#maybe a different half sister
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I never needed charms or anything.
I don't need to carry books of spells and diagrams. I don't need shit except myself.
How can this be a practitioner could ask me.
Well, I have openly challenged every piece of shit on Earth if they want to have a go and any who challenged me are no longer available to quarrel with my word.
#like come for me mother fuckers I don't care#watch me pick all of you up and smash you against the ceiling#I am gonna be real#I don't want to picture pist stroke Arthur trying to fuck a woman#like no sir your fucking days are over when I get here we need your focus#maybe she doesn't want the to invite the shuffler over for dinner#and it did sound like a weird story so who knows#I am on drugs years ago and I constantly considered it could have been him shuffling#then he like a child 'ed my asd#I should have known#I am like why NOBODY calls me that while not since that old son of a b#then I had to press rewind on the maintenance man#under further review this mother fucker is back from the dead#and I had to sit deep and ponder that shit#then play with the old spirit see if it had access to old stuff#indeed but the metaphors are.....putting him in better light than maybe he deserves#all I know is I was told Jackie and Johnny would come over every summer#Johnny killed himself and Jackie was batshit koo koo#I doubt it was Francis's fault#she was either German (#braun?#or his sister#but mom had ab#I am.guessing the sam o is the same#as dad#and she does have a freak alter for sure#our half sister#I sodomized her in their closet but she enjoys it#maybe a different half sister#what am I even referring to anymore
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#sorry im thinking abt death again#because it's weird to think that ive been in the room. maybe a meter away from someone as they died#that someone being my mom. its just weird. the time in the hospital feels like it happened in some dark little pocket universe detached from#time. a calm room and then the soft blips of a monitor then the nurse rushing in to say she'd passed#i dont kno y ppl use that phrase: passed on. i mean i do. it softens the topic. makes it sound peaceful. ive yet to use it. i just say she#died bc thats what happened. is that insensitive? i dunno. when i was home i realized that i come off as much stranger than i think. the way#my family see me doesnt fit how i see myself. i dont kno what to do with that. i dunno. theyre all together today#for an early easter. and im halfway across the country again. nose so stuffy ive had to mouth breathe for the last 3 days#and again. everything feels the same as it did before but also profoundly different. sometimes i cry in the mornings. or when i think abt#future vacations she wont be there for. bc in the end she quickly slipped away in a way that couldn't be described as peaceful until her#last half a day. and all i can think about in that tiny room is how scary it would be to lose control like that#and how its not fair and she didnt deserve to die only halfway through a lifetime. but its not about fair and its not about deserving.#sometimes bad things just happen. that's life. and now i own a book called motherless daughters. and now im standing with the countless#others who've lost their moms too early. ive already become aware of 3 ppl in my daily life who are in the same club#i keep thinking about this moment that happened between my parents at the hospital. apparently my dad was helping her get cleaned up and her#stomach was so bloated she looked like she had a bby in there. which my dad said. and my mom apparently said: but it's a baby no one want. i#dont kno y that upsets me so much. all the things i heard abt her being in the hospital before i got there upset me. and the rest of my#family was there to see it. so i have the least traumatic version of the story. and i got almost 27 years with her. except my sisters#probably got more time with her bc i spent so much time away. or maybe not. i dunno.#i dunno. im just sad that shes gone and sad that it was drawn out even a little bit. 6 days isnt long but im sure it felt like an eternity.#again not fair. nothings fair. 53 years of unfairness culminating in a tragedy. she would hate me characterizing it like that. she lived a#full life as they say. full with an asterisk on account of length#unrelated
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Hey so imagine an au where Dazai does kill Mori. He kills Mori and takes the position as Boss.
Years later, Akutagawa kills him and takes the position, and years later Kyouka kills Akutagawa.
Like- she never leaves the port mafia.
Idk- I just like the idea of this cycle of each boss being killed by their protege(?)
