#maybe I’m super cynical and boring

[chiefguideandcentre]

If going to a certain place means that I can’t breathe normally and on my own without the need for special equipment, special suits, or a special means of transport, then I’m not going.

[candlewaxandp0lar0ids]

jealousy, jealousy || Hyunjin x f!Reader

Summary: A guy hitting on you leads to an argument with Hyunjin, which leaves you completely confused, because nothing about that conversation made sense to you. And it takes you a little while, but the two of you eventually manage to work it out.

Word count: 5.2k

Genres: college AU, established relationship, smut

Warnings & Tags: hurt/comfort, jealousy, implied past toxic relationships, smut (vaginal sex), smut with feelings, lowkey sub!hyunjin but it's not super explicit

series masterlist

A/N: this is the same couple as in you're so gorgeous it makes me so mad, but both works can be read independently. Enjoy!

It’s sometimes hard to fathom how different you and Hyunjin are. You’re night and day, really. He’s famous on campus, loved and admired by the people around him, and you’re anonymous and unnoticed in any crowd you’re a part of. He’s light, joyful, an artistic soul; you’re cynical, a bit of a downer, and you live and breathe numbers. He’s also a people-pleaser, and a bit of an actor, a performer if you will, where you’re honest to a fault and what you see is exactly what you’ll get. He’s the softest soul you’ve ever met, and you’re all sharp edges.

And, well, when you want to support him, you go to see him dance and dazzle a fascinated crowd. When he wants to support you, he comes to see you logic the shit out of someone else at a mathematics olympiad.

Yeah, you’d told him not to come. He had insisted though, and he’d been in the audience, getting his fair share of looks, which you didn’t blame people for. How could you.

You hadn’t gotten much of a chance to speak with him, since your team had been busy from start to finish — which had earned you first place, by the way — and you could only hope that he hadn’t been deathly bored, though that seemed unrealistic. You appreciated the moral support, but you still couldn’t figure out why on earth he would have wanted to come in the first place.

It’s as you’re looking for him in the lobby that you’re approached by a guy that you recognize at first glance. Hyunwoo, if you’re not mistaken, one of your rivals in the competition. He’s smiling wide as he makes his way to you, revealing slightly crooked teeth.

“You were really impressive in there,” he comments, speaking a little too fast — shy, maybe?

“Thanks,” you say, “you weren’t bad either.” And it’s true, he’d been a worthy opponent.

No match for you and your team, sure, but good enough.

His smile widens and he shifts his weight nervously from one foot to the other.

“So, uh, which university do you go to again?”

You answer, but the question has you raising an eyebrow. That's been announced over and over again throughout the competition, so it’s a weird way of making small-talk. Unless he’s stalling for—

“Oh, that’s cool, I’m not that far from there, maybe we could s-see each other at some point?”

Aw, yeah, he’s hitting on you. That sentence came out all in one breath, and he seems very relieved to be done with it. Which, honestly, you find kinda sweet, cute even. You don’t really date within that crowd, didn’t even before Hyunjin — your experiences with men from that field have been… questionable —, so you’re definitely not interested, but you’ll—

“She’s taken,” an icy voice announces from behind you.

Ah, Hyunjin’s found you. You feel him against your back as he wraps you up in a hug in an unusual display of possessiveness. It throws you off a little bit, actually. Not that you mind, you very much don't care, but he tends to avoid being affectionate in public. He likes to keep things private, with much of his life being subject to gossip around your college even without any of that. You crane your neck to look at him. You were just about to tell Hyunwoo that you were taken, and based on the way he’s flushing, cheeks and ears and neck turning bright red, he’s already horribly embarrassed by the situation.

You’re opening your mouth, intent on letting him down gently, when Hyunjin’s eyes flicker over him, taking in his appearance — he’s not exactly looking stylish, but hey, you guys were here to be smart, not look good —, and then he sneers “What makes you think she’d be interested anyway?” with such a disdainful tone that you almost flinch.

Hyunwoo splutters an apology and flees the scene, but you tear yourself from Hyunjin, staring at him in disbelief. You know that he can get agressive when he’s angry, words coming out before he’s truly thought them through, but he’s not cruel. And that was— that felt completely uncalled for to you.

“You were great,” he starts telling you, just as you go “What the hell?”

Confusion flickers on his face. It’s like he doesn't even remember what just happened, and you’re at least as confused as he is.

“He was flirting with you,” he says. In other circumstances, you might have noticed the softness to his voice as he spoke, but you’re not really paying attention to that right now, searching his eyes instead for any discomfort, guilt, whatever — which you're not finding.

“Well that’s not a crime,” you reply, shaking your head. And what you mean by that is that flirting with you is not really deserving of getting your self-esteem crushed by someone who’s as attractive as Hyunjin is. You know all too well what it can do to you to finally gather up the courage to go talk to someone, only to be humiliatingly rejected. It does shit to you that you don’t think Hyunjin would understand.

He takes a step back like you’ve slapped him, folds his arms defensively against his chest.

“So I should be fine with someone flirting with you?” His voice is at a higher pitch than usual, and you don’t know what to make of it. You— What the fuck is happening to this conversation, exactly?

“I was going to tell him I wasn’t interested, and it’s not like he knew I was taken,” you say. You don’t know why you need to point that out. Obviously you weren’t going to entertain that.

“Well I told him first,” Hyunjin says, clearly growing more defensive by the second, and again, you don’t know why.

“Yeah, Hyunjin, but that was completely unnecessary. I mean, it was just—” you search for the right word for a second, don’t find it, “—overkill.”

He’s staring at you, chewing on the inside of his cheek.

“Sorry if I don’t stand by while dudes hit on you,” he finally says, anger — you think? — seeping through in his tone.

“That’s not what this is about,” you say, because it isn’t. What are you doing wrong? What part of what you’re saying isn’t coming across the way you want it to? “My point is that you didn’t have to be so—” Again, you try to pick your words carefully. ‘You didn’t have to be such a dick about it’ is the formulation that comes to mind first, but that’s not something you would call Hyunjin, ever. That’s a line that you refuse to cross. “—mean about it.”

It comes out sounding weirdly insincere, maybe because it’s not as strong as what you’re trying to say, maybe because your sentence has lost its momentum by the time you finish it. Either way, it seems not to reach Hyunjin at all. His jaw’s set, his shoulders tense, and again, you have no clue where this went wrong.

“Fine,” he quips, lips now a straight line. “I guess I’ll just be mean elsewhere.”

And then he turns around and walks away, and okay, the two of you rarely argue, but this is such an unusual way for one of your conflicts to resolve, an almost childish one, and again, what the fuck?

“What happened there?” Seungmin asks, appearing next to you.

Boy, would you like to know.

“So,” Minho says in the middle of lunch, “what’s the deal with you and Hyunjin?”

You groan. A few days have passed since Seungmin asked you that very same question, and you’re still clueless.

“If I murder him because he’s too depressing to be around, I’ll make you help me hide the body,” Minho adds nonchalantly. He’s also a dance major, which means he’s been around Hyunjin way more than you have these past few days.

“Please stop threatening to kill my boyfriend,” you sigh.

Still, you don’t know what to answer. You and Hyunjin have been texting, you’ve seen each other around campus, but things have been… stiff. Awkward. Things are never awkward between the two of you. You know you’ll have to talk about it but it’s— You just wish you understood what was going on, so you could prepare yourself. As long as you don't, you want to avoid the talk, but without the talk you don’t know what’s going on and—

“I have no fucking clue,” you finally mutter. Seungmin glances up from his food. Usually he doesn’t care much for interpersonal drama, but he seems a little concerned this time.

“Explain,” he says.

Yeah. Maybe laying the facts on the table and trying to figure out a course of action is the best thing to do.

“A guy hit on me at the Maths Olympiad,” you say, “from one of the rival teams. Asked if I’d want to see him around but, you know, he was interested. And then Hyunjin arrived and was all ‘she’s taken’, which is fine, but then he said,” and the words are still clear in your mind, “’what makes you think she’d be interested’. And he looked at the guy like— You know.” Just one glance at Seungmin tells you that he does. You don’t look at Minho, because you doubt he has a clue. “Like he was repulsive or something.”

“So?” Minho says, and you sigh while Seungmin rolls his eyes.

“So it was shitty. The guy didn’t know I had a boyfriend, and having someone like Hyunjin tell him that probably made him feel like shit. It’s not easy for people like us to make the first move. No offense,” you add, nodding at Seungmin, and he grimaces in response. You know he agrees with you, because, well, he made no move whatsoever to get in his current relationship. It’s just this delightful mix of lack of self-confidence, social anxiety, and awkwardness that makes the process so fucking complicated.

You’ve dated more than Seungmin has, but you’d figured out early that people outside your branch of interest found you weird, too passionate about your niche interests, and then that the men within your field were pretty misogynistic for guys complaining about never getting girls, and then you’d stopped dating. So it hasn’t been great on your front either.

Seungmin’s nodding his head. He clearly sees your side of the argument. Minho, on the other hand, has leaned back in his chair, and he goes “Hm.”. So he’s about to tear you apart.

“It sounds like he just got jealous,” Minho says, and you almost laugh.

“Jealous of what?” Outside of the looks, this was a less than five minutes conversation with a guy, during which he made eye contact maybe once. There was no agressive flirting, barely any flirting actually, and certainly no physical contact. You’ve dealt with far worse — actually, you deal with far worse at almost every event you go to with Hyunjin.

Minho shrugs. He clearly has an idea, and he’s clearly not going to tell you.

“Think about it from his perspective. A guy hit on you, and you got annoyed at him for intervening.”

“I don’t care that he intervened,” you snap, “the issue was the way that he—”

“He might not know that,” Minho shrugs. Both you and Seungmin exchange a doubtful look, but it dawns on you that this might not be something Hyunjin would know about. You doubt it would happen to him in that way. You’re well-aware that he’s had shitty dating experiences, but this, that specific way of making someone feel completely undesirable, isn’t one of them as far as you’re aware.

So, as Minho stares at you intently, you sigh.

“Fine. I’ll clear things up.”

He nods, and you can feel his relief immediately. For someone who’s constantly threatening to kill Hyunjin, it’s kinda sweet, how much he cares for his well-being.

You're still trying to figure out how you're going to broach the subject with Hyunjin when, at eleven that night, there’s a knock on your door. You make your way there cautiously and pick-up the base-ball bat that you keep there — because this could be a psycho, ‘cause who shows up unannounced at 11 pm in the middle of the week —, but one look through the peephole has you putting it back down immediately.

Because when you unlock the door, you’re met with the sight of your shivering boyfriend. It’s pouring outside, so he looks like a drenched cat, soaking wet but still handsome.

“I-I wanted to—”

“Hyunjin, come in, don’t stay out in the cold” you interrupt him, hoping your voice comes off soft instead of demanding. “I’ll get you a change and a towel,” you add once he’s hesitantly made his way inside.

It doesn’t take you long to find a t-shirt and sweat pants he’d left at your place, while he stands awkwardly next to your kitchen counter. When you hand them to him, he thanks you, hesitates a second, then gets into your room to change. It feels a little weird, to see him do that, a weirdness you’re sure he’s felt too, but you suppose it would be just as strange if he didn’t do it, because things have just been— different, these past few days.

You’re waiting for him with the towel when he comes out.

“Come here,” you say gently, reaching for his hair.

You put the towel over his head, rubbing it gently against his scalp. Small droplets of water run down your arms, but you’re not really paying attention. Hyunjin bends to give you an easier access, face coming just inches of yours. His eyes are looking at you almost pleadingly, and you can’t help but notice that they’re slightly puffy, possibly from crying. That’s confusing to you, too — this was one argument, not a particularly intense one either, and in no way relationship-threatening, as far as you’re concerned. You know kissing him won’t fix anything, but you’re not trying to fix things, you’re trying to let him know how much you love him, how much you care about him, how much you’ve missed him.

So you do kiss him. He gasps into you, inhales like a drowned man finally coming to the surface. It’s his turn to get closer, body pressing against yours, and oh, he feels like coming home. Your fingers card through wet hair, pulling on it slightly, and this time it’s another sound he lets out. As tempting as it is to jump him right now, you know you have to put a stop to this if you want to have a productive conversation first — which would be the reasonable thing to do.

Still you can’t resist prolonging the kiss, pulling his lower lip between your teeth in a way that has him whimpering. His hands grab onto your waist with a bruising grip, and you feel his tongue brush against yours, hesitantly at first, like he’s not sure he should, then more daringly, pushing it into your mouth.

You — thankfully? unfortunately? — still have the presence of mind to interrupt the kiss before it gets any more out of hand.

“I’ve missed you,” you tell him softly. You see his eyes go wide. Like he's surprised. Shit, someone must have really done a number on him, huh?

“I’ve missed you too.”

Taking his hand in yours, you gently pull him towards the couch, where the two of you sit, though you don’t break physical contact. Instead, you sling your legs onto his lap and put your chin on his shoulder, not letting go of his hand. Hopefully he knows, that way, hopefully he feels safe, hopefully he can tell how much he means to you and that this— disagreement, or whatever this is, means far less to you than he does.

For a few seconds, he just stays there, unmoving, almost frozen, long black hair still dripping a little onto his shoulders and sticking to his neck, while you rub soothing circles on his skin.

“I’m sorry,” he finally blurts out. He’s not looking at you, instead staring at his hands on his lap.

“About what?” you ask gently, not moving an inch. The two of you had been mad at each other, but you don’t think it warranted this kind of reaction.

“I’m— I didn’t mean to be controlling,” he mumbles. “You can talk to whoever you want to, and it’s— I-I mean, there’s nothing harmful in flirting, and I trust you, and—”

“Hyunjin,” you interrupt him, and this time you take his face in your hands, cradling it. “I don’t care about that.” His eyebrows knit in confusion. “I don’t— I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you being upset if someone’s hitting on me, but more importantly—” You press a kiss to his lips, chaste and brief, then another, then another. “You’re the most important person to me. You know that, right?”

