#maybe I will revisit that later(emphasis on maybe)

[fi3stazo]

Some old lighting practice with an AU

—————  Do NOT repost, edit, trace, or use my art in any way. Thanks.

[winepresswrath]

hi! i always love your MDZS/CQL takes; can i ask what are the questions you think CQL is asking, as compared to MDZS?

I haven't actually revisited either canon in ages, which is making me nervous. what questions the novel is interested in can be pretty contentious all on its own! @mikkeneko has an excellent answer in the notes here which I reccomend to everyone. My own thoughts are honestly pretty scattered- I keep on deleting things and going hm, that's not quite right.

So, for the obvious-to-me example, people reasonably zero in on the creation of innocent doctors/radish farmers who Wen Ruohan is holding hostage. In CQL it's easy to infer that Wen Qing and Wen Ning are maybe the only cultivators and almost certainly the only combatants among the Wen remnants, and their status is much more ambiguous in the novel, which I personally think is asking, essentially, "and so what? were they wrong to run, when they had a chance? Do they deserve what Jin Guangshan will do to them if they go back? Aren't they just people, actually?" Whereas the question that CQL is asking is more to the effect of "What does Wen Qing owe these people, when she is their only defence? What is she entitled to do to save them, at other people's expense? If she fucks up that moral calculus, what then? Does it matter if she's personally fond of some of the outsiders who are going to get hurt? If one of them saved her brother? Later, this question will flip to what Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng, and the parallel to Jiang Cheng's situation in particular is, I think, genuinely pretty fun. You're giving up the Wen as soldiers who've laid down their arms in exchange for Wen Qing also grappling with leadership and the question of how many horrors she can stand to look the other way on to protect her own people. one reason I keep deleting so much is that a lot cql's changes were motivated at least in part by censorship, which I think we mostly share a general and justified distaste for! but I also think that within the bounds of that censorship the creative team put a lot of work into actually doing something interesting with those changes. Or, for another example- nieyao! There's a much greater emphasis on the nmj-jgy relationship, it's unambiguously very close and they are clearly extremely important to one another, and I think that's because the cql team has a lot to say about love, trust, power, and the ways those things interact, and that reflects back on all of the other relationships in play, including Wangxian. Almost every time, when CQL chooses change a relationship they make the characters in question closer- that's true for Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji, for Wen Qing and the Yunmeng contingent, for Zixuan and Mianmian, and Huaisang and Meng Yao. It's even true for Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian, who have a close and trusting relationship in first life! CQL puts a much greater emphasis on "all right, so you care, what next?" How do you choose someone and then choose to be good to them? What if there's a massive power disparity between you? What if you seriously disagree about your priorities and morals? How do you trust someone who's betrayed you? When is it a stupid choice to trust at all? How do you have faith that you know someone well enough for that trust to be meaningful?

for legal reasons i would like to specify that it's not that mdzs isn't interested in these problems. i do remember wangxian's literal trust fall. cql is asking these questions all the time about everyone. also for legal purposes i'm not suggesting that cql lwj and jc love each other. but! they establish a three month wartime partnership looking for wwx and then jc immediately drops him on wwx's say-so despite apparently having a positive enough opinion of him to tell wwx he thinks they should make up twice. lan wangji will later tell wwx he thinks he should loop jc in on the second flautist! these are people trying to navigate some kind of relationship/shared interest/community, as opposed to a hateful void. cql wants to say hey, how do you go about this? while I'm here and rambling cql also puts a lot of emphasis on wwx's connection to yunmeng and changes things up so instead of feeling alienated right before he leaves our last glimpse of him there is happily picking lotuses and playing with a kid! in both stories the narrative is asking who do you protect? who do you leave behind? can you ever get it back? but the angles are very different.

[beebopboom]

Words of a Wise Angel

(Intro, part 1, part 2, part 3)

Finally made it to the end - four post later for a character that only has around 10 minutes of screen time - and there was going to be more

Originally this was going to be how the Metatron fashioned himself the king in God's game of chess and was going to relate it to Shakespearean Kings heck we were even going to go into Monty Python and the Holy Grail - but honestly I kind of just lost the motivation……maybe in the future I'll revisit.

However I still got shit to say.

(oh my god how did this get so long - I promise I’m a little sane over here)

So let's look into his actions in the show and maybe fill in some blanks

Disclaimer: just want to say I am focusing on The Metatron (obviously), his pov, and how he twist things - not what happened between Aziraphale and Crowley in the final 15, besides like one thing - just heavy emphasis on that

The Judge

(Of a very weird courtroom)

The trial itself seems to mirror Hell's trial in the way there is no true defense - I’m sensing a pattern

In the trial of Gabriel he is centered in the middle - at this moment neither left or right

He doesn't cut in until Gabriel starts going on about what an angel just gotta do sometimes- and brings up a reminder of what happened to the last angel of his position that started with this way of thinking - it after all is a great story for controlling and best not be repeated because then it looks bad on Heaven's part

This establishes The Metatron as a character whose main concern is the reputation of Heaven - that even though this is an action that is casting out worthy he won’t can’t do it because then it would be an upheaval.

But he frames it as a kindness, as if he was doing a favor - it's manipulative, it keeps the "Heaven is all good, here look we are doing a special favor just for you” narrative going

After Gabriel leaves he moves to the side and brings up that it is taking him a while to come back but for the most part takes a backseat to the happenings around him until they start talking about ringing the alarm bells -

He tells them they are just going to have to find him and he is amused about it. Which tells me a few things

that he doesn't want this getting out yet- fewer that know the better

he didn't actually care about what happened to Gabriel - in fact this might even be a better outcome for him in the way he just doesn't have to deal with him any more

he doesn't actually think they will find him

this might just be a great story - let’s just let it play out

Now this is all happening right before episode 1 perhaps bleeding into the time where Crowley and Shax are talking (which begs the question of how does Shax know) - so it is days before we see him again, a very eventful few days

The First move

When he does show back up he’s in a corporation and getting coffee - second in line behind Mrs. Sandwich.

And his eye is on Crowley - he watches Crowley converse with these two humans and bring Mr. Brown back

Now the coffee shop - I lied I do have something to add

So before even ordering what is he witnessing? Maggie and Nina having a moment - where Nina accepts Maggie's offer of help and asks her to go get milk for her and we as an audience can see this is a big moment for Nina.

Now imagine what it is to a staple of Whickber St. and someone who is not hesitant to tell her opinion about Nina's relationship and just so happens to be first in line, Mrs. Sandwich. I would not be surprised at all if she made a remark to Nina - a remark The Metatron overheard, so now he has the following information

they are friendly with Crowley

something is up with their relationship

But now it's his turn to order - and Maggie is back how long did your order take Sandwich!? - and asks for his oatmilk latte with almond syrup and his whole human picking coffee over death being predictable thing - and yet this isn't the end of their conversation

The next time we see Maggie and Nina they are getting ready to head back over to the bookshop but what got them on this conversation in the first place? That's right I'm suggesting the Metatron said or did something. Nothing to overt but something that got them thinking, talking, and maybe wanting to confront a certain duo about it

But back to the Metatron - he has entered the bookshop and interrupted Michael

Now the Metatron has always been a character that uses human expressions and his funny little words. But he comes right out the gate with balderdash and piffle so lets talk about them

They mean practically the same thing and yet he repeats it twice so why? I think it has something to do with their origins

Balderdash - although it is not certain it is said to originate during Shakespearean times, around this time though would have been used to describe a mixed drink

Piffle - started to appear 1860 - 1870ish

They are also both games and when you search them together it is a british show that goes into the origins of words - so yeah just keep those dates in mind

He uses Crowley to point out who he is - the demon who has a bad history with him, another subtle reminder of what going against Heaven gets you.

Then he starts up with the praise for Aziraphale who actually says his name, and we see a shift in tone from when he is addressing Aziraphale and then ordering the Archangels back to Heaven - which here is another one of the human phrases, spit spot

Spit spot - I don't know exactly when it was created but it is most commonly recognized as something Mary Poppins said, which the books where published between 1934 - 1988 with the movie coming out in 1964

But anyway (I promise there is a point to those) the Archangels reaction to him, Uriel's specifically. They are nervous, they are stuttering, they are praising him - they are groveling in front of him as if he were a king, and it reminds me of the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz. But the Metatron has no time for them and dismisses them. (Lord I talk about this moment a lot)

Ah, just him and Aziraphale now (not really) and they need to have a chinwag

Chinwag - around the 1870s

In response to Aziraphale saying he has made his position quite clear he offers him the coffee - which we know is not something Aziraphale prefers to drink - he offers another option that Aziraphale would not normally take, foreshadowing much?

well I say offered but really it’s kinda shoved in his face.

He separates Aziraphale and Crowley - leaving Crowley behind with a glare and ominous music which really is the first blatant instance of us knowing that the something that is up - is bad

and guess who enters the bookshop - Maggie and Nina here to talk about relationships and interference - convenient timing almost like it was influenced by someone

We join back with the Metatron when he is telling Aziraphale he doesn’t have to make a decision yet and to go tell his friend the good news and then he blends back into the crowd to walk to Muriel at the coffee shop and encourages them to read books. He proceeds to stand up and look into the bookshop, watching

Now the bits of conversation we see from Aziraphale- I see this as a few possible different things

this is the actual conversation and Aziraphale is telling Crowley an edited version

this is the edited version that he is telling Crowley and something else happened

he didn’t edit it and this is actually what happened and what was told to Crowley

but all I know is we didn’t see this full conversation and it reminded me of the misunderstanding conversation between the Nuns last season - either way it's what we got to work with people

Before moving on there are a couple particular sentences I want to point out from this conversation - and I will get to these later

"It's why Gabriel came to you in the first place, I imagine. There are huge plans afoot, enormous projects, and I will need you to run them.”

"Yeah, I've been looking back over a number of your previous exploits, and I see that in quite a few of them you formed a de facto partnership with the demon, Crowley. Now, if you wanted to work with him again, that might be considered irregular, but it would certainly be within your jurisdiction to restore your friend, Crowley, to full angelic status”

The Aftermath

Upon entering the bookshop and getting Aziraphale to say what they both already know happened out loud - he immediately chimes in with the rhetoric of “this is how Crowley always was, he chose this and his actions are his own doing - you Aziraphale are making the right choice here, you can’t change those who don’t want to, those who are damned”

congratulations Metatron you got what you wanted - pls this is sarcastic I’m still salty

Now that he has basically taken care of everything in his way of getting Aziraphale to come with him - he asks if he is ready to go (at no point yet has Aziraphale actually said yes) and asks if he needs to bring anything with him, a dig and a probe to see if there is anything else. He then just starts walking, not waiting for Aziraphale - a manipulation tactic to pull him along

and on the walk to the lift and in waiting keeps giving Aziraphale praise and then finally revealing The Second Coming as he gets in the lift which makes Aziraphale have to choose - it’s the final one and he still has to make it seem as though he actually had a choice.

But what does this all mean? What was the point of doing all this? Why does he need Aziraphale?? What’s with the word choices?

What’s with your funny words, Magic Man?

some of the dates might have rang a little familiar - Shakespeare? the 1860s? Mary Poppins? They are all around the times Aziraphale and Crowley were meeting up - well duh they’ve been meeting up since practically forever

the Mary Poppins one you could look at two ways - the actual time period they were being released, which would have been the 1941 or 1967 dates, or the fact that Crowley inspired his Nanny look after her

Looking at past exploits indeed you were Metatron, or perhaps you were even there hmmmm…

EDIT

The Metatron just used words that are from some important times,

1601 - discussing their arrangement (them working together)

1862 - their holy water fight and then not talking to each other

1967 (or 1941) - they start working and meeting up again and the holy water disagreement is put to rest.

and then he eventually hits him with, "if you wanted to work with him again”

which interestingly enough seems to hit the insecurities that Aziraphale expressed in the coffee shop, on the head - that loss of structure and purpose.

Aziraphale and Crowley also just did some big moves on their own in the bookshop and heaven - ones they weren't working together on. “You came back” is starting to hit even harder

End Edit

But also The Metatron put emphasis on the word friend when referring to Crowley, for the most part he referred to him as “demon” until then, until he pulled his final card - such an interesting word that had such an impact on Aziraphale in 1941 - well played Metatron well played (I hate it)

Now this could have all been a coincidence - if Aziraphale hadn’t picked up on the same thing.

When he interrupts Crowley he says something along the lines, “what’s that lovely human expression, hold that thought”

Hold that thought - came into play around the 70s through 90s and gained popularity due to the rise of broadcast television, like the News. But there is one definition I want to point out as well - “Used to acknowledge that one's attention needs to be diverted from what a speaker was saying.”

or in other words, “remember all those human expressions the Metatron was saying, yeah those have meaning and so does the one I’m about to say - we are being watched don’t pay attention to my words” but well we aren’t gonna talk about it (pls I’m still coping)

The Metatron has certainly done his research - bringing up words and phrases from important times in their relationship - and The Metatron is certainly watching just like he was now

Why does he need Aziraphale?

Now if you remember back when I discussed who The Metatron was in scripture there is actually an interesting overlap between these two with Tree of Knowledge and The Tree of Life - The Beginning and The End. Aziraphale was always meant to have a special part in The Second Coming for the exact reasons The Metatron said - an angel of his talents, an angel who knows about humans - the angel that guards them

But even just ignoring all that - What literally just happened before he showed up

called for Heaven’s help in a time of trouble - the portal

discoporated a fuck ton of demons

declared War on Hell

took charge and was a mediator between Heaven and Hell

and he did this all on his own (I really doubt he counts Maggie and Nina)

Aziraphale did exactly what Heaven had planned - what Gabriel was meant to sign off on - he started back up the plan he put on pause with Crowley - he made that first move

but also the 25 Lazarii miracle - which set off alarms in Heaven - and the Halo - which also set off alarms in Heaven. That’s twice in one week. One would imagine The Metatron would take notice.

EDIT

Let's switch gears a little and talk about why The Metatron mentions Gabriel coming to Aziraphale in their little talk

Whatever other reason Gabriel may have had for going to Aziraphale, giving him something etc., it was all done under a baseline understanding.

That Aziraphale would get it, be a safe space with an understanding that they don't want everything to end for some similar reasons (their demon partners) - and Aziraphale did help him despite not knowing this exact baseline

He helped the Supreme Archangel hide from Heaven and escape punishment - who’s to say he wouldn't help other angels?

The reason The Metatron doesn't care about Gabriel and Beelzebub running off together is because they went off

Their relationship doesn't have the same level of connection to Earth and humans as Aziraphale and Crowley - they didn't want Armageddon to happen because they wanted to keep seeing each other, the Earth part was optional - a matter of circumstance as it was the easiest place to keep seeing each other. Now that they were gone and together - his reason for objecting is practically void.

That is not the same as Aziraphale and Crowley

But also it works in the Metatron favor - Beelzebub is out of Hell. The Grand Duke of Hell just up and left the same time Heaven is getting their replacement Supreme Archangel - it's now time for Hell to be in shambles.

All while The Metatron just came to snipped away the bud - that seed of safety on Earth if another Angel decided to go against Heaven’s plan.

If he gets the angel that put a stop to Armageddon- that chose the Earth over Heaven - that protected his executioner just at the hint he was on the run from Heaven. If he brought that angel back to Heaven he would not be able to be that anymore, do those things anymore - not with being closely monitored anyway. Keep your enemy close and all that.

And he pulled out all the stops to achieve this - the clothes, the words, the coffee

End Edit

But The Metatron also still needs the Bookshop for some reason - a bookshop he left in the care of an angel he just encouraged to read

So he gets the best of both worlds - The rogue angel back under his thumb and an angel that will listen to him going through the bookshop

What does this all mean? What’s the point?

Well he’s an angel in dark, an angel in reverse

When we went over the tarot cards he’s been linked to, but especially the King of Cups, he seems to represent the reverse side of them while trying to maintain the upright version- which is interesting

He’s an angel in trouble, an angel who needs a scapegoat

The Archangel Metatron is a controversial angel, his existence, his story, his position of power. He even has a story under his name where he is punished and demoted by God when someone assumes him to be another God in Heaven

The Metatron as a character that likes to be surrounded by fours, covered on all sides. And each and every one of those angels has done something to get them in trouble - meaning he has dirt.

