke, even quieter than his initial comment, “what’s wrong?” he questioned, black irises meeting with your face as he picked at the side of one of his nails. 

“did i do something?” you asked quietly, barely loud enough for him to hear. he was silent, almost like he was waiting for you to keep talking, or he was deep in thought, it was one of the two. “i just feel like i’ve done something and that's wh-” 

“no,” he replied, a guilty look washing over his face, “no, you haven’t”  

“are you sure? because you’ve been acting really weird and maybe i’m overthinking it, but something seems off with us…”

he got up out of your chair, quiet movements capturing your attention as he sat down on the bed perpendicular to you, also crossing his legs, mirroring your position.

“so you noticed,” he opened gently, almost sighing through his words, “i’m sorry” he said, avoiding eye contact, trying to do anything to make things less awkward. “In all honesty i’ve been acting that way with everyone, not just you”

you reached your hand out to him, which he took in his before pulling it on to his lap. you squeezed it gently a few times, allowing him a moment to compose himself. 

“what’s been up 'gumi?” you tilted your head to the side “stuff with your promotion?” you looked up at him once again.

“no, it’s not that. it’s just…” he trailed off. He seemed to be debating whether or not to tell you whatever he was going to say next. “i got assigned a mission a couple of weeks ago, and gojo said i couldn’t tell anyone about it, or they could be in danger. so i figured it'd be best to avoid everyone as much as i could. there’d been a grade one curse active in shibyua, and i was assigned to it.” 

“a grade one? but why would they assign a grade two sorcerer to a grade one curse, unless…” 

“i passed the assessment for promotion,” he said flatly, as if it wasn't an achievement.

“what? really?! gumi, that’s huge! congratulations!” you smiled at him, getting up on your knees to plant a kiss on his cheek, and give him a hug. 

“thank you,” he said quietly, before silence fell between the two of you for a moment.

“you’re still thinking about it, aren’t you?” you whispered to him. 

“yeah” he replied. megumi wasn’t one for talking much about how he felt, which was a trait you’d grown to respect, understanding that he knew if he needed to talk about something, you’d be there. instead of trying to push something out of him, you settled for a more gentle solution to your conflict.

“do you want to lay here with me for a while?” you questioned, and he nodded at you.

“what if we get caught though?” he asked as you laid down with your head on the pillow, pulling him towards you so he could place his head on your chest. 

“it’d only be gojo if we did, and he’d understand surely?” you whispered as you stared at the ceiling, moving your hands almost purely by muscle memory into his hair, slowly massaging his scalp as you played with his hair.  

“yeah, i guess you’re right”  he said against the cotton of your hoodie. Once again, silence filled the room. this time, however, it wasn’t tense, nor awkward, it was comfortable. 

“i’m sorry for how i acted, love” 

taglist: @lioria @celestetalkstoomuch

sfw masterlist

© tartigglez, 2023. do not copy, translate or repost

[bomberqueen17]

Big Easy

I am on vacation this week in New Orleans. There are many reasons for this but mostly they're not about me. I'm just here for the ride. Hilariously the one thing I found on on my own that I was like "oh i gotta do that while we're here" is also the thing that has been recommended to me by literally everyone i've spoken to including the Lyft driver from the airport, which is the WWII Museum, and conversely the more people recommend it the more I'm like :/ I might not enjoy this that much. WWII history was a childhood hyperfixation of mine but I've found the shit I was into about it is not the stuff other people like about it. This museum features a movie narrated by Tom Hanks so I feel like it's going to mm emphasize the bits I don't care about a lot. BUT I am going to go and I am probably going to devote a whole day. The upside of this is that probably Dude will not be deadly bored by it. He does tend to have the issue of not being into what I'm into sometimes... but this will probably be fine.

My hip is doing okay, the one I've been physically therapizing for ages? But what's popped up is that as the bad hip heals, the "good" hip starts giving me trouble-- I have prettty bad sciatic nerve problems on that side, and I didn't notice them so much because the cartilage tear on the bad side hurt enough to distract me. But lately it's like-- a little electric current of Badness inside the back of my right knee. No fun. But I've been doing physical therapy exercises for about fifteen weeks now (I just counted), three times a week, so I'd damn well better have seen some improvement LOL.

But mostly I can walk around, and I have a better idea earlier on whether walking is going to be good for me or not, so idk it's progress.

So far I have had a few bites of a shrimp po'boy (in the Atlanta airport, where we ordered something else and the waitress didn't hear us and just brought better food, no regrets on our part), some amazing gumbo, a bit of really good crawfish etouffe, and a really good Hurricane cocktail, and have seen the steamboat Natchez going up the MIssissippi with a brass band playing on it. Oh yeah there was a live band at the baggage claim? Apparently there were Many Doings in the French Quarter last night because of Cinco de Mayo, our Lyft driver was explaining they'd barricaded a bunch of the streets and she was delighted they'd moved one barricade because otherwise she could not have dropped us at our hotel. But by the later evening when we were out and about it wasn't quite so crowded but there were police cars and sirens and apparently some kind of disturbance a couple blocks away from our hotel. We kept walking because whatever it was was Not Our Business.