He nods, though the motion is hesitant. You’re well aware, by now, of how sensitive he is to any action that he perceives as a rejection or a form of disinterest. You’ve gotten past a lot of his previous issues, when even you saying you couldn’t make it to one of his shows could make him question things, but some things he remains fragile on.

“I would never do anything to hurt you on purpose. Of course I would shut down someone hitting on me, babe, I just didn’t have the time to do that.”

It seems to soothe him for a few seconds, and a deep sigh leaves him, body briefly relaxing, before he tenses again.

“Then what—” Now there’s a hint of fear in his eyes. “What did I do wrong?”

Okay. You need to handle this carefully. You lean back slightly, going back to holding his hands. The last thing you want is to make him feel like this is a battlefield, which is how you know some of his exes treated their relationship. You want him to feel safe with you, even when you have a disagreement.

“You know, people are constantly saying that you’re out of my league,” you say. His eyes widen, mouth opening to protest it, but you shake your head. You don’t lack self-confidence, but you know no one’s jaw’s dropping when you walk into a room. It doesn’t make you ugly, it just makes you, well, not Hyunjin. You're fine with it. There’s more to you than your looks, and you wouldn’t want people to be interested in you just for that anyway. You’re all too aware that a good half of Hyunjin’s issues in relationships come from that. “I don't care, but I got that before we were together, or—” Hm, this is getting into memories that sting a bit more. “Well, before I met you.”

Hyunjin swallows. It’s his turn to squeeze your hand, and the gentle attempt at comfort makes you smile. It encourages you to keep going, knowing that he’ll probably get it, and if he doesn’t, he’ll definitely try his best.

“Some guys I was, uh, interested in turned out to already be dating.” You shrug one shoulder. It’s not a big deal in and of itself, it’s something that definitely happens, especially if they’re people you run into at college parties. “So, some of their partners felt that had to make it clear to me that I was delusional to think I even had a chance with them. And it wasn’t just to let me know that the dudes were taken, it was to just— humiliate me.”

And it worked, too, at the time. Makes you want to give a hug to your former self, just thinking about it.

“So what I don’t get is why you’d want to do that,” you say, finally looking at Hyunjin again. “I know you, you’re never cruel to people. I wish you were less nice to some of the people around you. So why— why would you do that to a guy who, clearly, wasn’t a threat to you whatsoever?”

You find him staring at you, but he immediately looks away from you, cheeks and ears turning red.

“I’m sorry,” he says for the second time.

“I’m not mad,” you reply patiently. “I’m just trying to understand.”

He clears his throat, and runs a hand through his hair, which have started to dry by now. He opens his mouth, like he's ready to talk. And then he closes it again.

You tilt your head to the side. Okay. This is unexpected.

“It’s not like he wasn’t a threat,” he finally says under his breath.

Wait. Minho had a point? Hyunjin was jealous?

“What are you talking about,” you say more than you ask, trying not to sound like you’re in total disbelief — though you very much are.

“It’s—” He turns his head in the other direction, very much, very clearly blushing now. “He would get what you talk about, you know? What you do in class, your projects, your contests. He’s—” and he lowers his voice even more, muttering the last word like it’s personally offended him “smart.”

You can only stare. You almost want to laugh at what is, to you, an utterly absurd conclusion, but you, thankfully, manage to hold yourself back.

“Hyunjin, babe, do you think I don’t find you smart?”

There’s the hand in the hair again, as he lets out a frustrated sigh.

“No, it’s just— I don’t get it. When you talk about it with Seungmin, or— or when you try to tell me what you’ve been doing, or— you didn’t even want me to come to the Olympiads.”

“Because I thought you’d be deathly bored.”

Somehow, most of the previous tension has evaporated now that the issue's out in the open. You feel impossibly relieved, and you realize how much this had all been weighing you down. Hyunjin seemed to be the same, his hand now coming to casually rest on your thigh. The two of you finally feel like you again.

“Because I wouldn’t understand,” he mumbles.

Ah, precious, dearest darling.

“So, what, do you think I would dump you for a dude who can integrate without a calculator?”

The blank stare Hyunjin gives you almost makes you crack.

“Hyunjin, darling, apple of my eye, light of my life, you might be the best person I know.” You shift on the couch, and it only takes one quick movement for you to be on top of him, legs on either side of his and arms around his neck. His breath hitches, and it makes you grin. “You’re a incredibly talented artist, you see things about the world that I don’t even notice exist, you’re capable of moving in a way that I can't even dream of, you’re kind, you’re loving, and yes, even if you're not the greatest mathematical mind to walk this earth, you’re smart.”

He looks up at you, lips parted, staring like you’re the only person in the world. You’re not the type to say these things much, usually trying to convey it with physical touch and other shows of affection. Right now, though, it seems like he definitely needed to hear them.

“Hyunjin,” you say, again, never getting tired of how his name rolls off your tongue, “I love you. There’s nothing about you that would make me doubt that.” Nor is there anything that should make him doubt that.

You’re not sure if you kiss him or if he kisses you, but you know that the kiss that follows is harsh, urgent, desperate. His hands grab onto your hips, dig into your skin, his mouth bites at yours feverishly, pushing himself up to meet you. Your hands are in his hair, pulling his head back to give yourself better access to his mouth, and you let him take charge of the pace, his tongue dancing with yours tantalizingly.

It makes it even more delightful when you roll your hips against him and feel him suddenly losing control. He grows hard under you in just seconds, and when you pull away his eyes are wide with need.

“Oh, you did miss me,” you can’t help but tease, though your voice is still soft. You feel lighter after the conversation, but it might still not be the time to get too intense.

Hyunjin whines in response, pushing himself up to kiss you again. Fuck, he’s hot.

“I’m gonna take good care of you, baby,” you whisper with a very intentional shift or your hips, straight onto his hard-on.

You get up to get rid of your short and panties, and during that time, Hyunjin pushes his own pants down, cock standing to attention, precum already forming at the tip. Usually, you’d take the occasion to tease him, play with him a little bit, but you know that he’s not going to last long, and you want to give him everything tonight.

So you climb back onto his lap, kiss him again, and your hand makes its way down your body. You’re wet, too, but Hyunjin’s big, and you want to prepare yourself a little. Just as you’re about to insert a finger, a pleased shiver already running down your back, Hyunjin stops you, and you bite your lip to hold back a whimper when he presses his palm against your clit.

“Let me,��� he whispers.

“Anything for you, baby,” you reply, though this is for you too, because when Hyunjin’s long finger push inside of you, spreading you open, you throw your head back and a moan escapes you.

Hyunjin works diligently, slowly pumping in and out of you. His thumb comes to brush against your clit, rubs against it with gentle movements, sending pleasure through every fiber of your body. His hands gets coated in your juices as he pushes a second finger inside, then a third. He’s quiet as he does so, but his other hand keeps tightening on your waist, and his cock is growing redder, leaking more and more precum by the second.

You finally wrap your hand around it, returning the favor, and immediately he loses his rhythm, letting out a whimper. He hunches forward, his head coming to rest in the crook of your neck.

“I can’t— I can’t keep going if you do that,” he mumbles, beautiful eyes staring pleadingly at you. Again, there’s that urge to tease him, and again, you resist it.

“Just wanna make you feel good, baby,” you whisper as you give a slow pump around him, only providing light pressure because you don’t want it to be too much just yet. “And you’re already doing so, so good for me, it’s okay to stop now.”

You’re pretty sure you can take him already, but you keep him just there, fingers moving erratically inside you, as you set a slow pace around his cock. Moans and whines keep spilling past his lips as he buries his face in your shoulder, music to your ears, and you start pressing kisses against his neck, teeth grazing against the skin. Hyunjin gets louder — his neck’s always been sensitive, and when your tongue brushes against him just right, his hips jump up into your hand, which seems like the perfect signal.

You grab his wrist to stop his movements, and he takes it out of you, eyes meeting yours once more in expectation.

Hand around his cock to guide it, you let yourself sink onto him with a pleased moan. He always fills you so well, makes you feel so full— Fuck, either he’s a sex god or you’re really fucking whipped, because sex with him always makes you feel so good.

Hyunjin’s head rolls back onto your couch, hair spilling all over it, eyes closing as his mouth falls open. The sight’s perfect, but it’s also lewd, like the sound of your bodies together wasn’t enough for that.

“Mind if I move, babe?”

Okay, yeah, you’re teasing, but he just makes it so tempting for you.

“Yeah, hm, please— please do.”

A brief laughter escapes you at his broken plea and you push up in order to kiss him again, delicious, delicious friction forming between your legs at the movement.

“You’re perfect,” you purr against his mouth.

Then you start moving, hips rocking gently at first, and Hyunjin’s letting out high pitched whimpers. After a few seconds he manages to push himself from his position, head falling between your breasts. He lifts your shirt, which you hadn’t bothered taking off, and his hands come up to cup them, massaging them softly and carefully. A moan you’d been careful to hold back leaves your mouth then, but it’s only when he wraps his mouth around one of your nipples, that they start falling uncontrollably. He glances up at you, and with one look at the sinful sight that is him with one of your breasts in his mouth, you’re gone.

Things get more frantic after that. You start moving quicker, chasing your own release as much as trying to give him his, and Hyunjin wraps both arms around your waist, no longer kissing your breasts. Instead, he buries his head in your neck again, erratic whimpers music to your ears. You hold tightly onto his shoulders, and though you don’t do it on purpose, you suspect you’re going to leave a mark there.

You come before he does, back arching with a loud cry as you do, but you don’t stop moving. You ride your orgasm with him still inside you, rubbing just right against him, then keep going though slower as your legs start shaking under you, but Hyunjin’s mostly too far gone to notice. You go back to kissing his neck, knowing with absolute certainty that if you flick your tongue against him just so—

Hyunjin comes without a warning, surprisingly quiet, mouth opened wide against your shoulder. You feel him spilling inside of you, whole body shaking underneath you. You keep kissing his neck, whispering soft words against him. How good you find him, how perfect, how much you love him.

You collapse onto each other. You rest your head on his chest; his fingers start absent-mindedly tracing patterns on the small of your back. You should move, should clean up, but fuck, you’ve missed him, you’ve missed this, you’ve missed the way his body feels against yours. You’re so lost in the post-orgasm bliss that you almost miss Hyunjin calling your name.

“Hm?” you reply lazily, glancing up at him. He’s purposefully not looking at you.

“I love you too,” he says. You tilt your head. He’s blushing again, like after all that’s just happened, that was the harder thing to admit. “I didn’t say it earlier. I love you.”

You know that. All the same, flowers bloom in your chest and despite feeling tired, your heart finds it in you to start beating faster. You love him. You love him so much you fear it will consume you sometimes.

“I love you more, babe.”

You believe it whole-heartedly when you say it, too. Hyunjin shakes his head, playful pout forming on his lips, and it hits you that he probably feels just the same.

And in that moment, everything in the world is perfect.

i think this is one of my favorite pieces i've written for this series, so hopefully you liked it too! exploring complex emotions is one of my favorite things to do in writing. i know i've said this in every piece, but please reblog this if you enjoyed it! it boosts my motivation a ton to see people liking my stuff, and so if you like my writing, commenting/reblogging is the best way of making me write more. i'll see you all soon for changbin's piece!

Skz taglist: @lethallyprotected

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The Lady Whistledown Papers : 1x03 - Art of the Swoon

Welcome back, Gentle Readers, to The Lady Whistledown Papers, where I’m taking an in-depth look at Penelope Featherington and Colin Bridgerton’s character arcs and romance within the show Bridgerton!

For previous issues, follow tag : The Lady Whistledown Papers

So... are you guys excited for this one? Because there's so much I can't even contain myself. No, I'm kidding. This episode might win for most boring Polin episode, and yes, I'm including 2x01, which doesn't even have Colin in it.

Letters

We open with Pen looking very anxiously out a window. What is she looking at? Is it Colin? Are the Bridgertons being bold in broad daylight again?? No, she's just waiting for the mail.

She is super cute when she finds there aren't any letters for Marina and she throws her little hands up in the air exasperated.

Marina is growing depressed waiting to hear from her love, George. But Penelope is full of hope and optimism. She is so into what's going on with Marina. The romantic in her is thrilled with all this letter writing (hmmm, wonder if that'll come back) and she's encouraging Marina not to give up hope.

She is so smiley and engaged while talking to Marina. This is a real, live love story happening in front of her, that she gets to engage with, and she gets to help out with. It's fun for her, being on the outside of it, like reading one of her stories.

And, I mean, the fact that Colin is one of Marina's suitors just isn't even a factor yet. Pen genuinely cares for Marina, and cares for wanting this love story to play out into a happily ever after.

The romanticism really becomes apparent when she suggests that maybe the reason George isn't writing is that he's on his way back to her that very moment. It's sweet, and a little naive, but Pen really just wants Marina to be happy and in love. Just like Pen wants it for herself. But Pen saves only her cynicism for herself.

Portia barges in right then and scolds her for spending time with Marina. The way Nicola Coughlan stomps her foot and throws a tantrum like a child is really quite brilliant. It adds to the fact that Season 1 Penelope is very much still a child in a lot of ways.

Drawing Room

Colin is looking for food -- take a shot!

Okay, so this shot is really kind of cool when you look at it. And I mean, indulge me, there's barely any Colin in this episode...

I love the blocking of it, as you can see so much characterization of the family just from this single shot. Daphne is sitting tall and really center, as she is the main character. Violet is in her 'mother' chair doing sewing. Anthony is off to the side, reading the paper, drinking tea, being very much a father-ish figure. Benedict, seated low, carefree and more irresponsible than his somewhat more serious-minded brother. Eloise is there, reading indignantly. Hyacinth and Gregory are on the floor playing, much like Pen was in the first episode, signifying their youth and childishness.

And then there's Colin. Just... kind of there. Because it's a family scene. A blank slate ready to be written on. He's watching his younger siblings, but not really there with them anymore. But he's not yet fully in the adult world of Anthony, Benedict, or Daphne.