After all every scribe needs their soldiers - however backhanded it is

and maybe he has something big he is hiding of his own - using the others faults to hide his - something concerning the Book of Life - either him not having it or at least not having all of it

But anyway he has set himself up to be protected from any fallout - he has not been seen, only heard for centuries probably. Sending angels in his place to do jobs (yes, I’m talking about the change to Gabriel being the one at the airbase - I’m giving it a reason)

Until now - until he walked into that bookshop and made himself known. He put himself in play thinking he knows the game, thinking he just brought in the perfect angel to blame things on if they all go wrong(which they will)

but really he just opened himself up to the start of his downfall. Double edged sword and all that

For the next season I imagine he is going to keep up the pleasantries, take up that backseat role, act as a guide, being subtle in his manipulations - he after all believes he got away with it - just all those things until it all comes crumbling down and he gets exposed, and at the center of it all is Aziraphale (and then Aziraphale gets offered his position which he turns down, saying no to Heaven and choosing to be with Crowley) what? I said nothing.

(I think that’d be funny and this is a comedy after all)

It’s the Punishment of an Angel, the Fall of a King

————————————————————————

and that’s all folks - that’s the end- for now. Hope you’ve enjoyed -I had to watch the final 15 so many times and I’m totally ok

[kittenchancorruptionarc]

(( Hey guys, it’s been a few days. I’m so sorry I left so suddenly, I was experiencing burn out yet again and this case was ESPECIALLY bad. I kept guilt tripping myself over my break too because I felt horrible for leaving everyone in the dark.

The TDLR is I got too ambitious with events again and I keep poorly managing both threads AND asks and I need to fix that.

So here’s my requests to YOU (the beautiful person reading this) and how I’m going to do things from now on:

-Please try not to spam the ask box if I have (a) thread(s) going on, it distracts me badly. I thought about closing them during threads but felt that’s not fair so I will leave them open and see if you guys can respect my wishes. I trust y’all will you’ve been nothing but kind and patient to me (AND IM SO GRATEFUL AHHH) but still.

-KEEP SERIOUS RPS IN THREADS PLEASE, doing it via asks is very straining for me sorry if that’s an inconvenience :,]

-I won’t be doing colored replies anymore unless it’s for added emphasis, it was taking too long and it gave me a headache ngl. I have eyesight problems and I honestly made them slightly worse doing that.

-I don’t know if I’ll do any events for a while, up until I’m in the swing of things again. I got too ambitious and got severely burnt out and tired. :,]

-Threads are not time sensitive, assume they’re in their own time bubble unless it’s A stream RP or auction event. I make those interactive on purpose! Otherwise the rest of them are again in their own time bubble!!! This is so I don’t drive myself insane with time sensitive scenarios.

-I might make non auction and such events ask box only or limit it to one or two BIG RP threads, as I notice that’s what burns me out the most X_X

These are my “new rules” I guess okay? I think it’ll help me a LOT with the issues I’ve been having.

Also, let’s just say the events wrapped up and I’m going to have to call off any threads I STARTED before my huge burn out, sorry but I keep blanking on them and it’s for the best. We can start fresh or do a new one completely but oughhh I need to just. Start on a clean slate for my sanity im sorry guys. I hope you understand.

Also, my main focus will be on Fox and my OC account from now on, which I am going to revamp to mainly focus on his TPOF version due to a majority of my rp partners being based in TPOF timeline anyways. Strade is a fun side project and I abandoned Ren because I wasn’t happy with how I portrayed him tbh. Maybe I’ll revisit the account later, but rn I have no drive for it.

Anyways, I hope this’ll help me get back into this account because I miss being here so much but oh my GOD I stressed myself out ;; ))

-Fox Mun 🦊

[miloscat]

[Review] Maneater (PS5)

The evolution of the shark game.

This recent indie hit is a great counterpoint to the Jaws games I’ve played lately, a modernisation of the concept in more ways than one. While those games necessarily traded on the beats of the vintage thriller film, this one borrows the aesthetic of sensationalist “shark week” documentaries, while updating the structure to a free-roaming open zone.

Like the Jaws games, the inspiration is mostly a framing device for violent shark action and adventure. The promo art gives the impression of gory realism but in practice it’s pretty cartoony which was a relief. The goofy landmarks and super powered mutations lighten the tone while the ever-present cheesy narration blunders over the line of obnoxiousness in delivering satirical one-liners.

The story, such as it is, involves an unpleasant fisherman who brutalises a baby shark for sport. You embody that shark as she grows and eats her way up the food chain to get revenge. Starting as a wee pup from her mother’s womb untimely ripped (which educated me on the fact of bull sharks’ viviparity), you level up while using the different resource points gained from eating particular fish and such to upgrade perks which affect your appearance and abilities. By the end you’ll be a mega-predator spitting electric shocks from your bite while leaving poison clouds in your wake or corkscrewing in bony armour plating.

I liked the customisation and gradual enhancement, as expressed and enabled by the side activities in each area. There’s collectibles to chomp and side missions all over the place, mostly eating a certain number of the abundant marine creatures or taking down boats. The control scheme is pretty different to what I’d played immediately before but I found myself quickly adapting to it; cruising around feels good and combat, while frantic, is coherent enough and well handled. A powerful if biologically impossible sonar helps you find things easily in the game world and later can be adapted as a combat technique.

The game world encompasses a number of distinct locations in an American setting adjacent to the Gulf of Mexico. You start in a muddy bayou, moving to a polluted river, a canal-heavy golf course, then some coastal areas and the expanse of the gulf. They’re vibrant, full of life and detail, and for the most part they stand out from each other which is nice, although the game is maybe a little too heavy on coloured light shaders. There’s also grates that block access to caves and pipe systems if you’re too small, to encourage revisiting earlier zones.

The DLC adds a new zone and new postgame quests in the rest of the game world too, along with a new form that can blast atomic fire and an extra perk slot. The new content includes races, battles against other mutant creatures, and a greater emphasis on the projectile attack (bite an object then tail whip it at a target), the latter reminding me of Jaws Unleashed and its barrel-spitting (unfortunately not my favourite mechanic).

It’s a nice addition that’s worth getting, although it has its downsides. The framing device changes at this point, with the narrator becoming a right-wing conspiracy nut podcaster and the setting referencing a lot of popular conspiracy theories. The narration permanently changes for the base game world as well, and being accompanied by the constant and repeated unpleasantness of borderline actual racist dogwhistles is a very questionable choice. It’s supposed to be over the top and satirical but there are real popular platforms who spout crap as outlandish and harmful as this in reality (and even people who believe it), so it doesn’t really work as comedy. Luckily, you can adjust the volume of narration independently [to zero].

Comparing Maneater to its Jaws forebears… its Jawbears… really showed me how more advanced hardware technology can enrich a game experience. The underwater areas feel good to explore because they’re so populated, the world is big and seamless, and the shark controls well; getting these basics right makes the loop more engaging. Beyond that there’s some iffy stuff and the whole framing device and story didn’t really work for me, but on the whole this acquits itself well as an aquatic adventure.

[creppersfunpalooza]

hide, pain, and future from the ask game?

for koi and rosé :3

cw/tw: very quick mentions of addiction, unhealthy coping mechanisms, manipulation

for Koi and Rosé

Hide

Koi

Koi hides in a much more literal sense than Rosé. He’s constantly on the run and tries to avoid attention because of that, despite being a fairly extroverted person when he’s in the proper mental state. In a less literal sense, Koi tends to hide his fear and lack of control over a situation. He’s not too hard to scare, but it’s pretty hard to get him to show it. He has a whole cycle of emotions he goes through before he finally gives in. His mental health is terrible, so he spirals a lot into paranoia and unhealthy habits (mainly smoking and drinking) as a way to avoid confronting his emotions. He’s not afraid to cry around people he trusts and he really does try to express himself, but he doesn’t want people to worry about him. He wants to be able to take care of himself even when that’s the worst thing he could possibly do.

Rosé

For Rosé, I’d say he hides his anger. He’s driven by revenge and spite, but if you asked anyone he’s worked with, they’d say he’s a very charismatic (or menacing) person. He hides behind a mask of charm and makes himself into a caricature of a person because it’s a lot easier to distract himself when he’s someone else. He doesn’t let anyone in emotionally because he no longer relates to the people he surrounds himself with. Even the most fantastical creatures seem so clueless. He lacks any sort of empathy towards other people because they’re not important to him. that’s probably not healthy my man!

Pain

Koi

“Oh wow uh, I don’t know. Most of the experiments that I went through had me completely knocked out from beginning to end, so none of those were painful. I think I have a pretty high tolerance. Tough skin or whatever.” He paused, scratching at his wrist with a faraway expression that snapped back into focus a few moments later.

“I mean emotionally it was probably realizing that none of my friends were ever actually my friends and that they all want me dead now and a person that I thought I could trust and considered my fucking family used me for years just to get me to— y’know… I… Don’t know. I don’t know why I’m still so hung up over it either. He’s a bad person. I know that. But before everything he actually made me felt like I belonged there.”

Rosé

“Pain? My, it’s been a while since I’ve experienced that. Well, my dear, you’ve got me thinking over your question! Oh, what could it be? Perhaps use your eyes. You have them for a reason. Or maybe you’re just not the best at deduction? Surely you can’t think that these are natural.” He motions to his wings with an elegant and theatric hand. “It wasn’t an enjoyable process. I’ll tell you that much, darling. Revisiting such memories would be such a waste of time… I’ve found myself drowning in them if I put too much emphasis on it.”

“Anyways, are you looking for anything specific today, or are you just here to waste my time?” His smile strains ever so slightly, but his voice is still buttery and smooth.

heee’s lyinggggg but oh wellllll :333

Future

Koi

“…I just don’t want to go back. Anything’s better than going back to that place. As long as I can avoid that, I’m getting an outcome I’m okay with. I don’t care what happens to me as long as it keeps me away from him. I don’t think I can handle seeing him. I wouldn’t be able to think. To move. I probably wouldn’t run even if I could.” He dug his fingernails into his sleeves and looked down, tense and frozen in place.

“Sorry… Aughh. We were in the middle of talking, shit. I didn’t mean to just go silent on you. But yeah uh, I’m just hoping to avoid the D.A. I think I’m doing pretty well with that. I’ve only been brought back once, and that’s only because I made a stupid mistake, so it doesn’t count.”

Rosé

“Ohh the future… That means very little to me. My actions don’t really affect me, after all. It’s a glorious thing, I can do whatever I want and face no real consequences! Boring after a while, sure, but that’s why you mix it up a bit! I like to tempt those who too have lost joy in the mediocrity that the world has trapped them in. Those with impossible desires… And then I like to watch them enjoy their gift and new life, only to find they have ruined themselves and nothing can be fixed.” He holds out a palm, illustrating his words through spirals of pink and white that crumble in his grasp seconds later. “But for me? The worst outcome I could possibly think of has already passed! Things can’t get worse! They already have dipped and fallen and I have experienced the best and worst of things! Humanity is fucking fowl! And not just them either, every living and even the non-living! Even the gods are flawed and disgusting in their own right, my dear. So in short, I don’t care what happens. I’m simply along for the journey.”

sorry this took a while i had NO motivation to write but here u go :3 feast!!! thank you for sending in the asks!!!

[ostrichmonkey-games]

DEATHGRIND!!MEGASTRUCTURE Design Dive

Wow this has been sitting in my drafts, mostly finished for ages now. Anyways, time to release it to the wilds.

A few weeks ago I released a new game (editor's note: it has now been more than a few weeks), DEATHGRIND!!MEGASTRUCTURE for the Together We Go Jam over on itch. Together We Go is a design guide/SRD based on Down We Go, which itself is under the often nebulous umbrella of "OSR" gaming. In this case, it's the snappy mechanics, emphasis on anti-canon, relatively high lethality, and emphasis on the table's creativity is what puts it under that umbrella, imo. I'd consider it part of the maybe post-osr or N(ew)SR but that's a discussion for another time and for people who understand that scene better than me. I was drawn to TWG b/c it's a pretty simple framework with a cool twist on the typical OSR style of classes.

Rather than picking a class, you invest levels into multiple classes as you progress, with each class having its own set of cool abilities and more importantly, bonuses. One class might give you a bonus to hit things, another increases your defense. Stuff like that. It's pretty fun! A full breakdown on DWG/TWG could be fun sometime.

Now, time for the DEATHGRIND!!MEGASTRUCTURE stuff beneath the cut! It's long!

WRITING AND DESIGN

Anyway, DGMS. Originally I had the brain-blast of a title for the eventual game; Hyperpop Megastructure. Which honestly, could be very fun to revisit, but I scrapped that angle because I didn't want to do too much on the layout/graphic design side of things (editor's note; he did in fact do too much on the layout/graphic design side of things) and a hyperpop inspired game should have a wild layout. Also I'm just not familiar enough with the genre to really do it service -lmao.

I stuck with the Megastructure part for the time being and started brainstorming the potential classes (since those make the mechanical core of the game). Below are the early versions straight from my notes;

These were the initial outlines for the classes (a 4th was added later) and really set the tone for the rest of the game (and it marks the first appearance of the FRACTALDEATHMACHINE). By that point, I knew I wanted to do something inspired by BLAME! by Tsutomu Nihei. Its the first thing I always think of when the word "megastructure" comes up. Honestly, it's a very formative piece of sci-fi for me.

I wanted to push DGMS weirder. Just go all out on the nonsense. Together We Go games don't rely on a lot of setting exposition. The information of the world is found within the mechanics, random tables, gear, and factions that are presented.

This is what forms the central idea of an "anti-canon". You (the writer) give just enough info on the world and setting for the table to get started, but the details, the lore and truths about that world emerge at the table as the Referee/GM and players explore and interact with what is on the paper.

The FRACTALDEATHMACHINE is the biggest example of this anti-canon in practice. All the table gets is a brief description of a few general things. The FDM is hungry, it is ancient, and it is always pursuing the TOWER. A few other places in the text provide more spaces for the table to explore by prompting the players and GM to come up with "terrible truths" about the nature of the FDM.

What is this insight? Why is it considered terrible? Go find out!

For DGMS I wrote a relatively short bit relaying the premise of the game to readers; you play as POST_human remnants within the ancient megastructure the TOWER which is constantly under threat by the ravenous FRACTALDEATHMACHINE.

Side note, I absolutely went bananas with funky proper nouns and formatting. Small things like that can really help convey the tone of the game!

And that's really about it for the setting assumptions. More details are tucked into descriptions of the factions, gear, classes, and locations you get to explore, but there aren't any answers out there. Its all up to the table to find those answers for themselves! What is the FRACTALDEATHMACHINE, why is it devouring the TOWER, can you stop it? Who knows!

Go find out!

MECHANICS

The core game mechanics fit onto a single page, and aren't really changed too much from the base TWG system. In general, its a straightforward "roll over a difficulty value" using a d20.

Three of the four classes give a special bonus either to hit things, defense, or "hacking" - the undefined "magic" of the game. The fourth class, the DLVR, gets a special situational bonus that implies something about their place in the world - a special bonus against ARCHITECT relics - something which furthers the potential for the table to explore the anti-canon. What exactly is their link to the ARCHITECTS?

Outside of the core mechanics and classes, there are two major parts of the game (and two slightly more minor-ish parts). The LAYERS of the TOWER and the CTY_enclave. LAYERS are effectively unmapped "dungeons". They are dangerous sections of the world where the "outside" adventures happen.

DWG uses mapped dungeons as its, well, dungeons. I've never been hugely into running or playing through mapped dungeons (though I appreciate a well thought out dungeon!) And also I'm lazy. So unmapped it is. LAYERS are essentially a compact list of hazards, hostiles, and interesting tid-bits for the referee to use to whip up something fun and dangerous.