I'm mostly here for the food. I brought mostly me-made clothes. I was wearing a nice button-up shirt to fly in, and i sat at the gate during our layover and hand-bound two of the last three buttonholes on it (I'd cut and overcasted them at home but ran out of time). Relaxing and chill, honestly.

There are a couple of fabric stores I want to visit but apart from that I have zero agenda. Maybe Dude came up with something. I think he's mostly been researching restaurants.

I did not expect this, though: I know the names of so many of the places here from the news coverage of Katrina, and when I saw the Superdome in person i started crying, and had to explain to the driver that I'd been an airport bartender during that time and so had been stuck in front of huge TVs with 24h live coverage, and I'd had a bunch of online friends living there and I didn't realize until this moment how much it scarred me, so I could only imagine for the people here, and she talked about how she'd been a cleaner in an apartment complex at the time (I'd sussed that she was my age or older so I figured she'd remember it as well as I do, because to my shock that was 20 years ago now) and how many people had just left and never come back, had abandoned their possessions and just never came back for them because the power didn't come back on for two or three months.

She said "Now I know, when they tell you to evacuate, you get the hell out."

She also complained that nobody knows how to act, because it's all tourists. Which, fair.

... Anyway, anyone with recs for New Orleans feel free to tell them to me, I'm just here for the food and the vibes.

[front-facing-pokemon]

I just found this blog so I'm jumping aboard the plushie bandwagon.

First we got Absol. (i feel like maybe i should've taken a closer-up picture but it's the face sooo)

Then a Wooloo

And, saving best for last, this Leafeon plush I own... of which I swear on my life is official merch.

I also have some more eeveelutions (plus an eevee and a few more) but: 1. I didn't want to send too many. 2. Eeveelutions are more popular so I wanted to give some other people the chance to submit their own. 3. I don't know where my Pikachu and Snivy plushies are cuz I own too many stuffed animals.

Only reason I submitted Leafeon was so I could show off this ~masterpiece~ of a plushie I own. And it's face isn't the only thing wrong with it too lol. Also I just noticed I accidentally had one of the ears hanging back but I'm too lazy to go take another photo but i hope this amuses you nonetheless.

ALRIGHT THERE'S BEEN A LOT OF YOU AS I'VE BEEN OUT WITH MY FAMILY FOR CHRISTMAS HUH

let's start with these guys. beautiful. wonderful. i do not believe that that leafeon is official merch. this statement is baffling to me. welcome to the front-facing pokémon family. i love the eyes on that absol and wooloo is one of my faves. i was rather obsessed with it when it first came out and have a whole wooloo tag on my main blog because of it. though i guess i cleared that whole thing out recently so i don't anymore

let's get the nose ratings out of the way:

↑ this is a lie. 10/10 chespin

it's very wide and also 10/10 you're being too harsh. merry day to you too

circular face indeed. did i already post this one? if i did you can have it again

clodsire be upon ye. clodsire fans this is your treat until gen 9

this is a trend now. i think tumblr just crunched this image to hell for some reason so here's what the text says:

"Felt like joining the others for front facing pokeplushies [images] I have more pokemon but its early morning and these are the plushies that are easy to access"

i have not but i imagine "a moment" has long passed by now. my apologies but apparently today was an important day or something? idk

YEAH it's super unbelievably fucked up. i think i kinda remember the circumstance being a bit dire so everyone else was more worried about either 1. protagonist getting stomped on brutally or 2. saving the world from kyurem / the bittercold. i was totally under the impression that he was dead in that moment but i guess the characters may have known that he would just come back? i seem to vaguely remember partner being surprised that he came back and being like "but we watched you die :OOO" but maybe i'm misremembering that. i do create a lot of pmd lore on my own time so i have a hard time telling the difference between canon and fanon sometimes

two a day makes the world go round! this blog started when i started college, paused for 80% of my college career and now has started back up and i just graduated college a week ago. i would say "how time flies" but it has been a very, very long year

i've said it before and i'll say it again: gen 6 is my favorite gen, so you'll be seeing lots of favor for this gen from me in the tags i'm sure. maybe gen 6 is my excuse to start doing other things here. like that stream i keep talking about

if they put meloetta as a little obscure puzzle thang in sv, i'm sure they'll do something for genesect. i hope. at least for keldeo probably. genesect i'm not sure is very popular, unfortunately, outside of the tumblr crowd. if the general public's opinion on genesect is favorable, then maybe

okay and then i tried to scroll down further in my screenshots for more asks and saw the wobbly will smith in a hospital bed Gimme a Hug, Man that i copied from the "i get a little bit genghis kanghis" post so that's it. to everyone who christmases: merry it. it is today. although it's basically over by now so! merry boxing day for tomorrow if i don't say anything tomorrow. but i probably will. now i'm gonna go queue up today's 'mons because i haven't done it yet today. see you all in a few weeks when those post

[the-heart-of-a-monster]

