#maybe bipolar
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It really sucks when no ones there for you during your depressive episode for completely valid reasons, cuz like i’m not allowed to feel mad that everyone was asleep or way too tired or simply didn’t see my message but i still feel so defeated and worthless
#depression#maybe bipolar#but at the very least mood swings#everyone had a good reason to not be there for me#but that doesn’t change the fact that they weren’t#and so now i’m stuck thinking i’m a burden and all my friends hate me#and i can’t even be mad about it#rant#tw vent#two people offered help after it ended#so that makes me feel slightly better#but i just feel so worthless#like i’m just a burden#mood swings#it’s no one’s fault#but i feel so foolish for thinking people would support me#even though i know they would have if it was at the right time#i love my friends#but sometines i wonder if they actually consider the extent of my depression#like i keep thinking over this convo i had where two of them diminished it to not wanting to go to class#and i know they didn’t mean it how i took it#and they thought i was diminishing their disabilities by saying i wanted the same accommodations#but its like#its not a competition#and if it was sure maybe you’d win most disabled#but that doesn’t mean i don’t need help
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little bit of BP2 humor fo today that i had made to cope smh
#i dont usually make mental health related art at all#but i made this in the middle of a recent episode to cope with some silly things#i wasnt going to post it cause i dont like sharing mental health stuff but i figured maybe itd be relatable to some other poor saps#my art#bipolar#bipolar 2#bipolar disorder#hypomania#hypomanic
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Bipolar!Wade
for @ramblingautisticman
Nobody realizes Wade is bipolar because they only ever see him manic. Most people think he just has ADHD because he's always hyper-fixated or bouncing off the walls.
He spends all of his money at once. He goes on a killing spree. He has sex with everyone in a ten-mile radius. He uses his fists instead of his guns or katanas. He never stops talking. He literally bounces.
To them, that's just who Wade is.
But there are also times when 'Wade's job takes him out of town', or he 'goes underground for a few days'.
Except. It doesn't.
Wade goes radio silent when he's depressed. He sleeps on the floor of his closet or under the bed. He does an ungodly amount of coke and pepsi. He doesn't say a word. He sits on the floor of the tub and takes long showers. He doesn't move at all for days at a time.
The only people who know are Al, Vanessa, and Weasel.
And now Logan.
The depressive episodes are hard to anticipate and ever harder to prepare for. Especially since they don't always start the same.
Sometimes it's a comment here or there. Sometimes it's an extra long shower. Sometimes there's no warning and he just disappears out of nowhere.
At first, it's a relief. The 'too much too much too much' pressure of being manic finally bursts, and he gets a few minutes-hours-days of clarity. Wade feels like a real person with real emotions and real thoughts.
But the feelings just keep bleeding out until he's empty. Until all that's left are the voices in his head, telling him how worthless and pathetic and disgusting he is.
So he lays on the floor, in the tub, in the alley of whatever building he jumped off of, until the hole draining his emotions seals itself back up like the rest of him. Until his emotions start refilling and he no longer feels quite so empty.
And maybe he'll have a few days-hours-minutes to enjoy being dehydrated and starving. Maybe he'll be conscious when the pain/shame hit.
Maybe he'll spiral right back down into a depression. Maybe the anger will kick in and he'll bubble right back up into mania.
Not even Marvel H. Christ knows.
#Bipolar!Wade#wade wilson#maybe false facts#wade x logan#deadpool#worst wolverine#wade wilson coded#poolverine#deadclaws#logan howlett#deadpool and wolverine
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Bipolar James has my whole heart. James just asking for Barty, gods my heart. Like… Bipolar Barty having a better understanding of himself, and James just needing him because Barty understands. AGHHHHHHHH- sorry.
#james potter#marauders#barty crouch jr#bipolar disorder#bipolar james potter#bipolar barty crouch jr#sunkiller#maybe idk
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"mental health matters" until someone who has a suspected but not diagnosed disorder shows signs of the disorder.