TWG games have a punchy, fast-paced, high-lethality action, so in DGMS, I was far more concerned with providing refs a general template and list of Interesting Things, than complex maps or complicated enemies. The ref does far more responding to player actions than they do planning out complicated encounters. It is perfectly easy, in this sort of game, to just toss something at the players and see what happens!

Couple that with mechanics such as "reaction rolls" (randomly determining how NPCs react to players) and the ref's job starts to become plugging a few random variables into a mechanical procedure, seeing what gets spit out, and then asking players what they do next, and then continuing the whole loop! I love procedural gameplay, and could, and probably will, write more on that another time.

Aside from being the places where most of the adventures happen, LAYERS are also another way to package Interesting World bits. One of my favorite parts about writing for/designing this style of game, is that you rarely need justification for putting something in. I can say that in one LAYER, players will face a "MACHINE!!GOD blastula". And that's it! Everything about the nature of that thing is going to emerge at the table, and will almost always be way cooler than whatever deep lore I could have written for it! (Now, this doesn't mean that I don't enjoy writing some Dense Exposition, but time and place and all that).

The other half to the LAYERS is the CTY_enclave; the players homebase and secondary adventure site. I whipped up a quick mapping procedure for creating your CTY_enclave, and it shifts every time the players return to it from their adventures. There are different modules within the CTY. In some you can buy stuff, others you can get information and recover health. Some hide valuable resources but also equally hidden danger.

Just like LAYERS, I wanted to embed story-potential, that delicious anti-canon, into the CTY. Little nuggets of Ideas like, Conduit Riders in the middle of a death race, machine monks transporting a metal sarcophagus (that has a small chance of containing a copy of one player!), or gaining the ability to commune with the FRACTALDEATHMACHINE itself, are breadcrumbs that could turn into larger story beats and adventures if the players and table invest their own interpretation and meaning into them!

Aside from that, the main Design Bit I did for the CTY is the mapping method. A hub location is part of the TWG vibe, but I felt that one, mapping using dice is fun, and two, a constantly, randomly shifting hub really suited the tone and setting of the game.

The last two main parts of the game are the gear and hostile lists. Again, they have surface purposes - cool stuff to Get, cool stuff to Fight (and get killed by) - but also help provide more of that anti-canon scaffolding (I am really going to need to do a whole thing on anti-canon at some point).

LAYOUT AND GRAPHIC DESIGN

And here's where my hubris caught up with me. What initially was going to be a nice, simple, streamlined layout, ended up being over the top. But it was super fun to make, so no need for me to learn any lessons here.

When designing layout, I tend to start with some cover ideas and mockups. Since BLAME! was such a large thematic inspiration, I also looked at its covers (specifically the Master Edition versions). I love the brutalist inspired graphic design, and wanted to carry that into DGMS, and then add a layer of grunge and wear and tear to it as well.

I played around a lot with masks and textures (there's literally a picture of concrete that I turned into a texture) before eventually landing on the looks you can see on the cover. Then it was also a matter of perusing fonts for text, headers, etc, etc.

For the interior, I made heavy use of Lone Archivist's Graphic Archive asset packs. They rule. Buy them here.

I made my life infinitely more difficult by making every single page different and unique, but it was also a fun art project, so I don't regret that. I didn't spend too much time on typesetting, because this was technically a game jam entry (though I did clean it up later when the game ended up getting printed).

And honestly, that takes us to the end. My process was kind of all over the place for making the final version, a lot of jumping between the text and layout. But it ended up being a very fun project with one of my favorite final results.

If you're interested in picking up the game yourself, you can snag the digital version off my itch page HERE (there's currently a handful of free community copies if you wanna try before you buy) and if you're interested in print copies, Plus One EXP has you covered over HERE.

Spencer of Gila RPGs also made a fantastic 5-minute overview of the game you can watch;

And! Tony hosted a stream that I GMed if you want to see how the game is in action;

But yeah, DEATHGRIND!!MEGASTRUCTURE. It's one of my favorite games I've made!

[pale-persephone]

Reign Revisited: The Pilot

Waaaaay back in 2013, when The White Queen had just finished its initial 10 episode run on Starz, some fan blogs I had followed began buzzing about a new show that had just premiered. This time, the queen in question was Mary Stuart, and like The White Queen, this new show was soapy and sexy and full of great costumes.

The White Queen is historical fiction, emphasis on the fiction. Compared to Reign, however, it is a doctoral thesis on primary-document research.

Reign isn't historical fiction. It's historical fanfiction. It's a fanfiction salad with side of lite history and a sprinkling of fact croutons. If you were tuning into Reign hoping to actually learn something

So, let's start with the fact croutons. What did Reign get right(ish), historically speaking, in the first episode?

Mary Stuart was sent to France as a child with the intention that she would someday marry the dauphin, Francis.

Francis Valois was the oldest son of Henry II and Catherine de Medici (aka BAWS ASS BITCH). His sister Elisabeth married the king of Spain, and he had a brother named Charles.

Diane de Poitiers was Henry II's longest-serving and most-loved mistress.

Mary had four ladies-in-waiting of roughly the same age with whom she developed deep and long-lasting bonds.

Nostradamus was a thing.

What was bullshit?

Bash

Literally everything else.

Now that we have that established, let's dive right in.

The Revisit

I'm calling it a revisit, because unlike some of you perhaps, I've been here before. For the most part, I know how the story goes, and I plan to write about the beginning from the vantage point of the ending. In other words, if you don't want spoilers, this ain't the place for you.

So, here we are. The very first second of the very first scene of the very first episode. And what do we see?

Girl, I was not prepared for that. You gotta remember: 3x05 was the last episode I truly watched. The night that it aired, I cried so much that I had to sleep with a cold gel mask over my face so that the next morning people wouldn't see my severely swollen eyes and worry I was suffering from an allergic reaction.

Obviously, I remember the prophecy about Francis's death playing a major role in the first half of season 1. I just wasn't expecting The Tree of Suffering and Death to be in my face right out the gate.

Now that that's aside, let us move on. As historically inaccurate as it is, I'm not mad at the writers' decision to start out the series with Mary squirreled away in a convent, awaiting her return to court. What I am mad at, however, is this wig.

I know they blew all their budget filming on location, but yeesh. This doesn't look much better than the one I picked up at Party City the year I dressed up as Snow White.

Speaking of locations, it is amazing how much wider the world seems in this pilot episode when compared to my memories of later ones, which had begun to feel very insular by the time I stopped watching. Within the first few minutes, we've been in a forest with Nostradamus, outside a picturesque convent with Mary and a passel of nuns, and now we’re on to the glorious French court, where the interiors are lush and the rooms bustling with people.

Next up, we meet the hot half-brother duo of Francis and Bash.

When it comes to this show, from the beginning until now, there is one hill that I am prepared to die on: Toby Regbo as Francis.

Maybe Reign Francis isn't as young, short, or sickly as Real Francis. I will argue that the Powers That Be knew what they were doing, however, because from the moment he rushed up those stairs and onto the screen, I could totally buy the idea that this was a boy whose life would prove to be a flickering candle. No, Reign Francis isn't short. But he is a little too thin, a little too pretty, a little too golden. He looks exactly like the type of person who'd be carried off by a fever in a pre-antibiotics world.

As for Bash...

I was never a Mash/Mabastian shipper. I thought the love triangle was a dumpster fire. And, in the past, that bias made it impossible for me to view Bash with any objectivity whatsoever. Now that Reign is over and I know for a fact that the Mary/Francis/Bash tug-o-war fizzles to less than nothing, I feel a little more sympathy for his character and a shit ton more for Torrance Coombs, the actor who plays him.

When I last saw Bash in season 3, he was a character inhabiting a world nearly completely separate from all the others. The show had fallen into a pattern where Bash spent the bulk of his time investigating one pseudo-supernatural bullshit calamity after another, with occasional brief stops at the palace to deliver updates. It was rather jarring to rewatch the pilot and see him actually participating in palace life. I'm reminded that, In the beginning, Bash truly was a main character, and it must have been difficult for Torrance to see himself increasingly sidelined.

I mentioned this earlier, but as we watch the Valois family preparing for young Elisabeth's wedding, I am struck by how many people there are. In the initial images of Francis and Bash I posted above, you can see castle business being conducted within the rooms on either side of them. We are then introduced to Henry, Catherine, and Elisabeth, who are positively surrounded by servants and attendants.

I mention this only because, by the time season 3 rolls around, it begins to feel like there are a grand total of five people living the a palace, which itself consists of a mere three rooms and one hallway. I know, I KNOW: budget constraints. It's still amazing to me how much bigger, fuller, and more textured this pilot seems compared to the later episodes.

Next, we meet the most ridiculously named ladies-in-waiting to ever grace the screen: Kenna, Lola, Greer, and Aylee. I get that going with the historically accurate "Four Marys" would have been confusing for the audience, and that traditional names such as Anne, Margaret, Joan (Jean/Jane), and Agnes aren't very, well, exciting. But Lola? For a lady-in-waiting to a Scottish queen? For fuck's sake.

And while I'm speaking of Lola, I must say I'm a bit confused by her backstory and motivations in the pilot. The script makes it clear that the ladies are arriving from Scotland just as Mary is returning from the convent. Kenna teases Lola about the "boy from Aberdeen" whom Lola insists "will wait for" her. Greer echoes my sentiments exactly here: wait for what? Lola is in France in the service of a queen who will be married and will live in France. If she wanted to spend her life with the boy from Aberdeen, why didn't she just marry him rather than depart for France with the knowledge that she would likely never see him again?

All of these questions become moot points once Colin himself arrives. Again I ask, If they want to be together so badly, why didn't they marry before Lola left Scotland? And why is Lola, a daughter of a Scottish noble in the employ of the queen of Scotland, asking Catherine de Medici, not Mary, for permission for Colin to stay? Mary was allowed to maintain a retinue in France. Shouldn't Colin, her subject, petition her for a position and permission to court Lola? Especially when Lola freely admits that Mary has never met Colin before? I get that Catherine's meeting with Colin is essential to the episode's plot. I just find the set-up to be clunky and awkward.

Before that can happen, though, we are witness to the planetary collision of Mary's first meeting with Francis. (0:00 - 0:50 in the video below)

Francis stops. Mary stops. The music stops. The visual and auditory clues make it clear: This is a defining moment in their young lives.

This Francis, however, is not the Francis I grew to love over the course of the 48 episodes to follow. The Francis of the pilot episode is more guarded, less prone to express emotion, and more fearful of his own heart. There is even a scene here in which he treats Mary quite callously, and while I feel like Toby did a good job in relaying Francis's worries and mixed emotions, I can understand why some viewers weren't immediately sold on the Great Love Story of Mary and Francis.

I mean, they were wrong, but still. I understand.

I really enjoyed the early scenes of Mary and her ladies all together during this episode. At one point, they all receive a lecture on court etiquette by a stern looking Madame type, which sends them all into fits of giggles, and I find myself thinking that the show would have been better served if it had kept a character like that around. In fact, watching this scene with future episodes in mind, I must ask the question: Where are they adults?

No, seriously. Where are they?

As the show moves forward, there are no authority figures whatsoever at French court other than Catherine and Henry. Mary rules Scotland from hundreds of miles away with the help of absolutely no one. Aside from an uncle who appears briefly at the beginnings of episodes 3 and 4, there is not one grown person in Mary's orbit to offer her guidance or advice. She is a teenaged queen who, on the show, has spent the past six years buried in a convent, and yet she is completely left to her own devices. Where is the rest of the de Guise clan? In reality, Mary Stuart had a slew of relatives who would have been in and out of French court. Her uncles were dukes, marquises (is that the right plural?), archbishops, and cardinals. Where are they? And beyond that, where are her Scottish advisors? Mary and her four ladies-in-waiting most certainly would not have been the only Scots at court. Future episodes will showcase constant tension between Mary and Francis, pitting her choices against his, when—in actuality—there would have entire councils of people involved in every single aspect of the decision making.

I get that too many characters can become hard to juggle, and I know first-hand that Reign will have a difficult enough time maintaining storylines for the characters it does showcase. I still think that Reign missed an opportunity in giving a face (or faces, rather) to the authority at court, both French and Scottish.

So we've met our protagonists and established our setting. But who is our bad guy? Every story needs an antagonist, and this Reign pilot offers us two, of sorts. Though neither really work in the long run.

The first is Catherine de Medici. Her actions in this pilot episode are reprehensible, and yet by the end I was in tears (again) seeing her watch helplessly on from a window while the son she loves more than the waking world falls for the girl who will cause his death. Having witnessed what Mary’s behavior will become in the second season, and knowing that she will ultimately be the cause of Francis’s death, it’s kind of difficult not to believe that Catherine was right in wanting to be rid of her. Her methods are vile, manipulative, and conniving, but her driving motivation is love for her child. You can’t root for her, but you can’t exactly root against her, either.

The second is the forest, also known as the Blood Wood. Or rather, what the Blood Wood supposedly contains. This episode lays some eerie groundwork here, but, guys…I just can’t take it seriously. It's promising chills that never materialize. The nefarious “pagans,” the ridiculous Darkness reveal at the end of the season…ugh. And the idea that the royal family resides in a palace surrounded by forests no one dares go into…How does that work? There are hundreds of people at court each day. Dozens travelling to and from. The gamekeepers would be constantly in and out, checking on the pheasants, deer, and other creatures who live and are hunted within. If people were continuously walking into a royal forest and never coming out, those woods would be cleared in a matter of days, and any “pagans” skulking inside rounded up and hanged.

But, I'm getting ahead of myself. We haven’t gotten to the pagans yet. All we get in this episode is a mysterious warning from Bash about never going into the woods, and the ominous conversation between Bash and his mother at the end that reveals Mary’s freshly-returned dog, Stirling, (who we’ll finally see again in season 2) must’ve been lured inside the wood by the scent of fresh blood.

We also catch our first glimpses of Clarissa (though we don’t know she’s Clarissa yet), the castle “ghost” who slips in and out of palace rooms unnoticed and warns Mary against drinking the wine at Elisabeth’s wedding. She’s creepy looking, for sure, but doesn’t come across as a bad guy. At least, not yet. The pilot has her appear and disappear in ways that make you wonder, “Hmmm…is there something supernatural going on here?” But, just as with the pagan Blood Wood storyline, I know how disappointing the ultimate resolution here is going to be. In fact, by the end of the season, the Blood Wood Full o’ Killer Pagans just sort of ceases to be a huge deal to the series, and by the time we reach Mary and Francis’s wedding a little over halfway through, Clarissa is basically gone for (almost) good. It's a lot of build-up for storylines whose resolutions are a resounding meh.

All of this is my long-winded way of saying that the show needed a good villain, and though the pilot proves that Mary is in serious danger at court, all the threats set up here either disappear eventually or are proved ridiculously lame. I personally feel the show would have been better off investing in some long-term bad apples. A powerful rival family (like the Bourbons, only Mary doesn’t sleep with one of them), a treacherous advisor (but, unlike Narcisse, a truly evil one who doesn’t double as a sexy anti-hero), or perhaps even a devilish cardinal (hey, it worked for The Musketeers). We want Mary to triumph, but triumph over what, exactly? Other than the English, who really don't feature in the episode at all, it's all very vague.

And now for Mary herself.

Here we are introduced to a girl who is sweet-natured and romantic, though prone to self-doubt and bursts of temper. She loves her dog. She’s eager to please. She takes delight in simple things and wears her wide-open heart on her sleeve.

I barely recognize her.

By the end of season 2, Mary was my least-favorite character on the show, aside from Conde. Revisiting the pilot episode, I’m suddenly reminded of why I liked her so much in the beginning, and why I shipped her so hard with sweet golden baby Francis. As Mary, Adelaide is all starry eyes and dimples, with a quick smile that so easily melts into hurt and sadness. I don’t want to elbow this Mary in the kidney; I want to protect her from all the forces trying to destroy her sweet spirit. When a grief-stricken Lola angrily asserts that she and Mary are not friends, that Mary is instead her queen and a constant source of danger to the girls, I want to yell, “Then why are you here? You’re not a prisoner. Go home!”

