#maybe I am just not allowed to love a drawing I made of myself

[mitamicah]

I tried to redraw the picture of me and Bojan from Malmö and while I sort of liked it yesterday I really don't know so I guess my curse of not being able to draw us to a degree that I am satisfied with continues

The drawing for the few curious ones

[galacticsuperstitions]

the minds of a lab at three different points (LONG rambling under the cut)

I am constantly in awe of the analyses people put out about Arknights on this website. I feel like my own interpretations are somewhat lacking as a result, but I was confident enough to post this, at least. I've had this idea for a long time now, I think since Lone Trail released, but I've only been able to make the time for it now.

Rhine Lab has so many fucked up elements and people involved in it that it's actually impressive. They were really gunning for "most unethical scientific consortium" reward. Really, though, it's just the result of Kristen gunning for her parents' wishes. All of the directors want something and all of those somethings are different.

Things I want to mention or just feel proud of (allowing myself this because of how long this took):

-I was originally planning on crossing out Saria's surname to reflect that we still don't know what it is in canon, but I don't know why whoever has this poster would do that, so I just kept it in. Hermon refers to Mount Hermon, which Saria's name apparently derives from. Technically, her name here is the same thing twice. Oh well.

-I don't know who this poster belongs to. It's just in some Rhine Lab tech's personal desk, I guess? Doesn't explain the doodles, though. Maybe they were bored and feeling spiteful about the potential job insecurity of your boss being comatose in space.

-I realized only while making this post that I made Saria's, Muelsyse's, and Jara's doodles reference Kristen, yet Kristen's only references herself and her parents. Completely unintentional, but appropriate nonetheless.

-I am so happy with how the poster came out. It makes up for how hard I had to fight Canva for it to come out like that. Here it is in full if you want to look at it closely for whatever reason. (writing an actual description for this thing was fun!)

-Andenate doesn't actually have a face under the sticky note. That's why he's still Mike Wazowski'd in the poster png. I didn't feel like drawing one since it wouldn't be shown in the finished pieces anyway. His jacket is just the same as Magallan's.

-Ifrit's picture board was a literal last-minute addition. It's why the images are sketches rather than being in the lineless style of the poster. It feels fitting, though, so I'm keeping it that way. Seeing Ifrit all grown up and doing so well in Lone Trail was wonderful. There's something in her being happy and healthy and also surrounded by not just her loved ones and friends from Rhine Lab, but also people outside of it. She's cultivated her life to be as fulfilling as she wants it to be, and while there is still room to grow, she has plenty of support and insight from others for it to do so. I may be misrepresenting her a bit (the sleepiness doesn't help), but man. I love Ifrit. She's so cool.

[handyowlet]

Ok, so I have no idea how this works and clearly I am late, but let’s see if I can catch up.

Day 1: I honestly can’t remember how I found the book the first time, I only know I had read it before S1 came out. I really liked it, but didn’t allow myself to care as much until S2 came and the hyper fixation took over. Now I’m on Tumblr and AO3 and so, so happy.

Day 2: It’s hard to choose, honestly. I love all the flashbacks, “To the World,” the dance, the whole Bentley scene (“But it’s pretty”, the bitchy eyebrows raise, etc.) Hmm, maybe this one:

Day 3: No idea. I see cosplayers occasionally, mostly on Tumblr, but I don’t know any names.

Day 4: Good God there are too many to name. Is this just drawing (Gleafer, GaHell, Aneh, etc.)? Physical media (IneffablePenguin, etc.)? Fanfics (Caedmon, CaptainBlou, DepravedDame, FunkyEarthChild, etc.)? You’re all so magnificent and I can’t list everyone 😭!

Day 5: “Lovers in a Dangerous Time” by Barenaked Ladies

When you're lovers in a dangerous time

Sometimes you're made to feel as if your love's a crime

Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight

Got to kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight

[icequeenlila]

Context: They're walking back to their shared dorm.

"Don't you worry what people think when they see you with me?"

This time the pull inside his gut wasn't as bad, still Bradley couldn't find it in himself to look at Max.

"You know", Max said. "I'm amazed every time I remember you managed to make an entire campus believe you're this untouchable ego-king." He cocked his head, looking at Bradley with caring eyes. "When in reality, you have pretty much no self-esteem."

Bradley kicked a pebble on the floor.

"If you only ever interact with people on a shallow basis, it's pretty easy to pretend", Bradley said with a shrug. "And before you, the only person I ever actually talked to was Tank."

"Well, then I consider myself honored to be one of the few people allowed to see your real self", Max said and the smile on his lips was so fond that it left no doubt he actually meant it.

Bradley didn’t deserve him.

"And to put your mind to rest," Max said, his thumb running along Bradley's palm again, sending shivers through his traitorous body. "If it was possible I'd let the whole world know that I am dating Bradley Uppercrust the third, and that I'm so, so very happy about the fact."

Bradley felt that fragile thing inside his chest again. His cheeks burned and he didn't try to hide it. There was a lump building in his throat, and Bradley swallowed it down. If it was just Max, maybe he'd let his emotions run free, but there was just no way he'd let a single tear slip when he was outside, in bright daylight.

"I'm very happy too", he said and his voice was barely audible even to his own ears.

Max’ smile was booming. He looked at Bradley like he was the most precious thing he'd ever seen.

The thought alone made his heart swell with unbearable warmth. The thought that Braldey might be precious to Max.

"Wait", Max said, eyes growing big. "I have an idea."

He abruptly stopped on the sidewalk, almost making a guy on a skateboard bump into them.

"Yo, watch your step!"

Max completely ignored him, instead looking at Bradley with wide eyes and a smile that told him he was up to no good.

"Max?", he asked, his voice wary.

"Two flies with one strike", Max blurted.

"What?"

"You're worried people will judge me for being with you, and you're scared people will realize you're a complete softie for me."

Bradley frowned. "Well, I wouldn't say it like that- "

"I'll proof to you that I don't give a fuck about what people think and draw all attention from you." 

Max sounded more than excited now. Bradley was surprised he didn't see a tail wagging behind his back.

"Goof, I have no idea what you’re talking about", Bradley said, crossing his arms.

Max's smile only grew.

"See those people?", he asked.

They were close to the dorms now. There weren't as many people here as there had been by the main building, but it was the middle of the day and most students were on their way to lectures.

"I do", Bradley said, still lost on what Max was trying to tell him. "What about them?"

There was now a full-on grin on Max' face. "People won't even think of painting you the love-sick one when they see that I'm far worse."

"Wha- "

But it clicked.

If possible, Max’ grin grew even wider.

"Goof", Bradley warned. "Don't do something you'll regre- "

"Hey, everyone!", Max yelled, spinning around with his arms spread wide open.

Pretty much everyone within earshot turned at the sound of his booming voice. He was their golden boy after all.

"Max!", Bradley hissed, hiding half of his face behind one hand.

People even stopped on both sides of the sidewalk to listen to what Max had to say, smiles on their lips and curiosity in their eyes.

"I'm dating Bradley Uppercrust!", Max yelled and Bradley's heart did a painful jump inside his chest. "I'm down bad and I'm super happy!"

People's eyes went wide, a universal murmur filling the campus street.

"No", Braldey said, turning on his heel and power walking away from him.

He felt his heart thundering inside his chest, a mix of adrenalin and euphoria setting his insides alight. He couldn’t believe this was actually happening.

He heard Max laughing behind him, and then warm fingers wrapped around his wrist.

"Wait for me, Brad!", he called, giggling. "People will think I'm a liar."

"What are you doing!?", he hissed, and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't stop the corners of his mouth from rising.

"Telling everyone how down-bad for you I am", Max answered with the sun in his eyes.

"People will talk!" There was a quiver in his voice, he only barely contained the laughter bubbling up his chest.

"I sure hope they will", Max said, a giddy chuckle in his voice.

"You're mad", Bradley scolded, but no matter how hard he tried to contain it, he couldn't keep the giggle from his voice.

"Only because I wanna kiss you so bad right now", Max said with a dopey grin, his fingers pressing down around Bradley's hand.

Bradley blushed, almost stumbling as they walked towards the nearing dorms in hurried steps.

"You can kiss me all you want once we're back home again", Bradley said, almost feeling ashamed at his own boldness.

But no shame could fester inside his chest when Max looked at him like that. His warm brown eyes widened in surprise, his pupils slightly blown at Bradley's promise.

"Hurry up or I'll carry you", Max said, pulling Bradley along.

+

From chapter 10 of 'Good Luck, Babe!' on ao3.

[jojo-schmo]

hi jojo! im just wondering but ive been wanting to make a comic for a little while but im not too sure where to start 😅. i really love your style of art and your forgotten land roleswap, and i was wondering if you had any tips for beginners?

Hello, hello! Thank you for enjoying my Forgotten Land Roleswap comic, it means a lot! <3

I'm very honored that people have been asking me for tips and advice. All of this is coming from a hobbyist who draws these comics purely for fun outside of my regular day job. Some of my methods would probably deal psychic damage to a professional, LOL. But I'm more than happy to share some things I've personally learned! :)

First of all, the book, "Understanding Comics" by Scott McCloud ROCKS. It literally gave me a new dimension to understand the medium of comics and how it presents ideas and emotions to readers! And I haven't even had the chance to finish it all the way! I'm very happy I own a copy and I recommend having one of your own if you can, but it's archived here if you want to read it :D

I also like analyzing other comics and thinking about how they get information across to me as a reader. It's helped me learn more effective ways to visually tell a story, like what to include in a frame, how zooming in or out affects the feeling from the panel, maybe building a scene by focusing on other stuff if someone is talking a lot... etc.

ANYWAYS-! Some other tips I've learned through my personal experience-

I had to overcome a lot of negative self-talk in order to tackle a huge comic project like this and stay committed. I was a pretty severe self-deprecator for most of my life so far, and getting help has allowed me to catch myself when I'm slipping back into those habits, look in the mirror, and go, "NO, JOJO! You pour your heart into what you make and that is a wonderful thing! You are appreciated and loved and you deserve to have fun making something you are passionate about!!" Some examples of the negative self-talk I catch myself in....

"I'm a noob at writing and making a story interesting... What's the point of even trying?"

When it comes to starting a project, whether it's 2 pages or 2000 pages, is to just jump in and start! It's okay to be a little insecure or nervous about your technical art skills, writing skills, etc... But writing a "bad" scene is better than no scene- because you can always edit a "bad" scene down the line, but what can you do with nothing? Nothing!! I also put "bad" in quotation marks because I am trying to use that term less, and instead call them "early drafts." or "works in progress."

The first Roleswap scene I fleshed-out was the first Bandee boss fight, in May 2022. I made this drawing on an impulse, getting my ideas down on the page without thinking about the technical stuff like comic panel borders. I consider it like a "pilot episode" almost, haha. The final project is going to be very different from how things play out here. But it got me interested in the concept and excited to see where I could take it, and I made the decision to commit to an entire game plot's worth of AU comics!!