But it's interesting (and important?) that he's sitting next to Violet here. Because while Colin doesn't say a thing here, Violet's words Daphne are incredibly important. She tells Daphne that it's integral that she should marry her dearest friend. And that love is simple when you're in love with your dearest friend. And Colin is sitting right there! The message is one that I'm sure Violet hammers into her children all the time, though Colin is definitely going to be one to internalize it pretty deeply.

The Prince

[Just an aside, the scene where Daphne snorts at the prince and where Daphne and Anthony have no idea how to heat up milk are really two nice moments in this episode.]

Just Portia Featherington whoring out her daughters to the Prince, and little Penelope falling behind and getting pushed out because who would take her seriously as a contender? But there's Lady Whistledown gossip narrating this moment, and while it's mostly expositional, it's also telling that while Pen can't be front and center, she's still very there and aware.

Somerset House

Just in case you were wondering - Colin is in this scene! Being amused that Violet is trying to get Anthony to find a wife.

I love that he and Benedict have a good laugh over it (I have a mind to think that Colin and Benedict are always having a laugh about Anthony) -- until Violet literally pushes them out into society as well.

Hey, they cut from Colin over to Penelope. Cute.

So, I'm always happy when we get a scene where Eloise and Penelope seem to be on the same page. And this small moment of them looking at the art, critiquing it in a modern way, is super fun. They do both share the viewpoint that women should be more than the objects men think of them as. And they laugh about it here, but it's really quite profound.

Pen's attention strays, though, when Marina calls out for her help.

Portia is trying to set Marina up with some old bachelor, and Penelope swoops in to interrupt. See, and that's the thing. Penelope does have a big heart. She loves love and she wants Marina to be happy with George, and not stuck marrying some old guy where love wouldn't bloom. So she intervenes. And of course, Portia tries to push back against her. Penelope doesn't have much power (as herself) but just the act of cutting in is enough to disrupt the encounter.

Portia calls Penelope a 'meddlesome little wench'. Which is really quite horrible of a mother to call her daughter. But I will say there's truth the the meddlesome part. She does like to be meddlesome, and even the LW persona speaks to that.

Some time later, Cressida is going to fake a swoon so the Prince can catch her. And look who has a front row seat to that. I love that Eloise is like - wtf, while Penelope is openly laughing at her. Should note that this won't be the only time Cressida pulls this kind of stunt.

Letters II

Twenty minutes of screen time later, and Penelope's still waiting by the window, staving off suitors as she waits for her husband to come back from going to war and being lost at sea...

No. Sorry. That's the plot of The Odyssey. We will be coming back to that, though...

Penelope's still waiting for letters to bring up to Marina, but her enthusiasm waning.

She's so excited when she sees the letter from George!

Which makes me wonder - does she always intercept the mail? I love that the servants mostly do not care. Also, no one knows she's writing to Colin between seasons, so she must be diligent about mail time.

She is so ready to hear what George has written to Marina. It makes me wonder - has Marina let Pen read all her letters? Or has Marina only shared what was in them? And did Pen help Marina write him back? It's clear that Pen's living a little vicariously through Marina in this moment. And it's just as devastating to her when they find out that George (seemingly) has rejected Marina.

This is really a key moment in that it sets up Marina's trajectory for the rest of the season. Her heartbreak and her fear (enhanced because earlier in the episode - Portia threatened Marina with living like a beggar on the streets) are what lead her to do what she feels is best and safest for her future.

But Penelope is just confused. This is not how romance stories work. He isn't supposed to reject her. He's supposed to come rescue her and her child and they all live happily ever after. It's like she can't quite comprehend what is going on.

Of course, we learn next that this is a fake letter brought on by Portia (and Varley) ever the villain.

The Diamond

Back in the main plot, Daphne is bringing her a-game hotness as a way to get back at Simon for being a jerk. And... once again, Penelope has a front row seat to it. It's interesting how she manages to get into frame a bunch of times, to show that she is aware and paying attention to what's going on.

It is kind of funny that the LW narration kicks into gear, having lots of critiques over Daphne and Simon's love story -- when Penelope, never even speaks of it as herself. I'll have to keep notice as to whether or not Penelope ever brings up Daphne or Simon as herself.

This moment I find a little interesting though. Everyone's attention is on Daphne and the Prince, but Penelope is watching Simon. It's another love story that Pen doesn't quite understand. They seemed so together just a short while ago, and not a sudden shift in events. And Pen is once again perplexed by love and all its confounding complexities.

Alright, on to more interesting things -- the next episode actually has a Polin scene in it. A thing rarer in this season than actual diamonds. (Maybe, idk. I'm not really counting.) ;)

[sitp-recs]

Hi, any Recs for slutty and unhinged Draco or Harry?

Oh I do love myself some unhinged smut, we like our men slutty and unbalanced here 🤌🏼 I went for a bit of everything here, from light humor to dark angst. Enjoy!

Return to Sender: Harry J. Potter by @vukovich (E, 2.5k)

The first time Draco slides into bed, smelling of another man, the only glass left intact at 12 Grimmauld is a pair of spectacles. The sixth time, it's the flash-bang mushroom cloud realization that this isn't the sixth time by a long shot. The last time, it's 10 PM, and it's dittany, camphor, wormwood, valerian root, and the Healers' platitudes.

Options by @mintawasalreadytaken (E, 2.6k)

Harry's looking for company; Draco fits the bill.

Mens Rea by @lqtraintracks (E, 3k)

Mens Rea: the mental element of a person's intention to commit a crime; or knowledge that one's action or lack of action would cause a crime to be committed. “Draco Malfoy, how do you plead?” “I’m super fucking guilty.”

Luckiest Fucking Size Queen Alive by @l0vegl0wsinthedark (E, 6k)

Potter escorts me home, presses me into my front door and kisses me with a ferocity that’s exhilarating. And then Potter asks me, in a growl that makes my cock throw a wet tantrum in my pants, how many more dates I would deem mandatory before I let him fuck me. I drag Potter to bed.

What’s My Age Again? by @lazywonderlvnd (E, 12k)

Harry Potter has had enough of pleasing the public, and his reckless tendencies are finally getting out of hand. The Quidditch World Cup is only a week away; as Captain of the English National Team, Hermione has assured him that his immaturity won’t be tolerated by the Ministry.

you look so fine by michi_thekiller (E, 16k)

In which Draco is a Veela and Harry is his mate. Dark!Humor or Crack!Horror, you decide.

Famous by @fw00shy (E, 24k)

It's a couple of years after the war, and Harry's bored of models now, the same way he's bored of Ron's constant nagging, bored of his Weasley monogram knitwear, bored of the same fucking grin that greets him when he hands his fire-truck red Bugatti over to the valet every night. He wants to find—well, he isn't sure what he wants. Anything but models.

The Good Guys by Frayach (E, 26k)

The Second Voldemort War is limping into its fourth year, and the Forces of Shining Light are slowly turning into the Forces of Expedient Grey. When Draco Malfoy is captured red-handed trying to sell an illegal potion to a clerk at Borgin & Burkes, he is handed over to the Department of Essential and Necessary Truth’s newest interrogator.

Fearful Trill by @vukovich (E, 29k)

Harry should have come out and met someone when he was younger. He should have seen a doctor about the pain in his hip while youth was still on his side. Now, he's made his peace with dying young, but maybe not with dying alone.

He Who Must Not Be Normal by lettered (E, 41k)

Potter has fame and fortune and posh clothes and all he wants is a simple life. Draco has a flat and a cat and a steady job and all he wants is a complicated life. Which makes you think this story has something exciting like body-swapping, but it doesn’t.

Harry Potter Gives a Shit by talithan (E, 59k)

“Where are you headed?” “No place special,” Draco fumbled, and flushed further. But then: “I can change that,” said Harry Potter.

Super Rich Kids by trishjames (E, 81k)

Draco Malfoy has become disillusioned by the glitz and glamour of the scandalous lives of the Post-Second Wizarding War Pureblood Elite. Enter: one existential crisis, one group of thieving cynical friends, and several terrible, terrible decisions.

I Am Not Who I Became by mab_di (E, 93k)

Draco left England after the trials and has travelled the world meeting wizards and Muggles from different cultures and with vastly different relationships to magic, each other, and the natural world. Now he's a fisherman in Finland on commercial vessels.

[la0hu]

skz ate first impressions

Mountains

something extremely 2015 about this beat… something very NEFFEX/imagine dragons adjacent… i think it’s objectively maybe terrible but i also actually have two entire spotify playlists dedicated to this genre of music bc i love it. league of legends AMV music. 6/10

Chk Chk Boom

dude these tones are so different from what they normally do??? changbin, jeongin, seungmin, chan? all in a row?

wait hold on this bumps... actually. guys i think it bumps?

not the la vida loca lmao

the best parts are the verses but they’re excellent. chorus is okay; i’m guessing the choreo will make up for it. i hate how short the song is though. 7.5/10 (btw SO much better than lalalala)

JJAM

oh fuck yeah. this is what i signed up for. same table as ITEM and DOMINO just from the opening beat. prechorus is boring though.

GOTdamn! lol the chorus is so silly i love it… all the food references are reminding me of Cheese

my synesthesia is really confused right now. i worry this song isn’t super cohesive and it’ll be forgotten in the archives (e.g. get lit, top line). or maybe it’s gonna be a certified hit. it’s walking that line… i like the half-assed EDM breakdown in the bridge! 9/10*

I Like it

snoreeeeee. this song sucks lol. 2/10*

(it reminds me too much of Charlie Puth or contemporary Jungkook. i hate the pop elements. they should’ve leaned into the drill more, or done Hanpop, or whatever they did with Ex or Chill or Mixtape: OH or literally any other type of pop. i thought it was super fun and sexy they wrote a song about flings but they fumbled the production here)

Runners

i am getting the cyberpunk vibes chan was talking about, it’s nice i guess. wait no the chorus is bad. they should’ve made it actually edgy, not this inspirational major key schlock.

rare case of me disliking felix’s verse

it’s giving Blind Spot, which i didn’t like for similar reasons. the song isn’t done yet but i’m already sure it’s a 4/10

twilight

it’s alright i guess? never been a ballad girl. i think i liked Cover Me more. 4/10

Stray Kids

it’s my kryptonite… drum and bass with felix’s higher register… beautiful angel

to be completely honest i cannot rate this song objectively. despite all the cynicism and harsh reviews i give them, i’m still a stay and i feel so sentimental at the chorus i can’t think past that lol. maybe the beat is boring but does it matter? it’s a tribute song. they say “hellevator” and i’m already sold. 8/10

Chk Chk Boom festival ver.

STOP IT! YOU ARE NOT LE SSERAFIM!!!!! NOR NEWJEANS!!

wait hold on. i didn’t hear this choral instrumental. actually this is good lol you could totally play this at a festival! i thought it was just a sped-up version but now i’ve completely changed my mind; this is extremely valid. still don’t love the sped-up verses but i love DJ VXNILLX. 7/10

some final notes: i was trapped on the I-90 after work today and blasted the album the entire time, and upon further reflection, JJAM is cohesive and is thus a certified hit, and although i still think I Like It is still kind of bad, i also think it's catchy and i like the despicability of the lyrics.

unfortunately i do think this album is just another variation on a theme that was established with Rock-star, where it's a mini album with one title track, one JJAM/ITEM/COMFLEX, one I Like It / Blind Spot / Leave, one ballad, one Megaverse/Mountains to start off the tracklist (they're literally the same song actually), and a couple semi sentimental tracks to close out the album (compare Runners to Social Path to Stray Kids the song). it's a formula and it's not completely divorced from what they did with Maxident for example, but their sound isn't really changing much since 5-star dropped. i miss the whiplash i got when they went from Oddinary to Maxident. and as much as i do actually like Chk Chk Boom, it feels like they're definitely trying to make something to market, and the sub-three minute duration makes the song suffer for it

[blackfinchart]

It is indeed!

This is a stellar and extremely cool recreation.

Additional insight and a story about why it’s my favorite below, not necessarily for anyone:

My art history teacher also had some feminist thoughts about it, and did a great job using that perspective to get us to ask questions about our assumptions of pieces of art. (She also pointed out the point you made but I thought you would get a kick out of this additional one)

She kind of baited us into assuming that the image was made by a woman because of how it appears “natural” and to be a celebration of a body type that the men we had become used to at that point (westerners learning art history) tended to ignore. Additionally we concluded that it was probably a religious celebration of femininity. (Maybe it was, seems like a likely answer).

She then said it’s positively and absolutely just as likely it was made by a man for the same reason lots of other art of sexy ladies has been made by a man; although I would add that she personally didn’t believe that to be the case.

Instantly I got smarter! She explained that we know extremely little about history, and she warned us to investigate how subtle our internalized prejudices (whether we considered ourselves educated or not) about the world can be when influencing how we see historical artifacts. Even our sort of cynical feelings about the structures we were currently experiencing made us project them on to this Venus! An extremely valuable lesson for a 101.

Brilliant awesome great super good teacher who thereafter made learning about modern art less painful (I’m not a fan of most of it) and had a super informative women in art class as well. Art History would have been extremely boring for me past the prehistoric era and her passion for it and her very adaptive and inclusive feminist outlook completely reversed that for me.

I heavily associate this piece with her teaching me how to think in a new and more honest and deliberate way and it’s therefore one of my favorites!

I also just love Venus sculptures cuz they can be wildly different from each other, but are still clearly of a certain family. And also I like boobs which, ya know, I’m sorry. Haha

For the record I personally think it’s widely assumed that we were at least correct that this sculpture is a -religious/spiritual- feminine idol, but imo this one specifically could have just as easily been a self-portrait. And, obviously, it could easily be both- or neither.

Artiste Jodie Herrera. (Venus de Willendorf)

[femalebookworm]

Yooo, look at me being back to reading and picking a no-brainer series — one I have started and didn’t complete for whatever reason (it’s because I got bored of the sex-vampire-fast-love-bomb stories), but I’m back with my regular speed reading that I needed to spread this in order to last me 4 days instead of 24h. I fell off the schedule last night reading this until it was 3am. Oops.

