#matthew mercer i am in your walls

[autistic-beshelar]

4 hours into essek supercut and chill and i am on my disabled essek bullshit

critical role wiki: elves do not require sleep, nor can magic put them to sleep

essek: is visibly affected by a sleep spell, explicitly tells jester he's trying to sleep when she wakes him up at 2am to ask for pastries

[natp20]

every day i lose my mind a little more thinking about the extremely obvious connections between Tengar, a place of infinite possibility, and the dunamancy of the Luxon, magic that is based on the INHERENT POTENTIAL OF THINGS

[septembermonologues]

"y-you need to check in on him. you need to see what that was." MATTHEW MERCER I AM IN YOUR WALLS

[sbrn10]

God, the way Imogen is so guarded and annoyed at Groon at first. The fucking journey her face goes through when she realizes it's not Groon. The whispered "I won't."

The contrast between when the Dawnfather didn't pick up and when the Storm Lord sought her out first.

In the same fucking episode as Predathos telling her that her home is with them????????????

Matthew Mercer, Laura Bailey, I am chewing through your walls.

[annemarieyeretzian]

snowdrop,,, memorial,,, trail,,, matthew mercer I am in your walls

[utilitycaster]

Matthew Mercer I am figuratively in your walls re: whether you read the Dragonriders of Pern as I have mentioned multiple times

[nochi-quinn]

candela obscura chapter one episode 3: bad news: the rest of it

hand porn people come get your juice

(it's me I'm hand porn people) (you think I watched four seasons of Magicians for the plot?)

you mustn't read from the book

cool I hate it

auggie: EYYYY

edmund?

auggie's expression in his art is still so good. love character art that says so much about a character

"before each of you are visited by - " my garbage brain: "three ghosts"

oh the grey streak in charlie's hair is new

backstory, bacKSTORY

oh not the mental arguments, those are the worst

auggie my beloved

howard

howard's been high on ghosts for a week

"what were you doing?" "ghosts"

"have you had it looked at?" "I've looked at it :D"

I heard that "insight check" she didn't say

I had to step away, who drilled a hole in their head this time

okay nobody drilled a hole in their head but auggie is Impersonating a Police Officer

god all I can think of is the opening to the Lungfishopolis section in Psychonauts

"Doing well, Officer O'Lungfish! Following all posted laws, to the letter!"

CITIZENS OF THE ENVIRONMENT

do you scarlet?

give the baby cocaine

AUGGIE

the average nextdoor poster

MATTHEW I was DRINKING

nefarious something somethings

"come back with a warrant"

aw he got his hoity-toity politics niece a book

it's tusk love

it's BETTER it's HARDY BOYS

I'm something of a spooky story myself

"there's DRUGS in the WALLS"

you what your what

"they're both equally shit"

roll for ricochet

table: howard no robbie: HOWARD YES

"to make you go to sleepytime"

oh oh that one episode of doctor who

idiot's lantern! that one

oh that's very cool

we love an interactive prop

oh no irl dark

insert symmetra "fall back" voice line here

oh I hate it

OH I HATE IT

too tall. too much. too much limb.

when I step you step we step

I very much heard "crying"

I didn't ask how big the room is I said I cast oil lantern

I PUT THE TEAM ON MY BACK

ghost floaters

"only you can create forest fires"

I'm just thinking of the werewolf from paranatural

AUGGIE

[percy lovm voice] I AM EXTREMELY FLAMMABLE

"that was my kamehameha" nerd

"drive it like you stole it"

……..kara-sene

uku'toaaaaa

"I don't know the rules, I can't roleplay my way out of this"

auggie :(

lycanthropic ficus

"what do you have?" "a gun! :D" "NO"

my permanent fallout brainrot insists on hearing "deacon" instead

of "deagan"

"it's a magic gun that's bat at ghosts"

[tma voice] ghost bullet

oh I haven't been looking, I didn't realize ashley took the jacket off

stop I'm already gay

I am not immune to matthew mercer's version of slimy charm

playing dishonored be like

arlo's little dreamy voice going "I have a rifle :D"

matt that sound effect was ENTIRELY unnecessary

god help me for the reference I'm about to make

"THE BULLETS JUST KEEP GOING THROUGH THE HOOOOOLES"

elephant graveyard but for trains

"we're urban spelunking"

oh, it's filch

sounds like something someone who was skulking would say

"tetanus is the true enemy"

howard Leeroy Jenkins margrove

and then arlo had no face

[zenyatta voice] experience nothingness

"a person appears in the portal" stanford?

that is a joker from improbable island

(please play improbable island)

matthew I have never hated your sound effects so much as I do in this moment

OOF obsidian stab

you are flying through the air no matter what

FLAMING AXE

you ever grow another arm just to punch a guy

I was JOKING

"uh-oh!"

SAVE US GHOST BRAIN MAN

the softest "oh no"

BE THE SPRIGG YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD

HOWARD'S NO COWARD

LEEEEEEEROY JEEEEEEENKIIIIIINS

"what is the exact light temperature of your ritual"

noooo let arlo do her cool trick shot

summon the spirit of percy

hey matt what the fuck

howard's made of ghosts

"I feel strange" because you're made of ghosts

I enjoy that ashley stays in character voice the entire time she's playing. like she's just auggie now.

okay what matt said was cool but I also like the idea of auggie not being able to rely on being able to physically fight his way out of shit and having to actually read the situation

hey robbie what the f u c k

bad news: the rest of it

[angelofdumpsterfires]

MATTHEW MERCER I AM IN YOUR FUCKING WALLS.

