#may I be insane for this? maybe. BUT I DO NOT CARE
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Jayvik things that make me insane:
The fact that viktor kept the blanket until the end. Buddy. Idk what you think getting rid of your emotions looks like, but it sure as hell isnt THAT. What an insane character design decision
Like oh my god, he NEVER took it off. Platonic my entire ass.
Viktor is wearing a shirt directly after the explosion, but hes only wearing his brace when jayce is carrying him to the lab. Did jayce try to perform cpr? Did he try to look for injuries? Is viktor even ALIVE when hes carrying him?
During one if the hexcore "x ray shots" you can see that viktor's spine was fully severed. He got HIT.
How long did he try cpr before he realised he needed a miracle for Viktor to survive?
Why wasnt Viktor taken to a hospital? Maybe Jayce didnt trust anyone else to touch him or maybe they didnt bother taking him to the hospital bc he was too far gone already?
The decision to parallel the meljay love scene with viktor rejecting a potential love interest and then nearly dying is WILD. Showing that Mel woke up alone bc jayce rushed to Viktor's side is WILD.
The show constantly making it clear how important viktor is to jayce, like not even as a dig towards mel or anything, but viktor is his BEST FRIEND. Where did all that fanon about jayce abandoning viktor come from bc it sure as hell didnt come from canon.
Literally viktor can do no wrong in jayces eyes, blud starts a mindcontrolling cult and jayce is like "i still love you baby". Viktor pouting to get his way and jayce folding every time is canon to me.
He made sure to include viktor and he would be so mad that the hexgates are only credited to him after their deaths
Viktor put on a brave and reserved face, but he was so insecure about his place in the world and next to jayce, maybe because of his disabilities, maybe because hes from zaun, but it never, never mattered to jayce and he takes such care to reassure viktor, remind him of his place by his side and hes fully aware of the difficulties viktor faces. Aside from the one dumbass slip up on the bridge ofc lol
Viktor may be insecure about his body and his standing, but that doesnt stop him from being a catty bitch tho lol
The fact that jayce knows viktors 'oasis' hideout. Did viktor tell him, did he follow him once? And he can apparently immediately deduce 'oh, something upsetting happened to viktor, im gonna need to check up on him'
During the forehead touching, disintegration scene you can see that jayce is visibly straining, either terrified or in pain, but he refuses to let go of viktor. And when we finally see viktor reciprocating touch its to comfort jayce by stroking his arm
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I was re reading scorch trails today and saw this quote
-Thomas looked at the Gladers around them, some running from window to window to get a look outside, others huddling in small groups. Everyone had a look of half disbelief, half terror. "Where's Newt?"
"Right here."
Thomas turned to see the older boy, not knowing how hed missed him. "What's goin' on?”-
WHY IS THIS NOT SPOKEN ABOUT??? LIKE FIRST OF ALL, THOMAS WOKE UP (from a sleep he couldn’t wake himself up from for ages btw) TO FIND ALL THE GLADERS TERRIFIED SOMETHING CLEARLY TERRIBLE HAPPENING, TERESA NOT RESPONDING TO HIM IN HIS HEAD AND HIS FIRST CONCERN??
NEWT.
WHAT. THE. FU-
ALSO THE FACT THOMAS SAW NEWT RIGHT BEFORE HE WENT TO SLEEP AND “not knowing how he’d missed him.” HUH..? WHAT?? WHAT IS THIS?? (He didn’t feel that way about any of the other gladers. Not even Minho)
#what in the homosexual#like why does no one talk about this#I’m screaming omfg#I was in class when I read this and I tried to hard not to gasp#may I be insane for this? maybe. BUT I DO NOT CARE#THEY ARE MARRIED YOUR HONOUR#the maze runner#tmr#maze runner#tmr newt#tmr thomas#newtmas#tmr fandom
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It genuinely saddens me how people are constantly leaking stuff from Gatobob's Patreon, im just as excited as YKMET, as any other fan of the series but if you wanna support Gato through the development process at least do the 1$ Patreon, or if you can’t do that, just wait patiently until any official updates and NOT leak and repost every single new panel and line of dialogue that is added to her Patreon, not only does it spoil most of the new stuff for people that dont intend on seeing it, but it's just plain rude to her, as the creator of something we all love.