Also, what's the point in trying you ask? The point is to have fun! Making a fan comic in my free time means I don't have restrictions like deadlines, nobody's telling me what I can and can't write, and I can make the story as long or as short as I want! I have full control, which means the world I'm writing is all mine to create! Yes, with a fan comic there is a pre-established world with existing characters. But a universe like Kirby has enough open-ended concepts for people to take basic concepts in the world and take them to whole new levels! I think that's why there are so many amazing fan interpretations of Kirby characters and OCs. The rules are so vague, you can just make up your own a lot of the time!! And it's a wonderful exercise to learn skills for someday building an original world with all original characters from scratch! Magical!!!

"I'm not good enough to make a comic. I don't understand perspective or color and other stuff. Anything I make will look bad.

I once read a two panel comic on here. I can't find it anymore but I remember most of it. First panel showed the artist looking at what they're drawing on their tablet, looking defeated and sad. "Man, I don't even know how to draw this....."The next panel was like them smiling and shrugging, I think rainbows and sparkles were coming out of their tablet, ".....I GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE TO DRAW IT SHITTY!! :D "

IF ANYONE KNOWS THIS COMIC I'M REFERENCING, PLEASE TELL ME AND I'LL LINK IT!!! Because it permanently and positively changed my brain chemistry.

No kidding, making the decision to just do my best even if it's not perfect, helped me a LOT. I was always waiting to "reach a certain level" to tackle a huge project because I felt like I'd never do it justice at my current state. Except I had been telling myself that kind of stuff for years and I still didn't start any projects!!

So the day I said, "Oh well! If I draw backgrounds shitty, then it is what it is! I'll learn from it and draw the next background a little better," Was the day I could commit fully to the project. I'll keep studying how to draw them better for my own benefit, but I won't let my skill issues stop me from even trying!

And for my limited confidence in full-color art, I solved that by making the comic in black and white with no-to-minimal shading lolol. Because I can only address one skill issue at a time before it takes me 25 years to finish this HAHAHA.

It saves a BUNCH of time to work with skill issues rather than against them! Because at least experience is gained in other ways, and who knows, maybe that new knowledge will help address the skill issues someday! So identifying your personal skill issues and deciding which one to try to grow stronger, and which one to work around, could help with big projects!

"Nobody will read this. I'm going to put months or years of my life into a dumb little thing nobody will even care about."

Learning how to draw for my own enjoyment instead of somebody else's was one of the biggest breakthroughs I ever made. Enjoying the feeling of being challenged artistically and just doing my best, even if it's not technically perfect, is the reason why I was even able to start this!

And just because someone doesn't directly like, comment or whatever on a post doesn't mean nobody saw it! I used to get really down on myself for the lack of engagement on my art on other websites.

I was a lurker for pretty much my entire teenage years and never posted my own stuff or commented much. But that didn't take away the fact that I really enjoyed the things I saw online. Those positive feelings were real to me, even when I didn't know how to articulate it in words. Granted, I grew up into a Words of Affirmation main, and I use words to tell people the positive things I think about them as much as I can! But I know not everyone prefers words to express themselves. So I think about the people that I don't know enjoy my work- that just because I don't see it doesn't mean I didn't make a positive impact on someone by sharing my stories.

THIS IS GETTING LONG-- UHHH, STORY TIPS!!

If you work best on technology, start building the story in a Notes app, or a Google Doc! If you work best with pen and paper, start a notebook and rearrange stuff as you need to!

Or if you're chaotic like me, a mix of tech and paper!! I bought a notebook with ring binding so I can remove and rearrange pages of drafts as much as I wanted to! Like here's two very rough concept pages of one Chapter 1 scene made months apart.

I'd say planning out the biggest basic plot points and then filling in between as I went was most helpful! I also have separate notes for character motivations, important story-changing events, etc... So I can have my own reference when I'm writing new scenes!

Okay this was a lot, sorry about the yapping! Hopefully it helps even a tiny bit. If you have any specific questions I'm happy to talk about my experience in the creation process! Or elaborate on anything I said above.

And finally, because I'm not a professional there are probably plenty of other tactics that could work better for some people. My ADHD probably doesn't help with the chaos of my process either, HAHA. But thank you for reading this far and enjoying the peek into the rainbow glitter and soap bubbles that inhabit the right side of my brain, heehee.

[the-100-days-of-junkan]

Day 15

Oh look! A Sequel! Don’t get used to that.

Yet another pic I colored way after it was sketched.

For context, when I showed No.14 to Val, she commented on how surprisingly normal Mikan’s reaction was in that image. And so I thought about it and was like “yeah wait that’d fry her brain.” So I drew a sequel where Mikan is so shocked and flustered by what Junko just did that she just gives up her sense of reason and logical thinking to just start making out with her. I loved doing the expressions for this one, Junko’s especially. And the kiss? I guarantee that was torturous because I was still not very used to drawing kisses at that point in time. Though for the first kiss of the event I’m pretty happy with it, especially since a later one really bothers me with how I drew it. Foreshadowing~!

Now to cover another aspect of the behind the scenes. One of my very arbitrary, very stupid rules that I imposed upon myself! This one technically was more of a unspoken rule though, so maybe not a good place to start. But fuck it, since this is the only pic that breaks that rule I might as well count it here and start yapping.

Rule 1: I’m not allowed to count sequels as separate days.

There aren’t many examples but there are a few Days of the Event that are made up of several images rather than just a single one. In fact, counting all of them together, including the (at the time of writing) unfinished No.100 and bonus images, there are actually 146 Individual images. This goes even further if you count various comic panels as separate. And there’s even stuff from the more secret surprises of the event that would boost it even more. By all means I hit my goal of 100 pics a while ago. However in my brain, if I just make every separate image it’s own day like with No.14 and No.15 it’d be both a cheap way to get through my count, and also would probably be unsatisfying for anyone who’s actually tuning into this project. Now am I actually correct in thinking that? Probably not. But hey I acknowledged the rules I forced onto myself are arbitrary and stupid, so  that means I’m absolved of my foolish brain! Right? 

Point is while there are images that definitely relate to each other, I didn’t make any direct sequels to posts that wouldn’t be included together as a single day. 

[shmaptainwrites]

𝐌𝐘 𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆, 𝐌𝐘 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐑 — 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝟏 [𝐕𝐈𝐎𝐋𝐄𝐓 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐔𝐒]

PAIRINGS — Violet Bridgerton x Marcus Anderson

SUMMARY — Marcus' children are finally in town, and Violet finally gets the chance to meet them.

WORD COUNT — 5.2K

WARNINGS — some descriptions of anxious behaviours throughout

NOTE — Again, as promised, here's another fic of these two lovelies! In two parts (for two reasons), but also mainly just to keep you on your toes ;) not me finally posting this like a month after writing it

Violet could have sworn the lump beginning to form in her throat was her heart, making its way out of her chest to remind her of the sobering reality of what was before her. She paced back and forth in the main entry hall of Danbury house, her hands firmly pressed against her stomach to try and suppress her lunch that was attempting to make a reappearance. 

Her thoughts swirled in her head, like a tornado beginning to form, threatening to destroy everything in its path. It had become so all consuming, that she didn’t notice two pairs of eyes watching carefully over her from a distance, voices hushed and concerned. 

“I have never seen her like this before,” Marcus whispered to Agatha, who had pursed her lips and gripped onto the head of her cane tightly as she watched her friend continue to pace. 

“She is nervous.” 

“I can see that,” Marcus rolled his eyes at his older sister’s obvious comment. 

“Then why are you standing here?” 

She looked up at him with a piercing glare. 

“Trust me, my voice is not the one that will soothe her right now,” she added, this time a little softer. 

Marcus nodded his head and carefully made his way out from the hallway where they were conveniently hidden from Violet’s view. Agatha turned around and made her way to the drawing room, giving them some much needed privacy.

Violet did not notice Marcus making his way towards her. He reached out a hand to touch her shoulder, but she yelped and jumped back, her hand moving from her stomach to her chest to now steady her erratic breathing. 

“I-Marcus,” she breathed. “I am sorry, you startled me.” 

She resumed her pacing, her hand retreating back to her stomach, the other patting her hair to ensure everything was neatly in place. She clearly didn’t realize Marcus was there for her. 

“Violet?” 

She spun around at the sound of his voice, her eyes wide and owlish, her nervousness seeping from every pore and creating a thick fog of anxiety around the room. 

“Would you like to talk about it?” 

This had become common practice over the past months. Marcus didn’t ever bother asking what was wrong, but instead dropping all such formalities and heading straight to the root of the problem, allowing her to process if she so wished, and oftentimes, she did wish to. 

“I suppose, maybe we should…before going in there.” 

Her eyes drifted towards the drawing room and she gulped, almost audibly.

“It is just…” her voice drifted off, like she was going into a trance staring down the hallway that seemed to get longer and longer with every passing second. 

“It is just, what, my dear?” 

Violet closed her eyes as the sound of his rich and velvety voice made its way to her ears, dampening the unease that surrounded her. 

“I do not know what I am to do, Marcus. Do I stand? Do I sit? How do I introduce myself? Must I explain our situation?” She rambled and began pacing again, only for Marcus to close some of the distance between them, taking her shoulders in his hands, first, to stop her, before tracing them down her arms and holding her hands in his. 

“Violet, Violet, Violet,” he repeated, pulling her out of her continued ramblings, her voice quieting as she looked up at him. 

“What if they do not like me?” she whispered. 

Marcus looks down at their intertwined hands, his thumb brushing over the betrothal ring, tracing the jewel at its centre, something purple for his Violet. 

“I find it quite hard to believe they would dislike you,” he began. “After all, I like you very much and they are my children. Perhaps we should think that they take after their father in this manner.” 

“Marcus, that does not-” 

“Violet, look at me, please.” 

She silenced herself and looked up at him, her blue eyes big and shimmering with worry. 

“You are a wonderful woman who is kind, and cares for others in a way I did not know was possible until I met you. My children are not unreasonable people, they wish for me to be happy, and I am most happy when I am with you.” 

Violet swallowed thickly and nodded her head. 

“I love you,” he whispered. 

“I love you too.” 

She pushed herself up on her toes to give him a quick and gentle kiss, hoping the familiar feeling of his lips against hers would quell whatever remaining insecurities she held close to her heart.

“Are you ready to go in there, or do you need another moment?” He asked, his thumbs continuing to brush soothingly over her fingers. 

“One more moment,” she whispered, leaning a little closer to him, and he complied by wrapping his arms around her in a quiet embrace, knowing at this point no one was watching, and nobody cared. 

Violet took one last deep breath and thanked Marcus, informing him she was now ready to head over to the drawing room. 

He offered his hand for her, which she took, and allowed him to lead her down the hallway and into the room she had been avoiding all afternoon. 