[nochiquinn]

campaign 1 episode 27 REDUX: The Path to Whitestone OR travis willingham’s personal hell chamber

I was looking for timestamps (god bless you, people who do timestamps in youtube comments) and found this absolute gem of a comment that p much says what I was trying to get across w/my onion avocado comments last time

[id: Besides his metagaming, his dice fudging, and other things, like the "I want to do 6 things. Those things don't work the way I wanted? Then forget it I don't do those and now I want to do these 6 other things. I can't do that? Well then let me say the same exact idea even though you just told me I couldn't". I realize looking back that a big problem was him staying in his lane in roleplaying. In D&D everyone plays a role. The Wizard takes care of the spells, the rogue does the sneaky sneak, etc. But then there's also the roles like the planner, the tank, and even the comic relief. Tiberius did well when he fit into his role as the professor and the spellcaster. But then he wanted to get into everyone else's lanes and make the show all about him.

Laura/Vex had Trinket and so he got a pet pseudodragon. If that were all then it wouldn't be a big deal. Scanlan makes the sexual jokes and come-ons, and Orion tries to jump in on that too. To disastrous results. He starts inventing weapons, Percy's role, and they are pretty high damage melee weapons and uses them brutally. Grogs role. The Briarwood arc is Percy's story. Tiberius jumps into this with the "Yeah ME, It happened to ME. I HATE them". Trying to take on some of the personal vendetta aspect for Tiberius. Because the whole story needs to be about him and not Vox Machina. Anything that others do or get attention for, he wants to take for himself. You've got to fill your role and let the others fill theirs, let them have their drum solos too, and their parts of the story that aren't shining a light on you at the moment. Ideally, you want to support them and help them get their spotlight moments.]

"vespa, thrown from a tower wall" me, who associates the name with percy and vex's infant daughter: 😨

(I mean it's still �� but...infants)

I will never be as good at atmospheric writing as matthew goddamn mercer

taliesin listening with his eyes closed

laura and travis gossiping on the top table

"are we there?" no, you're cows

s n i t c h

"can we do the ricochet noises if percy misses" "okay but I want 5.1 so start here and go down"

the wookie noises for trinket

"am-bear-dextrous" 

"I'm just saying, I haven't meta-gamed" I think the first time I watched this I literally said out loud "do you want a cookie??"

"thanks for leaving a BEAR on suicide watch" "it was to CUDDLE if you were SAD. it was a THERAPY BEAR."

"percy, you're up" "[the deepest sigh]"

matt trying to describe the misfire while everyone does PTWING noises

taliesin: "I'm gonna do something a little weird" me: :D

meelee

(this is not me picking on matt, I too pronounce it meelee, but that's bc of an ancient TFS Plays L4D video) (I MEELEE'D HIM FOR YOU GAN)

orion not realizing their prisoner was getting choked out

it's not happening to tiberius so it doesn't matter 😌

"he's got better armor class than I do" bc he's a BEAR

"trinket missed?" "yeah" "PWING!"

lmao marisha asking for napkins and ryan just going "oh, shit"

marisha vs drinks is an eternal battle

this is now a foley artist convention

#supplebear

immune to gravity

The Party Is Now Deaf

"if you fail I get to scream in your ear"

marisha lasering herself in the eye

"hold still, casper"

"all I know is how to stick my face into beehives, apparently"

lmao there was shit on the bottom of the stein the very next episode

vax asking keyleth about her hand and sam looking frantically between marisha and liam

"I rolled a one! :D"

percy dropping eaves

"you wanna stop being a fucking creeper"

insight check ur party member

ahh, yes. orion's attempt at building a spin-off series all by his damn self.

"I didn't know we had a whole ARMY at our disposal, that's wonderful to hear." I cannot screencap laura's sarcasm or I absolutely would

oh my g o d, dude, no one wants to do your plan, just sit DOWN

"as vex is saying this, tiberius is getting a half-chub"

tumblr is going to eat my soul trying to post all of these but watching their faces during certain scenes has always been fun for me and now, when orion is going off the rails for reasons no one can discern, and they can't call him out Live On The Internet...it's fandom anthropology. for me anyway.

(it's also me being made WILDLY uncomfortable by the vibes they have created in the studio today and focusing on literally anything else)

(ftr they should have called him out Live On The Internet)

another comment pointed out that knowing now that travis has adhd, his reactions are [deposits self in my psychology armchair, in front of my projector] possibly at least partially from being bored out of his skull and the general agitation that can create in adhd people

(the other part is orion being a horse's ass)

I love how they all pronounce "assum" has like a corruption of "hassan" despite matt not pronouncing it that way even once

sam: "we've always sought the path of most glory [describes a raid on the castle full of vampires]" travis: yes. thank you. this man understands me. for the love of god please let me hit something.

sam: maybe we should leave it up to the stream everyone else: absolutely FUCKING not

"I'm not dragging you into this with me" "we're CHOOSING to go, shut the FUCK up"

"all opposed say nay" "moo"

it's also weirdly endearing to watch the subs climb up, there's only 9k so far

smoke bomb ?

liam's old man ringtone

orion getting shitty when taliesin does the thing they already agreed to do just bc orion changed his mind

taliesin, 2015: save rp for good shit liam, 2019: I wanna roleplay fish and chips!!

"I thought you said you were gonna be brief" "I would if everybody else would shut the fuck up"

"how do you [remember npc names on the fly]??" "because I have to"

oh no it died

the timeline is going but the audio and video are not

oh there it goes

"it reminds me of my friend" ;-;

they never let themselves forget pike

jfsdfjs travis dropping his die while he was fidgeting with it

forgot that was from here

vex: haggle, goddamn you

orion: I have eight things travis:

mala said I have to watch travis' soul die in real time

mirrors

matt: if you're not going to f u c k i n g listen I'm going to take 500 gold from you

travis: I'm gonna kill everybody

(that's not me editorializing, he literally old laura that)

vax clipping one of keyleth's flowers 🥺

idk if laura called liam a dork or made a throwing up noise

"go sleep in your money"

"someday we will get out of the character creation menu, but it is not this day" "I don't like the nose yet" I am called out

I was called out the first time and I am still called out, nothing has changed

"percy is used to unstable things" "was that a jab at my - no, nevermind. can we not talk about my tastes?"