I’ll be truthful, I had a massive problem remembering who was who, appearances and sometimes altogether a “WHO IS THIS PERSON” thought.

Defy the Dawn shows yet the story of another daywalker who seriously has trouble with herself (my cynical mind thought she needed therapy, not sex with a semi-immortal dude, or a bond whatsoever, but yeah — it’s what this series is about), but the growth - even tho it needed someone - was there. I loved it. Brynne showed confidence and trust in others with a very fast-paced story. Ekizael, or Zael for short, is a Atlantean — a womanizer who just falls for this very special kind of breedmate and breed.

We have appearances from next-to-in-line for other volumes, as per usual and I was very pleased with the levels of mystery and complexity to it all.

This series, even tho it gets on my nerves the fast-in-love romance under a week thingy, certainly holds a place on my virtual shelves. And you may notice this review is super basic, lacking screenshots (computer has been broken since Nov ‘22) and probably a lot of unnecessary ramblings — if you liked that, maybe it will be back with the next book review, but I’ve been more straight to the point since 2019 - so, be prepared for this approach moving forward, or even a flipfloping between the oversharer and the no-nonsense with two small paragraphs that tells you a summary leaving the details out (spoiler free) and a few pertinent commentaries — for we all grow. Sorry not sorry.

FYI: I bought this book when it launched — it had one cover and when o opened my kindle to read this book — it was like I don’t even remember having it to begin with. The cover for this post, holds the original and below is the newest remastered cover. Enjoy. Lol. Go read this (I’m still curious if this series will gain a spin off of sorts cause I want to know what a breed/daywalker/atlantean offspring would be like)

[howl-fantasies]

if requests are still open, i would love to ask for some jealous gotham villains headcanons :)) maybe gn!readers ex or cowoker they had tension with comes back looking for them. Would love to see my villains reactions lol 🥰tysm for reading!

I love the ideas so much! I focused on the villains meeting gender neutral reader’s ex. Your ex and you separated on pretty bad terms, I don’t dwelled on details but you could imagine they weren’t very nice with you or did bad things, you chose. The meeting would shake our dear villains cause they have to process what they are feeling deep inside and how much they care for the reader. It’s a bit dark, most of the time, with blood too, but it’s Gotham after all.

I hope you’ll like it! Enjoy! (Y/N is your name and Y/E/N is your ex name)

- Mini note just in case some people started to fuss about how writing about villains and non healthy relationship is bad and blah and blah and we-already-know-thank-you-very-much-have-a-wonderful-day : Of course all of this is purely fictional and having a twisted and dysfunctional relationship is not good. Find yourself a good, respectful, attentive and sane partner IRL. That’s important and you deserve the best for yourself. Take care dear. 

.

GOTHAM Villains when they are jealous

.

ED NYGMA / THE RIDDLER

Poor little cinnamon roll was the one who opened your door when your ex decided to show at your flat. 

“Excuse me, does Y/N still lives here?” The person would ask Nygma who would frown a bit and ask coldly “Who are you?” “I’m Y/E/N, Y/N’s ex...partner... I’m back in town and wanted to... look, it’s a bit personal, are they here? It’s important dude.” 

Oh dear, Ed would freeze on the spot and his genius brain would go wild. Your ex? Of course you had a life before him but... why didn’t you tell him about that person... And why are they here in front of him today?

You’re his aren’t you? You told him that you love him, so no logical reason to panic isn’t it? So WHY is he panicking and shaking from rage?!

“Y/N doesn’t want to see you ever again. Leave and never show your face here ever again”, He would say, then slam the door at their face. 

When alone he would be shaking in absolute rage, against your ex, you, and him. 

Well it’s Riddler who is boiling and insulting his self and Ed for trusting you. Of course you’d dump Ed and him for some plain and boring simpleton, like Kristine did, like Lee did... He should have known. He’s an idiot. 

Super cold with you when you came back and talk to him about your day. He would be mumbling and rambling, making cynical remarks. “You love me uh? Well not that much since you never told me about that Y/E/N” 

Would be on his side of the bed, showing you his back. 

“What is it Ed?” “Oh you don’t know? See it as a riddle then, Y/N, try to solve it on your own and prove me that you’re not THAT dumb”. Ouch don’t lose patience or you might risk a good old stabbing or a chocking. 

What have you done today? Try to remember until “ding ding ding” bingo, you remembered the footsteps in front of the door, not Ed’s or yours you were certain. Someone came and was responsible of his foul mood.  

“Ed?.” Persevere cause he’ll not even try to be an adult, you’ll have to do the entire job. “My love?” Ok maybe a little tilt of his head in your direction, you’re getting somewhere. 

“I saw the footsteps, who came here?” you asked. “...Your ex, wanted to talk to you”, he grumbled. 

When you tensed he immediately turns and look at you warily. “Y/N?” “Tell me you didn’t let them in, please tell me you told them to leave!” Your distress managed to calm his anxiety but a new one was now bubbling in his stomach. “Of course I did. Why? Why are you so tensed Y/N?”. You would tell him, completely or not is up to you, but he would get the main information: that person was persona non grata in your life now. 

He feels relived to hear that, sorry for you and also incredibly mad at your ex.

After that he would want to know about all your exes, in order to protect you in case one decided to pop in front of your door again. (And also because he wants you to reaffirm your absolute love for him, flatter his ego he needs it badly now). 

Don’t be too surprised when the person literally evaporated. Don’t try to ask, you don’t wanna know, or maybe just that human body can endure a 50kg pressure before its ribs start to crack, when put under a hydraulic press. 

.

Oswald Cobblepot

Oh boy, bring Oxford Dictionary and replace tantrum’s definition by Oswald Cobblepot. 

You were in Oswald’s house during one of his parties when your ex came, started to threaten you and demanded you follow him outside.  

As soon as Penguin saw your arm being gripped by a stranger, he would feel his blood starting to boil in his veins. 

Would approach the two of you with a crisped smile and politely introduce himself, his boyfriend status, and DEMAND the person to let you go THIS INSTANT. 

“You’re into cripples now Y/N?! Look at that face and nose, what are you man? A bird?” Uh-oh.

 Oswald would grab the first bottle he sees / crystal glass, break it and jump on your ex, shoving the broken glass on the side of their neck and finished them with an umbrella down their throat. 

If Oswald managed to keep his calm and only dreamed about the scene before because he has an audience, just a glance at his face would tell you everything you need to know, from his tight lips, gritting teeth, to his shaking hands. You’re in trouble, and your ex would never see the sun again. 

Would 100% pull you behind him in an empty room to yell at you so much you would wish being deaf. If you are, you would see him sign so quickly and sloppily from rage you might have to ask him to repeat. Or don’t, you understood the main problem anyways. 

Would 100% accuse you to plot against him, will hurt you by questioning  your feelings, were even genuine? And probably would accuse you to work with Ed all this time to make him suffer. (Don’t ask what Ed has to do with all of this, Oswald isn’t rational right now, his paranoia drives him).

Let him vent, don’t even try to interrupt him, the key with Oswald is to stay calm. Always. 

Seeing you so peaceful but with a sad glint in your eyes will convinced him to hush and finally let a room for you to explain. 

“Oswald, remember when I told you about that ex I never wanted to see again because of what he did to me? Well it was him. And I didn’t want to go with him, you interrupted us just in time...” Oh. Crud. Well... Uh... Ok give him a sec to collect his self. 

Would feel totally awful after that, but also a selfish relief. God he was so scared, he loves you so much you know. So he did the right thing slaughtering that fool (NO! Call the police or punch him hard in the face/nuts but no kill Oswald!) 

If he already killed your ex : “I-...I swear the floor will be spotless tomorrow my sweet Y/N, let’s call Olga and move in another room. Would you like some tea to ease your nerves? Mother had a secret recipe with honey and a bit of milk, would you like to try?” 

Super polite and well behaved with you after that, will buy you flowers and jewels to try to make amend for all the atrocious things he told you. 

.

Victor Zsasz 

Victor is a simple man. Another person is threatening your conjugal bliss? They’re dead and without a warning. 

Joke aside, Victor was just passing by (aka having fun breaking in your flat AGAIN, not like you cared anymore at this point)... when he heard someone knocking at your door. 

“Hum... Sorry... Did Y/N changed their address?” Would ask your very pale ex seeing the intimidating hitman who just opened the door.

Zsasz wouldn’t even have to ask who, he already know about ALL your exes, names addresses, why you broke... So he would stay here, silent, deadly silent, and watch the person sweating bullets in front of him. 

“Hum... Look, I used to date Y/N and I wanted to tal-...!” “Out.” Would cut Victor then slam the door so hard the doorframe would be shaking. 

 Now alone, he would clench and unclench is jaw and fist so hard they might break.

Why is he so angry? Yes he’s 99,9% sure you love him, after all he’s a master at spotting liars, but the 0,01% still bothers him greatly. You didn’t contact your ex, he was 99,9% sure of that too...stupid 0,01%!

You would find him in on your armchair in the dark, in an imitation of the Thinker. “Vic?” 

He cares for you and what happened today enraged him beyond measure. Feelings were dangerous, but he wouldn’t kill you though, he was debating about trapping you forever in his basement or let you be. 

“Hi sweetness, you missed your ex earlier.” Ok time to be a master monk poker player. DON’T PANIC, take a seat, a deep breath and start a civil chat with your best blank face. 

“Oh. Good news then, I didn’t want to see them. Want a Pepperoni?” Sounds stupid uh? Well not that much since you show him it doesn’t phase you and you want to do domestic things WITH HIM instead. You’re doing good, he relaxed a bit. 

“Sure ask for a milkshake too. Care if I play with them a bit before killing them Y/N?” He would try again, just to be sure you really don’t care about your ex anymore (100% yandere material here). “Have fun Victor.” <- Magic formula here, he would grin like an idiot. You saved your ass, congrats... for now. (Being in a twisted relationship with this fellow is literally living on a knife-edge...)

 Would accompany you everywhere when he can after that, sticking to you like glue, instead of stalking from afar... May also strongly suggest carving a ‘VZ’ somewhere visible, “just to be clear” with everyone you know or used to. Hum... good luck with that one... (Ask for his hand, maybe changing your last name for Zsasz would be clearer, even outside the city or in another country where he’s not already famous?)

. 

Jonathan Crane

Jonathan saw your ex run to you and start arguing.

What where you doing outside for starters?!

Groceries, sounds fair...ok... He stalked you just to be sure you wouldn’t be abducted by some lunatics, Gotham is a dangerous place you know Y/N (tell us about it dude!)

He did well seeing that one gradually starting to yell about how you were an awful partner all this time and blah and blah and blah. 

Oh god, so you already have some romantic experience before meeting him... you were his first everything, love, friend, confident... but he was not yours. He would feel pretty insecure suddenly and angry and utterly terrified. 

Since he was so weird, maybe you would prefer toss him to the side and go back to a normal life with normal people like this person who was now gripping your arms. WHAT? BACK OFF NOW. 

A blur, that’s all you would see before hearing your ex yelling in absolute terror on the floor and seeing Jonathan standing next to you and looking at you warily. “You never told me about this person, Y/N”, his voice was a shaking a bit but cold. “Are you going to leave me? To abandon me?” 

Now there is an edge in it and all his body was shaking. He didn’t know what to do : let you go if you wish to? Gas you to make you lose your mind as a punishment, since you kept your precedent love life secret? Abducting you and hiding you in his basement? Cry at your feet and beg you to love him as much as he loves you?... He was lost. 

He didn’t anticipated you would throw yourself at him in his costume and cry while muttering “Oh god thank you, you free me from that creep!” Uh? Explain him why you didn’t want to talk about your ex, he would understand, he knows one thing or two about being abused you know?

Talk to him and make him talk to you about his insecurities (knowing them may save your life one day you know), tell the cinnamon roll you love him and isn’t about to toss him aside he’s too precious. 

Would be super clingy (more than usual I mean since he’s the clingiest villain here), never let you live the house without him heavily armed with his toxin. 

. 

Jervis Tetch

Oh boy no.2. Jervis would lose it here.

When your ex had the good (no) idea to show their face in front of your door, Tetch was the one greeting them. 

Like Victor, he already knows about all your exes and the life you had before starting a romantic relationship with him. So right now he’s internally fuming. What was this scum doing here? 

One of the rare times he doesn’t have is psycho smile, he’s awfully neutral right now and super dangerous. “Why hello here my dear, what can I do for you on this beautiful day?” Gentleman killer, always polite remember? 

You ex would be a bit taken aback, “Uh... Who are you dude? I came to see Y/N, where are they?” Terrible manners, Jervis lips would be tightening in a thin line, also indicating your ex they were on thin ice. 

“I, my friend, am their actual boyfriend. Y/N and I were having a nice afternoon tea when you decided to ruin our intimacy with your unannounced and unwanted visit.” Ouch he was harsh. 

Doesn’t care that much though, he would be a bit lost in his thoughts. The person in front of him was is total opposite, they look like rude and he jolted a bit when they yelled your name and tried to force their way inside. 

Immediately draws his pocket watch and hypnotized them. “Look at me in the eyes my dear, can you hear the tick-tock? Good.” 

“Y/N my love, we have an uninvited guest today!” Oh no. “Would you please be a dear and serve them a cup of tea, honey?” Double oh no. 

Your very hypnotized ex was now sit between Tetch and you, siping absentmindedly at their tea. 

“Well? Do you know what they are doing here my sweet?” Would ask Jervis with an edge in his tone. “Of course not! And trust me please I didn’t want to see their face ever again.” “Hm... Well I’m no red queen, but for you my Alice, I can do something to grant your wish” But first explain him how someone as amazing as you could have been in a relationship with this hideous frog? 

More important, if you fell once for this stupid kind of person, how can he be so sure you wouldn’t abandon him one day for another one? “I would never give you to one of those worms my lovely Alice. You know I would turn Wonderland upside down for you, don’t you? You wouldn’t dare to run like a panicked cute white rabbit far away from me?” 

Would 100% consider hypnotizing you. You’ll have to convince him to not do so. 