When she entered, there was a quiet chatter that hushed immediately, and she became very aware of the many pairs of eyes that seemed to burn into her very soul. Marcus sensed her nervousness returning, and squeezed her hand, bringing her back to the present. 

Everyone in the room seemed unsure of what to do, which is when Agatha decided to helpfully interject.

“Did your father and mother not teach you any manners? You are adults, go on, introduce yourselves,” she pointed to her nephew and two nieces with her cane. 

The younger girl stood up first, one hand moving to rest on her growing stomach while a radiant smile came across her face. Violet couldn’t help but notice how much she looked like her father, the same shining eyes and welcoming disposition. 

“Amelia Kilpatrick, my Lady,” she attempted to curtsy and Violet quickly let go of Marcus’ hand to encourage her back up. 

“Oh no, none of that, my dear,” Violet shook her head. “I have had eight children, I know how heavy they can be, please let us excuse such formalities.” 

“Of course, my Lady,” she smiled. “It is good to finally meet you.” 

“And you as well,” she agreed, feeling her nerves slowly begin to melt away. 

Next was who Violet assumed was the eldest of the bunch. 

“James Anderson. A pleasure to meet you.” 

Violet held out her hand, initially to shake, but James took it and pressed a kiss to its back and she could have sworn she could feel a bashful heat rise to her cheeks. 

“Likewise,” she nodded. 

Lastly, a more timid woman whose curls simultaneously framed her face and seemed to know no bounds, which had Violet mesmerized. She couldn’t see too much of a similarity between her and Marcus which made her assume she looked more like her mother. Softer, large brown eyes, thinner lips, a pointed nose. 

“Evelyn Jacob, my Lady,” she said quietly and quickly curtsied, struggling to meet her gaze. 

Violet looked back at Marcus, but he shook his head assuring you this was normal. Perhaps she just took time to warm up. 

“Wonderful to meet you.” 

Violet gave her a smile which she wasn’t entirely sure Evelyn saw before retreating back to where Marcus stood and Agatha was sitting. 

She and Marcus took seats, near one another, but not quite next to each other and silence fell over the room once more.

“Uh Amelia,” Marcus began. “Will Seamus be joining us?” 

“He had some affairs to take care of, I’m afraid,” she sighed. “I was hoping he might make it back in time, but it seems business takes longer and longer these days.” 

“W-Will you be in London when you have the baby?” Violet asked and Amelia nodded her head. 

“My husband and I thought it may be nice to be around our family. Especially now that Papa and Aunt Agatha have reconciled. It is a special moment to share together.” 

“I could not agree more,” Violet nodded her head, her hands twisting nervously in her lap.

“And we could not miss the wedding.”

Violet smiled, but shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She wasn’t sure why. She was getting married and she was most excited, so why did she feel the need to squirm? 

“How did you both meet?” James asked. “We have heard a lot about you in letters from my father, but not quite the details on how everything came to be.”

Violet looked over at Marcus and noticed his eyes were already on her. The warmth behind his irises muffled her worries enough for a moment so that she could speak, but unable to tear her gaze away from her fiancé. 

“I dropped my glove,” she began, “at a ball and he picked it up.” 

“And the rest is history,” Marcus smiled. 

“Well not quite that quickly,” Agatha teased. “I do recall getting in your way once or twice.” 

“I thought we had moved past that,” Marcus looked over at his sister who simply smiled with a bit of cheek. 

“We have, but no story is without its obstacles,” she tapped her cane on the ground. “And I was not the only one keen to get in your way.”

Violet cringed thinking back to the time before she and Anthony were able to have a proper conversation about her relationship with Marcus. She always knew he was protective over their family, but she didn’t realize the extent until she was in the middle of it herself. 

“Your aunt refers to my eldest son,” Violet decided to share. “He had concerns, naturally, but unfortunately had a very… interesting way of expressing them.”

“So we are talking about this now,” Evelyn quietly muttered under her breath and Violet tensed up. 

“Evelyn,” Marcus chided. 

“N-No Marcus, it’s quite alright,” Violet looked over and gave him a polite smile. “Evelyn, may I call you that?”

She finally met Violet’s gaze, some of her shyness now gone and replaced by something colder and harsher. 

“There is clearly something that is not sitting right with you,” she said slowly. “If you are willing to share, I would like to know what it is.”

Evelyn looked over to her siblings, seeing the confusion in their faces and understanding that she would not be getting the support she thought she would get from them. 

“Everyone is so concerned over what my father’s intentions are with you, but has anyone ever asked what your intentions are with him?” she asked cooly.

“Tone, Evelyn. You can still be polite,” Marcus advised and she apologized. 

“I do not think I have been asked that yet,” Violet said truthfully. “M-May I ask what you think my intentions are?” 

Evelyn looked over to Amelia who seemed to send her a warning glance, not to continue down this road, but she did not listen. 

“You are a widow, are you not? Your eldest son is married now. It must feel quiet and…boring.” 

“Evelyn!” her sister attempted to interject and Violet steeled herself for what other sharp words were to come. 

“Before you were able to take on the role of Viscountess, and from what I hear you did your job quite well, but that position is no longer yours,” Evelyn continued. “It makes sense that you would be looking for a husband now and how convenient that my father was there, hopeful and looking for someone to share the rest of his life with.” 

“Evelyn, I think that is enough,” James whispered over to his sister, but her quietness had since completely vanished and was replaced by a fire in her eyes. 

“I do not believe that you love my father.” 

Violet took a deep breath, her hands placed firmly in her lap. The unrelenting swirling in her stomach had since returned and she knew she couldn’t stay in that room any longer. 

“I am sorry you feel that way,” she said quietly. “Marcus, Agatha, thank you so much for having me, but I think I should go now.” 

Violet stood up and rushed out of the room, not noticing the look of shock on Marcus’ face as he looked at his middle daughter before quickly standing up and assuring Agatha he would go take care of Violet if she would do the honour of staring down Evelyn until he returned. 

“Violet,” Marcus called. “Violet, wait.” 

Violet forced herself to stop, knowing an abrupt departure would not be fair for either of them. Marcus caught up to her and placed a hand on her shoulder, turning her around and noticing how she desperately was trying to fight back the tears welling in her eyes. 

“Marcus, I’m sorry, I-I need to leave.” 

Marcus pressed his lips together, a hand moving to rub the back of his neck. 

“Let me talk to her,” he said. “At least. Then we can speak again.” 

Violet nodded her head. 

“I-” 

She couldn’t say it, not after what Evelyn had just accused. 

“I know, I know,” Marcus assured and pulled her into his arms, squeezing her tightly, his lips pressing a comforting kiss to her hair.

His daughter’s reaction had caught him completely off guard. He knew this was exactly what Violet had feared and he had led her into it without warning. 

After a few moments, Violet let go of Marcus and began to make her way to the door, but not before he gently grabbed her wrist and pulled her back into his arms for a tender kiss. He hoped, if anything, it might assure her that his feelings towards her would always remain the same, no matter what was said, and that he still had hope that Evelyn could be reasoned with.

Marcus wiped away a few of Violet’s tears that had escaped, his forehead pressed against hers, both of their eyes closed and soaking in the proximity the moment afforded them. 

“Deep breaths. This isn’t the hardest conversation we’ve had to have,” Marcus assured and Violet couldn’t help but chuckle with a little bit of mirth. 

Violet sniffled and wiped away her remaining tears, her hands pressed against Marcus’ chest. 

“Call on me when you are ready to speak again,” she instructed and he nodded his head. 

With one last chaste kiss, they parted ways, and when the door closed behind Violet, Marcus turned back towards the drawing room, wondering if maybe that sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach was what his fiancée had felt only mere moments before. 

—

“Lady Bridgerton?” 

Violet looked up from her embroidery, so lost in her piece that she pricked herself with her needle when brought out of her trance. She sucked some air through her teeth, putting her finger in her mouth and looked up at Mrs. Wilson. 

“Yes?” 

“Are you alright-” 

“Just a needle prick, nothing to worry about,” she quickly interjected. “Is he here?” 

She nodded her head and Violet gave her permission to bring Marcus into the drawing room. 

Mrs. Wilson didn’t waste any time in leaving the two alone, knowing they would skip the formalities of tea and cake and move straight to conversation, especially when something of great importance needed to be discussed. 

Violet placed her embroidery to the side, paying no mind to the small droplet of blood that was forming on the tip of her finger, her focus drawn back to Marcus. 

“So?” she asked as he sat next to her. 

“You’re bleeding,” he noted, taking her hand in his to examine it. 

“It’s nothing,” she shook her head and removed her hand from his, quickly putting her finger in her mouth again to rid it of the blood before clasping her hands in her lap. “Marcus?” 

He swallowed down the lump in his throat, knowing he needed to be direct with her about his conversation with Evelyn. 

“She seemed to think your kindness was manufactured,” he admitted. “All a ruse to lure me or something of the sort.” 

Violet pressed her lips together, her heart clenching. She had never thought someone might doubt her intentions of marrying again. She had gained many freedoms as a widow, something she had gotten used to over the decade being alone and she had even asked herself if she was willing to give some of those things up to be married again. 

Marcus knew all this, they had had numerous conversations on such a topic, and over time, Violet came to see the reality of the situation for what it was. In what she lost, she would gain a life partner, a second chance, and Marcus would never treat her as someone to be controlled under him, but rather an equal partner, someone to consult with, to enjoy the many things the second half of their lives had to offer. 

“I take it she is not to be reasoned with?” Violet asked quietly, and Marcus nodded his head. “Oh dear.” 

She could feel the tears begin to well in her eyes again. After all their struggles and conversations with Anthony, Violet had thought the worst of it was over, that they had passed the main hurdle in their attempt for a union. 

She wasn’t sure she had prepared herself for what was to come next, but she knew it was the right thing. They had both decided that should any one of their children be so firmly against the match that it would not be wise to proceed with the engagement. 

Violet chewed on her lip and looked down at her left hand, the opposite one coming to adjust the ring on her finger. 

“We cannot do this,” she looked up at him, eyes glassy with tears. 

Marcus pressed his lips together once more and nodded. That was the agreement. 

Hesitantly, Violet removed the ring from her finger, holding it in her hands for a few moments, reminding herself of its weight, the way it felt in her palm, the excitement in her heart when he had asked if she wished to spend the rest of their lives together. 

Without looking at Marcus, she placed the ring in his hand, tears streaming down her face as she did so. He took the ring, but after, Violet felt his thumb and forefinger on her chin, turning her face to his, encouraging her to look at him. 

“My dear Violet,” he murmured, his voice thick with emotion. “I am so sorry.” 

“As am I,” she whispered. “I love you so very much. A-And thank you for showing me that was possible once more.” 

Marcus chuckled softly and kissed away her tears, his lips feather-light against her face. 

“And thank you for showing me what love feels like.”