#okay I’m not sure if I’m#using the word protege right#anyways#this is half baked and I just thought of it like five seconds ago#bsd shitpost#bsd Dazai#bsd mori#bsd akutagawa#bsd kyouka#each generation is so different yet always the same#Mori had Dazai. Dazai kills Mori#Dazai had Akutagawa. Aku kills Dazai#Akutagawa had Kyouka. Kyouka kills Akutagawa#Mori has Hirotstu or Fukuzawa (idk)#Dazai has Chuuya#Akutagawa has Atsushi#Kyouka has also Atsushi or smth#maybe Aku has his sister or Higuchi to fill that role#anyways I think Kyouka would break the cycle#each generation was arguably cruel to their student#whatever their intention may be this is definitely a cycle of /abuse/#maybe Kyouka takes in Q#maybe Kyouka sees Q for what they are#a scared and hurting child.#Kyouka takes care of Q#instead of keeping them locked up she gives them a place to stay#she takes away the razor blades and tell them they don’t need to be in pain.#they’re worth more than their ability. they deserve much better than their pain.#then when the time comes. when Q is older and has an opportunity#Kyouka expects Q to kill her. but they don’t
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ngl i think i kind of was a genius for being like 'yeah this character is a scary killyou cannibal scary killer who scary kills you' and then realizing that the way my worldbuilding works out is that there's a nonzero chance that if you leave literally any body parts over they can just come back, depending on what they believe in their heart of hearts can kill them. Of course she'd start eating her kills. She probably tried normal stuff first and then realized it didn't work and she had to try harder if she wanted to actually keep them dead.
#red rambles#im working on a character who i made up years and years ago and wasnt even happy with then because he didnt seem to have enough like#interior thoughts he was just like a guy who killed people when he was stressed and his life was constantly stressful and then he killed on#person too many and they were like 'this is fucking untenable and he has to die' and then they killed him#which is soooooooooo absolutely nothing honestly. Like it works as a barebones summary but i want to stress there was actually straight up#nothing else there. the entire rest of his whole whatnot was just being entangled with Haven who is a different character who at the time#ALSO felt unsatisfyingly lacking in interiority but at lesat he had really complex motivations and action flowcharts. that werent just 'i#get grumpy and i just go kill some random person with no regard for what the consequences will be and then i am so mean and i kill you'#now theres a lot more happening. i really didnt. like.#okay so i had a Backstory worked out but it was vague because i didnt know what the fuck he WANTEDDDDDDD right like. i had no motivations a#literally all except 'oohhh i kill people ooohhh i like killing people ooohhh im erratic i kill people' and the background i HAD was like.#Upper class scion of some rich family whose family honest to god just did not like him very much and also [gestures vaguely] i guess he#maybe kicked dogs or something and then he ??nebulous timeline meets haven and then kills his sister or kills his sister and very quickly#thereafter meets haven but i usually lean toward the former because haven LOVES convincing people to kill their whole families its like#cathartic for him because he would love to kill his entire family but physically cannot do it. but like kind of the implications of this#as far as i was concerned given this is set in the mid 1800s was like. ehhh he's getting away with this because he's rich white and male an#it pays to turn a blind eye to his indiscretions or w/e. a genderswap means that she'd be subject to a lot more scrutiny on basis of like#misogyny. LOL. and i already had the preexisting 'hates half sibling' (i genderswapped the sister into a brother because why not) and 'hate#parents' and 'parents strongly dislike her' and 'unsettling' and it worked nicely to start giving me actual fucking. Literally anything to#work with there. because it means that by going off with Haven she walks out of one situation where she has like 0 agency into another one#and like to be clear i respect anyone who is sitting around in haven's general vicinity for snapping and just starting to kill people. me t#but this works. SOOOOOOOOOO much better for real#im still working the kinks out but like also this means that she wins. she wins like multiple times actually. she comes closer to killing#haven than anyone since he learned what fucking species he was and causes him more trouble in the interest of getting the FUCK out of there#than anyone else has and then she fucking gets what she was going for against literally every effort haven could've made over ~five decades#get owned loser.#every time i draw her i cant help it i write some shit like PLEASE JUST GET DIVORCED on it even though i wrote the fucking narrative i know#it will never fucking happen and thats why she does all this shit instead#in another world she'd be like the wildly capable owner of Raytheon 2 or some other shit like that. like she'd never be a nice or good#person but she wouldn't be dead. god she could be in charge of a country or some shit. Alas. Please get divorced.
