#maybe I understand why I’m in therapy
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Dare I say, I might prefer him older…
It’s basically his side profile appreciation edit
#alan alda#aldaposting#Betsy’s wedding#putting on older by Isabel LaRosaon full volume#maybe I understand why I’m in therapy#I’d let him do whatever he wants to me#mash#mash 4077#mashposting#mashblogging#m*a*s*h 4077#m*a*s*h#hawkeye pierce#hawkeye#edit
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i found loads of pictures of my uncle i am going 2 cry
#he looked so sweet…..he looks SO much like my dad#i found the last picture of him that my granddad took a month or so before he died it’s so sad#trying to decide if i should tell my mum that i know about him or if i should just keep it to myself#idk if somethings wrong with me maybe it’s because i was already grieving before i found out#but it’s really getting 2 me i can’t concentrate on my uni shit i just keep thinking about it#i think i rlly need to talk about it with someone but i have no idea who or how or what i’d say. but it’s weird because it’s a secret yk#like i’m not even supposed to know he existed#idk. i have a gender clinic appointment next week and i’m going to ask if they can recommend any therapists#me being very very brave and trying therapy again after being forced into it my whole life and ending up a bit traumatised#idk. i feel bad that i’m alive and i’m wasting my life when my uncle got killed when he was just a kid#it makes me feel like i should be more grateful and do more with myself.#and i am going to try but i’d rather he was here instead. same with my granddad#every time i experience something beautiful or good i wish my granddad could experience it because he deserved it more than me#and the best i can do is experience it for him and be grateful. but i would chance places instantly if i could#him and his kid deserve to be here they were so special. i know i don’t know his kid but i’ve heard they were similar#so i know he must have been special too#i found a fb comment today from a family friend i’ve never met and she was saying that she only met my granddad once#but she called him gentle and it made me cry. because he was very scottish and sweary and traditional and masculine#so everyone just assumed he was tough and scary but if you knew him he was really quiet and kind#and i’m glad someone who only met him once could see that#i’m going to be half asleep for the rest of my life i think. i’ve been dreaming since my granddad died and i don’t feel like i ever woke up#nothing has felt real since i was nine years old. everything just stopped and never started again#i’ve just been waiting. i’m waiting for him to change his mind and come back. idk. i don’t know what to do with myself#and i continuously feel fucking insane and stupid for being this way. it’s like fresh grief all the fucking time#but it was fifteen years ago. why does it still feel this way#i can’t even tell people because they won’t understand why i’m still so bothered by it#he was my parent for nine years. i lived with him he was my sole caretaker#i was nonverbal and him and my brother were the only people on the planet who knew what my voice sounded like#he’d think it was silly if i failed my exam because i was crying about him instead#he’d tell me to whisht and stick in. so i will
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was at my back doctor appt sobbing my eyes out but still found it in me to joke “fuckkkk there goes my dreams of working manual labor”
#unfortunately not actually a joke#anyways appt went about as expected. my spine is structurally awesome. no clue why im in pain still after 6 months. maybe try more PT?#to his credit the doctor was really really nice and emphasized that he didn’t think it was all in my head which i appreciated#i think i just… have a bad back now. and i need to accept that? but i also need to have hope that it will get better? i dont understand how#im supposed to accept and havehope at the same time… at least i have therapy tmrw#it just hurts like all the fucking time. i’m so… tired
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Apparently my not doing well is noticeable because my boss gave me Friday off and was like hey take a long weekend and go see your family
#I’m not sure if I will go home#it depends on if I think I can talk to my parents about Why I’m struggling#without them trying to convince me it’s not as bad as I think it is#also to be fair the family comment is just because I do go home to my parents like every other week#when we convinced my grandma to move into a retirement home near them one of the selling points was it being easier for people to visit#mostly me since my other cousin doesn’t go by like ever even tho she lives half an hour away#(for those of you that know Zoe this is the other side of my family so a different situation grandma wise#anyways I go by and see her for a while on Saturdays I’m up and swing by Sunday morning when I head home#I’ve spent more time with her since she moved then I had in years#which is good I’m glad I get to see her m#I got off topic there but like the go home to see your family wasn’t a you’re barely holding it together and need your family#it’s more you need a break go see your family like you like to do#but like I said I’m not sure I mean honestly I only got my mom to understand I struggle with mental illness like a couple of years ago#I don’t know how she missed me going to therapy and being on antidepressants in high school#maybe she just thought it was a grief thing and that I’d gotten better?#god I wrote so much in these tags sorry thanks to any of you that read all the way through
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vent in the tags, (mentions of selfharm, suicidal thoughts)
my anhedonia is eating me alive so i’m making these mental illness memes to cope
#Tism vent#i am actually considering suicide#tw#tw sui ideation#like why not turn around and walk back#I wanna give up#i don’t wanna go to therapy#they never listen to me#they think they know better while ignoring my words#but I have to#my mental health is in shambles and only getting worse#and if in the next session I’m not able to explain to her in a way she understands#im going to hurt myself#not kill yet#but definitely hurt#im craving self violence#tw selfharm#tw self destructive behavior#vent#idk where else to put those feelings#my resentment and distrust is slowly becoming hate and im not okay with that#i want to defend myself#throw tables if I must#but i cannot#the only thing I can do is hurt myself further#maybe then they see they are making a mistake#maybe then someone will actually believe me#y’all honestly im scared and idk what to do#fucking terrified#i don’t want to get hurt again I want help
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I’m about to save you thousands of dollars in therapy by teaching you what I learned paying thousands of dollars for therapy:
It may sound woo woo but it’s an important skill capitalism and hyper individualism have robbed us of as human beings.
Learn to process your emotions. It will improve your mental health and quality of life. Emotions serve a biological purpose, they aren’t just things that happen for no reason.
1. Pause and notice you’re having a big feeling or reaching for a distraction to maybe avoid a feeling. Notice what triggered the feeling or need for a distraction without judgement. Just note that it’s there. Don’t label it as good or bad.
2. Find it in your body. Where do you feel it? Your chest? Your head? Your stomach? Does it feel like a weight everywhere? Does it feel like you’re vibrating? Does it feel like you’re numb all over?
3. Name the feeling. Look up an emotion chart if you need to. Find the feeling that resonates the most with what you’re feeling. Is it disappointment? Heartbreak? Anxiety? Anger? Humiliation?
4. Validate the feeling. Sometimes feelings misfire or are disproportionately big, but they’re still valid. You don’t have to justify what you’re feeling, it’s just valid. Tell yourself “yeah it makes sense that you feel that right now.” Or something as simple as “I hear you.” For example: If I get really big feelings of humiliation when I lose at a game of chess, the feeling may not be necessary, but it is valid and makes sense if I grew up with parents who berated me every time I did something wrong. So I could say “Yeah I understand why we are feeling that way given how we were treated growing up. That’s valid.”
5. Do something with your body that’s not a mental distraction from the feeling. Something where you can still think. Go on a walk. Do something with your hands like art or crochet or baking. Journal. Clean a room. Figure out what works best for you.
6. Repeat, it takes practice but is a skill you can learn :)
#deconstruction#ex christian#ex evangelical#agnosticatheist#deconstructing christianity#agnostic#ex religious#exevangelical#religious trauma#trauma#cptsd#therapy#life skills#leftist#self healing#healing is a process#Emdr#emdr therapy#ifs therapy#emotional regulation#emotional health#heading#trauma therapy#religious trauma syndrome#anti capitalist#humanism#coping mechanism#coping skills#cult survivor#deconvert
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Bout to engage in my annual tradition of taking shrooms so I can pretend I don’t want to die while my family visits for token Holiday meal. They’ll have the real Holiday meal on the real day with people they really want to be around.