(After showing her jealousy over Colin at the wedding and then basically victim-blaming Mary for her sexual assault, I wonder at the writers’ choice to have Lola be the one to sleep with Francis later in the season. Was there meant to be some long-simmering yet unspoken tension between Mary and Lola? Once again, I'm getting ahead of myself. I’ll come back to this later.)

By the time we get to the episode's Big Event (aka the wedding between Elisabeth Valois and Philip II of Spain, which is somehow occurring before the death of his wife Mary Tudor--but I digress), Mary has had interactions with both Bash and Francis, running the gamut from flirtatious to contentious. The first time I watched this ep, I hadn’t firmly staked my flag on either ship at this point.

And then came this moment.

Hook. Line. Sinker.

Yes, she smiles at Bash first. But when she smiles at Francis, it immediately transitions to yearning. They step toward each other as if pulled by magnets. His defensive wall crumbles to ashes right in front of our eyes, and, reader, I was done. The almost-kiss at the end of the episode only cemented it. Frary. Frary all the way. Fray or I will burn this series to the ground.

All of this is especially poignant in hindsight. We know now that when Francis takes a step toward Mary, he’s also taking his first step toward Death.

The feathers fall.

And the clock starts ticking.

FINAL THOUGHTS

I was surprised by how much I enjoyed revisiting this episode. No show has made me feel as much or disappointed me as much as Reign, but this episode reminded me of why I started caring about it in the first place. For starters, it looks amazing. The interiors, the exteriors, the rich fabrics and colors…it’s all so well done. The modern(ish) costumes, which were a major point of contention for some people, didn’t bother me then and don’t bother me now. And though I love history (the Tudors being my particular wheelhouse), I understand what they were going for here. They’re sort of taking the Hamilton approach (no, it's not a perfect analogy) to historical events, in which there is an unspoken understanding that the audience knows that events are being condensed and rearranged and sometimes flat-out made up for the sake of the story. If you continually get hung up on so-so wasn’t even there, that happened years later, she never loved him like that, you’re going to miss out on all the fun. Not to mention some amazing music.

The pilot episode promises romance and intrigue with a splash of supernatural horror, and it delivers. It’s frothy, silly entertainment.

But Reign won’t always be.

On to episode 2...

[mugionthewater]

Tsumugi Shirogane Deepdive: Prologue

I’m in a DR mood right now, and really enjoying revisiting Tsumugi in particular, so I thought I’d do a chapter-based retrospective focusing on all the cool Tsumugi material! A reread project especially rewarding for a character like Mugi, so I’m really excited.

In this series, I’m focusing a lot on all the foreshadowing, and also what we can extrapolate about Tsumugi’s true character along the way. I’ll be doing this chapter-by chapter, including the prologue as well as an installment for her Free Time Events.

Full spoilers for V3 under the cut.

The Pre-Prologue

We first see Tsumugi in the gym by the exisals to get their uniforms and their memories. Tsumugi herself has four lines of dialogue in this scene, nothing that particularly stands out, but there are a couple of things worth noting about how she (and everyone else) is dressed.

Kaede describes how she was kidnapped on her way to school, and it sure looks like that’s the case for almost everyone in the room. We’re used to seeing DR characters in flashy outfits that vaguely resemble school uniforms but actually reflect their individuality, so when the game first shows them in an ensemble lineup like this, it’s a lot more striking.

Not so much in this CG. While there are plenty of visual details that tell us about these characters (Saihara’s already hiding under a hat in his sprites; Iruma is revealing; Kiibo and Gonta are buttoned up and orderly, but Kaito’s shirt and jacket are undone to show a bold-colored undershirt), their uniforms look like they’re doing what uniforms are supposed to do: be bland and blend in.

What about Tsumugi? Tsumugi wears a basic uniform like everyone else, but this is where we get the game’s first indication that all is not what it seems with this girl. The clue is the blue. She is the only one in the lineup whose primary color isn’t a neutral tone. What’s more, it’s the same shade of blue Tsumugi is associated with throughout the game. Visually, part of her is already in character as Tsumugi Shirogane, SHSL Cosplayer.

Of course, there’s a much bigger item foreshadowing Tsumugi as the bad guy, which is that in advance of everyone getting their “memories”, the main emphasis is their new clothes delivered by the Monokubs.

There are a couple of reasons the clothes are significant. For starters, there’s a direct line to Tsumugi’s cosplay talent. For anyone inclined to suspect her before starting the game on account of her talent (and her general don’t-look-at-me-I’m-not-suspicious vibes), this is immediate theory fodder. This also primes the audience to look at the setting of V3 with a critical eye, between the contrast of the kids’ boring outfits and their flashy new ones and the Monokubs making explicit references to starting the “story“, there is an immediate suggestion of artifice that runs all the way down to their identities. Not for nothing is Kaede’s magical girl transformation visually similar to the memory light.

Another thing: pre-memory light, the person in the room whose outfit is the least uniform-y is Amami.

At the very least, it’s a look that’s noticeably more casual than what most of the cast is wearing. After Chapter 6, we know that Amami made it to the end of the 52nd Killing Game before he and Tsumugi were condemned to execution via participating in the next killing game- which he seems to be realizing in this scene- so it’s possible they’re coming right off the heels of the last killing game. It’s an ongoing mystery what his relationship with her was like up to this point? Does he know she’s the ringleader? Is “Tsumugi Shirogane“ anything like the person she was in the last killing game, assuming she was even there?

I’m not confident Tsumugi really switched to a new persona for the 53rd Killing Game, even though fake identities is kind of her whole deal. I’ll get more into why in this series, but I think a lot of the character we see in the game is the “real“ Tsumugi, to the extent that such a person even exists.

Introducing Tsumugi Shirogane: Professional Cosplayer, Sex God

If you go back and read the promotional blurbs for V3, Tsumugi’s mention her tendency to get so lost in thought that she’ll ignore everyone around her. This little trait isn’t super weird at first, until you realize later in the game that she doesn’t carry the shtick past the first chapter. It’s like she wrote the character blurbs herself, realized everybody has a wacky “thing“ that would come up immediately in the introductions, and came up with an act of low-grade wackiness so she’d fit in in the prologue.

This is great stuff, looking back. It gives an intro in brief to the many contradictions of Tsumugi Shirogane. On one hand, it’s overly phony and performative. But on the other hand, there’s a core of truth there about her character- she really is someone who stays in her thoughts without a care for anyone around her, albeit less in the cute way and more in the horrifying sociopath kind of way.

It also tells us something important about Tsumugi’s commitment to the Killing Game. She cares about maintaining the integrity of this world and its characters, but is pretty indifferent about maintaining a role for herself. She doesn’t give a shit about having a storyline or even much of a character. The pleasure of DR comes from what she can get as an observer/consumer. 

This is entirely consistent with what she tells Kaede and Saihara about herself and her feelings about cosplay in the actual introduction.

This is the ethos that makes me wonder how dishonest Tsumugi really is. She’s dishonest as hell, of course, but given that she later applies the entire DR LARP reality show experience as “cosplay“, what she says about her convictions largely rings true. She clearly cares about making her tribute an authentic one (lol), which extends to her being the primary creative director inside her fiction bubble.

It partly explains why she spends the next five chapters being little more than furniture. In her mind, her job as a producer precludes her from being a character in her own right, because doing anything to pull focus is tantamount to self-promotion, and, well, that’s an abuse of power that gets in the way of the story!

(sidebar: there are some fascinating things we could speculate about what she says about cosplay relates to her relationship with the rest of Team Danganronpa and the outside world, but this post is getting long, so I’ll save it for another day)

Like everything else about Tsumugi, it’s not until the end that you can fully contextualize how sinister she’s being here. What she passes off as a cute passion for cosplay is actually a bone-deep sense of consumer entitlement taken to a logical extreme. Tsumugi is a more vicious indictment of terrible nerds and a selfish fandom than anything Hifumi Yamada could embody. She loves DR so much, and feels so strongly that nobody should be participating in DR with any corrupt motives, that anything less than the real deal is unacceptable. To this end, she will happily transplant entirely new emotional realities on the others so that even the emotional torture of the Killing Game is authentic. In Tsumugi’s selfish nerd brain, this is the important part of the drama of Killing Games, and anyone who disagrees with her approach is a fake fan who doesn’t deserve any kind of creative control.

Anyways, there’s more to say about Tsumugi’s introduction, so moving on

Some pretty overt foreshadowing here. In the Japanese script, her reference is ep. 53 of Kiteretsu Daihyakka instead of Doraemon. I like the change for the dub, even though it’s pretty obvious. Someone who knows DR primarily through the dub is less likely to know about the franchise’s connection to Doraemon, anyway.

Tsumugi also points out the weird dragon statue in the hallway that will lead into a new part of the school down the line. It’s a neat little metatextual trick on the audience, because it’s the kind of thing that’s not suspicious at all on a first playthrough. She’s an NPC in a DR game, of course her dialogue is gonna point out plot devices that will be relevant shortly, but on a reread you know she’s being deliberate about it. This is far from the last time this kind of thing happens with Tsumugi.

Lastly, this charming observation from Kaede about why she’s maybe not so plain afterall.

Kaede puts it in the worst way possible, but it’s interesting that she, a person with a generally good read on people, decides immediately that there’s more to Mugi than meets the eye. Not only that, she relates it specifically to an audience spending a lot of time looking at her. If she were any less gross about it, Kaede making this kind of observation would land like a big clue.

This leaves us with the biggest question from the prologue: if Kaede wasn’t too busy being horny and gay, could she have put two and two together and thwarted the ringleader?

There is SO much more to say about Tsumugi, so I’m really excited to dig deep into other chapters!

[mysterypond]

May I request gingkite with "but you here, so stay" I love your writing so much

This was similar to a line of dialogue I had an in old WIP I never finished from a while ago so I had a bit of fun revamping and revisiting it :)

Ao3 link if you prefer

He looked over the lake, waves ebbing and flowing steadily as the ferry chugged forwards. It was nicer now, above deck, now that the blazing heat from earlier had quelled down with the sunset, hues of painted red and orange filled the sky. Long gone were the rugged terrains of mountains and forests, no, this was a much different scenery than his normal excursions. The lake was vast, a beautiful open plane of water as far as he could see, inhabitable to humans without assistance.

He saw the man out of the corner of his eye before he registered his footsteps. Ten feet away; close enough that Kite could make out the familiar clothing and stature. He had his hands in his pockets, staring intently over the water, deep in thought.

Ging.

There were as many things the same as different about him after all these years. The way he carried himself was unmistakable for someone as cocky as he was. But he seemed aged, from the scruff on his face, and the tired look about his eyes.

But maybe it was just because Kite had spent so long with Gon that Ging looked so much older now.

Ging wasn’t the only one whose appearance had changed. Long gone were the locks of white hair cascading down his back, replaced with a crimson wave. His face was different, sharp nose replaced by a softer one, his once ghastly skin now a healthy tan with a dusting of freckles against his cheeks.

And the tail, tucked into his pant leg. He couldn’t forget the tail. Though he appeared mostly human, it was the one remaining factor that reminded him, time and time again, that he hadn’t just been reincarnated. He was a Chimera Ant now.

Of course, Ging was only human. He wasn’t infallible or invulnerable, and his impulsivity could dampen his intelligence from time to time. Leaving it all down to chance, Kite couldn’t quite weigh the odds of Ging even recognizing him right now. His face betrayed no knowledge, the lines written in a language that Kite had attempted to learn years ago yet narrowly missed his window.

But that’s how Ging was; he played his little games, created dilemmas for people where it was his overpreparing against their overthinking. What was the correct choice here? Ging always put emphasis on him taking the initiative and really going after what he wanted. It was what being a hunter was all about, after all. Yet if Ging really didn’t recognize him, he’d never know it. The information would be lost to time.

He could go about it slowly, work up a conversation and judge his reactions, which again could provide the same predicament he was in right now complete with an even shorter reaction time.

Or he could wait for Ging to approach him, but what would Ging have to say to him now? A lecture for letting his guard down and getting too cocky? Or maybe his impulsivity would get the best of him and say a bunch of things he’d regret later.

A small smirk crept across Kite’s face. Even he had a hard time getting used to his new body in the mirror, catching a glance and seeing a foreign face looking back at him. Maybe Ging would try to smooth talk him, pepper in little compliments to charm him over. It would almost be worth it, if not to see the look on his face when he’d reveal that no, he was not some maiden.

“The waves are finally dying down,” said Kite, facing the lake. He peered quickly out of the corners of his eyes, just to gauge Ging’s reaction.

What was he doing? Talking about the weather after all this time, not even knowing how to interact with the first person he ever considered a friend?

Ging was silent for a few seconds. Did he really not recognize him? Why would he, Kite looked completely different now. Though he did assume Ging would be able to pick up on his body language just the same, he had an uncanny knack for it.

“See, I told you the clown would save you in the end,” Ging said with a sly smile, breaking out of his pensive demeanor. Kite rolled his eyes.

“An ‘I told you so’? Really? The first interaction I have with you in years and you’re lecturing me again,” said Kite, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Such a pain.”

“If I’m that much of a pain, I’ll just leave,” said Ging, waving him off with his hand. Kite gulped down the hesitation in his throat, pushing it further down. The other man paused, looking up at him, his amber eyes glinting in the sunset light, waiting for him to say his piece.

“But you’re here, so stay,” said Kite, grabbing onto Ging’s sleeve. Ging could have avoided him, easily. That was, if he had recognized Kite before he’d approached him and spoken. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, the man was almost impossible to track down. He had a knack for covering up his tracks. Anything left behind was deliberate, either to throw off the search or to give a little hint to the most persistent of people. No, he wanted Kite to talk to him here.

Ging smiled and tilted his head back a bit, the soft wind ruffling the ends of his black hair. He looked like he were enjoying himself to some extent, out here on the lake. He’d grown up near the water, of course he would.

“Alright, I’ll stay,” said Ging, resting his hands on the railing of the deck. “So, what’d you think of Gon?”

No ‘thanks’. Funny enough for Killua, and not Gon, to have picked up on that one. Perhaps it was just the nature of being a hunter, not needing to establish a debt system between friends.

“He’s a good kid,” said Kite. “Reminds me a lot of you. That same reckless nature.” But with the same drive and ambition. He could see it in his eyes, every time Gon put his mind to something. Even without Ging’s influence, really was his father’s son.

Ging rubbed the back of his head.

“Why did you send him to me?” asked Kite. Ging stuck his hands back in his pockets, chewing on the inside of his lip.

“I dunno,” he said, not turning to make eye contact with Kite. “It just seemed like a good idea at the time.”

And that might as well just have been it. Ging had a track record of just saying things. A lot of his most memorable quips and lessons felt pulled out of thin air. But that was always the game with him, which ones were premeditated and which ones were improvised. There was plausible deniability either way.

Part of him craved for Ging to tell him more. He could have picked anyone, why him? He wasn’t the only student Ging had. He wasn’t his only friend either. Did Ging see him as responsible? Or did he think it would be funny if Kite was saddled with a couple of rowdy kids to take care of.

Maybe he thought it’d be good for him to get some company. Things had changed since they trained together. Long gone were the loner days, he had his own junior hunters to teach. There was a benefit to being part of a group, having a network of dependability within, people to exchange banter and experience with.

“You just wanted to make me pay for that time I took in a nest of crab-otter pups back to our campsite,” Kite joked. “Figured I’d finally understand why you were so frustrated with a sudden increase in new guests.”

“Yeah, maybe…”

Ging looked out over the lake intently, not taking his eyes off the horizon. What was the point, he was never going to get an answer out of him anyway.

Right. An answer.

“I…”

Kite felt his hands tighten against the railing. He could feel the words on the tip of his tongue, trapped behind his teeth. He’d dreamt of this meeting before, running into Ging on his own terms. Not as a student chasing after him for an assignment, but as a fellow hunter, someone he saw as an equal. And it would be then he’d tell him how he felt. To tell him how he spent all those long nights thinking about him and the times they shared in the past. About how sometimes he still liked to show off from time to time, even though he knew Ging wasn’t watching anymore.