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2024 reads / storygraph
The Final Curse of Ophelia Cray
fun YA adventure
follows a girl who’s seen as cursed because of her recently hanged notorious pirate queen mother, and runs away to the navy where nobody will recognise her
and her half-sister who’s desperate to find her before she’s arrested for using a fake name, to bring her home to their dying father & save the family business
both get on the bad side of some pirates and have to brave storms to find each other
aroace MC, sister relationships
arc from netgalley, out april 9
#The Final Curse of Ophelia Cray#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#This is ok! I enjoyed it on the surface level but think it could have had a bit more depth and structure#I do always like to see an aroace MC who mentions it casually throughout the story and the central sister relationship#The writing is a little young for me�� I think it has this silly/satirical element of the plot and caricature-villains but the prose wasn’t#quite funny enough to make it work....so parts just felt a bit random and undeveloped to me?#I genuinely love a lot of MG and younger YA but this is on the side of writing style#that felt too noticably young for me to enjoy fully (for me - obviously it's for teens! so that's okay!)#It’s quite slow to start (it doesn’t get into it until half way?) and the two storylines felt a bit disconnected.#All the different things happening felt all over the place & I felt the ending was a bit unsatisfying#Betsy’s love interest seemed like a nice interesting boy but it was such instalove I felt like there was no development between them lol#I think it has some fun parts and some good characters! I would still recommend to teens looking for queer piratey stories#(tho as a note - THEY aren't really ever pirates. maybe briefly.) (I think maybe ofmd comps might do it a disservice if you're not clear#it's just 'piratey and also there's queer people)#there's some good side lesbians (def side tho)
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some little trivia/backstory bits about my aforementioned human AU aporia & family:
“Mancini” as a surname comes from the Italian word for “left-handed;” so :^) I thought it suited them
uh yeah i’ll have to further detail whats going on in the AU theyre in sometime but essentially rn all u need to know is Aporia is a manager at a pizza place and he got jobs for his two shithead kids (primo and lester). at the pizza place. this is directly based off of when i worked at a pizza place several years ago and my boss nepo hired his two completely unqualified teenage sons to work there too and they made it. very difficult to work there.
The Mancinis used to be rich when Aporia was the CEO of a lucrative military-grade steel company (Pure Noble Steel) but then they lost everything when he got ousted and backstabbed by his own company board after he had a realization that he didn’t want to be selling steel to arms dealers and drone production anymore and suggested maybe they could produce steel for useful and beneficial purposes instead??!? (board said 🔪no.)
(he had said realization after he accidentally hit leo with his car)
(leo was fine btw!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
anyway now they Don’t Have Money anymore and the pizza money isn’t really helping that much. primo and lester are ex-spoiled rich kids so you know they are NOT well adjusted AT all.
primo’s face scars/missing eye are from when a tornado fucking destroyed his family’s house when he was like 13 and a fishtank fell and shattered on him (the Tornado was the root of. a lot of family catastrophe 😰)
jakob lives off the grid in the middle of nowhere and aporia would just leave primo and lester with him for stretches of time while he was busy with work stuff and it was not a fun time for anyone involved and it still isn’t :,)
this isn’t related to anything else but aporia was an old-school OG 90′s furry. his fursona was a liger I should draw it sometime <--*can’t stop making yugioh characters furries*
#ygo posting#ok thats all for now they burn a hole in my brain and have been for like. 3 and a half months!!!!!!!!!#5ds pizza au#will maybe share more little bits later when i hype myself up enough. this AU is kind of a sister AU to my gx college AU btw#takes place in the same city albeit maybe a different timeline. these guys are also kansans <3#'what happened to primo and lester's mom?' well. 😬 *gestures vaguely at ''tornado catastrophe''* 😬😬😬#these bad boys can fit SO much insane trauma in em!!!!!!!!!!!
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oh right!! there is one important thing that has happened during the tumblr break!
I got two guinea pigs now!
#white one is halla and black n white is routa#they're half sisters and abt two and half years old#lovingly nicknamed big potato and small potato bc they have a big size difference#maybe I should do some potato posting every now and then!#piggies
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Not me spending 3 hours on a dnd map and heraldry generator doing worldbuilding for a fic I have nothing but a Tumblr moodboard and no plot.
#is this about my avatrice Knight au?#yes of course#I do have a plot though#Kinda#In my au Lilith and Beatrice are half sisters#Bea is a bastard from a dickhead lord#There's also repression but different#Also Lady Ava#Will I ever write it?#maybe i will#If i get another 3am inspiration rush#For now I just have little snippets here and there#writers on tumblr#avatrice
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i want to be alone at home until i actually am alone and very sad because my family is not with me. my brain is crazy
#i’ll be alone half of friday and then maybe full saturday *gulps*#they’re all on vacation somewhere#my sisters are still here but they leave on friday#after my friend visits me after two years that we havent seen each other#maybe i can invite my grandma for a couple days idk#if i actually had real friends it would be different talk#ill listen to music to make myself cozy and fun
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I have finally, hundreds of years after everyone else, started playing Dragon Age....2
(the first one didn't run with sound and i wasn't in the mood to fix it because i was cranky today okay-another time...i will get context eventually don't worry i have at least 2 braincells w/ me)
and the main thing I noticed is
Every companion sure knows how to make a fucking entrance huh?