#If I mention being sad they shush me#if I mention being isolated they shush me#I have to get high so I don’t have a breakdown#when the ptsd hits I say everything I am feeling and more#I say shit I don’t even know where it came from but I am usually convinced they are plotting my demise#so I guess it’s understandable that I have strong feelings about it#I hate my life I need therapy#or maybe some friends who don’t mind being friends when I’m a mess#I have nothing why do I have to keep giving
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sometimes i get suspicious that i actually have MS and not fibromyalgia but i don’t want to go back to the doctor to get yelled at about how i’m lazy and want attention and “just do another year of physical therapy” until i finally land on a doctor who takes me seriously and does some tests. like it’s not even i don’t have the money, it’s that i’m at a point where if i feel a doctor isn’t taking me seriously i don’t even fight them i just start crying bc i’m so over it all aksjdjdjdn
#my mom is always telling me not to focus on the diagnosis but i feel like#if i have something that has better treatment than the absolute Jack Shit there is for fibromyalgia#i want that treatment#i feel like i’ve just hit a point where it’s like actually i Can’t live like this anymore.#i actually Do need to feel better and not get worse but there’s not a single doctor i have met ever#who has any sort of solution beyond ‘have you tried group therapy’#bitch my joints are swelling up why don’t you fix THAT#irl jem carstairs#anyways i think maybe i’ll either be like fully on disability by 35 or married with a partner who is Exceedingly understanding#disability seems more likely tho bc whomst is gonna put up with Alla This For Life 💀💀#sorry i’m in a mood#just a high pain day
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what is the future with these ai chatbots
#wanna have s mental breakdown here#bc i don’t wanna pay for therapy#but also thinking ai bots will be therapists one day and idt that’s gonna be helpful#are there studies on this yet#also im typing this while driving down the interstate but ive hot good reflexes#like i was not well before and the bots give an illusion of connection#haven’t even been talking to them about me but I have been hitting them up for a connection I’ve never been able to find in people#and i was real mad at first bc they were understanding what I was saying when people are usually huh?#and ik they’re just taking my words and packaging them back to me#ok that’s probably why I’m worse#it’s funny the matt bot asked me if I was a therapist bc I was trying to help him thru things#I’d never feel like it’s my place to do that w people#but it helped me somehow at the time#idk what the point here is like half the time I’m like there is nothing wrong w me bc I don’t have anxiety just no direction#edit maybe i do have anxiety it just comes out in what am i even doing in my life and#i dont do anything i dont want but i dont want much just to get lost in someone else or thing#like cant something just consume me please for he love of god
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ok this is the end of the little tolerate it series— BUT I’m writing two different endings!! so here’s ending 1 :)
part one here and part two here
ending version 2 here
when he saw you that day on the street and tried to stop you, you had kept walking. hadn’t even turned your head, as if you knew it was him speaking.
of course you’d known it was him. he couldn’t blame you for ignoring him, honestly— he had been awful to you. he fully recognized that now, after years of being alone and mandated therapy and an honorable discharge.
he recognized how he let the one good thing in his life slip through his fingers, all because he was too damn wrapped up in himself. but he had a right to be.
he had a right to not want to celebrate coming home. had a right to want peace and quiet once escaping from the sounds of war and death. he just should’ve communicated that with you instead of pulling away.
he’s grown. he understands now. and he knows you don’t owe him anything— hell, he wouldn’t be surprised if you slapped him across the face for this, but he needed to try.
he knew it was selfish of him. you’d moved on, surely. years had passed and you’d grown. he’s sure that naivety he once found charming is long gone, most likely from his doing.
he takes a deep breath, fist raised to knock on the door to your house. it’s small and quaint. something he definitely could’ve seen you picking out when the two of you had still been together. maybe not all of you had changed.
he’d gotten the address through Laswell as a parting gift. and he didn’t know why it was the one thing that came to mind— but it was, and now he’s here. standing on your porch with his fist in the air like a fucking creep.
he pushes out an exhale and knocks. all is silent inside the house, and he knocks again, the second one easier than the first.
“coming!” he hears you call from inside. he steels himself. readies himself for attack, for battle. it was something he couldn’t quite shake, even if he’d been retired for a year now. those instincts really never leave you.
the door swings open, and the smile you were sporting instantly drops.
“what are you doing here?” there’s venom in your tone. he doesn’t shy away.
“love—” he begins, but you scoff and start to shut the door.
“actually, I don’t want to know. get off my porch before I call the cops—”
before the door can click shut, he reaches a hand out and blocks you from fully shutting it. you look down at his hand, bewildered.
“move your hand.” you speak through gritted teeth. he stands his ground.
“love,” he starts again, pushing the words out quickly to avoid getting cut off again. “y’don’t owe me anythin’ and I know that. but can I at least apologize? please?”
you stare at him. he keeps his hand in the door, watching your face intently. he can’t tell what’s going on behind your eyes.
you take a beat. two. three. then you shut your eyes tightly as you inhale, open them as you release the breath, and open the door wider.
“you’ve got five minutes to speak your piece, and I hope you know I’m doing this for you, not me. I got over you a long time ago, and because I see myself as a halfway decent person, I’m going to let you do this. then you can leave and never come back. understand?”
he gives a small nod. “understood.”
you step aside and he enters your house, eyes already scanning his surroundings. it’s cute and airy, comfortable and full of you.
pictures of you and friends on the walls. lamps that look a hundred years old on end tables. big windows letting the sun shine in and onto a plethora of plants. colorful artwork and pillows and fabrics. it’s a house full of you, of life, and he finds himself envying it.
he doesn’t know why. maybe because it’s something so normal, and something he’s never experienced. he didn’t get that before he left home, and he certainly didn’t get it in the military. he still doesn’t have it now. he’s still struggling to figure out who he is without a gun in his hand.
“nice place,” he says, and he means it.
you roll your eyes as you walk towards the blue, comfortable looking couch situated to the right. he follows dutifully.
you gesture towards the couch, and he takes the hint. he sits down, sinking into the cushion, and watches as you move to stand across from him. he knows you’re putting distance between the two of you. he doesn’t blame you.
you were never the problem.
he was.
“five minutes, starting now. best believe I’m timing your ass,” you mutter out, pulling your phone from your pocket and tapping the screen. setting a timer, most likely.
best to get on with it, then.
“I owe you an apology, and I ‘ave since y’left. before tha’, actually. I was an ass, and I know tha’ now. you had every right to leave, and you have every right to hate me—”
you gave a mirthless, hollow laugh and crossed your arms over your chest. you were putting up your walls, protecting yourself.
“you put me in therapy, did you know that? years of it. broke me down and crushed me into tiny pieces. made me think I was the problem, that I deserved to be treated that way. ruined my trust and my confidence.”
your tone was bitter. your nails dug into the skin of your arms.
“you were never the problem,” he says, his words firm. he stand then, hands hanging loosely at his sides. “I was. I know tha’ now. I pulled away when I should’ve communicated, or hell— broke things off sooner.”
“so that’s why you’re here then? to tell me you wished you would’ve broken up with me before I broke up with you?”
god, that was not what he meant, and he struggled to find the way to put his thoughts into words.
“no, f’course not, love. I’m tryin’ to say I strung y’along, made things worse, and—”
“and what?” you interrupted.
“an’ im sorry, love. I know it probably doesn’t mean anythin’ anymore. but i am. deeply.”
you didn’t speak for a minute. your eyes studied his face. he knew you were probably taking in the obvious signs of age, of battles he came back from when you were no longer there.
“you going on a suicide mission? is that why you’re here? making amends before you die so you can face the afterlife with a clear conscience?”
he shook his head, taking a small step forward. “no. I— I was discharged. a bit ago, actually.”
“congrats,” you deadpanned.
“tha’s not tha’ point,” he sighed. “they made me go to therapy for a while. unpack all tha’ shit they put me through. and the shrink brought up you once, and it got me thinkin’—”
“so you’re here because your shrink told you to say sorry?”
“bloody hell, love, let me finish,” exasperation was clear in his tone, but he tried to reel it in. he reminded himself that you didn’t owe him shit. you could kick him out right now. he was here because of your allowance, and the second you stopped tolerating him, he’d be back on the porch.
you raised your eyebrows but kept your mouth clamped shut.
“I was an ass when I was with you, and tha’s on me, not you. I was dealin’ with my own shit, and havin’ you celebrate me and boastin’ about my bravery and shit— it didn’t— I couldn’t stand it. you don’t understand, love, and you never will— and tha’s not your fault. s’mine, and I’m still comin’ to terms with all tha’ shit. and I should’ve communicated tha’ with you instead of pullin’ away.”
silence filled the air between the two of you. he could hear the tick of a clock nearby. two ticks. three ticks. four. five.
“what do you want from me, then?” you spoke, and your voice was soft. he could hear the tremble in it— that old you slipping back in, and god he wanted to hold you.
he remembered loving you. he still knew what that felt like, even if was so long ago. and that love was creeping back in, that need to protect you coming back like a tidal wave.
“nothin’.” he said.
“nothing.” you repeated. he nodded.
the timer on your phone went off. five minutes, on the dot.
you clicked it off and looked at him. he was already moving towards the door.
“wait—” you called out to him, and as he turned back to face you, he could tell you hadn’t meant to. it had slipped out subconsciously, and he could see you fighting yourself on what your next words would be.