#i may be wrong she might not care#but still the constant leaks are insane#i know Patreon doesn't accept all card types so it is harder for some#but dont keep supporting and liking and reposting the people that leak it#i feel like we gotta start treating the person who made this franchise better#and yes this is directed toward a certain user#idk or maybe im just crazy#no hate for the individual who's doing it it's just my two cents#ykmet#ykmet strade#ykmet ren#btd#btd2#boyfriend to death#btd strade#tpof#snvffsoda
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THEORY TIME
So I’m certain there’s a act three due to plot holes and stuff that needs to be wrapped up
The Prime Shimmers are still there, Mepad is just in purgatory mansion I’m sure he is not going down with out a fight
That and the fact it didn’t have the end and concluding statement
So what do I think will happen in Act 3?
This is purely hypothetical if the Adam, Justin and Brian plan to bring everyone back
But I think (and hope) they will. Because a lot of the story of season 2 and 3 is developing the idea of that, there’s more to life outside of the show.
Im here to share some ideas I have on how it may go
We know for sure Mepad, Mephone 4, and Bot (I’m not sure if they’re gonna bring them back but since they are made from Testtube and Fan she survived the plug being pulled) are alive
We aren’t sure if Bow and Dough are still around
This leaves us with a very small amount of characters
What’s my main theory?
I think Mepad will be the solution of at least the whole deletion issue
Cobs and Mephone will most likely confront and Mephone will most likely defeat him for character arc purposes
But Mepad?
He was the one in Purgatory mansion with the others, he would have see the survivors disappear and they might tell him the solution to bring everyone back.
Though I haven’t thought of a way as to HOW he can bring them back I have a feeling he might just be able to. Maybe even getting a way to disconnect all of contestants from Mephone 4 to become their own people.
(Yk how cool that ending would be, further pushing the narrative that “There’s more then just the show” and Mephone 4 learning to yk-
Cope better.
Because he can’t do this forever)
However.
I think the show isn’t going to go without a major character death. A big sacrifice
And I (unfortunately) think that sacrifice may come from Mepad
Think about it, he starts off as a robot that “can’t feel” but he grows a fondness for all the contestants and is shown to put their wellbeing before his own (Example being when Marsh left the challenge and Mepad let her, despite knowing it would displease Mephone)
He’s shown in the show to highly care for everyone
So, to put it simply I think Mepad will sacrifice himself to save the contestants
#inanimate insanity#ii meeple#ii mephone4#ii mepad#I would say in another thought maybe Mephone 4 would sacrifice himself in the fight with Cobs to show that he does care#and Mepad is the one that saves the contestants without any sacrifice#but idk#but I do have a feeling they MAY kill off Mepad for#1: it’s in his Character#and 2: He’s VERY well liked#so it hits the feels#ii theory#ii 18 theory
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i can't say i really care if someone dislikes a certain character from a game like it doesn't irk me too much bc... they're not real BUT i will say that people who just pay attention to what chloe puts out n not why she does what she does and refuse to try and understand her irk me juuuuuust a tiny bit
#a lotta bit#bc what#like chloe may not be real (so unfortunately 💔) but what she's feeling is#as in like it actually happens#people actually go through her mindset and it's not fun#maybe i'm biased bc i can relate to her and some of her ways of thinking#not the illegal ones but#it's just really fucking annoying to be completely honest#she's not a great person but the LEAST you could do is try and understand her character#bc it's insane to me that people can see what chloe went through and be confused as to why she's not the most sane person ever#like would YOU be ????#i wouldn't#but i mean that's just me#people seem to forget that chloe was literally only 14 when everything went to shit#like that is so young#but no just call her a villain and call it a day#maybe i do care about who people dislike#only if it's chloe though#just kidding#kinda#life is strange#chloe price#lis#life is strange before the storm
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something about being told im 'the leading person at this whole academy when it comes to interpretation and stage intelligence' by the husband of the woman im trying (not really. but i mean. who knows) to seduce... ok boy you got me. lets make it a polycule.