#ajax posts ཋྀ#this ois from experience#like i... told you that i have suspected bipolar disorder??... im not saying its an excuse#but im sayin its suspected 4 a reason#anywho personally i dont think i have bipolar i think i js have a few symptoms maybe iodk#but like? i todl you? are you gonna expect me to act like a fine and dandy person???
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wish the revelation that janeway's choice led to borg assimilating a whole race in hope and fear had more weight. like idk girl stranded her ship because she wanted to save alien species in the first place. which led to the destruction of another one. maybe they shouldn't have ended that episode on an upbeat note. i like how chronologically the next episode after that is night, in my mind it also played a part in janeway falling into depression. would have been delicious if it was mentioned tho. she could have countered chakotay's argument that she saved ocampa with this one, making her choice to sacrifice herself even more obvious to her
#i think in her beautiful mind she decided that she could have broken the pattern of ocampa being rescued at the expense of the crew being#stranded in delta quadrant => an alien accusing her of his race being assimilated by borg => the choice to save aliens in night at the#expense of stranding the crew in the void by taking herseld out of this cycle. WELL MAYBE IF I AM NOT THERE THEY WOULDN'T GET STRANDED AGAI#+ THEIR CHOICES WOULDN'T DESTROY ANOTHER RACE IN THE MEANTIME!!!#oh captain my captain#kathryn janeway#star trek voyager#i cant describe it any better but i love the parallels and the balance of this. she was told that 'she wiped out a whole race' and the next#episode she is presented with an option to save another species that is an exast parallel to caretaker#ME WHEN PARALLELS: :OOOOOO#i forgot my argument of how all this leads to discussing bipolar janeway rights. oh well#JANEWAY WHEN PARALLELS: :OOOOOO#i like how chakotay went uhhh honey we are not in that situation and she went WELL IT IS SIMILAR ENOUGH!!!!!!
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One thing I am absolutely never normal about is the psychology of characters in media I am also not normal about and how it's portrayed, what mental conditions they may have based on the symptoms they exhibit, etc, especially if it's impactful to their character and the story. I find it very intriguing to them, not just as characters, but as people.
With that said, I just got into RDR2 (five years late, I know) and man... Dutch Van der Linde I am going to grab you by the collar and toss you onto my inspection table and microscope, you are a whole ass STUDY!!!
#ranna word dumping#benjamin byron davis played so excellently as dutch ugh!!!#i'm still unsure what condition dutch may have#maybe bpd?? narcissism???? bipolar???????#might make a meta post when i decide#dutch is such an interesting case when it comes to his psychology and mentality#i'm being fed tonight!!!#rdr#rdr2#red dead redemption#red dead redemption 2#dutch van der linde#arthur morgan#john marston#javier escuella#bill williamson#sadie adler#sean macguire#kieran duffy#lenny summers#character study#character analysis#meta
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#this is quite legitimately the most accurate meme ive ever made about myself#like#ever#anyway no clue what to tag this#vent tw ig???#i dunno i hope its more funny than venty#or maybe it makes people feel sad#sorry yall i dont really know#no one will see this anyway#.#depression memes#bipolar memes#masking#neurodivergent#oh i love you btw. if you relate to this i love you.#really.
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Psychiatrist told me today that maybe I'm bipolar. I think that would explain a lot! I hope these new instructions he gave me work out fine! ^^
#jiraiblogging#jirai#jirai girl#jirai kei#jiraiblr#landmine girl#landmineblr#mental illness#diagnosis#maybe a diagnosis?#maybe im bipolar?#psychiatry#things are happening
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i keep going through periods of non-horniness and extreme all-day horniness that range from a day to a couple of weeks at a time. do any transgender perverts wanna take a stab at diagnosing me?
#i think it might be estrogen maybe?#but it could also be stress#BUT it could be cptsd#but it might be bipolar#idk i never got diagnosed with anything in my life lmao
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Went to my cardiologist recently, and he asked why I'm not taking my psych meds anymore. I told him that I haven't been having episodes since he started treating me for POTS, and he was like "oh that makes sense. The chronic lack of blood flow to the brain can cause mood swings that mimic bipolar disorder." HELLO??? EXCUSE ME??? I'm going back through the patterns of all of my episodes, and it suddenly makes sense why psych meds never worked, but I would suddenly come out of an episode with bedrest. Wtf. What the actual fuck. I feel like that one Lisa Simpson meme.