"that's what I do. that's what tiberius does." good, one more fucking useless thing

(I've honestly stopped watching the screen, did he get shitty about marisha's "I'm doing it 'cause I said it, I've committed, I'm setting a standard"?)

"I had to ask" no you didn't

"what if I roll like shit?" "then it'll be hilarious!"

"everyone remember that tiberius can just call in destruction whenever he wants"

"it reads - " "return to sender"

taliesin gargling for keyleth's water elemental speech

how did he not choke

(practice)

absolutely despise the rope bridge sound effect. hate it.

"know what I would give for a flying fucking carpet right now?!"

"I tie up all the horses" rip those horses

"these cliffside, coastal fjords" travis: 🤔

"I start researching liches, just bc I want to" ykw you could have tried to make the argument that, as a wizard, tiberius recognized some of delilah's magic and thought she might be a lich but now you just sound shady as fuck

that "do you wanna arm wrestle?" "no." was how I realized travis was just. not good.

like obviously he has not enjoyed this episode at all but that exhange was what drove it home for me

new meme format

"grog, throw something really heavy" "I pick up scanlan"

[estelanel]

Vox Machina ep. 102

“Maybe we can go over the wall?” - “Maybe we can go under it...” my childcare worker brain: “We’re going on a bear hunt...”

“Please deposit her on the other side of the wall.”

I can‘t express how excited I am at the prospect of Scanlan with access to 9th level spells.

“This is the third time Scanlan has used Mythcarver.” - “It’s gone from Exalted to Shame.”

Ohhh my god, Matt’s Vecna gives me chills. So good.

And it’s all just a little bit of history repeatin’... *hums*

Hahahaha. “You hear a little whisper over your shoulder going, ‘there’.” Sarenrae is such a sweetie.

“What does it feel like when you’re looking at all of us and we’re just so sad?” - “It feels awful. It legitimately feels awful.” Matthew Mercer must be the sweetest person on this earth.

I just. Counterspells, man. Counterspells. I know I’ve already said, like, 5 times how much I’ve missed Scanlan, but. Dude. I’m so happy. When Sam said he was saving his reaction, I knew what he was gonna do.

I gotta say. I fully expected that episode to go the exact way it went. I was thinking back on the Conclave’s attack on Emon, thinking back on VM doing exactly zero research before jumping into the Shadowfell, looking at the episode count, and was 100% prepared for the exact thing that happened.

[leadpaintrose]

Ok, So How Do We Want To Do This

A Critical Role (Vox Machina) ficlet. Look, this is a really stupid, self-indulgent piece of fic, but I’m also really pleased with it and I’m trying to at least put stuff up here, so there you go. All of it under the cut. 

Inspiration 

 At the beginning of the most recent episode I watched (Episode 22, I think), Matthew Mercer made a comment about how the Critters were slowly “turning us into our characters”, and I just had to run with it. I had recently found their second intro video, albeit one that was quite a few episodes in the future of where I was up to, but it immediately inspired me as well.  

 So, How Do We Want to Do This? 

 The darkness rang with their groans well before any light blossomed. They called out to each other, seeking reassurance that they weren’t alone. Those who had been sitting together reached out, grabbing hands and shoulders and sighing with relief. Matthew, alone at the DM’s table as he had been, spoke loudly.  

 “Everyone still here? All accounted for?” he asked, hopeful and afraid. One by one, they all responded, everyone relieved to hear to each distinct voice, though most of them were tinged with some pain from the unceremonious fall.  

 “Where the hell are we?” Travis asked the room at large.  

 “I don’t know,” Liam responded, “But, more importantly, how do we get out of here?” 

 “So many would be delighted to be where you find yourself.” 

 A voice sounded in the darkness, the direction from which it spoke impossible to follow. It wasn’t coming from everywhere, it wasn’t surrounding them, but each direction seemed just as likely as the others. Sam spoke into the darkness, clinging to Marisha’s hand.  

 “Well, we aren’t them. We’d like to leave. Can you help us?” 

 “Though, I suppose,” the voice continued, ignoring his question, “so many would also be terrified to be brought to this place.” 

 The room suddenly filled with light, and the group closed their eyes against the sharp brightness. The warm glow of tallow candles shone around them, though they couldn’t spot any individual candlesticks. The walls were a rich wood, and the room they stood in was almost perfectly circular. It was totally devoid of any furniture, and the roof rose high overhead, but no-one spared a glance upwards. All eight of them stared at the figure in the centre of the room, a mix of fear, confusion, and some intrigue in their face.  

 The figure – a woman, tall, fiercely red-headed and pale – smiled at them, her hands folded neatly in front of her. She slowly turned as she spoke, taking them all in, and meeting each of their eyes.  

 “Welcome. No doubt you have many questions. As do I.” 

 Working from instincts he did not know he had, Liam pulled a blade from his belt and threw it at the woman standing in the center of the circle. She casually turned to face him, plucking the blade out of the air as it sped towards her. A quick movement of her fingers sent it shooting back, flying an inch to the left of his face to embed itself into the wood behind him. He swore, flinching away from the blade, speaking in a language he had not taught his tongue. The confusion and blossoming realization in his eyes were matched by the shocked understanding on Laura and Marisha’s faces, as all three realized he had sworn in Elvish.  

 “That was the very height of rudeness, Vax’ildan. I would have expected at least some of your upbringing to force better habits into your instincts. Though, half-elves always were a tricky breed to predict, hm?” 