Violet lifted her hands to hold Marcus’ face, feeling the stubble of his beard on her fingers. She brought him down, slowly, almost hesitantly, in a kiss. One last thing to remember him by. 

When they had pulled apart, Violet noticed a few tears that had come down Marcus’ face and she allowed herself to offer him the same comfort he had just given to her. 

“I love you.” 

His voice was a choked whisper that shattered her heart. 

“I love you too, my darling Marcus.” 

They made no attempt to compose themselves, and Marcus pulled away knowing if he stayed any longer he would not be able to leave. 

Violet watched, biting her cheek, as he took his hat and slipped out of the room. She looked back down to her hands, a cold empty spot where her ring once was. She was alone, and what better reason to give into the overwhelming need to cry. 

—

To say Marcus was despondent would be an understatement. He made no attempt to keep up appearances, locking himself in his chambers in his sister’s home, claiming a headache each morning to get him out of any commitments he might be roped into by his children. 

Two weeks had passed when he finally decided it was time to remove himself from the confinement he had resigned himself to, joining the family for breakfast. 

“I must say I am surprised Lady Bridgerton did not pay you a visit when you were unwell, Papa,” Amelia said. “Perhaps she is, herself, unwell.” 

“Perhaps,” Marcus nodded quietly. 

“When will we be seeing her again?” James inquired, sipping his tea and looking to his aunt or father for an answer. 

Marcus looked over to Agatha for guidance and she simply nodded her head, knowing he would not be able to hide the news from them much longer. 

“I don’t believe we will be seeing Lady Bridgerton any time soon,” he said. 

Evelyn’s curiosity seemed to be piqued, she looked up from her breakfast, making eye contact with her husband before turning to her father to see if he might explain further. 

“Why is that?” 

Marcus swallowed thickly and leaned back in his chair. 

“We are no longer engaged,” he said. 

“You broke off the engagement?” Evelyn asked, surprised. 

“No, she did,” he sighed. “Now, might we please speak of something else?” 

“Of course,” Amelia answered on behalf of her siblings, easily changing the topic for her father to something more general such as the plans for the impending baby. 

Marcus was more than happy to speak about the arrival of his first grandchild, grateful that while still in a time of such emotional difficulty, he had something joyful to look forward to. 

When breakfast was finished, he made his way to the study, picking a book off of one of the shelves and settling into an armchair to begin reading. He was no more than halfway through the first chapter when there was a knock on the door followed by a quiet creak. 

“Papa? It’s Evie.” 

Marcus sighed and closed his book, temporarily using his finger as a bookmark. 

“Come in.” 

The door pushed all the way open and Evelyn walked into the room before shutting it behind her. She silently came and took a seat across from her father who tried his best to not let his hurt seep through. 

“What can I do for you, Evie?” 

“You said she called it off.” 

That was straight to the point. Marcus thought to himself. 

“Darling, must we speak of this? It is done.” 

Marcus did not want to dredge up old feelings, not when he was still so early into this separation. 

“If you do not wish to,” she nodded. “I-I just wanted to confirm.” 

“If it is confirmation you seek then you have it.” 

Evelyn swallowed thickly and bowed her head, excusing herself from the study, leaving as quickly as she came.

Marcus sighed again and leaned back in his seat, his book placed in his lap while his gaze was focused on the vase of flowers on the other side of the room, wondering why on earth his daughter was so eager to confirm such a thing.

—

“Mama, are you really going to sit here all day, again?” Hyacinth asked, coming to take a seat next to Violet on the settee. 

“I am afraid there is not much else to do, dearest,” Violet looked over at her daughter. “My schedule is decidedly free.” 

“Perhaps we could go for a promenade?” the youngest Bridgerton suggested. “Or go and visit Colin and Pen?” 

Violet could see that her daughter was attempting to get her up and moving, but she did not feel she had the physical or emotional energy to do such a thing. She much preferred to stay on the couch with her embroidery and leave it at that. 

“I could ask Benedict to accompany you if you wish to do that,” she diverted and Hyacinth’s shoulders slumped. 

“Oh my dearest, I am sorry,” Violet sighed and apologized, bringing Hyacinth into her arms and pressing a kiss to the crown of her head. “I am just…” 

“Sad?” 

Violet nodded, letting out a shaky exhale which encouraged her daughter to wrap her arms tighter around her. 

“Me too, Mama,” she mumbled. “I really liked Marcus.” 

“You are not the only one, my dear,” Violet whispered into Hyacinth’s hair, continuing to hold her close. 

“Lady Bridgerton, Miss Hyacinth?” 

The pair looked up to see a footman at the entrance to the drawing room. 

“Yes?” 

“There is a Mrs. Jacob here to see you.” 

“Mrs. Jacob,” Violet murmured to herself, trying to place the name. “Let her in.” 

Hyacinth still wasn’t quite ready to let go of her mother, but she noticed her shift in demeanour when their visitor entered the room. 

“Hyacinth, could you give us a moment?” Violet asked quietly, and Hyacinth looked up to her mother before reluctantly nodding and kissing her cheek before leaving the room, slipping past Mrs. Evelyn Jacob.

“Mrs. Jacob,” Violet stood up and smoothed out her dress. “Can I offer you tea? Or perhaps cake?” 

“N-No, I’m quite alright,” she nodded. “May I ask for a moment of your time?” 

Violet pursed her lips. 

“I am not sure it is wise for us to be speaking.” 

“Then let me say this and I shall leave if you do not wish to see me again,” she pleaded and Violet saw the sincerity in her brown eyes, mirroring the glimmer of her father’s compassion. 

“Very well,” Violet agreed. 

“I am sorry.” 

Violet looked at her curiously. 

“You are sorry?” 

She nodded, “Yes, very much so. It was wrong of me to make assumptions of your character before taking the chance to know you.” 

Violet took in a slow breath before looking at the seats around her. 

“Can I offer you a seat?” she asked and Evelyn nodded, sitting on the couch across from her while Violet settled herself once more. “May I ask what brought on this change of heart?” 

Violet wasn’t entirely sure if she could or should call it that yet. 

“My father, he-uh, he told us this morning that you had broken off your engagement,” she said. “You wouldn’t have done that if what I had accused you of was true. You could have easily ignored what I had said and married him anyway.” 

Violet nodded her head in understanding. 

“You must understand, my Lady, I was only trying to protect my father,” she pressed. “Ever since my mother died I always had assumed he would remarry straight away, even though they had grown to care for each other, it was no secret my parents did not have a love match. I knew this was something he wanted, but he did not express so until recently. He grieved my mother more than I expected him to and I-I worried it would leave him hasty and vulnerable in attempting to try and find another wife.” 

Violet continued nodding her head as she listened. 

“Your concern for your father is admirable,” she said. 

“Lady Bridgerton, you need not be kind to me.”

“Mrs. Jacob,” Violet leaned forward slightly. “Evelyn, you were doing what you thought you needed to to protect your family. No one understands that more than I do.”

Evelyn wrung her hands in her lap, her eyes flicking between Violet and the floor. 

“Do you…do you love him?” 

Violet looked down at her lap and scratched her nose. 

“I do,” she said clearly. “Very much.”

Evelyn seemed to be even more ashamed with herself, but before Violet could say anything to reassure her, she stood up. 

“I-I am sorry, I should be leaving now,” she said. “Thank you for your hospitality.” 

Evelyn rushed out of the door as Violet called for her to come back, but the young woman seemed to have fled the home. 

Violet sighed and sat back down in her seat, twiddling her thumbs. 

“Mama?” Hyacinth peeked her head inside the room. “Who was that?” 

Violet motioned for Hyacinth to come and sit with her and she obeyed, smoothing out her dress as soon as she was seated next to her mother. 

“Marcus’ daughter.” 

“Really?” She seemed astounded. “What did she say?” 

“It does not matter,” Violet shook her head. “What’s done is done.” 

“Mama,” Hyacinth pressed. “What did she say?” 

“She said she misjudged me,” Violet let out a breath of air and leaned into the couch. “But it is too late for anything to come of it.” 

“Why?” Hyacinth protested. “Why would it be too late?” 

“Because the engagement is broken, dearest,” Violet said plainly. “You have to understand, one does not simply continue to change their mind when it comes to marriage.” 

Hyacinth pressed her lips together and sighed.

“If you love each other I do not think it should matter.” 

Violet looked over at her youngest curiously. She was still a child in many ways, but had somehow developed a wisdom beyond her years, especially when it came to matters of the heart. She had always been perceptive of her siblings, and Violet supposed maybe she had been perceptive of her too. 

“Lady Bridgerton, Miss Hyacinth. Dinner is ready.” 

Violet looked over at Hyacinth who was quick to stand up and leave the room for dinner. She took her time, ensuring the pillows were placed nicely on the couch and her embroidery was put away before going to join the rest of her family. 

She was quiet through most of dinner, but as soon as the plates were cleared from the table she excused herself, calling for a cloak and a carriage. 

She waited anxiously while the carriage was prepared and as soon as she was seated inside she instructed the driver to head to the Danbury Estate. 

Darkness had fallen over London and the streets were mostly empty, which is why the sound of hooves, mixing with those coming from her own carriage, caught her attention. She peeked outside the window and recognized the familiar transport that belonged to the Danburys. 

“Stop the carriage!” 

She quickly alerted the driver and they came to a sharp halt only to hear the complete absence of hooves against the cobblestone. She frowned at her realization only to hear quick footsteps followed by a knock on her carriage door. 

Violet opened the door with haste, a relieved chuckle escaping her lips as she saw Marcus standing before her. 

“I was coming to see you,” she said. 

“And I you,” he laughed, a brightness returning to his eyes which had been absent in the past weeks. 

She moved out of the way of the door, an invitation for Marcus to slip inside should he wish. He accepted, but before he sat down next to her he knelt by her side, taking her hands in his. 

“Violet,” he began and she could not help the wide smile that overtook her features, small creases making themselves known in the corners of her eyes, only accentuating her joy. 

“Marcus,” she nodded for him to continue. 

“Given recent news I am hoping you will-” 

“Yes.” 

She didn’t let him finish his sentence, sending them both into a small fit of laughter. 

“I did not even ask you!”

“You did once before, that is enough for me,” Violet chuckled. 

Marcus pulled out that same betrothal ring from his pocket, a grin on both his and Violet’s face as he took her hand and placed it on her finger once again. 

“Perfect,” he whispered. “Just as it should be.” 

He brought her hand to his lips, pressing a kiss over her ring, as if to seal it on her hand. Violet was quick to lift Marcus’ head, forcing him to look into her eyes while she simply admired him. The man who had captured her heart. 