#potsie#pots syndrome#postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome#maybe not bipolar after all??#caps tw
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needless to say, whenever harley came over to blamore's greenhouse that day, things really weren't going that well for him. the last week or so had gone by in a complete haze for him. and it had all but forgotten that it had obligations to fulfill today. one of these actually was a meeting he'd set up with harley, which he seemed really excited about a few weeks ago whenever they originally planned it. but something had happened since then that drove blamore to the point where he physically felt like he was unable to get out of bed... along with it vastly neglecting the health of its own plants, as well as just itself in general.
some of the creature's plants were starving for water to the point where they'd become wilted in fact. plus, blamore's own body besides that had been plagued with hunger pangs that only got worse as time went on. though he was seemingly so depressed at the time that neither of these things mattered to him. now, in response to the sound of a gentle 'pitter-patter' of steps heading his way, blamore stirred for the first time in a little while. its eyes opened as its tail lethargically swept over the sheets it laid on to this 'intruder' and tried to lift itself up; but failed as a result of its lack of energy.
blamore then thought about making the thorns inside of his legs surface, but stopped as soon as he felt himself being pulled into this person's lap. a barely audible hum left its lips as bleary eyes partially focused on harley's face, ❝ mm, what? what are you doing here? ❞ blamore could hardly keep his eyes open as all he'd been doing lately after he'd ran out of tears was sleep. its breath hitched as its head lolled to the side to rest against harley's shoulder. ❝ god's... you're so warm. i'm sorry, can i just — ❞ blamore let out a mix between a chuckle and a sob. ❝ can we just stay like this for a little while? ❞
#qu-tipie#tw: depression#tw: mental illness#AHH i don't really know whether this would count as self-harm but just in case#tw: self-harm#FORESTS HAVE SECRETS. ITS PRACTICALLY WHAT THEY'RE FOR. TO HIDE THINGS: queue.#GOD don't ask me why i put my characters in situations like these but JSJSJ i guess you could say i was def in an angsty mood today-#for this one. like all i could think about was a scenario in which blamore was really vulnerable around harley for (i guess this would-#technically be the first time? yeah AHH) the first time and it maybe having something to do with his bipolar disorder so yeahhh#i'm sorry for the angst and i hope this isn't something that's too heavy BUT i could always redo my reply to this if you want me to-#in the case that it is just to let you know!
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the life of a sacrificial lamb
you crave the beginning
to learn how to feel again
to bruise
to burn
to birth anew from worn flesh
punch a wall to feel sane
the bloodied knuckles stain your face
jaws break in tandem
dislocated through tenderness
realigned from a smile
the pain an old friend
your teeth rot as you look back at the person you were before
it was always going to end this way
taunt another lover to leave them bare
the butcher to their lamb
there is softness to suffocation
intimate in their slaughter
choke yourself to feel their touch again
as your body lays there
there is comfort in decomposition
slowly as you feel your flesh become bone
you know that you are alive
the end will begin again
05 / 08 / 24
#.faeposting#yes i did make this gender neutral on purpose#maybe this is inspired by cult of the lamb#maybe im going through an intense depressive episode#maybe its maybelline#poetry#poetic#poets on tumblr#original poem#poem#poem blog#poemblr#poetblr#writers and poets#cult of the lamb#cotl#horror poem#horror poetry#horror poet#death poem#death poetry#the bipolar is bipolaring rn#sacrificial lamb
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what’s there not to understand about hypomania? you know when you get overtired, and like a toddler, you get all hyperactive and also want to cry or do Every Fun Thing you can think of and it actually becomes harder to sleep? like as a result of too much overwhelm or being so emotionally exhausted that’s how your body makes you able to cope, the aftereffects of too much adrenaline? just imagine being stuck like that. and every day it triggers itself more, overload of emotional whiplash and energy and you’ve lost all ability to think rationally and you can do anything at this point, because why not? you’ve got nothing left in you to hold back on any idea that could be exciting and stop you from falling into the void where the wiredness you feel has nothing to latch onto to burn off that nervous energy in a positive way, emotionally. for days or weeks or months on end. you don’t need to have ever experienced this fully to extrapolate and be like. yeah. I can see how it would suck eventually to get stuck like that