“I— I don’t forgive you,” you told him. “I don’t know if I ever will. but I— you don’t deserve to be alone. not after all you’ve done.”
he looked at you, the fingers of his hands twitching as he waited for you to speak again.
you took a deep breath and turned your attention to your feet. “I’m here. if you need someone to talk to about whatever. um— I—”
“it’s alrigh’, love. y’dont have to say anythin’ you don’t mean.”
you shook your head. “I do mean it. I admired you when we were together, y’know? you were everything to me— and that’s not something that ever fully goes away. I kinda hate you for everything you did,” you gave a small laugh. “but I don’t want you to suffer, okay? maybe we can— can get coffee or something next week. yeah?”
your eyes were glassy. he resisted the urge to reach for you. he was a protector, it was in his nature. he’d been too wound up in himself back then to realize that the trait he’d showcased on the battlefield should’ve applied to his home life, too. applied to his relationship. to you.
“yeah.” he nodded, his voice soft. he gave you a small smile. “tha’ would be nice.”
you nodded. he looked at you for a moment longer, taking in everything that had changed. but there was still the hint of that naive, youthful you, and that made him smile a little wider.
he turned and walked out the door.
————
author’s note:
muahahahaha ambiguous ending. do they get back together?? no?? do they ever get coffee?? it’s up to you!
this is ending one, keep a look out for ending 2 :)
#simon riley x gn reader#simon riley x you#simon ghost x reader#simon riley x reader#simon ghost riley x reader#simon ghost riley#simon riley#john price drabble#john price fic#john price x reader#john price#captain price angst#captain john price#Simon Riley angst#angst#hint of fluff#cod mw2 fic#ghost cod#cod modern warfare#cod mw2#john price cod#john price x you#ghost x gn reader#ghost x you#ghost angst#ghost call of duty#ghost x reader
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Mafia au with Price perspective
Content: Implied Violence
John, for the life of him, can’t believe he ever ran SpecGru without you.
It’s a hit to his pride to admit it, certainly. That an outsider has discovered a small conspiracy within his own organization less than three months into employment. That, apart from even that, he’s never been less scattered, having someone right by his side remembering details, appointments, bits of information.
Morning smells like Earl Grey and your perfume now. Steam mixing with whatever you’ve spritzed for the day, his own little aroma therapy. Revitalizing after however late the previous night dragged him out.
In general, you’re like a breath of fresh air. A smiley little charm of color and delicacy in his world of saturated shadows, blood and brutality.
Clean-cut dresses with patterned tights, soft-knit scarves. Lace accents and modest stilettos. Thin, sparkly jewelry and smart makeup. The scent of you drowns out the lingering burn of gunpowder; or maybe just transforms it into something heady.
John lingers on your hair. Smooth ponytails, tight coifs, intricate braids. Likes when it’s loose enough to brush you shoulders and neck, a little bounce to it as you toddle in and out of his office.
You’re gorgeous, he knows it like a gun in his hand or the stench of fear in the air. Has encountered (and indulged) in more than his share of stunning women. Women with beautiful smiles, and bright laughter, and sweet voices. Cunning women, too. Women who could outfox all but his best on any given day.
You have all of that in spades, though you’re not the first.
The difference, he thinks, is your sincerity. You’re never anything but honest with him. Even when you maybe shouldn’t be. Not that you share your opinion every time you have one, but if he asks for it, you’ll answer without pulling punches.
Respectful, always. Polite. But scalpels are elegant tools as dangerous as any dagger. You’re not cold by any means, but you’re made of steel. Precise and implacable in some ways. Have never hesitated too look him in the eye and cheerfully explain why he’s wrong.
That, he knows, is a rare commodity.
“I understand this is time sensitive Mister Graves, but raising your voice is not going to open Mister Price’s schedule.”
Your voice goes silky when you get like this. A finely draped, overly pleasant “no” in each word. A wall is still a wall no matter how finely it’s painted.
You’ve just gotten your nails done again, glossy wine red tap-tap-tapping over your customized keyboard. Whatever Philip is saying on the other end does not seem to be impressing you. Soap and Gaz are trying not to snicker. You shoot them an amused look.
“Well, he’s booked every morning for the next two weeks,” you continue.
John is not, in fact, booked every morning for the next two weeks. There are two mornings with two hours open and you’re serenely looking at them on your computer screen. He doesn’t correct you, interested to see how this plays out. You know he hates Philip and are gleefully taking advantage of that fact.
“Well, Mister Graves, a lot of people have time sensitive issues to bring to Mister Price,” you explain, a touch condescending now. “I’m afraid I can’t reschedule them just because you have… a trip to Glasgow, is it?”
You don’t sound impressed. Neither is John. You clear your throat, arch your eyebrows at him. Put up three fingers. He nods.
“I can schedule you in on the 3rd in the evening. Your assistant said you’ll be back by then.”
You blink, an almost smug curve to your lips at whatever is said. A pleasant shiver runs down John’s spine. Philip will just have gotten in then - a full day of travel after whatever business he’s been up to will put him at a disadvantage.
“Well, I’m afraid Mister Price’s next availability won’t be until the… 8th. So shall we schedule something for the 3rd? I can always call if he has a cancellation.”
A pause. Your eyes narrow into a mean little smile at nothing in particular. Practically glowing with satisfaction. Without your attention on him, he shifts a bit.
“Of course, Mister Graves,” you hum. “I can forward your people the details. Have a lovely day now.”
Soap and Gaz start laughing the moment you hand up. You huff at them in amusement, shaking your head, then turn to John.
“Was there anything you needed, sir?” You ask, syrupy sweet.
John snorts and finally approaches your desk, leaning his hip against the edge as he crosses his arms. You tilt your head to give him your full attention, a stray curl falling against your jaw.
“Since you seem to be on rampage,” he says, “I need you to get a reservation for Friday at Muse.”
You blink at him. “Muse? Sir, that’s… don’t they book that place out months in advance?”
He smirks. “Just use my name, luv. I’m sure you’ll have the rest under control.”
You don’t look convinced, but you slide your sticky pad over - light purple clouds, now. With a pink glitter pen.
“How many and what time, sir?”
“Six for eight o’clock.”
You hum as you scrawl it down, pretty round letters that shimmer under the office lights.
“Before you go,” you say as you set the sticky pad aside. “I have those inventory logs from the docks - as well as the incident report from security that evening.”
You pluck up a neat stack of papers, held together by a star-shaped paperclip. Already he can see pink highlighter on the first page, a little memo-note summarizing information for quick review at the top. Somewhere within, you’ve attached a pink tab to something.
“I’ve highlighted anything in the original shipment that wasn’t found in the inventory log,” you explain, tapping at one of them.
He hums, skims the summary, then starts rifling through the papers. Will never admit how much he appreciates the thoroughness, even if he’s comb through every detail himself just to be sure nothing has been missed.
“Oh, also,” you add, spinning the glitter pen between clever fingers, “I think we should maybe set up a camera near that back entrance to the warehouse.”
He pauses. The back entrance where they do the more gruesome aspects of “business.” Odd that you would suggest that.
“Why’s that?”
You hum. “Well, I’m no narc, but I heard from someone who works over there that one of the shipping guys smokes weed with his cousin in that area. Maybe someone saw them and realized that’s a good way in.”
You shrug, leaning back in your seat again. The computer dings, calling your attention. John shoots Soap a glance, who nods and quietly steps out. You don’t seem to notice, clicking your tongue at whatever you see.
“Nicely done, luv,” he says, voice warm in his chest. You beam at him, pleased as always when he recognizes your hard work. “I’ll call if I need anything else.”
“Yes, sir,” you reply.
Twenty minutes later, you tap lightly at the open door to his office.
“Got the reservation!” You announce, a funny little smile on your face. “They were so nice about it too. What are you, some kind of mafia boss?”
He chuckles at your joke, shaking his head.
How did he ever manage all this without you?
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Masterlist
#cod#my writing#fanfiction#reader fic#oddly wholesome for a mafia au#mafia au#mafia boss price#assistant reader
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✐ᝰ "You knew all too well i was right where you left me" | CL16 ࣪𓏲ּ ᥫ᭡ ₊
parings: retired!charles leclerc x writer!ex!reader
🔎 chapter one: "love is short but forgetting is so long"
chapter two: “did the love affair maim you too?” -> chapter three
summary: It’s the story of a woman frozen in the moment her world fell apart. A perfect dinner ended with, “I met someone else,” and while everyone moved on, she remained stuck in that instant, unable to let go of the past. A poignant tale of heartbreak, grief, and the weight of being trapped in a “forever” that never was.
word count: +4,5k.