 Small blue sparks flickered around Sam’s fingertips, coalescing into a writhing ball of bluish-purple lightning. He opened his palm, throwing a bolt of thick lightning at her back. She held her hand up behind her, and the energy fizzled into nothingness inches from her palm. She turned to him, blue lightning now crackling from her eyes. He took an involuntary step back, holding his hands up in a placating gesture.  

 “Anyone else want to try attacking me?” she asked the room at large, turning to look square at Travis, holding a large axe comfortably across one shoulder. He shook his head, calmness in his stance betrayed by wildly darting eyes and a twitching vein in his forehead. Seeming to finally realize the weight on his shoulder, he looked at the axe in shock.  “Good. Glad to see you all learn eventually.  

 “I see you, Rogue!” the woman declared, turning back to Vax, a conjured gust of wind throwing back his hood as he attempted to sneak around her. “Do not presume to be able to surprise me.” 

 “What is going on?” Ashley asked, falteringly. The woman snarled at Liam, forcing him back into his spot, before turning to smile, almost gently, at Ashely. “A good start, young Cleric. Not the best question, but often important to at least try.” 

 “Who are you?” Laura spoke, “And why do you talk to us like we are our characters?” The woman looked at her, clearly amused.  

 “Why, simply because you are them. In form, in skills, in memories, in actions. They are you, just as you are them. You chose them, you created them, did you not?” 

 “But, they aren’t who we really are!” Marisha shouted in desperate panic, releasing all her nervous energy at once. The woman turned her gaze on Marisha, and the she shied back from the blazing fire in the strange woman's eyes.  

 “Aren’t they? Then why, Druid, were you able to so effectively cast Grasping Vine on me?” she asked, pointing slowly to the ground, and cocking her head to one side. A small ring of vines had burst from the ground at the woman’s feet, and had woven themselves around her ankles and up her legs. A bright flash, and the tendrils were burning, writhing away to fall in charred piles on the floor. Marisha clutched her head as the pained cries of the plants echoed in her mind– she seemingly the only one who could hear them.  

 “Those are characters – they aren’t our names, or what we are!” Taliesin interjected angrily, though with no little fear.  

 The woman stepped closer to him, moving with slightly unnatural grace. “And yet, gunslinger” she said, almost seeming to spit the word, “you all wear the robes of those of Vox Machina.” 

 Almost as one, the eight of them turned their gazes first downwards, and then outwards to their friends. Indeed, all of them were wearing the clothes that they had worn in the introduction video they had shot for the game. But these felt different. Each outfit was perfectly tailored to them, fitting with clean lines and a sense of real belonging. A magical electricity pulsed through the items that they knew to be magical, though they had been simple props in their world.  

 “And you,” the woman said suddenly, spinning and taking quick steps towards Matthew. He was wearing the Dungeon Master robes he had been in the introduction video, but there was a shimmering quality to them. Parts of them faded in and out of existence slowly, sometimes changing to look completely different. “He of the Pretty Face, and Many, Many Voices. You lead these all so well.” 

 “No,” he said, swallowing down the fear. “I am not the leader here.” 

 “Yeah,” Sam piped up nervously, unable to stop himself, “we all do our own thing. Just together.” 

 The woman did not move her gaze, seemingly completely ignoring Sam, though a shock of electricity through his body caused him to sink to one knee, crying out in pain. Ashley hurried next to him, clutching the holy symbol around her neck, closing her eyes, and laying a hand on him. They looked at each other in shock as light spilled from between her fingers, and his pain faded.   

 “No. You don’t lead, do you? No, you...you control them. You are their Master. You create, and they step so willingly into what you create for them to face. Without fear, yes, but without much choice either. How quickly you could destroy them all, rob them of everything, of their lives. Of other things far, far more important. 

 “What would you be in this?” 

 Matthew swallowed again, panting faintly, unable to break the lock she held on his gaze. “Whatever is needed.”  

 She paused, then broke out into silvery laughter, peals of it rising and falling delicately. The laughter quickly turned scornful and mocking.  

 “Just a good answer. So honourable and helpful and disgustingly honest. We shall see what you really are. Although....” she paused, considering. She cocked her head again, seeming to gaze at his soul itself. “The cloth still ripples, even now. Perhaps that really is who you are...” 

 She flipped a hand, and the tension left Matthew’s body, causing him to sag slightly, and pant heavily. “No matter. We will find out soon enough.” 

 “Now,” she said, clasping hands together, and slowly turning to look at each of them, “Ask your questions.” 

 “What are you?” Liam asked. The woman turned delighted eyes on him. 

 “Ah, finally. A good question. So much better than “Who?” You always were my favourite.” 

 She settled into a relaxed pose. “I am... a guide, of sorts.” she answered. “Here to assist through what is to come – as much as I am able to, of course. I am, perhaps, the only friendly face you will see here.” 

 “Friendly?!” Travis asked, incredulously, “Dumping us all here, attacking us, demanding questions – you call that friendly?!” 

 Laura put a hand on Travis’ arm. “What are we doing here?” she asked.  

 “What indeed?” the woman responded, face a careful study of neutrality.  

 “Why did you bring us here?” Sam asked. 

 She shook her head. “I did not bring you here, Bard. Those Who Watch brought you here. I am merely their servant.” 

 Ashley gasped softly, the sharp intake of air drawing the woman’s eyes.  “Then you are the One Who Knows. The Keeper.” 

 The woman inclined her head towards Ashley. “A keen mind, young Gnome. Sarenrae teaches her Clerics well.”  