[deceitful-jester]

{!!Short angel in two of the pictures is a man and uses He/Him, curly haired vamp in third pic uses She/Her!!} I was briefly in a Curse of Strahd. . . Thing, it wasn't really a campaign, my partner just wanted to see if she could handle running a module and doing text based stuff, it was really more of a test run for a potential polycule campaign than anything else, and when I actually liked Strahd instead of hating him, she was not prepared to progress, since the options were either homebrew a lot of stuff or say 'Bad ending, you go in the basement forever', but I drew all of this while we were playing. The second to last one is the first attempt I made at drawing Strahd and I do not like it, but I'm throwing it in the pile anyway. The curly haired vampire on the purple background is "Doru". You see, my secondary character, Michael, has been a fully-fledged vampire for about a thousand years, so when we found her in her father's basement, instead of killing her, Michael fully turned her so she could have autonomy, and then Michael helped her figure out her gender and she stayed with the party. The other character that isn't Strahd is, of course, Eddie, who took an immediate liking to the count, particularly because Strahd has a very similar demeanor to a plush wolf with ruby eyes that Eddie treasures and that already had a backstory before I knew anything about CoS and so Strahd, wolf boy that he is, decided to start trying to lure Eddie away from the party by invading his dreams wearing a wolf mask and encouraging the association. I have devoured every Ravenloft book that features Strahd since this happened, and I am going sort of crazy now that I am out of them, especially since I was really enjoying where this campaign was going and I seriously doubt I will ever have a chance to play the module again with a DM who is even slightly compassionate towards me or my stance that the blurb at the beginning of the module that serves as a vague-post about Stephanie Myer is cringe and that Mormons in general {Strahd's original creator is a Mormon just like Myer} have bad takes on vampires and that actually it is deeply bigoted that her opinion is that sympathetic vampires are entirely antithetical to the original morals behind vampires {I think it's great when a monster portrayed as representing 'the other', usually the queer or racialized other, is allowed to be portrayed as cool, fun, romantic, sexy, or at the very least, complex and worthy of being empathized with}, and so I shall have to content myself with daydreaming and being filled with melancholy until the special interest passes, just as the mists themselves would have wanted. Oh well. Maybe I'll have the energy to run it eventually and I'll make Strahd the most deliciously problematic trans and bisexual representation ever and then let all of the PCs kiss him, because that's what we all deserve. Good God I love problematic bisexual vampires

[accidentally-in-fictional-love]

Possibility of a Johnson thing with a plushy reader based on the song Crush by Cigarettes After Sex?

Feel Your Love Crush - Johnson/Reader

Warnings: No use of Y/N, gender-neutral reader, the reader has self-esteem issues but they're overcome, oral sex, brief fingering as prep, sex.

Wordcount: 3436

Summary: He was always surrounded by the most beautiful people you'd ever seen, so what made him look only at you whenever you were with him? You couldn't figure it out, but thanks to him you were beginning to.

Notes: I can't believe I'm 22 requests in and this is my first Johnson, how is that even possible OTL but aside from that and the Lester sequel, all of my old queue is now finished! When I saw this one I actually gasped, since I myself am plushy 👉👈😖 so while writing I kinda ended up doing it for myself, channeled my own insecurities in there, I hope that's okay! It still ends up cute, I just wouldn't be able to believe it if Johnson asked me out on a date when I'm me heh

Once again, you were thankful for the chill of the night as the southern heat died down for the day, a golden ticket in your hand as you waited in line behind the other eager patrons of the Bang-a-Rang. Johnson had told you to just come around the back, someone would let you in if you'd just mentioned his name, but you didn't feel like you were there yet, the constant worry that someone else would come along and steal him away always on your mind. It returned again as you were allowed inside, the beautiful dancers around you drawing the gaze and keeping it hostage until the money flew, but you had just one man in your sights again tonight, the back of his head just visible over the crowd as he headed for a table.

His friends were there, the ones he worked with and were rarely without, but he'd leave them for you again the moment he saw you, he always did. His back was still to you as you approached his booth, the blonde one, Matty, noticing you first and giving him a nudge and a smirk. He turned in his seat to see what had him smiling so wide, his eyes shining in the neons the moment he saw that it was you. He grabbed his drink and stood, his jacket slung over his shoulder as he left them as always, but you didn't feel like going out this time as you placed a hand on his shoulder, not after that week's ticket had cut into your grocery money.

‘Can we stay? I just got here,’ you murmured, not wanting to make him choose but also not wanting to waste all that money so soon. He was fine with it though, again he always was when it came to you, and the others made room as you sat down with them for a drink. You didn't talk much, just like him, the other two doing all the talking for you as the music blared on and the dancers kept drawing gazes, and when a particularly pretty one with red hair and an untamable smile came over to try and rile up Matty you couldn't help but feel that familiar comparison to everyone around you arise once more without fail. 

She was beautiful, she was lively, she was thin and fit and looked so pretty in her outfit, and the moment Matty finally sent her away with a, ‘Don't you have something better to be doing tonight?’ you felt Johnson lean in to whisper in your ear.

‘She's like a sister to us, you don't gotta worry about her,’ he reassured you with a smile, and while you tried to take comfort in that, you still couldn't help but notice that his friends were also beautiful and lively and thin, your thicker legs pressing together so you wouldn't take up too much space at your end of the bench. As if reading your mind, he motioned for Matty to lean over before whispering something in his ear, the blonde giving him a quick nod as Johnson then nudged you to stand. You did, fearing that maybe he'd caught on that you didn't fit in around here at last, but instead of telling you to go he instead led you to a nearby door.

It led to his bedroom, two king beds, three dressers, two nightstands complete with matching lamps, one small table, and three comfy chairs filling the room, a bathroom to your left cutting into the room and just barely obscuring the mess of clothes that were gathered on the floor in the remaining space on the other side of the wall.

‘Ignore that,’ he chuckled casually when he caught you staring, and you did the moment your eyes caught something else; it was the dresser by the door, one third of it a gather-all for their junk and empty bottles, the other two thirds housing a row of old books, while the wall above was decorated with photos. They were all pinned directly to the wall, only a couple having frames, and when you moved closer you saw that they were all of you.

You during your various drives with him, you when he brought you to his favourite shops, you that day by the river when you'd felt brave enough to not only swim but ditch the clothes you wore overtop of your suit; he'd said you'd looked amazing as he'd snapped the photo, but the camera was so old you'd honestly just thought he used it as a joke the entire time, because who'd ever want any pictures of you when they were surrounded by people like this?

‘I keep every one,’ he told you as he slotted himself against your back, his arms coming around you and making your plush tummy feel warm under his palms. ‘Ethan got the camera for himself, but I keep borrowing it whenever I know you're comin’ around.’

‘Why would you want these?’ You didn't mean to ask it, to question his tastes, but he didn't take offense at your words at all, just chuckled in your ear as he pressed a soft kiss to the side of your head.

‘Because you're the loveliest one of them all.’

Your breath caught in your throat as he spun you around to kiss you for the first time, your heart beating faster at his confession; you'd been seeing him for a few months now, he'd been the one to spot you in town and ask you out for drinks to your complete and total surprise, but you hadn't actually believed that this was real until now. He'd always seemed genuine in his friendship with you, and Matty and Ethan never once made jokes about how different you were, but it wasn't until he gave a gentle tug to your pants that you knew he actually wanted you as much as you wanted him. You let him lead the way to the nearest bed, it must’ve been his as he nodded for you to sit down, get comfy against the pillows, their softness luring you in and letting you sink in as you looked up at him in a new light.

‘They won't bother us, Matty's gunna bring Ethan up the river for tonight,’ he told you as he started to strip, the sight of him shedding layer after layer making the room feel much warmer than it actually was. 

‘And you really want-?’ you asked nervously, the way your thighs then rubbed together making him stare as he crawled onto the bed in front of you. 

‘Just as much as you want me, I’d like to think,’ he confirmed, a knee coming between yours to part your legs, ‘unless you don't want this?’

‘I do,’ you were quick to say, Johnson chuckling at how honest you were once you stopped trying to convince yourself you weren't good enough for him, a hand cupping your cheek when your face then turned red over your eagerness.

‘You gunna trust me when I say I've fallen for you, then?’ he asked softly, your throat tightening as you gave him a small nod. ‘Good, cause I've been dyin’ to get my hands on you ever since you walked in.’ He kissed you again as he straddled you, his taller form boxing you in against his pillows, and you helped him start to strip you as the music went on outside. You wore a bit less than usual to combat the heat of the wait, and it seemed like he enjoyed what you'd chosen as he hummed to himself, kissing each new part if you that was revealed. 

You had to help him tug your pants down your hips, your cheeks flushing again when it proved to be a bit difficult, but he just smirked and yanked them free in one quick movement, your body jolting down with the movement and making the both of you laugh at how strong he was. It was just what you needed to not only feel more comfortable with baring yourself to him, but to set the mood as well as he ran his hands up your thighs until he settled on your hips. 

‘So soft, I'm gunna love holding you,’ he growled lowly, his desire for you making it harder to keep your own hands at bay as he rocked his hips forward just once. ‘You looked so good that day by the river, I wanted to push you in, tear that suit off…’

‘Johnson,’ you moaned, unable to keep yourself from imagining it, knowing full well that you hadn't been able to help yourself after seeing him sweating in the sun in just an undershirt, his jacket and button up left in the car.

‘So many nights I pictured myself between these thighs, wanted to know how it felt when you held me in place, I'm so glad you said yes to that drink.’ He was confessing everything to you now that he could, more talkative than you'd ever seen him so you knew just how much he felt for you, the sound of his rarely used voice only making you want to hear more. ‘Lay back, I can't wait any longer…’

You shifted down with his help, his mouth finding your thighs as promised as he tugged at the waistband of your underwear, his hands everywhere the moment he freed you of them as well. You made sure to give him space, spreading wide the further he traveled until you were squeezing on instinct, the pleasure of his mouth on you making you gasp and clutch his head. 

He didn't complain, only groaning against you as he wordlessly urged you to do more, want more from him, and you rolled your hips as he pressed light bruises into your skin. He worshiped you until he was satisfied, his eyes dark as he forced himself to stop before you came, because there was more he wanted, and you wanted it as well as you gently took him by the chin and guided him back to your mouth. 

‘I'm not letting you go home tonight,’ he whispered as you undid his belt, his need to be with you now very apparent as he rocked against your waist. ‘I wanna fuck you slow, love.’

‘Please…’ You'd never wanted anything more in your life, your mouth going dry as he took himself out and started to stroke. It looked like it pained him to have to part with you now that he had you on his bed, but it was a necessity as he got up and went to the nightstand next to the other bed instead of to his own. He pulled open the drawer, quickly shifting around until he found what he was looking for, and when he kneeled down next to you, his pants now on the floor, you swallowed hard when you saw that it was a nearly empty bottle of lube.

‘How did-?’