I’M BACK MUAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAAA COWER IN FEAR FOR I HAVE RETURNED ONCE MORE TO ONCE AGAIN SPEW THE OBVIOUS

Translation: I’m back and I’m making it everyone’s problem

So yes, I saw the new pages, and as it turns out I was right about Sonic! As suspected, he’s hiding how he really feels about his new bodily features, and I think he’ll continue to do so for the rest of the comic. The finale for this series is right around the corner, and this issue is gonna have a lot of Eggman fighting, so based on what we already know… Yeah. Unless Sonic’s development is intended to be kinda rushed or last-minute, I don’t think he’s going to stop faking his optimism. It also has to be remembered that Sonic doesn’t always have to fake said optimism because he is at heart a hero and a snarky little gremlin. During the earlier days of the comic, Sonic was seen being elated at the prospect of Shadow willingly keeping a secret for him. Bro danced and sang all the way home just because someone was being nice to him. But even still, he’ll most likely continue faking his true emotions at least until the very end of the comic when things go back to normal for him. Because at the end of the day, Sonic is a happy little guy who just does what’s best for him and his friends, and that is that.

About the secret base, I honestly find it so funny and so realistic that the Chaotix have to basically beg for new cases in order to pay for their home and the secret base. It’s like families who thought they’d have enough for two homes but then a year or two goes by and they’re like “Oh crap, we’re broke.” It makes so much sense and it’s so funny to me! Meanwhile the others just appreciate the fact that they have a secret base and not the fact that they pay for both homes. 🤣

Chaotix: 🥲 Yeah yeah we’re fine we’re not broke we’re totally alright 👍🥲

OH AND HERE IS SOMETHING I JUST THOUGHT OF. There is of course a reason why the Chaotix have a secret base, and I wondered for a second why they would need it in the first place. They’re detectives, journalists, problem-solvers. In their field of work, it doesn’t take too much effort to become targets of the government. So, in case they got noticed by either GUN or some other important people, they have a back-up place where they could continue their work in secret. I think they specifically anticipated GUN, because they make a point to mention them in their explanation in the newest page. Probably not something SuperEm thought too hard on, but uh. I did. So… Guess I did their job for them???? idk I thought it would be cool to flex my worldbuilding skillz

Now I wanna talk about Rouge here. She, along with Amy, know far more than they let on and I’m wondering if that will have a part to play in Sonic’s story moving forward. In the newest page, we see him standing awkwardly and trying to grasp the fact that his friends knew about him for a while! He figured Tails might have taken the hint a while ago because he knows Tails better than anyone, but Amy?? That’s a different story. The two haven’t properly interacted in a while, almost 2 years (Or maybe 1 year I’m terrible at this) in our time and a week or two in their time. Amy and Rouge have been investigating Dark Gaia and Sonic’s new form for probably a month or so, meaning that they’ve known for a long, long time! I think Knuckles and the Chaotix were the only ones left in the dark the longest. So if Sonic were to find out about this, how would he react?? I’m thinking it wouldn’t be too different to his reaction about Tails and everyone else knowing, but him and Amy have had a rocky relationship status over the years, so it could also be different. I doubt we’ll get to see anything since it doesn’t make much of a difference to the blue blur at this point in the comic, but if we do I’m excited to see how he’ll react!

Now I’m going back to Sonic for a bit because I noticed something intriguing about him in the newest page. In the first panel, we see him standing awkwardly with his hands tied behind his back, fidgeting with his fingers impatiently. Then we see him immediately walk over to Shadow, who’s waiting for him outside. When he opens the curtain, we see him squint upwards towards the sky, a warm light seeping onto his face and his whole stature seeming softer. (For lack of a better word) Thematically, this sequence of movement/expressions is used to indicate a character’s growth, or to just show that they are willing to become better. I mean, that’s my takeaway from that. I’m not a theatre/film professional. All I do is stare at animations and talk about each frame as if I know stuff. But for me that’s the kind of vibe I’m getting from this page, that Sonic is learning or growing, and that he’s willing to step out into the light and be fine with who he is. Earlier on in the comic, he would’ve requested for Shadow to come inside or for him to not be seen by others, but now that he’s been through quite a lot and after being appreciated by the small snowy village, he feels much better about himself and is thus willing to just. Walk outside for a bit and talk to someone. Sonic is learning how to be around people again, learning to trust others with his secrets, and I love that for him.

Again this most likely is not SuperEm’s intention and I highly doubt those were the actual the thematically correct rules, so if anyone is reading this and is a film/comic geek, please Please PLEASE correct me via a reblog or a comment. I need some correction desperately please. I don’t wanna spew incorrect information.

Now, I would go ahead and talk about Shadow because he clearly has a lot going on in his brain, but OH MY GOD THIS THING IS HUGE. PROBABLY THE BIGGEST ASK IVE EVER WRITTEN HERE ON THIS FINE WEBSITE CALLED TUMBLR. So please do yourself a favor and give your eyes a break because holy crap I did not skip any corners for this one. Your pupils will thank you later, I promise. Go read a real book or go outside or something, please.

Anywhizzle, thank you so so so much for reading this whole thing, and have a good day/night!