 Marisha's eyes widened at the woman’s titles, hands moving in the first motions of a spell, a few leaves gathering against her feet. The loud click of Taliesin’s gun cocking echoed in the still air. The woman, The Keeper, looked at both of them with disapproval, as the rest of their friends looked at them with shocked concern, those with weapons quickly finding their hilts and handles.  

 “If you know my name, you know that it will take a lot to kill me.” the woman cautioned. “If you even can. Are you really willing to take that fight, and lose any chance of my assistance and kindness?”  

 Marisha released a soft growl, but the magical energy pulsing between her palms dissipated. Taliesin did not lower his gun, keeping it firmly trained on the woman’s chest. She once again inclined her head, acknowledging his right to the gesture.  

 She turned suddenly, grabbing Liam’s arm as it pushed a dagger dripping black poison towards her neck. The colour fled from his face as she glared at him from inches away. “Even your advantage cannot impact me, little half-elf.” His fingers twitched as she tightened her fingers around his wrist.  

 “But with his other hand, while she was distracted, Vax slid his dagger of life-stealing into the creature’s side.” Matthew’s words ran out through the room, a sense of power behind them. Liam’s hand moved of its own accord, driving the dagger towards her waist. He cried out in pain as the dagger dropped to the ground from suddenly loose fingers, a soft thud on the dirt floor before the dagger reappeared on his belt. Still staring into his eyes, she released her grip, and Liam dropped to the ground as well. He scrabbled away from her, rubbing his wrists and working his fingers.  

 “Excellent attempt, sir,” she acknowledged, looking at Matthew, who stooped over, grimacing and rubbing massaging fingers into his temples. “Unfortunately, this is not your game. You are not the Master here.” 

 Ashley approached Liam, pausing for a second, checking that The Keeper would not stop her. When the woman did not look at her, Ashley knelt down beside Liam, grasping his hand and her holy symbol, pouring healing energy through him. He gasped as the cold washed over him. The effort drained her far less than she expected.   

 “Well then. If there are no more questions.” the Keeper said, clasping her hands, completely ignoring the few who tried to speak, “it is time that you began.” The shape of a door suddenly burned itself into the wood behind Matthew, swinging open silently as the ornately carved door sprung into existence. The Keeper pointed towards it. “That way lies your quest. I look forward to seeing how you succeed.” She grinned, teeth perfectly white and straight. “As I’m sure you all will.” 

 With a final inclination of her head, she was gone.  

[readbythestarlight]

c2e69

"I’m a master debater" there is it. Episode 69 everyone.

I’m waiting for them to slip up and actually say The Word

Matt, every week: "thank you D&D Beyond, I am... so sorry..."

Oh that conversation about the flask went better than I thought

lol using her dice bag as her haversack

[[MORE]]

Pulls objects towards you or you towards objects that sounds handy!

Y: "I’m tired of being in the middle, not able to do anything."

Oh smart Fjord checking for tracks

...do you think Yasha wanted to go first because she’s afraid this is a trap and if it is she doesn’t want to risk one of her friends stepping into it in her place because I think so and it’s hurting me

Stone slabs are a BIIIIIIIIG no

A stone sarcophagus is an even bigger no

Ugly giant worm gods are THE BIGGEST NO

Please don’t touch the sigil it makes me nervous

So many nat1s

It’s payback for all the nat20s

Oh there he is! I was wondering when he’d show up

Oban: "Do you know where you stand?"

"Bet you’re gonna fuckin’ tell us." I love Fjord

"Welcome to the heart of the Kong’s Cage" mmm don’t like

Matt’s got all the nat20s

Oh he’s talking to Yasha oh boy

DEMON BOI

I KNEW IT WAS THE GUY FROM THE DREAMS

Oh Yasha oh no sad story involving

Fjord: not today, Satan. Eldritch blaaatyyst

"Man this is just a mess" yes Taliesin it is

Come onnnnn Jester get him!

Damn

FUCK FUCK FUCK

Noooooope

It big

Oh no oh no

I feel like they walked into like a level 20 encounter

At least one of them is going down

Matt: "a 19 hits"

Me, channeling that one vine: I SURE HOPE IT DOES

"I wanna whack him!" I love you Tasliesin

Tap

Wtf Matthew

Wounds turning into mouths?? The fuck??

I have nerves because like they can’t lock this thing away again (right??) so they’re gonna have to kill it but if it could be killed wouldn’t it have been killed instead of locked away to begin with??

53

53 damage in a single turn

guys I’m legitimately scared for the first time in a while

Where can you go?? There’s the death bridge!!

We’re fucked

C: "Im going to turn him into a turtle.

"A regular turtle."

I’m so glad Marisha is having good rolls again because there for a while she wasn’t and I felt really bad

Cad going to get in the way of Caleb so he can protect him from anything that comes at him WHAT A GOOD BOY

Counterspell NICE

Mess him up Nott!

Fjord, about to ruin this fiend’s whole career: "oh I’m sorry, hexblades curse +4"

Oban: "Avenge me" DIE BITCH

oh no Yasha no

OH NO YASHA

BABY GIRL PLZ

oh Yasha oh honey

Oh no oh god

Fuck I wish she hadn’t failed that wisdom throw

Is Yasha gonna go down? That might not be terrible... like just unconscious not dead

CADUCEUS NO

WHY DIDNT YOU ROLL WELL WITH THE OTHER SAVE YASHA

Nott gave Yasha a flower I cry

Oh god Cad

I’m gonna throw up

You can’t kill him AGAIN Matt

He’s still up oh thank the wildmother

Caleb and Caduceus protecting each other so much tonight

"Whatifitdisappearsansweallenduptrappedohjesus" // "fuck my life" Taliesin is channeling my mood SO HARD