#im playing it all cool and funny now but atm i legit burst into tears lol#like he said i have a 'good voice too of course' but i know realistically that is not my strongest asset#and even if i were technically perfect. which im NOT lol. the voice itself is just nothing special. it's there ig but that's about it#but its nice to know i may not be 100% useless after all#(just 90%)#also apparently the most feared and respected professor who came to the concert said. again. that he likes me the most.#which again. crying real actual tears about this all rn this means literally the world to me this is everything i have#and i have no one to share this with because im not gonna say it to my uni friend cause i dont want her to feel like im boasting or sth#(even tho she has no such qualms herself but probably because i know how. not great. it feels when someone keeps talking about themselves#and about how great they are and how easy everything is for them. i dont wanna do it back at her.#well there's also the fact that i dont think im great and this is not fucking easy to me at all lol#but idk i think the difference between us is that she actually admitted she sees no point in singing if she cant show off (thus she hates#the duet we're singing because she sings the lower part and cant show off her high notes or coloratura.#which is like. an insane take to me. i mean it i get it. kinda. if i had a voice like hers maybe id be like that too fuck knows.#but that just feels so. idk. sad to me. so self obsessed and empty. like you dont care about the music itself? about you being a part of it?#also immediately made singing with her not fun anymore. i thought we were creating something TOGETHER. but thanks for the confirmation#that you only really care about being 'better than'. yikes.#like idk this behaviour is funny and iconic in old school opera legends like yes go bite each others dicks off.#but it hits completely different when it's your own colleague let alone your friend. like damn girl. damn)#) anyway. the husband is kinda hot too now that i think of it. i really should seduce them both.#except its realistically not possible since they've both seen me cry now (she saw it like a hundred times lol)#so ive lost the hot and mysterious card alas. no uni professors romance for me
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i wrote a ridiculously long post trying to explain my confusion in a clear way so that ppl wouldnt mistake my words for smth else but i'm sure nobody wants to read all that so. here's something of a summary (lol me when i can't write a summary bc i get too scared and end up rambling in a desperate attempt to be clear and not sound like im excusing despicable behaviour !!!)
i haven't rly encountered it except for a couple times so far and both those were nasties that i blocked, but i do feel like there might be an okay way to go about shipping w a character who is under 18 (i'm thinking... 15 at the lowest. 16-17 is more likely) if ur a new adult (18/19, maybe 20) and it's just OC-ifying the character a lot and having them grow up with you ? am i crazy bonkers and giving ppl too much benefit of the doubt or is there smth to be said for that. because i feel like there's a way to do it in a decent way but maybe i'm just oc-brained. i feel like someone who has their f/o grow up w them wouldn't look at their f/o's source and go "i'm dating that kid :)" i feel like it'd be more like "aww thats my f/o as a kid :')" in the same way u would think that if u looked at a family childhood photo album of your partner fdsjkl
"dandy thats awful suspicious, why do u care sm if u aren't secretly doing this yourself?" says my o.cd and paranoia. well, dear brain, the reason i care is bc i am insane and for some reason constantly come up with ways to worry about ppl who don't even necessarily exist. but i can't help but think "what if theres some teen out there who feels like they need to abandon their f/o as soon as they reach age of majority lest they be labelled the same thing as goddamn pedos and incest-lovers". like. idk. maybe im just making up a guy to be worried about. but i also do not rly love how quick to pull the trigger some ppl are. i understand why that happens bc there is... a nauseatingly large number of absolute freaks (derogatory) on the internet esp on this awful website but like... idk. i worry that if i think the thoughts i've written here then i'm basically as bad as the pedos.