(Also SuperEmeralds, just know that I adore your outdoor backgrounds so so much and they are not being overlooked. Your background skills are amazing and I’m so hype for what you have in store for the next few pages)

i think it is interesting how split the opinions are on sonic having learned nothing throughout the story and sonic finally having accepted his flaw and adapting. the mirror snap has divided the thoam theory community like no other askfjhasjkfhajk

who says they're paying for that run down place though? trust me i think super hard about literally everything, im sometimes embarrased abt it bc literally no one ever points most of my little details out but it makes me happy to connect dots so i just keep doing it

though sonic already reacted in a way, he knows everyone knew. granted the explaination happened off screen because quite frankly i didnt want the same conversation to happen twice back to back with the end of issue 8 and the beginning of issue 9, its better to just fill in the blanks yourself with everything.

the way i wrote sonic's emotions after waking up hopefully convey everything going through his mind well. there's a whole lot more pages to this so rest assured it's not over! your interpretation definitely makes sense! though i'd def disagree with the idea that in an earlier state of the comic sonic would've called for shadow to come inside? if his secret came out earlier in the comic he would still have reacted similarly and learned his lesson equally. the difference with the way it is in the comic is that he learned more about himself, and shadow, by dragging out the resolution to his (non)problem

thanks btw i love drawing environments and ur gonna get a good view of some really cool stuff soon ^_^

btw i have a name.. u can call me talaka, it's a little awkward to be called by my @ lol

[lost-girl-2021]

I saw this post about a Na’vi Jedi talking to captain Rex. It got me thinking, what if spider was almost a Jedi knight before order 66 and he escaped by a ship and while being chased the ship was shot right spider activates the hyper drive and somehow it sends him to a distant planet. He lands the aircraft in hells gate( the RDA left). Spider decides to hide in the planet due to the trauma of order 66.

You had me at Na'vi Jedi.

So. Many. Possibilities.

Okay, so, imagine Spider was, like, the son of a Sith or something (Quaritch) but raised by the Jedi Order. He grew up with the other young padawans, trained in the ways of the force, etc. At sixteen, he's on the verge of graduating from Padawan and he's so ready. (Maybe in this version Jedi can have kids and stuff, cause idk how else all the Sully Spawn would exist)

And then, Order 66. Idk who would be the Darth Vader in the situation, because Quaritch would probably be Palpatine, so idk. Reader's choice.

Anyways, Neteyam, who's just become a Knight himself, is ushering them towards a secret passage or something. It's dark and Spider's weighed down by two kids who're barely old enough for practice saber's and—

And he falls. Lo'ak is quick to scoop up the kids, but then Neteyam is shot and there are troopers and sabers and Spider gets separated and Neteyam's blood is on the ground (and maybe some of Spider's). He doesn't know how he makes it to a ship, but he knows that he is alone. A few other ships are gone and he hopes, he needs the others to be safe as he launches himself away from the temple, from his home.

He ends up on a desert planet. It's small, outer rim, maybe near Tattooine. He can't remember, his head hurts and his knees are bloody from falling so many times. He just sleeps. For days. He sleeps and when he doesn't sleep, he cries.

He misses the nursery, even if he always disliked sharing a room with the other kids. Him, Kiri, and Lo'ak were the last three left in the older kid's room. They were separated by age groups, had been sleeping within a few feet of each other for as long as he could remember. Neteyam had always been a quiet sleeper, so Spider hadn't noticed all that much when the oldest boy had moved into his own rooms a few months before.

But, Lo'ak snored. Loudly. And Kiri mumbled in her sleep sometimes. Spider had bad dreams sometimes, even before . . . . even before. But, now? Once the exhaustion and tears have left him, all that remains are nightmares.

He misses Lo'ak and Kiri and Neteyam. He misses little Tuk, who always saved him dessert. He missed his home.

He finds the old Sith temple a week after his arrival. It hums with dark energy, but it's not unbearable. He explores all the rooms, finds outdated tech and dust and freeze-dried food that should last him a while, even if it's a bit expired. It had to have been a decade since anyone had stepped inside, before him.

He realizes just how long it's been when he finds the dorms.

Spider was taken in by the Order when he was just two. One of the youngest ages they'd take a child. But, they'd known. Because, when your father is a great Sith, there are really only two options for how you'll end up.

His father died in this temple. Fourteen years before Spider ended up there. There's a crib in his old suites, the name M. QUARITCH still bold against the door, even after so long.

It's empty inside, the only remnants of his existence an old crib and a moth-bitten baby blanket abandoned underneath it.

He explores everywhere. Then, he does it again. And again. He doesn't know how long it is before he'll run out of food, doesn't know how long it's been since he arrived.

His father was the one who died in this place, but Spider is the real ghost.

Welcome to my thought process. This is my brain not on drugs, everyone. Started as a thought and then need up as angst. Idk if I've mentioned it on here before, but I love Star Wars. Like, two years ago my (now ex-bff) best friend and I dressed up as Obi-Wan and Darth Maul. I spent and hour painting his face to be exactly right. But, yeah, love this idea.