Taliesin is shaking so bad you can HEAR it

Ashley looks so upset

This is NOT how I want her last episode for months to go

Matthew Mercer

Oh thank god for that 16

Trip it up Nott

Frick

Oh god Fjord

I’m gonna throw up please don’t kill Fjord

Please don’t kill Fjord

Please don’t kill Fjord

Please don’t kill Fjord

Please don’t kill Fjord

Please don’t kill Fjord

I’ll literally cry Matt please

Not by Yasha’s hand please

PLEASE DONT KILL FJORD

oh thank god for relentless endurance

Caleb’s wall of fire getting my boy Fjord loose

I’m gonna throw up

Yasha break free of those chains baby girl please come back to us

Oh fuck it’s still holding him through the fire

YAAAAS BEAU

"Cause my brain is made of panic" still a big mood

Laura like CANT YOU CATCH IT JUST LET HER CATCH IT

Okay they’re mostly all safe but god I’m worried about Yasha

I go invisible out of sheer panic

YASHAAAA I’m gonna cry

I’m gonna cry

She’s gonna be gone now until Ashley can come back

This is the WORST

I’m gonna CRY YOU GUYS

MATT HOW COULD YOU

Ashley looks so sad guys

I’m sad Ashley is sad

Everyone is sad

THIS SUCKS

Caleb crits himself and breaks his own nose

Don’t make me laugh I’m still crying about Yasha

Nott and Caduceus and Jester are right, y’all need to tell the Bright Queen the truth.

This is bad. This is gonna cause problems in the group for sure.

I HATE THIS

Some of y’all are being kinda shitty about Yasha right now I feel like

Nott’s being smart and Cad’s trying to be positive and everyone’s just so upset

AND ASHLEY STILL LOOKS SO SAD

I’m gonna cry I can’t believe that this is how she leaves the show for so long

Y’all gotta remember Yeza is there

"What’s his name? Hot boy?" Essek.

Oh god here we go Yasha time

“A traveling troup... of zealots”

And then she found a family with a traveling troup of a circus

And then the chaotic mess that is the M9

Ashley looks like she’s been crying and MOOD

Ew scooping up Oban ichor

BREAK! YOUR! CHAINS!

“You’re scared.”

MATT how could you.

We’re gonna miss you SO MUCH, Ashley.

Oh Yasha. I’m so sad.

we love you too

I’m gonna cry

[blake-nikos]

DMing  with a troublesome player pt 2  plus game zero

Okay so i had my session zero  at my  birthday party  (pretty much just a BBQ lunch before D&D cos  apparently  im 28 now so yay me  i guess )  And for over a month Ive been telling my players to make characters,  and what dose miss troublesome do nothing  no character at all not even a idea for a character... yay me  I’m thinking  and say “ well your just spectating then,  you had plenty of time to get ready” and  one of my other players can see the tantrum building in her face and the other player just says “i can just roll up a random character for you,”    as shes accepts that  and seems fine making the whole table wait over half a hour for her...  but while thats happening i start the game and let the ready players introduce themselves and RP a bit  and talk to npcs and get the game moving  so they are not just sitting there bored. all the other players  have been gathered around a table drinking  thanks to one of the players  being a loud drunk dwarf that wants to make friends  and go on adventures.    as i go to introduce her character  she “yells i dont want to go inside   i want to climb onto the roof  and just sit there”  the first fucking thing she dose    is that “lol Im so random shit”     to i say “ fine you dont meet the a party  you dont get any quest information  and the guards are going to see you and try to arrest  you for trespassing/ being a public nuisance”    and there go’s  another 10 minuets  of her arguing with the other players . ending with  a reluctantly and aggressive “fine  i’ll go inside but im not sitting with the group”      at this point  im just starring at  one of my other players who also GM’s    just like having a physic conversation with each other  as hes about as frustrated as i am. Time go’s on they get the  starter quest  and go into the sewers to find what is killing the giant rats   its a phase spider btw  there going through  get jumped by some rats and come across a giant rat-king but not before they split the party... well not really   3 went to kill the rat-king the rest waited  down the path a bit about 4 rounds of combat  with 2 experienced and one skipping his turn  cos  is PC  cant  keep line of sight  and cant see in the dark.... so 2 players and 1 enemy doing combat, they know what they are doing, combats quick they know there actions  and spells  but  4 rounds and about 3-4 minutes in real time later.  miss troublesome screams  at the table  breaking the flow of combat  yelling “im bored   i want to do something!   my character walks down the path! away from the party”      at this point the players remind her this his what happens when you split the party,    her response is” well my character gets bored easy” In my head im screaming  “fucking really!  the character with such a developed backstory  and personalty that you had someone else  fucking randomly generated a hour ago!   thats bullshit and you fucking know it,  you are using that as such a cop out its ridiculous“           I say none of this of coarse but remind her it has only  been 24 seconds in game,  your character  has that short attention span you would walk off  alone  in a place where you have see people get ambushed twice.  the other players  in character stop her  like what the fuck are you doing  but she still walks  30 feet way    ( i should have let her go her max  distance and  get her self killed )     any way they kill the rat king some cool rp stuff happens  and the party finds the phase spiders nest   she trys to get the webs of the ceiling and they fall on her basically putting her in a grapple state  oh damn just that caused drama with her. the spider  tries to stealth kill some of the party but  fails 3 times  (just unlucky rolls for it )   eventual it dose a good chunk of damage to the party and kills one out right a legit death in my first game.  ( there are healers in town that have revivify and the friendly drunken dwarf  fireman carries that high elf rogue  out of the sewer  as quick as he can   and the elf is saved  at the last second but that death is actually given the player some cool rp ideas so it all works out )  any way the spider is knocked down to 3 hp  and it phases out and runs. the remaining players  including miss troublesome  find 3 people webbed up in the spiders nest  2 young girls and a man all in black,  the cleric wakes him up as miss troublesome  is digging through his pockets  and finds all his stolen goods  and his daggers...  i let her know what she found and list all the stolen items and his weapons  shes says she “ takes them,  and i throw the daggers away”          hes says he cant walk  she she picks him up over her shoulder and tries to pickpocket his loot back   but notices the cleric watching him,  till he sees the party's rogue  and tells him in “thieves cant”  he’ll split the loot  he has hidden  if he gets him out of here  the rogue  agrees and tries to convince the other players  to let the thief go but they dont want to so,  the thief grabs a massive egg sack off the wall and slams it on to the  miss troublesome’s  head covering the her in baby spiders,  he grabs his loot as the party's rogue  chases him then  leads the party in the wrong direction  letting the thief escape.   out of game   she asks why he attacked  “you took his loot  you know hes a thief why would he let you just take him and his stuff”       then she carries on for another 5 minuets  yelling “ i didn't take his stuff!!  just his daggers”     the whole table  looked at her  at this point   one player says you have to be  specific and she fucken starts to cry “i did but no one listens to me “     again  shes 30   and she was the only one talking at the time  and not to mention the countless times she tried to start random convos  with other players about out of game stuff while they were trying to RP the rest was all rp stuff and went  smoothly.    this post is already long enough  but  that was my first game GMing Evey one liked it “apparently” even miss troublesome  even tho everyone was frustrated by her.   I might do a more of a campaign diary type post  if people are interested and try not to make it about miss troublesome some     May the GM gods  THE MATTHEWS  Mercer & Colville  pleas give me strength and guide me.       