If you managed to, congrats, you can now enjoy your tea and the vision of your ex opening his veins and his blood being put in jam pots by your actual lover. 

. 

Jerome Valeska

Well crap. For your ex I mean. And probably for your stomach too, put that sandwich down you’ll be glad you did. 

Jerome absolutely wanted you to accompany him to wreak havoc at Gotham fairground. “Oh come on Y/N, it’ll be FUN!” 

It was, until you heard one of Jerome hostages call your name and push people aside to come just in front of you. “Do you know how long I was looking for you?! You stupid-bloody-little...-” “My, my, my who’s that Y/N?!” Jerome voice resonated next to you, interrupting your ex. “Who am I? I was Y/N’s partner! Who ARE YOU fucking clown?! Can’t you see we are talking here, go away!” Yelled your ex before grabbing your arm. 

Jerome smile would froze and his eyes opened slightly but just enough to be terrifying. What does the person next to you was doing? How dare them touch you and IN FRONT of him at that. Why where you looking so distressed even when you knew you where perfectly capable of killing that scum? Or if not, HE was totally able to. 

Seeing another person having this much power on you made his blood boil. God he wasn’t that angry for a long time : since he savagely killed his mother in fact. Do something or he’s going to rip your ex arm off you. Or don’t, even better. Just sit and watch what happens when you dare being the one having the upper hand on his feelings. 

100% would grab a saber somewhere and cut said arm clean. “Ah... that’s better. Look, you’re spoiling the fun here and Y/N isn’t smiling anymore, I cannot have that when I promised they would have the time of their life, uh? You’ll help me fix that” and he would grab them by the collar.

First stop, roller coaster, would tie your ex in front of the train and sit next to you in a wagon. “Never knew you had so plain and boring tastes, Y/N. Fortunately I came here and save you from a dull life.” Let the narcissist rants about how he was your saviour, deep down he also try to ease the little insecurity which popped up in his stomach. You were too fun to leave him, too devoted too, too in love with him. 

“Say you love me, Y/N, say it loud and clear for all people to hear above that dull person’s screams”. 

. 

Jeremiah Valeska 

Frankly, he was expecting many things when he looked at his security system but absolutely not to see a perfect stranger standing in front of his bunker? Did they came here to volunteer? (get out Victor)

“Hum... Excuse me? Is that Y/N new address?” Asked the voice into the microphone. Y/N? Why would you give this address? Only GCPD knew about it, he was certain. Did you met that person and let this piece of information escaped involuntarily? You weren’t that stupid. 

So it was intentional? Why? When? “Hello? Y/N! I really need to talk to you, you have to listen! The discussion isn’t finished because you decided to!” Said the person losing its patience.

Oh? “Good morning there, security, could you please give us your name, and tell us how you knew about this place?” Yeah Jeremiah has to understand what the hell was happening, even if it means playing security guard. 

“Hum, I’m Y/E/N, I’m a good friend of Y/N and have to talk to her, it’s really important dude, can you open, she knows me don’t worry.” 

Jeremiah was ready to talk again but heard a huge shocked gasp behind him and turned to look at you, well more the absolute terror on you face. “What are they doing here”, he heard you muttered. 

“Why are they here, YN? Did you told them?” Demanded Jeremiah in the coldest tone you ever heard him use. He was fuming, you betrayed him by giving a stranger his address. “Are you cheating on me, YN?” He would ask again in his lowest tone and feeling his stomach twists in rage and betrayal.

“Wha-No! I don’t know how he found me here, he’s my ex! Don’t let them in please, make them go away!” Your frightened voice, and non verbal made him relax a bit. “Oh. Sit, Y/N.” He demanded while patting the seat next to him. 

“Excuse me, but my employer said they didn’t want to talk. Also told they never gave you their address”, he would press a button and dozen of gun would surrounded your ex. “How did you know?” 

Poor ex would sweat bullets, “I-...I went to the GCPD, saw a file with Y/N name and this address, don’t shot!”

Oh he wouldn’t. He would abduct them though, put them in a torture room and demand you to torture them to death to prove him your ABSOLUTE devotion and love. Good luck dear. 

[gins-potter]

Casting Thoughts

Yes, I did a long post when the rumours first dropped but hey now it’s confirmed plus we have characters descriptions, and I’m bored so let’s do this all over again people.  Under the cut because it got long

Sisi Stringer as Rose Hathaway

I said this in my other post but I’m pretty happy with Sisi as Rose.

Visually I think she’s a great fit, I love that they casted a WoC in the main role, and I think if she can bring Rose’s humour and sarcasm to the role, she’s going to do great.

The character description mentions Rose being “fiery and outspoken”, happy to jump into the action, and the strongest fighter in her class but struggling to toe the line, which is all very Rose-esque, especially in the first book.  It sounds to me like they have a good grasp on her character.

I’m a little disappointed we didn’t hear more about Rose as a character since she is the lead - it felt like the descriptions for Lissa and Dimitri both gave us a little more to go on - but it is only a very preliminary description so I’m happy to wait for more.

Daniela Nieves as Lissa Dragomir

Daniele is another one who I was happy with straight away.

She’s probably not what I imagined for Lissa visually but that’s not a bad thing either; I will be interested to see if they dye her hair a lighter colour (like a caramel-blonde) but personally that’s not something I need to see for her to be a great fit for Lissa.

I think she has a very sweet face which works well for a character like Lissa but I think she’s also going to be able to stand up in Lissa’s more fiercer moments which is nice to see as well.

The character descriptions mentions her as being “carefree and kind-hearted” who “coasts” through life until a death in the family thrusts her into a new role.  That sounds a lot like pre-series Lissa so I wonder if we’re going to see a bit of that in the show before Andre (and her parents??) die and see that change.  

It’s curious though that she’s described as the younger sister of the heir apparent - which would be Andre - so it sounds like they’ve changed it so Andre was supposed to be King.  Obviously a deviation from the books but I don’t hate it?  I don’t think it would change Lissa’s arc all that much because obviously she was always going to grow up to be an influential royal figure, this just slightly changes the dynamics of it.

The description also specifically mentions that she’s uninterested in “political machinations” and the “hypocrisy of the moroi royal society” which sounds very accurate to book!lissa as well.

All in all I’m very happy with what they’re doing with Lissa.

Keiron Moore as Dimitri Belikov

This is one who’s really grown on me since the rumoured cast list started circulating.  At first I was kind of eh about him but I can really see him as Dimitri now.

I will be curious to see if he grows out his hair or not though.

As far as I know Keiron is not Russian, there’s not a lot about him online, but there’s some instagram activity on his account linking him to UK based companies so that would be my guess as to where he’s from.  They’ve kept Dimitri’s incredibly Russian name so I guess we’re to assume Keiron might be doing an accent and they’re keeping Dimitri’s backstory relatively the same?  I’m not gonna be super mad if they change it just because I think it’s doable for him not to be Russian (I know, I know a whole book is set in Russia but lbr here they could make him from anywhere and just send Rose there in that book).

The biggest thing for me will be his chemistry with Sisi, Danila and Zoey had great chemistry (imo anyway) which saved the move a little for me, so it’ll be important that Sisi and Keiron do as well.  They’ve interacted a few times online which is cute so I’m hoping they were able to do some chemistry reads and that will translate on screen.

The character description mentions Dimitri as being “lethal, disciplined, discreet, and totally committed” as well as living by “a deep moral code” but with more going on “beneath his stoic, watchful surface” which sounds exactly like book!Dimitri to me.

They don’t really specify what his role at St Vlad’s is going to be but they do mention that he is a guardian so I’m assuming they’re keeping some sort of age gap between him and Rose.  They also don’t mention anything about their relationship in the description, be it student/teacher, platonic, romantic, whatever, but they do say he has “an expansive spirit that could threaten to expose the underlying tension between his sense of what’s right and his formal duty to the Moroi.” which seems like a nod to their relationship.

Andre Dae-Kim as Christian Ozera

This was one of my favourite casting choices from the original rumoured cast list and I still love it.

The idea of a non-white Christian makes a lot of sense to me and I think Andre could do a great job of Christian’s aloofness (in the first book) as well as his sarcasm and growing confidence across the other books.

His character description confuses me a bit though: “Intelligent and thoughtful, Christian is the pariah of the school and royal court, due to his parents’ unforgivable societal sins.” sounds accurate enough to the book (although idk if thoughtful is quite the word I’d use for Christian - maybe they mean it in the sense that he’s quiet and keeps to himself?).

Even “Well-read and hungry for knowledge” doesn’t sound that far off, idk if he was *that* particularly studious in the books, but it doesn’t necessarily not make sense either you know?

But “he searches for faith-based answers and discovers a kindred spirit who is also looking for the truth” ??? My cynical, irreverent asshole Christian is now a man of faith? I’m assuming Lissa is the “kindred spirit” (again weird word choice but maybe they mean she’s feeling lost because of the death of her family?) but I just cannot see Christian as being particularly religious.

I’m trying to keep an open mind about these changes because you never know they might play out totally different on screen, but I really hope they didn’t make these changes, particularly that Christian is studious and religious, just because they cast an Asian actor as him (because they feel a little like Asian stereotypes).

J August Richards as Victor Dashkov

This is one that didn’t appear on the original rumoured cast list (as far as I saw) and it’s so different to his description in the books that I kind of don’t have an opinion about it as a casting choice.

I’ve never seen him in anything before so purely on a visual level I think he could be a great fit for Victor, I just think it’ll really come down to how he plays it.

As for this character description: “Victor is a Moroi noble vampire with a heart of gold who’s highly regarded for his role as advisor and political strategist to Moroi dignitaries.” as well as mentioning that he has intelligence and influence, sounds pretty accurate to the book.  Obviously if Andre was the heir to the throne, Victor had to be shifted out of that role, but I think his book 1 arc could still work if they wanted it to.

The “heart of gold” bit obviously made me chuckle and I really hope they threw it in there as a kind of decoy to throw non-book-readers off the fact that he’s actually the villain in book 1/s1.

As for giving him a husband and two daughters, my thoughts are: why the fuck not? He didn’t have a love interest in the original books and I’m always down for more lgbtq+ rep.  My only concern is it maybe playing into the trope of evil/villain characters being queer-coded.  And as for having two daughters, well as long as one of them is Natalie I don’t mind.

Anita-Joy Uwajeh as Tatiana Vogel

Okay this is the most bizarre one imo, not because of the casting, but just the character description.

I mean “Tatiana is a Moroi vampire and political underdog who slowly takes the royal court by storm. Motivated by love and a sense of justice, Tatiana has a unique skill of making herself seem of no consequence until we realize much too late that she was always the one to watch.” sounds extremely Tasha Ozera to me, so like why not just make this character Tasha?  Nothing about this sounds like Tatiana, and Tatiana wasn’t even a Vogel anyway (well Vogel wasn’t even one of the 12 royal families), she was an Ivashkov.

In terms of Anita-Joy herself, well I mean we don’t really have a character to compare her to, is she supposed to be more like Tasha or Tatiana?  She looks fairly young, so my guess is actually on Tasha, but we’ll have to wait to see I guess.

Mia McKenna-Bruce as Mia Karp

This is another one that I was instantly a fan of.

I was so not a fan of Mia’s casting in the movie (I can’t even remember who played her tbh but I really didn’t like it) so this Mia is a lot closer to how I imagine her.

I think she’ll be able to carry Mia’s transformation from bratty social-climber to badass fighter really well.

The character description is interesting though.  “Witty, cutting, and just the right kind of ruthless when necessary, non-Royal Mia has a long-term plan to social climb her way into the ranks of royalty, with all the privilege and freedom that entails.” sound pretty bang on to Mia in the first book.

“A plan complicated by her instant chemistry with Meredith, a Guardian-in-training, as Mia struggles to reconcile her attraction to Meredith with her lowly status.” is an obvious deviation though, and one I kind of love???  Give me all the queer rep, and if we get to see Mia confront the issue of comp-het I’m so here for it.  

It’s kind of funny though because I’ve seen theories that Meredith is a replacement for Eddie and Mia/Eddie has always been my sort of rarepair ship.

The last name Karp is weird af though.  Is she supposed to be Sonya’s daughter?  And if that’s the case I wonder if we’re going to actually see Sonya turn Strigoi in the show’s first season or something and that triggers the change in Mia?  Interesting concept but I’m not sure how the timeline will work.

Rhian Blundell as Meredith

So this is another new one, and tbh I hadn’t given Meredith *that* much though in the past but she’s probably close to how I would have pictured her which is cool.

The elephant in the room with this casting is that Meredith’s role in the books was relatively minor - she was just kind of that character that got brought up whenever R.M needed a dhampir who wasn’t Rose/Dimitri/Mason/Eddie.  So clearly she’s going to have a bigger role in the tv show which I don’t mind but I do wonder if we’re going to lose a character - probably Eddie lbr - in order to have her.  They haven’t casted an Eddie yet as far as we know, but I have seen it pointed out that Eddie’s role in book 1 was pretty small so maybe they just aren’t announcing it.  But there’s also the possibility that maybe Meredith will sort of replace Eddie and be the third part of Rose and Mason’s friendship.

I’m very interested by this part of her character description though, “She has little patience for Rose’s volatility or Mia’s elitism, and regularly calls both of them out.”

Jonetta Kaiser as Sonya Karp

I don’t necessarily dislike Jonetta as Sonya but I am confused by this choice.  She looks fairly young, which tbf Sonya was young-ish I guess, but if Mia is supposed to be her daughter she doesn’t look old enough to have a teenaged daughter.  So maybe Sonya and Mia are sisters? Cousins? Just have each other’s last names for no reason? I really don’t know.  They also look nothing alike.

Other than that, I don’t really have an opinion about Jonetta as Sonya.  Obviously looks nothing like how Sonya was described but that’s not new nor a massive concern for me.  

I can’t really tell just from looking at her, and I haven’t seen her in anything, if she would play a good Sonya.  I think with a lot of the characters it’s going to come down to the personality they bring to the part and the writing.