His thoughts drifted to that one night, the one outside by the waterfall, and the glowing yellow lightning bugs landing in his hair. They’d seemed so harmless; Kite had never seen them before. But they gave off a little spark of electricity when they collided with each other, lighting up the sky under the stars. They’d taken a liking to Kite’s hair, giving him little shocks when he tried to shake them out. It was annoying, but Ging was so gentle in removing them, careful not to break their tiny wings and bodies, and careful not to tug at any strands of hair. He’d wanted to tell him then, but again the words wouldn’t come.

“Hm?” Ging’s attention perks up, and Kite feels like he wants to shrink down.

It was so, so hard to talk. He’d gone over this meeting a dozen, no, dozens of times. What they’d talk about, how it’d play out. His stream of consciousness had evaporated leaving only the thoughts he’d buried deep down below to remain.

“Nevermind. It’s getting late, I should head back below deck,” Kite said, more to convince himself of his logic than Ging. The other man nods.

When he first met Ging, his life had completely changed. Ging had that sort of effect on people, searching out those society had failed. It wasn’t out of a project sense, no, he was a force of personality that showed them that there was still hope in the world. If it hadn’t been for Ging, he didn’t know where he’d be right now. He didn’t like to imagine that type of future.

But now, things were a lot different. He was a seasoned hunter, and with his new body there was no telling how powerful he’d become. He’d made his own name for himself, had his own list of accomplishments. There was nothing on the topic Ging could teach him anymore. Perhaps this was a lesson of itself, learning when to fold. Was it worth it to open up, spill all of the thoughts he’d kept so hidden and close to his heart?

He hasn’t taken his eyes off Kite as he starts to move away. Kite stops. He wants to know why. He’s been avoiding

“Ging?”

Truth be told, he cared about him. It seemed like he just wouldn’t leave his mind, no matter how many times he tried to get him out. There was no easy way to tell someone how they felt about them. And maybe it was better like that, if he never said anything, he’d never be rejected. He could keep his thoughts to himself, buried away, and the two of them could go on with their lives, crossing paths whenever convenient.

If Ging knew about his feelings, he was doing a damn good job of hiding it.

It was oh, so agonizing. To think, he was so close. Ging was here, in front of him, after all these years. And he was stuck in an internal conflict of whether or not to be honest with him. To share, or not to share. Thinking and going over what would be the right words. How to begin it. Of course Ging would think he was just being grateful for the years of training, but it was so much more than that and to wave it off wouldn’t cut it. This was different, but the thought of Ging characterizing it like that wasn’t

Ging reaches out and takes one of his hands in his, holding it as if in a way to inspect. He’s seen him do it before, the care and precision he’s taken with items he’s uncovered. It’s a bit awkward until Ging loosens up, allowing his fingers to curl around.

“Oh, I’m still getting used to this new look of yours,” Ging says, rubbing his thumb against the back of Kite’s hand. Kite felt his cheeks warming, and out of instinct moved to pull his hat down, only to find his hand met with nothing but air. “I think you can make it work. And hey, maybe since you look a lot less like a grumpy old guy, you’ll stop getting mistaken for one with your attitude-”

Some things never changed.

“First I look too old, now I look too young,” complained Kite. “It’s a curse, I tell you.”

“It was the hair. Totally the hair. Tie it up in a bun and put some glasses on and I guarantee people will assume you’re in your 40s,” teased Ging. “It’d give you a librarian look.”

“Ah yes. That’s exactly the impression I want to give people,” Kite deadpanned. Ging shot him a stupid grin. He let his hand linger in Ging’s, holding onto it just a bit longer than he should have.

It isn’t the right time, Kite tries to convince himself. Would there ever be a right time, for a twelve digit clock can never reach the thirteenth hour. No, he shouldn't shut himself out completely.  Just because he wasn’t ready now, didn’t mean he wouldn’t be later. He just needed some time to think, some time to compose himself. It was a small world out there. Their paths would cross again.

He’d know what to say then.

[honourablejester]

Ideas for Sorcerers (D&D)

I do love a bit of innate, chaotic magic, the forces of the world writing themselves onto people. Whether said people wanted them to or not. Heh. I will admit I’m a bit more attached to the ‘touched by cosmic forces’ angle for the sorcerer, it’s really great for backstories, but the bloodlines are also fascinating for the ‘family lore’ and ‘really adventurous ancestors’ ideas. So!

I’m mostly focused on the classic sorcerers and then the horror-adjacent sorcerers, because I’m me, and we know what I like. Apologies to fans of the Divine, Storm or new Clockwork sorcerers!

Draconic

Because dragons (and dragon ancestors) are the best. There’s a lot of fun and aesthetic with choosing your dragon ancestor too. The little scales you get with draconic resilience just make for some really cool-looking characters.

I love the idea of mixing ancestries with a draconic sorcerer. Compare and contrast. For example, a tiefling draconic sorcerer with gold dragon ancestry! Combining a ‘tainted’ bloodline with a respected one. Maybe the clan lean heavily into the lawful reputation of gold dragons, as well as a sort of internalised racism against their own darker ancestry as well. They view the fact that they were once favoured by a divine dragon as proof that their bloodline can redeem themselves of their demonic pact/ancestry, and they lean towards lawful occupations, city watch, soldiers, clergy, etc. So your sorcerer has a bit of internal conflict going on. (Also, a red tiefling with gold scales is an awesome look – tiefling skin colours with dragon scale colours is a really fun combination)

Other cool-sounding ancestry combinations: high elf & white/silver ancestry, for that ethereal immortal feeling (also fun to add stereotypical dragon traits with the white dragons, in that you’re an ethereal immortal who really holds a grudge and does not do ‘forgive and forget’), half-elf & green ancestry, for a strongly outcast, political bent, halfling/gnome & copper ancestry, because if you’re going to go for a tiny trickster you might as well go all out …

Or we have my old favourite, a tortle sorcerer with (somehow) a dragon turtle ancestor, because great-grandpa Uhok never met an older and (significantly) larger lady he didn’t want to pursue, and great-grandma Korthalok was honestly rather flattered. (Yes, I am aware that dragon turtles are not high dragons, but they are intelligent, and they’re probably innately magical/elemental enough to put a bit of magic in the bloodline)

Shadow Magic

The sorcerer’s gothic option! I do love it. Your magic comes from a strange, grim shadow realm, either because you were touched by said realm, or one of your ancestors was an entity from said realm. You get a demonic shadow hound, teleportation from shadow to shadow, and later an actual shadow form. Lots to work with there.

I feel like there’s a lot of Lovecraftian, Dreamlands, William Hope Hodgson sort of feeling here. The dark touch of a strange realm. Emphasis on isolation, desolation, alienation. Loneliness. This is also the subclass where I really, really like a later-life coming into your powers, a traumatic event causing a normal person to suddenly develop horrifying magic.

So. Any of your gothic/cosmic horror backstories. You were kidnapped and subjected to a horrific ritual. You were created in a horrific ritual (hi Warforged!). You suffered a severe, inexplicable illness as a child, and remained pale, half-dead, and possessed of strange powers for the rest of your life (I love the shadow sorcerer quirks list). An insane ancestor entered the Negative Plane and your line was almost annihilated by the resulting Nightwalker, but you somehow survived. Your parent was an extremely powerful magic user studying the Shadowfell, and you only realised much later on in your life that your childhood ‘imaginary friends’ were actually Sorrowsworn (Lost and Lonely?) that haunted your ancestral home and that your parent was somehow keeping from killing you. You tried to steal from a powerful, vindictive wizard, who flung you into the Shadowfell for your temerity, and you don’t fully remember how you survived. You slept in a barrow as a dare when you were younger, and an allip whispered secrets to you that lead you to dream of a dark realm, dreams that seemed to gradually change you as you ‘recovered’ …

This entire subclass is just very much ‘go nuts on the horror tropes and have fun’. I love it dearly.

Aberrant Mind

A new one from Tasha’s, but the other Lovecraftian/horror themed sorcerer subclass now. Which is perfectly fine, because I can always roll with more Lovecraftian horror! If shadow magic was themed strongly towards undead, Aberrant Mind seems strongly themed towards aberrations. Body horror and psychic powers! Boo yeah!

I do like the suggested origins. Particularly the parasitic twin and the imaginary friend ones. I think there’s a lot of fun to be had with those. Aberrant mind does feel more … on the science fiction end of horror, more than the fantasy? There’s a different flavour compared to shadow magic. We’re talking alien abduction and Carrie-esque childhood trauma here. Particularly when you get to the higher level actual physical transformation elements. Bit of Akira in there, bit of Innsmouth. So.

I’m liking characters who are a bit ‘aberrant’ on their own merits, even before their powers kick in as well. The outcasts from the get-go. The albino half-orc abandoned by the tribe as a child and befriended/kept safe by their possibly-imaginary flumph friend. The fallen aasimar whose blessings allowed them to survive where their stillborn twin did not, but who still feels the touch of a ghostly hand in theirs (I’m not sure how well it fully gels, but I feel like an Atropal is a very interesting concept to lay alongside this – stillborn gods and blessed, aberrant champions – celestial guides and the whisperings of parasitic twins … not sure how well it fits, but there’s a lot of crunchy concepts there)

Also, there’s your chance to have some fun with the Underdark races. Duergar, Deep Gnomes and Drow. Or sea races, when we have fun with Aboleths. Or non-sea races who still had a bit of fun with Aboleths, if we want to fully embrace the Innsmouth vibes and have normal land-based elves/humans/halflings who come over all Deep-One in the end. You come from a quaint little village on the coast, where the coming-of-age ceremony involved something of an opening of the mind. Nothing to worry about, everyone does it where you come from. Yes indeed! Heh.

And then, to bring us back to the less-horrifying end of sorcerers, and to revisit my childhood in a big way, we have:

Wild Magic

Schmendrick the Magician! Sorry, I grew up on The Last Unicorn, you’ll have to forgive me this. (Is Schmendrick actually part of the inspiration here, I’m wondering?)

But honestly, wild magic really lends itself to down-on-their-luck characters, running ahead of their own chaos, or striving to learn to control their powers. Or, on the flipside, incredibly laissez-faire types who decided to just roll with and eventually enjoy or perpetuate a little chaos. So. Tricksters, shysters and earnest young things trying to do their best.

So. You could do a straight Schmendrick. A down-on-their-luck kid who really, really wants to be a real wizard, a great magician, but their magic just will not cooperate. It has a mind of its own, and their struggle is learning to either minimise or lean into the chaos and power of it. (I like a background as a tailor/seamstress for this, partly because of animated Schmendrick’s memorable patchwork robes, but also as a little practical detail in that, if you can’t trust your magical mending not to do a ‘Sorcerer’s Apprentice’ on it every damn time, you probably would learn to darn your socks the old fashioned way)

For a variation, you could do a bit of a snake-oil salesperson sort of deal. A down-on-their-luck sorcerer turned shyster/criminal to make ends meet. Wild magic works very well as a sort of bloodline curse, bad luck and chaos following a family. A woman of the Witchbottle clan pissed off an archfey way back when, and so every girl born to the line since has struggled with wild magic. So the clan tends to move around a lot, both individually and as a whole, and individual members of it tend to work around their inevitable getting run out of town for magical mishaps in their own ways. The clan has a lot of travelling entertainers, salespeople, criminals, etc, and tend to be very loyal to each other, even if they don’t see each other all that often (concentrations of wild magic in a single area tend to be bad for said area, so family gatherings are discouraged near civilisation).

And then there are your straight trickster characters. Ones with a more philosophical approach to chaos, a belief that you should be able to deal with the unexpected, and that maybe other people should be helped along in experiencing and dealing with it too. I like bards for tricksters, but wild magic sorcerers work very well too. Heh.

I know Wild Magic might not be the most functional of the subclasses, but it’s got a direct line to my childhood, and I feel like it’s still a really fun idea.

In summary? I like the squishy spindly magic people. They’re fun.

[crowdvscritic]

round up // MARCH + APRIL 21

March and April were a whirlwind of vaccines and awards shows! A full year after we starting staying at home, the end of this weird chapter in recent history seems like it might finally be coming to a close, and this pop culture awards season—typically a time full of fun and glamour—captured our moment weirdly well. (Emphasis on the weird.) This month’s recommendations is filled with more Critic Picks than usual, so without further delay, let’s dive right in...

March + April Crowd-Pleasers

Double Feature — 2018 Action Thrillers: Bad Times at the El Royale + Den of Thieves

In Bad Times at the El Royale (Crowd: 9/10, // Critic: 8/10), Jeff Bridges, Cynthia Erivo, Jon Hamm, Chris Hemsworth, and Dakota Johnson are staying at a motel on the California-Nevada state line full of money, murder, and mystery. In Den of Thieves (Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 6.5/10), Gerard Butler takes on some of the best bank robbers in the world. Whether you like your action with a dose of mystery or the thrills of plot twists, these will fit the bill.

Double Feature — ‘80s Comedies: Caddyshack (1980) + Splash (1984)

In the mood for pure silliness? Take your pick between a mermaid and a gopher! Five years before The Little Mermaid, Tom Hanks fell for Daryl Hannah’s blonde hair and scaly tail, and John Candy was his goofy brother in Splash (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 7/10). And four years before Ghostbusters, Bill Murray was the goof on a golf course full of funny people like Chevy Chase, Rodney Dangerfield, and Ted Knight in Caddyshack (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 6.5/10).

Double Feature — 1980s Coming-of-Age Films Starring Corey Feldman, Kiefer Sutherland, and Challenging Brother Relationships That Influenced Stranger Things: Stand by Me (1986) + The Lost Boys (1987)

Believe it or not, I had no idea these two ‘80s classics had so much in common when I chose to watch them back-to-back. In Rob Reiner’s adaptation of Stephen King’s Stand by Me (Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 9/10), four kids (Feldman, Jerry O’Connell, River Phoenix, and Wil Wheaton) are following train tracks to find a missing body. In The Lost Boys (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 7/10), Corey Haim and Jason Patric move to a small California town and discover it’s full of ‘80s movie star cameos and…vampires? One is a thoughtful coming-of-age story and one is just bonkers, but both are a great time.

Spaceman by Nick Jonas (2021)

My love for the Jonas Brothers is well-documented, so instead of going down the rabbit hole I started digging at 15, I’ll talk about how Nick Jonas’s latest solo album will likely appeal to a wider audience than just the fans of the brothers’ bombastic pop records. It’s full of catchy tunes you’ll play on repeat and an R&B-influenced album experience about the loneliness we’ve experienced in the last year and how we try to make long-term relationships work.

Ted Lasso (2020- )

I love stories about nice people crushing cruelty and cynicism with relentless kindness, and Ted Lasso (Jason Sudeikis) is the warmest, most dedicated leader this side of Leslie Knope. Be sure to catch up on these witty and sweet 10 episodes before season 2 drops later this summer.

Double Feature — Tony Scott Action Flicks: Enemy of the State (1998) + The Taking of Pelham 123 (2009)

Tony Scott’s movies have got explosions and excitement in spades. I love a good man-on-the-run movie, and in Enemy of the State (Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 8/10), Will Smith is running through the streets of D.C. after getting evidence of a politician’s (Jon Voight) part in a murder. I also love a tense story set in a confined space, which is what Denzel Washington is dealing with in The Taking of Pelham 123 (Crowd: 9.5/10 // Critic: 7/10) after a hammy John Travolta takes a New York subway train hostage.

Double Feature — Baseball Movies: The Natural (1984) + Trouble With the Curve (2012)

Sue me—I love baseball movies. Robert Redford plays a fictional all-time great in the early days of the MLB in The Natural (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 9/10), and Clint Eastwood plays a fictional all-time great scout in his late career in Trouble With the Curve (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 7.5/10). If you love baseball or actors like Amy Adams, Glenn Close, Robert Duvall, and Justin Timberlake, these movies are just right here waiting for you.

Nate Bargatze: The Greatest Average American (2021)

Sue me—I enjoy Netflix standup comedy specials that are safe enough to watch with your whole family. That’s exactly the crowd I laughed with over Easter weekend, and while the trailer captures Bargatze’s relaxed vibe, it doesn’t capture how funny he really is.