[aaronstveit]

omfg my friend was recently hit with a stranger asking her out! I saw it happen in real time:

IG notification of a DM, she asked if I remember who James was I said no.

She opened his message, it was a very simple "hey how ya been it's been years since HS, i just wanted to say hi and see how ya been" (my friend is also very pretty so this is normal to her tbh, I've told her it doesn't happen to me nearly as much as she seems to think it happens to everyone!)

anyway she replied with "great, thanks! good to hear from ya, hbu?"

in the span of the next 20 minutes while we talked over our appetizer and didn't notice/reply immediately, he sent her several messages about as long as this ask now describing his:

1 - crypto and investments

2 - therapy (which good for him ngl)

3 - apartment hunting in a city 4 states over where he's lived since HS

4 - how he had a crush on her in HS

5 - how he's sad to think they never talked

6 - if they can meet up when he's in town next

7 - how did she see him in HS? Did she have a crush on him too?

8 - he's really interested in investing and finding a good traditional wife and having kids soon

We noticed about an hour later and she wasn't sure how to respond but he apparently replied again this morning with a "good morning, did you forget about me?"

I told her to block him like wtf?????

ohhhhhhhh my god what the hell.... the face i made when i got to #8 on that list. bad. bad all around. i sincerely hope she blocked him because what the HELL......

this guy added me on facebook last week i think? and i usually don't accept friend requests from people i don't know, especially men, but i was like oh i think this is the guy who moved in across the street from me a few months ago, and i think it's good to be able to contact your neighbors if you need to! so i accepted the friend request just assuming that was that. mistake number one.

this guy messaged me at like 11pm on saturday (red flag) and i was like oh maybe he has something neighborly to say like maybe his dog got loose or something idk. mistake number two. he tells me he's seen me across the street from his uncle's house and he thinks i'm cute. i hit him with the standard "haha thanks!" that i think is the universal agreed-upon nice way of saying "i'm not interested." mistake number three!

he messages me yesterday asking how my day was. i'm like "oh it was good how was yours?" because i don't know how not to be polite to people. mistake number four! he messages me at 7am on a MONDAY asking if i want to get dinner. we have not even had a conversation! he doesn't know a single thing about me! i am just some chick that he has seen outside with her dogs or reading on her porch! i don't know anything about him either! i didn't even realize he wasn't my neighbor until this weekend!

and now i'm annoyed because i have been tricked into caring about some random man's feelings 🙄 i'm like oh i don't want to reject him first thing on a monday morning that feels so mean...... meanwhile if HE didn't want to start off his week with a rejection maybe he shouldn't ask out a complete stranger at 7am on a monday? just an idea? honestly he's probably perfect nice but he went about this all the wrong way and also i am just not interested in general..... sigh it's just a mess 💔 anyway i hope your friend blocked that weirdo. opening with CRYPTO of all things...... red flag city!

[fredsnumberonewife]

hello! i’m here to provide you with an idea! you kept appearing on my feed so i’m gonna take a chance. Do you mind writing for George Weasley? I’d be honoured if you did a angsty piece that ends in fluff. I’m thinking like George cheats on reader when he is drunk and then she finds out and he is all like oh no i’m sorry and then they have this whole break up thing and he apologises by like idk cheesy way or something. does that make sense? thank you! have the most wonderful day/night!

cheat-george Weasley.

tonight was the night of the griffindoor party. They had just won the quidditch game against slytherin. Your boyfriend George and his twin fred had already been drinking. So they where both already intoxicated by the substance.

you where more sober than to two only having a total of three drinks. Fred and George always intended to go crazy. You never understood why. There crazy without a drink if gets even more crazier with a drink.

You made your way over to the drink table making yourself your fourth cup. When you turned around your heart dropped. George was kissing Alicia. His arm around her waist the same way it as around yours just just hours ago. Tears swelled in your eyes you couldn’t believe it your George kissing someone else. You stormed up to your dorm and ran to your bed crying. Everyone at the party had seen ans created a rather big fuss about it. Once Fred had realised he tried looking for you to explain that it was just his drink and she threw herself onto him. But it was too late you where off.

The next day occurred. You didn’t want to leave your bed you didn’t want anything. You where hurt they boy you truly loved had betrayed you. Making your way to the hall for breakfast George had met you by the door. ‘‘Y/N i’m sorry for last night I- Fred told me what I did i’m so sorry I shouldn’t of drank so much.’’ George pleaded to you a sad look lingering in his eyes. ‘‘Your blaming the alcohol. I can’t with you it’s never your fault there is always something else someone else who caused the issue.’’ You screamed at him. ‘‘Y/N come on your not being fair now.’’ ‘‘I’m sorry i’m not being fair because i’m not forgiving you. Where over George. I’m sure you won’t mind now you can have Alicia. Your welcome to one another now , don’t need a drink to hide how bad you want her.’’