I looooooove her character description though:  “Quiet, careful and decidedly odd, Sonya is not of royal bloodline and sits out on the fringe of Moroi society, preferring to spend her time in the library or her gardens. Not a person who likes a scene, nonetheless she has a quiet but profound power of her own. She is taken by surprise when a Dhampir Guardian named Mikhail shows interest in her, a relationship that will expose both the brightest and darkest parts of her heart.”  It’s everything I would probably want from a description of Sonya and I’m more and more convinced that we’re going to see Sonya’s descent into madness and transformation into a Strigoi play out in maybe the first season which I am so curious how they’re going to work into the timeline.

Andrew Liner as Mason Ashford

Our last one and another one who doesn’t look remotely like his description but again? Not a surprise and not a problem for me.  He looks like he could play Mason’s goofiness really well as well as be a solid contender for a love interest for Rose.

“Charming, loyal and popular, Mason is Rose’s main competition in the quest to become the No. 1 Guardian-in-training. Though their relationship is casual on her side, he is hopeful she will finally look at him and see him as something more.” His character description makes a lot of sense, maybe him being Rose’s main competition is a bit of a deviation? But I think that’s more an indication that he’s supposed to be a strong fighter which isn’t inaccurate to the books.  The rest sounds great.

Other Thoughts

Descriptions of the show specifically mention friendship and classism as major themes which I am very happy to hear about because those are the two parts of VA that I love the most.

Am a little more worried about it being described as “sexy” though, if they shove a whole bunch of meaningless sex scenes in it just because it’s a YA show I’m not gonna be happy.

Seen the show compared to “Game of Thrones” and “Bridgerton” which at first had me like oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck not good not good not good.  But thinking about it more and trying to understand where Plec’s coming from with that description I wonder if means similar to GoT as in the cut-throat nature of the Moroi/Dhampir society cause I can kind of see that.  And as for Bridgerton I wonder if she’s referring to the kind of social-climbing aspects of it, because again that makes sense and it seems like a theme she really wants to concentrate on.  I hope that’s what she means by those comparisons, or that she just wants to compare it to popular shows to get people to watch it.  The worst would be if she tries to throw in a lot of unnecessary sex scenes to make it like those shows, because I hate when they do that, especially when the characters are teenagers.

Interesting to hear that Plec has known about the series since before Twilight or TVD - not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

Seems like it’s actually mostly (or all??) written by Marguerite MacIntyre which is interesting because I know people were worried about Julie Plec - I’ve never watched anything by either of them so I’m neutral at this point.

[macgyvertape]

thoughts on season of splicer ending

warning: spoilers for the entire season, general discussion of leaks, and absolutely being Bungie critical. Basically trying to write this out and figure out my own thoughts in the writing

I guess my first thoughts are what everyone's talking about: Osiris.

All the wild theories about if he's been replaced, controlled, playing 5d chess, etc. tldr: leaks say that from season of the Hunt it hasn't been Osiris but Savathun. Yeah I've read people's compilations of proof until I rapidly got bored with them. I'll be bluntly honest, if Bungie is going for some sort of imposter story-line then they're doing a fucking awful job at telling it.

a) A good imposter story-line needs to establish to the audience that there is the possibility or replacement/control

b) characters in the story themselves should be aware of point A and be actively considering it in their decision making

c) if the imposter is doing something the original didn't than clearly show audience the imposter is there.

I would say Bungie didn't do any of these, no the lore page of Savathun's human disguise falling apart around her doesn't count, because Bungie has long had a problem of putting story relevant plot details in lore pages and then not referencing them ingame. Lore should accentuate story, not provide key details to the story.

If you want to see a good imposter story-line look at Forsaken, and how they worked to make it obvious to someone who didn't know who Mara Sov was that something was up.

Most of the proof people cite is either cherry picking ambiguous things Osiris has said, or pointing out inconsistencies in writing. IMO not much of the evidence holds up because multiple characters this season (Saint, Lakshmi, Mithrax) have been written inconsistently with past appearances and without nuance; because their character has to carry the plot in a certain way or there are limits on recording dialogue for override/expunge.

My point in recapping the Osiris thing, is that from a thematic view at the end of the season Osiris is Osiris and I'm judging the story from the view of the season not how will the story be in the future.

very cynical take that as much praise as Bungie wants for working to make a high profile gay relationship be shown in game after a writer confirmed it on twitter

if leaks are right: if  Osiris hasn't been Osiris for the past 3 seasons then none of the scenes with Saint are real or matter, and it invalidates all the emotional grief of Sagira being dead. It's 3 seasons of character development and effort wasted

or: they took the first chance they could to make one of them an unsympathetic villain and write him out of the story.

(yeah destiny has other queer character but how many of them are alive and matter to the story? When was the last time Ana's girlfriend was mentioned?)

The game is clear that for all the talk about "vex tech influence" Lakshmi's views and choices were her own, so the same for Osiris: he is responsible for helping Lakshmi and is responsible for all the civilian deaths, he's the 2ndary Human villain of the season.

Which brings me to my point (that I've seen others say) is that Bungie should have given a second thought to having their all of their human antagonists be PoC characters this expansion. Osiris, Lakshmi, and Saladin last season. For Lakshmi and Saladin they weren't just antagonists, they were written to be bigots for the community to dislike. Yes Destiny has a lot of PoC characters and anyone can be a villain, but IMO its a bad look from a company who talks so much about social justice. It wouldn't matter except Bungie wanted the message of the season to be anti-racism, and I'm comparing it within the context of how often minorities are the villains in games/US media. I don't think it was deliberately done, I just think it is something that like last season's issues with proving grounds and antisemitism they didn't care or bother with a sensitivity reader.

It's obvious this season they were going for a very obvious reference to Trump and modern day fears about refugees with Lakshmi, and it's a bad look that they did with a Indian female character and refugees are the enemy crab aliens. I'm also not saying that female characters can't be villains, but did the Bungie writers not think about just how nasty gamers would get in either slurs, insults, or expressing wishes for violence, and how pervasive and visible it would be?

I'm genuinely curious why the writers went for such a heavy handed analogy, and a story-line that feels like it comes from an afterschool special. The Eliksni have been enemies in atleast 4 expansions now, there could have been a more nuanced story other than "House of Light is good keep on killing all other Fallen". At the end of the season the game treated the attack on the City being Lakshmi and Osiris' fault, and all the people who don't like the Eliksni (say the people doing hate crimes in the lore) left with the factions so "problem resolved" . Lakshmi gets a simple karmatic death, in an area where multiple reddit threads express how they love tbagging the corpse. The ending cutscene didn't feel super inspiring to me it just felt unrealistic not just in real life where things aren't that simple but also within Destiny's story; the "you are my family" line felt cringe to me, probably because it felt unearned.

That's kind of the problem of the season isn't it, that the earliest planned game based decisions like having a Vex seasonal enemy and getting rid of the Factions determined the cast of characters with ties to the Vex and factions. So you just fight x many Vex bosses until you defeat Quria, then there's a break for Solstace, but on Reset-Tuesday with no warning things escalate because its epilogue time.

Sadly I forget who said that "it felt like the plot needed to hit one beat a week" meaning one issue had to get resolved enough for the community to talk about (except for when we take 3 weeks off for solstice). Each week there has to be some sort of hook to avoid the overblown "content drought". So multiple times you will have characters change their mind or their deep held beliefs after one counter argument is presented. (big example is Saint changing his mind not over the season but after one cutscene). City politics and factions don't matter aside from dialogue in a few different weeks because they'll be gone at the end of the season but in the meantime characters needed to talk about something to prompt fandom engagement. example: the fandom argues about governance of the last city for a while before the argument burn out since the relevant lore wasn't designed to hold up to close scrutiny.

just, I'm a politically active leftist in a red conservative state so maybe i just find this exhausting since I deal with similar issues irl and am more prone to thinking this season was tone deaf.

tldr: that wow this turned out really negative. Which I didn't really expect considering how much I enjoyed the first few weeks of the season. I enjoyed a lot of the gameplay this season (I really enjoy fun gambit aka Overrides and VoG). But as for replaying the story on my other characters, I don't think I'll bother.

[noromanceplease]

You know a trope that really gets under my skin? That thing where a character says “oh, so and so is like a brother/sister to me,” only for them to end up together in the end. And you just know from the moment they say it that the writers aren't planning on making them like siblings to each other. This isn't going to be a wholesome found family tale. Oh no, this is knowingly being written as a romance arc and they just have to sprinkle that in anyway.  And I'm like… Okay, I know the character is supposed to be in denial or being defensive that they like so and so or whatever but… Do we really need them to outright say that? The moment the comparison is made, shipping them instantly feels weird and kind of incesty (is that even a word lol) even though they aren't really related like 9 times out of 10 for me.

There’s also a part of me that when I hear that wildly hopes, ‘hey maybe I was wrong about getting romance vibes from them, maybe the writers are actually going the platonic route with these characters and I’m just being paranoid and cynical.’ ......lol, silly me. Why haven’t I learned my lesson yet to not get my hopes up? If it’s a case where they easily could pair them up for that good old romance drama, most times they are just going with that. They don’t want to bother developing a nuanced and interesting platonic relationship when they could have a shallow romance instead. (Note: I'm mainly talking about male/female romances here as that is where I've pretty much always seen this trope come up.)

‘Especially when the two are both attractive!!! How could they possibly be friends when they both find the opposite sex attractive? What more reason could they need to get together besides looks? It’s not like it’s possible to be able to consider someone attractive without wanting to be with them, right?? That’s why boys and girls can never be friends....’ I’m being sarcastic here to be totally clear, this is yet another pet peeve of mine.

People don’t need a reason to not get together, they don’t need to explain why they are happier being platonic. Looks are not enough basis to have a relationship. Sure it could be the start for some people, but it isn’t enough for a romantic relationship to last. And it’s a super boring way to write a romance in fiction. If the only reason you can come up with to explain why your two characters want to get together is ‘well, they both think the other is hot, what more is there?’ and can’t come up with anything deeper than that, you’re doing something wrong imo.

Back to my original point lol: Plus I'm a huge fan of the trope of found family (as anyone who follows me probably picked up by now haha) and I feel like I don't know, it kind of muddies the water there? Now, when characters say something like that, it isn't quite as meaningful because it could just as easily be a sign that a romance plot will commence soon. Rather than, you know, being a sweet and touching moment on its own. This is probably not a real term but the use of the trope feels like ‘found family baiting’ to me. There has to be a better way to show a character’s denial than claiming their love interest is like a sibling to them...

I’m not super up to date on current shows for the most part (especially not in the drama/romance category that is most likely to have this trope pop up in) but here’s to hoping this is a trope that has died out. Thanks for listening (well, reading technically) to me ramble again. xD

[aks3raao1]

You know, there's a thing with characters that foil each other and serve as the "good" and "bad" respectively (Toga/Himiko, Tenko/Izuku, Nagito/Hajime, Ryoko/Hajime, Atsushi/Akutagawa) but that trope felt rather annoying to write, especially in the world I am trying to write about (ALTERNATIVE's world is basically MHA X BSD but like. 1000 times more fucked up and the Specialised are always prejudiced against. A terrible lot).

The title itself, ALTERNATIVE is to symbolise Romila's POV of "infinite choices and paths present for every being" and how she starts off the story with a decisive line of,

"Many people ask me if this could have been avoided. They beg for me to tell them that things could have been better. There are others too, who try to justify that this was the only way for things to have been. If you ask me, both are living in states of denial. One can't accept the stupidity of humanity for disregarding common sense for violence and prejudices. Another can't accept humanity's choice for having better circumstances if the one with the power chose to."

The thing is, the running theme is that the story is a bittersweet one, despite there not being many deaths of the main characters, but there was always a junction where you can see it could have been avoided, that there was an "alternative" for things to have gotten better, especially in the first book.

Another reason for the title is that it's basically an "ALTERNATIVE" to this world of ours, where super powers and stuff like those exist.

The subtitles of both the books (Myriad of Colours, Colour of Death) signifies Romila's power, "Aura Tracker" which lets her view people's aura as colours (Myriad of Colours is to signify the different kinds of people she meets, Colour of Death is about what affects her the most (death) and how she's constantly seeing that colour everywhere, especially now that it's war).

The thing about ALTERNATIVES is that Romila could have chosen to be a doormat (like Koldin tends to be at the beginning (his rp self is like THAT due to circumstances different to ALTERNATIVE's actual storyline. Also because Hack's a nicer person to be around than Romila is) in order to nOt hAvE cOnFliCt™) to not get into conflict and put up a super nice persona for people but she didn't. She decided to focus on hanging onto her reasons for doing what she does and using it to create a caustic personality to shield herself because she knows that she will regret being a doormat (Her Despair takes the form of Koldin Hopkins).

Now Koldin could have certainly put his hatred for society at the forefront and taken a caustic personality but instead chooses to be nice. Because he doesn't want to become as hurtful as the rest, that's how he wants to disentangle himself from society. However he, like Romila (who just took standing up for herself to extremes), takes this to the extremes causing him to gain the personality of a nice boy™.

However this also goes into why they made the choices they did (which is what Romila realises during the Mansion of Death arc), because for Romila, she didn't really have the psychology for actually becoming a doormat (because a) Her mom wouldn't have it b) She hated to be called weak c) She didn't have anyone to fall back to after the inevitable consequences of being a doormat d) She felt that if she were to live with monsters, then it's easier to blend in by being one (this comes useful to her when she infiltrates into the Government) e) She saw doormats getting suicidal which frightened her) or not becoming fully caustic (since her standing up for herself wasn't. Liked. By. Anyone. And seen as aggressive and she basically went, "Well if they see me as bad, I will show them BAD" which led to her breakdown causing the incidents at the Mansion Of Death (especially a twisted hatred against Koldin for extremely understandable reasons).