The Mighty Ducks (1992)

I thought somewhere in my childhood I’d seen at least one of The Mighty Ducks movies, but after watching all three, I think my memories must’ve come from previews on the VHS tapes for other Disney movies I watched over and over again. The original still holds up as an grown-ups, which is why even my parents got sucked in to this family movie while just passing through the living room. Bonus for ‘80s movies lovers: Emilio Estevez is basically continuing Andrew Clark’s story from The Breakfast Club as an adult. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 6.5/10

Double Feature — New, Dumb Action on Streaming: Godzilla vs. Kong + Thunder Force (2021)

If you want something intelligent, go ahead and skip to the next recommendation, but if you’re looking for something stupid fun, these are ready for you on HBO Max and Netflix. Thunder Force (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 6/10) follows Melissa McCarthy and Octavia Spencer as they train to become superheroes who take on superhuman sociopaths wreaking havoc on Chicago, and alongside Jason Bateman, they do it with a lot of laughs. Godzilla vs. Kong (Crowd: 9.5/10 // Critic: 5/10) is, um, exactly what it sounds like, so I’ll skip a plot summary and just say it’s exactly what you want from this kind of movie. #TeamKong

3:10 to Yuma (2007)

All you need to know is Russell Crowe is an outlaw, and Christian Bale is the guy who’s got to get him on the train to prison. I also watched the 1957 version, which is also a solid watch if you love classic Westerns. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 8/10

Falcon and the Winter Soldier (2021)

Marvel’s newest series isn’t nearly as inventive as WandaVision, and it may not land every beat, but it’s worth a watch for the fun new gadgets, Sebastian Stan’s dry joke delivery, and its exploration into themes of what makes a hero and what governments owe their citizens. It’s a pretty satisfying entry in the MCU canon, but I’d also recommend re-watching Captain America: Winter Soldier and Civil War—the canon is getting expansive, and it’s getting trickier every year to keep up with all the backstory.

March + April Critic Picks

Best of 2020 Picks

As per usual, the months leading up to the Oscars becomes a binge period for potential Oscar nominees. In March and April, I watched many of the films that made my Top 20 of 2020, including Boys State, The Father, Judas and the Black Messiah, Let Them All Talk, Minari, Nomadland, On the Rocks, One Night in Miami…, Promising Young Woman, Soul, and Sound of Metal. You can read how I ranked them on my list for ZekeFilm, plus reviews of The Father, Minari, Promising Young Woman, and Soul.

Bonus: If you loved On the Rocks, don’t miss this feature and beautiful photography starring Sofia Coppola, Kirsten Dunst, Elle Fanning, and Rashida Jones for W Magazine. 

Stranger Than Fiction (2006)

What would you do if you started hearing a voice who narrated your every thought and move? If you’re Will Ferrell, you’ll seek out a literary professor (Dustin Hoffman), fall in love (with Maggie Gyllenhaal), and track down the voice (Emma Thompson) who’s making ominous predictions about your future. Stranger Than Fiction is funny thought-provoking, and an unusual but welcome role for Ferrell. Crowd: 9.5/10 // Critic: 9/10

All the Royal Family News

Speaking of stranger than fiction, it’s been a busy few months for the Royal Family. We’ve celebrated 95th birthday of Queen Elizabeth, the 3rd birthday of Prince Louis, and the 10th anniversary of Will and Kate’s marriage. We also lost Prince Philip, and we watched the drama of Harry and Meaghan’s interview with Oprah. No matter what happens to their Crown, I don’t think we’ll ever get over our fascination with the Windsor family. A few pieces worth reading from the last few months:

“In Meghan and Harry’s Interview, Two TV Worlds Collided,” Vulture.com

“The Queen’s Man: Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, Dies,” TIME.com

“Obituary: HRH The Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh,” BBC.com

Goodfellas (1990)

One of my film opinions that makes me feel like a phony is that Martin Scorsese just isn’t my cup of tea. He’s brilliant, but his films tend to be long and dark, two qualities that are never my first choice…and somehow Goodfellas still worked for me? Maybe it was the TV edit graciously toning down the violence or maybe it was that Ray Liotta and Joe Pesci were firing on all cylinders, but for some reason this ‘90s classic didn’t suck the joy out of my evening like Scorsese often does. (Bonus: For a Martin Scorsese/Robert De Niro I don’t really recommend, head to the last section of this Round Up.)

Fearless (Taylor’s Version) (2021)

Her voice has only matured, so Taylor Swift revisiting her old albums is like upgrading a blast to the past. Plus, the six new tracks make me feel like 15 crushing on that boy in Spanish class again, and her Grammys performance (just before her third Album of the Year win) was magical and folklore-tastic.

Double Feature — ‘60s Action Classics: The Guns of Navarone (1961) + Planet of the Apes (1968)

The Guns of Navarone (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 8.5/10) follows Gregory Peck and David Niven as they destroy Nazi weapons in the Mediterranean. Planet of the Apes (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 8.5/10) follows Charlton Heston as he attempts to escape from, well, a planet full of apes. The pacing of ‘60s films doesn’t always hold up, but that’s not the case with this pair. Both are still full of suspense, and you can’t go wrong hanging with casts like these.

Let Him Go (2020)

Kevin Costner and Diane Lane play a farming couple who unexpectedly help raise a boy who lost his biological father—sound familiar? But instead of a superhero origin story, they’re part of a thrilling Western with performances nuanced (Costner and Lane) and showy (Lesley Manville). If I’d watched this before completing my Best of 2020 piece, it likely would’ve been on my list. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 8.5/10

The Oscars

I’m a ride-or-die fan of the Academy Awards, but I’ll admit even I found this year’s ceremony odd. Instead of focusing on what wasn’t so hot, I’ll recommend a few moments you don’t want to miss:

Emerald Fennell giving a shout-out to Saved by the Bell

Daniel Kaluuya acknowledging his parents’ sex life during his acceptance speech (??)

Yuh-Jung Yoon flirting with Brad Pitt and acknowledging she’s just “luckier” than her fellow nominees

Glenn Close dancing to…”Da Butt”?

You can also read about the historic wins and nominations from this year’s Oscar class and why the Golden Globes were an even stranger production weeks earlier.

Trailer-palooza!

Movies are on their way back, y’all! I’m counting down the days until I can get back to a theatre, and even if some of these movies are duds, I’m planning to see all of them on a big screen if possible:

Those Who Wish Me Dead (May 14)

Cruella (May 28)

In the Heights (June 11)

Space Jam 2 (July 16)

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings (September 3)

West Side Story (December 10)

Also in March + April…

To add to the Oscars love, you can listen to a conversation about what we learn about family, community, and society in some of the year’s biggest nominees on the Uncommon Voices podcast. I join regular hosts Michael and Kenneth in this episode, and I recommend all of their thoughtful discussions on their “What’s Streaming” episodes.

I’ve previously recommended the Do You Like Apples weekly newsletter, so I’m proud to share I contributed twice in March! I wrote about Love and Basketball, directed by Gina Prince-Bythewood, and one of my all-time favorite Julia Roberts rom-coms, Notting Hill. (I also tied to win their Oscars pool, but I suppose that’s less exciting for you than me.)

It was a busy couple of months on SO IT’S A SHOW! New logo, new email list, new Instagram, and a host of new episodes about a flop of a Madonna flick, a Swedish children’s TV show, an urban legend turned into a horror movie, one of the best films about journalism ever, and a Martin Scorsese movie about a real boxer.

Most of what I wrote for ZekeFilm in March and April was mentioned in Best of 2020 recommendations…except for The Nest, a film that couldn’t figure out what genre it wanted to be.

Photo credits: Nick Jonas, Royal Family. All others IMDb.com.

[popculturebuffet]

Animaniacs: King Yakko Review (Comission by BlahDiddy)

Hello my beautiful technicolor rainbow! It’s time for Animaniacs, and while there is no balonga in my slacks there is one last christmas review for my friend to finish up, and after two visits to Acme Lab for the spinoff we’re finishing up with a look at Animaniacs proper.  Suprisingly for a show that stands so easily on it’s own it’s existance is entirely thanks to another show: Tiny Toon Adventures, which had largely the same staff, including ep and co-creator stephen speilberg and Todd Ruegger, who was brought aboard from A Pup Named Scooby Doo. Since TIny Toon was a colossal hit with tons of awards and merch, including some very good video games I wish Warner would find a way to re-release, I mean.. come on if disney can rerelease the disney afternoon games (If...not..for..switch), and LIon King and Aladdin games (If somehow FOR switch), then Warner, which has it’s own game stuido no less, can put together a collection of the good Tiny Toons games when the new show comes out soon. 

Point is it was a mass sucess and Warner Bros likes money, so they had Speilberg try to get Rutger to come up with another show for the two of them to do, something with name value. Rutger found his inpsiration when seeing the iconic warner water tower and taking some platypus characters, came up with our heroes and the rest is history.. well okay he retooled them from plataups’ to early looney tunes and other toons style characters minus the racisim of say bosko the tall ink kid but still, the rest after that is history. And the rest of this review is after the cut

The show was, and KINDA still is, a variety show: taking a page from looney tunes, as well as tex avery’s other work, the crew decided rather than just focus on the warners, to instead create a whole cast with various ensembles to work with so we got Pinky and the Brain, The Goodfeathers, Rita and Runt,  the Hip HIppos, Katie Kaboom, Chicken Boo, and my personal faviorite Slappy Squirrel.. and the bane of my existance, Buttons and Mindy.. or rather Mindy’s Mom. The kid did nothing wrong.  So naturally the first thing Animaniacs related I cover.. is an episode entirely breaking from format for one 20 something minute Warners cartoon. I do intend to do more animanics stuff in the future, so i’ll hopefully get a chance to talk about everyone, I just feel unlike with say house of mouse most people reading this probably know who they all are, and I can save any deep dives for if I cover the characters specifically. Spoilers: there’s probably never going to be a buttons and mindy deep dive unless someone tourtues me by paying for it. 

So with that out of the way, we can dive into the episode.. which I won’t be covering in my usual recap it point by point because the writers have freely admitted that’s not what Animaniacs is about. While some of i’ts SEGMENTS are more story based like Pinky and the Brain, Goodfeathers and Rita and Runt, most are just based on simple set ups to reams and reams of gags. And I love it. I grew up with this stuff not just Tiny Tunes and Animaniacs but the classic Looney Tunes, Tom and Jerry and Droopy shorts. 

Their well timed, well executed feats of comedy and most have aged pretty well.. emphasis on MOST. I’m keenly aware why there are several gaps in the shorts for both Tom and Jerry and The Looney Tunes on HBO Max, including all of the Pepe LePew and Speedy Gonzalez shorts. Also all of Droopy is missing. 

My grumblin aside though, it is VERY NICE to have all the classic Warner and Tom and Jerry shorts at my fingertips and it was one of the biggest selling points of Max for me. Last year I gained an intrest in the old disney theatrical shorts, hence my various birthday specials, so I BADLY wanted to revisit the theatrical shorts I grew up with. And honestly.. Max is the best way to do that: their in crisp hd, in neat season collections (Though the Looney Tunes one is better sorted, tom and jerry’s seasons are just.. random smatterings of shorts across various eras), and most importantly EVERY SHORT they felt comfortable with putting up there is on there. Every. Single. One.  I make a big deal about this because Disney.. has only maybe 30-40 of their hundreds of shorts on there. Now lucky for me the vast majority are still on youtube and I get why some really arne’t suitable.. we probably don’t need the donald duck short where he prepares to shoot a penguin in the face or the Goofy short where his own reflection, the goofy equilvent of tyler durden I guess?, keeps saying “Hey Fat” to him. And yes BOTH of these actually happened. But.. there’s MANY shorts with no clear excuse why their absent like the triplets first apperance, gus’ only apperance, and one a friend told me about.. that time mickey built a robot to box a gorillia. Again not making this up, just wondering why you can’t restore the rest of these for plus. They’ve ADDED shorts ocasionally, but it still dosen’t make a whole lot of sense to just.. not have them all up there. and to not put them in some sorta collection for easier consumption but hey it’s Disney. They either full ass things or half ass it. There is no middle ground.  Point is Warner.. actually cares about their heritage in shorts and honors it and thus has everything avaliable in the best quality, so tha’ts nice.

My point after that detour is I really love this kind of humor, and now as an adult I can see the effort the timing, pacing and character chemistry these shorts had takes. And Rugger and co.. they got it. They got it down perfect. And this episode is a great show of that and just how they barely updated this format for the 90′s. But as I said it’s more about the jokes and basic setup, our heroes are slotted into x scenario and just left to run wild. It’s been the basic seutp for looney tunes, tom and jerry and all the gag based greats, and it works perfectly here. Sure there’s some setting and continuity with the warner lot, scratch n sniff, ralph, plotz and in the reboot Rita, but it’s mostly just our heroes go up against “X asshole” and it just works. 

And that’s.. entirley what this episode is. The short is an homage to the graucho marx film Duck Soup, which given the warners were based on the marx brothers that isn’t a huge suprise, a film like brian’s song I have not seen, but genuinely want to. The basic setup is the same: An underqualified womanizer, though since htis is Yakko it dosen’t get past hitting on his chancelor, played by hello nurse, constantly, which is still.. ewwwww... but clearly not the same thing, becomes king of a small nation and ends up at war with another country. There were spies and other stuff in the original short but that was left out to streamline things.  But this homage stands on it’s own fine: The basic plot is this: Yakko, due to being a distant relative and the last one alive, becomes king of the small happy and very musical, as the wonderful opening number shows, country of Anvilania, which makes anvils and why yes there is one MASSIVE anvil gag as a result at the end. Yakko says he’ll try his best and geninely tries to with the shenanigans you’d expect, including Dot not gettnig Polka Dot’s are a thing and instead taknig any mention of it as a sign to polka, Yakko again hitting on his colleague and wanting ot get a new anthem because the current one by “Perry Coma’ puts people to sleep. Honeslty that gag didn’t do it for me: Partly because I genuinely know next to nothing about Como and he’s far past my generation.. and because despite this, SCTV did a MUCH better Perry Como gag over a decade before this episode that while still left me baffled as to why anyone cared about mocking him, was 80 times funnier and felt far less like you needed to know who he was to be funny. 

That being said it’s one of only three running gags, and jokes period that didn’t land for me. The other ones being the hello nurse bits, because it’s aged really badly to have Yakko harass one of his employees and his age is hte only thing that keeps it from scuttling the episode as he’s just 13 or 14. Maybe 15. 

So SO glad I now have that on hand whenever i need it. The other being the “Your highness” joke as it just.. dosen’t make much sense and isn’t very funny. But that’s it: a refrence i specfically don’t get and I doubt most of you will, and if you do fine we all have our frames of refrences, a joke that’s dated very poorly, and one that just.. didn’t land. And even then the Perry Coma thing’s third use to knock out the opposing army DID work for me as did the VERY clever joke of “Sire” “Maybe later”, so even the weaker bits still had some legs.  But getting back to what little plot there is the king of the rival country, upon hearing this, assumes he can easily intimidate a child into giving him the throne and goes to a royal reception. Instead, as you’d expect, the Warners mistake him for a party clown, show him no respect and fail to take his delcration of war seriously, and while in a REALLY great gag, and the reason i’m not doing a strict summary is 90% of the review would be me saying something to that effect, Yakkos’ call to action for his troops ends up having them all run off in fear, the Warners take out the army as noted above and then in one of the most GLORIOUS climaxes in the series history...