#txts#even the few i care about less than others-like the introduction? always amazing#....i may have forgotten Aveline exists halfway through tho so idk much about her....vibes i guess#i set her aside for being pouty about us doing illegal shit here and there because templars bla bla bla#and then i just forgot to stop playing or go to her again#....eventually....i will do her mission too#don't bless this camera tho i am fighting it at every turn#whoever thought move camera and interact should be the same key....I wanna have a conversation#bc half the times i try to just click on smth i move my view up to the high skies#also can someone give Isabela pants-girl you're clothes were not modeled to keep...not clipping through#i am trying to be respectful here okay#anders is the type of guy who falls in love with you if you're halfway nice to him i guess#and fenris keeps being mad at me for sticking up for mages#bc apparently demons get them or smth#which i SHOULD PROBABLY LEARN ABOUT#but rn my logic is: seems like a person and my sister here is nice so#.....i should either play game1 or get more story context i feel like....or maybe its just racism idk#(or complicated feelings bc his master was a mage and usually ppl with more power than others will become exploitative and assholes and-#that all is just a general philosophy of precaution further intensified by whats apparently a 'natural' inclination towards-#the demonic and spirits and where magic or whatever the source of those powers is what connects those different beings in some way-#which translates to others as an inherent inclination for evil but just because smth evil looms over you doesnt mean YOU are evil#that'd mean anyone in a kingdom ruled by an asshole is evil which isn't how this works#but ofc if you throw in religious zealot...y and such it's gets more.......gross#+the blight/archdemons and whatnot are like THE problem of all time so much so that it's like...dividing it into times#like we don't go the first century or 1928#we got the 4th blight and such#ANYWAY as said...idk so i will go ruminate in my thoughts and whatnot....and also go to sleep
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I don't know if I'm losing weight or if I just have generally less inflammation than I used to but my ring size is almost back to normal which is pretty cool
#my diary#my ring finger used to be a 7#but when my sister bought me a fidget ring for xmas it barely fit my pinky#now it's loose on my pinky!#still doesn't quite fit my ring finger yet but it feels like maybe a half size difference instead of a size and a half#weird! but pretty cool
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Something really amazing happened in France, and I think it'd help us in the US to learn about it. Forgive the long read, but I think this is genuinely great both because of what happened and how.
So as some of you might have seen, in a decision historians will debate for years (mostly to figure out just WTF he was thinking, even though he is alive right now and can be asked), the French president, Emmanuel Macron, currently in power and THREE YEARS before the scheduled election, seeing the far right rise in popularity decided to dissolve the assembly and hold snap elections.
577 seats were up for grabs. Remember that number. Since half of that is 288.5, 289 seats are needed for a majority.
The first round happened last week and boy, was it bad. The far right made HUGE gains. It won or was in first place in so many races. And Macron's party ended up third!
Overall, this is how things ended up after the first round:
Far right bloc: 33%
Left bloc: 28%
Macron's centrist party: 20%
Conservatives: 7%
The way the French system works is that if a candidate gets over 50% of the vote, they win outright, and some of the far right did manage that. But, many races went to a runoff.
Immediate projections after were that the far right bloc might win anywhere from 240 to 310 seats, a catastrophe.
A shameful swing to the far right leading to the first time they'll be in power since the 1940s? Yes, but maybe not??
This is where things get interesting.
Unusually, a lot of these runoffs are 3-way, instead of a simpler 2-way choice. And in pretty much every case, that helps the far right.
So on June 30th, the night of the first round, this is how things went down:
Immediately, the left parties put out the call: anywhere they were third, they withdrew and their voters would go over to whoever was running against the far right candidate. Their goal: form a "republican front" to block the far right. The far right cannot get 289 seats.
Macron's bloc was not so...motivated. Different people put out different instructions: in some places, if they were third, they should drop out, but only to help the center left, not far left, in other places, see how far you are, only then drop out, that kind of thing.
The conservative party simply said they won't drop out and won't give their voters instruction either way in races they're not involved in.