For Koldin, being meek and peaceful had let him get by in the streets and his skills to difuse fights had come in handy. Later when Dr. Hopkins took him in, he was well. A member of the Radicals who were known to be extremely merciless towards the Specialised (he had defected but Koldin had a REALLY good reason to be wary) so he figured if he stayed nice, he wouldn't be kicked out of the house and Dr. Hopkins being Dr. Hopkins just assumed that it was his normal and that behaviour carried into school. He figured that it was a horrifying thing to be aggressive and then saw how Romila got treated and decided that yep, he was right, that confirmed his world view alright and it was more reason to be super nice. While Romila saw Koldin as a person who everyone took advantage of (a thing she hated. To be exploited just like that) and went, yep that confirmed hers and it was more reason to be super angry.

However the thing is that, Romila was chided for being anything, which caused her to just give up to be peaceful (because what would she do? Anything she tried to do got her scolded) while Koldin (thankfully) found a support system. It really goes to show the difference a good friend can do.....

As it is, when I first began writing this, the most obvious choice presented itself to me. Koldin is the "hope" and Romila is the "despair" (on the protagonist, deutergonist side) but that seemed stupid and boring as it wouldn't make sense. Since I am trying to make a point of showing with how Romila's world view gradually changes from "there are wrong and right choices" to the fact that it doesn't have to be rigid and that *now* she wouldn't be hurt if she used what her vulnerable side wanted (a world free of prejudices and unnecessary cruelty) with the talents she had. That kindness mixed with her usual personality won't literally kill her.

And for Koldin, being a doormat means that he got taken advantage of a lot by different people and since he refused to actually stand up for himself ("Ah...aha......it seems that I can't..." "Can't what?" "Feel angry for myself......it's always anger that comes from the ones I love being hurt" "Then love yourself too, you will feel angry again" ~ Koldin's conversation with his inverted self in the Labyrinth) he got. Taken advantage of. By virtually everyone. However he decided that if being nice would keep him keep his self and his name self then it would be fine. He did not want to be the source of grief (his actual parents tossed him out because of his Specialisation). The Mansion Of Death actually causes him to snap for that reason, because Romila literally puts him in a torture dream "for the greater good" and then proceeds to kill his dear friend. One thing Koldin HATED. Killing friends. (Due to them being run over by a car, which led to his paralysed left arm)

Now on the other side, their respective friends:

Romila:

Luja: Cynical and annoyed by people's stupidity but not to caustic extents and she wants to be a scientist and isn't haunted by the possibility of dying.

Kratanos: Full of anger and hatred against the world but not entirely blinded by it and is focused to using that anger for reformation of the world (she becomes a therapist later, to help people)

They both have her caustic parts but they also let themselves embrace another side which makes them her "balance".

Koldin:

Anand: Believes that there's no requirement for violence unless it's absolutely necessary.

Karishma: Figures it's a better idea to just listen to rules but doesn't hesitate to break them if she sees that they are bs

They both have his peacefulness, but don't hesitate to do what they think they should do, which makes them his "balance".

The point is that, the case of choosing alternatives isn't possible with a tunnel vision. Even so, there are choices that literally can't be made due to the individual and circumstances. Sometimes the choice is to choose more than one choice. Well, that's one dramatic storyline......

It reminds me of DDLC side stories since everyone has a bit of the other person's solutions and more of a opposite personality (don't take this the wrong way, there are many stories like that and it's honestly a favourite to think abt but it's just that DDLC does it well especially since it's only a school environment). Tbh, I like dramatic storylines that rlly dig deep into a character's perspective (reasons why I'm in love with Hack and Axel in particular). My whole thing is that I'd rather read a story with interesting and in depth characters than one where only the plot is good so I say you made the great call of the century with Koldin and Romila's characters.

What you thought before getting into it is rlly how every great character arc starts. You focus on one, somewhat forget the other one until you review every single character for inspiration and then BAM! PARALLELS! It's really admirable how, even in this messed up world of specializations, you didn't purely focus on the plot bc it honestly sounds interesting enough to just stick around for Romila's life and journey. You could have ended it all with just that, but no, you smacked Koldin in there and said "be my interesting on par character that can kick Romila's gut" and IT WORKED SPECTACULARLY!!!

I really love ur writing and hoping to one day read (and maybe print out) every story you've ever written bc GODDAMNIT I NEED THE FEELING OF THOSE WORDS ON WORN PAPER WITH AN ARTISTIC COVER AND AN AMAZINGLY HEAVY WEIGHT

Aka, paperback. Bc that's how I like to roll and that's how good I think it is. 1000% worthy of a bestseller

[ladyloveandjustice]

Fall 2020 Anime Overview

I started out watching the a ton of anime for the Fall 2020 season, but then ended up not being caught up with most of them by the the time the end rolled around. I still pretty much intend to catch up with Yashahime Princess Half Demon someday (I do like the three leads, it just the plot’s been dull as dirt and the fights aren’t very inspired either) and though I dropped Wandering Witch after bad press started rolling in (I CANNOT deal with pointless tragedy in my current state of mind) I might check out a few more episodes someday just to from my own opinion. For now, let’s just quickly review the anime I DID manage to finish on time this season.

Sleepy Princess in the Demon Castle

Sleepy Princess in the Demon Castle is exactly what it says on the tin: Princess Syalis isn’t too bothered about being captured by demons and locked in their castle, but she does value a good night’s sleep, and she is absolutely ruthless when it comes to getting it- so ruthless, in fact, that the demons realized it might not be that she’s trapped in here with them, but that they’re trapped in here with her.

Sleepy Princess is top tier comedy comfort food. It rarely got a huge belly laugh, but it always but a smile on my face and was a great thing to watch before going to bed. Syalis’s single-minded search for some shut eye is a joke that could have gotten old very quickly, but the show consistently found creative ways to expand on the gags and build it’s world and a fun cast of characters along the way. 

Though Syalis is downright brutal to the demons when it comes to getting what she wants (and has a knack for getting herself killed at well), thanks to a demon cleric that offers easy resurrections, you never feel too bad for anyone involved. In fact, the demons and Syalis form a strangely heartwarming bond over the course of the show , and it’s clear by the end that Syalis definitely has the ability to come and go if she damn well pleases and just finds this castle a fun place where she can find respite from her princessly responsibilities. 

A nice bonus for those of us who like a little subversion is that the show has a lot of fun playing with standard adventure tropes- the demons often lament that Syalis is not at all what they expected from a captive princess, for one, but my favorite fun little twist is how Syalis feels about the hero currently on a (seemingly endless) quest to rescue her- she manages to both hold him in contempt AND consistently fail to remember his name. That level of disregard takes some impressive effort.

The show has the same director as the Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun anime and as such has a similarly nice comic and visual flourishes throughout. It definitely gets two sleepy thumbs up for me.

Jujutsu Kaisen

Jujutsu Kaisen follows a young man named Yuuji Itadori who, after tangling with a demon, ends up with one inside him. With a death sentence hanging over his head, he’s inducted into a school for “jujutsu sorcerers”, and begins training to use his newfound powers to defeat demons and curses.

Jujutsu Kaisen quickly tells you on no uncertain terms it is Action Shonen, introducing a huge cast of a characters and powers and super high stakes and hey there’s even gonna be a tournament arc soon. It is really, really pretty to look at, with a killer opening and ending, some seriously great animation and cool visuals for the fights especially. But is it particularly memorable otherwise? Noooooot really, so far. The sea of technobabble it tends to descend into when trying to explain how the various powers work often has me zoning out and wishing they’d just let me watch the pretty punches. The villains and the general plot isn’t particularly compelling. The characters are nice enough, but haven’t given me much to be attached to so far. Though I do appreciate this one dude who is the embodiment of millennial ennui:

I’ll keep watching though, because it is a visually stunning, action-y thing to my turn your brain off to and god knows I want to turn my brain off all the time lately. 

And the characters do have potential- the One Girl of the main group, Nobara, has a really fun personality in that she’s a total shitlord doofus brawler who can thus doof around with our equally dumbass protagonist, which is an pretty fun, unusual personality for the One Girl to have! Her interactions with Maki, the weapons expert senpai girl, are promising too. I’m just waiting for her to actually, you know, DO something that really shows off her skills- I’m told she DOES eventually get to (gasp) win fights on her own and do cool stuff, but so far show has kind at that of failed miserably and underused her like most action shonen underuse their girls. Plus, taking Yuuji out of the group for such a long stretch seems like a weird choice, we’ve been deprived really seeing him for relationships with his peers. The pacing seems off. But maybe the upcoming tournament arc will make up for that and actually be worthwhile!

Talentless Nana

In a world where kids with superpowers are sent to island schools to fight mysterious “enemies of humanity”, one class of such kids is thrown into chaos when they find themselves targeted by a deadly force.

It’s pretty much impossible to talk about Talentless Nana without discussing how it deviates dramatically from what its premise appears to be in episode one, so I’ll just say if you like stories with superpowers and intrigue, you should definitely sit through that first episode and see if the plot that’s eventually revealed is something that you’re here for. But if you want to avoid spoilers, DON’T GO BELOW THE CUT, because I’m about to get very spoilery.

Basically, Talentless Nana pulls a bait and switch, starting it’s first episode posing as generic superhero anime where the protagonist appears to be your standard meek-but-powerful anime boy (Nanao) who just needs some support and encouragement from a pink haired mind reading manic pixie dream girl (Nana) to unlock his self-confidence and ~true power~ (ugh)...only to take SHARP swerve when  Nana ruthlessly murders Nanao and reveals she’s been sent by the government to take out the superpowered kids one by one because THEY are the considered the true enemies of humanity. Oh, and she doesn’t have any superpowers, or “talents”- she was just able to sus out everything Nanao was thinking through basic deductive reasoning because he was so flippin’ obvious and basic.

As my love for a certain character in a certain game may have clued people into, I am ALWAYS delighted when what appears to be a generic, underwritten girlfriend character is then revealed to be an interesting, ruthless mastermind. And having an anime appear to be about a bland boy with a Dream Girlfriend but then actually turn into a show about a deeply cynical, morally dubious girl who’s clearly holding down a lot of messy feelings as she considers everyone her enemy...well, it may be a cheap trick to some, but it also feels a little bit like justice for all the underwritten female characters sacrificed to bland male leads. It’s still rare enough that I dig it when it happens. And the metatext of Nana zeroing in on this kid as the most standard of main character boys, assessing him as the biggest threat because of it and knowing the perfect way to take him out, is pretty inherently funny to me.

But if the show JUST banked on that twist and was about Nana brutally and cynically slaughtering these kids, it would get boring quickly and Nana would be a bland character herself. Fortunately, it doesn’t go that route. Nana struggles and grows a lot over the course of the show. She finds opposition in transfer student Kyoya, a stoic (and socially awkward) young man who pretty quickly becomes suspicious of her. A lot of the tension from the early episodes comes from her sweating as she tries to outmaneuver him and she makes plenty of mistakes along the way. She also slowly but surely starts to question her mission, and we get an idea of her backstory and how the government specifically has groomed her into believing people with powers to be evil. That belief is one that’s challenged by her friendship with another girl, and it’s pretty rewarding to watch Nana’s feelings and world expand little by little.

The show is definitely a little schlocky-some of the plots (as well as the general premise of the government thinking this is the optimal way to get rid of their superpowered kids problem) fall apart if you think too much about them, and some of the kids Nana goes up against are sleazy and unlikeable in over the top ways (which makes it easy for her to stick to her convictions all these kids deserve to die at first). In particular, I have to give a heads up for some sleazy guys doing and saying sleazy things, though the show never gets too overbearing or graphic with it (and the gore is generally PG-13 level as well). 

Basically. There are some truly ridiculous happenings in this show. But how ridiculous and pulpy and over the top it is can be part of the appeal, and it’s fun to just sit back and watch the spectacle of Nana and her peers head-scratching machinations. 

So, while certainly not an anime with airtight construction or flawless quality and depth, I found Nana an overall entertaining watch, especially as a fan of cat-and-mouse murder-y shenanigans, and thought it has a very compelling main character and managed to end on a heartwrenching (but earned) note. I definitely wouldn’t say no to a second season and would be interested to see where things go from here.

[astroninaaa]

hot take: I think in an effort to try and appeal to the “lore”, many ppl (CCs included) will try and make drastic turns with their characters in a mysterious way that it feels… over saturated.

like maybe I don’t want everyone to be a secret amnesiac with a cool hidden backstory or have some magical mystical power, I want Some Guy who’s got interest on his own and his own story I get to see. the more these special cases show up, the less I find myself CARING any about them bc I’m just burnt out on everyone being super or whatever. hell, I barely even know what’s happening w the recent c!sam developments and I don’t think I like them bc I enjoyed his character a lot more when it’s like… just one Dude who’s highly intelligent and driving himself to the ground. or with c!Boomer, while I think it’s very fun to explore I’m just… too burnt out to be truly excited about him and his magical color sucking all powerful hat bc it’s just more… supernatural stuff that I’m not here for ig.

I just don’t see any appeal in adding that extra supernatural twist and it makes him less interesting to me than the very human struggles we’d seen before, which is the core I think actually of a LOT of the issues I have w this… trope, ig would be the term?

I’m okay w the supernatural elements, but when it takes center stage I tire of it quickly. I love the eggpire arc, but I love it bc of how it impacts the characters (both possessed and not). What drew them to the egg, how do they act, how do ppl react to this change, how do they cope when the egg is GONE. That’s the fun part! The supernatural mind controlling egg is the frosting on top of a character centric conflict. A lot of recent changes instead just feel like being handed a tub of frosting.

plus in a lot of those cases, it then becomes an issue of (seemingly) abandoned plot lines. like both puffy and eret… we realistically haven’t learned anything about their secret pasts beyond some hints at the beginning of the year! The fans can draw their own conclusions, but I just… I think I prefer it just being innocuous and down low over the hidden unknown backstories and power. I prefer a story that focuses on the character than the powers/backstory they have, if that makes sense, but that feels more and more like it’s the focus. it’s like when you’re making a character and you design their look first instead of their personality, when the character should inform their appearance. The character should inform the powers/backstory they have, but instead it feels like ppl are shoving that in where they can instead.

this all comes off as way more cynical than intended, I’m just… idk man, I just prefer the character focus over plot/magic centric focus ig

personally i completely agree. i think the whole making characters special for this or that got tiring very very quickly. i'm not shitting on the creators or anything it's just- like you said, when everyone has some different never seen before (except in every other character who goes the same route) thing to them it just gets. boring. unoriginal. uninteresting.

of course i'm not speaking for everyone and i'm not saying liking this type of things is bad or whatever, just, for me, it's. yeah. i prefer the character focus, as well.

send me a hot take!!!