 In which the Warners give the bad guy “all the anvils” as he requested. I sadly coulnd’t find a clip of it but seek it out if you got hulu, my words can’t do it justice as they hit him with anvil after anvil in increasingly clever and insane ways till the guy finally gives up and it .. is glorious.  Other highlights not already mentioned include: The opening song, the bad guy dictator from the other nation not being able to hear because of his helmet and his attendee having to lift it, leading to Yakko taking off his helmet just to end the “what’ running gag, Yakko’s bit explaning his distant relation and more.  So yeah not a ton to say on this one. It’s a very good, very funny episode but also very typical of a warner cartoon in structure, just stretched over 22 or so minutes. As I said with few exceptions the jokes work, the anmation is crisp as always, and the climax is one of the series best. A crisp, quick watch and a nice quick review after a week of with some really tough ones behind me and ahead of me and a month of rather large ones a few weeks out. So yeah if you like animaniacs, even ifyou’ve seen this one worth a watch, if you have any more animaniacs you’d like me to take a look at feel free to comment or comission and until the next rainbow..

[ripley95]

Echoes of Old Embers

Chapter 9

Pairing: F!Shepard/Kaidan Alenko

Rating: T

Chapter length: 3.8K

Story Synopsis:

After surviving the war, one of Shepard’s biggest regrets was rejecting Kaidan at Apollo’s. Fate has a way of bringing Jane and Kaidan back into each other’s lives. A misunderstanding with his family makes Kaidan and Shepard relive old history and question where they stand.

Link to Chapter 1 on AO3

Chapter Synopsis:

Kaidan and Shepard have a serious conversation that puts an emphasis on her regrets of going to the orchard.

Read to Chapter 9 on AO3

Tumblr Links:

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14

Read the chapter here below the cut:

Shepard made her way down the stairs after her conversation with Libby. Kaidan was probably awake by now, so she figured it was as good a time as any to seek him out. As she made her way down to the foyer, she noticed some new arrivals.

"Oh, there she is," Raiya said, after hearing Shepard on the steps.

Maisie was standing behind her sister, holding a young child, presumably Austin, Raiya's son. Maisie was practically bouncing with energy and a big grin on her face. Shepard knew that her excitement was only in part for seeing her nephew again after so long. She figured it was mostly for getting to see if the fruits of her labour were effective in deceiving her brother-in-law. Shepard wasn't quite as concerned about it anymore, knowing that Libby wasn't mad at her. Still, she was interested in knowing if she could pull off being someone else all the same.

Shepard made her way to the bottom of the steps with a smile. She noticed Kaidan off to the side, leaning against the entryway to the living room. As soon as he saw her, he had a big, dumb grin on his face, clearly trying to contain any outward reaction to her new look. At least he seemed to catch on to what they were doing and didn't say anything to give away her real identity.

"Jane, this is Matt," Raiya said, drawing Shepard's attention back to them. "And that's my son, Austin."

"Hi, Austin," she said with a wave and a smile. He shyly clung to his aunt for protection. She then turned to Raiya's husband, who was distractedly struggling with all of his bags and trying to set them down, "and it's nice to finally meet you, Matt."

"Sorry, Jane, was it? We knew Kaidan was bringing someone, but I never got a name," he said, as he extended his hand as a welcoming gesture.

"Yup, that's it," Shepard said with a smile, shaking his hand.

Maisie snorted from behind them, Raiya giving her a glare that promised death if she were to give away what was going on. Matt looked at them with only slight confusion, seeming as though that was a pretty standard occurrence between the two of them.

Matt had to laugh at Shepard, shaking his head. "Well, good. Correct me if I get it wrong. I can be bad with names. It's nice to meet you too.”

Shepard offered him a warm smile in acknowledgement.

"Anyway, we should probably go put your bags away. I think Kaidan and Jane were just about to be sitting down to breakfast," Raiya said.

"Ah. Message received loud and clear," Matt said with a chuckle. "Didn't mean to be interrupting anything. I look forward to getting to know you better, Jane."

"Thanks, the feeling is mutual," she still smiled back at him kindly.

Matt nodded at her as he and Raiya went upstairs. Maisie followed after them, Austin still in her arms.

"So, did Jane look familiar at all?" Shepard could hear Maisie ask, apparently barely able to contain herself as they reached the top of the stairs.

Kaidan walked over to where Shepard was standing, and they continued to listen to the muffled conversation.

"Now that you mention it, she does look a little familiar. Why? Please don't tell me I already knew her and just made a fool of myself?"

"Oh, you know her, all right. That was Commander Shepard," Maisie said with excitement.

"Haha, very funny," Matt said, thinking it was a joke. There was a moment of silence before he finally spoke again, this time, the tone of his voice more serious. "She's joking, right?"

"No, she's not. That really was Commander Shepard," Raiya confirmed.

There was another moment of silence. Shepard could almost picture the mortification that was likely on Matt's face right now.

"You can't be serious. And you let me act like that in front of her? She's going to think I'm an idiot! I have to go apologise."

"For what? Not knowing who she was? Relax, she's cool." Maisie said with a laugh, clearly finding entertainment in Matt's torment.

"Should I say something?" Shepard asked Kaidan.

He had a big grin on his face, finding entertainment in the situation. "After what you guys put him through, I think he deserves to be put out of his misery."

She agreed and yelled up the stairs. "It's okay Matt, you were perfectly charming," Shepard said, hoping that was enough to suffice.

"They could hear all of that?!" Matt said, sounding horrified.

"Seriously, Matt, it's fine," Kaidan reassured.

"If you say so," he responded, not sounding convinced in the least. "I don’t think I'll never be able to show my face around her ever again," he said more quietly. He was trying to avoid their conversation from being overheard more, but it wasn't sufficient.

Shepard decided that was enough eavesdropping for her tastes, and turned to Kaidan with a grimace, feeling bad.

"I should probably go apologise to him later. I didn't mean to be pulling one over on him," she said.

"Oh, so this wasn't meant to be a practical joke?" Kaidan asked with a shit-eating grin on his face, clearly eyeing her new hair.

"On someone I don't even know? Definitely not," she said, at least happy that Kaidan was taking a playful tone on the matter, and was making her feel better about it.

"So what's this all about then? Did coming to meet my family put you into some kind of quarter-life crisis or something? I know they can be a lot, but this is a bit over the top," he said, his smirk wider than ever.

Taking him up on his playful attitude towards it, she leaned her hip out dramatically, running her hand over her hair before flaunting it. "What, you don't like it?"

"I didn't say that." Kaidan's smile became more subdued, the playfulness leaving his eyes. "You look good," he said, looking at her seriously.

Shepard was dumbfounded by the sudden change in tone and caught off guard by the admission. She didn't know what to say, or how to take it. She figured it didn’t really matter. She was trying to avoid romantic feelings. That hadn’t changed. Who knows, maybe he was just being nice. She steeled herself, making sure to temper her response. The best she could come up with was a "Thanks.” and a half-assed smile. “So, uh, did I hear something about breakfast?" she asked, avoiding eye contact.

"Uh, yeah," he said, pointing towards the coffee table and sofa in the living room. "Mom and I cooked. I grabbed us some plates."

"Great! I'm starving," she said, making way for the couch, not wanting to linger on their awkwardness.

She sat down in front of the smaller plate, the other one obviously being Kaidan's helping with a much healthier size for someone with the caloric requirements of a biotic. It looked amazing. It was a full cooked breakfast with eggs, bacon and toast all arranged nicely, with a cup of coffee on the side. He likely didn't know that Shepard already had a cup earlier. She wouldn't complain, though, especially after the lack of sleep for the majority of the previous night. It all felt luxurious compared to the colourless oatmeal that the hospital usually served her thanks to their low rations on just about everything else. She waited for Kaidan to sit next to her before she started eating. She grabbed a strip of bacon and let out an audible sigh as she slumped back into the couch.

"Damn, Kaidan, your family sure knows how to cook."

"The bacon was all me. I told you I was good at it."

"Hmm, well, I suppose you didn't have any garlic to burn this time," she said teasingly.

"Hey, now, that was a good steak."

She let out another sigh at the memory, "Yeah, it really was," she smiled at him, lost in the nostalgia of it. "That was a good day," she said. One of the only good days throughout the war, in no small part, thanks to him. She wouldn't ever want to go back to that time for so many reasons, but she missed the camaraderie they shared while they were still on the Normandy together. In a lot of ways, this felt like that. Except, now it was filled with a lot of awkwardness and regret.

He leaned back into the couch, too, his own strip of bacon in hand. "It was, wasn't it?" he said with a smile that Shepard matched before the conversation dulled into them both enjoying their breakfast. Neither of them particularly wanted to revisit memories of the war. After a few bites, Shepard turned to Kaidan, noticing that he had been staring at her.

"What?" she asked, noticing his look of amusement returning.

"So, I have to assume that this is why you disappeared this morning," he said, finally pointing to her hair again.

Shepard laughed, realising that she still hadn't given him an explanation. "Ah, right. Yeah. Kidnapped by your sisters, I'm afraid. I only just managed to make an escape for it right before coming down here."

"That explains a lot. So what happened? Did Maisie force you to do it? I can have a talk with her if she's bothering you. I mean… more than she's already been causing trouble."

"Oh, no. No need for that. Aside from the whole misunderstanding, your family's been great. Really. I actually did this for Libby. With Raiya and Maisie's help, of course."

"Ah, okay," he said, finally putting all of the pieces together. "That makes a lot more sense now. Has she seen it yet?"

"She has," Shepard nodded.

"And how did that go?"

"Surprisingly well, actually. She's just having a bit of a rough time, but I think things have been successfully smoothed over between us."

"Good," he said, sitting back on the couch and relaxing a bit more. "That's good."

Another moment of silence passed between them.

"Everything okay?" she asked.

"I didn't say it before, but after I saw her reaction yesterday, I felt like a bit of an idiot. I think she's always felt a little left out of this family. She and I are both the middle children. That usually means we'd be the ones getting the least attention. Because of my biotics and everything that went on at Jump Zero, I got a lot of special treatment from the family. I think that resulted in her feeling completely left out most of the time when we were growing up. This wedding was supposed to be about her, and now I've gone and taken that too."

Shepard nodded at that in quiet contemplation. She could understand the predicament. Maybe it wasn't all fun and games growing up with a lot of siblings after all. "If it's any consolation, when I talked to her, it didn’t sound like she was upset with you. Maybe she wouldn't have told me, though, since everyone has gotten the impression that we're dating," she said with a weird emphasis on the word. She noticed a weird expression on Kaidan’s face that she couldn't quite read. She figured the assumptions were just getting to him too. "But anyway, she seems like she's putting a lot of stress on herself over everything. She misses your dad. I wouldn't be surprised if she's feeling a little alone right now, but I don't think her outburst was really about you taking her day away from her."

"Well, that's good to know, but I think I should go talk to her later all the same."

"I think she'd like that," Shepard said honestly. Libby did seem like she could use some more emotional support than she'd been getting through all of this. Maybe it would give them both a chance to talk about their dad more.

Kaidan glanced at her. It looked like he was unsure of what to say. He let out a sigh. "Can I admit something?"

Shepard looked at him, confused as her heart began to flutter. "Always."

"I'm really glad you came, even with this whole mess. When I saw you in Vancouver and heard you needed a place to stay, I was almost glad for it. I think our talk in the cabin yesterday made me realise why."

Shepard perked her head up slightly to show that she was listening intently.

"Did I tell you that this is only the second time I've seen them all since I got back to Earth?"

"No, I don't think you ever mentioned that."

"I still remember the day I got here, and it wasn't a happy one, at least, not for me."

Shepard looked at him curiously.

"Don't get me wrong, I loved seeing my family. I missed them. It was a relief knowing that they were okay, and of course, they were happy to see me. Things weren't so simple on my end, though. To them, me coming home was like an answer to their prayers. I had been MIA, so knowing that I was safe was something to celebrate. But to me, coming back to Earth was just confirmation that my dad was really gone. For them, their whole focus was me providing them with something to celebrate and be happy about. It was like I was filling a void. I couldn’t take that away from them. But the whole time I was here, it just felt like something was missing. It felt wrong. I forced my happiness for their sake, but I'll admit there was a part of me that was dreading coming back here. I guess I just liked the idea that I'd have someone else to focus on. Have a distraction so I could be that for them again when this is supposed to be a happy occasion."

Shepard paused with the severity of the statement. She could understand wanting something to make those feelings easier. She could see herself serving as a good distraction for that, though she was sad about the circumstances of why he needed one. Of course she'd be that for him, though. It was even enough to make her feel a little less regret for coming out here, knowing that her presence might make things easier on him.

"Well, you've served as a good distraction in my moment of need. Least I can do is offer you the same," she said with a halfhearted grin, hoping that it was a casual enough statement. If circumstances had been different, she'd say something like she'd always be that for him whenever he needed it, but she knew she couldn't be promising things like that anymore.

Kaidan's eyes softened at the gesture. "I'm glad I could have been that for you. But still, I'm sorry things have turned into such a mess here. I never meant for things to get so out of hand. I just hope you don't regret coming."

It was like he was reading her mind or something. Maybe she wasn't as good at hiding it as she thought she was. Of course she regretted it, just not in the way he thought. The more misunderstandings happened, the more she wished they were real. She wished that they had woken up in the cabin with smiles on their faces and light kisses as they cuddled more deeply without a care in the world, instead of quickly and embarrassingly separating themselves. She wished that she could have gone through his family photos with him at her side, hearing every one of his stories associated with them. She wished that she could hug him now while he was struggling to come to terms with losing his father. She wanted her admission to Raiya to mean something, and her efforts to appease Libby to be the first of many bonding moments. As much as she hated to admit it, she wished Maisie would get to flaunt the fact that she was right about her and Kaidan's relationship this whole time.

"Don't worry. I don't regret it," she said, practically lying straight to his face.

"Well, good. I'm glad. I'd hate for you to feel unwelcome here."

Shepard nodded at the irony of it, as she huffed out a laugh. "I think if anything, I'm probably a little too welcome."

"Right," Kaidan said with a sigh. "I'll have to figure out how to deal with everyone eventually. I'm not really sure how to get them to see reason on this one."

"That might be difficult, especially after this morning," Shepard admitted, though, she already regretted it, not knowing how to explain this one without saying too much.

"What happened this morning?"

"Oh, uh, nothing new,” Shepard amended quickly, trying to think of something. “Raiya and I just had a long discussion. Maisie had already gotten to her.”

"Ah, well, I guess I should have expected that," he said to Shepard's relief, glad that he didn’t prod more. "I don't know if it would do any good at this point, but I can call a family meeting to let everyone know we're really not together if it would make you feel better."

The thought of that gave Shepard an internal sense of panic. "I appreciate the thought, but if it's all the same to you, it might be best to leave the lectures about that until after we leave. Libby's already had enough stress with everything, and this week really should be about her. We should probably try not to add more drama than there already is," she said. She really didn't want to burden Libby with more drama, but a big part of her was worried about the ramifications from Raiya now too. She had confided in her, and telling her that there was no relationship after admitting that she loved Kaidan felt like it would be a betrayal of her trust that she was gracious to give in the first place. Shepard figured that would have the potential to add a considerable amount of drama. This was meant to be an important time for their family and she wasn't about to ruin it or make things worse for Libby. She could deal with the fallout later, after the Alenkos had all enjoyed this time together.

Kaidan looked at her more seriously after that. "Okay. If that's really how you want to deal with it, I'm fine with that. I just don't want you to feel uncomfortable while you're here."

"It's fine. I'd rather not make things any worse than they already are. If we act casually enough and just don't confirm anything, maybe they'll drop it."

Kaidan looked at her and nodded in confirmation, the air filled with silence.

"Oh, there you two are," they both heard from behind them. They sat up straight and practically whipped around, startled by the suddenness. Ada was standing at the bottom of the steps.

Kaidan and Shepard looked at each other a little shocked for not having heard her come down the stairs. They hadn't even considered that they were having this conversation so out in the open until now.

Ada staggered momentarily, as she caught sight of Shepard. "Well, you certainly look different. I hope my daughter didn't put you up to that," she said, referencing Shepard’s new hair.

"It's a long story, but don't worry about it. Nothing was done against my will," she said with a small laugh.

"I suppose I'll have to take your word for it. But anyway, there's still so much to be done before tomorrow. Would the two of you mind giving me some help?"

"Of course, mom," Kaidan said, already getting off the couch to help.

"Great. The lawn needs to be mowed, and there's a bunch of dead branches on the ground out there."