[ophelialmx]

I know this is a dork move, reflecting on my own fic, but this exchange:

[Caleb talking] Your front may be masterful, Fjord. Even authentic in intent. But there are still flaws.”

“What about you?” asks Fjord after a long moment.

Caleb gives a humourless laugh. “I am mostly flaws,” he mutters.

is in the same chapter of the same fic as this one:

[Laura speaking in character as Jester] before you ask, this other picture is just Caleb in booty shorts. He's just leaning against the wall, really chilling out, you know..."

"That's uh - interesting," says Travis-Fjord warily. "You wouldn't think he'd - I mean, he's not a chill-out kind of guy..."

"Have you ever been stressed out in booty-shorts, Fjord?" Laura-Jester challenges, raising an eyebrow.

Travis visibly runs through all the wrong answers to that question in his head. He glances between Marisha and Liam, who is resting his head in one hand, watching. Marisha shrugs. "... I can't say that I have," Travis-Fjord says finally.

Yep.

Chapters: 2/3 Fandom: Critical Role (Web Series), Critical Role (Web Series) RPF Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Relationships: Fjord/Caleb Widogast, Laura Bailey & Sam Riegel, Fjord & Nott (Critical Role), Nott & Caleb Widogast, Jester Lavorre & Nott, Fjord & Jester Lavorre Characters: Caleb Widogast, Fjord (Critical Role), Nott (Critical Role), Jester Lavorre, Travis Willingham, Liam O'Brien (Actor), Sam Riegel, Laura Bailey, Matthew Mercer, Marisha Ray, Taliesin Jaffe, Ashley Johnson Additional Tags: If you haven't flirted with your friends in character have you even D&D, Innuendo with a capital I, Nott the Best Detective Agency, Widofjord Week, I mean in my own way, Some references to het ships but nothing serious, Canon Compliant, Well mostly but canon is my thing so it's close Series: Part 3 of Definitely not a romantic sub-plot... Summary:

Fjord and Caleb try to navigate a new aspect to whatever relationship they have. Even though Nothing Has Changed.

Meanwhile: Nott has good reason to be extremely suspicious of Fjord. It's time for the Detectives to look into his obviously very real sneaky dealings and secret motives...

OR

Neither Travis nor Liam really know what they are in for, but either way, they've signed up for whatever is happening between their characters, and it's... quite a ride.

Meanwhile: Sam and Laura take an idea and run with it.

[dndeed]

Critical Role Miniature Rollout: C2E24-25

With Andrew Harshman

A summary and review of minis used on Critical Role.

No miniatures in episode 24, so without further ado... Boil your tar buckets and shut the door behind you, it’s time for Critical Role Miniature Rollout Campaign 2 Episode 25!

The Characters

Photo from the Geek and Sundry Twitter The Mighty Nein Prototype Steamforged Games Critical Role Miniatures 

So many RPG miniatures are directly based on existing artwork, but not so many look this brilliantly accurate. Massively impressive work by Steamforged Games. It will be interesting to see how many party mini changes we get in the coming episodes.

The List

Dwarven Forge Dungeons

Dwarven Forge Mountains

Dwarven Forge Short Rubble Pile

Dwarven Forge Tall Rubble Pile

Dwarven Forge Wicked Cavern Pack

Dwarven Forge Dungeon Floor Pack A

Dwarven Forge Dungeon of Doom

Dwarven Forge Master Maze Door

Pathfinder Battles Maze of Death Dressing: Portcullis

War of the Dragon Queen #27 Cadaver Collector

Prototype Steamforged Games Critical Role Miniatures

Reaper Bones Familiars

Custom Lollipop Spiritual Weapon

Custom Cat’s Paw

The Terrain

Sealed Chamber of the Gear Hold Dwarven Forge Dungeons , Mountains , Short Rubble Pile, Tall Rubble Pile, Dungeon Floor Pack A, Dungeon of Doom , and Master Maze Door

Architecturally, the Gear Hold is mostly made up of Dwarven Forge Dungeon and Dungeon of Doom components. The walls, floors, and the majority of the doors (the doors laying on the ground being resin Maze Master doors) The rubble pieces are from Dwarven Forge Mountains, Caverns, and Castle Builder sets.