also i do think 99.99% of the time normal ppl (ppl who aren't goddamn freaks about kids) are going to outgrow their teen f/o by the time they're 19 (18 is iffy bc thats a weird transitory age where ur not rly an adult but also not rly a teen anymore) unless (this is the 0.01%) they REALLY oc-ify them and i mean like... mould them into basically something else entirely. barely even recognizable as the source character anymore. that sort of thing.
i'm going to go eat something and then probably come back in 30ish minutes in a blind panic to delete this because i'll worry i've done smth horrible and have ruined any chance at connection with others here fdsjkl
#banging my head against a wall WHY DO YOU CAREEE DANDY WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH#BUT I WORRYYYY I WORRY I WORRY ABOUT PPL WHO MAY NOT EVEN EXIST#i don't think i've ever seen anyone do this in good-faith thus far so WHYYY DO I CARE. maybe everyone who does this are all creeps#but i just cannot stop thinking abt it. for that one person who might not even exist. i dont want them to get ex-communicated.#but also maybe theres no way to go about it in an okay way and i'm just making up like. random shit in my head that doesnt make sense.#I DONT KNOW. sorry i think i'm actually being insane rn and just bumbling around worrying over complete nonsense#dandy.cmd
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OH MY GOD A YEAR AGO TODAY .
#thats literally insane what do you mean that crazy day was last year. oh boy ok hastily thought up recap thought time#what that day included:#stupidly going out into july in los angeles heat that morning in jeans and a long sleeve black shirt#in that state of extreme sweatiness: meeting john l of tmbg fame. who id be seeing in concert that exact night#an insane story i have told before but nonetheless incredibly bonkers#later that day when i went out again i (also stupidly) wore sandals that cut up the back of my heels#i toughed it out later and put socks on and the russell brand of cdg high tops on and danced at the concert anyway#wore a full gold glitter suit. was still worried about being unnoticeable#i was too scareddddddd to talk to christi who i saw hanging around before the show which i regret#the best part of the concert and that trip to california was seeing it with my best friend who i finally met in person for that trip#he was dressed as ron and i of course was russ in the glitter suit. my hair did not turn out as magically russ as desired#what else. i was too ough before the concert to eat my combination lunch dinner of panda express something#but i did get overpriced fancy crackers and rosé at the hbowl which was my sparks dinner#ok now let me get to the show itself. i did a review the night of but lets see if there are any details i forgot that i can remember now#like right at the beginning of so may we start there was the audible sound of a glass breaking so awesome. someone was ready to get down#russell getting choked up talking abt their mom taking them to the hollywood bowl as kids i haven't stopped crying#oh yeah all the stupid people in the pool circle (front seats) who didn't care about seeing sparks. youre all going to hell#especially the people that left before the show ended#russell achieved some maximum awooga levels but i may have been picking up on those especially because of the rosé#russell saying to the audience in between singing all that how beautiful it looked with everyone turning the light on their phones#another thing i havent stopped crying over#also got a fun bootleg shirt specific to that show when walking back to the hotel. thank you slightly sketchy guy#that whole night and everything was bonkers insane and wonderful can i Please relive it now. please#like literally this time last year adjusting for time zone i was uhhhhh. probably injuring myself in those stupid sandals#and id do it again! well maybe not but id relive that day again#ok anyway. one year huh
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friends and fiends if this truly spells the Over for the qsmp i may let the brainworms that have been festering in me for MONTHS--A YEAR, EVEN--win.
i may summarize the goddamn fucking lore.