‘Why d’you think there's only two beds?’ was all he had to say, your face going beet red as you then understood why the other two were so okay with you stealing their room for the night. Your thoughts about it were quickly pushed away when he then laid down next to you instead of straddling you again, the lube popped open and his eyes only on you as you turned to him in confusion. ‘Take them off for me,’ he didn't ask, his head nodding towards his boxers as he palmed himself, and you fit perfectly between his legs as you returned the favour. He was stroking himself again the moment the fabric left his hips, the lube already spreading over his length and making him let out the odd groan just at seeing you before him. ‘I want you to ride me, love.’

‘But… won't I be too heavy?’ There was that nervousness again, you didn't want to ruin this for him even though he was a grown man and could certainly handle you, and he made that very apparent as he reached forward, cupped your ass with a bite of his lip, and pulled you forward until you were completely seated in his lap.

‘I've wanted to see you like this for months, you gunna let a little thing like that get in the way of this?’ He didn't say it to be pushy in the face of his own needs, or to get you to continue even if you were uncomfortable, his words instead making you see that when he said he wanted you he truly meant all of you; while you were out there comparing yourself to the people in his life, he was only thinking of and looking at you, and suddenly you didn't feel so self-conscious as you gazed down at the man who wanted you just as much as you wanted him.

‘No,’ you said honestly, and he kissed you again as he started to finger you open for him. You grinded down on him, let him touch you without reserve as you did the same, your hands becoming acquainted with his strong arms, stronger chest, and the bit of softness around his own belly from all the drinking and diner foods. He arched against you until you could feel the muscle underneath, he could probably pick you up easily he was more than likely trying to get across, and you almost wished you had the courage to ask him to fuck you against the wall.

Maybe next time.

You whined at the loss when he was satisfied once again, although you didn't have to wait this time as he lined himself up to you, his silent plea for you to move showing in his eyes as you slowly sank down until you were seated on him again. You shivered as you adjusted to him, Johnson losing composure for just a moment as he brought you to his chest, his mouth sucking marks into your skin as his hands trailed southward over you until he found a comfortable place on your hips. 

He didn't ask you to move, just waited patiently for your strength to return, and you didn't want to keep him waiting any longer as you started to ride him. It was good, damn better than you'd dared to imagine on the nights where you were lonely and fantasized about what this could be like, none of them comparing as he helped you along when your legs already started to get tired.

‘Don't stop,’ you pleaded with him, and he gladly took over for you as you let out a broken moan and braced yourself against his chest. You both panted into each other's shoulders, desperate to be close after so long of being silent about it, the pictures on his section of wall once again catching you off guard as you realized you could see them pretty clearly from his bed. Just as you'd been thinking of him, you bit back a surprisingly lewd moan when you imagined him doing the same, staring up at you from afar as he got off-

‘Every time you'd go I'd come back here,’ he murmured against your skin, his eyes also on the wall as he got you to roll your hips along with him. ‘I'd put up a new picture, and I'd think about all the things I wanted to say and do to you when you were looking at everyone else.’

‘I was afraid, you're too good for me,’ you finally admitted, the stimulations from the slowness of your movements starting to make you keen.

‘Now I'm gunna be good to you.’ He got you to sit back so you were on full display for him, a bit of energy coming back to you as you ran your hand down your chest to your stomach before touching yourself. He loved the sight of you feeling so good, the way you clenched around him making him thrust up a little harder each time you sank down on him again, and when he went from mouthing the words to finally saying them you couldn't hold it in; you rode him in earnest, Johnson fucking you through that final stretch until you came, and even as he followed after you and you collapsed against his chest he didn't stop, his arms tight around you as he kissed you despite the need for air.

‘I love you,’ he repeated even though he’d said it so many times, but you could gladly hear it a hundred times more as you said them back to him. ‘Just a little more, don't want this to end,’ he breathed, and you let him go until he was satisfied for the third time, although this time you undeniably were too, if you did say so yourself.

‘I don't either.’ You laid your cheek against his chest, your thighs shaking from the effort as you let them rest, his hand rubbing up and down your back as your heart rate went back to normal. ‘...Why didn't you ever say anything? I mean, I did think you were joking at first when you asked me for that drink, but even when we kept hanging out you never told me.’

‘I thought me bringing you on all those dates was tell enough,’ he figured, and you had to admit that they were pretty date-y locations most of the time, since they were all personal to him and the others never tagged along, but you hadn't wanted to hope this tall, very handsome stranger was choosing you. ‘Matty did say I should suck it up and spit it out, his words,’ he chuckled, and you laughed as you tried to get off of him. ‘Where d’you think you're going? Already told you I'm not letting you go tonight.’

Your face flushed deep, you had thought that had been only his way of talking dirty to you in the moment, but you were starting to catch on that Johnson was just very open about what he wanted, there was no second guessing here. ‘I don't really like the idea of sleeping next to where your friends constantly have sex, especially not if I’m seeing them tomorrow morning,’ you confessed quietly, your eyes avoiding the bed like they were already there, and he chuckled deep from his chest as he kissed you quickly and helped you sit up. 

‘Then we'll go out, don't gotta hit the river til next month.’ You felt empty again as you parted, but his hands leading you to the bathroom to clean you up after your sudden but very much enjoyed activities helped you feel a little better. The shower was quick, Johnson washing you carefully and whispering everything he loved about you as he worked, washing away every insecurity that’d plagued you all your life. When you were done you almost ended up pressed into the tiled wall, like he really couldn’t keep his hands off of you now that he had you, you were his.

While getting redressed, you didn’t have much of a choice but to wear the same clothes from the floor, so you sat down and pulled your shirt back over your head as he pulled out a fresh shirt from his drawer. It was mesmerizing watching him dress just as much as it was to undress, every curve of his body drawing you in more than any Pinup ever could; you couldn’t believe that he was all yours, since when were you ever that lucky? You couldn’t be sure, but you were very certain that the sight of him looking down at you while he did up his pants and tucked in his undershirt was pretty equal to winning the lottery.

‘Where do you want to go? If they’ve got the car for their own reasons, you can’t really take me for a ride tonight,’ you wondered as you stood, Johnson leaving his shirt unbuttoned as he sauntered over to you and pulled you close.

‘We could always take your car,’ he suggested with a small grin, the idea sounding wonderful as he grabbed his pack of smokes from his dresser and lit one up, ‘could grab a drink or two, go to your house this time.’

He tasted like nicotine as you went in for another kiss, the hand on your waist giving you a gentle squeeze as you pulled away and blew his stolen smoke out of the corner of your mouth. ‘That sounds like a perfect date.’

[madfantasy]

New 3 things that happened:

*I got my new ID, my id expired and to renew it I had to get photographed, and since I just opened my bank account a year ago it depends on it so already I was giving up on the idea to keep the account but by miracle a photographer agreed to picture us at home, and it turned to us cuz I wanted all my sibs to have theirs taken with me too and because I had to argue first time to get my ID forever, so i didn't have the energy to keep doing it for the rest of my sibs so now it was the chance. The day of the photographer coming I was shaking with fear and I thought I would never leave the bathroom gotten ill. I fear seeing people more than dyin so I don't know how I held it together, I literally don't remember how it went or how I did, but I recall my sibs looking the same as I felt but it was finally done. parents too taken their shoots and because one needed their passport renewed to renew their id, them alone costing 1k$ and the appointment was set 6 months ahead, we R now close to it anyway, and the thought of how we have to pay to exist some more costly made me think of my worthlessness and helplessness even more, making me ashamed of still living.

The thing that blinded me, me the first to be tested on lo

*my eye is better, I still see a dark spot looking in a certain direction, getting an eye mask surprisingly helped keeping my eyes less dry cuz they be the most when I wake up and I had the driest time before it got infected and swelled, and already I'm used to the spot and can ignore it..

*I'm still drawing, literally it's making me live love and laugh, I don't care about improving or drawing my best constantly, ai can get poisoned for all I care as it continues to dehumanise the whole point of art-- keeping humanity alive ( btw use glazing ❤️🖤)

I realised that I don't have any physical collection of my art & since I can't look at the screens forever just to browse, nd printing all my stuff isn't feasible, then I came across those mini albums Nd I got the idea to just print one sheet = 9 pics! They look good too for trashy quality, I love it 8' and yes, purple and silver is the 10% obsession to my 90% red and black pallets, thanks to remembering Freeza c'x

But as usual posting my drawings never cease to eat me alive with anxiety, but I think I'm slowly becoming indifferent to it, even if the thought of that no one actually sees my art but me, which is the main case cuz I am living in isolation and being drawing in secret till few recent years because of my conservative surroundings, I feel much calmer when I'm not seen and maybe it's self destructive in a way cuz to stay posting I need to be commissioned cuz net bill, but it became irrelevant cuz I accepted that i can't have the mental capacity to be a social media person or chase anything that I already knew I can't maintain, I had an art block for a year I almost believed that was it for my art drive and me cuz it my sanity— cuz burning out so bad. If my post has a description it was in my drafts for months cuz I plan for every piece I share, but if can't form words I allow myself to let it be captionless, I draw faster than I form words and that's why art is important to me on a personal level, it's my first way of express even if its indirect, the only bit of human Mani left to live in me to put through lines and paint splodges. Even if no one sees it, and to be honest with myself, have very weak chances of being seen on a level that benefits me financially, I'm on the other side of the world, never seen the sky beyond my schooling days, nonverbal irl and know that I can get taken advantage of easily in social manner because it either I don't get the social cues or can't say no..

I'm grateful that at least I got the chance to experience being in a loving nurturing fandom like Sev's that made me experience genuine human goodness and care I never thought possible, made me have some self worth, personality beyond a made for marriage caretaker, and allowed me to get art tools and clothing that I was never allowed or could afford, and many first time small life pleasures like perfumes, food and toys, even if I only recognise 5 or 10 of you dears now, by DP liking my posts- (I suck at remembering names sorry)

I'm also grateful to have a room after endless years of couch and house movings, I have a safe space to still be able to draw and be cool under an AC in this 50° weather..