Two Large Portcullis Doorways Pathfinder Battles Maze of Death Dressing: Portcullis

Portcullises? Portculli? A school of portcullis? A gaggle? Whatever the plural form may be, we’ve got two of these present in this encounter. This Pathfinder Dungeon Dressing is grand. I managed to snag one of these from none other than Erik Mona of Paizo Publishing, host of the annual Pathfinder-centric PaizoCon Miniature Trading Party. Thanks for the good trade Mr. Mona!

When I saw photos of this model before its release as part of the Maze of Death Pathfinder Battles set, I thought it would be much smaller than it is. Fortunately, Paizo made sure to get this produced in a properly impressive size. As you can see, it fits seamlessly into Dwarven Forge setups. Given that nearly everything else in the terrain is Dwarven Forge, it feels like the use of this Pathfinder terrain was very deliberate. I wonder if Matthew Mercer had specific mechanics in mind for dropping the portcullis onto the Clockwork Warden or blocking its path. Alternatively, he may have just liked how it looked, which is a cause I can definitely support!

The Monsters

Clockwork Warden War of the Dragon Queen #27 Cadaver Collector

I love the Cadaver Collector. I love the mini, I love the concept, I love the name. On that note, is cadaver collector an official title? Or is it more of an Eberron colloquialism? It sounds like a cutesy name to describe what is an otherwise ghastly construct. I will have to check with my D&D group’s resident Eberron expert.

To describe this monster I will quote myself, “[the cadaver collector is] a large golem covered with spikes that roams battlefields collecting corpses, one of its attacks involves grabbing enemies, swinging them about, and impaling them on the spikes along its back” (an attack sorely missing from the 5E version of this monster).

Based on the DM description of the Clockwork Warden, this is an excellent miniature pick. Beyond the overall general accuracy, the Cadaver Collector also fits the tone of the encounter and the encounter’s physical setting. This part of the Gear Hold is littered with charnel remains and this mini has bits of bodies hanging all over it. There’s even an intact dead humanoid splayed atop its shoulders. Very brutal, very death metal album cover, very Cannibal Corpse. It’s a miniature that is awe inspiring in its details and awfulness.

As good as this mini selection was however, it’s not perfect (was was remarked on by the cast). It’s such a tricky monster to portray with an existing prepainted mini. But if I were to propose a potential alternative, I would put forth the following options:

War of the Dragon Queen #07 Slaughterstone Eviscerator

For its mechanical appearance and frightening array of wicked weaponry Slaughterstone Eviscerator works fairly well. The bizarre insectoid legs keep it from being an ideal match. It does however have an overall curved shape which makes up for the presence of legs somewhat. Furthermore, Slaughterstone Eviscerator makes for a perfect thrash metal band or Kurt Vonnegut novel name.

Rise of the Runelords #057 Forgefiend

This mini is the right metallic color tone and shape. In addition, it has these great Willy Wonka blueberry vibes, that’s always a plus. The photo does not quite convey how round this miniature is. The ball design aligns nicely with the physical description of the Clockwork Warden. Alas, I worry that it is not intimidating enough.

As a third alternative, I have a very obscure pick that is nearly impossible to find because the Etsy store has been on break since 2015:

DUNGEONbitz SPIKED-HELLBALL TRAP!

A mechanical sphere, just about perfect. Too bad it was never mass produced. Hopefully DUNGEONbitz will return someday. I purchased this figure awhile back along with some of their other great trap models. In general, we need more traps in the prepainted market. If you’re going to kill a character with a trap, best to have a miniature to properly set the mood. 

Closing Remarks

Excited to see the new studio when the show returns from their brief break. I am hoping that there will be space on the new set for a cache of auxiliary miniatures in the event of unexpected combat encounters or perhaps a whole wing constructed out of Dwarven Forge.

#criticalroleminiaturerollout

[burningdarkfire]

I posted 16,021 times in 2021

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I added 30,785 tags in 2021

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Longest Tag: 36 characters

#kung fu panda (and the furious five)

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

i understand why people like "committing war crimes is bad and instead teamwork is the dreamwork" essek

but personally i vibe a lot with "committing war crimes for knowledge is bad but committing war crimes for my friends is good, probably" essek. like he still has zero fucking chill but is now just tunneled on the m9

1114 notes • Posted 2021-05-25 19:34:38 GMT

#4

okay ayda saying to adaine it’s extremely gauche for wizards to name spells after themselves but it’s admittedly extremely cool to have spells named after us, so instead i made a spell for you?? that wizards always named spells after themselves because they are almost always isolated, alone, dead to the world long before they are actually gone, but you are my friend, and it would be cute if i named a spell after you, one of my most dear connections to the world??? and the spell being adaine’s furious fist because ayda sees that adaine has a deep and profound rage and that is one of her favourite things about her friend?????????

i am fucking losing it, i am in tears, i love these wizards so goddamn much

1315 notes • Posted 2021-09-08 17:36:32 GMT

#3

listen i think very positively about matthew mercer’s mind and many talents already but a “living” city that’s slowly forgetting what it is supposed to be and just has help written over and over on the walls? holy shit i cannot emphasize enough how much i am loving this episode

1411 notes • Posted 2021-05-07 05:01:55 GMT

#2

every day i wake up and think about how the first legit kill in fantasy high is the wizard, out of spell slots, beating someone to death with a ladle. i remember this about adaine abernant every time i watch this show and it haunts me. like, what the fuck. i love her

2618 notes • Posted 2021-07-24 18:11:44 GMT

#1

aabria iyengar and robbie daymond really said “what if a corruption arc was about finding people you loved enough that you would let the world burn just to save them” and i absolutely fuck with it

2954 notes • Posted 2021-07-23 03:55:03 GMT

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