Late night developments:
More people in Macron's party are now beginning to realize the situation and starting to coalesce around whichever candidate can beat the far right one. Prime Minister Gabriel Attal, from Macron's party, says clearly the priority is to block the far right. BUT, some Macron spokespeople on TV say they'll form a coalition only with the center left and conservatives, splitting the left bloc if needed. Some individual Macronists still saying they won't drop out, even if there's no hope of winning.
Lol.
So, now July 1st:
Only half so far. In one race, where the sister of Marine Le Pen (the far right leader and the face of their movement) was leading, the third place Macronist refused to bow out.
Excellent quote from another Macronist:
Perhaps realizing the same thing, that Macronist in the race against the Le Pen sister now drops out.
In some places, third place Macronists are dropping out DESPITE Macron bewilderingly telling them NOT to?
Halfway through the day:
Of the 311 3-way or 4-way runoffs, the number is down to 135 because of these candidates dropping out: 121 Left, 56 Macronists, 1 conservative.
Oh, there was this, in case people had any doubts about how terrible the far right are:
And to show the selflessness of the left:
July 2:
The deadline to decide if they want to stay in a runoff is today.
A dozen new third place Macronists who said they'd stay in have now dropped out. One got a call from both the PM Attal AND Macron to drop out, signalling the dawning understanding of the importance of this moment.
Even some conservative party members are now backing the left candidate who faces the far right.
A Macronist who had 30.55% of the vote in the first round and came in third to the far right's 33.11% and left's 32.73% and who would have been tempted to stay has dropped out.
The deadline to stay in or not has now passed.
Look at these far right shenanigans!
Macron still being a freaking loser:
July 3rd:
In the end, of the 311 3- or 4-way run offs, only 91 left. Some polls come out that have the far right getting between 190 to 220 seats.
July 4th:
New polls say the balance of the voting itself isn't transferring between the left and center and predictions have risen for the far right, now predicted to get between 210 and 250 seats.
July 5th:
New polls again, left voters now predicted to do better transferring vote to the centrists, decreasing the far right projections again.
However, scandalous reporting emerges: while Attal was trying to fend off the far right, Macron was not only NOT taking the far right seriously, he was undermining efforts to defeat them. His team shrugged off the first round results and celebrated a BIRTHDAY as the results were still coming in?
July 6th:
A few runoffs happened yesterday, nothing much unexpected, some left and center wins.
July 7th:
The day of reckoning. At this point, the expectations are that the far right won't come close to that 289 number but could still easily have the most seats.
GUYS.
It's over and the left are in the lead!
A LOT of cases where a leftist or centrist was 2nd in the first round and now won.
Amazing:
SO many lessons to take from this.
First, you have to vote! You have to. You can't do anything without voting. The freaking French, who'll protest for anything, are showing up to vote. If you're trying to achieve any kind of result and it's not going to happen by January 2025, you have to vote now.
But just as importantly, the left and center (and even conservative) parties made very key decisions. They were all lucky that Attal, who Macron chose, saw the big picture, bigger than indeed Macron could. A stupid selfish centrist leader could have still ruined everything if it were up to him.
TL;DR: After a disastrous first round in the national French elections where the far right was on the cusp of taking power, the left and center formed a strong coalition and through the power of voting and unity, overcame the far right AND their selfish centrist president to win.
#french elections#us elections#emmanuel macron#marine le pen#gabriel attal#attal really did the thing for them#french politics
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I wish that I was more
#sad hours at the huskin bee#personal#graduating soon and the animation department is collecting photos of everyone in the drive#and seeing all these group photos of everyone in the program makes me realize how distant i am from them#and how close knit everyone else has become...#ive never been good at making friends and within like the first few weeks of school it was like everyone got to know each other#and the few friends i made in the program left after the first year#i wish my social anxiety wasnt so bad i tried harder to make friends in college#also i have an essay due on monday and i might just not do it#or itll be really half assed#ive been doing well so far in that class so if i dont do it i think the least id get is a C#idk maybe i can still make friends w these ppl after college somehow but itd still feel weird bc i had a completely different shm experience#than they had#ahhhh#i can imagine a future reunion where ppl will talk to be about old drama that was big among this giant friend group#that consists of most people in my year that ill have no idea what theyre talking abt#bc im never in the loop abt anything ever lol#this actually happened at my hs animation reunion except i actually knew and talked to most ppl in that class#i wasnt like super close to most of them but i had a few closeish friends#and i know one of those friends probably werent/arent in the know#also like i did hear abt relationship drama back in the day bc gossip spread p easily#anyways i was told completely new information abt someone getting stalked back then so thats wild#and apparently there was a super handsome guy in our class that i for some reason have zero recollection of#point is i be the last person to know something and if i know smth then everyone probably already knew#which is annoying. i wanna hear gossip too. even in my own family my sisters will tell each other and our mom about shit that went down w#their friends or our cousins and i only hear abt it when im in the room#so i end up hearing a lot but never directly and sometimes not in full#man i shouldve gone on more college field trips#shouldve done a lot more in life that my insecurities get the way of#tbh i genuinely think i might have a form of undiagnosed anxiety; tism; or some other mental disorder