And that was the last you had spoken to George in a week. You had noticed in class he wouldn’t take his eyes off you. And going into your dorm after class he left flowers or your favourite chocolates on the bed . But you couldn’t not after what he did. You couldn’t bare getting hurt again. But he was all you ever wanted . You second guessed yourself all the time. He never went near Alicia after all of the events happened. He doesn’t even speak to her. What if you had gotten it all wrong maybe he didn’t want her maybe he didn’t mean it.

That night you gone to his dorm you knew Fred had detention so you would be able to get George alone. ‘‘Who is it.’’ You heard George shout as you lightly knocked on the door. ‘‘Its me Y/N I want to talk to you.’’ George ran to the door swinging it open. He couldn’t believe it when he saw your face. ‘‘I want you to listen to me and don’t interrupt.’’ You said to him sternly to which he nodded. ‘‘I’m going to trust you , i want us to try again. I’m still mad at you for what happened but i don’t believe you purposely cheated on me. I want us to try again but if you mess up even in the slightest then where done for good.’’ You told him to which his face lit up. He finally got his girl back.

[alternativememories]

both sides...

i have a friend who has sucked for a while now. i've been thinking about writing about it for a minute but i've been putting it off like everything with our friendship lately...but part of who i want to be is someone that shows up, even when things fucking suck, and i can't waste any more time. i know what i've got to do and it's time to rip the band-aid off. our friendship is over and i've gotta be real about it.

i'm fucking sad, man. i see him as a younger brother. so much of how we see things and approach things is similar to one another. the ways that he has sucked for some time are really similar to how i struggled when i was younger. he had a breakup recently, which in the big picture i thought would actually end up being good for him. i think both he and his ex have stuff that they need to work on individually and that this would be a good opportunity for him to get himself squared away.

but the spiral continues. the last time i saw him we talked about where he was with things and where he's headed and it was mostly half-assed excuses. it's apparent that he's not showing up for himself, let alone anyone else for that matter. he smokes, which has kept him comfortable in the cycle of not showing up in any meaningful way, and he lacks accountability. he's living with his parents right now and it seems like they're enabling his behavior.

it's shitty. we lived together up until the end of october and to be honest it was toxic as fuck. it came down to money and cleaning. in moving in, we agreed to not have his now-ex on the lease to keep things simple in case they ended up not working out as a couple. however, when she ended up staying at the apartment more than A and i and we wanted her to pay toward the bills, it was an issue *eye roll*. initially, the conversation about contributing was shut down bc homie talked to other roommate and he supposedly said that he didn't care if she paid and that was the end of it...(we'll revisit this)

at one point during this conflict, there was a text about wanting to be friends after the lease would end...i've thought a lot about that since. it took me some time to figure out why i couldn't help but fixate on it, but with where we are now i think i know the answer. the statement operates through an inherent assumption that how things were handled was damaging to our friendship. to be honest, it was. the bills conflict was infuriating bc the argument against contributing was school loan payments being high; meanwhile in watching behavior they ate out all the time. and you know, everyone has bills. but not everyone takes advantage of their friends to pay theirs.

with the cleaning thing, it became clear that he was frustrated by the cleanliness of the apartment but never communicated what those expectations even were. eventually we landed on a chore-board. but this wasn't without its problems bc it just led to them not being accountable for their share of the chores; beyond that, there was noticeable passive-aggressiveness toward the other roommate who tbh idk if he ever even agreed to in the first place. weird to someone to a standard they never agreed to but maybe that's just me...

when he and his ex broke up he told me a very specific story of what led to the fracture. i want to say that i found the specificity odd but dismissed it bc i was excited to have my friend back. when they were dating he was very reclusive and we were barely friends anymore. truthfully, we moved here in a pandemic and while i have loads of coworkers, he's really been my only friend here...but a few weeks ago i found out that it looks like he's lied about those specifics of the story that he told me, knowing that it fundamentally changes the reaction. it's manipulative.

in thinking about it, i've really tried to explain away or excuse the poor behavior...but to be honest, it's inexcusable and with what he's lied about, there's no recourse here...there's no way to police the behavior, and with him lying about it, no way to trust anything he says that it's even stopped. now i'm wondering what else he's lied about to get what he wants. the first thing that comes to mind is the bills conversation. it's a fundamental breach of trust and i don't think our friendship can be repaired. it fucking sucks and this fucking sucks but it is what it is...because he sucks.

[nextstopwonderland]

I already know what "Neighbor" is, but I think you should talk about it! I think everyone deserves a sneak peek of all the gorgeous and fun shenanigans!

Lol idk where this came from, Drea, was it born on our dms? I think maybe I already had the idea. But yeah, yet another romcom.

Wheeler’s just moved into a new place. His apartment has incredibly thin walls and his neighbor has a very active love life. There’s also a hot yoga guy he’s run into in the lobby. Whatever could these two things have in common? Oh and plot twist: the neighbor shoots adult vids out of his apartment.

Cut for snippet

The thing people never tell you is sometimes you live in an apartment complex and never actually see your neighbors.