I think realistically that's the best it can get having spent all my life trying to get anywhere but isolated, and nothing working. At least I'm indifferent and fine of being the caretaker of my disabled guardians and siblings, I need them as much as they need me, even if it caused me the same cycle of mental anguish and earth leavings hehe

Wish U all the ease and peace and yummy peas 🫶🏽

4 am, sleep deprived

[shithowdy]

i have been having a really difficult time grasping for an identity as an artist lately, to the point that i feel actively repulsed by my own drawings and avoid finishing them. i understand objectively how fallacious and unhealthy it is to place value on your work based on how others perceive it, but when you struggle to connect with other people like i do, art in a way becomes my voice and how i communicate, be it something as simple as 'i enjoyed this media and don't know how to articulate that beyond drawing blorbos', or something more reflective of my innermost thoughts. to give art is my love language, to collaborate ideas is how i dance.

but i can't see what other people see. i can be told over and over by friends how much they love something i have made. i can see that patronizing "two cakes" image a thousand times, and all i can dwell on is the fact that most people only have room for one cake. why does it matter? is it not about the process? the journey? what i have learned? why is it so important that i have an identity, why do i have to impress? who am i even trying to impress? myself? maybe. maybe i just want to be impressed with myself by one thing in my otherwise deeply unimpressive existence, and art feels like the closest thing in reach.

i enjoyed art more before it became about impressing myself. before it became about social currency, and not just how i use it as a way to buy myself attention but how i have somehow managed to devalue that currency in my own mind. when will i be satisfied? why is it so important that i have an identity?

two years ago, i went through a friend breakup from which they easily moved on and i... didn't. a part of me still hasn't. i cried myself to sleep for months. i still cry. my muse left me, and i was left with an ugly void in my chest that festered with feelings of having been used for entertainment and discarded when that interest faded. when words failed me i tried to reach out through art, and that failed me too. in the end i became angrier at myself than anything else, fixated on how i had allowed so much of my identity to draw from one singular source that ultimately did not care.

my style changed. i started producing more abstract images, because i so suddenly felt more abstract myself, but damn me if there is not still a part of me that holds back out of fear that interest will be lost. i can't let it go. i can't create for the sake of it, and it burns me up.

thanks to everyone who has stuck with me and watched me grow. maybe one day you'll get to see what i can actually do. i would like to see it too.

[vkelleyart]

Hi! Would you ever consider drawing any of Becky Albertalli’s characters? I would love to see Imogen and Tessa or maybe Bram and Simon and I think you’d do a spectacular job!

Hello there! I’m so glad you asked—I actually have drawn artwork of Becky Albertalli’s characters, but I’ve just been completely derelict in my duty to cross post it everywhere, which is negligent of me and another piece of evidence in the argument that someone else should probably be in charge of my social media accounts. Lol

Here is Imogen and Tessa from Albertalli’s amazing book Imogen, Obviously:

So, funny story about this artwork: I had received Imogen, Obviously as an ARC from Becky after I’d left a comment on one of her posts about how excited I was for this book—primarily because “the discourse,” as it is referred to sort of sardonically in the book, still messes with my head when it comes to my own bisexuality. The more public my life becomes, the more I find myself discomfited by questions like “Am I still allowed to be queer if I’m in a straight passing marriage?” Or “Am I queer enough if, when people see me on the street or bump into me in the check-out line at Safeway, they don’t see a semiotically-dressed bisexual, but rather a slightly overwhelmed working mom in a cardigan and a pair of early-2000s capris?”

As soon as the book showed up, I devoured it, and like, I just can’t remember a book that made me feel so seen. Imogen, Obviously tackles queer purity culture so thoroughly and yet so compassionately, that I immediately picked up my stylus to draw Tessa and Imogen (even though I technically lacked the time to do the image as much justice as I would have otherwise like to have done) then posted it to Instagram and Twitter.

And holy smokes, Becky liked this pic so much, she retroactively commissioned the image so she could give out stickers of it on her book tour. She also granted me permission to sell the print in my Etsy shop (it’s not there yet, but soon!). 🥹

So that’s the story you didn’t ask for but which I had to share—because it looks like we both have an appreciation for Becky’s work in common and because I would love to spend more time drawing Imogen and Tessa or anyone from the Creekwood Series. Thank you so much for the ask and for your kind words about my art! 💕

[fl3sh34t3r]

"Hmm...oh? Taking a small visit to my blog hm? Heh, well...I don't mind"

"Don't be scared, dear. Come on in, I assure you I don't bite...hmm...hehehah..."

----------------------------------------------------

-*Welcome to

Enidan's Blog!*-

Introduction post!

(PLEASE READ BEFORE CONTINUING)

Hello!! Welcome to Enidan's blog, aka my regretevator oc's blog :D!

Before you do any asks, comments, etc, please read this post first!

Eeekdbdkd- first of all, the creator of this blog is @button-cat ! Hello :D

And second- please know that im a minor!! (Between the age of 13-17!) I do not mind some suggestive asks (NOT TO ME- to my oc-) however i am not comfortable with nsfw asks!! So please do not make Nsfw asks or i will ignore your ask!! D:

Enidan's pronouns are She/It/They, and my pronouns are She/they!! :b

I'll be trying to respond asks with drawings however i won't respond to all with drawings !! :b drawing can be complicated and tiring when doing it too much and i do not want to overwork myself !! ^^

Also,,,,Enidan is,,,not the most kindest one- (she literally eATS PEOPLE) so- if she responds uh- rudely to your ask, DONT TAKE IT PERSONALLY- its all roleplay and funsies ;D

Now more about my oc Enidan- im not gonna say much about their lore (i want people to figure it out by doing asks and interacting with it's lore :3) however the most i could say is that,,,they eat people- it killed like,,,a ton of people. And- going to more regretevator related, she will appear on a floor (that i invented) called "Hide and seek"- ...you play hide and seek with her :D they're always the seeker,,,and you gotta survive for like,,,2 minutes- if someone manages to survive, she will enter the elevator- if no one survives, she doesn't ! (also- if u get caught by it, she uh,,,eats you. yeah :3)

Also- this IS something important that i have to mention about them- in her lore, she's Folly's assistant. Im mentioning this in case if any rp blogs (ESPECIALLY FOLLY RP BLOGS-) wanting to interact- i can't really change that part out of their lore because,,,its a important part of it- just by removing folly out of their lore and trying to change it- in most cases,,,she's dead :3 or if i do somehow manage to have her alive- everything about it changes (Design, lore, personality- EVERYTHING,,,AND BIG CHANGES AS WELL-) and- i may just be creating a whole new character by doing that- this is basically a hint to her lore already so yeah,,,:3

Btw- I really love roleplaying !! So don't be shy if u want to roleplay characters whether it be characters from regretevator, another game/show/etc, or your own :D

magical anons are allowed as well!!

Also- warning!!! There will be probably mentions of gore,,,and gore rps even!! There may be some slightly disturbing drawings as well- (aka- bones,,,maybe a decapitated head- not in a super disturbing way just,,,decapitated-) i'll probably not do too many disturbing drawings and i'll definitely avoid drawing gory drawings but its a heads up!! I do not want to make people uncomfy or scared or anything-

For the most part, i made this for fun!! ^^ i do not expect to get many asks but i still wanted to make this introduction post !!

I believe that's all :D if there's anything that i feel like is missing- i'll edit this post!!

For now, enjoy your stay :3

[yggdrasilhypno]

Today’s been such a fun day for me, simply scrolling through Tumblr and finding myself reading all of these lovely scripts and inductions.

So many creative and interesting ideas, flourishing underneath each and every meticulously chosen word.

Everyone has their favorite kinks and ideas, and you can truly feel their passion within their work.

So that’s what I want to chat to you about, if you don’t mind: passion.

Passion’s incredibly important to me, it’s what draws me to people honestly.

Whenever someone’s passionate about something, you can really feel it all in their behavior.

Their voice changes a bit, showing signs of excitement and knowledge.

Their hands may start to move around, accentuating their speech.

Their eyes seem to light up with fire, pure and utter joy expressing from just their stare.

And you can really feel it too, in the way you find yourself understanding where they’re coming from.

Maybe you think back to something you love and can relate.

The best moments however is when you feel swept up in their passion, as if you’re getting excited just hearing about it.

For me, I constantly find myself getting sucked into their passion, even if it’s not something I’m knowledgeable of.

Though if you’ve ever read my writing, you may understand what my passions are.

I love a lot of things in life, from the silly to the insane and to the simple.

But for now, let’s simply explore my passion and the passion of others in hypnosis.

Because right now, just hearing about people’s passions is enough to get you invested in what im saying, and in turn you just want to listen a little bit more for me.

But I could just simply show you why passion is so beautiful to me.

Hypnosis is something I believe in heavily, not only as a method of entertainment or clarity but as a legitimate therapy and healing outlet.

More so than that however, I believe it to be utterly fascinating.

The idea of being able to influence the way someone thinks, acts, and perceives the world only through focus and relaxation absolutely drives me wild.

That fire within me lights and all I can talk about is hypnosis, I love to listen and to learn about it constantly and as my words swell, it feels like a tornado slowly consuming everything else around it.

Like a drug, it draws out ideas within me that I allow to flow expertly and with precision, always being able to craft something tailor made to break brains.

And yet, as one may feel this passion, they feel swept up in it, as am I whenever I feel passion within someone.

Their eyes may follow along to what words I say, and the torrential flurry of them may be too powerful for constant comprehension.

After a bit of exposure, their minds seem to just nod along to the flow of my passion, as it engulfs them in a similar flame to mine.

You can understand that, can’t you?

Feeling so driven and happy about something that you can’t help but let it all out?

You can feel that fire too.

You can feel my fire.

Like a constant river flowing, my ideas careen downwards towards you as you’re able to understand every word and allow them to ignite you further on.

You may need my words, you may want to listen to them more so you can feel this amazing even longer.

It’s simple passion sweeping you, sweetie.

Follow along and prosper with me.

[pastel-rights]

I LOVE your art style! How did you came up with it?

huh? my art style??? uhhh, i mean i uhhhh if you want, i can explain how I got to this point but. sometimes, things just. happen yknow???

honestly my old art compared to the more recent of what I've done probably looks. very very jarring side by side since it looks like it was drawn by completely different people lol. For example, look at this early 2017 character concept verse a late (November) 2024 character concept.

It's. Definitely a lot to take in so uhm. Buckle up! [cue a heavy metal version of bye-bye-bye playing for atmosphere reasons]

So, I've been drawing as a hobby since about... 2009 give or take? However, the earliest art I have on hand is probably from... 2016 or 2015 tbh??? Although, I only really started keeping a fr fr log of my art from 2019 and onwards so, let's start with what I actually have to show.

It's all about the basics, anon!

Growing up, my art was inspired by the shows I watched growing up! in particular, shows like "Codename: Kids Next Door" and "Tom and Jerry" were my rock in childhood times (since I wasn't allowed to watch Spongebob until I was much older and a majority of my "childhood" tv shows didn't start airing until later in my life, like Bubble Guppies (which aired in 2011) and Team Umizoomi and Octonauts (which both released in 2010) which, by then, the television was run by my younger brother's needs mostly, and I didn't get a say.)

So, I guess you could say my art was inspired by those two shows mostly???? of course, not... fully? hold on let me show you guys the earliest art I have to work with here-

these are all from 2019 since it's the furthest back I was able to save my art but. Looking at it, it doesn't look like it was inspired in the way artists are normally inspired by their environment. At least, that's not how it feels to me.

my art at this point was very... a lot of it was traditional in comparison to now, for starters. The color grades are completely off, the lining is. interesting. A lot of one shot one result type of shenanigans. Of course, it shares its origin with my childhood entertainment in general, which is being very cartoonish in style! On traditional grounds, I fucked around with a lot of different methods, some just pencil, some with markers, blah blah blah yada yada yada.

which, character design is my passion /ref if you couldn't tell. but my art style has always been very cartoonish and stylized, even in my earliest days. Big eyes, wild hair styles, noodly limbs, you know, the cartoonist hallmarks! If nothing else, my art style is more reflective of who I am as a person?? like the cartoons that formed me, it's very expressive and full of color and whimsy and in its own way, it's my way of thanking the world that taught me happiness and joy, and I draw to give others that same feeling.