#i CANNOT make an 8 hour summary i CAN'T i SHOULD NOT that is SO MUCH CONTENT#and i still only speak like 2/4 qsmp languages MAYBE 2.5/4 if we're REALLY stretching it#but GODDAMNIT I'M DOING SOME CURSORY RESEARCH ANYWAY BC I WANNA WRITE THAT FUCKING TIME LOOP#qsmp#maybe just the fed lore. haha. eye twitches. maybe just the iverall server lore. maybe i'll even bother caring about the qsmp livestreams.#haha. eye twitch. fucking. eye twitch.#solo lore is B E Y O N D me but MAYBE shit that affected Most or All lore i could do#like code lore and shit. obv it knots in with other lore but FUCK IT WHATEVER#AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i'm not even gonna worry about it#yknow what. not even gonna worry about it. i gotta do the research first 🤪 whatever bro#if the research gets done i'll think about alllllllllllll the rest of this but this is a YEAR OF CONTENT#mother FUCKER dude it's not possible there's no way#this is a year with like 80 hours of streams per DAYYY at peak who could do this#who could. no wonder no one could keep up. no wonder i had to LIVE in the tag to keep up#good lord GOD i shouldn't do this. i'm not committing. god i want to though. god i shouldn't.#shut up vic#block game brainrot#HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA#WHATEVER HAHAHAHA WHATEVER AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA#i will beat this storyline into SUBMISSION i will beat it to DEATH i will FORCE IT TO MAKE SENSE#I WILL PRUNE IT LIKE THE WORLDS WORST BONSAI I SWEAR TO GOD#i'm unhinged i can't i have so wanted to do this but i swore to myself i wouldn't#bc i know i'll go insane and i know it will take FUCKING YEARS and there is no fucking way i'll see it to the end#but goddddddddddddddd i want to i SO FUCKING WANT TO#listen. if there's no more lore. i may summarize the fucking lore. someone will beat me to it 100% bc i take fucking a million years#but people are suckers for long video essays and summaries IT'S ME I'M PEOPLE#anyway if you got this far and have the screenshot of mariana messaging slime to tell him their daughter is dead please send it#i can't find it via google and i don't have twitter and i know it was posted there at some point :(#i want it :( i want to throw it back in slime's face in the time loop because repetition is fun and heartbreaking >:D
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not to talk about my own oc's sex life but you KNOW vitali would fuck like a god
#personal#SORRY. I'M RIGHT THOUGH#like vitali has had a wild as hell sex life since college so he's had years of practice. but also he is so good at knowing what people like#he's a freak he will do anything within reason he will WORSHIP YOU. if he loves you that is. like back then it was just#it was good sex and that was it. there was no emotional weight behind it he did not really care#maybe twice that he had actual meaningful sex with nick. if anything mikhail has come closer than anyone else#to getting treated right by vitali and they never even had sex to begin with. like that shit's insane#vincent is getting worshipped now though he is being treated right and honestly i wish that was me#there's one fic that i wrote a few years back for them where. well i can't even say it. maybe i'll post it one day who knows#generally speaking those kind of fics don't do well on my blog so i may gatekeep it. anyway hi
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i actually get more and more uncomfortable every time a non-binary adjacent identity is automatically associated with "androgynous" (typically masc) clothing and neutral colours. why arent the nbs wearing bright colours. why is not conforming to fem fashion leave masc fashion as the only other option
#june shines#like this form of “androgynous” dressing is so slay don't get me wrong#and i'm not asking people to step outside their comfort zone and draw attention to theirselves and their identity#but goddamn i want more interesting clothing#WHY CAN'T WE ALL BE A LITTLE MORE INSANE????#it just feels like more stereotypes to perform. a third binary. which may or may not be inescapable#anyways i love wearing weird makeup and weird clothing and weird colours and i don't care if other people do... but it sure is a comfort 2#maybe that's why drag is actually so elite#gender parody my beloved#agender#non-binary#gender dysphoria
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just watched challengers at the cinema w my little sister. it was so intense wtf
#i was like grabbing onto my scalp just yanking my hair in the last 5 mins and at the end i yelled (quietly) LOVE WINS!#bc there were only 4 other ppl in the cinema lol#its so fucking stupid on the surface like ok complicated polyamory and also insane obsession with a sport bc that is what makes these people#who they are; as in the sport IS their identity as individuals that's what fills the void that lies underneath skin and bone etc.#blah blah basic shit about messy relationships with the self and romantically with others#but it's also so profound because despite the many obstacles and personality differences. they all love one another and the sport so much.#it's so weird it's twisted in a sense because it's like they only have one another and then obviously tennis (bc tennis is the bridge)#it's very.. codependent#i can't believe my little sister understood like not in a condescending way i cant believe she got it but in a “oh i didnt know you watched#stuff with this much emotion and that you cared enough to critique media“ since she doesn't usually tell me about what shes watching#and when she does she tells me about sitcoms ..