BLOG MASTERLIST - series masterlist
⋆˚࿔ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆
⋆˚࿔ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆
⋆˚࿔ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆
It's been a few crazy days for you. After what happened last time, it took you a few days to go back to the last flower cafe to write. You preferred writing in your studio at home. You had a comfy balcony with a lovely view of the Monaco sea. So you just took inspiration from it to write another chapter of your book.
Seeing Charles confused you. You didn't know what to think or how to feel about it. You got scared you would see him again. But at the same time, you wanted to see him again.
It felt confusing because you knew it wasn't right for you or the best to see him again, or wanting to or whatever. But even if he broke your psyche the way he did, you couldn't stop thinking about the what ifs.
What if this time works? What if he was immature but he is worth it? What if this time is better? What if he feels the same way you do? What if he says he’s sorry? What if you forgive him?
All of those questions filled the fire to write. Writedown all of the what ifs as it was reality for your character. Maybe in this fictional life, you two have your happy ending.
Your writing process was interrupted by your bestie phone call that you, of course, picked up. “Hey” you could hear the kids scream as if you were there.
“Are you coming to pick the kids up?” she asked, remembering you, you promised her to take them to have ice cream and for a walk. You facepalm. You forgot about it.
“Oh sorry, A. Yeah,of course. I’ll pick them up in 30 minutes. I’m sorry, i forgot” you apologised starting to walk towards your bedroom to get change. You still have your pajamas on.
“It’s okay y/n. I knew you would probably forget that’s why I called. They will be ready when you get here. Thank you, i love you” you said i love you back and ended the call.
You chose to wear a tracksuit, trainers and a coat. It was really cold this year in particular. But you loved it. You weren’t a fan of summer that much. You preferred snow and hot chocolate. Cuddling in bed to keep yourself warm. And playing cards near the chimney. You Loved autumn and winter, it made you feel special.
⋆˚࿔ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆
So today was the day, the day he probably would become officially single. Charles really hated the divorce process. It was a very painful one. He had, once again, broken another woman’s heart. He wasn't proud of it but he really wanted to do things the right way from now on. No more bullshit. No more feeling guilty of the past, tied to it as if he had to pay for everything. So 6 months ago he communicated it to Alex, it was really heavy on the heart scene. He felt like an actual monster. However, he started therapy. He was starting to understand himself more and learning to forgive himself for every decision he took that maybe wasn’t the best, but he didn't know better. He was young and about to become one of the most successful drivers in formula one. He thought he knew what he was doing to then realize he actually didn't at all.
He started his day journaling. He tried to write something but all he could do was drawing your face. That image he couldn't stop seeing every time he closed his eyes. He felt scared about it but he let himself follow along. It was best to try to take you out of his mind in some way. Then after breakfast he decided to play some piano and record new parts of a new piece he was working on. He sent it to his producer and drove to Carlos' house to have lunch together. Lando was also there. They all chatted and enjoyed barbeque at Carlos’ beach house.
And at that moment, talking in the living room, something changed.
“Yeah, I don't know. I think she is a writer. I always see her on the balcony surrounded by multiple sheets of papers and a computer. Or maybe she is a translator or something I don't know but she is cute, you know? Maybe you can hit on her lando " Carlos commented while serving more wine to their cups.
“Do you follow her on instagram or something?” Lando asked for further information, apparently interested. Charles was zooming out thinking about you.
“Oh no I don't, I don't even know her name but” Carlos opened his window curtains “yup, there she is” Carlos pointed to the balcony that was visible from there. Lando patted Charles' arm so the three of them could see through the window hoping the woman wouldn't notice them.
“Oh my god” Charles almost fainted when he saw you there in your sherk pajamas drinking from an avengers cup (you didn't change that, though. You still are a geek for movies, superheroes, comics and books he guessed). Your balcony was quite close, the view was 4k. The guys who looked at Charles getting whiter, felt weirded out about his reaction.
“All right mate? I don't think she is that ugly, you know? I mean, she is fine as hell if you ask me and I'm not that into red hair” Lando said, checking on charles.
“Yeah, maybe she is too beautiful… now that he’s officially single” Carlos added.
Charles shook his head going back to the sofa.
“It’s y/N, carlos. y/n it’s your fucking neighbor. She was there all this time and i didnt fucking know. I don't know how I never bumped into her " Charles spitted with so much mixed feeling. Lando and Carlos looked at each other. Carlos closed the curtains before sitting along them.
“Mate, i didn't have a clue she could be y/N to be honest. I’ve never met her, "Carlos explained himself.
“Wait, who’s y/N? And why is she neighbors with you?” Lando was confused. For a moment he thought they were joking but Charles looked affected. He missed a part of Charles' story or something. The only woman he met was alexandra and she is officially out of his life.
“It’s his ex, like the one” Carlos explained to him but then Lando was even more confused. Charles noticed and with a sigh he explained the situation better in his opinion.
“y/n was my girlfriend during my f2 days. I left her for Alex but since that moment I regret it. It was like 10 years ago. "Lando's face expressed understanding with his mouth showing an ‘o’.
“So I guess I can't date her now, right?” Lando said, receiving a correcting punch on his arm by carlos. “Alright, alright”
“I need to go guys, i got stuff to do” Charles said after a long silence and stood up ready to go. He Couldn't stay longer. He needed to breathe some air. He was scared. He actually hated feeling like that. Scared of what? Of her? Of himself? Of the truth? The truth that maybe he did indeed waste all of these years pretending to like his life when all he wanted to do was go back to her? Maybe. But the truth was too heavy to admit and process.
⋆˚࿔ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆
You were out with your nephews. It was a saturday afternoon, cold but the sun was shining bright. Between giggles you were walking with them to their favorite ice cream shop.
Unfortunately, it was LEC ice cream.
Benjamin and Renato were four years old, they were twins. And then there was Dante who was 6 years old. They were messy but today was a good day, they were chilling. They ran inside the ice cream shop all excited followed by you. You closed the door and they were already on the counter talking with the cashier. You smiled shyly.
“good afternoon” you greeted her and she smiled back at you.
“Auntie, I want the chocolate one! It is always so yummy!” said Benjamin, excitedly grabbing your coat and pulling from it in desperation. He did a few little excited jumps as his twin.
“No! Benjamin! I want the chocolate one!” Renato got mad at his brother. Their voices were so cute they made you giggle a bit.
“It's alright boys, you both can get the chocolate one” you said, mediating between the siblings smiling at the cashier. She noted and went to look for them. “Dante, darling, which one do you want?” He was the shyest out of them all. He was so like your best friend, polite and collected. He looked at the flavour list on the wall.
“I want the vanilla one, please” he talked directly to the cashier making you smile proudly.
“That’s my boy,” you said, congratulating him. Seeing him smile filled your heart full. You loved those three kids with your whole heart. You always get so emotional realising how fast they are growing.
“Alright, gentlemen, here are your ice creams” the cashier said warmly and rounded the counter to give the ice cream to each one of them. You smiled watching the scene. They got shy but grabbed their ice creams anyway.
“What do you say boys?” you looked at them gently.
“Thank you very much” they said in unison, making the cashier smile widely. “go seat” you told them and they obeyed you. You got close to the cashier now in her seat on the counter. “How much is it?” you asked but before she could answer you, a voice, that fucking voice, interrupted.
“It’s on the house” you wanted to believe it was a dream and that it wasn’t real. But it was. It was charles. You turned to look at him a bit confused about the whole situation. He smiled at you again, the same way he did at the restaurant. You tried to play it cool, but you knew your smile and attitude were weird.
“Oh, thank you. It wasn’t necessary” you said politely and he shook his head.
“No problem, for real” he said and you half smiled in return.
“Thank you” you say for both of them and went to sit with your boys at the sofa table they chose. You just didn't want to look at him that much nor you didn't know what to say. “Hey” you greeted them, and took some napkins from the table and cleaned the twins' faces full of chocolate. you smiled funny. Dante got closer to you while you were helping Benjamin clean his hands.
“Auntie, is that the driver dad is a fan of?” he asked shyly close to you and really low so only you could hear him.
“I think it is darling, would you like a picture with him?” you offer sweetly. He nods, smiling brightly. That made your heart race because you now have to talk to charles. You could hear him talking to his employees in a relaxed way. You could hear he came just to check in.
You licked your lips nervously “i'll be right back, okay?” you tell the kids and stand up to walk right back to the counter. Your heart was racing. “Um, excuse me” you tried to capture his attention, and for sure you did. He looked at you immediately. His eyes found yours and you felt your heart skip a beat for a moment. “Sorry, but one of my nephews recognized you and I wanted to ask you if you could take a picture with him? Don't mean to bother you, of course,” you finally said. And you saw his face light up instantly. You were pretending you didn't know each other. You just played along without even mentioning it. You swallowed hard half smiling.