Especially if you’re someone like Wheeler who doesn’t keep nine to five hours. He hasn’t actually met anyone yet and often will ride in the elevator alone. Today he’s up pretty early as he’s going to meet Jim and Dustin for a run. He’s already in the elevator when he hears a soft, even, and oddly familiar voice say, “Hold it, please?” before Yoga Guy steps inside.

He’s got his mat again and this time is wearing a soft looking gray hoodie and black yoga pants.

“Thanks,” he says, smiling easily before doing a double take at Wheeler. “Oh. Hello.”

“Hi,” Wheeler says, surprised his mouth works. The guy looks so unfairly good for 7am, freshly rested, his tied up hair a little damp, an inviting scent coming off him, like something out of a day spa. Wheeler meanwhile can feel how bloodshot his eyes are. He forgot to put his beard oil in and couldn’t be bothered to wear his contacts.

“I think I saw you in the lobby the other day. Did you just move in?”

He noticed him? Remembered him?

“A little over a week ago, yeah. I’m in 12C.”

“Oh! We’re neighbors. I’m in 11C.”

11C.

That means. Oh fuck, that means—

“I’m Bryan.”

—that Maybe Bryan is indeed Definitely Bryan and Hot Yoga Guy is also the guy Wheeler’s inadvertently been hearing have sex.

Jesus Christ.

[the-kipsabian]

just wanted to say thank you to everyone for today, i love you all 💜

im putting the rest under a read more, in case you wanna stop reading here, but um. trigger warning for suicidal thoughts

i tried writing this yesterday but it didnt come out right, but after dealing double with these emotions and then some today it feels like i can finally kinda put things into words that maybe make sense

i guess everythings just kinda hitting me very hard right now cause ive been 31 for four hours now and its just. in my brain right now that i didnt think i'd see this day honestly. like i had doubts about this even as lately as earlier this week. literally two days ago. so its kinda like. very mixed feelings. ive been thinking a lot about how i dont deserve this, deserve to be here, that im taking this space away from someone else. i dont know why, but its just how ive been viewing my existence lately

this year has been rough to say the least. yes i know ive had some incredible ups as well, but rarely have i felt like i deserved them in the end for one reason or another. ive struggled immensely, ive been going a steady downhill since the change of the year with no idea how to change it or when to change it. its been incredibly taxing mentally, and im just.. idk. oftentimes its just very overwhelming as youve probably noticed

it all just kinda came together today, with the previous thoughts as well as being largely ignored by my family today. like i know im very low contact with most of them, but when you have two people completely forget you and one only talking about themselves and asking when youre going to give them grandkids and start a family "since youre old now" it just.. sucks a lot. ofc this is beautifully balanced out by every friend thats been so wonderful today (literally had one busy friend jump into a voice call with us earlier just to tell me he remembered my birthday like... it means so much honestly) but. yeah. idk it just makes me feel like im at the age now where since i dont have life figured out im very useless and not worth their attention and..

i dont know what life brings these next 365 days. i really dont. all i can hope that it brings something that lets me keep going. its a tough topic for me to talk and think about rn but i feel like its better for me at this point to bring these out either way cause.. for whatever reason and somehow im still here. the fact that i saw through the entire day when i turned 31 just feels very significant right now. knowing i passed another safe point makes me feel safer tonight, no matter how much ive cried both good and bad tears tonight

thats all i think. just.. just wanted to get this out. i love you all, thank you for existing in my phone even if i dont talk to like anyone regularly cause im so mentally exhausted by just having thoughts on the regular its really hard for me. thank you 💜

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Hi. This is very personal. I don't talk much about it because I don't think anyone who wasn't an abused/neglected child can understand it. Maybe you can. It isn't important that you answer fast, really. And I don't believe you have good tips for me. But maybe you do and if not, I have at least told someone about it.

tw psychiatry, suicidal gesture, self harm

10 years ago, when I was 13, I commited myself into psychiatry. I was severely suicidal, did attempt suicide (but never told anyone in my real life, still not) and had obsessive thoughts about killing myself all the time and... Idk didn't really want it. Not all the time. So yeah, I thought that was a good idea. Secretly I was hoping they'd take me out of my family, but that was a subconscious hope.

And psychiatry was... traumatic again. It was mainly (I believe) the loss of control (trauma-child, need much control) and that the people... didn't believe I was just a people pleaser. I wanted everyone to like me and did my best all the time but... the nurses seemed to have become cynical and didn't believe that. All my depression symptoms were called "lazy, doesn't want to cooperate", all my friendships "try to bring others up against the nurses" and all the mistakes I did, because I was careless or clumsy or didn't pay enough attention, were made with bad intentions. I tried so hard to make them believe me that I was a good person, but it was useless. (They didn't treat just me this way. The psychiatry, as I learned years later, has a very bad reputation for that very reason and their protocols etc aren't very reliable amongs therapists, because they always paint patient worse than they are). It was so horrible. (One example is, I did harm myself one evening and then went to the movie evening with the self-made bandaids, in short clothes, because I didn't care to keep it a secret. The self harmers were controlled once a week anyways. And the next day was control day and the nurse (the movie night nurse) was super shocked and angry that I didn't tell her and I said (and meant) "Oh sorry, I thought you noticed yesterday evening" so she wrote down "She harms herself to manipulate the nurses to get their attention!" (I was given the protocol after I left and... it still leaves me crying)).