#so yeah it was nice that we watched it together but also kind of weird bc#well surface level: the make out scenes were just us giggling awkwardly#and on a deeper level when i was watching it. i couldn't help but think about how#patrick at some point turned into an observer; he stopped being a part of the art tashi patrick trio (and tennis!) and turned#into a spectator#despite very much still being a fellow player#and then tashi became a spectator of the sport despite very much being absorbed in it all and in love with art (?)#i dont know what else to call it but her need to control him came from a place of some kind of care ... albeit manipulative and self serving#so Patrick and tashi are almost parallel lines if that makes sense#theyre kicked out of “the club” whatever the club may be (for Patrick he's no longer in the trio) and for Tashi once the trio is long gone#she's no longer a competitor bc of her injury#and then art is just in the middle of it all#and he'd always followed Patrick's lead in the past and then he started thinking for himself until he became so taken by Tashi#and then he just became her little follower#he just wants to be loved and told what to do because he doesn't know how else to live. im projecting? im projecting. anyway!#the ending. god. the ending sums up their whole past dynamic:#patrick is petty. art is irritated. tashi doesn't get their little dynamic. patrick loves art. art is forgiving. tashi loves the sport#(and maybe she loves them both in her own fucked up control freak way)#z.post
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those past few days are really testing my patience with some of the takes and opinions i've seen on the internet and i'm so fucking done with all of this i just want to delete all my accounts from everywhere and live somewhere in the woods (as far away from russia as i can) and to never come in contact with another human being again
#i'm so exhausted i just have to rant even tho nobody will care#i have some trouble sleeping because i'm either waiting for another attack to happen#or reading the news about dozens of missiles flying at my country#or hiding in the bathroom while listening to explosions because it's supposed to be the safest place in our appartment#and then i open social media and see all the destruction and casualties and deaths that happened overnight#and at the same time i see people adoring and praising and defending russians and their culture and language#and creaming themselves because of their “mysterious russian soul”#and telling ukrainians that they are stupid and toxic and that what they feel about their killers and occupiers is wrong#well newsflash y'all#russian culture is nothing but blood and death#russian language is nothing but blood and death#it's not just fucking putin doing all of this shit#he wasn't there when ukrainian nation and culture and language were oppressed for literal fucking centuries#did russia invent human cloning for putin to be all those soldiers at the frontline and all those people building drones and missiles?#open your fucking eyes and think for a fucking second#i go to sleep every night fearing that i may not wake up#and then in the morning i see people admiring russians and foaming at the mouths defending them#and then also fucking michael sheen of all people sending his love to them#and i become so insanely pissed#get a fucking reality check#i'm so sick of people excusing russia and its actions#once again guess i'm a walking big bad angry ukrainian stereotype#well that's what war does to you#i won't wish for anyone to experience this but also it may be the only thing that makes some people aware of what a rotten thing russia is#i'm so done and i don't want to feel all of this and i don't want to be a human and i don't want to have thoughts#maybe it's for the best if a missile flies into my room so i won't have to be here any longer and witness all of this shit#(it's a thought i've been having lately and ngl it kinda scares me)#ukraine#russia is a terrorist state#btw i've just discovered there's a limit of 30 tags
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guys hear me out i feel like some things are said or done either because of ignorance or bigotry, and i do think they are two different things and that to some extent ignorance can be excusable. but being unwilling to learn from your ignorance is in itself bigotry. in my opinion
#fearandhatred#like there's a fine line between the two#just realised this is also relevant to a Certain Person...#but really i started thinking about this because of my friend who blew up on me (see leanne's travel blog tag)#because she's always been a little..... strange#and held strange views i think because of her upbringing#she literally has said she does not care about social issues at all and that she doesn't find speaking about them conducive to her#ok anyway i've known her for almost a decade now and for the longest time i have been attributing her views to ignorance#because i do think it's true to an extent#and she is a good person in other ways#but idk how many more excuses i got left in me bro#because some of the things she's said on this trip have genuinely shocked me and my other friends#and i know nothing we say will change her mindset because she just don't gaf#so anyway yeah#maybe i should just start acknowledging that she may be a bigot or something!#honestly i forgave her for that incident at that moment but my bsf was and is still SO insanely pissed on my behalf at what she said to me#that idk i may just. stop interacting with her#we will see we will see
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now heres the thing is my rule is i have to live on my own for a year before im allowed to get a pet but also consider what if i had a little friend .