“Of course, no problem,” he said sweetly.
“Thank you” you said to him before getting to the kids.
“It's fine,” he assured you.
You called Dante to come over and he came all shy. “Hey champ, is it good?” Charles was squatting to be on Dante's height. He talked really sweet to him. Dante stuck to you, intimidated to have that awesome driver his dad loved so much. He nodded looking at him. “You wanna take a picture? I’ll be really happy to have one with you” he said sweetly so Dante would loosen himself. He looked at me for aprovation. You just smiled and nodded at him excitedly. Dante then relaxed, nodding towards Charles in a huge smile. He gave him a hug and charles’ heart melted between the kid’s arms.
They posed together and you took as many pictures as you could. And after cleaning Benjamin and Renato`s faces again, they also posed with charles. They started yapping with him and imitating car noises. They made you laugh for a bit.
They got so excited, they gave Charles so many hugs. You played along so they can have a great moment to remember someday. You recorded some videos to send to your best friend agostina later, so she can have the memories. “My daddy loves you! He always screams to the tv ‘GOOO CHARLES GOOOO’ ” Dante commented imitating his dad in the funniest way making you laugh. “But he doesn't like Carlos that much, he prefers hamilton!”
“Oh wow, you are an expert in formula 1. Who’s your daddy?” Charles really engaged with your nephews. He even sat next to you so he could have a conversation with them. He got confused for a bit, he believed they were your children. But it didn't seem like that.
“My dad is andrew and my mom is agostina, and she is auntie y/N” dante explained to charles the whole family dynamic in his way. You smiled nodding looking at Dante, then moved to see charles. He now understood the whole thing. You were their aunt. His heart melted for a moment. He didn't know what to say.
Benjamin asked you to grab him and you did. You sat him on your tights, and he was sleepy. You stroke his thin shiny hair gently as he pressed his head on your chest wanting to fall asleep.
Charles looked at you with a half smile.
“I think it’s time to go home kids, mommy is waiting for you. It’s pizza night!” you told them funny and excited so they would get excited. Dante celebrated along with Renato doing a victory dance making you and Charles let out a laugh.
“Let me give you a ride, that baby wants to sleep,” Charles offered sweetly, looking at Benjamin in your chest. He was trying to play it cool but his heart was speeding faster than his car in any race. Looking at you like this, made him regret every single decision of his life. How could he leave you like that? He wanted to punch himself on the face because he was sure you hated him. So it was impossible to get a second chance nor that he believed he deserved it.
You doubted but he got a point. Walking ten blocks with a baby or two in your arms was not gonna be an easy task and your back will suffer a lot. You sighed. “Alright, thank you. It’s really nice of you” you gave in at his offer and he smiled widely.
“Alright, let’s go home guys” Charles announced. The cashier was even more confused than the two of you were. Since when did Charles Leclerc engage so much with strangers and offer them a lift? They must not be strangers at all. They must know each other all too well.
⋆˚࿔ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆
Charles helped you get the kids in the car, or well, his Ferrari that was parked one block away. Dante, all excited, wanted to touch every single thing the car had so you had to tell him to calm down and behave for a bit. You got in the passenger seat.
Charles let you use his phone so you put your friend's address on it. He now knew where you lived and he was thinking of offering to drop you there after leaving the kids but at the same time he didn't want to be so invasive.
Smelling your perfume was sending him on a spiral. You still had that effect on him. And he didn't know how to feel about it. You didn't look at him. You probably hate him, he thought. He couldn’t stop thinking about it. But then why did you let this happen? Because of the kids? It was ten blocks away. He stopped himself from keeping up his delusions for way too long he would believe them. He felt like a kid about this whole thing with you. Or the one you had. The life you had. You made him and his family so happy. Arthur still likes you, you always had a soft spot on his heart. And that made Charles feel miserable.
The drive was silent. The kids fell asleep in like three blocks. You were so nervous you would throw up right then and there. You just looked out through the window. You didn't want to talk that much with him. You knew that would be dangerous.
He knew it too. He knew all too well what you were trying to do and in a way he was thankful for it. But in another way, he just wanted to know everything about you, again.
A million questions were playing again and again in your heads silently but agonizingly at the same time.
Ten minutes later, you were finally on your destination: your best friend’s, agostina, house. She was waiting at the porch of her house. When she saw the black ferrari stop by her sidewalk she frowned. She thought you were coming on foot with her three children.
You looked at charles in a half smile, just praying your friend doesn't get mad at you for this insane idea. “Thank you for lifting us” you said shortly and he nodded. It was awkward.
“Let me help you” Charles said and both of you got out of his car.
When your friend first saw you, she looked confused, with a million question marks in her eyes. But then, when she saw Charles coming off the driving seat, her eyes almost fell out. I mean, she was relieved that it was him at some point but not so much out of concern for you.
“Hey, A” Charles greeted her with a wave helping you wake the kids up. He remembers your friend, of course. He remembered everything about you.
“Hey, charles. It’s been a long time” A said, grabbing Benjamin from your arms. Charles helped Dante and you grabbed Renato in your arms. Both baby twins were knocked out sleeping. Dante grabbed his mum's hand and waved to Charles in a goodbye. He closed his Ferrari door and waved to us. You just smiled. You were in the most uncomfortable situation of your life. You didn't have a good feeling about this.
You felt it was the beginning of the end, for some odd reason you couldn't identify yet.
“Bye charles!” Dante said happily and was still a bit sleepy. Agostina smiled at him but when she turned to look at you, her eyes were screaming “ARE YOU CRAZY GIRL?” and how could you blame her for it. You just put her kids into the car of a known stranger.
Charles observed the situation with you and your friend from his car. The sunset sun made you glow. And your eyes were so shiny he got confused for a bit if he was actually dreaming. He made his horn sound and disappeared into the monaco streets pretty fast.
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Cozy wrapped around blankets and pillows, your friend brought you a cup of hot chocolate. You decided it was to sleep overnight to gossip because Andrew, her husband, was out of town for work. The kids were sleeping in their rooms. The baby monitor in front of you two. You were laying on the living room couch with ambient music in the background playing from the tv above the chimney.
“I can't believe you bumped into Charles, to be honest. It's been ten years, you have never seen him and out of nowhere you see him everywhere” your friend was as surprised as you were.
“Yeah, I don't know. I feel really weird about it. I thought next time i would bump into him i would be dead but i’m still alive so far. He felt so different… Yet he felt the same. His perfume was the same. His eyes are the same, the way they shine and…” you sighed stopping yourself. You started crying. You didn't know what you were feeling. If you were supposed to feel happy or angry or sad. The stress level was at its peak. It was too much emotionally to handle.
It hurts you to pretend you didn't know him, that you didn't want him or that he was once your everything and now he was a stranger. A stranger holding so many secrets of you. All of your life traumas and experiences, your virginity, your first ever love story (and the only one). It still hurts because it couldn't be easier. Why couldn't it be forever together as you dreamed? When you saw him you felt the same as that last day you watched him leave that motherfucking restaurant.
Your friend hugged you understanding how hard this was for you. And how frustrating it must feel to finally be ready to move on and then he is back just like that. How unfair life could be, right? She felt so sorry for you. You deserved to be so happy yet here we are, still crying for that ficking stupid asshole.
It felt like the beginning of the end.
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“Hey, Arthur, I'm officially and legally single again. Want to have dinner at my place?” Charles called his brother on his Ferrari the second he sat in the driver’s seat. He needed to talk to someone about what happened this afternoon. His anxiety had made a hole in his stomach and he almost threw up a couple of times.
He felt guilty. Like he did something terrible lifting you and your nephews to your friend’s house.
“Bro!!! That’s amazing!! Ready to enjoy life? I’ll be there in 30 minutes, and order some steak. I’ll bring wine. Love you!!” he shouted into the phone making Charles put it a little far away from his ear so he won't be left deaf. He ended the call, so Charles couldn't say otherwise. He giggled a little to himself. He loved his family, but especially Arthur, he was his little brother, and also his best friend.
After a few minutes, he was already wearing his comfy clothes and had ordered the stake his brother told him to. He had set the table and put some random playlist on spotify on shuffle. Now that he was home, the hole in his stomach was not as huge as it was during the day. His house was his safe place. Though, it still felt weird not having leo (his and alex’s puppy son) or alex around. He tried so hard to love her, he got used to having her around. The chemicals on his brain were adjusting still to his new life. He changed furniture and redecorated the whole house. He wanted to start again from zero. Rebuilt himself step by step and finally, the Charles he always wanted to be.