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i'm lucky my obsession with remembering everything peaked from late 2013 - early 2016, bc the phone i had during that time hasn't been able to turn on for years and i'm still in denial about it
#the light doesn't even come on when i charge it#my sister had the same phone at the same time and her one turns on so it's definitely a my phone problem#i got it to turn on once a few years ago? idk when though. it was definitely like in my 20s so at least 4 years ago#or maybe i was 19. idek. 18 even? it was recent enough though#in fact no i really have vibes it was 2021. but it hasn't turned on since#and i swear to god if it ever gets confirmed i've lost everything on there i'm going to die#schrodinger's phone data i guess#but yeah so luckily i made such a big deal of remembering Everything in the first half of my teens bc that's the only time of my life i#can't access#i just wish i could read my notes from when i was 14 though#they were awful bc i was so cringe by default. bc i was 14.#but they were Historical#i remember when i read them a few years ago there was the bit when i was gonna see the who in december 2014 but then it got postponed#bc roger daltrey was ill and it was like 2 days before i was meant to see them and my life was depending on it bc i was already so depresse#and in my notes it was all like ''my mind has reached the absolute bottom my soul has become dark eternally'' or something like that#it wasn't worded like that it was probably like 70% more incoherent bc i basically spoke a different language at that age but still#it was SO good like 14yo what are you actually on about#after i die i'll be able to access it#along with swag and bitter's fully readable tflu blogs and every 60s episode of coronation street available to watch whenever i want#i mean when i die i'll be able to go back to the actual time and witness my 14yo self being Like That#so there's that to look forward to i guess#but anyway#does anyone know anything about an htc wildfire s btw#ramble
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Everytime I get into a game that has customization, I try to make Naomi, since I associate her with adventure
And if I can't replicate her well due to limitstions (usually hair), I make a fresh character for it
.....
Anyway I have 2 new ocs
#Punk Posts#one is half android that's very smart and skilled with weapons but gets lost a lot#the other is an adventurer who's also a great fixer/mechanic. she be oblivious as shit tho to social cues#both don't know how to talk to people. for different reasons#.......#AlsoNaomiHasACrushOnThemWhaaaaat#at this point I'm just.. shipping every girl with Naomi#there's maybe only one oc chick that she sees as a sister and not a possible romantic partner#I'm weak and simple ok#it's like how I ship Keith with 99% of people
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you might as well just fucking call me by name at this fucking point
#Rasp Rambles#this is exactly why i have so many fucking problems with everyone in this house. this is why i spend almost every day wanting to fucking#kill myself. this is exactly why i barely made it to fucking eighteen years of age. this is why i can’t fucking eat more than even half a#meal most days. this is why i’ve planned multiple different ways of executing my own demise. this is why i can’t be me. THE REAL ME around#anyone i’m fucking related to. every little thing i do is such a big fucking problem isn’t it mom? everything that goes wrong is just my#fucking fault isn’t it? you wanted a son when you were pregnant with me and when i came out to you at 14 you seemed really fucking upset#despite the fact that i’ve been told multiple fucking times by multiple people that you wanted a son and not a daughter. its bad enough i#get told i look like my father when i hate his fucking guts. you can’t even accept me being a boy despite it being#over FOUR FUCKING YEARS SINCE I CAME OUT. no mom its not for some stupid trend or because all my friends are doing it.#i have maybe two or three irls who are also trans. and even then they didn’t influence this. they were the ones who showed me that there#were words for how i had felt since i was about eight years old. but nothing i do is good enough for you is it mom? its not like sheltering#me for the majority of my childhood had any lasting negative effects. its not like being forced to grow up faster than i was ready to has#caused me any fucking problems. because i can 100% trust you when i tell you about how i feel and all my struggles without worrying about#you going and gossiping about it to your mom and sister and friends. not like i should be able to confide in you for anything.#suicide mention#tw suicide#apologies for all the fucking. emotional bullshit i’m going through guys. really not having a good time right now.
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