#in my heart i want a wawa so badly it hurts but alsoooo i worry quite a bit bc like. i work full time... so el wawa would be at home alone a#lot and one thing about the beautiful adorable majestic chihuahua is they have to pee every 3-4 hours. so i would have to have some way to#let them out OR keep them outside while im at work but another thing is 1. apartments dont generally have backyards#2. chihuahuas get cold very easily .... i could do some ssort of doggy daycare but i fear that would be expensive .... and i hate pee pads#and would prefer not 2 use them so i dont rly have much optionn 😭 but i want a chihuahua so badly.#but ALSO. a kitty cat.... i love cats i think theyre really quite sweetsies and also i think they could handle living in an apartment bette#esp since famously cats use the bathroom indoors. u may know.#so... i could potentially get a kitty..... but also i dont want to get one until im absolutely positive i could take good care of it and i#feel like i could esp now that ive got a system that works so well 4 motivating me to do my daily tasks yk. and also i think if i had my ow#apartment id feel a lot safer just like. being up and around the apartment so thatd be good... but also pets r expensive. but also the apt#i just applied to is rly quite cheap (like 1050 a month) its income restricted but i qualify by like a lot LMAO... n this would be perfect#bc 1050 is likee. not even a full paycheck i could pay rent with 1 paycheck and still have like 150 left over and then my other paycheck fo#the month is fully mine... so i could save up lots#+ wsg is included in the rent whichhh is insane. adn the apartment is cute and Trust . alarm bells were going off a bit bc i was like maybe#this is too good to be true we all remember the 800$ scam incident. but its a verified listing and i checked the propertymanagers and theyr#legit... its even got a washer and dryer IN UNIT and also a fitness center which is good bc i wanna try n start doing more cardio...#IT EVEN HAS A FIREPLACE i dont particularly need a fireplace but its cool 2 have one i could make smores right in my very own living room#AND ITS NOT A STUDIO its a 1 br...#grahhh i rly rly rly want ittt ik i prolly wont get it but :[
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im probably aromantic but i have a degree to finish so idrc about that rn
#also even if i am i will. not be using this word probably#bc ultimately i really dont care its more just that im trying to figure out if its common to not have had a crush on anyone ever#maybe once??? when i was 15?? but im not sure#but this may just be my inability to form relationships in general#bc i assume its not worth it since its not like theyre eve going to last#like apart from my family i only ever had one relationship that master more that 3 years#and my relationship i dont mean a romantic one im counting friendships in this too#and so i dont. think of people as something that will last in my life#and thats probably a huge part why i rarely go out with anyone like its just not worth it#im gonna get attatched and then sad when it inevitably goes to shit bc im unable to engage people#do you ever feel like everything you do is a bad imitation of all the other people and that youre failing and everyone around you can tell#that youre not really a person#would maybe be fun if i wasnt also insanely boring and annoying to be around
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