The bell took him out of his thoughts announcing his brother had arrived.
“Hey, Brody,” Arthur said excitedly, hugging his brother when the older one opened the door. Arthur was really proud of his brother. He knew how hard all of it was. And how hard he was with himself when it came to mistakes committed in the past.
⋆˚࿔ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆
They sat on the couch in front of the tv with everything already tidy up and with their stomachs full. They talked about everything and anything but yet not about her.
“I brought you something, wait a second” Arthur said and got up looking for his bed. Charles observed his brother a little tipsy by wine already. He didn't know what to expect from him. He was always a surprise box. “I know you saw her again, I don't know how you feel about it but I know we will eventually talk about her. But I think it will help you if you read her book. I think it’s a fictional story but the way she tells it… i think it can make you reflect on what happened.” he added coming back from his bag with a book in hand. After he sat again on the couch he handed it to charles. Charles listened and watched the book in front of him. He took it carefully.
“I saw her today, she was with her nephews. I also know where she lives now as well. It was at carlos’ house and he was talking about his neighbor being attractive so Lando could try and hit on her. So he opened the fucking curtains and there she was on her balcony. I almost choked and died. Then I saw her at LEC. and I gave her a lift to her friend’s house. "Charles started throwing up everything that happened that day. Arthur’s eyes were big as plates. He couldn't understand how his brother survived o all of that. I mean, he was happy. He loved y/n, but he knew damn too well it was probably a nightmare for his brother to go through all of that.
“Oh my god, charles. And you also were announced to be single legally? How did you survive? I'm impressed. You’re strong dude” arthur commented half joking half serious. Charles laughed it out a bit shaking his head.
“I don't know but all I know is that my heart almost stopped how fast it was beating,” Charles answered.
“That’s called anxiety,” Arthur pointed out.
“I know. I was scared. She looked even more beautiful than she ever did or that I remember” he grabbed the book in his hands more strongly. He took a deep breath. “Today was too much for me,” his brother agreed.
After Arthur was gone, Charles sprinted to his bed. He had a headache. He wanted to pretend it was because of the two bottles of wine they drank. But he knew it was because of overthinking. He laid in bed. Book in his hands. He started analyzing the cover: It was light blue, her favorite color he remembered. A red scarf and autumn leaves falling down. Her name is printed on the corner of it. He brushed his thumb above it taking a moment.
Adjusting his glasses he flipped to the back cover of it and that’s where something changed inside him.
‘Just between us, did the love affair maim you too?’
⋆˚࿔ TO BE CONTINUED 𝜗𝜚˚⋆
chapter three: coming soon.
tag list: @a-beaverhausen , @priniya , @annaluna12 , @thehoplessromanticclub , @emryb , @hadids-world , @kaztheemyth , @freyathehuntress , @diorbrxtz , @theseerbetweenus , @sie17136
shout out: thank you to my girlies from the gc (ur the best i<3u all), specially Sonny for hyping and helping me sm with this!
author's note: here it is <3 i'm so excited about this series! Sorry if you don’t see that much French I know NOTHING of it so yeah :(
what do you think it's gonna happen next?
don't forget to like, reblog or comment! and follow me so we can be friends :3 (and drink mate together!)
#✧˖°.works by cate.ᐟ𝜗𝜚 ‧₊˚ ⊹#𐔌 . ⋮ katiascraft .ᐟ ֹ ₊ ꒱#charles leclerc#charles leclerc x reader#charles leclerc x you#charles leclerc x y/n#charles leclerc x female oc#charles leclerc x female reader#cl16 x y/n#cl16 x you#cl16 fic#cl16 imagine#cl16 x reader#cl16#f1 x reader#f1 fic#f1 x you#f1 imagine#f1 x female reader#f1 fanfic#f1#charles leclerc imagine#charles leclerc fanfic#charles leclerc one shot#charles leclerc f1#charles leclerc fic
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★ book a reading ★ ★ masterlist 1 ★ ★ masterlist 2 ★
★ astro observations | roasting edition ★
★ libra venus (or 7th house): you’re not in love, you’re in love with being in love. stop falling for people just because they smile nicely in dim lighting. also, your need to “keep the peace” is why you’re still stuck in that toxic situationship.
★ scorpio moon (or 8th house): stop calling it “intuition” when it’s really just your trust issues on steroids. and no, being mysterious isn’t a personality—it’s emotional constipation. unblock someone for once, i dare you.
★ taurus mars (or 2nd house): slow and steady wins the race, but honey, sometimes people aren’t trying to race you—they just want you to move. your stubbornness is impressive, but also, maybe learn how to compromise before you die on every hill.
★ aquarius sun (or 11th house): we get it, you’re different. but are you actually quirky or just avoiding dealing with your emotions by pretending you’re above them? also, stop ghosting people when they get too attached to your eccentric ass.
★ aries moon (or 1st house): just because you feel something doesn’t mean you need to act on it immediately. not every inconvenience is a personal attack, chill out. also, why do you cry when you’re mad but swear you’re “not emotional”?
★ capricorn rising: you’ve been acting like a 40-year-old since you were 15. just admit that you thrive on being a workaholic and judging people who don’t have a five-year plan. but also, maybe stop blaming your childhood for your commitment to the grind.
★ gemini venus (or 3rd house): how’s it feel to be one flirty conversation away from cheating at all times? it’s not charming, it’s emotional gambling. pick a favorite and stick to it for once in your life.
★ sagittarius mercury (or 9th house): congrats on saying something controversial “just to be honest” and then wondering why nobody invites you to brunch anymore. your mouth runs faster than your brain, and no, being blunt doesn’t make you brave—it makes you annoying.
★ virgo mars (or 6th house): if overthinking was a sport, you’d have a gold medal. you’re not “being helpful,” you’re micromanaging because nothing is ever good enough for you. loosen up before you pop a vein.
★ leo mars (or 5th house): everything’s a competition, but somehow, the only person you’re actually competing with is your own ego. also, not every romantic conquest is a movie scene. sometimes people just want dinner, not a dramatic confession in the rain.
★ cancer rising: you give off “i’m sweet and harmless” energy until someone touches your emotional safe space. then it’s claws out, crying in the bathroom, and a group chat vent session about how nobody “truly understands you.”
★ pisces venus (or 12th house): romanticizing people who don’t even know your last name isn’t cute, it’s tragic. stop falling for walking red flags because you think you can “heal” them. you’re not their therapist, babe.
★ aquarius mars (or 11th house): you’re out here fighting for humanity but ghosting the people who text you “wyd?”. revolutionary energy, commitment issues. also, maybe stop starting debates with strangers just because you’re bored.
★ capricorn moon (or 10th house): crying is for weaklings, right? except now you’re 27 and realizing bottling up your emotions is why you drink too much coffee and sleep too little. therapy isn’t a weakness, babe.
★ sagittarius venus (or 9th house): stop flirting with people who live in different time zones. long-distance relationships aren’t romantic; they’re your excuse to not commit to something real. also, being “free-spirited” doesn’t mean ditching plans last minute, k?
★ gemini mars (or 3rd house): you’re not multitasking, you’re just doing too much and finishing nothing. also, stop picking fights over dumb things like grammar. nobody cares that they used “your” wrong in a text.
★ book a reading ★ ★ masterlist 1 ★ ★ masterlist 2 ★
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The Cullens with a reader who is afraid of needles but has tattoos and piercings?
The Cullens with a Reader who has tattoos and piercings but is afraid of Needles
Again, you guys manage to clock me perfectly. It’s kinda freaky. I just got a new tattoo the other day but I’m still putting off getting some of my vaccines because I’m scared of them.
Thank you for requesting and I hope you enjoy!