[cofferi]

“Japan’s obsession with normalcy”

i think i’m obsessed with this phrase. i saw it in a comment on a trending video Japanese man rents himself out offering ‘nothing in particular’. it’s about a man that literally offers himself to do “nothing.” and even though he does actually in fact do “something” (i.e. accompanies people, listens to them, offers simple responses), the very idea of him advertising to do absolutely “nothing” is somehow intriguing. maybe it’s the cynical point of view that i expect nothing anyway that makes the idea somehow amazing -- a plain man offering to do a boring thing, and not just that but the idea that that is somehow a thing worth offering. but this sort of thing doesn’t even seem surprising amongst all the other rent-a-girlfriend and rent-a-family services. you can rent almost anything and anyone in japan for comfort or companionship or saving face or whatever. japan is notorious for being immensely weird, chaotic, fake. but i’ve always found that dichotomy with japan’s genuine and sincere side to be fascinating. this hugely popular slice of life genre is something i’ve been obsessed with for ages. it’s popular to watch people just do mundane everyday things, have mundane everyday conversations. but this genre bleeds into everything. it goes beyond shows and movies and media. the concept of ikigai - finding meaning in your life, not for profit or accomplishment. that’s slice of life. the concept of reading the room, understanding your emotional place in a conversation. that’s slice of life. people renting others as a service to just be normal with them, to have a normal girlfriend, to live a normal life. that’s slice of life. the popularity of convenience store culture. even specifically vending machine culture, which condense an insane technological advancement into simply an everyday convenience. there is this simple pervasiveness of super amazing stuff but also a super politeness about it. it’s amazing but it’s also normal. so much of japanese culture has this essence of life being just life, simply moving through life. but also contemplating about life. for every weird robot show, ninja warrior game show, roomba that cleans your house for you, weird automatic vegetable chopper that chops your carrots for you, there is the equally as prevalent josei/seinen genre, marie kondo minimalism, sitting by the river to just think about stuff, shrine visits that have zero religious component, cherry blossom fascination where you just look at and appreciate cherry blossom trees. the idea of: if i slow down, if i take the time to be a boring person, appreciate the little things, will it be fulfilling? meaningful? the most extraordinary shit could happen, godzilla, the third impact, titans attacking, but you are obsessed with just being normal, just going about your day with everyone else. you shouldn’t have to rely on external forces surrounding you to be at peace with yourself. japan has a horrible overwork culture that doesn’t leave a lot of room to be normal outside of that. you have to pretend to be busy so that afterwards you can pretend to be normal, immerse yourself in slice of life. maybe seeing someone else succeeding at normalcy is at the very least cathartic for people that can’t otherwise achieve it or don’t think they have it because they perceive their lives and minds as being on the same level of chaos as any typical mech show. but maybe being normal, nothing, boring can be valuable and meaningful and it’s something we can strive for.

[welllpthisishappening]

Welllp These Are Books: the January 2021 Edition

Tumblr’s gif search leaves a lot to be desired, so there’s no actual gif of her slamming the book shut, which is—y’know, disappointing. Still, the continued ability of the public library system to send books to my Kindle ensures that I continue to read every romantic comedy and fantasy story I can find. Of which I have plenty of thoughts and opinions. But, like, what’s the point of having thoughts and opinions if you’re not putting them on the internet? There isn’t one, obviously. Books and links and feelings and more ridiculous headlines all under the cut. 

BEST BOOK AWARD WINNER OF A VERY WEIRD JANUARY THAT HELPED DISTRACT FROM A VERY WEIRD JANUARY

The Wrath & the Dawn by Renee Ahdieh Every dawn brings horror to a different family in a land ruled by a killer. Khalid, the eighteen-year-old Caliph of Khorasan, takes a new bride each night only to have her executed at sunrise. So it is a suspicious surprise when sixteen-year-old Shahrzad volunteers to marry Khalid. But she does so with a clever plan to stay alive and exact revenge on the Caliph for the murder of her best friend and countless other girls. Shazi’s wit and will, indeed, get her through to the dawn that no others have seen, but with a catch . . . she’s falling in love with the very boy who killed her dearest friend. She discovers that the murderous boy-king is not all that he seems and neither are the deaths of so many girls. Shazi is determined to uncover the reason for the murders and to break the cycle once and for all.

This was so good?!?! I finished the first book and them immediately started the sequel, like no break whatsoever?!! I wish they weren’t teenagers?!! But seriously I wish they hadn’t been teenagers. Like, I get it. It’s YA. That probably sells better, something about markets that I don’t understand. I don’t care. It was weird that they were teenagers. Also, some of the plot points just kind of...happened? And I’m not entirely sure they were ever resolved. (Although there are a bunch of short stories, so. Maybe I just haven’t gotten there yet.) Despite that, the writing was gorgeous, I remain as prone to swooning over sad boys patent pending as I was when I was sixteen and Shahrzad was a fantastic heroine. Nine out of ten (would have been ten if they weren’t teenagers) and have already put holds on other books Ahdieh has written. 

OBLIGATORY RAGE-INDUCING ROM-COM

Head Over Heads by  Hannah Orenstein The past seven years have been hard on Avery Abrams: After training her entire life to make the Olympic gymnastics team, a disastrous performance ended her athletic career for good. Her best friend and teammate, Jasmine, went on to become an Olympic champion, then committed the ultimate betrayal by marrying their emotionally abusive coach, Dimitri. Now, reeling from a breakup with her football star boyfriend, Avery returns to her Massachusetts hometown, where new coach Ryan asks her to help him train a promising young gymnast with Olympic aspirations. Despite her misgivings and worries about the memories it will evoke, Avery agrees. Back in the gym, she's surprised to find sparks flying with Ryan. But when a shocking scandal in the gymnastics world breaks, it has shattering effects not only for the sport but also for Avery and her old friend Jasmine.

I stopped reading it. Honestly. I got, like, 46% of the way through, kept complaining to Justin about how goddamn annoying Avery was and how no one had any personality and I wanted them all to fall off the beam and he was like—stop reading it, then? And I was like—I can do that? And then I did! Also, I understand it needed conflict, but the “shocking scandal” in the description is a sexual assault that was not only NOT my cup of tea, but felt like a massive attempt to be topical by using what happened at Michigan State without actually saying it was about Michigan state. 

PEOPLE WHO DON’T KNOW SPORTS WRITE SPORTS AND DO IT OK

Evvie Drake Starts Over by Linda Holmes In a sleepy seaside town in Maine, recently widowed Eveleth “Evvie” Drake rarely leaves her large, painfully empty house nearly a year after her husband’s death in a car crash. Everyone in town, even her best friend, Andy, thinks grief keeps her locked inside, and Evvie doesn’t correct them. Meanwhile, in New York City, Dean Tenney, former Major League pitcher and Andy’s childhood best friend, is wrestling with what miserable athletes living out their worst nightmares call the “yips”: he can’t throw straight anymore, and, even worse, he can’t figure out why. As the media storm heats up, an invitation from Andy to stay in Maine seems like the perfect chance to hit the reset button on Dean’s future. When he moves into an apartment at the back of Evvie’s house, the two make a deal: Dean won’t ask about Evvie’s late husband, and Evvie won’t ask about Dean’s baseball career. Rules, though, have a funny way of being broken—and what starts as an unexpected friendship soon turns into something more. To move forward, Evvie and Dean will have to reckon with their pasts—the friendships they’ve damaged, the secrets they’ve kept—but in life, as in baseball, there’s always a chance—up until the last out.

I am admittedly a sports snob. Writing about sports is my thing and I’m super particular about reading about it. But this sounded good and for the most part it was good. Emotional, too. Like, “jeepers, that was intense” kind of emotional. But also some of the things Dean talked about were just...not how sports work and that drives me nuts. Also another story that was, as mentioned, super emotional only to get tied up in this nice little bow. Which, cool, but also...not? Just felt rushed at the end. 

IN WHICH SHIPPING IS QUESTIONED AND I JUST LIKE BEN BARNES

Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo Soldier. Summoner. Saint. Orphaned and expendable, Alina Starkov is a soldier who knows she may not survive her first trek across the Shadow Fold—a swath of unnatural darkness crawling with monsters. But when her regiment is attacked, Alina unleashes dormant magic not even she knew she possessed. Now Alina will enter a lavish world of royalty and intrigue as she trains with the Grisha, her country's magical military elite—and falls under the spell of their notorious leader, the Darkling. He believes Alina can summon a force capable of destroying the Shadow Fold and reuniting their war-ravaged country, but only if she can master her untamed gift.As the threat to the kingdom mounts and Alina unlocks the secrets of her past, she will make a dangerous discovery that could threaten all she loves and the very future of a nation. Welcome to Ravka . . . a world of science and superstition where nothing is what it seems.

I wanted to like this so much. So, so much. And sometimes I did. Sometimes I did not. At all. World building is my weakness and this has got it in spades, but the characters are kind of—boring? I couldn’t really bring myself to care about Alina and I wanted to kick Mal in the shins sometimes. The only interesting one was The Darkling who’s like the embodiment of all evil and I am not here to ship-shame anyone, but it’s kinda weird to ship him and Alina. I pictured Ben Barnes the entire time. I’m still excited for the show. I’ll read the sequel at some point, probably. 

BEING A JERK IS NOT ROMANCE, YOU’RE JUST A JERK

Would Like to Meet by Rachel Winters It's Evie Summers's job to find out. Because if she can't convince her film agency's biggest client, Ezra Chester, to write the romantic-comedy screenplay he owes producers, her career will be over. The catch? Arrogant Ezra thinks rom-coms are unrealistic—and he'll only put pen to paper if Evie proves to him that it's possible to meet a man in real life the way it happens on the big screen. Cynical Evie might not believe in happily ever after, but she'll do what it takes to save the job that's been her lifeline . . . even if it means reenacting iconic rom-com scenes in public. Spilling orange juice on a cute stranger? No problem. Leaving her number in books all over London to see who calls? Done. With a little help from her well-meaning friends and the adorable father-daughter duo who keep witnessing her humiliations, Evie is determined to show Ezra she can meet a man the way Sally met Harry. But can a workaholic who's given up on love find a meet-cute of her very own?

I love cliches. Love ‘em. Want to read about ‘em, want to write about ‘em. Here for happily ever after. Much less here for the overused and antiquated cliche of dude doesn’t believe in love like girl does, dude ridicules girl’s belief, dude was secretly in love with her the whole time. It’s super dumb. And we should stop writing it. Also really done with rom com girl can’t figure out her life! she’s overworked! she doesn’t have time for her friends! Super duper dumb. I don’t know guys, this book happened. 

FAST-PACED ROMANCE ISN’T AS WEIRD WHEN IT’S WELL WRITTEN AND THERE’S A MOOSE INVOLVED

The Tourist Attraction by Sarah Morgenthaler He had a strict "no tourists" policy...until she broke all of his rules. When Graham Barnett named his diner The Tourist Trap, he meant it as a joke. Now he's stuck slinging reindeer dogs to an endless parade of resort visitors who couldn't interest him less. Not even the sweet, enthusiastic tourist in the corner who blushes every time he looks her way...

Two weeks in Alaska isn't just the top item on Zoey Caldwell's bucket list. It's the whole bucket. One look at the mountain town of Moose Springs and she's smitten. But when an act of kindness brings Zoey into Graham's world, she may just find there's more to the grumpy local than meets the eye...and more to love in Moose Springs than just the Alaskan wilderness.

This story of Alaska marries together all the things you didn't realize you needed: a whirlwind vacation, a friendly moose, a grumpy diner owner, a quirky tourist, plenty of restaurant humor, and a happy ending that'll take you away from it all.

I’m not one for slow burn, but I also have a hard time believing romances that happen in, like, a blink. Not the case here! It was so goddamn cute! There was a moose! Graham kept calling Zoey darlin’ and it made my heart try to explode in my chest! Stars Hollow-levels of small town with lots of side characters and a good plot and a restaurant that everyone always went to! You guys know I’m trash for everyone always going to hang out in the same restaurant! I’m reading the sequel now, so that’s how much I enjoyed it. 

AMAZON BOOKS THAT CONTINUE TO BE WAY BETTER THAN THEY SHOULD BE

Elodie of the Sea by Shari L. Tapscott (part of the Eldentimber Series) Eight years have passed since the marriage tournament that decided the fate of Princess Pippa of Lauramore and strengthened alliances between the kingdoms of Elden. The competitors have moved on with their lives. Some have found adventure; some have found love. Prince Bran of Triblue, however, has put his life on hold, preparing for his father's crown. Two days before Bran's winter coronation, just when the prince cannot afford distractions, a girl washes onto the Triblue shore. She has no memory of her past life, no clue who she is or where she belongs—nothing but a ring on her finger and a peculiar marking on her cheek. And the newly crowned king has more than a mysterious girl to worry about. The sea has become unpredictable. Storms claim ships in the dead of night, and sailors return with horrifying stories of monsters from the deep. It soon becomes clear the girl and the bizarre events are connected. The girl came from the sea... and the sea wants her back. But Bran isn't willing to give her or his kingdom up without a fight, even if it means he must request help from every corner of Elden.

Listen, sometimes you have to read about a mermaid who lost her memory and the soon-to-be-king who’s, like, immediately in love with her. I mentioned Tapscott’s books in the 2020 post and the sentiment remains the same. You ever read a book that reads like fic? Lots of banter, some romance, steady pacing. That’s what her books are like. There are five in the Eldentimber series, all about a different princess in a different kingdom, but they all connect so characters pop up again and again and then they kiss. It’s real good.