Whether that be my friends' OCs or silly shitposts, I draw for the joy others get seeing it! Here look at this picture of my friend (@sxftriina)'s OC, Ocean, I draw way way back when lol

...

but at some point, I realized. My art didn't make me happy anymore. I didn't have fun drawing anymore. and it just became more of a chore to make than a fun hobby or a good time. I couldn't find the joy in art anymore. And I couldn't create anything I was proud of either.

I got stuck. It didn't matter what I drew, what things I tried. I couldn't make myself happy again. and while my art might not have suffered.

I did.

art was nothing more than a chore. something I had to do because I wasn't good for anything else.

and it made me severely depressed, among other things happening during those times.

so what does a burnt out depressed artist do in crisis times??????????

...

he joins tumblr, of course.

I wish I was joking. I'm not.

anyways so it was like 4am and I was like "let me join tumblr why the hell not maybe I'll find something there" and uhm. well I didn't find anything initially. and every day was as depressing as the last, and I eventually just. felt like giving up. I ran an askblog and drew a ton still because while it made me unhappy, I felt unhappier just. doing nothing. Lesser of two evils I suppose?

that was until I uh. I met someone really special to me. Even now.

if you're reading this, uh. hi lupi!

This was around the time I found Identity Five at the end of 2020, and began drawing fanart for the game, which restored... some joy to art? Not completely, but, I wasn't so miserable drawing during this time of my life. It felt like a chore still, but, at least now I was having some semblance of fun doing it. Not completely fun though... I was still stuck in a funk. I didn't know why.

And then, I met Lupi. At the time, she was following me through her askblog account (she still does) and I got curious and decided to check it out for myself and. I think if I never checked out Lupi's blog that day, my art wouldn't have taken the direction it did, and, I would have never regained my love for my craft.

Of course, I feel silly even talking about it so... I took a different direction with my art after scrolling through Lupi's art, which sometimes I'll do, even to this day just for fun sake. And this time... I don't know.

It just felt different this time. It wasn't the best, and it certainly wasn't easy either. But for the first time in over a year... I had genuine fun drawing again. No negative feelings attached.

Just... fun.

A lot of fun at that. A lot of things from this era of my style stuck. Like... a looooot. My color choices, my mini style, the flow, a lot of what I learned from this era stuck with me, even now.

it retains so much of the past yet it means so much more. it's still cartoonish, still small and squashed, funky hairstyles, noodle limbs, fun clothing... the whole nine yards.

Of course... this is only 2021 art. My art now, while similar... it's not the same. And it's all thanks to ONE RED HAIRED MOTHERFUCKER. not ginger, red haired. apples are red, not orange. /ref

It was the first time in. several years that I've drawn something just for me. Even if it was something small and silly while waiting for an after-school activity to start. It was something I remember really fondly, a feeling that wasn't just fun but. actual joy.

Not only that but, for as simple as it is, it marked the start of a very, very... very long long of stylization like never before. You take what makes you happy... piece by piece, bit by bit...

you learn... you grow... you improve upon skills you have... body language, expression, detail... all those things. You meet some really cool people along the way... you talk, you laugh, you cry.

you get inspired and you want to show them something new, something cool... and in doing so, you make something you never thought was possible. Not with your skills, and not in a million years.

But, you learn. you laugh. you watch. you grow.

you figure out what you like. cool colors, fun dynamics, shading, lighting, storylines... things like that. you inspire others, and those people inspire you in turn.

you learn some cool new poses, you draw some fun fanart for your friends aus, you try new things and those end up sticking.

sometimes it's just you and one other person, who stuck through, watching you draw until a piece's very end. because they like you for you. and they care. sometimes they never leave your side, and they continue to inspire you to this very day.

you have fun with what youre doing. there's not really any need to rush, you know? you look at new media, you talk to the people you care about the most, you make things to surprise them with. and they're happy. and you're happy.

and you want to keep drawing.

but you can't forget to draw for yourself sometimes. something just for you that others can enjoy, but, it wasn't made for others. it was made because you love yourself and you deserve something special. it's important to draw what you want for yourself.

and sometimes, it becomes your staple.

you put your best foot forward, you give it everything you've got! because it's not a chore. it's fun. it's a hobby.

and it makes you happy. your art becomes recognizable, people compliment it and enjoy its presence. even in passing.

...

I love my art style too, anon. i know its been a long while of me talking. telling my story, my experience with my art. how it built me. how it ruined me. and how I found myself again.

I didn't know how to answer your question when I first got this ask.

Because, I didn't know how I came up with it. In my mind, it just happened. But, I think I have an answer for you now.

For real this time.

My art style is a culmination of everything and everyone I love. Navi, Pins, Beth, Yuu, Tae, Klai, Joe, Rina, Lupi, Four, pretty much everyone I surround myself with on a day to day basis. Bit by bit, piece by piece, my art style is fueled by the love I have for my friends.

Every improvement over the years has all been so I can show them something fun, something new. So I can keep surprising them with each new piece I do.

But, it's not just my friends.

It's you too, anon. Whoever you are. Wherever you are. Every like, every reblog, every comment and compliment. Every ask, every live reaction.

Thank you.

Thank you for helping me find my joy again. I hope I didn't disappoint.

[kame-writes]

Concerning the media overlords au:

First of all: I love it! Thank you for sharing the idea with us <33

Second: Does Alastor live in the tower with the other Vees? And does Alastor still move into the hotel? If yes, on a scale of one to absolutely how sad/pissed/jealous is Vox after receiving this info?

3. I'd like to imagine Velvette's fingers are constantly itching to get ahold of that handsome deer man, who doesn't know how to dress himself properly or trendy, and give his wardrobe an upgrade. Could you imagine this happening? (Maybe with lots of alcohol involved. So that he would at least temporarily let her experiment with his clothes. Bonus points if she is able to take picture too. Vox would obviously make himself some copies for.. private reasons...) Do you see my vision?? Can you see it??

4. Can Vox convince Alastor to do more audio features within their network? Like podcasts or interviews and the like? Or are they just screams as well? (I recently discovered a podcast about cooking, where each week they talk about one ingredient and explain a recipe with it. I think this would fit Alastor's preferences very well.. tho the ingredients might not be as commonly used now that I think about it... anyhow... now I can't stop thinking about Hannibal and Alastor hosting a food podcast.. oops.. sorry, but not really)

5. You mentioned that Husk still works in his casino, if he isn't needed. Do you have any headcanons for Niffty's whereabouts?

Anyway that's all for now! Have a lovely day/night! <33

p.s. Sorry if this ask is intrusive. For some questions it's pretty clear that I've already imagined something for myself that may or may not fit with your vision of this au. If you feel like I overstepped, feel free to ignore this or send me an alastor_fuck_u. gif :D

Im am very happy to have questions asked! You have no idea how many ideas i have and dont know what to do with xD

I'd love to see other peoples headcanons and ideas for this universe, if anyone does anything for it then please tag me so i can see ^^

This is gonna get long so I've put it under a read more

2: No one is really sure if he lives there or just works there. He HAS his own suite in the tower, but he's not always there when they go look for him, and not being able to find him is very a common occurrence, made more frustrating because he refuses to carry or awnser the mobile phone they forced on him. He hangs around in the common areas like the kitchen and living room sometimes. And if they do manage to rope him into something like a movie night its a huge hassle, because he will insist on a black and white or silent film if he HAS to engage with the tv, and Vel and Val hate those.

The whole top of the Tower is dominated by his large Radio tower though, its slightly seperated from the rest of the building, suspended above it with a staircase/ladder to enter the hatch. Valentino is usually not brave enough to check there for Alastor.

Its the same with the hotel. He does move into his own room there, but goes back and forth a lot, and doesnt have a schedule. Vox tires to pretend hes fine with it at first but often ends up the hotel to be a pain in the ass to Charlie, and getting kicked out by the staff of Alastor. Hes convinced himself that Alastor will lose interest sooner rather than later, and the others just tune out his whining at this point. No one buys it when he claims he didnt even notice Alastor was gone as soon as the Radio Demon gets back to the tower.

3: I may be planning to draw this haha He does let her dress him up ocassionally, he has a few differant suits he's approved of and kept, but does wear his original the most the time. Velvette has a line of 'Vintage chic' clothing that partly started as a way to get Alastor to agree to changing his 'ratty ass old man style' by appealing to clothes that were updated takes on his era. He still very rarely leaves the tower in anything but his own usual attire.

He does on rare occasions allow photos to be taken of him by the vees (and once, later on by charlie, under strict instructions that she keeps it to herself) but no video. And none under any circumstances are allowed on social media. He has blown up a few phones that have attempted, both the Vees and employees.

4: Alastor has agreed to be on a podcast a few times, but its rare, and only if its somehting hes really interested in talking about. It's one of the few modern things he approves of since its just a version of a radio talk show. Same with interviews, he keeps them even more extremly rare, and the mystery of the radio Demon keeps sinners in fear more than him being in the public. Vox always wants him to do more since the ratings sky rocket when Alastor features.

When Alastor has done an interview it is with his back to the camera, and sitting in a large wingbacked stupidly over the top ornate chair, that hides him from being seen, except maybe the top tuffs of his ears and antlers. And he doesnt reveal much about himself when he does. The chair is partly to hide him, and partly to stop the equitment form glitching too much. He likes to pulls faces and makes gestures deliberatly made to make Vox falter and look stupid on camera, since hes the only one who can see him in that chair.

He has teased on his own radio show that one 'lucky' sinner may get the chance to be on both a guest star on his radio broadcast AND a livestream if the mood takes. Valentino had to inform him that what he's referring to is called a snuff film

5: Niffty gets moved to the hotel pretty much full time once Alastor gets involved, Husk is a part time employee, but ends up spending less time at his casino as time goes on.

Valentino is happy Niffty is gone because she creeps him out, she ocassionally hung around his studio during work hours, especially if theyre doing a scene with 'bad boys'. Vox isn't bothered. Velvette is not happy, especially that Niffty is reduced to a maid/janitor for the hotel, and makes that very known to Alastor. Velvette loves Niffty, they are chaos sisters and work on very sketchy sounding potions together, and gang up against the boys.

Niffty is also a great seamstress herself and brings her designs to Velvette like an excited child showing off their latest art project. Almost none of these get used, but Vel has fun forcing models to parade around the studio and work in something Nifftys made, they often include bugs and bodyparts, Velvette finds this halarious.