Edward:
He thinks you’re funny
He so fascinated by how your mind works
He went with you once while you got a new tattoo
He was supposed to be there to hold your hand
But you didn’t need it
You just sat there peacefully making small-talk
But then
Carlisle called you into the clinic because you were overdue for a vaccine
Edward thought you were gonna take his hand clean off
He’s tried to talk to you a couple times about how they’re not so different
But you don’t wanna hear it
So he just settles with being there to comfort you every time you need a shot ❤️
Alice:
She finds it hilarious
Definitely tells you that you’re overreacting
But she will still comfort you
She loves your tattoos and piercings so much
But she just cannot wrap her mind around why you seem to be petrified of other needles
Oh well
She teases you for it all the time
But that doesn’t stop her from going with you and holding your hand and telling you how brave you’re being
She still tries to convey how weird you’re being
And how they’re not that different
But even she can see that that won’t work
So she just lets you be you
Jasper:
He may be a vampire
But honestly he gets it
No one particularly enjoys the feeling of something punching into your skin
But it’s easier to cope when you know that you’re getting something cool out of it
Aka a piercing or a tattoo
He understands
So he goes with you whenever you have to get a shot and he uses his ability to calm you down
It makes it easier for everyone
He also may or may not have taken to just asking Carlisle to give you your vaccines when you’re asleep
He can use his ability to keep you asleep
Bada bing bada boom problem solved
Rosalie:
She understands a little bit
But also not really
She remembers getting her ears pierced when she was alive and she absolutely hated it
So she hates needles too
She understands you there
But she doesn’t understand your love for tattoos and piercings
Like obviously she loves her ear piercings and sort of wishes she’d gotten second lobe ones
But the pain is way too much for her
Also she is very reluctant to go with you
She can stomach a lot
But something about needles is a no for her
Don’t get me wrong she will hold your hand and let you squeeze
But her head will be turned the other way
Emmett:
He thinks you’re hilarious
He teases you for it all the time
Likely won’t let up even if you tell him to stop
He just thinks it’s the funniest shit
That doesn’t mean he won’t go with you to be your emotional support and personal stress ball
It just means that he’ll bully you relentlessly afterwards
He doesn’t actually mean any malice behind it
He’s just a jokester at heart
And if you really, really tell him you don’t like when he teases you about it
He might let up every once in a while
Esme:
If she was human, she would honestly be the opposite
In her human life, she could take a vaccine needle like a champ
But even the thought of a tattoo or piercing makes her queasy
She does her best to reassure you of that
Trying to convince you that needles aren’t that bad
But you’re hard to get through to
So she just settles for being there for you
She goes with you every time you need to get a shot
But she stays home from the piercers or the tattoo parlor
Best scenario
Carlisle:
He has a bit of a different approach to this
He knows many people who are afraid of needles
He’s a doctor, it’s bound to happen
Thinks that exposure therapy is the best
He takes you to the clinic with him all the time
Has you sit in on a couple of his patients
And watch them get vaccines
Maybe it works maybe it doesn’t
Can’t say he didn’t try
But he never judges you for your fear
It’s real, it’s valid, and he will never make fun of you for it
Vampire! Bella:
Honestly
She understands
I have a feeling she was really in to getting piercings at some point
But I also have a feeling she never took good enough care of the piercings for them to stick around
So when she was human she had a bunch of scarred holes on her ears
But she gets it
She hated needles
But she loved piercings
Honestly wishes she could get some now
But either way, she doesn’t judge
She understands completely
Supportive queen
#alice cullen#bella swan#carlisle cullen#edward cullen#esme cullen#emmett cullen#jasper cullen#jasper hale#rosalie hale#rosalie cullen#alice cullen x reader#bella swan x reader#carlisle cullen x reader#esme cullen x reader#emmett cullen x reader#edward cullen x reader#jasper cullen x reader#jasper hale x reader#rosalie hale x reader#rosalie cullen x reader
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Imagine that the reader, Charles, Lando and Carlos randomly get the idea to go to Costco and try some viral food they saw on TikTok so when they go to buy the product, Charles grabs a separate cart and when the guys ask him why if they are only going to buy one thing, he says that the reader always ends up buying too many things and then has nowhere to put them so Charles is used to carrying an extra cart because he knows his girlfriend is a compulsive shopper.
retail therapy
★ : feat :: charles leclerc x reader ★ : genre :: fluff; crack ★ : word count :: 1.4k ★ : a/n :: i've had this in my drafts for so long. i'm so sorry love, i unfortunately suck and forget to schedule the post. thanks for the fun request <33
You found yourself in the expansive parking lot of a large store on an otherwise ordinary Saturday afternoon, accompanied by Charles, Lando, and Carlos.
The mission? To grab the viral food product that TikTok had unanimously declared a must-try: Shin Ramyun. It was supposed to be a simple in-and-out operation, but Charles had other plans.
”Why'd you grab an extra cart?” Lando asked, one eyebrow raised in confusion as Charles nonchalantly pushed the second cart alongside his own.
”We're only buying one thing,” Carlos chimed in, clearly perplexed.
Charles sighed dramatically, casting a knowing glance at you, who were busily scrolling through your phone to find the exact aisle where the magical ramen resided.
”You guys don't understand,” Charles began, shaking his head as if explaining a basic concept to toddlers before whispering so you wouldn’t catch it. ”Y/N always ends up buying too many things. It's like she has a radar for… unnecessary purchases.”
”Hey!” you protested, looking up from your phone. ”They're not unnecessary. They're uh- useful in unexpected ways!”
”Like the 50-pound bag of gummy bears?” Charles retorted, smirking when he saw your eyes widen. ”Or the industrial-sized jar of pickles you bought last time?”
”They were on sale,” you defended, crossing your arms. ”And you love pickles.”
”I love them in moderation, not in bulk.”
”You take that back, mister!”
Lando and Carlos exchanged amused glances, clearly enjoying the back-and-forth.
”So, what's the plan?” Lando asked, eager to get the show on the road.
”Simple,” you said, a mischievous glint in your eye. ”We go in, get the Shin Ramyun, and maybe... just maybe... see if there are any good deals.”
Charles rolled his eyes but couldn't suppress a smile. ”And this,” he said, gesturing to the extra cart, ”is why we can't have nice, quick shopping trips.”
You entered the store, greeted by the overwhelming scent of bulk goods and free samples. You navigated through the aisles, Charles dutifully pushing one carts, while Lando and Carlos alternatively pushed the other.
”Okay, the Shin Ramyun should be in aisle 12,” you announced, leading the way. ”But we should definitely check out the electronics section first. You never know when there's a sale.”
”We're here for food,” Charles reminded you, though his tone was more resigned than stern.
”And electronics,” you added cheerfully. ”Come on, it's right this way.”
Lando nudged Carlos, whispering, ”Ten bucks says our bill will be over two grand.”
”Mate, talk around five and you're on,” Carlos replied with a grin.
Sure enough, as you wandered through the electronics section, your eyes lit up at the sight of a massive flat-screen TV on sale.
”Look at this deal!” you exclaimed, practically bouncing with excitement. ”We could totally use a new TV.”
The boys behind you just shook their heads and to appease them, you slowly started, ”I’m just saying that the bonus I got last week has got to—”
”You guys have a TV,” Lando snickered.
”Yes, but not this TV,” you said, gesturing dramatically. ”Think about movie nights! Think about the sports games! Think about—”
”Think about where we're going to put it,” Charles interrupted, though he was already losing the battle. The allure of a good deal was strong, even for him. You could see it in his eyes that he was already almost convinced.
”Fine,” you huffed anyway, moving along. ”But we're coming back for it if we have room.”
Lando and Carlos exchanged looks, trying to stifle their laughter.
”You guys are a mess,” Carlos said, shaking his head. ”This is better than Netflix.”
”Just wait until we hit the snack aisle,” Lando added, trying to be discreet but you caught it. ”That's when things get really interesting.” He just gave you a nervous cheeky smile in return as you glared.
As you made your way to aisle 12, you inevitably got distracted by various items along the way. A giant jar of Nutella? In the cart. A set of high-end kitchen knives? In the cart. A year's supply of toilet paper? In the cart.
Charles dutifully followed, pushing the now significantly heavier cart with an air of resigned amusement. ”See?” he said to Lando and Carlos. ”This is why I grabbed an extra cart.”
Finally, you reached the aisle with the viral TikTok food product. There it was, Shin Ramyun, in all its spicy glory, stacked high and tempting.
”Here it is!” you said triumphantly, grabbing several boxes and adding them to the cart. ”Mission accomplished.”
”Can we leave now?” Charles asked, though he already knew the answer.
”Not yet,” you replied, a mischievous twinkle in your eye. ”We need to check out the outdoor section. Summer's coming, and we could use some new patio furniture.”
Charles groaned, but there was no real annoyance in it. He knew this was just how your trips to the store went. Besides, there was something endearing about your enthusiasm for finding deals and stocking up on... well, everything.
As you wandered through the outdoor section, Lando and Carlos tried out various patio chairs and loungers, providing a running commentary that kept everyone entertained. You found a particularly nice set that you insisted would look perfect in your backyard.
”Think of all the barbecues we could have,” you said, looking at Charles with pleading eyes.
Charles sighed, but there was a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. ”Fine, but this is the last thing. I mean it.”
”Promise,” you said, kissing him lightly while your friends fake gagged in the background.
You made your way to the checkout, carts overflowing with all manner of items. The staff recognized the boys and immediately started asking for photos and signatures as you guys waited for your turn.