#at this point I’m begging people to see the overlap with adhd too bc anecdotally it seems like everyone I know also has that#and the overlap with bpd and hpd but I think the main difference is. being stuck in that high energy state. even when the energy turns sad#and bitter and hopeless. it’s essentially just overstimulation from your own brain. gets stuck overstimulating itself to cope maybe?#like i know people say it’s not triggered by life events but they sometimes can trigger it. but imho depression is gonna trigger it too#eventually. anything where everything is Too Much can start the positive feedback loop that’s almost impossible to turn off#which if you don’t know what a positive feedback loop is. means smth triggers smth which goes back and triggers its original trigger#thus getting bigger and bigger in magnitude. it’s like the chicken and the egg. egg makes chicken and chicken makes egg. more egg more#chicken and more chicken more egg. as opposed to a negative feedback loop which by the time there gets enough of smth it stops triggering#making more of it. your body relies on negative feedback loops for smth called homeostasis which is basically keeping everything stable#so obv positive feedback loops are gonna do the opposite of stable. in this case for your energy and your mood#most people are able to sleep better when they’re tired. my hypothesis of hypomania is when being tired makes you less able to rest#and that obviously spirals in on itself. mania would just be an extension of that I guess? but in some people it does happen really fast so#I get the narrative that it’s a chemical imbalance bc it is. but the specific imbalance being the tendency to a positive feedback loop make#more sense to me too. and can be why predictability and external cycles to ground yourself to are so important#there’s also never a 0% chance of you ever having a manic episode btw. anyones brain can theoretically get into this loop it’s just that if#you’re genetically predisposed to bipolar you’re much more likely to! and that’s okay. you can manage it with meds and lifestyle#but it makes sense why lowering stress (which can trigger this cycle) is such an important part of treatment and management#anyway. hopefully I’m not like. horribly horribly wrong or smth. in the end I can only speak for my experience so lmk if I’m missing smth#bipolar awareness#bipolar 2#hypomania#personal mental health tag#neurodivergence#would you believe I was reminiscing about a concert I went to once. and it made me think of all this
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Okay, Tumblr writers.
We all know how many, even most, of us periodically get maudlin about our work and our skills as writers and whether or not anyone even likes our work and what they like about it and whatever.
I am trying very hard to be less maudlin all over other people all the time, especially on social media.
So what are y'all's coping mechanisms for these periods? I'm in need.
#writing#writeblr#amwriting#writing community#I have no idea what to tag this as#insecurity#mental health#something#REBLOG FOR MORE VISIBLITY#maybe this will get better when I'm medicated for bipolar but for the next month or so I have a problem okay
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You know I like a band when I start actually looking into them instead of just listening to the same 10 songs over and over again
#this is about El Cuarteto de Nos because youtube gave me a ranking video that had like 220 songs#and i was like 'jfc i've barely scratched the surface haven't i' (<-she was very aware they've been around since the 80's)#but knowing that before Raro they were a mainly satirical/silly band before switching to being serious makes a LOT of sense now#i'm still a post-raro girlie but it makes me enjoy songs like No Somos Latinos and No Quiero Ser Normal a lot more#cus now i know they're making fun of ppl like that and 90% of fans of those songs miss the point lmaoooo#also i should have looked into that before i started listening to pre-raro#because. the original version of El Puton del Barrio is. an experience.#i don't know how else to describe it you just have to listen to it yourself#weird ass band. i've always loved how crude they are.#(this has been Owl's daily excuse to spread Cuarteto propaganda to all her followers)#(don't start with pre-Raro songs though dear God. start with any song from Raro or Porfiado. Maybe Bipolar if you feel like screaming.)
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