"Sure thing. But Jane's still recovering, so she should probably sit out."

"Oh, don't you worry about that. I already had plans to put her to work helping me out in the kitchen. That way, she can still take it easy."

"I don't know if you want to do that," Kaidan said with a laugh. "She's a spacer, military brat. She's used to eating rations or cafeteria food. I don't think she's cooked a day in her life."

Shepard gave him a disgruntled look as she also stood from the couch, meeting them in the foyer. "Hey! I can cook."

"Sandwiches aren't cooking," he said with a teasing grin.

"Is this supposed to be some kind of payback for saying that you burned the garlic or something?"

Kaidan gave her a defensive look. "No, nothing like that. Just want to give my mom a fair warning," he said with a smirk.

"Oh, hush. It's just food prep, Kaidan. I'm not going to make her cook anything. I'm sure she can peel some carrots," Ada said.

"That, I can do," Shepard said with a smile.

"See? Perfect," she said, giving them both a satisfied grin. "Now stop teasing her, and Jane, you can meet me in the kitchen when you're ready," she said, bustling her way over there.

"You think you'll be okay in there alone with her?" Kaidan asked.

Shepard let out a small chuckle. "I've been in plenty worse situations than food prep, Kaidan. I think I'll be fine. The carrots, on the other hand… well, we'll just have to see about that."

That brought a smile back to Kaidan's face. "I wasn't talking about the carrots, Shepard, but I think you know that. It can be intimidating to be around parents. Especially if she might have gotten the idea that we're together."

"Yeah," she said, still looking slightly amused with herself. "Well, I've already been stuck with each of your sisters at some point or another today. I'm sure I'll be fine with your mom, too."

"All right, if you're really sure."

"Something tells me there's no backing down from your mother," she said, as she went back to pick up her and Kaidan's dishes.

"There really isn't. She's a force to be reckoned with. But then again, so are you."

Shepard smiled at that. "That may be true, but it's one thing to be up against a reaper. It's another thing entirely being up against parents. I'm not so sure I could win in a fight against your mom."

"You're not instilling much confidence here, Jane. You sure you're going to be okay left alone with her?"

"It was a joke," Shepard said with a grin. "I'm sure she'll be fine."

"Okay," he finally agreed. "But if you need anything, don't hesitate to come out and flag me down."

"Thanks. I'll keep that in mind," she said as she finally walked off towards the kitchen. Kaidan's mother seemed to be the least prodding of the bunch somehow, so she really hoped it would be fine. All she had to do was keep her foot out of her mouth… Then again, maybe that was something to worry about after all.

[junichan]

Everything will be okay

A little self indulgent BMFM dabble I wrote to comfort myself after a really, really bad day. Fluff, Modo x OC

Modo knew something was wrong the moment he walked into the room. Roxanne's head was lowered, her shoulders slumped. She tried to give him a smile when she noticed him, but it faltered almost immediately and she turned away as if to try and hide her sad expression. His heart went out to her and he quickly followed, crossing the room to her in a moment.

"Bad day, darlin'?" Modo's large hands settled on her shoulders, kneading gently.

Roxanne didn't reply, instead she just nodded as if she didn't trust her own voice.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he offered.

Roxanne shook her head. "Not right now," her voice cracked a little.

That made Modo pause for a moment, uncertain if rubbing her shoulders was actually comforting her right then. "Do you want some alone time?" he asked gently.

She spun around, wrapping her arms around him and squeezing her body tight against his. "No," came out small and choked as she tried to hold back a sob. He could feel his fur getting damp from her tears as she pressed her cheek to his chest.

Modo instantly wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly. "That bad, huh?" he wondered aloud, "I'm sorry, darlin'." Roxanne didn't let go and he wasn't about to push her away. If she needed to be held, that was what he was going to do.

He wondered what had upset her. Roxanne normally didn't let stuff bother her so whatever it was must have been bad. Especially if she wasn't ready to talk about it. Before he met Roxy he might have pushed, insisting that any distraught lady friend of his tell his what the problem was so he could help fix it. But his girl had taught him that she didn't need someone to fix things for her; as much as he would have liked to.

Instead of prying, he laid his cheek against the top of her head and stroked her hair, murmuring reassuringly, "I got you, love."

Just then Throttle and Vinnie walked into the room with their usual clamor. Modo lifted his head, looking over his shoulder at them. The serious expression on his face alerted them right away.

"Something wrong, big guy?" Throttle asked.

"Roxy okay?" Vinnie added, noticing the woman's arms wrapped around Modo's back.

"Bad day," was all Modo had to say.

"Aw man," Vinnie seemed to deflate momentarily, concern filling his eyes, "Roxy-girl..."

Throttle grabbed Vinnie's shoulder and steered the younger mouse out of the room. "You just let us know if there's anything you need," he said. Perceptive as always he seemed to understand that Roxanne wasn't in the mood to talk.

After they'd gone Modo lifted Roxanne's chin. It pained him to see the redness and wetness in her eyes. He gave her a smile, trying his best to turn on the old Maverick charm. "You know I could hold you like this all day," he rumbled, "But eventually one of us is gonna need to use the restroom." He was rewarded for his terrible quip with a snort of laughter.

Roxanne leaned back a bit and swiped her hand across her eyes.  "Yeah... I guess I should probably let go before that happens," she said, then sighed and rested her forehead over his heart, "But it makes me feel a lot better when you hold me. So thanks..."

Modo kissed the top of her head, then lifted her chin again and kissed her tears away. "Whatever made you cry is gonna get punched so hard," he promised with a growl.

That made Roxanne burst with genuine laughter. "You can't punch a bad day."

"I can try," he insisted.

"Yeah, we're the Biker Mice from Mars!" Vinnie shouted from the doorway, proving he and Throttle hadn't gone far. "We can punch anything!"

Roxanne stood on her tiptoes, peeking over Modo's armored shoulder to watch Throttle yank Vinnie back out of the room by his bandoleers. Then she sniffled and tried to give her gentle giant a smile, "Thank you, baby. I feel a little better now."

"Want to tell me what's bothering you?" he offered, "I'll just listen, I promise." He twitched his large grey ears for emphasis, making her smirk in amusement. She shook her head again and he was a little disappointed, but it was alright.

"Maybe later, right now I don't want to think about it."

"I'll give you something else to think about," Modo grinned. She gave him a curious look, which he answered by scooping his arms under her bottom and lifting her up to give her a kiss to take her breath away.

After a moment Roxanne came away laughing, which might not have been Modo's intended effect but the warm sound filled his heart. Her hands framed his face and she peppered kisses over his cheeks before returning a knockout kiss of her own.

Throttle and Vinnie attempted to enter the room once more and this time no one needed to say anything before they both beat a hasty exit.

 Later that evening after Charlie had come home from parts hunting at the local junkyard, Roxanne told them about her very bad day. Modo realized that she probably hadn't wanted to talk about it at first because she didn't want to revisit the painful account more than necessary. Telling all of them at the same time meant she would only have to tell the story once, and wouldn't have to listen to any one of them repeat it to another. Even Vinnie seemed to get right way that it was a subject Roxy didn't want brought up again.

"Well I'm sorry to hear that happened, baby-girl," Throttle said sympathetically.

Vinnie swirled the rootbeer bottle in his hand moodily, grumbling, "I guess we really can't punch it for you."

"It's nice that you were willing to try," Charlie snickered.

Modo's hand closed around Roxy's, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Anything for one of our favorite ladies."

"Thanks guys," Roxanne sniffled one last time, wiping her eye with her free hand before the tear could fall.

"It'll be okay," Throttle said, the others nodding in immediate agreement.

Even Roxanne had to agree, despite her lingering sorrow. She looked around at the faces of her friends, knowing how much they cared about her. "Yeah," she gave a small smile, "It will be. It is. I'm okay."

[adamwatchesmovies]

The Best of 2019

What a year. By the time 2019 ended, I had seen over 130 new movies. It's actually probably closer to 150 but I lost count. There are a few titles I missed, such as The Dead Don’t Die, The Fanatic and Honeyland so obviously, this is not an all-encompassing, definitive list of 2019’s best, but it should give you a good idea of which films you need to check out if you haven’t already.

I usually like to save the #10 spot on my list for a movie that’s just for me. Normally, this would mean a giant monster movie, an off-beat creation nobody else saw, a comic book movie that spoke to my particular tastes or maybe a Canadian movie I know didn’t get the opportunity to shine like it should’ve. This year, that’s not happening. Trimming my list down to 10 was hard enough. I certainly wasn’t going to sacrifice one more to make it just 9. Let's dig in.

10. The Farewell

It’s been weeks since The Farewell and I’m still thinking about it. If I was put in the same position as Billi, I'm not sure what I'd do? Is it better to tell someone that's dying that their days are numbered, or should you spare them from that burden? Is it really them you’d be sparing, or is keeping the secret for your own selfish needs? Writer/director Lulu Wang asks serious questions about culture I had never contemplated before. There’s a lot for you here and even more if your family comes from mixed backgrounds.

9. A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

I heard some complaints about Fred Rogers (Tom Hanks) not being the main character of this film by Marielle Heller, from writers Micah Fitzerman-Blue and Noah Harpster. It was the right choice. The plot has a cyical reporter meet Rogers and through their relatively brief interaction, learn what we knew going in. It delivers a moving character arc without having to stain its subject with flaws we didn't want to see. The quasi-meta presentation is what elevates it into top-10 status. That extra touch means it does a lot more than simply re-iterate what we saw in the 2018 documentary Won't You Be My Neighbor?.

8. Knives Out

Knives Out is one of the most entertaining films all year. There are no profound moments of meditation, no earth-shattering realizations about yourself, just a mystery to be solved. All the suspects are so intriguing they could be the stars of their own movies. Put together in the same house as a dead body and you’ve got no idea who did it. Its screenplay is excellent. The twists are juicy. Everything ads up in a satisfying manner. Rian Johnson is already working on a sequel. I can’t wait.

7. Apollo 11

There are few holdovers from the list I made halfway through the year, which either says something about the strength of the second half of 2019, or the weakness of the first. Either way, you’ve got to see Apollo 11. It’s the closest thing to going back in time and being there when man landed on the moon. The tension and anticipation are overwhelming. Knowing what happened doesn't matter. The way the footage is assembled is nothing short of incredible. Why this documentary wasn't present at the Academy Awards is beyond me.

6. Uncut Gems

Adam Sandler should’ve been nominated for an Oscar. He wasn’t. I’ll bet you dollars to donuts it's because of his association with all of those brain-dead Happy Madison Production comedies. His history with cinema shouldn't matter. The movie is what matters. The fact is, this was the perfect role for him. It isn’t even that Sandler’s doing something different, it’s that he’s being used to his full potential. If you weren’t glued to the screen, eager to see what’s coming next, this movie would have you jumping out of the window screaming - anything to escape the anxiety the Safdie Brothers serve up with devilish grins.

5. The Lighthouse

Next on my list is The Lighthouse. Right away, the aspect ratio and black-and-white cinematography lets you know you’re in for something different. You have no idea. What I love so much about this film is the way it handles madness. At the end of the day, I’m not sure if I could tell you if Robert Pattinson’s character was crazy, if Willem Dafoe’s character was the nutty one, or if they both were. It shows you just enough to make you doubt your own sanity. It’s also unexpectedly funny, which makes it feel oddly genuine. In one scene, Robert Pattinson's Ephraim Winslow gets a hold of the lighthouse's logs. In it, his boss, Thomas (Willem Dafoe) recommends Ephraim be disciplined for masturbating excessively. Considering Thomas has been cavorting with some kind of tentacle creature up in the lighthouse (at least that's what I think I saw, I'm not so sure anymore), all you can do is laugh. What kind of loony bin is this turning into? One I'm looking forward to revisiting.

4. 1917

Shot in a way that makes it all look like one take, 1917 is a technical marvel. It hooks itself up to your circular system and steadily replaces your blood with pure, undistilled stress. As you're about to flatline, it stops and gives you a breather. A shot of a meadow untouched by the ravages of war; a reminder of what the soldiers are fighting for and of how utterly devastating armed combat is on humanity as a whole. Gorgeous cinematography, powerful emotions, magnificent production values.

3. Joker

Along with Godzilla: King of the Monsters (a movie they basically made for me), this was my most anticipated movie of the year. To get ready, I watched Taxi Driver and The King of Comedy, two Scorsese films Joker director Todd Phillips drew a lot of inspiration from. For some reason, it seems as though many critics took offense to the similarities. Sometimes I understand differing opinions from mine. This time, I don’t. It’s a great film that warns of the dangers of letting people like Arthur Fleck (brilliantly performed by Joaquin Phoenix) fall through the cracks. Left unchecked, he discovers that by doing terrible things, he becomes a “better” version of himself. It’s not a drama. It’s a horror movie that spins the familiar Batman archenemy in a new direction but also stays true to the character. There are several scenes in this movie that are going to be permanently imprinted in my brain. Those stairs. Need I say more?

Runner-ups

Avengers: Endgame

Even if every single Marvel movie going forward is awful, this caps off the whopping 22-chapter saga epically. A couple of aspects bugged me enough that it could only manage to make the runner-up list but it's a terrific film.

Booksmart

The funniest comedy of the year. I think back to Amy and Molly using their hairs as masks and still can't manage to hold back a few chuckles months later.

Toy Story 4

This one was hard to cut. The only flaw I could find was that it isn’t on the same level as 3… even though they’re both 5-star movies.

Midsommar

I’ve heard the extended cut is even better than the original. I wish I’d had the chance to see it in theatres.

Jojo Rabbit

Audacious and heartfelt. I loved those scenes of Scarlett Johanson being a mom. Her agent might've dropped the ball getting her cast in Ghost in the Shell but she sure knew how to pick great work in 2019.

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

Quentin Tarantino brings us back to a time when Roman Polanski was simply a good director instead of a convicted rapist, movie stars were untouchable, and the death of someone’s wife under mysterious circumstances was nothing to raise eyebrows about. It’s not a movie that screams “here and now”. If anything, it’s regressive. That said, I cannot deny the experience I had watching it. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime kinda thing and I doubt even Tarantino could pull it off again. I wonder how many people went in knowing what happened to Sharon Tate like I did.

Marriage story

It’s nothing but raw emotion and powerhouse performances in this drama about two people you love going through a divorce. I always make it my goal to watch movies all the way through without any interruptions. Several times throughout, I was tempted to hit "Pause" so I could catch my breath.

Internet lists are everywhere. You know why, don’t you? They suck you in and when you get down to it, most don’t require all that much effort to put together. Except when I make them, apparently. These bi-annual lists always turn out to be difficult to put together. 2019's proved particularly arduous. I’m fairly sure that my #3 movie belongs there. Out of all the movies on this list, it’s probably the one I’m going to go back to most often. The other two? I’d say that technically, one may be better than the other but I think the other one is “more important” so that gives it the edge. What I’m trying to say is, they’re all winners and on a different day, I might even swap them around.

2. Little Women

I have only seen three of the seven silver screen adaptations of Louisa May Alcott’s novel and I don’t expect any of the others to top this one. The secret ingredient to this one's success is Greta Gerwig. Writing and directing, she does so much more than merely translate the classic to movie form. She re-arranges the story to give the events a greater punch than they would if they were shown chronologically and puts a little more emphasis on a couple of key moments (that tear-jerking Christmas, for example) to crank up the emotion. She also makes it more modern without having to change anything about the setting or characters. Admittedly, the back-and-forth between the past and present is a little jarring at first - makes you wonder what Greta Gerwig could’ve done had she been given the de-aging budget Martin Scorsese was given - but that’s where the performances and costumes come in. It takes mere moments before you get what the movie is doing. I’ve said it already but it made me cry.

1. Parasite

To make this list, I didn’t go through all of my past reviews and check which ones were rated what. I thought back to which movies gave me the most vivid memories, which ones gave me the biggest reactions. I’m still not sure how I feel about the final final moment but there’s so much about Parasite that I admire. This would be a great one to watch with others just to see their reactions to the reveal about the bookcase.