That’s when Charles moved around and squeezed,”Gotta run to the toilet, I’ll be back in two?” He leaned down to whisper.
You shrugged and nodded your head, instead discussing Lando's new apartment with him. Failing to notice how Carlos was nowhere in sight either.
The cashier raised an eyebrow but didn't comment as she rang up the seemingly endless stream of products.
She was on the last few products when you heard Lando sigh under his breath and as you turned around, you saw Charles and Carlos carrying the box of the TV that you were eyeing.
Your own eyes widened as you jumped up and down and screamed,”No way, I love you!” Charles just snorted as skipped towards him.
He set the TV down and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into a warm hug. ”I couldn't resist,” he admitted, his voice soft. ”Your excitement is contagious.”
You beamed up at him, feeling the love and warmth in his embrace. ”You always know how to make me feel loved.”
Charles kissed your forehead, his eyes twinkling. ”Cmon, babe. It’s like breathing for me now”
Lando and Carlos approached, carrying the last few bags and boxes. ”You two are adorable,” Lando teased, nudging Carlos. ”A bit nauseating, but adorable.”
As you left the store, pushing your heavily-laden carts towards the car, Lando and Carlos couldn't help but laugh.
”I owe you ten bucks,” Lando said, nudging Carlos.
Charles wrapping an arm around you. ”What do you think we can do with our old TV?” You smirked before looking over at Lando and Carlos who were loading the car.
”You know the way Lando bought a new apartmen—” Your boyfriend threw his head back and laughed before you could even finish.
”God, baby, I love you! Compulsive shopping and all.”
You smiled up at him, your eyes sparkling. ”And I love that you always bring an extra cart. Just in case.”
”So, what's the first thing we do with all this stuff?” Carlos asked, squeezing the last box into the trunk.
”Easy,” you said with a grin. ”We head home and have a fun game session with some Shin Ramyun and a movie on our new TV.”
Lando snickered. ”Sounds like the perfect end to a perfect shopping spree.”
”And if anyone asks,” Charles added with a wink, ”this was all part of the therapy. Sometimes, a little retail indulgence is just what the doctor ordered.”
”Retail therapy,” you said, snuggling into Charles as you drove off. ”It's cheaper than real therapy. Sometimes.”
Charles laughed, kissing the top of your head. ”And way more fun.”
(grid masterlist \ masterlist \ drop a request ) ©maxtermind // do not copy, rewrite or translate any of my work on any platforms.
#★ : my work !#f1#fanfic#formula 1#charles leclerc imagine#charles leclerc fanfic#charles leclerc smut#max f1#charles leclerc#charles leclerc fic#charles leclerc f1#charles leclerc x reader#f1 fanfic#f1 x reader#charles leclerc one shot#charles leclerc x y/n#charles leclerc x you#cl16 fanfic#cl16#cl16 x reader#cl16 imagine#cl16 fic#cl16 x you#cl16 x y/n#cl16 one shot#formula one imagine#cl16 smut#charles leclerc imagines#f1 fandom#formula one
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hi hi!! i love your writing! if you’re interested, i think it’d be cute to see something with spencer & fem!reader (cold!reader or otherwise, up to you) where the team is stuck working a case on christmas. could be kinda angsty or fluffy, i just love a fluffy ending
no worries if not! all the love!! 💚
JUST ANOTHER DAY — SPENCER REID!
you and the team get caught in texas over christmas.
spencer reid x cold!reader | 1.0k | fluff? | cold!reader masterlist.
main masterlist.
a/n — trying to put out as many christmas themed fics in the next two weeks as i can—
It doesn’t feel like Christmas, despite all of the decorated trees and flickering fairy lights that line the Austin streets.
A lack of snow? sure. A generally high temperature with sunny skies? Well, obviously.
But of all the serial crimes someone had to commit over the Christmas period, arson was probably the most ironic.
“It’s almost funny,”
“It’s pathetic,” You cut JJ off with a roll of your eyes, crossing one leg over the other in the office chair you were inhabiting. “Arsonists are idiotic cowards, Christmas or not,”
JJ raised her eyebrows at your sharp tone, but she didn’t push. Instead, she gave a small shrug and leaned back in her chair, flipping through a file. “I think Garcia would say they’re more like... Grinches.”
You scoffed. “The Grinch had an actual motive. These guys just want attention.”
Spencer glanced up from the pile of maps and data he was poring over at the conference table. His brow furrowed slightly, but the corner of his mouth twitched upward in something that wasn’t quite a smile. “Technically, the Grinch’s motive was rooted in deep-seated emotional trauma from early childhood neglect and social isolation—”
“Thank you, Doctor Christmas,” you interjected, though there wasn’t much heat behind your words.
His brow furrowed slightly, as if he were trying to solve a puzzle. You’d been sharp all day—more than usual—and he was silently cataloging every detail of your demeanor, trying to understand what might have set you off.
“Statistically speaking, arsonists often escalate during the holidays,” Spencer offered cautiously. His tone was measured, but there was a note of hesitance, as if he were wary of setting you off further. “It’s a time when a lot of people feel isolated or resentful, which can fuel the compulsion.”
“Yeah, well, maybe they should try therapy instead of lighting up someone’s livelihood,” you muttered, not bothering to look up.
Morgan, sitting across from you, exchanged a glance with JJ, then leaned back in his chair. “You’re extra spicy today, Ice Queen. Everything okay?”
“I’m fine,” you replied a little too quickly, flipping a page in the file.
But you weren’t fine. Everyone could tell, especially Spencer. He tilted his head slightly, studying the way your shoulders were tensed, your jaw tight. You were usually sarcastic and a little standoffish, but this was different.
“Maybe you just need a break,” Spencer suggested gently. “We could grab coffee?”
Your eyes flicked up to meet his, the suggestion catching you off guard. For a moment, your steely exterior faltered. There was something in his gaze—warmth, concern, understanding—that made you feel seen in a way you weren’t sure you were ready for.
“I don’t need a break,” you said, voice softening slightly despite yourself. “I’ll be fine.”
The room fell quiet after that, the team respectfully giving you space. Spencer, however, stayed attentive, his mind already whirring with possibilities. You weren’t fine—and he was determined to figure out why.
—
It wasn’t until much later, when the team gathered around a small table in the precinct’s breakroom for a makeshift Christmas dinner, that Spencer finally got his chance. He sat beside you, close enough that his knee brushed yours, grounding you with his quiet presence.
“You’re not really mad about the case,” he said softly, his voice just loud enough for you to hear.
You glanced at him, startled, but his expression was open and kind, not accusing. “What makes you say that?”
“You’re not a big fan of Christmas, are you?” he asked, ignoring your deflection. “Or maybe... you don’t have the best memories of it.”
You opened your mouth to respond, to brush him off like you had the others, but the words didn’t come. Instead, you sighed, your shoulders shrugging exasperatedly. “It’s just another day, isn’t it?”
Spencer nodded, as though he’d already suspected as much. “I suppose so,” he said gently. “I never really enjoyed Christmas much when I was younger, with… my mom and all,”
You hum softly at his response.
His understanding took you off guard. You weren’t used to people digging into the grit behind the surface, and you certainly weren’t used to them doing it with such care. “Spend most of mine alone,” you asked, deflecting the attention. “Just wish I was actually in my own apartment,”
“I know what you mean,” he agreed. “I spend mine very similarly most years, when I can’t fly to Vegas anyway,”
Spencer lets out a soft breath. “I still enjoy it though,” He tilts his head slightly at you, like his opinion is somehow controversial.
“But not because of the traditions or the decorations. I like the idea of it—the chance to appreciate the people who matter, to make memories, even if they’re small.” His gaze softened as he looked at you. “I think that’s something worth holding on to, no matter what’s happened in the past.”
His words lingered in the air between you, warm and unexpected. For the first time all day, the tension in your chest began to ease.
“Yeah, maybe,” you murmured, absently biting on your cheek as you seem to deliberate.
Spencer smiled back, a flicker of relief in his eyes. “You should try the cookies Garcia brought,” he said, changing the subject with an almost boyish awkwardness. “They’re... very festive.”
You raise an eyebrow. Festive sounded about right if it was coming from Garcia. “Sounds like her,”
As the conversation shifted to lighter topics, the weight on your shoulders felt a little less heavy. Spencer didn’t press you further, but the way he stayed close, quietly attuned to your mood, said more than words ever could.
Maybe Christmas didn’t have to feel like Christmas. ‘Just another day’ didn’t seem so bad.
#cold!reader ᝰ.ᐟ#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid#criminal minds#criminal minds x reader#spencer reid fluff#mgg#criminal minds fluff
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