That's one example but I guess it shows you all you need to know. Uhh, I am shivering from anxiety again. How unfortune. Anyhow.

The first year after I left, I had flashbacks daily. It became less and less and is now only a handful times a year. Which is still much, in my opinion, for 10 years, but I can't change it.

I just had such a flashback, an olfactic one. I was in bathroom and brushing teeth and suddenly had the smell of the community bathroom of the psychiatry in my nose. And I... was so sad that I am not there anymore. Which is the opposite of what I usually feel. I am so torn between those two extremes, it hurts.

Because it wasn't everything bad. There were people... seeing me. They recognized, what I did, they saw me, greeted me, took care of me. They later wrote down that I am a horrible human being, but at least someone SAW me.

And I had hope. They quickly called CPS to take me out of my home and my social worker promised me that and was looking for a new home for me. I had hope that something would change for me, that I wouldn't need to bear my family for many more years, until I can move out. The social worker later changed her mind, decided, it was too expensive and my mom seemed nice so, good for her, goodbye. Guess where I am still living.

And the last thing, that is kinda a secret, there was a doctor I really liked. Not like in a substitute-mom way, but she was a role model for me. I would've loved her to stay my therapist for longer or be in my life for longer so she could... guide me. Oh that sounds strange. I don't find better fitting words. So she really took care of me, came in, in her freetime to talk to me, she cared more about me than she did about most other patients. And that was... really something. I really liked being around her and getting real attention from someone, who didn't think I was a horrible human being 😱 extra super.

And that is something I miss and I kinda feel like.. i ruined her image of me? So, this is embarrassing for me: When I had to leave (back to my parents home, CPS still pretending to care) she called me and I... i really broke down. Worse than ever before and after. I can't tell why. I was crying and couldn't keep myself together etc. So she called my mom who drove me back. But after a weekend (in which that doctor wasn't there) the boss-doctor decided, that I wasted enough of their time and kicked me out again. And that time I kept myself together.

That doctor gave me her email and I mailed her and asked something.. obscure. It was a cry for help but it was just cringe in hindsight. She answered me but I was so ashamed of myself and the stupid message I had written her, that I never answered her back.

No, let's be honest here, so, I was back at home and needed to keep it together so I wrote her, how much I could increase the dose of my antidepressants, to still be safe for me. I was planning to self medicate (and I did). And I was so ashamed because it was half a legit question and half a cry for help but for me it simply sounded like a stupid, childish cry for help. So yeah. That was that.

And I felt like I needed to make some progress because there were some people from psychiatry rooting for me and I didn't want to disappoint them. Half/half. On the one hand, I wanted to come back, worse than ever (to show them, that I was legit sick. I felt somewhat inferior to people with bpd, because I was officially treated as "puberty depression" and they were treated as people who really suffered.) On the other hand, I wanted to make them proud. But reality was, I did neither. I stayed still, until now. I was never allowed to go to therapy, I developed more and more mental illnesses and learned to cope with them, to mask them almost perfectly, I didn't go to college, have no job, so, I am a disappointment.

I didn't leave the house (except school) because I was so afraid to meet one of the people, and make them disappointed in me. But that's another story.

So, I am torn between "never think about psychiatry, makes only flashback and panic attack" and "miss psychiatry. Want to think about it all the time, dive(dissociate) deep into it!". And it is 10 years idk, I am pathetic, that's no secret.

Okay, bye, no need to rush, I'll leave now to calm my anxiety down.

Hi anon,

I am appalled by how you were treated at psychiatry. It always baffles me when people whose job is to literally care for people who are struggling are so incredibly insensitive and neglectful. Part of being in the field of mental health care, especially nursing and psychiatric care, is hospitality, kindness, patience, and compassion. There are unfortunately too many people in these fields that are just so cold, rude, and ignorant, and I'm so sorry that you had to deal with that.

It also makes sense to miss psychiatry. A lot of people miss their trauma in a way, because it's sometimes more predictable than the present. Another reason could be because our trauma can sometimes desensitize us to softer and more gentile things, so we seek out or actively relive traumatic moments just to feel alive. But for you of course, it wasn't 100% bad, there were moments were you felt seen and cared for. It's important to remember that there were good times as well as bad times.

I want to focus on when you said you reached out to that one doctor you liked and that the way you worded your message made you feel like it was stupid and childish. You deserve to have more compassion for your younger self because you were going through a lot, and it made sense to reach out to what may have felt like the only person in your life who truly cared, even if the execution wasn't perfect. You say it was childish, but you were a child. You don't deserve to blame yourself for doing things as a child that you cringe about today, because that was simply your mindset at the time and that's okay.

I think finding a balance between "never think about psychiatry, makes only flashback and panic attack" and "miss psychiatry, want to think about it all the time" simply takes time and healing. A therapist may be able to help you work through both options and coming to a middle ground, as well as other things about your trauma that may need attention.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun